66: Dating in Australia vs. The USA with Toni & Ryan

Summary

Happy Wife Happy Life - Episode 66: Dating in Australia vs. The USA with Toni & Ryan

Release Date: June 2, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 66 of Happy Wife Happy Life, hosts Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick welcome special guests Toni and Ryan, two comedians navigating the complexities of love and relationships from an Australian perspective. The episode delves into the contrasting dating cultures of Australia and the USA, enriched with humorous anecdotes and insightful observations.

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Cultural Background: Australia vs. USA

Toni and Ryan kick off the discussion by addressing their Australian roots and experiences living in the USA. They highlight subtle cultural differences that influence dating behaviors and social interactions.

Toni [01:04]: "People born in Australia, New Zealand only have one way of getting canceled and throwing phones, so that's, like, our default move."

Ryan [06:09]: "We're from Melbourne, Australia. All cities are sort of in the water because as soon as you're not near the water, you're in the desert and that's not what you want."

Their banter sets the tone for exploring how Australian laid-back attitudes mingle with American dating expectations.

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Perceived Friendliness and Social Norms

One significant topic is the perception of friendliness and judgmental attitudes in both countries. Toni and Ryan discuss the "Tall Poppy Syndrome" prevalent in Australia, where success can sometimes lead to social backlash.

Ryan [30:40]: "Tall poppy syndrome is, like, the tallest poppy in the bunch gets cut off. So if people are, like, too successful, people that start turning on them."

They contrast this with the American penchant for openness and the challenges of cultural assumptions, such as tipping practices.

Kendall [42:31]: "We don't tip in Australia and Charles and Tony don't tip here either."

This comparison underscores how small cultural nuances can significantly impact dating dynamics and interpersonal relationships.

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Dating Practices and Norms

The conversation transitions into specific dating practices, including first dates, dating app behaviors, and the expectations surrounding relationships in both countries.

Ryan [44:08]: "Politically, you would want to be aligned with whoever you were. Like, I would say that you would end up with someone who was pretty similar."

The hosts emphasize that despite geographical differences, certain fundamental aspects of dating, such as seeking compatibility and shared values, remain universal.

They also touch upon the evolving nature of dating, especially with the rise of digital platforms.

Kendall [54:42]: "A lot of people are texted for a long time, but before meeting up."

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Celebrity Culture and Its Impact on Dating

Toni and Ryan explore how celebrity culture in both Australia and the USA influences public perceptions of dating and relationships. They discuss prominent Australian celebrities like Rebel Wilson and Cate Blanchett, examining how their personal lives and public personas affect societal norms.

Ryan [31:27]: "Rebel Wilson was like Australia's sweetheart. Got pushed out all over the world... when she loses weight, everyone's like, 'Oh, you care about being skinny now.'"

Furthermore, the hosts critique Cate Blanchett's stance on casting, highlighting the complexities of representation in media.

Jordan [40:31]: "She never advocates that straight roles can also go to transgender people... she only advocates in the way that is beneficial to her, and I think that's nasty."

These discussions reveal the intricate ways in which celebrity actions and statements can shape and sometimes skew public expectations around dating.

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Audience Questions and Responses

Listeners sent in questions comparing Australian and American dating norms, prompting Toni and Ryan to share personal insights and experiences.

Are People More Judgmental in Australia or the USA?

Ryan [30:19]: "I think in Australia, people can be meaner because of the tall poppy syndrome."

Toni concurs, suggesting that Australian society has a unique way of handling success that differs from the more individualistic American approach.

Differences in Partner Preferences

A listener inquires about the traits valued in partners across both countries.

Ryan [44:25]: "Politically, you would want to be aligned with whoever you were pretty similar."

Tony [45:09]: "Down to earth, calm, funny, chill."

The responses indicate that while specific cultural traits may vary, the core desire for compatibility and shared values is consistent.

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Relationships Among Hosts

Throughout the episode, the chemistry and camaraderie between Kendahl, Jordan, Toni, and Ryan shine through. They share personal stories about their friendships and relationships, emphasizing the importance of trust and mutual support.

Kendall [53:24]: "I don't care. I've worked with a lot of people I don't like."

Ryan [60:22]: "So like as an anxious being me, I'm like, oh, we just trying to be polite or whatever. He's like, hey, hey, hey. You can trust that if I say something, Jesus, cuz I mean it."

These anecdotes illustrate the podcast's foundational theme of navigating relationships with humor and honesty.

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Conclusion

Episode 66 of Happy Wife Happy Life offers a lively and humorous exploration of dating cultures in Australia and the USA. Through engaging dialogue and personal stories, Kendahl, Jordan, Toni, and Ryan shed light on the universal and unique aspects of love and relationships across continents. The episode underscores the idea that while cultural backgrounds influence dating behaviors, the fundamental human desire for connection remains the same.

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Notable Quotes:

• Toni [01:04]: "People born in Australia, New Zealand only have one way of getting canceled and throwing phones, so that's, like, our default move."

• Ryan [30:40]: "Tall poppy syndrome is, like, the tallest poppy in the bunch gets cut off."

• Kendall [42:31]: "We don't tip in Australia and Charles and Tony don't tip here either."

• Jordan [40:31]: "She never advocates that straight roles can also go to transgender people... she only advocates in the way that is beneficial to her, and I think that's nasty."

• Ryan [44:25]: "Politically, you would want to be aligned with whoever you were pretty similar."

---

This summary captures the essence of Episode 66, providing a comprehensive overview for listeners and those unfamiliar with the podcast.

Transcript

[Tony]

Do you want us to do the intro?

[Ryan]

I'm too scared to say anything.

[Kendall]

All right. Okay. Ready? Three, two, one. What a dog.

[Tony]

Oh, shit. Oh, man.

[Ryan]

Nah, all good.

[Tony]

Nah. You guys, you guys go.

[Kendall]

You guys go. Take away your wabby if you're not careful.

[Tony]

Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life, where we're Tony and Ryan. Play the intro music.

[Ryan]

I'm Jordan. This is Kendall. We're so happy to meet you today. You've come from the eighth.

[Kendall]

All right, that's this week's intro. Tony, Ryan, you're being a huge pain in the ass already, but we're so glad you're here. I cancel both of you. Seriously?

[Ryan]

You don't have that kind of power.

[Kendall]

Want that?

[Ryan]

I know you don't.

[Kendall]

I've canceled hundreds of people in the top three. I can't. Mel Gibson.

[Tony]

Oh, you did that?

[Ryan]

We were in charge of, not you. And also be like, oh, the easiest one. Do you know what I mean?

[Kendall]

Started it, though.

[Ryan]

Did he throw the phone at you?

[Tony]

That's Russell Crowe.

[Ryan]

You get them mixed up every time. Every time.

[Jordan]

Every time.

[Tony]

People born in Australia, New Zealand only have one way of getting canceled and throwing phones, so that's, like, our default move.

[Kendall]

Wait, are you guys Australian?

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kendall]

Oh, I thought he was British.

[Jordan]

You said New Zealand and Australian. You guys feel a kinship.

[Tony]

Oh. But I think.

[Ryan]

I think there's an assumption that we're the same.

[Tony]

Yeah, we get bundled together.

[Kendall]

You did that.

[Jordan]

We didn't.

[Ryan]

No. Well, I would never.

[Tony]

Well, Russell Crowe's born in New Zealand, and then he moved to that again. Don't you turn on me. Jordan already yelled at me before we started. Can we start this podcast? I'm getting angry.

[Jordan]

How?

[Tony]

I've been very good.

[Jordan]

Sweet as pie.

[Tony]

Sweet as pie.

[Ryan]

What kind of pie?

[Jordan]

Apple.

[Ryan]

In Australia, pies are, like, predominantly savoury, like beef pie, etc. The other day, Ryan and I ate a lasagna pie, which is pretty. Nope.

[Tony]

Pretty good. Yeah.

[Jordan]

What was, like, the big American food? You've been like, wait, first of all, is this your first time in America?

[Ryan]

No, no. Very well traveled.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Tony]

We come and did a few meet and greets a year or so ago, and we discovered that half and half milk means half cream. And we almost moved here immediately, but.

[Ryan]

Then we were like, we would gain so much weight if we. Because just, like, drinking straight cream, like, all the time.

[Kendall]

Okay.

[Jordan]

You don't drink it like milk. You just put a little bit in your coffee.

[Tony]

I said that. I just want to do half and half. Like, fuck, yeah. Let's get it on.

[Ryan]

I'm like, oh, my God, Yum. Yeah.

[Kendall]

So half and half is something different in.

[Ryan]

No, we just don't have it. We only have milk.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

You don't have cream in Australia.

[Ryan]

Like, it exists. You would never have never put it in a drink.

[Jordan]

If you have types of milk, though.

[Ryan]

You have, like, oh, almond cashew rice. You know, we're all the same. Is that high? Low?

[Jordan]

I don't know.

[Ryan]

Sorry.

[Tony]

We just have milk. It's just milk. There's no percentages.

[Ryan]

The cows are good, though.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

They're like, moo.

[Kendall]

They love it.

[Tony]

They love it.

[Jordan]

California is kind of famous for happy cows.

[Ryan]

California?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Did I say that?

[Jordan]

Yeah, they're really people, the happy cows. People love the cows here.

[Kendall]

It's a famous. It's like a famous campaign.

[Jordan]

It might be fake, but they tell you, oh, the cows here are really happy.

[Tony]

Yeah. And just, like, all the chickens, all happy, you know?

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Like, everyone's just happy on farms.

[Ryan]

They've got all that space. Hectares.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Are you from California, both of you?

[Jordan]

I would say I'm. I'm from.

[Kendall]

I'd say not. No, neither one of us are from here originally. Okay.

[Tony]

We've both said exactly opposite things.

[Jordan]

So you kind of figure out what we mean.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

This is like a hot double date. Yeah.

[Jordan]

It's not weird flirting, really? I'm like. This is the first time I've understood polyamory flirting. I'm like.

[Kendall]

I'm like, wait a second.

[Jordan]

Together, we're all.

[Kendall]

We're all really, like, vibing.

[Jordan]

I'm from Northern California.

[Ryan]

I don't know what that means, but.

[Jordan]

I live in.

[Kendall]

Are you kidding me?

[Jordan]

But what?

[Kendall]

Kendall was born in North Carolina.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Kendall]

And. Sorry, North Carolina until she was, like, six. Yeah.

[Ryan]

No, like an adult who's like, yeah, I was blonde when I was a baby.

[Kendall]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly, exactly, exactly. And so she moved here when she was 6. I don't know why I'm having to explain this. You.

[Jordan]

Because you interrupted me. That was the first.

[Kendall]

You were not gonna say this. Look at her. She says something and then she laughs into the camera.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

She says, this is like when you watch a true crime documentary and they show old footage of like, did we miss the signs? You've killed 20 people. And we're like, what were the signs? Roll the Patreon clip.

[Kendall]

You know, it's like we're just looking into the camera.

[Tony]

I've been in California my whole life. It cuts the detective. She's from North Carolina.

[Kendall]

Northern California is like, near, like where San Francisco is. So she's from like the rural part outside of San Franc.

[Tony]

Oh, okay. Toni recently moved about eight minutes from the city and keeps saying she now lives in the country. And it fucks me off.

[Jordan]

You do. It fucks you off?

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

I've never heard that.

[Tony]

Oh, yeah, it's annoying.

[Ryan]

That, like pissed me off, but it's like, fuck you off at the worst.

[Kendall]

What is the new place you live like? Is it rural feeling?

[Ryan]

No.

[Kendall]

Is it suburban?

[Ryan]

Barely not even suburban.

[Tony]

A Tony had to decide to get a lawnmower or scissors to cut the grass because it's that small. It's that small.

[Ryan]

It's not that small. That's actually really rude. I worked really hard to own that property.

[Jordan]

What did you pick?

[Ryan]

Lawnmower. I love stuff.

[Kendall]

Yeah, I love right here.

[Ryan]

I love a gadget. I love something that's going to make my life easier but ultimately take up more room.

[Jordan]

You want to be like a cowgirl? Like a. Like this is a.

[Kendall]

This is a. This is a leading question.

[Jordan]

Okay, well, like, you know, you want to own. You want. Say you live out in the country. You want to live like on a farm. Like, would you ever want to own like cattle?

[Ryan]

No.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Tony]

Not a happy camp.

[Kendall]

You want to ask, do you.

[Jordan]

Have you ever ridden a horse?

[Kendall]

And why do you want to know, Kendall?

[Ryan]

Because you want to bring up the fact that you're doing horse.

[Jordan]

That I ride horses. Yeah.

[Kendall]

This has become a horse podcast every.

[Tony]

How many lessons have you done?

[Jordan]

3.

[Tony]

Well, that's where you and Tony are different because her new hobbies, if she gets to one lesson, she's. That's probably more than average.

[Kendall]

Pretty good.

[Ryan]

That's pretty impressive.

[Tony]

Tony bought a stand up paddleboard on a whim and didn't go for a very long time. I've been twice huge in how long?

[Ryan]

Twice I've been.

[Kendall]

Wait, so what city are you two from?

[Ryan]

Melbourne, Melvin. In Australia.

[Kendall]

And that's on the water?

[Tony]

Well, all cities are sort of in the water because as soon as you're not near the water, you're in the desert and that's not what you want. So true. It's not like a beachy town, though. It just happens to have a place where you can stand up paddleboard if you wanted to.

[Ryan]

If you want to. But now that I'm out in the country, obviously it's a bit harder.

[Kendall]

Accessibility doesn't make sense.

[Ryan]

Accessibility purposes.

[Tony]

Yes.

[Ryan]

I'm thinking about selling it if anybody's interested in buying a stand up paddleboard. Gently Use.

[Jordan]

I'm interested.

[Ryan]

I should have brought it with me.

[Tony]

Yep, I heard. Because I think you're similar to me, Kendall and that. Tell me. I heard recently about the vacuum cleaners. You just buy a new one when the one doesn't work.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Tony]

Where do you guys stand with printers?

[Kendall]

We've.

[Jordan]

We've gone off.

[Kendall]

We're.

[Jordan]

We're never buying one again.

[Kendall]

We go to the library.

[Jordan]

I go to the library to print.

[Tony]

Wow.

[Jordan]

I'm a member of my community.

[Kendall]

We love our library. And we have had so many printers. I got where our recent printer because we had them and they kept breaking. They never worked. And recently buy a new printer. Yeah, of course.

[Ryan]

And it's cheaper to buy an entire printer than it is just buy ink.

[Kendall]

Of course. And recently I was like, hey, does anyone just have a printer I can have on my Instagram? Close friend stories. And my friend Ed.

[Ryan]

I say that one.

[Kendall]

Yeah. It was only for people with printers that they were giving away.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's me. I was going to paddle it over. Yeah, bring them both. I've got John. I'm coming.

[Kendall]

But we got a free printer and it's still broken. And so now we just go to the library.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I'm done with them. They've never worked. They've never. Any printer. You can get the highest gadget one. Every time you go to print, it's like a big pop up message being like, we're done.

[Tony]

But they work the first time. So every time I've got a university assignment, I've usually got a new printer at home. And that's where I stand on that. And I think that's fine.

[Ryan]

But the other day, though. Yeah, but no.

[Tony]

Yeah, I'm in college.

[Ryan]

No, no, no, no.

[Tony]

I'm a young skinny boy who's studying to better himself.

[Ryan]

No. So Ryan's doing his masters of like his mba, not the basketball. M. Got it.

[Tony]

When I said I was doing an MBA for a long time, Tony was like, oh, he's a baller.

[Ryan]

I'm like, I'm like, I've seen the Knicks at Madison Square Garden. And then. But so Ryan the other day, he's like printing something at our office. And then I went to print something, there's no paper. And I was like, oh, it's no printer. He's like, oh, I used last week the other day. And I was like, oh, did you buy anymore?

[Tony]

He's like, no, my assignment has been handed in.

[Ryan]

He's like, no, I didn't need any more paper. And I was like, okay, very Like a city.

[Jordan]

A person in the city who buys the ingredients for the dinner that night.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

You buy the paper.

[Kendall]

Oh, yeah, it's giving Paris.

[Tony]

And also, I didn't use the printer at home because my computer doesn't talk to the one at home and I don't use the one at uni because you need your student card.

[Ryan]

And who knows where that.

[Jordan]

None of my electronics connected the way other people's have. Yeah, people are texting on.

[Tony]

You need to get a child. That guy down there, you need one of them. He's great.

[Jordan]

He's a tech.

[Kendall]

We have as much money as you guys do yet. How long have you been podcasting?

[Tony]

3 and a half years. Yeah, but we earn Australian dollars, which is like nothing here. Yeah, just like.

[Ryan]

Sorry, we went to L1 the other day. Is that what you say? Yeah, we went there and it cost us like 300 Australian dollars.

[Kendall]

The food is awful. Did you like. No.

[Jordan]

Did you not eat it?

[Tony]

It's delicious.

[Ryan]

Jordan, can I say something? I think you're saying that to seem interesting.

[Jordan]

Jordan. I'm sorry. Hating Erewhon is the equivalency of being like a guy's girl. Like, you're like.

[Tony]

That is.

[Ryan]

Did you just call her a pink mango?

[Kendall]

That's what it is.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

It's absolutely.

[Jordan]

Because first of all, you've never been.

[Tony]

Me and Tiny is going to take.

[Kendall]

Off, leave both of you, go back to Australia. No, I'm just like, people come to California, to la, one of the culinary capitals of the world. You have food here from everywhere. You have people here from everywhere. Some of the best food in the world, some of the freshest produce in the world. Why would you go to Erewhon?

[Tony]

Because that's what Haley Baba has. Her smoothie. Smoothie. What else would you get?

[Jordan]

Yes, that's going to see. When. When you go to a place, when you go to Chicago, you want to go to the Home Alone House, it's like. Yeah, you could go other cool places.

[Ryan]

Maine, Chicago.

[Tony]

I believe that is correct. We went to Chicago and we had deep dish pizza. We came to LA and we went to Omo.

[Kendall]

They're not one of them.

[Ryan]

It was actually because I got my period and my mum was like, I'll get you a probiotic smoothie.

[Kendall]

Thank God. And that stopped.

[Tony]

Yeah, actually. And can I just send a shout out to the lovely Uber eats delivery driver who, when she turned up with a case of D Coke and a pregnancy test, said, is everything okay?

[Ryan]

Okay?

[Tony]

And then. Look at me.

[Ryan]

Pregnancy test has no context to what I just said, but it's actually so fine. No, because I said my period and that would be the opposite.

[Kendall]

I was like, different in Australia.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Because this has happened and it might be this. And I was like, I don't. I think I've learned this wrong. And then me and Charles had to went, which one was it? And yeah, yeah, it was neither. It was probably.

[Kendall]

So you just put a pregnancy test inside you and called it a day.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Just instead of. Yeah, just to be safe, you have to be.

[Ryan]

That's luxury, you guys. Probably the same. You have to be testing and making sure all the time.

[Kendall]

Well, that's the thing. When you go to the doctor here, they're like, you got to take a pregnancy test. And I'm like, there's no reason. There's no reason. If I'm pregnant, call the newspaper.

[Jordan]

Well, you know, one time I tried to get on acne medication that they were like, well, if you get on this acne medication and you get pregnant, your kid's going to look really crazy and you alive. And I was like, oh, it's okay. And they're like, no, you have to get on birth control because otherwise if you get pregnant, you know it's going to be really bad. I was like, I really don't. It's okay. I'm gay. It's not a big deal. They made me call every month while I was on the medication and vow to abstinence. I would have to go. My name is KendallAndreth and I'm taking a vow of abstinence.

[Tony]

Hey, Kendall, how many dicks this month? Zero. Again. Cool, thanks.

[Kendall]

Yes.

[Ryan]

Doubt is worth.

[Jordan]

It was worth a look at my skin.

[Tony]

You look stunning.

[Jordan]

Thank you.

[Tony]

Not pregnant, so.

[Kendall]

You're absolutely beautiful.

[Ryan]

You're glowing like a pregnant woman would. That's so beautiful.

[Kendall]

Okay, so this is a dating and relationship podcast and I think right up top, we should address that. The two of you are not dating, right?

[Ryan]

No.

[Tony]

Married to my wonderful wife Bridget and have a two year old daughter, Mabel. And check out Tony's hand.

[Kendall]

Come on now. Come on. Are you engaged?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Called him your boyfriend.

[Ryan]

Oh, sorry. No, he. Fiance, I guess. Yeah.

[Jordan]

Isn't it an awkward word to say?

[Ryan]

I don't like it. It makes me feel like I'm showing off.

[Kendall]

What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? You can't show off.

[Ryan]

It makes me feel like I'm being like, I hate L1 and my fiance agrees with me. Do you know what I mean? That's the vibes. It Gives me.

[Jordan]

My lawyer. Like, my d. Dad's a lawyer. Literally, my fiance.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You don't have one. I'm so sorry.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. It's like. It's embarrassing. Yeah. No, so I don't.

[Tony]

But Tony and her fiance have been together for, like, 11 years. They've been doing it for 12. And we have been in a relationship the whole time. We've done this podcast, but if you typed in at one stage Tony and Ryan into Google, the, like, predictive text is like, right.

[Ryan]

Are dating? Yeah.

[Tony]

Are they together?

[Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, we get things, like, all the time being like, it's actually so disrespectful to your partners that you act this way. And I was like, have you never had a friend before?

[Kendall]

Literally, no. So many people online have never had a friend or relationship before. We'll get that all the time, too. Kendall and I'll be joking with each other, and they'll be like, can't believe you talk to your partner that way. I'm like, just admit that you're a loser. You have no friends. You have no joking, no fun. You don't love anyone. It's so wild to me.

[Ryan]

And I think it's also strange because, like, as a man and a woman, people are like, oh, they're. I'm like, well, we're not. Like, it's actually fine. We're fine.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And I'm friends with Ryan's wife. In fact, I knew Ryan's wife before I really knew him.

[Kendall]

I love that.

[Ryan]

Like, you know what I mean? So it's just. It's so.

[Tony]

She couldn't do that to Bridget. So.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And also, we don't do that.

[Jordan]

We don't do that.

[Ryan]

We don't do that.

[Tony]

I love you so much.

[Ryan]

Love you so much.

[Tony]

I love you. I love you.

[Ryan]

We don't do.

[Tony]

I know we don't do that, but I would.

[Ryan]

And this is the thing. You can want to fuck your friends.

[Kendall]

Yes.

[Jordan]

Right?

[Ryan]

It's so fine.

[Kendall]

Yes.

[Jordan]

Is that different in Australia? More like fucking your friends in Australia. Because I've been on a kick of reading this Australian romance author.

[Ryan]

Who is it?

[Jordan]

Ruby Landers. It's gay stuff.

[Ryan]

Oh. Hot.

[Jordan]

And it's. They're. They're all fucking their friends. So I thought maybe that's how you guys do it.

[Tony]

Well, when you said, we're going to discuss. Discuss dating. Dating in Australia is you fuck someone a bunch, and then you go, they're actually kind of cool. I don't know if many people go on dates.

[Kendall]

Really?

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Is that true across all sexualities?

[Ryan]

I believe so, yeah. Wow. Yeah. And I'm the authority on that.

[Tony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordan]

Wow.

[Kendall]

Honestly, when I first saw you two a million years ago on Tick Tock, seeing your clips because they're all so funny, I always watch them and like them. I was like, they're both. They are dating, but they're also both gay is what it.

[Ryan]

Thank you so much.

[Kendall]

You know what I mean?

[Ryan]

Really appreciate it.

[Kendall]

In my mind, I was like, they're two homosexuals, but they're dating.

[Tony]

I know you guys would love to see dick pics. So if you want to check out my dms, the whole gay community thinks I'm gay and just, like, loves to send me stuff. Wow.

[Kendall]

How do you feel about that? Flattered or.

[Tony]

Or very flattered? Very flattered.

[Ryan]

The other day I was at a Russian bath house in New York City. Thank you so much. And I went to go for the massage and I said, like, to the woman, I was like, oh, when is the lady who's doing my massage coming? She goes, you don't like boys. And was like, so offended.

[Tony]

And then what did she accuse you of?

[Ryan]

And she just thought I was a lesbian. But then she just, like, looked at me and she was like.

[Tony]

Cuz heaven would touch her.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I know. And I was just like, oh, my God.

[Kendall]

She was. She was shocked that you didn't want a male masseuse.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

I will say this track. So recently I went to a spa with my best friend, Lily. And first of all, again, sorry, you're my second best friend. No. So we went to this spa, and first of all, we get there and there's a sign that's like, bathing suit's optional. I was like, oh, was I supposed to bring a bathing suit? She was like, no. Literally, no one wears a bathing suit. We go inside, everyone's wearing a bathing suit except for her. And I have no bathing suit.

[Ryan]

Hang on. I need more context. So is this like, in the, like, plunge pool area or like the sweat room or for the massages?

[Kendall]

It's all of it. Not the. Not the massages, but, like, everything else. Like the plunge pool and the steam room, they're all in this, like, one big space.

[Ryan]

And you were not wearing a bathing suit.

[Kendall]

And her and I are fully nude.

[Ryan]

That is the hottest thing I've ever heard. If someone told me I had to go somewhere naked, I would literally throw up and die. Yes, well, like, I actually would just stay home, lock my doors, and eat my own house key.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

If we went somewhere and you're like, oh, and you just have to be naked. I'd be like, see ya.

[Kendall]

Absolutely not. The thing was, you didn't have to be naked, and most people chose not to be.

[Tony]

Oh, great.

[Kendall]

We were already there and did not have swimsuits and did not know, so we just had to do the whole thing naked. But I was left.

[Tony]

Oh, was it terrible?

[Kendall]

Because she was, like, paying for it for me for my birthday. So I was like, what am I going to. I can't leave. And we're both naked. It feels like. Like, solidarity, whatever. Like.

[Tony]

But is it. Are you pumped and excited, or are you, like, terrified?

[Ryan]

Do you feel hot about yourself?

[Kendall]

I felt neutral. I was just like, that is what it is.

[Ryan]

So cool. I. I would literally have depression.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

No more than normal.

[Kendall]

It's fine.

[Jordan]

Thank you for clarifying.

[Kendall]

I was like, wait, I feel like I'm the only gay person here. I don't think anyone's, like, looking at me.

[Jordan]

Well, I'm shocked. You're the only. I'm always trying to get naked.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Like, since I was a kid.

[Ryan]

Is this an American thing?

[Kendall]

No.

[Jordan]

I feel like. Well, the way you guys are talking about nudity, I'm like, maybe it is because to me, as a kid, there was a problem where I would get out of the bath and I would sprint out the front door naked, run down the street.

[Kendall]

She still does that.

[Jordan]

And I feel like as an adult then, I grew up in a community that had a lot of nudists. I don't know, nudists happen in Australia. A lot of nudist colonies where I grew up. And so it just was a little more normal for me. And now I'm like, like, let's get out of these clothes, guys. It's.

[Ryan]

So is this happen now?

[Tony]

Is this one of those podcasts where they. They take a break, five years naked, they talk, and they come back after the break and they debrief.

[Kendall]

Is that podcast.

[Ryan]

Let's do that now.

[Kendall]

Wow.

[Jordan]

Sometimes I just have this, you know, one of those moments where you're like, what are we doing? We're all. We have these malls and all these stores, and just to cover up our.

[Kendall]

Our.

[Jordan]

We all beautiful bodies. Let's just take it off. Unless you live in, like, a cold climate.

[Kendall]

Sure, sure.

[Ryan]

No, see, I look better naked if I'm cold.

[Tony]

Of course. It just tightens everything.

[Jordan]

Oh, is that.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Rock hard.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

What I was gonna say, though, was when I. Oh, it's gonna be covered that. It's gonna be covered that. I just Want to circle back? Because I was gonna say then when it came to the massage part, you put a robe on and you go wait in a waiting room with like, everyone. And I could not believe how many women were so excited and familiar with. With and to see their male masseuse. I selected to have a female masseuse because I'm like, why would I ever.

[Jordan]

You should have asked me about that.

[Kendall]

Sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay. Yeah. Cuz I'm trying to cheat. No, I would just want, like an old woman like that has just the calluses of a hundred years on her hands. Like, rubbing every single knot out of my body. I don't want a young guy. No. Nasty.

[Tony]

I want to feel life experience being pushed into me.

[Ryan]

The knowledge coming through.

[Kendall]

So many women were there, and then they would come out and there would be a man that looked like Fabio and he come out and they'd be like, michael, so good to see you. And he'd like, put his hand on the small of their back and like, guide them into the massage room.

[Ryan]

You can't put a hand on the small of their back. That is cheating. I think that's worse than anger of.

[Tony]

A naked back as well.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Oh, wow.

[Jordan]

That's very intimate.

[Ryan]

It's sensual.

[Jordan]

What is like the. Okay, if you. It's. Come on. It's about to be really good.

[Kendall]

I'm excited.

[Jordan]

In the US I guess you haven't dated in the US but do you.

[Ryan]

Feel like Ryan has actually, he went to College in the US where?

[Tony]

In St Louis. The thriving metropolis.

[Kendall]

Which one? Wash you?

[Tony]

Nah. Lindenwood in St. Charles.

[Jordan]

Oh, were you kind of popular because of your accent?

[Tony]

Yeah. There was one other Australian on campus.

[Ryan]

And Ryan said, get the fuck off myself.

[Kendall]

Women were lining up to suck the dick off your body with that accent in college. Are you kidding me?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tony]

So I used to. I've like, never really smoked, but I. Would you go up to someone and say, like. Cause you need an excuse to use the voice. Me. Have you got a lighter? And they're like, oh, my God, are you from London? And you're like, oh, sort of. And then. But then. But then never once did they go, oh, here you go. Because I would have been screwed. But yeah, never happened.

[Ryan]

Wow.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

I love that. Yeah. Do you.

[Tony]

You guys would be like that if you came to Australia.

[Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[Kendall]

Do people like it?

[Ryan]

My pussy's wet now.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

What does it sound like? Like to like. But when I hear other people, because I've watched those videos, they're like, this is what Americans sound like to other people.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And it doesn't.

[Ryan]

This is not. Americans sound like to other people.

[Jordan]

Yes. So what about that is attractive?

[Ryan]

Yeah. Nothing.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Ryan]

But it just sounds like. It's not really the accent. It's the possibility, it's the concept. It's the open. Yeah.

[Tony]

If you guys walked into a bar on let's say, Sydney Road, Brunswick in Melbourne, oh my God, they would just be. You would be lay down on the table and they'd just be lining up to go down on you.

[Kendall]

Yeah, yeah, we have. Please. I know I.

[Jordan]

Please.

[Ryan]

Would you guys want to stay with me in the country?

[Jordan]

Absolutely. Wait, I really do. Wow, that sounds really.

[Tony]

We could do it. We could do like a live show, the four of us. Yes. But everyone has to go down on these two. Cuz we promised that.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Then you can be the hot sexy foreigners.

[Kendall]

Wow, that was cool.

[Tony]

You will be there.

[Jordan]

Oh, oh.

[Tony]

We can have a crack as well. You can?

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Would you go down on us 1000%.

[Tony]

Really?

[Jordan]

Oh my God. Totally.

[Kendall]

We're not being serious.

[Ryan]

No, I. I joke about cunning.

[Jordan]

But what I was going to say is did do you. And then we'll get back to that. Because I do want to get back to that. Did do you feel like dating in America is very different from Australia?

[Tony]

Well, we see a lot of dating because like all TV shows are American. So I guess we just assume what happens.

[Ryan]

We say the Hollywood version.

[Tony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordan]

I think it's similar because I think Americans are always trying recreate, like that's what they're dating on.

[Kendall]

Sure.

[Jordan]

Like that's how you date.

[Kendall]

What American dating shows have y' all seen or are watching?

[Ryan]

Well, I. I just love all reality tv. So if I've like watched the Hills and like that, I'm like, oh my God, that's what it's like. They're all rich, they're all beautiful, and all of their parents are super, like famous. Whatever.

[Tony]

Yeah. And not to age myself, but I grew up watching like Seinfeld and Friends and stuff and that all those shows are based on like, like stories of I went out and had coffee with this girl and this is what happened and blah, blah, blah.

[Ryan]

Is that happening? Because I don't think people are going out for coffee with a different person every episode in real life.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I actually do think that's really common. Like, I feel like dating. It's like, especially with the apps now. Cause you're not, you know, you're meeting up with a stranger. So it's like oh, let's go grab.

[Ryan]

Coffee, break the ice a little bit. Daytime date.

[Kendall]

Yes.

[Jordan]

Daytime date, I feel like is very popular for a first date.

[Ryan]

Charles, are you going on lots of dates? Charles is single.

[Tony]

Charles, we were in Hobart, which seems like a million miles from where we are right now.

[Ryan]

So this is like Tasmania, which is like the little island at the bottom of Australia.

[Tony]

I'll say the Alaska of Australia.

[Kendall]

Okay.

[Tony]

And so we turn up, and Charles is just like. And he's bringing people back to the work. Airbnb, where we are there.

[Ryan]

What I would like to add, actually, is that I actually made a vlog, right. Of our experience. Someone saw Charles in the background of my vlog, and they texted Charles and said, oh, my God, you work for Tony Love plus can we fuck tonight?

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And he said yes to the McDonald's drive through. Right. They went to Macca's, had a hash brown, and then fucked in the car, of course. And then he came home.

[Kendall]

Now, Charles, can I ask you a question?

[Tony]

He's probably dying.

[Kendall]

You don't have to answer it.

[Tony]

We do.

[Ryan]

I'm your boss, and you do have.

[Kendall]

To, but I'm not your boss, so I can't ask you. You're a gay man.

[Tony]

I am not, though.

[Kendall]

You're straight.

[Jordan]

That's very gay man behavior.

[Kendall]

Go ahead, treat your women better.

[Tony]

I'm saying it's very gay man behavior to have sex with a girl in the back of a McDonald's. McDonald's drive thru.

[Jordan]

Well, anyway, anytime I'm with a gay.

[Kendall]

Man, when you said he went, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, be.

[Ryan]

I said, oh, that's his granddaughter, Granddad. No, anytime I'm with a man popping.

[Jordan]

Off, it could be Thanksgiving dinner. I'm with my mother. My gay friend is like, I'm just gonna go out and use a glory hole really fast. Like, God, five seconds.

[Kendall]

It is wild. Like, there have been times when I've been shopping with friends and we're like, in midtown Manhattan. And they're like, you're gonna pop in Zara for a second. I'm gonna pop over here for one second. I'll be right back. And then I'm like, oh, you went to the Hilton to use the bathroom? And then they're like, oh, no, I went and had sex with a guy that I matched with on Grindr just now that lives in an apartment building above here. Like, that's. You're doing that with women?

[Ryan]

That's hot for me, Charles.

[Jordan]

Yeah, you rake.

[Tony]

Oh, you started working with us like A month ago. He used to.

[Jordan]

That's really funny, Lord, because I would have assumed he'd worked for you 10 times.

[Tony]

And you know why? Before us, Charles worked on Love Island. So he's gone, oh, this is how society works.

[Ryan]

This is what's going on. He's got the water bottle and everything.

[Kendall]

Something is wrong with him. Okay.

[Tony]

I am.

[Jordan]

Okay, pull up another.

[Ryan]

Charles.

[Kendall]

We'll talk to you later. The next episode, I'm literally gagged over that. I never. I'm like, oh, my. What? Like, are you giving everyone UTIs? What's going on?

[Ryan]

Don't you dare give someone a UTI.

[Tony]

Yeah, not on work.

[Jordan]

And how dare you laugh. This is not funny.

[Tony]

Yeah. So Tony and I have both been in relationships for a very long time and we like sometimes talk about, like, oh, we've both got no game because.

[Ryan]

You know, oh my God.

[Tony]

And if we were on that, if.

[Ryan]

My fiance died, I'd be fucked up.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And then we'd never break up.

[Tony]

But he died and we was like, oh, instead of like going on a first date, can we just like skip to the fourth year when we just have given up and like, you know, it's all good and we can just watch TV and sit because I don't like it. Leaving the house, you know?

[Jordan]

Today's episode is sponsored by Quints.

[Kendall]

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[Jordan]

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[Kendall]

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[Jordan]

Recently I got a vest from Quince and honestly, you've probably seen it. Cause I'm sure I've worn it on the podcast. But Jordan, tell them how cute it is.

[Kendall]

It's really cute.

[Jordan]

I'm absolutely obsessed with it and the quality just feels so top notch and comfy comfortable.

[Kendall]

On top of that, we've been using their bedding for years and we're obsessed with how silky soft it is.

[Jordan]

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[Kendall]

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[Jordan]

That's quince.com wife to get free shipping and 365 day return returns. Quin.com wife.

[Kendall]

Okay, let's get into it. Our fans, who are so excited that you're on the podcast, they're so excited.

[Ryan]

Do your fans have like a nickname? Like, do you have like a.

[Kendall]

We call them. Wait, do you guys know what that is?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Do you know.

[Kendall]

Is that an Australian term?

[Tony]

Yeah, but are we like, are we allowed to say that?

[Ryan]

Ryan the other day, he goes, no, they've re. We've reclaimed that. I said.

[Tony]

I did say that. I did say that. I said it slipped out and I said, I think we've reclaimed that. And Charles, like, I'll be editing that out. Yeah.

[Ryan]

I was like, they have. He was like, hey, I love to learn.

[Kendall]

I love that.

[Ryan]

Brian's like ally of the Central.

[Tony]

But so just to confirm, we haven't reclaimed that. We're not saying that. You're saying.

[Jordan]

And we won't be editing this out.

[Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[Kendall]

This is what I'll say if I.

[Tony]

Straight man on podcast.

[Kendall]

Listen, if you said it, honestly, I think it would make me laugh. But I think that in yes, in general, I would say probably only lesbians. So I just don't have time.

[Tony]

Just say yes or no and then.

[Kendall]

No, no, no.

[Ryan]

People. I'm so embarrassed. Well, I just have a mortgage. Okay.

[Tony]

Earlier, were we recording when you said you've canceled hundreds of people? Yeah, well, hundreds and one.

[Kendall]

Yeah, no, I. I was just making a joke. We don't have a fun name for our fans. My joke was just that most of our fans are lesbians.

[Ryan]

Love it.

[Jordan]

Is there an Australian name for lesbians?

[Tony]

Yeah, no, no, Just the same.

[Kendall]

Just no fun little.

[Ryan]

I don't think that there is. I mean, maybe there is like insularly.

[Kendall]

Hold on.

[Ryan]

I could say I'm googling it.

[Jordan]

Yeah, we're just trying to get you question.

[Tony]

Even if there was, we wouldn't say it.

[Kendall]

What do you call other minorities?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Australian terms for lesbians. Let's see.

[Jordan]

Because I'm reading. So I've been reading these books, this Australian art.

[Ryan]

Yeah, the slutty ones.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

The words they're saying. I'm not trying to be rude, but get over yourselves.

[Ryan]

Like what?

[Jordan]

These made up words that I don't even know. They'll just be like, he came over and the. Pippa was on the. I'm like, what Is that. And they're like, oh, it's a dog. Like, I don't know. It's just random.

[Tony]

Her dog's Pippa.

[Ryan]

It's the weirdest.

[Kendall]

The book's about her dog. The book's about her dog.

[Tony]

Was that Tony's autobiography?

[Jordan]

That was really weird.

[Tony]

I was reading some gay adult fiction about Tony and Pippa.

[Jordan]

And what's the wrong with that? They just say these random words where they're like, well, instead of soda, we say. And it's something that I'm like, you're.

[Tony]

Just making soft drink.

[Jordan]

Okay, well, that's not that crazy. You're just making stuff up at this point.

[Ryan]

Sounds like you're making this up. You don't have any examples.

[Tony]

You're first from California, now you're from North Carolina.

[Kendall]

Yeah. You're getting podcast. Kendall has never had one example in her life. So if you're hoping for that, you're not going to get it. I will say that the first thing Google tells me is that in Australia, scissoring is a term, but it is sometimes considered derogatory.

[Ryan]

Do you not say scissoring in Australia?

[Kendall]

It's derogatory.

[Ryan]

Oh, I wouldn't have considered it.

[Jordan]

Let's ask the real lesbian.

[Tony]

What do you think? I don't.

[Ryan]

You have the most inside of it.

[Kendall]

Okay, let's get into what our fans sent in. They wanted to know about Australia versus the US in terms of dating, love, and relationships. And our first question comes from someone who says, tony and Ryan, are people more mean slash judgmental in Australia or.

[Tony]

The U.S. i reckon in Australia, I'm more mean.

[Ryan]

I think so.

[Jordan]

Really?

[Ryan]

The tall poppy thing.

[Kendall]

What? There's my. What the hell is that?

[Jordan]

What?

[Kendall]

That was British accent.

[Tony]

That was not Australian. That was not Australian.

[Ryan]

That was a tall puppy. Pepper on the donkey.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

What the.

[Tony]

The North Carolina Californian speaks British.

[Ryan]

That's the same thing you've been saying.

[Tony]

Tall poppy syndrome is, like, the tallest poppy in the bunch gets cut off. So if people are, like, too successful, people that start turning on them and.

[Ryan]

Start judging them, like, in Australia, it's like, yeah, big thing to, like, support people to a certain point. And then you go, whoa, too big for your boots. Like, calm the down. And then we just, like, cut them loose.

[Jordan]

Have people been mean to you because you're successful?

[Tony]

No, we're at that. Nice. But we're not successful enough to be cut.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And I also don't think that we really are that, like, successful in that way.

[Tony]

No, but that was before I said that. Thing earlier. So maybe now's our time.

[Ryan]

Shut the up.

[Kendall]

Who's an example of someone who was beloved but then came. Became too successful and then people freaked?

[Ryan]

That's a really good question. I think Rebel Wilson is a really good example.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

We threw on her too.

[Kendall]

Here. We turned on her two years.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Because she honestly, she was like Australia's sweetheart. Got pushed out all over the world. It was so exciting. And then she, like, moves to la and everyone's like, ha, ha. Too good for us now. And then it's like, like. And then she loses weight and everyone's like, oh, you care about being skinny now and not being Australian. And then, you know when you say.

[Jordan]

We, do you mean America?

[Kendall]

America.

[Jordan]

I like her way when she lost.

[Kendall]

For my America said, no, thank you.

[Jordan]

Interesting.

[Ryan]

And we do that kind of a trend at the moment. Like people losing weight and people be like, oh, so all you care about is how you look? I'm like, well, you didn't like me when I was fat either.

[Jordan]

That's exactly crazy.

[Kendall]

And they've always been on that, though. Think of, like, Jonah Hill.

[Ryan]

Totally.

[Kendall]

Like, a lot of people.

[Ryan]

I mean, they did some fuck stuff after that as well also.

[Kendall]

But people were mad that he lost weight.

[Ryan]

Totally.

[Jordan]

Also, every part Rebel Wilson played, they were like, her name is fat Genevieve.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

She was like, you make so much stuff up.

[Tony]

Yeah. Have you ever said a word of truth in your life thing that comes.

[Ryan]

Out of your fucking mouth?

[Jordan]

This is going to haunt me because Jordan is going to use this in an argument tomorrow.

[Kendall]

You say, other people see it say day. I'll be like, well, you know you're a liar, so it's not. And then Kendall will be like, I'm not a liar. That hurts my feelings. And I'm like, charles, are you saying this? I think you're a bad person, but you do. Kendall tells a lot of white lies for a myriad of reasons she can't remember. She doesn't want a white lie.

[Jordan]

I know what I'm saying.

[Kendall]

That's a different lies about stuff. And I think that's fine. And I love her, but I'm like, just to own it. No white lies.

[Tony]

No.

[Jordan]

Oh, come on.

[Ryan]

No, just honestly.

[Kendall]

That's a lie.

[Jordan]

White lie right there.

[Kendall]

Okay, wait. Let me hit you with some celebrities. And I want to know if Australians still like them or not. Not Hugh Jackman.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan]

He's a sh.

[Ryan]

Love. And he's now dating Sutton Foster.

[Kendall]

I know.

[Ryan]

I would watch that sex tape.

[Kendall]

I'm sad, though. I loved him and his old wife. I thought that was awesome.

[Ryan]

His old wife.

[Kendall]

I really met old wife. Thank you for defending me. Well, wasn't she much older than him? Wasn't that the whole thing? She was like much older than him and she always wore like, feathers. I loved her.

[Ryan]

She was like very successful before him. So originally it was like she was like this huge success and he was like kind of nothing.

[Tony]

This little toy boy.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And then he ended up like coming up and like obviously being a huge export of Australia and then. Yeah, I. I love Sutton Foster though.

[Kendall]

I do too.

[Ryan]

Thoroughly Modern Millie is one of my favorite musicals of all time.

[Kendall]

Yeah, we just.

[Ryan]

He's pretty racist, but like.

[Kendall]

No, you gotta. You gotta fast forward through those parts.

[Ryan]

Yeah, don't watch.

[Kendall]

Just listen to the soundtrack and then you don't have to watch. But we just saw her in Once Upon a Mattress. Unbelievable.

[Jordan]

It's amazing. Like some people, you're like. I feel like I'm watching, watching.

[Ryan]

You just can't take your eyes off her.

[Jordan]

Right. You can feel you're watching like an icon.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Have you watched younger, like the show where she's like, works in publishing with Debbie Mezor? Oh my God. Who?

[Tony]

I love the show with my. Who's supposed to be my wife?

[Kendall]

What?

[Jordan]

What?

[Ryan]

Hillary Duff?

[Jordan]

Yeah, she was supposed to be your wife?

[Tony]

Well, I just grew up assuming I would.

[Kendall]

Oh, sure.

[Ryan]

At one point that that would happen.

[Kendall]

That makes sense.

[Tony]

And then I saw her Architectural Digest video and I was like, this would be my house, so. Yeah, they're the chickens. I was like, that could be mine.

[Ryan]

Don't you hate it? A sliding doors moment.

[Kendall]

Yeah. Tr All Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Hemsworth.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah. I think that he will always be a bit of a staple. Yeah, he like, I think, I think he lost a little bit of stock for a while there. Cuz the like Bondi thing. Like cuz all the celebrities moved to this, like really?

[Tony]

Byron?

[Ryan]

Yes. Oh my God. Sorry.

[Tony]

He ruined a whole town's economy.

[Jordan]

Wait, Bondi, Like Bondi Beach?

[Ryan]

The show like Bondi Rescue. Yeah, yeah. But I said the wrong place.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I love that show.

[Kendall]

You said the wrong place. And then she said the wrong show.

[Ryan]

I'm really feeling a vibe.

[Tony]

So the Hemsworth moved to this like small little coastal beach town. And then everyone was like, oh, that's the cool place to be. And they all moved there. And the house prices went crazy and all the locals had to move away.

[Ryan]

They couldn't afford to live there anymore.

[Tony]

And all the slaves.

[Jordan]

Is it their fault or everyone else.

[Tony]

And that's the Hemsworth effect of have more adventure vacation.

[Kendall]

So just keep that in mind.

[Jordan]

What are you doing on today's episode? You're trying to get us all. We're gonna have to start. We're gonna have to move in together. We're all gonna run out of money because of this one canceling.

[Kendall]

Sorry. Nicole K. Kidman.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Hot.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

We love her here.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Love her.

[Ryan]

And Keith Urban.

[Kendall]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan]

You know, like huge.

[Tony]

Although I feel like Nicole Kidman does the same. You're going a cardigan. You can do the move every single show. You're like, oh, and Nicole Kidman in this show will have a cardigan and go, yeah.

[Kendall]

How many shows have you done?

[Ryan]

So true. How many shows have you done?

[Tony]

I've got more range than the cardigan movie.

[Jordan]

Uhhuh.

[Kendall]

How dare you come for Nicole Kidman.

[Jordan]

Nicole Kidman has been in every single show. Like, I get very over anytime I go to the movies. Every movie she's in. And you go to t. She's in these random TV shows that I'm like, do you have something going on? It feels like she's not allowed to go home or something.

[Kendall]

She loves acting and that's what I love about her. Did you guys watch Baby Girl?

[Ryan]

What's Baby Girl?

[Kendall]

Baby Girl, the movie with her and Harris Dickinson.

[Tony]

No, movies take a few years to get to Australia. We have seen the Perfect Couple though. And we hate the intro of Dance Couple.

[Ryan]

That was a show she did with yes. Leave Shribach.

[Kendall]

Yes.

[Tony]

On Nantucket.

[Ryan]

That was hot.

[Kendall]

I thought that show was good. But you guys gotta watch Baby Girl. It's really horny. It's like she's an older woman who's like an executive. Oh, no.

[Jordan]

Oh, I wish.

[Kendall]

That's a different like Netflix movie.

[Ryan]

But that's a movie.

[Kendall]

She's got Joey King's in it. Who you like?

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Kendall]

Munchause I love every Munchausen the unboxing. Watch the ad.

[Tony]

We've got a 16 hour flight tonight back to Australia. Line up the Qantas Australian airline. Surely there's a Nicole Kman playlist.

[Kendall]

Please try to watch Baby Girl. It is so horny.

[Tony]

And I can't watch horny on a plane though.

[Kendall]

Really? Why?

[Ryan]

Oh, because off.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And you can go to jail. I'm pretty sure they.

[Kendall]

No, you cannot go to jail for watching a movie with a jerked off. If you jerked off. But that's not what you're talking about.

[Jordan]

That's what we talk about.

[Tony]

I'm not watch H. Movies.

[Ryan]

Have you ever jerked off on a plane?

[Jordan]

Have you ever jerk off?

[Ryan]

Have you ever jerked off?

[Jordan]

I have.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

In the bathroom. What's wrong with you? What?

[Jordan]

It's a long flight.

[Tony]

Tony, would you like to ask our new friends Jordan and best friends Jordan again, what you asked on Patreon the other day?

[Ryan]

Oh. Have you ever started jerking off and then just, like, gotten bored and been like, ugh? But then you feel so bad about yourself because you're like, oh, my God, if I don't even want to jerk myself off, then who will?

[Jordan]

Sometimes I have stopped to. Because I'm. And this is sad in a different way. It's like, I'm so out of shape.

[Kendall]

That you.

[Ryan]

Are so out of breath.

[Jordan]

That I need to stop. Cause I feel sick. And then I'm like. Or my legs have been clenching too long and my muscles simply don't exist.

[Ryan]

Sorry. I'm trying to imagine the position that you're in because how are you out of breath?

[Kendall]

And what do you want for back bend?

[Tony]

So we have a rule in our office that when something.

[Kendall]

What is the masturbation rule of your office?

[Tony]

That does sound bad.

[Ryan]

There should be a masturbation rule in our office.

[Tony]

Video's on, like, the first floor, and we've got a rule. You're not allowed to speak to someone for two minutes after they've walked up the stairs because they'll be.

[Ryan]

Because they've just masturbated.

[Jordan]

You can be a sex offender for anything. I'm not saying.

[Kendall]

I'm not saying that.

[Jordan]

No, but you can, like, if you are seen nude, if you streaked in public. Sex offender.

[Kendall]

I told you this. Okay?

[Jordan]

And I'm relaying the information.

[Kendall]

Thank you.

[Jordan]

I didn't go to college.

[Kendall]

You were my college student. I know. I love you, but also.

[Jordan]

Also, what did she go to college for?

[Kendall]

What did I go to for this? Streaking. Streaking, Nudity. Going to jail. I need to know because I have an Australian nemesis. Oh, I hate more than anyone. Cate Blanchette.

[Ryan]

So fair. What's her accent doing?

[Tony]

Where's she at?

[Ryan]

Do you know what I mean? She needs to sort that fuck out.

[Kendall]

You think it's not real love that?

[Ryan]

I just think it's. She sounds like AI.

[Kendall]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Have you seen Ocean's 8?

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Random.

[Kendall]

100%.

[Tony]

Why does James Gordon turn up in that movie?

[Ryan]

Could have ended, like, four times. You know what I mean? Like, you're watching it. Okay, so what is.

[Tony]

What have they personally done to you?

[Ryan]

Yeah, what's Kate done to you? Is it because her name is spelled with a cuz?

[Kendall]

That doesn't help. I think she's a villain. First of all, her son is named after Roman Polansky. You guys know that.

[Tony]

That's.

[Kendall]

Her son is named after Romanski, who she loves.

[Ryan]

Let's hope that he doesn't take after Roman.

[Tony]

He doesn't have Google. Like, when he gets a bit older.

[Ryan]

My namesake.

[Tony]

Friendly to a lot of people.

[Ryan]

There's all these pictures of them at Christmas.

[Kendall]

I think they are allegedly all this off record and allegedly and whatever. And don't see me. Cate Blanchett. But also, apparently, she is, like, a big Woody Allen supporter. She, like, kept doing his movies and whatever. And then she's also, like, very loud about how there's a whole debate, at least here in America, of like. Like, what in the world could you be laughing at?

[Jordan]

It's so funny.

[Kendall]

Like, I think.

[Jordan]

No, I just laughing. I just laughing because it's like, it's probably the same in Australia, but maybe it's not.

[Kendall]

Well, I don't know. I don't know how big their. Their queer film industry is.

[Jordan]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Tony]

It's thriving.

[Jordan]

Is it?

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

All right. Okay. Well, then everywhere, then in all places, there's this.

[Ryan]

Well, it might not be all places.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Don't speak.

[Kendall]

I'm going to go. Well, there's just this thing of, like, should queer actors play? Or should straight actors be able to play queer? Should CIS actors be able to play trans? I think there's a lot of things you could talk about with that. But what I think is very interesting is Cate Blanchett is a very loud and vocal proponent of the fact that CIS actors and straight actors should be allowed to play gay characters and transgender characters, which is almost exclusively what she's done her entire career. But. But you never hear her advocate that straight roles can also go to transgender people. Transgender people don't just have to play transgender people. Transgender people can be actors full of life, just like any other actor. Gay people can play street people, whatever. She never, ever advocates in the other way. She only advocates in the way that is beneficial to her, and I think that's nasty. She also, I think, is like, a big queer baiter. She did a lot of weird stuff on the Carol Press tour. She loves to act like she's gay, but she's not.

[Ryan]

I love how much you hate it.

[Kendall]

Really hate her a lot. I hate her.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

And I think we all know that I'm not gonna be famous enough to Be in a movie with her. So we. God, like, if you are, you know what I mean? I'll talk to you about it.

[Jordan]

What would you do if you got a call?

[Tony]

I'm clarifying that, bro, because I was getting wired.

[Kendall]

Yeah, so you were scared. But don't worry, I'm not gonna do that famous.

[Jordan]

You get a call, you're supposed to co star alongside Cate Blanchett.

[Kendall]

Okay, I don't care. I've worked with a lot of people I don't like.

[Ryan]

All right, what's happening now?

[Tony]

Yeah, that's all.

[Kendall]

No, but I mean. And I would be happy to have a conversation. I would love for her to come on the pod. I would love for her to come on the pod. It's like the show is Australian week.

[Tony]

Here on Happy Wife. High five. Bring her in.

[Kendall]

Bring her in. Yeah, okay. I hate her. Okay, good. We're on the same page about her. We all hate her. Thank God. Let's get back to things from our fans.

[Jordan]

But you said on that question, you said you think Australians are meaner, you think Americans are nice.

[Ryan]

Oh, I don't think I said that.

[Jordan]

Not all, but general energy.

[Tony]

We've got a real bi because like we come here and do a meet and greet and everyone's really nice to us. So I don't feel like we've got the true.

[Ryan]

And they hear the accent and they go, oh, bloody hell. You know, and there's like an easy like, yeah. Conversation. I don't like tipping.

[Kendall]

Sure.

[Ryan]

I don't understand it.

[Tony]

We don't tip in Australia and Charles and Tony don't tip here either. So.

[Ryan]

No, I just.

[Kendall]

No, Tony.

[Ryan]

No, no. I think for the first time we're.

[Tony]

About to head home after a two week trip.

[Ryan]

No, we've been here for one week. No, I just don't really like. Cuz it's so far for us like, because everyone gets paid well.

[Tony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jordan]

So we don't have that.

[Ryan]

Yep. So sad.

[Jordan]

Well, this is my thing.

[Kendall]

I always think it's funny when tourists are like, I don't believe in tipping. I'm like, well, it's not about not believing in it. We do it here, so you need to do it.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Charles is laughing because it's him. Charles, go yourself. It is like, I'm just like. It just is a thing like you learn about other countries when you go to them and you have to tip and then.

[Ryan]

So true. I think that is fair.

[Kendall]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

No, I've never really thought about it like that. I think the hard thing for Me, is that like, oh, I just wish that people got. And I know that wishing it doesn't make it imagine how we feel. Yeah, no, totally right. Like, and you just wish that that was true. That's not going to change anything.

[Kendall]

Okay. This person wants to know what are the perceived differences in things that you look for in a partner in the USA vs Australia? For example, prioritizing things like, someone who makes me laugh or I want someone who's rich are very popular in America. Do you feel like it's similar in Australia or do you think there's, like a totally different value moral system that you're looking for?

[Ryan]

I reckon that in, like, my circle, as the echo chamber of my own circle, I'd say that, like, politically you would want to be aligned with whoever you were. Like, I would say that you would end up with someone who was, like, pretty similar. Yeah. Don't you reckon?

[Tony]

I think so. Well, there's. Yeah. Although when you. From the Outsiders, you look at American, it seems very like, are you left or right? Whereas in Australia, it's probably not as predominant. I. I don't know. I feel like I just watch too many TikTok. Yeah. I was gonna say with TikTok, it seems like everyone wants the, like, finance guy time blur. But it's like, oh, how'd you. How'd you go when you got along with. Oh, yeah, they really laid back. They're chill. Oh, they laid back.

[Ryan]

Down to earth.

[Tony]

Yeah, down to earth. Calm, funny. Chill. Like, they're the kind of words. And even, like, what their job is and how much they earn would be like the, you know, not the first couple of things you would ask or even care about. Like, even if a friend of mine went on a date, you wouldn't be like, how much they earn? Are they rich?

[Ryan]

So true.

[Tony]

You'd just be like, what are they like? Oh, they're pretty chill. Yeah. Like.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And I think because all. Well, especially all Americans, but I think everybody just assumes that all Australians. Australians are laid back surfers. And we are.

[Kendall]

Well, you did say the main thing you're looking for, it sounds like, is somebody who's chill.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And I think that, like, as Australians, we have that, like, the assumption is that we are all just like, so chilled out.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Like, you know, are you chill? No, no.

[Kendall]

Neither one of you.

[Ryan]

I mean, I'm not.

[Tony]

I wasn't. No. Tony's very chill.

[Ryan]

No, I'm not. But that's actually fine. Like, I'm so fine with that.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I know that I'm not sure.

[Tony]

Yeah, no, you're very.

[Kendall]

But I'm good.

[Ryan]

I have other value.

[Tony]

Yeah, you're very talented.

[Jordan]

Well, when I've listened to Australians talk, I feel like they are very. Like, it's. Whatever. It's. You know, there's, like, common things. Do you feel like that has a.

[Tony]

Hard feeling in a group of people? There's always the. It's chill, whatever, and then there's the person that has to get to the airport three hours before the flight.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tony]

And so for some reason, though, the chill people and the Tonys work together or get married and stuff, and so everyone's happy. You're not arguing ever.

[Jordan]

So that's the same as America.

[Ryan]

Yes, but I think that that's. Yeah. Pretty universal.

[Jordan]

Yeah. That's like us.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Freaking out all the time, and I have no idea what's going on, and I feel great.

[Ryan]

Yeah. See, it's not nice when they say it, is it?

[Kendall]

So rude.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I know.

[Kendall]

You're so rude. And, Kendall, you. You'd be dead without me. I don't want to hear it.

[Jordan]

And I know. But I would be happy.

[Kendall]

But you'd be free.

[Jordan]

I'd be free.

[Ryan]

Did you have friends?

[Kendall]

Me?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Why?

[Ryan]

Oh, you just have such nice tea.

[Kendall]

Thank you. Almost all the ones you're seeing are fake.

[Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[Kendall]

They're veneers.

[Tony]

Did. Did you just say that, Tony? Because we've been bullying Jordan this whole time, and you feel like we need to make.

[Ryan]

Because every time you laugh, I like, oh, my God. Such a pretty smile. But I'm like, oh, my God. They're like, all perfectly even. Both of you actually have.

[Jordan]

Thank you. I had braces for a long time, too.

[Ryan]

Yeah. So I just assume that people in America wouldn't have braces because it's so expensive.

[Kendall]

I would say almost everyone here has braces is what it feels like. I feel like almost everyone I knew and I moved around a lot, so I lived in a lot of different places, and I feel like most people get some kind of brace, relatively speaking.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

World racing done, I would assume. Okay. Do you guys have pickup lines that are popular in Australia?

[Tony]

Tony is about to share with you what her partner said the first time they met.

[Ryan]

He said, have you ever come so hard you shit yourself? And I went, mark, no. And then he goes, you want to.

[Jordan]

I'm sorry.

[Ryan]

He's really tall.

[Jordan]

800 questions.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Lay them on me. I have no idea about it.

[Kendall]

On an app or. In person.

[Ryan]

No, in person. We met at university.

[Tony]

Yeah. They went to college together.

[Jordan]

In class. You talking like that in class?

[Ryan]

In class. I was actually the year above him, so who care. It was. Yeah. Did he do his break?

[Kendall]

Are you covered in right now?

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan]

That's insane.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Also not a thing I really would think to be like striving for like I wouldn't be like, well, I've orgasmed but not enough to shit that.

[Ryan]

Not to defecate.

[Tony]

That's what. Someone who hasn't come so hard, they've shit themselves.

[Ryan]

Yeah. What are you guys doing?

[Kendall]

What is wrong with her?

[Ryan]

Like that.

[Jordan]

What is wrong with you? I hate you.

[Kendall]

Sorry.

[Tony]

That girl in Chicago told us the. You know, the Australian kiss. Oh, have you heard of the Australia? I actually can't look you in the eye when I say it.

[Jordan]

Come on.

[Ryan]

On look I did in the arm.

[Jordan]

Come on. What is it?

[Ryan]

I feel like we should leave.

[Kendall]

If you guys kiss. I'm going to kiss her, bro.

[Tony]

An Australian kiss is like a French kiss, but down under.

[Kendall]

Oh.

[Tony]

Or don't look disgust.

[Ryan]

No, I don't.

[Kendall]

Oral sex. Candle oral just.

[Ryan]

But like cuz Australia is like down.

[Kendall]

Under a mouth and a vagina. She's very pretty.

[Tony]

Wow. It doesn't seem like you do.

[Kendall]

So Ryan's gonna say the d slur.

[Tony]

I've got a 16 hour flight tonight. I'm just gonna think about that the whole time.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I think I was just picturing like mouths moving and then so I was picturing genitals just.

[Ryan]

But I think it's like a French kiss with the tongue on the pulse.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Right. No, down under. That's an Australian kiss.

[Kendall]

So that sounds like it implies that instead of kissing on the mouth, you guys just do oral.

[Tony]

Yeah, we're an oral heavy country.

[Ryan]

How did you guys meet?

[Tony]

How often do you.

[Kendall]

How often do we do oral? How did we meet? Yeah, we are.

[Tony]

Tony's decided we are moving on at all.

[Ryan]

I'm about to talk about the peacock lime wall.

[Tony]

Yes. We're sisters.

[Kendall]

We're sisters. Famously. All adopt your sisters. We are both comedians and we both lived in New York for a long time. And then during the pandemic I had a tik tok that went viral.

[Ryan]

Hot.

[Kendall]

Thank you. It is embarrassing to say, but it.

[Ryan]

Is so nasty because it means she.

[Jordan]

Like, I'm looking for a cash grab.

[Tony]

You're a star is what you are.

[Kendall]

Truly is. Did you just look at.

[Tony]

Did you just look at my genitals?

[Kendall]

No.

[Ryan]

Like that. Actually.

[Tony]

Check the tape.

[Ryan]

I didn't check the tape.

[Tony]

Check the tape. I said that. And then you just look straight at my dick. He went, the pandemic was a wild time, but it wasn't that wild. So how. Jordan had a TikTok that went viral.

[Jordan]

I didn't mean to. I'm a.

[Tony]

Check the tape. Check the tape.

[Kendall]

He's actually never seen one.

[Jordan]

I've never seen one. I was curious.

[Tony]

Well, Tony saw one in the. Tony saw one in the pool yesterday. And I said, watch me do a handstand.

[Ryan]

And then I said, are you wearing underwear on your board shorts? And he said, no. And I saw his full ball sack.

[Tony]

Sorry.

[Kendall]

Oh, we're happy.

[Jordan]

I won't look at you at all the rest. Cause clearly my eye. I don't have my glasses on.

[Kendall]

Look, she's anxious.

[Tony]

Yeah, I didn't know.

[Ryan]

I'm so chill.

[Tony]

So hang on, you're about. You've seen this viral star and thought, I want to start.

[Kendall]

A friend sent it to her and was like, oh, that's so crazy. Jordan's going viral. And Kendall was like, I don't know who this is. And she was like, oh, Jordan is a comedian on here. And I think I maybe was like your friend's improv teacher or something. And very cool. And so then Kendall started following, following me, and then dming me non stop.

[Tony]

What was the opening line? Was it. Was there a line?

[Kendall]

Oh, just emojis. Anytime I would say anything, she would send the hard eyes emoji. So it'd be like a sandwich I made. And she'd be like, hard eyes.

[Ryan]

That is so lazy.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

That's like not zero effort.

[Kendall]

And it's been like that ever since.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Tony]

You knew what you're getting into, Jordan.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Here we are.

[Jordan]

I was trying to be, you know, chill. You guys understand Australia.

[Tony]

I get it.

[Jordan]

I was trying to be chill. And. And then I said. I said, go on a date with me.

[Ryan]

And then you said, go on a date with me. Would you like to go out me?

[Jordan]

I think I said, I think you.

[Kendall]

Said, let's do a zoom date. And I said, okay. And then you said, but before we go on date, I do want you to know. Well, you were in New York and I was in la.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

And I was. She was like, I want you to know that I'm a couple years younger than you and I live in New York. And I said, I am not interested. Thank you. Goodbye. And then Kendall was like, no, no, no. You will really like me.

[Tony]

A.

[Kendall]

So let's just do one zoom date.

[Tony]

That's your behavior.

[Ryan]

Not.

[Kendall]

And then I was like, like, okay, how old Are you? And then she was only a couple years younger than me. And then she was like, ann, I'm like, my parents live in California. I'm moving back to California soon. I'm with you.

[Jordan]

Don't find a place to stay. I was like, please.

[Kendall]

So I was like, okay. So we did our zoom date and we had a great time. Except Kendall did make herself a bowl of pasta and then didn't eat it the whole, like, six hour date. She just held it the whole time.

[Jordan]

I was really nervous. It was really scared.

[Tony]

Eating pasta in front of someone you just met, though, is not what you want to be dealing with.

[Kendall]

I just held the bowl of pasta six hours.

[Tony]

You must have, like, really got along. Like, you don't just have a six hour zoom date with someone and then go like, yes.

[Kendall]

I mean, I would say long dates are a very cultural lesbian thing because.

[Ryan]

Then you move in together.

[Kendall]

Because then you move in together immediately. And it takes a while at the animal shelter to get a cat, so the dates have to be very long. But, yes, we did. Kendall was right. I did like her very much. And we are. I always say this because I think people are surprised by it. I think Kendall and I present especially comedically to have, like, different energies. But Kendall and I are very, very similar and very compatible.

[Tony]

You love her.

[Ryan]

No, that's not what she said.

[Kendall]

I need her listen to women when I speak. I don't love her. I need her at this point.

[Jordan]

That's really sweet. How did you guys meet? You dating?

[Tony]

We worked at the same radio station and Tony said, nice to meet you. I've got a pimple on my vagina and I'm having a bad day.

[Jordan]

How do people.

[Kendall]

And how quickly were you fired after that?

[Tony]

No, I literally was like, okay.

[Ryan]

I was like, yeah. And then we were both in the back of a Volkswagen Golf, and it popped.

[Tony]

That's right.

[Jordan]

Wait, a what? A Volkswagen.

[Kendall]

And it popped.

[Ryan]

Volkswagen Golf. Like a little hatchback.

[Tony]

But then the. The pimple popped and I was sitting.

[Ryan]

Next to Tony and yeah, because I'd sat down, I was like, you know.

[Tony]

That thing I told you earlier? It just popped. And I was like, the day we met, and I was like, we will be friends.

[Kendall]

Wow.

[Jordan]

That after the coming into your shit story, making me think greetings are very different in Australia.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

That's funny.

[Jordan]

It's not supposed to be. I just noticed that.

[Kendall]

Oh, sorry for picking a fire.

[Jordan]

She's naturally funny, but I just. Those are two really crazy ways to say this.

[Ryan]

Maybe, though, as the common denominator Maybe it's just me.

[Jordan]

I do feel like I could tell you anything.

[Kendall]

Okay, people wanna know if these things are. And we'll do these rapid fire. Are these just American or are they also Australian? Dating. Dating things. Having your dating profile with a 90 mile radius.

[Ryan]

Is that far?

[Kendall]

Yes.

[Ryan]

Oh, I don't know, Charles, Would you do close or far? Close? Close.

[Tony]

You gotta get there quick.

[Kendall]

Room.

[Tony]

Right now his Radius is the McDonald's drive through.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I think I'd do clothes if it were me.

[Kendall]

Okay.

[Ryan]

I don't like admin.

[Tony]

No.

[Ryan]

Do you know what I mean? Like, I literally, like, fuel is expensive.

[Tony]

No, I'd go as wide as possible.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you would.

[Tony]

Put that tongue back in your mouth, young lady.

[Ryan]

I can't.

[Tony]

No, because it's like, it's just numbers game. You got to have as many. Like, what if you're the 1?

[Ryan]

Numbers game.

[Tony]

If only 1 in 100 will say yes, then you need to, like, open the doors and, you know.

[Jordan]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Tony]

And what if the love of your life, the number, like, lived 89 miles away? You would never know.

[Ryan]

True.

[Kendall]

Okay. Promposals.

[Ryan]

Oh, no, that. Not a thing in Australia.

[Kendall]

Not a thing.

[Tony]

And even the prom in itself is more of a party. You don't like, take a date.

[Kendall]

Oh, okay.

[Tony]

It's not as strict.

[Ryan]

No, I don't think that your school was different.

[Tony]

I went to an art school, so I always go, oh, Australian.

[Ryan]

Tony, that's. Yeah. Like your experience does not define all of them. I like, it's called a ball.

[Jordan]

We had that.

[Ryan]

Yeah, but we. You don't call it a prom. Like, it's called a ball. But you wouldn't do it. Yeah, you would. Just.

[Tony]

That makes me cringe.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And when I see the videos on Tik Tok, I'm like, wow, you are a lot more popular than I was. Sure.

[Kendall]

Yeah, absolutely. Texting for a long time, but before meeting up.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, Australia.

[Tony]

Y. 100%.

[Kendall]

You guys do.

[Tony]

That's global.

[Ryan]

Definitely.

[Kendall]

Okay. I love that. Kissing with or without tongue? People want to know, are you guys. What are you doing?

[Jordan]

Not an Australian kiss. French kiss.

[Ryan]

What's that?

[Tony]

What is an Australian kiss?

[Ryan]

I'm kissing with or without tongue? This is a great question.

[Kendall]

Like, generally, what's. What's considered, like, more normal?

[Ryan]

I think that like, when you were. You would meet someone and. And you would like make out at a party or whatever. Definitely with tongue. But I feel like as I've gotten older, there's less making out, which I think is a huge shame. Making out is so fun. Do you remember when you were, like, a teenager and you would just, like, make out for hours?

[Jordan]

What did I say to you the other day, Jordan? I said, we got to just be, like, sitting down and making out.

[Ryan]

One tit and make out with you. Or, like, we don't do that because it's escalates.

[Kendall]

So fat. Kendall's like, why aren't we making out? And I'm like, we start making out, and one second later, she's, like, fully nude and in the shower. I'm like, okay, well, this is wrong.

[Ryan]

Make out in the shower.

[Kendall]

It's escalating. We're doing other stuff.

[Ryan]

It's so fair because I just love getting fingered. So literally, as soon as we start kissing, I'm like, wow, really?

[Kendall]

That's. Yeah. Really lesbian.

[Ryan]

Thanks.

[Tony]

But Tony loves making out. She loves getting fingered. She loves getting ra. But she thinks hand jobs are for children.

[Kendall]

True. Do it yourself.

[Ryan]

I'm not going to jerk someone off.

[Kendall]

Get a job.

[Ryan]

Thank you.

[Kendall]

No way, dude.

[Ryan]

Just because you want a hand job, you loser.

[Tony]

Always.

[Kendall]

What's wrong with you? Stick your dick in a vacuum cleaner. Okay.

[Ryan]

Do you have a flashlight?

[Tony]

No.

[Ryan]

Do you think you should get one?

[Tony]

Why?

[Ryan]

Oh, I'm just asking.

[Tony]

Sorry, Jon. Am I trying to do a podcast?

[Ryan]

John's like, I've got a recommendation for a flashlight.

[Tony]

There's a lot of studios here in Burbank. I'm sure there's some around in somewhere.

[Kendall]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is purity culture a thing?

[Ryan]

Like, no.

[Kendall]

Okay. Are there. There are no, like, religious groups that really practice purity culture in Australia?

[Ryan]

Not the way that, like, the abstinence club is a thing on American TV shows.

[Kendall]

Interesting.

[Ryan]

Nah, it's not really a thing. They give you condoms, like, in year 10.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Nice.

[Jordan]

Sometimes I'm, like, jealous, though, of, like, when I would see those really religious people my school, because I think if I'm thinking about it, like, foreplay, I'm like, there really could not be something hotter than, like, dating someone for, like.

[Ryan]

Four years, knowing, like, they're aging.

[Kendall]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And you're dry humping.

[Tony]

When I went to school in Missouri, there are a few, like, that kind of energy. And this, like, this isn't to shame her, but this girl, like, sucked a lot of dicks. Sure.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Tony]

And the. And good for her.

[Jordan]

Yeah, it sounds awesome.

[Tony]

Yeah. But it was like, this would suck a lot of dicks and. But, like, oh, we should have sex. She's like, oh, no, I'm not like, one of those girls. And I'm like, it's Very bizarre for me. You've done one, you've done the other. It's all.

[Kendall]

Well, that's like, you know, I went to Catholic school for many years. I'm not Catholic, but I did go to Catholic school for many years. And a lot of them are like that. With anal, you can't have vaginal sex because that's against the Lord. So you do anal because that's different.

[Jordan]

Do you know what? Do you know what?

[Tony]

So hang on, I just. I'm going to need a.

[Kendall]

What do you guys think about that?

[Ryan]

No, no, no, no. I like get it, but because it's.

[Kendall]

Not penetrating the Lord's holy womb. So you're not.

[Tony]

I've never heard the Lord's holy wound before.

[Kendall]

That's what I call it.

[Ryan]

She said womma not wound.

[Kendall]

The Lord's holy wound is pro. That sounds like something that would be in the Bible.

[Tony]

I haven't heard that before, but I dare say I'll be saying that that saying will be my personality for the next episode.

[Kendall]

And there you go.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

And there you go. Wow. Ultimately I loved this. This was perfect. Nine more episodes. And I wish our podcast was just the four of us. Yes.

[Tony]

Yep.

[Jordan]

Do you want to switch it?

[Kendall]

Yeah. Do you guys want to change swing? Yeah.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Kendall]

Well, this has just made me be like. And sorry if this is presumptuous, but I'm like, we have got to go to Australia, stay with you, film a podcast and just do everything together. Meet your wife and child, be your fiance, whatever. Jordan.

[Jordan]

It's so sweet because I would love that. But my fear, I always just immediately picture you guys closing the door to enter the parking lot, being like, good fucking Lord.

[Ryan]

Can I say something? Right? So Ryan and I, this is, this is actually a thing like in our life, friendship, relationship, best friendship, podcast business, everything. We don't do pranks and we don't do empty offers.

[Kendall]

Love that.

[Ryan]

So we offer. So like as an anxious being me, I'm like, oh, we just trying to be polite or whatever. He's like, hey, hey, hey. You can trust that if I say something, Judes, cuz I mean it. I'm never going to you.

[Tony]

I don't do that.

[Ryan]

And so we have like decided that forever like moving forward. So we are not going to shut any doors and say that. Because I going to be like, let's move here.

[Tony]

Yeah, I've already said that. Tony's decided to move here. But that would be awkward if we moved here and then you went to visit us.

[Ryan]

Cuz then we would be Communicating and I ring doorbell, talk about sliding doors.

[Jordan]

Well, you guys can live with us if you move.

[Tony]

Yeah. But Australia does love you guys both online with video and the podcast. So if you came over, I'm sure it would be huge and it be a big deal and we'd love to have you and we'll take you out.

[Ryan]

Love that.

[Tony]

We'll take you out for a good time.

[Ryan]

You could stay at my house.

[Kendall]

And truly, when you guys come back, you're more than welcome to stay with us. I really mean that once again. And we, I mean, I would say we also don't do pranks.

[Ryan]

Charles could probably fund other places.

[Kendall]

I have some gay men that I need you to meet because you're operating within the wrong community. I feel like. I think I could really show you some good things that you would like. But. Yeah.

[Tony]

Are the good things their penises?

[Kendall]

No.

[Ryan]

It's the Lord's Hollywood.

[Tony]

The Lord's sword.

[Kendall]

Absolutely.

[Ryan]

Absolutely.

[Kendall]

And you get it. All right, well, thank you so much for watching. Thanks for being here. Be go to Patreon, go to YouTube, like comment, subscribe, do the whole thing.

[Jordan]

Where can everyone find you?

[Kendall]

Where can we find you?

[Tony]

Tony and Ryan, on YouTube or on your favorite podcast app. Wherever you guys are will be on that same app. So come on over. But I think they people listening should sign up to your Patreon and get around.

[Kendall]

Oh, my God. Well, and congrats on your Webby.

[Tony]

Thank you.

[Ryan]

Thank you so much.

[Jordan]

Congratulations. Thank you so much and thank you all for being here and have a great week.

[Kendall]

Bye.

[Ryan]

Love you.

[Tony]

Bye.

[Charles]

Marketing is hard, but I'll tell you a little secret. It doesn't have to be. Let me point something out. You're listening to a podcast right now and it's great. You love the host. You seek it out and download it. You listen to it while driving, working out, cooking, even going to the bathroom. Podcasts are a pretty close companion. And this is a podcast ad. Did I get your attention? You can reach great listeners like yourself with podcast ads. Advertising from Libsyn Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a pre produced ad like this one across thousands of shows. To reach your target audience in their favorite podcasts with libsynads, go to libsynads. Com, that's L, I B S Y N ads. Com Today.