111: You Call Your Downstairs WHAT?!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happy Wife, Happy Life

Episode 111: You Call Your Downstairs WHAT?!
Hosts: Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick
Date: May 18, 2026

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Overview

In this lively and candid episode, comedians and partners Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick dive into the wild world of euphemisms for genitalia, the struggles of writing romance (and picking the right words), and respond with their trademark humor and empathy to relationship questions from listeners. With sharp banter and heartfelt advice, they explore stigmas surrounding sexuality and chronic illness, and celebrate a joyful listener engagement. The episode is filled with laughter, playful arguments, and plenty of quotable moments—plus a now-infamous list of questionable “vagina” synonyms.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Height of Self-Perception and “Actor Slates”

• [00:33 – 03:10]
  • Banter over how both hosts downplay their heights on acting applications.
  • Humor about the tallness within their friend group; Kendahl admits to persistent underestimation of her own tallness.
  • Kendahl jokes about the aspirational confidence of straight men, especially in acting jobs.
  • Quote: “I want to start acting like a straight man in the way that I move through the world where I just have so much confidence that's unearned.” – Kendahl [04:01]

2. The Woes of Writing Romance Language

• [06:09 – 19:41]
  • Deep dive into the peculiar, repetitive, or cringeworthy words and phrases found in romance novels (e.g., “chuckle,” “snickered,” “waggled his eyebrows”).
  • Discussion of the challenge as a romance writer: finding words that don’t feel embarrassing, distracting, or unsexy.
  • Quote: “There’s no word that doesn’t take you out of it” (about laughter synonyms) – Kendahl [08:33]
  • Exploration of “sexy” synonyms for genitalia, especially the dearth of non-gross or non-comedic words for vagina.
    • “Make this sexy. There’s like two words for vagina that can sound sexy. There’s 100 synonyms for vagina that are honestly offensive.” – Kendahl [12:36]
  • Jordan rapid-fire reads off wild terms: “snatch”, “front bum”, “vertical smile”, “meat wallet”, “beaver”, “sheath”, “whoop whoop”, and more, with both expressing horror and laughter.
  • Kendahl muses about the sexism in language—how penises have more “normal” terms, whereas names for vaginas are mostly ridiculous or unflattering.

3. Sex-Positivity, Language Ownership, and Reclaiming Words

• [20:05 – 21:36]
  • Discussion on whether “vagina” itself could or should be reclaimed as a sexy term.
  • Jordan: “We should reclaim it.”
  • Quote: “Get that vagina over here.” – Jordan, joking to Kendahl [20:32]
  • Kendahl notes “vagina” itself is rarely used in erotic contexts: “That takes you out of it.”

4. Relationship Advice: Dating With Chronic Illness

• [22:53 – 31:39]
  • Listener “she/they lesbian, 24,” asks for advice about disclosing chronic illness and associated limitations to dates.
  • Affirmation from both hosts: everyone has unspoken baggage; you’re not alone or “deficient.”
  • Kendahl: “Just starting to think of yourself less as, like, the anomaly ... know that, like, yeah, everybody has their own stuff, and that stuff will come out over time.” [24:48]
  • Full agreement with the listener’s therapist: don’t overload your profile with vulnerabilities. Allow information to come out as trust builds.
  • Jordan’s advice: frame your needs in conversations about date activities (e.g., not being up for big hikes) rather than as a preemptive “deficiency.”
  • Kendahl discusses her own experience with lupus, emphasizing wanting a partner who understands but doesn’t lower expectations or infantilize: “You want someone who expects out of you.” [28:34]
  • Both warn against seeking (or attracting) partners who want to “fix” or patronize rather than support.

5. Relationship Advice: Asexual & Allosexual Pairings

• [35:13 – 41:40]
  • Listener (late 20s, asexual/“sex repulsed”) wonders if it’s worth pursuing relationships with allosexual (sex-inclined) partners given repeated failures when differences in sexual needs surface.
  • Both hosts are honest: while not impossible, it’s complicated—especially “sex repulsed” asexuality and a sexually active partner.
  • Jordan suggests relationship structures like ethical non-monogamy may help, but it’s crucial to iron out practical details and expectations up front.
  • Kendahl: “If you’re gonna date someone who’s allosexual, you need to date someone who has experience in not only having sex with their primary partner.”
  • Both emphasize the importance of clear communication, upfront conversations, and realistic expectations—mutual thriving, not just scraping by.

6. Listener Engagement Update – Proposal Success Story

• [42:10 – 44:50]
  • Listener, previously anxious about when she'd get engaged, writes in with a happy update: the proposal happened and it was perfect!
  • Adorable Minnesota lakeside proposal, complete with photos (the hosts gush over the details and invite the listener to share her address for a card).
  • Humorous and genuine commentary on the excessive pressure for grand gestures in engagements and weddings, and how “normal” is often sweetest.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I always say five-eight too, and I’m five-eleven. It’s a huge lie.” – Kendahl [01:02]
• “I’m the smallest woman that’s ever lived. And everyone thinks that when I walk in a room. But I’m actually incredibly tall.” – Kendahl [01:15]
• “You can say bleep this, but you can say, that's it. And... you had the C word. Now, that is for—you gotta work for that.” – Kendahl [14:02]
• “Vertical smile. See, that should put someone on a sex offender list—That is upsetting!” – Kendahl [17:12]
• “Do not throw a C word out of nowhere. And you need to have... character development.” – Kendahl [14:11]
• “She stuck her tongue out at me. I hate that... that is what a four year old boy does.” – Kendahl [10:07]
• “Meat Wallet would be a good, like, all girl punk band. I’m in drum lessons right now, so if anyone wants to start an all girl punk band with me called Meat Wallet…” – Jordan [21:28]
• “What do I call my vagina? Perfect. Back to what we actually want to talk about!” – Jordan [20:51]
• “Don’t lead with all the things you struggle with that you’re self conscious about.” – Kendahl [29:30]
• “You don’t want someone who invalidates you, but you want someone who believes in you.” – Kendahl [28:34]

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Time-Stamped Segment Guide

| Time | Topic | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:33 | Host Introduction & playful “actor slate” height banter | | 03:07 | Acting school stories / fake schools & confidence | | 06:09 | Word choice woes in romance novels – “chuckle”, repeat phrases | | 12:08 | Awful & hilarious vagina euphemisms (list reading) | | 16:34 | Language, sexism, and reclaiming terminology | | 20:05 | Owning/sexifying the word “vagina”/reclaiming sexual language | | 22:53 | Listener Q1: Dating with chronic illness—when/disclose? | | 28:00 | Complexities of illness & expectations in relationships | | 35:13 | Listener Q2: Asexual/allosexual relationship compatibility | | 41:40 | Advice on asexual community & upfront communication | | 42:10 | Listener Q3: Engagement update—happy proposal story! | | 44:50 | Reflections on proposal/wedding industry pressures | | 50:59 | End credits/jokes—“keep your muff natural” |

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Final Thoughts

The episode perfectly demonstrates why Kendahl and Jordan have cultivated such a devoted listenership. Their discussions of language, sex, and relationships are as insightful as they are hilarious, grounded in real personal experience and genuine care for their audience. In characteristic style, they seamlessly balance raunchy humor with deep empathy, making for an episode that's equal parts comedic gold and valuable advice.

Listener Takeaways

• Don’t be afraid to laugh at (and question) awkward or outdated language in romance and sex.
• When dating with chronic illness, remember: vulnerability is a slow reveal, not an opening act.
• For those in the ace/allo relationship space: be realistic, explicit, and seek community where you can.
• Embrace who you are (“vertical smile” and all—just maybe not in your romance novel).
• Sometimes, the best advice is to relax, embrace your quirks, and keep your beaver (er, box, er, vagina) happy and healthy.

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For questions, advice, or reactions, listeners are invited to email [e-mail] or follow the show’s Patreon and social accounts. And remember, do not use any random soap on your “vertical smile.”

Transcript

[Liberty Mutual Ad Voice]

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[Jordan Myron]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Kendall Landriff]

Liberty.

[Jordan Myron]

Liberty.

[Kendall Landriff]

Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life where your hosts. I'm Kendall Landriff.

[Jordan Myron]

And I'm Jordan Myron.

[Kendall Landriff]

And we are two incredibly unqualified but

[Jordan Myron]

deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we're helping you out.

[Kendall Landriff]

You're welcome. We should always do our intro like a slate. An acting slate. I am Kendall Landreth.

[Jordan Myron]

I'm five, eight.

[Kendall Landriff]

No, you're not. You're five' nine.

[Jordan Myron]

Thank you.

[Kendall Landriff]

I always say five. I. I always say five, eight, two. And I'm five' eleven. A huge lie.

[Jordan Myron]

It just feels like five' eight is what they'll accept.

[Kendall Landriff]

And I still don't get cast cuz I'm too tall. Every time I've gone to do I will get. It's actually and you know, it's weird, I don't think of myself as tall, which is wrong. And I, I am five' eleven. I, I am incredibly tall. I don't think of myself. I think I think of myself as a tin baby. And I'm like oh, I'm, I'm the smallest woman that's ever lived. And everyone thinks that when I walk in a room. But I'm incredibly tall. And anytime I get far in an audition process, I do the self tapes. I say my height in the self. I don't know what the problem is. Do my self tapes. Incredible job. People probably watching it cry. It's so beautiful. Get to the final chemistry read. The person I'm reading with is half the size of my body.

[Jordan Myron]

And then I say, well, I'm not

[Kendall Landriff]

going to get cast in this.

[Jordan Myron]

And your perception of your own height and size is so worth warped by the people around you because we're almost exclusively friends with giants for the most part.

[Kendall Landriff]

Why is that?

[Jordan Myron]

Your mom is tall. Both my parents are tall. Colin is tall, Danny's tall, Patrick's tall. Like most of our friends are tall. Yeah, Lily's regular sized.

[Kendall Landriff]

She's tiny.

[Jordan Myron]

No, she's like five, six.

[Kendall Landriff]

Really? My perception is Off. Because maybe I'm like, she's small, but I'm tall.

[Jordan Myron]

No, Reika's small. Lily's average.

[Kendall Landriff]

Okay.

[Jordan Myron]

Ben's tall.

[Kendall Landriff]

She's not gonna like that you said that. What? That she's average. She's gonna have to cut. You're gonna have to get that out. But I'm just.

[Jordan Myron]

I feel like most of our friends. Rachel McKenzie. Tall.

[Kendall Landriff]

Yeah. A lot of tall people. I guess you're right.

[Jordan Myron]

Alyssa's tall. My cousin. See?

[Kendall Landriff]

But I don't think of any of these people. Even you said Rachel. I'm like, I don't think it's Rachel's tall. But you're right. I just think I'm like, yeah, tall. My perception is off, but so I'm like, oh, I'm never gonna cast anything. So if you're casting anything, you know what? I'm just gonna start being more desperate. Any. Anyone out there casting a movie, let's put Jordan and I in it. We're five, ten. Let's please just cast. And I'll do anything of God. We both are traditionally. We're traditionally trained.

[Jordan Myron]

Yes. Some might say classically trained.

[Kendall Landriff]

Well, I wasn't going to go that far for me. So that's why I. When I said traditionally trained, I just met. I went to a school. Jordan went to nyu. I went to a school that I think maybe might have been a scam. But I did train there very hard.

[Jordan Myron]

Didn't they accreditation or did I make that up?

[Kendall Landriff]

They shut down, actually.

[Jordan Myron]

Oh, they mega.

[Kendall Landriff]

So they mega. Lost their accreditation. They don't exist anymore. Nycda, Any other alum.

[Jordan Myron]

Wow. That's the school they went to in Glee, Right?

[Kendall Landriff]

You know what? Everyone always said that Miata. No, it's not. But I used to tell people it was because I was like, that makes me feel like I'm going to some sort of real school. If I went to a. The fake school in Glee, that makes me feel cool. No. Also, the school in Glee is a. Like a musical theater school. I went to like a TV and film school.

[Jordan Myron]

Oh.

[Kendall Landriff]

Anyways. Candelandra510LA based.

[Jordan Myron]

Yep. What are we go higher. From anywhere but local hire from anywhere.

[Kendall Landriff]

Well, you know, that was. I. I got this summer. I went through a phase of applying. I had this goal where I was like, I want to start acting like a straight man in the way that I move through the world where I just have so much confidence that's unearned and I can do an Australian accent. That is pretty bad, I would say. I mean, it's fine if you're not Australian. I think if you're not Australian, you'd be like, oh, that's a Australian accent.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

I think if you're from Australia, you're like, that's not how it sound. But I was like, I'm gonna act like a straight man who doesn't know that, and I'm just gonna pretend that I, without any training in dialect, know how to do a perfect Australian accent. And I started applying as a local Australia for hire actor once again did not get cast in anything. And it's rough. It's like I'm applying sometimes to, like, student films and still just no bite, nothing. They're saying, no, thanks.

[Jordan Myron]

No thanks.

[Kendall Landriff]

Even I'm. That's why today I'm dressed like a student a little more. The woman at the drugstore, she loved you. There's a woman behind us at the drugstore. She said, you.

[Jordan Myron]

She loved you.

[Kendall Landriff]

Your outfit is amazing. I said. And I told her, I said, doesn't make me look like I went to college. I didn't. She goes, yeah, you look really smart. Or maybe she did. Maybe. I said, don't I look really smart? And then she said, yes, that is what happened. Yeah, I was really pulling out the compliment. I said, how good do I look

[Jordan Myron]

really smart in the car, too. Kendall goes, yeah, she saw my shoes and she said, oh, my God, those shoes, they're incredible. But what she actually said was, oh,

[Kendall Landriff]

and I really like those shoes. You weren't looking at her. You didn't see Jordan was paying. You didn't see the look in her eyes. She was a gasp. Gasp. Aghast.

[Jordan Myron]

Aghast.

[Kendall Landriff]

A gas. I think I've always said aghast. Like, she was like this. She was aghast. She just hurt. She transformed into just from a person to a gasp.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah, aghast. Aghast describes being struck with overwhelming shock, horror, or amazement. Wow.

[Kendall Landriff]

What was the word I used the other day that I said it and I snapped my head to you to be like. And you were looking at me in surprise because I just had known I'd said a word that you didn't think I knew?

[Jordan Myron]

Oh, this was yesterday. I don't remember what it was, but Kendall said some word that was just, like, not characteristic of a word she would use. And then she went like this. So she says. She says she's like, feudal.

[Kendall Landriff]

Feudal, yeah.

[Jordan Myron]

She goes, no, and it wasn't just the word futile. She goes like this. In all honesty, his efforts are futile.

[Kendall Landriff]

You can't see if you're listening. But Jordan just did a slow turn.

[Jordan Myron]

She slowly turned and smiled at me as if she was in the movie Smile.

[Kendall Landriff]

And what did you say? What did you say?

[Jordan Myron]

Her head was gonna go around 360.

[Kendall Landriff]

It was creepy.

[Jordan Myron]

It was so haunting.

[Kendall Landriff]

And what did you say? You went, where'd you learn that word?

[Jordan Myron]

I said, where'd you learn that word? But she was so pleased that she had used that in a sentence that way. His efforts were futile, I have found.

[Kendall Landriff]

Right. I mean, I know we're sick of hearing about it. I've been writing this damn book. It's incredible. Yeah, Buckland boys. It's incredible. But there, I'm writing so much that there are times I use a sentence that I'm like, that's not a thing you say. You don't say. His efforts refute. You don't need to say that. Nobody says that. You can. But, like, I'll describe something. Like I'm describing it in a way that you would not say. It's like you only use that as a descriptor.

[Jordan Myron]

Sure. Can I say something I appreciate about your book, though?

[Kendall Landriff]

Okay, get in there.

[Jordan Myron]

Now that I'm reading more romance, some of these people are using the same phrases over and over again in one book, much less over and over and over again in the same series.

[Kendall Landriff]

I'm really, really selective to a point that I think is probably. I will get less selective over time because I'm pretty new to it.

[Jordan Myron]

True. But I believe the effort.

[Kendall Landriff]

Well, I appreciate it. I also think I'll learn, like, oh, that's maybe something I need to do later in the process. But I enjoy it. I am having fun with it, so I don't mind. But I will not use, I mean, the word. Like, what's the word? Chuckle. That's one that I, I struggle with from like, I, I. But I've probably used the word chuckle five times in my book. I'm like, so selective. But I think it's good because it's like in a moment where I want to use the word chuckle, I'm like, well, you know, I'm kind of taking

[Jordan Myron]

back what I was saying before, because Chuckle 5 times seems like a lot

[Kendall Landriff]

in a 350 page book.

[Jordan Myron]

I don't know. There's just so many synonyms for laughter.

[Kendall Landriff]

You think that. Try snickered. Okay, so. And this is where. This is what I'll tell you. There's a lot of synonyms for chuckle. A lot of them would completely take me out of a book if someone said she Snickered. What would you picture? Because this is what I would picture. Right. Am I right?

[Jordan Myron]

Sure.

[Kendall Landriff]

Gaffawd. What do I. That's what I pictured. It's fucking insane. You can't. There's no word that doesn't take you out of it.

[Jordan Myron]

There are a lot of things like that. Honestly, we have to do a whole episode about that. Because there's also. In the books that I'm reading, they regularly, like, they. They crashed their mouths together.

[Kendall Landriff]

All their teeth fall out. That's what I picture. Yeah.

[Jordan Myron]

I'm always like, oh, my God.

[Kendall Landriff]

Yeah. Scary. Yeah. There's a lot of words like that where I'm like, that is a word. I can't use that word. The word. So you say. Oh. So she chuckled softly.

[Jordan Myron]

What?

[Kendall Landriff]

I. I chuckled softly. It's also. It's usually on a word. So you're kind of, like, picturing more of a. Like, Chuckle, to me, is more flirtatious. I'm laughing at you being kind of in my book.

[Jordan Myron]

At least.

[Kendall Landriff]

She's like, my book. She's a little. She's a little smug.

[Jordan Myron]

Chuckle, to me is so. Chuckle's kind of cartoon beaver.

[Kendall Landriff]

Well, that's not good. All right, we gotta take Chuckle out. Five. Five. Chuckle's too many.

[Jordan Myron]

No, no, no. I don't think there's anything wrong with, like.

[Kendall Landriff]

How many times did you say laugh? Laugh is what really. Is that. Because what you really want is for people to not be noticing it. You don't want people to. That's like, you can't. She snickered. It's like you immediately are, like, picturing this thing, but it doesn't bother me that much. That's literally. I picture like, a mouse eating a thing of cheese, and he's like, hi, I got my cheese. Like, that's what I picture.

[Jordan Myron]

I don't know.

[Kendall Landriff]

Maybe I'm wrong, but there are some words where in a book, it just immediately takes me out of it. What is one? There's one I read a lot where it's like, you know what one of mine is? What?

[Jordan Myron]

What?

[Kendall Landriff]

What?

[Jordan Myron]

Waggled. Oh, it'll be like he waggled his eyebrows.

[Kendall Landriff]

No one does that, you know? Another one?

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

I fucking hate this. And I. And some of my favorite books have it. I feel like so many books I read have this. Someone says something kind of bitchy. She stuck her tongue out at me.

[Jordan Myron]

I hate that.

[Kendall Landriff]

When the fuck. As an adult, have you stuck your

[Jordan Myron]

tongue out at someone? I hate that.

[Kendall Landriff]

That is if someone did that to me. I don't even know that's what a four year old boy does.

[Jordan Myron]

I'm not one to say that many things are cringe. I. Sticking your tongue out at some point. Most things are not cringe. Sticking your tongue out at someone that you're flirting with as an adult.

[Kendall Landriff]

Disgust.

[Jordan Myron]

Yikes.

[Kendall Landriff]

There's a. Yeah, there and. But I try not to repeat. There's a cut and there's some authors that I love that repeat. There's one author I love, adore her. She says she rolled her lips 50 times.

[Jordan Myron]

We talked about this a lot.

[Kendall Landriff]

What does that mean?

[Jordan Myron]

What I mean?

[Kendall Landriff]

I don't know what that means. The thing is I know what meaning, so I just conjure it. She's wetting her lips is what I picture. Like kind of like a. Oh, I see.

[Jordan Myron]

I see.

[Kendall Landriff]

She rolled her lips. That's what I picture. I don't think that is what that is. I also don't. Why is she doing that so much?

[Jordan Myron]

So much. Does she have chapped lips?

[Kendall Landriff]

That's a different. I would understand she rolled her lips. If we're like in a. In a apocalyptic like maybe like desert situation. Oh, her lips are dry. Why are lips so dry?

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah, you know what else is one? I see a lot in mine. His jaw ticked, right? What is that?

[Kendall Landriff]

What is that? What is that? I don't know what that is either.

[Jordan Myron]

His jaw ticked.

[Kendall Landriff]

You're just in the present, I think.

[Jordan Myron]

What is it?

[Kendall Landriff]

You know what I think it is? This is what I would picture. It's a tightening of the jaw.

[Jordan Myron]

It's a clench.

[Kendall Landriff]

So then you almost get like a. In like the corner of your. Which why. But that's another one.

[Jordan Myron]

It's a clench. That's what it is. He squirted. Is that what you said he was

[Kendall Landriff]

going to my book. I replaced chuckled and squirted.

[Jordan Myron]

I'm like, it's just not worth it.

[Kendall Landriff]

She jumps.

[Jordan Myron]

Squirted.

[Kendall Landriff]

She responds in response to everything. She squirts everywhere. No, I mean, honestly, it gets to the point where you're like, well, what else could she do besides laugh? I guess she could just orgasm. But there are things. And I stroke. We were talking about this the other day because in the smutty scenes I write, I was like, look up synonyms for vagina. And I will. I mean the struggle I have had. Dick has so many prolific. Vagina has so many unusable, unusable. Do you. Could you look them up and now you try to make this sexy. There's like two words for vagina that can sound sexy. There's 100 synonyms for vagina that are honestly offensive.

[Jordan Myron]

We're gonna have to blur a bunch of these.

[Kendall Landriff]

That's fine. No, that's fine, too. Those are the two.

[Jordan Myron]

Snatch, Insane. Box.

[Kendall Landriff]

Crazy.

[Jordan Myron]

Muff.

[Kendall Landriff]

Unacceptable.

[Jordan Myron]

Twat.

[Kendall Landriff]

That would work in a really specific setting.

[Jordan Myron]

No, no, it would not. Twat is like a British insult.

[Kendall Landriff]

That's what I'm saying. If I did, like, a lesbian romance between two, like, chimney sweeps. Okay, wait, write it down. Okay, wait, write it down.

[Jordan Myron]

Beaver.

[Kendall Landriff]

Can you im. What would you. If you read my book and they were like, she licked my beaver, so she snickered into my beaver.

[Jordan Myron]

Stop, stop.

[Kendall Landriff]

They're just ridiculous and they get crazier. There's some. Read the craziest one you can see on there.

[Jordan Myron]

Well, they're trying to tell me that crack is a synonym for vagina.

[Kendall Landriff]

That's ridiculous.

[Jordan Myron]

Insane. Front bum.

[Kendall Landriff]

Okay, that's for the chimney sweet book.

[Jordan Myron]

Again, that's for the chimney sweet book. You're any. Oh, my God.

[Kendall Landriff]

Like, these are ridiculous. So you can really say, and, yeah, you have to bleep this, but you. You can say bleep this, but you can say, that's it. And. And you had the C word. Now, that is for. You gotta work for that.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah, you can't.

[Kendall Landriff]

And I hate when someone throws a

[Jordan Myron]

C word out of nowhere.

[Kendall Landriff]

Do not throw a C word out of nowhere. And you need to have. You need to have. Talk about. You need character development. Your character needs to have to call someone's vagina the C word.

[Jordan Myron]

I agree. I. One of the things that comes up is a fanfiction Reddit, and this person says that they like entrance.

[Kendall Landriff]

I can't. I can't. I cannot entrance. I cannot core. I cannot entrance. I cannot heat.

[Jordan Myron]

Opening.

[Kendall Landriff]

I cannot. Oh, no, no, no. I did. Opening. I said opening.

[Jordan Myron]

Folds.

[Kendall Landriff]

No, no.

[Jordan Myron]

Flesh.

[Kendall Landriff]

No, no, no. Especially. Mine's a zombie doll. That's gonna get confusing. Yeah, I think I've said. I think I've said entrance. I think I've said there's a lot of. And a lot of C words.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah, people have a lot of thoughts,

[Kendall Landriff]

and C word feels bold. But C word comes when you go, I am out. I cannot say one more time. Yeah, and you're trying to describe you can't, and that's what I mean. But then I feel freedom when I read some of these books where they just don't care. They just are saying the same words over and over again, and a part of me wants to strive for that freedom. What face is that what you says, sheath. I've heard that.

[Jordan Myron]

Because the word vagina is sheath in Latin. That does not feel right. Hold on.

[Kendall Landriff]

I also think that only works now. We could have fun with that in a straight. In a straight fantasy. If he's going to sheath his dick in her. In her beaver.

[Jordan Myron]

Kendall, please.

[Kendall Landriff]

You know what I mean? That could work. I could find a metaphor for that, but there's just not a lot. And you really start to think. Because the word laugh, you go, oh, there's a million words for laugh.

[Jordan Myron]

Okay, so here we go. The vagina is a Latin word. It's pronounced. Please, please.

[Kendall Landriff]

Wait, what?

[Jordan Myron]

Stay with me.

[Kendall Landriff]

Oh, I was like. Is it really pronounced?

[Jordan Myron]

Please, please, please. No, just please hang on. It's pronounced vagina. Everyone be cool. And I can tell you why. It's because there is no V sound in Latin. I know this from having taken Latin in high school. Yeah, so, like, there's no V. So it's vagina. So it's.

[Kendall Landriff]

And I will be using that. It's pronounced as vagina, even though it's not in my. Not in the place I got my synonyms from.

[Jordan Myron]

And it means a sheath, scabbard, or covering for a sword. Okay, yeah, so.

[Kendall Landriff]

And then that makes sense.

[Jordan Myron]

That makes sense. So that's graphic, but that makes. It's a sword terminology mapped onto the body.

[Kendall Landriff]

Yeah, but I really, you know, part of me said I don't want to make everything about being a feminist, but something about how silly our names for vaginas are. I said, there's something there. Because why does. Why do penises have so many, like, normal names? There's one weird. Read one more weird one. There's some weird ones.

[Jordan Myron]

Okay, hold on.

[Kendall Landriff]

I'm sorry.

[Jordan Myron]

I'm making you weirdest names for vagina.

[Kendall Landriff]

I've cut your episode idea, and I'm just making you name vagina words. We're gonna have to bleep them all out. Say it.

[Jordan Myron]

Vertical smile.

[Kendall Landriff]

That is. See, that should put someone on his next offender list if that. That is upsetting.

[Jordan Myron]

I think that's awful.

[Kendall Landriff]

Vertical smile. And these people, I'm telling you, these authors, and I love them for it. They will. They will. Oh, I read a book. You know, repeat, repeat stuff. I read a book, a cup last year over Christmas.

[Jordan Myron]

She.

[Kendall Landriff]

She described this woman's smile as a half moon smile over 200 times.

[Jordan Myron]

That's a normal smile. Right?

[Kendall Landriff]

A half moon smile. Right.

[Jordan Myron]

Because you can't do a full moon smile.

[Kendall Landriff]

That'd be.

[Jordan Myron]

Your mouth is wide open. Right.

[Kendall Landriff]

But this is my pro. Maybe I'm too visual. Okay, that's cute.

[Jordan Myron]

This would be a half moon smile, right? Because it's half the. The moon's a circle.

[Kendall Landriff]

I'm too. Yeah, I should have. Her mouth is. That's what I'm saying.

[Jordan Myron]

If she did a full moon smile, she's no.

[Kendall Landriff]

A half.

[Jordan Myron]

Right.

[Kendall Landriff]

A half moon smiles. But what I picture is immediately a Cheshire cat smile, which people also describe

[Jordan Myron]

that I don't like a sliver of a moon. What do they.

[Kendall Landriff]

What's the crescent? Crescent moon.

[Jordan Myron]

Thank you.

[Kendall Landriff]

Maybe she said that. Maybe crescent moon smile. But either way, I have the right

[Jordan Myron]

information for me to answer it.

[Kendall Landriff]

Either way, half moon or crescent, I immediately picture her when this is on me. No teeth. There's a moon in her mouth. That's what I picture. I don't know why I like too literal with some of these metaphors. And I'm like, that's why you got to be really careful just throwing in the middle of a something saying her vertical smile. That is gonna put an image in my head that I really can't shake.

[Jordan Myron]

On Reddit, this woman says I have an older lady friend who calls it her whoop whoop.

[Kendall Landriff]

I've heard that.

[Jordan Myron]

You've heard that?

[Kendall Landriff]

I've heard that. Probably on this exact Reddit thread that I've been on desperately searching for another word for vagina.

[Jordan Myron]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Kendall Landriff]

But you know, but then when I read I would never notice someone using over and over again. I would never notice that.

[Jordan Myron]

No. Cause that's kinda why you're doing it.

[Kendall Landriff]

But when you're writing it, you're overthinking it. But the stuff like chuckle and. And smirk for smirk. That was my goal. You hate that. But even like my editor was like, she did like a smirk count on my book.

[Jordan Myron]

Oh, she got your ass.

[Kendall Landriff]

She said too many smirks and there weren't even that many. But I was like, hey, she's smirking. I don't know what to. She half moon. I'll bring a half moon smile.

[Jordan Myron]

She crescent smiled.

[Kendall Landriff]

She crescent smiled. Doesn't that take you out of it? I'd be like, what the.

[Jordan Myron]

Her smile was like a crescent moon? No, I would assume it was like bright but like smirky. I guess half moon smile is the way I smile, which is really big. Huge. My mouth is open. It's half a circle. That's why I smile so cute.

[Kendall Landriff]

Anyways, I don't remember what we were talking about, how we got here, but we're going to answer some questions.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah, we said we were going to help you, and this is how we taught you.

[Kendall Landriff]

This way.

[Jordan Myron]

This is helping you.

[Kendall Landriff]

In a way. This is helping you. But I'm sure, you know, you're reading all these gay. This gay man stuff. They've got a million words.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

Dick, Cock. Member. Penis. Penis. They don't probably say penis, though.

[Jordan Myron]

You know what? They probably don't.

[Kendall Landriff]

They don't. And you don't. You don't say vagina. That takes you out of it. I don't know why. Why does vagina.

[Jordan Myron]

What's wrong with me? I like vagina.

[Kendall Landriff]

I. But no, you. No, you don't. Because, I mean, I don't want to speak for you, but when. You would never say that to me in a sexual setting.

[Jordan Myron]

No, but I think we should reclaim it.

[Kendall Landriff]

Okay, well, now that's a different thing. Now you're starting a movement that's different than what we were talking about.

[Jordan Myron]

Because I don't think it's.

[Kendall Landriff]

Because you would never be like.

[Jordan Myron]

But I don't think it's upsetting.

[Kendall Landriff]

No, no, no, no.

[Jordan Myron]

So I'm like, why aren't we saying it in a sexier way? Get that vagina over here.

[Kendall Landriff]

Don't say that to me in front of Richie.

[Jordan Myron]

What? Sorry.

[Kendall Landriff]

Because I'm going to do it. I'm going to bring the vagina over here.

[Jordan Myron]

Muff your ears. Pun intended.

[Kendall Landriff]

Muff your ears.

[Jordan Myron]

I think that we're going to take it back. Okay, now we have to answer some questions.

[Kendall Landriff]

Yeah, the first question. What do I call my vagina? Perfect. Back to what we actually want to talk about.

[Jordan Myron]

To call my vagina.

[Kendall Landriff]

You call it. Call it. Oh, God. But some of them just feel like a joke. Some of them make me feel like you're making fun of me.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

Don't call my vagina that. And there's some ones that I've heard that I'm like, that's even there. It's a joke.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah. Your meat wallet. Your meat wallet. Richie, you know any bad ones? You were a teenage boy at one point.

[Kendall Landriff]

I feel like you guys covered a lot of things.

[Jordan Myron]

That's because we're.

[Kendall Landriff]

He always called it a meat wallet.

[Jordan Myron]

He's been dying to chime in and say meat wallet. But we already said it.

[Kendall Landriff]

That's like a good day. It feels like a name. I'm like, wait, I gotta use that in something, though. Meatwallet is Meat Wallet would be a

[Jordan Myron]

good, like, all girl punk band.

[Kendall Landriff]

Oh.

[Jordan Myron]

I'm in drum lessons right now. So if anyone wants to start an all girl Punk band with me called Meat Wallet.

[Kendall Landriff]

Meat Wallet. I'm actually obsessed with that. But you know what it's most like? It's one of those names, weirdly, like, if you were a high school girl group, that would be so cool. But as you get older, it starts to get a little weirder. But for some reason, like a, like a bunch of, like a bunch of like teenage girls in their garage with a band called Meat Wallet. They like. It's like fun. Why are you looking at me like?

[Jordan Myron]

Why can't I be in a band called Meat Wallet? I'm too old to be in a band called Meatball.

[Kendall Landriff]

I think maybe.

[Jordan Myron]

Well, my Meat Wallet's at least legal, unlike these high school girls you're talking about.

[Kendall Landriff]

I just think it feels like really, like, what was the name of. Well, we can't get into this. Let's answer a question.

[Jordan Myron]

Okay.

[Kendall Landriff]

All I'm going to say is I heard a band name the other day that was horrible and that story will end there.

[Jordan Myron]

Thank you.

[Kendall Landriff]

I'm not bringing down a indie band.

[Jordan Myron]

I'm glad you told us that much of the story.

[Kendall Landriff]

Are you riveted? First question, what are people emailing us? If you're like, where do I email? I have so many questions. We're never gonna get into these it's hwhlpod questions gmail.com and if we haven't answered your question, just know I've read it because I sometimes when I'm bored, I just go read your drama.

[Jordan Myron]

You can also always follow up. I had someone ask me that recently. You can always follow up. You can bump it and be like, hey, I'm still looking for advice.

[Kendall Landriff]

And seriously, because we do get not. I mean, not to brag, but we get a lot of emails and also sometimes like, if you're like, no, this is like really good, we may just have seen it and then hadn't didn't film an episode that week and didn't see it. Okay, next.

[Jordan Myron]

Okay, ready?

[Kendall Landriff]

Here we go. I'm not gonna talk about vaginas anymore.

[Jordan Myron]

I need advice.

[Kendall Landriff]

Okay.

[Jordan Myron]

I am a 24 year old she they lesbian who is trying to date. Also, I am dealing with a lot of chronic illness and trying to figure out my diagnosis. My question is, how do you recommend going about dating? My illness manifests as chronic fatigue and in a bit of intimacy anxiety and therefore trying to move a bit slower for physically. My instinct is to be honest and put all of that on my dating profile. My therapist keeps telling me that when I do, I'm mentally Presenting myself as deficient and seeking the approval of whoever I go on a date with before I even decide if I like them.

[Kendall Landriff]

Okay. Damn. I actually love your therapist.

[Jordan Myron]

She says that I should get to know them and let them learn vulnerable info about me as I begin to trust them. Which is probably valid, but I'm struggling to find a balance.

[Kendall Landriff]

Here's the thing. When, for some reason, when I took my glasses off, now I feel like I'm really pretending like I'm educated. Like, I. You guys, I feel like I have to clarify. Just because I'm dressed like this, I'm not accredited to answer these questions. Okay, here we go. I'm. Put the glasses down. I. I feel like everyone has problems. Every person you meet has problems. Every person you're going on a date with has something they struggle with. It does. It does not need to be at the forefront. Every person had something. I think maybe I'm just wrong, But I feel like every person has something that they struggle with that before going on the date, affects their date, affects whether that's. They have, like, unreliable transportation. Getting to the date was hard. They have sober. They're sober. They're nervous about the fact that, like, well, what if the person wants to drink? I'm like, there's so many things. Maybe they literally have a temporary. Oh, they're just stressed out. They had a bad call with their mom the other day. Who knows? Like, everyone's dealing with stuff. So I think just starting to think of yourself less as, like, the. Is the anomaly the right word?

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

And just know that, like, yeah, everybody has their own stuff, and that stuff will come out over time. You also discover new things that you struggle with. Unfortunately, we keep saying we're like, oh, my God, if I find out one more thing is wrong with me, I'm gonna lose it. I don't have the time.

[Jordan Myron]

Absolutely.

[Kendall Landriff]

But I think just, like, stop thinking of yourself as, like, I'm a person with these problems that's trying to date and just be like, I'm a person and, like, everyone else have problems, and I'm trying to date, like, everyone else. I don't know if that's helpful, but

[Jordan Myron]

that's how I feel like I think it is. I 100 agree with your therapist. I think that it makes you feel like you're setting yourself up for success, being like, I'm gonna put everything out there. But a lot of times, people that put way too much out there, it can be kind of intimidating. It can kind of seem like maybe you're not Interested in actually getting to know someone. You're just like, here's everything about me. And you either take it or you don't. And I think that energy doesn't feel collaborative and building a relationship necessarily. I also think that if there are things that really feel important to you, to say maybe one of them, let's say you, I don't know, like, like

[Kendall Landriff]

don't want to be out too late.

[Jordan Myron]

Even then I'm like, who cares? I guess, like, you can put on your profile that you're sober, but let's say that I even think that you don't have to put anything on your profile. And then when you're talking to the person about the date, if they're like, oh, I'd love to take you out, what kind of things do you like to do? I think you could be like, I'm game for anything other than, like going on a big hike because I have joint pa, have lupus, so doing big hikes is a little off the table for me. But anything else I'm game for or whatever. Like, I think like, something like that. It's like, then you're adding it to the conversation. Like, you are. You're making your dating profile so you can sync up with like minded people.

[Kendall Landriff]

Right?

[Jordan Myron]

Not so you can sync up with people that will tolerate you, accommodate you, not question you.

[Kendall Landriff]

Well, and I think that is something I find I'm saying this as someone who has lupus who. Guys, let's not pretend we don't know the type of person I'm talking about. I think we know there's a type of person that maybe is kind of doing too much in terms of the drama.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

I, as someone with a autoimmune, I mean, lupus is kind of king autoimmune. Okay. I'm like one of the big three. Like, it's tough. I struggle with it. Jordan Sashimoto's struggle with it. It's tough. I feel like, though, you don't want to find yourself with someone who sees that profile and goes, wait, I also have an autoimmune disease. So this is a person that, like, is gonna completely understand everything about it and never make me do anything I don't want to do. Because I think something about living, at least for me, with an autoimmune disease that causes a lot of pain, a lot of fatigue. And there are days, I mean, there are days I go, I can't. I literally am in too much pain to leave my bed. Like, I'm too sick. I just. My lupus is flaring up right now. Whatever's too bad. But most days it's like that I would not want someone who completely just encouraged me to live that way. And I think it's the same thing with my adhd. It's like you always want someone who's challenging you and, and understands you and takes the time to learn about what you struggle with.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

But doesn't just go, oh, well, you have an autoimmune disease. So my expectations for you are low. And I think, and I'm not going to over explain this because I think you guys know the type of person I'm talking about. But I think it, there are people where it's like they want the people around them's expectations to be low in a way that is, I think really detrimental to their life.

[Jordan Myron]

Sure.

[Kendall Landriff]

And there ultimately just are times where you have to show up, up in life and you don't feel 100. And I think especially with a partner, you need someone who expects out of you.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

I, I like. And then there are days where you're like, it's too much like, I can't, I cannot, like, I cannot do this. You don't want someone who invalidates you, but you want someone who like believes in you. I think is really what it is and doesn't like view you having an autoimmune disease. And I'm not saying this is what you've said you're looking for, but like you don't want someone who sees your ADHD or your autoimmune stuff as a reason why you cannot achieve anything. Because that's not the case.

[Jordan Myron]

Yep.

[Kendall Landriff]

And I think sometimes people get so accepting of stuff that it, it veers into a weird territory of kind of like, well, she can't, can't, can't, can't, can't fantalize. And it's like, and I think some people want that. They want someone who infantilizes them. No expectations. So they don't disappoint. So they don't. Or there are a million reasons why they would want that. But I really don't think sometimes I'm like, put yourself in a situation to date in a way, put your best foot forward. Don't lead with the things, all the

[Jordan Myron]

things you struggle with that you're self conscious about, Whatever. Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

Find a person who's respectful and understanding that you. Because that's going to benefit you in every aspect of life, but who also sees the best in you. And then like normal will reveal over time things you struggle with get to know you better. Know the things you struggle with. And I think that's the best route to go.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah. Because I'm like, worst case scenario, you go on a date with this person who seems cool, and then on the date, you're like, oh, yeah, I'll actually have lupus. And then they're like, ew, what? I'm leaving. And then they leave. That's like the worst case scenario.

[Kendall Landriff]

Right.

[Jordan Myron]

That'd be so weird. And also then, like, that person's weird and it's not your fault. And you might be saying, well, then that'd be a waste of my time. But so much of dating is a waste of your time. Right? Like, that's what I hate that stuff.

[Kendall Landriff]

I think that is such a. That is ruined so much. Wait, date. So dating is never a waste of time. You've got. At least you've gone out and you've experienced an experience. Like, that's all life is.

[Jordan Myron]

I agree. So I'm like, I think your therapist is right. Listen to them. They sound like they're doing a good job. Set yourself up for success. Share things that you love about yourself. Be honest, but don't feel like you have to show every single one of your cards before you've even matched with the person if you don't want to.

[Kendall Landriff]

Because also, I'm like, you're looking for a partner that's gonna accept in all the phases of your life. And it's like, a lot of people. I mean, especially as you get older. I mean, this is like the thing about a disability. People with disabilities are one of the worst treated groups of people in our society. And yet it is something that, for the most part, all of us will be one day. Which is interesting because. Or even temporarily. But also, as we all age, like, we will have disabilities and physical things we struggle with. So I. Even if you don't have an autoimmune disease now, in 10 years, you could. And so you're really looking for a partner that's gonna be understanding, but you don't need a partner. That's like, I see 100 of everything that you struggle with, and I will not ask any questions, and I will just respect that.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

And you also, honestly, too, you don't want a partner who's like, I get 100%. Cause I'm in the same boat. Cause I'm like, honey, someone's gotta take out the trash when the joints are hurting. Honey.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

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[Kendall Landriff]

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[Kendall Landriff]

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[Jordan Myron]

I'm an asexual person in my late 20s who has been almost exclusively in relationships with allosexual. Okay people gotta do a Google which means non asexual.

[Kendall Landriff]

Okay, I didn't know that I'm an allosexual. I thought that was I was thinking Aloe gym.

[Jordan Myron]

Aloe like the leggings?

[Kendall Landriff]

Yeah. And I don't they have a gym too?

[Jordan Myron]

Maybe.

[Kendall Landriff]

I don't know. I said. Oh I know a lot of ladies who are allosexual in Los Angeles.

[Jordan Myron]

It's not my intent to always date people who aren't ace but have only met a handful of other asexual people in my life and have only had one short lived relationship with one. Everyone I've dated has been told up front that I am sex repulsed and would not want to participate in any sexual activity in the relationship. However, even after agreeing to respect this every time I've been dumped, the Ace thing has always come up in the reasoning. Do you think Ace Allo. Relationships can work out or should I give up and only seek out Ace people?

[Kendall Landriff]

First of all, I want to apologize that when you said sexually repulsed, my jaw dropped. That was disrespectful.

[Jordan Myron]

Thank you.

[Kendall Landriff]

I'm just so horny. I. It's. And that's rude on my. That's embarrassing on my part. I'm a total horn dog. And that, I mean, just that was rude of me. And I need to reign in my responses.

[Jordan Myron]

Thank you.

[Kendall Landriff]

Oh, no, no, you go. I was just gonna say, first of all, what this tells me is you're incredibly attractive and charming because I know. I just can picture myself already having a con. I've had this with so many people that I want to date so bad. I'm like obsessed with them. I'm like, oh my God, they're so hot. They're so cool. They tell me something that I'm like, that absolutely is a nightmare for me. And I just go, uh huh. That works for me. You know, they're like, I want to live in a van. I'm like, and me too. That's perfect. And then of course, months later, I go, and actually, that is not gonna work for me. And I knew that from the beginning, but I just really wanted this to work. So it seems like there's. That's exciting. There's a lot of people that want to date you that are trying to push past the Ace thing. Ace to me, guys, as I. And I could have done. I should do a little more research. Maybe I'll read a little nonfiction book. I'm putting my glasses on. Okay, so I look a little smarter when I say this. I think ACE is like one of those things that especially if you don't live in LA or a big city, we gotta be getting into a. A group. We gotta be getting into like a book club or we gotta be getting to an Ace hockey league. There's some there. I found stuff out there for everyone. Ace is one of those things. I feel like it probably is a small group of people. Sure. Which makes. I mean, this is like being a lesbian too. I mean, it's. Obviously there's more lesbians. Well, maybe. I don't know. I assume there's more lesbians than Ace people.

[Jordan Myron]

I have no clue.

[Kendall Landriff]

There's not many lesbians though. We've got soccer leagues, we've got. People are meeting in all sorts of ways that they're having to like put together and organize because there's Just not a ton of people, I'm sure. Especially if you're in, like, a small town. I think with Ace, you gotta get rid of the dream of being like, I met them in a coffee shop and we just hit it off. I'm like, I don't know if that's gonna happen. Maybe it will, but you gotta be like, I'm gonna have to kind of make this happen for myself.

[Jordan Myron]

I think you have to figure out the way the relationship is gonna work before you enter it, is what I think, because I think an asexual person and an allosexual person, I'm sure, could be in a relationship.

[Kendall Landriff]

But. But it would have to be open.

[Jordan Myron]

It would have to probably be open. Or there would have to be some kind of rules around that, because otherwise you're asking them to live an asexual life, which I don't think is practical,

[Kendall Landriff]

and I don't think it's gonna end well. And I. And I also think I. And I. Hey, hey, could be wrong. But I just feel like that is probably not a good idea. But I also feel like what is not a good idea isn't. And once again, who knows? But I feel like if you have someone who's monogamous, allosexual, and then you are dating some, and then you're asexual. If you start dating and then you're like, okay, but we could be open. And then they're like, great. I feel like that might be a recipe for disaster. I think you need to find someone who's like, I'm open. I feel about sex in this specific way. You feel very specific about sex? I feel very specific about sex. I feel like I can have. What I get from sex is not completely the intimacy part of it. I also get, like, this other thing from it. Think that would work? You know what I mean?

[Jordan Myron]

Sure.

[Kendall Landriff]

That makes sense. It's kind of word salad, I think.

[Jordan Myron]

So.

[Kendall Landriff]

I just think you do need. If you're gonna date someone who's allosexual, you need to date some. You need to date someone who has experience in not only having sex with their primary partner.

[Jordan Myron]

I think that would be an ideal situation. Someone who's experienced different types of orientations and.

[Kendall Landriff]

And understands it and says, okay, I can say this is what sex is to me. And I feel good, because I also am like. I don't know if open fixes it for everybody, because some people, like, they need sex to feel.

[Jordan Myron]

Yes.

[Kendall Landriff]

Connected and whatever makes it accessible for everyone. No, but I think there's a World.

[Jordan Myron]

I think there's. If the question is, do I think that it's possible? Yes, for sure.

[Kendall Landriff]

But I don't think too. Because I've never heard someone say sex repulsed as seen by my jaw drop. I've never heard that.

[Jordan Myron]

Okay.

[Kendall Landriff]

I think I've always assumed. I don't know as much about asexuality, but I think, like, I've assumed it's like a spectrum, like anything else. Yeah.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah, it is.

[Kendall Landriff]

But to me, sex repulsed also, that is so. That is. That's so specific that I just feel like you would thrive more with someone who feels that same way.

[Jordan Myron]

I mean, I agree. I love two people that are similar being together in a lot of ways. I think that that makes your life easier. But I also think, as Kendall said, it is probably hard to find someone that is sexual is asexual. Depending on where you live, your age, your accessibility to things. Like, I think there's a lot of factors that go in. So do I think that it is impossible for it to go the other way? No, of course not. But I think like, hey, it seems like you haven't done it much, so maybe try it out some more, see how it feels to you.

[Kendall Landriff]

But I think this is opposite from the last question about the autoimmune. I think that is an upfront conversation, which it sounds like you have had. But I think it's not just about getting a thumbs up from someone.

[Jordan Myron]

I think you have to iron out the semantics.

[Kendall Landriff]

Yeah. I think you need to be for real. I think you need to be like, this person likes me. Of course they're gonna wanna make it work. Is this gonna be a. I mean, if I'm looking long term, is this not gonna be something that can. It shouldn't just be something that could be made to work. It's like. Like, is this going to be fruitful and we're both going to thrive in this scenario. And I think sex repulsed feels like a thing. You might really have to seek some stuff out.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

And like, find people who are in the same boat as you.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

And I do feel like communities like that, it's almost nice. It's like the smaller community is, the more like you can find a commute. Like, they will have a group. It might be online. I don't know where you live, but I'm like, you might have to find your partner online.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah. Which is great.

[Kendall Landriff]

And hey, asexuals, drop in the chat if you disagree or you feel like there's a different perspective on this. But as someone who I was someone who's not asexual. That's just what I. That's what I would say.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah. But good luck and let us know what happens, please. Last but not least, we have some good news.

[Kendall Landriff]

Oh, thank God.

[Jordan Myron]

So recently someone wrote in about being anxious waiting to get proposed to.

[Kendall Landriff]

I remember that.

[Jordan Myron]

And we were like, okay. Based on when this email was sent,

[Kendall Landriff]

we know they will be engaged. They got engaged. They got engaged.

[Jordan Myron]

They have reached out to us and they said after work on Friday. He said, okay, we're dropping the dog off at the boarding facility and pack a bag for two days. We went out to a fancy dinner Friday night and he took me to my favorite park next to the restaurant. He proposed in the gazebo. And then I did get whisked off. We live in Minnesota, so the easiest place to whisk me off to was north shore of Lake Superior. First night in a hotel in Duluth, but second night was a lakeside mini hotel in the town of Grand Marais.

[Kendall Landriff]

Oh, my God.

[Jordan Myron]

Jordan got very close with her gas. Look up pics. Such a cute little town. It was gorgeous, perfect. And overall just sweet. He did such a great job and my anxiety was just doing overtime the last few months. Granted, we do live in Minnesota, so he was waiting because he didn't want to propose while it was snowing or while ice was at an all time high in Minnesota.

[Kendall Landriff]

Yeah.

[Jordan Myron]

And then they sent some pictures and they look so cute. And I'm gonna ask if we can share them to.

[Kendall Landriff]

Well, and email us if you're listening. Email us your address. Yeah. And we would love to send you a little a congratulations card.

[Jordan Myron]

Yes, please.

[Kendall Landriff]

I'm gonna get my, my stamps out.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah, I'm saying can we have your address and can we post one of these?

[Kendall Landriff]

Wow. Congratulations. And it sounds like you. And I could tell. I could tell when you wrote in, I was like, this poor man, I can tell is gonna. He's trying to do it like you want it. Yeah, that's why it's taking a minute.

[Jordan Myron]

And you were being annoying.

[Kendall Landriff]

You're crazy. And that's like we love you, but like you're, You're. You are crazy. No, I mean, you wanted a thing though. But the. I'm telling you, we. Oh, my God, Jordan. I went to this, this marriage retreat year, years ago for a wedding. You guys.

[Jordan Myron]

It was the nod, not a marriage.

[Kendall Landriff]

It made it sound like we want a marriage retreat. Which honestly. Okay, this is a separate thing. I would love to go on a marriage retreat. That sound so fun to me.

[Jordan Myron]

Like I don't know anything about a

[Kendall Landriff]

marriage where you go. I think it's usually for people who are like struggling.

[Jordan Myron]

Oh, and you just like focus on your marriage.

[Kendall Landriff]

Yeah, but I just am like the people watching, which is not a reason to go.

[Jordan Myron]

Sure.

[Kendall Landriff]

But I'm sure we would take something from it. But like how fun we would be like, oh my God, did you see that couple? Like, oh my God. Did you hear? Okay, they were late to like the sound bath this morning. Cuz they were literally screaming. I could hear it. I'm like obsessed with going on one and I really want to go on one. What was they saying? Anyways, I just am really happy for you. I'm really excited. That sounds amazing. And we're so happy for you.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah, I think it's great because you wanted really specific things and I think you were being annoyed. I think you knew it was going to happen and you were being annoying because you wanted it to happen sooner. But you just have to be patient sometimes. And look, you were patient. And what happened? You got exactly what you wanted. Your ring is beautiful. The pictures are beautiful. Looks like you two are so happy and we're so happy for you.

[Kendall Landriff]

Yeah, well. Oh, this is what I was going to say is we went on this marriage, this marriage thing and people were talking about how they got engaged and we were like, wow, we're in straight territory. What is going on right now? These marriage proposals, they're out of hand. Yours sounds lovely and normal. I'm telling you. It's kind of like the one year old birthday parties right now. I'm seeing these like $200,000 birthday parties for their babies. I'm like, this is insane. And then you'll see moms be like, yeah, it's her one year old birthday, we're having a cake and having a couple friends over. I'm like, yeah, that's normal. So you don't need to have a step and repeat at your baby's first birthday. But I was amazed. And it's the only thing that ever makes me feel bad for straight men. And you know, that's rare. Yeah, but the pressure on some things related to weddings. I'm like, I would fuck it up. I would, I would not be able to do it. And there's two things. The proposal crazy. The amount you have to remember and plan and what they want and who they want there and the emotions and how they've been waiting their whole life for it. And the other thing is that now it's like if you don't Cry. When I walk down the aisle, you're dead to me. I think it's probably easier because I cry at weddings for people I don't even know, really. Weddings are emotional, so it's probably easy to get the tears going. But what makes you not able to cry? As someone who went. Who's classically trained in acting, when you want to cry, how hard is it to cry? When you feel like, I need to cry, there's pressure. I need to cry. I need to cry. I need to cry. You can't cry.

[Jordan Myron]

It's stressful.

[Kendall Landriff]

You're stressed out. You're trying to cry enough. It's like, it is just so much pressure. It's also funny to me because this is no hate to beautiful brides, but you ever so often you'll see a bride who usually, you know, she works really. Maybe she's a really normal job. She's like a nurse. You don't often see her beat to the gods. You know, she just is kind of. She's gorgeous, but she's never really dressed up. And then you see her in her wedding dress and it's like, oh, whoa.

[Jordan Myron]

Wow.

[Kendall Landriff]

And I find, like, influencer weddings so funny because they do these, like, first looks with their husband. And I would struggle if I was a husband because I would be like, yeah. So I've seen you look like this a million times, and I am seeing you on your wedding day, but there's something about you walking down the aisle and your families are. That's emotional. I'm seeing you and we're spend our life together, but doing a first look where I. In a person who's an influencer, who always is dressed fancy, always has professionally done makeup, always has professionally done hair, make you stand. Stand on camera and face each other and take in how she looks. And you have to act surprised. What are you surprised? And sometimes they're wearing, like a normal dress. They're wearing, like a white dress. But I'm like, the amount of surprise you're supposed to have is absolutely insane. Because even, like, we got ready together, obviously, and I cried, which I was surprised by because, you know, I. We felt we were already married.

[Jordan Myron]

I love to cry.

[Kendall Landriff]

What?

[Jordan Myron]

I wasn't. You love to cry?

[Kendall Landriff]

Well, I didn't expect myself to cry when we got married, but I did. I, like, cried when we said. I mean, it was funny too, because it was short ceremony, so we didn't say vows or anything, and I cried. But I. It wasn't like when I saw you in your wedding dress, I Was like, oh, my God, you're so pretty. And I'm so excited. But I wasn't like, what?

[Jordan Myron]

Whoa.

[Kendall Landriff]

You look beyond. It almost feels. It starts. Rude. You're like, wait, what? You know, the ones I love is when they have the. And this is so straight of me. I love when they have the best man put on the wedding dress and they do the first look. That is so funny. That is comedy. That's classic comedy.

[Jordan Myron]

I hate that.

[Kendall Landriff]

It makes me laugh so hard.

[Jordan Myron]

I absolutely.

[Kendall Landriff]

It's always the straightest. You can tell, like, trump supporting couple and they have their, like, muscly man put on this wedding dress. I just gets me every time.

[Jordan Myron]

I think it's so crazy, but you

[Kendall Landriff]

know what I mean, where you're like, yeah, you look like that every day. You're like an influencer. You're a beauty influencer. Stop making her husband have to act like he's surprised to see you with professional makeup and hair in a white dress. It's just a lot of pressure.

[Jordan Myron]

It's too much pressure.

[Kendall Landriff]

Anyways, sorry. That was a rant. We're so happy for you. Congratulations to the both of you. Yes. Send us our address. We're so excited to send you a little card. It's just exciting. And I feel like you guys are. I think you did a really good job navigating this because I think you knew you were being a little out of control.

[Jordan Myron]

That's what I'm saying.

[Kendall Landriff]

Which there's nothing wrong with.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landriff]

Who's my favorite character on Friends? Monica. Little neurotic. Who am I married to? Little Monica. Yeah, literally, little Monica. Little Monica. You are kind of like Monica. And I love. Monica's my favorite character in Friends. And I would have married Monica. And then she's not a real person, so I married Jordan.

[Jordan Myron]

I would say I'm Monica inside, maybe Chandler outside.

[Kendall Landriff]

That's not a very nice thing to say about yourself.

[Jordan Myron]

Is that bad?

[Kendall Landriff]

You said, on the inside I'm the hottest woman in Hollywood. And on the outside, I am Matthew Perry.

[Jordan Myron]

I didn't mean looks to be clear.

[Kendall Landriff]

Oh, I used it on the outside. I thought you were, like, on the inside of her. I look like Matthew Perry. Not that there's anything wrong with looking

[Jordan Myron]

Matthew Perry, but more like a Chandler. Oh, I. I don't think I come off super neurotic.

[Kendall Landriff]

I think. Oh, everyone. Do you think it's so hard for. I think you come off neurotic.

[Jordan Myron]

When I met you, you did not think I was neurotic.

[Kendall Landriff]

I don't know if I've ever said that. When did I say when I first met you? I didn't.

[Jordan Myron]

You said you thought I was very, like, cool and, like.

[Kendall Landriff]

No, I said I. You seemed like you weren't having a nice time on our date. The first five minutes. That's what I said. You seem too cool for school.

[Jordan Myron]

Yeah, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

[Kendall Landriff]

Neurotic, I think neurotic.

[Jordan Myron]

I've had it.

[Kendall Landriff]

No, you don't seem neurotic. You are a person that has a very clear personality that I think comes off clearly. I think you are very clear in the way you are, and then I think you are. And then I think you play up into it, which is exactly how I am, where it's like, yeah, I struggle with, like, remembering and learning stuff. But then over the years, of course, you form this habit of, like, playing into it, and especially because we're comedians. So I think then we play off each other, and I think, yes, you come off. I think you come off kind of similar to Monica, except you don't clean as much as she did. I wish. I wish you were a little neurotic in that way, but you can't win them all. Anyways, I love you, Jordan.

[Jordan Myron]

I love you, Kendall.

[Kendall Landriff]

We're gonna go take our recycling to the recycling center.

[Jordan Myron]

I'm going to go to the recycling center.

[Kendall Landriff]

And I hope you guys all have a wonderful week. Hey, Jordan's flirting with me. Stop. You know I get with feet. Sorry. Thank you all so much for being here. We love you. We appreciate you. Word of advice, do not use any of those soaps. They advertise for your vertical smile. They're not good for your ph balance. They're not good for you. I don't care how much your beaver stings. It's not gonna help.

[Jordan Myron]

Thank you, Kendall.

[Kendall Landriff]

Keep your muff natural. Keep your box. Tap water, Dial soap. I'm desperately trying to think of another word to use for it. There was some weird ones I gotta look up. There was some even weirder ones than what we said.

[Jordan Myron]

Well, now that we're done talking about minjes.

[Kendall Landriff]

Is that one?

[Jordan Myron]

It's a British term.

[Kendall Landriff]

Okay, that's fun.

[Jordan Myron]

We want to say thank you so much for watching and make sure you, like, comment. Subscribe here on YouTube or here on wherever you get your podcasts rate. Review us. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok as well.

[Kendall Landriff]

Join our patreon. Also, we have a ton of fun over there.

[Jordan Myron]

Oh, we do extra episodes. We do a book club. We do 24. 7 live chat. You can talk to us.

[Kendall Landriff]

Oh, my God. Do you want to know? Shout out to our friend Carla. Adore you and I know you're listening. She was saying so she. She's a Patreon subscriber as well. She was telling me the other night. She was like. Well, I listened to the episode where there's a Patreon episode where basically, long story short, my audio didn't record in Jordan's did an hour long episode. We posted it anyways. Whatever. You cannot hear any. I'm silent. It sounds like Jordan's talking to herself. Yep. Carla said, and I thought you'd like that. She was like, it proves that people who say Jordan talks too much is wrong because there's so much dead air in it where you're talking, which is impressive. I think that's even telling because in that episode we talked a lot about heated rivalry, which I think would have been fair for you to talk a lot. And Carla was like, no, there was so much dead air. And I almost was. I almost texted you guys and was like, it proves that Jordan does not talk too much.

[Jordan Myron]

And on that note, let's end the episode. Cause that's a huge win for me.

[Kendall Landriff]

Bye. Bye.