Loading summary
Transcript369 lines
- [00:03]
A
What's the best time of day to get a deal? All day with Jack in the box's all day. Big deal meal. You get to choose from four entrees like the supreme croissant and five tasty sides, plus a drink starting at $5. So hurry in or take your time. You've got all day at Jack. Every bite's a big deal. Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life season finale. We're your hosts. I'm Kendall Landriff.
- [00:30]
B
I'm Jordan Myrick.
- [00:30]
A
And we are two incredibly unnotice, unqualified.
- [00:33]
B
But deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's season finale, we're talking cheating. I'm absolutely just gripping the microphone.
- [00:49]
A
Look at you go. Wow.
- [00:52]
B
I'm treating it. I'm holding it as if I'm. I'm Freddie Mercury and I'm dancing around a stage with it.
- [00:58]
A
You. Oh, my. And it looks. No, don't let go.
- [01:01]
B
No, it's too wild.
- [01:02]
A
Good, good.
- [01:03]
B
No, it' how are you, George? I'm good. How are you?
- [01:06]
A
Good. Don't you ever cheat on me.
- [01:08]
B
Okay, I won't. I loved. We said that our category was going to be cheating this week, and one of the questions was, do you guys cheat? I know.
- [01:19]
A
It said. Well, it said, do you guys cheat? That make me feel really sad. But I do want to know, so do you want to answer?
- [01:26]
B
Three, two, one.
- [01:28]
A
Yes. Oh, sorry. I thought, no, we don't cheat on each other.
- [01:31]
B
It's so funny. If we were like, yeah, we cheat all the time. Cheating is good.
- [01:37]
A
Well, it also made me laugh because the reason they commented is because they saw the question on Instagram that was like, ask us about cheating. And the way they respond, the way they responded made it seem like we were being like, ask us. Because we have so much advice on cheating, because we're so good at it.
- [01:50]
B
Ask us if we cheat is what I think they thought we were saying.
- [01:54]
A
We don't cheat. I don't think. I can only speak for myself.
- [01:56]
B
I've never cheated in your life? I don't think so.
- [01:59]
A
Wow.
- [01:59]
B
Have you?
- [02:00]
A
No, not really. I had one. Like, we were, like, seeing each other, but then it was like, kind of. It wasn't. We weren't, like, officially. We were, like, officially dating, and we were supposed to be exclusive, but also we weren't. I don't know. It was, like, complicated. And I was 19. Don't judge me. Okay.
- [02:16]
B
Yeah. I feel like I'm probably in the arena of having never actually cheated But I'm sure at some point, there's been some, like, inappropriate emotional stuff. When I was younger, you know what I mean?
- [02:27]
A
That was more. What? Yeah, it was kind of like I was dating someone who was kind of like, I don't want to be in a relationship. And then I was like, please. And then there was a girl who was like, I kind of like you, too. And then I, like, flirted with them, and we kissed, but it was. But nothing. Like, I would never. I did not have her have a girlfriend. I would never.
- [02:42]
B
I would never get a little emotionally cheating. We kissed, and I was. Oh, that's not.
- [02:46]
A
No, we. Emotionally. I mostly cheated. And then I get. But we. I wasn't dating the other girl. I think, honestly, if I told the other girl, like, in my head, I was like, I just cheated. I was so. I was, like, 19. But then I think if I told the girl I was dating at the time, she'd have been like, yeah, then I cheat on you all the time, probably. You know what I mean?
- [03:04]
B
Sad.
- [03:05]
A
Very sad. And I was like, I've broken her trust. She was like, we are not dating.
- [03:11]
B
I feel like there's a lot of cheating in Hollywood recently. I know. Obviously, always. But there's some, like, big scandals. There's the Hugh Jackman, Sutton Foster.
- [03:18]
A
Oh, I didn't know they were together, and I didn't know one of them cheated.
- [03:20]
B
They were in the Music man on Broadway together, and Hugh Jackman was married, and people think that that's why he and his longtime wife got a divorce.
- [03:29]
A
Yeah.
- [03:30]
B
And Sutton Foster, I think, was also married to someone, but I feel like allegedly, I actually don't know. So someone can fact check me on this. I feel like she's someone who's, like, been part of cheating scandals before.
- [03:40]
A
Bad girl. You know my relationship with Sutton Foster.
- [03:43]
B
Tell me.
- [03:44]
A
She cheated on me. Just.
- [03:45]
B
God, okay.
- [03:46]
A
You know, I.
- [03:47]
B
Like, we were dating. She didn't want to date me. I kissed someone else.
- [03:50]
A
No. When I was maybe 15 years old, I went to an acting camp, and I was entered in a raffle, and I won a signed headshot of Sutton Foster. And at the time, I did not know who that was at all, but I had never won a headshot of someone before. I'd never won a raffle before. Really?
- [04:10]
B
That makes more sense to say most people haven't won a headshot before.
- [04:13]
A
Well, I wasn't from the big city, so receiving a signed headshot from someone who was like, she is famous. I was like, got it. Okay. She is the most Famous person on Earth. So Sutton Foster is, of course, very famous. But I, for a long time, was like, she's so. She's like Meryl Streep, basically. And I had her headshot for so long, and I kept it, like, very safely, which I. You know, my room is pretty messy, but my Sutton Foster headshot was always very well organized and protected.
- [04:43]
B
I need to ask, are you sure it was Sutton Foster? Yes. Because we just saw Death Becomes her the Musical with Megan Hilty. And for years since we've met, honestly, Kendall been telling me this story about how she interacted with Megan Hilty at a theater camp. And it was so unbelievable. And she was so excited to see Megan Hilty again because she had seen her before. Whatever. We get there, she sees a photo of Megan Hilty. She's like, who is that?
- [05:11]
A
I said, that's not Megan Hilty.
- [05:12]
B
I said, that's your friend Megan Hilty. And she says, no, she looks it up. Megan Hilty never came to this camp that Kendall, like, won a poor children's scholarship to for drama. And you met another woman?
- [05:25]
A
I met Laura Bundy is what I found out.
- [05:30]
B
It was completely different.
- [05:31]
A
Oh, completely different.
- [05:32]
B
I mean, fully different.
- [05:34]
A
Blah.
- [05:35]
B
Some would argue a completely different person.
- [05:37]
A
Well, yeah, different person, but it's not like they're so different.
- [05:40]
B
Easily mistaken, but you were just so certain it was Megan Hilty.
- [05:43]
A
This is my problem. I've realized, and I've accepted that almost everything I say is wrong, and it's so overwhelming. Every story I tell, we look it up later and I'm wrong. What? Do you know how hard that is to live that way? Two days ago. Two days ago. Tell them what happened two days ago.
- [06:03]
B
I'm in the kitchen cooking as I do, and Kendall goes, you know, one of my biggest fears is getting my hand stuck in a garbage disposal. And I said, I get that. That is a scary thing, too. I would want that to happen. And she goes, well, you know, I used to love watching Cake Boss, and I had to stop watching Cake Boss because that's what happened to the guy from Cake Boss. And I said, buddy Velasco? I don't. I've never heard that he got his hands stuck in a dishwasher. Now he can't use his hand anymore. Say, what are you talking about? Kendall's like, that's why the show doesn't exist anymore, because he got his hand stuck in a garbage disposal and he can't Cake Boss anymore. I said, I don't think that's true. I'm so sorry. And this is the problem with Kendall. Kendall will just say something, and then I'll be like, I don't want to be rude, but I don't think that's true. And Kendall, like, oh, everybody always thinks I'm wrong, and nobody ever listens to me. Oh, Kendall couldn't possibly be right. I say, okay, fine, look it up. That did not happen. None of that happened. The show continued to go on. He injured his hand in one bowling accident. Bowling accident. Well, he was still able to do the show.
- [07:07]
A
Do you know how scary that must be for me?
- [07:09]
B
No.
- [07:10]
A
How. Where did I get this information? Where did I get it? Because in my head, I remember an interview where he said, I got my hand stuck in a garbage disposal. So now I'm going on the Internet after I find out about the bowling stuff. This has not happened. Who was this? A dream? Am I in an alternate universe where that did happen? I don't know. I feel scared and tell them about Phillip Phillips. Tell them about Philip Phillips.
- [07:32]
B
We'll get to Philip Phillips. But my problem is that you don't have to say everything so definitively.
- [07:37]
A
But I feel okay.
- [07:39]
B
How.
- [07:39]
A
If I told you a fact that you know, that you know for sure. If I said, toby, if you. If I was like, who was the first Spider Man? You would say, tobey Maguire.
- [07:53]
B
But if you were, and if I.
- [07:54]
A
Said, no, it wasn't. It was Megan Hilty, you would say, no, I'm sure it was Toby Maguire.
- [07:59]
B
Because you're so sure that's how I would do that. I don't know if I would do that.
- [08:02]
A
You would say, oh, let's look. Maybe it's Megan Hilty. Maybe it's Tobey Maguire. No, you would not.
- [08:07]
B
That one is too wild. But if you were to say, who was the first Spider Man? I would say, tobey Maguire. And if you were to say, I don't think that's right, I would say, okay, we can look it up. Not Jordan, I promise you, sweetheart, I would. Because I am not so certain that I'm right on that kind of stuff.
- [08:21]
A
Tobey Maguire being the first Spider Man.
- [08:23]
B
But there could have been someone who was a Spider man before Tobey Maguire that I did not know about. That you're thinking of the other.
- [08:28]
A
Did Tobey Maguire do Spider Man?
- [08:29]
B
I don't know. See, that's irrelevant. Do you get what I'm saying? Okay, I. Yesterday, I. My. A pair of my shoes were sitting in the center of the living room, and I tripped over them, and I said, hey, Kendall, just A reminder, can you please not leave your shoes in the center of the floor? And she goes, those aren't my shoes or your shoes. I said, I know, but you were wearing them earlier, and you left me. I literally have not worn those today, so how could I have done that? I go to her phone, pull up a picture on her phone of her from that day that she had showed me earlier of her wearing those shoes. I'm like, if you can't remember stuff, no, you have a bad memory if you can't remember. If you're finding yourself constantly being so confidently wrong, why not just be a little more open to being like, right? Hey, I don't know. Kendall told me, I'll tell the Philip Phillips story because you want me to tell it, Please. One time, we're in the car with our friend Kelsey. Kendall goes, philip Phillips from American Idol, the guy who sings home. He is the highest grossing musician of all time.
- [09:36]
A
Kelsey.
- [09:37]
B
And I go, there is absolutely no way that is correct. I'm so sorry. And once again, Kendall's like, oh, everybody thinks I'm so stup. Everybody thinks I'm wrong all the time.
- [09:46]
A
My dad, may he rest in peace, told me that Philip Phillips got the million dollars from American Idol and he invested it and is the. He told me he was the richest singer that ever lived.
- [10:00]
B
But your father was not a financial analyst or pop culture expert.
- [10:07]
A
Okay, well, he told me that. So I've been telling everyone that for years. Years, years. And so we look it up. Philip Phillips.
- [10:17]
B
Philip Phillips net worth is $5 million. And even before we looked it up, we said, kendall, Taylor Swift is like a billionaire. How much money could Philip Phillips possibly from stocks?
- [10:28]
A
I don't know. But that's hard to know. It's like, any time all this knowledge I feel like I have, it's just like, what am I even.
- [10:38]
B
But you don't have.
- [10:39]
A
And as a podcast listener, you should feel scared. You turn me on every week to talk to you, and it's just like, what am I even saying?
- [10:47]
B
But that's why I'm here, first of all. And that's also why we do opinion based.
- [10:52]
A
Don't listen to this around your children. They're gonna learn false information.
- [10:55]
B
No, we're not giving out real. We're not giving out facts on this podcast. I think that's important to remember. But I'm just like, be more okay being unsure, right? Like, why are you so scared to be unsure? Why are you so scared to be like, I don't know.
- [11:09]
A
So. Because there is I'm sure a defensiveness I have because I don't look at the camera. There is a defensiveness I'm sure I have because I do think, because I, you know, have grown up with adhd. You know, I grew up being called an airhead. I grew up being called stupid. I grew up being stupid. And now I'm kind of like, you know, I do have knowledge and I. In a lot of circumstances, you don't make me feel this way. But I find in a lot of group settings, you know, people don't listen to what I'm saying or they don't take into. If I have an. If I say, oh, I saw this on the news, nobody's listening. But if I say kickbox doesn't have a handle in a garbage, there is.
- [11:50]
B
A reason for that.
- [11:52]
A
I understand. But it does make me sad and it hurts my feelings. Cause I am a smart person.
- [11:57]
B
But you could fix that if you stopped saying things that were wrong so confidently.
- [12:03]
A
Well, I wouldn't have anything to say. What would I say on my. The right information I have. Oh, yeah, I'll say all the good facts I have. That's great.
- [12:13]
B
I just think that, like, no one is like coming to you to be like, I need the 100% objective fact based truth. I think you could be like, this is the thing that I heard. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I heard it. Or be like, I heard this thing, I'm going to Google it. Like, I think you can just have more openness instead of being so wrong and also so mad at other people.
- [12:35]
A
You know what's really unfortunate is it I think part of it is every time I'm like, this is when I'm gonna prove everybody wrong. Because I'll go, I'm sure of it. And everyone's like, no. And I'm like, God, it's gonna be sweet when we look this up and I'm right. But every time, every time I'm wrong.
- [12:51]
B
I'm hearing it now. That's the problem. It's very unnecessarily vengeful.
- [12:55]
A
Yeah, well, not vengeful, but I just want to show everyone that I am smart.
- [13:00]
B
You are smart and people think you're smart. People don't think you're not smart. People think you're wrong a lot. And that is true. You are wrong a lot. But that's your own doing, right?
- [13:10]
A
You know what else is wrong?
- [13:11]
B
What?
- [13:12]
A
Cheating.
- [13:13]
B
Oh, she's got the same yesterdays. Come on now, get out the questions.
- [13:17]
A
We asked you all on Instagram and our Patreon questions you had about cheating. We, I guess, are not professionals fully because neither of us have really cheated, but we have some answers that we'd like to dole out to you if you're like, I had a story about cheating I wanted to share. I had a question. I didn't get to ask it. Well, hop on over to Instagram and for our next cheating episode that I'm sure we will eventually have one day, you can ask it there. We're always posing questions on Instagram and we always love to give you advice. If you want more episodes exclusive to Patreon, if you want ad free episodes, if you want secret insider information, go subscribe to our Patreon. It is an absolute hoot and a holler over there. And I will say Season 2 Patreon's about to get crazy.
- [14:09]
B
We're about to get a lot of fun stuff.
- [14:10]
A
Stuff's going on over there that hasn't been seen or done before. So please get, get on over there. Check it out.
- [14:18]
B
We're talking Phillip Phillips level stuff happening over on Patreon.
- [14:23]
A
Phillip Phillips will be performing over there. He does a livestream once a week. Imagine that would be so funny if once a week on our Patreon, Phillip Phillips did a live stream.
- [14:31]
B
Where is he? We gotta get him on.
- [14:32]
A
I gotta Google.
- [14:33]
B
I gotta google before we get him on.
- [14:35]
A
We gotta get him on. I gotta check before this goes live that he's not dead. Because part of me is like, I've not heard from him in a long time. As if that would be headline news.
- [14:45]
B
Philip Phillips is still alive and is.
- [14:50]
A
The richest man on earth. Yeah, we've got a lot of great stuff going on over there. So head on over, check it out. And without further ado, Jord, I see you sneaking all around our email. What question is drawing your eye?
- [15:06]
B
Well, first, this is an exciting one because this is someone who's written into us before.
- [15:10]
A
Oh, gosh, what a treat.
- [15:11]
B
And we've answered a question before. Okay, but they've sent us updates.
- [15:17]
A
Yes, yes. Okay, great.
- [15:18]
B
So this is someone who reached out. They were having problems with their girlfriend, like a bunch of issues. Then they sent an update one day later. We didn't even have time to address the initial issue. And they said, update, she was cheating on me.
- [15:33]
A
Oh, I'm sorry.
- [15:35]
B
So they've been working on the situation. They found out that their girlfriend of six years was cheating on them and had a second relationship for five plus months.
- [15:44]
A
Oh, my.
- [15:45]
B
A Whole second relationship.
- [15:47]
A
Wow. Real, real cheating. Not to invalidate anyone who's just been cheated on once, but that's like, that's some really intense.
- [15:52]
B
This is big time. Yeah. They're finding it difficult to have conversations with their friends about their ex. We answered this question before because they love this person and now they've cheated. So all their friends are kind of like, screw that person up. But they still love them. Sweethearts. We talked about that before, but now they, they wrote to us again. It's a six month update. Six months since the last time we talked to them.
- [16:13]
A
God bless you, I must say.
- [16:15]
B
So it's been six months since they found out that the cheating happened one month since their divorce was finalized. So these people were married.
- [16:22]
A
They're married.
- [16:23]
B
I don't even know if we initially knew that. Wow. They're divorced now. They've moved into their own apartment. They've joined some book clubs, made some new friends, worked a lot on shame and embarrassment in therapy. Incredible.
- [16:34]
A
You're doing amazing.
- [16:36]
B
Proud of you. And they feel like they've made a lot of progress of letting go of shame. Now that they're officially divorced. They've been thinking about dating again. But they're starting to feel embarrassed again by relationships in General. Being a 27 year old divorce, say, getting back on the dating scene. So they want to know how do they go about getting into a new relationship? Bring up the fact that they're divorced. Bring up the fact that they were cheated on. Is it awkward to bring it up too early? Can I say get in there?
- [17:05]
A
I don't know. Maybe it's something deep and dark in me.
- [17:08]
B
Yeah, I know what you're gonna say.
- [17:10]
A
Someone being divorced is so hot to me, I think it's so hot.
- [17:15]
B
Yeah.
- [17:15]
A
Part of me wants to marry you, divorce you, and then get back together with you so I can tell people I was divorced.
- [17:20]
B
I know, it's so hot. Something very kind of demure sounding about it. I know it's very hard and we're not trying to make light of anyone's hardships. But it. To be a divorcee.
- [17:31]
A
Oh my God, it's so hot. And to me, even on a practical level, if I was single, I would look for. I've always dated older. If I was dating now, I would be looking for a 35 year old divorcee. I would be looking because. And we were talking about this the other night. Cause whenever I talk to people who are like, you know, middle, late 30s and they're like every. Well, God, dating's a Nightmare, because everyone's already married. I'm like, but you're about to be in the sweet spot where everyone is getting divorced and you now get to date a person who has been in a long term relationship. So you know they can hold a long term relationship. They understand the seriousness of being a long term relationship. They understand the struggles. They've been through it, maybe they've been to couples therapy, they've gone through it all, have changed, have grown, and then made the hard decision to end it, and now are on a journey of learning about themselves. I just think that is like, such a good person to date. I think a second marriage is usually. You don't hear a lot about bad second marriages. They always seem pretty good. So I just think, don't be insecure about being divorced, because I think that is really hot. And honestly, the younger, the hotter.
- [18:42]
B
I also wanna say, if I went on a date with someone and they were like, well, I got divorced because my wife cheated on me, I would be like, tell me everything.
- [18:54]
A
One, it's like, you hit the jackpot.
- [18:55]
B
I would be so interested. I would be like, whoa.
- [18:59]
A
Because if someone was like, I was divorced. So first of all, I go, oh, my God, I'm. That's so. I'm so horny and so hot. But then I go, okay, well, what happened? Because now I'm like, what if you were kind of like a nightmarish partner? But the second they go, I was cheated on, you go, oh, my fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. So you got the hotness of the divorce, and then you have the, like the hot victimness of being cheated on. Where I say, oh, baby, let me take care of you. Cheated on. I would never. I would never cheat on you. Yeah, it's perfect.
- [19:30]
B
And even just like, I just want to know the gossip. Sorry, maybe that's a dark part of me, but I want to know what happened. How many times did they cheat? Who do they cheat on you with? Do you still talk to? Like, I want to know the information. And I think that's something that you kind of bond over. To just be like, cheating sucks. And even if you have not been cheated on on, you've had bad experiences in your relationship. So I think to just be honest and be like, yeah, I'm getting back on the dating scene. I'm divorced. I got divorced because my partner was cheating on me for a long time. And I'm getting back in the scene. I think that's like, so open, so vulnerable, so honest. People love that. And I also Think it's like, opens the door for someone else to be like, oh, well, I've been on the dating scene for a while and it's been blah, blah, and kind of like, meet you where they're at. I think it's a really good spot to start at. So I think this is a fun and exciting time for you.
- [20:17]
A
Really exciting.
- [20:17]
B
I think you should be open. I think you should be honest. And we're really proud of you for going to therapy.
- [20:22]
A
Oh, yeah. I mean, you sound like you're handling it like such a champ.
- [20:25]
B
Yeah.
- [20:26]
A
So super proud of you.
- [20:27]
B
All right, your turn. You got one.
- [20:28]
A
Here we go. This is from our Instagram. Do y'all consider porn cheating?
- [20:33]
B
No.
- [20:34]
A
No, me neither.
- [20:35]
B
Porn.
- [20:36]
A
No.
- [20:37]
B
I mean, unless you. You both have entered in some kind of no porn agreement. I guess if you're both like, porn is cheating and then one of you watches porn.
- [20:45]
A
Right.
- [20:45]
B
I guess. Why would porn be cheating?
- [20:47]
A
I don't know. I. Yeah, I've never. I've never considered that.
- [20:51]
B
Is going to the movie theater cheating?
- [20:53]
A
Whoa. Right. But truly, because, I mean, yeah, if you go see a movie and then there's sex in the movie, even if.
- [20:59]
B
There'S no sex, just like, porn is like a form of entertainment. Right?
- [21:03]
A
Right. Right. I guess. I agree.
- [21:05]
B
Right?
- [21:06]
A
I agree.
- [21:06]
B
Just pay some money to watch some people. Yeah. Have sex. Just like you would pay some money to watch people do a play.
- [21:12]
A
Yeah.
- [21:13]
B
I don't know. Why would it be cheating? Unless there's like, a deeper issue. Let's say that you're both together and one of you is, like, addicted to porn. So you've been like, I have to step away from porn, but you're secretly watching porn. I guess I still wouldn't consider that cheating, but I would be like, you're doing something bad. You said you wouldn't do that. Seems self destructive.
- [21:31]
A
Well, yeah. I guess anything can get to a point where it's like. If it's like the person becomes addicted to, like, you know, my first instinct was to say coffee shop orgy, which I don't know if that's what a section of porn. If a person's like, I can only watch. I only watch coffee shop orgies. And so now they can only have sex in a coffee shop, you know, then that becomes complicated.
- [21:53]
B
Okay.
- [21:54]
A
Do you know what I'm saying?
- [21:55]
B
I hear you.
- [21:55]
A
You looked at me like, I've never said something crazier.
- [21:57]
B
I did not understand what you were saying.
- [21:59]
A
Like, coffee shop orgies.
- [22:00]
B
I make an analogy where you were like, not Gonna talk about porn. It sounded like you were going to be like, porn being cheating would be like. And then say something that's not porn. But you were like, porn being cheating would be like. If you said, watching people have sex is cheating. And I was like, wait, I think you're saying the same thing twice.
- [22:19]
A
Oh, my God. Okay. Yeah, I don't consider it cheating at all. Once again, unless you. But I'm like. I'm like, get in on it together. Yeah, I think porn is super fun. And I'm sorry, I think you can always be learning little ideas from things. My mother always told me, kendall, porn's not real. She would tell me that it's not real, it's not how it is. But you can take some gems from there.
- [22:41]
B
Sure.
- [22:41]
A
Ever so often, I'm reading one of my little books that I read, and it's about a vampire and an assassin. Obviously, I'm not gonna do any of that, but there'll be like one line where I say, I'm gonna bring that up.
- [22:51]
B
And since you brought up your book, let me say right now on our Patreon, we will be releasing a year end roundup of Kendall's favorite sexy, smutty, Roman queer novels that she's read this year. I know people have been asking for it and the time is the end of the year, so that's gonna be on our Patreon.
- [23:09]
A
I'm so excited to do that. All right, go ahead.
- [23:12]
B
Okay. My boyfriend, 31, male, and I, 26, non binary, have been dating for around two years. He moved back with me to my hometown from his hometown where we met. For context, my last relationship was polyamorous and my primary partner was a woman boyfriend and I had several conversations about possibly opening our relationship up eventually. We had never really set boundaries or officially decided to open the relationship up, but we talked about using Bumble BFF for finding friends. A few months ago, we finally decided to start dating other people and talked pretty in depth about our boundaries. The next day, the topic of Bumble and Bumble BFF came up. He insisted that both features were on the same app, but I disagreed because I had BFF on my phone and it was its own app. Turns out he had been chatting with someone on what he said he thought was Bumble bff. But when he showed me it was flirty messages between him and a woman on regular Bumble and that they had been talking since before the official polyamory conversation, I confronted him and said he knew it was regular Bumble and was just playing Dumb. He got kind of bashful and said sorry. But I felt like since I was the one who initiated opening up the relationship, I couldn't really be mad. I'm not a jealous person, but I still feel betrayed. Do I have the right to be upset even though I wanted to be polyamorous?
- [24:31]
A
Well, it's not about jealousy, though. There's completely different conversations. Because it's like, I think you would be mad if you found out he bought a house secretly and didn't tell you about it. It's like, there's all. It has nothing to do. Just because it is connected to the polyamory conversation doesn't mean those are the same issue. You're not mad at him because he was talking to a woman. You're mad because he was talking to a woman when he said he wasn't. And you both had clearly said that you would not be doing that. That's why you're upset. It has nothing to do with jealousy.
- [25:01]
B
If Kendall and I said we were not going to Popeyes, and I walked into a room and found her on the Popeyes app on her phone. Absolutely not.
- [25:12]
A
Oh, my. The thought of that. Like, honestly, if I said I like not. I'm not trying to be dramatic. I think I would, like. Like there would be a breakup discussion if. If I said, let's. I want to go to Popeyes, but let's not go today, and then I, like, caught you eating Popeyes secretly.
- [25:32]
B
You're being dramatic. There would not be a breakup conversation if I. Because you would be upset, but there would not be a breakup conversation. But to me, she's performing for the camera.
- [25:41]
A
But to me, look at her.
- [25:42]
B
She's performing for the camera. Look at her. She's performing to me. Wait. Get back into it. Focus up. Use the Suzuki method.
- [25:49]
A
What's happening? I would be like, yeah, the Popeyes is not enough. I'm not mad you're eating Popeyes. But what in you made you decide to lie to me? Make me not get Popeyes, which feels like you want me to be unhappy. It's deeper. That's why I say it would be. It would be a big problem.
- [26:10]
B
But that's anything, right? Like, what we're really coming down to is just that if you're lying, it feels bad to the other person. And I think that. I don't think a cheater is always a cheater, but I do think a liar is probably always a liar, because I think you can get caught up in one night of passion at a work Christmas party.
- [26:33]
A
Okay? No more work Christmas parties for you.
- [26:35]
B
No, but you know what I mean. I think you can get caught up in one night of passion where you're drunk and you and your co worker Samantha hook up.
- [26:44]
A
Okay.
- [26:45]
B
I don't think that's not beyond my comprehension of how something like that happens. I still think it's cheating and I wouldn't do it, but I'm not necessarily like, that person will always be a.
- [26:55]
A
And they're a narcissistic bat. Yeah, yeah.
- [26:57]
B
I'm just like, you know what? Like, sometimes things happen, especially in the heat of the moment. Secretive behind the back, betrayal. Like, it feels like the difference between, like, manslaughter and premeditated murder.
- [27:09]
A
All right, well. Right.
- [27:12]
B
But you know what I mean.
- [27:12]
A
I do.
- [27:13]
B
If you accidentally hit someone with your car, I don't think that means you're a murderer for the rest of your life. If you're a serial killer who's killed a bunch of people, I'm like, oh, there's a big chance that you'll probably kill some more people.
- [27:24]
A
Right. Well, also, to me, when. And I. I don't know a ton about open or polyamorous relationships because I'm not in either. But to me, you see a lot of two things with open relationships. You see, like, a couple has been together for a really long time. It feels like a very controlled and, like, thought out decision where they're like, let's be open, but it's not coming from an issue in the relationship.
- [27:51]
B
Yeah.
- [27:51]
A
And then I see a lot of people who are starting their relationships open, and maybe that's right for them, and that's great. But sometimes you'll see people where it seems like they just don't. They're nervous about committing because committing is scary. And so they're like, I'm gonna be open. And then slowly them and their partner are like, not open anymore. And it's like, which, if that's a transition, you need pop. But it feels like you. It's not coming from such a controlled, secure place. And so to me, if you're trying to venture into a world of open relationships with this person, this is not a person. Like, this person has just showed you that the reason they want to be in an open relationship from, in my opinion, is not from a secure or healthy place or a place where you're going to be able to communicate about being open or polyamory or whatever you end up wanting to do in the future, because it's all coming from just kind of a chaotic place of lack of control on their part. Does that make sense?
- [28:52]
B
Yeah. I think that this is also really layered because first of all, they're flirtily talking to someone behind your back. That's one thing. Right? Then they've not only just once again, they didn't. This isn't a woman they met at a coffee shop and they happened to kind of out of nowhere have a flirty interaction. They downloaded a dating app.
- [29:11]
A
Right.
- [29:12]
B
To have these kind of interactions, then had the interactions, then lied, being like, I thought this was bumble. Bff. Shut up. You know what I mean? Like, shut up, you are a loser is kind of what it feels like to me. It feels like three strikes, you're out. I think this person is done for me. If it was me, I think this person's done. If you're, like, really in love, they should pay for the two of you to go to couples therapy.
- [29:33]
A
Well, right. Well, because to me, if you're like, I love being open and I love polyamory, you need to find someone who respects that. And to me, just saying yes is not respecting that. Going behind your back before the conversation was had. That is not a person who you're going to be able to have a successful polyamorous or open relationship with, because clearly they don't listen to boundaries. And so. And I also think it already seems off balance because you. It seems like you kind of feel like, well, I owe them one a little because I'm the one asking about this. But it's like, well, if you were in a relationship with someone who was like, meeting you where you're at, and you both really liked being open or polyamory, there would be no imbalance of power. There would be no. Well, I. I feel like I can't be mad because of this. That should never have a place in a relationship. You should always feel like you can be mad.
- [30:29]
B
Yeah, I agree.
- [30:31]
A
You know what I mean?
- [30:32]
B
I agree.
- [30:33]
A
My extended family has an extensive history of affairs. Am I less trustworthy by association?
- [30:39]
B
No.
- [30:41]
A
Here's what I'll say. My instinct is, of course, to say, no, you've done nothing. So if you haven't cheated, you don't need to. You're not less trustworthy. But I think there's truth to identifying when your entire family, all the way back, has never had a successful relationship. And identifying because that is in you somewhere. I think, like, I think that all the time I have to identify moments when I am moving in a direction. I'm trying to word this right. I have to constantly be identifying things I'm doing that I could connect back to my family. That I find to be an unhealthy way of dealing with something. An unhealthy trait that you learned from your family. That I learned from my family, or is something that was a response to something. You know what I mean? Like, we're all, like, we all have traits that we get from our family, and some great and then some not so great. And I think if you come from a family where all the relationships end in disaster, they're all very toxic. They're all, you know, if you are in a really stable, healthy relationship and you find the need to be like, I want to run, or I want to cheat or I want. I think there is a good. It's a good thing to identify it for yourself and be like, I. There has to be a difference between the way I go about things because I want to have a healthy relationship, and if I just continue in the way that I naturally feel like I want to move, that may not end in a healthy relationship. You know what I mean?
- [32:18]
B
Yeah.
- [32:19]
A
But another person, I don't think has any say in that. Like, I think if someone to you was like, I don't trust you because your parents cheated on each other, I'd be like, that's unacceptable.
- [32:28]
B
Absolutely.
- [32:28]
A
You know what I mean?
- [32:29]
B
I agree 100%.
- [32:30]
A
What are. Yeah, okay. All right, cool. Can someone who loves you also cheat on you repeatedly and with the ex they had also cheated on?
- [32:38]
B
Yes, they can love you, but them loving you doesn't really mean that much, in my opinion.
- [32:46]
A
I agree.
- [32:46]
B
I think it's an. I think it's a nice idea to be like, they love me. But if someone loves you but is not caring about your thoughts and your feelings, them loving you is kind of sand in your hands.
- [33:00]
A
Right, Right. Yeah, I agree. It's kind of just. It's not enough to be. A lot of people can love you. And also I have learned that it's. Some people, it'll be like, well, they love you in their own way. And I can. I can be like, well, their own way is not enough for me.
- [33:15]
B
Absolutely.
- [33:17]
A
Does cheating while in high school count? I don't really know, because, I mean, count for what?
- [33:23]
B
I. I guess, yes, it counts. But if I met someone now who was like, I cheated in high school, I'd be like, aren't you, like, 40 now? So I wouldn't care about that. So if. If you're in high school and you cheated one time, I don't think it's going to Put a scarlet A on you for the rest of forever, if that's your concern. If you're dating someone in high school right now and they cheated on you. Yeah. It counts. Like normal cheating.
- [33:46]
A
Yeah. Yeah, you can. Right? Exactly.
- [33:48]
B
In the game of cheating and not cheating, it counts as cheating.
- [33:50]
A
Yes, 100%. What to do if you have a friend who likes to get right up in the line of physical cheating. Interesting.
- [33:58]
B
With you or with someone else?
- [34:01]
A
I would assume with you. I think it's so hard being a lesbian, but I'm trying to. I'm trying to think of this as, like, in a straight relationship, it shouldn't be different, but it does feel different for some reason. If you're in a straight relationship and you have a boyfriend and then you have another friend who's a boy, and then he keeps, like.
- [34:21]
B
And you're a girl.
- [34:22]
A
And you're a girl, and he keeps, like, putting his hand on your knee or, like, hugging you for a really long time.
- [34:29]
B
But I think even with gay relationships, like, you know the vibe. Do you know what I mean? I know you know the vibe. Like, we have so many gay friends that I think could literally be like, sit on my lap, and I'd be like, okay, it's not sexual at all. But then you have people that are like, I'm your friend, but the vibes are weird.
- [34:44]
A
Yes. I have friends where I would be comfortable sitting on their lap, and if they, like, kissed me on the cheek, I wouldn't even think about it. And then there's friends that I'm like, it would be weird if we did. If we did anything. But there's also, for some reason.
- [34:57]
B
Well, I also think that's people's, like, personal comfort level. Like, I think that, like, I have multiple of my female friends who I've kissed on the mouth before, and it feels so unsexual. Yeah. And then I have some friends that I've never kissed on the mouth, but not. Because if I kiss them on the mouth, that would feel sexual. It's just, like, not really their vibe. Like, I know I say this a lot, but, like, Lily likes to sit on the same side of the booth as me when we go out to dinner together, and she'll, like, put her arm around me or hold my hand, and it feels so not sexual or not romantic. It feels a little bit like mommy's baby almost. I don't know exactly how to put it, but it doesn't feel sexual or romantic at all. I don't think Rekha and I would go out and like hold hands and sit on the same side of the booth. Not because if I did it with Rekha, it would feel sexual, but just because it's like not Rekha's vibe. Like, Rekha's not as touchy feely. So I think it's a little different. But there are people that I think who have tried to enter our lives through the friendship canal who we did not end up being friends with because their vibes were weird and flirty and like, inappropriate.
- [36:05]
A
Yeah. And I don't even know what the exact thing is because I think that's what's always hard about those relationships is you're like, on paper you're doing the same thing as someone else, but it's. There's something different about it. And so I think you just have to go off vibe. And I think sometimes it's like, you know, if you're doing something that's kind of cheating.
- [36:19]
B
I also think that if your friend is constantly getting to the line of cheating with you, that is weird. And something is wrong with them. And my guess is that they are desperate for attention because if they were just straight up in love with you, they would break up with their partner and tell you, or they would tell you and you could break up with your partner or whatever. The situation is just constantly creeping around. The line of cheating to me feels very attention seeking.
- [36:47]
A
Yeah, totally.
- [36:48]
B
And I think if your friend is using you as a tool to fill an attention void, especially sexually, especially romantically, that feels no good to me.
- [37:02]
A
Yeah. What's the line for emotional cheating?
- [37:06]
B
Oh, it sounds cliche, but you know it when you feel it.
- [37:10]
A
I know. You just know. I think it doesn't even have to be a line. I think there's some people where like. Like I tell so many. I think it's almost like the DMs where there's so many people. I would slide into their DMS with a fire emoji because it does. I. I don't even think about it. And there are some people I know if I sent them a fire emoji, it would be weird and I would not want you to see it.
- [37:33]
B
Absolutely. Well, I.
- [37:35]
A
And I don't know why I know.
- [37:37]
B
People that I could text them and say, thinking about you and it would not be a big deal. I would not text other people thinking about you. I would not text people that I had weird situationships with thinking about you because I'm not thinking about them. But even if I was, it just wouldn't. It. You know what I Like even if I thought about them in a normal way, like, oh, you just like popped into my head and I hope you're doing well.
- [37:59]
A
Yeah.
- [37:59]
B
Still not appropriate for me to text an ex situationship and be like, thinking about you. It's weird. And if I felt the need to do that, that something's going on with me. You can't be that concerned about an ex situationship when you're in a current relationship. It just doesn't make sense.
- [38:19]
A
Totally.
- [38:19]
B
So I think it's like you, you know, you don't, you're my guess. You're asking because you're already doing it. Like, that's why this person asked us the question, because they want us to tell them. This is the specific line that if you do or don't cross this, then you're good or bad and there's no.
- [38:38]
A
You'Re not a child, so there's no getting in trouble. Like it's your life that you're deciding what you do with it. So if you want to be in a healthy, long term, stable relationship, you, you can't be doing stuff that you feel guilty about and you don't want your partner finding out about. But if you don't want to be with your partner and you want to sleep with this person, you're welcome to do it. You're not going to get in trouble. You're not going to be in a relationship anymore. You know what I mean?
- [39:04]
B
But also like, just break up. Y'all know we're such a big, big believer in divorce and breaking up. Just breaking up. If you're in a relationship and you find yourself constantly wanting to have sex with other people, whether it's because you are unsatisfied in your current relationship or you're trying to self sabotage. If you're constantly doing that much self sabotaging, I think sometimes people would be like, no, like, go to therapy, work on yourself, stay in your relationship. I'm like, if you are constantly trying to self sabotage by sabotaging your relationship by trying to like cheat or emotionally cheat or whatever, you must be a nightmare to your partner. Free them from the prison that is your relationship.
- [39:44]
A
I guess so. I think it's hard though, because to me I'm like, it depends on what you let out of your body. Like I, I think like there are things like where it's like if, yeah, if you're a person who's like constantly about to cheat and doing a lot of emotional cheating, you need to leave and work on that separately. But I also think there's so much like. Like, trauma and stuff in our body that can make us think we. That we can. If we're in a lot of therapy, recognizes an anxious thought and be like, my brain is putting that into my head because I am stressed out. So every time I'm like, should I? I'm trying to make up a. An example because I don't have this. But if I was like, I am in love with Channing Tatum. This is getting too real. I'm in love with Channing Tatum. Should I go seek out Channing Tatum? Being able to go, you are stressed. These are the things you're stressed about. Leaving Jordan for chaining team actually wouldn't resolve any of those things.
- [40:38]
B
But to me, that's not an anxious thought. If you were like, I gotta run. That's an anxious thought. If you're like, maybe there's a different relationship that I should be in, I could see that being an anxious thought. If you constantly are wanting to cheat emotionally or physically, I'm like, that is something else going on.
- [40:57]
A
But you don't think a serial cheater would. If a serial cheater wanted to be in a healthy relationship and said, I want marriage, I want kids, I want to be in a healthy relationship, they will have to push through those thoughts to get there.
- [41:09]
B
But I think they could and should do it by themselves.
- [41:12]
A
But. But that could be something that. Because you can't even practice those things unless you're in a relationship.
- [41:18]
B
I don't agree with that.
- [41:19]
A
You point your little finger at me.
- [41:20]
B
I don't agree with that. What do you.
- [41:22]
A
When are they gonna practice it? Because to me, I was really anxious attachment when we started dating, and my problem was always like, well, I can't keep a relationship because every time I get in one, I'm so anxious that I end up ending it. But then when I'm out of the relationship, I feel totally fine. So I can't even practice secure attachment. I can't even become secure until I'm with. And the only time I was able to do it is when I was with you. And you're very patient with me.
- [41:43]
B
But that's still not cheating.
- [41:45]
A
No, I don't think it's cheating.
- [41:46]
B
I think I'm specifically talking about cheating, though. I'm not saying you have to be alone to work on any issue. You have any insecurity, you have any whatever. I think cheating is very different. If you are chronically cheating, you need to not be in a relationship.
- [42:01]
A
Oh, I'm not talking about cheating. I'm talking about chronically thinking about cheating.
- [42:04]
B
To me, it feels like along the same lines, okay? Because thinking about cheating and cheating are much closer than I think people would realize.
- [42:13]
A
But to me, one of. To me, you can't control the anxious thoughts that go into your head. What you can control is what you do with them. So to me, there is a huge difference between, well, I'm a serial cheater because I have all these anxieties. I'm a serial cheater because I self sabotage. Knowing all those, having those thoughts come into your head and you making a decision that, no, this is what's important to me. I'm not going to do that because I want to have a healthy relationship. To me then that's just saying anyone who has those problems can never be in a healthy relationship.
- [42:46]
B
No, I just think you have to sort those out while not in a relationship.
- [42:50]
A
But how could you do that?
- [42:52]
B
Because I think there are things, serial cheating is something going on internally. It's not just, well, now you have to stop cheating like it's something else. And that's why I think serial cheating is, I would almost say, and I could be wrong about this because as we all know, I'm not a mental health professional, but Philip Phillips, but Philip is the highest grossing cheater, musical artist and cheater of all time. I just think that that cheating, in my experience, people that I have been with who are addicts, which I've dated, multiple addicts, feel very similar to people who are serial cheaters. I think sometimes serial cheating can almost feel like an addiction. And I think that in a way of that if you're really serial cheating, it's not just about cheating. Most of the time something else is going on. Just like how you can't just be like, okay, well I'm not gonna be an alcoholic anymore. It's like, it's harder than that. There's so many multi layered internal things you have to work on. And they tell you when you're in a recovery program, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship for a period of time because you really need to focus on that stuff. So I don't think it has to be forever. It might not even have to be a long time. But I think that if you're dealing with something, anything that's really, really serious and intense and negatively affecting your partner. Yeah, you have to get that figured out. And now if you've been married for 20 years and all of a sudden you start having intrusive thoughts about cheating, I don't think you need to end your marriage. I'm like, go to therapy and, like, talk that out and figure out what that is. But if you're always entering relationships and sabotaging them by cheating.
- [44:35]
A
Right.
- [44:36]
B
Something else might be going on. So, like, take a little time to work on yourself.
- [44:40]
A
Yeah.
- [44:40]
B
That would be my advice. As someone, once again, who's not an expert in anything except improv comedy.
- [44:50]
A
How far would a partner have to go for you to personally consider it cheating? So how. What would I have to do?
- [44:59]
B
I think it's, like, the same answer.
- [45:00]
A
Yeah.
- [45:01]
B
It really depends. It really depends.
- [45:04]
A
Yeah. I think if you saw. I think you've seen texts from my friends where I'm being like, you're literally the most perfect, beautiful person in the world. I obsess you. I love you so much. But I think if you saw me being like, hey, girl, miss you to a person like, you didn't know who they were, I think you would be.
- [45:18]
B
Like, maybe it's just secrecy then. I don't think it's about what the act specifically is. I think it's about the secrecy around it.
- [45:23]
A
Yeah. If there's ever any anxiety that you don't want your partner to see something you're doing.
- [45:29]
B
Bad sign.
- [45:29]
A
I think you probably are doing a little cheating. Doesn't mean that. And. And no, that doesn't mean that your partner should have full access to your phone. I'm just saying that, like, if there's something you don't want them to see.
- [45:40]
B
If your gut feeling is like, oh, if they saw this, they would not like it. They would not.
- [45:45]
A
Like, they would hear right now.
- [45:47]
B
Want them to see it. If you're in, like, a normal, healthy.
- [45:50]
A
Relationship, if you'd be acting completely different if they were there. I think there's a lot of things like that. Yeah. Let me find you. This question is, should I have done it? I didn't, but I should have to be honest.
- [46:04]
B
Well, it sounds like you answered your own question. Don't ask us. I'm not the boss.
- [46:08]
A
No, look, I mean, at the end of the day, it's like, it doesn't really matter. I think it's like if you are really unhappy in your relationship and then you decide one night, screw it, I don't care anyways, I'm gonna cheat on them. And then you. This is great advice. And then you break up. I mean, at the end of the day, once again, there's no teacher being like, you're going to the principal's office, like, there. But I think it's more why are you putting yourself in this prison to begin with? Just break up.
- [46:46]
B
Just break up.
- [46:48]
A
That's my point, is it's like, no one's forcing you to do anything. So if your relationship's so bad you feel like you need to cheat, it's just like, then you don't. You have your answer. You don't need to cheat at all. You can just break up with them.
- [47:00]
B
Yes.
- [47:03]
A
Can I have a healthy. I think it's a good question. Can I have a healthy relationship with the person I decided to get with while I was in a relationship?
- [47:11]
B
Oh, can you have a healthy relationship with the person you cheated with? Yeah, I'm sure you can.
- [47:17]
A
I think you can if they are the exception to the rule.
- [47:22]
B
But this is what I'll say. Everybody always thinks it's the exception to.
- [47:26]
A
The rule, but everybody is delusional. I've found. I talk to people where they're like, I never have problems with friends. And then it's like, they have problem with millions of friends. Oh, I never get into arguments with people. I'm so unconfrontational. And then every time I see them, they're arguing with someone. I'm like, people are delusional.
- [47:42]
B
That's what I'm saying. I think it's hard to be like, oh, if it's really real, then yes, I think it can work because everybody thinks it's really real. I'm kind of like, hey, give it a shot. You've already dug the hole this deep. Might as well give it a shot if you think it could work out. But I think, at least from my perspective, I would have a very hard time if someone cheated on their partner to be with me. I would be constantly paranoid they were gonna cheat on me because you. I would be.
- [48:10]
A
I wouldn't do it. I would not date someone who. I would not do that.
- [48:13]
B
Yeah. I just don't think I could. I think if I met someone and I was like, I'm really deeply in love with you. You have to break up with your wife. But even at that point, I'm like, why am I deeply in love with someone who, like, has a wife or a girlfriend or whatever? Like, it, like, doesn't make sense to me. I just think, yeah, maybe you can make it work. And I wish you all the best, and I wish the person you cheated on even more of the best.
- [48:30]
A
But I think it's hard why you cheated. It's like, why did you cheat?
- [48:36]
B
But there's never a good reason.
- [48:37]
A
Well, I'll name one. I'M like, if you are in a 30 year marriage, you have two kids together with your husband, and you realize you're gay, but you wanted your kids to go off to college, and then you fall in love with this woman, and then you're like, okay, to me, you still could have ended the marriage, but it is. I get how that is so hard to pull the trigger on. And do I get why you could have a lot of feelings that are confusing where you're like, well, what should I upend my whole family to make this big decision for myself? I could see where that gets complicated. When you have been now in a 30 year, committed, loyal relationship where you've never cheated. You never cheated because you felt like you wanted to have one fun night. You didn't cheat because you and your husband got into a fight. You were loyal through all of that. And then you have a moment or you want to make a big life change. You're like, okay, I want. I want to be gay. And this one night I kissed her and I shouldn't have, but now I know I want to be.
- [49:34]
B
I think that's different. That's different. I think you get caught up in the moment, but if you get caught up in the moment and kiss and then you say, whoa, I'm gay, then you need to go to your partner and be like, hey, I'm gay. I got to go. You shouldn't just keep secretly cheating, in my opinion. And I understand what you're saying about it being a big life change and a big, you know. But I'm like, the cheating is still not the right move. It might be the move you make, and I'm not shaming you for that, but it's not the right move. It's not the advice I would give you. It reminds me of, like, at my job where I review grocery store food, I sometimes will be like, oh, this can of refried beans is fine. But then I realize, oh, sure, it's fine. But my job is to recommend things that I think people should be buying. And I think that that's kind of what this is like here. Right? It's like, I can say, yeah, it'd probably be fine if that would happen. Would I recommend it?
- [50:26]
A
No, no, I.
- [50:28]
B
Right.
- [50:28]
A
I just think that. But my point is, is the why if you're like, well, I got with this person because I was bored in my last relationship, that was only a year and a half long. No, I don't think you and that person are gonna work out. Because I think when it gets To a year and a half, two years, you're gonna be bored again and you're gonna cheat. That's all I'm saying is I think it depends on why you got in a relationship. I do think because there are relationships that work with someone, someone cheated on their ex partner with because it just. And or they grew up a lot during that time, who knows, it could work out. But I think if it's like, oh, well, I cheated because I was like feeling really like, like they were just so hot and I saw them and I just was like, screw it. I don't know. I don't think it's gonna work out because you have so much that's wrong that you need to resolve. Do you know what I mean?
- [51:21]
B
I know what you mean. But I still stand firm in saying I don't think the why is ever really valid unless it is. I got caught up in the heat of the moment because there could have.
- [51:30]
A
Always been a better option.
- [51:31]
B
Yes, that's what I'm saying. Like, I'm saying the, the why affects how bad it is. But I don't think the why ever makes it okay. Unless, honestly, once again, I know this, a lot of people would disagree with me, but I think I got caught up in the heat of the moment and I made a mistake. I feel like that is something that once again, I wouldn't do. But it makes sense to me. It doesn't feel secretive, it doesn't feel manipulative. I think those are the things that really bother me about cheating. The idea that someone like was drunk and got caught up in a moment and kissed a co worker at a Christmas party is not like the most devastating thing to me. If they did that and then I found out they kept it a secret and then they started having sex with that woman, I would be upset because you add in all the layers of secrecy and betrayal. So I'm just like, like, if you think you might be gay, but you're in a 30 year straight marriage, you kiss a woman one night out, realize you're gay. I can't recommend anything other than going and telling your partner, hey, I kiss this woman. I, I think I'm gay and we need to like, figure this out.
- [52:23]
A
And one to, you know, that is a very specific scenario, extremely specific scenario.
- [52:28]
B
You keep saying it as if like you've been through it.
- [52:31]
A
Listen, God, my husband before that would be so crazy if I just like casually mentioned I'd had a husband.
- [52:39]
B
Well, you're so young, so it would be crazy if he would it have.
- [52:43]
A
Kind of hot if I'd been divorced.
- [52:44]
B
Yeah. Our friend Kara's I know, go straight divorced. We did a whole episode with her. Our friend Kara was straight married and then got divorced and is now gay long term partnered.
- [52:56]
A
And I, I'm like, that's. That's iconic. I think it's like, part of me wishes I. I'm sure Kara would be like, you absolutely do not wish. But I, I. Part of me is like, it would be so fun to be like, I had a husband. It's like even saying it, I'm like, this is so hot. I had a husband.
- [53:10]
B
You love a backstory.
- [53:11]
A
I had a husband. I love a backstory.
- [53:13]
B
Well, it's very kind of like cinematic, very novel esque to be like, I had this backstory.
- [53:18]
A
I know me being like, well, I came out at 18 to my really supportive parents, and then I met you, and you were just so nice. And then we fell in love. I'm like, let's get the drama in there. Yeah, I'll just start lying.
- [53:31]
B
You had a very kind of smooth sexual transition.
- [53:34]
A
I know I'm gonna start lying. I was married to Philip Phillips for years. I took all his money.
- [53:38]
B
That's why I Google, it's the richest woman podcasting.
- [53:41]
A
That's why it says he has $5 million. It was not always that way. The rest of it, Yes. A lot of money.
- [53:47]
B
I love that. Wow. Well, it's the end of the season.
- [53:52]
A
Oh, my God, I forgot. Can you believe last episode? Wait, we need to take a moment. How much time do we have?
- [53:58]
B
A couple minutes.
- [54:00]
A
Jordan. I feel like I could cry. I'm serious. This is our last episode of the season. Season two is gonna be so fun. But we really just should reflect on this podcast we've made. Like, I seriously feel like I could cry. We've made, like, how many episodes together? Almost 50 episodes.
- [54:18]
B
Yeah.
- [54:19]
A
We've talked about so many things. We've talked with so many people, and it just started. I remember when you brought the idea of the podcast to me, how excited I was to do it. Cause I just. We wanted to spend more time together. Cause we, you know, we work so much, and even just the little drives we get to do to the Spotify office are such a treat. Me, you, and our producer Blake. How many car rides we've gone on together. It's just been amazing. And I'm so excited for this show and what it's gonna become.
- [54:44]
B
I can't wait. And I feel so excited about the community we've built. It's been so nice. We love every person that listens to this podcast. You guys are so wonderful and sweet and thoughtful and kind, and we can't wait to continue making episodes for you. Season two is gonna be so great. We already have some really exciting guests.
- [55:01]
A
Oh, yeah. Really fun. I. Tell me, kind of like your rose and your thorn.
- [55:07]
B
Oh, Kendall loves these questions.
- [55:08]
A
Can you name a marry or divorce of the season?
- [55:13]
B
Okay. I want to divorce the moment when, before we were filming in the Spotify studios, we were filming at another studio that we were paying for out of pocket, literally by the minute. And our. Our guest, our first guest ever, was multiple hours late, and Kendall couldn't figure out how to get any of the memory cards to work, and there was no one there helping us. And Kendall was so upset, I thought she was gonna punch a hole in a wall. She had to go outside and take a walk around the block.
- [55:48]
A
I was holding 18 SIM cards. I'm sobbing. That was. God, that was a bad moment for me. Yeah.
- [55:56]
B
So I'm gonna divorce that moment. But I want to marry. There's so many of them.
- [56:04]
A
I know.
- [56:06]
B
How do we choose?
- [56:07]
A
Well, we connected with so many people. That's what's so nice about doing the podcast, too, is, like, there's been so many guests that we, you know, in this industry, you meet so many people, and there's so many people that you're like, well, there's so many people. You're like, yikes.
- [56:18]
B
Yeah, big time.
- [56:19]
A
But then there's so many people, you're like, ugh, you're so cool. I really like you. I wish. Wish we could get to spend some more time together, but you know how it goes. It's like, nobody's got time, and I don't have time, and we all never get to see each other. And I feel like on this podcast, there's been so many people we've had on where we've been like, it's been so nice to get to sit with you for an hour and chat because I wanted to, like, have you over for dinner. And a couple people we've had on, we then have had on for dinner. I mean, we really are, like, make plans with all of these people after we get to do a podcast episode, because we talk for an hour, and we're literally always like, I want this to keep going.
- [56:50]
B
It's really nice.
- [56:51]
A
I mean, we hang out with Cara all the time.
- [56:53]
B
Cara we were friends with before, but, yes, that's true.
- [56:56]
A
I guess that's true. Well, we've had A lot of our also current friends.
- [56:59]
B
Yeah, we've been able to do a lot of stuff with our. Our longtime friends, which is so nice. You know, like I said, Reika's been on the podcast. We had Dylan Adler on.
- [57:07]
A
Oh, my love.
- [57:08]
B
Like, so many people that we actually love in real life and have loved for a long time and have gotten to bring them on and talk to them, which has been so fun. And then we've gotten to make friends with people like with Rachel and MacKenzie from 2D eggs and a Mic. We love.
- [57:21]
A
We're recording next door right now.
- [57:22]
B
We're recording next door right now. We love them or love Jason Afualo. Like, such a wonderful person that we got connected with through other mutual friends. And now, like, we stay texting. We're friends, and it's so nice. So I guess that's all that's.
- [57:38]
A
But this industry, everyone's just so busy because even you said Dylan Adler, I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah, that was so nice because we both have known him for a long.
- [57:45]
B
Time, but he was one of our first episodes.
- [57:46]
A
One of our first episodes. And we got to chat with him for an hour, and it's like, God, since then, it's like he's been all over the world doing tours, and so everyone's so busy, and I'm like, I'm just so happy. We got to sit for an hour and chat and catch up. Had Oscar on.
- [58:00]
B
Yeah.
- [58:00]
A
Oh, my God. So many good.
- [58:01]
B
So many people. And I love that we've also been able to, like, make a community. Like, sometimes I go and look at the comments and, like, people in the comments are, like, chatting with each other or, like, when we set Heidi up on a date in that one episode, like, we had people in the chats, like, connecting in the chats. And, like, in our live shows, we just had someone from our New York Comedy Festival show reach out to us, and they did our dating show comedy show that we did as part of New York Comedy Festival, and they were like, hey, just wanna let you know, I've been on multiple dates with somebody that was also in the show with me, and it's, like, really going well. So I think it's so fun to be able to create queer community and spend time with our friends and meet new people and talk to all of y'all and give advice. Because when it comes down to it, Kendall and I are just so deeply opinionated and want to be heard. And that's really nice to be able to do that here. And we joke about it a lot. But I really do think we have the perfect relationship, and it's nice to be able to share that sentiment with other people because you and I have both been in a lot of bad or weird relationships, and I feel like now we're in such a great relationship, and we will be forever. And to be able to kind of, like, talk through that and use that extensive dating history wisdom to share with other people is so wonderful.
- [59:10]
A
Yeah. What an absolute treat. We've had so much fun. And I will say, the episodes really have flown by. Like, I just. Every time I go to post an episode, I'm, like, titling it, putting the number, and I'm like, 54. Oh, my God. We haven't done that many yet. But it always. I'm. I feel like I'll say to you, I'm like, can you believe we're about to post episode 40?
- [59:27]
B
Yeah.
- [59:28]
A
That's wild, because it just really hits. Has flown by.
- [59:30]
B
So.
- [59:30]
A
I'm so excited for season two. We have so many exciting things.
- [59:33]
B
I'm telling you, when season two promo drops, you're gonna freak. It's so exciting. We're coming back on January 13th, so stay posted until then if you want more of us. We have a backlog of episodes that are Patreon exclusive that are on Patreon. You can join our Patreon. We will continue to add episodes to Patreons. There'll be more content there. We'll also keep doing social clips over the break, and you can still email us in questions during the break. We'll be around. We'll see you online. And full episodes will come back January 13th. And we're so excited, and we're working with Spotify, and we love them, and honestly, it's gonna be incredible. So I can't wait.
- [60:10]
A
It's a good season. Thank you for being here for the first season where I feel like we were able to really get our feet on the ground. And, I mean, this is your first podcast.
- [60:17]
B
My first podcast and my first time.
- [60:19]
A
Really, like, being whatever this handle, whatever that is.
- [60:23]
B
Yeah.
- [60:23]
A
Well, being really in control. I mean, really, like, we made this. This whole thing from the ground up.
- [60:28]
B
We're not on a network.
- [60:29]
A
No. By ourselves.
- [60:30]
B
We just did this fully alone with.
- [60:31]
A
Our producer, Blake, so that feels really special to me and important. So we both were learning so much through this process. So if you've been here from the beginning or you joined along the way, we give you a million little kisses. We're absolutely obsessed with you, and we're so excited to go into season two. Sorry this is so long, but if you are like, well, what should I do while they're on break? Please go review us on Apple Podcast or Spotify. It helps us so much.
- [60:59]
B
Like comment subscribe on YouTube the videos, Kendall's YouTube channel in general. That's where all these episodes go up and just keep listening and we love you and we'll see you back January 13th.
- [61:09]
A
See you, have a wonderful holiday and happy New Year. Bye.