← Happy Wife Happy Life
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- [00:00]
A
Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life.
- [00:02]
B
We're your hosts.
- [00:02]
A
I'm Kendall Landris.
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B
And I'm Jordan Meyer.
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A
And we are two incredibly unqualified but
- [00:06]
B
deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationship. And on today's episode, we are talking all gay man stuff with the one and only Eric Feldman.
- [00:25]
C
How did I get lucky enough to have the gay man episode?
- [00:27]
B
Well, it's kind of the one thing
- [00:28]
A
about you, so we didn't know anything else about you. We. No, I'm not gay. Oh, my God.
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C
That's why I thought it was so random.
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B
That's why that was so weird.
- [00:37]
C
I was like, the gay man. I said, okay, I would understand if it was like, Cowboy Casanova, you know, type episode, but. Okay.
- [00:43]
A
Do you ever have one of those moments where you're like, I've had this where you think back to, like, boys in your high school or your college, where you're like, they were so obvious.
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C
I'm sure you do that.
- [00:52]
B
You wrestled with nude.
- [00:53]
C
Yeah.
- [00:54]
A
You're like that. I feel like there's like, they were so clearly gay, but so I would just be like, well, you're gay. And then looking back, I'm like, did they actually come out or was I fully outing them, like, all the time?
- [01:08]
C
Yeah. Well, okay, so is that. Is that the question? Do I think about people?
- [01:13]
A
Yeah. Do you? Because I've had that where I, like, look back at people in high school where I'm like, I was just being like, this is my gay best friend. And I'm sure he was like, stop saying that. I'm not out.
- [01:20]
C
Well, because I was that person.
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B
But sure, I.
- [01:23]
C
No, I think I was. My town. I'm from small town, Iowa, so very similar to la, and I feel like it was. No one would claim having, like, a gay friend or a gay best friend. You know what I mean? It was not cool.
- [01:37]
B
Well, and Kendall's a couple of years younger than us, so she's from a generation where, like, your generation started to be more like, oh, it's cool to be gay.
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C
Right?
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A
We're.
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B
We're pre. That.
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A
Yeah. But then there's differences because you were in the cities, Jordan. Like, but still, that's what I'm saying.
- [01:50]
B
Even coming from the city, it was like, right?
- [01:53]
C
No, we fully said things were gay, like, derogatorily. And, you know, and I want to reclaim that. I'm going to. Because sometimes it makes sense. Sometimes it is gay pejorative.
- [02:03]
A
What I always say is, like, if you're gonna make me Stop saying a word because it's offensive. That's fine. But you need to replace it with something. And it has to be specific, because saying something's gay is so specific.
- [02:14]
C
Yes. And I'm like, people know exactly what you mean.
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A
You can picture exactly what I'm saying. And so I'm like, oh, it's just a little gay.
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C
Right.
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A
And I love being gay, but it's also gay derogatory. It's so specific.
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C
And I think it's okay. I think it's okay for us to, like, a. Allow ourselves to say that. And then people close to us when they speak the language. I think it's okay for them to
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B
say when they speak the language.
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C
You know what I mean? Like, it's. I say, do say gay, you know, so take that floor.
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A
I like that.
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B
I love to say it to my mom because it confuses her and flusters her.
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A
She gets overwhelmed.
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B
Well, because she doesn't want to be offended because she's like, there's nothing wrong with being gay. Being gay is beautiful. And I'm like, I can say it, but you can't say it. So she gets confused and flustered.
- [02:54]
A
Well, also, I think because I'm always like, when I look at you, Eric, which, first of all, I feel like we haven't. I'm constantly looking at you.
- [03:01]
C
Thank you.
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A
I feel like we haven't even said. But Eric is, like, one of our greatest friends. I like, we didn't even say who you were.
- [03:06]
C
Yeah, we worked real hard for that title of Eric.
- [03:09]
A
And not to doubt, you're an. Eric's an incredible comedian, I think. Genuinely one of the funniest people on planet Earth.
- [03:14]
B
I was about to say that's what we should touch on first. You probably recognize Eric from TikTok Instagram. You do so many incredible things. You obviously make videos with Kendall, but also you are so well known for doing your, like, recreations of the hills and Laguna beach. And now you're, like, friends with all of those people.
- [03:32]
C
Yeah. Definitely not as friend good a friends as I would.
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B
Yeah. Thank you.
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C
Oh, yeah.
- [03:35]
A
Yeah.
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B
Rank us. Kristen Calaveri, Lauren Conrad, us.
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C
Yes. I would say you guys definitely fall in between Chris and Nelsey for sure. Which is a very comfy place.
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A
Yeah.
- [03:46]
C
No, I'm so happy to be here. This is. I feel Kendall and I met five years ago, which is so crazy from both being TikTok moms. I was a very micro TikTok mom, and I just had her to look up to, and I, like, shot my shot and I was like, maybe we should just have, like, a mom's date and get a little coffee.
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B
Yeah.
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C
And you were like, tomorrow, like, we're doing it. Immediately, you were like, so cool. And so.
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A
And you remember when I was driving,
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C
I was going to bring this up. It was a Toyota Prius with antlers and a big red Rudolph nose on it. It was, like, a few weeks before
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B
Christmas and probably one of the doors crushed in.
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A
Well. And we were moving. So I. He was like. It was packed to the.
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C
It was full of shit. He was like, do you live in this car? But also, no judgment, because as I was like, it's okay. I don't judge. As my car is parked across the street with, like, one, like, window broken in, totally overflowing with, like, miscellaneous papers.
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B
And famously, you are one of the worst drivers. I.
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C
Yes. Well, I just. I think that there's no wrong way to drive. And I think as long as you are sitting in point B from point A, you're fine.
- [04:46]
A
You made it. Yeah. Yeah, but I was gonna say that. So that's how. I mean, we're so close with Eric. But one thing I remember about you, when we first met, I remember you told me, and you can edit any of this out. If you're like, don't. But you were talking about. You're like, oh, I came out and it was later than I would have expected.
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C
Yeah.
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A
And I was like, how? Like, you're just one of those people that. I'm like, well, that must.
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C
I walked out being like, what are you talking about?
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A
But I do. Then sometimes you'll do this impression of how you used to speak, which is really deeply sad. Do it. Do it.
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B
Do it.
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C
You as a deep, in every way, vocally, deeply sad.
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A
Do.
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C
Straight, arrogant, confusing. Well, I feel like it was. Okay. Yeah.
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A
Get into it.
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C
Like, it would just be like, dude, Katy Perry is so hot. Like, she just has huge boobs and I don't know what she is. Singer. I, like, don't even know. But I. I just. She's so hot.
- [05:43]
B
And you played football. You were on the football team.
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C
I played football, yeah. We have to show you. I would have liked because I was just. I was very scared of, like, hard physical contact. I didn't much.
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B
We have to share a picture of you from your. Your high school football.
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C
Bring it up.
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B
You're so cute.
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C
Okay, so if you actually share a picture and it. It appears over the screen, my favorite part is that, like, I'm clearly wearing makeup. Like, in the picture I'm wearing, like, Full face.
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A
Where did you get that? Like when you pictures.
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C
Why did you do that? So, okay, so I. She'll never hear this, I hope. But I would like take it from like my friend Cara. So like I would go into her bathroom and I would like scoop out a big. I would like bring zip. This is diabolical. This is probably like something that like it could have brought me on a course of like crime. Like, I'm glad that. I'm glad that this is the most like insane thing. Not the most, but like the. The worst thing I've ever done to another human is like. I would like take globs of her foundation. It was liquid like mousse.
- [06:36]
A
Yeah.
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C
And I would put it in like a ziploc bag and like bring it home. So I would like have it to put on you later.
- [06:40]
A
You had really the closet in Iowa experience. Like this is gorgeous.
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C
Poor Cara also, she was like very Irish and so like my skin is more red. Hers is like pure white. So like her foundation was like so light. So it over my red skin just made it look like I was a mime. I was like, it looks so good. My mom would literally be like, you're wearing makeup and I'd be like, mom, you like, you would know, like, you know, you could use some tips. But yeah, so I like have full on makeup and then my bangs are like straightened like to the point of like they're going to break off. Like they're like raw sp. Getting.
- [07:12]
A
And where'd you get the straightener?
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C
Well, that's another story. I went Kara's run dry. I went to Walmart and I remember my friends were off somewhere else. I like quick ran, grabbed a straightener, like the first one I could find. Self checked out, bought it, put it in my bag. So then had a straightener. And then again my mom found it in high school. She was like, you're trans. Like the makeup, the straightener.
- [07:39]
B
Yes.
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C
I like would hide it and then she took it away and then I had to buy another one.
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A
Well, that's funny because hair straighteners, I feel like at that time, I mean
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C
they were so gay. But now it's totally cool. Like normal.
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B
We're different ages.
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C
Normal men.
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A
Amazing. Cuz when I was in school, all the boys straighten their hair because Justin Bieber was.
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B
Yeah, we're different ages.
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A
I got it. I.
- [07:59]
B
Is that what this whole episode is going to be about? So younger than me and Aaron?
- [08:02]
A
No, but I was like realiz.
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C
I was like born in the 90s.
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B
Yeah. Disgusting.
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C
I was fully born in the 90s, man.
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A
That is so. You are one of those people that I am, like, when people are like, he's not made for this little town. I. I, like, fully can't picture you. You must have been, like, the life of the party.
- [08:20]
C
I. Well, for. I tried to be. Yes. I would say I was definitely, like, in my circle of friends, like, the one that was just like, watch me dance, and, like, grab the syllables, watch me. But I. I feel like guys were so, like, confused and not because I would, like, talk in that voice and I would, like, play sports or whatever.
- [08:41]
A
Yeah.
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C
And I wasn't like, also, I mean, I'm just gonna say I was pretty good at sports.
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B
Yeah.
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C
So I think, you know, I'll take off this pokey sport later. But I. I think they're just confused because, like, I was best friends with all their girlfriends.
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A
Yeah.
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C
And, like, it was pretty obvious that I didn't want to date them. But the whole time, I was also like, but I'm straight. So what? And they were like, okay, then we hate happening.
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A
Like, were the girls. Did girls have crushes on you?
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C
No.
- [09:07]
A
I mean, they got it, too. They were like. Because I had to myself that. Because I'm like, wait, I. Why did no guy ask me out in high school? Like, all through high school, no guy ever showed interest in me. And I'm like, oh, they must have known. They probably felt it that I was gay and they just wanted to. Not. Sure.
- [09:22]
C
I think so. I think girls and, you know, I can. I can pretty confidently speak on behalf of all women. I feel like girls were so internally being like, he's gay 100. So, like, naturally, we became. I became super close with, like, sure. Every girl and. But they were such good friends that they were like, eric says he's not gay, so we believe him.
- [09:44]
B
Yeah.
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C
So they would, like, stand up for me. Like, when the guys would make fun of, like, he's not gay.
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B
He has a poster of Katy Perry
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C
in his room, but it's, like the Teenage Dream cover, so it's like. It's, like, campy.
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A
There's no way. The way. You don't have to elaborate on Katy Perry being not gay in your room. Like, even if it was a sexy photo of her, it's so gay to have Katy Perry.
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B
Yeah.
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C
There were so many other hot women that, like, I was clearly obsessed because of her music. But, like, the fact that I chose her of all the other, like, not Jessica Alba, not Megan Fox. I did have on my MySpace, I did have a picture of Megan Fox as. But it was probably like a Transformers picture where it was still like movie lore.
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B
You were sexually attracted to the big bulky male robots.
- [10:26]
C
Yeah.
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B
100.
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C
I was really paying attention to Bumblebee, but yeah. So I never dated any girls in high school.
- [10:33]
A
Wow.
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C
That's beautiful to say.
- [10:35]
B
Yeah. I mean you still are confusing people because when I see your videos of you in a wig, it does something to me every time. Eric posts a lot of videos in wigs and I'm always like, I am so sexually attracted to you in a tight dress and a wig.
- [10:49]
C
Then mission accomplished, baby. I'm just, I'm trying to make up for lost time and try to. I'm trying to lure in the girls.
- [10:54]
B
It's working for me. I love it. It's. It's checking all my boxes. I don't. I don't know what you do to me, but I love it. I think it's incredible.
- [10:59]
C
My favorite thing was when I filmed a video at your guys place and I slipped into this like tight little dress wig and I combed it out and Jordan was just like, I actually can't look right now. Yeah.
- [11:10]
B
He was like putting on this little dress and I was like, I have to go in the other room. I don't what it was. You know, listen, you wear it well.
- [11:14]
A
There's some people where it's like you just. Every wig you put on, it looks like it feels.
- [11:18]
B
It looks like a joke. It looks like it could be your hair. I mean it's crazy wigs. But like it's.
- [11:24]
A
They're good.
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B
It's good.
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C
Thank you.
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A
And you have like a beard and everything. So it's crazy, but it just still seems natural.
- [11:30]
C
It kind of just like goes away. I feel like I. The comments that I get on Tik Tok are aside from like, how did this end up on my fyp Are like, why did I forget that this was a man? Yeah. And which is crazy cuz you have a full bed. And I. Yeah, it's weird, but I'll take it.
- [11:48]
B
Whatever it's. Listen, you can do it all. And I think that's beautiful. So as we said you're a gay man, we asked people, we said, what are your questions for gay men? Or if you're a gay man, are you looking for advice?
- [11:58]
C
Right.
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B
And the people wrote in, we have a lot of questions.
- [12:01]
C
Oh, I'm excited. I'm scared though.
- [12:03]
B
No, it's good, it's good. I'll start with an easy, fun one.
- [12:05]
C
Okay.
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B
Someone for our Patreon Wants to know if there are any gay icons who you think are overrated.
- [12:11]
C
Oh, okay. I have a clarifying question.
- [12:13]
B
Yes.
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C
And so can we call this person?
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B
Yeah. So is.
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C
Is it a gay icon, like an icon that gay people love, or is it a gay person that's an icon? Very few of those, yes.
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B
That's always the question. I feel like. I think it could be any. I think anyone that, like, a gay man would be like, slay mama. You know, like, so obviously, like, you're,
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C
like, immediately going to get. People are not going to like me because I.
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B
It's good. We'll say ours.
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A
I'll see one.
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C
Can one of you start?
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B
Oh, yeah.
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A
You want to go first?
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B
Do you have one already?
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A
I know, but I can think of one.
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B
Well, here, here, let me pull up a list. Gay icons. Because obviously, like, you know. Yeah. Because even when you look up a list of gay icons, it's all straight women.
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A
I mean, Caitlin Chet is like, the main one I can think of, but that's going to be yours.
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B
Yeah. I hate Cate Blanchett.
- [13:00]
C
She's straight gay icon.
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A
I think people.
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B
I do not think she's a gay icon. I'll say it, but I.
- [13:06]
C
Well, she played like, Lydia Tarr or whatever, and I was like, she almost, like, the least likable.
- [13:10]
B
Yeah, she almost only plays lesb. She's very strange.
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A
She is.
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C
Is she straight?
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B
She's straight. She's married to a man. I know someone in the comments will be like, well, how do you know she's straight? I'm like, because I. Does she does identify as. As queer, as gay, Anything. And then. But. And then people like, well, what if she's closeted? I'm like, okay, great. Then that. Then, okay, then that lens to why
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C
I don't like her right now. Maybe if she came out, I would
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B
have a little different.
- [13:35]
A
And people act so, like. And I know it's a nuanced thing, but with, like, kid playing shot, they're like, well, they're acting like, well, what if she's afraid to come out? I'm like, so there' difference between, like, Eric and Iowa being afraid to come out. And like, if one of the most
- [13:48]
C
famous actors in the world who's so
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B
established, like an adult woman, she only got free to come out, she'd take
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A
the pants suit off and she stopped playing lesbians. You know what I mean?
- [13:57]
C
That is true. It's like, yeah, it'd be different if she was like, this, like, sex symbol that is, like, so clearly pandering to Men and, like, everything that she does, but it's like, no, she has done everything to make the world think she's gay and then is like, by the way, I'm not.
- [14:11]
B
So it's like.
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A
It's not like she's afraid, which, like, this would ruin everything, right?
- [14:14]
C
No, it's made everything for you, in fact. So I think it would help your career. Yeah, you're so right.
- [14:19]
B
I'll say. I'm not really interested in elevating Miley Cyrus to gay icon status, and you're wrong for that. And she's bisexual, so I'm not trying to invalidate her sexuality, but I don't think she's a gay icon.
- [14:36]
C
Oh.
- [14:36]
B
I personally. And she comes up on this list when I look. When I look up.
- [14:39]
C
She's not your gay icon.
- [14:40]
B
I don't think she's at all.
- [14:42]
C
I don't.
- [14:43]
B
I don't. I don't. I think she is a pop star. I think she's brought a lot. I think she. I'm not trying to diminish her. Is she a gay icon? And I think Kendall's getting defensive because she loves Miley Cyrus.
- [14:55]
A
I have a big fat crush.
- [14:56]
B
I know. And I'm not saying she's not talented. I'm not. She's. You know, whatever. I don't think she's a gay icon, and I think that, you know, there are people that would. Would hype her up.
- [15:06]
A
Well, I think sometimes a gay icon can become a woman specifically who is. Has a moment in their career where they're like, othered.
- [15:14]
C
Yeah.
- [15:15]
A
It's kind of like, ew, they're being crazy and they're being insane. Like, I think Britney Spears is, like, a gay icon because she. Not because her music was specifically for gay men, although they seem to enjoy it, but because it was like she had this time in her career where she was hated on, and then she kind of, like, came out of it. I feel like, yeah, Kesha is the same. Okay. And all of it's. They all do different things for it too. But I feel like Miley after Bangers was like, oh, she's a gay icon because she was kind of othered. And then like, blah, blah, blah.
- [15:41]
B
She wasn't othered after Banger. She's a rich celebrities kid, and you're a rich star who did the same thing that all white pop stars do, where they're like, perspectives.
- [15:54]
C
And it's not just because I'm on your podcast and I'm in the middle. I feel like I get what you're saying she has almost always been on the up and up.
- [16:02]
B
Yes.
- [16:02]
C
And also, Bangers was such a time where that could have just derailed everything, and she could have possibly never have come back from that.
- [16:09]
A
And I do think she didn't just keep going on the up and up. I think after Bangers, obviously, she. It's not like she was gonna. She's once again rich, so it's not like she was gonna have nothing.
- [16:17]
C
Yeah.
- [16:18]
A
But I think after Bangers, she did have a couple. Like, she had a lot of flops.
- [16:21]
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. Like, Malibu came out and we're like. Then kind of took a break. I do. I. I think Miley Cyrus is a gay icon, but I. But I also feel like I'm not quick to give that title because I. Okay, I'm just gonna say this.
- [16:38]
B
Say it.
- [16:39]
C
I don't think Beyonce is a gay icon.
- [16:41]
A
Okay. And we're gonna have to cut that.
- [16:45]
C
I think she's an icon, period. And in fact, as, like, using the. Your logic, like, she certainly has never done really anything to, like, other herself. Yeah. Like, in terms of pop culture, she has created kind of new lanes of. Of pop culture by blending certain sounds and certain, like.
- [17:06]
B
Yeah.
- [17:07]
C
Expressions. I'm like, this isn't land.
- [17:09]
A
No, no, no. I get what you're saying. Well, but I don't think I would have thought of her as a gay icon, because this is what I'll say.
- [17:14]
B
Am I wrong for that?
- [17:15]
C
It's so hard to gay people that put her on this. Like. But maybe it's just because she's an icon. Maybe they wouldn't say she's a gay icon.
- [17:21]
B
I think it's hard because I do think there is something about gay icon of being like, you specifically are popular almost in the gay community specifically, more so than in other communities. So I think it's probably not.
- [17:35]
C
That's probably a bad example.
- [17:36]
B
Well, no, no. I was gonna say I' you in a way, because I think that Beyonce is an icon outside of the gay community just as much as she's an icon within the gay community. So I think that it's hard to be like, she's just an icon icon. Whereas, like, if you think of someone like.
- [17:55]
A
Well, I think, like, Lady Gaga is the ultimate gag.
- [17:57]
C
Yes.
- [18:00]
B
She's also extremely gonna say.
- [18:02]
A
But yeah.
- [18:03]
B
But I also think that Lady Gaga is more specifically famous to gay people rather than straight people. I just think it's hard because it is such a line. But, I mean, I think Beyonce's a gay Icon. But I also think she's an icon in general.
- [18:15]
C
What did Google say some gay icons were? Because I just. I'll disagree with one of these.
- [18:19]
B
Okay.
- [18:19]
C
Because I also feel like I'm probably such a bad representation because, like, I don't watch Drag Race.
- [18:24]
A
I'm the same way.
- [18:26]
C
I feel like there's so many pieces of gay pop culture that I'm so not.
- [18:29]
A
Yes.
- [18:30]
C
Like, when I moved here, someone's like, do you watch Drag Race? And I'm like, I'm not a NASCAR guy. But, like, my uncle loves it. Like, I didn't know what Drag Race was.
- [18:37]
B
My uncle loves it.
- [18:39]
C
So I was like, I don't know. I don't know what Drag Race was.
- [18:42]
B
That's beautiful. So, okay, so these are the one that. This is what Wikipedia lists as modern celebrities when you search gay icon.
- [18:50]
C
Okay.
- [18:50]
B
The first one's Judy Garland.
- [18:52]
A
Yeah.
- [18:52]
B
But I think that's true.
- [18:53]
A
Yes. Liza Minnelli passed it. Yes.
- [18:57]
B
She's on here as well. So I think both of them are people who obviously are famous in their own right outside of the gay community, but I think that the gay community really elevated them. Same with Cher. Cher's next.
- [19:04]
A
Yeah.
- [19:04]
B
Cher is obviously very fam, but I think that the gay community is. And maybe that's what it is. The gay community is a big reason why you have the career that you have, which I don't necessarily think is true. I think Beyonce. I don't necessarily think that's true for Beyonce, but that doesn't mean that gay people haven't heavily contributed to her success. But. And with Renaissance, I think that, you know, that was such a gay focused album. Okay, next we got Madonna.
- [19:25]
C
Okay.
- [19:25]
B
Whitney Houston.
- [19:26]
C
Okay.
- [19:27]
A
Yeah.
- [19:27]
B
Britney Spears.
- [19:29]
A
Yeah.
- [19:29]
B
Kylie Minogue.
- [19:31]
C
Okay.
- [19:31]
B
Kate Bush. I mean, Kylie Minogue, I think is really.
- [19:33]
C
If you're not gay or Australian, that would not be.
- [19:38]
B
It's not, you know, as big. Kate Bush, Mariah Carey, the Golden Girls. I agree with that one. Big ones for me.
- [19:45]
A
You know who I think is an underrated gay icon? The girl who played Nelly on Little House in the Prayer.
- [19:51]
B
Kendall shot.
- [19:52]
A
She's not gay.
- [19:53]
B
But just because you like her.
- [19:55]
A
She's so cool. She did a lot for the gay rights.
- [19:57]
C
Okay.
- [19:58]
B
What did she do?
- [19:59]
A
I don't know off the top of my head, but I know she did a lot.
- [20:03]
B
Yeah.
- [20:03]
C
She was so lesbian coded. Like, I'm sorry. If they would have continued on with that, she would be like, tattoo shop.
- [20:11]
B
It's so.
- [20:11]
A
Oh, God, that would have been incredible.
- [20:13]
C
Miranda, definitely from Lucy McGuire's an underrated gay icon from Nelly.
- [20:17]
A
No, she did. She did a bunch of, like, charity with, like, HIV stuff, and her. The guy who played her husband on the show was gay and I think passed away from hiv.
- [20:25]
B
And she knew, and they were really close.
- [20:26]
A
They were really close. Okay, I'll take my apology in cash.
- [20:28]
B
I'll give it to you later. Okay. Great answer to our first question. Eric.
- [20:33]
C
You're absolutely.
- [20:34]
A
That was a hard one.
- [20:34]
B
You said that'd be easy one.
- [20:35]
C
That was a hard one. No, I think I failed that one. But I'm excited to see what else else.
- [20:38]
B
This person.
- [20:39]
A
Oh, you did great.
- [20:40]
B
This person says, I'm not a gay man, but I'm a lesbian with a question. Don't.
- [20:45]
C
Aren't they all.
- [20:46]
A
Yeah.
- [20:47]
C
With the questions.
- [20:48]
B
When do guys bring up if they're a top or bottom when dating? Is that a thing you bring up right away as a lesbian? I don't think we typically have those conversations, which I personally don't agree with.
- [20:59]
C
Oh, okay.
- [21:00]
A
I don't have.
- [21:01]
C
I want to get back to why you don't agree in a second, but okay. I. I think in general, again, I'm. I'm probably such a bad representation.
- [21:09]
B
Don't say that, because we bought you.
- [21:12]
A
Eric, just go home. You need to get one of your friends to come.
- [21:15]
C
So I. I shouldn't come disguised as, like, a really gay man. Okay. So I think in general, they happen, like, pretty quick, mostly because I think gay guys typically hook up on the first date.
- [21:27]
A
Yeah.
- [21:28]
C
And so I think, you know, it's, like, literally over, like. Like, fries in a cocktail. It's just like, blah, blah, blah. So top, bottom, verse.
- [21:35]
B
Yeah. The one who's not eating the fries.
- [21:37]
C
Yeah.
- [21:37]
B
100 is the bottom, and then you don't even have to talk about it.
- [21:40]
C
Exactly. The one who's just drinking straight.
- [21:42]
B
Just a large glass of ice water. Yeah.
- [21:44]
C
Or not. Music. What's that, a bunch of music? Yeah, just a bunch of. It just clears mouth. So. Yeah, it's pretty quick. In fact, like on Hinge. Hinge, which is, like, designed to be primarily dating focus. Like grindrs for, you know, quick. One, two. That, you know, that's, like. You don't even say hi. You just say, like, busy.
- [22:06]
A
Yeah.
- [22:06]
C
And Tinder, I think, is, like, a mix. Hinge. There's not even a spot for you to put your sexual preference, but guys find a place to put that in. Like, it'll be like, my dream vacation destination. Yes. Like Cancun, by the way. Bottom for compatibility, like, in parentheses. So. Yes. Gay men talk about it almost immediately.
- [22:27]
B
I would say I think it's more necessary because it's more of a to do.
- [22:31]
A
Yeah.
- [22:32]
C
You gotta know if that's gonna be like a match puzzle piece wise, you know? Sure.
- [22:37]
B
Absolutely.
- [22:37]
A
Yeah.
- [22:38]
C
Yeah.
- [22:39]
A
Today's episode of Happy Wife, Happy Life is sponsored by Rula. Everyone can use therapy. Check out Rula. Rula's online therapy platform accepts most major insurance plans. The average copay is only 15 a session. We host a podcast where we tell you how to have good relationships. And we can only tell you to break up with your boyfriend so many times. Janelle, the ultimate answer is you need therapy. Okay. We've got a lot of jokes, we've got a lot of good ideas for how to improve, but ultimately, a therapist is what's going to make your relationship awesome. I know that from experience. And when I first started dating Jordan, I didn't have a lot of money in the bank.
- [23:18]
B
Okay.
- [23:18]
A
I was a little bit stressed out. I literally reached out to a friend of mine and said, could you please be my therapist?
- [23:23]
B
Therapist?
- [23:24]
A
I know you have the qualifications. I don't have any money. And they said, absolutely not. So I could have really used Rula at this time. I think it's awesome. And therapy is really what's going to make your relationship great at the end of the day. Rula has a network of over 15,000 therapists. If you don't like your first match, switching therapists could not be easier. Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high quality therapy that's actually covered by Insurance. Visit rula.comwife to get started. That's R U L A.com wife. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget. Today's episode of Happy Wife, Happy Life is sponsored by Mint Mobile. Stop throwing your money away on overpriced phone bills. Switch to Mint Mobile. Same coverage, same speed, unlimited talk, text and data, all on the nation's largest 5G network. Mint Mobile plans start at just 15 bucks a month for three months. We love Mint Mobile over here at Happy Wife, Happy Life. They're amazing. And I love that you don't have to change your number to move over to Mint. It's so easy. And I like that because the thought of changing my number is deeply overwhelming. Okay. I have people all the way back from when I was 7 years old that have my phone number and I need that to stay the exact same because there's a very specific group of really popular cheerleaders that I'm still Thinking might call me and tell me. Actually Kendall, you can get ready with us for prom. Because you're cool too. Anyways, I don't want to change my phone number. Mint Mobile makes it so easy. Bring your current phone and number over to Mint. No long term contract, no hassle. Min makes it easy with a seven day money back guarantee. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans@mint mobile.com wife that's mintmobile.com wife upfront payment of $45 for three months. Five gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month new customer offer for the first three months only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. Seeman mobile.com for details. I've been very. My eyes have been opened as you
- [25:17]
C
haven't blinked this whole time.
- [25:19]
A
My eyes have been really open. As we've mentioned, Jordan's been watching a lot of heated rivalry.
- [25:23]
B
Thank God someone brought it up.
- [25:26]
A
And the. Have you.
- [25:28]
B
You watched.
- [25:28]
A
I remember I watched.
- [25:29]
C
Yep.
- [25:30]
A
The things I've seen on there. I didn't really think that was like. I didn't really think that was like how it was. You know what I mean? Like sex.
- [25:36]
B
I had to explain a lot to Kendall.
- [25:38]
A
I felt very concerned for their physical well being. I felt very confused. I felt like how is that possible? I felt.
- [25:46]
C
Did I miss this? Wait, what happened when he's trailing him
- [25:49]
A
so hard in the ass. I cannot. But literally I cannot believe that. I think I knew. It's like I knew. I knew what happened with two gay men.
- [26:01]
C
Yeah.
- [26:01]
A
But I could not have been. I've never seen it. That's my truth. I never watched it. Porn.
- [26:06]
C
I didn't watch it.
- [26:07]
A
And I feel like when I saw Ilia doing that to. To. To what's his name, Shane.
- [26:13]
C
Huh.
- [26:14]
A
I could not believe it. I was like there's no way that's physically possible.
- [26:18]
C
I think the least. I think all of it was very accurate except for like the lack of discussion. Just because Jordan's gonna tell you they
- [26:26]
A
talk about in the books.
- [26:27]
C
Of course Jordan's not gonna want you to say that whole chapter. Tbv. So I. Yeah. I think that that discussion happens like. Like almost immediately. And I think especially in their case where Shane had never been with a guy before. Right. Like that. That. I think that was like part of the most unbelievable part for me was that like he wasn't like hey, isn't this going to hurt? Like the fact that he just already
- [26:54]
B
owns a dildo and he's like. It's. They talk about It. You guys aren't listening enough. Yes, he had been priming himself. Yes.
- [27:03]
C
Okay, but you know what?
- [27:04]
B
I also.
- [27:04]
C
Let me just take this out real quick. Okay?
- [27:06]
B
Yeah, Posited. Because I think. You know what I mean, he's like a rich, closeted guy who lives alone. So I think he like, yeah, he's like, I gotta out.
- [27:17]
A
But also, you know what I feel that way about speaking of gay icons is in Brokeback Mountain. When I saw that for the first time, I could not believe. I thought there was going to be some sort of build up and, oh, there's gonna be all this tension. Immediately he was just like, immediately they
- [27:31]
B
were just sticking their dicks in this ass. I could have that. Okay, once again, I'm here to defend a thing that I am not part of.
- [27:37]
A
But.
- [27:37]
B
But I think that that is accurate because think of the time. These people don't have computers, these people don't know other gay people. They're kind of just fumbling around. And I'm sure it hurt any time it broke back.
- [27:51]
C
Yes, I'm sure.
- [27:52]
B
Jake Gyllenhaal the next day couldn't ride his horse. Because they don't know what it is and they don't know what.
- [27:57]
A
You get seriously hurt that way.
- [28:00]
B
I know, but also, we don't even necessarily know what they did. They don't show the whole thing. Brook Rack Mountain. They could have tried and done it for a second and then like stopped. Right. You just.
- [28:06]
C
Much my dismay, by the way. I would have liked a little bit. Like, I just feel like there could have been an extended scene.
- [28:11]
B
I agree.
- [28:12]
A
I said so. I saw Brokeback Mountain way late in the game. So I, you know, I'm sure seeing it when it came out.
- [28:18]
B
We went to see it when they released it.
- [28:20]
C
What?
- [28:20]
B
For the 20th anniversary in theaters. So it was like me, Kendall, a bunch of other lesbians my age. And we all saw it. We came out of the theater, all of us are crying. We look over at Kendall, she's like, thought there'd be more sex.
- [28:29]
A
I did. I was dressed as a cowgirl.
- [28:31]
B
First of all, I was so ready.
- [28:33]
A
I was dressed.
- [28:33]
B
Cowgirl boots.
- [28:35]
A
Yes. I was like, let's watch some porn, you guys. I can imagine seeing that movie back. Literally back when it came out. No, I didn't bring it because I didn't think I'd need it. I thought I would be so stoking wet. And I. I was like, wait, what? First of all, they so immediately. Cuz to me, I'm like, okay, you're. You're out. What a perfect way for. This is going to have to build so much tension. These people are stuck out there. They're so locked up sexually, they're so whatever. But it felt so immediately like they were like, obviously we're gay, let's have sex.
- [29:04]
C
Right?
- [29:05]
A
And so that was jarring to me. And then, yeah, it was just like one really intense sex scene, but then nothing else.
- [29:11]
B
That is so disgusting to me that you would say Brokeback Mountain is nothing else.
- [29:15]
A
Oh, no. Emotionally it was a lot.
- [29:16]
B
It's just I, I kissing outside the
- [29:18]
C
house in a long time. But yeah, I need it.
- [29:20]
B
You gotta rewatch it.
- [29:21]
A
I need more.
- [29:22]
C
I need more.
- [29:23]
B
Physically, it is one of the most unbelievable movies we need to see been made. Kendall's too spoiled. Like I said.
- [29:28]
A
I agree. I'm sure if I watched it back then, I would have been like, this is insane. But I, I mean, this is a time of heated rivalry and I'm, I'm expecting more from broke back.
- [29:36]
C
I mean, yeah, because we're getting plenty. We're getting plenty, plenty with heated rivalry.
- [29:40]
B
Right. I can't even talk about the broke back mountain stuff. It makes me so angry at Kendall.
- [29:44]
A
I can't.
- [29:45]
C
She just doesn't. Yeah, I just know that, like, it's not even something that you could find. Like, it's something you could YouTube, which, like, if you can watch it on YouTube, then like, no, I need more.
- [29:54]
B
And I.
- [29:54]
C
If it's something that they can post on YouTube, like with even the child thing, like, yeah. Why seven?
- [29:59]
A
Like, yeah, well, because people I know, I do think he did rivalry changed this, but I feel like for a long time people will be like, oh, it's really sexual. Like, it's really sexual. They would say about Bridgerton all the time. And I was like, bridgerton is not season one. I would say there's. It is a lot of sex Every season after that, it's like, there's one scene and that's it. There's. Each season has one scene, maybe two.
- [30:24]
C
I never saw Bridger. I think that's my next.
- [30:27]
A
You should watch season two because I
- [30:29]
C
just feel like this whole podcast, I'm like, I've never seen this. I've never done that.
- [30:32]
A
No, I'm not.
- [30:34]
B
We invited a man over who's done nothing and knows nothing.
- [30:37]
C
I'm like, now that I think about it, after my first relationship might be my last.
- [30:40]
A
You should watch season two because it's Jonathan Bailey.
- [30:42]
B
Your last relationship is not going to be your final relationship. I don't know it's, oh, my God.
- [30:47]
C
I'm certainly on that road.
- [30:48]
B
And it's good that we brought this up because Eric is single. So if you're interested, drop it in the comments.
- [30:52]
C
But after all my answers so far, they're like, next.
- [30:54]
B
Next. Next. I hate him.
- [30:55]
C
I know. Swipe left.
- [30:56]
B
Okay, next question.
- [30:58]
C
Okay.
- [30:59]
B
I'm gay and my partner of six years and I are very happy and don't plan on getting married or anything like that. We are very fortunate to have a dog, our own house together, and we started our own business. We are very serious monogamous partners who have been together for six plus years lately. Everyone is constantly asking, when are we going to get married? Then we tell them that we're not going to get married. Since we are not religious and it's a huge expense, we don't want to take on. On those that ask us constantly bring it up unnecessarily or take it personally. Like, we don't want to include them in the celebration of our relationship when in reality we're not religious and don't want a big ceremony. No disrespect to anyone who is married, but any church thing is just not for us. Any advice? Thanks.
- [31:38]
C
It sounds like you're on the right track. I think maybe these people, you could hang out with them less that are asking all these questions. I feel like I'm so in that boat, you know, minus the boyfriend and the dog and like the house and the business.
- [31:49]
A
And the business.
- [31:49]
B
Yeah.
- [31:50]
C
I feel like I so resonate with, like, everything you're saying aside from all of it. So I truly think that being in a relationship is the goal. Like, if you're in a happy relationship of six years.
- [32:03]
A
Yeah.
- [32:04]
C
And then like, the dog, all that stuff is perfect. If having a wedding feels like it's gonna stress you out, then, like, listen to your intuition.
- [32:12]
A
Yeah.
- [32:13]
C
Like, the minute that I even wonder if something's gonna stress me out, almost always it does. Almost always it is gonna be something that I'm like, I'm not, you know? Yeah. Like, unless you're really excited and you and your partner are so low from everything else, can, like, have a discussion about why it'd be good to have a wedding. Like, if there's like, tax benefit. I don't know anything about that. Like, I've never known a tax benefit in my life, so I don't know what. What that would be. But, like, I think unless you and your partner can be like, here are all the reasons why we would want to get married. You should Absolutely not. This whole, like, by the way, way. The only people that are dying to be invited to a wedding are crazy straight people who, like, had the weddings when they were, like, 21, and now they're, like, dying to do something cool in their 30s.
- [32:55]
A
Yeah.
- [32:56]
C
Because they've done nothing else. Like, I am so looking forward to the day where I never have a wedding to go to again.
- [33:02]
B
Yeah.
- [33:03]
C
Like, and. And. And here's here. I feel so bad for saying this, but, like, here's how little they mean to me now. Like, I don't even. I think I have a couple weddings coming up, but, like, there'd be no way of knowing because I just don't give a. Like, I. Weddings at this point are just like.
- [33:18]
A
Because you go to so many. I mean, there's so many. I've gone.
- [33:22]
C
I am 33 and feel free to believe that. But I have now, like, I think the first wedding I went to of, like, friends, I was like, 22.
- [33:32]
A
Yeah.
- [33:32]
C
Which was just like. Then you're like, oh, my God, like, I don't have to pay for this drink. Like, it was just so cool. So I was like, what's the next one?
- [33:39]
B
Yes.
- [33:39]
C
And then, like, when, you know you can, like, request your songs and you have the moment where everyone's eyes are on you. So, like, I loved that. That now it's just. No weddings. Like, do the elope thing. I love you too for doing that. And, like, sure, have a party, great. But, like, if you have friends that are like, when are you going to get married? I want to go to the party. Like, shut up.
- [33:58]
B
Literally.
- [33:58]
C
Just literally throw a birthday party for yourself. Like, do something.
- [34:01]
A
And also, like, I mean, I. I won't lie, we had some unhappy people when we decided to elope. But I'm like, once we eloped, I was like, wow.
- [34:08]
C
Easier to break up. That would be easier to do that.
- [34:10]
A
I was like, I'm so glad we followed what we wanted to do because. Because that. But I'm confused because they're saying they don't want to get married.
- [34:17]
B
Well, this is what I was going to say is that I think that you should still get married because it is advantageous in a lot of ways. It is beneficial for taxes. It does provide you with a certain level of things like medical security or if you own a home and a business and all these things. Like, it is very beneficial for that. So I always want to encourage people not to just be like, I'm not getting married because it's an institution and blah, blah. And I Don't need the government, whatever. Obviously I agree. And get all those things on, like a visceral, emotional standpoint. But when you stop and look at it, especially as a gay couple, we're so persecuted in this country to have extra protections. I'm like, take them, take them. Don't let it mean more. If you just, both of you walk down to the courthouse, get married wearing sweatpants, and then go to brunch, like, you don't have to do anything. Kendall and I are very staunchly anti wedding. You already know that. But you don't have to make it like, oh, we're getting married. You can tell people you're not married. I. I still think you should get married because I do think it is beneficial to you as an individual in terms of your safety and security within your long term relationship.
- [35:24]
C
Yes.
- [35:24]
B
Once again, especially as a gay couple. Who knows what else is going to happen to us the next couple years in this country.
- [35:29]
A
But you don't have to go to a church. No, absolutely not.
- [35:33]
B
A church.
- [35:33]
C
As you walk by.
- [35:34]
B
Yeah, yeah. 100.
- [35:35]
C
Don't do that. That was. That was a joke.
- [35:38]
B
But, yeah, there's no, you know, so don't let other people pushing a wedding on you. You deter you from getting married, doing something that is actually beneficial in a material way right to you. It doesn't have to be special. It doesn't have to be romantic. If that's not what you want it to be. It can mean literally nothing. In the same way that it's like, you know, when you do a will or whatever, you're not being like, let's invite everyone over for the will writing. It's like, it's just a thing you do to protect yourself and protect your partner. That's what I think.
- [36:04]
A
Speaking of, we need to do our will.
- [36:06]
B
We have to do our will.
- [36:07]
A
We know. It's just too sad. We keep being told, though, you got to do your will. And I'm, like,
- [36:15]
C
Doing. Well, not as fun as it sounds. Yeah, maybe. Yeah.
- [36:19]
A
I gotta give you something. I gotta pick what I'm gonna give
- [36:20]
C
you because, you know, I'm, you know, staring down the barrel of, you know, bankruptcy. So it's just, it'd be nice to know that I have something waiting for me.
- [36:26]
A
I'll give something to you.
- [36:27]
B
I'll do something.
- [36:28]
A
Okay. I'll do a little something.
- [36:30]
C
It's a nice surprise.
- [36:31]
B
This person wants to know what three stereotypes are the most accurate of gay men.
- [36:36]
C
Oh, only three. Okay. I mean, stereotypes. I would say that. Okay. I'm I'm trying not to, like, put in my own, like, stereotypes of. Of what I think gay men are. I mean, I think. What do people think gay men are like?
- [36:59]
A
I feel like, oh, they're. I'm trying to think of, like, a high maintenance.
- [37:02]
C
I would say. Yes. I would say gay men are just in general, high maintenance.
- [37:06]
A
Rude.
- [37:06]
C
For sure.
- [37:07]
A
Yes.
- [37:08]
C
I was gonna say annoying.
- [37:09]
A
Annoying and rude.
- [37:10]
C
Yeah, I agree. I think. What?
- [37:12]
B
Slutty?
- [37:14]
A
Slutty.
- [37:14]
C
Oh, yes. Okay. For sure.
- [37:16]
A
I have been at, like, a Thanksgiving dinner and had a gay man be like, I'm just gonna pop out really quick to put my dick in a glory hole and I'll be right back.
- [37:24]
C
I mean, you gotta do it before dinner, obviously. And I. Yeah, I was at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, like, an outdoor movie with a group of people. And, like, someone was like, like, I'm gonna go, like, Grindr was up on his phone and he was like, I'm just gonna go meet this guy at the porta potties. And like, literally, that was just like a. A quick 15er. And he came back.
- [37:44]
A
No one else is doing that. I will say lesbians are not doing that unless you have a friend who's insane. Like, obviously everyone has a friend who's insane of any sexuality.
- [37:52]
B
Straight girl who's wild.
- [37:54]
C
Her name is Rita.
- [37:56]
B
But gay men, it's all.
- [37:57]
A
It could be the most normal gay men, your co workers. So normal. Normal. I'm gonna pop out of my lunch break and go suck a dick. I'm like, what is happening?
- [38:04]
C
Well, they're like, Well, I have 15 minutes. What am I gonna do? Eat?
- [38:07]
A
Yeah.
- [38:07]
C
What am I gonna do? Call my mom? I. Yeah, I think I just, you know, without getting too into society and gender, I. It's like a male thing. I think if women were so inclined to do these things, straight people would be doing it too. It's. I think it's like a male thing. It's like, men just. Just are so, I think, horny. And I think that, like, two men together, they're like, wait, there's nothing stopping us from doing this right now, this second, even if I don't know your name. Oh, let's do it. I think women tend to be, whether it's like, biological, natural, or, like, societal are so, like. But like, where are you from? Like, they're just so much more inclined to get to know someone.
- [38:48]
A
And, like, keep telling Jordan about starting to bring it up again. Heated rivalry is. Because I think, yes. Thank God.
- [38:53]
B
Yes.
- [38:53]
A
Because Jordan is like, of course, you know, when you. You Watch a show. And I have this all the time when I read romance books. You're like, God, I wish I'd been like this when I started dating. Like, so mysterious, so cool. And, like, Jordan's like, I wish we were like two hockey players. And I was like, the thing is, this would never happen to us because the second you touched my hand, I would be like, so I'm looking for something serious.
- [39:14]
B
What are like, tell me what we are.
- [39:16]
A
Because I am not looking.
- [39:17]
C
You're like, be fucked around with this relationship.
- [39:19]
A
We need to define this.
- [39:19]
B
Which is going very lesbian.
- [39:21]
A
Very lesbian.
- [39:22]
B
But I still.
- [39:22]
C
It's like a safety thing.
- [39:23]
A
Thing.
- [39:23]
C
Like, women.
- [39:25]
B
Well, women can get pregnant.
- [39:26]
C
Feel unsafe. Yes, 100% women can get pregnant. And, yeah, I think that all those things layer on top of each other, and men are just like, let's get off. Like, why not?
- [39:36]
B
I also think the biggest thing. And since we brought it up so many times. Not me. I'll bring it up for my first time. Heated rivalry. When I'm watching it and I'm reading the books right now, it is such a reminder to me. I'm like, men can nut so fast. It's like, in the books, it's like, yeah. And obviously, you know, everything's a spectrum, but. But, like, these guys will hook up, and after, like, three minutes, they're like, yeah, I can kind of, like, already do it if I want to. And so often they're like, I'm trying to stop myself from doing it. Where a lot of times with, you know, women, you're like, fall asleep before you can.
- [40:07]
A
Right?
- [40:07]
B
I mean, I can take a really
- [40:08]
A
long time, be a porta potty for,
- [40:09]
B
like, 30 minutes, which nobody's trying to be in a senescular porta potty more minutes. And then also, you layer other things on top of it, you know, like, CIS women versus trans women, CIS men versus trans men. Like, we had Ash Perez on the podcast a while ago, and he was talking about how, like, he is now on testosterone, and he's like, oh, like, it made me laugh so hard. He was like, I understand why straight men say no homo, because you start taking testosterone and having so much testosterone in your body, it is homo. He's like, it is crazy how horny it makes you, which I've heard from everyone, of being like, yeah, when you start taking T, you get, like, crazy horny because testosterone makes you super horny. So it's like, I think there's, like, a bunch of things that can all contribute. And then also, like, where you're at. In your life. Like, you know, like, I was way hornier in when I was younger than I am now as an adult. But then people say that you, like, relapse in horniness then as you, you know, like, you have periods. Yeah. Watch out.
- [41:00]
A
I know. Well. And the age difference we have is
- [41:03]
C
going to be, like, missing.
- [41:04]
A
I know. I'm going to be like, let's call it. Okay.
- [41:07]
B
And Jordan, ready to go? Yeah, yeah, please. And I'll be like, perfect.
- [41:10]
C
I would love to have stretched.
- [41:11]
B
Yeah.
- [41:12]
A
What's something. What's a stereotype that we think is not true?
- [41:14]
C
Because I think I was almost going to say, I feel like most stereotypes for gay men are, like, pretty accurate.
- [41:19]
A
Like, one I was gonna say, is that annoying?
- [41:22]
C
I think we're squatty. We're like.
- [41:25]
A
And I. I do think that gay
- [41:26]
C
men are also funny. I think that gay. Gay people in general.
- [41:30]
A
But you know what I think is hard about gay men? I think some gay men are really funny, but I think all gay men think they're really funny because, like, in their small town.
- [41:42]
C
Yes.
- [41:42]
A
They were like, I'm a guy who is not like other guy. Yeah. I'm just gonna, like, say something crazy.
- [41:49]
B
This is an offensive impression of a. This is my accurate. I'm actually more freshness. No, that is.
- [41:58]
A
And so then they think they're really funny. And so that is always so hard where it's like. Like, you are genuinely one of the funniest people I know. And then I think some of the funniest people I know.
- [42:07]
B
That's his handle.
- [42:08]
A
Some of the funniest people I know are gay men. Colin, our friend, is one of my. Is one of the funniest people. He's a gay man.
- [42:13]
B
Yeah. Blake and Pat, our producer podcast, they're so funny.
- [42:16]
A
But then there's a lot of gay
- [42:17]
C
men who were told they're funny.
- [42:19]
A
Like, this energy that they think they're so funny. And I'm like, you're actually just mean and you're not funn.
- [42:23]
C
Obnoxious. Yes.
- [42:24]
A
And you just called me ugly eight times in one conversation. I just met you. How is that funny?
- [42:28]
C
I do think that there. There's some weird, like, Gene or like, there's. There's. There's some. There's something that, like, mutated in gay men that, like, for some of them, where their humor was just. And it's. It's definitely probably a defense mechanism from, like, growing up, like, in such a state of fight or flight. But, like, their humor just is mean and they're like, hey, get dressed in the dark today. And it's like, okay, the first time you tell me that, like, that's funny. But then when that is just like our relationship now is you roasting me all the time. Like, it keeps me away from like a solid proportion of gay people because it's just so hard. And like, I saw your video. How do you post that stuff? Like, my fingers. Like, what do you mean?
- [43:09]
B
Well, that's a big question we got when we were like, questions for gay men a lot. There were a lot of lesbians, bisexual women being like, why are gay men so misogynistic? And it's like, well, because they're men. They're men.
- [43:19]
C
Yeah, 100% well, but it's like, it's their way of, like, in their mind, they're reclaiming their masculinity almost. It's like their dominance. Like, I'm so powerful. I'm a. And I'm like, you're just annoying as well.
- [43:31]
A
Crazy. Because it's kind of like the ultimate. It's like kind of the boss level misogynist. Because it's like a misogynistic man who also feels like they have, they have, they have the go ahead to be so openly misogynistic and think women are nasty.
- [43:47]
B
At least straight men want to have sex with me. Yeah. At least that's a courtesy they can do before they're rude to me. They're like, you're beautiful, full. And also I hate you and wish you were dead. Gay men are like, I would not touch you with a ten foot pole. And also I hate you when I wish you were dead.
- [43:59]
C
I don't understand. I feel okay, so like, just to, you know, bring it back to me. I feel like I am a gay man where I am like a girl's gay. Like nine.
- [44:08]
B
You really are.
- [44:09]
C
My friends are girls. And I have like, I don't. I. I'm just so drawn to women almost to a point where like men in general kind of of like freak me out. Like, I feel like I'm like, I have to act a certain way. Straight men and gay men. Like, I feel like I'm always like on edge a little. And then there's those gay men who are only friends with gay men. Like, they take those big P of A trips with like 30 of them and often the really fit ones. And they're terrifying in their own right. And the girls are just so to them, like, they don't get girls. They don't get having girlfriends.
- [44:47]
A
I think the difference is because I feel like there's a level of, like, misogyny that comes from just not having spent time with women. And I think is what most straight men's problem is. But I think gay men. It's like, you. And, like, the gay men I grew up with, they grew up around girls, so then they naturally. Exactly. And they, like, just understand girls. They get how girls are. They are like. And because of that, they have a lot of. But then I think now. Now as you get older and you have access to, like, oh, I can go on a trip with 30 gay men, you just kind of remove women from their lives completely. Even at least a straight, misogynistic man has, like, a wife. You know what I mean? But these gay men are like, I don't see any women.
- [45:25]
B
They can fully remove women from their life in their entirety.
- [45:28]
C
They're like, what's the need?
- [45:30]
B
Yeah.
- [45:30]
C
Honestly, for me, because now, at this point in this point in my life, I have had multiple interactions and been in multiple situations with, like, a big group of gay men. It's very, like, chaotic. Like, it's just like, this guy's, like, sizing you up and, like, asking you, like, top or bottom? And then the next person is like, I just quit my job.
- [45:52]
B
Like, everybody quit my job.
- [45:56]
C
It's just. There's so much. And then, like, guys are hooking up, and then, like, oftentimes. And I don't want to get too deep in this, but, like, there. There might be, like, drugs or, like, it's just, like. It's just a lot of chaos, and it can just freak. It freaks me out because, like, girls are always like, let's pour some wine. And, like, should we order Thai? Like, it's just so light and fun. And then we turn on, like, bring it on.
- [46:19]
B
Yeah.
- [46:20]
C
And, like, we're quoting it, but we're also, like, telling stories about, like, the worst guys we've ever met.
- [46:23]
A
Yeah, It's.
- [46:24]
C
There's so much community there that, like, I resonate with. So.
- [46:28]
B
And this is what I want to say now. I don't want to see any comments that are like, not all gay men, not all women. Right.
- [46:33]
C
Yeah.
- [46:33]
B
Not all lesbian.
- [46:34]
C
Duh.
- [46:35]
A
Me.
- [46:35]
C
Yes, I know.
- [46:37]
B
Duh.
- [46:37]
C
I have been fortunate to not meet every gay man. And I love.
- [46:40]
B
God, we've actually tried. This is a comedy podcast.
- [46:43]
C
I've been avoiding it.
- [46:44]
B
This is a comedy podcast. We're having fun, by the way.
- [46:46]
C
I am. I am gay, man.
- [46:47]
A
Yeah, you can. Well, that's something I had. I used to be so scared. Talking about being a lesbian. I was like, how do I word? And then one day I was like, you know what? I'm a lesbian.
- [46:56]
B
I'll say whatever I want.
- [46:57]
C
Sounds like you're only speaking from your experience. I'm like, precisely.
- [47:00]
A
Exactly.
- [47:01]
B
Well, I think my bigger thing thing is I'm a comedian more than I am a lesbian. I'm gonna say whatever I want.
- [47:06]
A
It's a joke.
- [47:07]
B
And I think that that's so hard.
- [47:08]
C
Then people are like, not today, clown. They're like, where's the funny?
- [47:12]
B
Well, but I think it's so funny because it's like, yeah, I'm not getting up on stage at a TED Talk for. For Pride month being like, all. All gay people are like this. We submit every year. I'm a comedian doing jokes, so I gotta be like, be shopping.
- [47:26]
A
You know what I mean?
- [47:26]
B
I can't be like, we're trying to get everybody clips. Every single nuanced thing about every single type of gay per. Obviously all people are different.
- [47:33]
C
Clips.
- [47:33]
A
Yeah. Before I get clips, I get clips.
- [47:35]
B
Amen to that. And I know that's right.
- [47:40]
C
This slogan.
- [47:41]
B
Yeah, that's okay. That's a slogan. This person wants advice for when their baby brother brings his first boyfriend home. Because.
- [47:50]
C
Is this my sister writing in?
- [47:51]
B
Yes, I hate Eric, but I know he's gonna come home. They say advice for my baby brother brings his first boyfriend home to our tentatively accept but conservative family. So if someone loves someone who is gay and is a family member, let's say, or a close friend, what's the best way that you would say is maybe an unexpected way to show support?
- [48:12]
C
Well, okay, so if the rest of the family is tentatively accepting and you're asking this question, you. You almost kind of have to make up for that. I feel like too. And it sucks that that onus is now on you. But like, if you recognize both parties perspectives, if you know your. Your baby brother is like taking a leap here and bringing home this person. It's so uncomfortable for them. They're going through so much discomfort and like anxiety around for sure. And then, you know, your family has their own discomfort and anxiety around it. And so you have to make up for whatever they're pushing onto your brother. Right. Like I would say, say ask the other person, the, the boyfriend or the partner, like a million questions like make them feel comfortable. Ask them about how they grew up. Ask them about their interests, like include them on everything. And I think you might be surprised. I'm. I'm really not speaking from experience.
- [49:10]
B
Here.
- [49:10]
C
But I would just imagine your family might follow suit. Like, I think if they see you act as that kind of, like, liaison between them.
- [49:19]
B
Yeah.
- [49:19]
C
And also, like, include them, be like, oh, my God, mom, did you know that he. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And. And then, like, bring them into it.
- [49:26]
A
Yeah.
- [49:26]
C
I think that the first. The first occurrence of the first meeting is going to be a little awkward for sure. And like, conservatism, none of that stuff has to be brought up right away. Right. Like, obviously, you know, things might come up eventually, but I think right now when you're just meeting, everyone should just be aiming to, like, meet each other where they're at. And if you're the person that's asking the question, you obviously have a level of an awareness.
- [49:54]
A
Yeah.
- [49:54]
C
That will allow you to, like, be that bridge. So even though it's a lot of responsibility for you, like, that's going to strengthen your relationship with your brother so much.
- [50:02]
A
Yeah.
- [50:02]
C
Like, they're going to come back and be like, oh, my God, my sister's the best or brother. I. I just think it's probably a girl that's asking us.
- [50:07]
B
Yeah.
- [50:07]
C
It's giving sister, you know, to go back to that. Yeah, I. I would say that's a great answer.
- [50:12]
A
I think that's so true. You got to do a little bit of, like, student council, like, freshman day.
- [50:17]
C
You know what I mean? You got to rally the troops.
- [50:18]
A
Yes.
- [50:19]
C
You got to, like, get people excited. You got to be the camp counselor. That's like waving them in as they're driving and banging on the car, like. Yes.
- [50:25]
A
Especially because I think, like, it's sound. The vibe I'm getting is that it's kind of like we're a Trump family, but we love. We don't care about anything. It's kind of the vibe I'm getting. It's.
- [50:35]
C
Okay, schedule next month so we can't really kick them out.
- [50:37]
A
Yeah, exactly. So I'm like, with that. I think those types of people are just going to be so unaware that it's kind of like, I would. I mean, coming home, even if you have a supportive family. Family when you're gay with your new partner is anxiety inducing. There's so many little things that.
- [50:51]
B
Anxiety inducing for free people, too. Yeah. Bring a partner in general.
- [50:53]
A
Yes. And I think, like, there's a lot of little. Little things that people don't. I think even with a gay. As a gay couple, sometimes you don't feel as taken seriously where it's kind of like, well, that's still kind of Just her friend coming over or whatever. So I think really being like, yeah. Really putting the time in to get to know the partner and be like, it's so exciting to. To meet his partner. This is so nice. Would feel good.
- [51:16]
B
Yeah, I totally agree with that. I think that's such great insight. And I think also, like you were saying, making those points of connection and being like, oh, my gosh, your mom is a nurse.
- [51:24]
A
Mom.
- [51:25]
B
His mom is a nurse. You're also a nurse at the hospital.
- [51:28]
C
And he got plugged into all those for a week.
- [51:31]
B
But just finding things that aren't just like, he's gay.
- [51:34]
C
Yeah.
- [51:35]
B
And lets everyone try to be cool. I think it's like reminding people. People that people are just people, which sounds goofy. Okay, we got time for one more to wrap this up. This person has another question about a brother.
- [51:46]
C
Oh, of course.
- [51:47]
B
My brother is a gay man. He seems to dislike very public gay men and more feminine gay guys. The latter seems to be related to him having gender struggles. He is also very insecure of his own masculinity or lack thereof. I don't want to call it internalized homophobia, but sometimes it feels like it could be that. What do you think this is related to? How can I help him through it? Would love some advice on how to approach this topic when it comes up. Thank you.
- [52:16]
A
Ooh.
- [52:17]
C
That was a very politely worded question. And you clearly have a lot of respect and love for your brother. Here's. Here's my immediate response. Like, internalize homophobia. Like, obviously, homophobia, isolated, bad thing. Right. Don't want it. Keep it. It worth away from me. Internalized homophobia. Like, that is natural. That is the world that we have been raised in.
- [52:42]
A
Yeah.
- [52:43]
C
Every single person in this world, due to the way society is, no matter how amazing of a family, you've grown up in the way that society is structured. We've all grown up with internalized homophobia, gay people to the nth degree, because you, like, you've internalized it about yourself. Like, you had to unlearn all these things just by coming out. You, like, you chipped away at that a little bit, but that does not eliminate it by any stretch. So, like, honestly, you can call it internalized homophobia because it is. And that's okay. I think that they're, you know, going back five minutes ago to, you know, me hating on every gay person in the world. Like, I would be remiss to say, like, I definitely still have layers of internalized homophobia. Like, I go home and I lower My voice.
- [53:28]
A
Voice.
- [53:28]
C
I walk a certain way. You know, it's my family. They're like, no, still gay. Like, like try harder. But like we all. I think many gay people still have that. No matter how open. Yeah. And woke and progressive they are. And so I think, you know, if, if you're, if, if you want to just understand your brother more. I think just asking more questions because were they saying that their brother is like, doesn't like super like quote unquote gay acting people?
- [54:01]
B
That's what I think.
- [54:02]
C
Less attract. Is it about attraction or just interest in.
- [54:05]
B
You know, I think probably both would be my guess. But I think everybody after they come out has a phase where they're like, yeah, I'm gay, but I'm not gay.
- [54:13]
C
Like that 100%.
- [54:15]
B
I'm not like a big rainbow flag waving, like feminine or like on the other end of the spectrum, like for lesbians being like, yeah, but I'm not some like butch whatever. Da da. And then I think the more you become comfortable with yourself, your sexuality, things like that, and you start to realize, like, what do I have against butch lesbians? Why am I like making them. Why am I punching down and be like, yeah, I'm like, butch lesbians rock. And like they're so brave and they're so powerful. Like, why am I seeing that as a bad thing? But once again, it's like that's what society has built into us. Like butch women and feminine men are both bad. So I think you have to unlearn that. So I think for this person, in my opinion, especially, especially if your brother's been out for a while, I think it's time to start having those harder conversations and they don't have to be like super long things. But I think if your brother's like derogatory about an effeminate gay man, I think it's totally within your right to be like, why do you got to be so down on a feminine gay guys? What's wrong with them? I actually think it's really brave to be a man and present your femininity. I think that's like. I think that's one of the most masculine things you can do or what, whatever like thing that you feel like your brother would relate to, to just kind of of de center masculinity and anti gayness. I think.
- [55:29]
C
Yeah. Like we. That whole thing has been like you said earlier with like gay icons almost become icons because at one point they were othered and like all of us were othered at some point.
- [55:41]
A
Yeah.
- [55:42]
C
And I think your brother naturally is kind of othering those type of gays from himself.
- [55:47]
B
Yeah.
- [55:47]
C
And so again, yeah, reframing it of like, helping him understand that that's kind of like what he's fought against for so long. Like, that's exactly what he doesn't want to be done to him. So, like, I think internalized homophobia diminishes when you embrace everyone in your community as almost like, wow, isn't it amazing that we're all here and we're all.
- [56:08]
A
And we're all different and we're all.
- [56:09]
B
Yeah, yeah, we're not a monolith. We all can be. There can be annoying gay guys. There can also be non annoying gay guys. There can be, you know, Right.
- [56:16]
C
Like, I dress up as a woman on Instagram almost exclusively, but I'm not a drag queen. And I, I don't have the, the skill or the interest even in like, being a drag queen, like, on stage at a gay bar. And I think, like, initially there was like, internalized homophobia there where I'm like, oh, but I wouldn't do that. And now I'm like, oh, yeah, that's not my thing. But, like, go off queen. Like, I love that. And I will go to the shows and I will throw every dollar and I'll spank my ass. Like, I'll do everything.
- [56:46]
B
And that's huge because you have almost no do and that's 100%.
- [56:49]
C
And so, yeah, that's what I want you to speak.
- [56:53]
A
Well, we're. Thank God. Finally. No, we're running out of time, unfortunately, but we do have a final segment that I forgot to make a graphic for, so we're just going to kind of raw dog it.
- [57:03]
C
But singing again.
- [57:04]
A
I know.
- [57:05]
C
Yeah.
- [57:06]
B
We're going to Brokeback Mountain it today.
- [57:08]
A
Jordan and I, every time we've had a guest, we are trying to pick our perfect third and we're doing a bracket. So a lot of people have already, you know, been a part of it. They've already sold themselves to us and they've already. We've picked and. But you are going to be, I believe, at the beginning of the bracket. So you're not up against anyone currently.
- [57:26]
C
Thank God.
- [57:27]
A
Lucky for you. And you're going to need it just in 30 seconds, pitch to Jordan and I as individuals, as a couple, why you would be a good third for us.
- [57:36]
B
Unless you don't want to. Unless you're like, I'm not interested.
- [57:38]
C
Oh, I'm 100% interested. And I wish I would have brought the three page note sheet that I have that. Yeah, that already exists. Okay, so here's the thing. I feel like when I'm with you both, like, one eye is on either one. And I feel like I have a really good. I'm in tune with what the other one is. I feel like you and I, like, I know that I need to change the subject in, like, two seconds to keep you going. And then you. I know that we need to talk brass tacks. We need to talk details. We need to talk business so I can keep both sides of my mouth, like, working right. And so I can keep both of you engaged in what it takes to. And then, you know, I. I do know that a good Indie Max takeout night is going to, you know, get you guys on all fours on all your black whatever it is, you know, for better, for worse.
- [58:24]
B
Yeah.
- [58:24]
C
So I feel like that alone.
- [58:27]
B
Indie Max is an Indian Mexican fusion restaurant that Eric goes to eight times a week. And we love it. It's a great restaurant.
- [58:33]
A
What did you recently do your 200th order?
- [58:35]
C
Yes. They were like, you're our most loyal customer. And I was like, you don't have to say that. And he was like, no, their system, literally, it's like, number one most loyal customer 200 times ordered. And they were like, no, you've ordered more than anyone else in the world.
- [58:46]
B
And it's beautiful. Everyone go to Indie Max.
- [58:48]
C
Indie Max seats in Hollywood.
- [58:49]
A
Well, Eric, thank you so much for being here.
- [58:51]
B
This is so. Thank you so much.
- [58:52]
C
I'm only sweating a little bit.
- [58:53]
B
I was so nervous. I was like, so much.
- [58:57]
A
We just adore you. We love you and tell everyone where they can find you.
- [59:00]
C
Sure. Usually being pulled over, brake, lights out. You know, Eric Feldman, nine on all platforms.
- [59:08]
A
And Eric genuinely, I mean, Jordan contested. This is one of the funniest people on planet earth.
- [59:13]
B
So funny, so nice, so wonderful. So go follow him immediately. And speaking of following, make sure you're following us on all social medias. Make sure you have liked. You've commented, you've reviewed us on whatever platform you're listening to this on on YouTube. You favorited us. You DM'd Kendall. My comments about how good we look. Whatever you want to do, make sure you engage, because this is a fully independently made podcast by me and Kendall with the help of some incredible people like Richie and John and Blake, but pay for it ourselves, so everything you do really helps. You can also join our Patreon where we do bonus episodes. A24.7 live chat. I was like, what? I've been live streaming us 247 in our house. I have a camera in our shower. No, but there's a ton of fun stuff over there. So go check that out. And as always, another incredible episode and we will see you next Monday.
- [60:00]
A
Bye.
- [60:01]
C
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