82: Your Husband is DEFINITELY Cheating

Summary

Happy Wife Happy Life: Episode 82 Summary — “Your Husband is DEFINITELY Cheating”

Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Date: September 22, 2025

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of "Happy Wife, Happy Life" features Kendahl and Jordan reading and dishing on a new set of “Am I the Asshole?” (AITA) stories from the Internet, giving their signature comedic relationship advice. With their unfiltered takes and shared chemistry, they break down the nuances of relationship drama, internet anonymity, boundaries, and—yes—cheating. The main theme: boundaries and trust in relationships, explored through increasingly wild listener scenarios.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Internet Anonymity & Airing Dirty Laundry Online

• [00:28–06:59]

• Reddit & Internet Confessions: The hosts kick off by discussing their own hesitance (and secret thrills) around posting personal stuff online, especially on Reddit.
  • Kendahl shares an embarrassing story about a closeted lesbian fan account:
    “No matter what account I have, someone can trace it back to me and know that I run that account…” (01:39)
  • Jordan admits using Reddit for wholesome neighborhood threads (“incredible bird seen on 7th!”), not drama.
• Responding to Haters & Online Rumors: Both express irritation at people confidently posting false or “made-up” info online.
  • Kendahl: “Someone just being like, I hate Kendall, she’s annoying…that doesn’t bother me. But someone lying for attention…I can prove you wrong, but I’m not going to.” (04:53)
• Comment Policy: Kendahl is staunch about not responding to online drama; Jordan admits being sneakier but says she’s getting better about not peeking.

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2. AITA Segment #1: Married Doctor, 1,000+ Texts with a 24-Year-Old Nurse

• [07:37–17:56]

• Scenario: A woman writes in, concerned her doctor husband (37) is texting a 24-year-old nurse (engaged) up to 1,200 times per week, plays tennis with her (three times weekly, solo), and has a pattern of intense female friendships at work.
• Hosts’ Immediate Reaction:
  • Jordan (bluntly): “No, so he’s cheating on you…Divorce him.” (07:59, 12:37)
  • Kendahl: “That is more texts than I’ve sent in my life.” (07:49)
• They highlight disturbing patterns: the husband only forms “close” friendships with younger women in subordinate work positions, is often secretive about these relationships, and has a history of similar behavior.
• Jordan’s verdict: Even if it’s not technically cheating, “what he’s doing is deranged...he’s getting his jollies rocked.” (13:57, 16:36)
• Kendahl’s verdict: Emotional cheating, if not more; sloppiness and secrecy make it worse.
• Classic Quote:
  Jordan: “This person, writing this in…you’ve been compassionate to a level that I would start to call delusional.” (13:30)
• Memorable moment: The imagined “gavel” moment when the hosts bang a gavel on the table and declare: “Divorce him!” (17:43)

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3. AITA Segment #2: Divorcing Over Moving for Step-Kids

• [19:30–27:30]

• Scenario: Two people marry, both have kids from previous relationships. The wife’s kids move out of state with her ex-husband; she wants to follow, but the husband refuses to uproot his kids. Tension rises; divorce is floated.
• Jordan: “You have to put your kids first, though, and that’s what both of you are doing. But she’s wanting you to put your kids second.” (21:19)
• The hosts note that mature communication up front (“worst-case scenario” conversations) is critical in blended families.
  • “Before you get married, especially if you have kids already, you really should run through every case scenario and how you’d handle it.” (23:40)
• Neither think either party is really “the asshole,” but they critique poor pre-marriage planning.

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4. AITA Segment #3: New Wife Fat-Shaming Ex-Wife

• [27:52–32:14]

• Scenario: New wife body-shames ex-wife; current husband (poster) asks her to stop, gets accused of “still loving” ex.
  • Kendahl: “It’s a moral disagreement you have; has little to do with the ex.”
  • Jordan: “Fat people really have to stop calling other people fat…if you stop thinking about other people’s weight, it will change your life.” (29:37–30:29)
• The hosts reflect on how toxic body talk, especially in families with kids, can be deeply damaging.

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5. AITA Segment #4: Husband Buys Motorcycle with Joint Savings Without Telling Wife

• [32:26–36:36]

• Scenario: Husband purchases a motorcycle (using down payment savings) without spousal consent, then calls wife “micromanaging.”
  • Kendahl: “He’s an asshole. And also not just because he lied…because he wanted to buy a motorcycle.” (32:57)
  • They emphasize communication about large purchases: “You can’t make a big financial decision without consulting your partner.” (34:15)
  • Jordan’s advice: Run everything by your partner, at least for big expenditures.

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6. AITA Segment #5: Fiancé’s Friends “Loyalty Test” with Fake Account

• [36:34–41:20]

• Scenario: A woman’s fiancé’s friends catfish her with a fake Instagram account to “test her loyalty” before the wedding. She passes—the couple is creeped out.
  • Kendahl (immediately): “Psycho behavior.” (38:41)
  • They call out how the joke isn’t funny, is disrespectful, and that the friends should have taken responsibility.
  • Jordan: “If you’re gonna do something like that, make it actually extremely funny, first of all. Second, you would immediately have to be like, ‘pranked you!’” (39:06)
  • They applaud the fiancé for taking his partner's side.

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7. Listener Mail: P.O. Box Gifts + Community Love

• [41:28–50:43]

• Unboxing Gifts: The hosts open sentimental gifts from listeners, including a nostalgic troll doll.
  • Jordan, delighted, on receiving a favorite childhood toy: “My mom and I used to buy these together, and I had a whole collection…” (43:10)
• Reflections on Community:
  • Kendahl: “It just feels like an absolute moment of connection for us all…you’re all really out there listening.” (50:00)
  • Jordan (on Patreon): “I’ll say anything. We’ll post anything. To find out what I say, join our Patreon.” (50:41)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jordan, on Reddit drama: “Things that you could not waterboard out of me.” (01:00)
• Kendahl, on the 1,200 texts per week situation: “Your husband’s a pervert. Divorce him.” (12:37)
• Jordan: “I would be much more…calm if he was just, like, getting a blowjob and going home. But there’s something much more intimate and bizarre about this.” (16:33)
• Kendahl, to letter-writer: “You’ve been compassionate and understanding to a level that I would start to call delusional.” (13:30)
• Jordan, about the friends’ “loyalty test”: “You look like a model…You have no game.” (40:24)

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Major Segments & Timestamps

• [00:28–06:59] – Intros, Reddit/internet stories, online haters
• [07:37–17:56] – “My Husband Texts a 24-Year-Old Nurse 1,000x a Week” (main segment)
• [19:30–27:30] – Divorcing over moving for step-kids
• [27:52–32:14] – Wife fat-shames ex-wife
• [32:26–36:36] – Husband’s secret motorcycle purchase
• [36:34–41:20] – Friends orchestrate loyalty test with a fake Instagram account
• [41:28–50:43] – Listener gifts, community love, and the importance of Patreon/subscriber support

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Episode Tone & Style

The tone is comedic, brash, and honest, with banter that’s warm, sometimes biting, and always direct. Jordan plays the “no-nonsense” card, veering into hyperbole for comedic effect (frequent “divorce him!” rallying cries). Kendahl balances with empathy and level-headedness, though equally quick to judgment on clear misbehavior. Together, their dynamic is playful, irreverent, and deeply invested in calling out nonsense—relationship or otherwise.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Trust and clear boundaries are everything in modern relationships.
• Emotional cheating, secrecy, and patterns of poor communication are never “just fine.”
• The internet is full of wild stories—but sometimes, the “internet strangers” have the right call: “Divorce him!”
• Honest, sometimes tough conversations before big life shifts (marriage, blending families, finances) are crucial.
• Above all, “Happy Wife, Happy Life” community is a space for listeners to laugh, share, and (sometimes) commiserate over the absurdity of love and relationships.

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Catchphrase for the Episode:
“Divorce your husband—oh, and subscribe to our Patreon!”

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life.

[C]

We're your hosts.

[B]

I'm kendallandri Jordan. Myra. And we are two incredibly unqualified but.

[C]

Deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationship. And on today's episode, we're reading some Am I the I love when we do an Am I the episode.

[B]

I do too.

[C]

It's fun. We just get to read things from the Internet. It's always so shocking to me what people will go on the Internet and be like, hey, help me with this public forum.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Things that you could not waterboard out of me.

[B]

I know. Well, I think the thing in my Can I tell you, maybe I've already spoken about this in the podcast, but I was traumatized when I had a Hannah Hart Ingrid Nielsen fan account on Instagram when I was a closeted lesbian in high school. And my friend, my very sweet, sweet friend Emily came up to me and was like, hey, it's connected to your phone so everyone can see who runs that fan account. And I absolutely panicked and like, gaslit her and was like, no, you're being crazy. I'm not gay. And also like, who even are those people? And then I called her back at night, panicked, and was like, that was a joke, by the way. Like, I do run that account, but it's a joke. Like, it was just, like, really embarrassing. But since then I've been like, no matter what account I have, someone can trace it back to me and know that I run that account, which I'm pretty sure is true, probably. So I would never run, like, I would never have a Reddit account ever in my life.

[C]

I have one.

[B]

You do?

[C]

I do.

[B]

Do you post, though?

[C]

Not really. It's only to look at the very specific Reddit for the exact neighborhood we live in. And it's just people being like an incredible bird seen on 7th and then like a picture of the bird.

[B]

But you don't need an account to look at that.

[C]

No. But I got an account so I could weigh in if I wanted to.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Because people will be like, where's the best breakfast burrito to get? Like, near the library or like, what? You know, like, I don't know. There's just things that I was like, oh, this is what Reddit should be used for.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Not to like make a thread about how you don't like me. I think if you're doing.

[B]

Which is the main use, people are using it.

[C]

People are mostly using it for that. And I think if you're doing that, you should go to prison. But I, I'm like, oh, this is like a nice community building thing. So I did make a Reddit not affiliated with my name. What's. Oh, I can't ask. Don't ask. It's a secret and I'll never tell you. But also, if people found out that it was me, I wouldn't be like, upset because it's not like I'm like, yeah, commenting bad stuff.

[B]

No, 100%. But that's what I would never use. Because ever so often I'm tempted to like go post my truth on a certain Reddit thread. Do you know what I mean? That's kind of saying something about me and really come to bat for myself because no one else is. But I am like, there's nothing more embarrassing than people finding out I've made an account to back myself up on Reddit.

[C]

Yeah. Would you ever do it? Like, just be like, hey, it's me. Shut up.

[B]

I. Yeah, I will. No, I mean, I don't do that. I don't respond to like any comments. But I think when people get. It's not when people don't like me, I really don't care.

[C]

That's true.

[B]

Well, people in my day to day life, I care. But like, when people on the Internet don't like me, I'm like, I don't care. What annoys me is when people say, say facts that are not facts, where they'll be like, Kendall said. We've talked about this before. People be like, Kendall said two months ago that she was diagnosed with this disease. And I'm like, no, I.

[C]

What are you talking about?

[B]

I don't know what you're talking about. Kendall said explicitly multiple times that she is allergic to beets. I'm like, no, I didn't. I don't know where this came from.

[C]

Yeah, I had that recently with Gastronauts, the show I host on Dropout. Someone was like, oh, I wonder how they cast the chefs. And then some random person was like, so the casting process for the chefs on Gastronauts looks like this. It's made up to me. And they were like, is this how you cast? And I was like, no, it didn't upset me or offend me, but I was like, oh, it's so interesting to see someone. I'm like, no, but that type of.

[B]

Stuff irritates me where I'm like that, that is the type of stuff I think to comment on and be like, so I don't really know, maybe you're a pathological liar. But like, this isn't true. And there's been something that people will be like. And I've seen this with other, like on Reddit, people that are not me. Like, just other people at things. They'll be like, I saw him there and he did this and this and this. And then it comes out that like, that person wasn't even there. You know what I mean? They're like lying about seeing someone there. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yes, yes, absolutely. I've had people say that they've seen me at places that I have not been. So they're either lying or they're seeing someone else that they think is me.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, scary. But that stuff irritates me. Someone just being like, I hate Kendall, she's annoying. I'm like, that doesn't bother me. But someone like, lying for attention because I'm like, I got you. Like, I can, I can prove you wrong in this moment, but I'm not going to do it.

[C]

Would you. What would it take for you to comment that?

[B]

Oh, no. Well, no, because I guess I have seen that. I think someone. What it take for me to comment. I don't think I would ever comment.

[C]

You'd never come?

[B]

I don't think I would.

[C]

Wow, you're so strong.

[B]

I don't think I would because I do get a lot of like, hate and things that I could so easily respond to where it's like, the person commenting is like, so in the wrong or being like, Kendall's on this medication that I'm mad at her. You know, they even just make stuff up and get really mad at me for it. But I don't really. No, I don't think anything would make me respond. Cuz then I would have to keep responding. And I'm always just like, this person needs this far more than I do. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

I don't think I would ever respond because it's also One of those things where it's like, when does it end? And once you start responding, what's going to stop you from continuing to respond?

[C]

Yeah, you shouldn't just be, like, looking at all. But it's so hard not to look.

[B]

I never look, but then I think, like, once every month I go down a rabbit hole, and it's like, if you pulled up my search history, it's just Kendall L. With Kendall.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Ye. Kendall. Kendall. Kendall Hotel.

[B]

Kendall Gage.

[C]

Kendall family. Kendall.

[B]

Kendall Net worth.

[C]

Yeah, I. I agree with everything you said. You're so good about it. Kendall, like, doesn't look at comments. She's, like, not phased by it at all. I always look at. Well, no, I don't always like comments. I'm actually doing a lot better.

[B]

Doing better. But you struggled it.

[C]

But I think it's easier. I think my comments a lot for just me personally, but for things like the podcast or, like, it's hard when.

[B]

You kind of are supposed to look at the comments. Like on. Because I used to never look at comments. And then you were kind of like, well, but we have to respond to comments. So we have to. We have to divide this labor of who's going to look at comments or not. So then I was like, okay, I'm going to start looking at comments. More likely. The comments on this podcast, I feel like, are usually very, very sweet and kind. Okay, what we're doing. Am I the asshole?

[C]

Yeah. I pulled up a bunch of Am I the assholes from the Internet and we're going to weigh in.

[B]

This is so fun. Because we don't have a ton of assholes in our life. Yeah.

[C]

Not that we're friends with.

[B]

No. And so I feel like this type of drama doesn't always, you know, when you hear people talking about their friend drama and you're like, oh, my God, you have a really interesting life.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

Sometimes I envy a little bit. So this is kind of where I get to live through those people.

[C]

Couldn't be me. My friends are all boring. I'm pulling it up. Okay.

[B]

My vocal fry is really bad today.

[C]

I think we're both, like, tired.

[B]

Can you hear it? I sound like Paris Hilton.

[C]

You wish.

[B]

I know. As it was coming out of my mouth, I was like, that's so desperate to say. You don't sound anything like Paris Hilton.

[C]

All right. Am I the. For being upset with my husband exchanging nearly 1,000 platonic texts with his co worker each week?

[B]

That is more texts than I've sent in my life.

[C]

Total in total in my Life. He is a 37 year old male doctor. She is a 24 year old female nurse.

[B]

No. So he's cheating on you. And that is honestly. Well, what do you think?

[C]

You don't think there's some. The way that this person laid it out is really beautiful. There's like bullet points and everything. This is like. If I had to go online and ask if you're cheating on me, I would lay it out exactly like this. I respect the game. Here are the facts without my input. Bullet points. My husband is 37 years old and an attending physician. His co worker is 24 years old. She's a nurse who is engaged to a man her age. My husband plays tennis with her about three, three times per week. One on one. Not in a class or a league. Three. It's crazy to play tennis. Three. Coco Golf. Why are you playing tennis three times a week? They will send anywhere between 800 and 1200 text messages between them weekly. And the content is platonic. I am so.

[B]

She's read him.

[C]

I am fully aware of all of the above. He has not been secretive. We have been married for seven years. I am also a physician in my 30s. So that's all. That's the facts. Now this is for her input.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I genuinely like her and her fiance. We all have hung out together three or four times and I have no problem with either of them. I suspect that the fiance does not know about the frequency with which they text as they do not live together.

[B]

Okay. Are they Christians?

[C]

I'm guessing, or they're long distance. I am bothered that when I am with my husband, out to dinner, when we're playing a board game, etc. He is constantly texting her.

[B]

This is me with you. With you and Lily.

[C]

Yeah, Lily's always texting me.

[B]

I always. I always like look over and there's.

[C]

9 million bubbles paragraphs.

[B]

I'm like, what are you possibly talking about?

[C]

We're talking about everything. It's hard. You listen. As you get older, you can't see your friends as much. So you just have to I,000 text messages for context. This is a source subject because he has done this twice before. Come on. How does he even do that? He develops inappropriate boundaries and work relationships with females where he is objectively in a position of power. He was an attending platonically going to a married female resident's apartment and hang out with her one on one. In another instance, he was an attending and took a six hour road trip with the office clerk, who without telling me.

[B]

Well, a six Hour. A six hour drive isn't a. That's not really a road trip, is it?

[C]

That's what you have a problem with?

[B]

Just, I'm just like a six hour road trip. Sounds like they were just going somewhere.

[C]

They went to Orlando together from Fort Lauderdale. I don't know. What do you. What's. That's not the issue. Kendall, focus up, focus up.

[B]

Sorry, it just felt kind of like a five minute hike. It's like, that's nothing.

[C]

Found out on accident due to the things being left in our car.

[B]

Oh, so he is being secret.

[C]

I do believe him when he says both of these were platonic. And I don't think he's ever cheated on me. I have a weird gut feeling about the situation, but I have held my tongue because I'm happy he is a friend. We moved to the city a year ago and I get that it's hard to make friends as an adult and that he gets to go out and be physical and be physically active on a regular basis. Would love some perspective. Am I the asshole?

[B]

Oh, it's so hard because I'm always like, in my head I'm like, okay, but if it was a guy, I wouldn't. If he was being friends with a guy, I wouldn't think about this.

[C]

I would.

[B]

If he was hanging out with a.

[C]

Friend, if he went on a six hour road trip and never told me with a man, I would be like, what is that? Yeah, I would have a problem with that.

[B]

You'd think he was gay. Having a gay relation matter whether or.

[C]

Not I thought he was gay, I'd be like, why? What's going on? What's wrong with you?

[B]

But the tennis three times a week. No. Okay. Yeah. But the tennis three times a week, I would be like, I don't know if I would think about that. I would be like, that's a lot of tennis.

[C]

All of it together.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

If they were just playing tennis three times a week, I would be like, these guys love tennis. The 1200 text messages a week, that's.

[B]

What'S crazy to me. But she's read them. This is why I don't understand. But even this is how I feel when you text your. Maybe I'm just like, I don't. Maybe I have nothing to say. Maybe that's. I should look inward. Yes, but I'm like 1,000 texts. What are you saying? What are you possibly saying? And if she's read them, is there any screenshots provided?

[C]

No screenshots provided. This per your partner's Emotionally cheating on you. It's also like, I even, even down to if, if you want it to be like, okay, all this is normal. Sure. The fact that this has regularly happened before, it only happens with women. It only happens with women that he works with. And it's always women that are lower in status and younger than him. No way. Your husband's a pervert. Divorce him.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Something is wrong with him. And honestly, it's weirder that he's not.

[B]

Having sex with them. I was going to say it's actually.

[C]

We her that he's not having sex with him. I almost am. Just like, I wish her husband was sucking and these women. Because then I would be like, I get it, I think it's wrong. But I.

[B]

What do you mean you get it? Understand it very careful.

[C]

I understand why, like, I'm like, oh, he's trying to get the good schlong dong. Like, I get it. But why? What is this?

[B]

Well, because I'll tell you.

[C]

Crazy.

[B]

Sexual. I'm coming to learn as I get older, sexual stuff means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

[C]

So true.

[B]

And I think this man is getting off. What do they say? Getting his jollies rock.

[C]

He's getting his job. Well, that's. You put two together. Yes. Either he's getting his jollies or he's getting his rocks off.

[B]

He's getting his jollies rocked by whatever's going on here. The dynamic, all of it. And that to me is like true.

[C]

Pervert. Yeah. This. This person, writing this in, this woman, sending this in. You have been compassionate to. You've been compassionate and understanding to a level that I would start to call delusional because I think you already know. Like, I think you already know this is bad. And I think what a lot of people around you are probably telling you is he's cheating, he's cheating, he's cheating. It actually doesn't matter whether or not he's cheating.

[B]

He's weird.

[C]

What he's doing is deranged. Like, this behavior is unique.

[B]

Well, yeah.

[C]

Regardless of whether or not it's sexual, I think it's emotional cheating and I think it's probably been physical cheating. But even if it's neither one of those things.

[B]

Well, what type of weirdo goes on a six hour road trip that.

[C]

Okay. And I'm not addressing that with you, but to go on a sick. You cannot, once you're in a committed. I don't know, even just like, have you all not seen the movie 127 Hours with James Franco.

[B]

No.

[C]

You can't just like go somewhere and not tell people where you're going. You'll get hurt and you'll die there. Or you'll have to cut off your arm when you get stuck in a rock and drink your pee. That's what happens in 127 hours. Like, you can't just go places and not tell people. You can't just take. She said, our car. He took their mutual car on a six hour road trip with an office clerk. When he's a doctor. No, a younger woman. A six hour road trip. And not only did he not, like, ask your permission before, either for purposes of like, transportation or like, do you need the car? Whatever, he also didn't tell you after. You just found stuff in the car. So then on top of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He's being not even thoughtful about secrecy. Because doctors work.

[B]

It pisses me off too. And especially because doctors work so much.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Then I'm like, it's not like this man has infinite amounts of time. So in my head, he works almost 247 and in his very minuscule free time, he is playing tennis and driving with this woman.

[C]

Absolutely. Also, I want to know, has he made an effort for you to become friends with this woman?

[B]

Sounds like it.

[C]

It doesn't sound like it to me.

[B]

She says she likes. They've.

[C]

She says they've hung out three to four times in total. He's seeing this woman three times a week. At least. He's seeing this woman three times a week just for tennis. He also sees her at work and for drives. So theoretically, he sees this woman seven days a week is what it feels like to me. That's sick.

[B]

That's sick.

[C]

Something's really wrong with your husband. I don't want to be mean. And I know some fans think that we're a little trigger happy with saying people should get divorced. I really think you should get divorced. I think, see, someone made that for us. Break up with them.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yes. Yes. 100. I am just like this. This is really disturbing to me. This feels scary to me. I feel really bad for this woman when you get this worked up about something because this is nasty.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And what is it?

[B]

Feels kind of like, well, he doesn't cheat on me, but every time him and his friend that's a girl hang out, like she wears a diaper or something, we were like, yeah, it's not sexual, but it is something. It's even more weird. I would be much more like, calm if he was just like getting a blowjob and going home. But there's something much more intimate and bizarre about this.

[C]

Something's wrong and he's getting his jollies rocked. Exactly.

[B]

He's rocking the jollies.

[C]

I think that he thinks you're stupid. If you really want to know what I think.

[B]

But it sounds like you think she's kind of stupid.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no. I think she's kind, but it's starting to go into delusional.

[B]

And I think a lot of people have been there. She wants it thumbs up to dump him.

[C]

I think. Yeah. I think she needs someone to tell her it's just like, not. It's not good. And the biggest thing that would ever piss me off is if you cheated on me bad. But what would be even worse if you cheated on me but were, like, sloppy about it. Like him going on this road trip and then her, like, finding stuff in the car that would piss me off so bad because it would be like, not only did you cheat on me.

[B]

Effort, you think I didn't even care.

[C]

Enough to try to hide it because you think maybe I'm dumb or I won't notice. I'm not perceptive. Like, whatever. The thing is, this really pisses me off. I hate your husband and I think you should absolutely divorce him. Not that you asked my advice.

[B]

We need to get a gavel. Sometimes I. You finish something and I want to gavel.

[C]

Gavel. John, can you work on that? Yes. There's a giant gap.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Perfect.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Oh, my God. It's Ginorm. Thank you so much.

[B]

Thank you. It's so heavy. I thought it was going to be, like, inflatable.

[C]

Okay, well, gently bang it on the table because we've solved our first case. Good job. Okay, time for our weekly standup comedy wrap up.

[B]

Alex. I didn't get to any stage shows, but I did switch to T Mobile with their new family Freedom offer.

[C]

Okay, I'm waiting for the punchline.

[B]

Well, my old phone bill with AT&T was a joke, so I'm doing a whole new bit with T Mobile. They paid off my family's four phones up to 32, $200 and gave us four new phones on the house.

[C]

I gotta work this into my routine.

[A]

Introducing Family Freedom. Our lowest cost will switch our biggest family savings all on America's largest 5G network. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com FamilyFreedom up to $800 per line via virtual prepaid card. Typically takes 15 days. Free phones via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement eg Apple iPhone 16128 gigabyte $829.99 Eligible trade in eg iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due if you pay off early or cancel contact T Mobile It's.

[B]

Kelly Clarkson here to talk all things Wayfair. The best place to buy furniture, decor and anything else you can think of to create a home you absolutely love. I know when I shop with Wayfair I find options for every style. Whether I'm feeling boho or farmhouse, modern traditional French country, I can find exactly what I need for my home and more. No matter your space, style or budget. Shopwayfair.com to make your home way more you Wayfair Every style, every home.

[C]

All right, Am I the for being willing to end my marriage because I refuse to uproot my kids from their life to follow my step kids? My wife and I have been together for four years, married almost two. We both have kids. My wife has been divorced for many years and shared custody with her ex until a few months ago when he was granted permission to move to another state with their kids because the kids wanted to go with their dad. My wife doesn't want to be away from her kids for long periods of time and she's told me she's moving. She feels like she needs to be near her kids. I support this, but I won't move my kids away from family, friends and stability to do this. My kids don't want to move either. They heard my wife mention it several weeks ago and they told me they don't want to leave. I already know the life my kids have here is what they need and where they thrive. I explained this to my wife and she was defeated. She told me we can't make a marriage work if I'm here and she's there, and I told her I believe the best way to move forward would be to divorce. She was upset by this, of course, and we talked about it and I comforted her and she asked me if there was anything she could do to make me reconsider. I told her I won't move my children and I would never ask her to be apart from her children for months at a time. I said we're both committed to the best interest of our children and that means we're doing what's right for them, even if it's not right for us as a couple. She asked for us to talk about it some and we have. We we've talked about it extensively. But all this while she's been making arrangements for a place where her ex and kids now live and have a new job. I think she believed I would change my mind the more we discussed everything, but I have not. And now she's angry that I would rather end our marriage than move so we can all be together as a family. Am I the asshole?

[B]

No.

[C]

Next one. I think this is a hard situation.

[B]

You have to put your kids first, though, and that's what both of you are doing. But she's wanting you to put. She's not wanting you to put your kids first. She is asking something from you that she's not willing to give. Do I think that moving your kids is the worst thing on planet Earth? No. Granted, I don't have kids, but I think it's a bummer.

[C]

We both moved a lot as kids and it was fine.

[B]

Well, I didn't move schools a lot, but I did move houses a lot.

[C]

That doesn't really.

[B]

It's not really the same thing. I moved schools once, but I was really running. You moved. You moved all the time. I feel like it can affect children at varying levels. Some kids. I feel like you thrived on that and, like loved it and it taught you a lot. I'm sure there would also have been ways that would have been nice if you stayed in the same school. I would not have wanted to move when I was in sixth grade, for example. But if I'd done it, I'm sure I would have been fine.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

But at the same time, the reality is if you do move your kids, you're putting your marriage ahead of your kid, above your kids, which is I. I think when you're. I don't know. I've never been. I honestly shouldn't even be giving advice on this. I like, don't have kids and I've never been married. So. Yes, I think it's like one of those things. I don't know what I would do in that scenario, but I do think it's kind of like at the end of the day, she's just asking you to do something that she wouldn't do. And that feels selfish to me.

[C]

What I don't understand is why don't you just do a long distance relationship? Her kids are in later high school.

[B]

So yeah, like let them finish it out and then move.

[C]

Or she, she moves back.

[B]

Yeah, that. I think in my head the kids are really young, so to me, I'm kind of like, I get in your junior year of high school, not Wanting to move, like, it's like that can actually screw up your life. It can be like, well, I don't have this credit now and I need to move this and I need to whatever.

[C]

So that makes senior a senior in high school, taking dance PE with all the freshmen, speaking from personal experience.

[B]

And so I am like, that makes sense to not want to move. But you. It's just a couple years. And to me, I get being like, I don't want to have a long distance relationship as a co parenting person with Kit. Like, that is a lot. Like, you need a partner to help you want to build a family unit. But if it's like a couple years, it's kind of like, I don't know if that's worth ending a marriage over because I don't even know how long they've been together. They've been married for four years.

[C]

No, they've been together for four years. Married for two.

[B]

For two years. Okay. I think they got married too fast. So that's the first problem.

[C]

I think this is a little bit on both of them too, because I think before you get married, especially if you have kids already, I really think you should run through every case scenario and how you would handle it.

[B]

But. But you also, if you have a co parent, you can't know what. Like, you couldn't go through every case scenario, but you.

[C]

But you could go through a lot of them. I don't think it would be crazy to be like, well, what if my ex husband moves and the kids want to go with him? I think that's kind of like the first of, yeah, what if situations that you should think about, if one of you changes your mind or whatever, that's one thing. But it's like, I. It almost feels to me like these people did not talk enough about.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What they would do in hard situations before they got married. And I think you need to do that. I feel like we have talked about what we would do in every single situation. And you can't outsmart the world. Yeah, you can't outsmart the world where it's like, bad things are gonna happen, weird things are gonna happen, unexpected things are gonna happen.

[B]

I taught you that.

[C]

That's true. But there are things that you could be like, this might happen or a common thing that happens in marriages, a common thing that happens with children of divorce. You know what I mean? Like, you could talk about some of the bigger potential scenarios and have hashed that out and like, made a plan for it before you get married. But yeah, I Think she should move. I think you should not move when I tell you.

[B]

Jordan, I. Because this is how I think. We've said this before, but like, our old roommate Charles would always be like, I will hear you guys, like kind of arguing and then I'll realize you guys are arguing about a scenario that isn't happen and probably isn't. Hasn't happened yet and probably will never happen. Jordan and I really don't plan on having kids, but we've gotten into a genuine argument about what we would do if we had a 13 year old that got pregnant.

[C]

Yep. And we argued about it for like four hours. Yep. Fake. Not real. Not real at all. Not even close to being real. Probably will never happen. So I think you.

[B]

You're right that we would have discussed that. Yeah, we probably already have discussed that.

[C]

We probably already have discussed that. You know what?

[B]

Let's do it now. What would we do if I had an ex? This is already hard. Cause we don't have kids, but I have an ex from another marriage.

[C]

We would do long distance and then reconvene after, I think.

[B]

Okay, but also we're already in a scenario where my kids want to move with their dad. How far is the distance?

[C]

Also, I don't know how far the distance is. And I did also clock that the kids want to move with the dad. I think it's hard though, because you never know because sometimes maybe he's moving.

[B]

To Orlando next to Disney.

[C]

Sure. Or maybe dad seems more fun and mom is more strict or, you know, or.

[B]

Or maybe they want to go to a college that's already closer to there. Like, there's a lot of things. Or the mom's crazy. I mean, she already is writing into Reddit, so I'm already kind of. No, she's not.

[C]

The husband is.

[B]

Oh, right, right, right.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, right.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So I don't know. I think, I think that's also something I'm curious about. But I think that's what we would do. I think we would do long distance and I would come see you and then. Because also I'm like, why would we need to break up? Like, if we're just gonna get back together?

[B]

Especially in marriage as like an adult. I get when you're like 19 and you're like, why would we do long distance? We have so much growing to do.

[C]

And all this stuff.

[B]

I'm like, when you're a married couple with children that are about to graduate high school, it's kind of like you'll probably be pretty similar in A couple years.

[C]

Absolutely. So I'm like, just visit, whatever. And then like what are you trying to, you trying to get on the dating scene? Yeah, I mean, probably not, but even.

[B]

Hey, open your relationship and whatever. But I think what's hard as a parent, although it's a little different that they're older, but as a parent I would be like, I can't have a long distance partner because I need help as a parent.

[C]

Yes, yes. I think you're 100. Right. But I think in this situation both people have help because she has her ex husband and he has his family where they currently live.

[B]

No, but it's different because they're co parents. So when she has her, her time with the kid, she doesn't have help. I mean, it's still help.

[C]

I guess it would still help. I don't know. I'm just like, they should have already thought about this.

[B]

So who do you think?

[C]

I don't think anyone's the asshole. I think they did a bad job not talking about this, this scenario ahead of time. And I think if they both stay where they're at to do the best for their kids, neither one of them are an asshole. Thank you, sweetheart. Am I the asshole for asking my current wife to stop body shaming my ex wife?

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

I, 45, married my second wife, 29, a few years after my ex wife, 47, divorced me. I'm thin while my current wife is on the heavier side, but my ex wife is much heavier than her. I honestly prefer women to be on the heavier side. My wife has referred to my ex as fat multiple times in a derogatory manner. I asked my wife to stop body shaming my ex and she accused me of still loving my ex. I love my wife, but my ex is a good person and the mother of my children. I want my wife to know that I love her, but I don't want to hear her insulting my ex. Am I the.

[B]

But it's not just insulting. This is the problem. If your ex was like, I'm prettier than your ex and then you were like, well, let's not say that, that would be insane. But it's about the principle of it of like, yeah, you think it's body shaming, which it is. And it's mean and it's more of a, it's more of a morally. It's a moral disagreement that you have. I think it has very little to do with the ex. So my advice. You didn't ask for advice. Well, you didn't ask us Anything.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

We are Reddit users.

[B]

We are. We have. One of us has an account. I would say you should start maybe backing up other people that she does that to, because I assume they are who are not your ex wife. It's like, if she says that about someone on tv, you can be like, hey, I don't like when people say that versus it. Feeling, like, related to the wife. Because I do think ultimately she's the asshole. And then she's using. She clearly has an insecurity and she's using. She's saying the meanest thing she can about that person, then using it as an excuse to be like, you still love her.

[C]

Yes. Yes, she's being insecure also. Like, fat people have to stop calling other people fat.

[B]

She's not fat.

[C]

He said she's heavier. She's on the heavier side.

[B]

Oh, I misread it. I thought. I thought it was the opposite. No, she's.

[C]

The new wife is on the heavier side, quote, unquote. But the ex wife is heavier than the current one.

[B]

I see. Okay. Sorry.

[C]

But they're both on the heavier side. On the heavier side, people. We talk about this all the time. All the moms on dance moms used to call each. I guess not all the moms. All the moms who were bigger, bigger would call each other fat all the time.

[B]

Well, there's clip after clip. I mean, then, like, Abby would do it too. Like, all of them would be yelling at each other, being, like, saying the most horrible things and being like, well, you're fat. And they'd be like, no, you're fat. Well, why don't you go eat a bucket of chicken? Like, so mean to each other. And they're all like, it's kind of. Go ahead.

[C]

No, it's just like, wow, you doing that. Almost all of the hate comments I receive about my weight, which, once again, is an adult size large, so I'm not even plus size.

[B]

All the.

[C]

The negative comments about my weight are either from, like, gross men, duh. But I'm always surprised. A lot of times it's by women that are heavier than me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's so surprising to me. And I'm like, you will never free yourself of this mental prison that is making you want to leave comments like this. And I feel the same way about the new wife in this. Like. Like, she feels insecure about the fact that she is on the heavier side. So she. But she. Probably. Because she feels insecure about that. She probably feels good about the fact that the ex wife is heavier than she is. But I'm like, if you stop thinking about other people's weight, it will change your life. Right? So I'm like, I think she's being an. But I think she's being an because she's insecure. And I think you need to like, sit her down and be like, like, hey, just stop being so derogatory about weight in general. Especially if you have kids. You don't want to treat your kids to be derogatory about weight. Regardless of how you feel about your weight or other people's weight, you have to be careful. Really messes up your kids brains.

[B]

Yes. And also it. It because it's not like I'm. I can't imagine how that wife feels that way. It's not like I, I get like, it's not an unimaginable feeling of saying something about your partner's ex and then them, like, going to bat for their ex.

[C]

And you're like, okay, now I'm irritated.

[B]

What's going on? But it's not about the ex. It's like, about the comments about the weight. And I guarantee they make comments way more than just about the ex. But I think mostly it's like, I don't know, if we divorced and we had a kid together and I was with. Even if we had, like a horrible divorce and I had a new partner, I would be like, especially in front of the kids, which I don't know if this wife's saying this in front of the kids, but I'd be like, especially in front of the kids. Just seriously, no bad talk about Jordan, because it's like, we can't. I don't want my kids. It can't be like that in front of the kids. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Here comes the gavel, Here comes the G.

[C]

Such a beautiful rendition of that song.

[B]

I was trying not to get in trouble how you said. So I changed up the key a little.

[C]

You don't get demonetized. Yeah, okay. This person says, am I the for getting mad that my husband made a big financial decision without telling me? My husband, 36, recently bought a motorcycle without discussing it with me. We've been trying to save for a home, and he used part of our joint savings. When I confronted him, he said, I work hard. I deserve something for myself. I told him the issue wasn't the motorcycle, it was the lack of communication. He accused me of micromanaging and said I was overreacting. Now we're barely talking and I am Questioning how we handle finances going forward.

[B]

I've heard enough of this already. He's an asshole. And also not just because he lied to you because he wanted to buy a motorcycle.

[C]

So true. Desperate, embarrassing. Like, sorry, you're not like, a hot young. I'm not. Spider Man. Wong Kar Wai movie. Like, you don't need a motorcycle. You're probably some, like, weird guy that lives in, like, Minnesota. Why do you need a motorcycle?

[B]

And here's the public service announcement. If it's not stop and go traffic, you don't split the lane on a motorcycle.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

If it's stop and go traffic, you can't. But if we're all going the speed limit, you don't need to zoom between cars.

[C]

Legally, you're not allowed. It's illegal here in the state of California.

[B]

You're not better than anyone, okay?

[C]

And I hope everyone that rode a motorcycle and cut me off is listening to that.

[B]

Because you know what the reality is? If you get in a crash, you're probably not going to make it out. And you're putting that on someone else.

[C]

Yeah, I don't want to be.

[B]

No.

[C]

Except this man.

[B]

But not actually for legal reasons.

[C]

Except this man in this Reddit post, this guy is. And once again, if we ever joke about killing anyone, it's a joke, because we are comedians, and this will not stand up in trial if you try to use us as a. An excuse. Gavel, Gavel. This is the thing. You can't make a big financial decision without consulting your partner. Sorry, what?

[B]

Well, I feel like we even have a number set. We're always like, if it's over a certain amount of money, just. It's not even asking. It's just like saying, yeah. It would feel so crazy to, like, buy something for $2,000 and not even run it by you.

[C]

Unless I do anything to your partner. I don't know. I'm just like, you should run everything by your partner. Not in a way where you're asking permission, but even sometimes you are asking permission. Sometimes you are like, is it cool if I spend 2,000 of our dollars on a motorcycle? How much are motorcycles, John? Do you know? Do you own a motorcycle? Like, I see.

[B]

They're like, 10 to 15 grand.

[C]

Yeah. That's crazy. That's absolutely crazy. You first ask your partner if that's okay.

[B]

I don't know where they live, but that's wild, because 10 to $15,000 in a lot of states, it's like getting pretty close to a down payment on a house.

[C]

Yeah. Not California, but in other places.

[B]

Right. So I'm like, I don't know where they live, but if they live in, like, the middle of the country, like, that's a huge portion of that.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

That's, like, the difference between, like, buying a house this year and buying a house in three years.

[C]

Yes. Wild salutely. And also the fact that it's a motorcycle, Something that's dangerous. You should also, I think, have to consult your partner about doing dangerous things. Yeah, sorry. So double.

[B]

I will say that's true, because even though, like, if I was like, I'm gonna go skydiving, and you were like, no, I would be like, well, I'm probably still gonna go, because I want to go skydiving, but it would feel crazy to just go skydiving and then text you and be like, hey, I just went skydiving.

[C]

I'm telling you right now, you're not going skydiving.

[B]

Who has the gavel?

[C]

You. But you're not going skydiving.

[B]

I'm going skydiving.

[C]

You're not going skydiving. I'm telling you.

[B]

Here's what I'll say before, if I ever have a baby that year before, I'm gonna go skydiving, because I would feel we've already talked about this, but I would understand if you were like, I'm not comfortable you going skydiving now that we have children, because imagine.

[C]

So if you just die and leave just me, that's okay, but if you leave our kids, that's bad.

[B]

I mean, I think there's truth to that. I mean. I mean. No, it's not.

[C]

It's not okay.

[B]

But first of all, I don't think of it skydiving as me leaving you. I think it's, like, a risky thing. It's not like I'm purposely jumping out of it with no parachute, but I think with kids, it feels like a risk that's kind of like a very selfish risk.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I already bought the tickets, babe.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

I already paid for the tickets.

[C]

Good luck. Have fun. You're single now.

[B]

Well, I guess I could do indoor skydiving.

[C]

Yeah. I've told you a million times. I'll take you indoor skydiving. All right. Am I the for being upset at my fiance's friends quote loyalty test? So My fiance, male, 30, and I, female, 29, have been engaged for three years, together for six. I met his friends. 30, 31, 33, all male. The first year we started dating. And we've all been really good friends ever since. My fiance and I are not in a rush to get married. We are best friends and just enjoying life together. Our friends keep asking us when we're gonna set a date. We decided it would be in 2026. They were all excited. We, quote, unquote, finally set a date. But then this happened. I got a random message on Instagram from a random account, I don't follow. And the message was from a guy asking me if he knew me from somewhere. I didn't think much of it and replied saying something like, no, you must be mistaking me for someone else. I get that a lot. And then the account matches me saying, I look like a model, parentheses, I do not. And how gorgeous my eyes are, and how he wanted to get to know me because, quote, seeing my eyes in a picture made him obsessed with me. Blah, blah, blah, whatever. All I replied back was, no, thank you. I have a fiance and I'm not interested. The account that replied saying, he doesn't need to know about us. And so I blocked the account and thought nothing of it. We were all on Discord doing a game the other day, and the guy said, oh, by the way, we were so proud of you for passing our test. Me and my fiance asked for clarification, and they told us us and showed us the screenshots. It was them on the fake account making sure that I would be loyal to my fiance. I have never cheated, and my fiance did not ask them to do this. We logged off and I told my fiance. It kind of pissed me off that they did that. He agreed and said that he didn't know why they would do that randomly because they've never had any conversations questioning my loyalty. A day or two later, my fiance talked to his friends, telling them that we were both kind of pissed that they would do something like this for no reason. And they just responded that we have no right to be pissed. And why did it even matter if she passed the test? Am I overreacting?

[B]

Hmm? Would that piss you off?

[C]

Yeah, that's psycho behavior. Why do you even have to think about this?

[B]

I just.

[C]

What are you saying about.

[B]

Well, I think it would piss me off too, but I guess I'm kind of like. I guess if they were like, oh, it's just funny. Like, it's just for fun. I don't know why it necessarily would piss me off, but it would piss me off.

[C]

I think you would have to be like, first of all, it would have to be funnier. You can't just do something under the guise of it being a joke. And it not being funny.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

So if you're gonna do something like that, make it actually extremely funny, first of all. Second of all, you would immediately have to be, like, pranked you, you know?

[B]

Yes. 100.

[C]

You can't wait until however long later and then casually bring it up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So weird.

[B]

Also, like, the fact that. Yes, I think that's annoying. And it also feels very kind of like our boys getting married and you're like, if they're so close friends.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It would feel like you're not actually that close, because first of all, wouldn't you know that? First of all, you would know that this person wouldn't like this, but you would also know, like, all of your, like, anyone. I mean, I. All of our friends. I feel like I consider both of our friends. But I guess any of your original friends, I feel like, would know that I'm not cheating on you because I'm.

[C]

Also their friend sense.

[B]

Do you know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah. It just feels so weird. I don't know. It just feels, like, so strange.

[B]

But I guess it's a response to it because I guess my. My initial thing is, like, I don't know if it's like, you should be so mad that you, like, don't want to be friends with them anymore.

[C]

Wow. But I think I want to be friends with them anymore.

[B]

Okay. But I think when you're like, hey, that upset us, I think to be like, you have no right is kind of just like, no, that's ridiculous.

[C]

Like, oh, my bad. We were trying to be funny.

[B]

We were trying to be funny.

[C]

And then also, I think it. Think it's insulting that you think someone would fall for that.

[B]

Yes. You look like a model.

[C]

Game.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You have no game. And you're, like, getting on here pretending like you're trying to, like, flirt with.

[B]

Me because the way they're doing it.

[C]

Sounds like a model. I'm like, that sounds like a bot.

[B]

I was gonna say it sounds like a man who's, like, a bot pretending that you're gonna be his sugar baby.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it doesn't even sound.

[C]

Sorry to bother you. I was wondering if I can give you $7,000 a month is, like, what that message is giving. That is. So you thought. You. You thought either they thought that she would cheat so easily, or they thought they had so much game and swagger that, like. And also, like, what would have happened? What if she had been like, yes, I'm dying to cheat, then would they have, like, told their, like, and then broken them up? Yeah. It's all stupid and I hate it. I hate those three guys. They're the. I liked that your husband had your back or your fiance had your back.

[B]

I like that. But do you trust that that's true, or do you think he did say, could you do this? And then panicked and was like, I didn't. I didn't.

[C]

I don't, though. That's not the vibe I'm getting, but I could be wrong.

[B]

Do we. Before we end the podcast, want to open a couple P.O. box things?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

How does that sound?

[C]

I love that. As you may know, if you're part of our Patreon, you can send stuff to our P.O. box and we will put it up in our studio as we're designing our beautiful studio. So fans send things in. We really appreciate it. It can be something from your small business that you want to be promoted here. It could be just a gift that made you think of us. It could be a photo of you. Whatever it is, send it our way. And while we're on the topic of Patreon, go join our Patreon. We have ad free episodes, extra weekly episodes, giveaways, live chats, a book club that is very active, and all sorts of other fun things.

[B]

Here you go. Jordan, do you want to open?

[C]

No, no, you open. You open, please.

[B]

I realize you've never opened.

[C]

No, you open. I like when you open. I know you like it. You love opening gifts.

[B]

Gifts. I do. Who doesn't? Don't you also?

[C]

Yeah, but not as much as you.

[B]

You're so sweet. This is from Carol.

[C]

Where is Carol from?

[B]

From Georgia. Ga is Georgia, right?

[C]

Ga's Georgia or general admission. But my guess is she's from Georgia.

[B]

She's from general admission of this podcast. Okay.

[C]

Get in there.

[B]

And Carol's very good at making sure a package is secure.

[C]

We love you, Carol.

[B]

Carol, thank you so much for sending us.

[C]

Carol's such a cute name.

[B]

It's really. I actually could see the name Carol, like, coming back.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

As like, you know how I feel, like, kind of like more old timey names are coming back.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

I could totally see Carol being a name.

[C]

It makes me think of Carol of the Bells. Oh, I like that.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Isn't that cute?

[B]

That's cute.

[C]

What's that? Wait, I want one of. I wanted one of these so bad. Have I told you guys my story about these?

[B]

No.

[C]

My mom. Wow. I don't even want this in the studio. I want this in my house. My mom and I used to buy these together, and I had A whole collection of them. Everything from Dracula to a nurse to, like, whatever. I had so many of them. And one day, I don't know why I did this, but a friend and his little sister came over when I was in elementary school, and she loved them, and I gave them to her.

[B]

And I regret. Oh.

[C]

Cause I'm sure she didn't like them that much. And I remember my mom being like, oh, you gave those to her. All right. Oh, okay. And I wish I hadn't, because I would say, still, you're probably thrilled I did, because they'd be displayed in our house today if I. If I didn't. I was.

[B]

That was me from the future coming back. I love troll dolls.

[C]

I love this so much. Thank you so much. If anyone else has troll dolls that are, like, in outfits, especially Halloween ones that they, like, want to send to me, hey, feel free to do that.

[B]

I love that. This one's fully nude.

[C]

Yeah, he's naked.

[B]

I also love his hair.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Wait, what's his name? Jordan.

[C]

Oh, I don't know.

[B]

You have to name him Carol.

[C]

Carol. I love that. Carol, this is you.

[B]

And Carol wrote a really beautiful letter that I won't read because it's very long, so I assume it's very emotional. It may not read much.

[C]

Oh, that's sweet. Cute plus a sticker.

[B]

A lesbian. DD dice.

[C]

Is that right? Oh, that makes sense.

[B]

Is that right? I don't know.

[C]

That makes sense. Wow. Cute picture of Carol. Show me Carol.

[B]

Oh, my God. And at the top of the topless.

[C]

It'S a fully nude photo of Carol. I said it.

[B]

Actually, this one's just for me. No, it says, yes, I have a mullet, and I love mullets. And every time I go to the hairdresser, I almost get a mullet. And I know the number one fight Jordan I would have if we were parents. Well, that's probably not true. We'd probably fight about worse things. But I was always, like, if I had a son, I would give him a mullet and.

[C]

No, we wouldn't. Oh, my God. Wait. Show Carol to the family. And by the family, I mean everyone listening and watching. Carol looks beautiful. Carol, I love ya.

[B]

Wow. This is awesome. Jordan, go display Carol.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[B]

Go display Carol. Carol. Carol. Oh, my God. This is so sweet. This is so sweet. I can't wait to read this. Okay, we have.

[C]

Wow. What a day.

[B]

This is amazing.

[C]

Do we have one more? Yeah, that one's gonna be hard to open.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Have fun.

[B]

Oh, this is from mail center.

[C]

I love Mail Center. It's one of the most beautiful cities I've ever been to.

[B]

Oh, this is confusing. I don't really know what the name. But this is from. It says in. What does that mean? Is it the name of the person?

[C]

Hold on. Huh? It's okay. It's from Missouri, and maybe it's. It looks like it's from a college or a business. Huh. Okay, I'm listening. I'm excited. I can't wait to see what it is. It says it's for the two of.

[B]

Us, so, I mean, I guess this could. There's a world where this isn't from a fan and this is from a company, but it seems like it's for the podcast.

[C]

Could be a fan of the company.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, maybe. Maybe we're selling ourselves short. Maybe there's CEOs who are huge fans of us.

[C]

Yeah, that's exactly the energy we give off. Yeah. Jeff Bezos loves this podcast.

[B]

Oh, my God. What would you do if he sent us fan mail? Throw it in the trash?

[C]

Set it on fire.

[B]

But what if he sent you a troll doll?

[C]

I'd keep the troll doll, but I'd have to cleanse it. I'd have to do some kind of baptism on it.

[B]

Oh, this looks beautiful. Oh, my gosh. What is it?

[C]

What is that?

[B]

It's a beautiful little box.

[C]

Oh, my God. It's so beautiful.

[B]

In a beautiful little letter. A beautiful letter. Oh, my.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Okay, I've got to read the card first.

[C]

Okay. Let me open the package while you. Here, toss it to me.

[B]

Isn't this beautiful package?

[C]

I'll catch it. Okay. I love this. Oh, my God.

[B]

Feel.

[C]

Feel the. It feels like paper. I don't want to touch it, but thank you.

[B]

No, but it's like handmade paper.

[C]

That's handmade paper.

[B]

I don't know, but it's very like. I wish you could feel it, but.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

It's like. Oh, my God. And this is handmade paper on this card. This is handmade paper.

[C]

That makes me feel like this is going to be good. Wait, hold on.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Handmade paper. Here's a gift you did in St. Augustine at a historic house when you were in middle school.

[B]

Hello. Happy wife, happy life podcast. Here's a gift to help fill your shelves. It's a.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

[B]

I don't know what that even means.

[C]

It's a daydreamer.

[B]

What does that mean?

[C]

Neroli flower, white tea and driftwood, obviously. It smells like something. A candle.

[B]

I have one on My bookshelves. I call him Fuck Wooji.

[C]

Oh, this is probably just the box it's in. It's probably not a candle.

[B]

Most people are more disturbed by the wuji than the fuck. And a wonderful opportunity for ants.

[C]

I love him. He's perfect. He's so soft. Wait, what is he?

[B]

I'm. He's like.

[C]

Is he like a porcupine?

[B]

He said it says he's a puck wudgy.

[C]

A puck wudgy Flick Puck wedgie is what this says. I feel like I've heard a. A master of jokes and pranks. Flick thinks it's playtime all year round. What is this?

[B]

I usually only lurk in. What is. This is so sweet. Oh, and then a sweet letter I, which I will read privately as tears streamed on my face. So I won't do that on the podcast, but this is so sweet.

[C]

I learned everything about whatever this is.

[B]

Can I see?

[C]

Oh, and I love the way he feels.

[B]

Wow. If you guys are just listening and you don't have the audio, I really encourage you to maybe head over to the YouTube just for a minute to see the pukwudgie.

[C]

He looks. I don't know, but he looks like a. He looks like a hedgehog. And honestly, a troll doll had a baby and he's extremely soft.

[B]

Oh, I love him. What's his name?

[C]

Flick.

[B]

No, but is that where we're keeping the name?

[C]

I'm not changing his name.

[B]

Flick.

[C]

He's a full grown adult, Kendall. I'm not changing his name. That's disrespectful.

[B]

That is really sweet.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Well, thank you so.

[C]

I love it so much, y'.

[B]

All.

[C]

What? Oh, okay. Relax over there. Okay, Relax over there. Kendall sucking on him. Wow. Thank you guys so much for sending stuff in. We love it. We can't wait to keep decorating the studio. And as always, like, comment, subscribe, Share this podcast. Tell your friends and divorce your husband.

[B]

Divorce your husband. And make sure to have a really great week and make sure to have a. Make sure to have a really good day. And I just. Seriously, you guys, I have so much fun opening these because it just feels like an absolute moment of connection for us all where I know we're just on the screens, but you're all really out there listening. That's a really exciting thing.

[C]

Kendall's having a huge realization that people listen to this.

[B]

I thought this was just a thing.

[C]

For Jordan and I and John.

[B]

I thought this was just activity. I didn't realize people were really listening. It. It means a lot but I'm serious this always feels really special to open up I seriously we have so much for our patreon too because I am just like feels like we're all just friends and it's so fun to just.

[C]

Say anything on Patreon.

[B]

Oh you trying to get people to subscribe.

[C]

I'll say anything. We'll post anything to find out what I say. Join our Patreon.

[B]

Thank you all so much for being here. We adore you and make sure to go like comment subscribe. If you're listening on any podcast platforms, make sure to platforms. What's it called? Pluck Woogie.

[C]

Happy Monday. Goodbye.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart Choice make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy.