← Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Happier with Gretchen Rubin
More Happier: Introduce Whimsy, Schedule a Personal Playdate, and Embrace Fun Plans
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- [00:02]
A
Lemonada this episode is brought to you by Care Scout. One thing I've noticed is that life has a way of bringing new responsibilities when we least expect them. As our kids become more independent and our parents get older, many of us find ourselves trying to balance work, family and figuring out the best way to support the people we love.
- [00:25]
B
That's why Care Scout created the nation's first comprehensive aging care platform for Think of them as an expert partner to help your family find, fund and plan for quality long term care through a network of rigorously vetted providers, personalized nurse led aging care plans and guidance that helps older adults own their aging journey and live well on their own terms. You don't have to carry the burden alone. Bring clarity and confidence back to your family's journey. Go to carescout.com happier today to discover a clear, bright path forward. Carescout.com happier flies crashing the cookout take back your space with STEM's portable flying insect Fan trap. Set it down wherever flying insects show up and let it get to work using UV light in a fan, it attracts and traps bugs 247 like house flies, fruit flies, gnats and mosquitoes. It's easy, mess free and people and pet friendly when use as directed. Live life Never bugged with STEM. Visit stemforbugs.com to learn more.
- [01:44]
A
Hello, we're here for More Happier, a podcast where we get happier. Join us for some weekend listening with observations and reflections with a bit of a looser vibe and hey Elizabeth.
- [01:56]
B
Hi Gretch.
- [01:57]
A
Today we're revisiting some listener favorite Try this at Home Tips for Getting More
- [02:01]
B
Fun out of Summer, which is something we all want.
- [02:05]
A
Yes, yes. When we think about designing a happier summer, we think about fun. But fun has a way of slipping through our fingers. You know, it's easy to imagine we're going to be more adventurous, we're going to play more, we're going to be more whimsical and then, you know, bang, it's Labor Day.
- [02:22]
B
Very true.
- [02:23]
A
So today we are revisiting a few ideas that might help you make the rest of your summer a little more fun. Starting with some easy ideas to add whimsy to daily life.
- [02:34]
B
Yes, and if you want to hear the complete original episodes these clips came from, Gretchen has linked them all in the show description.
- [02:42]
A
Yep, that's right. Okay, let's listen back. So Elizabeth, this week our Try this at Home is a really fun one. And it is to introduce a note of whimsy about it's trying to engage in the World with a note of humor.
- [02:59]
B
Yes. I love this. I love the word whimsy. It makes me happy.
- [03:04]
A
So, Elizabeth, there were three things that, in my head, banged together to give me this idea of the power of whimsy. First was the lights on the Empire State Building, because they change the lights depending on what's going on. Like, it's red, green, and gold for Thanksgiving, it's red, white, and blue for Veterans Day, it's green in honor of St. Patrick's Day. And the Masters red in honor of Valentine's Day. It's just this little note. Like, you look at the skyline and you're like, oh, look, it's red for Valentine's Day. It's just this kind of fun little, like, inside joke that you see in the sky. Another one comes from mit, and I learned about this Eliza when she was going through the college admissions process. So for regular admissions, most of the colleges say that they will announce by this day, no later than such and such date, but it's kind of ambiguous. Or they'll say, well, we'll let you know between these days. But MIT always announces on March 14th. Why does MIT always announce on March 14th? See if you can guess.
- [03:57]
B
I have no idea.
- [03:59]
A
Because it's 3.14. Pie.
- [04:02]
B
Pie for MIT.
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A
And I'm like, that is so whimsical. I love that. Especially something like the college admissions process.
- [04:08]
B
Well, and mit, which seems like it would be the opposite of whimsical.
- [04:12]
A
I have, like, such newfound respect for MIT that it could kind of poke fun of itself in that way.
- [04:17]
B
It.
- [04:18]
A
And my final example of the power of whimsy was something I've never forgotten, an interview that my father in law gave. And when the interviewer said, what was the nature of the meetings? My father in law said, the meetings were fruitful. And the interviewer said, in what sense were they fruitful? And my father in law said, in the sense that they were full of fruit. And then just, like, moved on. I was like, what just happened? That was just this weird note of whimsy, which I've never.
- [04:46]
B
Again, he's a pretty serious guy. You're not expecting him to. To be whimsical?
- [04:52]
A
No. And I think there's a lot of reasons why whimsy is effective, why it lifts our spirits, why it makes unpleasant things sometimes more pleasant. And one is that you're kind of going against what people might expect if people think that it's gonna be serious if you interject a note of kind of humor or poke fun at yourself. It just adds this sort of funny, unexpected layer of whimsy to life, and it's so fun.
- [05:15]
B
Yeah, I love it. I was thinking about my life, Gretchen, and I don't feel that I'm a whimsical person at all. I wish I were more whimsical. But I do have one little note of whimsy, which is that I have started collecting these buttons, and I'll have to Instagram a picture of these. Hashtag Happier Podcast.
- [05:38]
A
Yes.
- [05:39]
B
So there's these buttons, and when you push them, they say funny things. So I have them at the office.
- [05:44]
A
Like a button that a person would wear, like, on their jacket?
- [05:48]
B
No, a button that, like, sits on your desk. More like a bell. More like a school bell, except for it's like a big plastic button. So if you want, I can push them for you and you can hear them.
- [05:59]
A
Okay, let's hear it.
- [06:00]
B
Okay, so this is for me to sort of push while we're breaking a story and, like, I want to, you know, do something funny. Okay, here's the first one.
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A
That was easy.
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B
We'll do it one more time.
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A
That was easy.
- [06:14]
B
I love that one. So for, like, having a really hard time with something and then someone has a good idea, you can push that.
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A
Oh, that's good. That's like a little. A little sound effect as you're going through. Going through the process.
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B
Here's my other favorite one. That's what she said. That's what she said.
- [06:30]
A
That's very Michael Scott. Yeah.
- [06:33]
B
Yeah. So anyway, I have. I have a couple more at home, so those are just my little fun things to keep myself amused at the office and others.
- [06:43]
A
Well, Elizabeth, just like you have a button that lets you say, that was easy as an interjection in conversation, I want to start saying things like, winter is coming, or mischief managed in my conversation just for comic effect. I feel like there's a lot of missed opportunities for me to say that, to add a little whimsy, so.
- [07:00]
B
And wait, where are those from? I mean, of course I know Winter is Coming is from Game of Thrones.
- [07:04]
A
Yes. Winter Is Coming is the motto of the Stark family. And it's always used to mean, like, sort of hard times are coming. We need to prepare. So it's sort of like if you and Sarah were talking about how the fact that you were waiting to get notes on something, you'd say, oh, winter is Coming because it's sort of your doom is approaching.
- [07:21]
B
Yes, exactly.
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A
And mischief manages from Harry Potter, Fred and George.
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B
How could I forget Harry Potter Mischief managed.
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A
Yeah. Fred and George give the Marauder's Map to Harry and you tap the map and say mischief manage so that the map will disappear so that you don't get in trouble for having the Marauder's Map.
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B
So when would you say mischief manage? When you've avoided a bad situation.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Mischief manage.
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A
Yeah. It's sort of like I dodged that phone call. Mischief managed.
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B
I like that. I'm going to use these too.
- [07:51]
A
All right. Okay, this is 2018 resolutions on afoot.
- [07:55]
B
Now. One thing, Gretch, in terms of whimsy that I have in my life is where I work. Because as you, you've been to the Disney lot now and you've seen there's many whimsical elements to the Disney lot, like the Mickey Mouse ears, bike racks, the hidden Mickeys all over the lot. You know, the fact that the streets are called like Pluto Drive. So it's kind of just a whimsical place to be.
- [08:23]
A
So now I think kind of trying to break down why whimsy is a happiness booster. I think one thing that whimsy can do is it can make kind of an imposing institution seem more approachable and like it has a sense of humor about itself. Like Disney is this big, impressive, intimidating company and yet it's got its hidden Mickeys and MIT is this big university. But it gets what's funny about PI Day. Or if there's something that you want to communicate, whimsy can make it more palatable. So if you want to deliver a message in a lighter tone, you can post any sign that you want above the kitchen sink at the office with trying to tell people to do their own dishes. But you could also just find the right Dilbert cartoon and put the Dilbert cartoon there. And probably the Dilbert cartoon will be just as effective, if not more. Because that humor is a way to deliver it in a way that feels more acceptable to people.
- [09:16]
B
Yeah. And it's kind of tricky because to, you know, introducing a note of whimsy is something you kind of have to think about. Doesn't just naturally happen, but even in thinking about it, it might sort of lighten your mood.
- [09:28]
A
And a perfect example of this is like family rules. A friend of mine has this thing posted, it's her family rules. And like she made this big poster and it's actually framed in their kitchen. And. And again, she put a lot of work into it and it's very whimsical. So it seems less heavy handed, it seems less bossy and annoying. Cause it's very funny.
- [09:45]
B
That's funny.
- [09:46]
A
It's labeled heinous infractions. So already it's so it goes through all the heinous infractions, which is like the dreaded undies, pants tangle, leaving stuff in laundry pockets, leaving clothes where you took them off. It's going through all. And then at the bottom there's this big skull and crossbones and it says penalty equals death or cash alternative. And so there's just a lot of things about it that make it funny. And so it's a way to remind everybody these are our family rules, but not in a way that feels curt or bossy. It's more lighthearted. And that note of whimsy, I think that's great. You can talk about it in a more lighthearted way. So let us know if you do try this at home and how introducing a note of whimsy works for you and exactly how you did it. Because like Alyssa said, I think sometimes it's hard to see how you would introduce that note of whimsy.
- [10:33]
B
Up next, we revisit two more creative ways to add more fun and adventure to your summer. But first, this break.
- [10:49]
A
I've been trying to say yes more to little adventures. Nothing huge, just getting out of the routine and going somewhere different for the day. And it really makes you appreciate having a car that feels so solid and comfortable, where you're not thinking about the drive, you're just focused on where you're going. That's what stood out to me about the Defender. It has that rugged design, but it also feels really thoughtful inside. And I like that there's a full lineup from the two door 90 to the 110 and the 130 with seating for up to eight. So it really fits different kinds of
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B
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- [11:55]
A
is brought to you by Care Scout. One thing I've noticed is that life has a way of bringing new responsibilities when we least expect them. As our kids become more independent and our parents get older, many of us find ourselves trying to balance work, family and figuring out the best way to support the people we love.
- [12:13]
B
That's why Care Scout created the nation's first comprehensive aging care platform. Think of them as an expert partner to help your family find, fund and plan for quality long term care through a network of rigorously vetted providers, personalized nurse led aging care plans and guidance that helps older adults own their aging journey and live well on their own terms. You don't have to carry the burden alone. Bring clarity and confidence back to your family's journey. Go to carescout.com happier today to discover a clear, bright path forward. Carescout.com happier I definitely have a tendency
- [12:54]
A
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- [13:22]
B
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- [14:05]
A
so Elizabeth, this week our try this at home tip is to schedule a weekly play date with yourself to really put it on the calendar. Make that play date for yourself.
- [14:17]
B
Yes, I'm always making play dates for my son Gretch, but it has never occurred to me to make a play date with myself.
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A
Well, I think the thing for me, and I think this is true for a lot of people, if something's on the calendar, it happens. If it's not on the calendar, it's very unlikely that I will get to it. And so I think the idea is like once a week by yourself, do something that's playful, whimsical, creative idea, broadening something that just sounds fun. Like what would be a play date? And put it in there and put it in your schedule like at a dentist appointment.
- [14:50]
B
I love this idea of course, cause it sounds very fun and it reminds me, Gretch, I used to sort of do this play day with myself for years. Not every week, but quite regularly. I would go to Benihana by myself for lunch. And that was what I would call a play date with myself.
- [15:12]
A
Because you would just go for fun. It was just like, oh, I just. This is something I really enjoy. So I'm just going to go when it works in my schedule.
- [15:19]
B
Yeah, yeah. I love Benihana more than is probably appropriate for a grown woman. And when I had a lot of times, like on a Saturday, I would. This is before I was married or had a child, I would say, I'm going to take myself to Benihana. And I would go and sit at the table, you know, and just a lot of times I would do a crossword puzzle or read Us Weekly and, of course, give the, you know, proper amount of attention to the chef when he was doing his tricks.
- [15:50]
A
Well, no, this is for people who don't know Benihana. Explain why the appeal of Benihana.
- [15:56]
B
Oh, yes. They cook the food in front of you and do tricks with, like, lighting and setting things on fire. And it's very fun, and kids love it. But clearly adults like me love it, too.
- [16:10]
A
Oh, that is so fun. So that's a perfect example of a playdate with yourself. One thing that I was thinking would be a great idea for me, something that I really value but that I don't really ever fit into my life, is picture books. So I love children's literature and young adult literature, but I also really love picture books. And although when Eliza and Eleanor got a little bit older, I sent many boxes of picture books to Jack. Yes, I did keep a lot of them, the ones that I just couldn't bear to let go of. But I never read them because it's like, when do you sit around and read, you know, a giant stack of children's picture books? But actually, that is something that I would really, really enjoy. So I should just put it on the calendar.
- [16:50]
B
So, Gretchen, let me ask you, because this is play date with yourself. Why is it not a play date with someone else? You think it's just more rejuvenating to have some alone time?
- [17:01]
A
Well, I. Well, I mean, maybe you would want to do it with somebody else. Maybe for someone else. They don't. They would want to set it up that way. But I think it's partly it's scheduling. Like, once you start doing something with someone else, you get into that whole business of accommodating them. And does it Work out and then it doesn't happen for three weeks. I think there's nice about just like, when it works for you, it works for you, and you're gonna do it. And I need a lot of solitude. Elizabeth, you don't need as much solitude as I do. But like, for me, there really is value in just saying, even though I'm doing this by myself, I'm still as committed to it as I would be if I were meeting someone else or had coordinated with someone else. And I do think there are things that some of us enjoy that maybe there's nobody else in our lives who really wants to do it right. And there's no reason you shouldn't enjoy Benihana just because you don't have a fan of Benihana around. Like, just do it for yourself. I think it's great. And the thing is, I think for a lot of things that we enjoy, we think, oh, I'll just wait till I have some free time. But you may never have any free time, you know. So I think if there's something that's fun, go ahead and schedule it now. And don't wait for it to work for somebody else and don't wait for somebody else to be interested. Just do it on your own. And a lot of things are just as fun or maybe even more fun on your own.
- [18:10]
B
That's true. Like, I love going to movies by myself.
- [18:13]
A
Ah, see, I've never done that in my whole entire life, I don't think. But there you go.
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B
You haven't.
- [18:18]
A
I don't think so. I don't think so.
- [18:21]
B
Yeah, if there's like a great sort of chick movie, I love nothing more, you know, if I happen to be on hades than like 11am on Friday, going to it opening day by myself. Like a Sex and the City movie.
- [18:36]
A
That is a great example of like, that is a play date. That works for you. It would never cross my mind. Never, never, never, never, never. But here's something that I like to do. Lately I've become really preoccupied with like, thrift stores and junk stores and like, you know, low, low level antique stores. You know, how they have all this stuff. I never wanna buy anything, but I just have become like really into just going and walking around. And I don't know why. I'm just drawn to it. I just love looking at all this stuff. So I'm like, I'm gonna put that on the schedule because it's like, for some reason it's really pleasing me in a way that I can't really explain, but nobody else I know wants to do it. And there's no purpose to it really, other than to just look. So I'm just putting it on my schedule.
- [19:18]
B
I also like the idea of reframing things into a playdate with yourself. So, for instance, I'm trying to get up, and I have the last several weeks, get up really early Sunday morning and go hiking, which I've talked about doing on the podcast before. I'm back into it now.
- [19:34]
A
Oh, gold star.
- [19:35]
B
I like thinking of that. Yes. I like thinking of that as a play date with myself. That makes it even more appealing.
- [19:43]
A
Well, so that's a good question, though, because here's the thing. I think sometimes people try to reframe things in ways that aren't really exactly. Like, don't pretend that something's fun for you if it's really not fun for you. Like, is this really a play date? Or is this really something that's really valuable that you get a lot out of, but it's not really a play. I think there has to be room for things that are satisfying and energizing and good, and then things that are just sheer fun and you don't want to. You don't want to have a life where nothing is just pure fun. Got it. But maybe I think for some people, hiking is pure fun. I don't know that for you it's pure fun, not fun like eating a squiggly hana.
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B
Right. That's true. I was gonna say I really enjoy it, but it's not in the same category as Benihana.
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A
They're both valuable, you know, and maybe even the hiking is. I hate to say it's more valuable, but maybe it is more valuable in the long run. But I just think sometimes people are like, oh, this is like my treat to myself. I'm like, well, if it's not really. And then some things are like play dates again, for some people, not for others. Like, some people I know love to plan trips. They love to research trips and plan them. Plan a road trip, plan an exotic vacation. I just do not like doing this at all. That kind of planning and research I do not like at all. But for some people, it is fun. It would be a playdate to even. But it's like, okay, if that's you. Or like, some people love to write letters, handwritten letters, handwritten postcards. Not me. But it could be a really good play date for someone like, oh, I'm gonna sit down and write some great letters and use my stationery. And use my fancy pens or as
- [21:25]
B
always, it's all about knowing yourself and what's fun for you and like, and not listening to what other people think you should do, but doing what you wanna do.
- [21:35]
A
Yeah, absolutely. That is the lesson for that. And I'm starting to think about my next book project, which I can't really. It's too soon to talk about it yet. But I think this is something I really want to incorporate. As part of that is this idea of the play date with myself. I think it's.
- [21:52]
B
What. Intrigued?
- [21:53]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too. Let us know if you tried this at home and how having a weekly play date with yourself works for you. And what did you decide to do for your play date? So listen, this week our try this at home tip is to have a quest. In the past we've talked about why it's fun to have a mission. And that's more about sort of a specific afternoon, you know, something, a mission as simple as doing something like buying milk or getting an errand done. And a quest is more of a long term adventure.
- [22:25]
B
Yeah, I love the romanticism of, you know, a quest. Like my friend Helen, she has an Instagram account called Los Angeles Litter. Actually I think it's called LA Litter if anyone wants to look it up.
- [22:42]
A
Yeah, speaking of Instagram.
- [22:43]
B
Yeah, speaking of Instagram. And she just takes pictures of, you know, stuff people have left on the street. You know, whether it's like an old refrigerator, a dollhouse piano, the crazy things that people leave on the street in Los Angeles. And it's, it gives her something to do. Like what to. When she walks a dog or something, she's on the lookout for crazy Los Angeles litter.
- [23:06]
A
Yeah. I know somebody who does the same thing in New York City with colorful street art. So she's always looking out. And you know, another kind of quest that's sort of related to collecting is the idea of collecting an experience. You know, because there are people who sort of like want to watch every episode of Star Trek or want to get every bootleg album from a certain band or, you know, it's about having like collecting an experience, having the full, you know, going through every single possibility.
- [23:36]
B
Yeah, I know a lot of people like to go to every baseball stadium in the United States. And that might be a lifelong quest.
- [23:42]
A
Yeah. And it's. But it's an experience, it's an adventure. You're probably going to go with somebody else. Like you can see why that kind of quest would really boost happiness because it's really, it's Novelty and challenge. And it is that feeling that it's fun to kind of assemble your collection of experiences or something like bird watching. You know, a lot of people keep, keep a log of every bird they've ever seen. And it's, it is a quest to, you know, are you going to go to this country so you can see this bird? Are you going to manage to, you know, I don't know, whatever, whatever rare ornithological adventure you want to go on. You know, it's really exciting for people.
- [24:17]
B
Yeah. What? I love it. It goes with your happiness thing of having something to look forward to. You know, it's. You're always looking forward to the next step on your quest.
- [24:25]
A
Well, and also, like to your point about Helen, instead of just thinking like, oh, look at all this litter, it's so awful, she sort of has found a way to turn litter into something fun.
- [24:36]
B
Yeah.
- [24:37]
A
Or you know, to make it sort of to vindicate it in her eyes. One thing that used to be a quest, but that isn't anymore is used books. Because I remember before you could buy books online, like I would often be on a quest, I would go to someplace like the Strand, like an enormous used bookstore. And you never knew what, like you just had to look and look and it was like, oh my gosh, what might I find? And now I have to say I much prefer it where you can just go get any book that you want. So it doesn't have that quest aspect anymore. It's more satisfying because you get the book right away. But it has lost that romantic edge of the unexpected sighting of some random Louisa May Alcott book that fell out of print 100 years ago or something, which was often what I was looking for.
- [25:25]
B
Yeah. I do think with record albums, people still are on a quest for record albums, but even those I guess you can probably just find online.
- [25:35]
A
Yeah, yeah. But you know, the quest, it's like you say, it's novelty and challenge. It's a sense of accomplishment. A lot of times you're engaging with other people, so it's strengthening relationships. It's making you see the world in a new way. Maybe it's changing your experience of everyday life. There's a lot in there that's gonna boost happiness. And I can't wait to hear what people's quests are because I think it's so fascinating. Like, I would never have thought of l. A litter. I had a friend whose quest was she wanted to get old fashioned globes for under $20. So she was always looking through you know, thrift stores and garage sales looking because she had a very specific thing she was on a quest for. Who would have ever thought of that? And then it looked amazing. It was this amazingly cool looking collection. So I cannot wait to see what people's quests might be.
- [26:23]
B
Yeah, it's, it's like a tattoo for me. It's like I've never thought of a tattoo that I would want to have. I can't think of something that I want to collect, like owls that, you know, I want to feature.
- [26:36]
A
I can't commit.
- [26:38]
B
That's why I have to just have a quest on your behalf. Coming up, I share a happiness stumbling block that's gotten in the way of my summer fun for years. But first, this break. Get business done with the new American Express Graphite Business Cash Unlimited card with unlimited 2% cash back on all eligible purchases, unlimited 5% cash back on flights and prepaid hotels booked through American Express Travel online and a flexible, flexible spending capacity that can grow with your business. You'll have the confidence to keep building. Apply today and earn a welcome offer of $1,500 cash back after you spend $50,000 in qualifying purchases on your new card within the first six months of card membership terms apply. Learn more at Go Amex Graphite
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- [28:01]
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- [28:34]
A
Now let's talk about a happiness stumbling block. And Elizabeth, this is something that you raised on Happier in Hollywood in episode 255. And it seems like your stumbling block is something that is really resonating with a lot of people.
- [28:49]
B
Yes. So the stumbling block is that I love to be social, Gretch. I get so much from seeing friends and doing things with people and yet whenever I make a plan I start to dread it almost immediately. And I spend weeks dreading it, even though I know I'll enjoy it and I'll be happy I did it. I'm filled with dread. I want to cancel. And this is a big stumbling block, because I don't want to walk around feeling dread all the time, but nor do I want to stop making plans.
- [29:22]
A
Okay, a couple questions first. Did you feel this way before COVID or do you think this is like a post Covid thing?
- [29:28]
B
I was trying to remember that. I think it's mostly post Covid. I think maybe I had a bit of it, but it feels like it really came up to the surface post Covid.
- [29:40]
A
But also one of the things post Covid is like, we're just at home more. I feel like pre Covid, at least for you, like, you were forced out and like, yes, you were sort of out and about more. Just driving hither and thither. Okay, because let's get into, like, what is the element of your dread? Because maybe it's tied to this getting geared up to go out.
- [30:00]
B
Yes. Well, there's definitely a factor of I just don't want to bother.
- [30:04]
A
Right. Feels like such an effort putting on real clothes.
- [30:08]
B
Yes, absolutely. Putting on clothes. My hair, makeup, organizing, Just getting the oomph to go.
- [30:18]
A
So it's not really the seeing the people. It's more about the logistical hassles, would you say?
- [30:24]
B
Yes. Some people, I think, have social anxiety where the dread comes from seeing the people. That's the part that I like.
- [30:32]
A
Okay.
- [30:32]
B
What I don't like is everything leading up to it. I don't like the whole getting there. If I could just close my eyes and be there, I would be fine. It's the getting there.
- [30:44]
A
This is a key step, I think, that you. Because we always say, you know, identify the problem. Because the problem might not be what you think. So I think a lot of people might assume, oh, like, it's about, like, make sure you have a friend there or get there early so you can acclimate to the group. But that's not your issue. Your issue is a logistical issue. Your issue's a prep issue. Okay. So let's think. Are there ways where you can make it easier? Are there the little mini stumbling blocks in the preparation to go that you could tackle?
- [31:12]
B
Yes. And this is something I've been thinking about. And Sarah tapped into your brain and said, I think Gretchen would tell you to minimize the decisions you have to make.
- [31:21]
A
Okay.
- [31:22]
B
So that it's easier.
- [31:23]
A
Okay.
- [31:24]
B
And many listeners also weighed in with that advice. And I should add That I have heard from many people who experience this exact same phenomenon, which is why we're talking about it.
- [31:34]
A
Right? Yeah.
- [31:35]
B
So some ideas are to have, like, five outfits that, you know you'll wear. I think something adjacent to that that I'm sort of thinking about doing is just saying, okay, when I go out, I just wear all black. And then it's easy because you know what you're going to wear and you don't have to stress about, you know, the outfit. All black is good for almost any occasion.
- [31:56]
A
Yeah, right. Just to reduce the decision fatigue. And one thing a lot of people do is they'll even take a picture of an outfit on their phone, and then they just look at them and pick one. And so again, it's like premixed, and you just at a glance from top to bottom, figured it out. So that's one of it. So part of it is like, what are you gonna wear? And then part of it is, like the physical prep, which is the shower, the hair, all that stuff.
- [32:19]
B
Yes. And Sarah suggested that I just always wear, like, a high ponytail, like a sleek ponytail when I go out, because easier than sort of figuring out how to make it look when it's down. Okay, I don't know about that, because sometimes you want your hair to be down, but maybe I'm letting perfect be the enemy of good in that sense.
- [32:36]
A
Well, you could experiment for six months. You could say, I'm just gonna 100% commit to this and see if that affects the dread.
- [32:44]
B
Oh, that's a good idea.
- [32:45]
A
Now, Lizzith, one thing I know about you, because it's true for me too, is that we do not like driving. But lucky for me, I'm in New York City. Unlucky for you, you are in the driving capital of the world. Is that an element?
- [32:59]
B
Yes, definitely. Getting there. And parking. Parking is what I dislike even more than driving and knowing where to go, because I also don't have a good sense of direction. And even with gps, I do feel a lot of anxiety about where to park. Somebody suggested I take Uber and just budget that into my life as an expense. It does get very expensive, as we all know. But of course, parking is also very expensive in la. So, yes, that does offset the cost. If you're saving $15 on parking, that you can put that toward an Uber. So that is another thing to consider. Especially at night.
- [33:40]
A
Yes.
- [33:40]
B
Because I think, like a lot of people, I just hate driving at night when I can't see what's around me.
- [33:46]
A
Right. Especially a neighborhood that you're not familiar with.
- [33:48]
B
Yes.
- [33:49]
A
Well, so again, maybe the thing is, give yourself a budget like it's worth X amount of money, and just say, I will do at least this. And that also feels very luxurious. And so that also might minimize the dread.
- [34:02]
B
Mm, good point.
- [34:04]
A
Are there any other stumbling blocks that you can think of once you're there? Do you feel. Are you like, oh, I'm so glad I'm here, and this is great.
- [34:11]
B
Yes. Once I'm there, I'm good. It's really leading up to it. Even if I'm actually getting ready, I'm kind of. Okay. It's the thinking about getting ready and getting there.
- [34:23]
A
Okay. Now, what about this? Is it the idea that something's on your calendar, does that oppress you? For some people just. Especially rebels, we talk about this all the time. Just the idea that something on their calendar bothers them. Do you have that? Or, like. No, that's not really part of it.
- [34:36]
B
Well, a bit, because I just know when it comes, I'm gonna have to deal with it. Oh, I see.
- [34:41]
A
Okay. So you just. You just have this, like, generally, this sounds like a pretty big stumbling block.
- [34:46]
B
It is. Now, I do manage to overcome it and do things. It's not like I cancel constantly. It's more that I don't want to feel dread. I want to feel anticipation and excitement. Of course. And what's interesting is there's a few things that don't apply. So, for instance, meeting someone at Freiman to hike, I feel no dread about that. Maybe because I don't care about what I look like, and I've parked there so many times. But even if it's difficult to park, I'm comfortable with it. Yeah. And I don't feel this if we're seeing family.
- [35:17]
A
Okay.
- [35:18]
B
Either. It doesn't apply when I have family to see. And I don't know why that is now.
- [35:25]
A
Is it because family, you don't feel like they care that much about how you look? And also probably. Is Adam driving?
- [35:32]
B
Yes, that's true. When we see family, Adam is driving. That's probably what it is, right? Yes. And I feel like. Yep, nobody's judging me.
- [35:40]
A
Well, family, they've seen you so many times, it's like they're not even gonna notice you, like, make the extra eff or not. At least that's. I've always assumed the same thing. Well, I'm very curious. I want you to experiment with these things and see if this helps.
- [35:53]
B
Yeah.
- [35:53]
A
I think that those examples, when you don't feel it are very enlightening and really shine a spotlight on the fact of, like, why the things that you're doing might actually alleviate some of the dread because they're relieving the decision fatigue. They're relieving kind of the prep time, they're relieving the anxiety. It's to some extent to the degree that you. You want to take the Uber. We'll see.
- [36:12]
B
Yes. And I mean, everybody, let us know if you're experiencing this, because I been feeling that I am not alone, especially post pandemic.
- [36:20]
A
Yes. Well, I think part of it is in the past, you might have been out at work, and then you would just stop someplace on your way home, and then you're already out, you're already about. It feels like it's not a dedicated trip and so you don't focus on it in the same way. I felt like things were done as part of other things rather than as their own standalone adventure, and so they just didn't get the same amount of focus. At least that's how it felt to me.
- [36:43]
B
Agreed. Okay, Gretch, what is our spotlight on the tool this week?
- [36:49]
A
This week we are spotlighting a new feature in the Design youn Summer tool in the Happier App. It is the summer recap. Summer can go by in a blur, so it is a fun way to look back on everything you've done and celebrate the season before it ends. If you've been using Design youn Summer, just open the happier app and create your recap. And then share it on social media, if you would, with a hashtag Design youn Summer and tag me. I would love to see what everybody has been doing. I will give you a gold star.
- [37:23]
B
And if you haven't started Design youn Summer yet, there is still plenty of summer left. Embrace it.
- [37:30]
A
Yes, embrace what's left. Just download the happier app@thehappierapp.com so, Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?
- [37:38]
B
Yes, I am feeling happier. Thank you to Chuck. Bye, Gretch.
- [37:43]
A
Bye, Elizabeth. The best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago. The second best time is now. I always feel like August is a good time to reset before the fall season, which is so busy. I don't necessarily want a whole new wardrobe. I just want a few pieces that make getting dressed easier. That is why I have become such a fan of quints. Their clothes are beautifully made, timeless, and they feel like the kind of pieces you reach for again and again.
- [38:23]
B
Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So everything is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. Their premium stretch denim starts at just $50 and they also have beautiful bedding. All kinds of stuff for your home and travel. Gretchen I got Jack a set of luggage from Quince and he loves it. Upgrade your everyday go to quints.com Gretchen for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Gretchen for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com Gretchen.