114: Dating and Drag Queens feat. Meatball

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Happy Wife, Happy Life

Episode 114: Dating and Drag Queens feat. Meatball

Release Date: June 8, 2026
Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Guest: Meatball

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Episode Overview

On this lively and irreverent episode, comedians Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick welcome drag queen and performer Meatball (of "Sloppy Seconds" podcast fame) for a sprawling conversation about dating, drag culture, body image, memorable travel disasters, and unfiltered relationship advice. The trio navigates hilarious anecdotes and audience questions, touching on topics like the logistics of drag, the complications it brings to dating, seduction tips, and bodily mishaps—always with candor, wit, and a healthy dose of self-deprecation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introductions & Warm-up Banter

• First Impressions & Praise:
  • Hosts introduce Meatball, noting their friendly past working relationship and Meatball’s reputation for being considerate on set.
  • [01:25, Meatball on Kendahl:] “...when you're in your show, you knew every single person on that set's name. You thanked everybody. It was like so impressive. And I was like, that's how you do it.”
• Travel Show Wishcasting:
  • They dream of hosting a travel show together, citing New Orleans and European cities as destinations.
  • [02:06, Meatball:] “New Orleans is my favorite city.”

Meatball’s Drag Career & Relationship to Drag Race

• Credentials:
  • Meatball recounts their shows—traveling drag party "Fat Slut" and the "Sloppy Seconds" podcast.
  • Notably has not auditioned for RuPaul’s Drag Race in five years, partially as a conscious choice, partially due to the perception of being overlooked.
  • [03:10, Meatball:] “The bubble on RuPaul's Drag Race has, like, burst... a lot of the girls that I look up to have never been on that show, and they're doing wonderfully.”

Fatness, Body Image, & Point of View

• Meatball’s POV:
  • “I think fat people should exist more. And you can be fat and healthy. I'm not, but you could be.” [04:30]
  • Hilariously honest about late-night sushi cravings and body realities.

Tangents on Food, Coupons, Family & Menial Work

• Postmates/Grocery Stories:
  • The group riff on meaningless discounts and Southern “no tax days.”
  • Childhood memories: hiding in department stores, going to work with parents, and nostalgia for menial/“factory” jobs ("my dream job is like digging a hole" – Kendahl [08:13]).
• Retirement Fantasies:
  • Comedy about what their dads do once retired (watching underwater cameras, sitting on docks).

Flying, The Delta Lounge, and Travel Disasters

• Airport Lounges:
  • Glowing review of the Delta One Lounge experience, with highlights like truffle pizza and “breakfast sushi.”
  • [11:08, Meatball:] “It was a full menu... had this butternut blossom... truffle pizza... and then they had breakfast sushi. It’s just a huge menu.”
• Flying in Drag:
  • Meatball shares concerns about performing gigs in different cities and the prospect of traveling in drag for efficiency.
• Travel Mishaps & Performer GI Issues:
  • Candid stories about travel sickness, “travel belly,” and the occupational hazards of being a busy drag queen.
  • [13:51, Meatball:] “...just going, I'm sorry. I'm gonna be shitting until the minute we get on stage.”

Audience Questions & Relationship Advice

Lesbians & Drag

• Why do lesbians love Meatball?
  • “Because I'm gnarly and they like that in a lady. I'm hairy and they like that in a lady.” – [26:27, Meatball]
• Trichotillomania Chat:
  • Kendahl goes deep about her habit of pulling out her own pubic hair, with comedic commentary from all sides.

Drag & Dating

• Hookups and Drag:
  • Meatball: “Guys don’t care when you’re in drag. You could literally just put on like fake lashes, bright red lipstick and... they’ll fuck them.” [31:22]
  • Red flag if a guy will only have sex with you in drag?
    • Meatball: “Yeah, that’s a red flag for sure. Because they don’t like you, they like whatever you’re wearing.” [31:59]
• Being Objectified as a Drag Artist:
  • The demanding expectations at gigs—especially early call times in full drag with no appreciation for the prep involved:
    • “And it takes, like, three hours to get into, like, full, high glam, good looking drag.” [34:11]

Drag, Misogyny, and Dating Biases

• Has Drag Changed Your View on Misogyny?
  • “I always thought that misogyny is, like, pretty terrible and rampant, so it didn't really change it… it's not the same as being treated like a woman.” [32:44]
• Do people ever dump you for doing drag?
  • “Yes, all the time. It's hard to get a man as a drag queen. Misogyny.” [35:20]

Kai Kai: Drag Queens Dating Drag Queens

• Is D-for-D (“Kai Kai”) a thing?
  • Yes, but not for Meatball: “I would never, never... date a drag queen.” [40:45]
  • “Kai Kai queens” is the subcultural term.

Quick Relationship & Dating Q&A

• Favorite Non-Drag Race Queen:
  • Ms. Mamshee Perfect from NYC and her "Mall Drag."
• Favorite Drag Queen to Date (if forced):
  • Reluctantly, Pythia or Juice Boxx from Canada (“She’s a gamer girl. She sits at home and plays on her computer in drag.”) [43:15]
• Comedian to Date:
  • Jokes about Dane Cook and Andrew Santino—riffing about their “big dick energy” and body hair preferences.

Seduction Tips

• How do you approach a man?
  • “Smile, be assertive, tell them what you want. Buy them a drink and ask them out on a date.” [49:01]
  • Acted out a scenario, closing with: if a guy orders just a soda, "I'm actually gonna go." [49:47]

Drag Logistics & Pain

• Tucking and Chafing:
  • Recommendation: Modern “tuck-it-up” panties, and “lots of hair down there for the next time you tuck, Kendall.” [34:30]
  • Old-school duct tape is out.
• Touring & Dating Pitfalls:
  • Challenges of touring as a couple, “free” trips being illusory, and the realities of independent touring life.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “‘I think fat people should exist more. And you can be fat and healthy. I'm not, but you could be.’” – Meatball [04:30]
• “When someone's chasing you, I'm like, yeah, hi. ...You want to hang out three times in one week. Sounds crazy, but I'm down.” – Meatball [40:04]
• “I'm tired of safe spaces. We should be mean to each other again.” – Meatball [55:04]
• “Ben Shapiro would be a completely different person if I could just give him one swift hit to the head, causing him no real harm. But I think it would, like, center him in a way that he needs.” – Jordan [55:32]
• On gay bars for lesbians: “It's strange to me because also as I'm picturing it, ...I'm once again picturing you dressed like a scooter flying over the handlebars.” – Kendahl [22:16]
• “The only reason I travel is to go to the Delta Lounge, of course. And take those little coffee cups and fill them with meats and cheeses and then eat it on the plane.” – Meatball [10:01]

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Fun & Memorable Segments (Timestamps)

• Delta One Lounge Experience: [10:12–11:42]
• Worst Travel Poop Story: [13:51]
• Drag Auditions & Drag Race Real Talk: [03:10–03:28]
• Compliments, Chasing & Dating Psychology: [39:52–40:16]
• Seduction Tips Role Play: [49:01–50:14]
• Kai Kai Culture (“Drag for Drag” dating): [40:22]

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Tone & Style

The tone is riotously candid, self-effacing, and warm, with plenty of inside-joke riffing and supportive jabs. The hosts and guest never shy away from TMI (bodily functions, sexual proclivities, secret insecurities) and routinely use humor and sarcasm to level the playing field between drag culture, queer dating life, and everyday relationship woes. There are plenty of quick pivots from deeply honest moments to over-the-top physical humor and running gags (guns, presidential runs, bad drinks).

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Conclusion

Episode 114 is a hilarious, fast-paced deep-dive into queer dating life, drag subculture, and the challenges of visibility and authenticity. Meatball delivers raw-yet-comforting advice alongside wild anecdotes. The chemistry between the hosts and guest is palpable, making for an engaging, honest, and highly entertaining listen—even (or especially) for those unfamiliar with drag or lesbian relationships.

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For more:

• Follow Meatball at @spiciestmeatball & check out "Sloppy Seconds"
• Email questions for future episodes: [e-mail]
• Support and get extras on their Patreon!

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Transcript

[A]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with

[B]

a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much.

[A]

Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint.

[B]

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[C]

3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month.

[B]

Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life. We're your hosts.

[C]

I'm Kendall Landriff. And I'm Jordan Myron. And we are two incredibly unqualified but

[B]

deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we're talking dating and drag with Meatball.

[A]

Woo. Two things I'm terrible at.

[C]

Dating and love. You're back.

[A]

And drag. Yeah, and dating. Love and drag. She's like making it worse. She's like, dating and love. You're unlovable and terrible at sex.

[B]

Oh, God. Hi, Beth. We're so happy to have you.

[A]

I'm so happy to be here.

[B]

I just love you. We've done a bunch of stuff together and every time we do, I just have a blast.

[A]

Oh, me too.

[B]

Yeah. You're one of the nicest people I've worked with.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Can you believe that?

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Cause I'm a kind of a nightmare sometimes.

[B]

No, but you're really funny and you're a nightmare. In a good way.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, I'll take it. You're one of the nicest people I've worked with too, because I've done a lot of stuff on sets and you, when you're in your show, you knew every single person on that set's name. You thanked everybody. It was like so impressive. And I was like, that's how you do it.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[A]

Cause I've worked with some true absolute nightmares who, like, don't know anyone's name on set. They're like that, that guy over there, he knows what's going on.

[B]

That's so nice. You hear that Netflix? Gimme a show. Yeah, yeah. Give me a Meatball. A show. Sorry, Kendall.

[A]

Absolutely. We're just gonna travel and eat when you already kind of do that. Damn it.

[B]

Oh, my God. Listen, I would love if someone gave you and I a travel show.

[A]

I would. Absolutely.

[C]

Oh, I would love. Where's the first place you'd go?

[A]

Hmm. New Orleans.

[B]

I. That was what I was gonna say.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think New Orleans is. Yes. And New Orleans is my favorite city.

[B]

Yeah, me, too. It's good. But then we'd go abroad.

[A]

Oh, yeah. We're taking it to Brussels. We're going Amsterdam.

[B]

Amsterdam.

[A]

I had some of the worst food of my life in Amsterdam, and I still can't tell you what it was.

[B]

Sure. Yeah.

[A]

Just mushy and brown.

[C]

Well, that's how everything. We got sick when we were over there.

[B]

Because we were in Copenhagen.

[C]

We were in Copenhagen, but then we were doing all of those places, and I was like, if I have one more open sandwich, oh, my God, I'm gonna throw up. And then when we got to Berlin, we sprinted to a Szechuan restaurant.

[B]

And then I needed a little flavor.

[C]

It was really good, but it wasn't good.

[B]

So everyone should know you. But if they don't tell people where they might recognize you from.

[A]

Hi. You might recognize me from my podcast, Sloppy Seconds with Big Dipper and Meatball. Or I have a show that travels a lot called Fat Slut, and then my Instagram is spicy as Meatball, and that's kind of the zhuzh.

[B]

Everyone wants to know, does RuPaul's Drag Race not want you, or do you not want them?

[A]

I haven't auditioned for them in, like, five years.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But I think they didn't want me.

[B]

Okay, but now you're over it.

[A]

Yeah. I don't really care.

[B]

It's like, to me, RuPaul's Drag Race feels like the Saturday Night Live.

[A]

Yeah. And also, it's like the bubble on RuPaul's Drag Race has, like, burst. I feel like, so a lot. Like, a lot of the girls that I look up to have never been on that show, and they're doing wonderfully. So I just think about it that way. But I love RuPaul's Drag Race. Like, I still watch it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I still host it sometimes at Precinct.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And I do drag the girls hard.

[B]

I love that some of them are

[A]

too dumb to be on tv.

[B]

I mean, wouldn't you say that's most people on tv?

[A]

Yeah, probably.

[B]

I think most people. Are they dumb and funny or just.

[A]

No, they're just dumb.

[B]

That's hard.

[A]

It's hard. It's hard to watch. Do you watch it?

[C]

I have watched it, but I feel like. I feel

[A]

I have. I have gay people. Cool.

[C]

Happy Friday, everyone. June 1st. I know I've seen it, but I feel like. Like, it's similar with. I mean, stand up, obviously, and drag have so much overlap. And I've seen a lot of stand up and I feel like there's similarities. When you see kind of a dumb drag queen and a dumb stand up. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where it's kind of trying to get in front of people.

[C]

Well, but you're saying they need the approval. You're just kind of saying, like, what are you. What are you saying?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Where they're just kind of saying buzzwords over and over again and you're like, what's going on?

[A]

But there's no point of view. There's nothing there. Yeah. No substance.

[C]

What's Meatball's point of view?

[A]

I think fat people should exist more. And you can be fat and healthy. I'm not, but you could be.

[C]

Do as I say.

[A]

Be healthy. Not me getting home at like midnight and ordering five pounds of sushi last night.

[C]

But that's healthy. That's a lot of protein you're getting.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. The dreams were crazy, but yeah. I got so much rice in me.

[C]

That's good. You're ready for America.

[A]

It wasn't even like good sushi. It was just like Postmates had that 2 for 1 deal going.

[B]

Well, if you're ordering sushi that late, you know it's not going to be good sushi.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In America, those sushi restaurants are closing

[A]

at 9pm Yeah, I guess I did it to myself.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I'm sick of on Postmates and Door Dash, they always attach those coupons. It'll be like 75% off on your first order. And I'm like, whose first doordash order? Who's ordering their first doordash?

[B]

Literally no.

[A]

No one.

[B]

So no one can use the coupon.

[A]

They're playing you. They're trying to make you feel like you're doing something. Cause then they'll also be like 15% off the first $5 or whatever. And then it's like, okay, So I got $5 off. Who cares?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not doing anything.

[C]

But that's how they. That's how they get you. Because my mom used to say they would do a no tax day, I think, in North Carolina, and people would be like lining up out the door.

[B]

People would take off work to go to no tax day.

[C]

And my mom was like, who would do that for like, really what it is is like a 3% discount. Yeah, who cares?

[A]

But you, you could catch me and my mom at the Dillards in Houston. Baby, we were buying jeans for days.

[C]

My mom used to have to stop letting me go to the Dillard's cause I. She used to work there. And I would hide under those circular.

[A]

Oh yeah, of course.

[C]

And you would never find me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You would never.

[A]

You'd jump out at people randomly. Yeah, that's what. Yeah. And then we got kicked out of the store a couple times.

[C]

Right. Because I had no shame. Like it didn't. Over the intercom, didn't affect me. And I'm. I think there was probably times where my mom was like, we're gonna have to call the police.

[A]

But also if she worked there, I bet it felt like second home. Cuz you were there all the time.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[A]

You were like Madeline in the hotel.

[C]

I really was. I really was.

[B]

Well, that's like me when I go to the airport now because my dad was a ticketing agent at the airport my whole life. And so if I was like sick and there was no one to watch me or if I had a day off school and my, my mom worked at the hospital, my mom, you know, my dad would just take me to the airport with him.

[C]

Am I crazy? Kids don't do that anymore. I don't think I've seen in a airport. No. And.

[A]

And let's keep it that way.

[B]

Let's keep it that way. Actually, you're right about.

[C]

But I feel like it used to be like everyone go to work with their parents.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[C]

And I'm like, I don't see kids with their parents at work anymore.

[B]

I was always there. I was all over that airport. I was behind baggage claim. I was wherever I could be. You're on the tarmac now still. Until this day I feel such a sense of ownership over airports, especially the ones that I used to work at. I used to work at.

[A]

Damn. They employed you?

[B]

It was the 90s. Like ones where my dad worked, like the New Orleans are airport and like the Fort Lauderdale International Airport. Like those. When I'm there I'm like, no one could. I know this place at the back of my hand. No one could tell me anything.

[A]

That's incredible.

[B]

In the airport. Sorry.

[A]

I think my dad only took me to work one time with him.

[B]

Where'd he work?

[A]

He worked at BP in Houston. Like the oil company. So we were just like. He just like put us in a conference room and was like, here's old cookies, do something. And then he was like, draw on the whiteboard. And I was like, you didn't. You don't got games.

[C]

Well, that was like my mom for a while she worked at an office and she would bring me into the back room and she'd give me one of those date stampers and like a piece of paper, you know, where you stamp the date. And I would just.

[B]

For hours.

[C]

And I wasn't that young. This is like 8th grade. I would just sit with a piece of paper and just stamp over and over and over.

[A]

So crazy.

[B]

Still give you those kinds of activities. Just making up work.

[A]

Honestly, I love a menial task.

[C]

I do too. That's. I always say my dream job is like digging a hole. Just like the same thing. If someone all day is like, all you have to do is this. I would love. Oh, I would get so bored, like, picking up trash.

[B]

She yearns for like, old timey factory work.

[A]

Oh,

[B]

yeah.

[A]

Back when you used to lose a finger.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah, right. How out of touch drive to be. I'm a podcast host.

[A]

You're like, I need factory work. I want to pick up trash and things and dig.

[B]

Now I do want to know, percentage wise, how responsible was your dad for the BP oil spill?

[A]

Not responsible at all.

[B]

Legally, you have to say that at all.

[A]

He had quit by that point.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Or retired.

[B]

When?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

He retired. He retired. Sorry. I was like, why is now he 100% retired? No, he's been retired for so long that he wants to do menial tasks and work in a factory. Like, he's so bored. He was like, think about starting a company. And I was like, to do what? Just relax, dude. You worked your whole life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Be chill.

[C]

But that was like, my dad. I think all dads are like that, where you're like, stop. Your dad's good about it. He really retired.

[B]

My dad retired, and my dad likes to put on jazz and then on the TV he will put on a live underwater camera of a pier somewhere in the world and watch the fish swim around the pier.

[A]

I think our dads would get along because my dad ended up. He got a lake house and now he just sits on the dock all day. And I was like, that's so lonely.

[C]

But that's retirement.

[A]

That's true retirement. Yeah. I guess I'd want to do stuff. Like, I'd want to travel. I think I just have the urge to travel all the time anyway.

[B]

I get that. But you don't think that'll go away eventually?

[A]

What, the urge?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I'll get bored of traveling.

[A]

No.

[C]

You don't think ever.

[A]

Because I love a lounge at an airport.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The only reason I travel is to go to the Delta Lounge, of course. And take those little coffee cups and fill them with meats and cheeses and then eat it on the plane.

[B]

I love that. We're Delta girls as well.

[A]

Oh, thank God.

[C]

Yeah, thank God.

[A]

Oh, thank God. No, I just did something and they flew me out of. But it was. They flew me Delta One. So I got to go to the Delta One Lounge. And. No, it seems like it's nice.

[B]

We've never been on Delta 1 or in the Delta 1 lounge. Tell us all about it.

[A]

Okay, so it has its own private entrance downstairs. You go through. They checked your bags. They did the thing. They had the face id so they just scanned me and I walked in. Like, I didn't even. I am flying in drag for the first time in like 10 days.

[B]

How are they gonna do all.

[A]

I don't know, but I have to do it because I have to get back to la. I have to do a gig in San Francisco and then get back to LA by 3 o' clock and do another gig.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So I'm like, I just am gonna travel in drag.

[B]

All right, well, be like, this is

[A]

who I am now.

[B]

We want an update. Cause I'm interested.

[A]

Okay. So the Delta One Lounge, you don't go up. There's no food bar. There's no cafeteria style. You order off of a menu and they bring it to you.

[B]

How many options?

[A]

It was a lot. It was a full menu. They had this butternut blossom. Wait, what is the blossom? Squash blossom? Truffle pizza. And it was amazing. With goat cheese. It was so good. And then they had breakfast sushi. It's just a huge menu.

[C]

Breakfast sushi.

[A]

You know how.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I was like, shut up, shut up, shut up. I'm gonna kill myself. I. And then they bring you drinks, but at the other Delta Lounge, you can just kind of walk up to the bar and grab it. So this. I felt very judged that I was like getting lit to do a five hour flight.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But it was lay flat. So I was like, if I get drunk enough, I can just fall asleep and then wake up.

[C]

So you drink on flights?

[A]

Drink on them before em, during em. Anytime. I can. I love a drink because I feel

[C]

like when I'm flying, I'm in survival mode. I feel like I'm prepping for a marathon. I'm like, the day before, I'm drinking the first glass of water I've ever had. I'm like trying to do all my skincare because it's so upsetting to my body. Do you feel that way.

[A]

Not at all. No. I mean, sometimes if it's like a stressful flight or it's like too early in the morning, of course I'm not gonna be drinking. But, like, if it's like, I don't know, noon and I'm just gonna land at 8pm and then go straight to the hotel, I'm drinking.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But I get what you mean about stressful on the body. Cause, like, I get travel belly really bad.

[C]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[A]

And it's like the worst.

[C]

Well, that's like. I got really sick. The worst flight of my life. I sorry. Had diarrhea like every two seconds. Everyone sorry.

[B]

It's like if you've never.

[A]

Horrible Google. But crazy.

[C]

I was really crazy. And I was at the front of the plane and I stood up. I had to stand up maybe every three minutes to go to the bathroom, which every person would see because I was at the very front. And every single time, I hit my head on the top compartment.

[A]

You're so tall. But yeah, that happens to me too. The diarrhea thing. I one time was in Chicago, and the night before, I mean, I had gone out drink. I hosted a pageant. We went out drinking, and then we ate burritos off of a truck. And then we went to a place called Cheesies.

[C]

You can't.

[A]

And just ate all the cheese.

[B]

So I'm still here today.

[A]

I was crazy.

[C]

Business cannot be cheesy.

[A]

It was Cheesies. And it was. So I'm in my hotel room and I'm looking at my phone and I'm like, okay, at 3am I have to head to the airport for my 6 o' clock flight. And I'm just like, that ain't happening. And so I just start scrolling and looking for new flights while I'm blasting off in the hotel bathroom.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And I ended up getting on a 9am one. But it was bad. It was bad. And then I had to go open for Chapel Rowan right after I landed. And so I'm in this trailer with this other drag queen, just going, I'm sorry. I'm gonna be shitting until the minute we get on stage.

[C]

And on stage and made me on stage.

[A]

Yeah, I was up there, like, doing my points, you know, a walking point. And I was like. I could feel the stomach, like, gurgling. Yeah. I, like, made it through. And then we got to, like. We all hung out afterwards. But I was just like, it was bad.

[C]

Well, there's something about being a performer that I feel like you do have control over. Your body in a way that other people simply don't.

[B]

Like.

[C]

When I see people be like, oh, I vomited at. Oh, this person vomited just, like, on the ground of the mall. I'm like, I could control my vomit. Like, I can control my words.

[B]

My body's an instrument.

[C]

Do you know what I mean?

[A]

And I know how to play that, bitch.

[B]

Well, I put Juilliard for this body.

[C]

Okay, if you. If they said hold your vomit for four hours, I could do it.

[A]

Sure. That actually just happened to me in Atlanta. We were at the Claremont Lounge, my

[B]

favorite place in the world.

[A]

I took it. It was so fun.

[B]

I'm addicted to it.

[A]

I took my dad there once, and he was the time of his life. He was like, ladies my age.

[B]

Oh, that's the sweetest response any man could ever have to a strip club.

[A]

But I'm sitting at the bar and, you know, like, if you at the bar, you're tipping, you're throwing your wines, you're doing all of it. And my friend gave me a shot, and I did it, and it was like, claremont Lounge Tequila. And so I go. Then I'm, like, trying to get up, and my friend grabbed my arm, and she goes, just hold it. You got this. And I like, just something about hearing that. I was like, you're right. And then just right back to it. But, yeah, holding your vomit is crazy. Holding your poop for, like, four hours?

[C]

Crazier.

[A]

Yeah. One time we were on a tour bus and we were going through Europe, and you're not allowed to poop on the bus. You can pee on the bus, but you can't poop on the bus.

[B]

Okay, I think that's wrong. I'm sorry. I think that's wrong.

[A]

Well, so then the girls started, like, making up new rules where they're like, you can poop in a bag, and then we'll just throw it out of the moving bus.

[B]

Oh, okay. Well, I think.

[A]

I think that's worse. And I was like, honestly, what if we just. What if we just said, hey, we have to stop. Someone's gotta poop.

[B]

Yeah, but, like, what are they so scared of the smell?

[A]

Yeah, get over it. And I think the bus driver doesn't want to have to clean it out at, like, every rest stop. Oh, it'll take more time.

[C]

I didn't really think about that.

[B]

Okay, he has to clean it out at every stop. How bad is this bus you're on?

[A]

It's about eight men that dress like women, so lot of poop there. Why does every podcast I go on end up being about poop.

[B]

Let's change.

[A]

Let's change the subject.

[B]

It's not me, it's absolutely you. I will say that I did have a silly incident yesterday on a plane where. So I'm a nervous flyer, so I don't drink when I'm flying, so I take Ativan.

[A]

Oh, yeah. So have you ever mixed that with alcohol?

[B]

You know, I have.

[A]

That might make you a little calmer.

[B]

I have, and it wasn't a good situation. I used to mix things like that all the time. Had a little too much fun with it and had to stop. I take Ativan. And so we're like halfway through our flight. I'm coming back from Portland. So it's like a two and a half, three hour flight. It's like, not long. It's been pretty fine. And all of a sudden, I hear them making an announcement. People kind of look around. I take one of my headphones, I'm listening to Origami by KE Do. And the flight attendant, I just hear her say, everyone, return to your seats immediately. So I'm like, we're about to have, like, really bad turbulence. So this is maybe like an hour and a half into the flight. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna take another Ativan. So I've taken one, I take another to brace myself.

[C]

Is that how it works? You can just keep taking them?

[B]

I did ask. Well, yes, good question.

[A]

Yes, good question.

[B]

I did ask my psychiatrist one time. I was like, how much would I have to take to overdose on this? And she's like, more than you have access to. And I was like, okay, great.

[C]

You said, is that a challenge?

[B]

Yeah, I'll find more. I said, okay, great. So, yeah, if, like, you start. If it starts, you feel like it's wearing off or you feel like, you know, you can take another one. So I took another one, but I was like, okay, it's gonna kick in. Not fast enough. So I chewed it.

[A]

Ooh, that's gross.

[B]

I solved the first one, the second one, trying to eat it, trying to get done, drink it, whatever way. No turbulence is happening. No turbulence is happening. Then I realized that they are wheeling a woman in a wheelchair down the aisle. And I missed the first half of the announcement, which was that they were bringing someone in a wheelchair down the aisle, so everyone needed to return to their seats immediately. And so here I am, like, on

[C]

drugs, on her knees, praying to God,

[B]

multiple Ativans, deep eating, like, those gluten free Dijon mustard pretzels. They give you, like, so high reading. Like my homo. Like, homographic. Homographic.

[A]

Am I okay now homophobic graph right

[B]

now

[A]

left your system.

[B]

This was last night. I was reading my, like, gay guy smut books that I can't stop reading for some reason. Homoerotic and motorcycles. Then they do motocross. It's a whole thing. I don't know.

[A]

You gotta send me that.

[B]

I'll send them to you. Something's really wrong with me. Just by being a stone cold lesbian, I've started reading these gay man sex books, and I can't.

[A]

Everyone loves them, right? The heated rivalry really turned girls gay.

[C]

It.

[B]

Yeah, but it's doing something different to me because I'm already the other kind of gay.

[A]

My friend watches it with her husband. And then, like, she was like, by episode two, we couldn't stop fucking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, okay, we had that too.

[C]

No, well, literally, we started Jordan be like, do you want to watch heated Rivalry? And I was like, I don't have time. Time tonight to watch he derivative. Because after he did Rivalry, you want

[B]

to have sex for hours crazy style. I'm crazy. I'm doing all kinds of stuff.

[A]

You've learned some new hockey moves.

[B]

Well, yeah. You know how they're like, don't ask lesbians. Who's the boy? Yeah, I'm the boy. It's like, different now. Things are different now. Things have changed for me.

[A]

I'm the boy.

[C]

We have now a hockey stick and hockey skates in our garage. Neither of us know how to skate. We just. Jordan was gifted.

[B]

I'm just like, maybe I will.

[A]

You gotta learn.

[B]

Or maybe at least put them on and do something sexy for you.

[C]

Well, I feel an anxiety that Jordan won't be attracted to me fully until I know how to play hockey. And then so I told her, I was like, can I do a rec team? And she was like, it won't be the same.

[B]

Sorry. I would need you to be really good at hockey. I would not really feel.

[A]

That's really not just the hockey.

[B]

I don't know right now. Yeah, it's like motocross.

[C]

Yeah. You wouldn't let me do motocross.

[B]

It's too dangerous. Kendall's so delicate.

[A]

I'm the opposite of delicate.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I have a motorcycle and I got hit up. I got hit by a car like, a month ago, and I'm fine.

[B]

Did you even post about getting hit by a car?

[A]

Yeah, I talked about it nonstop. I feel like I didn't see anything

[B]

about you being hit by a Car.

[A]

But then the lawyer was like, hey, maybe don't do that publicly. Because I was like, you know what, you're right. I want to sue them.

[B]

Did you break anything?

[A]

No, I injured my wrist and kind of injured my lower back a little bit.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But I'm fine. And then about on May 3, I rode a scooter directly into a tree and then fractured my other wrist.

[B]

Ride. Riding a scooter? Razor? No, no motorized one.

[A]

Could you imagine my big fat body

[B]

on a razor scooter?

[A]

I would bend the aluminum.

[B]

It's like slower than walking to a tree.

[A]

I might as well walk backwards everywhere.

[B]

So I ride a razor scooter.

[C]

It's like such a slow into the tree, brace the rib.

[A]

I had left a festival, and so all the Ubers were really expensive. And it was at the Eagle and I'm like, you know, I live like in Los Feliz. So I was like, you know what? I'm an adult. I could do this. And everything was going fine. And did you know that most accidents happen within 10 minutes of your final destination?

[B]

I have heard that.

[C]

I did know that.

[A]

On the corner of my block, I planted it.

[B]

I planted the tree. I knew I didn't do it.

[A]

So

[B]

what else happened? Forwards or backwards?

[A]

I looked like one of those Halloween witches. When it hits the tree, I was stuck to the tree and it was

[C]

on low stuck to the tree.

[A]

It was like on those views before. And I heard like the scooter snap. So I just kind of like scanned it and it did. It's like doom doo doo, where it's like you logged out and I just kind of limped up the block to my house.

[C]

But you left it there.

[B]

Of course. Yeah, I was taking it home and fix that.

[A]

I stood it back up, but I was like, I busted the light off of it. I messaged them and I said, I am so sorry I broke this damn scooter. And then the next morning, I left my house and it was still sitting there. And I was like, it's taunting me, taunting me. It knows what it did.

[C]

It's strange to me because also as I'm picturing it, I'm once again picturing

[B]

you dressed like a scooter flying over the handlebars.

[A]

What's worse is that it was like, it was like a gay. It was off sunset. So I was in like a leather harness and like a jersey that was like see through. And I had a fake mustache on and aviators. And the aviators, they went flying.

[B]

I'm sure they did.

[A]

And it got all scratched up, and I was like, not my glasses.

[B]

Like, not my wrist.

[A]

I was, like, bleeding out of my arm. I was like, where's all the blood coming from?

[C]

So you could do motocross?

[A]

Yeah, I think I could.

[C]

Well, or you might be kind of bad at it, but you could fall.

[B]

You could do it and survive.

[A]

Yeah, I think I'm built different.

[B]

You really are. You're sturdy, and I love that.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I absolutely love that. Okay, should we get into some questions? Well, wait, let me ask you some questions first.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

One, how long have you been doing drag?

[A]

Like, 11 years now. Okay.

[B]

And what inspired you to start doing drag?

[A]

I was afraid of drag queens when I lived in New York. They terrified me.

[B]

As a gay man.

[A]

As a gay man, we would go to the club and they would be performing, and I'd always be like, keep it away. And I think, get that away from me. And so then I came to la and I wanted to do. I was, like, doing standup, and then a couple. I saw a drag queen do stand up, and I was like, ooh, quick way for attention. And then I started drag.

[B]

I love that.

[C]

I thought you were gonna say it was part of, like, a therapy exposure.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You were, like, so afraid. They were like, we'll try it.

[A]

Your dog. That's so funny. Cause the first place I ever did drag was called Exposure. Drag.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Have you never thought about that being.

[A]

No, bitches, girl. I'm dumb. Maybe I'm concussed. Maybe the tree did some damage.

[B]

Oh, my God. Did you have a drag inspiration?

[A]

Yeah. I was really into Latrice Royale, one of my favorites, and Lady Bunny from New York. She was the only one that didn't scare me. And then once Bianca Del Rio got on, I was like, that's funny. Like, that's a funny lady. So her. The three of them kind of wrapped it up. And then the first time I saw a real, true drag show was at Mickey's in West Hollywood, and I saw Latrice Raven, and Morgan McMichaels all perform in one night. And I was like, I have to do this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they are iconic queens. You don't know what we're talking about. I'm taking it over here.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

I'll take my answer off the air. It was just so fun to see them. So that's why I started and then started Exposure in Highland Park. Did that for, like, four years. Worked for free every Monday night.

[C]

What was your first drag performance like

[B]

internally and what was it externally? What did you do?

[A]

I wore a giant gold caftan.

[B]

Yeah, good.

[A]

Made of spandex, so it stretched when I moved. Not a great fabric for a captain. And I did Whitney Houston. I can't remember. It was a Whitney Houston song. Maybe Queen of the Night. And I wasn't good at walking in heels yet, so it was, like, a lot of floor work and rolling around. But then I made all my friends come, so they were all, like, tipping me money that I gave them, so I was like, cause I can get booked here again for free. And, yeah, it was a great time. It felt liberating to be like, I'm just being me, being silly. And then. Yeah. And then I just never stopped.

[B]

I love that. Wow. And is there, other than yourself, a drag queen that you're like, I'm obsessed

[A]

with right now that isn't on Drag Race? The drag queen that I'm obsessed with right now. Oh, Ms. Mamshee Perfect from New York. She has a show called Mall Drag, and she'll go out there and perform in tracksuits that she gets from the mall, and she leaves the tags on them. So she's like. Cause I never know if I want to return it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And she's absolutely hilarious. So funny. And she's in New York, but her show Mall Drag, travels across America as well.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So we're trying to do a joint Mall Drag. Fat slut.

[B]

Oh, I would love to go. I would love to go to that. Okay, let's get to our audience questions. First one, you know what? That's fine. Yeah, yeah, we don't like them either.

[C]

If you're like, wait a minute, I want to ask a question. You can always email us at hwhlpod questions gmail.com or follow us on Instagram. And we always post the questions there. Or God forbid, there's a third option. You can go over to Patreon if you want to know who the guest will be in advance and ask specific questions.

[B]

It's pretty cool. Are lesbians obsessed with you, generally speaking?

[A]

How do you. Yes.

[B]

Why do you think?

[A]

I think because I'm gnarly and they like that in a lady. I'm hairy and they like that in a lady.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Yeah. Tons of lesbians come to my party. It's so fun to hang out with them.

[B]

Yeah, it's true. I do feel like lesbians like Karen when Kendall shaves her bush. It is upsetting. It's a fight in the house.

[C]

Well, but you know what's so messed

[A]

up about that what I'm like a full bush person.

[C]

But you want to know something dark?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Is that I have trichotillomania. So when I don't shave my bush, I rip it out with my hands. John.

[B]

John. Do you have a problem with that? John, Remember, it's pride month.

[A]

Happy pride month. That's what. Is there anywhere else you have hair that you can.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I rip it out everywhere.

[A]

Even your head?

[B]

No, not head as much.

[C]

Not head as much. But I will don't.

[A]

If I'm stressed.

[C]

If I'm stressed. But I more do it casually. Not even stress. Like, it's more of a relaxation meditation.

[B]

Eyebrows and eyelashes are her main ones. And it'll be so funny because we'll be with like. If we hang out with like another couple for the first time or something and they don't know anything about this or whatever. Kendall and I will be sitting next to each other at dinner and she'll be telling a story and we'll be like this.

[C]

I'll be trying to rip out my eyes.

[B]

She's trying to rip out her eyebrows, and I'm like this.

[A]

Oh, God. Oh, God.

[C]

And I'm like telling the story and I can't tell him.

[B]

Like, she's like, yeah. And then we just got home. We're thinking about painting the bathroom, and I'm like gripping onto her for dear life, trying to. And people are like, are you abusing her? And I'm like, oh, sorry. She rips all.

[A]

She was gonna self harm.

[B]

Yeah. I have to try to stop her. So normally we'll just.

[A]

So you go bush. You're just at home and you're like,

[C]

I'll tell you, that's my favorite one. And I.

[B]

That's a dream night for her. She's watching a bad movie on Tubi. She's got a thing of buttered popcorn, and she's pulling out her own pubes.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

When I'm on tour, that's what she's doing.

[C]

Yeah. That's why I love when Jordan's like, can I go on tour? Do you mind? I'm going. Leaving again. I'm like, please.

[A]

You don't want to go with her. You don't go together.

[C]

No tour.

[B]

Sometimes we're performing together, but when we're not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why would we?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Busy lady to me.

[A]

I'm like, free trip. You go do your little thing. I'm going to be in the bus to travel. I don't know what it is.

[B]

Well, first of all.

[A]

Come on. LA's kind of boring now.

[B]

Anyway, it's not a free trip because I. Her travel has to be paid for. They're not paying for her to travel out there.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

So it'd be like, first of all,

[A]

don't talk down to me like that.

[C]

First of all,

[A]

because I. Because drag queens, we often get, like, a plus one to come, like, do something.

[C]

Well, congratulations.

[B]

Yeah, good for you.

[C]

Jordan's not successful.

[B]

You're more successful than me. Is that what you want me to say?

[A]

Is that what you want me to say? Assume that when you go on tour, you need, like, there's got to be someone else helping you. But no, it's just you.

[C]

She's very independent.

[A]

I'm proud of that for you. That's cool.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

Yes, it is sad.

[C]

I think we could ask, but I'm not. I don't want to go.

[B]

Yeah, well, and it really depends on what it is, because sometimes it's like, I'm going to Toledo, Ohio. I'm already not getting paid that much money. I'm like, reminding them, like, hey, you have to get me an Uber, like, from the airport to the hotel. And they're like, oh, we do. I'm like, yes, of course. So there are things like that. And it's like, you know, no. No shade to Toledo. But, like, Kendall could just stay in our, like, nice house and, like, do whatever she wants.

[A]

Fuck Toledo. That's what I heard.

[C]

Well. And when do I get to pull up my pubes? Other than when you go?

[B]

It's so true. Because I don't want you do it because it got. Or sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and go,

[A]

pube in the mouth.

[B]

Pube in the mouth.

[C]

And you should only be so lucky. Everyone's a critic.

[A]

Jeez. Everyone hates my pube.

[C]

Everyone hates my pube and my bush. But so I think it's so rude when Jordan's like, you hate when I shave it, but you also hate when I rip it out with my hands. You can't.

[A]

But at least it's there. You can't rip the whole thing out. Oh, my God.

[C]

Honey, spend the weekend with me and you'll see.

[B]

I get one of those dog cameras in your house while I'm gone to

[A]

make sure you just hit the button

[B]

where it's like, yeah, makes a lot of noise.

[A]

I get those for my cats when I travel.

[C]

Oh, how many cats do you have?

[A]

I just have two. I'm not crazy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I had two and then my ex moved out and took one and then the other one was clearly like depressed, so then I got a kitten for him.

[B]

That's cute. What are their names?

[A]

Archibald and Bernadette Peters.

[B]

Of course. Yeah.

[A]

Cause she's red haired and has a tiny little mouth. Oh, like Bernadette Peters.

[B]

Exactly like Bernadette Peters. Okay, next question. A guy only wants to fuck me in drag and I'm into it. But it feels like a lot of work for a dick appointment.

[A]

Here's what I've learned about. Well, I don't fucking drag. Except for one time. And let's not get into it cause it's more poop stories. But I. No, no one pooped. I was just in a poopy diaper cause I was dressed like a big baby.

[B]

You said you didn't want to talk about it and nobody asked.

[A]

I just thought I wanted to clear up. I don't poop on people.

[B]

Honestly, what you said made it sound worse.

[C]

Then I was just picturing you. And you also said you didn't just say you were in a diaper. You said you were in a boopy diaper.

[A]

But it was rhinestoned poop, so it like looked cool.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Guys don't care when you're in drag. You could literally just put on like fake lashes, bright red lipstick and some blush and a rootin wig. Like this would be a good sex wig. Cause it's like messy and then they fuck them or they'll fuck them.

[C]

It's choosing their standards. They don't know good drag when like

[A]

they say they do. I don't think they care about the drag. Okay. Like naked they don't really care. Like I can't have sex in drag cuz I'm normally padded and like my ass is huge. But like if you're gonna have sex and you just got nothing on down there, they just want the idea of a drag queen.

[B]

And do you think it's a red flag for me?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If someone only wants to have sex with you when you're in drag?

[A]

Yeah, that's a red flag for sure.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because they don't like you. They like whatever you're wearing.

[B]

Your Persona.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, that makes sense to me.

[C]

I assume that person's not trying to date. Why did the mic do that?

[A]

I don't know, mine just flows. Yeah, holding it down.

[C]

I assume that person's not trying to date that person.

[A]

Wait, what was the question? One more time. He only wants to have to me

[B]

in drag and I'm into it. But It's a lot of work for a dick appointment. I was just wondering if you also thought that was a red flag.

[A]

You could do, like, what the girls do in downtown, which is, like, at the end of the show, they have the guy come pick him up and take them. I mean, sure, they're sweaty and stinky, but it's not. You're killing two birds, one stone.

[B]

Oh, there you go.

[A]

You're already in drag.

[B]

Rhyming. Timing, timing. How has being a drag performer shaped how you view misogyny?

[A]

Ooh. I don't know if it's really. I always thought that misogyny is, like, pretty terrible and rampant, so it didn't really change it. Yeah, this is the hill. I die on you guys. Misogyny bad did it. But for me, I think it's not the same as being treated like a woman. Like, I'm still just a dude in drag, so I get certain things that women won't get. And that sucks, but I don't think it in drag. Thank you.

[B]

You will be.

[C]

And you will be.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. It hasn't really changed it for me.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Is that a bad answer?

[B]

No, that's great. You knew it was bad from the beginning. That was the test. I wrote that down.

[A]

Oh, you can say sicko.

[B]

What makes you feel objectified as a drag artist?

[A]

Ooh. I don't know if it's truly. Well, when we get hired and they don't know the efforts that go into getting into full drag. And so you arrive and they're immediately like, so you're good to go right now. Or you tell them like, okay, so a lot of times when I get cast and stuff, they're like, okay, so call time's 9:00am And I'm like, okay, am I needed at 9:00am or can I get there at 11 when I know you're actually gonna get to me? And they're like, no, you have to be there at 9am, full drag, hair and makeup done, camera ready. And then you get there and you wait until 11, and it's like, it's uncomfortable to be in drag.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it takes, like, three hours to get into, like, full, high glam, good looking dragon.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that that's one of the things that people just don't understand.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. Stupid, idiotic.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And that it hurts.

[B]

Taking us to our next question. Tips for chafing. When you're tucking.

[A]

Ooh, hair, Kendall, have lots of hair down there for the next time you tuck, Kendall. And I think the Old school way of tucking, which was, like, the duct tape and the. The boat tape is, like, gone. Like, now we have tuck it up, panties and stuff. So you can just use something hard to, like, jam your penis into your body.

[B]

That's beautiful. That's absolutely beautiful.

[A]

Or don't talk. Who cares anymore?

[B]

I agree with that.

[C]

What's boat tape?

[A]

It's like. I can't think of the name. It's like a very stretchy, clear tape.

[C]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

And they use it on, like, on boat.

[C]

On boats.

[A]

But you can use it on your skin, but. But I don't think you should.

[B]

Yeah, you can, but you can.

[A]

But don't.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Do people ever call things off with you when they find out you do drag?

[A]

Yes, all the time.

[B]

Really?

[A]

It's hard to get a man as a drag queen. Misogyny. Really? Okay, okay. Take it back to the other question.

[C]

Yeah, you have.

[A]

No, I just think that, like, when guys just are like, oh, I don't want to deal with all that. Like, it's too gay. You know what I mean? Where it's like, oh, so you want to be a woman? And it's like, no, I absolutely don't want to be a woman. Look at where my eyebrows are. And it's like, I don't know. They just don't want to date a drag queen.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

And sometimes you'll date them and then you find out that they, like, the whole time they've been wanting to have sex with the drag queen you. Or they're just a big fan and they want inside your house.

[B]

Sure. That's really scary.

[A]

It's so scary.

[B]

So at what point do you realize that they do know you?

[A]

You can. Sometimes you can tell.

[B]

Sometimes you talk it immediately.

[A]

Yeah. Like when you. Sometimes I'll tell them that I do drag first, and if it doesn't bother them, that's fine. Or sometimes this happens to me in Big Dipper a lot, too. Like when we're traveling and we're on the hookup apps, we'll send all the nudes, we'll do all this stuff, you'll come over to the hotel, we'll start hooking up, and then they'll say something weird like, oh, yeah, I can't wait for the show tomorrow.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

And you're like, you gotta lead with that. Otherwise it feels like I've been bamboozled. Although I don't really care. Yeah, a fan. I don't care. But, like, tell me you're a fan.

[B]

Once again, I can still be president. She's so brave. Yeah. And this man can still be president.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes, I can. Wow, that's.

[C]

I feel like you can tell. Like, we've even said, like, you. Over time, you get a sense of when somebody recognizes. It's a very weird skill. But, like, immediately I know when someone knows who I am.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Even if they keep it fully together,

[B]

there's a shift in the eyes that you can pick up on.

[A]

I'm talking to someone right now on an app, and I think I know his boyfriend. So I'm like, if I'm talking to you, you must know who I am. But you haven't said anything.

[B]

Why don't you ask?

[A]

Well. Cause it ruins the game. Misogyny.

[C]

Misogyny. Also, God forbid, they're like, I have no idea who you are.

[A]

Yeah, that would also be embarrassing.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But also, he was naming all these things, and he named an event, and I was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna be there next week, and I'm hosting the event.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So I'm gonna try to kiss him. No, I just think it's weird.

[B]

I think you should say something. Sorry, that's my.

[A]

Okay. Where's my phone? We'll do it. We'll do it on break.

[B]

We'll do it. Okay. Yeah. I think you should be like, that's my event. You know who I am.

[C]

Yeah. But Jordan's very forward. And I will say, Jordan doesn't have. Jordan doesn't. Really? The mystery when dating Jordan kind of doesn't get. Get that.

[A]

Do you do. Did you do, like, a full Google research on Kendall here before y' all started dating?

[B]

No, I just saw her, and I knew that I liked her, and she DM'd me, and I said, okay, let's go on. Well, fine, I'll go on a date with you, and then.

[A]

Fine.

[C]

That was how it was.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Well, well, well, not because of Kendall. We. She DM'd me, and I was like, incredible. She was like, but first I have to tell you, I live in New York, and I was living in la, and I was like, long distance girlfriend. And then she was like, also, I'm a couple years younger than you. And I was like, I'm not interested in that. I never dated anyone younger than me. That was not appealing to me.

[A]

How many years? Six. Well, it's working.

[B]

Don't.

[A]

I would never be that brave.

[B]

Well, wait until you meet the love of your life. Okay.

[C]

Yeah. And then I sent a nude, and you were like, all right, I'm in.

[B]

Where are her Pubes Where?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I said, I need to date her to fix her, get her some pubes. No. When we started dating, she was 21 and I was 26.

[A]

Oh, that's, like, fine. That's totally normal.

[C]

But you said no. She said no to a date. But I said. And then I said, I think you're gonna regret it. She did.

[B]

She said, I think you'll really like me, and I think you should go on a date with.

[A]

And I said, you're really pitching it.

[C]

I know. I had to get. I had to. And then. And you're a lot of work.

[B]

And she was right.

[C]

No, I know.

[B]

And she was right. But immediately I was just. We, like, did one date, and then I was like, I like you.

[C]

And then I was like, jordan, do the mystery. You don't really do the like. I always know how Jordan feels.

[B]

I've never had a secret, but it

[C]

kind of works because you're very intimidating also. You're not.

[A]

I've never had a secret.

[C]

You haven't.

[B]

I don't need them. Do you voice.

[A]

I like to be very open, too, but I also don't. I would like. I don't like to chase, I think is the thing.

[B]

Me neither.

[A]

So if they're like, I want them to get the information out of me, but.

[B]

So you want to be chased?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. You want to be part of the problem.

[A]

I'm toxic.

[C]

But if someone chases you, I'm still gonna be president.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

If someone chases you, do you feel unattracted to them? Like, are you more attracted to someone who's making you chase, even if you don't like it?

[A]

I hate chasing, like, it. Truly. I just hate it. I despise it. And it makes me so uncomfortable. Cause I'm like, why am I putting so much effort into this? And you're giving me nothing.

[B]

Yeah. It's nasty.

[A]

So I just give up. I go, okay, that's cool. Okay.

[B]

But when someone's chasing you, I'm like, yeah, hi. But so you're cute about it.

[A]

You're not like, no, I'm very open to being just like, yeah, let's do this and this. And, like, you want to hang out three times in one week. Sounds crazy, but I'm down.

[C]

Oh, I love that.

[B]

I love that. Very open. Someone wants to know, are there drag queens that only date other drag queens?

[A]

The Kai Kai queens.

[B]

Is that what they're called?

[A]

Yeah. Kai Kai.

[B]

Kai Kai. I assumed it was D for D, Drag for drag.

[C]

D and D. D and D. D, yeah.

[A]

And all they do is sit at home in drag and play D and D. I don't know if that's a thing. I know a lot of drag queens that date each other because it's that we have this thing in common. Sure.

[B]

Like comedians.

[A]

You don't have to like front. We can share wigs.

[C]

And you're in the same spaces probably a lot.

[A]

Yeah. You're always together. I would never, never. Oh, date a drag queen, those.

[B]

Have you though?

[A]

No. Wow. Never dated a drag queen.

[C]

Because in the comedy space, everyone, I mean every person goes, I just don't want to date a comedian. I don't want to date a comedian. But then you end up dating comedians

[A]

because you're, you're always around each other.

[B]

Well, yeah. Who else you're around? Okay.

[A]

Gay guys in a gay bar. DJs. Go go boys.

[B]

I guess that's true.

[C]

You're fans.

[B]

Gay guy fans.

[A]

And I'll date them. And I'll date them.

[C]

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[B]

If you were gonna date one drag queen that exists in real life, who would it be?

[A]

God, they gotta be cool, huh? I don't know.

[B]

It's up to you.

[A]

Name a drag queen that I think is hot. Yeah, I can't because I've seen them all in drag and I've seen them all ripped up in tights and stuff.

[B]

I don't have to answer it. Who do you. Who? If you had to pick one?

[A]

I can't. Like, I know you're asking me, and I know you want me to be honest and direct, but I cannot think of a single drag queen that I would hook up with.

[B]

I have a gun. What if I told you that I have a gun?

[A]

I have a gun, too.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Damn it.

[A]

No. Okay, you have a gun. Gun. In my head. That one from Canada. Pythia. Pythia.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

Or Juice. Juice. That Canadian one named Juice Box.

[C]

Would you want.

[A]

She's short and bald and looks like a straight guy.

[C]

Okay, so. Well, now, that's your name.

[B]

Okay, hold on. I'm pulling up a photo.

[C]

Let me see.

[B]

She's beautiful.

[C]

Wait.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Wait.

[C]

We're in love with her.

[B]

Like, her. Well, that's him.

[A]

Wait, that's him.

[B]

Okay, this is it. Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So you wouldn't go for a comedy drag queen?

[B]

An ugly Kendall? You don't know that she's not a comedy queen just because she's pretty.

[A]

No, she's not funny.

[C]

But there's nothing. There's no, like, to me, maybe. Hey, we all know.

[A]

I know you gotta go.

[C]

But I'm the only one who doesn't

[B]

have a gun here. People and I are both sitting on guns.

[C]

That, to me, feels like there's no shtick. Like, there's no. Like, that's just like.

[A]

She's a good performer.

[B]

She's beautiful.

[C]

Well, tell me, is she a big comedy drag queen?

[A]

No.

[C]

No, right?

[A]

She doesn't have a video game podcast. I was about to say she's like a gamer girl. She sits at home and plays on her computer in drag.

[B]

Her tagline is your gamer podcasting girlfriend. Season one of Canada's Drag Race and Fitness Princess.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

When she started working out, I was like, now wait a damn minute. Throw out the wigs. Toss them, girl. There's that thing right now going around where it's like, when you're 23 and a gay guy, you either pick up the weights or you pick up the wig.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

And I was like, she's done both.

[C]

Damn.

[A]

And it's like, hot, unstoppable.

[B]

It's like the fork in the road.

[A]

It's giving Henry David the rug.

[B]

Yeah. You gotta decide,

[C]

man. That is. Okay, so you did have an answer. That's.

[A]

It took me a long time because, again, really did. I ain't touching no drag queen.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I can't believe that. Because that's who you're hanging out with. Probably.

[A]

I hang out. Yeah. Well, yeah. But I actually hang out with more trans girls than I do drag queens.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

To be honest. Yeah. But yeah. Or like Big Dipper. I hang out with him.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I hang out with comedians.

[C]

Yeah. And what comedian would you have sex with?

[B]

Yeah, what comedian? If you could pick one.

[A]

Dane Cook. No, wait, that's his name.

[C]

Dane Cook.

[A]

Wait, is that his name? Is that a name of a person? It was just the first comedian I thought.

[B]

Dane Cook is the one that's famous

[A]

for doing the shot of her for being gross. Yeah.

[B]

He's so ugly. And his.

[A]

Hey, we have a recent photo of him.

[B]

Honey, you don't want to see it.

[C]

But it don't.

[A]

Who's the little red headed comedian guy? He's got a red beard.

[B]

Seth Green. No, he doesn't have a beard though. This is a current photo of Dane.

[C]

Let me see.

[A]

Yuck.

[C]

Yeah. Wait, let me see.

[B]

His wife is 20 years old.

[A]

He looks like melted cheese.

[B]

He's had a lot of work.

[A]

There's something going on there. Well, he's had a lot of work.

[C]

I feel like, I don't know relationships to stand ups back like in before now were so weird because Dane Cook I don't think is funny and I don't really like I never thought it was funny but he was who my sister had, she'd like bought on itunes his set. So it was like every morning before school I would listen to Dane Cook. So when people were like, who's your favorite comedian As a kid I was like Dane Cook is all I know.

[A]

That's back when he was like selling out stadium.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Like I remember he was in Houston once and my parents went and I was like like what?

[B]

Which is so crazy cause yeah, he's the shocker guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Wait, what?

[A]

Why did we make it?

[C]

No, I know what, no, I know what that is, but is that what you're talking about?

[A]

That was his whole thing. It was like his logo was this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why? He had T shirts with this on.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh my gosh. Bumba stickers.

[A]

All kinds of bumba stickers.

[C]

I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah, that was his thing.

[A]

But there's a red headed one named like Andrew something. He looks. Yeah, he looks like he's got a big dick.

[B]

Okay, hold on, I'll. I'll be the judge of that.

[C]

What qualifies? Like what does someone have.

[A]

He just has that big dick smirk. He's like a little too confident in Himself. For a person that looks like that.

[C]

Is he.

[A]

He coming from me?

[B]

He does, actually.

[A]

Yeah. Doesn't he seem like he's got some low hangers?

[C]

I really weird conversations.

[A]

But you know what's crazy? He also looks like he shaves his pubes, which is gross. I'd be like, let that bush grow that Ronald McDonald dick.

[B]

All right, well, Andrew, we need you to come on the pod.

[A]

Come on the pod and defend your dick.

[B]

Defend your dick. Defend your pubes.

[C]

We need. I just had a really weird conversation with. Remember Hannah was over the other night. And I have never seen really a dick in person. And I'd only really seen it in pornography. And so we were talking. I don't remember about what, but they were like, well, how big do you think like, a penis is? And I guessed like, this damn is a average.

[B]

And I was like, I don't know.

[A]

Average slickness. I thought, that's insane. That is insane.

[B]

I'm like, all human people would be dead body.

[A]

What would you do?

[C]

I felt terrified. I felt scared. I felt like, this is why they're

[A]

all like this big.

[C]

I had no idea. I've only really seen it in porn. And I guess maybe porn stars.

[A]

Porn stars, huge sticks. That's how they got.

[C]

I was like an average.

[B]

And I.

[C]

To me, I'm not watching the ones because I don't like when it's like really big. So I was like, well, when it's

[B]

like this big, it's getting bigger every time you do the gesture.

[C]

I won't watch it. But to a normal dick this big, I say, okay, that's fine.

[A]

That's not a normal dick.

[B]

Crazy.

[C]

And so I've heard. Now I had no idea.

[B]

She's not.

[A]

Well, that's you, you crazy girl.

[B]

She really is. She's really, really wild.

[A]

But I like it, though.

[B]

Okay, someone wants to know, how do I approach a man if I want to seduce him? What are your best seduction tips? Oh, you scooter right right up to

[C]

him on your wrist.

[A]

You put on your fake mustache right into a tree. I mean, this is one of those questions where I'm like, I don't fucking know. Is the guy cool? Does he like, where are you?

[B]

Just give your back best tips. Like if in general, you just had to give your best tips. Keep in mind, I have a gun. If you had to give me smile, great.

[A]

Be assertive and tell them what you want.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

Buy them a drink and then ask them out on a date. And then see if you like them.

[B]

Let's role Play it. Okay. I'm a guy. I'm a guy at a bar.

[C]

Wait, give me your gun.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. I'm a guy at a bar.

[A]

Oh, hey, I love that phone case color. It's, like, olivey, but, like, light.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, like a light green.

[A]

What's your name?

[B]

Jordan.

[A]

Jordan, hi.

[B]

What's your name?

[A]

Rachel.

[B]

Rachel.

[C]

That's a beautiful name.

[A]

Thank you. Did you want a drink? I'm about to get one.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Cool. What do you want?

[B]

I will do a Coke with some maraschino cherries in it.

[A]

Oh, you don't drink?

[B]

No, I'll drink. I just. Tonight, I'm in the mood for a Coke with some maraschino cherries in it.

[A]

I'm actually gonna go. Okay, sorry.

[B]

Nice to meet you.

[A]

He doesn't drink.

[B]

I know.

[C]

I would.

[A]

It's crazy because, like, I was, like, trying to flirt with him. I even pulled out all my good stops. I was like, nice phone case. Who cares about a phone case? Oh, my good stops.

[B]

Okay, well, I hope that was helpful to you.

[C]

But you know what? Before that nightmare, that was really working. I was like, wow, that was hot.

[A]

That's how I do it.

[C]

That was good.

[B]

Confident.

[A]

You find one thing, you compliment them, then you start, like, trying to get going. And then if they drink anything with, like, a Diet Coke, you run away.

[C]

Okay, no Diet.

[A]

No Diet Coke.

[C]

But it sounds like no sodas either, because that wasn't diet.

[A]

Well, it's gotta have alcohol in it. If it's like a Diet Coke and rum, you're like, oh, yeah, okay.

[C]

Sorry, Jordan.

[B]

I'll say something. I'll say it.

[A]

Say it.

[B]

I don't think men should be allowed to drink Diet Coke. Okay.

[A]

Whoa, you're not running for president? Well, what I hate is that Diet Coke has become such, like, a thing now where it's like, I gotta get my fridge cigarette. And that's, like, what they call a Diet Coke. Sure. I don't need a man saying that to me.

[B]

That's what I'm saying, though. I think that's.

[A]

Smoke a cigarette. Ride a bike.

[B]

That's for the girls. Yeah, sorry.

[A]

For the girls and the gays.

[B]

It's for the girls.

[A]

Ride a bike like a motorcycle, right into a fucking tree.

[B]

You know what I'll say? I don't think it's for the gays either. Sorry. You know what? It's about time we give straight people one thing. I think the Diet Cokes for straight women, culturally, they have so many things.

[C]

Culturally, they have FabFit, fun, culturally, all that stuff.

[B]

I think that Diet Coke is for straight women.

[A]

I agree. And one drag queen named Delta Work.

[B]

Fine.

[C]

And one little lady named Kendall.

[B]

Andrew, I'm not saying you can't have them. I'm just saying it can't be like part of your thing, part of your shtick.

[C]

Well, I think that's.

[A]

Yeah. And I think it should be part of no one's shtick, to be completely honest. It's not funny anymore. It's a Diet Coke.

[B]

But straight people need a thing.

[A]

Thing. So I think straight people love having a thing and waiting in a line. What is that about?

[B]

That's fine, but let them do it. Let them do it. Do you know what I mean? Like, we can't. We got like when Chewy started and things like that. It's like, we don't need to be policing their embarrassing behavior because that keeps them preoccupied from taking stuff from us or bothering us.

[C]

Yeah, they're buying so much pleather, they can't vote against us.

[B]

Perfect. No, but I'm just like, let them have their thing. Like you like.

[C]

You know they love a pleather jacket that brown.

[A]

Oh, yeah, they love a pleather.

[C]

You know, the brown that's like caramel colored. That's like.

[B]

They would wear them in like bomber jackets.

[C]

It's awful. It's like the worst color for an outfit.

[A]

It's the same as like the camel. Like trench coats they would wear that are like wool. Yes, they love that. No buttons, no nothing. It's just like a big thin.

[B]

So I like Kendall.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She does have bad taste culturally. I'm straight.

[C]

I would say. I love being gay's.

[B]

All my friends are.

[C]

I love being a lesbian. It's a huge part. But I think I like if the things that I enjoy and take part in. It's a lot of straight culture.

[B]

Yeah. Friends. Diet Coke.

[C]

Oh, I thought you. I thought you meant.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

But you know, in the gay community,

[A]

that's like, scary when a gay guy only has straight friends.

[C]

No, I don't have any straight friends.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Well, I have a. I have one straight friend, but I'm like. I'm in the lesbian. I'm like, only.

[A]

Where do the lesbians hang out?

[C]

Here, at our house.

[B]

At our house.

[A]

Not the. Not the Ruby. What was that?

[B]

No, not Ruby. Fruit.

[A]

I have a. Oh, I'm glad it's closed.

[B]

Plus me too.

[A]

They were so mean to me.

[B]

One time I was trying to get.

[A]

I was literally like me and my friend. I was on a date and we had done. We were, like, bopping around. We started at the Eagle. We went to the Black Cat. And then I was like, there's this new lesbian bar. Let's go. And so we go. And I'm like, I'd like to buy a bottle. And it's just these two women walking by us, serving everybody else at a table. We're sitting at the bar. I'm looking directly at her. And I was like, can we get a bottle? And she just turned around and went into the kitchen. And I was like, what is happening?

[B]

No, I would like to buy.

[A]

I would have spent $60 on a shitty bottle of wine.

[B]

No. And also, I don't want to suck

[A]

this guy's dick in the parking lot.

[B]

Allegedly. I've heard, so I can't be sued. And the vibe that I always got was that the Ruby Fruit was just for, like, wealthy white women, gay or not, that, like, lived in that area. And I had multiple friends that went that. That were not of that demographic that said that they did not have a good experience. I never went because I heard too many bad things about it. I wasn't interested.

[A]

Yeah, well, I shit. Talked about my podcast. Not allegedly. And then they were like, sorry, come back for a good experience. Like, we'll help you out this time. And I was like, because I talk shit about you on my podcast.

[C]

Yeah, we'll help you out this time.

[A]

I was like, lady, no. Yeah, sorry about it. And sorry to that person, but it seemed like they were treating the employees bad, too, or something.

[B]

I don't know anything about that.

[A]

I don't know about nothing.

[B]

I would just love to try.

[A]

Have a gun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Running for president, and I'm running for president and misogyny bad.

[C]

Honestly, at this point, I feel like saying, I have a gun in Misogyny's bag. You could become a guy.

[B]

He could vote for you.

[C]

That's, like, the exact thing people are looking for.

[A]

One of the chants at my show when someone's doing a bad job is the audience. They will all chant, get the gun together. And I'll do this bit where I'm, like, looking for it, and then I, like, pull it out, and then we all cheer and laugh together.

[B]

I love that because I don't, like.

[A]

I'm tired of safe spaces. We should be mean to each other again.

[C]

Well, Jordan's always saying that. That there's, like, that need to be punched in the face, and I do think there's truth. You meet a guy, we talk about. What's his name? Oh, what's his name?

[B]

Ben Shapiro.

[C]

Ben Shapiro is one of those people where you go, if your whole life could be different if you just got punched one time.

[A]

I say that all the time. And you can tell there's people who've never had any hardship, never even taken a fist to the face, and it's like, you would be different.

[B]

You need your block knocked off. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, not, like, I don't want to send you to the hospital. I don't want to whatever, but, like, you just need your block knocked off. You need a little bit of roughing up. You need, like. And then you'll just. I think, once again, yeah, Ben Shapiro would be a completely different person if I could just give him one swift hit to the head, causing him no real harm. But I think it would, like, center him in a way that he needs.

[A]

It'll do that thing where you're like, whoa, I just got hit.

[C]

Yeah, I'm an.

[B]

Yeah, I think. I think that. And it's hard, you know, it's sad. You can't fight as adults, because isn't that crazy?

[A]

You'll go to jail. Yeah. Prison hunt.

[B]

And I can't do that.

[C]

No, I've had that before where you're like, I. I, you know, you find out something's illegal, and then you have, like, you're like, wait, how am I allowed to be told that I can't do that? Famously, when I swam too close to that rock in the ocean.

[B]

So, honey, that wasn't illegal. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this.

[C]

I'm really close to a rock in the ocean. The lifeguard told me I had to get away from it. I was like, so you don't own the ocean? I literally could not believe my eyes.

[A]

Kendall was, you don't own the ocean.

[B]

But I was like, oh, she's furious. And I thought she was joking. No, I was like, I thought you were joking. I was like, oh, ha haha. Kendall was like, can you believe she did that? She trudged out of the water so angry. I said, what? Can you believe she did that? The lifeguard told you to not swim so close to the rocks when the waters are churned up. Yeah, of course. That's her job. Kendall was like, what? Her job is to be a cop of the beach. And I was like, she's not. What are you doing?

[A]

She's, like, trying to protect you. And you're like, no, I'd rather die. I want to touch the rock.

[C]

Well, she could Say, I want to let you know it's a little dangerous. Don't tell me I can't swim next to a rock, but do you know what I mean? I'm like, how are you allowed to tell me?

[A]

This is a. I'm on your side, but also, like, she was trying to help you. And maybe it's just easier for her to be, like, more direct, because there's probably a lot of dummies that want to die, including Kendall.

[B]

And I'll tell you right now, Kendall needs to be told what not to do quite often. So if there's someone out there who doesn't need to be told what to do, it's not you.

[C]

Honey, that museum, Remember the woman told me I was rubbing that thing too much?

[B]

Yeah, we.

[A]

The Mona Lisa.

[B]

The Mona Lisa.

[A]

They were like, get up.

[B]

She told you were rubbing off to it too much? No, we were at some museum where there was, like, an interactive touch thing. And then Kendall was touching it kind of too much and too vigorously. And a docent at the museum had to be like, oh, ma', am, please touch it more gently.

[A]

Boop.

[C]

No, she did not touch more gently.

[B]

She said, don't touch it. It was a wall. Grass.

[C]

It was a wall of grass that you were allowed to touch.

[B]

It was at the Miyazaki exhibit, rubbing it.

[C]

I was rubbing it. No one else was there. It was not like there was a line or anything, but it was like the way I was touching it, she felt like, was too intense, and I was.

[A]

Can you show me how you were touching?

[C]

I was rubbing. I had my. I was kind of on my. The wall was here and my body against it, and I was kind of, like, rubbing it.

[A]

Was anyone. Was anyone else doing that? Was anyone else putting their body on it or. People were just walking by and touching me?

[B]

I don't think anyone was walking by and touching it. It was like wall decoration. There wasn't a plaque that said, don't touch this. But also, nothing was like, this is part of the exhibit. Please touch it.

[C]

My point is, it's a free fucking country. I don't understand, like, you don't own the O. You don't own the ocean. You don't own. And I know that Docent didn't own that exhibit. She did not make that.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

But Kendall. Kendall. But

[C]

Jordan's ashamed of me.

[B]

I hate being.

[C]

And she never seems like you would

[A]

be, like, really fun on a night out.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

But, like, the next day, I'd be like, we really let Kendall go too Far. Did you see the way she was touching that wall?

[C]

I have really bad impulse control. It's like, really, like if I can't stop myself from doing something.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But she's also unbelievably delicate. The other night, we went to see a mo. Kendall had one half of a 5 milligram edible. And I was like, I don't think it's a good idea. You don't react to substances. Great. Don't tell me what to do. Okay, you don't understand. Yeah, literally. Okay, fine. So she takes the edible. Whatever. We're driving there. We get there. We go inside. She gets the biggest popcorn. You can buy an absolutely gigantic Diet Coke. She's holding both. We're walking up the stairs to get to our stage seats. She's hold my things, hold my things, hold my things. I'm passing out. I'm passing out, spinning around. I take both. I take her popcorn, I take her her soda. I hand them to our friends. I'm like, okay, let's get to our seat. Our seat's literally right there. No, I need to stop here on the stairs. She's down on the stairs, lying on the stairs.

[A]

Your seat is right there.

[B]

Our seat is right there. She won't sit in it. I had already told her not to do these because. So for everyone who doesn't know, last

[C]

year she had a medical emergency. I forgot. I took the edible. So I thought I was just having a med.

[A]

That's the thing with an edible is you never know how it's going to hit.

[B]

But specifically with one day, it's really good. Specifically with Kendall. Last year, she had something. Oh, my God. I'm out at you. Last year, Kendall had something.

[A]

I'm glad I'm here for this.

[B]

Like, a stroke. In the middle of last year, she woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom and went, help. And then when I went in there, she was having literally exactly what looked like a stroke. Her little arm was curled up. She was convulsing. I had to call 911. I put a towel in her mouth so she couldn't choke on her tongue. I was unbelievable.

[C]

Oops.

[B]

Turns out it wasn't my fault.

[A]

You're watching this like you have never heard this story before.

[C]

You were there.

[A]

I lied.

[B]

Hardly.

[A]

She's looking at you like that really happened.

[B]

So we call. I went, whatever. It's this whole big thing. We find out, you know, it turns out it wasn't a stroke. It was a seizure, like, incident related to her lupus or whatever. So I'm like, please don't. Don't do anything that, like, tempts me.

[C]

Because Jordan doesn't like that I drink Celsius. She thinks it's bad for me because I'm drinking so many Celsiuses.

[A]

How many are you drinking?

[C]

One a day. Classy. So then it's okay. Let's all just calm down. Night sushi.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

We need to have.

[B]

I got worms.

[C]

You have worms. And how dare you tell me. No, I literally. Jordan hates that I have Celsiuses. So then they drain all this fluid out of my lungs.

[A]

Don't know why I care.

[C]

God forbid a girl has fluid in her lungs.

[B]

And what color was it?

[C]

And it's yellow. And Jordan. So the doctors. Can you check if it's Celsius? They're like, so that's not how the human body works. It's got Celsius flooding her lungs. Said, well, it's the exact. The exact color.

[B]

It's literally.

[C]

You should have someone check if there's Celsius in her lungs.

[B]

Like, there's not.

[C]

She was convinced that I had poured Celsius into my lungs. That's not even how it works.

[B]

Anyways, Anyway.

[C]

Edibles anymore.

[B]

So we go see Hokum. Finally I get her into her chair, and then the whole time, she's just like, I'm very scared. And I was like.

[A]

Because of the movie.

[B]

And she's like, I feel like something's wrong with my heart. I'm like, okay, well, then we need to leave if something's wrong with your heart. And she's like, no, no, it's fine. It's okay.

[C]

No. And what did I say?

[B]

What did you say?

[C]

I said, I just need to have a hand to hold. How sweet is that? And she would do it.

[A]

How quickly I would be like, not mine. Not mine.

[B]

And I would have gotten in trouble. And then I would have gotten in trouble, and then that would have been a whole thing. Oh, my God. Okay. What? Well, this has been another incredible episode.

[A]

Oh, we're already done.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We didn't answer any questions.

[B]

We answered more questions than we normally do.

[A]

Oh, really? Oh, okay.

[B]

We answered a.

[C]

Questions are more a guiding light that we sometimes. Sometimes we don't get to all the.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This is a comedy podcast.

[A]

We're long. We he. Ha hard today. Big time.

[C]

It's been fun.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I had so much fun. You guys are great.

[B]

You're the best. I really love you. You're my favorite drag queen.

[A]

Oh, thank you. I Do now.

[B]

I really do love you.

[A]

We should have you back on the pod, too. Or both of y'. All.

[B]

I have.

[A]

It was so fun.

[C]

Such a time.

[B]

I remember. And I. Maybe I've told you this. I went in and I was like, this is going to be awful. I was like, these two people are going to be so mean to me. I. I don't even know why I said yes to this. I never met either, but I was just like, gay drag queen. And I'm coming on this podcast. They're not going to give me the time of day. I'm going to sit there. They're going to talk over me the whole time. That's what. You ever done a gay guys podcast? That's what it is. And so then I got there, and y' all were so nice and so funny, and we had the best.

[A]

Yeah, it was one of our favorite episodes.

[B]

It was awesome.

[A]

Well, you. Is that we felt like we kind of knew you because we had been sending back and forth your videos, like whenever you were traveling and eating at places. Because we. I mean, we're two fat gay guys. So we were like, yeah, of course she and you have. I think we have a similar palette.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, but so we love you. Tell people where they can find you, either online or in real life. I said tell them, not.

[A]

Tell them you can find me at Andrew Santiago house sucking on that fat hog. No, you can.

[B]

Wait, hold on. John, does Andrew record a podcast here?

[C]

Here?

[B]

He does it in the.

[C]

No, it's not here, but part of the same studio.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I tell him. I love him on the street.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And is he there right now?

[B]

We're going to see you on your razor scooter. Going that way right after.

[A]

In my heels, my Instagram is spiciest. Meatball. Or you can follow my party page at Slut LA and go listen to my podcast Sloppy Seconds with Big Dipper Meatball. And we have a sloppy pod as the answer game for that.

[B]

You gotta follow it. It's all so funny. And thank you so much for listening. As you know, this is a completely independently made podcast, so everything you enjoy here is exclusively done by Kendall and I with help from people like John and Blake and Richie. But we have to pay them. So please pay us by liking commenting, subscribing, following us on any of the platforms, or joining our Patreon, where we do free exclusive episodes and have a 24. 7 live chat giveaways hotline.

[A]

I don't know. Live chat.

[B]

They can connect. They can Contact me at any time.

[A]

You will never.

[B]

Instead of you will never contact Kendall, but you can contact me at any time. I bad.

[C]

I'm bad.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

They'll message.

[A]

We'll message. Too much access to you.

[B]

Sorry.

[C]

I mean, it's not like they can't get mad if we don't respond immediately. Like, we, you know, we. Sometimes there's like a 24 hour.

[A]

I don't feel like you're ever doing

[B]

the response by responding.

[A]

By the way that you're saying that.

[B]

Wait, by responding, do you mean any of the work?

[A]

This has been such a lovely time.

[B]

Thank you so much for listening. Kendall, I love you. What?

[A]

I feel I'm gonna fight. I feel like I'm in the middle of something and I'm loving it.

[C]

No, Jordan's a hard worker and I'm the personality. I think we.

[A]

We can all agree.

[C]

But then Jordan's also the personality. So then it begs the question, what am I doing? Anyways, thank you so much for being here and thank you for being here.

[A]

Thank you for having me. We'll see you next time.

[B]

Happy Monday.

[C]

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