85: Do YOUR In-Laws HATE You? (Q&A)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happy Wife Happy Life

Episode 85: Do YOUR In-Laws HATE You? (Q&A)
Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Date: October 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this vibrant, candid Q&A episode, comedians and fiancées Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick dig into listeners’ questions about relationships—with a particular focus on in-laws, gifting etiquette, and navigating awkward interpersonal dynamics. The duo’s signature banter brings warmth and levity as they openly reflect on their own experiences with proposals, consumerism, and boundaries, all while offering practical, empathetic advice. The episode also features an impromptu PO Box unboxing, which delights both hosts.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Banter & Life Updates (00:00–15:35)

• Return to the Studio: The hosts open with playful music references, discuss being back in the studio, and joke about Kendahl’s (lack of) singing skills.
• Recent Purchases: They share their excitement about purchasing WNBA season tickets for the LA Sparks and rationalize their spending as support for women’s athletics.
• Slower Living & Consumerism:
  • Both reflect on efforts to “live slower,” like making pasta from scratch, minimizing phone distractions, and intentionally reducing consumption.
  • They lament the pressure to buy, referencing TikTok trends and the overwhelm of constantly acquiring more (“TikTok Shop, you guys, what is the women on there? I can’t. It’s like, I can’t even escape it.” – Kendahl, 12:21).
• Gift-Giving Dynamics:
  • The couple discusses how their Christmas gifting escalated from fun stockings to over-the-top presents, leading them to reexamine their approach to consumerism.
  • Notable quote on this stress spiral: “It’s so, like, you don’t even realize the amount of brain energy you’re spending on buying.” – Kendahl (10:47).

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Listener Q&A

1. The Not-So-Surprise Proposal

Listener’s Dilemma: Ruined proposal surprise after fiancé asks about ring size; feeling anxious and disappointed (15:45–29:12)

• Summary of Advice:
  • Both hosts urge perspective: The proposal isn’t about perfect surprise, but about the relationship's real, evolving nature.
  • Michelle Obama’s take referenced: “People really focus on the rushing to the wedding... but not as much on the marriage.” (Kendahl paraphrased, 17:06)
  • “You can actually choose to not care. And if it helps, no one else cares at all.” – Kendahl (18:26)
  • Jordan reframes disappointment as a chance to let go of control and create space for experiences to exceed expectations:
    “You have to leave space for things to be better than you imagined them.” – Jordan (24:38)
  • The wedding industry’s obsession with ‘timelessness’ is debunked: “The only thing that’s timeless is something you genuinely like in that time.” – Kendahl (27:32)

Memorable Moment:

• The hosts share their own, less-than-cinematic proposal story and laugh about nerves and practicalities, reinforcing how sweetness can trump storybook perfection.

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2. Do My In-Laws Hate Me?

Listener’s Dilemma: Never receives gifts from brother-in-law and his wife; feels ignored, and spouse doesn’t validate her concerns (33:39–43:33)

• Summary of Advice:
  • Kendahl and Jordan validate the listener’s feelings, emphasizing that emotional support from a partner is critical, even if the issue seems small.
  • “It’s not your opinion. That is an inconsiderate thing to do. That’s rude.” – Jordan on the mother-in-law’s behavior (36:54)
  • They recommend pulling back on overtures if the other party remains unresponsive or distant:
    “Stop putting yourself out there in that way, because, yeah, you don’t need to. And it’s just hurting you.” – Jordan (41:04)
  • They urge a frank discussion with the spouse, reframing the issue away from gifts and toward emotional impact:
    “The way your family makes me feel is bad.” – Kendahl (42:49)
  • If a partner is unwilling to engage or empathize at all, Kendahl suggests that’s a “huge problem… because sticking up to your family is really hard, but… the willingness to try is what’s important.” (43:08)

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3. How Do I Dodge Questions About My Sexuality?

Listener’s Dilemma: Not out, but gets questioned about dating/sexuality at work and in public; wants an escape plan (43:33–47:35)

• Summary of Advice:
  • The hosts enthusiastically recommend “convenience lying” or light-hearted deflections as survival tactics:
    “I’m a huge liar to strangers that I don’t care about… Where do you work at? Finance. I’m just, like, lying out of my ass.” – Kendahl (44:08)
  • Jordan advocates for jokes to change subjects and universal responses: “The dating world is crazy,” “Dating? I barely have time to make my morning coffee.”
  • They reassure the listener that, in most cases, the asker isn’t actually invested in the answer and that it’s okay to protect oneself.

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PO Box Unboxing & Listener Mail (47:37–52:49)

• The hosts open gifts from a listener—including a "Wicked" notebook, books (including their sender’s own queer cocktail book), and zines.
• Iconic moment of delight: Jordan exclaims over a queer cocktails book from Harmony and B, and Kendahl jokes about “re-gifting” the “Wicked” notebook to a friend who would truly appreciate it.
• The hosts express deep gratitude and promise more PO Box unboxings for Patreon subscribers.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Letting Go of Perfection:
  “I want the proposal that my husband uniquely is gonna give me... enjoy the uniqueness of that.”
  – Kendahl (19:46)

• On Wedding Timelessness:
  “Timeless does not exist, because whatever is timeless in that moment, it’s like dating. The only thing that’s timeless is something that you genuinely like in that time.”
  – Kendahl (27:32)

• On Partners Taking Sides:
  “You should always be on your wife or husband’s side if you know that your wife or husband is a reasonable person.”
  – Kendahl (38:06)

• On Handling Unsolicited Questions:
  “I’m a big fan of making a joke in a situation that doesn’t matter… just be like, ‘Oh, the dating world is crazy.’”
  – Jordan (45:22)

• Major Listener Mail Reaction:
  “This is really super special and cool and very exciting. I, like, had no idea what I was gonna pull out next.”
  – Kendahl (51:10)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Banter / Life Updates: 00:00–15:35
• Q&A—Proposal Surprise Anxiety: 15:37–29:12
• Q&A—In-Laws “Hatred” & Gifting: 33:39–43:33
• Q&A—Avoiding Questions About Sexuality: 43:33–47:35
• PO Box Unboxing: 47:37–52:49

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Tone & Language

The episode is candid, playful, and affirming—characterized by rapid-fire banter, affectionate teasing, and transparent sharing of personal stories. Kendahl and Jordan’s conversational style blends humor with grounded, compassionate advice, always circling back to the value of authenticity and emotional self-protection.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

This episode offers both laughs and genuinely useful insights for anyone grappling with awkward family dynamics, milestones, or the everyday pressures of being “socially appropriate.” Kendahl and Jordan provide solidarity, relatable anecdotes, and actionable advice—while reminding listeners to enjoy the people and moments that matter, not just the perfectly curated versions of life.

The show is especially recommended for queer listeners, those who enjoy comedic relationship advice, and anyone seeking permission to step back from relentless consumerism or heteronormative expectations.

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Follow-up:

• For future PO Box unboxings and more exclusive content, Kendahl and Jordan direct fans to their Patreon.
• Social handles and podcast platforms (Apple, Spotify) are recommended for reviews and follows.

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End of Episode Summary

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life.

[B]

We're your host. I'm Kendall Landrin.

[A]

And I'm Jordan Myrick.

[B]

And we are two incredibly unqualified but.

[A]

Deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we're doing a Q A. Y'. All.

[B]

Been a long time since I came around Been a long time But I'm back in town. You know?

[A]

Song by Lady Gaga.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've just been thinking about that all day. Since we're back in town Been a long time since I came. It's how it felt walking to the studio today.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

It's good to be back.

[A]

Thanks for singing, babe, but I'm back.

[B]

In town do the whole song this time. I'm not. Wait. Whoa.

[A]

That sounded really good. You heard it, too this time.

[B]

I can't do it again.

[A]

You can't do it again. Lightning can't strike twice, honey. That's on a really good. Kendall's famously a bad singer.

[B]

No, I'm really. That was really good.

[A]

That was really good.

[B]

Wait, I actually have chills. I got to give myself chills. I have chills.

[A]

That was actually really good. Go listen to it back, you guys. It was really good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Sorry. This is, like, whoa. Distracting. Hard to do the episode, we become.

[B]

Like, the couple in. What is it called? The Coal Miner's Daughter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where her husband is like, I'm going.

[A]

To make you star. Loretta, um, carries around.

[B]

That's me and you after this episode. Yeah.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

It's so funny that if you guys have never seen the Coal Miner's Daughter, it's about Loretta Lynn. It's a great watch, honestly.

[A]

We watch with Kendall's mom after Kendall got a breast reduction. And Kendall's mom was, like, actively being like, isn't this such a good movie? And Kendall, like, wanted to be involved, but also was, like, incapacitated after her surgery. And I don't know if you even remember the movie.

[B]

Oh, I do. I think the drugs maybe made me think. It was, like I was, like, very emotionally invested. I was, like, sobbing in parts of it. It is sad. I mean, it's sad and it's. There's good and bad moments. But they also do this in a Brother where Arthur, which I haven't seen, so. But it's that era of time when if you want to be a famous singer, you just, like, traveled around US station and would be like, please listen to me sing.

[A]

You'd go to radio stations and Be like, let me sing on the radio. I would be like, no, no. Like, please be like, fine.

[B]

And then it'd be like, immediately it's like, she's a star. And you're like, wow, that is amazing. I. Every day I regret not releasing music. When Juno came out.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You know, in that era of music where it was just like cereal in the morning, wake up. Okay. That's not a way to not it.

[A]

Battle of the ball. But what you're thinking of is you're a part time lover and a full time friend. The monkey on your back is the latest trend.

[B]

Like, why did I not release music when that came out?

[A]

I know.

[B]

Look at me right now. Jordan is my girlfriend and I love her so much.

[A]

Okay, I'm not your girlfriend. Stop. Okay, I'm not your girlfriend. We're engaged.

[B]

I wish I'd done music during that time. I should be so famous.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sorry, baby.

[B]

Or what was that one? That was like. I can't remember it. So let's just move on. I can't remember it.

[A]

Every conversation we've ever had.

[B]

You know what podcasting has helped me do in life as well? Move on is just move on from a story. Like, I'll start a story. And I used to be terrible at this. I. I don't. I think this is a skill you only get from being a. Like, doing podcasting. But I will start a story and then I'll be like, actually, it's not a good story. I'm just not going to tell it. We'll move on. Edit that out. Thank you so much. Like, we can't edit that. We're at a lunch.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I think that's very self aware.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

I love you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Kendall and I spent a bunch of money this week. Do you want to know on what?

[B]

We spent a lot of money.

[A]

We got. We got Spark season tickets for next season. Oh, really? Expensive. And Kendall kept justifying it by being like, I actually, that's the. That's the kind of thing I actually want to be a patron of. Like, I want to be contributing money to women's athletics.

[B]

Like, if I consider anything a donation, if it's not going to, like, Walmart, I'm like, this is a charitable donation.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

It's just me buying shoes from like. Like, not even a local business.

[A]

Dsw.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm like, this is supporting the.

[A]

Economy and this is charity.

[B]

No, but that is how I feel about the season tickets to Spark.

[A]

Yeah. So catch us next season.

[B]

I mean, literally, we're going to be at every game.

[A]

I went to one because our friend has seasoned season passes and her wife was out of town, so I went with her and I was like, this is really cool. And she was like, you should get them.

[B]

And I get free hot dogs.

[A]

You get free hot dogs. You get free unlimited hot dogs in the lounge.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Do you want to come to a game with me, John? Yeah, John, you want to come?

[B]

It is. Are we getting seats next to them, though?

[A]

We're going to try.

[B]

That's the only bummer is that if we want to go with friends, it's going to be like you can't sit with us.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we've. It's literally going to be like you can't get the tickets next to us. Sorry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like our friends are. Because we do see it a lot with friends. Like our friends Kelsey and Aaron, we go with all the time and we won't be able to sit with them.

[A]

But I think it'll be good for them because what's going to happen is I think there's going to be a lot of games that you don't want to go to.

[B]

I don't go to do.

[A]

And there'll be a lot of games that you don't want to go to. And then we'll just all be able to take a friend, which I think is nice.

[B]

No, but then you can only pick.

[A]

One that's giving back to the community.

[B]

No, exactly. It's community.

[A]

I'll take John. That's community care.

[B]

How fun would that be? No, John's coming. I'm going. I'll buy a ticket next.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Behind you guys.

[A]

Kettlewise.

[B]

An additional with his family.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, we spent money on that. What else did. We spent a lot of money this week. It was not good.

[A]

We were in Europe and we bought those tickets.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But now we're. We're pulling back. We're relaxing.

[B]

Well, especially we took multiple pasta making classes. I'm like, we're only eating fresh pasta for the next year.

[A]

I'm making anything from the grocery store. She's like, we don't need to go to the grocery store.

[B]

I just need double zero flour and I'm set for the month.

[A]

Yeah. So.

[B]

And eggs.

[A]

That's all I need. I'm excited for you to do that.

[B]

In Italy, they kept trying to sell me on two types of flour. Said I only need one. I don't need any. I don't. And I'm going through a bread cookbook that Jordan showed me. And I'm making a new bread every single Sunday.

[A]

Every single Sunday. Kendall and I have decided that we're gonna do a more elaborate dinner.

[B]

Slower living, you guys.

[A]

Slower. We're obsessed with the concept of slower living. Keeping like, we're gonna live more slowly.

[B]

Well, no, we're obsessed with Sprint living. And then on Sundays, we're gonna slow live. We're obsessed with not living a slow life at all. But every Sunday, we're gonna pretend we live on a farm and. And are, like, religious almost.

[A]

We're trying to do more stuff, though. I saw a woman on TikTok say that she does this thing where she will plug her phone in. In a room, and then she'll force herself to only use the phone as a landline.

[B]

You know they're bringing landlines back, I've heard. For kids. I think it's super cute.

[A]

I think it's great.

[B]

I think it's so cute. And you can't get an iPhone that's shaped like a hamburger.

[A]

So true.

[B]

I wish. Yeah. There's nothing like it, though. Like, I remember as a kid, like, having my mom be like, sierra's on the phone and me answering, and you just sit for just, like, hours. I remember sitting for hours.

[A]

I also remember getting a phone in my room.

[B]

Who.

[A]

And now, as an adult, that makes me laugh, because phones just to, like, add an additional phone into your house is, like, pretty cheap. Do you know what I mean? And I think in my mind, as when I was young, when I was, like, in middle school or whatever, my parents let me have a Disney princess phone in my room so I could, what, answer when my grandma calls or whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I was like, this is the height of luxury. And now as an adult, I'm like, that is not a very expensive thing to do to please your children. Let them have it.

[B]

I know, but that's like. I remember getting email, my email, when I was like, I still have that email.

[A]

I still use it.

[B]

But I got an email when I was, like, 8 years old, and I remember all of my friends at the time kind of started getting emails, and we would. After school, we spent all day together. We would just email.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Cause you're like, I'm an adult, and I have to do what adults do, and that's send emails.

[B]

Yeah, it was exactly that. Because it wasn't like we were having fun. It was like, please, I need to go to my room and answer some emails.

[A]

I need to answer some emails.

[B]

Emily, how are you? Can I spend the night this weekend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's like, once again, I already told you no. I talked to you two hours ago at school. I'm like, got it.

[A]

Okay. Thank God.

[B]

I can go eat dinner now with my family.

[A]

I'm done with all my emails. I think it's great. But I've been trying to leave my phone plugged in in the bedroom next to my bed when I'm around the house doing stuff, so. And then if I want to do something, I have to go and do my phone while my phone's plugged in like it's a landline.

[B]

But here's the thing. Part of slower living is spending less money and using what we have. We're doing a great job at this.

[A]

But it's been three days.

[B]

It's been three days.

[A]

We're doing a great job.

[B]

We did an awesome job at it. We just got back from a trip from Philly. I've been sick for two days. We honestly have done. We got takeout. But I have to call you out a little, Jordan. No, not even really. It's actually really sweet.

[A]

Why is it.

[B]

But so we don't do. Jordan and I have never been. We started babbing. Like, no Christmas presents. We're always just like, it's so stressful and we don't need more stuff. Like, we don't need more whatever.

[A]

Well. And we always do a thing. We're always. I mean, this year, it's always a.

[B]

Thing, and we'd much rather just like, not. And Christmas. Sorry. Because you have to buy stuff for everybody.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're always like, just don't think about. Just if you have to buy a present for everyone in your family, like, take me off the list.

[A]

It's fine.

[B]

But then we started doing stockings. Like, the first year we met, we're like, but let's do stockings for each other.

[A]

We love stockings. So fun. That's what my family grew up with. Like, stockings being like, the main thing.

[B]

The thing. It's so fun. And so then we started like, oh, you do? How? A stocking or candy, little gift card, maybe lip gloss, whatever. Of course, every year it's like, you up it and you up it and you up it. It's. It's. Now it is way. It's. It's ridiculous. And so this year I was like, no presents. We're getting married this year.

[A]

We're.

[B]

We're doing this whole. We're. No, we're not. We're doing a trip. We're not doing any Christmas presents because the stocking last year. It's like, oh, this designer pepper and salt shaker Jordan want that has to sit next to the stocking because it doesn't fit in the stock. Yeah, these earrings that. And we both do it, of course. But it's like, this is just presents. We're just too lazy to wrap them. We're shoving them next into the stocking.

[A]

No, I think this year.

[B]

But then you said this year you were like, but, Kendall, should we still do stockings? And I was like, yes, because it's fun.

[A]

Because we will be on a trip in a snowy place. And I'm like, I just know you, and I know how much you would enjoy.

[B]

Oh, it'd be so cute.

[A]

Stockings. Like, buy a fire in a snowy place. Come on.

[B]

How cute is that? And I know I would love it, but I'm like trying to buy, like, I'm really trying to, like, get out of this consumerist mindset. I'm just like, trying to be like, do I need that really? And actually realizing how much stress it brings to my life. Like, the buying constantly, like, what if I was just like, you don't have to buy anything else, like, real. You know what I mean? Like, I look at my closet, I'm like, I don't need anything else. I have three pairs of jeans and a bunch of shirts. Why would I need I. A dress for a nice occasion? Two dresses for a nice occasion. What if I've just like, no more buying?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's so, like, you don't even realize the amount of brain energy you're spending on buying. And so then when Christmas comes around and I'm going, what? Instead of just like, oh, I saw something I like, you're now going, what can I buy from? For someone? And not just that they'll like, what can I buy so that I've given them a present. I'm just like, I want it to.

[A]

Be like that, though.

[B]

But. So I'm wondering if we. But the problem is, I know you've already bought me. Jordan starts buying me presents in January.

[A]

I'm a year round gift buyer. Because. Because kind of like what you were saying. I don't want to get someone a gift just to get someone a gift.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I will get someone a gift if I see something that I think that makes me think of them or that I think they'll actually use. So I buy gifts throughout the year. But I think a stocking is fun.

[B]

So fun. Because we have to do for real stocking this year.

[A]

But you can put like, I can Put some of your favorite candy that, like, you will have at the theater or on the plane or whatever, like, in your stock.

[B]

Should we put a dollar amount on it or have you already gone? This is my. I'm like, you've already spent.

[A]

No, I don't think we could put a dollar amount on it. Or, you know, obviously stick to a size amount. I think also I was saying, like, we could do it all secondhand.

[B]

But you've already bought stuff.

[A]

I don't remember what I've bought, though.

[B]

You said to me probably six times, I just got another Christmas present for you.

[A]

I don't remember what I bought. I have to look. Our house is in such disarray.

[B]

I know, but anyways, I'm trying to be. Buy less. I'm trying to buy less and then buy stuff that we'll really need. I really am trying to buy. I don't want to be buying any more stuff.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

It's like, we're this. We're crazy with the buying. Not you and I. This country, it's just buy, buy, buy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In TikTok Shop, you guys, what is the women on there? I can't. It's like, I can't even escape it. I was on TikTok the other day. I'm trying to just quietly be in my room, relax. This woman comes up, she goes, what if you shark while you're on the highway? Get a shark kit.

[A]

The emergency shark kit. I've been getting that a lot, too, away from me.

[B]

And this woman is like a soccer mom from the Midwest desperate to make a buck. The shark kits are on flash sale right now, and they will be only for two more hours. I'm like, this is so, so sad. Like, please, our government give us free health care so these women can stop selling shark kits on TikTok Shop. It's so horrifying.

[A]

She's ultimately right.

[B]

They're just like, everything. You're never gonna believe what. It's so, like. It makes me have almost like a panic attack when I think about how much people are buying.

[A]

That's how I feel whenever people talk about a lounge set.

[B]

A lounge set.

[A]

I just got this new lounge set on Tick Tock Shop. That's like, the ones that I see, like, all the time. I just got this lounge set in every color on Tick Tock Shop. Blah, blah, whatever. I'm like, I would just wear, like, a big shirt that, like, your dad got at a charity event 25 years ago. Like, stop buying lounge sets.

[B]

Truly. It's like, what Are we. You guys? What are we doing? Like, I just.

[A]

And even it's hard, though, because I love fashion, but.

[B]

Okay. But I also think there's a world where, like, we can all be. I think something we've talked about, it's like, do not buy something because a designer. You, like, released it. Buy something because you like it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But also, like, you're good about using Poshmark.

[A]

You'll find a lot of designs reselling and rebuying. And I'll try. Try to. I try to do things as sustainably as possible, generally.

[B]

But even you used to do a lot more. I feel like, oh, this place had a collab with Target. We don't shop there anymore. But, like, this place had a collab with them. So let's go check it out and buy it. And it's like, I think now it's just like, we don't need more. Unless you're like, oh, my God, I love it so much. You know what I mean? But I am really trying because I am like, we don't need any more stuff. Like, I really don't need any more stuff.

[A]

I've gotten almost all my wedding looks secondhand.

[B]

That's awesome. That's awesome. It's just like, every, like, moral aspect of it aside, it's less stressful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It just makes. And how good does it feel to use something in our house?

[A]

It feels really good. I love the feeling of finishing something.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Finishing a bottle of shampoo. Finish. I'm never gonna live this down. I'm never gonna live this after who, Mate? What did you say earlier on the last episode? I said, humate. I just said, finish a linguist kill me. I love finishing, like, a condiment.

[B]

Well, because I feel like we've been doing such a good job recently of, like, using stuff in our house, but I think I used to just feel like our house is filled with things that we don't even use.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm organizing stuff constantly that we don't touch. Like, I. The amount of liquid IVs I have in my. And that's on me in our cabinet that every day it's like a war. Organizing them and making sure they're in a. And I'm like, I don't even drink these.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Why do I. Because. And I at one point thought I wanted this. God. I bought these, like, anti loading drinks off Tik Tok shop, like, at 3:00am they're probably $90, including shipping. Who knows? And I've had one. I have never drank them since it's just like, no more buying.

[A]

No more buying.

[B]

I'm just, like, over it.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

I'm over it. Okay, what are we doing today?

[A]

A Q and A. I'm helping other people. We've. We've solved all the problems, so we're helping other people. They've written into us.

[B]

All right, let's hear it.

[A]

Are you ready?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This person says, my boyfriend and I have been together for five years and we always knew we wanted to get married. It was always a conversation. So I always sort of knew he would eventually propose. And the other day he asked me if I was still a size 7 ring, and I got excited because obviously I knew why he was asking a couple days after. She's a real sleuth. Yeah. After a couple days, I started to feel a little bit disappointed. I felt like I shouldn't have known what step he was in in the whole process. I feel like it kind of ruined the element of surprise, and it made me feel like a dream got shattered a little bit when I brought it up. He understood and apologized. And he was so excited slash anxious about the size and that he let flip instead of asking my mom or stealing one of my rings and measuring it, he's been great about it, but now he feels a bit guilty that he ruined the surprise. Oh, I know that I will be surprised during the proposal since I don't know what is happening or when, but I just feel a little bit sad that it won't be completely a surprise like I always wanted and expected. I even suggested he push the proposal slash any plans back so that I can get rid of this anxiety. It feels like it comes from control issues and the anticipation, that's low key, killing me. I don't want to get to a point where I feel like I just want to, quote, get it over with just so I can feel more calm. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling. Any advice would be appreciated.

[B]

Here's my opinion.

[A]

Let me hear it.

[B]

Here's my opinion. Sometimes you have to choose to not care about something. And I know that's easier said than done, but I think with weddings. Michelle Obama said this this morning. I was watching something she was doing. She was talking about how. When were you watching that look, when you're gone. You were taking your swim aerobics class and I was listening to Michelle Obama. All right, she. No, she just. There was a clip of her talking about how people. She was like, I feel like. Does she have a podcast? I always feel like there's Clips of her talking about the most random stuff. And I'm like, maybe she doesn't find. Maybe.

[A]

I don't know who would be interviewing her about that. Reminds me of, like, when people comment on our podcast clips and they're like, what is this? Where do I watch this? I don't know.

[B]

Like, I just. These clips come up of Michelle Obama giving, like, takes on the most random stuff. And I'm thinking of in my head because maybe because she was the first lady for so long, I'm like, oh, this is the news.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, no, I think she just, like, has a podcast. But she was saying how people nowadays. I don't know if this is relevant. It's probably always like this. But people really focus on the rushing to the wedding. Let me rush to the wedding. And they forget there's not as much conversation about the marriage. And then I got bored and I stopped listening to the clip. But I do feel like there is this, like, panic and anxiety around the right engagement, the right proposal, the right this, the right that. What if I don't shy my makeup done for this or will I regret it?

[A]

And it's like, I gotta nails or the right nails for just whatever.

[B]

You can actually choose to not care. And if it helps, no one else cares at all. No one cares. It's part of why I was like, I am not gonna have a. I can't have a wedding because I cannot be so stressed and panicked over a day that half the people there, right before they leave, say to their partner, God, I wish we didn't have to go to this fucking wedding tonight. And not because they're mean, they love me, they. But they don't want to leave their house and do this thing they don't care about because it's not about. It's like. And so I do think just like, letting yourself be like, it's about. It's not about the wedding. It's not about getting married. It's about your husband and, like, having that future with your husband and having it be authentic to you. Not doing it for a picture you're going to get. Not doing it for. Well, the proposal I've always dreamed of is this surprise of this. Because the reality is you're not gonna have this thing you pictured because you live on earth with other people. And, like, the way it's gonna be, start thinking of it is like, I don't want the proposal I pictured. I want the proposal that my husband, uniquely is gonna give me. Because when I was picturing my proposal, I could have never known who. What it was gonna be like. Because you're just imagining it with a generic blank man.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

And now you have your perfect husband who seems really great, and just enjoy the uniqueness of that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And stop being like, I need it to be this perfect thing, because the thing that it is is made up completely. And you need to have a good marriage. And in my opinion, the year leading up to your marriage or engagement, you shouldn't be worried about that. You should be thinking about, like, is this not. Did this man give me the proposal I've always dreamed of? Did this man, like, show up for me, was kind to me, spoke to me with respect, was supportive of me? That's what's important. And I know you know that. Not you, Jordan. But this person knows that. Obviously, they're probably like, yeah, but I also wanted it to be a surprise, but I think for your sake, just enjoy it. Because I will tell you, in the glimpse of the wedding world that I got when we were thinking about having a wedding, it is so easy to go down that rabbit hole of, like, I mean, we're not having a wedding, and all of a sudden, I would find myself going, well, am I going to regret if I don't have professional makeup? What? No, you're not going to regret if you don't have professional makeup done on the day of your wedding. It's just about you and I. Who's going to look back at these pictures?

[A]

You and I. Yeah.

[B]

And maybe if we had kids, one day, they would look at it for one second and be like, oh, cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's for you and I, and the proposal is for you and I, so don't mess up your. Because the reality is you being upset is going to mess it up for you and for him. And that's the only two people it's about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's my opinion. So I think let it go and be like, the proposal will be what it's going to be. The engagement's going to be what it's going to be because you are having someone. Like, you can't be in control of it, especially if you want it to be a surprise.

[A]

Yeah. Also it's, like, not really a surprise because you guys have been talking about it for forever, so it's not really a surprise. And then I'm sure you've made, like, a whole list of rules. Right. Because that's like, what so many people do where it's like, well, I don't want it to be like this. And I do want it to be like this, and I don't want this thing, and I do want this thing. So it's like, it's not really a surprise, right? It's like an anxiety, false sense of surprise. But what you really do is you want, like, kind of ultimate control over the situation. Speaking from the places of someone who is very anxious, sometimes you create these situations where you're like, oh, I want it to be like this. And it's like, no, what you really want is to control the situation because of anxiety, so you have to kind of let it go. And I think also it's like, it was never going to be a complete surprise. It's not a complete surprise.

[B]

It doesn't need to be a complete surprise.

[A]

It doesn't need to be a complete surprise.

[B]

People get like. But I always picture it that way, okay, well, stop picturing stuff. Well, because it's picturing stuff, it's always.

[A]

Going to be different than how you pictured it, because just because you pictured it some way doesn't mean that it's the best way for it to happen. Even leading up to our proposal, I planned and pictured a proposal where I proposed to you at an old timey theme park in Copenhagen, and then I ruined both my feet and had to propose to you on our couch the two days before I had to have surgery. So it's like.

[B]

And my. I looked horrible, but who cares?

[A]

It was great.

[B]

I looked horrible and I panicked. I fully was like, I didn't know. I was scared that I was, like, misreading the situation. Jordan wasn't actually.

[A]

What if it's fully a surprise? It is surprising.

[B]

It is surprising because I knew Jordan's suppress me. I did not know they were going to propose to me then. And I literally was like, what? What do you mean? And I feel like anytime. And Jordan, you can say if this is too personal, but I feel like anytime we'll hear anyone talk about proposal. Jordan's like, did you not like your proposal? Did you not like it? Whatever. I loved our proposal.

[A]

Well, because I'm like, you didn't handle it well.

[B]

Well, because I freaked out because I was like, I did a bad job because I know I'm supposed to go, yes, yes, a million times yes. And then instead I went, what's happening? Oh, no. What's. Are you sure? I was like, well, freaking out.

[A]

Well, the exact. Kendall said, what? Why me? And I said, I was panicked.

[B]

I was panicked even though she was showing me the ring that I had Literally designed and picked out myself. So obviously. But I was, like, shocked. I just. There's not very many moments in your life where you truly are like, oh, I didn't. But anyways, my point is, I'm like, I do not think. I think about our proposal as just a sweet moment. That was so nice. We talked a million times about getting married. We talked a million. And I guess those moments were special. Like, the first time you were like, I think we should get married one day. It's like, ooh, exciting, whatever. But it's like, what's really important is the marriage.

[A]

What's really important is having fun.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Have fun. Have a nice time.

[B]

You can't have fun if you're always like, I shouldn't have been this. I wish it had been this. Oh, I hope it goes like this. Just enjoy every moment you're in. Now, granted, this would be different if your husband's a total deadbeat who never does anything for you, and then he, like, hands you, like a ring that's from Kmart while you're watering the plants.

[A]

But if your fiance or boyfriend or whatever is doing something fun and it doesn't end up being the exact way you pictured it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It will be better than the way that you pictured it. Like, you have you.

[B]

For you.

[A]

Yes. You have to leave. I think I found what I'm. What I'm feeling. You have to leave space for things to be better than you imagined them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you certainly leave plenty of space.

[B]

Ever feel that way if you're locked into that? Yes.

[A]

Nothing will ever feel that way if you're locked in. And you. People certainly leave space for things to feel worse than they imagine them. But I don't often find that people leave space. And I think you're really good about this. I think people don't often leave space for things to be better than they imagined. And I think that, like, you have such a tight. This person who wrote this in has such a tight handle on the situation. But you're not leaving space for, like, maybe this is going to be way better than you ever thought it could have been.

[B]

But you can't think of what that looks like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you actually. It's just going to make you disappointed. But not because he didn't do something that was awesome, but because you are. You have created a specific thing that you want, and it's gonna make you enjoy things less in. In life, in your marriage. And honestly, too, I'm like, realize the things that don't really matter, and then in Those moments you can really be like, who cares? That's how I always feel on birthdays. I'm like, it's my birthday. Just surprise me. Because who fucking cares? It's like, anything will just be fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like, this year, my birthday, Jordan did a bunch of stuff planned. We went to a thrift store. I had no idea what any of it was. And I didn't think about, oh, here's what I want. Because that's another thing. I hate when people are like, I want a surprise, but I also have everything in my head what I hope it is.

[A]

Yeah. When Jordan's always, that's a recipe for failure.

[B]

Yes. Because Jordan this year was like, what do you want for your birthday? Or can I surprise you? Because Jordan kind of likes doing surprises. And I was like, surprise me. And when you said that, I shut down my brain of any here's what might happen. And you kept being like, did you think that was what it was going to be? I was like, no, I did not think about it. Because it does ruin it. If you start to be like, well, maybe it's going to be this.

[A]

This.

[B]

Oh, I kind of hope it's this. And then it's not. Instead of being excited about the thing, you're thinking, oh, but it's not that thing. Even if the other thing is awesome, too. It's just like, yep, tamper your expectations. I also think the wedding industry specifically, and this is not what you're asking about, but I find it's so interesting where it just feels like everyone wants the same thing. Someone, I think Claire from Celebrity Memoir Book Club was talking about this, but.

[A]

She was like, wait, what's their new podcast?

[B]

They just announced it. I don't remember.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

But in the meantime, she was talking about how people are always talking about things being timeless. Every. Oh, everyone wants stuff to be timeless. And she was like, timeless does not exist, because whatever is timeless in that moment, it's like dating. The only thing that's timeless is something that you genuinely like in that time. I think that's why, like, I'll look back at, like, a 2012 wedding where people have the converse and they have the, like the, you know, the very 2012 wedding and the Mason jars, whatever. And it looks very dated, but you'll see someone in 2012 doing a Lord of the Rings wedding. Does not seem.

[A]

Does not feel dated because it's genuinely that.

[B]

Because people love Lord of the Rings. And that wedding could happen today. It could have happened when Lord of the Rings Came out. Does that matter? You can't tell what year it was in besides the photo quality of it, because it is actually timeless. Because you like it. And I think so much of weddings now is just like, like, I want to do what this other bride did. I want to do what this other bride did. And it's like, what do you and your husband or you and your wife or whatever like. And what is going to be enjoyable for you? Not just like. Because once again, no one cares that. Sorry, this is really off topic, but when people are like, my wedding's for the guests, I'm always like, eye roll. Because guess what? Your guests don't care.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I. This is for you. What do you mean? The wedding is for your guests?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then don't have a wedding and let everyone stay home.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

If the wedding is for the guests, give me a gift card to somewhere.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, can you imagine saving money on the wedding? You give each guest a $500 gift card.

[A]

Celebrate our love. We will be sending you each a gift card for Jersey Mike's.

[B]

If it's for the guest, it's a load of bullshit. That's a good idea. What do you mean? I'm like, this is not. It's so much stress and it's about your guys wedding. It's like your wedding, don't make it about the guests. Make it about you and your partner and not, oh, this photo I saw on Instagram. And I want this. I mean, do what you want on your wedding. But I just think I see so many people get stressed because they're not even doing things they like.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I know how easy it is to get sucked into it because we went on that retreat and also with.

[A]

A knot and we had a great time. But I had already scary out there.

[B]

I told you I'm not gonna have a wedding. Two days into that I was going, well, but we probably should have napkins. Like, we probably should have like a two thousand dollar napkin budget. What? Yeah, it's easy to get sucked in and just you can't because it really is what's happening. You guys. No one cares.

[A]

Their new podcast is called Good Noticings and everyone should go listen to we love them. And I don't remember if Claire or Ashley was saying this, but I also remember that I saw a woman who was a stylist on Tik Tok talking about it where she was saying, everyone comes to me and is like, I want something that's going to look timeless. And she's like, but if you look at every single era of style, every single era, every single 10 years now is like the fashion cycles speed up. We're being sold that different things are quote unquote, timeless. And the only thing that's actually timeless are things that are personal to you that you actually enjoy.

[B]

Right. It's funny, too, because timeless. What time?

[A]

When. Well, that's when nothing's.

[B]

Because I think now people are like this.

[A]

People.

[B]

Like, light wood is timeless. Which time? Because go look at any. We were just in Italy, where we were in these houses from. Oh, my God, thousands of years ago. I didn't see a single bit of light wood.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In these, Bill. I love light wood. But I'm like, yeah, it feels timeless because that's what Target is telling you is timeless. That you should rebuy your. What's timeless? Oh, and that woman was like. Like, there's a photo of my grandpa on the wall. That's timeless because I love my grandpa.

[A]

Yeah. Or for me, the Costco couch.

[B]

Or how is the Costco couch, the Furby?

[A]

Both of them are timeless to me. The Furby will always be timeless because it's beautiful. I love it genuinely. It's from my childhood. It's fun. Now we have so much lore around it. And then our Costco couch, I think, is timeless because we use it every single day. I think it's become a statement piece in our home. People come in and go, whoa, your couch is so big. And then they sit on it and they're like, oh, my God, this is so fun. And what does everyone say? This reminds me of a 1970s conversation pit.

[B]

Timeless.

[A]

Timeless. But people are. But do you know what I mean? Like, I really love that. So if all of a sudden the trend was, like, tiny couches, I wouldn't be like, I need to get a tiny couch. Because I. That's the trend of couches. I would be like, no, this. This is real to me. The big couch is real to me.

[B]

Yeah. You know what I. This is a separate thought. But you know what I think is, like, gonna be the mustache of right now? What is the sardine tins, of course. Yeah. I'm really, like, sad about that.

[A]

It's like the owl. Yeah.

[B]

I really thought, like, I was doing something with that. Like, I. Well, but I am sorry, it's not to be rude, but I feel like Jordan always has loved tinfish, and we did tinfish date nights years ago, and I remember seeing a tin fish card at, like, a farmer's market and being like, oh, my God, a Little tinfish card. That is so hilarious. Who would think of a tin fish on a card? That is hilarious. Jordan's going to lose their mind. And now I'm like. So I bought a bunch of stuff with tin fish on it because I thought it was so cute. And I know I'm gonna be in a garage sale in 10 years.

[A]

I know. I'm sorry.

[B]

And it's hard. We were talking the other day. You can't even have our garage sale when you live in an apartment. It's hard. And we'll never be able to have a garage sale. Cause we're on the Internet.

[A]

We don't wanna be murdered. Yeah, I used.

[B]

I love garage sales. How fun would it be to just be someone who's. No one knows who you are and you just get to throw your stuff outside and go, $3, $2. That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Freedom. That's true freedom.

[A]

I know.

[B]

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[A]

Disagreement with my husband for a few weeks now, ever since his brother and his wife announced their pregnancy publicly. For background context, I married my husband in February of 2020. I noticed that his brother and girlfriend at the time did not get us a gift and the girlfriend didn't go to my bridal shower. Not a big deal. She was 19, he was 17. They got married eight months later and we got them a simple gift because we were struggling financially. I don't know if they are cheap, forgetful or they don't necessarily like me because over the past almost six years of marriage I've noticed that everyone else in my husband's family receives gifts, Christmas gifts, etc from them. While I have never gotten anything whoa. I continue to give them gifts because I do care for them as family, but I've recently been feeling bitter and petty toward them. Yeah, I gave birth in July and he is the first grandchild. On both sides of the family we didn't expect gifts or a big reaction from anyone.

[B]

A big reaction. You should definitely get a big reaction.

[A]

But I found it odd and hurtful that my brother in law and his wife never acknowledged their nephew once. She is due in February and has been sending out excessive registry invites and making fundraisers for the upbringing of her kid. For more context, they both have well paying jobs now and make over 100k a year. I don't want to buy anything for her because I can't help but feel like there's some kind of underlying hatred and they've never shown any liking toward me. I did tell them that I would put aside some clothing and equipment for their baby. However, every time I text them asking if they'd like a certain item or if I could drop it off, they ghost me. My mother in law has also been verbally pawning off my baby's belongings to them whenever there's a family gathering and I find it frustrating that I was never asked if that was all right. I brought up my feelings with my husband multiple times and I don't think he quite understands where my irritation is coming from.

[B]

The leader in this yeah, he has.

[A]

Told me that I'm overreacting and that none of this quote drama matters. Maybe he's right, I don't know. I also don't want to not get my soon to be niece anything because she is innocent in this whole ordeal. So do you think I'm reacting? So do you think I'm overreacting and do I need to get over this? I would love to Hear your thoughts on the situation.

[B]

There have been times that either one of us have been annoyed by something someone in the other person's life has done. And it's like, even If I don't 100%, like, it's not that I don't get it, but there's been times that I'm like, okay, but I think you may be feeling a little, you know, big feelings about something. That's not that big of a deal. You've had the same thing to me. It's still like, it's your partner. Deal with it. I don't know. It's still like, okay, that's a. Like, I just think the way your husband's having that conversation is like, not, not helpful. It's not like it's the worst thing in the world. And I think around family, people can get very defensive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I think there's a panic. I think at the end of the day, it's like a panic of, like, what happens if my wife and my family don't get along? Like, what? And instead of talking about that, let's just like, not talk about anything because, oh, my God, that would be a disaster. But it's really like, he needs to hear you out and validate you and then say something because it's like, like doesn't need to be. Even if he thinks you're kind of wrong, he can still be like, hey, I think, like, she'd appreciate a little bit more support.

[A]

Well, that's my thing is I don't think you. I think some people are like, you should always support your wife no matter what. But for me, I'm like, you should support whoever is right. And you should also support the person that, like, needs more consideration. And I think that, like, his mom offering your stuff to them is inconsiderate. That's not, quote, unquote, drama. That's not your opinion. That is an inconsiderate thing to do. That's rude. I don't know what your relationship is with your mother in law, but like, yeah, that's rude. Especially if she's being like, well, you can have that. I don't know. Yeah, that's like, rude. So I think that's, you know, that's objectively rude. So it's like, wrong. Yeah, your husband needs to speak on that because. Whereas, like, you know, if you're, if your husband thinks you're, like, overreacting, I think it's kind of one thing to be like, that's fine if you think I'm overreacting. I don't like the way this makes me feel, so you need to do something about it. Well, especially, you know, me, how it is.

[B]

I'm kind of like, you should always be on your wife or husband's side if you know that your wife or husband is a reasonable person.

[A]

Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, but not everyone's is. So I think, like, if your wife is like, once again, if your wife is. If you were objectively wrong and I thought you were being rude to someone, and I told you before, I've told you before, in situations I say, you know, I. You know, and you know, I. I will. I would go to the ends of the earth for you. I have your back no matter what. But I'm also not afraid, as you're having my. And as. Exactly. As your partner and as your supporter, to be like, you are handling that situation with that person in an inconsiderate way. You are not being thoughtful towards them or you were not. Not leading with kindness in that interaction with them or. Or whatever. The thing is, I think. I think that is. I think that is me being on your. That's what I mean.

[B]

I mean, that's what you always say. You're like, I would never let you embarrass yourself. Jordan always says that to me.

[A]

Like, sometimes Kendall will be like, you know, she'll be going to perform, or she'll go put a lot of stuff.

[B]

Out into the world.

[A]

You put a lot of stuff out in the world, and Kendall will be like, oh, is this video cringe or is this video not funny? And I'm always like, I would never just let you, like, if you were posting a video that I genuinely thought wasn't funny and I was, like, concerned about how it would make you appear. I would never be like, yeah, I love it. Post it. I would be like, I actually think maybe we could, like, retool this one a little bit or. Or whatever. The thing is, because it's like, yeah, you have to have your partners back in a real way. I think the fact that, like, they're never getting you gifts is weird. That being said, like, not everybody's like a gift person. It's weird that they're always. Yeah, it's weird that they're getting other people gifts, but not you.

[B]

The only thing I'll say is the stuff when they were. I think she said 19 and 18. Yeah. You have to just forget it, because I'm like, I.

[A]

But I think they might still be very young.

[B]

That's what I'm. Well, she said six years, so I think now they're.

[A]

No, she said eight months later they got married.

[B]

No, no, no. But then it says six years in.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[B]

But I'm like, still, that's pretty young, though, honestly. And I am like, I don't know. I think back all the time to when I was, like, 18, and, like, an old neighbor of mine would send me a gift that was like, like, good luck in acting school. And I just, like, never responded. Like, something that I'm just like, oh. Like, I wake up at night and I'm like, that was so rude. Like, that person put so much thought into that. When you're 18, you're just, like, literally trying so hard to just.

[A]

Stupid. Yeah.

[B]

And you're stupid and you are forgetful and you don't know how things work. I mean, even with that, it's like, well, I wanted to write her letter back, but I've never been to the post office before by myself.

[A]

Like, you're just, like.

[B]

You do inconsiderate things. Like, I have that all the time where I'll remember the way I, like, like, responded or didn't respond to something when I was 18 or 19. And I'm just so, like, deeply upset by it and embarrassed. So I am like, anything before 22, like, by. It has to go. Not for them, but, like, don't take it personally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But also I'm like, have you. Like, is there a reason they wouldn't like you? It just feels like you would know, like. Or they just don't. Generally, they don't like you. Yeah.

[A]

I'm also like, even with that, like, 100% turn inward, see what you think the deal is. But even with that, it doesn't matter. I think if you're getting a weird vibe, they're. There's probably a weird vibe. So stop putting yourself out there. That's how I feel about it, I think sometimes. And I've had this with friends and with people in my life, it's so easy to feel hurt when you're like, I keep reaching out to offer them baby stuff and they're saying they want it, but then when it actually comes to getting it to them, they're ghosting me. That is so annoying. Stop offering them stuff. Do you know what I mean? And that doesn't mean it's on you or it's your fault or whatever. Like, they don't deserve. And even that sounds, like, spiteful. I don't even mean it in a Spiteful way. It's just like, no, but it's not happening. So stop putting yourself out there in that way, because, yeah, you don't need to. And it's just hurting you. And sometimes when you're able to take some of yourself out of the situation, it just will, like, make you feel better. Totally. Because you're not continually putting yourself out there to be ignored or shut down. Because they might just be doing it on accident, but even if they're doing it on accident, it's still hurting your feelings. So I'm like, just stop putting yourself in that position. Stop buying them gifts. Yeah, stop. Whatever. And then for me, I'm like, your niece who's not born yet, does not care if you get her a baby book when she's born. What you need to do is when your niece is, like, aware of what's going on in the world, be in her life. Be kind to her. Don't be hurtful to her because her parents are weird. Maybe buy her fun gifts then. But you don't need to, like, buy this woman a gift. Gift.

[B]

Yeah. But I think, sit your husband down and be like, just don't make it about the gifts. Because the reality is, it's like, not even. I feel like you should just be like, I know you think this is dramatic, but at the end of the day, the way your family makes me feel is bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I don't need to.

[A]

Treats me with the same consider. Yeah. Because I think, like, it's so easy to write it off as being gifts and being like, why are you being petty about gifts? But I think it's just like, it's so easy to be like, the way that your family treats me does not feel like that they're treating me with the same consideration that I'm treating them. And that hurts my feelings.

[B]

And I think if he doesn't want to. To figure something out.

[A]

Divorce. Honey.

[B]

Sorry. I really am, like, that's a huge problem. Doesn't mean that he can't work on, like, if he's willing to work on it, but if his energy in the conversation is just like, you're being crazy. Bye. Bye. Sorry. I really think that. I think that's a huge. Because sticking up to your family is really hard. But. And it's a process. But the willingness to try is what's important.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And not the degrading of your feelings. That's not good.

[A]

This person said, I would love to hear your thoughts about this. I am not out. And I don't necessarily seem Straight. I live in a red state, and I don't want to talk about it. I am trying to figure myself out. It always comes up at my job, everywhere. I was even at a physical therapy appointment recently, and it came up. How do I shut down the conversation nicely?

[B]

I'm sorry. How is.

[A]

I need.

[B]

I. How is it coming up?

[A]

Well, my guess is people are being like, are you dating anyone? And they're like, I don't want to talk about this because I don't know what my sexuality is.

[B]

Lie. That's what I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I do that all the time. I'm just like. We were talking about this the other day. I. I'm a huge liar to strangers that I don't care about because, like.

[A]

Kendall calls it convenience. Lying.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, I'm never gonna see you again. I don't need to. Like, they'll be like, oh, are you going to meet your boyfriend? Yeah. Yeah. Where do you work at? Finance. I'm just like. I'm, like, lying out of my ass. I don't care. I have no. Because I'm like, why would I spend any emotional energy on this? Especially if I get an Uber, and it's like, oh, someone seems really nice, and we're chatting, of course, whatever. But if I'm just, like, talking to someone for two seconds, I'm just like, it doesn't matter.

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes, like, with my feet. You guys know, like, the long and treacherous journey I went on with my feet. So sometimes when people find out that, like, both my feet were injured, especially at the same time, they get very curious. And if it's, like, just a quick interaction in passing, sometimes they'll be like, well, what happened to your feet? No, I. I've just gotten Robbie. Like, I broke them. And they'll be like, what? And I'll be like, falling down the stairs.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then they'll be like, the image.

[B]

Of you falling down the stairs.

[A]

Graffiti is crazy. I know. But I can't, because I've had so many interactions with people in passing where they, like, want to know more, and I just, like, we don't have the time. Or they can't comprehend where I'm like, I tore the plantar fascial bands in both my feet. And they're like, well, how? And I'm, like, extended damage to my feet, plus being botched by. It's just, like, too much information that a lot of times they don't want. But my.

[B]

I'm a priest. Like, I'm not dating anybody. Yeah.

[A]

Lie or I think just like, I'm a big fan of making a joke in a situation that doesn't matter. Like. Like find a point of reference with everyone that we can all relate on. So if someone's like, are you dating? Literally just be like, oh, the dating world is crazy.

[B]

Or if it's your physical therapist. Yeah. If you're physically go, are you dating? You go, I thought that's what this was.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

That's a good one. I just came up with that.

[A]

Exactly. Or even just like, are you dating? Dating? I barely have time to make my morning coffee, like, whatever the thing. Do you know what? But do you know what I mean? I think that's like, such an easy way to. To deflect while also still making connection with another person. Because I. My guess I'm not there when this is happening. But my guess. My guess is that dating is coming up. And because you're already in your feelings about trying to figure out sexually where you stand, you're like, they're asking me to define my gender and sexual identity right now in public. And they're probably just making conversations.

[B]

They're probably, like, not even listening to the response.

[A]

They're just like, 100%. That's just my guess. I don't know. But I've definitely been in situations like that where because you're feeling a certain type of way, you're like. And it's not necessarily, like, what is really happening. Or, you know, people at work will be like, oh, you know, they're married. So, like, you married. You know, like, it's just like, whatever. But if you're like, oh, my gosh, dating is just so much. It's hard when you're so busy. I feel like I'm working all the time. All of a sudden, you've changed the topic to work or being busy, and then that gives the other person the opportunity to be like, I know I am working on this project. It worked out, whatever. And like, now you've moved the conversation onto another thing. So I think just, like, take it in stride, relax.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The reality is no one really cares or is actually interested for the most part in what your deal is.

[B]

In a good way. In a good way, Freeing way.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. I've started being. I used to have so much. I go to the doctor all the time. And maybe it's just because I've been so much recently with my sickness, but I feel like I used to be so, like, hi, oh, my God, it's good to see you. And I do feel like recently the doctor. I've just been like, hi. Yep. All right. Right. Okay. You know, and there is a freedom to being like. It's actually not my job to make this the best interaction this person's ever had. Because ultimately they probably do not care.

[A]

Yeah. At all. 100. I agree.

[B]

Do we have, like, two seconds to open one piece?

[A]

Oh, my God. We didn't do in the last one.

[B]

Just do one. Just.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[B]

Throw it to me. Throw it to me. Just one of them. Pick the big one because I want to open a big one. We're opening a PO Box present, you guys.

[A]

So if you don't know, you can send anything to our P.O. box. Well, anything within reason. Not like something illegal or something. Something scary. And we will put it up in our studio because we're filling out the studio. Everything you see in the background is from a wonderful listener. Feel free to share whatever we'll happily promote. I don't know. If you have a cool business where you make earrings, send them in. I'll wear them. If you got a cool business where you. Where you sell custom mugs, send them in. What's that? It says wicked. What is that? I love that.

[B]

Wicked. It's a wicked notebook.

[A]

Okay. Love that.

[B]

It's a wicked notebook.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's like Christmas, you guys. You and me, we're a miracle.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

That's cute.

[A]

It doesn't say anything on the back. That's part. Okay. Love that.

[B]

This part here.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

Sleep Away Camp by BJ and Harmony Colangelo.

[A]

Okay. Love that. That looks scary.

[B]

Yeah, it looks terrifying.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Sleep Away Camp.

[A]

Sleepaway camp. Isn't that a movie, Mommy?

[B]

And Be Right.

[A]

It's a horror movie.

[B]

Okay. Harmony and Bee. I think that's who was drawn here as well. It's this. Nothing about us is traditional. And that includes our wedding. Following a small ceremony with just our families, we're throwing a massive party. No official reception. No sit down dinner. No uncomfortable glass clinking. No bouquet toss. Wear whatever makes you feel most you, even if that's a costume. Yes to embarrassing speeches. Yes to a first dance. Yes to dessert. Yes to love. No need to rsvp. If you received this invitation, we want you at our party. And we've reserved enough room to have you.

[A]

No need to rsvp.

[B]

Bowling will also be available. Like, okay. Unfortunately, this is in Ohio, but I. And it's soon. We don't have much time. This is what happens when your apartment floods. You can't open any of your P.O. box presents, man.

[A]

But thank you for the rocks.

[B]

A Year of Queer Cocktails.

[A]

Why do they send me all these books? What's that? Is that a letter on your leg?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What is that? Open the letter. What did they.

[B]

Well, there's more, but you have to.

[A]

Read the letter first. I want context.

[B]

This is a comic book. That's scary. You'll like that.

[A]

I love that. That's Freddy.

[B]

Okay, okay, here's the card. Okay, first of all, I love when a couple just has so much merch of themselves. I think it's so fun. This is. Oh, no, maybe not. I thought these were stickers of them. No, I don't know who that is, but I love that. Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know this would. I thought this would be quick, and they sent it. This is like a full Christmas unboxing. Hello. Thank you both so much for your delightful podcast and the refreshing transparency you bring each week. The world is on fire and you provide a well needed respite from it all. Included in this package are some things I think you might like, including my wife and I's book. Oh, that's so fun. Congratulations. And the issue of Fingeria, where I interviewed Kyle Gower.

[A]

What? Stop. I love him.

[B]

Oh, I pronounced it really bad. No, I love. Wait for Strange Darling. There are also stickers from our Teen Girl Movie podcast. Wait, who are these people?

[A]

This is so fun. Okay, wait, sorry, I'm not gonna put the Fangoria up, because I'm gonna take it home. I love Kyle Garner. And I loved Strange Darling.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And I love Fangoria.

[B]

Save the date to our wedding that Covid killed. And cute fan art someone did of us. We need to look. These people.

[A]

These.

[B]

This sounds like these are our new friends. Also a mini zine of Jessica Fletcher, because why not? I hope this package brings you joy. And I appreciate you tolerating the fact I am chronically online in the Patreon. You're the Patreon.

[A]

I love this. Thank you so much.

[B]

This is really super special and cool and very exciting. I, like, had no idea what I was gonna pull out next. I know.

[A]

I'm like, okay, well, we have to figure out what we're gonna put up.

[B]

Wait, what's the one you want? Yes, this scares me.

[A]

Shut up. I also want the Queer Cocktails at home so we can actually make them. I want a bunch of this at home.

[B]

No, here, take this wee, and then we'll put. Oh, here, do you want this book, too? Sleepaway Camp. Yes, Sleepaway Camp.

[A]

It took me a second to realize. But sleepaway camp is the movie Sleepaway Camp.

[B]

And I love this book, this wicked book, though, unfortunately, you guys, we might have to give this to our friend Colin. He loves Wicked a lot.

[A]

I know. So I don't want to share that.

[B]

I know it's rude to re gift, but I just tell you if we tell you we're re gifting it because.

[A]

He'S going to want it.

[B]

Yeah, he's going to want this and he's going to be dramatic about it. But thank you so much. It's so sweet of you. I always this guy for like 20 minutes. Thank you. Because it just feels so nice.

[A]

This rock.

[B]

Thank you so much. And yeah, we're.

[A]

Hell yeah, we're going to do a.

[B]

Po unboxing that we keep promising on our patreon, but I swear it's going to happen. Happen. But until then, we're gonna open up a couple ever so often on the podcast because it's so fun and we just appreciate you all so much. So if you want to see a po unboxing us, open more presents. Make sure to join our patreon. And if you are listening, Jordan's fully tapped out. Jordan's. I think this is their book.

[A]

I think they made this cocktail book.

[B]

No, wait, let me see.

[A]

What are their names?

[B]

Harmony and be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's amazing.

[A]

I literally don't care about this episode anymore. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, okay. Jordan's tapped out, but I'm gonna finish it off. Jordan's gonna be reading Cocktails. Thank you all so much for listening. If you're watching on Apple podcasts or Spotify, Jordan's like crying at this cocktail.

[A]

It's so cool.

[B]

It is so cool. If you're watching on Apple podcasts or Spotify, make sure to review rate us. It really helps us out so much. Make sure to follow us on all socials and what else? Just thank you so much and we appreciate you joining our patreon.

[A]

We love you.

[B]

Love you.

[A]

Bye. Thanks.

[B]

Be in harmony.

[A]

Happy Monday.