57: Childhood Crushes (LEAKED PATREON EPISODE)

Summary

Happy Wife Happy Life Podcast Summary
Episode: 57: Childhood Crushes (LEAKED PATREON EPISODE)
Hosts: Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick
Release Date: March 24, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

In Episode 57 of Happy Wife Happy Life, hosts Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick delve into the nostalgic and often humorous topic of childhood crushes. This special Patreon-exclusive episode offers an unfiltered glimpse into their early romantic fascinations, blending personal anecdotes with relatable insights on navigating feelings from a young age.

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Childhood Crushes: A Walk Down Memory Lane

The episode kicks off around the [01:32] mark as Kendahl and Jordan introduce the theme of discussing their childhood crushes. They express excitement over creating a more personal episode for their Patreon community, setting the stage for an intimate and candid conversation.

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Jordan’s Early Affections

Jordan reminisces about his unusual early crushes, starting as young as three or four years old. At [02:21], he shares, “I was obsessed with Ron Howard as Richie Cunningham in Happy Days.” This fascination led him to mimic adult behaviors, such as wearing his mom’s oversized bathrobe and using a champagne flute to emulate Richie Cunningham’s sophistication.

Notable Moment:
At [05:00], Jordan recounts a poignant memory from kindergarten to fifth grade involving his crush, Michael. He describes an accidental near-kiss during a conflict, reflecting on the innocence and confusion of childhood emotions:

“I just remember being like, was that a kiss? And then I had to, like, go to the bathroom and be like, whoa.” ([05:05])

Jordan also touches on his adult identity, mentioning, “[...] I am an adult lesbian, so, you know, there's not much regret there.”

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Kendahl’s Romances in Elementary School

Kendahl contrasts Jordan’s solitary upbringing by sharing her own experiences of frequent dating in elementary school. She reveals having multiple boyfriends from first to fifth grade, highlighting her early love for attention and drama.

Story Highlight:
At [03:55], Kendahl narrates a sweet yet humorous incident:

“He said he wanted to marry me. He put the ring on my finger. I took it home. My mom gets a call. This apparently is his mom's toe ring...” ([03:55])

She details several childhood relationships, including:

• First and Second Grade: Both boyfriends were named Alex, with the first Alex being exceptionally sweet.
• Third to Fifth Grade: Dating Austin, with whom she exchanged flip-phone texts—a novelty at the time.

Emotional Anecdote:
During a [06:16] recount, Kendahl describes losing her backpack at an eighth-grade Halloween dance, leading to a panic attack. Despite her distress, she still won the costume contest in a makeshift "past and future" outfit:

“I had a panic attack. [...] And then I get called up because I've won the costume contest.” ([06:13])

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Shared Reflections and Mutual Understanding

Throughout the episode, Kendahl and Jordan explore the complexities of childhood crushes, including unrequited feelings and the realization of their sexual identities. Kendahl reflects on her early awareness of being bisexual, which influenced her perception of crushes:

“I think I was like, I guess I like this person, so maybe I want to marry them. And it's really just like, no, you just want to be friends with them, and that's okay.” ([08:07])

Jordan empathizes, sharing his own experiences of feeling attractive and confident despite typical childhood insecurities:

“I was living my best life thinking everyone was attracted to me, thinking I was the star of the show.” ([14:40])

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Celebrity and Fictional Crushes

The conversation shifts to celebrity and fictional characters, revealing both hosts' diverse and whimsical attractions.

Jordan’s Favorites:

• Lucy Liu and Charlie Sheen: Long-standing crushes reflecting his early bisexual identification.
• Miss Piggy: Describes a deep, almost spiritual connection.
• Dev Patel and Jason Statham: Current crushes reflecting his evolving tastes.

Kendahl’s Favorites:

• Emma Stone: Adores her from The Amazing Spider-Man era.
• Kate Walsh from Grey’s Anatomy: Finds her attractive for her dual nature.
• Adam Sandler: Unorthodox but sincere crush.
• **Kevin from The Little Mermaid’, Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder’s portrayal): Finds the character both creepy and captivating.

Notable Quote:
At [25:13], Kendahl muses about reuniting with a childhood friend:

“I think me and my 8th grade crush would have been a good couple.” ([25:13])

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Audience Participation: Weird Childhood Crushes

Kendahl prompts Jordan to read out some of the Patreon community’s submissions on unusual childhood crushes, adding an interactive and humorous dimension to the episode.

Selected Crushes:

• Johnny Bravo: Frequent submission, reflecting the quirky appeal of the animated character.
• Emeril Lagasse: Admiration for his charismatic persona.
• Ratatouille’s Remy and the Dragon from Shrek: Reflecting varied and animated interests.
• Kendall's Own Childhood Affections: Includes a crush on "Jimmy from The Princess Diaries," highlighting the blend of real and fictional inspirations.

Humorous Interaction:
Kendall and Jordan humorously debate the attractiveness of animated characters, emphasizing the lighthearted nature of their discussion:

“He's extremely sexy.” ([34:02])

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Reflections on Early Relationships and Identity

The hosts discuss how early crushes influenced their understanding of relationships and self-identity. Kendahl shares struggles with unreciprocated feelings and managing relationships within her school environment, while Jordan reflects on his confidence stemming from overcoming plus-size youth challenges.

Emotional Insight:
Kendahl recounts her anguish over not being cast in school musicals and the resulting self-esteem impact:

“I should be Sandy.” ([49:39])

Jordan discusses his experience in community theater, expressing both frustration and fond memories:

“I was shaking and trying to sing this opera, and it was awful.” ([48:26])

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Conclusion and Current Crushes

As the episode wraps up, Kendahl and Jordan reveal their current celebrity crushes, tying their childhood experiences to present-day attractions. They emphasize the enduring nature of certain crushes and the evolving criteria for what they find attractive.

Final Crushes:

• Kendall: Continues to admire Emma Stone, Kate Walsh, and Adam Sandler.
• Jordan: Highlights Candice Parker, Dev Patel, and Jason Statham as ongoing interests.

Encouragement to Patreon Community:
The hosts invite listeners to engage further by sharing their thoughts and crush stories on their Patreon page, fostering a sense of community and shared experiences.

Closing Remarks:
Kendall emphasizes the importance of personal connections and authenticity in relationships, while Jordan reassures listeners of their supportive presence:

“We want to be able to customize episodes for y'all and comment if there's anything on the Patreon that we've not done correctly.” ([51:02])

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Key Takeaways

• Early Crushes Shape Identity: Both hosts illustrate how childhood crushes contribute to their understanding of self and relationships.
• Humor in Nostalgia: The episode balances emotional reflections with comedic retellings, making it both heartfelt and entertaining.
• Diverse Attractions: From celebrities to animated characters, Kendahl and Jordan showcase a wide spectrum of crushes, highlighting the varied nature of human attraction.
• Community Engagement: By involving their Patreon audience, the hosts create an interactive and inclusive environment.

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Notable Quotes:

• Jordan on His First Crush:
  “I was obsessed with Ron Howard as Richie Cunningham in Happy Days.” ([02:21])

• Kendahl on Early Relationships:
  “He said he wanted to marry me. He put the ring on my finger.” ([03:55])

• Jordan on Self-Perception:
  “I was living my best life thinking everyone was attracted to me, thinking I was the star of the show.” ([14:40])

• Kendahl on Past Crushes:
  “Who do you have a crush on?” ([07:53])

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This episode of Happy Wife Happy Life offers a heartfelt and humorous exploration of childhood crushes, blending personal stories with universal themes of love, identity, and growth. Kendahl and Jordan’s candid conversation provides listeners with relatable insights and a dose of nostalgia, all while fostering a strong sense of community among their Patreon supporters.

Transcript

[Jordan]

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[Kendall]

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[Jordan]

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[Blake]

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[Jordan]

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[Kendall]

If fashion is your thing, ebay is it. Ebay is where I find all my favorites from handbags to iconic streetwear. All authenticated for real this time. A little supreme, some Gucci. I even have that vintage Prada on my watch list. That's why ebay is my go to for all my go tos. Yeah, eBay the place for new pre loved vintage and rare fashion. EBay things people love. Hi Patreon.

[Jordan]

Good to see you. Exciting.

[Kendall]

Thank you so much for being here. We are so excited to have another Patreon episode coming out.

[Jordan]

I love this. This always kind of feels like our private time.

[Kendall]

Private time. I know. For some reason we honestly have a harder time coming up with the episode topics for this. So if you're on our Patreon comment, what episode ideas we should do, because I feel like sometimes we'll be like, we need to get really personal. We should be like, should we just record ourselves sleeping and fighting and post it? But we're just so excited. It's a pretty small crew right now, which is kind of fun.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Feels great. Today we're going to be talking about our childhood crushes.

[Jordan]

Yes.

[Kendall]

Because I feel like you have so many funny ones. To be honest.

[Jordan]

I was a freak child. I was so bizarre. And I was an only child and we moved around a lot. So I spent a lot of time with my parents. I spent a lot of time with just like adults. So I think what I was interested in was very skewed. For example, my first crush that I can remember in my mind, I must have been three or four. I was very young and I was obsessed with Ron Howard as Richie Cunningham in Happy Days. Wow. And I used to, in the way.

[Kendall]

When you say obsessed, obsessed, like sexually.

[Jordan]

Obsessed, it's so hard to say because you're a child and it was so long ago. But what I will say is I used to put on my mom's bathrobe, which was huge on me, obviously. And I would put my hair up in like a towel because my mom would walk around the house in her robe and in a towel. So I was like, that's Very adult. Immature.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

So I'd put my hair up in a towel and I would put on a bathrobe, and I would clean my room while drinking tap water out of a champagne flute. And I would pretend that I was cleaning up for Richie Cunningham to come over and do what? I don't know. I'm not sure. But I loved him.

[Kendall]

Oh, man.

[Jordan]

So that was kind of like a first initial, very young thing where I was like, I'm really thinking about someone thinking about that a lot. And it was Richie Cunningham.

[Kendall]

Oh, my God, that's beautiful. My Earth earliest crush. Wow. I. Well, I dated a lot in school. Like, in. I did not. In middle school, high school, I was like, no dating, thank you. Elementary school. I was really.

[Jordan]

What do you mean you dated a lot in elementary school?

[Kendall]

I just always had a boyfriend.

[Jordan]

That's wild.

[Kendall]

I always had a boyfriend. I could name them all for you now. That's how they significant they were.

[Jordan]

Wow.

[Kendall]

I'm not gonna say the last name, even though the first one has a really funny last name. I wish I could say it. But first. First and second grade, both their names were Alex. Different Alexes. And the first Alex was so sweet. Honestly. Wonder where he is now. I don't think he's a Facebook. I've looked it up. But he one day brought me a ring in a ring box. Have I told you about this?

[Jordan]

I think so. Maybe.

[Kendall]

He said he wanted to marry me.

[Jordan]

Yes, you've told me about this.

[Kendall]

I said, okay, I'll marry you. He put the ring on my finger. I took it home. My mom gets a call. This apparently is his mom's toe ring that she said is very expensive and she would like back. So it was taken off of my hand and put back on her toe. But that was very special for me. So I don't know if we even had a lot of celebrity crushes at that age because I was so into my own crushes at school.

[Jordan]

Wow. I had one crush from kindergarten to fifth grade.

[Kendall]

Okay.

[Jordan]

His name was Michael.

[Kendall]

You never made a move? No, because it was like, same class.

[Jordan]

Same class.

[Kendall]

Wow.

[Jordan]

And it was like we were friends.

[Kendall]

Sure.

[Jordan]

And I was like a tomboy. So I was like, I'm one of the guys. Like. But I always like. And I don't think I actively even thought it was a crush, but, like, I was obsessed. I have this really distinct memory of, like, one time he and I were, like, fighting over something, and we, like, both kind of, like, pulled into each other and kind of, like, hid our faces together. And I was like, you came back.

[Kendall]

And you were like this with your lips.

[Jordan]

I just remember being like, was that a kiss? And then I had to, like, go to the bathroom and be like, whoa. And I was probably in the third grade, but, yeah, from kindergarten to first grade, I was all about Michael, kind of. I think now as an adult. We connected on Instagram a couple years ago, and he's, like, doing well. It seems like he's doing well.

[Kendall]

Does that hurt or feel good?

[Jordan]

It feels great. I'm so happy for him. I mean, I'm an adult lesbian, so, you know, there's not much regret there. But, um, yeah, I am happy for him. But that was kindergarten to fifth grade.

[Kendall]

I always. I don't know if it was just that I was bored. I think I had such a hard time paying attention in school that I would be like, I'm not learning anything. Maybe you should start drama.

[Jordan]

You also love attention.

[Kendall]

I loved attention. I would ask out anyone. And I remember. I don't remember doing this, but my friend's mom told my mom this happened, and everyone would. All the adults would joke about it. When I was growing up, when I was in first grade, I guess I went up to a guy at a crush on named Hunter, who was very cool to me because he was kind of like a little cowboy, and he lived on, like, a ranch.

[Jordan]

Oh. Literally, like a cowboy.

[Kendall]

He was like, kind of like a cow. He was, like, cool, like. And he would wear, like, cowboy. Like, a cowboy hat. I thought it was cool.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Kendall]

But he was funny, and he was very cute. Whatever. I remember going to his birthday party one time, and I remember thinking I looked so hot.

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah.

[Kendall]

And we've talked about this, I think, for very similar. I'm wearing this like. Like, who justice for girls bikini. It probably said, like, believe in yourself on the butt. And I remember being like, I look like a Victoria's Secret model right now. But I went up to him, I guess, in the first grade, and I was like, 5 years old, and I said, you're a piece of pie. And I like pie.

[Jordan]

You're a criminal. What's wrong with you?

[Kendall]

And he did date me. We were boyfriend and girlfriend for a little bit.

[Jordan]

Wow.

[Kendall]

And then I dated another guy in the second grade named Alex, and I dated another guy in the third grade named Austin, who we dated from third. We dated third, fourth, fifth. Dated, by the way, is a loose term. We did not speak.

[Jordan]

We text.

[Kendall]

During the fifth grade, we started to text.

[Jordan]

I can't believe you had texting in elementary School.

[Kendall]

We text a little bit. I had a flip phone. Well, what happened was that my mom and my sister got phones, and at the time, it was like a very. It's like a flip phone. Verizon. There was, like, a deal where they were given a third phone. You got a free phone?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

So then I was given a phone. I did not use it at all. But I would text Austin ever so often, and that was. That was very exciting for me. But I was always dating someone, and I would. I just loved drama and attention. So, like, I even remember one time there was this guy named Jeremy that I like that much. But I. In the middle of class, we sat next to each other, and I just slipped him a note that said, who do you have a crush on? And then he was like, I don't know. Who do you have a crush on? And I just wrote back, you.

[Jordan]

And you didn't have a crush on him?

[Kendall]

Not really.

[Jordan]

I just kind of was like, kendall.

[Kendall]

I don't know. I was like, nine.

[Jordan]

That's wild. No, I never really had. I had a lot of celebrity crushes, but not as many real life crushes.

[Kendall]

I think it was hard for me to navigate maybe who my real crushes were, because I didn't have any because I was gay. So I think I was like, I guess I like this person, so maybe I want to marry them. And it's really just like, no, you just want to be friends with them, and that's okay.

[Jordan]

I think that's fine. I think that's what a child crush can be. You know what I mean? Like, you don't really have to be like, hubba, hubba. Like, you can just be like, I like them more than other people, and that's what that is. Yeah. I'm trying to think of my other big celebrity crushes. Loved Lucy Liu and Charlie still. Yeah, that was huge for me.

[Kendall]

Because you knew you were, like, you identified as bisexual pretty early on.

[Jordan]

Pretty early, yeah. So that was not a surprise or anything like that for me. But I loved Lucy Liu. I loved. I've always loved Miss Piggy.

[Kendall]

You have a very big connection with her.

[Jordan]

It's so much more than a crush, though. It's like, not even a. It's, like, spiritual. It's mental, it's physical. It's like, I am her and she is me, but also, I love her, and I want to be her.

[Kendall]

I have a video of you meeting her at a museum in New York City, and I filmed it kind of as a joke. And then as I was Filming it. I was like, jordan, come here. And you didn't know what you were about to see. And I always thought it would be funny. And then as you saw her, I could feel it as I was filming. I said, this is not a joke anymore. This is a very serious video.

[Jordan]

I love her. I've always loved and had a special place in me for Miss Piggy. Who else do I really love? I've had so many celebrity crushes.

[Kendall]

People would always ask me, when I was a kid, who's your celebrity crush? And I would always be like, hmm, I don't really have one, but I have a lot of girl crushes. And I would list, like, 70 female actors and be like, okay, but I had a really big crush on Emma Stone when I was growing up.

[Jordan]

You still do? I feel like, no.

[Kendall]

I mean, no, not really. I think when someone weirdly gets, like, in a relationship, I'm like, my brain can't have a crush on them. I don't know why. Like, she's like, a husband and a kid. So I'm just like, what? And I'm in a relationship. So I think when I'm single, maybe this is sick, but I think especially because I always, you know, I wanted to be an actor, so I was like, well, in my dream world, I'm really a rich and famous actor, so.

[Jordan]

If you and Emma Stone were both single, we could date. It would happen.

[Kendall]

So I would have these fantasies where I was like, well, I could date Jennifer Lawrence, and that would never be a possibility. But in my head, I was like, well, if my dream scenario is happening, that would. That could make sense.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I loved so many celebrities, and I still do. Honestly, I think a celebrity crush is so fun.

[Kendall]

Who's the girl from. Who's the lady from Grey's Anatomy? Red hair. Kate.

[Jordan]

Oh. Oh, my God.

[Kendall]

Walsh.

[Jordan]

Kate Walsh.

[Kendall]

This isn't about childhood crushes. I was just thinking about her. I have a really big crush on her. I. I have a lot of feelings for her. I feel like she's so hot.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

She just seems like she could, like, be really nice but really mean. And she has gorgeous red hair, and she's kind of like. She probably is not a lesbian, but she kind of seems like she could be a. Yeah. I don't know. But I. Yeah, I. But I. Because I loved Emma Stone growing up. I couldn't tell people that, really. So I. Well, I probably did, but I knew I was not supposed to be like, I actually really like Emma Stone. So what I said was, I actually really Liked Andrew Garfield, who was her boyfriend at the time.

[Jordan]

By proximity.

[Kendall]

Yeah. Because most things involving him kind of had to do with her. So I was like, I'm kind of still getting that. You know, getting that itch scratch.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Was that a gay awakening for you, or were there things before the Emma Stone? No.

[Kendall]

No, I didn't know. I didn't know. I really liked Emma Stone.

[Jordan]

Got it.

[Kendall]

I just, like. I really liked watching the movie the Amazing Spider Man.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Kendall]

Even though I've never liked Marvel films, I don't like Spider Man. Like, there's nothing in that movie that should draw me to it. And interestingly enough, when she dies, spoiler alert. In the second film, I never watched it after that. I've never. First of all, I don't watch the second movie, and I think they were gonna make a third one, but maybe it didn't end up happening. But I've never seen any, really, of the ones with Tom Holland, even though I've heard they're great.

[Jordan]

They're great.

[Kendall]

I've seen a couple with. You have slept through them all. I'm just, like, not into superhero movies at all. But I was obsessed with the Amazing Spider man, and I had amaz. I had Andrew Garfield on my pillowcase. I know I've talked about this before, so I'm sorry for the repeat Andrew Garfield talk, but I was obsessed. And I watched every video of them, all the interviews they did for that whole press junket. I was obsessed with them. But it was really just Emma Stone because I've never seen a single other Andrew Garfield movie. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen another one.

[Jordan]

Wow. Okay. You know who else I loved? So I used to be really emo in, like, maybe fifth grade, sixth grade was really emo. And I loved Gerard Way, the lead singer of My Chemical Romance, who now is, like, famous and, like, has, like, TV shows and stuff. But at this time, he was just the lead singer of My Chemical Romance, and I was in love with him. I. And, you know, this is always telling. I loved, like, a very soft man who wore a lot of eyeliner.

[Kendall]

Did you see him in concert?

[Jordan]

I don't think so. I think I was, like, too young.

[Kendall]

Were you ever someone who, like, really thought you could marry your celebrity crush? Because I. I know there are some people. Like my niece slash cousin. Whatever. Let me.

[Jordan]

It's complicated.

[Kendall]

Well, she's my niece, but we're the same age, so we grew up together, and she was obsessed with One Direction. And I felt sometimes that even though These were adult men and she was 10. I was like, she thinks she could MARRY Harry Styles 100%.

[Jordan]

I definitely did. But I think it had more to do with delusions of grandeur of my own personal fame, like you were saying earlier, rather than me being like my relation to them. I was just like, oh, soon enough, like I'll be famous as well and then it will just kind of make sense for all of us to be together. I was like, that just like makes sense to me. But I, I did often think adults were attracted to me.

[Kendall]

That's so funny.

[Jordan]

I did like all the time. Like if a guy had to let you know if there was like a pizza delivery man who had to like bring a pizza to our house and then like I opened the door to get it, like while my dad was right there or whatever, I would be like, it's probably so embarrassing for this guy because I'm so hot. He's delivering a pizza and he just has to act cool and normal. But I'm so hot. I'm like 10 years old and I. Spoiler alert. Well, it's not even hot for a 10 year old. I'll be honest with you. Not that there's such thing as a hot 10 year old.

[Kendall]

Well, you know what you mean.

[Jordan]

I was not a cool.

[Kendall]

We were very similar. The way we looked similar.

[Jordan]

I, and I just was living my best life thinking everyone was attracted to me, thinking I was the star of the show. And I think that's a good, a good way to grow up. You know, I was a plus size youth and I think that having that level of confidence when you are that I think is incredible.

[Kendall]

It's amazing. So I have to know because I can't believe you never tried to make a move on Michael. Yeah, I can't believe that. So I'm gay.

[Jordan]

So maybe I was just like, I like him.

[Kendall]

But I didn't like have. But there's like, everyone's having little boyfriends in school and nobody like, you don't think it's gonna come with like actually.

[Jordan]

Had a little boyfriend. I don't, I honestly.

[Kendall]

Wow.

[Jordan]

I don't think maybe that just like wasn't a thing at my school. I feel like people didn't really have like there wasn't people being like, that's my boyfriend.

[Kendall]

Everyone had that. Everyone in my friend group had their boyfriend. But if you did not talk to them, they were not going on dates outside of school. It's not like they were hanging out. We would just. I sometimes either I was sending Someone to go talk to my boyfriend and be like, tell him this. Or someone was coming to me and like, Kendall, can you, like, sleuth out if Miles is talking about me? And I would be like, yes, I can.

[Jordan]

I think people had crushes and I think, like, teachers or people's parents or whatever would be like, oh, or little boyfriend or whatever. But I don't think anyone self identified as being boyfriend, girlfriend that I can remember. Like, I could be wrong, but I just don't remember that being part of my culture.

[Kendall]

I remember I got in so much trouble because I brought my boyfriend Austin a valentine, and we were not supposed to bring extra valentines, which makes sense because people feel left out. And I. For some reason, I brought him a valentine, which is bizarre because I was such a rule follower. But I was like, my love is more important than this. And it. And then I got in trouble. Who was the first crush in your childhood that you did make a move on?

[Blake]

We're so done with New Year.

[Jordan]

New you.

[Blake]

This year is more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Geminis because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too be more you this year and find them on Bumble. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You might say all kinds of stuff when things go wrong, but these are the words you really need to remember. Like a good neighborhood, State Farm is there. They've got options to fit your unique insurance needs, meaning you can talk to your agent to choose the coverage you need. Have coverage options to protect the things you value most. File a claim right on the State Farm mobile app, and even reach a real person when you need to talk to someone like a good neighbor. State Farm. Is there.

[Jordan]

A guy that I did community theater with that I had a crush on?

[Kendall]

How old were you then?

[Jordan]

I was in the sixth grade.

[Kendall]

Okay, so you're getting. Because I.

[Jordan]

You're getting up there as well.

[Kendall]

Because you in sixth grade is very different for me because to me, I would go, oh, so still a very young child. Because when I was in sixth grade, I was still, like, making mud pies outside and wearing.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Kendall]

Truly children's clothes. You were fully like you were being. You were being a teenager.

[Jordan]

I. Yes, you were cool. I became a teenager, I would say earlier than. Than Kendall did, that's for sure. No, but this was still when I was kind of like, this is like early sixth grade, not late sixth grade. Okay. So it was kind of when I was still in child mode and not in big bad adult mode. And I liked him. And then I think maybe I kissed him one time or something, maybe, or I told him I liked him. I don't really remember that much. I just remember that we were both in a community theater production of Scrooge, which is a version of A Christmas Carol.

[Kendall]

Oh, yeah, Scrooge.

[Jordan]

I played the teddy bear in the scene where all the toys come to life.

[Kendall]

And you said, he's gonna like this.

[Jordan]

I think I did think I looked hot in my teddy bear costume, which I know is absolutely wild, but I just think there's this one picture of me when I'm a child, when I'm in my community theater production of Grease. And I was just like a background character because this was one of the, like, teen productions where you had to be 13 or older. But I loved Grease. So when I was 12, I was like, can I please audition for it? And they were like, okay, fine. But you can't be like.

[Kendall]

You could just be in it.

[Jordan]

In it. So I was like, okay, cool. And I remember, like, being on stage, just being like, oh, I look so cool and good. And I saw a picture of myself the other day and I look like I'm 12 years old. I look like a stupid idiot. And I was just enamored with myself at that time.

[Kendall]

You just think at that age, everyone is looking at you. Like, I. I remember the. One of the worst moments of my childhood was I had a dance recital, a ballet dance recital. And it was already embarrassing because, like, I was. I was probably in the sixth grade, but I was in the ballet class for much younger children because I was in the beginner's ballet class. So I'd never taken it. So it was a very big age range where it was like, well, there were some, like, full on adults in the class, but there were also like 3 year olds in the class. And it was like, you know the routine that you just know, like, there's about to be a really good routine after this. But this is like a very unfortunate routine. No one knows what they're doing. And I remember right before I went on, I was like, I forgot to shave my armpits. A thing I did not really need to do because.

[Jordan]

How old were you?

[Kendall]

I was like in the sixth grade. I had just started wearing deodorant and I had just gotten a tiny little bit of something happening under my armpits and in my head, I had a full forest happening under my armpits. And I did. And I'm sorry, if you're listening to this podcast, you're not gonna fully be able to see, but I'll try to explain. I did the whole ballet routine with my arms like this. Yeah.

[Jordan]

Like, pressed up tight against your body.

[Kendall]

Tight up against my body. So we were supposed to have our hands in, like, over our head, and mine was up next to my face because I didn't want people to see how much armpit hair I had.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

And at the end, I remember either my mom or my sister was like, why did you look like that on stage? What were you doing with your body? And I was like, well, I have so much armpit hair, and I forgot to shave. And I. But. But I literally felt like everyone was looking at me.

[Jordan]

Yes.

[Kendall]

On that stage, which is so insane. It feels so just. As a kid, you just think everyone is looking at you.

[Jordan]

I had kind of a reverse situation of embarrassment where I thought everyone was going to be looking at me in a positive way, but nobody was, and that was really hard. And it was when I dressed up as Megara from Hercules for Halloween, who. I also was, like, that. Looking back, that was like. I was much too interested in her, especially in that clip where she, like, flips her hair out of the water. I was like, we should watch that clip again. I was, like, obsessed with it. And I dressed up as her for Halloween because, you know, that's the closest you can get to dating a cartoon character is dressing up as them for Halloween. And I remember, like, my mom curled, like, little ringlets in the front of my hair, and I was in, like, the mered dress. And I. This was like, when Hercules probably just came out. Wait, can you look up what year Hercules came out? I'm curious. But I remember being like, every single house I go to, people are gonna be like, this is the best costume we've seen.

[Kendall]

We've seen.

[Jordan]

Look just like her. Like, she is stunning. You are stunning.

[Kendall]

1997.

[Jordan]

Okay. Yes. So this was right when the movie came out. No one had seen it.

[Kendall]

Oh, Jordan.

[Jordan]

So every single house I went to, I thought they were going to be like, you look so sexy and radiant, just like the character. Every single person, adults, children, were all like, what's your costume? And I was like, I can't believe this. I was so.

[Kendall]

Did you cry?

[Jordan]

No. I wasn't really a crier. I'm still not really a big crier, but I was very upset. I was annoyed. I Was peeved is would be the best terminology. I was. I kept going back to my mom and being like, what is wrong with all these people that they haven't seen Hercules? It's the new Disney movie that just came out. What are they busy? They're not seeing it. Like, I was. I was like, these people are idiots, you know?

[Kendall]

That's very sweet. I can't relate because I. You're looking at your three time winner of the middle school I went to's costume contest.

[Jordan]

Yeah, but it wasn't a sexy costume contest.

[Kendall]

You don't know that. I do know that.

[Jordan]

I know what you dressed up as.

[Kendall]

That's rude. You don't know if it was sexy or not. First of all, I was a caveman.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Kendall]

In the sixth grade. And I won for that.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Kendall]

I was a piece of pizza in the seventh grade. I know that one for that. And then I was the past and the future, which was an incredible upcycling of my caveman costume.

[Jordan]

I actually don't know this one.

[Kendall]

I haven't heard this past and future. I had my mom take half of my caveman costume and half of my sister's old, like, robot costume she had.

[Jordan]

That's fun.

[Kendall]

And I put it together. But this was a nightmare because I had lost my backpack during the dance and I had a panic attack.

[Jordan]

I think the first time I could.

[Kendall]

Remember a panic attack. Spoiler alert. I left it in the drama room, of course. But I didn't know that I was in eighth grade. I was sobbing, I was hyperventilating. I was calling my mom. I don't remember about crack. Is like, what was in my backpack?

[Jordan]

What was in my backpack? I don't know.

[Kendall]

I think my homework was in there. And I was so scared I was gonna lose my backpack and my homework was gonna be gone and all this, my notes and my book and that I didn't haven't returned to the library and all this stuff.

[Jordan]

And I was like, cry.

[Kendall]

Sorry, I just spilled.

[Jordan]

That's okay.

[Kendall]

I was sobbing. I was. I could not breathe. The dance is going on. I'm running through the dance and the. What? So when you go to a middle school dance, at least at my middle school, you put all your backpacks when you come in, you put your backpack in the bleachers.

[Jordan]

We're talking about a dance. I thought you were talking about a Halloween costume contest.

[Kendall]

This is a Halloween dance.

[Jordan]

What grade was this?

[Kendall]

Eighth grade.

[Jordan]

Okay, we'll get to that later.

[Kendall]

Yes, it was a dance. So I lost my backpack because when you come into the dance, you put your backpack on the bleachers, and then you go dance. And so I. It is pitch black because it seems I'm looking through all the backpacks. I'm sobbing. I have my mom on the phone. I'm like, it's not here. She's like, I can't hear you. Like, G6 is blaring in the background. I am like, oh, my God. I can't. Whatever. I find out it's in the drama room. I had a. Took a minute, and then I get called up because I've won the costume contest. And my makeup is all, like, running by my face. Cause I'd have my mom do this insane, like, robot makeup. So my face is, like, painted silver. And it's like. It was horrible. But I still won. And I remember my 8th grade boyfriend at the time won as well, because he went as Will I am. And he made an entire outfit out of duct tape.

[Jordan]

That's cool. That is cool. I like that.

[Kendall]

That's pretty cool. It was a hard, hard time.

[Jordan]

I never dated a guy that did something that cool.

[Kendall]

He dated some pretty cool people.

[Jordan]

Are there any of your childhood crushes who you do think you could potentially date now if the opportunity presented? No. No, no, no, no. Sorry, I'm gay, but no. No, not real people. Like, celebrity crushes.

[Kendall]

Oh. Because I. Well, I have to say, I think me and my 8th GR would have been a good couple.

[Jordan]

Would hit it off.

[Kendall]

He's in a real relationship, and I am as well. But we were best friends for years. I think if I was straight and he was not in a wonderful relationship. To be clear, this is not me pitching it to him. I'm scared his girlfriend's gonna be like, stop trying to marry my husband. But I. We were just friends from, like, first grade until high school. We were always very good friends. I went on, like, vacations with his family. They're, like, wonderful. Him and I were very close. We made each other laugh a lot. I think we would have been a good couple if we. He felt uninterested.

[Jordan]

So not the question I asked.

[Kendall]

Once again, I think that. I don't know. Do you have an answer?

[Jordan]

I really liked Anneliese Vanderpool as Chelsea on that's so Raven.

[Kendall]

And you guys think. I mean, you probably. You know what she's talking about.

[Jordan]

She's on TikTok. I'm on TikTok. No, I'm not saying that I think it would be a good match now, but I'm just like, is There. Has your life gone in the way that there's anyone that you think you could potentially like? I'm like, I don't think it would be that hard for me to meet Annalise Vanderpool.

[Kendall]

No, you could definitely date her if.

[Jordan]

You wanted to meet her and date her. She's straight and married to a man, and I'm gay and married to you. But I think that, like, there's a world in which she and I, you know, I could have gotten cast on an episode of Raven's Home, and she was on an episode of Raven's Home. I don't know. I think that could have happened.

[Kendall]

No, that's totally true. I mean, yeah, I guess. Anyone who's on snl, I could see.

[Jordan]

Who was your childhood crush who was on snl?

[Kendall]

Well, not my childhood, but in high school, I had a big Crush on Kate McKinnon. I mean, she was in. She was in. She was a lesbian. And I was like, newly realizing I was lesbian and she was on snl and we were blonde, and I was like, we're the same. And I definitely was, like, thought about how I was like, well, one day I'm gonna be on snl. And in this fantasy, I guess we are. She's still on SNL, like, 20 years later. It happens. Okay. And I was like, we will fall in love. And they'll be like, it'll be really dramatic. Cause this is big age gap love. And it'll be so cool. We'll be like Holland Taylor and Sarah Paulson.

[Jordan]

You did not think that at the time, though.

[Kendall]

No, I didn't think about that at the time. But I was like, oh, there will be. I was very, like, my childhood crushes, I was very literal about and very realistic about. So if someone was too much older, I would be like that. I. I don't have a crush on them because that could not happen. I really only had childhood crushes on people that I really could see myself dating. So I would look up how old they were and be like, okay, that would be a 10 year age gap. That is fine.

[Jordan]

That's wild. I had a crush on the dragon from Shrek. So you did not have something like. Mine were less.

[Kendall]

The closest I had to that was the movie Spirit about that horse.

[Jordan]

The horse. Everybody likes that horse.

[Kendall]

I had a crush on that horse. And I made. I was four and I remember making my mom. I came to her and I said, I am now going by spirit, which is not acceptable.

[Jordan]

I need some kind of psychological study done on that horse. What? Why are people so attracted to that horse? I feel like everybody's attracted to that horse.

[Kendall]

He's really muscular and the way he runs his hair. I guess I'm giving like, who's the guy on the front of all those, like, those, you know, trashy romance novels?

[Jordan]

Like Fabio?

[Kendall]

He's like Fabio of horses.

[Jordan]

Sure. Wow. I feel like too, sometimes you just see something that hits you the right way. Like the other day I had to take a picture of the front of our car because we had to get our bumper fixed. And I got down, like, I like squatted down. I took a head on picture of the front of our car.

[Kendall]

And you sent it to me because. I sent it to Kendall because she.

[Jordan]

Had to show it to our mechanic. And I took the picture and I was like, our car looks like really, like, good. Like, I was like, whoa, what? This picture of this car looks good. And I sent the picture to Kendall and her response was, wait, is it weird to say this or does our car look hot right now? And I was like, I was just thinking that sometimes something will just hit you in a way. And I'm But I'm like, what is that? Like, did our car look sexy in that moment?

[Kendall]

I don't know.

[Jordan]

We both felt that. Is spirit. Like, is there some kind of something with the way that they drew spirit?

[Kendall]

You know who we need to ask? I bet we could look this up because in the movie cars, they do have cars that they're like, this is a sexy car. And it's like, what? Like, what about this is sexy?

[Jordan]

Like, well, it has human attributes, right? Like it has like eyelashes and stuff like that. And that's like supposed to be like, quote unquote sexy. But spirit is just a horse. I think it's harder.

[Kendall]

Don't say easier. Don't fucking say that.

[Jordan]

I think it's different with something that is like anthropomorphized where it's like, what? Right. That's the right word.

[Kendall]

I don't know what that is.

[Jordan]

It's like an object that's made.

[Kendall]

Made to be personified.

[Jordan]

Human. Like.

[Kendall]

Yeah, okay, whatever. The word is personified.

[Jordan]

No, that's different. Yeah, but like, the car's car is like a car, but it's also supposed to be like a human, essentially. Whereas, like, spirit is supposed to be a horse. So it's not like spirit has like big honkers where you're like, ah, yes, A human attribute that I find attractive. Yeah, spirit is just a horse, but everyone is attracted same thing as Maid Mar And Fox from Robin Hood. Everybody is attracted to Maid Marian. Fox.

[Kendall]

You know who I think is attractive? That's a cartoon character.

[Jordan]

Who?

[Kendall]

Sully.

[Jordan]

I mean, yeah, he's like. He's like big. He's like really tall.

[Kendall]

Daddy energy.

[Jordan]

Yeah, he's like really tall. And who voices him? John Goodman.

[Kendall]

I don't know.

[Jordan]

John Goodman has a nice voice. Like, I get that.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

I'm not kidding. I really, really was. Slash, am attracted to the dragon from Shrek that dates Donkey. I think she's beautiful. She reminds me of you a lot.

[Kendall]

I love that. I think she's so pretty.

[Jordan]

She's so pretty. And she has a huge dumper just like you.

[Kendall]

You know what's really exciting? I did go on Instagram. I don't even know if I told you this, but I went on Instagram and I asked people what their weirdest, like, celebrity childhood crushes in the bathroom. Yeah.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Kendall]

You have no idea what I do when you're in the bathroom. And so I want to read a couple. I haven't read through any of them yet.

[Jordan]

Okay. Yeah, don't censor them. Just read them.

[Kendall]

I said, who is a weird childhood crush you had? Yeah, first one. Bill Murray and Ghostbusters.

[Jordan]

Okay. Not that weird human man. And, like, people love Ghostbusters.

[Kendall]

Johnny Bravo. And I can already tell you I've gotten this one a lot.

[Jordan]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Something about the way they drew his body. Like a big upside down triangle. Ugh. What is that? And he was cool. And his biggest hair. Yes.

[Kendall]

I did not have a crush on Johnny Bravo.

[Jordan]

I was into it.

[Kendall]

My dad's chiropractor.

[Jordan]

Don't know him or her, but I'm probably hot.

[Kendall]

The skunk from over the hedge.

[Jordan]

No, this is like a little. They're like, a little younger than me, so I don't remember the skunk.

[Kendall]

Dude, you're probably more into the squirrel because he gives very much me energy. Because you know why? His name's Hammy.

[Jordan]

Kendall went through this face in middle school.

[Kendall]

Elementary school.

[Jordan]

Elementary school.

[Kendall]

Give me a little credit. Sorry, you said high school the other.

[Jordan]

Day, Kendall went through a phase in elementary school where she really wanted a nickname. So she asked everyone to call her Hammy. Related to absolutely nothing. So now I call Kendall Hammy sometimes because I think it's so funny.

[Kendall]

I wanted to have a thing so bad. Emeril Lagasse.

[Jordan]

Okay, I don't know who that is. Emeril Lagasse. The famous chef Emeril.

[Kendall]

No, I don't know who Bam is.

[Jordan]

You don't know who Emeril is?

[Kendall]

Why'd you just scream bam at me? I don't know.

[Jordan]

You're really showing your ass right now. This is so embarrassing. Emeril's like, one of the most famous chefs of all time. He is a New Orleans chef. He's not from there, but that's like his big things now. He has a lot of restaurants there, but he was like one of the first chefs to have a TV cooking show. And he would cook, and his big thing was he would throw seasoning into something and he would go, bam. That was his thing. I get that. I love. Even though I like his vibe the.

[Kendall]

Way you did the bam. I'm getting like New Jersey down.

[Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of.

[Kendall]

Because what did I tell you last night when we were watching the Perfect Match?

[Jordan]

That you could fall in love with that type of person if you were straight.

[Kendall]

I was like, if I was straight, I think the type of man I would date would be like a man from New Jersey who's like, no brain up top, but is obsessed with me. So he's always just like, that's my family. Okay. You know what I mean? And I'd be like, yeah, I'm his family. Don't fuck with us.

[Jordan]

Yeah, okay, I. But I get Emeril. I love Emerald. Very talented and every. I know so many people who have met Emeril because he lives in New Orleans and has a bunch of restaurants there. Everybody always says he's so nice and he's rich.

[Kendall]

So there you go. Would you want someone says, my friend had a crush on animated Rasputin from Anastasia?

[Jordan]

Okay, I get this. I feel like I was attracted to everyone from Anastasia, including the little bat Bartok and the dog. I felt like everyone in Anastasia is drawn in a very aesthetically pleasing way. I thought she was hot. Rasputin's like, scary, but, like, kind of hot.

[Kendall]

Ratatouille's kind of hot.

[Jordan]

Yeah, sure. Unrelated but 100%.

[Kendall]

Well, you just said the little ratatouille.

[Jordan]

The rat or the man?

[Kendall]

Sorry, I was comraded to Remy.

[Jordan]

He's the rat. Yeah, Remy.

[Kendall]

I find I think he's hot.

[Jordan]

He's a good cook. Yeah. That's extremely sexy.

[Kendall]

Trudy from the proud family. I mean, that feels weird for us to talk about the mom. I thought Trudy was the child.

[Jordan]

No, no, that's Penny.

[Kendall]

Oh, my gosh. I haven't seen it in a long time.

[Jordan]

I think Trudy's the mom and I think she's hot. Wait, hold on. Proud Family's another one. A lot of people that were hot. I thought La Cienega Bolivarda's was hot. I thought Penny was hot.

[Kendall]

Wasn't La Cienega supposed to be really hot?

[Jordan]

Yes.

[Kendall]

Wasn't that, like, her thing? I was obsessed with that show growing up. Someone said the women of Reno 911.

[Jordan]

Yes. Niecy Nash, still a crush and gay. Now. I love Niecy Nash, but all of them, they're all so hot.

[Kendall]

Well, you know, I love Niecy Nash because I was a big Clean House fan.

[Jordan]

We both watched Clean House growing Up, which Niecy Nash hosted.

[Kendall]

It was on hgtv, I think so. I don't remember.

[Jordan]

Loved it. Loved it.

[Kendall]

Bobby Flay, another chef.

[Jordan]

Bobby Flay is another one. I don't get him as much as Emeril, because I think Emeril is. Seems, like, nicer and more talented. But Bobby Flea is, like, intense and good at cooking.

[Kendall]

Got it. Yeah. Wait, say that again.

[Jordan]

Seems like you did not get it at all. I just said Bobby Flay is, like, good at cooking and successful. Seems very confident.

[Kendall]

Yes.

[Jordan]

I don't know. Not for me.

[Kendall]

Miss Honey for Matilda. I don't get this one. That feels. I'm sorry.

[Jordan]

I don't get it either.

[Kendall]

I don't know why. Obviously, I think I'm just like, Ms. Honey feels so attainable to me because I'm like, yeah, that woman exists so much in the world. Like, it's just a very nice woman.

[Jordan]

I feel the opposite. So if you're not up to date on, like, the Miss Honey lore.

[Kendall]

Wait, what? I'm not.

[Jordan]

No, you are. You are. It's just that, like, every lesbian is, like, a sexual awakening for me. Was Ms. Honey from Matilda really? I wanted, like, a sweet mommy to take care of me. Baby is like, what everyone's vibe is. And I just. For some reason, I was like, she feels she's too, like, soft and baby for me. Even when I was soft and baby, to me, Ms. Honey always felt, like, kind of childlike in a way that I wasn't, like, lay one on me, you know?

[Kendall]

It's so funny how they deal with her getting adopted in that movie. It makes no sense. They really just, like, cram it into the last two minutes. They're like. They show up and they just make her sign this thing. And they're like, now you have our child's in your custody. It's like this wild.

[Jordan]

Absolutely wild.

[Kendall]

No, I just. Ms. Henny just seems so kind of boring to me, and I Guess I'm just like, this is how any. I don't know, any person would act in this situation. Minus maybe the, like, adopting of Matilda.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

But I'm like, if she's, like, a teacher and Matilda's, like, really smart and cute and, like, has abused, like, it would be crazy if she acted any other way. So. But. So I never really got that, I guess.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

She just seems like every woman who lives in Brooklyn.

[Jordan]

Yes.

[Kendall]

Ariel from the Little Mermaid never did it for me.

[Jordan]

I think she's boring, and I think her personality is bad. And I'm jealous that she has a better voice than me, but she is.

[Kendall]

I feel like she does.

[Jordan]

She does. But I do think she's hot. I'm more attracted and always have been to Ursula. Better voice than Ariel.

[Kendall]

Motocrossed, Disney Channel movie actually indoctrinated me, of course.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

What is that?

[Jordan]

So Motocrossed was a Disney Channel original movie from when I was a child, where a hot girl who had been in multiple Disney Channel movies, who was, like, very tall and blonde and beautiful, wanted to be a motocross motorbike dirt bike rider, and she couldn't. So she basically, like, cuts all her hair off and pretends to be a boy. It's a real Mulan situation. And then, like, does really well and wins. And then I think her and another guy, like, fall in love. And she's like, just kidding. I'm a girl. So it's like, it feels very queer. And she's was very hot. In my mind, I have not seen a picture of her. So she could also be a literal child in those movies. I don't know. But you know how when you're young, it's like someone who's, like, when you're 8, someone who's 12 seems like they're 30. Yes.

[Kendall]

Well, I mean, that's like. During High School Musical, I remember all of that drama came out, obviously, with Vanessa Hudgens and what? And then there were, like, nudes leaked. And I remember I was, like, five, and I was like. Didn't think much about it besides the fact that I was like, oh, my God, like, Vanessa Hutchinson. Zach. I was more thinking about it in, like, drama. Like, oh, more drama versus, like, as an adult, I'm like, what the fuck? Like, that's crazy. That was happening when she was, like, 15 years old. And that's so upsetting. But, like, at the time, Vanessa Hudgens was 40 years old?

[Jordan]

To me, yes, 100%.

[Kendall]

There's a lot of really bizarre moments when I Like, I remember babysitting a kid when I was, like, 16 or something. And he. I can't remember what we were talking about, but he was like, well, you're an adult. And I remember being like, whoa. Yeah, he probably thinks I'm, like, 30 years old.

[Jordan]

Like, I saw sometimes when you're in high school, a kid will call you ma'am or something like that, and you're like, whoa.

[Kendall]

Um, Dennis Quaid in general.

[Jordan]

No, but, like, sure, I get it.

[Kendall]

Someone said Willy Wonka. And what I have to ask is, which one?

[Jordan]

I mean, it has to have been the original one. Unless an actual child is commenting on that.

[Kendall]

You don't think that some people were into Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka?

[Jordan]

Oh, I'm thinking Timothee Chalamet or the original Willy Wonka. I forgot about Johnny Depp. I'm sure they are. I, like, probably wasn't a child when that came out, so that I forgot about that. But I hope it's the original one. He's funky. I could get it.

[Kendall]

I find the character of Willy Wonka since I was a kid so deeply creepy.

[Jordan]

I get that.

[Kendall]

And I do think it's made that way, especially the original. I mean, obviously the Johnny Depp one is more, like, weird creepy, but it doesn't feel like he's that creepy. I am like, gene Wilder as Willy Wonka is creepy. And I think he really meant that.

[Jordan]

And weird and unsettling.

[Kendall]

And he. I saw an interview of Gene Wilder the other day where he was talking about how he told someone, I don't know, the producer, the director, that he would not do the movie if he was not allowed to do that beginning sequence where he walks out with a cane and then does a role and.

[Jordan]

Does the somersault, which always is funny to me.

[Kendall]

And he said it was because he was like, I need to open with, like, a moment of distrust where from then on, all the children, like, don't know what I. If I'm telling the truth or if I'm lying. Whenever I hear stories like that from actors, I'm like, why do you care so much?

[Jordan]

I'm, like, desperate to book, like, a dentine ice commercial. I'm like, I'll do anything. I'll take my top off. Please let me book this dentine ice commercial. It'll help me pay for my insurance. And then when you hear about, like, I wouldn't do that movie if I wasn't allowed to do a British accent, you're like, huh?

[Kendall]

It's so funny. Especially about. Because I was like, wow. Such a specific thing that I would not. I just would be like, oh, yeah. I guess if it's not that clear in the movie, who cares? Especially because, like, I feel like with Willy Wonka, they knew this was gonna be a big movie, and they knew it was gonna be successful. He probably knew he was gonna make a bunch of money. Probably already was gonna be making a bunch of money. I'm like, wow. So sticking to your guns on a thing I would never thought. But he wanted it to be like that. But I thought. I think it's so creepy, this one. I relate to Joe from the Princess Diaries.

[Jordan]

That's.

[Kendall]

I think that's the driver. If I'm. If I'm correct.

[Jordan]

Oh, the driver.

[Kendall]

I might be fully wrong, but all I know is I'm kind of attracted to that man.

[Jordan]

I get that. I get that he's very nurturing. I feel like, you know, he's a real caretaker. I like that. I thought it was the friend.

[Kendall]

Maybe. I don't know.

[Jordan]

But I think it is the driver. I think you're right to know. I get that.

[Kendall]

Looking back, someone said. Brooke said. Looking back, I definitely was in love with the main robot girl from my Life as a Teenage Robot. I don't know that.

[Jordan]

That one. I'm so sorry. We'll have to look and we'll. We'll look and decide if she's hot.

[Kendall]

Did you watch NCIS?

[Jordan]

I have before.

[Kendall]

Cali said Gibbs from NCIS. I loved him when I was 12.

[Jordan]

Is that the main guy from NCIS? I don't know. I don't know if I'm on board with anybody from ncis. I'm sorry. I'm a Criminal Minds, Law and Order Alicia from Zoom. Yes. Okay, you can't say it like that. No, I can't. It's so funny that everybody loved Alicia from Zoom, and my friend Henry was, like, obsessed. Henry was like, that's gonna be my wife. And I think that's. That's extremely funny.

[Kendall]

Yes. That's so funny.

[Jordan]

But I love Zoom.

[Kendall]

I. I did, too. I don't really remember a ton of it because I was very young, but I. Yes, I definitely was very into it when I watched it. Okay, sorry. I'm making sure we don't have any more. I want to see if we have any updated ones, because people are still sending some in our. Oh, good. Our producer just text us. This episode is making me lol.

[Jordan]

Thanks, Blake. Thanks, Blake. Wait, I want to know. Blake. Hold on. I'm putting on the headphones Blake, who was your crush when you were a child? Oh, he says Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell. I thought everybody from Saved by the Bell was really hot. I was into Jesse Spano. I. Oh, I loved Saved by the Bell.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And Zach was cool. I also thought Zach was hot because he was a cool guy.

[Kendall]

Yeah, I know. It's so embarrassing when you're, like, a certain age and you're so perverted with your crushes because you don't know, like, what's acceptable yet.

[Jordan]

100%, yes.

[Kendall]

And I have this very distinct memory. This wasn't even really a crush, but just one of those moments where I witnessed something that was, like, felt a little bit dirty. It was. I was watching American Idol with my dad and my sister, and we had it recorded so you could rewind. And there was a clip from the trailer where Paula Abdul kisses Randy on the mouth. On the mouth. They kind of had, like, a will they, won't they on American Idol? I don't know if you remember that.

[Jordan]

I don't remember that at all.

[Kendall]

It wasn't like. Because I feel like they both probably, like, had relationships outside of this, but I think it was, like, a thing they promoted in the show where they were like, maybe they'll. They, like, flirt with each other.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Kendall]

Weird. They kiss in a promo. I'd, like, never really seen people kiss before. So I kept being like. It was a trailer, and I kept telling my sister, like, wait, rewind. I want to see that one girl that was singing. And then I kept like. I would be like, wait, go back, go back. I. I missed it again. I'm so sorry.

[Jordan]

So you could watch the Randy Paula kiss.

[Kendall]

Yes. And then finally, my sister Madison goes, it's clear you're just trying to watch.

[Jordan]

Paula Abdul kiss Randy Madison.

[Kendall]

And I was so embarrassed.

[Jordan]

I was like, oh, sorry.

[Kendall]

I don't know.

[Jordan]

And I was like.

[Kendall]

So I felt like I had been caught watching porn because that was, like, what it was. I was like, I was so fascinated by people kissing, and I. I felt so embarrassed, and that was very funny to me. But I guess Paula Abdul or Randy.

[Jordan]

I don't know. I don't live together.

[Kendall]

I don't know.

[Jordan]

Wow. I love that. I would say one of my childhood crushes that's still kicking to this day is I have always been and always will be obsessed with the movie Grease. I love that movie.

[Kendall]

I think once someone said John Travolta as well. I didn't read it. Thank you.

[Jordan]

Why were you keeping that for me? You didn't want me to talk about it. I think I was worried.

[Kendall]

I think I was. I'm always worried that you're gonna bring up.

[Jordan]

If I bring up John Travolta. I am once again a lesbian. But when John Travolta at the beginning of Grease, they're like, hey, Danny. Hey, Danny. And he turns around and looks over his shoulder. Time stands still. It's one of the most phenomenal moments in American cinema. Honestly, in cinema of the planet Earth. It is so unbelievable. He's so captivating in that moment, in that stare. Olivia Newton John is beautiful. Stalker chanting so hot. Like that movie was just still to this day, sometimes I watch it and I'm like, this is magic. Yeah, this is magic. Everyone is so hot. So that's a childhood crush.

[Kendall]

Like a still timeless too. I mean, that movie is just like. You can watch it to this day and you feel like you're watching a movie that just came out.

[Jordan]

It's unbelievable.

[Kendall]

I have a tough time and I know this is embarrassing, but just with TikTok and everything, your attention span gets so short. Old movies sometimes are tough because they are so slow.

[Jordan]

That is embarrassing.

[Kendall]

It is. I am very embarrassed by it. But Greece, they are keeping it moving. They are working for a 2024 audience.

[Jordan]

I love Greece.

[Kendall]

It's really good.

[Jordan]

We should go home and watch it.

[Kendall]

Okay, maybe we'll see.

[Jordan]

Right when they.

[Kendall]

Exactly why do they say it like that? I always have no clue.

[Jordan]

I don't know. I don't know. But I loved it. And so dirty. And now as an adult, listening to the lyrics of Like Greased Lightning, it's a real pussy wagon. The chick.

[Kendall]

My high school did that.

[Jordan]

Yeah, But I. When I did it at community theater too, they probably did Grease Junior, which has a lot of that stuff edited.

[Kendall]

I don't know.

[Jordan]

But there's no way in your high school. They were saying the chicks will cream.

[Kendall]

They didn't. I know because I. That was my one line I had in the whole book. I remember there was so much drama because my high school did Grease and there's a. They went to the beach like my drama teacher. And the two cast A and B of Sandy and Dani went to the beach and recorded a, like, beach scene where they make out.

[Jordan]

I cast A and B. You had swings?

[Kendall]

No, no, no. It was like the first we cast A goes and the second we cast B goes. At my high school, that's how they did it.

[Jordan]

That's wild.

[Kendall]

I think so as more people as possible could get cast. So, like the first weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, one cast would do it and the second cast would do the second weekend.

[Jordan]

That is so much work for your drama teacher.

[Kendall]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan]

Wow.

[Kendall]

He was a dedicated man and he said, get in the car. We're going to the beach.

[Jordan]

The beach. And you guys are going to kiss. Yeah.

[Kendall]

And I remember there was so much like. Because, like, even in high school, this way, like, times have changed. Because even in high school and the people who were cast as Danny and Sandy were obviously, like, already hot and popular in school, so they would not have been. I was not getting even scene to be Sandy. That was not happening. And even everyone was like, they're gonna kiss.

[Jordan]

Were you in it?

[Kendall]

No. I didn't get cast. I never got cast in a musical. And I auditioned every year. I went. One year, my teacher I knew felt so bad because I just. You can't deny how bad I am at singing. And we did a musical every other year. Got it. And I was lucky enough to get cast as a lead in the straight plays that we did. But whenever it was a musical, I was not cast. That's wrong. I was cast as a director one year, which I think was a made up role because I'm so bad. And I auditioned. Honestly, I was so mad at my drama teacher because I was like, just don't make me just be like, you're not going to get in it. But he would always, you know, I would audition. And then one year we were doing Adam's Family, the musical, and I auditioned as Alice because you would do the original audition and then he would be like, here's who you should audition for.

[Jordan]

Who's Alice?

[Kendall]

Alice plays. I don't even remember. Alice plays the mom of, I think the guy that Wednesday dates. But she's like a big role. But she has one song where she sings pretty much opera. Yeah, Genuinely. And that was my audition song. And my mom got me a vocal coach for it. And this poor vocal coach was like, I don't even know what, like, you want me to make her sing opera? I don't know what we're supposed to do with this. My audition was so bad. And I remember I. I still remember everything about this audition because it was me on the stage, the teacher, and then the president and the vice president of the drama department would watch, which is just torture because these are people that you go to school with. And I remember physically shaking. Like I was shaking and trying to sing this opera, and it was awful. It sounded so bad. And I got through it and I didn't get cast. It's okay. It was. But what was best for the production?

[Jordan]

Yeah, that happens.

[Kendall]

But I do remember not getting into Greece, and I went to the koi pond of our community college in my hometown and I sat with my best friend Dylan. And I remember just being like, this is so fucked. I should be Sandy. And I'm sure he was sitting there being like, no, you shouldn't have been. But they're all very hot in that cast.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Anyways.

[Jordan]

All right. I want to end this episode with knowing who your celebrity crush is now.

[Kendall]

Oh, man. I have a lot. I feel like. Who's the woman from Abbott that plays.

[Jordan]

Melissa from Parent Trap?

[Kendall]

Yes. I have a crush on her.

[Jordan]

I never remember what her name is.

[Kendall]

I definitely have a crush on her still. Kate Walsh. Yes, I have a crush on. There's a lot of people. What about you?

[Jordan]

Candice Parker, who is a WNBA player who keeps going in and out of retirement. She's so talent. We just gotta keep bringing her back. But she, for a really long time, I guess at least publicly identified as straight. And then a couple years ago, she came out as a lesbian. Now she has a beautiful wife who I think is maybe was a professional model, and they have children together and they're just such a beautiful family. But Candice Parker really does it for me. I love her. And then I also adore Dev Patel.

[Kendall]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan]

I love depression. Also love Jason Statham.

[Kendall]

Yeah. Oh, Jason Statham. Yeah, Definitely. I have a big crush on Adam Sandler.

[Jordan]

Wild, you know, And Lucy Liu still does it for me. I love Lucy Liu still to this day. You don't see her as much, but I love her.

[Kendall]

She does it for me.

[Jordan]

I'm still. Yeah, I'm as well.

[Kendall]

I can't catch a vibe with Emma. I feel like she sometimes I'm like, she's very private. So it's hard to like. We're so used to now getting such an detailed thing about all these celebrities that I am like, I know I would like dating you because I know everything about you because you've done 60 interviews and talked about everything. And this one's very private. She doesn't have social media. Same with Kate McKinnon. So I'm like, I don't know.

[Jordan]

You don't need to know anything about them. Well, you don't need to know anything about them.

[Kendall]

Thank you so much for being in our Patreon.

[Jordan]

Genuinely love you and drop any questions, comments, episodes, episodes, thoughts, concerns, fears, dreams, hopes. In our Patreon chat. We are here to respond and listen. And we want to be able to customize episodes for y'all and comment if.

[Kendall]

There'S anything on the Patreon that we've not done correctly, because you could be like, we're not able to comment or message you because you've set it to a weird thing. And that is probably true because Patreon has been very confusing for me.

[Jordan]

Patreon has been confusing for us. So, yeah, let us know if we're using Patreon wrong. You can DM us on Instagram on our Happy Wife, Happy Life podcast. Instagram. And we will fix it. And we're sorry.

[Kendall]

Sorry.

[Jordan]

All right, love you guys.

[Kendall]

Love you. Bye.