116: What is My Sexuality?!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Happy Wife, Happy Life" — Ep. 114: What is My Sexuality?!

Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Date: June 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

This lively episode is a classic, candid ride with comedians and couple Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick. Amid their trademark banter, the hosts explore the nuances of sexuality, queer identity, and the ever-changing landscape of relationships. They offer unfiltered advice to listeners, reminisce about their journeys navigating sexual labels, and reflect on generational differences in queer coming-of-age stories. In between, the duo dish about their personal quirks, family anecdotes, and answer listener questions with empathy and humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Relationship Banter & Personal Updates

• Headband Confessions & Flirting:
  The episode starts with playful ribbing about Kendahl forgetting items for the show and obsessing over a new headband, setting their warm, amused tone.

  • “Does the headband look good or does the headband look bad? Should I not be wearing the headband? Should I put on a hat?” — Jordan (01:07)
  • Jordan jokes about Kendahl’s lateness, tying beauty and punctuality together:
    • "The more beautiful the woman, the less she's ready to go when it's time to go. It is so crazy." (01:43)
  • Kendahl observes their relationship dynamic shifting, “I feel like we've been, like, kind of, like, flirting recently... your anger towards me feels a little flirtatious." (02:24)

• The Bed Size Rabbit Hole & Family Beds:
  They get into a hilarious deep-dive on mattress sizes and joke about the ‘family bed’ after debating the merits of two queen beds over one king—a running bit about maintaining individuality even as a couple.

  • "If we ever got really rich, I would maybe want our bedroom to have two queen beds, Lucy and Ricky style, next to each other." — Jordan (03:18)

• Family Anecdotes:
  They share stories about Kendahl’s mom visiting, their nephew’s kindergarten performance (and the standards of child performers), and reminisce about their own childhood performance memories.

  • “When I was a kid and we had a song to perform, we all showed up. We performed. We knew the words. We did the routine.” — Kendahl (06:07)
  • Jordan shares a story about forgetting lyrics during a childhood performance, leading to a memorable but supportive family response. (07:39–08:26)
  • Kendahl’s duck mascot story illustrates the strange things we do for school and community, sparking a discussion of generational slang like "she had to pay rent." (09:15–13:38)

2. Introduction of the Podcast’s First Intern

• The duo excitedly introduce Hazel, a college student and new intern, sharing a warm, supportive moment (14:04–15:02).

3. Listener Questions & Relationship Advice

Q1: Dad’s Serial Dating and Holiday Dilemmas

A listener asks how to handle their father's habit of bringing new girlfriends to family holidays, causing discomfort.

• Empathy for the Listener:
  Both hosts validate the frustration but advise acceptance and personal boundaries over confrontation.
  • “All of your feelings are 100% valid. But I think the reality is... you just have to kind of let him do it.” — Jordan (30:15)
  • “You can set your own boundaries while you're there. But... I don't really think it's your call to not want him to have his girlfriends around.” — Kendahl (29:32)
  • Jordan notes the right to demand closure about significant figures fading from their life:
    • “You should be allowed to have a relationship with any of these women that your dad brings home... You just need to tell your dad, hey, if I grow close to one of these women and then you break up, I might still have a relationship with one.” (32:00)

Q2: Navigating Female Queer Identity After Relationships with Men

A listener struggles with their label and asks for advice on being queer/lesbian after relationships with men.

• Identity is for You:
  Jordan deeply unpacks their own journey, stressing that sexuality and its language are meant for self-understanding, not public policing.
  • “Your sexuality is for you. That's why it exists. It exists to help you find community. It exists to help you feel more confident in who you are.” (34:51)
• Generational Shifts:
  Both hosts reflect on how things have changed dramatically in terms of acceptance, visibility, and community since they were teens.
  • “Now everybody is pansexual. That just was not... there were gay men. And then that's kind of it...there were no bisexual people at all that identified that way publicly.” — Jordan (36:13)
  • Kendahl reflects, “I wish I could have gone to high school and, like, had a girlfriend. That would have been so cool.” (49:44)
• Fluidity, Labels, and Internet Policing:
  Jordan’s experience makes space for nuance in attraction and gender, batting away rigid definitions pushed by online discourse.
  • “Gender and sexuality are very nuanced and can be very fluid. ...I'm not gonna break up with my wife, who I love, because she's feeling differently about her gender identity.” — Jordan (40:55)
  • “Most of the things that people are worried about are only Internet discourse, which are not real. I've never in my entire life been in a real queer space...where anyone's upset that a trans man is there.” (47:46)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Flirtation & Conflict:

  • “We're flirting again, right?” — Kendahl (13:35)
  • “If you interrupt me one more time, I’m divorcing you and we’re not doing the podcast anymore.” — Jordan (12:45)

• On Reading MM (Male-Male) Romance:

  • "If these guys aren't slurping and Gherkin within the first... five pages of the book, I'm bored." — Jordan (17:34)
  • “Am I a pervert if I say there’s too much plot?” — Jordan (21:54)

• On Sexuality & Labels:

  • “Your sexuality is for you...There’s nothing about it that needs to be presentational.” — Jordan (34:51)
  • “You’re scared of how other people will perceive you. But it doesn’t matter...the language is just for you to feel good about it.”— Kendahl (41:14)
  • “I want to have sex with myself, first of all. Which is the gayest thing you can do.” — Jordan (42:00-42:02)

• On Community & Privilege:

  • “I think that white queer people need to be mindful of how much space they take up in the community. I think gay men need to be mindful about the space they take up in the community.” — Jordan (45:45)
  • “I don't need a bisexual woman with a bisexual boyfriend to...lecture me on how they're in a queer relationship when you and I have been spit on in public.” — Jordan (47:07)

• On Growth & Change:

  • "I do feel like I have this just like, oh, I wish I could live right now...But it is such a bummer that I’m like, what if I could have gone to high school and like, had a girlfriend?” — Kendahl (49:16)

• Kendahl’s Prom Memory:

  • “When he asked me to prom, he lit a basketball on fire in the parking lot...and then I gave him a side hug and ran into my car.” (50:13–51:04)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Relationship Banter & Family Antics: 00:30–14:04
• Meet Hazel, the Podcast’s Intern: 14:04–15:02
• Listener Question 1 (Dad Bringing Girlfriends): 29:32–33:47
• Listener Question 2 (Queer Identity & Labels): 34:49–48:42
• Reflections on Change in Queer Culture: 48:48–51:04

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Recurring Themes & Tone

• Warm, teasing intimacy between cohosts
• Deep empathy for listener dilemmas
• Emphasis on queer joy and the evolution of self-understanding
• Candidness about personal failings and the messiness of life/identity
• Generational bridge-building between queer experiences

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Conclusion

Episode 114 is a rich blend of heart, humor, and hard-won insight—no easy answers, but plenty of permission to muddle through, make mistakes, and define yourself as you see fit. Kendahl and Jordan’s willingness to be honest about their quirks, disagreements, and evolving identities makes this episode especially resonant for anyone navigating their own journey in love and sexuality.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life. We're your hosts. I'm Kendall Andrew.

[A]

And I'm Jordan Myrick.

[B]

We are two incredibly unqualified but deeply

[A]

in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we're helping you with your love lives.

[B]

Say it. Jordan's. Jordan's not happy with me. This morning.

[A]

I. Jordan's not happy with you.

[B]

I'm bad. I did bad. I forgot a bunch of stuff. I. I've not been. My mom was in town. I was.

[A]

Kendall's mom was in town and Kendall got a new headband and she was so focused on her new headband and she's walking around the house.

[B]

Well, my mom was putting my headband

[A]

in and then she's like, does maybe the headband looks bad? Does the headband look good or does the headband look bad? Should I not be wearing the headband? Should I put on a hat? And then Kendall forgot to bring every. We were supposed to do an unboxing in this episode. Bring all of the stuff you've sent us that we haven't opened yet. Kendall forgot all of it at home. We left late. No, no, no, we did not. Kendall did not email John the stuff she was supposed to email him.

[B]

Well, okay. And that's fair. But we did not leave late. You said 11 and we left at 11:01. But. 1102. Wow. At.

[A]

But back we went 10:59 to go to Burger. What did you say? At 10:59?

[B]

I don't know where my phone number is.

[A]

Where's my phone? Where's my phone? My shoes aren't on. This is what's truly the more beautiful the woman, the less she's ready to go when it's time to go. It is so crazy, John. Is your wife like that? No, my wife is incredibly punctual.

[B]

What about you?

[A]

Well, I guess it's different cuz you're a mess, so your wife has to be.

[B]

I'm the mess? Yeah.

[A]

I'm always like 10 minutes behind. And you're incredibly beautiful. So it's my kids now.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's true. You have kids. Yeah. Okay. Once you have kids, it's different. But just when I think of, like, you, my dog, when I think of you, when I think of your mom, when I think of my mom, it's like, I. I will be like, we need to leave at 11:45. So Kel's in hot water today. I'm in hot water. And now we're having to pivot.

[B]

Can I tell you, I feel like we've been, like, kind of, like, flirting recently. Stop. No, like, actually, though, you've been. We've been, like, kind of, like, flirting recently. Obviously we're together, so we're always flirting, but I feel like recently there's been, like. I feel like, am I wrong? That kind of your anger towards me feels a little flirtatious.

[A]

We. Recently I did a vlog because I took Kendall out of town, and I have to make money on the Internet, so I vlogged it, and I. When we got to the hotel room, they were like, you can either have less. I mean, it's all nice. Don't get me wrong. We're like, in Santa Barbara. But they were like, you can either have a regular room with a king bed, or you can have an upgraded room with a bathtub with two queen

[B]

beds at the same time. In unison. We.

[A]

We said two queen beds, of course. And then. But then Kendall realized that in the vlog, she was like, people are going to start Reddit threads being like, I think maybe these two people aren't actually married.

[B]

I know, but we always choose that because it's just so nice to kind of have your own.

[A]

It's fun to have two queen s bed. If we ever got really rich, I would maybe want our bedroom to have two queen beds, Lucy and Ricky style, next to each other.

[B]

I think I'd rather just do the. The. What is it called? California Alaska or. No.

[A]

Yeah, the California Alaska. The Alaska sex position.

[B]

The Cal. No, the one long.

[A]

It's cold.

[B]

Really big. Yeah. What's the really big one?

[A]

Is it an Alaskan king?

[B]

No, it's, like, bigger than that.

[A]

Okay, well, let's look at it. What's the biggest?

[B]

And no. In seeking sister wives, they have one,

[A]

but I think those people are shoving two kings together, putting two beds together. I don't think those people have. Okay, okay, okay, I got it. So you have a twin, then a twin xl, an antique or three quarter bed. A double full. A full xl. A queen. An Olympic queen. A king. A California king, A Wyoming king.

[B]

Wyoming king. That's What?

[A]

I was thinking a Texas king, an Alberta king. I guess that's Canadian. An extra wide king, an Alaskan king, a super wide king. And then a family bed. A family which is 144 inches by 80 inches.

[B]

That means nothing.

[A]

I can't even conceptualize what.

[B]

That doesn't feel like big to me. My crazy. I'm like 140 inches.

[A]

No across.

[B]

Oh, I guess.

[A]

I think so. I don't. I'm not. I don't think so.

[B]

My point is, is that me laying down cross, like I feel like that would still just be the length.

[A]

Long ways.

[B]

Yeah. Would be the.

[A]

If you're laying horizontal across the bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're almost six feet tall.

[B]

Yeah. If I'm getting bed, it's almost possible.

[A]

That means the bed is almost six feet wide.

[B]

I think it should be bigger. I think because I feel like our current king bed. I can lay across horses.

[A]

No, you can't. With your whole body on the bed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No you can't.

[B]

When Jordan's not home, which is a lot.

[A]

Okay, relax.

[B]

No. When Jordan tours, I sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me. I sleep with my head at the foot of the bed. Diagonal.

[A]

Sad.

[B]

How is that? I don't know.

[A]

Doesn't it feel sad?

[B]

No, I just thought it felt neurodivergent. Look at you. What did we do this week?

[A]

What did we do this week?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't remember. Let's pull up the camera.

[B]

We did something kind of crazy.

[A]

I feel like we did something kind of crazy. Your mom visited for two days. Our nephew graduated from kindergarten and they sang a parody song of Shake It Off, Taylor Swift, Shake It Off. And it. I'm. I mean, I guess I can't say I'm positive it is, but it simply must have been AI generated.

[B]

You guys have a talk with your children because I'm not trying. Maybe I remember it incorrectly. When I was a kid and we had a song to perform, we all showed up.

[A]

You performed.

[B]

We knew the words. We performed. We do the routine. We knew the dances. I know they were in kindergarten. None of these kids were rehearsed.

[A]

I mean. No, don't say none of them. Some of them were. Our nephew was not so sorry. Don't make all the kids look bad. Just cuz our nephew had no clue what was going on.

[B]

My nephew was. Our nephew was not the only one that. That was not rehearsed.

[A]

There were some kids.

[B]

These people were not working at home on this. They were not. There was not A high standard for performance, I found.

[A]

I agree. I wouldn't have been allowed to get away with that.

[B]

Well, and that's when I said. I was like, am I a mean mom if my kid went up there and stood vacantly during a song? And look, my nephew's super cute, so he got away with it. But a lot of the. I felt like most of the kids were like this. They were just kind of standing there like, what's going on?

[A]

I would.

[B]

Afterwards, I'd be like, I'm ashamed of you.

[A]

I will never forget. So I was doing a community theater thing at a place to, like, bring awareness to my community theater growing up. Not just me, the community.

[B]

They were doing like a little.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, you're at.

[B]

You did a one woman show.

[A]

One woman show to bring awareness to community theater. I was in maybe sixth grade, and it was during Christmas time. We were trying to get people to come see our production of Scrooge the Musical at the Fort Lauderdale Children's Theater. And so they had a bunch of us dress up in, like, you know, Victorian clothing and sing little Christmas carols.

[B]

Oh, your mommy. Me watch this.

[A]

Yeah, well, not made me.

[B]

I wanted to watch it, but I watched this.

[A]

And I remember I almost fainted because I was wearing, like a full long sleeve flannel dress in Florida in November, Just absolutely about to die. And at the same time, they had a Radio Disney song contest. So some of the kids that were

[B]

a little older starred on the radio. Oh, I traumatized.

[A]

Some of the kids who were a little bit older, decided that we were going to audition for it. So I was kind of on the younger end of that. And I got up and I sang Reflection from Mulan because it was one of the few appropriate songs I had memorized because I couldn't do Candy Shop by 50 Cent, one of the other three songs I knew in the sixth grade. And I did it, and so I made it to the next round. And the next round was at the Miami Zoo. And I remember I was like, okay, I'm gonna do Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. And then this is really. I didn't have stage fright and still don't, but this was really the only time this has ever happened to me. I got up on stage and I just kind of went blank. And they just played the backing track of Breakaway while I stood on stage at the Miami Zoo singing Not a Word. And then when we left my. I got off stage, my parents and I just walked to the car silently. And then I was like, are you mad at me? And they were like, well, we're not mad, but you didn't practice, so what did you think was going to happen?

[B]

Right. That's what I. And that's the correct response.

[A]

You know what I mean? But they were right from being hot.

[B]

Was. I was in the. Do you know Rotary will do, like, the duck races?

[A]

No,

[B]

I.

[A]

From a smaller town than me. I don't know what that is. I don't know what rotary is, and I don't know what a duck race is.

[B]

It was like this thing where they would put a bunch of. You'd pay to put a bunch of rubber ducks in our river. And then the river would take all the rubber ducks, and the winning duck would win, like, $5,000.

[A]

$5,000?

[B]

You could win it. There was, like, thousands of ducks. I mean, it'd be very rare to win the duck.

[A]

Where's that money from?

[B]

I have no idea. And I don't remember what we were raising money for.

[A]

You're raising money, but you're giving away $5,000?

[B]

I know. Well, yeah. I mean, I think it's kind of like a silent auction. Auctions.

[A]

The things are normally donated.

[B]

Yeah, I think someone probably donated five. I don't. I don't look. I don.

[A]

Information.

[B]

I don't remember. All I know, I was in charge of being the duck mascot. That's all I know.

[A]

The. The duck mascot.

[B]

Before the race, I got in a huge duck mascot outfit, and then I was put on the back of a convertible, and I went through the town, like, waving, and I swear to God, I blacked out. And I was sitting up there. It was so. Because it was, like, in the middle of the summer, it was so hot, and I was like, I'm going to faint and fall off this convertible, roll backwards in this duck outfit, and I.

[A]

Ass in the air.

[B]

It was, like, so horrible.

[A]

It's really funny.

[B]

It was really horrible. It's just so funny, the things you talking about going and doing whatever weird thing you just described with the Victorian clothing. I feel like as a kid, my mom just visited us, and she brought me a huge box of, like, stuff from when I was a kid, which, first of all, always makes me feel crazy because I'm like, was I unconscious for my entire child? I don't remember any of this. But there's so many weird things that you sign up to do at that age that I'm just like, why did I want to do that? For example, there was an application in there for me to be a puppeteer to Go around elementary schools and teach them about sexual assault. Why? First of all, I never did that, which makes me know what is denied about sexual assault. How old were you, like, in middle school? And I would.

[A]

They were hiring middle schoolers to do puppet shows about sexual assault.

[B]

Look, I had to pay rent. I was trying to, I was trying to make some money. I don't know. That's what it was.

[A]

And to be clear, you did not have to pay rent. Your parents did not make you pay.

[B]

Oh, I was kidding. Isn't that a saying? She came to pay rent. What is that saying? Yeah, you're just too old.

[A]

She had.

[B]

Sorry, now I got another Gen Z in the house, so you can't.

[A]

And we'll get to that in a second. But my question is, she had to pay rent.

[B]

Yeah, it'll be like if a little kid does a really good performance in something, they'll be like, she was. Well, I don't know exactly to say, but it's kind of like, oh, she, she needed to pay rent. She had rent to pay.

[A]

John, are your daughter saying that she needed to. Are your daughters, like six years old, daughter's making a goal in soccer and saying she needed to pay rent? No, they're not saying that.

[B]

But I, I, when you say that,

[A]

I understand what you mean. Oh, dude. Oh, good for you, John. As if the rent was due, right? I'm good for you, John. John, you're older than me. Grow up.

[B]

But no, I, when I applied for that and I see this application, that's me being like, can I please teach kids about sexual assault as a puppeteer? I don't know why I wanted to do that, why I didn't feel like I had enough on my plate already and I didn't get to do that. So I think I got decline mind.

[A]

So I have to go back to. She needed to pay rent. I think the thing is, if someone were to say to me, if, okay, one of the kids that was really doing.

[B]

We're not starting with the pointing this early in the podcast recording. I can't with it today.

[A]

If one of the kids who did a really good job at our nephew's kindergarten graduation say my nephew's name, he

[B]

did a good job. He didn't know the words, but he was like, emoting fear. Go ahead.

[A]

Can I finish? If one of the kids who did a really good job at our nephew's graduation did a really good job, and then you looked at me and you said, oh, she's got to pay rent, I would understand because he has rent to pay.

[B]

Also, it wouldn't really work for that because you don't get paid to graduate, so.

[A]

That's what I'm trying to say. If you let me finish my thought, you'll understand what I'm saying. I think maybe you're using it wrong.

[B]

We're flirting again, right?

[A]

Kendall just kicked me and a bunch of podcasting equipment. We're getting kicked out of here.

[B]

Okay, go ahead.

[A]

To me, it sounds like a homosexual. Say, let. Oh, my God. If you interrupt me one more time, I'm divorcing you, and we're not doing the podcast anymore.

[B]

Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. Sorry.

[A]

Put your hand over your mouth while you absorb this story. You can't help yourself.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

It feels like gay slang to be like, they're doing a really good job. Oh, she. Oh, she had to pay rent. Oh, you can tell she had to pay rent. That feels like a gay thing someone would say. And obviously, you don't get paid to graduate kindergarten. That's not what I'm saying. But that's the joke of it, right? Is like, oh, that little kid's doing a really great job dancing. Oh, he's got to pay rent.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

That's the joke of it, right? I don't think that you say, I signed up for a job because I had to pay rent, but you didn't have to pay rent. I don't think you're using it correctly. If I had to guess.

[B]

Well, and I'll tell you another part. I think. I think the Sexual Assault Puppeteers is a volunteer position, so everything about what

[A]

you said was wrong.

[B]

Let's move on. You know what? Let's move on.

[A]

We have a really important and special guest today because we, for the first time ever, have an intern. And if you're saying, hey, why was I not your intern? You didn't email us and ask to be our intern. Yeah, unlike this very accomplished and exciting person did. Hazel, you want to come in here and say hi to everyone? Come on in here. Stand right here.

[B]

Welcome. Yay.

[A]

Hello. Hold on. John's yelling.

[B]

Oh, I thought John was running in because he wanted attention too. He was like, wait, I'm here too. Don't forget.

[A]

Have they ever seen John before?

[B]

Yeah, I think. No, maybe not.

[A]

I didn't know what he looked like.

[B]

Oh, wow. And you. I feel like, wow. He's like.

[A]

Like, I'm sorority squad. I know you are. Yeah. You're posting. I'm so sorry. We won't make you do this long. We won't make you do this long. Hazel, tell the people two things about yourself. Oh, my gosh. I'm on the spot.

[B]

Okay. This is like Jordan with your song. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I'll be singing later, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm from Portland, Oregon, originally. And, yeah, I'm a college student right now, so.

[B]

And I'm really lucky to be here. Yay.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. You better be clapping at home for Hazel. Hazel, please. You can go sit and relax. Thank you so much for being here, Hazel. We're so excited. John, come here. Just show the people what you look like.

[B]

Don't speak.

[A]

Don't speak. Show all these minds at home what you look like. This is John.

[B]

John.

[A]

This is John. What do you guys think?

[B]

Who's your favorite, me or Jordan? Both equally.

[A]

Good answer, John. He has two daughters. That's how you know that he knows how to answer questions like that, because, you know, they're asking him that kind of stuff all the time. Okay, let's get into the questions. I've had it with Kendall.

[B]

This is how we always get into the questions. That's the reason we always.

[A]

I'm sick of Kendall. Well, you've been very relaxed lately, which I'm really happy for you about, but it's causing a deterioration in our life.

[B]

Wait, what? What are you talking about? When have I even relaxed?

[A]

So, like, in the car, you were like, I forgot everything, and I didn't do this other thing, and then I said, that's okay, and you went, wee. I'm a baby was a direct quote from, I don't know, 20 minutes ago.

[B]

And isn't that so sweet?

[A]

True or not true? That's.

[B]

You've been relaxed recently. I'm actually really happy for you. But Jordan's been reading a lot of erotica.

[A]

Everybody knows this.

[B]

I know, and it's just like. I mean, but you're. It's the way you're going through them. Like, how many books have you read this week?

[A]

I can tell you how many books I've read this year so far. You can follow me on Goodreads if you want to see my thoughts on homosexual male books.

[B]

Is that books about gay mailman?

[A]

Yeah, Male M A I L. I

[B]

bet they have that.

[A]

Oh, I'm sure they do. And I'll be reading that next. I have read this year. How do you find it? Stop flirting with me, you guys. Kendall being bad. Kendall's bad. Oh, here it is. Here's my 2026 reading challenge. I wanted to read 12 books this year. I've read 37.

[B]

What's crazy about that is like you did not start in January like you started really reading. I feel like, like last month or when did he did rivalry. When did you get really into heated rivalry?

[A]

I don't know. It's so hard to say when that time was. Let's see. When I read Game Changer, hold on. Which is the first book in that series. But things are so like my co worker Ariana, who she and I always talk about heated rivalry and she's straight and she's so sweet, God bless her. But now she's like reading the other books in the franchise and she's sending me like screenshots and quotes and stuff like that.

[B]

And I'm like, have you not. What read. You've read all them?

[A]

No, I've read all of them. She's reading them now and I'm like, I'm on such a different level now.

[B]

She's behind also.

[A]

It's so wild. Cause I was talking to a couple people the other day when I was doing Ask Cat. I was talking to. Who was I talking to? Alexis Rhiannon and Lauren Adams. And they were talking about how they need a good buildup in the beginning. And I'm like, if these guys aren't slurping and Gherkin within the first Jesus five pages of the book, I'm bored.

[B]

Slurpin and Gherkin like a. That's horrible. I've never heard that.

[A]

That's how I feel about it.

[B]

I'm the opposite. I like. I like them to yearn for a long time and then. And maybe right at the end we get something. Can you tell them the plot of your. The last book you read? It was too far.

[A]

It's. No, it's not.

[B]

It's too crazy.

[A]

No, it's not. It's too. And a lot of them have read it. It's called for the Fans.

[B]

I don't know if that's true.

[A]

It's Called for the Fans. It's one of the most popular mm, romance true books. Yes. People in the comments, please. Comments. Get her ass. Let Kendall know how this is. Everyone loves this book. It's Called for the Fans. It's one of the most popular ones. And it's about two stepbrothers who, to be clear, become stepbrothers when they're like 15 or 16. And one of them is like, let's be friends. And the other one is like, get away from me. And then they end up going to the same college and whatever. And then their parents suddenly become broke. So they can't pay for college anymore or whatever. One of them's friend is like, I make only fans content, and if you want to be in a video with me, I will give you some of the money, but we need to get one additional guy so it can be a threesome. And so that's all I'll say about that.

[B]

Have you said what their jobs are?

[A]

What do you mean, what their jobs are?

[B]

Did you. I may have missed it. Did you say what they do in college?

[A]

One of them is a football player. What do you mean, what their jobs are? One of them. Aren't they gonna. One of them makes art, and one of them is a football player. Don't say anything because you're the biggest spoiler in the world. Kendall does not know. The other day, Kendall got a book. I said, I'll read that when you're finished with it. She goes, let me just tell you a little about it. Tells me every single twist and turn that happens in the book. I say, okay, I guess I'm not reading it. She goes, that's not a spoiler. That's just what happens in the book.

[B]

It's. I know, but I just want to tell you about.

[A]

I know, baby.

[B]

I was just remembering.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

And then we'll get to the questions. Last night at dinner, went to a really nice dinner, and with my mom, and there was a people next to us. Jordan was convinced they were father, daughter. I'm telling you, they were.

[A]

Sweetheart.

[B]

Sugar baby, I can't talk about this on the pod.

[A]

No, you can talk about this on the pod. You're wrong. They were father, daughter. She was being like, why won't you let me go out with my friends? But instead, you're making me go to this family event we have to go to. She was dressed like she played volleyball. She had a college sweatshirt on. She was way too young to be a sugar baby. I also, Kendall, we took her mom to a nice Italian restaurant last night for dinner. I'm like, when you're a sugar baby, you don't dress like you're going to a college volleyball practice to go to a nice Italian dinner with your.

[B]

What did my mom say?

[A]

Your mom said, well, maybe he's into that, but she's wrong, too. Both of you are wrong. It was a mother and a daughter, and your mom didn't hear any of it, so she couldn't weigh in.

[B]

I think it was sugar baby because she was like. She was like you. She said, I will never.

[A]

You cannot quote this because these people might listen to the podcast house.

[B]

These people do not listen to this podcast. But I won't quote it, I won't quit it.

[A]

They were talking about a trip that they had been on, and a lot

[B]

of finances were involved. I guess maybe I'm just not used to my father having money to give me, so it's confusing.

[A]

Sugar dad? No, it was a father daughter, for sure. Also, the way she was mad at him is, like, not the way you get mad at, like, someone you're dating. She was like, why won't you just let me go like that? Like, that's not how you get mad at your partner. Why won't you just let me go?

[B]

Everyone else is going to be that way. I feel like you talked to me that way. Okay.

[A]

You wish, dude. Okay, this is wrong.

[B]

I'm actually irritating you. I can feel it.

[A]

According to Goodreads, I. Well, I reviewed the first he'd rivalry book, game changer, on May 1.

[B]

What did you say?

[A]

I said, okay, you guys win. I'm addicted. But I. There's no way that that's when I actually read it, because that means that I've only been reading these books for two months. That's not right, babe. I think that's not right.

[B]

I think it is right.

[A]

That's not right. Well, hold on, hold on.

[B]

What was your recent review? Can I hear it?

[A]

I can't win with her. Hold on. Let me tell you my most recent review. No, I've been. No, no, no. Because I read heated Riley on March 14th. I think I've been in this since February. A recent review that I left that. Oh, Kendall thought was so funny. I said. And I meant it. I said, am I of a. I said, am I a pervert if I say there's too much plot? I thought one of the books I read had too much plot. Sorry.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

You get over it when it's too much. I feel like when there's too many sex scenes, I'm like, okay. I, like, get it.

[A]

They all need to be different.

[B]

It just makes me feel like I could read it on wattpad.

[A]

Yeah, but you could read it as a real book, so.

[B]

Yeah, I guess that's true.

[A]

I want it to. I want. I want a little plot. This is the thing, too. I don't like it when the plot is too crazy. A lot of these, like, male. Male romance books are like. And you're into this kind of stuff. So I. You're gonna scoff at me, but they're like, I'm an assassin, but I'M also a college student, and he is going to be the king of France, but no one knows. And it won't be announced until his 18th birthday or, like, whatever. And I'm like, this is so stupid. I hate that kind of stuff. I need them to both be like, we're both soccer players. We're both whatever. And they can have, like, drama within their world, but I don't want stuff that's, like, super nuts. Other than Garen Park. Any Garen park heads out there. You guys know what I'm talking about.

[B]

But what?

[A]

Garren Park.

[B]

Oh, with the motocross.

[A]

With the motocross. Thank you for remembering.

[B]

With. Wait, which one's Rain and River? That's a different one.

[A]

That's Follow the River and after the Rain. Yeah, Follow the River and After Rain Falls.

[B]

There was a.

[A]

Those aren't my favorite either. What? What?

[B]

When you read Follow the River and after the Rain, I remember, like, I was in the middle. I was like, in the week that my book was due, I was so stressed out, and I hadn't been out of the house, and Jordan was like, do you want to come with me to get Taco Bell? And I was like, sure. I get in the car. I'm telling you, I did not speak from. From leaving our garage to going to Taco Bell to getting home. Jordan just explained the entire plot of how many books was it?

[A]

Two.

[B]

Two books. And it is a wild plot. Does the guy get a third? This doesn't matter. This doesn't matter. This isn't. Nobody's gonna understand what I'm talking about. Or is it a popular one?

[A]

What is it? They're all popular.

[B]

Is that. Is his friend, the guy that he. Roman is Roman.

[A]

That's his own book.

[B]

I knew it.

[A]

But it's. They don't have the same franchise. That's the one that had too much plot. There was just, like, too much going. They were part of, like, a secret society where I was like, shut up.

[B]

Yeah. Before we get to the questions, Hazel, we're doing a good job. Is it good? Entertaining. You'd listen to this? Thank God.

[A]

All right, to be clear, Hazel already listened to the podcast.

[B]

That's just what you say when you email someone to apply for something.

[A]

That's actually fair. No, that's actually.

[B]

What is she gonna say? I've never seen this, but I'd like to.

[A]

That's actually fair.

[B]

Is Sean shushing us?

[A]

Why'd you call him Sean?

[B]

I was saying shushing, So I said, sh. It sounded like John was Over there going,

[A]

John.

[B]

Oh, good. Sorry. Oh, good.

[A]

No, it's funny. Yeah.

[B]

We're on one today. Okay. I'm on one. Yeah. Pretty composed.

[A]

If you join our Patreon, you can direct message me and I'll tell you every. Any reviewer, any thoughts on these books that I'm reading.

[B]

And I'll tell you what that sugar baby said.

[A]

I'll give you recommendations. And Kendall, if you join the Patreon and DM us, Kendall, I'll tell you what the sugar baby says.

[B]

Thank you all for being here. If you're listening, make sure. Wait, that's the end of the podcast. Oh, my God. And I'm on my medication. That's always the hardest.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I know.

[A]

I assumed you didn't take it.

[B]

That is always the hardest when Jordan will go. When I've taken my medication and Jordan will go, buddy, did you not take your meds today? I have to go. No, I did take them. Oh, well, I haven't put me on a lower dose because I told him I want to work for it. I do. To I seriously tell them that I'm like, don't put me on what I need. Put me on, like, a little less. So then I have to put some, you know.

[A]

Well, I don't like that at all.

[B]

You didn't know that?

[A]

No. You've never told me that.

[B]

Well, I think it helps me with, like, make my skills, like, I have to come up with. Anyways, today we're having an episode, and if you want to ask a question.

[A]

Today we're having an episode. You're having an episode.

[B]

If you want to ask a question, you're like, why didn't I get asked a question? Well, you didn't email us at hwhlpod questions gmail.com or sometimes we post questions on Instagram. And also, I'm gonna say a lot of people have been like, why? You guys are always doing live shows and I never see them or I never know when they're happening. We pretty much exclusively promote those on our Instagram.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On our. In our personal and HWHL podcast. No, no, no. Happy Life. Happy Life Podcast. You know what?

[A]

At hwhl Pod Cast, you'll know when

[B]

you is our handle and then our individual Instagrams. But I only say that because that's where we do, like, we promote live shows.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And if you're part of our highest Patreon tier, you get comp tickets to any and all shows that we do that you ever want to go to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So something to Think about Jordan.

[B]

Hop into those questions.

[A]

Thanks. Diverse. All right. And just in case people aren't aware, Diva. Short for Diva. Just if you, you know, aren't in the know. Okay. Kendall is so desperate to flirt. She's so thirsty. It's crazy. This episode is sponsored by Bilt Rent Mortgage. Either way, housing is expensive. Bilt is here to make those monthly payments work for you. With Bilt, every housing payment earns you points that you can use towards travel, Lyft rides, you name it. And if you know us, which you do because you listen to our podcast, you know that I am required to take Kendall on multiple fancy vacations a year. She wants to sit in at least business class. The hotel needs to have a nice large bathtub and if they do not have an extensive room service menu, I will be getting served divorce papers. And you can use Bilt to get points towards all these things and then you can have a truly happy wife leading to a happy life. You guys get it. Plus, with Bilt's new neighborhood concierge feature, you can make restaurant reservations, book fitness classes at places like SoulCycle and Core Power Yoga, and access exclusive members only experiences. You are literally earning rewards while you explore your own neighborhood. Join the membership for where you live at. Join built.com wife that's J O I N B I L T.com wife make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you and I can't say it enough. Take your wife on a nice vacation. I'm a 21 year old female college student. My parents got divorced when I was young. My mom remarried in 2017. While my dad has struggled to keep a relationship, he jumps in very quickly. Lee introduces me and my sister, 25 to his girlfriends very early and never stays single for very long. The relationships usually last less than a year, with the exception of a three year relationship with a woman I grew very close to. I lived with them in high school and she became like a mother to me. I had a tumultuous relationship with my own mom growing up. They broke up while I was away in my first year of college. I never got a clear answer as to what happened and I never fully got over the loss. He has introduced my sister and I to over eight different women and has been engaged three times over the years. He told me about his current relationship after they went on a first date, before they were even official. Neither me or my sister live in our hometown anymore and only really get to go home for holidays once a year. My dad has a habit of Bringing new girls to Thanksgiving and Christmas, it really sucks. All the energy out of the events makes it all about getting to know them and prevents me from being able to relax and just have fun with my extended family. My sister and I really want to avoid this, but her boyfriend and our mom think we're being too harsh and that we should be supportive of him since we don't live at home and it realistically wouldn't affect us much. I don't want to cause drama, but I can't meet another woman who will be gone in five months. Are we for wanting to say something? How can we tell him not to bring his girlfriends for Christmas help?

[B]

It's so hard because you said you can't meet another woman that'll be gone in five months. But you can't. You can, ultimately, and it's just. It's just one of those things that sucks. Like, it just sucks. But you also have to. I think you just have to be like, this is part of him. This is part of. You don't have to go and ask this woman a bunch of questions. You can set your own boundaries while you're there. But I do think. And you can see him less, and you can if you're only going for the holidays. I think you just have to go into it being like, this is part of this. Part of my dad is that he always got a new girlfriend. And I can let this be part of the experience as much as I want it to be. But I don't really think it's your call to not want him to have his. His girlfriends around.

[A]

I think it's really hard because all of your feelings are 100.

[B]

100. I would be sad and I would be annoyed. Sorry. No, that's okay.

[A]

All of your feelings are 100 valid. But I think the reality is, like, you. You and your sister probably have, like, nicer, more stable lives than your dad does. It seems like maybe your dad seems struggling a little bit and trying to find his footing. So I think you have to kind of let him do it. If your dad is being, generally speaking, respectful of you, kind to you, if these women are nice to you and not a problem. That would be different if he was always bringing home a woman who's, like, really rude or weird or mean or homophobic and you're gay or what, like,

[B]

like your age or something weird.

[A]

Like, there's a bunch of reasons why it could be an issue, but I'm like, it's annoying, but you just have to be like, it is what it Is because that's part of dating. And you want your dad to be happy. And is your dad gonna find happiness from dating new women all the time? No, probably not. But also, like, dating when you're that age is also harder. It's not like dating when you're younger.

[B]

You are not your parents. At least you don't want. You want your parents to have a life outside of you. And it's the same way that I would think I would always want to feel good to bring my partners home. And when I was younger and I was less experienced, I was bringing home people that. It's like, why no one wants to meet this person. But that's just how it is. You know what I mean?

[A]

Your parents had to meet all your stupid little friends growing up that you were friends with one day and then not friends with the next. And I think you just have to accept it once again. It's not a fun situation for you, but just try to make the best of it. Like, you don't have to be like, oh, this is my dad's girlfriend, and da, da, da, whatever. You can just be like, we're having a Christmas thing with a bunch of family. This is just another person here. It's the same as if, like, my cousin had a new girlfriend or whatever. Just kind of treat it not with a ton of weight. That being said, my God, I will say that I think you can demand an answer from your dad about situations that you get pulled into. Your dad is ingratiating someone into your family, and then you grow attached to them. Your dad can't just break up with them and then be like, they're not here anymore and you're not allowed to talk to them. You should be allowed to have a relationship with any of these women that your dad brings home. If he wants you to make a relationship with them, make a relationship with them. You just need to tell your dad, hey, if I grow close to one of these women and then you break up, I might still have a relationship with one of these women. That is the price we all pay. We all have friends who are couples. They break up. You might still be friends with the ex. Like, that's part of dating. That's part of bringing someone you're dating around people you care about. And I think you can demand an answer from your dad, what happened to that woman? And why did I not get to say goodbye? That really messed me up. And I think you should have a conversation with your dad about that.

[B]

Especially if you're like, she was like, A mom to me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's kind of bizarre that. I mean, maybe. Maybe you guys do still talk, but I feel like you definitely can have a relationship with her still. Yeah, but I think it's just one of those shitty things where sometimes just because you're upset and sad and I've been in many situations, especially, you know, with family, where you leave and you feel really sad or you feel really bad or it's bringing up a lot of things, and it doesn't mean the situation should have gone differently. Also, with family, there's only so much you can control. Yeah. Because I think with some parents, it's like his capacity for what? Even like you said, is that making him happier? Who knows? But his capacity for happiness, probably different than yours.

[A]

100 for that. 100. It's really rough, but I'm sorry that that's happening to you.

[B]

Yeah. You can come to our house for Christmas.

[A]

That's true. I, 21, and my fiance, 23, have been together for almost eight years and got engaged in 2023. Additionally, we both found out that we were queer over Covid. They originally identified as male and then found out that they were trans and pan. And I am queer. I never had any crushes growing up, and they were my first crush I ever had. Over the years, I voiced my love of queer people and women way more than men. I used to identify as pan slash bi, but then switched to queer because I wasn't interested in labeling my sexuality. I wanted to go with the flow. Lately, I've been wondering if I've been stuck in comp hat or just my sexuality has changed. I'm almost 100, not interested in men, sexually and romantically. Plus, I feel a huge shift in how I decentered men in my life. I was curious what led to both of you realizing you were lesbian slash queer, especially after or during relationships with men. More for Jordan. Any advice for someone who might be a lesbian or just a queer not interested in men?

[B]

I'm a little. I got a little confused in there.

[A]

That's because you have nothing to say about this. This question's for me. Y' all have heard me pop off about this a lot before, but your sexuality is for you. That's why it exists. It exists to help you find community. It exists to help you feel more confident in who you are. There's nothing about it that needs to be presentational. So if you're not interested in being involved with CIS men and you want to identify as a lesbian, I think that's awesome. If you want to identify as queer because that feels more all encompassing to you. I think that's awesome. It doesn't really matter for me. I identified as bisexual for a really long time, starting in, like, middle school.

[B]

That is so crazy. You must have been so popular.

[A]

I.

[B]

Or cool.

[A]

Wasn't popular.

[B]

But you were cool.

[A]

But I was cool as hell. And I found myself a lot of times dating men because men were around. I'm 33, so this now everybody is pansexual. That just was not. I was talking to Jess Ross about this the other day. That was not a thing. Like, growing up, there were gay men. And then that's kind of it, because

[B]

I was gonna ask, were there other bisexual or lesbians at your school?

[A]

There were no bisexual people at all that identified that way publicly. I'm sure now there's a lot. And now, like, I've had. I remember when I was, like, dating sometimes a girl I went to high school with would, because I went to high school in la, would, like, come up on my hinge. She'd be like, oh, my God, that's so funny. We're both gay now. Like, so obviously, you know, people exist. But in that time, ye.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When I was in middle school, high school, I identified as bisexual. And then a bunch of my friends were gay men, lesbians. There were none. I feel like there was one girl who seemed like a lesbian at my high school, but didn't say she was or wasn't. Just kind of kept to herself. And Jess was saying a similar thing because she's, like, a little bit older than me, but around my age where it's like, it was okay to be a gay man, and that's kind of like the beginning and the end of it. And not that gay men didn't face discrimination and all those things and obviously still do, but it just was different. Now it's like people are much more publicly gay. I think the Internet has changed the landscape so much. So I dated men for a long time because I was like, well, it doesn't make me want to end my own life to kiss a man. So I guess that can mean I'm a lesbian. Because every piece of media I've ever consumed about lesbians means that I would rather truly be dead than speak to a man. And at the time, that just didn't resonate with me. So I was like, okay, well, I guess I can't be a lesbian. And I. I mean, I started hooking up with boys when I was, like, so young. So it also felt kind of, like, I was doing stuff before I even really thought about anything. And then once I kind of thought about stuff I had, like, missed the. I was like, well, I've already been with men, so I can't be a lesbian. Which is not true. But once again, it was a different time. Things were just, like, different, and nothing made sense to me. And then I just kind of dated men because they were around and they were interested in me. And then once I got into college, still, I mean, I went to nyu, but I like, no, it's very few lesbians or bisexual women or non binary people or whatever. And I would occasionally meet a lesbian, and they would be like, oh, well, you've been with men. I'm not interested in that. And I was like, okay. So I just either didn't date or would date men and then would hook up with women who I hooked up with a lot of women who identified as straight or didn't identify really at all, but were kind of like, oh, I'm, like, curious. So that was a thing. But no one really. That's right. But no one really wanted to date. Yeah, openly, because I think people didn't want to come out and, you know, it was like a whole thing. So I was just like, okay, that's fine. Then after my last relationship, I was like, I'm really, like, not having good relationships with men ever. And I'm drawn to things that are very emotionally volatile that feel almost kind of like. Like punishing a little bit and like, whatever. So I was like, you know, I really just need to buckle down and only date people who are not men, because I think that is truly what makes the most sense to me. And then I started doing that, and then that's what I've done since then. And that was years and years and years ago.

[B]

And you find a huge difference.

[A]

I'd say, well, yes. I'm like, even my worst relationship with a woman, this one, which is the one which is my marriage with Kendall, is better than my, like, best relationship with a man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the. The men that I. When I think about a lot of times where I'm like, oh, but we kind of had fun when we dated. It was, like, very casual, and they were men that I was just more like friends with, all of my really, truly, like, long, romantic relationships were very kind of emotionally volatile on both ends. I don't think they. They enjoyed me either. And that's. That's totally understandable.

[B]

No, it's. That can't you.

[A]

We can ask.

[B]

You're a Dime a dozen.

[A]

I'll send some text messages.

[B]

Dime a dozen's actually not that nice.

[A]

Wait, I'm a dime a dozen? You're one out of 12. What the hell?

[B]

I can find you anywhere if I

[A]

just walk down the street.

[B]

But, yeah.

[A]

So that's how. All this to say long story short. Long story long, how I came to my identity where I was just like, I cannot picture myself ever dating a cisgender man ever again. That just doesn't resonate with me. It doesn't make sense to me. I. I don't think that would ever happen. But I also think that gender and sexuality are very nuanced and can be very fluid. A lot of people be quick to be like, well, mine's not good for you. For a lot of people it is. And I think for me, and I've talked about this, there are literally Reddit threads that are mad about this, where I've said, if Kendall was like, I'm a trans man, that would not be a deal breaker for me. And there are people who were like, well, you're not a lesbian because that means you could be open to dating a trans man. I'm like, I'm not gonna break up with my wife, who I love, because she's feeling differently about her gender identity and. Or presentation just because, like, some 17 year old on the Internet wants to act like a gender police officer. Yeah, that's not interesting to me.

[B]

It's just what's helpful to you. Yes, it's just, that's like when my. I went to this, like, gender therapy for a little bit, and she kept just being like, you're so stressed out about things that I don't think you care about. And I was like, yeah, because you're scared.

[A]

You're scared of how other people will perceive you. But it doesn't matter if I feel

[B]

this way about this, I have to feel this about this, or they don't. And she's like, no, it's the language is just for you to feel good about it.

[A]

Yeah. Or there are people, I think, who would be like, well, you can't be a lesbian because you like reading these gay guy books. But for me, it's very. It's a very gender.

[B]

People say that thing.

[A]

Well, no one said that to me because I know people punch him in the face, but I imagine they would.

[B]

That's so interesting.

[A]

Well, I think people would be like, you're attracted to men. But I'm like, but it's not about. I'm not a tr. I Don't want to have sex with a man about.

[B]

Gay man's different.

[A]

But I'm not even attracted. Well, yes, being attracted to a gay man is different than being attracted to a straight man. I guess I would say that's true, but I'm not attracted to these men that I'm reading about. I don't want to have sex with a man, period.

[B]

As we've clarified, when you read, you picture yourself as all the characters.

[A]

As everyone knows, I saw the character. So in a way, I want to have sex with myself, first of all.

[B]

Which is.

[A]

Which is the gayest thing you can do. And also, it's a gender thing for me. It's very, like, gender affirming for me in a way that I don't fully understand yet. And that.

[B]

That's why you're reading 36.

[A]

Okay. That's why I'm gonna read. I'm gonna read a thousand of these books, and then I'll give you guys a report on my job. You know what?

[B]

I asked at a pool party the other day that you were there, and everyone, including you, acted like I was being such a pervert.

[A]

Why'd you ask?

[B]

We were at this fool's party.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I didn't know a lot of the people there.

[A]

We were at this pool's party. We were at this pools party. My best friend pools. The pool. The pool was throwing the party.

[B]

It's actually super fun. And there was a water slide that I do not think was up to code. And every time someone went down it, they looked like they were gonna crack their head open. I went down at once, but. But I couldn't help it.

[A]

Really brave.

[B]

Really good. And I looked really brave, and I was fine.

[A]

We'll share a video.

[B]

We were at. Did you get a video of that? Yeah. I have not seen that.

[A]

I think Kimmy took a video of it.

[B]

Oh, thank God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We were at a pool party, and of course, we knew somebody. Rachel Scanlon was there, Kimmy was there. So we knew. There's a couple people, but a lot of people I just met. And I'd asked, if you could have sex with yourself, would you? And then I. No one responded. And then I said, okay, well, if you could, it would have to be your full personality. It's not like just someone you've met. Like, you would have to have sex.

[A]

It's not a clone. It's not. It's not like a mindless clone of you. It's literally you.

[B]

Would you do it? And then you were like, kendall, don't

[A]

ask this group of people that.

[B]

So I want to ask it to you now because no one answered. Well, one girl uncomfortably went, I'd have sex with myself.

[A]

I don't think it was. It wasn't just that. The way you were. The way you were asking it and the way you were behaving was. You were being unwell.

[B]

I was on a sugar high. They had this pool party was amazing. They had so much candy. They had cake, they had banana pudding, they had gummy worms. They had Swedish fish, they had fruit you could pick. You could dip into cream cheese. They had hot dog. It was, like, crazy.

[A]

So the thing about it was, it wasn't just that you asked the question. You were just kind of like, if you could have sex with yourself, would you? And then Nazara was like, oh, you mean like someone who looked exactly like me? And you were like, no, it's literally exactly like you. And then I think some people were, like, mulling it over and, like, about to answer. And then you were like, I would. Would. It's my dream to have sex with myself. Not a clone of me, not a robot that looks like me. Me. Literally me, with all my same thoughts and feelings, 100 me. It's my dream. It's all I've ever wanted. I would do anything to be able to have sex with my exact self. And it was, like, scary. Everyone felt scared.

[B]

And then I immediately got up and went on the water.

[A]

Yeah. And ladies, will excuse me. We. You were just acting insane.

[B]

Also, Jordan was like, well, you were sweet about it, but I. I was the only one there. Well, no, Rachel Scanlon did it too. Rachel and I kept putting. We kept. We were sharing a pair of goggles and we were kind of. Everyone else was like, adults kind of chatting with, like, drinks. And Rachel and I were just like, bottom of the pool with our goggles on, catching rings that we threw for ourselves. Anyways, my point was, would you have sex with yourself?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How do we get on this? What did I talk about?

[A]

You just brought it up.

[B]

No, no, no. It had something to do with what you were saying.

[A]

I was saying that I don't want to have sex with these gay men in my books. I want to have sex with. Sometimes in my mind, I want to be one of these gay men in these books.

[B]

And then we said, have sex with yourself. And then I got back.

[A]

And then you got back to your thing. Yeah. Stuff's complicated. So all to say, nothing matters. And don't let anyone make you feel bad. The only thing you have to be mindful of is taking up the amount of space you need. If you. And I'll say it, this is gonna be a hot take. I don't think it's a hot take. I actually think it's a correct take and I don't think it's hot. But I think people on the Internet, I think if we clipped and snipped this and put it on tick tock, which we won't, I think will have something to say about this. I think that white queer people need to be mindful of how much space they take up in the community. I think gay men need to be mindful about the space they take up in the community.

[B]

Don't get me started on that.

[A]

I think bisexual women with straight CIS boyfriends or even bisexual women with bisexual boyfriends think they could be mindful of the space they take up in the community. I think sometimes you see these people that have a lot of privilege, which does not mean that they are not discriminated against in other ways. I think sometimes you see people that have a certain level of privilege not acknowledging their privilege and not leaving space for people who actually need it.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

And I think there are things like that. I'm like, I'm sorry, It's like people like myself who identify along, you know, the gender spectrum of gender, non conforming, non binary, whatever, need to be mindful of the fact that I'm not the same as a trans woman who doesn't quote, unquote, pass. There's so much safety to the fact that I present as the gender that I was assigned at birth. It doesn't matter how I feel about myself and it doesn't invalidate how I identify. But I need to be thoughtful about that.

[B]

Yeah, but that's the difference is that you're thoughtful and a lot of you're self aware. It's also like, we live in Los Angeles. There's a. It's like a whole different. We're getting a whole different experience than most people. People do. A lot of people are not, I've come to learn, very self aware.

[A]

I also think that depending on where you live, I think like, yeah, maybe being a certain way in certain cities that have less visibility is like really impactful. But I just think people need to be aware and like, I actually don't need a bisexual woman with a bisexual boyfriend to like lecture me on how they're in a queer relationship when you and I have been spit on in public. Like things like that where I'm like, it just doesn't matter. But I also should never be lecturing, like, a black trans woman about anything because. Because their experience is so much deeper and more visible and more complicated than mine is. So I'm getting preachy, but I think it's important.

[B]

Most preachers do.

[A]

I'm proselytizing. Identify however you want. Be however you want. Don't need other people to validate you. Don't let other people invalidate you. Respect the other people in your community. Be mindful about how much space you're taking up, and have fun and live your life. So much of the things that people are worried about are only Internet discourse, which are not real. I've never in my entire life been in a real queer space. And keep in mind, I'm in my 30s. I've been queer for my entire life. Life. But, like, I've been out as something my entire. I don't want to say adult life because it's, what, like, 12? But like, my entire life of whatever. And these things, no one's talking about them in real life, and they never have. No one's like, I've never been to a lesbian bar where anyone's upset that a trans man is there. And the fact that, like, we're online trying to police where trans men can and can't be, I think that's nasty.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, there's, like, two lesbian bars in the entire country. There's no way people are experiencing that as much as they're saying, yeah.

[A]

Every time I go to one of the millions of lesbian bars, there's no lesbians there. It's only trans men. I'm like, shut up. That's fake. You want attention.

[B]

You've never been to a lesbian bar. There aren't any. I want to comment, though, about what you were saying a little back about just you. How things have changed so much, and it's just really crazy. I saw this video the other day of. I think I showed it to you, but girl, she's having a quinceanera, and then her, like, like, girlfriend comes out and slowly dance with her. I literally cried for, like, not even kidding, 30 minutes.

[A]

It's really sweet.

[B]

I feel. It's really sweet. But I do feel like I'm not someone in general, you know, that, like. Like, holds on to things I didn't get or, like, is, like, holds on to something that happened in my life that affected me. I'm really not like that. But I do feel like I have this just like, oh, I wish I could live right now. And in a lot of ways, I don't. Because in a lot of ways, there's a lot of things now with the Internet that I'm so glad I didn't have when I was growing up. But it is such a bummer that I'm like, what if I could have gone to high school and, like, had a girlfriend? That would have been so cool.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe you wouldn't be married to me now.

[B]

I know.

[A]

That's why I'm all roads lead to God, as they say. Okay.

[B]

All right. Although my prom date was cute, I showed him to you because my mom brought my. My.

[A]

He was cute.

[B]

My yearbooks. And he was handsome. He was the captain of the water polo team.

[A]

That's so California.

[B]

And I think what I. I love. I wish I could find this video somewhere, but when he asked me to prom, he lit a basketball on fire in the parking lot.

[A]

Awesome. I wish you were married to him instead of me. That rocks.

[B]

I asked him, but it wasn't. But he asked me in the parking lot, and he was like. I can't even hardly say it. It's so embarrassing. He was like, ball. That's what we'd call it. Ball. Ball would be lit if you'd come with me. And I remember I was.

[A]

He was playing prom ball. Or he was calling himself Ball.

[B]

He was. His name was Ryan. His name. His name was Ball.

[A]

Was he calling himself Ball?

[B]

No. Ball will be lit with you.

[A]

Senior ball.

[B]

Senior ball. And he had a. Ow. He had a basketball that was lit on fire. Incredibly dangerous. We live. I mean, we live in. I was in Northern California. This. We were surrounded by pine trees and pine needles. And I remember I was dressed because I was coming from play rehearsal. I was in full drag dressed as Jacques Clouseau from the Pink Panther. And I very monotonously said, that's fine, and then I gave him a side hug and ran into my car.

[A]

Well, Ryan, we're ending today's episode by giving you an apology. Sorry, Ryan.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

I hope you're watching this.

[B]

We should have him on.

[A]

I would love to have him on, Ryan.

[B]

So fun. Remember when we almost kissed camping, and then you kind of chickened out? I'm flirting with Ryan.

[A]

Well, Ryan, come back on the pod. You can kiss her now. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. As always, another incredible episode. And as always, this podcast. It's my impulses. Like, it's free. It's not free. Well, it is free for you, Blake. I'm gonna take it back because I'm doing a bad job. Kendall, rein your composure.

[B]

I think you should keep.

[A]

Okay, fine. Keep it in the podcast. Kendall and I do it. We pay for all this. Everything you're seeing, we've paid for it. Except the free gifts that you guys have given us. John, we pay John, right? John, we're paying Hazel. Hazel, we're paying you. Right? So we pay for all of that.

[B]

We're making the economy go around.

[A]

Yeah. You guys heard of Reaganomics? We're doing that. It really helps us. If you listen to the pod, if you follow us on tick tock, Instagram, YouTube, if you watch, if you like, if you comment, if you subscribe, if you leave us a review on any of the platforms you listen to the podcast like Spotify or Apple Music or probably some place called Podcasty or something like that.

[B]

They got all sorts of stuff nowadays

[A]

that really helps us. You can also join our Patreon. We have a bunch of different tiers that offer a bunch of different things, including 24. 7 access to messaging. Kendall and I, about literally whatever you want.

[B]

And we do respond.

[A]

Respond. A book club, extra episodes, bonus features, secrets. We tell a lot of secrets on there.

[B]

I actually have a secret I'm gonna tell you about later. That no you know about it, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna release it on the Patreon.

[A]

Okay, well, if that's not enough to make you join, I don't know what is.

[B]

It's like in Criminal. It's like. Yeah, really bad.

[A]

I did a hit and run in 2004. Yeah. All right, well, thanks so much for watching. We love you and Happy Monday.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

Bye. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for 15amonth plan that I've been enjoying. Join. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do.

[B]

@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for

[A]

3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate, first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full [e-mail].