52: Is Social Media Helping or Ruining Your Love Life?

Summary

Happy Wife Happy Life - Episode 52: Is Social Media Helping or Ruining Your Love Life?

Release Date: February 17, 2025

Hosts: Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick

Overview: In Episode 52 of "Happy Wife Happy Life," hosts Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick delve into the intricate relationship between social media and modern dating. Through personal anecdotes, analysis of social media trends, and listener questions, they explore whether platforms like TikTok and Instagram are enhancing or hindering romantic relationships.

---

1. Origins of Their Relationship Through Social Media

Kendahl and Jordan begin by sharing how their own relationship blossomed online, emphasizing the role of social media in connecting them.

• Meeting Online:

  • Kendahl (02:00): "We met on the Internet."
  • They recount meeting through mutual friends on Instagram, comparing themselves to a typical TikTok couple despite not heavily using the platform initially.

• Early Interactions:

  • Jordan (04:00): "I was more bold in general, but I was more bold."
  • Kendahl reflects on their initial direct messages (DMs), highlighting moments that felt awkward yet endearing, such as discussing astrology and love languages.

---

2. The TikTok Ban and Its Aftermath

The conversation shifts to the recent TikTok ban and its impact on social media dynamics, particularly for creators.

• TikTok Ban Reversed:

  • Jordan (07:00): "They made the TikTok ban happen. TikTok went away. Everyone I follow posted videos of themselves crying."
  • The ban's reversal is discussed, with Jordan noting the fickle nature of platform policies and their continued reliance on TikTok for income.

• Monetization Issues:

  • Kendahl (07:22): "I don't think people know that Instagram is not monetized."
  • They lament Instagram's lack of monetization options for creators, contrasting it with TikTok's more lucrative opportunities.

---

3. TikTok as a Dating Hub for the LGBTQ+ Community

Kendahl and Jordan analyze TikTok trends, particularly how it serves as a dating platform within the lesbian community.

• Lesbian Couples on TikTok:

  • Jordan (08:04): "For the gay community, TikTok feels like it's almost become a dating app."
  • They observe the prevalence of lesbian couples using TikTok to connect, share their lives, and even prank each other, citing couples like Leah and Caitlyn as examples.

• Favorite TikTok Couples:

  • Kendahl (12:22): "Rose and Rosie are my favorite lesbian couple of all time on the Internet."
  • The hosts share their admiration for various TikTok couples, discussing the authenticity and entertainment value these couples bring to the platform.

---

4. Listener Questions and Relationship Advice

The hosts address listener-submitted questions, providing insights based on their experiences.

a. Holding Soft Spots for Broken-Up Couples (03:00 - 18:44)

• Discussion:

  • Kendahl and Jordan debate the ethics of feeling fondly towards public couples who have separated, especially when their content continues to generate income.
  • They express empathy for content creators who share personal relationship struggles online, highlighting the potential negative impact of public comments wishing for their reconciliation.

• Notable Quote:

  • Jordan (16:31): "Don't comment. When I see people commenting on old videos of couples who aren't together anymore, they'll leave comments like, wish you guys were still together. I'm like, that is unwell."

b. Making the First Move with an Instagram Crush (30:05 - 35:28)

• Advice:

  • Kendahl and Jordan suggest being bold and clear in expressing romantic interest through direct messages (DMs).
  • They emphasize the importance of ensuring mutual follows to avoid messages landing in hidden folders and advocate for straightforward, unambiguous flirting to prevent confusion.

• Notable Quote:

  • Kendahl (31:14): "You have to make it clear, because that makes them think you're just normally talking to them."

c. Social Media Launches: Hard Launch vs. Soft Launch (32:55 - 35:28)

• Hard vs. Soft Launch:

  • A hard launch involves publicly announcing the relationship all at once, while a soft launch entails gradually sharing aspects of the relationship over time.
  • For individuals not reliant on social media professionally, Kendahl suggests that a hard launch may be more straightforward and less labor-intensive compared to the deliberate nature of a soft launch.

• Notable Quote:

  • Jordan (34:38): "I think a soft launch feels like a lot of work, leaving little crumbs, little tastes of your relationship."

d. Managing Partner’s Excessive Phone Use (36:57 - 45:20)

• Approach:

  • The hosts recommend addressing excessive phone use through "we" statements and offering actionable solutions, such as setting aside phone-free times for activities like movie nights or dinners.
  • They highlight the importance of communicating feelings without making the partner feel attacked, fostering a collaborative effort to reduce phone dependency.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Jordan (43:32): "Use we words, offer suggestions."
  • Kendahl (40:28): "I think there's a middle ground."

e. Partner's Perception of Social Media as Fake and Performative (46:47 - 49:24)

• Strategy:

  • Kendahl advises expressing the personal significance of sharing moments online, emphasizing that social media can be a genuine way to connect with friends and family.
  • Jordan suggests articulating why posting is important to foster understanding and compromise within the relationship.

• Notable Quote:

  • Jordan (48:54): "Hey, I wanna post more pictures of us on social media because you bring me so much joy."

---

5. Reflections on Social Media’s Role in Relationships

Throughout the episode, Kendahl and Jordan reflect on the broader implications of social media in romantic relationships, weighing its benefits and drawbacks.

• Connectivity vs. Distraction:

  • They discuss how social media can both connect partners and serve as a distraction, impacting the quality of in-person interactions.

• Representation and Authenticity:

  • The hosts express fascination with how social media provides representation for LGBTQ+ relationships while also grappling with the authenticity of online personas and content.

• Impact on Relationship Dynamics:

  • Social media trends influence how relationships are formed, maintained, and perceived, particularly within niche communities like lesbians on TikTok.

---

6. Conclusion and Takeaways

Kendahl and Jordan conclude the episode by reiterating the importance of balancing social media use with genuine, in-person connection. They encourage listeners to thoughtfully navigate online interactions and prioritize meaningful relationships over digital distractions.

• Final Thoughts:
  • Kendahl (49:24): "I do think if you post those damn photos."
  • Emphasizing honesty, clear communication, and establishing healthy boundaries as key to maintaining strong relationships in the digital age.

---

Key Insights:

• Social Media as a Double-Edged Sword: Platforms like TikTok and Instagram offer unparalleled opportunities for connection and representation but can also introduce challenges related to authenticity, monetization, and relationship dynamics.

• Effective Communication: Addressing issues like excessive phone use or differing views on social media requires open, compassionate dialogue and collaborative problem-solving.

• Representation Matters: For marginalized communities, social media serves as a vital space for visibility and connection, fostering a sense of belonging and community.

• Balancing Online and Offline Life: Maintaining a healthy relationship in the era of social media necessitates conscious effort to prioritize in-person interactions and limit digital distractions.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Jordan (07:17): "I'm still posting on TikTok because it pays money and I need money."

• Kendahl (16:31): "I think the person who comments, that is bizarre. I've never, like, wished a couple I don't know would get back together because..."

• Jordan (34:38): "I think a soft launch feels like a lot of work, leaving little crumbs, little tastes of your relationship."

• Kendahl (40:28): "You aren't doing this for me. I think you're better to answer this because maybe I probably haven't always asked you."

• Jordan (48:54): "Hey, I wanna post more pictures of us on social media because you bring me so much joy."

---

Conclusion: Episode 52 of "Happy Wife Happy Life" offers a candid exploration of social media's influence on love and relationships. Through personal stories and practical advice, Kendahl and Jordan provide valuable insights for listeners navigating the complexities of digital romance.

Transcript

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[A]

Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life. We're your hosts. I'm Kendall Landreth.

[B]

And I'm Jordan Myrick.

[A]

And we are two incredibly unqualified but.

[B]

Deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And this week, we're talking social media and dating.

[A]

We met on the Internet.

[B]

We did meet on the Internet.

[A]

Can you believe that?

[B]

Kind of. Through mutual friends. So we didn't have. You know, we weren't. We're not like a TikTok couple. You weren't even really on TikTok. I told you to get on TikTok.

[A]

I know. I didn't even have. I don't even think I had an account, to be honest.

[B]

And I simply do not get enough credit for that.

[A]

You get so much credit externally, monetarily.

[B]

Monetarily? Yeah. I'm not talking about from you. I'm talking about from other people. Like, I don't think people know.

[A]

What do you want?

[B]

I just don't feel like people know that I gifted you to them.

[A]

Oh, please.

[B]

That's all I'll say.

[A]

You did tell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jordan, I think you were just flirting with me. I don't think you really meant it, but you were like, you should get on TikTok. I think you'd really do well on there. Yeah.

[B]

Because I had just had a video that went viral.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was a video about Barbies that looked like lesbians.

[A]

And it was very funny. I feel like you Got to bring it back, honestly.

[B]

I'll think about it.

[A]

And.

[B]

Oh, I'm so cold on TikTok.

[A]

Now I know.

[B]

I'm like, truly suck at TikTok.

[A]

Yeah. Well. But I. Yeah, you told me to get on, and then I. So we had started talking through there and then. But we started talking via DMs.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

On Instagram.

[B]

Your friend sent you my viral TikTok.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And said that you would like me.

[A]

Yeah. But then I also like it. Heard your name before. And then we had mutual friends, and then that's why I feel like we were more comfortable being like, okay, let's date.

[B]

Was she like, you guys will fall in love?

[A]

I don't remember, but I don't think so. I think. I think it was more like, I don't know. You know how people get when they know two lesbians where they're just like, you are two.

[B]

You gotta meet. Yeah.

[A]

Gotta meet each other. Um, so I. Yeah, I. Then I DMed you, and I was pretty thirsty for you.

[B]

Yes, you were. And I'll start off this episode by saying you went through our old DMs.

[A]

I did.

[B]

And you got some of our first messages.

[A]

I did, and I sent them to you. Did you see them?

[B]

Let me pull them up.

[A]

Should we read through them a little bit? It's actually so embarrassing. I. I honestly, this morning, reading through it, I was like, then we'll read through our DMs. It'll be so funny. And I was like, but reading through it this morning, I was like, this is deeply embarrassing, but could be cute.

[B]

Hard to know if we should do this, you know? Our first interaction was I posted a picture of a burrito to my Instagram story, and Kendall sent me the heart eyes. And then I said, thank you.

[A]

Let me read through some highlights. There's some moments that I don't think are that embarrassing, that I just think are so cringy and gay. Like, I put, like. I immediately asked if you had a co star.

[B]

Insane. Which to me, that's absolutely cookie crazy. Because you don't care about astrology.

[A]

No, but that to me is just like what you say when you're trying to be like, I'm interested in you romantically. I said, so I said, do you have, Dare I say, a co star? Which is so embarrassing.

[B]

Dare I say she's wearing a fedora? When she said that, do you have. Dare I say it's so embarrassing?

[A]

And then you said, oh, my God. Wait, tell me more. Why is it clear? Because. Oh. I asked if you're an. I said, it's so clear. You're an Aries. And I said, you seem passionate, and there's a basketball in your bio. I don't even know what that means.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

And you said, okay, this is good. Should I download costar? And I said, I mean, I would 10 out of 10 recommend. It is important to me, literally.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

I, like, was downloading it as I was texting you that. So there was just a lot of awkward moments like that. But I was telling Jordan I was reading through these. I was like, it was so bizarre that we just, like, didn't know each other at one point. I feel like we've known each other my whole life.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like I was born knowing you.

[A]

And so there was just weird moments, like, where I was like, oh, do you like cooking? And I was like, that's so crazy. I didn't know you like cooking.

[B]

Yeah, you kind of act like you didn't know that much stuff about me, but I think you did.

[A]

I think I was playing it cool. I think I looked up, like, 800 videos of you on the Internet and, like, watched. I watched a full panel you did on, like, an improv convention and all of that, and I was just pretending I didn't know any of that.

[B]

There you go. You also almost immediately asked me, what's your love language?

[A]

That's crazy. Also, I also remember, I will say I was drunk when I said that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I was.

[B]

Do you think we'd be dating now if you didn't get drunk that one night?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty bold in general, but I was more bold. I don't think I would have asked you what your love language is, because, like, sober me is like, that's weird. Like, why are you asking someone that who, like, you're not dating? And then there was a part in the conversation where I asked you on a date. And then you were like, I don't know, because you're a little too young for me. And then I was like, please let me take you on a date. And then you were like, okay, it's actually cute. You, like, sent a bunch. You're like, I think I'm talking. You kept saying that. You kept in the DMs. You kept me, like, I'm talking too much. Okay, I'm talking too much.

[B]

I'm very cute.

[A]

You were very cute.

[B]

I'm very cute.

[A]

But it's funny, our relationship now, because I feel like you're more kind of like, Bold. And I'm a little, like, I don't know. And I feel like it was flipped when we started dating, like, when I was initiating it. Dating.

[B]

Well, I don't think I wasn't bold. I think I was just like, who's this person? They live in New York. They're a couple years younger than me. Just all things that felt like red flags.

[A]

But you're also a little. But you also were a little nervous around me. I think I made you a little nervous.

[B]

I think you made me giddy.

[A]

Oh, that's nice.

[B]

I don't feel nervous very often.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

And typically, positive situations don't make me feel nervous.

[A]

Sure, sure. I didn't know if you were considering it a positive situation at the time.

[B]

I would say yes. Were you not?

[A]

I was. But you were more hesitant to go on a date with me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. So I feel like you were on.

[B]

The other side of the country.

[A]

No, it makes sense. But you're a little more, like, practical. Whereas I think I was like, we'll figure it out. Like, we're in love.

[B]

Love wins.

[A]

Yeah. But meeting on the Internet is fun, and I feel like it's, like, the most common thing people do now. I think most people meet on dating apps or on Instagram, which is very interesting.

[B]

I have to address the TikTok ban. Oh, okay. Sorry. This episode was just gonna be about TikTok, but then we were like, we actually don't want to just talk about TikTok, but we do have to address it. They made this huge deal of the TikTok ban. The TikTok ban happened. TikTok went away. Everyone I follow posted videos of themselves crying. And then it came back the next day being like, we salute you, President Trump. And now TikTok exists. That. It's also stupid. I have continued to use it because it pays money and I need money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's kind of the one thing that's been hard. Instagram is not monetized.

[A]

No.

[B]

I don't know if people know that.

[A]

No, it's not. No, it's not.

[B]

So it's like people were like, well, I'll just go over to Instagram and I'm like, sure. And make no money.

[A]

Yeah. It's bizarre. I feel like with Instagram, it's always that everyone's like, but maybe one day they'll start. And it's kind of like, I don't know. I mean, they made a. They literally one time made a statement that was like, we do not plan in the near future to Ever start paying our creators? So, I mean, they used to. And then I. I don't know. It's very, very weird. So really big bummer. So, yeah, we're still posting on TikTok.

[B]

Yeah. But I'm also posting on YouTube now because I'm like, I gotta move away. But one thing I've noticed about TikTok over time is that it does almost feel like, at least for the gay community, TikTok feels like it's almost become a dating app.

[A]

TikTok.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's funny. I feel like I'm so not on that side of things.

[B]

Well, I'm actively looking, so it makes.

[A]

Yeah. What's going on?

[B]

No, I feel like always I'm seeing lesbians trying to, like, meet each other. I feel like every couple months there will be a trend where someone will be like, all right, whatever. I'm shooting my shot. And then it's like a video of them just kind of, like, being there. And then it's like, I live in Kansas City. I love to knit. Horror movies are my jam. Oh, you'll never try a better pot pie recipe than mine. I'm interested in tall girls with locks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Drop your name in the comments if any of this feels right to you or whatever. And I feel like that trend will emerge every couple months where people are. Yeah, it's kind of just like a dating profile video.

[A]

I think it only works for lesbians, to be honest.

[B]

You think?

[A]

Yes, because I just think, generally speaking, lesbians are the only people that would make something like that actually come to fruition.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I think as a lesbian, there's nothing intimidating about dating someone who lives 8,000 miles away from you. It just feels like. Of course. Yeah, that's not a big deal at all. Make it work. I'll move there next year. I don't care. Like, I think most people just are not like that. I think lesbians something in our. Something in our genes, our DNA.

[B]

Something's different about usable.

[A]

I don't know. We're natural born flyers or something.

[B]

Flyers. Yeah. Yeah. Are straight people meeting on TikTok? If you're straight and listen to this podcast, let us know in the comments, because I'm so curious, because I really do feel like. And I feel like a lot of couples meet on TikTok. Do you have a favorite tick tock couple?

[A]

Oh, my God. What couple do I like the most? Genuinely, do you have one?

[B]

I feel like I have a couple. Kendall and I are really obsessed with watching lesbian couples that, quote, unquote, prank each Other.

[A]

Oh, my God. Like Leah and Caitlyn.

[B]

Wild to us. Wild to us. They make more money than God.

[A]

I mean, they've cracked the code. They're cracking.

[B]

They're making the content that Kendall and I could never, could never make.

[A]

It's just so funny. I think it really is. I'm starting to realize as AI becomes more prevalent and watching people react to AI, people cannot understand what's fake and what's real.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

In a way that I find deeply fascinating. I truly am amazed by it. They. They will do. If you think they're doing a prank every day. They do a prank every day and.

[B]

The camera's set up and they never.

[A]

Think, oh, maybe it's a prank. They never go, is this a prank? They do a prank every day. It's their job. And you think neither of them. I mean, if they weren't telling each other, then they probably would accidentally both prank each other or neither of them would do a prank and they wouldn't have. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

[B]

A prank is like, I don't know, I guess maybe it's just because of my time when I was younger. To me, a prank is like punked. Do you know what I mean? Where you come and you're like, the dog's missing or whatever. It's like, not a good. Not a good prank. I hate pranks. I hate them. Let me just say that. But I'm like, but so many of the ones I see on couples prank accounts are like telling my girlfriend I sunburned my butt. And then it's like walking into a room and being like, my butt got really sunburned today. And the other girl being like, what? Are you serious? Your butt, it got sunburned.

[A]

Can I see it?

[B]

And then they showed them and they're like, wait a second, your butt's not sunburned at all? And then like, that's the prank. I don't know. It's really wild to me. I do not get it. So that's a type of TikTok couple content that intrigues me. I'm very curious about that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Trying to think of my favorite tik.

[A]

Tok couple I like.

[B]

Oh, I know. Well, there's an like a middle aged lesbian couple and I mutuals with one of them and I love them. I believe they're. It's so weird when you have to say someone's handle out loud that you've never said before.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I believe their handle. Their name, I don't know, is Pa Lemon. Pa. Space. Lemon. I'm going to look it up because I feel really scared. But they're like an older, middle aged, like, lesbian couple, and they're really cute and sweet, and.

[A]

You're talking about them the other day.

[B]

I really like them.

[A]

Oh, Actually a couple of goofs.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're really fun.

[B]

Hold on. Let's see. Yeah.

[A]

Paul Lemon and the way I freaked for a couple of Goofs Nursery decor. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[B]

What. What's the theme?

[A]

I'm pretty sure it was Toy Story. This was, like, a year ago, but everything was like, diy and it was so good. It was incredible. So I really. I really liked that.

[B]

We'll share all these people on our Patreon, so you can look at the counts if you want to. You know who else I love that we met on a brand trip and we, like, fell in love with them.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I don't hear you. Say yes.

[B]

Y'all might already know them. They are, like, a very. They're like a, you know, a really cute, like, famous. What? He was on Big Brother and they met in college. It's OV and Hannah. We'll show them, too. They are so cute, and they were so nice. We, like, really got along with them.

[A]

Yeah. Really?

[B]

Oh, we love Cult Flav.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

The two of them. We love them. Which is like a couple that does cookbook reviews. We love them. There's a lot of good couple. I'm like, who's the most famous TikTok couple you can think of?

[A]

The most famous TikTok couple?

[B]

TikTok couple.

[A]

Oh, my God. I mean that. What about, like, the Pookie?

[B]

Oh, Jet and Pookie.

[A]

Maybe. I don't know if there's any drama with them, so I don't. Well, I'm always worried I'm gonna say someone's name is like. Well, you know what? They just don't.

[B]

Yeah. I think the hard thing about them, they have kind of this thing that I don't understand where I feel like everyone is obsessed with them. And he's very nice to her, which I understand. I understand that people like that, but they are just, like, rich conservatives, and.

[A]

I don't know anything about them.

[B]

To my understanding, they're, like rich conservatives, and, like, they just spent. He's, like, always buying her a Birkin bag, and people are like, goals, and I'm like. I guess, in a way. I don't know. Sometimes I feel conflicted about some of these couples where I'm Just like, oh, yeah, you're just, like, really rich. I mean, I will say I'm sorry this is dated, but Soph. Mosca and Avery Cyrus were the. Were the tick tock couple for me when I joined Tick Tock.

[A]

Really? They were. That surprises me. They were so, like. I don't know. I feel like you wouldn't be. They were kind of like 19 and just very, like. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. I wasn't, like, consuming all their content, but I was like, that's what a tick tock couple is.

[A]

Sure. Well, then there's also Kendall and Haley.

[B]

Kendall and Haley. There's a lot of, like.

[A]

They're more of a prank. Their pranks are funny. I.

[B]

They're doing pranks too.

[A]

Their pranks are. I would hardly qualify them as pranks, but they'll just come up to another. I think this is so funny. You see this all the time on social media, and look, it gets 35 million views. So I. I would keep doing it too, if it did that well. But it's like a married couple who's presumably been together for, I mean, 10 years. They'll, like. It'll be like flashing my wife. And then they, like, flash them, and they're like, oh, my God. And then they, like, attack them. Like, they're gonna, like, have sex right now. And I'm like, I think if I hit put a hidden camera up and then just flashed you my boobs, you'd be like, was everything okay?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I'd be like, you're filming a video, right?

[A]

Or you'd be like, thank you. And then, like, go back to doing the laundry. But it would be so bizarre if you were like, oh, my God, I've.

[B]

Seen your boobs 100,000 times, and they're great. I'm not taking them for granted, but it's like. It's just.

[A]

Those are really funny videos to me.

[B]

It's just different.

[A]

Well, do you want to get into the questions?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're gonna be answering your questions about dating on TikTok and dating through TikTok and social media and all of that jazz. And if you're interested in asking questions, you can go to our Instagram and follow us there. Or our TikTok, I guess. I don't know if you can really send messages, but we do have a TikTok if you want us to follow us there, and then you can email us@hwhlpod questionsmail.com or join our patreon.

[B]

All right, are you ready for your first question?

[A]

I'M ready.

[B]

Our first question is, is it wrong to hold soft spots for couples who have broken up? There's so many couples who brought me laughs in dark times that have separated, and I sometimes feel weird re watching old content of theirs knowing they aren't still together.

[A]

Oh, no, that's not weird. I mean, they're making money off it.

[B]

That's what I thought. I'm like, don't comment. When I see people commenting on old videos of couples who aren't together anymore, they'll leave comments like, wish you guys were still together. I'm like, that is unwell. That is unwell. You need to speak to a doctor.

[A]

Well, it's unwell, but I don't necessarily think it's, like, ethically wrong. Like, to me, I'm like, if they hate the video so much, they can take it down. But they've chosen to keep this video up because it's making money, which is probably ultimately why they're keeping it up. Which makes sense to me. Absolutely zero judgment. But the comments are only making them more money. So to me, I'm like, who cares? I think the person who comments, that is bizarre. I've never, like, wished a couple I don't know would get back together because.

[B]

I'm like, who knows what's going on?

[A]

You're very bizarre. But I think it's totally fine to have a soft spot. Do you have a couple that broke up that you still wish was together?

[B]

Yeah, Sophie and Avery.

[A]

I told you, I get that. Actually, I think they're very.

[B]

You know, I have a soft spot.

[A]

In my heart for Avery Cyrus in general. I don't know why, and I've never met her, but I think she seems good at heart. She seems good at heart.

[B]

She's like, yeah, sure, I don't know her at all.

[A]

Her. Her videos were. And I do think she just. I think she works hard and I think she just makes these videos that are very silly and seems like she likes doing it and she has fun making them. And maybe behind closed doors she's a nightmare. But she's always just seemed kind of like silly lead to me. Like, I always just laugh at that video where she made sunscreen on the beach. And then all those dermatologists were being like, guys, don't make this. This is not good for.

[B]

This is not sunscreen.

[A]

This is not sunscreen. I'm like, she. It feels like a nine year old has an account, but the nine year old looks like a 25 year old, like, hot lesbian.

[B]

You know what I Mean, sure. I will also say sometimes people are sharing too much. I think that like you can say you broke up, you know, whatever, but. And we never talk about people on this podcast. So this is really kind of a weird. Getting a lot of information about our thoughts on other TikTok couples. But the Cindy and Sarah situation is going wild right now. If you don't know, Cindy and Sarah are these two lesbians that were dating and then married and almost immediately divorced and now Sarah just released. No, Cindy, Sarah.

[A]

Don't ask me. I have, I think her name Sarah.

[B]

She just released like a five part series. Being like, this is what happened. These were the problems in our relationship. This was the problem on our wedding night. These were the problems after we got married. This is why we got divorced. I'm like, wow, that other girl must be pissed.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think there is truth. Obviously it's never 100%, but I think there are times there's kind of like who's be. Sometimes the silent person really ends up being the person that is just a little bit more mature maybe or like is keeping the truth to themselves. And I think it can go both ways because I think it also could be like, well, they just don't know what to say because they're in the wrong. But I think sometimes watching, I. I just think no matter what happened between us, even if you like cheated on me and we broke up, I would never want to subject you to Internet hate ever. Like, I. I cannot because I don't think I'd want to subject anyone. I'm even thinking of the person I hate the most and I would not want to subject them to Internet hate. It. It's so mean. And I feel like there is something really alarming about someone who so openly does that. I'll tell you, an Internet couple that I am like, I have been probably subscribed to on YouTube for 10 years and I just, I can't unsubscribe because I have to know how this all ends. They. I won't say their names, but I should. I.

[B]

Well, I guess. No, well, say the thing first and then I'll tell you. You have to say their names.

[A]

No, I won't say their names. I mean there's no way they're watching this. But also, honestly though, they share so much that I truly I. There's no point in like keeping them unnamed. But just because I also can't remember one of their names is the main.

[B]

Reason the truth comes out.

[A]

So I subscribed to them maybe. Oh, my God. At this point, when was 2013? I mean, 13 years ago. 12 years ago. Yeah, 12 years ago. I subscribed to them because I had my first thought when I was 13 of, like, maybe I'm gay. Okay, Maybe I'm gay. And I, like, truly did not know any gay person. Like, I did not know a gay person. I knew Ellen DeGeneres. I knew Neil Patrick Harris. I knew some gay men.

[B]

All the big hits.

[A]

All the big hits. Like, I knew gay men actors, but really, like, I just didn't know any lesbians. And the reality was, like, I did feel uncomfortable when I would see a lesbian, which is really, you know, messed up and internalized homophobia. But I didn't see any. So, like, when Santana and Britney kissed on Glee, it wasn't that I was like, ew. I was like, you know, obsessed. But I also would be like, that looks wrong, you know, because you've seen one thing your whole life. You've seen a man and a woman kissing. That's all you've ever seen. And I had this moment where, even at 13, where I, like, wasn't even fully sure of my sexuality, but I was like, I need to look up people who are lesbians and, like, watch them make out so that I can feel comfortable because.

[B]

Become more accustomed to the side of it.

[A]

Well, because I started to be like, that's about to be me. So I need to, like. I think I had just something in my mind that was like, you might be that one day, and you need to make sure you're comfortable with it. But it wasn't. I just knew it was because I just had no experience with it. So I searched, like, lesbian vlogger on YouTube, and these two people came up, and I did not like either of them. I found them a little bit annoying. But I subscribed because I was like, I just have to watch them interact. Like, I have to watch them be together and be lesbian. Then this can be my representation, because I don't have any representation. And so they have had a lot of drama. And they are like, whatever goes on in their home, it is on YouTube, man. Nothing, man. Nothing is left out. They are putting their fights. They are putting their, like, deep, dark secrets, their traumas, everything. Like, they would post videos like, we almost broke up last week. And they would talk.

[B]

God, they have to be Rich. They have to be. They must be so, oh, no, rich.

[A]

I don't know. They don't give.

[B]

Whisper, Whisper.

[A]

You don't know them.

[B]

You don't I wanted to look them up now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just whisper them to me. They can probably hear you on the.

[A]

I know. So I don't know what to do with it. Just let me just text it to you. I can't. Okay. And the thing is, is that this might be changed now because they're broken up and you didn't even let me get to that part. Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores, automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications, kids learn to earn, save, and spend wisely. And parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money. With guardrails in place. Try Greenlight Risk free [e-mail] Spotify Build a routine with Ollie that supports your wellness needs. Like getting your daily vitamins and minerals with Ollie's multigummies or keeping your mood upbeat with all the vitamin D and hello happy. Give your gut health some support with probiotics and wake up feeling refreshed after taking Ollie sleep. Do wellness on your terms. Find Ollie at a Walmart or Target near you [e-mail] these statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. I mean, if you want to just read through a couple of the thumbnail.

[B]

Titles, this is not. Oh, is this who I. Huh? Wait, it's.

[A]

So here's what I'll tell you because then we can read some of the thumbnail titles so they. This episode has just become us dishing on these people. But I am. I'm fascinated by it. I honestly, truly want. Once again, zero judgment.

[B]

The most recent one says, huge news. Plus divorce papers are signed.

[A]

That's the most recent. And they're all like that. And what I will tell you once again, like you said, they must be just rich. I have no idea. I have zero judgment. I'm like, if you're comfortable with that, we're every day like, what are we most comfortable. Sharing is different for everybody. And I also think, like, if you post something that's personal and you regret it, it's not the end of the world. I am truly fascinated and obsessed with people who are willing to just share anything on the Internet. I find it truly incredible. So this couple, they were together for a really long time. They're always. You can tell, it's like they are A couple that fights. You can feel it. It's like there's drama all the time also. You can feel it. You can also see it on their. On their videos. So then it comes out that one of them, I think, kind of initiated the conversation of polyamory. And my apologies if I. If I'm misspeaking, and it was something else. But I think polyamory bring another person into the relationship. They film a video with this person. Polyamory does not work out. There's a divorce. They're still together with the other person. It was just so much. And you are watching this every step of the way. So can you read some of the thumbnail titles? I mean, they're nuts.

[B]

Well, the first one I see has 45 million views. Lesbians touch penis for the first time.

[A]

How is that allowed on the Internet then?

[B]

The next most popular video is 37 million views. Gay men touch vagina for the first time. I'm like, what?

[A]

10 watch this tonight, Jordan. We're going to go on a binge.

[B]

I've never even heard of these people. Now I'm obsessed. 10 things lesbians do in a hotel. Girls French kiss girls for the first time.

[A]

Okay, but these are, like, the second those.

[B]

Sorry. Those are their most popular videos. I'm just, like, really flabbergasted. Okay, let me go back to. This is what the videos they say for me. So huge news. Divorce papers are signed. I feel broken. Parentheses update. We both talk about breaking up hating my ex. Parentheses. Let's talk. I'm still not okay. Can we talk? I'm not okay post breakup.

[A]

These are different videos. That's.

[B]

I still love you answering your questions. And what happens now? I'm on Dr. Oz.

[A]

It's nuts, right? And we have to binge watch them later. But that is who my first representation of lesbians was. So I do thank them for that. But I am absolutely fascinated. There was another couple where they met on Bumble. I can't. I really cannot remember their names. They met on Bumble and they went viral on TikTok. I think one of their names was Tori. I don't remember the other person. Tori and Berkeley.

[B]

I don't know. I've never heard of these.

[A]

Why am I. People are going to all sue us. I don't know. I'm so scared to say people's name, and I'm really letting it loose. But these are all, like, such niche lesbian influencers. But they were like, Tori and Berkeley and they, like, met on Bumble and got engaged, like, within six Months. They like were such a U haul couple. And then they were also a couple that kind of like had a very public divorce very soon after they got married. And it was like they still both had access to the channel. So it'd be like one of them would post a video being like my side of the story. And they're like not speaking but then they're like posting like my side of the story. It was like very bizarre and I was kind of enthralled in that drama to. Very funny. I there's. But once again I'm like, God, these people. Oh, you know, a couple that I really like to be more positive. Their names are Paige and Holly. They're Canadian. And I have also followed them for a really, really long time.

[B]

I've never heard of any of these people. What's going on with me?

[A]

Get on lesbian YouTube.

[B]

It's YouTube. It's because I'm very new to YouTube. You know who I like though, that you also like Kate Austin and her wife. We were just talking about.

[A]

Oh my God. Yes. Oh my God. My favorite lesbian couple of all time on the Internet. It's Rose and Rosie. I'm so sorry.

[B]

I know you love Rose and Rosie. Dream I'll manifest this right now for you. A dream is to us go to London or them come to LA and get Rose and Rosie on the pod.

[A]

Oh my God. I seriously. Because so I followed this one YouTube for the representation and was like, oh, this seems like a really bad marriage and this seems really upsetting. I hope my lesbian relationship is like that. I soon discover Rose and Rosie. And it's funny because I mean this was like 2013. I maybe I might be getting the dates wrong, but they were like newly dating and now it's like 15 years later and they are that math was bad. 12 years later. They're have been married for a long time. They have two children. It's just so like you love them? Well, I love them because they make me laugh out loud. And it's not like they're doing like sketches, but I think they, they also remind me a lot of you and I because they just have so much fun. And I think like when I think of your and I's relationship, the first word that comes to mind is we have like word. It's like four words. But we have fun. Like no matter what we're doing, we have fun. And like they laugh through like the hard things and I think we're so much like that. And I think like, you know, watching them have kids Now, I don't condone putting your hands on the Internet, but they do. But you know, they're there. I'm sure if we had a kid, it would be really stressful. But. But I also think, like, we would laugh through the hard times. Like I think we really, like laugh through this, the tough stuff. And they just really remind me of us in that way. And they, and they really like nag each other in a way that reminds me of us. So I really like them. That's my favorite lesbian couple. But then Kate Austin. Yeah, we love too. There's a bunch of them. There's a bunch of people. I gotta take you through some TikTok. I gotta take you through some YouTube lesbian drama tonight.

[B]

Maybe that's an episode. We do. We do a YouTube lesbian deep dive.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

If you liked this, let us know. And maybe we like this.

[A]

It's just us listing lesbians we know.

[B]

No, but some are tick tock couples. I like some straight TikTok couples.

[A]

Oh, I do too. I do too. I also, you know, I'm still a Zoella and Alfie fan.

[B]

I'm so removed from YouTube, I gotta do a deeper dive to get into it. Okay, we gotta get back to these questions.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

No, I love you. Do you have any advice for how to make the first move with an Instagram crush? By this I mean someone I know tangentially and you both follow each other on IG but you've never seen them in your daily life. Is liking stories super obvious or is that weird? How do you DM if you've never talked and they don't have like an inside joke with you to play off of?

[A]

What do you do well as a person who did it? Let me just read you my first message with Jordan. My first couple messages, I will say.

[B]

The one thing that I think is hard is that if you, you got to make sure you're following each other because if they're not following you and you haven't realized it, if you message them, it will go to their hidden messages folder and they will never see it.

[A]

And you can't send a follow up message.

[B]

So you have to make sure that they're following you.

[A]

I think from my opinion and look, it's a little bold, but it's how you know we're together now. So I think it works.

[B]

Worked out really well for us.

[A]

I think if you. I find people a lot and I've talked about this in the podcast, but you need to be obvious. So it's like if you are crushing on someone on Instagram and you want to flirt with them, you can't wait till they post something that it makes sense for you to respond to. If they post like, does anyone have the DVD of Shrek 2? And then you have it. You being like, hey, I have it. I would love to.

[B]

Hey, you know what? You don't even have to have it. Real quick, you go to the store and buy that.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

That at Target. My point is, you go. You say, I have it. Go to Target. Buy it, take it.

[A]

This is becoming weird. That's becoming. That's weird. That's becoming like a stalker.

[B]

That's not. That's literally not what a stalker is at all.

[A]

Okay, my point is, if I asked my Instagram story, hey, guys, does anyone have the DVD of Shrek 2? And then you responded, I wouldn't think it was flirting, because I would be like, I asked. You have it. It makes sense for you to respond to my Instagram story. I think you have to do something that is so clearly flirting. So Jordan always makes fun of me because, yeah, my first DM was they posted a photo of a burrito, and I sent the heart eyes. But that's a weird thing to send heart eyes to. Why would you send heart eyes to that?

[B]

Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

[A]

Don't know you. I've never. Whatever. Because I was flirting. So Jordan says, thank you. I can't believe we've never met in New York. We have so many mutual friends. And I said, I know. My friend sent me your lesbian Barbie TikTok. And I did laugh and was like, how have we never met? And so I just felt like it was a little more obvious. But then I think you kind of have to, like. I think you kind of have to eventually say something that is just straight up flirting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think eventually I was just like, I would love to go on a date with you. I think there is just like. And honestly, I've been asked out on a date before and not been interested. I've never thought it was weird or creepy, like, ever, not in a million years. I'm always like, oh, that's really nice. And so I think that you just have to make it clear, because I think I will see people just continue to try to find a casual, nonchalant way to, like, speak to that person. And I'm like, that's not clear. Because that makes them think you're just normally talking to them.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And so I think feel free to be like, oh, my God, you're so cute.

[B]

I think you can't leave any room for confusion.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

That's my thought.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

That's my thought.

[A]

Next question.

[B]

All right, next question. What are your opinions on social media launches, hard launch versus soft launch?

[A]

Well, I think if you. It's so hard for us, I feel like, because we are on social media for a living, which I do think is weird. It's awkward because it's like, we've talked about this before, but it's such a blurred line of, like, something I do like about YouTube and we've talked about this too, is just like, it feels a little more separate versus, like, your Instagram is your job, but also it is expected of you to communicate with your friends on there. And it is, you know, I'll post weird opposite a brand deal, and then like, my. My mom's friend will be like, I saw that brand deal. And I'm like, not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm like, oh, I forgot you. Yes, you're also on there. My friends from high school and my. You know, all of these people are seeing my work now. So it's a little weird versus YouTube. Feels a little bit more like, this is work. And there I communicate with people who watch my videos, but, like, my, you know, aunt isn't checking it for updates on me or anything. Like.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I think for us, it would pro. I mean, we've never done this, but if we were still secretly dating, I think a hard launch or a soft launch. Well, I think it'd probably be a soft launch where it's like, oh, we're at the same restaurant or at the. Whatever. Um, but I think for regular, regular people, people who don't do the Internet for a living, I think you can just do a hard launch because it's not like, what are people doing with that information? I don't know. It's just more for you.

[B]

I think a soft launch is very fun and very cool, but it's also a lot of work. I think a soft launch feels like a lot of work, leaving little crumbs, little tastes of your relationship.

[A]

But that's what I mean.

[B]

For who?

[A]

If you're. If you're not doing it for a living. I think I would get that if it was like, if we were still secretly dating, that would make sense. But it's like, if you just, like, if you like, work at a bank and you live in a small town, like, what. What is this for?

[B]

I guess that's true. I think you Know, people have main character syndrome, and I think they love. I love that I'm posting and I'm giving people just, like, a little taste in there. Like, you know, whatever. I think people like to do that. So I think that. I think that's. I think that's part of it, you know? So I. I think a soft launch is fun. If you have the patience and the time to do a soft launch, I think it's really fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I do not. I'm throwing a picture up there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'll say this. I think that's bold and fun. I think there's nothing wrong with that.

[A]

We posted publicly too early.

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

I don't think so. Genuinely, like, I think it was cute and I don't mind it, but if. I think if I was watching us, I would have been like, wow, u hauling alert. I mean, we started, but we didn't u haul. No, we didn't u haul. But I think emotionally we u hauled. I mean, you don't agree. We didn't move in. We were responsible. We didn't move in. We waited a really long time to do certain things. But, like, on our second date, I think you and I both were like, we're gonna get married one day.

[B]

Day. Yeah. But I think a lot of couples do stuff like that. Is that crazy? Am I crazy?

[A]

I don't think a lot of couples. I don't think so. All right.

[B]

I guess I'm crazy. But I do think.

[A]

I think a lot of lesbian couples do that. I don't think a lot of couples may do that. But I. I feel like we put. We started dating in October. Well, that's not that crazy. Well, we went on our first date in October, and then we both made, like, big Valentine's Day posts about each other.

[B]

That's like, almost six months.

[A]

Okay, maybe. I don't know. Some people might think that's really fast, right? Or am I. I don't. Obviously, I posted it, but I just think some people. I'm always shocked when I talk to a straight person about dating because they will be like, we. I've said this before, but they'll be like, well, we've been on eight dates, and I'm kind of like, I think I like him, but he's really nice. But I'm just like, I don't know if he's really it for me. I'm like, eight dates.

[B]

I. I don't know how one could have the patience, personally.

[A]

That's how I feel. Like the Straight people do it.

[B]

That's how I feel. The straight people do it. All right, next question. How do you tell your partner if their scrolling amount is bothering you? So what you do in our experience is you look at them and you scream in their face.

[A]

So I've never done that to you. This is a true. This is a great question for us to answer.

[B]

It is. That's why I put it on the list.

[A]

I have so much love for you and I love it.

[B]

It's very vulnerable of me to put this on the list.

[A]

I'm surprised you did it.

[B]

Maybe not everyone's realizing this, but this is going to be a huge. I'm going to have to take a massive L on this one.

[A]

I would say maybe the. We don't fight about it because I think, you know, you're wrong, but I think a point of contention and Jordan and I's relationship since we started dating, one of the only I can think of is you are on your phone too much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it specifically is for me, that's when I get irritated because we both work a lot and I get that. So Jordan's sending an email. I'm like, okay, whatever. If Jordan's doing work, I'm like, okay, whatever. When I see you just. I will watch your hand, hold your phone. You're just switching between apps, switching. You pick the question. Now here I go. Switching between email. Just refreshing the email. It's like you're not even checking anything. It's just you're addicted to your phone. And that's when I get really irritated. And I think I feel like so much joy in life comes from those little moments where it's like, oh, we're. We're both at the bank and we have to wait two minutes. And I just like the thought of us not being on our phones for that time. I think it's like when every moment of your life, any down moment, any moment of peace is filled with your phone, you've then just obliterated peace from your life because it's always filled with your phone. And so this isn't really an answer. This is me ranting. It's just making you feel seen because I get it. My girlfriend's on their phone too much. You've done a lot better this year, although you've gotten back into it a little bit.

[B]

No. Come on. Well, because I'm. I'm doing. I'm doing my big YouTube launch, so I gotta. No.

[A]

And I. But that's different. I. But it's not all that. That's the thing is, I think it used to be you're like, well, we work on our phones. And I was like, but be real hole. Like, it is not all the time working. It is a lot of scrolling, a lot of. And it messes up stuff. So anyways, I think you have to come all as anything.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

From a place of love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think we struggled in the beginning because I think you were a little defensive about it.

[B]

I was. Well, because I do think sometimes Kendall will be, like, on her phone for a really long time and then put her phone away and then be like, why are we on our phones? So that would bother me. And I do think there is truth to that.

[A]

Sure. But I think it's. I think we all have a level of addiction to our phone. I mean, TikTok was deleted from my phone for 12 hours, and I accidentally kept pressing the app to open it up. Like, everyone has a phone addiction.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think there are different levels, and I think it would get to the point where I was like, you know, you wouldn't. We would have friends over, and I would be like, you have to get off your phone.

[B]

You.

[A]

You know what I mean? And so I think things like, you brought up the question, Jordan.

[B]

I guess I was just hoping you'd be like, you're perfect now.

[A]

Oh, sweet pea. I'm sorry.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

I love you so much. I really am. I know it's really hard. I also think it's just, like, our world is really stressful, and it's definitely something that, like, calms you down. I feel like just being on your phone, but I think in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't actually. I think it's a momentary hit of calmness that, in the end, is making you more anxious. Even just in taking that much information and that many people's opinions and that many people's thoughts and hearing another person be like, here's five things I do before 5am that makes you. It's just, like, too much.

[B]

I know. I. I know. I know.

[A]

Sorry. This is bad advice. This is just me now. I'm just yelling at Jordan.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

I appreciate you, and I know it's hard, but that is one thing I.

[B]

Think it's especially hard. I think it's hard for everyone because I think it literally is addictive. I'm supposed to be on my phone socially, but also for work. So it's like, there's always a reason to be on your phone, and I wish there was more of a divide. So I'm trying to do better with that.

[A]

I agree. I think the reality, though, is I think, like, you respond to everything immediately.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You get a text from a friend, you respond immediately.

[B]

People love that about me.

[A]

Sure. And I will say, you know, it sounds stupid of me to say any judgment on this, because if you ask any of my friends what they hate about me, it's that I don't respond fast enough or if ever. And I'm a bad responder. But what I will say is, I think there's a middle ground.

[B]

Yes, I agree.

[A]

And I think that I had a teacher in acting school be like, you never want to be the person who responds, always wait 24 hours before you respond to an email. Now, I wouldn't give that exact advice, but I think he was like, wait till you respond to texts. Wait till after dinner to respond to a text. People will not expect of you. The constant reply. And I think I've had people be like, but what if you miss an opportunity because you didn't respond to an email? And I'm like, do you realize how many opportunities, quote, unquote, you miss in your day to day life because you are on your phone all the time? You miss opportunities to connect with your partner. You miss opportunities to sit with your dog and cuddle. You miss opportunities. And work is just not everything. And to me, I'm like, if I live my whole life, present with you for the most part, and then when I look back, a genie tells me, like, well, if you'd been on your phone the whole time, you would have booked a huge movie. I wouldn't trade it. You know, I just, like, think there's so much more important things, and I think, like, people can wait to respond. And I set. I, like, I have rules that I set up with myself. It's not always easy, but even on a stressful work day, and this is a luxury, but even on a stressful workday, if I go to a Pilates class, I will not let myself look at my phone. Even if my phone is, like, buzzing I can hear on the floor. And I know.

[B]

I'm like, gotta turn that off.

[A]

Yeah, I was, I guess. Exactly. But I can tell people. I know people are texting me about stuff, even if they're like, kendall, it's urgent. It's like, well, I'm in Pilates class, so I need. It's not urgent. Nothing's urgent. It's. Unless you work at a hospital or a fire station, nothing is urgent. Especially. You know what I mean?

[B]

You're very good with boundaries. Kendall's very good with boundaries with everyone except me.

[A]

Oh, please. You don't want any boundaries for me.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

You want me sitting right on your lap. You wish I was sitting. Jordan always asks if we can switch seats, and I sit on their lap for the podcast.

[B]

I wish we could do this podcast.

[A]

Where Kendall's sitting on my lap, but advice for it. I think you're better to answer this because maybe I probably haven't always asked you.

[B]

Oh, you're right. Shut up. No, I think the best way to handle it is to approach with kindness, understand that it's addicting, understand that, you know, just say, hey, I just want to talk to you. I feel like you're scrolling a lot, and I would love if maybe we were scrolling a little bit less. We. We words are really helpful. It's kind of the opposite of a lot of what you hear in therapy. I. Words normally are helpful, and this, I think, is we words. I feel like we're scrolling a lot, and I would just love if maybe, like, we could set aside some time to not scroll and instead maybe watch a movie or whatever. I think that's a nice thing, too, because I think it can feel very daunting when the task is just, like, be on your phone less. I think it's hard to. That's a very reasonable request, but I think it's not as easy to actualize. Whereas if you're like, I'd like to be on our phone a little less and watch some more movies, I think it's then very easy to be like, great, let's twice a week do a movie night.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it makes it a lot easier. So use we words, offer suggestions, and yet try to not be too, like, you're not doing this for me. Like, I think even if those feelings are valid, I think they can feel kind of very guilty, which can lead the person to be defensive. So.

[A]

Well. But I think it's also, you want to share how you feel. And I think the thing is, like, for me, I was always like, I don't want. It's not that. I'm just like, I want you to be in your phone list, because I think you should be off of your phone, because I don't care what you do. But I was like, that's not true. Well, when you're at work, you can be on your phone all you want. Like, when you're out, when. When you're at home, you can be on phone all you want. But I was like, I. The reason I'm bringing it up is because it makes me feel like you're not present sometimes. So I think that's why it feels important for me to share, because I don't even always want to. And I think the advice you give is great, but for me, I'm like, I don't even always want to replace it with a thing where I'm like. And we can watch a movie instead. Because I think sometimes for me, it is that in between moments of, like, where there is nothing, like we're in the car wash and we're waiting for our car to be washed, the need to constantly be on the phone instead of, like, having a conversation or just sitting together or, like, you know, even just for our brains, but I think also just to stay connected.

[B]

Okay, I hear that.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

But I think what I'm saying is a good starting point.

[A]

Oh, I totally agree.

[B]

I think you can vocalize it, and I think it's a good, actionable starting point. And then I. Because, yeah, I think too, once again, I think, like, just being like, you're on your phone too much, like you're missing moments, I think things like those feel very big. They feel very daunting. It feels hard to, like, you know. So I feel like you kind of have to break it down and once again, like, it's not right or wrong or your feelings aren't wrong or anything like that. I'm just saying, if you, in my opinion, in my experience, really want to feel a change, I think that that feels like a good, approachable first step for everyone.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

But I also am always, like, be honest about how you feel. So if that doesn't feel honest to you, you gotta be honest about how you feel.

[A]

What do you feel like was something that we discussed that made you be like, oh, that makes. That actually makes me want to change. Like, do you feel like ways that we. Because we've had this conversation so many times, and I'm like, was there a way that it was. Had. That felt really good for you?

[B]

Well, I think you not doing it right after you've been on your phone I think is helpful because sometimes I do feel like you would literally be scrolling reading about yourself on Reddit or watching like, really toxic mommy vlogger videos or whatever. And then you'd be like, you're on your phone too much. And I'm like, well, I'm texting my best friend and you've been watching these horrible videos for the last two hours. So, like, back off. So I think that that would feel a little bit like, you know, even if you were right, I think it's hard in that moment to digest because of the context of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think, yeah, maybe just being like, I would love to talk to you about, like, the phone usage. I feel like maybe we're just, like, on our phones a little too much. Maybe it'd be nice if we could put our phones away and while we, like, did this thing. And once again, it doesn't have to be watch a movie, but you could be like, make dinner, you know? Oh, I mean, why don't we just do a dinner this week? No phones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What about Tuesday night after work? We just put our phones in a drawer, and then we do no phones all night. Just see what we get up to, make it seem fun and approachable and actionable instead of feeling like there's this huge problem. It's only you, and stop doing it in general. I think that can feel overwhelming whether or not it's right. Once again, this is just me being like, how I think you're gonna see the most change.

[A]

Yeah, great.

[B]

Personally, that's what I think.

[A]

Do you feel too attacked?

[B]

No, I loved it. Okay, we have time for one more. How do I approach my partner who thinks posting on the Internet is fake and performative? So my guess is that this person is probably like, I want to post some cute photos of us. And their partner's like, that's fake and performative.

[A]

Well, I think that is stupid, because I think you. You don't think that. So it's like, well, why is their opinion what goes. I think it's like, I. If you're dating a person who's like, I want to be off the grid. I don't want to be posting the Internet. And that's a boundary they set up front. I'm like, yeah, that's a different situation. But I think for the most part, it's like, it's just not that big of a deal. I think it's like, is it fake and performative? Sometimes. Sometimes a lot of stuff is fake and performative. But I also think, you know, it could be a way you communicate with your family, talk about to your friends. Like, we live in such a digital age that sometimes it can be a way to connect. And I think that, yeah, you don't. It's a little fake in the sense that, like, I don't post on Instagram when I'm sobbing in my bathtub every night. Just kidding. But that I don't Think that's fake? I just think that's like, private for me. I want to post like happy moments for my family to see. The same way it's like you wouldn't send a Christmas card to your family of like a really mean text your husband sent you, like, yeah, the Christmas card, it's not fake. It's just like normal. So I think just maybe also those words are a little harsh. I just think if it's something you really want, I just can't imagine not wanting to give it to you.

[B]

Yes. I also think you can express why it's important to you. I think you can be like, hey, I wanna post more pictures of us on social media because you bring me so much joy and I would love for other people that I care about, like my friends and my family, to be able to see those pictures and celebrate it. And that feels really fun to me. And once again, I think, like, showing where you're coming from can feel really helpful.

[A]

Yeah. Because as long as they're not uncomfortable being on the Internet, I mean, some people are uncomfortable with it and I don't not understand that.

[B]

I mean, that's different.

[A]

Yeah, but I think if it's just kind of like it's dumb. It's like. Yeah, but you don't have to think everything you and your partner do is the most like something you fully feel the same way about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, we do stuff sometimes. I don't have an example, but that it's. You're much more into or I'm much more into or whatever it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the other one wants to do it because it makes them happy. But yeah, post those damn photos.

[B]

Yeah. Just make them know why they think it's important and that's that.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you so much for watching. We really appreciate you all so much. If you're listening on Spotify or Apple podcasts, make sure to rate and review. If you're on YouTube, make sure to subscribe and join our Patreon where we do 30 minute minisodes every single week. Yeah.

[B]

And we're in the Spotify studios right now. We love filming here, so big thanks to them.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we simply cannot wait for next week.

[A]

We're so excited. Thank you so much for being here.

[B]

Happy Monday.

[A]

Bye.