109: We Made YOU Get Divorced?!

Summary

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Happy Wife, Happy Life — Episode 109: "We Made YOU Get Divorced?!"

Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Release Date: May 4, 2026

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Episode Overview

In episode 109, Kendahl and Jordan dive into listener updates—focusing on how their (unqualified but heartfelt) relationship advice has impacted fans’ lives, sometimes in dramatic ways (including an actual divorce!). Interspersed with their trademark banter, this episode is a lively mix of relationship reflection, queer book talk, and candid glimpses into their own partnership routines and quirks. Standout topics include communication in relationships (especially during transitions), the realities of breakups and self-care, and how vulnerability, humor, and self-improvement drive both their advice and day-to-day lives.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Struggle for Sleep: Nighttime Routines & Self-Care

Time: 01:03–06:29

• Jordan confesses to troubled sleep patterns, mirroring her father’s habit of moving from the bed to the couch:

  “That is what my dad does. My dad wakes up in the middle of the night every night, can’t go back to sleep … and that’s what I do now.” (01:17)

• Kendahl highlights the importance of intentional relaxation:

  “If you’re gonna relax … do it right. Like, for the next [while], I am relaxing.” (04:41)

• They discuss how shifting schedules and missing shared routines can cause subtle distance in a relationship—and jokingly frame this as Jordan “missing” Kendahl at bedtime.

2. Bookworm Corner: Queer Romance Novels & Guilty Pleasures

Time: 06:31–16:00

• Jordan shares her obsession with a new “gay hockey book” series:

  “So it’s called the Gods versus Monsters hockey series … some of the worst names of characters I’ve ever heard.” (06:44)

  • Highlights include titles like No Pucks, Two Guys, One Puck (“That’s unacceptable.” — Kendahl, 10:58), A Puck Between Friends, and the upcoming Puck Around and Find Out.

• They discuss how different people (including straight readers) enjoy queer romances, why some crave “realistic” characters, and how books can offer gender euphoria or catharsis.

• Kendahl celebrates playful authorship (“I love when an author’s having fun,” 15:24) and the cozy atmosphere of her new book-writing office.

3. Celebrity Culture & Problematic Faves

Time: 19:06–24:24

• They debrief recent pop culture drama (Usher’s tour with Chris Brown, Nicki Minaj’s public image, etc.), dissecting how much leeway to extend to celebrities who “aren’t the sharpest tool in the ship” (20:00) and why certain stars just feel out of touch.
  • Example:

    “Famous people … are on a different planet.” — Jordan (20:34)

• Both struggle with separating art from artists and deciding when a line has been crossed.

4. Listener Updates: Advice That Changed Lives

4.1 Trans Listener’s Divorce & Transition Journey

Time: 28:29–33:46

• A listener writes in after following advice from episode 13 to divorce an unsupportive spouse during gender transition:

  “Not only am I divorced, but in eight short hours I will be having top surgery on my two-year anniversary of publicly coming out as a trans man. Divorcing my ex-husband and becoming who I truly am is the best decision that has ever happened to me … Thank you for your great advice.” (29:29)

• Kendahl and Jordan react with deep emotion, stressing the emotional complexity and bravery in making (and following through on) life-changing decisions:

  “I think it’s the bravest thing.” — Kendahl (31:14)

• Key theme: Partners don’t have to stay, but support during transitions is non-negotiable.

4.2 Leaving a Partner Who Won’t Help Themselves

Time: 33:55–41:54

• Another fan credits Jordan’s advice for empowering them to break up with a partner unable to take care of their mental health:

  “No matter how much you love someone, you can’t make someone love themselves if they aren’t willing to do the work.” (34:32)

• Jordan draws parallels to her own experience, referencing Intervention and the dangers of enabling, while Kendahl notes how “addiction to helplessness” can sabotage relationships.
• They highlight the necessity of mutual growth and mutual support in healthy relationships:

  “You have to both want to take care of each other, but also you should always be…” — Jordan (38:48) “Who you choose to be with really needs to be taken seriously … who you will end up being is really related to who you’re married to.” — Kendahl (41:54)

4.3 Dating App Glow-ups & Throuple Drama

Time: 43:02–49:00

• Multiple listeners write in to share relationship success after advice on dating profiles and flirting (“When you are flirting, make it clear that you’re flirting”, 44:00).
• One listener revisits their story about joining a throuple for “attention,” clarifying they got swept up in new-city polyamory—not knowing what they wanted at 22:

  “I am aware I was the asshole, by the way … I was just swept up in the polyamory of it all.” (46:09)

• Kendahl shares her own “queer adolescence” story—discovering her sexuality and “bragging” about her first adventures as an adult.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Relaxing & Perfectionism

• “If you’re going to relax … do it right.” – Kendahl (04:41)
• “When you’re relaxing, that’s not the absence of work. That’s you relaxing.” – Kendahl (05:41)
• “I think you need to fully let your mind rest.” – Kendahl (06:27)

On Being Catalysts for Major Life Change

• “I can’t believe we told someone to divorce and they did it.” – Jordan (30:06)
• “Congratulations. That’s really, really awesome.” – Kendahl (30:13)

On Mental Health in Relationships

• “No matter how much you love someone, you can’t make someone love themselves if they aren’t willing to do the work.” – Listener (34:32, read by Jordan)
• “Who you choose to be with really needs to be taken seriously…who you will end up being is really related to who you’re married to.” – Kendahl (41:54)

On Queer Books & “Puck” Puns

• “A Puck Between Friends... I don’t think that should have been approved, I think, because, honestly, what does that mean?” – Kendahl (13:35)
• “Puck around and find out.” – Jordan (14:36)
• “I would love to see T-Pain on this podcast. T-Pain, hit me up.” – Jordan (24:25)

On Growth, Adolescence & Queer Experiences

• “Gay adolescence is like your childhood, yeah... I didn’t do anything sexual, I didn’t even kiss anyone until I was an adult.” – Kendahl (50:44)

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Additional Highlights

Banter & Domestic Humor:

• Kendahl and Jordan poke fun at each other’s quirks, including Kendahl’s “teleporting” out of her clothes and pee-on-the-toilet-seat mishaps (39:24).

Pop Culture and Motherhood:

• Anecdotes about coming out, bragging about sex with her mom, and telling the same “sex dungeon” story every queer has heard. (49:06)

Listener Engagement:

• They encourage listeners to send updates, celebrate their successes, and offer genuine support (33:55, 48:41).

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamps | |----------------------------------------|-----------------| | Banter and sleep routines | 01:03–06:29 | | Queer romance novels/"gay hockey" books| 06:31–16:00 | | Celebrity culture & problematic faves | 19:06–24:24 | | Major listener update: transitioning & divorce | 28:29–33:46 | | Breakups & self-care | 33:55–41:54 | | Dating app & throuple updates | 43:02–49:00 | | Sex dungeon anecdote | 49:06–51:51 |

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Tone & Takeaways

Kendahl and Jordan’s signature blend of heartfelt empathy, punchy wit, and open-book vulnerability shines throughout the episode. Their candid discussion of relationship challenges, tough-love advice, and uplifting listener outcomes underscores the legitimacy of comedically crowd-sourced counseling—even if, as they remind you, they're “deeply unqualified.”

Whether navigating the joys and pitfalls of queer romance, finding the courage for self-discovery, or just battling insomnia with your favorite person, this episode delivers both laughs and real talk—for anyone working on love (especially yourself).

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Transcript

[A]

Save on family essentials at Safeway and Albertsons. This week at Safeway and Albertsons, fresh cut cantaloupe, watermelon, pineapple or melon medley bowls, 24 ounces are $5 each and wild caught lobster tails are $4.99 each.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Limit four member price. Hurry in.

[A]

These deals won't last. Visit Safeway or albertsons.com for more deals and ways to save.

[B]

Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life, where your hosts.

[A]

I'm Kendall Landrus.

[B]

And I'm Jordan Myra.

[A]

And we are two incredibly unqualified but

[B]

deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we're sharing your updates.

[A]

You are deeply in love with me.

[B]

I am.

[A]

We always say it, but it is so funny.

[B]

It is so true. The. The truth of the intro is so true.

[A]

I know. It really is so true. I love that.

[B]

We are deeply unqualified and deeply in love.

[A]

Deeply in love. Happy Monday.

[B]

Happy Monday.

[A]

Happy Monday. How you doing?

[B]

I'm doing well. Yeah. Let's do a little update ourselves since we're doing an audience update. Yeah, I'm doing well. I slept horribly last night.

[A]

I know. You didn't even sleep in the bed.

[B]

Well, I did for part of it, and then I got up. I woke up at like 4 and was just so restless. And I always feel so guilty. But it is wild how quickly you become your parents, because that is what my dad does. My dad wakes up in the middle of the night every night, can't go back to sleep. Doesn't want to bother my mom because my mom still works, like, a very intense job. My mom's an IC un.

[A]

Just like me.

[B]

Just like you. My job is so, so intense. You're a nurse. My mom's a nice uner. She works from like 6 in the morning until like 11 o' clock at night. So my dad doesn't want to bother her. So my dad gets up, takes his little blanket, takes his little pillow, marches himself to the couch, sleeps on the couch, turns on Frasier, 30 Rock, whatever, and then lies there, goes back to sleep a little bit, wakes up on and off. And that's what I do now when I get sleep.

[A]

Thing is, I'm telling you, I understand if you want to go to the living room and have a moment to yourself and be like, oh, I'm relaxing. I don't have to worry about waking up Kendall. But I will not wake up. I will not wake up, and if I do, it will not bother me. Like, I will immediately go back to sleep. I sleep like a log. I ruptured rooms with people. So many people in the house. Like, I can sleep through anything.

[B]

I know, but it makes you, like, restless, and it is disturbing your sleep because I can hear you moving around, and sometimes you talk.

[A]

What do I say?

[B]

What are you doing? Hey. What are you doing? Are you awake? Where are you? Hello? That kind of stuff. And it sounds scary. You sound so scared.

[A]

And.

[B]

Yeah, it's like. Even if it's not, like, fully waking you up, I'm sure it's disturbing your rem.

[A]

Oh, and we can't. We cannot disturb my REM.

[B]

I had a period of time where I was sleeping really, really well recently. Recently.

[A]

What happened with that?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

You had a real heyday for two weeks, a couple.

[B]

Oh, I was sleeping real nice.

[A]

Everything was good. You were feeling really great. What happened?

[B]

I don't know. I literally cannot tell you. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow just for a regular checkup, so maybe he'll have some information for me. So. Yeah.

[A]

How do I get back to the golden days?

[B]

How do I get back to the golden days? Two weeks ago, where I was sleeping fully through every night, but.

[A]

And you were just, like, feeling good.

[B]

And you know what's annoying?

[A]

What?

[B]

I'm waking up just a little bit too early, so you can't really.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You know, like, when I wake up at 5 and I have to be up at 7?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's hard because it's, like, it's not that much time. Versus if I woke up at, like, one in the morning.

[A]

Yeah, I'd go back to sleep. Do you know what? I think our nighttime routine is a little mixed up because I used to always want to go to bed at the same time as Jordan. I feel like that was one thing. We work such opposite schedules. We work so much. We don't see each other a lot during the day. I was always, like, not an annoying way. Like, obviously, if we had different. If it didn't work out, it didn't work out. But most nights we went to bed at the exact same time. We went up to the room together. We got ready for bed together. We went to bed together. We would read in bed together, go to sleep, whatever. Now I'm working way late into the night, so you're going to bed earlier

[B]

than me and you think that's what it is?

[A]

I think you can't. I think you can't sleep because you missed me.

[B]

I can't sleep. And then you come to bed and then I wake up at 4 o' clock in the morning.

[A]

Yeah, well, I think that you're like half sleeping. Your nighttime routine is messed up. Because ultimately you can't fall asleep. Because you're waiting for me. Sure. Because you want to get a kiss.

[B]

And then why do I wake up at 4 o' clock in the morning?

[A]

Probably because you're scared. You forgot I came back upstairs. Where is she? Sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, but do you know what I mean? I think like our nighttime routine's a little different.

[B]

I think our nighttime routine is definitely messed up.

[A]

Yeah. Because of me.

[B]

No, I think I'm not doing a nighttime routine, Jordan. I think I'm like wandering around the house, kind of cleaning, kind of getting ready for, you know what kind of whatever.

[A]

That pisses me off, you half ass. Your relaxation. And I. My biggest advice, my biggest advice I genuinely would give so many people is if you're going to relax, whether that's reading, even if it's scrolling TikTok, walk in and do it right. Like be like for the next four hours or all night, I am relaxing. Get in your pajamas, put a face mask on, get yourself situated in bed and scroll on TikTok or read your book or whatever it is you're very good at. Don't just like, be like, oh, I have other things I need to do. Well, let me grab my book or let me scroll on TikTok and oh, I should really be doing something else. And you're like in your jeans on the bed. Well, you'd never do that.

[B]

I would never do that.

[A]

But you're like, you're not fully leaning in and then you leave feeling depressed and you leave feeling like, I should have, I should have, I should have. Rather than when I curl up on the couch, I'm like, I'm not working tonight. I'm watching a documentary and I'm playing on my farm game.

[B]

Which you do.

[A]

It feels amazing because you've given yourself permission, which you didn't need in the first place, to relax your brain. And I think you view. I'm sorry, I think you think any time that you're relaxing is time spent not working. And I think you need to like get it together with that because it's like your life is not just for work. And when you're relaxing, that's not the absence of work. That's you relaxing. And, like, when you're relaxing, even, like, sometimes I'll come in like, what are you doing? You're like, I'm reading a book, but I'll go back to work soon. I'm like. So I didn't. I didn't ask you if you were working. I was just curious what you're doing. I think that really messes with your relaxation. That's fair, because I think you need to, like. I really think you need to fully let yourself. Your mind rests.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I think that would sleep.

[B]

I'll be better. I'll be better.

[A]

Well, you couldn't be better. You're already perfect. But I want you to just enjoy things more.

[B]

I also need to tell the fans about a new book series I'm reading.

[A]

What?

[B]

It's a new gay hockey book series.

[A]

This. The titles of this, they're crazy.

[B]

So it's called the Gods versus Monsters hockey series. Those are the two hockey teams. Two of the hockey teams. Okay, now just know that there are a lot of things in these books that are not perfect, and they have some of the worst names of characters I've ever heard in my life.

[A]

Can I hear them?

[B]

Well, one of the characters, his last name is Archangel.

[A]

Yep. Yep.

[B]

Wilder. Archangel.

[A]

Am I crazy?

[B]

I believe that's her name.

[A]

I think that's a really good name.

[B]

Are you. So they call him. It's Archangel, right?

[A]

They call him Archie.

[B]

Or is it Archangel?

[A]

I think I have no idea.

[B]

John.

[A]

John, you wrote this book, John, you wrote this book. I always thought it was Archangel.

[B]

Archangel. Okay.

[A]

Archangel.

[B]

I'm thinking Arch. Like the golden arches. McDonald's. Angel. I think that. Okay. No, I think you're right. As I was saying it, I was like, it feels wrong. When John read these books, he said Archangel.

[A]

Wilder. Archangel.

[B]

Wilder. Arc.

[A]

I think that's a good name.

[B]

So they call it. Because in hockey, everyone apparently calls each other by their last names. Yeah. So they all call him Archangel. You don't think that's crazy?

[A]

It's crazy, but I'm, like, obsessed with that.

[B]

Okay. It's too crazy for me, personally. I.

[A]

Like, we were talking about this the other day. In books, like, Jordan likes the characters to feel really real. I don't. I. I love when a character is like, She's a really mean female pirate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She can't get through a single sentence without calling someone the C word.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's always stabbing people. Like, I love characters like that.

[B]

I can't get into it. You know, I'm not a huge fantasy Person in general. That's just, like, not really my genre. It doesn't, you know, enjoy. But I have a hard time. My co worker, who's also obsessed with all these gay hockey guys, like I am. She's a straight lady, very straight. God bless her. She is obsessed with a book. I think it's called Captive Prince.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She's desperate for me to read this thing, so if y' all out there have read is it straight, let me know. No, it's. She's obsessed with the. With man. Man.

[A]

Okay. Man. Man. With.

[B]

Mm. As I say, I don't understand what she's getting out of it, but I love that for her. And that's obs.

[A]

That's what I'm telling you.

[B]

I don't understand that. I can't say that enough.

[A]

I don't get what you don't understand about that.

[B]

What are they getting out of it?

[A]

They're attracted to men. It's double the fun. And I think they're also like that. They're attracted to men. It's like when I. I can get into a straight romance because there's a woman in it.

[B]

I. And I have a hard time with that. I don't want to. I don't want to watch a straight romance.

[A]

What about the Eurovision movie?

[B]

Well, that's different.

[A]

That movie.

[B]

We love this movie.

[A]

Have you guys seen the Eurovision movie? I'll give you a moment to respond. I realized I was asking, as if you're gonna say.

[B]

Say it.

[A]

Have you seen the Eurovision movie? We love it. And there's a song at the end of the Eurovision movie that we were driving in the car. This was the most earnest conversation between Jordan and I. We were not joking. I said, could you play the last song from the Eurovision movie? And Jordan goes, I can't right now. If I. If I play it, I'll cry because

[B]

I cry when we watch it. I think it's such a beautiful song.

[A]

Good song.

[B]

So go watch Eurovision anyways.

[A]

But. So I think that straight women get kind of what they wish their boyfriends would give them in the gay men books. You know what I mean?

[B]

Interesting. No, I just don't get it. But I love that. I'm not shaming it.

[A]

I just don't understand it. I understand.

[B]

It's just so gay. So for me, I'm like, it's so gay. Which, like, queerness is, like, already appealing to me in general. And then it also gives me, like, weird, like, gender euphoria. I don't understand, like, a CIS straight lady because I'm like, they're especially. But this series is written by a genderqueer person. That's cool.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And anyway, say the name of the title. All the books have the word puck in it, so. So there's three books. I started with the third one because everyone is, like, obsessed with it.

[A]

I don't believe in jail, but this person should have been put in jail for this title.

[B]

Sorry. So the three books are no Pucks.

[A]

That's fun.

[B]

The second one, I simply hate to say it out loud. Two guys, one puck.

[A]

That's unacceptable.

[B]

Which I'm like, It's a play on what? Two girls, one cup. But in what way?

[A]

In literally what way? Well, tell me, do they in each other?

[B]

Absolutely nothing even remotely related to Two Girls, One Cup. Yes, I know. So I was scared to read this one, but it actually ended up being my favorite.

[A]

Sweet.

[B]

Not even sweet. It's. But it's my favorite.

[A]

You said not even sweet. It's my favorite. Because they shouldn't.

[B]

Because it's nasty. No, it's just like, they, like. They'll, like, fight and then they'll, like, physically fight and then they'll kiss. You guys know I love fighting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. I love fighting. Sorry.

[A]

I think the third title is the worst one.

[B]

A Puck Between Friends.

[A]

I don't think that should have been approved, I think, because. Because, honestly, what does that mean?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Is it supposed to be a between friends?

[B]

I guess no.

[A]

Says that.

[B]

I guess so.

[A]

That's not a thing that's said. A between Friends.

[B]

Yeah. I don't. I don't have an answer, but I did read all of these with a quickness. Is there any that I never have before?

[A]

Wait, do you like them more than he rivalry? No. There's no way. No quicker. Maybe you're getting better at reading.

[B]

I don't. How dare you. But I really did like two guys, one puck. I really liked the characters. Once again, they seem very normal to me, which I like.

[A]

Is there more?

[B]

There's a fourth one that's coming out in September.

[A]

Can I guess the title?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're not going to puck me, Daddy.

[B]

No. That's good, though.

[A]

Wait, let me try it again. Well. Well, it's hard because A Puck Between Friends. I'm like. Well, now I'm pulling from sayings that don't even exist.

[B]

100. But this is. This is a saying that does exist. And it has the word puck in it. Of course.

[A]

Don't ask. Don't Puck.

[B]

What?

[A]

I'm thinking of sayings that gay people use.

[B]

Don't ask, Don't. You're thinking of sayings that gay people use.

[A]

Don't ask, just tell. Wait, what is it?

[B]

Don't ask, just tell. That famous military.

[A]

That's a part of the show.

[B]

I read don't ask, just tell. Confused. Yeah, it's rude to ask. Let someone just tell you.

[A]

Just tell you that you're gay. Wait, let's see.

[B]

See? So they're using puck in place of.

[A]

Of the word.

[B]

Yeah, Just fire him off. Just fire him off. If you want to guess so bad, baby, just fire one off. Just try it. Come on.

[A]

Huck me in the ass, Kendall. No, that's not crazier than the ones she said.

[B]

That's also not a.

[A]

That's not crazier than the one he said.

[B]

That's not a saying.

[A]

Neither is.

[B]

But I'm telling you, this one is a saying.

[A]

Okay, okay. This is a saying.

[B]

Like, what's a saying?

[A]

Like. Well, like. Like a saying about gay people or just a saying?

[B]

Just a saying.

[A]

Oh, just a saying. What the puck Better.

[B]

We're on the right track, but it's not that.

[A]

Okay. I was thinking about gay saying.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you still weren't saying any gay sayings.

[A]

Don't ask, just tell is the same.

[B]

It's so funny because it also doesn't have the word puck in it. Don't ask, just tell.

[A]

I don't give a puck.

[B]

No. But once again, we're still moving in, like, a good. A real direction.

[A]

The puck of the draw. That's what it should be called. I know that's not luck, but.

[B]

Yeah, no, that's fun.

[A]

The puck of the draw.

[B]

Yeah, like random roommates. Oh.

[A]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, write it. Wouldn't that be so embarrassing, guys, if I started writing hockey romances just to, like, connect with my wife?

[B]

We connect in so many other ways.

[A]

I can do it, too. I can do it, too. The gay hockey romances. What is it?

[B]

Puck around and find out.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

I think you mean puck.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this is coming out in September

[A]

and find out is good.

[B]

That's a fun one. It's a good one.

[A]

I think is my favorite so far.

[B]

It's a really good one.

[A]

Two boys, one puck. Is that what it was?

[B]

Two guys, one puck?

[A]

That is the worst one.

[B]

You think? But I thought you said a puck between friends is the worst one.

[A]

A puck between friends is. Doesn't make sense, sure. But is more palatable.

[B]

Two guys, one puck is. Is upsetting.

[A]

Upsetting and would make me not Read a book. I would be like, I'm not reading that. That sounds insane. And I love erotica. It sounds. It's too much.

[B]

Yes. I would not have just read that one if I just had seen it. But since everyone online said to read a puck between friends, I read it and liked it enough that I was like, okay, I'll read the other two. But you know what?

[A]

I like the energy. I like whenever an author's having fun.

[B]

Oh, I love when an author's having fun.

[A]

Like, one of my favorite things, I think people think it's cheesy, but is when authors put, like, a playlist at the beginning of their book.

[B]

I think that's really fun.

[A]

I'm like, it's cute. It's fun. Like, they're really just there having a fun time.

[B]

They're just like, I'm living in the world.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which I think is great.

[A]

And it feels like something I would have done if I wrote a book in the sixth grade and then was like, you know, it just seems sweet. I like it. Absolutely.

[B]

You're like, here's themed snacks to have with my. Yeah, yeah. It feels really fun.

[A]

For my book, should we sit and be like, let's come up with a. Like a. A soundtrack.

[B]

Okay. Great segue. How's your book going?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

We need an update from you.

[A]

I was even trying to bring it up. It's embarrassing because I literally, the other day, I was at the beach, and our friend Colin was like, sorry, I feel like I keep asking questions about the book. And I was like, colin, it's the only thing I've done for two months. Like, I actually really appreciate you talking to me about it because I think I. I know this is different, but I kind of relate to when people are like, I'm trying not to talk about my kids. I'm trying not to talk about my kids.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Because it's like, you have a baby, and it's like all you're doing is taking care of the baby, and then you go out with friends and you're trying to be like, okay, don't talk about the baby. Don't talk about baby. Be a normal person that doesn't talk about the baby. And that is how I feel with my book. I am like, I am down in my basement working on this book 24 7. I hardly see anyone. I mean, the other day we went to the beach. I wasn't supposed to go. You and Colin and Andrew and Hannah were like, you really need to go.

[B]

Sometimes you just gotta get out and

[A]

it did help me.

[B]

You just gotta get out. You gotta get your juices flowing. You gotta get some fresh air.

[A]

I know, and it did help. Like, once I got home, I wrote so much better. But it's hard when you're, like, behind on a deadline. Well, I'm not. I'm not technically behind on a deadline, but the way that I've scheduled out my chapters, what I need to write, I'm a little bit behind.

[B]

And you're scared of being behind. I would say more than anything, I'm

[A]

scared of being behind. Yes.

[B]

But you're not.

[A]

Well, thank you. I am officially today, actually, I am behind, but I. So it always feels crazy to be like, I'm super behind. I'm gonna go to the beach. But sometimes it's like you're gonna get so much more done if you go to the beach for three hours and then come back and write than you would if you just sat here. And, like, I mean, I literally said to Jordan the other day, I was like, this is the most embarrassing thing I've ever said. But I feel like right now, these characters in the book are my best friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I am, like, waking up in the morning and I'm just thinking about what they would think and what they would do. And I'm writing, and I'm just in their minds all day, which is just my mind, I guess, but it's just like. It is really kind of. So then I go to hang out with people, and I'm like, obviously not going to be like, well, let's talk about my book. Because why would I make people talk about that? So I'm asking a lot of other questions. But then whenever anyone asks me a question, I'm like, all I have to talk about is my book, because it's all I'm working on. So I love to talk about my book.

[B]

It's incredible.

[A]

It's going well. You read a chapter.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

The other day I had you read a. You'd read pages. I'd let you read, like, a couple pages. But the other day I let you read, like, a full chapter.

[B]

I love it. I can't wait to read the whole thing. I'm so excited.

[A]

I know I'm having fun. And I set my office up, and I'm having a lot of fun with that. My office is kind of giving dorm room in the best way possible because

[B]

it really is giving. It's giving my freshman year dorm room specifically because the walls are like white cinder block. Just like. Yep. My freshman dorm at nyu.

[A]

I mean, my. My dorm was like that too. I feel like that's so Dor. And Charles said the same thing. He came over yesterday, and he was like, it looks like a dorm. And because I really wanted the vibe to be calm and cozy, so I bought fairy lights, which I have not purchased since college. My college dorm. And so the cinder block and the fairy lights and the, you know, the laptop being just like a desk. I don't know, it just really. It feels like a dorm room, and I love it.

[B]

You know something I thought.

[A]

What.

[B]

When we said beach, it made me want to go, let's go to the beach. Let's go.

[A]

Get away.

[B]

And it's so sad that Nicki Minaj is so bad now.

[A]

Well, I know. And then do you want to talk about the other thing? Okay.

[B]

Do I want to talk about Usher going on tour with Chris Brown? No. And one thing I'll say is I like, sometimes people will reach out to me when a celebrity that I like does something bad or like a restaurant or whatever, where they'll be like, like, not that long ago, Usher said that he had never had a problem with P. Diddy. And he's, like, known him to be a good man. And I had so many messages in my message requests, which I checked, like, once in a blue moon, being like, so what do you think of what Usher said about P. Diddy? What do I think?

[A]

So funny. You're like, I agree.

[B]

I think it's bad.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

Whenever anyone that I does anything bad, I think it's bad.

[A]

Well, and it's such a fine line with people like Usher, because, you know, Usher. I mean, Usher's one of those people, you're like, well, he's not the sharpest tool in the ship.

[B]

Of course not.

[A]

So you're. You're operating from this place of like, well, what's. Like, when is the line that it's too much, you know, because if you take, like, what you'd allow him to say is very different from what you'd allow other people.

[B]

Like a friend to say. Yeah.

[A]

Or even a celebrity, like, even like another celebrity that just is a little more with it. But Usher's just like. He's. I mean, he's how I feel about, like, Katy Perry. He's like, they're not functioning at the same.

[B]

They're on a different planet. Famous people, for the most part, are on a different planet. And especially they have both been famous since they were children, basically. And when you are famous since you were a child, it Warps your brain.

[A]

Well, but also I think they. Because Katy Perry has. She's been famous a long time, but she was famous mostly as an adult. Right. I mean, she started teenager.

[B]

I thought she started when she was like 16.

[A]

You know what? Maybe you're right.

[B]

Maybe I'm wrong.

[A]

No, I think you are right. Well, she was doing like gospel stuff. So she had a good.

[B]

She had a good Christian foundation, of course.

[A]

So I don't know what happened. These people always have Christian foundations. I think that's the funniest thing. I feel like Usher will be like topless, grinding on a microphone and he'll be like, this one's for Jesus. Absolutely.

[B]

I never quite understand way we're like.

[A]

She'll do the most insane, insane, like, erotic show. And then she'll get to a song. She's like, and this one is for who made me Where Put me where I am today on this stage in Las Vegas. Jesus Christ.

[B]

Yeah. What part of me wants to be like, okay, I guess that's cool because you're like, yeah, God loves being sexy. I guess. Which I could get behind. Sure. But it doesn't feel like that.

[A]

It feels very confusing. But I think ushering Usher and Katy Perry have a similar energy where you're like, it kind of feels like if my 8 year old went on tour where it's just kind of like, let him do whatever. Like they kind of want to do whatever they want. People really love them, so just like, let them do what they want. Like Katy Perry wants to dress as a giant. I don't want to say it.

[B]

Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it.

[A]

She dresses as a giant turd at her concert.

[B]

She doesn't dress as it.

[A]

Oh, wait, what is she. She dances with it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I don't remember. I was drunk. I was so drunk. And that show is craz you when you're drunk.

[B]

But yes, to answer everyone's question, but

[A]

you know what I mean. It's like if Katy Perry says something, you're like, okay, whatever. I just wanted to finish that thought. It's like, sorry, Katy Perry says anything. You're kind of like, okay. But she like doesn't know what's going on. And that's how I feel about Usher. But then sometimes they do something where you go, well, now that's too far.

[B]

Well, yeah, you can't go on tour with Chris Brown.

[A]

No. If I've learned anything during my career.

[B]

Yeah, I know, you're desperate. Many times he's desperate to go on tour with you. He says I want her to do the Midwestern mom character while I sing over it. I am so upset. I hate this. I posted something about being upset and tagged Usher in it and no, I won't be going. Obviously.

[A]

I know I did ask because I. I knew you wouldn't. Like, I obviously knew you wouldn't.

[B]

Well, but are you going to go?

[A]

Well, you love Usher. I just. You.

[B]

And I'm mad at him.

[A]

I know, but sometimes you can love

[B]

people that can do something bad.

[A]

I get it. Because I was a big Barb.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Huge. And now I'm not at all. I mean, she. I've gone in completely other direction where I'm like, ew. Like, God, no one has been less likable than Nicki Minaj.

[B]

But. But everyone from that group, Drake, Lil Wayne, I know they've all fallen off.

[A]

What's gone on? Who's fallen on during that time?

[B]

Who's fallen on?

[A]

Yeah, like, who's like a people.

[B]

Who.

[A]

Who is a person in that genre that you're like, they. They stepped up. They were a good.

[B]

Like, they've been around forever. Yeah, like T Pain. Well, not in that group, but in. I guess if we're talking about, like, Music from the 2000s, it feels like we're talking about Sierra. I wouldn't say she stepped up. She's always been like, my version.

[A]

She stepped up. She's really hot. Yeah.

[B]

I love Sierra. I think it. I don't know if there's been. But, like, T Pain has really gone big the last couple years and he was big before, but then there was like a little pause. He was on the Masked Singer. There was a little pause. But now he's, like, so famous and he's having so much fun touring. I would love to see TB tour.

[A]

I think you're gonna stay on the pod.

[B]

I would love to see T Pain on this podcast. T Pain, hit me up. So what we're talking about today are updates that people have sent in. They wrote in, they asked us questions. We actually helped them, and now they have a new status of life.

[A]

Oh, my God. Isn't that kind of crazy?

[B]

It's really wild to think that we

[A]

have too much power.

[B]

Well, they don't have to take the advice.

[A]

That's true. I guess you're right. We just give such good advice, they can't help but take it.

[B]

I really do think we give good advice. John, have you ever used any of our advice at home with your wife?

[A]

There's no way.

[B]

He's trying. But you must have, right?

[A]

Let me dip.

[B]

Think on it, John.

[A]

He's gonna go. He's like, I haven't been listening for the last year. I have no idea. He's gonna have to go back in and see. But I, I feel like we give pretty good advice.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

I feel like we give.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Sometimes I feel like we give the advice that other people wouldn't say. Oh, I don't think we give vanilla advice. Oh, I think you and I both have had really different life experiences.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

We pull from that and we're very different in the way we handle conflict. And I think we pull from that. Today's episode of Happy Wife, Happy Life is sponsored by Leesa. If you're looking for a new mattress, check out Leesa and thank us later. Leesa makes super comfy award winning mattresses designed and assembled from premium materials in the usa. Every Leesa mattress delivers full body support and long lasting comfort. No matter how you sleep. I'm a diva when it comes to the mattresses I sleep on. And every time I've slept on a Leesa mattress, I turn to Jordan and I say, this is so comfortable. And I'm not kidding. Jordan's parents have a Leesa mattress that we gave them because we are so obsessed with Leesa mattresses that we wanted to impart it upon our loved ones. So every time we go and sleep at Jordan's parents house, we feel like we are on a cloud. Rest easy when you try Lisa with free shipping, simple returns and a 120 night sleep trial, go to Lisa.com for 25% off all mattresses plus get an extra $50 off with promo co exclusive to Happy Wife, Happy life fans. That's L-E-E-S a.com promo code happy for 25% off mattresses plus an extra 50 off. Support the show and let them know Happy Wife, Happy Life sent you Lisa.com promo code Happy Today's episode of Happy Wife, Happy Life is sponsored by Quince. If you're looking to upgrade your wardrobe, start with Quince. Quint's clothes are high quality, versatile and built to last. Think full outfits in European linen, perfect for summer. Luxurious silk clothing and pillowcases. Premium leather accessories like belts, bags and shoes. Everything works together without having to overthink it, which makes it easy to build a wardrobe you'll love. Are we exhausted of hearing me yap about Quince yet? If we are, buckle in because it's not stopping anytime soon. I love Quint. So much. I've always really struggled with fashion, and I mean so genuinely. I've always struggled with fashion and Quince really has changed my life. I find that my favorite pieces I wear are from Quince because I've just simplified my wardrobe and I've gotten a bunch of things from Quince that are simple but such high quality that they feel luxurious. And I just have been feeling so confident in my outfits recently. And I really do hope you can feel the passion in this ad because I adore them. I love Quince specifically, and I wear their clothes probably every single day. I'm not lying. I'm wearing a tank top from Quince. As I do this ad, Quince partners directly with ethical factories and top artisans. No middleman means you spend 50 to 60 less than similar brands. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Go to quince.com wife for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to quince.com for free shipping and 365 day returns.quint.com wife let's hear an update.

[B]

So this person wrote into us a while back and they were like, I am trans. Or like trans. Curious maybe at the time, I can't remember exactly, but they had talked to their husband about it and their husband was not supportive.

[A]

Oh dear.

[B]

They were female to male.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And they wanted to try new pronouns. Their husband wasn't into it, whatever. And we were like, sorry, but you have to divorce your husband. You do. What can you do? This is what they wrote in. I wrote into the podcast just over two years ago asking about whether or not I should divorce my husband, who was very unsupportive of my transition. Female to male. You answered my question in episode 13. I believe it was that one. I just wanted to write back in and say, not only am I divorced, but in eight short hours I will be having top surgery on my two year anniversary of publicly coming out as a trans man.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Divorcing my ex husband and becoming who I truly am is the best decision that has ever happened to me and is truly the only reason I'm still here today. Thank you for your great advice and continuous laughs. You two are incredible. And shine a light that the world desperately needs.

[A]

Oh, you see it?

[B]

You're crying. I know, I know, I know. Like that rocks.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

That's unbelievable. I can't believe we told someone to divorce and they did it.

[A]

I feel like we need to pay their legal fees like their divorce.

[B]

Yeah, we go fund Their legal fees, because we made them do it.

[A]

Oh, congratulations. That's really, really awesome. Wait, when was that sent?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Well, because I just didn't know if they had top surgery yet.

[B]

Oh, I would assume so. Well, yeah, they said in eight short hours when they sent the email. So I'm assuming they sent. I'm assuming this is from earlier than this morning.

[A]

Congratulations on all that. That is so exciting.

[B]

Yeah. Reach back out. We want to send you something.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, congratulations. That's so exciting. I mean, that is a big decision, too, I think. Something. I mean. And, like, I think it's so hard to make a big decision. That is kind of one of those things you can feel, even if you feel it really deeply, you're like, well, I haven't gotten to, like, put it into practice yet. So am I making these big decisions? I mean, I know a lot of people feel this way when they, like, come out as gay to, like, their religious family. They're like, I haven't gotten to, like, be, like, practice being gay yet. So I'm, like, making. I'm like, changing my entire life on a thing that, like, what if I.

[B]

I don't even know if I like it.

[A]

Yeah, like, what. How it's gonna feel. I think I know, but, like, what? And I think it's like, the bravest thing. Because ultimately, too, it's like, well, even if you. Not for this person, but, like, even if you're someone who's like, well, maybe I want to transition and my partner doesn't accept it, and what if I transition and then, like, I don't end up liking it. Should I have just stayed with my partner? It's like, no. Yeah, because you needed to go through that. Like, absolutely. You needed to try that, and you needed to experience that and then come out on the other side. And there's always gonna be someone there who you could be with. But you can't get that those years back where you tried to explore yourself

[B]

and your partner has to be supportive. I think this can be a very hard time for people because it's also normal. If your partner is like, I love you, but I don't wanna be with a man. I'm not attracted to men. You're transitioning to being a man. That doesn't feel true to me. So I think we have to go our own ways. It makes sense for your partner to feel a loss and feel upset in. In that scenario. But I think no matter what, your partner should support you. So your part I think your partner can feel upset. I think your partner can feel mad to a certain degree. I think you're part. You know, all those things can be true, but I think there should still be an overarching support.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And from what you said when you wrote in the first time to us, your husband was really not supportive in any way, shape, or form. That's very telling to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I think, once again, you weren't like, my partner's having a hard time dealing with this. Dealing with this. Right. You know, you're like, my partner was very unsupportive. Yeah. I think your partner has to support you. So even if you're like, oh, I'm not actually trans. I'm genderqueer, but I don't need to have surgery, or like, whatever. Like, if you decided there was a different outcome, but you didn't get that support from your partner while you were exploring yourself, I think that that's probably not a person you should be with.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think that's really.

[A]

And support doesn't always mean sticking by your side. Like, I think there could be support. Like, you could be like, this isn't for me, like you said. But I'm so excited you're exploring yourself and, you know. Yeah, but it's a hard. It's hard.

[B]

It's hard. I mean, it's hard whenever you're in a unit and one of you wants to, like, change a big thing about yourself. I think that can be very hard. But at the same time, once again, you gotta support your partner.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

You know, I'm with you. You gotta support your partner.

[A]

Oh, well, congratulations. We're so happy for you. And. Yeah, send us your info. We'd love to send you something.

[B]

You read my question a few weeks back. My question was about how to encourage my partner to get back into exercising because of their poor mental health. There is obviously a lot more context I did not share. But ultimately, my partner was continuously unable to show up for themselves. We broke up. I am writing in because breaking up was so, so hard. Especially because the love I have for them did not disappear. But Jordan's continuous advice about breakups helped me make the decision. Break up with them, and if it's meant to be, you'll get back together. But ultimately, you can't date someone unwilling to show up for themselves. No matter how much you love someone, you can't make someone love themselves if they aren't willing to do the work.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

God, I'm smart. God, I'm Good. But it is true. It's. I. I really, like. I can't talk about it enough because I've been there. My first relationship, which I've talked about a little bit vaguely, was with someone I loved so much they could not take care of themselves mentally, and it was a nightmare. It was so hard because you just want to be like, if you just did the work, like, everything could be okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I learned this from watching many episodes of Intervention, which I had never watched Intervention, but then someone I loved passed away from addiction, and I weirdly started watching Intervention, which seems counterintuitive, but I was, like, really depressed, and I started watching it, and it gave me a lot of closure and sympathy because I was like, oh, yes, this is, like, a very hard thing that a lot of people go to. Through. That's actually a mental health thing, which sometimes it doesn't feel like that. Sometimes I feel like, why can't you just make better decisions?

[A]

Well, and it can feel like, well, there, there. You don't. It's hard to see the people close to you when they're so close as, like, an addict or a. Having a mental health problem rather than just being like, well, this is just who they are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's different from these other people. And then I think when you watch Intervention and you're like, oh, they're all doing, like, that person was doing the same thing that this person is doing. And there's this pattern that can be comforting as well, where you're like, I'm not crazy. That is what's happening.

[B]

Yes. And I learned from Intervention that you cannot enable people. And that's a big thing about interventions or things that they will tell you. When you're dealing with someone in active addiction, you cannot enable them. And a lot of things that maybe don't feel like enabling are enabling. And you have to let people kind of reach their own rock bottom and want to change and want to get help.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That doesn't happen for everyone, which is so, so, so sad. And God knows if intervention is un. Good or not in terms of their advice, but I found a lot of solace in it, and I think there was a lot of truth. And while this is not addiction, it does sound like this person you were dating was maybe depressed and.

[A]

Well, I think you can become addicted to sadness. Sadness. I do think you can become addicted to that. Addicted to helplessness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think a lot of people are addicted to helplessness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

[B]

No, no, not at all. I Think I. I think that's true. I think it can be very hard. And I think you have to want to help yourself at a certain point. You have to want to change. You can't want it so bad that someone else changes. And you see it time and time again in all different scenarios. But I've experienced so much in my personal life with dating. You just have to let them figure it out. And that doesn't mean you can't be there for them. Sometimes you can. There are times when I've had to step away from situations because I'm like, I can't. Yeah, I can't. I can't be here for you. Being here for you is enabling you in a lot of ways. Like, I can't do it. But that doesn't mean you have to be like, get away from me. I hate you.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Yeah. Because I also think if you're always the person in the relationship that is taking care of that other person and trying to get them to be better and trying to get them to change their ways, no one's doing that for you. And even if, like, you're in a pretty good way, there are things that you could probably work on. There's things that you can improve about yourself. And you're always going to be comparing yourself to this person that is not

[B]

thriving, and you're not always going to be in a good way.

[A]

No.

[B]

Life is long.

[A]

I always say friends, where it's like either they or their partner is the one who's always stepping up, always being the mentally strong one. And I'm like, one day your parents are going to die. If you guys are talking about having kids, that's stressful in itself. Okay, well, what if your kid gets sick? What if your kid. And you cannot be the only mentally strong person. Your partner can't be the only mentally strong person. And I've seen it time and time again where the strong person goes through something. The relationship never survives it because they. That other person cannot function without the mental stability of their partner.

[B]

You have to both want to take care of each other, but also you should always be.

[A]

This is what I think and why I make fun of Jordan for being a nag, because she is but a very sexy nag. No, you're not really nag, but I make fun of. We joke about that, but I really think you're always pushing me to be better in ways that I could improve. And I think I'm always, like, nagging you to be better in ways that, like, you could improve.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're very different, and they're very opposite.

[B]

Yes. Because I'm. Because you're like, relax more and don't be so hard on yourself. And I'm like, yeah, stop peeing on the toilet seat, Jordan.

[A]

I cannot believe you just happened one time. Well, Jordan, okay, Because yesterday Jordan wakes up and she goes, it feels like I'm living with a. With a.

[B]

Like a 20 year old boy right now. Because I wake up in the morning, Kendall's gone to her horseback riding lesson. I wake up in the morning, toilet full of pee. Not flushed. Toilet seat has pee on it. There's a half.

[A]

And I actually, I wanted to be clear. I don't do that. I don't know what happened. It was probably dark. This is what happens. It's dark. Because I don't. I didn't want to, like, I don't know why I didn't. I don't know what happened.

[B]

There's a half empty Powerade bottle in the shower. Your clothes are this. You always do this. And it infuriates me. Kendall will just step out of her. Whatever bottoms she's wearing and then just leave them there. Yeah.

[A]

It's called teleporting. And I'm sorry.

[B]

So it looks like she's just evaporated into thin air.

[A]

So like I said, there's things we can all learn from our partners. Jordan encourages me to not do that morning. Just my morning routine.

[B]

But okay.

[A]

Jordan encourages me to not do that. And there's things I encourage you to do, but we're always getting better. Because I'm in my mind comparing myself. I mean, who am I comparing myself most to? Usually Jordan. Not in a weird comparison, bad way, but you're who I'm like most, mostly with all the time. I think you are all. I think you are operating at such a high level that is, like, ultimately better than me. And I think you often feel the same way about me. I hope. And. But if I was constantly with a person who was doing so much worse than me, my standard for myself is gonna be lowered. Yeah, because it's like, I think you're constantly asking of me without actually asking to, like, raise my standard for myself. Because you're operating at such a high level, if that makes sense.

[B]

And it doesn't mean you always have to be operating at a high level. But if you're with someone who can never operate at a high level emotionally or for you or whatever, like, you

[A]

inspire me to, like, do. I think we both inspire each other for you better in different ways. And I think that can mean a lot of things. Like, doing better doesn't mean doing more. Like, I think, like I said, with you, it's like, I think you need to relax more.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So I think we're constantly pushing each other to do better. But if you have a partner who is just struggling to even get by, you're not gonna have that for yourself. And. And then on top of it, no one's gonna be there for you, and you're struggling. So I think it's just like setting yourself up. I. I think sometimes who you choose to be with really needs to be taken seriously in terms of, like, the trajectory of your life. Like, who you will end up being is really related to who you're married to.

[B]

Fair.

[A]

Because that's who you're spending all your time with. And why would you pick someone who can't even show up for themselves? That's like a nightmare scenario.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

That's a nightmare.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

And I wanted to be clear. I've literally tell them never peed on the seat. Like, literally. That's like the first time.

[B]

I've never done it once or twice before.

[A]

Well, I'm human, but, like, that's not common.

[B]

I just don't understand how it's happening. It's not common, but how's it happening?

[A]

No, but don't even say how's it happening. It happened literally maybe twice in our five year relationship.

[B]

But how's it happening?

[A]

I don't know. Maybe it's not me.

[B]

You think the dog gets up and pees a little on the toilet seat in the night while we're asleep?

[A]

Oh, she's been being.

[B]

She's licking her feet all through the night.

[A]

And then we're like trying different things to get her to stop licking her feet. Jordan just got Epsom salts, Zaid, Epsom

[B]

salts, Epsom Epson, Epsom salts, Epstein salts.

[A]

Jordan, we did not soccer dogs be Epstein salts. But anyways, hopefully that'll help. That says supposedly that helps them stop licking, but I don't think it's going to work.

[B]

We'll see.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Multiple people have written into us about our dating profile episode. One person said, thanks for the dating profile dissection. I was cracking up. I've really seen an improvement in my messages.

[A]

Oh, my God. Cute.

[B]

Which is really fun. And someone else wrote in to tell us that they now have a partner that they got through a dating app after they added the changes that we made to their dating profile.

[A]

Can I tell you, there's still someone from that episode. I don't remember their name. I need to look it up. Who? I'm like, I. That profile was so good that I feel like I'm still thinking about them. Like, me and you should have a throuple. And I think I said that on the episode.

[B]

Okay, relax.

[A]

You know who I'm talking about.

[B]

I don't remember.

[A]

They were Australian.

[B]

Kendall, if you're still listening, reach out. Okay. This person said, I heard in one of your recent episodes. You guys love updates. Well, I used your advice and messaged my crush on Instagram, and now we live together and have been dating for two years in May.

[A]

Wait. God, this is making me feel, like, insane about how long we've had this podcast.

[B]

I can't recommend your advice enough to people. When you are flirting, make it clear that you're flirting. Love you guys. Thanks for the help. This was someone who was like, I have a crush on someone that I only know through Instagram, and I want to maybe make it more in real life, but I don't want to seem creepy. And we were like, don't worry about it. You just got to make it obvious that you're flirting, and then they'll either say yes or no. And if they say no, move on to the next one. If they say yes, go for it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You got to be obvious.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You can't be coy.

[A]

Oh, you can't. You really cannot. You simply can't be coy unless you're genuinely coy.

[B]

No. No one should be genuinely coy. I don't think anyone is. I don't think you can be genuinely coy. I think coy is something that you put on. It's a performance. I don't think you can be coy without effort. I don't think people are naturally coy.

[A]

Do you know what's embarrassing? What? For so long, I spelled the word koi like you're being koi. Like, koi fish.

[B]

K O, I. Yep.

[A]

Pre sales for my book come out soon.

[B]

She's learned a ton of spelling since then.

[A]

I will. Yeah, I have. I really have.

[B]

And this is our last one. I actually think this is very funny because. So last week, a couple weeks ago, we got a question. Did you get it? You should get distracted. Yeah.

[A]

In my eyes.

[B]

Kendall, leave me alone.

[A]

You looked at me, and then you literally, like, lost your train of.

[B]

You're done. Okay.

[A]

Wait, is that what happened?

[B]

Kendall. So this person wrote in on Instagram, and they were like, what do you do if you're in. Or they said something like, I was in a throuple where I only liked one of the people. Do you remember this?

[A]

Wait. I read the beginnings of this email, and it made me feel so bad.

[B]

I think it's so funny. No, I think it's so funny. This is a person writing in to defend themselves. Because we were like, drop anything in here and we're going to talk about it. And they were like, I was in a throuple and I only liked one of the people. Right.

[A]

And we called them an. And I said, I love you.

[B]

We absolutely tore them apart. We tore them apart.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we, like, weren't sure what their deal was. And you said, they have to be gay men. And you were right. He wrote in and defended himself.

[A]

Let's hear it.

[B]

And I don't think we've ever had anyone do this before. He said, first of all, yes, we are all gay men.

[A]

I trust me, honey. I could tell from a mile away.

[B]

Secondly, I submitted that question as a fun talking point since I love the podcast and it's my most entertaining dating experience by far. I am aware I was the asshole, by the way. Furthermore, I framed the question in this way because I knew you would not mince words. And I think it's more dramatic and fun that way. Just wanted to provide additional context that I did not join the throuple knowing I was doing it for attention or that I didn't actually like the other guy. I realized that after the throuple dissolved and I did some self reflection. Thirdly, they got all kinds of points. This is like a high school outline for history class. He said, all in all, yeah. Thirdly, joining the throuple just kind of happened since I got swept up in the polyamory of it all. It was new to my city. Oh, I thought this was polyamory was new to my city of Sheboygan, Ohio. No, I was new to my city.

[A]

It was new to my city.

[B]

Everyone was doing it. I had no idea the people of Champlain, Illinois, had never heard of polyamory until I. I did it, okay? I was new to my city and met them as friends, which progressed into the two of them asking me to be a founding member in Poly Journey. After a few months of hanging out, slash, what I now know was them asking me on a few dates.

[A]

Like, number one was calling it a poly journey.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

If anyone ever invites you on that journey to reevaluate, you say, honey, I

[B]

don't have a backpack big enough. So I guess this person Also was going on dates with them. Thank you, baby.

[A]

That was really funny, Jordan.

[B]

This person was going on dates with them, not realizing they were dates. Maybe I agreed to join since I was open to the idea of polyamory and didn't want to lose two of my only connections in my new city, but quickly realized it was not for me. Officially, being a throuple lasted all of two weeks before I ended things because it was not my thing, and I felt bad for agreeing in the first place since I was unsure of me being polyamorous to begin with. Also, they openly fought in front of me, and I had to play therapist after one of them stormed out during a fight, so it was already doomed. When I think about it, I never took part in the fights. I was just in the room. Also, I was 22. I was not making the best decisions at the time. And now I'm 26, and I'm much more confident, mature.

[A]

I love you.

[B]

It's so funny to write in and defend yourself anonymously, like no one knows that we were talking about you. So to write it, you're, like, just writing in because you don't want Kendall and I to think poor. But I love you, and I love

[A]

that you should care about. We are your God.

[B]

I love that. I think this is so fun. I understand all these things. Listen, sometimes we have to make a judgment call based on the little. The little were given. So this person said they joined a throuple for attention, but they only liked one of the people. Of course we're gonna say you're an asshole. How could we not? How could we not?

[A]

Right? Right. Well, and I also understand. I mean, Jordan knows I went to a sex dungeon one time.

[B]

And you all know because it's Kendall's one singular story, and I've.

[A]

And I'll bring it up every time, so I understand. You do one thing that's a little alt. You take it. You bring it up whenever you can. I was on the phone with my mom the other day, and she said, I hate when you talk about the sex dungeon. I can't believe I've even talked to my mom about that, but I've talked to everyone about it because it's, like, the only cool thing I've ever done.

[B]

What is.

[A]

I get that.

[B]

What is.

[A]

What is a sex dungeon? I'll explain.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no. No pictures. Please, please, please. No, no, no.

[A]

Please. I don't have any.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

I was allowed to take pictures there.

[B]

Where's your mom? Hearing about it on the podcast?

[A]

No, I told her. She told me. She told me that when I went, I told her, which is crazy, but I told her that I was like, she. And she listens to the podcast. That's what she was telling me, that she told me that she was like, the other day you were talking on the podcast about how you lied to me and snuck off to have sex

[B]

with that girl in her car.

[A]

And she goes, I know you did that. And I was like, oh, really?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And she was like, you told me.

[B]

God.

[A]

And I was like, God, I was so. I like, thought. I just like, I can't keep my mouth shut, even with my mom. Like, I could not. I can't not say so it's like I went to a sex dungeon. I think I called her and was like, I just went to a sex dungeon. And. But I also think that's part of kind of like the gay adolescence where it's like, you're so. It's kind of like you're a 13 year old in an adult's body where, like, you. Why are you looking at me with so much judgment?

[B]

I'm just listening.

[A]

Can you look? Can you listen with a different face? Good, let's get a close up on that.

[B]

Oh, no. Gay adolescence is like your childhood. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Where it's like, I was a virgin. And I. Not only was I a virgin, I didn't do anything sexual. I didn't even kiss anyone until I was an adult. So then when I started having sex, I was like, feral and I was like, has everyone. Guys, I'm having sex, I'm like telling everyone about it, and everyone's like, honey, we were doing that five years ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I felt really cool and I.

[B]

Your mom said, honey, I started having sex five years ago. And you said, exactly.

[A]

And I was the Virgin Mary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you were born and I hadn't had sex yet. But she. Yeah, she told me that she knew about that.

[B]

But.

[A]

So I told everyone about the sex dungeon.

[B]

But.

[A]

So I understand. So if I did polyamory at 22, I would be writing into podcasts I don't even listen to and telling them about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'd be telling my mom about it for sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because that is. Makes you seem pretty cool.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

To be a third. Yeah. I hate when you respond the way you're responding right now.

[B]

I just can't believe we're talking about the sex dungeon again. Get over. How can we talk about this much more? You know what? What?

[A]

What? What? Why don't you for once in your life, ask me a question about it.

[B]

So I knew you were gonna say that. There can't be a question asked about it.

[A]

No.

[B]

You've explained every detail from the moment you arrived.

[A]

I dare you.

[B]

Till the moment you left.

[A]

Ask me a question about it.

[B]

Ask you a question.

[A]

Why don't you show some curiosity about something that was clearly very pivotal for me?

[B]

You can't be curious about something you know everything about.

[A]

No, you don't know everything about it.

[B]

I do. Everyone. Everyone listens to this podcast knows everything about it. They don't. We all have heard the sex dungeon ask you a question.

[A]

Be curious, Jordan. I be curious.

[B]

Was it hot or cold inside?

[A]

I don't remember. Okay, so I was too busy getting. Absolutely.

[B]

Okay, Kendall, you just said your mom listens to this podcast. You're nasty. Tell her to stop it.

[A]

What you say, John?

[B]

I said savage.

[A]

What color are the walls? My question. Thank you, John. They were black.

[B]

It was kind of like a.

[A]

Have you ever been to, like, a high school haunted house?

[B]

Yeah, it was kind of like that.

[A]

Ew. It's a dungeon. Okay.

[B]

It's not a real dungeon.

[A]

The one I went to was.

[B]

No, it wasn't.

[A]

It was. It was really.

[B]

It was in the basement of a Two Boots Pizza. It was not a dungeon.

[A]

What would you call that?

[B]

It was the seller of a restaurant. And I know what. Exactly what it looked like. Probably because I worked in the restaurant. Two doors down.

[A]

You're probably standing outside trying to get in and couldn't get on the list.

[B]

I worked at that. Two Boots is right here. Calexico was literally two doors down. So I guarantee you they had an identical basement to the one in Calexico.

[A]

Do you ever wonder if you saw me there, I would have been impressed. No. Outside of the Two Boots, I was in purple lingerie.

[B]

You're wearing purple lingerie Outside,

[A]

underneath.

[B]

Actually, no, I'm sure I didn't because I was working. Oh. Well, I was saying. Can I get you another margarita?

[A]

And I was saying, similarly downstairs. Can I get you another margarita?

[B]

Guys? Somebody stop her.

[A]

Are there any other updates?

[B]

No, as I said, that was my final one.

[A]

H. Trying to think if I have another update. Our dog's dementia is improving.

[B]

We can just end the episode. You don't have to.

[A]

I don't want to.

[B]

I know what's going.

[A]

We cut. You stop talking to me.

[B]

Yeah, I only talk to Kendall on camera.

[A]

I miss you.

[B]

I know, baby, but this is the end of the episode. Episode. And I must say, it was another Amazing episode.

[A]

Another amazing episode.

[B]

It always is.

[A]

It really is. I think we have a good thing going here.

[B]

Can you do the outro, please?

[A]

I think we should keep it up. Wait, what's your favorite podcast?

[B]

What? We have to go to the post office. Wait, what? We have to go to the post office. You know that. Oh, do we?

[A]

Oh, wait, are we going to the actual post office? Why? I want to go to P.O. box.

[B]

Okay, we have to go.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

What's my favorite podcast? I love. I said no gifts with Bridger. I love Bridger. You guys know that.

[A]

Bridger too. Very, very funny. My favorite podcast is probably that and then you didn't ask, but I love the podcast called Cliterature.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I'm not telling you.

[B]

I'm telling our viewers. Well, you said I didn't ask.

[A]

I know your favorite podcast, but I still asked.

[B]

You know my favorite podcast?

[A]

We have. We're gonna get in a fight today.

[B]

It's gonna be awesome.

[A]

Thank you guys so much for listening. If you listen on anywhere, you get podcasts, you guys know I'm like over telling you this. No.

[B]

Maybe this is someone's first ever. And review.

[A]

Oh, don't start with this one. Yeah. Oh, God. If you're gonna listen to it, if you're gonna start with one, don't let it not be this. Thank you so much for listening. If you're listening anywhere your podcast, make sure to rate and review. For watching on YouTube, make sure to, like, comment and subscribe. And if you want to follow us on social media, it really is such a treat for us, us to see you over there. Dming with us. And you can always ask questions there or@hwhlpod questions gmail.com. thank you so much for listening. Bye.

[B]

Bye. Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this ad for your morning commute to wake you up, which could help your driving. Science says that stimulating the brain increases alertness. So here's a pop quiz. How many months have 28 days? What gets wetter as it dries? What has keys but can't open? Locks? If you don't want to hear the answers, turn off this Liberty mutual ad now.

[A]

12 months.

[B]

A towel piano. Enjoy being fully alert. Liberty. Liberty.

[A]

Liberty.

[B]

Liberty.