← Happy Wife Happy Life
Happy Wife Happy Life
78: We Dissect Your Lesbian Drama w/ Mal Glowenke
00:51:26
Welcome to Happy Wife Happy Life! We're your hosts, Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick: two very unqualified (but deeply in love) comedians who are here to help you navigate all things relationships. On this week's episode, we discuss relationship...
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- [00:00]
A
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.
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B
Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life.
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A
We're your hosts. I'm Kendall Landris.
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B
And I'm Jordan Myrick.
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A
And we are two incredibly unqualified but.
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B
Deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we are helping you with your lesbian drama with Mal Gluenki.
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C
Hey.
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B
Mal, thanks so much for being here today.
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C
Thanks for having me.
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A
Immediately. What happened?
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B
You broke that immediately. Kendall broke her microphone immediately.
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A
I bought these and I thought they were so awesome, but mine, I kind of have to hold it on the whole time. I must have bought the wrong one. I don't know. I'm sorry to interrupt that.
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B
Thank you so much for being here. How do you feel? How about how it's going so far?
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C
I feel great. I'm having a great time.
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A
Good.
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B
Okay. Well, first of all, most people probably know you, but if they don't, can you tell everyone where they can check out your work?
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A
Yeah.
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C
I host the Made it out podcast and my partner and I own Made It Out Media, where we do a bunch of digital shows for queer women.
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A
Oh, my God.
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C
Amazing.
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B
I want to start out by causing some lesbian drama.
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A
Oh, my God.
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B
Who's the best guest you've ever had? Who's your favorite guest you've had? I know you had a ton of lesbians. They're all going to fight over this title once they hear that it's not them. But I want to know, who's the best guest you've ever had?
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C
I have two answers I'll take. I have two best.
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B
I'll take it.
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C
I love everybody that comes on my show, but, er, Fightmaster is so incredible to talk to. I feel very lucky to have them in my life and to get to have these types of conversations with them. So I'm always, like, so happy to get to sit down with them. And then my favorite episode of the podcast is one that I did with Katherine Gallagher, who is a very close friend of mine. And we talk about, not to bring the mood down, but we talk about sexual assault. And I'm very proud of the episode because it's. It's just everything we try to be at Made it out, where we have deep conversation and we are vulnerable and we try to help the community, but also it's. We somehow have fun while talking about it.
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A
So. Yes. Yeah.
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C
So I'm very proud of that one.
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B
I think those are some of the best episodes. We had Sarah shower on a while ago to talk about dating while being an alcoholic, and I feel like it ended up being such a funny episode despite it seeming so upsetting in nature.
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A
Well, that's always the thing with. I feel like being gay is you're kind of like, let's have some fun though, too. And I think, like, we experience this a lot. And I'm sure you do too, where people are like, you shouldn't talk about that in a jokey way. You shouldn't just with, like, being gay in general. And I'm like, I think it's so important to us to be like, gay. People are listening. They don't need more sadness.
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C
Yes.
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A
Like, we can make it fun and we can make our things that we've had problems with still fun.
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C
But it's also like, why the fuck do you think we're so funny?
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A
Because we've had so much drama. Exactly.
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B
Absolutely.
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A
Okay, so you're. You have the Made it out podcast. So when did you come out of the closet?
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C
I came out when I was 28.
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A
Fully 28.
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C
I moved to LA when I was 25 from Texas, so grew up, like, very closeted there. Not because of my family, but more so just like the culture kind of raised me. And then when I came to la, I just was like, the first thing I did was switch my apps and started going on dates.
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A
So you knew you weren't like, oh, my God. I realized this. You always knew.
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C
Oh, 100%.
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A
Yeah. Wow.
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C
It's so funny. I have this that I've been friends with since I was three. She was my very first friend. My mom, like, gave me a popsicle, broke it in half, and said, go ask that girl to be your friend. And we've been friends ever since. And she, like, tells me stories that I don't remember, but she's like, mallory, we, we. We've been knowing. We've been known about you and, like, how we would sit in these circles and we'd play spin the Bottle. And she tells this story how I was wearing a dress and my. My little thing came down and she was like, how your. Your dress is up? And I would be like, you know, I like it like this. I'm. I. I'll kiss anybody. Like, you know, it's just like a little freaky little.
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B
Yeah. Yeah, I think a lot of times people are freaky little kids. Honestly, I think all little kids are freaky little kids. Like, no concept of what is socially acceptable or not. And they have so many feelings and they don't know why they feel them.
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C
Yeah, I actually had to talk to my therapist about that.
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A
Really?
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C
How? Like, well, just these things that I did as a kid, like, I was so sexually curious.
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B
Yeah.
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C
And I felt like a lot of shame about that. I literally. My girlfriend had convinced me I was like the Naperville pervert. Because I was like, you know, I would tell her these memories and she'd be like, oh my God, like, what were you doing? And I'd be like, wait, this is normal, right? So I took it to my therapist and she's like, no, this is actually really normal.
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A
It's just like what kids do, right? And it's like you said, I'm really normal.
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B
Let's just take a poll about every kid that throw themselves against the couch. No, I think it is normal. I think kids are like so sexually curious for the most part. I mean, some are, some aren't.
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A
But that's so hard though.
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B
No going on. Do you know what I mean?
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A
Like, when you don't know what it is. And I am like, we don't really plan on having children. But I'm like, God, it would be so hard to have a kid. And you hear these stories where someone's like, my kid, I took her to the doctor because she just like kept jumping up and down in the car. And then the doctor had to be like, she's masturbating. And I'm like, can you? Because you can't say. Like, it's kind of like when our dog humps a pillow. I'm like, what am I to do? Like, she doesn't know.
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B
She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English.
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A
She doesn't know what this is. And I also am like, well, I don't want to, like, make her feel bad.
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C
Don't shame me.
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A
So then you have like this three year old in your backseat, just like you're trying to listen to music and take them to school, and they're just like rubbing one out on their car seat. And you have to just be like, yeah, I don't know. I guess that's fine. It must be so hard. So I don't know. But I was similar. I got suspended or I was sent home. Suspended is too much. I got sent home in kindergarten cause I was like, addicted. And I mean that in the truest sense of the word to mooning my classmates and then having them. I guess when I got in really big trouble, they already were like, stop doing that. But then I started getting girls to be like. I was like, well, if I show you, you have to show. You have to moan me as well, which seems fair.
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B
Classic pervert behavior.
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A
Classic pervert behavior. And they willingly did. And then I got in huge trouble. I was. And I remember feeling so much shame. Like, I got in trouble, and I got in the car, and I was crying so hard, and my mom was like, what happened? And it was like, I just. I couldn't even tell her. I was just so ashamed because I knew how bad it was, how sexual it was, but I just didn't know. It's hard. It's hard being a kid, but I'll look back at mom be like, what a weirdo.
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B
Well, I famously tried to make out with my mom when I was a child. Wow. Yes. I've admitted to this already on Dirty Laundry, which is like a reality show where people have to guess your secrets. But, yeah, I'd watched the movie Grease, still one of my favorite movies to this day. There's a lot of making out. There's a lot of kissing. And I was like, oh, that's what you do when you like someone and when someone is, like, you're close to them. And then. So one day, I just tried to, like, lay a big, fat one on.
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A
My mom, but not like a. Not a pack from what I know.
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B
A big, juicy, fat one with tongue. And I remember my mom. I, Like, I can picture my. You know when you have, like, flashbacks from when you're a child, and you can, like, see things so vividly in kind of an unbelievable way.
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C
Yeah.
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B
I can just see my mom being like. And, like, I could see her face just, like, pushing me back and her being like, we don't kiss family like that. We don't kiss family like that.
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A
Oh, that's a good.
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C
Like, two truths and a lie.
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B
Like, a good one. Yeah. Y. I've made out with my mom. I've made out with my dad, and I made out with my cousin. No, I. I. Yeah, because I just.
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A
Didn'T know when you're little. True truths.
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B
No, but it's just hard because you're like. You see things, and then you're like, I don't know. I don't have context for any of this. I just got to earth.
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C
Totally.
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B
We.
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C
My parents did, like, they were trying to be the cool parents, and they threw a Birthday party for me at the Marriott Hotel and got all my. I know. And got all my friends and I like a room. And then they got a conjoined room. And of course, one of us turned on porn. Of course all of us are watching porn. We're like five. This is my fifth birthday drunk. This is my fifth birthday.
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A
Wow. That's a lot younger than I was picturing. That's wild. Yeah.
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C
And actually, it wasn't like hardcore porn. It was just like a bunch of naked people golfing.
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B
Sure.
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C
Very bizarre. But anyways, so my parents became known as the people who threw the porn party.
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A
Oh, my God.
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B
Hey, listen, they didn't throw the porn party. They just had a party where they facilitated porn happening. And those are totally different distinction.
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A
We paid for this on the hotel tv.
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C
You know what I think it was? You know how you can see, like, previews? Yeah, I think it was that. Like, I don't exactly remember. I do vividly remember naked people golfing, but, like, nobody was actually fucking. So I think you actually would have had to pay for it.
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B
Right.
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A
Well, it's hard when you're a kid, too. For me, I was just so desperately not trying. Like, how far can I go before I just search the word porn? Because once you search porn, it feels really dirty.
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C
Right?
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A
So you're desperate. Like, I had all these things I would search that I know would on Tumblr especially.
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B
Oh, yeah.
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A
Like, this will get me close. This will be like a novel that's really pornographic. But I never had to search porn. I think I was probably, like, 19 when I finally was like, porn.
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C
Just fuck it, porn.
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B
So embarrassing.
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C
It's taking too long.
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A
It's taking way too long. I know. I'm reading like eight part stories online to try to get to the sex scene.
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B
Yeah, it's shameful. It's also so at people's fingertips now. Do you know what I mean? When I was coming up, it was like, I was praying to get a pop up.
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A
Yeah.
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B
You know, I was like, what website could I get that maybe I could get a pop up? And then I remember a girl who I was friends with, who's now a lesbian as well, being like, do you know that you can watch, like, porn videos in porn stars, MySpace comments, and there were just full porn videos. And I wish I would have known that. Thank you. I said, thank you so much for showing you that. And it was huge for me.
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A
Wow.
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B
Wow. Well, beautiful. That's our episode on children and sex.
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C
I did not think I was gonna.
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B
Come here and Talk about that. Yes, I know. Hey, you never know what you're gonna talk about.
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A
Today when we talk about lesbians, you have to start the conversation on shame.
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B
Yeah, yeah.
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A
We're all still really pushing through.
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B
Absolutely. Being a little perverted child and, like, figuring things out.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Our fans sent us their lesbian drama. They want advice. They want us to analyze the situation. They want to know our thoughts exactly. Yeah. Yeah. We're making this a safe space. We told our stories. Like how I kissed my mom with tongue that one time. And now we can talk. Your stories cannot wait. And I will start with this one. Okay. This person says, my partner and I are in what you would call an argumentative stage right now. We've been together for almost two years and haven't really bickered about anything up until recently. Is this normal? How can I know if I'm the problem? I think this is so normal.
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C
100% normal.
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B
You have, like, ups and downs. And sometimes, like, Kendall and I, we've said this on the podcast before, but we tend to bicker more when we're not spending as much time together. Like, if we're both really busy and have to work a lot, I find us getting irritated with each other a little bit more easily. And I think it's just because.
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A
Well, because we're both stressed out, so it's stressful. We're not seeing each other a lot. And then you come home and you make a passive aggressive comment about the laundry. And I'm like, you have no idea.
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B
How hard I'm working.
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A
And we're both just like, at the height most heightened state. So anything the other says, it's like, how could you?
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B
Yeah.
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C
Gonna set you off.
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A
Yeah. We really do go through. I mean, we joke. Cause sometimes we'll look at each other and be like, we're just really loving each other this week. Huh? And it's like, of course we always love each other, but we really will have, like, weeks, like, rarely. But, like, I feel like once every, like, six months. It's just like, for two weeks, I'm like, I'm going to kill you. And everything we say to each other is like. And we just start every car drive with, let's just have a good day. Okay. Let's just try to have a good day.
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C
Okay?
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A
So I think that's very normal. And then you get. You get over it. I mean, if it continues for, like, a long time.
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C
Well, but here's the thing. I think about fighting. If you're not fighting, something's wrong.
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A
Yeah, we Agree.
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B
And people always yell at us about this, but we agree because, like, what. What's going on? I don't know. Even Kendall and I. Kendall and I have the same opinion on, I would say, 99 of things.
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A
And we still fight about those, and.
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B
We still argue about stuff. You know what I mean? We're both like. Unless I think some people are like, we never fight. But then it gets, like, revealed to you that they're both just, like, very passive aggressive and passive. And I'm like, you're not better than me.
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A
Because you don't seem passive. Grasp me. I'm reading you as kind of. You're very. This is what I think.
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C
Yes.
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A
I feel.
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C
And Mathilda's not. She is, like. She is very not passive aggressive. I don't know that that's the word. But she will, like, harbor. She'll just kind of keep things inside. And so it's taken me to be like this. We can't do this. Like, no. So I feel like I have to, like, excavate, you know, and it's gotten better. But at the beginning, it was really hard. Like, it was. There was a lot of tension because of that, you know? But I just think if there's no friction, there's no growth. And I think that, like, when you're fighting a lot, what Matilda and I do. This might not be good to say.
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B
On here, but please.
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C
We have friends. We recently had a dinner, and we had all of our friends or two other couple friends come over, and we all talked about recent fights that we had gotten in. And it's very helpful to see that, like, everybody is just like you. But we have these friends who will say, like, that was rude. Like, when. When their partner's doing something, they'll be like, that was rude. And it's kind of like a diffuser. So we're like, oh, wait, I like that. Like, I like that they do that. Let's find a word. So Matilda and I say, you're being a. Yeah, absolutely. But, like, maybe don't use that one. I don't know. Maybe find.
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B
It's like an argument. Safe word. What could it be?
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A
Of course it's your. Yeah. So funny.
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C
But then it's like, it is. It's kind of funny, and it's kind of unserious. So it's like, o. It's like in the moment, you kind of check yourself and you go, oh, okay, wait, maybe I am being a.
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B
You know. Yeah, yeah.
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C
And then it just kind of diffuses the situation.
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A
It's Not a big deal either. Like, sometimes. Because I think it can feel really. I have to work on this, where it's like, if Jordan's like, that was rude, or that was insane that you did that. I take it so personally. I'm like, okay, so you think I'm a bad person. You don't think I did something bad? I am a bad person. And I think desensitizing. Just being like, that was rude. You're being rude. It's not a big. You're not a bad person. Rude. Stop it. Yeah, yeah.
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B
And you are rude.
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A
And I am like, no, you misunderstood. I was saying you are rude.
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B
No, I think that's something that we've had to, like, learn a lot, is that just having an issue with a behavior is not having an issue with a person. So when Kendall does something that frustrates me or I do something that frustrates her, it's not like, I just like you. I just, you know, it's just like this one behavior, this one time, like, made me irritated, and that's kind of all it is. But I think that's smart. I think you have to have coping mechanisms and things to, like, we one time saw on Tick Tock, a couple that said when they get to a certain point in a fight where they feel like the fight is not productive anymore, they'll put on party hats and then make themselves have the rest of the fight. I wish I could remember who it was. If it was you, great job. We still think about that.
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A
But they also said they were like. But they were like, but sometimes it doesn't work. And then you're both just having a.
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B
Really screaming at a party house, and.
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A
You can't take it, and then you just slowly take it off.
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B
Talking about whether or not you're going to have a second child or whatever. Yeah, I think that can be very hard. But I think there are things we will sometimes make ourselves talk to each other when we're fighting. We'll be like, okay, let's take it down. And then we'll have to talk to each other in, like, a baby voice in the fight.
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A
I'll do dating.
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B
Yes.
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A
And I really don't treat your partner like an infant. Where you're like, how do I just make you? Because sometimes I'm like, you just gotta get. This is so stupid. And that's when I struggle in an argument. Like, Jordan wants to get to the bottom of stuff, which is awesome and great, but sometimes when we're having a fight that I'm just like, what are we even talking about?
- [15:33]
B
Yeah. So I could let things go more easily for sure.
- [15:35]
A
Because I'm just like, this is never gonna happen again. This is never gonna happen again. Why do we need to talk about? Um. And I struggle with that sometimes, but.
- [15:43]
B
I think it's because we had opposite kind of growing up experiences where my family doesn't really talk about things. Everybody's just kind of into, like, silent treatment, and then not intentional silent treatment, but, like, everyone just needs to, like, go be alone and be quiet, and then they're over it. Like, both my parents just need to, like, take 30 minutes, and then they don't even remember what happened. Like, it's not even like they're harboring resentment. That's just how they both process it. I'm not like that. So that was always really hard for me. I think Kendall came from a fighting household where people fought.
- [16:14]
A
Well, there were more words.
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B
More words.
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A
Yeah, we would get. But then it similarly was like, we'll get really mad, and then it'll just kind of be like, we go into our rooms, and then later like, hey, Yeah. I also had a lot of siblings, so I think, like, fighting is very different in a house with a lot of siblings. Yeah. Because you're. You're. You are more likely to be like.
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B
I fucking hate you.
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A
Because you're both children. But did you. Were you growing up? Were you in a big fighting house? We fought, yeah.
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C
My parents fought. We fought. But, like, to me, that's why I feel like fighting is healthy, because I'm like, get it. I don't want this shit under the rug.
- [16:47]
B
Yeah.
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C
I don't want to have to, you know? But Mathilde has taught me that sometimes it's okay, you know, it's a balance. It's like. And if I think if it's something small, fine. But if we are. If there's a larger thematic thing to the argument that we're having, then, yeah, we need to get to the bottom of, like, what? Yeah, I think it's, like, so dependent, but I. I believe in fighting.
- [17:08]
A
Well, I love what you said about getting other couples together. That's so fun. And I also think similarly. I've said this before, but, like, talking to your other. Like, when you're going through a phase like this, talking to your other couple friends.
- [17:19]
C
Yes.
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A
Who have been together for an extended period of time. Because I think in the past, it's like, I've made the mistake of going to maybe my friend who's been single for a really long time, and they're.
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B
Just kind of like, who's unhinged?
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A
Yeah.
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B
Who is unhinged?
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A
And he's like, dump them. Who cares? Dump them.
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B
You know?
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A
And it's just hard to, like, it's very comforting to be with other couples who are like, ye. Yeah, it's not that big of a deal. We also, though, it's like, fighting is not fighting is not fighting. Like, we're not talking about, like, throwing.
- [17:41]
C
Plates at each other, because I think.
- [17:43]
A
People will be like, that's crazy. You guys fight so much. And I'm like, even so yapping.
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C
That's important. Like, if that's happening, I'm like, also spilling my water.
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B
Just pouring water.
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C
Oh, my God, you guys, look, I'm soaked.
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B
I thought that was the pattern on your shirt. We're just gonna go so much water on your.
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A
This is a.
- [18:01]
C
This is a really accurate representation of.
- [18:03]
B
Just like me as a person.
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A
How did I not notice you doing? That is what feels.
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B
You're absolutely drenched. It's like a wet contest in here.
- [18:12]
C
Okay, well, this is me. I'm a spiller.
- [18:15]
B
Okay. I love it.
- [18:15]
A
Me too. I'm a big spiller as well.
- [18:17]
B
Yeah. Okay, but you were saying you're pro plate throwing.
- [18:24]
C
This is why the.
- [18:24]
B
The PR is here.
- [18:27]
C
No, but, like, if you're in community and you're sharing these things, then you do have people saying, like, hey, maybe that's not the most normal thing. Like, in a loving and nice way. I really do. The older I get and the more I'm surrounded by community. Believe that phrase of, like, it takes a village.
- [18:44]
A
I.
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C
If I am only with Mathilde all the time and we are fighting, and I don't have somebody to call and just vent to and be like, oh, my God, I can't fucking stand her right now, I think our relationship would not be what it is. I think that is so, so important that you're talking about what's going on in your relationship.
- [19:01]
B
I agree wholeheartedly.
- [19:03]
A
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- [20:08]
B
Quince.com wife this person says, I accidentally fell for a girl who's 10 years older than me and in a relationship with a man.
- [20:18]
C
Oh, God.
- [20:18]
A
We gotta open with that. That part's the much more disturbing part.
- [20:21]
C
I know this is a lot to unpack. 10 years older and in a relationship with her. Is this person, like, closeted? And they're.
- [20:32]
A
We don't know the info. I need a lot more info because.
- [20:34]
B
That'S all the info.
- [20:35]
A
Open relationship.
- [20:36]
B
That's all the info we have. I have to assume. No, I have to assume. This person has an unrequited love crush.
- [20:43]
A
It seems like they're not seeking advice. It seems like they just need us to know because there's. I think they know what's happening is probably not great. Well, I think they need to be.
- [20:50]
B
Told, like, hey, stop. You know what I mean? I really think you cannot be in love with someone who's not in love with you. Sorry. I just think that's true. I don't agree.
- [21:00]
A
Me and Channing Tatum beg to differ.
- [21:02]
B
Sure. Well, he's in love with you so.
- [21:03]
A
That he doesn't know he's in love.
- [21:04]
B
Yeah, yeah. He hasn't met you, so that's different. But I. I mean, like, I think that you can be infatuated with someone, but I think love is such a two person game. Or, hey, I won't forget the Poly Community 8 person game. Whatever you do. That's not, you know, for me to decide. But I'm like, if you just in love, quote, unquote, with someone and they're not in love with you, I'm like, that's kind of infatuation.
- [21:29]
C
That's fair.
- [21:30]
B
Or it's like, maybe, you know, if someone's broken up with you and you're like, I'm still in love with You. I'm like, those feelings will fade. You know, you might still have love right now, but you're in love with what was and not what is. So even that those are kind of like expired feelings that will take a second to go away. But I just think if you're feeling in love with someone that's not in love with you, you got to get a reality check.
- [21:49]
C
Yeah, that's an interesting perspective. I like that. I've never really heard it that way, but yeah, I guess in love, like, to truly that. That takes like, choice and work.
- [21:59]
B
Yeah. Because I'm just like, what are you in love with? If they're. If they're actively not in love with you, what are you in love with? Their looks, their personality. All that to me is not being in love. That's just like I'm obsessed with this person, which can also be great. And that can turn into love.
- [22:13]
A
Yeah.
- [22:14]
B
But I think that it's also like, yeah, I'm just like, how in love can you be with someone if they don't have those same feelings? Because you have to build upon that. And being in love comes with connection.
- [22:25]
A
Yeah. Well, it's so hard because it's all kind of made up. I guess it's like, what is in love? It's not like a thing that can be proven, like, scientifically. Oh, she's in love with this person. So I think it's hard because I almost feel like it's like an evolutionary thing where we've been made to feel this in love feeling so that we then bond to someone forever. Do you know what I mean? It is kind of like, what does that mean? I don't know what it could be or like, when I thought I was in love at 19, so different than how I would ever feel now. And even like less so now. Like, the way I was in love at 19 is so not. Not more or less, but just very different. So much more all encompassing and insane, you know?
- [23:07]
B
You wouldn't argue that that was more similar to infatuation.
- [23:09]
A
No, I think it. I think it was. But I think I'm also like, well, I'm more in love with Jordan now than I was when I was when we first started dating. But there was like something that in love feeling makes you be like, I will be with you forever, you know what I mean? Versus if I. I'm just kind of making stuff up. But that feels kind of like.
- [23:27]
C
Do you know what I mean?
- [23:28]
A
I know what you mean.
- [23:29]
B
But I think that's still pointing to me being Right. I think that's infatuation.
- [23:33]
A
And isn't that.
- [23:33]
B
Oh, yeah, listen. Happy life. Happy life. Am I right? I think that it's. I just think that's infatuation. And I think that you can both feel that towards each other. I think that can turn into love. I think that can phase out of love. Whatever. Like, I think there's a lot of options, but I think if you're like, I'm really in love with someone who is actively not in love with me, what do you love about them? I don't. Do you know what I mean? Like, part of.
- [23:56]
A
They said they're in love.
- [23:58]
B
No, but I'm just assuming. I don't know. They seem very. They seem obsessed enough with this person who's 10 years older and in a relationship with a man that they wrote into a podcast.
- [24:09]
A
Well.
- [24:09]
B
To ask what to do, because the.
- [24:11]
A
10 years doesn't bother me. And I think if they're having fun, if you're not having fun, then you got to end this. But I am, like. Like, there is a world where I could see sleeping with an older woman with a husband that could be fun and kind of hot.
- [24:24]
C
Yeah, but police, get in here.
- [24:26]
B
We got her.
- [24:28]
C
But not falling in love.
- [24:29]
A
No.
- [24:29]
C
That's when it becomes not fun.
- [24:31]
A
That's what I mean. If you're leaving your house, like, crying, we have to stop it. But I'm like. If you're just fully, like, it's hot. I don't know.
- [24:37]
B
Well, and this crush could be fun. Maybe you feel like this crush is fun. Maybe you're like, oh, I'm having fun having a crush and flirting with this, like, woman I work with.
- [24:45]
C
Yeah, but if you're writing into a podcast, this is not fun.
- [24:47]
B
This is what I'm.
- [24:48]
A
Whenever you're writing into a podcast, no.
- [24:50]
B
It is not fun at that point.
- [24:52]
C
Yeah, Yeah. I just think this is not going to end well. I have to about it.
- [24:56]
B
Make a list. I always say this. You guys know I always say this. Make a list of pros and cons about the person and be really rude about it. Like, really write down every single thing you even slightly dislike about them. Even if you feel like you love everything about them, you ultimately don't. And then write the pros and cons list. Really think about it.
- [25:14]
A
One time I found one of those lists made about me. It was one of the worst.
- [25:17]
B
And I'm really sorry I left in the house.
- [25:20]
A
I was like. It was like I was laying. It was like she'd gone. She'd Gone to yoga. I hope she never sees this, because this was. It was a moment. I may have talked about this before. I felt bad. I was like, this is not. You should never be reading someone's stuff. But it was like she went to yoga. I was laying in a bed. I remember she had a mattress that was like so close to the ground, and a book was there. And I kind of opened it just like, so you know, you're like, it's not real. I'm not really opening it. Like, I'm just like, whatever.
- [25:42]
B
I'm like touching it and maybe a gust of wind will come.
- [25:44]
A
I'm touching it and it's whatever. And then it was like, immediately, of course my name. And then of course I'm like, opening a little further. And then, you know, we cut to 20 minutes later and I'm sat on the toilet with a drink reading, you know, whatever. And it was a pros and cons list about. Well, it was a pros and cons list about me, and then a pros and cons list about another person who clearly they liked a lot more than me.
- [26:02]
C
Wait, this is so hurtful.
- [26:03]
A
It was really bad. I mean, you know what? I think it was good for me because it was one of those things where, like, in her defense, she'd been really clear, I would have never been in this relationship. Now, like, she was like, I don't know if we're probably gonna be. I think I was very much the safe choice. I was, like, really ready to be in a relationship. I was real, whatever. But I think she was into it. And she did make a pros and cons list. And my cons list was so long. I remember one of them was just like, she is annoying. And I was like, damn. Really? True.
- [26:32]
B
You said, yeah, I'm an acquired taste.
- [26:34]
A
And if you think I'm annoying, we will not work out. But that was a tough read. Read. So just be careful. If you make one of those lists, make the list.
- [26:42]
B
But then I'm always like, then throw it away. Like, rip it up. Throw it away in a dumpster, like, two streets down from your house. Because it's not meant to help you build negative feelings necessarily. I think it's just supposed to help you remove the rose colored glasses of being like, this person is perfect and I'm in love with them. It makes you be like, oh, yeah, maybe I'm not that compatible with this person. Maybe they aren't as perfect as I think they are. And I could find someone that's like, more of A match.
- [27:06]
A
Have you ever had a rose colored glasses moment that you got out of it? And like, you were like, okay, I have to find a way to get out of. Take off these rose colored glasses. And you did.
- [27:17]
C
I feel like I always had rose colored glasses on in my past relationships, but I was always broken up with. And so. But now I'm like, thank God. But I think all of those relationships, I look back and I was like, what the fuck was I doing?
- [27:32]
A
Same.
- [27:32]
C
I'd have had a kid that I didn't know about. I was with him for three and a half years.
- [27:35]
B
Of course. Yeah.
- [27:37]
A
Like, and then. Can you believe you're like, and then I got dumped. I always have these where I'll be like thinking about this person and I'm like, I can't believe I didn't even have the decency to myself to end it.
- [27:47]
C
Crazy. Crazy. But then I think, like, I did the work on myself after those relationships and I really was just like, okay, the pattern, something is with me.
- [27:56]
B
Yes.
- [27:56]
C
Nothing's wrong here. And I was by myself for like a year and a half. And then that's when I met Mathilde. And she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And like, truly now I understand when people are like, I met someone who makes me want to be better, that is her. And it was actually it's been really hard because I've always dated people who I was like, you need to do the work on yourself. Like, figure it out. And now I'm like, oh, I'm the one mirror. Whoopsie.
- [28:21]
A
Yeah.
- [28:22]
C
So it's actually been so hard and like now I feel like I understand what they mean about like, the real relationships are the work and like, are the hardest work because it gives you like the, this safe container to figure out all the, that you've been avoiding with yourself and you have no one to blame. You're like, you know so well.
- [28:39]
A
That's like when we watch like, I don't know if you watch the Queer Ultimatum.
- [28:42]
C
Yeah.
- [28:42]
A
But when I'm watching that show and I'm watching these couples where it's like they've been together so long and they're still just like, I think you're going to cheat on me and I think you're going to cheat on me. And it's so much. I'm like, the amount you both will never figure out because you're always in like, the amount I've been able to figure out in a relationship where I have so much peace. It's Like, I can really. Sometimes I get so insecure in therapy because I'm sure she's hearing people talk about the most upsetting things. And I come in and I'm like, well, I was eating lunch and I just like remembered when I was eating.
- [29:11]
B
My toast that it.
- [29:12]
A
And you know, it's just so, like, what are you even talking about? But when you have so much like peace in your life, you're really able to like, dissect yourself and your relationship and like, get result, like resolve so many things versus in these relationships from like, it's just constant panic, which is what I was used to. Like, that's what I had before I was with Jordan.
- [29:29]
C
This might be controversial, but I truly feel like those types of relationships are. They will never work out. And like. No, like, well, because I agree, like the ones where you. That you are worried about basic trust and basic things like that, like, this is this isn't it? Because like what you're saying, I have figured out so much, like family, like internal family system stuff because I'm not worried about my relationship. Like, she's there, she ain't going anywhere.
- [29:57]
A
Yeah.
- [29:57]
C
So I'm worried. I'm working out stuff from when I was, you know, doing porn parties at the Marriott, of course, and not having to worry about someone leaving me or like, I'm not in fight or flight. That's what I mean by like, the safety of like, that's how you should feel in your relationship. And if you don't feel that, I'm sorry, but like, well.
- [30:16]
A
Cause even if, like tomorrow I found out Jordan had been cheating on me the whole time and I have, God, what an embarrassing podcast. And you're going to tell me now about it.
- [30:24]
C
I tell you all the time, lots of you.
- [30:26]
A
I would be like, if I've out you're cheating on me tomorrow, I'd be like, you have a press tour you need to do. Because if you're going to cheat on me, I'm going to make some money off this. And we have 20.
- [30:35]
C
I'm absolutely very ar of you.
- [30:38]
A
You'll be doing a lot.
- [30:39]
B
You did what? With who? And then it's like a video, you know, picture a thumbnail of me being like, yes.
- [30:44]
C
And then you become the host of the Queer Ultimatum.
- [30:46]
B
Oh, my God, My dream. There you go.
- [30:48]
A
My dream. Because they needed. I was thinking when I was watching. Did you watch the reunion?
- [30:52]
C
Yeah.
- [30:52]
A
I'm like, the host was very sweet.
- [30:54]
C
Yes.
- [30:55]
A
We need to have a more controversial host that's willing to bring up drama because there were so many moments I was like, she needed to be like, absolutely not.
- [31:03]
B
Yeah.
- [31:04]
A
You got a tattoo with the woman you shared three weeks with, and you're mad at your partner for cheating. You know, we have to have a little more of that.
- [31:13]
C
She's very affirming, very like, girl, even.
- [31:16]
A
If you cheated on me, I would still be, like, glad that I lived. Even if it was in pure naivete the whole five years we'd been together. I would rather that than having, like, distrust for those five years. Like, I would be glad that I was like, well, I just had no idea, and I just trusted them. And if I went into a new relationship, I would try to just be like, well, I'll trust you again. And if you cheat on me, which I could have not have done five years ago, I would have been way too anxious.
- [31:40]
B
Yeah, well, the reality is anyone could cheat on you at any point. Everyone thinks that they're, like, above cheating. They would never cheat their. But. But you just never know. And especially when you're in relationships for a really long time. Things happen. People change. Would I ever cheat on Kendall? No, absolutely not. But I think that it's. You can't live in fear. Similarly, like, you can't always live in fear of someone dying. Right. Like, which is something that I really struggle with. Oh, I have, like, such bad, like, OCD intrusive thoughts related to that kind of stuff, especially around Kendall dying. And it's like, you can't live in fear of that all the time. You can't live in fear of someone cheating on you all the time, because then you're just not living. You're just kind of paralyzed with fear all the time. Anyone can die. Anyone can cheat. Anyone can leave you, whatever. And, like, Kendall's saying, it's like, just enjoy the time you have, and if something bad eventually happens, at least you will have been able to enjoy what you had.
- [32:36]
C
I kind of take that philosophy with, like, life, too.
- [32:39]
B
Yeah.
- [32:40]
C
It takes just as much like, lying to yourself for, like. Like, thinking that you can predict to predict the bad versus the good. So why not just choose the good?
- [32:50]
B
Exactly.
- [32:50]
C
You're lying, saying that you know either way. So, like, just predict the good and assume the best outcome. Cause I. I really struggle with a lot of the like, which I'm just now from my podcast realizing, is OCD thoughts. And I never thought that before, but I obsess about my parents and Mathilde dying. It's very, you know, bizarre. But it. And I just try, like, I really have to Talk myself out of it. And I try to just be like, you can't predict anything. And when you try and you think you did, it didn't turn out exactly the way it did. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, it's just as easy to believe.
- [33:25]
B
Good thoughts 100. And if you're struggling with that, go see a specialist. Truly. It'll help, I promise. This person says, I got crossfaded and kissed my best friend and said, I didn't mean, like, I want to marry her. Oh, wow.
- [33:39]
A
Oh. Oh.
- [33:41]
B
In my opinion, you gotta do an immediate apology. The sooner the better. You should have already apologized by the time this podcast comes out. Like, I think you have to. You can't sit on that. You know what I mean? Like, don't act like it didn't happen. Don't. Whatever. I think you immediately have to be like, hey, I'm so sorry. I was acting absolutely psycho and I owe you a huge apology. And also a brunch. Yeah, that's what I think.
- [34:07]
C
I'm also just kind of like, why? Like, why are there.
- [34:12]
A
I was gonna say, what is happening there? Because there's no. Now I'm a big drunk kisser. Like, if I'm drunk, I'm like, everyone kiss me on the mouth. Like, at my birthday. And when I was 20 years old, I just had everyone kiss me. That was, like, my present. Really perverted and, you know, sick. I love to kiss when I'm drunk. I've never in my. I remember being so drunk one time with a friend of mine who. It was kind of like when we would get drunk, it was like, are you gay? I don't know. She is gay now, but we would kiss. But I remember one time, her kind of bringing up relationship type things. And even at my drunkest, I was like, no, no, no, no. I would have never been like, yes, I want to pursue something with you because I was drunk. Like, that would not come out, because I do. The feelings of wanting to kiss are there, but the feelings of want to be in a relationship are not there. So unless you, like, are a drunk liar, which feels like not a thing people do, right?
- [35:06]
C
I don't know.
- [35:07]
B
I think it really depends because I've known a lot of, like, alcoholics, especially where it's like, you can really be a totally different person when you're drunk, especially as an alcoholic. So I think this does exist. But I think you're also right. I think, like, more often than not, people are. More often than not, people are being like, a Realer version of themselves. But I do think some people can be totally different when they're drunk.
- [35:28]
C
Okay. But either way. Way maybe analyze why this happened.
- [35:32]
B
Think about it. Maybe.
- [35:33]
A
Maybe do get married. Yeah.
- [35:35]
B
Yeah, maybe you. I don't know. Something to think about.
- [35:37]
C
Yeah. I don't know. Just like. Or like, why were we so. So that gone and like. I don't know. I. Not to judge anybody.
- [35:45]
A
Do what you want to do going on.
- [35:46]
B
Either I'm like, romantically or you are an alcoholic, and I think that's something for you to think about.
- [35:51]
A
I have my own, like, weird feelings.
- [35:53]
C
About alcohol, and I recognize that. So I. I'm not trying to put that on any. But I. No, I just like, I struggle with alcohol. I. I have alcoholism in my family, so I like, have a such an aversion to it. So not trying to shame. But you know, maybe either way, maybe just we look.
- [36:11]
A
Assess the situation. Just think about it.
- [36:13]
B
And I think that's good. I think that's good. I think that's great advice.
- [36:15]
A
Well, because I really do think there's, like, friends, like, I don't know, they're just friends that no matter how drunk I got and once this is just me, but I would never kiss them. Like, there is no world in which I would. I do think it's kind of like if you're gonna kiss your friend when you're drunk, you're probably already a little attracted to them. That doesn't mean you're like, I want to be with them and I'm hiding these. Whatever. But it's someone that, like, maybe if we weren't friends, I would have made out with you.
- [36:39]
C
Yeah.
- [36:39]
B
Yeah, I think that's fair. Yeah, I think that's fair. Think about it. That's. Just think about it.
- [36:44]
C
That's. Just think about it.
- [36:45]
B
Just. That's. Think about it. Okay.
- [36:46]
A
Specialist and yes. Maybe apologize.
- [36:49]
B
Yeah, and apologize and see a specialist. Okay. This person says, I'm married to a trans woman who isn't out yet as a trans woman. Okay. Can I call myself a lesbian? My friends say, no.
- [37:04]
A
In my opinion, maybe not the priority right now. You know what I mean? Unless your partner was like, this is super important to me. Then I'm like, great, then that's all you need to know. It doesn't really matter how you identify as long as your partner feels good about it. But I'm like, I don't know if you need to be, like, stressing about that right now.
- [37:21]
B
Yeah, I think it probably feels like something that you're Thinking about. Because you're probably having a lot of change in your life, and you're probably having a lot of big conversations, and I totally get that. And it probably feels like something that your partner has so many things that they're probably going through that are solely just up to your partner. That probably feels like something you said.
- [37:37]
A
What's my thing?
- [37:38]
B
Yeah, like, solely up to you that, like, you have control over. So I totally get thinking about this. What I will say is, I think if you start calling yourself a lesbian and you are with someone who is presenting as a cisgendered man, people will be like, what is that about? And then it feels to me maybe like you're kind of soft outing your wife a little bit if she's not out yet. That would be my guess, because then your friends would be like, wait, I thought you were married to a man. Like, why are you calling yourself a lesbian? I think it would bring up a lot of weird conversations. So I would check in with your wife, who's known to you as your wife, but not everyone else. But I would say identify however you want, however makes you and your partner feel good. And if you. I imagine you're looking up a lot of things right now. You're Googling, you're watching Tick Tocks. All of that's fake. Other than this podcast and your podcast, the rest of it's fake. There is so much discourse online, it literally doesn't matter. No one in real life talks about discourse. No one over the age of 30 talks about discourse in real life. Like, it does not matter. It's just on Tick Tock. So don't, like, worry too much about labels and if something's okay or not okay or whatever. Like, it doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I don't know. I saw a Reddit thread recently because we did an episode on hate where we responded to our hate comments, and there's a whole Reddit thread about how people don't like us because they don't think we are lesbians, because you think Channing Tatum is hot even though you've never been with a man. And I said that I will be with him eventually. And I have said that if tomorrow, in a hypothetical situation, if tomorrow you came out as a trans man, I would not end our relationship. I would just continue to date you. I. I would assume, I guess, unless something else changed. But that would not be a deal breaker for me. And then people were very upset, and they were like, then that means you're not a Lesbian. If you could hypothetically be attracted to a man who's your part.
- [39:38]
A
Shut the up. Shut up.
- [39:41]
B
Up. You're so stupid if you're in that Reddit thread. You're so stupid, and I hate you. That's what I have to say about that. I think you're embarrassing, and I think you're embarrassing to the LGBT community if you think that someone telling their partner that they would love them regardless of their gender identity and then like, them having a certain. It's just like, it's not your business, and it's so weird and so rude, and you're a loser.
- [40:01]
A
Okay.
- [40:01]
C
I also think, like, there's enough people trying to tear our community down right now that why are we tearing each other down?
- [40:10]
A
Yes. Right.
- [40:11]
C
That's what doesn't make sense to me. I think labels are labels. Also. I like, sexual identity is fluid. I don't know. I am continually disappointed in our community for how much we hate on each other because we should be standing together and linking arms and fighting the people who are actually against us, not the ones that are in our community. So.
- [40:37]
B
Right.
- [40:37]
A
Yeah.
- [40:37]
C
Well, because to this person, that is. I know what you're like, what you are seeing online, and that sucks, but it truly does not matter. And.
- [40:45]
B
Yes, well.
- [40:46]
A
And it's all we have to. Constantly. I'm like, my morning affirmation in the mirror is, people only talk about this on TikTok. People only talk about this because so much of it is like, I remember seeing a comment somewhere where people are like, what are your thoughts? Like her. They were like, I know so many people who identify as a lesbian who have a CIS male husband. And I was like, I'm sorry. You know so many people. There's no world in that, you know? So I live in Los Angeles, California.
- [41:15]
B
And I'm a lesbian. I never met a lesbian who has a CIS straight male husband. I've just never experienced it.
- [41:22]
A
And I'm not. They exist. Someone could. They do. And if I met them, I'm like, none of my business. But I think people online, they start to be like, it's an epidemic.
- [41:29]
C
Right?
- [41:29]
A
And what is to happen if we all just start identifying as lesbians and it's like, get on planet Earth, you guys. There's no. I have never met a lesbian who has a husband. Well, I never met. I didn't even. But I haven't. That's just my. I'm not saying I don't exist, but I do not know a single person who identifies as lesbian that has a cis Male husband. And so it just is, like, it's not that big of a deal. And it's so much more priority, like you're saying, to just have each other's back. Because at the end of the day, what we really want is people to let other people do what they want, want and not feel scared to be who they are. So I'm like, if who you are is a lesbian married to a man, it's just none of my. That's just not the priority. It's not big enough of a problem. And that's how they get you on everything. I mean, even, like, trans rights in general. It's like they make you think that every person on planet Earth is transgender person, and it's just absolutely not the case. I remember seeing. I might have talked about this, so I'll say it fast, but I saw on Facebook there was, like, a book that was like. Like, my daddy's having a baby. And it was like a kid's book about, like, a. A person who is, like, a transgender man who is having. Who's pregnant and having a baby. Clearly, to me, I look at this book, I'm like, this is obviously a book that is given out at, like, maybe therapy. This is given out very specifically, like, LGBT events. This is not a book that is being read at the first day of kindergarten. All the comments, of course, is on Facebook. I gotta get off Facebook. I gotta keep up with my cousins, though, you know? But I'm on Facebook still. It's all AI and these types of posts, but all the comments were like, and this is why I homeschooled m kids. And I'm like, the thought that you think on day one of kindergarten, the teacher's like, we're reading. My daddy's pregnant. That's not happening. You know? So I don't know. Anyways, just calming down a little bit with people on the Internet being like, it's not really happening in real life.
- [43:10]
B
Get offline and just talk to your. Talk to your partner, talk to your wife. Whatever feels good to y', all, I think is awesome. And even if you told me something and I didn't agree with it or understand it, it ultimately still would not be my business. That's fine. I don't need to understand or agree with every single thing in the world. You guys should do what feels good to you. And that's what I think. Okay, we'll end with a nice long one. Okay, this person says, this may be more poly drama than lesbian drama, but I'm married, and have been for five years. My friend introduced me and my partner to their polycule. Another married couple. The wife asks if I'm Polly because she's interested in me. I wasn't sure was honest about that, but said I was interested in exploring it. We dated for exactly a month and mutually broke up. Genuinely mutual. I called her to break up and she started breaking up with me first. We ended super amicably. Said it just wasn't compatible. And I don't think I am Polly. But now I'm realizing some of the turn offs in the relationship are also turn offs in the friendship. Being a bit controlling. For example, how do I avoid being bitter or petty? We hang out as a group fairly often. So you dated this person and now you're like wait. And now you're like wait. I actually don't like them as a person.
- [44:31]
A
Damn.
- [44:32]
C
But it's like enmeshed because your friend groups. I mean honestly this is like the lesbian community.
- [44:37]
B
Absolutely.
- [44:38]
C
I feel like that it's like. Like you love this person but then they bring their partner around and you're like not so great on their partner. But you have to have them around.
- [44:46]
A
Because you love the other person.
- [44:47]
B
Absolutely.
- [44:48]
A
This is just being a human.
- [44:49]
C
I don't even think it's poly drama.
- [44:51]
A
No, no, I agree. I agree.
- [44:54]
B
I think it's hard though. I don't know. I will say that we're not really friends with very many people who we don't like their partner.
- [45:00]
A
No. But you know, we have definitely a friends where I would probably not be friends with their partner.
- [45:06]
B
Right? You don't not like that.
- [45:08]
A
No, no, no. But I someone I probably would just never ever like. Not even because they're bad. We're just so different and have nothing in common. Who now is like at everything in my entire life. And like that's just. Which I kind of like because I think it is kind of how? I don't know. You meet fun people that aren't like you. You get new ideas. We have a friend.
- [45:27]
B
You get new ideas.
- [45:28]
A
You get new little ideas. We have a friend who's long time now fiance is a scientist. And boy oh boy do I learn a lot there. But I don't necessarily know if we would have ever met because. Because I'm not. You know, if you can.
- [45:40]
B
Because he's a gay male scientist.
- [45:41]
A
He's a gay male scientist. I'm not really in that scene anymore. But I love. So I like that. But it is tough when you now just in adult life now that's who you see all the time.
- [45:52]
C
Yeah.
- [45:53]
A
Have you ever had that scenario where you're like, I cannot actually hang out with this person? Yeah.
- [45:58]
C
But you know what's interesting is I feel like it's a mirror. Like, because now I didn't go to college.
- [46:05]
A
Me neither.
- [46:05]
C
So I. Okay, so I didn't get that, like. Like, sorority, like, close friend, group, like, thing until I came into the lesbian community. And it very much feels like college, where, like, even if the. You hate the drama and you really want to escape it, like, you're in it, and this is, like. This is just where you're at now, you know? And it's taught me a lot about how to just kind of exist in discomfort and, like, manage those types of relationships. And not to say, like, that everybody's great and nobody has problems, but also, like, you have problems, too, and it teaches you. It's kind of a mirror, and it's like, oh, why does this person trigger me? Or, like, what is it about that person? And so I feel like I've gotten better at that and just like, assessing it in that way and trying to see it for, like, oh, maybe this person is in my life so that I can learn XYZ or learn boundaries, maybe. Or, like, for this person, maybe it's like. Like, maybe you don't, like existing in certain spaces with that person. Like, you don't like to travel with them anymore, and you don't like to. But maybe you can do a dinner, you know? And that's, like, what I've gotten better at. And especially because, like, Matilda's so open and just like, yeah, I want to be around everybody and invite everybody, which is great, and I love that about her. But I'm, like, susceptible to energy and people's energy. So, like, I'll be like, okay, yes, they can come to the party, but, like, I don't necessarily want to do an intimate dinner with this person, you know? And so I think it's just. Everything is an opportunity to just kind of look at yourself and say, like, okay, how can I maneuver around these things?
- [47:36]
B
Oh, so thoughtful.
- [47:37]
A
That's great.
- [47:38]
B
Such a. Such a great way to turn lemons into lemonade. I really think.
- [47:42]
A
No, I. I really do think that.
- [47:43]
B
I think it's so nice to be like, how can I learn from this? Because I think that's really true. And then also, once you've done that, if you're still just like, no, this person sucks. They're rude to my friend. They're rude to me. Or, you know, we hear a Lot of people talk about how, like, their straight friend's boyfriend is homophobic. Whatever. Like, all those things exist too. I do believe that you can judge someone based off their partner. And if your friend has a homophobic partner, that means your friend's okay with homophobia. If your friend has a partner that treats them really poorly and you don't want to see that, I don't think you should have to continue being friends with that friend. Sorry. I. I would love for anyone to judge me based off Kendall, or honestly, any of my friends, for that matter. I think who you associate with, with really does say a lot about you as a person. And I think that turn inward, look at yourself, and then if you're still just like, no, that person's a bad person. You just don't have to be around them.
- [48:32]
A
Yeah.
- [48:33]
C
It's an opportunity to practice boundaries, which I think is, like, so hard. But also I. I really hold on to this thing about boundaries that I heard one time, where boundaries are not only for you, they're for the other person as well. Because then it gives the other person an opportunity to say, like. Like, oh, wait, why is this boundary being set? Or why don't they want to be around me? Which is, like, probably could be really formative in their life too, to look inward. And so it's like, I think by just existing true to who you are and what you feel comfortable in, it actually helps other people as well.
- [49:06]
A
Yeah.
- [49:06]
B
Wow.
- [49:07]
A
Well, and I think, like, with this. And I don't know, I can't remember exactly what they said, but I don't know if, like, sex was involved or anything like that.
- [49:13]
B
They didn't mention it, but I have to. They dated for a month.
- [49:16]
A
Who knows? But I think it's always like, it's so hard because I think when we get into fluidity and every, like, oh, maybe we could be poly and we could be open. All great. I mean, we are not experiencing that, but that's great for you if you want to do it. But I think there is. It makes me feel like my mom, because I remember when I was growing up, she'd be like, things change after sex. You know, things really change after sex. And I don't always think that's true. Like, I have, you know, had where it's just a one night thing, and it's not a big donut. Super fun. It doesn't have to be that way. But I think just in general with intimacy, it's like, if you have a friend that's really important to you, and you want to open up to like being in a relationship or being poly. It sounds nice to just be like, what if we're all just in kind of like a commune and love is love and everything's awesome. But I think you have to sometimes tread carefully when you're going into intimacy with anyone because it is hard to go back.
- [50:08]
B
Back. Yeah. It could change the dynamic of your friendship for sure.
- [50:11]
A
Because now you seen them as it has. So I'm not sure, you know, it's hard. Cuz I think I'm. I'm very, you know, sex positive and like, who cares? Let's. Sex is great. But at the same time, sometimes you got to be like, okay, but also you gotta be careful sometimes. Yeah, yeah.
- [50:23]
B
Just be prepared for your dynamic to potentially change. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I don't know. But it could.
- [50:29]
A
Talk to a specialist.
- [50:30]
B
Talk to a specialist. Thank you so much for being here today with us. We had such a wonderful day.
- [50:36]
A
Yeah, this was so fun.
- [50:37]
B
Where can people find you?
- [50:38]
C
Made it out. Aid it out on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok. We're everywhere. Please go watch our new show. It's called out for a Drive. It's a mix between kind of carpool, karaoke, and cash Cab. It's a game show. Our celesbians earn cash along the way and then they get to either keep the cash or risk it all for what's in the back of the U haul. It's hosted by Rachel Samples. It's absolutely incredible. So fun, fun, fun.
- [51:04]
B
Wow.
- [51:04]
A
Awesome.
- [51:05]
B
Okay, well, we'll include the link to that in the B. So make sure to go watch that. And as always, this is a fully independently produced and created podcast by Kendall and I. And it's expensive, Henny, so make sure you like you comment, you subscribe, you follow, you go join our Patreon where you can get a bunch of really cool extra things. And we appreciate you being here.
- [51:26]
C
Watch the ad all the way through.
- [51:28]
A
Yes, Watch the ad all the way through.
- [51:30]
B
Thank you. We have a real ally on our hands right here. Watch the whole ad.
- [51:32]
A
If guilting you wasn't enough, when this episode comes out, it might be around my birthday.
- [51:37]
B
So, hey, think about that.
- [51:38]
A
Venmo Us.
- [51:39]
B
Yeah, just Venmo Kendall. All right, thanks so much.
- [51:41]
A
Happy Monday.
- [51:42]
B
We'll see you next week.
- [51:43]
C
Bye.
- [51:45]
B
From the cascades to PDX to your.
- [51:48]
A
Kitchen, we recycle like we live here.
- [51:51]
B
That's why governments, brands and recycling companies are all joining together to bring change, to make recycling better. As in trusting that your recyclables end up in the right places to be made into new things and having having brands help fund the cost of recycling. You can find the Latest updates at recycleon.org Oregon From Mount Hood to the bin under your desk, together we can do this.