79: How to ACTUALLY be a Good Husband w/ Waleed Mansour

Summary

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Happy Wife Happy Life – Episode 79: "How to ACTUALLY be a Good Husband w/ Waleed Mansour"

Release Date: September 1, 2025
Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Guest: Waleed Mansour (comedian, podcaster, husband, and dad)

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Main Theme and Purpose

This lively and candid episode is all about what it actually means to be a “good husband,” featuring comedian and real-life husband Waleed Mansour. Kendahl and Jordan, two comedians known for dishing out loving but unqualified relationship advice, dig into the daily realities, challenges, red flags, little victories, and occasional absurdities of partnership—especially through the lens of heterosexual marriage, household mental load, and parenting. Waleed shares wisdom and debunks myths, with the trio exploring how to balance personal needs, affection, communication, and managing anger alongside the chaos of parenting.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introducing Waleed: Podcasts, Parachutes, and Risk

• Waleed introduces his new podcast collaboration with Rekha Shankar, where they play themselves as dead, interviewing guests in the afterlife. (00:50)
• The trio riffs on risky activities like skydiving and jet skis, correlating them to adult responsibilities and partnership.
  • Waleed: “I should have skydived before I got married. That is how I genuinely feel.” (02:35)
  • Spirals into a hilarious jet ski horror story that leads to a serious chat on risk as parents. (04:30)
• Probability, karma, and the power of “speaking things into existence” come up—cue comedic skepticism from all sides. (05:19–06:38)

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2. What Makes a “Good Husband” (and Partner)

• Waleed’s credentials: Married since 2017, with his now-wife since 2014. He “locked it down pretty quick.” (08:05)
  • Memorable: He was shopping for rings within three months.
  • Waleed: “If you know, you know. It should feel right the whole time.” (08:50)
• On commitment and background—grew up Muslim, initially viewed marriage as a requirement but came to it by choice and love. (09:51–10:16)
• Met his wife Emma right before moving cities; started long-distance but stayed together.
  • “We both were in that space of not wanting to meet the love of our life, and then it just happens.” (11:08)

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3. Red Flags & Self-Awareness as a Husband

• Waleed admits he “thinks he’s right too much” and is a chronic “problem solver,” always trying to fix instead of just listen (12:07)
  • Waleed: “You come to me with your problems, and I try and solve them, and I shouldn’t.”
• Jordan & Kendahl relate: Jordan identifies as a “fixer,” Kendahl wants empathy, not solutions (13:40)
• Petty partner fights—leaving out takeout, missing the apology, recreating the “bath tub chocolate” scenario (14:18)
• On deferring or scheduling arguments: Jordan sends Google Calendar invites to resolve postponed disagreements. It's both “serious” and comedic. (16:02)
  • “Jordan has sent me a calendar invite for an argument discussion.” (16:06)

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4. Dividing the Mental Load in Marriage and Parenting

Listener Question: “How do you split up the mental load of household and parenting?” (17:16)

• Current reality: Emma works full-time as a kindergarten teacher; Waleed is with their two sons all day. Debate on whether child-rearing is “work,” and how to equate tasks. (17:32)
• Wisdom: There’s no simple 50/50; both partners always feel they’re doing “60%.” (18:38)
  • Quoting (probably) Brené Brown: “Both partners will always feel like they're doing more.” (18:51)
• Unseen contributions: Putting a coaster back, closing cabinets, storing herbs—things the partner doesn’t value but you do. Leads to built-up resentments and humor. (19:14–20:18)
• The importance of adult companionship and self-care as a stay-at-home parent: “If I go four days without seeing friends... she cannot be the only adult I see in a week.” (22:21)

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5. Negotiating Wants vs. Needs in Long-term Partnership

Listener Question: What about when you deeply want your partner to do something they hate (like slow dancing)? (25:33)

• Waleed, Kendahl & Jordan agree it’s not a “bad sign” if your partner won’t slow dance, as long as affection shows up in other ways. (25:50)
  • Waleed: “Has it always been that way? After ten years you’re surprised they don’t slow dance?” (26:01)
• The “long letter” conversation: Kendahl wanted long heartfelt cards, Jordan wasn’t into it—eventually learned it’s not a fundamental need. (26:24–28:02)
• Communication is key: “Don’t expect your partner to do something they hate all the time... but if you need it, vocalize it.” (28:50)
• Don’t build resentment by always saying yes. “Try not to do the things you don’t want to do, because that's just... you're just going to build resentment.” (29:00–29:14)

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6. Compromise, Personal Space, and Letting Go

• Example: Waleed prefers to skip twice-daily walks; Emma doesn’t want to play video games—both have learned it’s OK, love doesn’t depend on it. (34:42)
• On hobby gifts: Best “little happy” for husbands or anyone is a gift that acknowledges what they’re into right now (36:13)
  • “If I was really into a hobby and Emma brought me something for it... that would be amazing.” (36:31)
• Caution: Don’t buy the “wrong one” for a hobbyist (“I need the six-millimeter!”). (38:06)

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7. Navigating Anger (Especially for Men and Parents)

Listener Question: “How do I help my husband navigate his anger issues?” (42:06)

• Waleed’s approach: Take a beat. Walk away before talking. But don’t ignore it—anger builds up otherwise. (42:53)
  • Shares tale of toddler/infant chaos, frustration, and the difference between rational conversation with adults and small children (43:33 onward).
• Sometimes, with young kids, you just have to survive (“They can be little villains”), but with spouses, you can communicate hurt.
• Waleed admits to shutting down (going quiet) during fights, waiting for the other to “figure out why I’m mad,” even though he knows it’s not healthy. (47:24)
  • “I care that you don't care that I'm sad about it.” (48:38)

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8. Fighting Well & Repair

• Jordan advocates for the corny but true: “You and I are working together against the problem, not against each other.” (49:02)
• On “never go to bed angry”:
  • Jordan: “I'm not someone where time and space heals an issue if there's no conclusion.” (52:32)
  • Kendahl: Sometimes sleep is helpful; the next day it feels easier. (53:46)
  • Waleed: The longer you wait, anger turns into resentment at the person, not the action. (53:22)
• The “perfect fight”: Apologize sincerely, acknowledge feelings, plan a short debrief next day, then hug and watch Shrek. (54:45–55:25)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Waleed on Knowing You’ve Met The One:
  • “If you know, you know. Like, it’s either there and it’s easy… it should feel right the whole time.” (08:50)
• On division of labor:
  • “Both partners will always feel like they’re doing 60% of the work.” (18:51, paraphrased from Brené Brown)
• On red flags:
  • “I think I’m right too much.” (11:47)
• Waleed on Anger:
  • "I will shut down. I will, like, go quiet often. And I need you to figure out why I'm mad at you." (47:24)
  • “You're never fighting about what just happened. There’s always something deeper down.” (50:11)
• On gifts:
  • “What a dream. If I was really into a hobby and Emma brought me something for it… that would be amazing.” (36:31)
• On kids vs. pets:
  • “The thing about pets is like, after about five months, they're pretty much the same for the rest of their existence. It's nice that kids learn to talk and can pick up their own—well, you've never met our dog.” (24:52)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:50 — Waleed introduces his new comedy podcast about the afterlife.
• 02:35-05:06 — Comedy riff on dangerous activities as parents.
• 08:05-09:51 — Waleed details his relationship timeline & how he “just knew.”
• 12:07–13:40 — Discussion of red flags and the fixer/listener dynamic in relationships.
• 17:16–22:36 — The mental load of household and parenting; why “fair” isn’t 50/50.
• 25:33–30:01 — Navigating unmet “wants” in a relationship (e.g. slow dancing, love letters).
• 34:42–36:35 — Letting go of activities you don’t want to do; giving gifts that fit fleeting hobbies.
• 42:06–51:03 — Dealing with anger as a husband (and dad); why walking away helps, and the traps of silent treatment.
• 52:29–55:25 — “Never go to bed angry?” Rules for fighting and finally moving on.

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Tone and Style

Playful, teasing, and banter-heavy but honest—these are real-life partners and friends hashing out the mess and joy of relationships. Kendahl and Jordan’s irreverence keeps even tough topics light, but their genuine affection and emotional insight come through—especially as they, and Waleed, reveal their own flaws and learning curves as partners.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• You don’t need to be everything for your partner; “knowing and accepting” differences is key.
• The mental load will always feel uneven, so compassionate communication and check-ins matter more than rigid fairness.
• Clear communication—especially about wants vs. true needs—prevents resentment.
• Taking a break, addressing the real issue, and approaching conflict as a team are all “good husband” (and partner) strategies.
• Humor, small tailored gestures, and a willingness to accept imperfection go a long way in building a happy partnership.

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Where to Find the Guest

• Instagram & TikTok: @MrWaleedMansour
• Comedy podcast We’re Dead (YouTube & audio platforms)
• Awesomely Awful (YouTube movie reviews with Sean Coyle)

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Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life. We're your hosts. I'm Kendall Landreth.

[B]

And I'm Jordan Myrick.

[A]

And we are two incredibly unqualified but.

[B]

Deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we're talking being a Good Husband with Waleed Mansoor.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Waleed. We're so happy to have you here. We absolutely love you.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. I love you guys.

[A]

Oh, this is such a treat.

[B]

So fun to have you here.

[C]

I feel like we met very recently, but, like, immediately fell in love with both of you.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Well, I also feel like we have so many points of connection that are. I mean, the big one is. And it's the thing you're promoting here today. Your new podcast with Rekha Shankar is one of Kendall and I's very best friends in the whole wide world. Previous podcast guest. Y' all know her. Y' all love her. Tell us about your. Your new podcast.

[C]

Yeah, we play characters. Well, we play ourselves, but we are dead, and you two have been on it. And we interview random people in the afterlife, people that. That are known, people that are unknown, famous historical figures, some people that have died on, like, a Titanic and some people who are Bachelor contestants. Yeah. And it's been a lot of fun, and we're having a lot of very fun comedians on the show.

[A]

It's so fun. It's such a fun show.

[B]

Your episode is out already, right?

[C]

And it is out already.

[B]

Rachel Pegram.

[A]

Yes. Yes. And I play a bachelor contestant who dies in a.

[B]

In a.

[A]

Well, it was a parachute, a parachuting accident.

[C]

I. After, like, three days after we posted your episode, I saw a clip of a Bachelor contestant taking a fall.

[A]

Yes. It's. What's her name? It's recent.

[C]

Did you base it off this?

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

So she. It's because they always have them do crazy stuff, and I'm always like, one of them could die.

[C]

She smashes into the ground.

[A]

And it's really funny because, like, if you, you know, women who are on the Bachelor, it's like a lot of them are kind of from the Midwest, like, absolute unable to show any type of pain, especially in front of a man. Like, they still need to be like, I'm fine.

[B]

Like, I don't have any emotions.

[A]

She's fully almost died parachuting. And she's, like, laughing on the ground.

[B]

And she's like, this is gonna be.

[A]

So funny to look back on. And everyone's like, are you okay? And I literally was like, she probably is. I would totally believe it if she had eight broken bones and was just.

[B]

Like, laughing through it all. The skin on her crotch. Yes. Absolutely not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I would never, ever parachute.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Skydive.

[A]

I would. I would. I would not.

[B]

I'll tell you right now. No, you won't.

[A]

I would not bungee jump.

[B]

I would not budge.

[C]

I would not bungee jump either.

[A]

That feels way more dangerous.

[C]

I feel like I was. I should have skydived before I got married. That is how I genuinely feel is I should have done it before I committed my life to a person and then had kids.

[A]

Well, especially kids, because I think I. I could see myself pregnant.

[B]

Skydiving.

[A]

They probably don't let you do that, but I do feel like once you have kids, it changes the vibe because it feels like people are looking you like, is this worth it?

[B]

Is this worth it?

[A]

If you die doing this, your kids are going have no parents.

[B]

You are not skydiving or.

[A]

I want to go skydiving.

[B]

No, you're not. I don't tell you what to do, but also, yes, I do.

[A]

No way.

[C]

What is the riskiest thing you've ever done?

[B]

I.

[A]

What's the riskiest thing I've ever done?

[B]

Driven a car. You driven a car the way I drive a car? Probably.

[A]

I try to. Well, you know, I grew up in a small town that was in a valley where there was a. There was a river that ran through it. And so when I was growing up, it was really common to jump off rocks at, like, 50ft up.

[B]

50.

[A]

Pretty high up. Jump off, like. Yeah. Or you jump off like a.

[C]

Do you not trust her ability to judge heights?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This was a diving board at a local pool.

[B]

Yeah. No, I think the situation is real. I just think you don't have great perception of that kind of stuff. But neither do I.

[A]

Well, I. I did jump off with my youth group. A. Like a. It was like a. I don't want to say a highway, but like an overpass. That's what it's called. Where it goes over the river. And I jumped off that.

[B]

That's very hard.

[A]

Pretty cool, huh? Pretty cool. And. Yeah. But I've done many dangerous things. I. Exactly. And I. I want to do a jet Ski. And you say that you don't want me doing that. You get to pick one.

[B]

No, there.

[A]

You can't control me in that.

[B]

I do. I'm sorry. I can. There's a lot of things you're not allowed to do when you love someone. There are certain Things you're allowed to.

[C]

Veto, and I think that's fair.

[A]

Have you vetoed anything for your wife? Probably not, no.

[C]

But my wife doesn't want to do dangerous things. Actually, she took me on the back of a jet ski once, but. But now I'm off to jet skis, too, because I just heard a story about somebody dying, and sometimes that just turns you off to a thing entirely.

[B]

We heard a story.

[A]

Worse than dying.

[B]

I heard a story, and I'll leave out a lot of the details because it's about a friend of a friend.

[C]

Worse than dying.

[B]

I heard a story about a jet ski and a woman flew off the back and. You know the stream of water that shoots up into the sky when you're riding a jet ski?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

A woman flew off the back and the jet shot up her up. And that's all I'll say.

[C]

And that's worse than death.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you know what happened to her insides. I'm telling you, I'd rather be dead than have that.

[C]

Oh, my God. Yeah. So I'll stay off, too, but I'm.

[A]

Like, what are the odds?

[C]

She's like, give me one.

[B]

What if the jet ski shoots up?

[A]

Orgasm.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No, I literally though, I'm like, what are the odds? I tell that story in the podcast, and then the first time I go to jet ski, I'm like, it happened to me, too. No way. I really believe in odds. So I'm like, we've talked about me dying, skydiving enough that it would be crazy for me to die skydive.

[C]

You believe in odds.

[B]

Anything works.

[A]

I talk about something enough publicly, there's no way it's going to happen.

[C]

I see, I see. I see. Because you're not of the. Yeah, yeah. I. I mean, I'm against the idea that, like, if you say something, it's more likely to happen. I. I don't believe that.

[B]

But, yeah, I don't know how I feel about that. I think. My impulse is to say, I do think, because I think if I don't, I very lightly believe that maybe when you start putting something out there, maybe the vibes could come back to you. Maybe. Pos negative. Because I do believe that if you're an. You know, I'm not, like, big into stuff like this, but I do think if you're a nice, generous person, I do believe, like, generally speaking, that will come back to you.

[C]

Yes, we're talking karma, but I'm like.

[B]

What'S to stop a jet ski from shooting on me? If I've spoken About that.

[A]

Karma is so powerful, you think it can't control get jet ski water.

[B]

Well, I don't know. I'm. You're not.

[A]

Here's what I hear conversation. I'm just like, it would be so crazy. I think if I'm thinking it to myself, those thoughts can really go out into the world. But if I. Weeks leading up to skydiving, I'm telling everyone, oh, I'm glad. I'm so scared. I literally am so scared I'm going to die. Skydiving. I'm so scared of a jack skydiving. And then I get on and I immediately die. That feels crazy.

[C]

Yes. Whereas if you were like, it's no problem. Don't worry about it, then you're going to die.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I don't believe in that either.

[B]

And I'm going to marinate on it to see how I feel about it, because I can't quite decide. I can't quite decide. All right, well, you're here today because we're talking about being a good husband. Famously, you're a husband.

[C]

That is true.

[A]

This is a huge episode for us because, you know, we try to continually tell our listeners, this is not a gay podcast. That's offensive to call it that because just because we're gay.

[B]

It's a podcast hosted by two gay people.

[A]

Not for gay people, for everybody.

[B]

That everyone can glean from this podcast.

[C]

You know, honestly, I feel this so, so much. When me and Reiko were talking about our show, one of the things we were excited about is the idea that we have two brown people on a podcast hosting a podcast. And that has nothing to do with it. We're like, ye. That's all we want. That's all we want is to just it not be about the fact that we're brown.

[B]

But I'm sorry, people were still like. And tell me about your POC podcast.

[A]

We get comments every episode of, like, a couple straight men commenting. Being like, just checking in as the straight guy that listens to this podcast. I know there's only, like, four of us.

[B]

They're probably all sweet. They're always like, I'm learning a lot. I'll get this thing. And it was really helpful or whatever. Like, they're so sweet, they're so thoughtful, but sometimes we got to throw them a bone. We got to bring, like, a straight CIS man onto the podcast.

[C]

I have so much experience there, so. Endless experience there.

[B]

Wow. Okay, first of all, how long have you been a husband?

[C]

I've been a husband for. Oh, my God. If I forgot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Immediately we're like, oh, okay, okay.

[C]

Husband since 2017. So eight years.

[B]

And how long were you together before that?

[C]

We were together since 2014, so three years before that.

[B]

So I locked it down pretty quick.

[C]

I did. And I. Okay, this is a true story. And I talked about this in my vows. We met in March. End of March of 2014.

[B]

What day?

[C]

March 29th is our anniversary. That's not when we met.

[B]

My birthday's the 24th, so I just wanted to know if there was some kind of, like, cosmic thing going on. I'm like, oh, I feel so connected to you because of that. Okay. No, close enough, though.

[C]

But that's, like, technically our first anniversary. And by June, I was looking at wedding rings like, I knew. I knew for sure.

[B]

How did you know? Other than the fact that she's beautiful, she seems incredible. How did you. What?

[A]

What.

[B]

What? How are you like. No, this is legit that fast?

[C]

That's a great question. And I talk. I've said this phrase a lot to many of my friends who have, like, asked me about advice about marriage. And one of the things I always say is, I'm either the best person at giving advice or the absolute worst person giving advice. Because my answer genuinely is like. Like, you. If you know, you know, like, it's either there and it's easy. And when I say easy, I don't mean that, like, you're not going to have fights and you're not going to, like, go through trouble times and things. It should feel right the whole time. And it did. And it just did. And I had been in a relationship when I was, like, previous to that and just the difference and. And the previous relationship I was in, I thought I was going to marry that person. But that was also in college. And then when I met Emma, I was like, oh, no, this is. Now I get it. I feel like I understand what TV.

[B]

Is talking about now.

[C]

I get what the movies are saying.

[A]

So were you, like, before? It sounds like maybe. Yes. You were never a person who struggled with commitment. You weren't like, oh, I'm never going to lock it down. I'm never going.

[C]

No, no. I. Well, part of it is that I grew up Muslim, so, like, you know, you were. I. I was pretty committed to, like, not having sex before marriage and things like that. So there was a time where I was like, oh, I know, I'll meet my wife, I'll marry her, and then we'll be who we are.

[B]

And how did that go?

[C]

I had sex with my first girlfriend.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Got it. Okay. Just checking.

[C]

After some time, it took a temperature check.

[B]

Okay, great. Got it.

[C]

But, no, I definitely never commit. Never struggled with committing. However, it's very funny because. So I had my college girlfriend, and then I. We broke up my senior year. And then the rest of that year, I was, like, seeing people here, and they're dating around, and then there was a couple months left in the school year, and at this point, I was about to move Chicago, and I was like, you know what? I'm not. I'm not trying to meet anybody. I'm not looking for love right now because it's stupid.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Why me? Why meet the love of my life right now when I'm about to move to a city with millions of people in it? And then I met Emma, and a month later, I moved to Chicago, and we were apart for a year, but we stayed together. And it's like. It's. We. And we both were in that space of not wanting to.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Meet the love of our life, and then it just happens.

[A]

That's how they say it happened.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

This is just so beautiful. I love that.

[B]

I want to know, because you're about to be giving us advice. People wrote in questions for you to get advice on being a good husband. But I want to know just kind of like, what are your red flags as a man, as a partner, as a male partner, as a boy husband.

[C]

Red flags as a. Like that. I don't think other husbands. Like, when I see other husbands doing stuff, I go, no, no, no, no.

[B]

What's wrong with you?

[C]

Oh, what are my red flags? Oh, great, Great.

[A]

Oh, perfect.

[B]

Perfect.

[C]

I think I'm right. Too much.

[B]

Okay, same.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And also that.

[A]

No, that's actually. But actually, I have to. That's crazy.

[B]

Actually. Just like that.

[A]

That's crazy. Jordan is a huge note. All. And I don't know. I know. I don't know literally any. I don't know anything.

[B]

She says that, like, in passing, but when we're in an argument, she doesn't.

[C]

Okay, I'll kind of glean. I'll let you know by the end of the.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm sure it'll be clear.

[C]

Yeah, I definitely think I know a lot, which definitely, like, bites me in the butt. And then something I personally am working on a lot. And there's a song that I like by a guy, Slim Dan. I think it's called Problem Solver. And the reason I bring this up is the premise of the song is basically, you come to me with Your problems, and I try and solve them, and I shouldn't, and I need to just listen, lead.

[B]

You're a Jordan, and Kendall must be an Emma.

[A]

And remember how beautiful Emma sounded? Yeah, because Jordan's exactly like that. Jordan's a huge problem solver.

[B]

Lock me up. When Kendall comes like, this ain't not working, and I can't do this, and da, da, da, da. I'm like, okay, well, let's do this. This. And Kendall's like, don't try to fix it.

[A]

No, no. Because when you come to someone's stress.

[C]

Then why are you whining?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

All right, you're done. Thank you so much for being here. I can't. I can't have her get any more confidence in her stance on this. No, Jordan will. It's like I come to her with a. I'm, like, stressed out about something, and I. This is what Jordan always does. If you listening, you. You have to watch for this. But try to picture it. I go, oh, I'm really stressed about this. And I see Jordan go, okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So here's what's gonna go on. And I'm like, no. I'm already so stressed out. And I've told Jordan a million times. I'm like, do you know, like, if I'm already beating myself up? Because that's the thing. Sometimes it's not even fixable. Like, if I've just made a mistake, and then I'm. It's gonna cause me to have to fix something, but I'm already beating myself up. I. I don't want to come to you and then have you be like, wait, why would you do that? That's crazy. Here's what we're gonna have to. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're looking at me like you're upset.

[B]

No, I'm not upset. This is just.

[A]

Or you're thinking this is the thing.

[B]

You are. Right. But there's also a thing that Kendall does where she'll be like. Like, I'll be like, hey, you left out all the takeout that we brought home last night. You never put it in the fridge, and now it's all ruined.

[A]

That was nine months ago.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Just letting you know. Nine months.

[C]

An example.

[B]

I'm not even.

[A]

Nine months ago.

[B]

I don't even know what you're talking about, because I wasn't referring to a specific thing. So defensive.

[A]

I'm talking about Lunasia Dumpling house.

[B]

And I forgot about that. And I still ate all that, so it didn't even matter. I didn't care that you left it overnight. That's how brave and strong I am.

[C]

Yeah. Dangerous.

[B]

Thank you. And that's the most dangerous thing I've ever done.

[C]

You've ever done.

[B]

So. But Kendall. And I'll be like, oh, you left all this out. And Kendall will be like, okay, I'm already beating myself up about that, so I really don't need you to pile on. I'm like, you're already beating yourself up about it. You just found out about it. Queen.

[A]

I'm in the bath.

[B]

Yeah, she's always in the bathroom drinking wine.

[C]

Literally, I'm feeling right now, she's eating.

[B]

Like, a small plate of chocolates that I've prepared for her in the bathtub, which is a real thing she does often. And she's like, I'm already beating myself about it. So I could just use it if you were really supportive. And I'm like, shut up. That's so crazy. Just be like, my bad.

[C]

I know, I know. I have totally felt where it's just like. Like, apologize first, and then let's go through it. It's like, you do know you were wrong.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Let's just maybe get the apology out of the way, and then we can decide whether or not how we need to move forward.

[A]

And what does Emma think?

[C]

She feels like she's in the bath. She definitely is defensive at times when I, like, call her out and stuff. But it's like. And then there's always the let's. I don't want to talk about this right now. It's just like, I don't want to. I'd rather have the fight while I'm mad about.

[A]

God, you guys are so similar.

[B]

It'll be so much better in three hours. No, because thinking about it, the goal. The goal is let's talk about this.

[A]

Later and then not ever speak. I'm just trying to get you to go away.

[C]

Like, you. So you want me to bring this up later when we're happy?

[B]

Well, and that's because kind of will forget about it in three hours, three seconds. I won't. But what you need to start doing is being like, whoa, hey, I'm on the computer. Middle of fight. I'm on the computer. I'm seeing there's a 4:30pm screening of Nobody to At the Six. You should check that out, because that's fine. And then I'll go to that.

[A]

That's what I always do is I'll be like, can we talk about this later? And Jordan Goes, okay, when would you like to talk about later? And I. Jordan.

[C]

Jordan the cow. Jordan the cow.

[B]

Yeah. And I love. Send a calendar.

[A]

Jordan has sent me a calendar invite for an argument discussion.

[C]

That's amazing.

[B]

I'm trying to show you that I'm serious, but also not in a spiteful way, just in a way where I want you to know that, like, I'm being serious of, like, oh, if you want. Because to me, if someone says, I want to talk about this later, that means you actually want to talk about it later. So I'm like, I'm trying to be respectful of you and say, if you would like to talk about it later, I don't want that, but I will respect you. So I'll make an event so we can talk about it later to show you that I care about it happening later. But I've learned in the last year that later means never.

[C]

Later does mean never.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Sorry. How does it feel that when you asked me about my red flags, I just clocked you?

[B]

Me? Fine. Good. I love you, so it's fine.

[C]

Amazing. Me too.

[B]

It rocks. What's wrong with that? Oh, what a cool, funny, hot guy is like, oh, we have the same problems. And I'm like, that rule. What's wrong with that? Nothing.

[C]

Amazing.

[B]

And also, I think you guys seem so genuinely happy, and you're. You seem like, once again, such a good husband, such a happy husband and father. I'm like, oh, well, if you and I are doing the same things, I can't be that wrong. Right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I feel like Kendall and I are really happy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Yep.

[B]

Let's get into a couple questions. Let's get into some questions. Okay. How do you identify and figure out an even distribution of mental load for household, kids, life, etc? How do y' all split it up?

[C]

That's a good question. My wife works full time and I do not. So I currently. She actually just went back to work last week, so I'm currently with the boys during the day at all times. And I do think that that actually can add some difficulty to it all because, you know, there is, like, the element of it's not a job, but it also is a job in terms of raising kids. So then when she gets home, did she work 40 hours and I worked 40 hours, or does mine not count as the kids? So it does. That's. That's where it adds complications. But I do think the best version of it is just on a moment to moment basis being able to check in with your partner and be like, like, how can you handle what I need you to handle right now?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And sometimes the answer is I can't at all. And you just need to be pulling 100 of the weight.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I don't think there is, like, if you do all this stuff and I do all this stuff, then we're good.

[A]

Yep. Yeah.

[C]

But one of the best things I've ever heard in terms of advice and this might have been, who's that white lady?

[B]

Slim Dan. This is another slim dance song.

[A]

Who's that, Mel Robbins?

[B]

No, she's Renee Brown.

[C]

That's probably who it is. Where it feels like you're always doing 60 of the work. It always. Both partners will always feel like it's.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[C]

They're doing more. And I think you just have to, like, accept that that's the case. And I feel like hearing that, I was like, oh, I definitely do feel that. And the things that I don't think about that I don't get annoyed that I'm not doing or, like, you know, oh, yeah, she's doing them, and she's thinking I'm slacking on stuff. And it's like, But I'm handling those things. So.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Your partner's always doing things that the other one doesn't realize they're not doing.

[C]

Exactly. It's not even like, oh, you got that, And I got this. It's like, you did what? Oh, oh, well, I did this, and they're going, you did that? I didn't know we had to do.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then you're also building it up in your head. It's like, way bigger things. Like, I remember one time we got into, like, a tiff about that exact conversation of, like, I feel like I'm doing all these things that you're not seeing, and you don't realize I'm doing, blah, blah, whatever. And Jordan was like, well, like, what's the thing? What's, like this? What is the thing that you do that, like, you feel like I'm not seeing? And I was like, well, like, sometimes I go to your nightstand and I, like, pick your coaster up, and I, like, put it back where the coasters go. And Jordan's like, okay, what do you want, an award?

[B]

I stood up and I saluted her.

[A]

But I think when you do something every day and you're not, like, nobody's seeing it. You're like, I'm doing all these things. And then when you come to me and you say, why didn't you fold the laundry? Well, I Was busy putting the coaster.

[B]

Back on the stand, so that's why.

[A]

I wasn't doing it.

[B]

And sometimes you are doing things for yourself that you feel like you're doing for the other person. We're like, you know. Yeah. When I'm like, what did I do today? I properly stored all of the fresh herbs we got.

[C]

I close every cabinet door in our home.

[B]

Yeah. Kendall's like, I don't care about that at all.

[A]

I'm like, I opened every cabinet. I was busy too.

[C]

I actually prefer them open.

[B]

Yeah. So it's hard, but that's a good point. That's a good point.

[A]

Can I ask is, does your. Does Emma work in a place that's like, with a lot of people?

[C]

She's a kindergarten teacher.

[A]

Oh, okay. So there is a little bit of like.

[B]

Oh. That almost feels like a more direct one to one. Because you're both dealing with kids.

[C]

Exactly. So it's really hard at the end of the day for her to come home and be like, hey, take these kids. I need a sec. Cuz it's like you just worked.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Plus you just worked with 25.5year olds. It's really hard to just be like you. It's your turn now.

[B]

Let me weigh in on your relationship.

[C]

Please.

[B]

I think that.

[C]

What am I doing wrong?

[A]

We should do a wife swap.

[B]

We should do a wife swap for the Patreon. I just. I just absolutely fall in love with Emma.

[A]

Please, you guys.

[C]

You will actually. We're not going to do that because that's dangerous.

[B]

I think that yours doesn't count as much, no offense. Because she's working with children.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

She was not working with children. I think if she was an accountant or something else, I would be like, no, because, like, you're both doing different types of work. But God, must be real hard for you because she's doing the exact same thing you're doing, but with less control and more bureaucracy to deal with and on a larger scale.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, and I guess like less of, like you can do it on your own time and you can. What? But it's also so hard because I know we're yappers. We love to, you know, you've met us, we'd love to talk, but whenever we're done hanging out with our nephews for two hours, silent car ride, like, we can't. We're so overstimulated. So I just can't imagine. I know if I had kids, the second Jordan got home, I'd be like, I need to take a bath.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I need whatever.

[C]

But it's hard, honestly. You get excited by, like, doing dishes. Like, can I just put my headphones in and just do dishes for 25 minutes so I can just have some not kid time. But there also is an element for, I assume both of us. Emma at least gets to see adults during the day.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

If I don't see adults during a day besides Emma, that becomes really difficult for me. Like, if I go, like, four days without seeing friends or doing something at night. Like, I love Emma so much, but also, she cannot be the only adult person I see in a week, especially.

[B]

If she's seeing other adults.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

If you're only seeing each other, I think maybe that's one thing. But if she's seeing other adults and.

[A]

You'Re not, you're like, did you catch that episode of Paw Patrol?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's like, oh, yeah, It's a good one, huh?

[B]

You're becoming her baby. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Me. It's me and Steve from Blue's Clues and Miss Rachel.

[B]

But you think it's worth it? You're loving the kids.

[C]

Oh, my God. Absolutely.

[B]

That's awesome.

[C]

Yeah, it's wonderful. My first year with my first kid, we. I was working remotely full time, and so I was still working remotely full time and had a kid, and then Emma was working, working. And honestly, that was, once again, if we're talking balance, way easier for me to be like, I'm doing work and I have the kid at the same time, but I no longer have that job.

[B]

Do not challenge me. No, but that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think that's hard. That's rough for you.

[C]

It's tough. It's tough. Yeah, it's really tough. The kindergarten teacher, because, yeah, if it was a desk job, I'd be like, you get home, take this kid.

[A]

Because that's just so different. It's like, you're working, but you were. There's no that. But it's so different. It's so different because I think it's all mental. Like. Like, I don't know. In my small experience with children, I'm like, I'll be with them for a couple hours. And I'm like, it's not that anything was that hard. It's not that I was like, I'm physically exhausted. It's just the mental noise of a child all the time.

[B]

Well. And you can never truly relax because you always have to be kind of paying attention for safety at the very.

[A]

Least, which I do think is less in a school, probably. Maybe I'M fully wrong.

[C]

I mean she gets breaks. Yeah. She gets like, she gets planning time, she has lunches, things like that. And it's like my lunches is standing in the kitchen while I'm feeding my other. My son.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So it is like, it is a little bit endless. Especially now you're the victim and I'm the victim.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And in terms of bounce, actually it's unfair for me.

[A]

It's actually 60 you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's actually true.

[B]

That's not just the thing you said it's 60.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But I do have to remind myself it is only temporary because soon both of them will be in school eventually.

[C]

That's, you know, that's how you got to feel about kids the whole time. But that time you gotta be like, whatever's happening right now, it's only for a little bit.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

And it'll get easier here.

[A]

Cuz that's why I, whenever we talk about having kids, I'm like, I just picture when I see people who have infant babies and 1 year olds. I picture that for 18 years and I have to remind myself that is not what.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They leave at one, at some point. Incredible.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's so nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, you know, I, I'm not a big pet person, but it's like the thing about pets is like after about five months they're pretty much the same.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

For the rest of their existence. And it's like, it's nice that kids like learn to talk and can like pick up their own.

[A]

Well, you've never met our dog, so.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She speaks three languages.

[C]

Oh, incredible.

[B]

Eng in Spanish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Pets are different in a way. But I hear what you're saying for sure. Okay. This person wants to know. This is such a sweet question. I can tell they've been together for a long time. It, it feels like I, I get this.

[A]

What rude thing, what rude thing is it going to say?

[B]

It's really sweet to be serious. I repeatedly to slow dance. And he doesn't want to, but he is still affectionate in other ways. So it's kind of like, is this a bad sign? What do we think about this? What do we make of this?

[C]

I don't think it's a bad sign.

[A]

I don't think so either.

[C]

I, I think that especially you probably knew this the whole time. That's the thing that I will never, I will never forgive people about complaining about. It's like, has it always been that way?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Have they always been like that? That after it's been 10 years. And you're surprised that they want to slow dance anymore?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It also just, like, let it go. I think it's hard. It's like, I've had this with. And I'm sure you have something for me, so you can say it. But I always thought.

[B]

Because my counter argument was I do literally everything Kendall wants me to do. So I'm confused as to what.

[A]

Well, I've always said I would love a long letter.

[C]

I've always said. I've always said this is the thing you.

[B]

Well, because iconically, if you listen to the podcast, you know about this fight. We had a fight on Valentine's day many years ago when we first started dating. Because I kind of was living in New York. I was living in L. A. It was during COVID I sent her a care package full of gifts and clothes and treats and a very sweet card. The card. The. The words inside the card were not long enough.

[A]

It was under 100 word count. We're looking at.

[B]

And Kendall got very upset. And I said, unfortunately, I do have to report that you are mentally ill. This is not about me. Something's going on with you. And then the next day, Kendall called me back and was like, I've scheduled a therapy appointment because I realized you ultimately right. That was really unwell of me.

[C]

I got a bit. I hate cards.

[A]

You got a what?

[C]

I hate cards. I don't.

[A]

Jordan's the same way. And that's what Jordan doesn't. And honestly, it's rude of me to.

[B]

Write long cards for cards for. I live in your house. I know. What could I need to say to you? And this is the thing. I always got you cards and stuff. I still get you cards because you love them. I thought long letter was a want that you wanted when we first started dating. You still want a long letter.

[A]

Maybe. But it is funny because when you sit, I write long cards, and it does feel funny to start a long card to Jordan. That's like, my dearest love. Every day. It's like we talk about this. Like, we just talk to each other all the time. It's like, what am I even saying?

[B]

What am I at war? Why can't you just speak to me?

[C]

I'm just saying, if you guys were away for a while, that feels like self. I understand. Like, oh, that would be kind of nice. Even though you'd probably talk all the.

[B]

Time, every day, never away from each other.

[A]

My point is, I decided I don't really need it.

[C]

Fair.

[A]

It's not a big deal. But I Think some people cling to something like that. Am I in trouble?

[B]

No, not at all. I love. I think it's. This is my thing. I think if your partner really wants to slow dance, just do it, like, once, but don't like. If they don't just, like, don't try to make it a thing if you know they don't like it. If you're like, hey. And also, I think you have to have clear communication. If you are really like, it would mean a lot to me, for once a year for us to slow down, I think you need to pull them aside, and I think you need to say that. I think you say, hey, once a year, I would like to slow dance. Or like, when we go to a friend's wedding and they do the slow dance, I would love to do just one slow dance. It feels very special to me, and I would love to do that. You got. You can't just be expecting someone to know what you want or to just do a thing that's outside of something that they would normally do because you feel like maybe you're signaling to them or whatever.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm kind of like, don't expect your partner to do something they hate all the time. But if there's a circumstance in which you need it, it, I think you can vocalize that, and I think that's reasonable, especially if they're doing a bunch of stuff.

[C]

I also think in terms of you saying that you always do what Kendall wants to do. Honestly, my take in terms of happy marriages, try not to do the things you don't want to do, because that's just. You're just going to build a lot of resentment.

[B]

Well, I think we're lucky because the things that Kendall wants to do are almost always the things I want to do. We're not very like. Kendall and I are very similar.

[C]

You're not?

[A]

No. But we say no to, like, I, Jordan, Jordan, and like, you and Colin go see so many Broadway shows.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And for a long time, I would go. Cause I would be like, well, everyone, I should be a fun girlfriend. I want to go to the Broadway shows. I do love to see you get a Broadway show. But I will say, usually in intermission, I'm like, should we all leave you guys?

[C]

That's just about.

[B]

It's been a while.

[A]

I've seen him sing. I've seen him whatever. And I started being like, I'm not gonna come to the Broadway show.

[C]

So that's great, though.

[B]

If I asked you to please come to one you would do it.

[A]

Yeah, but you've, like, never really. There's.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, that's the balance.

[C]

If you need it from Kendall, you'll ask for it.

[B]

Yes, but don't. Yeah, I totally agree with you. Don't be doing things you don't want to do all the time because they cause animosity. But, like, think about what you want to do and why you don't want to do it. And then if your partner asks you to do it, like, if it's not a big deal, just, like, do it. Like, Kendall made me come watch her horseback riding. Lesson. Lesson. I didn't privilege, but okay.

[A]

I didn't want to do you know.

[B]

Why I wanted to see you horseback ride, but maybe, like in a video.

[C]

Yeah. When you were good.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I didn't say that. We'll lead to that. We'll lead to that. Wow. No, what I wanted. Because this is the thing you go see you. Well, you have to remember that when you're riding a horse, you're sitting. I'm standing. So I'm standing next to a bunch of horse feces. Knees, just standing.

[A]

If you think. No, I'm sorry. I have to cut you off. If you think sitting on a horse is like sitting. My thighs are clenched. My core is tight.

[C]

You're doing more work than the horse.

[A]

I'm doing more work than the damn horse. And I'm definitely doing more work than you.

[B]

But you. But you're interested in you. You were talking to your little friend on the phone the whole time. My little friend Reika. And she's small.

[C]

She's little.

[B]

She's extremely small. So you're right about that. I. No, but I'm just like, that's not. But you get what I'm saying. That's not fun for me to go stand in the heat. I hate the heat. Everyone knows about me. It's the number one thing I hate. I could be cold for a million years and never complain. I hate being hot. I go stand in the heat, in the sun. I'm sweating, sunscreen dripping into my eyes, watching kennel horse. Everything smells like horseshit. Like, just like. It's not. I'm kind of scared of horses. I like them, but I think they're very powerful and they scare me a little bit.

[C]

I understand that.

[B]

Thank you. I, I, that's not. But Kendall wanted me to come watch her, so I'm like, of course I'll come watch you. And then I do it. And then I loved watching you be on a horse. Does that mean going to a horse stable and watching someone ride a horse is my favorite activity?

[A]

No.

[B]

So there's got to be a balance. Like, I don't want to do it, cuz I don't want to be hot. But I can be hot for an hour occasionally to get an opportunity to see Kendall do this thing she loves.

[C]

So fair. I also think that there's a perspective from, like, a spouse or a partner to be a. Like, can you stop asking me so that I can offer to do it once and then it's kind of fun?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because if you keep asking me, then it's never going to be fun when I do it. Instead, it's always going to be a chore because, you know, I don't want to. So this person asking to slow dance, like, tell them that, like you said, explain that it's important to you and then back off and then give it.

[B]

A rest and then make her husband listen to this podcast.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What's the thing that you do that you're. Or that you won't do that you're like, I'm not into that.

[B]

Or sometimes you do, but you hate doing it.

[C]

I. There are times Emma would go on two walks every single day, and I just am not in the mood, and I just want to sit down and do anything else.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I just want to, like, play video games or watch a movie or whatever. It's like, there are times where I'm like, I would rather sit here with both boys while you go for a walk. And that's. And I'm okay with that. And I think there was a time where I was saying yes and yes for a long time. And then the funny part of the story is I got. I had a herniated disc that was unknown, so heard. So walking hurt me, even though it was recommended to me. Like, if I walked, it would actually make me feel better, which was actually not the case. Walking actually made me feel worse. So at this time, she was like, you want to go for a walk? Go for a walk, go for a walk. And I was like, I really don't. I just want to sit down. I. I'm hurting. I'm in pain right now. And then I think we. That because I had a reason to not go on walks, I pushed through this thing where I was like, okay, if I don't want to go for a walk, I'm just not gonna go for a walk. And we'll both be happier. Yeah, go listen to a podcast. Go Listen to music while you're on your walk, call your mom, whatever you're want to do. And then I can sit here and do nothing if that's what I want to do. And similar similarly, for years and years, I always like press her about playing video games because I'm like, I just want you to play video games. Because I love video games and I want the boys to play video games and I want us to do it as a family. And that sounds so fun to me. That sounds like a blast to me. That's my dream. And then at a certain point I'm like, I'm done asking.

[A]

She doesn't want to do it.

[C]

And it's. And she's not going to. And that's okay. I don't love her any less.

[B]

You said I don't love her.

[C]

I don't love her.

[B]

I love her because it's that which I think is really sweet.

[A]

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[C]

What video games did I play? Oh man, I'd play anything. But I, I like RPGs, which I know is so corny and such a hard way in, but like there's a game, Baldur's Gate, that is basically just Dungeons and Dragons, a video game. But it's like the idea that I would have a partner that would want to sit there and play with me. Full time time. It's amazing. But also it's like, I don't need that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You gotta compromise sometimes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This person wants to know what is the best little happy slash small gift to receive as a husband. Well, so if people are looking to gift their husbands as a monolith, you know, obviously every husband is different. We know that. But what's a good husband? Happy.

[C]

Oh, man. What makes me happy? So many things.

[B]

This person put it in quotes because that's what I call it. I call them little happies. Wow. Huge fan of the podcast. This person. Person is little happy. That's like what my family calls it when you get someone like, you know, a little gift that's not your birthday gift or, you know, whatever.

[C]

Oh, man. I. Things. This is what I'll say. I'm a hobbyist. I get into a lot of things. I get excited about things, and sometimes I lose interest in those things very quickly.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But the dream of, like, if I was really, really into a hobby, and in that moment, Emma came home and was like, I got you a thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

For your hobby.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[C]

Does. That would be amazing.

[B]

Oh, I love that.

[C]

What a dream. What a.

[B]

Did she ever do that?

[C]

No, but.

[B]

Well, she has a job and you don't, so that also, you know, slack so off her.

[A]

No, that's so true.

[B]

Because. Do you have adhd?

[C]

Never diagnosed. I don't know.

[B]

I.

[C]

Probably not.

[A]

Probably not. Well, I have that and I feel like similarly, I will get really into a hobby and for an extended enough period of time. Time that to be honest, sometimes I'll achieve some things during that time. Like, I will be like, I like with horseback riding, I. I will be obsessed with it long enough that I could go to, like, a competition. You know what I mean? It's not like a week. I'm like, I'm in it for a.

[B]

Year, year and a half, two years.

[A]

And I'm like, during that time, that's all I want is things related to that thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Or like, I love my game on my phone. Heyday. I won't talk about it too much because I know everyone's tired of hearing about it.

[B]

So I've heard.

[C]

But I think I remember you playing this game while we were recording.

[A]

I played it while we were.

[C]

And Reika made fun.

[B]

Probably like, hey, we're recording a podcast. Can you stop playing that farm game on your phone?

[A]

I wasn't on camera yet. I was told I was allowed to relax backstage. So I played on my farm. And for my Birthday people got me like money. They gave me money to buy gems on my farm. It's like the greatest thing I've ever received.

[C]

Amazing. That's so sweet.

[A]

Yeah, it's incredible.

[C]

Yeah. But I also understand from, from a spouses or partner's perspective, there's a little bit where I'm like, you got me the wrong one. Like the concern of like this is nice, but actually I need the, the, I need the six millimeter.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Hobbies are dangerous. That's, you know, because people are very specific about them. Kendall really wants. This isn't hobby related, but Kendall really wants one of those red light face masks. She's being so kind of like neurotic about being like, someone needs to buy me the red light infrared face mask. But if anyone buys me the wrong red light, well, I've sent the link may it's gonna be hell to pay. So I'm like scared.

[A]

Well every year because I just send a, I send when people are like, what do you want for your birthday? What do you want for your birthday? I'm always like, you don't need to get me anything. Gonna be like, please send me links and stuff. So I send a range and maybe to my friends who I know maybe have a little bit more money, I say, oh maybe I know we're using maybe even their parents money. I say, here's the list and at the end we have my most expensive red light therapy masks that I've wanted for years. Years. But if you buy that, do not buy me an off brand. I want the 501. Like I'm not messing around or just. But no one has to buy me.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

But don't waste your hundred and fifty dollars buying me one I don't want.

[C]

I so feel that.

[B]

That's awesome, baby. Thank you for explaining that.

[C]

I also want to give credit to Emma because now I feel bad that she doesn't get me anything and that's not the case. She gets me incredible gifts and actually the last, on my last birthday she got me a football jersey which is something I had, I haven't purchased for myself in 20 years. Cuz they're expensive and it. And I did not ask for it and she got it for me.

[A]

That's sweet. No, but I think it's helpful what you're saying because I think sometimes people can be really. I mean we host a relationship podcast and people can get very like your boyfriend needs and girlfriend. But I think especially with like boyfriends and husbands, they need to treat you like every single thing you could ever want. They have. They're holding it already up to you. And I'm like, that's just not. Not what things are like. And I even. And it's not even healthy. Like, it's not. It's not like, oh, because we can settle for something worse. It's like, maybe you need to find happiness without that much stuff coming at you all the time. And that's the reason I bring up the letters is like. I think at a certain point, I was like, well, Jordan doesn't like doing it. If they were gonna do it, they would sit down and be like, I don't even know what I have to say. It would be different if Jordan never showed me verbal affection. But Jordan's, like, always telling me how much they love me. So it's not that I, like, don't know. And I'm, like, waiting for this letter. It was just the thing in my head that I was like, that's something that I have decided I want. And at a certain point.

[C]

Or is it just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I also don't feel like I'm lacking in any romance in my life. I feel like we do so many romantic things together, and I feel like a couple years ago, and they've written me cards, obviously, and stuff, but at a certain point, I was like, why do I want this? And maybe I don't really need this, actually. Maybe I was just kind of inventing this. And so I think sometimes it's helpful to be like, yeah, you can be in a really wonderful, happy relationship and not have every single need being just, like, constantly met as you come up with them.

[B]

Well, because they're also not needs. They're wants.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you made that very clear.

[B]

They're not needs. They're wants.

[C]

But I think what you're saying.

[B]

She has health insurance. Don't worry.

[C]

What you're saying is true. In terms of, like, you learn when you want something, you. At. At a certain point, you learn what it is that you're actually. Actually asking for. So in terms of, like, me playing video games, it's like, I just want to be with her and us to be both. Be excited about something.

[A]

Yeah. And having fun.

[C]

So there's other ways to accomplish that. Exactly. To be playful, to be silly, Whatever it is. It's like, we can do that without playing a video game.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I also want to say that I think the best gift to get anyone as a little happy is a gift card to their favorite restaurant or coffee shop or whatever, because one year for Christmas. Once again, Kendall and I share the same money, so it's not like you. Really? Really. I didn't need it. But one year for Christmas, she put in my stocking a Jersey Mike's gift card. And I love to get myself a little hoagie from Jersey Mike's. And it's just so fun because it kind of gives you this permission. You know, a lot of times you're like, I gotta go home, I gotta. Whatever. But if you got 25 for Jersey Mike's, I can only spend it at Jersey Mike's. Yeah. How fun.

[A]

How fun.

[B]

And I think that's good for everybody.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. This person wants to know, how do they help their husband. Husband navigate his anger issues? Now you seem very angry and. Yeah, no, please don't ask this question.

[A]

We just calmly down.

[B]

Yeah. And this is from Nema. No, I. But I do think this is. You know, men kind of famously are not great with anger.

[C]

Totally.

[B]

You don't seem like an angry person.

[A]

They never do.

[B]

What tactics?

[C]

Not to you.

[B]

Yeah, you're angry to me. What tactics do you use to deal with your anger as a man that you feel like are appropriate for men? And what are things that you wish when you deal with other men who have anger issues? What do you wish they did to kind of quell their anger?

[C]

I mean, definitely taking a beat. That's. And that is, I will say the hardest part about when you're mad is just like walking away for a second, breathing and calming down because you're just never going to be able to have a good conversation when you're at a 10. And. But it's so, it's so hard to do when you're like when you are at a 10. But yeah, walking away. And then personally, I still need to talk about it because if I don't talk about whatever just made me so, so mad, it's just going to build. There's no way it's going to end with like, yeah, being without. With it being totally fine. It's like, I do need to address why I'm at a 10, even if it's with my 2 year old.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And that did happen the first day that Emma went back to work.

[B]

Really? And what was that? So what did that process. Look, did your two year old understand? What did he do? Now I just want the drama.

[C]

My youngest wouldn't eat. It was his first day without his mom and he would not eat. And while he's screaming and not eating and I'm trying to feed him my other One asked for food that I gave him, and then he started throwing it, and it spilled everywhere.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

And I'm like, I'm have a baby who is in my arms not eating food, and I gave you the food that you asked for.

[A]

That's villain behavior. This is why.

[C]

That is what toddlers are. They can be little villains. When I was at my sister's, he was at a 10 because there was a. We traveled recently. We. There was a time change. This was in Michigan. He didn't nap the first two days. It was brutal. And I. At one point, I got so mad at him, I walked out and my sister was like, what's wrong? I was like, he's just being a fucking asshole.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And they can be. And that just is what it is.

[B]

Did you explain to him in that when he threw the food, were you like, you. You hit a 10?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you take a beat?

[C]

I did take a beat, and I threw it.

[A]

I took a beat off the counter.

[B]

And I threw it at him.

[C]

I took. I took a beat and he ate it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Let's just say he ate that beat. But, yeah, eventually, like, just calming down, sitting him down and being like. Like, it's so hard because he doesn't also fully listen to reason.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Not that, you know, that is the point of an argument, I guess all the time is reason. Sometimes it's just emotions and feelings. But, yeah, just being like. It's so hard to be like, hey, do you see that this problem's going on and it's not all about you right now? That's the hardest thing.

[B]

And is he, like, everything is about me?

[C]

Yeah, he is like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, I don't. I don't know if there was a successful moment of that.

[B]

I'm not a parent, but I do feel like with kids, you have to be really manipulative and be like, that really hurt my feelings, man.

[C]

They really don't get empathy until they're like, four years old, really.

[A]

So it's just really humbling where they're like. And I don't care. I guess.

[B]

So then what do you. What are you, like, I'm gonna put you in the backyard?

[C]

Or, like, what's the.

[B]

What you do?

[C]

Probably not that well, unfortunately. It's just when you have, like, an infant, the recommendation is actually, like, put the infant to the side and, like, pay attention to the toddler first, because the toddler will have a better time. Remembering it will affect them more. But it's really hard when, once again, you have an Infant that's not eating. And you're like, that should probably take priority over my toddler who's being a little dick.

[B]

Yeah, the toddler. The baby. Like, the baby will eat eventually, right?

[C]

The baby will eat eventually. But they're screaming the whole time. So now they're screaming.

[B]

Oh, so it's the screaming.

[C]

So they're screaming while you're, like, trying to be calm and, like, talk to a toddler and you have, like, a screaming infant. Yeah.

[A]

Wow, that's really hard.

[C]

So. Yeah. I mean, that's it. Yeah, that could be.

[A]

Do you have to, like, really? Because I know there's been a couple moments, my nephews, where I just have to. I'm. I don't spend a ton of time around kids, so I have to filter myself. I don't think of myself as someone who, like, curses that much. I don't think myself as someone who, like, is mean.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But when I. I find myself having to really stop myself. Let's just say last time I was with my nephew, he did something that I found to be pretty rude.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And my immediate response is, I just turned him. And I went, what the fuck is wrong with you? And then I was like, I'm so sorry that choice you made. But it's so hard to, like, respond and remember you're talking to a kid and not just an adult who's doing something so insane.

[C]

Yeah, totally. And with, like, kids, the bigger reaction, the more they're like, oh, I should keep doing that, because I'll take any big reaction, please. I was like, oh, my God. So be tough. With spouses, it could be a little bit easier because they do.

[B]

They do a little bit. That's a little bit.

[C]

They do feel bad. And that is like. I will say when I'm mad, that is. The thing that is really tough is like, I. I will shut down. I will, like, go quiet often. And I'm like, I need you to figure out why I'm mad at you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And.

[C]

And I know that that's, like, not a nice thing to do.

[B]

Wow. We. We found our first difference.

[A]

That's how I am a little bit. I don't need to find. I don't need you to find out what's wrong with me. But I get really, like. I struggle with Ang. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. So I do feel like it's different because I truly. I. I've said this before, but finding out how many men I know that I enjoy and love have punched a hole Through a wall is wild.

[B]

Have you done it?

[A]

No, no. But where?

[C]

I swear. I swear.

[A]

We're in a polygraph.

[C]

I'm like, punch like a pillow. I remember doing when I was, like, in high school.

[B]

Yeah, but definitely in high school.

[A]

I did a lot of things to a pillow in high school, I'll tell you that right now.

[B]

Yeah, I punched. I was actually.

[A]

But I so not ang. But I get really angry, and I go inward and I get very. Just like. Like, I can't even.

[B]

Her teeth. I can, like, hear her teeth being grit with her mouth closed.

[C]

The thing that puts me out of 10 always is like, you don't get why I'm mad.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[C]

You don't. Like, you think I'm mad because you did this thing. It's like, I don't care that you did that thing. I care that you don't. I care. Care that you don't care that I'm sad about it or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, that's the thing that I'm mad about. Yeah, you doing it. Whatever. Like, I'll forget about that. But the fact that you weren't sad that I was sad. That's a. That's. Yeah.

[B]

I do think one thing, and once again, I'm, you know, I'm a girl husband of sorts. I think that something that's worked for us is really being, like, as corny as it sounds sounds verbalizing, like, you and I are working together against the problem. You and I are not working against each other. And it's like, you both know that intellectually. But I think taking a beat and, like, saying that in the moment of being, like, how can we work together against the problem as a unit really can give you that, like, beat that you need, that pause you need and kind of like, reframe a situation. And it's nice because it's also not saying, well, well, how do we stop being mad? Well, how do we, like, not feel angry or feel upset or whatever? It's, like, still kind of validates all those feelings, but it's like, okay, but how do we now, like, move forward and tackle the real issue at hand as, like, teammates? Well, but.

[A]

Oh, sorry. No, go.

[C]

I was gonna say that's. Yeah, that's exactly it. It's just like with any fight and similar to, like, the thing with the letter is, like, you're never fighting about what just happened. There's always something, like, deeper down. It's like, we gotta work hard to figure out what the. This is. Especially when we're Both mad.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like, it's going to be hard to get there. And working as a team is a good, good way to.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Put it. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I also think it's just like a muscle, though. Like, a lot of people will be like, oh, I'm bad at fighting, or I'm good, I'm bad, whatever. And I'm like, no, I just think it is a muscle because I think for me, I would get really. It would be really hard for me to, for example, stop in my anger and go, let's remember we're a team. Like, that feels so impossible.

[B]

Kendall can't do that.

[A]

And I. Well, now I was gonna say is that I've improved, so I guess maybe I haven't, but I think that used to hard for me, but then similar to, you know, almost like a dog doing Pavlovian response or what Isn't saying it wrong.

[C]

No, Pavlovian.

[B]

Pavlovian, but close.

[A]

Last time someone told me that's Pavlovian. Anyways, Pav. My Pavlovian response is like, okay, now I've seen that when I did push myself so hard to say, okay, let's work as a team, the conversation was over so fast. And what I really.

[B]

For a dog biscuit? Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Yum.

[A]

And it's like, ultimately what I want is for this to be over. And I think sometimes that's where my anger comes from. It's like, you know, you're big, busy, you're getting ready to go to work, you're getting ready, whatever, and you're arguing and you're like, I'm so mad that this is happening. I would do anything for this to not be happening right now. And so over the course of a long time, you're almost. Your brain learns, like, if you push through your anger and you just, like, even if it's fake, say, I would love to work through this as a team. This is gonna be over. It's gonna be over quick. Instead of having an eight hour conversation that goes on and on and on. And I do feel like that muscle builds over time. What'd you say?

[C]

I said, that's a nightmare. The idea of having, like a long, long, long. I don't think we've ever had a fight that was more than, like, 25 minutes ever. I don't. I don't know, maybe an hour. Maybe.

[A]

Maybe an hour. Like the big. A big. It would be a big one, but it wouldn't be.

[C]

I want to describe it as a fight. The fight is 10 minutes and, like, 50 minutes of discussion.

[A]

Oh, sure. Well, yeah. Yeah. I guess that's what I mean is like a fight and then a three hours of sitting and being like, well, I just feel like we need to next time make sure that type of thing that's fair.

[B]

A fight.

[A]

But the whole time, the reason, I guess I put it in fight categories, because the whole time I am teeth gritted, going, well, I just think I felt in the moment like I was. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And that makes it feel like a fight on my end.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How do y' all feel about a rule that we have and that I've heard before, which is like, don't go to bed angry?

[B]

I prefer it because I'm.

[A]

You prefer to go to bed angry?

[B]

I prefer. In general, I always prefer to go to bed angry. No, I prefer to not go to bed angry because I. I see.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not someone where time and space heals an issue if there's no kind of conclusion or if I don't know what I can do better next time, or if I don't understand your feelings, or if I feel like you don't understand my feelings or whatever that thing is. I think taking a beat is really helpful. Sometimes Kendall will go take a walk, which I think is really helpful, but I think I can't go to sleep, and then wake up the next morning, and then I'm sleeping and, like, irritated, but now just feels more, like, weird and annoying, and it's like, can't even really remember what I was upset about. But I don't know if that's helpful because my feelings were valid. So, you know, I. I'm. You can't always have it perfectly, but that's my dream.

[C]

Yeah. I also feel like the longer you wait, the more the anger becomes at the person and not at the thing that they did. You just, like, let it. If you just let it simmer forever that you're like, you're the bad person versus, like, that one bad thing that I should have just called you on that I didn't like.

[A]

I feel like for the most part, I'm pro. Not going to bed angry, but I think sometimes I'm like, we are so tired and it is so late, you know? Yeah.

[B]

I fight, like, at, like, at night when you're already about to go to.

[A]

Bed, and then it's like, okay, well, to me, Tom, like, in my opinion, tomorrow this is going to be a 10 minute conversation because we're going to be in a good headspace tonight. It's going to be an hour and a half long conversation because I'm so tired that we're both like. And then because you're like, oh, my God, it's getting later, later, you're getting more panicked and you're more like, we just need to stop talking about it, you know? And it just becomes so much. And then I feel like there's been a couple times where we have, like, maybe not been fully resolved before bed. And then the next day we're like, yeah, I just wanted to, you know, I just was feeling a little bit like this. And you're like, yeah, totally. I totally get that. And I'm so. I think I was just tired and it's like, so simple. So I think sometimes that's hard for me.

[C]

The time constraint is interesting because when you said three hours, I was like, who the fuck has three hours to fight? Yeah, three hours. And maybe it's like, maybe it's a kid's thing too. Just like, I don't have. I don't have time for that big of a fight. And, like, like you said, if there's like a time limit at night time.

[B]

You'Re like, well, yeah, I do think that the perfect situation is to give.

[C]

Me the perfect fight, Jordan. Give me the perfect fight.

[B]

Tell you the perfect way to fight. We're always aiming for perfected it. I'm a fight scientist. I think the dream is you. You get, well, a dream of a bad situation, right? Like, it's nighttime, we're all on the same page. We. Everyone gets what I'm saying. It's nighttime, you're trying to go to bed. You have a spat. You both acknowledge each other's feelings. Being like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. That was not my intention. I'm sorry, you. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's not my intention. Tomorrow, let's have a little debrief on how we cannot have this happen again next time. And turn on Shrek. Hug. Turn on Shrek. And then. Then go to bed.

[A]

Shrek 3.

[C]

As if I could go to bed after turning on Shrek. Yeah.

[B]

Be up all night. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being here. Oh, my God.

[C]

Thank you so much for having me.

[B]

It's such a treat. Tell everybody where they can find you.

[C]

You can find me MrWalid Mansoor on Instagram and TikTok. And then you can watch me and Rekha's new podcast, We're Dead. You can watch on YouTube or you can listen to it. And then I also have another YouTube channel called Awesomely Awful where we watch and review bad. Review movies. And I do that with my bud, Sean Coyle. So any of those things.

[A]

What was the recent movie?

[C]

The most recent movie we did was. We watched all the Fantastic Four movies.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All bad. They're all bad.

[A]

I don't know if I've ever seen them.

[B]

I liked the newest one.

[C]

I'm. I haven't seen the newest one.

[B]

I'm the newest one, but the rest of them are bad.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the worst one you've done?

[C]

The worst movie we've ever done.

[A]

In your opinion.

[C]

Okay. So we. We also rate our movies on a scale of negative 10 to 10, where negative 10 is movie so good. So bad that it's good.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

So my favorite bad movie we've done, I'll phrase it that way, is probably Samurai Cop.

[A]

Well, I've never seen this movie.

[C]

That is incredible. It's definitely a B movie. And it's this. One of the key moments of it is this guy has long hair. But then they did reshoots, so for half. And right after filming, he cut all his hair off.

[A]

Oh, God, I love.

[C]

So for all the reshoots, he has a wig on, and it's clearly a woman's wig, and it's incredible.

[A]

I love that. I mean, that's my favorite type. Like, I have friends over all the time, and we're like, bad. I don't want to watch a good. I want to watch a bad movie. But it. It's so. It's like an art to find that movie where you're like, it's bad enough that it's so funny because of that, but it's not.

[C]

You want a negative 10?

[A]

Yeah. You need a negative 10.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

God, that's so fun. Well, thank you so much for being here. This is an absolute treat. Thank you so much to Emma for.

[B]

All the work, for all that she.

[A]

Does and is doing. Currently surrounded by 25 children.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

First day of school today.

[A]

Oh. Oh, my God.

[B]

Happy first day of school.

[A]

Wow. That is wild. Thinking about being around. When I think about that, when I'm like, oh, my God, My teacher was every day around 25 children.

[B]

Yeah. When you realize that my teacher was just a lady. Do you know what I mean? My teacher was like, a normal lady. Could be.

[C]

It could have been you.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Could have been you?

[B]

Could have been me. Wild. Absolutely wild. And don't forget that this podcast is independently created and produced by Kendall and I so if you want to give us money, which I highly recommend, you can join our Patreon, where you get all kinds of fun and exciting things. Bonus episodes, ad free episodes, giveaways, live chats, all sorts of things. And very exciting. We just joined Cameo. We are desperately trying to break even on this podcast and I think by December we can. If you get some cameos from us, we will break up with a partner for you. We will tell your best friend that you don't like her boyfriend friend. We will give you a pep talk or advice if you're going through a hard time in love.

[A]

Well, wish you happy birthday.

[B]

Whatever you want, we'll do it. So we're on Cameo, so you can check us out there in the link tree in our bio.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And our we have our P.O. box. All that information is below. And thank you so much for watching. Make sure to listen to us anywhere you get your podcast or watch on YouTube.

[B]

Yeah, we're also on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, as you probably can tell. Yes. And you should like, comment and subscribe. It's really helpful.

[A]

Thank you so much for being here. And thank you so much for being here.

[C]

Thank you so much, so much. Bye.