86: How Young is TOO Young to Get Married? with Tefi (Q&A)

Summary

Happy Wife Happy Life – Episode 86: "How Young is TOO Young to Get Married?" with Teffy (Q&A)

Podcast: Happy Wife, Happy Life
Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Guest: Teffy (HelloTeffy)
Date: October 27, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Happy Wife Happy Life" is an energetic, hilarious, and candid Q&A featuring Teffy — known for her cut-to-the-chase relationship advice and comic sensibility. While the episode’s title nods to the core theme of "How Young is TOO Young to Get Married?", the conversation weaves through formative memories, pop culture obsessions, coming-of-age trauma, periods, masturbation discoveries, theater kid drama, and a trio of listener-submitted relationship questions. The panel’s chemistry is off-the-charts, producing one of the most transparently funny and revealing episodes yet.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pop Culture Relationships, PR Couples, and Obsession

(Starts: ~02:00)

• The trio riff on the allure and skepticism around "PR relationships" (e.g., Young Gravy & Ari, Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield).
• They reminisce about intense parasocial fixations with celebrity couples, and how those feelings echo adolescent intensity.
• Kendahl confesses, “I would come home... on Tumblr searching, like, any hashtag I could that would give me any snippet of them, like walking to and from an airport… I was so obsessed with them as a couple." (03:41)

2. Florida, Adolescence, and Teenage Antics

(Starts: ~06:00)

• A running “Florida girls” motif leads to humorous, hair-raising anecdotes about growing up in the Sunshine State.
• They compare area code pride, dangerous wildlife, and sketchy high schools.
• Teffy: “When I watch Hunger Games, I'm like, please, I was a teenager, surrounded by gators. We should be dead.” (07:00)
• Drug experiences discussed with comedic honesty; how “weed and party drugs” differ across regions.

3. Puberty Stories: Periods, Tampons, and Parental Reactions

(Starts: ~09:50)

• The group swaps first period stories—awkward locations and reactions abound.
• Kendahl: “My grandfather made me sit on a towel. Tiger's playing. I'm not gonna miss this.” (09:54)
• Teffy talks about reading "The Care and Keeping of You" and demystifying tampon use, “[They] showed you how to put in a tampon... you have to point the tampon towards your rectum.” (12:17)
• Hilarious commentary on generational/body shame, and how events like getting your period become family lore.

4. Childhood Delusions of Stardom, Theater Kids & Hormonal Hilarity

(Starts: ~15:01)

• Nostalgic spirals about childhood ambition: sending in "Shake It Up, Chicago" audition tapes, being snubbed for child Disney roles, and the agony of never being cast as a theater lead.
• “I wished I wanted to be famous more than anything. I ultimately was too ugly.” – Kendahl (25:51)
• The sexual energy of theater and band kids, according to Teffy: “Are those not the horniest kids you've ever met in your entire life?” (29:05)

5. Adolescent Sexual Discovery

(Starts: ~31:25)

• Frank revelations of masturbation triggers (from "Emma Stone fanfiction" to "Goonies Waterfall make out" to a neighbor’s advice about using a showerhead).
• Jordan shares: “First thing I ever masturbated to was my neighbor…” (31:47)
• The confusion, improvisation, and feelings of shame/freedom surrounding early sexual explorations.

6. Listener Q&A: Relationships, Boundaries, and Growing Up

Begins: ~38:47

Q1: "Is it bad that he always wins the arguments?"

• Teffy: “Men do this thing that drives me nuts... They can't handle emotional intelligence.” (38:57)
• Kendahl & Jordan urge listeners to challenge the notion that “being smart” equals “being right.” They encourage emotional honesty and assure: “There’s no right or wrong in healthy argument, you’re working together.” (43:04)
• Teffy’s advice: “I'm not going to leave you if you're wrong—and that’s a knife.” (44:01)

Q2: “Situationship with my ex—how do I define the relationship?”

• Teffy offers her blunt signature: “You have to stab him. Stab more men. More men should be scared of you stabbing them.” (52:23)
• They urge the writer not to mistake comfort and familiarity with worth; to refuse being someone’s “weekend car.”
• Consensus: Don’t get back with an ex unless years and other partners have intervened: “A month or two? Grow up.” – Jordan (55:47)

Q3: “We want to get engaged at 18. Are we crazy?”

• The panel is unanimous: “Crazy in love, girl,” jokes Kendahl (58:36), but they strongly advocate waiting.
• Teffy reflects: “Most of the time when you're young, life gets really cool when you're single… You’d be doing yourself a disservice to see how cool life can get.” (60:22)
• Jordan: “If it’s really right, you’ll find each other later. Being engaged at 18 doesn’t protect you from heartbreak.” (60:33)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “PR” Relationships:
  "I love those movies where it's like, we're just doing this for PR. And then slowly but surely… It's a fairy tale every time.” – Teffy (01:48)

• On Teenage Sexuality:
  "The Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield fan fiction was the first thing I ever masturbated to. And now I can never work with either. Not that that was ever gonna be an option." – Kendahl (31:27)

• On Arguments in Relationships:
  “I'm not going to leave you if you're wrong—and that’s a knife.” – Teffy (44:09)

• On Being 18 & Engaged:
  “If I was with the person I was with when I was 18, I would be... in jail for stabbing.” – Teffy (58:59) “Everyone is a loser [at 18]... I've never met an 18-year-old and been like, that person was super sick.” – Teffy (60:14)

• On Getting Back with Exes:
  “If you're going to get back together, enough time should have passed that you’re both essentially different people… years, not months.” – Jordan (55:43)

• On Periods at Tiger Woods Events:
  “My grandfather made me sit on a towel. Tiger's playing. I'm not gonna miss this.” – Teffy (09:54)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:00 – Pop culture couples, PR romance debates
• 06:00 – Florida upbringing, area code pride, drug stories
• 09:50 – First period horror stories and rituals
• 15:01 – Theater, childhood auditions, hormone-fueled memories
• 31:25 – Masturbation & sexual discovery confessions
• 38:47 – Q&A section begins
• 44:00 – Best advice for arguing: “I'm not going to leave you if you're wrong.”
• 52:23 – Situationship advice (don’t settle, don’t become someone’s “car”)
• 58:36 – Advice on getting engaged young: “Crazy in love, girl…”
• 60:33 – Why waiting is healthier (and how life “gets cool” when single)

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Tone & Style

The tone is frank, self-deprecating, and richly comedic, with strong Gen Z and millennial energy. The hosts and guest are quick-witted, willing to veer into TMI for the sake of solidarity and humor. They balance biting honesty about love, sex, and relationships with genuine encouragement—like older sisters with mics and no filter.

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Takeaways

• Relationships and love are often colored by the chaos and confusion of youth—don’t romanticize staying with your first love or settling for less.
• Arguments should be about growth and understanding, not about scoring “wins.”
• Questioning, exploring, and sometimes failing are essential to figuring out what you really want.
• It’s okay—and often necessary—to move on from exes and childhood dreams.
• Humor, honesty, and a willingness to poke fun at yourself make even the hardest stories easier to tell (and hear).

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Where to Find Teffy

• Social: @HelloTeffy on all platforms
• Advice Column: Ask Teffy for The Cut
• Podcast: Teffy Talks with Vox

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Summary by [Podcast Summarizer] – covering the laughs, lessons, and life advice from the internet’s most chaotic relationship counselors!

Transcript

[Teffy Shout]

Morning, Zoe.

[Kendall Landrin]

Got donuts. Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage? Well, I dig the mattress and I.

[Jordan Myrick]

Want to be in a T mobile commercial like you teach me.

[Kendall Landrin]

So, Dana. Oh, no, I'm not really prepared.

[Teffy Shout]

I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[Jordan Myrick]

Wow, impressive.

[Kendall Landrin]

Let me try.

[Jordan Myrick]

T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[Kendall Landrin]

Nice.

[Teffy Shout]

Je free.

[Kendall Landrin]

You heard them.

[Jordan Myrick]

T mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on.

[Teffy Shout]

Us with eligible traded in any condition.

[Jordan Myrick]

So what are we having for lunch?

[Teffy Shout]

Dude, my work here is done.

[Jordan Myrick]

The 24 month bill credit on experience beyond for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge credit send and balance due. If you pay off earlier, Cancel Finance agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1099.99 A new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile Network in the US based on analysis by Oklahoma Speed Test Intelligence Data 182025 Visit T mobile.com welcome to Happy Wife, Happy life. We're your hosts.

[Kendall Landrin]

I'm Kendall Landrin.

[Jordan Myrick]

And I'm Jordan Myrick.

[Kendall Landrin]

And we are two incredibly unqualified but.

[Jordan Myrick]

Deeply in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we're doing a Q and A with Teffy. Hi, teach. Thanks so much for being here.

[Kendall Landrin]

It's actually.

[Teffy Shout]

Hello, Teffy.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. All right, take it back.

[Kendall Landrin]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Teffy Shout]

Hello.

[Jordan Myrick]

Hello.

[Kendall Landrin]

How are you?

[Teffy Shout]

You're really deeply.

[Jordan Myrick]

I believe it with each other.

[Kendall Landrin]

Does it seem like it?

[Teffy Shout]

Well, sometimes I'm like, is this for Hollywood? But this feels real. This isn't.

[Jordan Myrick]

Pray you remember your line. I wish we were Hollywood enough to fake a romance.

[Teffy Shout]

You know what I mean?

[Kendall Landrin]

The PR people are like, you guys have been faking this for a long time. No one cares.

[Jordan Myrick]

You've made no additional money. I know.

[Teffy Shout]

I love those movies where it's like, we're just doing this for pr. And then slowly but surely.

[Kendall Landrin]

And you know what? I fall for a pr.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, no.

[Kendall Landrin]

It's a fairy tale every time. Even, like, I'm gay every Bridgerton season. It could be a gay man and a lesbian. I'm convinced they've divorced. Divorced their partners and are together.

[Teffy Shout]

They were born to find each other.

[Kendall Landrin]

I'm reading fan fiction online about them. Like, I'M obsessed.

[Teffy Shout]

Every single time.

[Jordan Myrick]

I need to know. You're not gonna know who this is. I'm so sorry, because you hate pop culture. But I need to know. Do you think Young Gravy and Ari, do you think that they are a PR relationship?

[Teffy Shout]

Yes.

[Kendall Landrin]

Really?

[Teffy Shout]

I'm loving it.

[Jordan Myrick]

You think it's pr.

[Teffy Shout]

I. I'm having the best time sometimes.

[Jordan Myrick]

I'm obsessed. I'm.

[Teffy Shout]

I love them so much. I think they have definitely kissed. And that's what I call premarital sex, is touching mouths.

[Kendall Landrin]

I definitely do.

[Teffy Shout]

I feel like. I mean, it's a great pairing. It makes sense. Sometimes when people are like, oh, it's pr. Or, like, for example, sometimes if I say something that I like, if I have a strong opinion, people be like, wow, she needs more PR training. I'm like, who's getting this? I'm not coming out with a block. I'm not in Marvel movie 18. I'm not getting PR training. When people are like, a PR couple, I'm like, I don't know if their publicists are in cahoots with each other, but I think they are talking about, like, maybe making themselves more relevant. Yeah. But I do feel like they are attracted to each other.

[Jordan Myrick]

I really think maybe it started as a professional connection.

[Kendall Landrin]

Like Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield. Sure.

[Teffy Shout]

Wait, is that what happened?

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

So I. First of all, they meant everything to me.

[Teffy Shout]

No, I can't even talk about it.

[Jordan Myrick]

No.

[Teffy Shout]

Like, at the restaurant.

[Kendall Landrin]

No, it's, like, really bad. Like, I would get home. Honestly, it's, like, making me worked up. I was so obsessed with them as a couple that when it was. When they were doing the press tour for the second Spider man, first of all, I had those giggles.

[Teffy Shout]

Those giggles. No, there's nothing like it.

[Kendall Landrin]

Like, no one else has ever been in love in the way they have it. I'm sorry, like, for our relationship. But I would come home during the whole tour, and I would be on Tumblr searching, like, any hashtag I could that would give me any snippet of them, like, walking to and from an airport or walking behind the scenes so I could see if they would hold hands. And then they broke up. But they were together for a long time.

[Teffy Shout]

They were.

[Kendall Landrin]

But it wasn't until I was an adult that someone even, like, brought up the idea that it could have been a PR couple.

[Teffy Shout]

Absolutely not.

[Kendall Landrin]

No.

[Teffy Shout]

That kind of. They were.

[Jordan Myrick]

At first, though, I think maybe for the movie. For the movie, I think.

[Kendall Landrin]

But you turn into someone greater than.

[Jordan Myrick]

People during a PR relationship. I really Believe in Ari and Young Gravy. I love them. I think they're so fun.

[Kendall Landrin]

He.

[Teffy Shout]

You believe in them to go the distance?

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah, sure. Why not? For the rest of their lives. I think that she. Well, this is what I'll say. I could see him messing it up. I could see him messing it up. I think that if he can be well behaved, I think she is real and true and honest and good. I love her.

[Teffy Shout]

I love her.

[Jordan Myrick]

I think she's incredible in every single way. So I'm like, if he can do it, I think they can do it. But he doesn't seem like.

[Teffy Shout]

I don't. I don't.

[Jordan Myrick]

Genius, not to be rude.

[Teffy Shout]

He seems like a nice man, I guess. Whatever. But, like, he seems like a nice man, I guess.

[Jordan Myrick]

I don't know.

[Teffy Shout]

It's so hard to tell, but I feel like they. They laugh. I feel like they laugh together. I sound insane, but I feel like they laugh together. But I think when it comes to Emma Stone and Andrew, when she did La La Land, when I close my eyes, it's not Ryan Gosling, it's Andrew.

[Kendall Landrin]

Have you seen when she accepts her Oscar?

[Teffy Shout]

I can't even talk about. You want to make grow up?

[Jordan Myrick]

No, I don't want to either one of them. I'm so sorry.

[Kendall Landrin]

When she literally. I'm watering.

[Teffy Shout]

If there's one thing to cry about, it is this.

[Kendall Landrin]

They'd been broken up for years probably at that point. No, she goes to accept her Oscar. It cuts to him and he's like clapping.

[Teffy Shout]

He's like, go, girl.

[Kendall Landrin]

He's like crying and she looks to him. It's like, you know, just one of those things. You're like, they've obviously weren't right for each other, but time kind of. That's that song that's in the room full of people.

[Teffy Shout]

Who sings that. I know. Young Gravy.

[Jordan Myrick]

Young Gravy.

[Kendall Landrin]

And Ari sings it.

[Jordan Myrick]

Wow. Yeah, I get that. That's kind of like. Have you guys seen the clip of. When they win for X Files, Gillian Anderson kisses David Duchovny before she kisses her boyfriend.

[Teffy Shout]

I just saw Gillian Anderson in a restaurant. I couldn't believe that I was able to funk. I can't believe I didn't piss myself.

[Jordan Myrick]

She was beautiful, right?

[Teffy Shout]

Stunning. What I love. I talk a lot about, like, I don't like when people pretend to be people that they aren't because I'm normal. But like, for example, like, I talk a lot about Hilaria Baldwin. I will never call her Hilaria. Her name Is Hillary sure, right? And Gillian Anderson went to, like, lived in London for a year when she was 11 and kept that accent like she came right back to Michigan. If you were to say a bad thing about her, I think I'd take off my shoe and be you with it.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sure. Yeah. Because some people have it and some people don't. Do you know what I mean? She has it. She has it so she can do it. I'll give it to Millie Bobby Brown, too. I'm like, she's not British. She's from Orlando.

[Kendall Landrin]

What?

[Jordan Myrick]

You don't know that? Billy Baby Brown's from Florida.

[Teffy Shout]

I knew. Let's go, Florida girls.

[Jordan Myrick]

Wait, Florida girls.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm from Miami. I have it on my neck.

[Jordan Myrick]

Okay? I'm from Fort Lauderdale.

[Teffy Shout]

Wait, 954.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes, ma'.

[Teffy Shout]

Am. Power 96 Los Alas Boulevard.

[Kendall Landrin]

Absolutely 100% Florida are the only people who do this with their survivors numbers. You're, like, listening, knowing those postal codes of other. Is that what that is? The postal codes?

[Jordan Myrick]

It's a.

[Kendall Landrin]

It's an area code.

[Jordan Myrick]

Area code.

[Kendall Landrin]

Area.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm a 331-3-4.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sure, sure.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Okay. But no, I'm telling you, like, I'm. When I watch Hunger Games, I'm like, please, I was a teenager. Surro by gators. I should. We should be dead.

[Jordan Myrick]

Absolutely. Most of the people I grew up with are dead. I feel like, okay, you don't have that.

[Teffy Shout]

I don't think anyone I.

[Jordan Myrick]

No one you grew up with in Florida's dead now. I feel like everyone I went to high school with, like, was high on meth, and they crashed their car into the science museum.

[Kendall Landrin]

They threw into different schools.

[Teffy Shout]

Well, no one I went to high school with did anything besides, like, weed. No. Some girls did go to cocaine rehab. I think it's a separate rehab, but.

[Jordan Myrick]

They allow separate, more expensive work. Glamorous rehab.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, No, I think.

[Teffy Shout]

I think there was drugs. I mean, like, when it. Like, party drugs, for sure. But when I think of, like, meth, like, if. Okay, pretend. Come up to me. We're at a party and say, hey, do you want to do meth with me? And we're like, 16 or at a house party.

[Jordan Myrick]

Okay. Hey, excuse me. Hey, I have some meth. Would you like to join me?

[Teffy Shout]

One second. Hi, 911. There's someone with meth at the party. Yes.

[Jordan Myrick]

You went to a narc high school.

[Teffy Shout]

There's no way. I have not seen meth. I didn't see meth real life till I was 34. I'm 35.

[Jordan Myrick]

Not to be rude, loser. What's going on? I don't. You didn't see meth until you were 34.

[Kendall Landrin]

Meth.

[Jordan Myrick]

You are a loser, though. We know that.

[Kendall Landrin]

I know. I didn't.

[Teffy Shout]

Have you ever seen. What drugs have you seen in real life?

[Kendall Landrin]

I've seen cocaine. Seen weed.

[Teffy Shout]

Is that.

[Kendall Landrin]

It's not even. I don't even think that's really a drug. I've seen.

[Jordan Myrick]

Cuz I'm cool. Don't even consider that a drug.

[Kendall Landrin]

I've seen pills.

[Teffy Shout]

I've seen.

[Jordan Myrick]

You seen, like, medical pills?

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

Like when you had your breast reduction, they gave you pills and you saw that they gave you two Tylenol pms.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, I mean, that's kind of. I mean, I've seen stuff on the street in my car, and I say, oh, you know. Oh, yeah, I know pills. I know.

[Teffy Shout]

I know pills. I feel like I've not seen. I've never done. I've never seen, like, dust. Wow. Or heroin. I don't think I've ever seen, like, heroin.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, well, bitch, because you know why I mind my damn business. That's why I've never heard of her.

[Jordan Myrick]

You're not looking for heroin. I'm not looking for it.

[Kendall Landrin]

I could have seen it, but at.

[Teffy Shout]

16 years old, there was so much life ahead of me. I wasn't gonna let you get in the way.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, I understand that they drug tested more than way leg. Looked it up after. Cause I was on the golf team. I was on the golf team. And my high school was desperate for funding. They were drug testing my loser ass golf team. I swear to God, every couple weeks.

[Jordan Myrick]

Did they get funding for you guys not doing drugs?

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, it would be like, oh, look how many negative drug tests.

[Jordan Myrick]

I mean, I don't know.

[Teffy Shout]

I get it. I get it.

[Kendall Landrin]

But they want the numbers of. Oh, not everyone at the school's on drugs. And my school was doing a lot of weed. We did a lot of weed.

[Jordan Myrick]

You're from Northern California.

[Kendall Landrin]

Our parents were doing weed. Our parents were growing weed. Not my parents, but cool.

[Jordan Myrick]

Their parents.

[Kendall Landrin]

But that's why I got drug tested. Sure, Mike.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm the only person in my family that's not a golfer. Like, we're all golf, like hardcore golfers. Like, I think the second time I got my period in my life, it was watching Tiger play. Wow. In person in Doral, Florida. Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

In person.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah, I've seen Tiger.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah. But there's nothing like getting your first period watching him. Second.

[Teffy Shout]

Second. My grandfather made me sit on a towel wow. He's like, I'm not well. Tiger's playing. I'm not gonna miss this. And I said, we all wore our red polos.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's beautiful. Yeah. I got my period at a seafood restaurant that my father and I used to go to regularly while my mom was working at the hospital called Grumpy Dicks. That was the name of the seafood restaurant. It was in a plaza with that and a soup plantation, which we called Sweet Tomatoes. I don't know if you recall, but for some reason out here, it's called Soup Plantation. And I got my. I remember I went to the bathroom and I had my period, and I was like, what do I do? There's a moment.

[Teffy Shout]

You have to, like, boardroom.

[Jordan Myrick]

The.

[Teffy Shout]

With inside out. Like, dashboard. You have to, like, boardroom. These are her options.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes.

[Teffy Shout]

Like getting your beard and having to shit in public.

[Kendall Landrin]

Like, you're like, what are the options with having to shit in public? It feels like there's one option. You're panic, and then you're shitting.

[Teffy Shout]

You're like, if I am able to get my hands on a plastic bag, the next three minutes, I could shit into this bag.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Or I could shit. If I do it quickly enough, I could be like, someone shit someone. I think a rottweiler.

[Kendall Landrin]

Have you done either of those?

[Jordan Myrick]

You find dignity more in shitting into a plastic bag, I mean, than just.

[Kendall Landrin]

Shitting in front of everyone and then sitting around.

[Teffy Shout]

It's not like I do hard drugs.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah, you've definitely seen meth, but it was so scary. I got my. Got my periodic grumpy dicks.

[Teffy Shout]

Did you wear a pad or tampon? Were you a pad or tampon girl?

[Jordan Myrick]

I was a pad girl for a while. I went to tampons, but now I'm back to pads.

[Teffy Shout]

I think pads are the future.

[Jordan Myrick]

Well, we're period underwear girls. If we're really getting down to brass cats.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm a free bleeder through and through.

[Kendall Landrin]

Sure.

[Jordan Myrick]

100.

[Kendall Landrin]

That's what I do. I decide I will. I. I've actually recently been doing more tampons because I think I. I'll do pads for, like, six years, and then I'll use one one time in an emergency, and I'll be like, oh, my God. It's like, I don't even have a period. Then I go on a tampon kick.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

But the thing I feel like just to feel something at all. And I do feel like. Well, for a long time, I believed I didn't. My vagina was shaped wrong, and that's why I couldn't put tampons in. But I think I was just doing it incorrectly until, like, last year.

[Jordan Myrick]

But she would always be like, tampons don't fit inside of me. And I'm like, well, I have hands on proof that they should. So I don't know what's going on with your body. And trying to put a tamp on it.

[Kendall Landrin]

If I'd heard somewhere that was a thing that could view a shallow vagina, that could happen. And I was convinced. And I don't know if, you know, if we look, I won't get into look. But look, look. I have some dithering of decorum, but.

[Teffy Shout]

My mom made me read the Care and Keeping of youf, of course American Girls, and they showed you how to put in a tampon. And I'll never forget that. Like, when you're sitting on the toilet, you have to. You have to point the Tampard towards your rectum. Like, slanted. It's not. If people think it's up, and that's why they think it's shallow.

[Kendall Landrin]

That's an idea.

[Teffy Shout]

It's this way.

[Kendall Landrin]

I didn't know that.

[Jordan Myrick]

I have to get you a copy of the Care of Keeping.

[Kendall Landrin]

I never read it.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

And I have one more question, which is. So, wait, you said all your family's wearing red Polos?

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, for.

[Teffy Shout]

On Sundays, he would wear red Nike Polo.

[Kendall Landrin]

I thought you meant because of your period.

[Jordan Myrick]

No, no, congratulate you. They were all in honor of your period. You ultimately wear red Nike Polos. They got a bleeder.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah, we got a bleeder.

[Jordan Myrick]

No, no, no.

[Teffy Shout]

It's Tiger's tradition.

[Kendall Landrin]

People are really weird about their kids periods.

[Teffy Shout]

Like, there.

[Kendall Landrin]

I knew a lot of kids. Grandpa was like, oh, I got my periods. No, My grandfather wanted to kill himself.

[Teffy Shout]

Wanted to. Literally. He wanted someone to flail him and feed him to a gator.

[Jordan Myrick]

Well, I didn't tell my dad. I just said, okay, you know what? I'm gonna put so much toilet paper in my underwear. And my dad would have handled it fine, but I was like, I'm gonna put so much toilet paper in my underwear that I can't sit down on the bench at the table. And I went back and I ate a plate full of buffalo shrimp. And then that was that. And then I just went home and never said, no either.

[Kendall Landrin]

Period now.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah, still the way I just eat a bunch of buffalo shrimp.

[Teffy Shout]

I wonder if she's ever gonna get.

[Jordan Myrick]

Get her. Yeah, but I'm just like, I didn't do anything about it. I probably left Grumpy Dicks with a huge blood stain on the seat I was on. I just kind of was like, hey, if I don't acknowledge it, it's not real.

[Teffy Shout]

Every restaurant I leave and I've just gotten my period is a grumpy dicks.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sure. 100. 1,000, 100.

[Teffy Shout]

My mom, I remember I got my period and I was nine. I was really young.

[Jordan Myrick]

Also very young. I was 10.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

My sister, my mom, me and my aunt, like, they all. And I think my grandma, too, they all got it. Nine years old, which sucks. I thought I was going to get, like, the biggest hit. I was like, I'm gonna develop so early. I'm gonna be like Jessica Rabbit. I'm gonna like, what am I gonna tell boys when they have girlfriends? They want me so bad. Like, I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck. And then I didn't.

[Kendall Landrin]

But I remember my mom covered in blood, no tits.

[Teffy Shout]

Okay. Red polo.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah. Nine years old, Tiger woods, no tits.

[Teffy Shout]

I walk into the school, everyone's in white and gold polos. I walk in with a red polo. They go. And I go, yeah, yeah. But no, they. My mom was like, you know, this is gonna happen every 21 days. And I thought in my mind, for some reason it happened to me. Like, it was gonna happen to me now and then when I was gonna try to have a baby.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

And I was like, there's no way. Every three weeks. And she's like, no, every three weeks. I had a mental breakdown. There was no way.

[Jordan Myrick]

And I was like, I'm busy.

[Teffy Shout]

No, I have things to do. Yeah, I have. I have. There's this thing called YouTube I want to discover more of. You know, like, I have so many American dolls.

[Jordan Myrick]

Of course.

[Teffy Shout]

The Karen Keeping of youf.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah. You're playing foursquare. There's a lot going on.

[Teffy Shout]

I was so good at foursquare, it scared me.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

And horse.

[Kendall Landrin]

Horse?

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

You don't know what about. Of course I know what horse is. I just. I'm not good at it. What's the one where you.

[Jordan Myrick]

Tetherball?

[Kendall Landrin]

Tetherball.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

I was not good at that.

[Teffy Shout]

No. I was so good at. I was so. I was so good at, like, anything to do with any squares.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

You know, we had a juggler came to our school.

[Jordan Myrick]

Kendall went to kind of an unaccredited high.

[Teffy Shout]

So did I.

[Jordan Myrick]

It was very bizarre.

[Teffy Shout]

It was like self funded by, like this billionaire guy in Miami with my high school.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's beautiful. It sounded lovely. Wait, what high school was it?

[Teffy Shout]

I went to Coral Gable Senior high for two years. And then my mom thought that I was smoking weed maybe one time. And then she took me to an art school where they were smoking weed all the time. That's where I saw weed for the first time.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah, Naughty. Your mom's fave.

[Teffy Shout]

But then my mom was like. I went to school for, like, ballet or whatever, but. But it's a charter school, so every, like, twice a year, the guy who was funding the school, this, like, guy would come, and we'd have to be like, we love you, Richard. Thank you so much, Richard. And it was like 60 of us in this school.

[Kendall Landrin]

You have to dance for him slowly.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's like, what with him?

[Kendall Landrin]

Slow dance with him.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's what they do for. In North Korea for, like, Kim Jong Un and Kim Jong Il. They make all the kids school learn to dance and then dance for him. That's a real thing.

[Teffy Shout]

We got on our uniforms. We love you. No, I'm kidding.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, I could see it, you know, Depends on how much money he's giving that school. So. Look, a juggler come to your school.

[Teffy Shout]

No, no, no. That's insane.

[Kendall Landrin]

Oh, yeah. Well. Well, no, that's not even the crazy part. Well, his name is Izzy Twinsky. Look him up.

[Jordan Myrick]

He's an incredible juggler.

[Kendall Landrin]

He's an incredible juggler. He could juggle more things than you could even imagine. And he was kind of like. You know when it's, like, crazy when you become an adult and you're like, oh, that's not the most famous person on Earth. Like, that was my relationship to Izzy Twinsky. Like, I thought he was gonna. Like, he was on par with Barack.

[Jordan Myrick]

Obama at the time.

[Kendall Landrin]

Like, to me, that was the Julia Roberts.

[Jordan Myrick]

Barack Obama. Barack Obama is hence.

[Kendall Landrin]

And he.

[Jordan Myrick]

And this is him.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm.

[Jordan Myrick]

Come on, John. Can we see?

[Teffy Shout]

I would trust him with every. I would trust him in elementary school.

[Kendall Landrin]

He was incredible.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's Izzy Twinsky.

[Teffy Shout]

I had it. I had a stalker for a little bit, so now I.

[Kendall Landrin]

That was him.

[Jordan Myrick]

You're like, Charles.

[Teffy Shout]

No, but I had a stalker for a little bit. So all the PR that comes to my house goes under, like, a different name. And my publicist is here. I have to change it to Izzy.

[Jordan Myrick]

Izzy. Izzy Twinsky.

[Teffy Shout]

Is it Twinsky?

[Jordan Myrick]

Fake name.

[Teffy Shout]

I have to every hotel. If I ever get to a point where, like, he comes back, I have to do.

[Kendall Landrin]

Don't do that in Northern California, because you're gonna get mobbed more than you would if you said your real name.

[Jordan Myrick]

Kendall will be at your Hotel. Trying to say hi.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah. He was at, like. Because he was at every event. I mean, he was like, okay, we had an award.

[Jordan Myrick]

He.

[Kendall Landrin]

He would teach. First of all, when I was in elementary school, he would teach after school juggling. So you would get to go juggle for free and learn how to juggle. He taught circus class.

[Teffy Shout]

Some people pay.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes. A lot of people pay money for that.

[Kendall Landrin]

He. I remember I did a camp with him where he taught me how to. To spin plates on a stick. You want to know a secret? They were just stuck to the stick.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's beautiful.

[Kendall Landrin]

There was no stick. I'm sure he maybe doesn't. I don't know.

[Teffy Shout]

I love it.

[Kendall Landrin]

He's amazing.

[Teffy Shout]

And it's like, he was gonna let you embarrass him. He wasn't gonna let you embarrass him.

[Kendall Landrin]

No. He was like, you're gonna have to perform this. Like, we're not gonna, like, mess around you. Clearly, you're not gonna be able to juggle. You can hardly walk on two feet.

[Jordan Myrick]

You're not gonna be able to do this.

[Kendall Landrin]

He was incredible. And anytime we had, like, an award ceremony, like, he was performing at it, and he would use this thing called Diablo is what I think maybe.

[Teffy Shout]

Diablo.

[Kendall Landrin]

Wait, yeah, Wait, maybe I'm thinking of something else. I think a Chinese Yo Yo.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's like Chinese yo yo is also what they call. Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

And so he started using those. And I remember he told us once, he said, my biggest advice, always bring a piece of art with you wherever you go so you can always be creating. So he. Because he was using the Chinese yo yo, we all said, well, we'll all bring a Chinese yo yo wherever we go. All of our parents purchased us one. Our school became a war zone, because I don't know if you've ever seen a Chinese yoyo.

[Teffy Shout]

Yes.

[Kendall Landrin]

And they're incredibly hard, and you're supposed.

[Jordan Myrick]

To throw them quite well in the sky.

[Kendall Landrin]

Kids were, I mean, inspired.

[Teffy Shout]

He inspired a movement of violence every.

[Kendall Landrin]

Kid, and they had to ban them at our school.

[Jordan Myrick]

It is hard, though, when you're younger. Like, I remember, I was obsessed. It's harder when you're younger, just in general. And I have nothing more to say about it. But I remember my babysitter, my. Who was my teacher's daughter, and her name was huge.

[Kendall Landrin]

For you.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's huge. Huge for me, right? For me, the teacher's daughter was babysitting me. Her name was Donna.

[Teffy Shout]

Was she hot?

[Jordan Myrick]

She had her belly button pierced. And that's what I'll tell you, I.

[Kendall Landrin]

Never thought those were tacky. Can I say yes?

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

Show it.

[Teffy Shout]

Oh, come on.

[Kendall Landrin]

Oh, my God.

[Jordan Myrick]

Put it away or suck on it. Be careful.

[Teffy Shout]

Everybody calm down. Everybody calm down.

[Kendall Landrin]

The same way I feel about a tramp stamp. Don't pull that out. You have. I do you. I've always found a modern woman stamp.

[Teffy Shout]

I got it last year.

[Jordan Myrick]

I love that. See? But okay, so you're kind of giving Donna my teacher's daughter. And she was babysitting me, and that was huge for me. And that's huge for you right now.

[Teffy Shout]

She.

[Jordan Myrick]

I remember in my mind, I was like, she's 25 and she's a Victoria Secret model. One time her boyfriend came over, he drove us around a parking lot.

[Kendall Landrin]

His car.

[Jordan Myrick]

I used to make her do drugs. Dance. Yeah. I would be like, donna, look at this dance. And I would turn on music and I would make. I would just dance for her. And I would make her watch. Yes. Literally, just like that. And I would make her watch me. She also worked at TGI Fridays, which at the time I thought was a very mature thing to do.

[Teffy Shout]

Capital girl.

[Jordan Myrick]

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Well, she gets her alcohol. I was like, Donna is a 25 year old Victoria's Secret model. I saw a picture of her, like, two years ago. Donna was 14 years old. Donna was 14 years old. She did not have her driver's license. She looks like an absolute child. I remember at the time being like, she is literally so hot. She's Megan Fox on steroids. Like, no one's ever been hotter. She looks like a complete and total child. And she also used to chase me around my house with a knife, trying to scare me because you thought it was funny. Oh, my.

[Teffy Shout]

Your hormones are crazy. When you read this book. And I can't wait for you to.

[Jordan Myrick]

Karen keeping your view.

[Teffy Shout]

Yes. They do talk about how hormones are normal and so is Bush. But.

[Jordan Myrick]

But there's a lot of visuals of Bush.

[Kendall Landrin]

Wait, what is in your vagina?

[Jordan Myrick]

I don't know.

[Kendall Landrin]

It came out in the. Maybe the Bush era. I don't know.

[Jordan Myrick]

George. Yeah, George Bush. George Bush. Normal George Bush.

[Kendall Landrin]

Well, there's Junior.

[Teffy Shout]

There aren't any pubes in my vagina.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sure.

[Teffy Shout]

But outside, so many.

[Jordan Myrick]

Kendall's a little bit fine. Now I have a pub on Zoom. Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Does your shallow vagina have so many pubes?

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Wait, but when you're. When you were talking about her, immediately, she went from, like, Alessandra Ambrosio to the girl that spun in Matilda, like, immediately, like, immediately.

[Jordan Myrick]

Absolutely. And that's Exactly.

[Teffy Shout]

And you dancing for her is everything to me.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, I would put on Nelly Furtado just, uh huh.

[Teffy Shout]

She's a man. Eat now. You know who I imagine? The blonde in pen. Fifteen, like babysitting. She's like, express yourself.

[Kendall Landrin]

The one who got.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Teffy Shout]

I pictured her and she's like, no, this is good. You've got really good. You've got a good body for dance.

[Jordan Myrick]

102 girls.

[Kendall Landrin]

That should stop.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

I think I've been waiting for the whole time for this next season. I don't think it's coming, is it?

[Teffy Shout]

I sat behind them in a plane. And the way that they were laughing, that little sliver between the seats. I wanted to be like, hey, what are we talking? The way that they were. And they were both pregnant. Oh, really cool.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's a dream. That's really cool.

[Teffy Shout]

It's a dream. And then that. But that episode. So I have a best friend. I've talked about it. I've done nine podcasts this week. I've talked about Chloe Hands, my middle school best friend. And she is my best friend to this day.

[Jordan Myrick]

I love that.

[Teffy Shout]

Every single episode.

[Kendall Landrin]

Good.

[Teffy Shout]

I cannot watch that show. Especially the one where they're doing the pageant.

[Kendall Landrin]

I was just gonna bring where they do the headshot.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah, her. And I wanted to be page girls so bad that I would make her grandma take our photos. And all these girls had the glossiest. And it's me. And we got these bejeweled shirts that said 69. I thought it was a cancer. She thought she. I think she thought it was just, like, funny. I thought it was a cancer symbol. So in our pageantry submissions, wet hair, very bad eyeliner. I think we. I wasn't allowed to have eyeliner, so it was extremely unsharpened, jagged. So my eyes are very, very red.

[Jordan Myrick]

Literally.

[Teffy Shout]

And 69, do you have these?

[Kendall Landrin]

They're like.

[Jordan Myrick]

Did a sex trafficking organization send these pictures in?

[Teffy Shout]

No, me and Chloe did, and we weren't accepted.

[Jordan Myrick]

69 shirts.

[Teffy Shout]

But you contacted your bedazzled bejeweled.

[Kendall Landrin]

I need to see.

[Teffy Shout]

I. I'll send you a photo.

[Jordan Myrick]

I would love to see that. Really quick.

[Kendall Landrin]

If I saved this the other day, maybe I didn't. I thought I screenshotted it. There was like a photo. I saw my mom's Facebook the other day. I was looking for something so scary. And I remember my sister taking the photos. We were at my aunt's house and I was like, let's do a photo shoot.

[Teffy Shout]

One must.

[Kendall Landrin]

Please, like, can we? And I remember, like, I don't know, you don't have this as an adult, but the passion behind something that literally, it's going nowhere.

[Jordan Myrick]

Like you were communicating something.

[Kendall Landrin]

It was so important to me.

[Jordan Myrick]

And I was like, possibilities are endless, right? Visceral possibilities are endless at that point in time.

[Kendall Landrin]

And we're in the back of like, they're in the back of my grandma's house, who I think we were there, cuz she was like, was not like a fun trip. And I'm like, please take these photos of me. And I remember in the moment being like, I look like people are gonna nut for these. Like, this is literally so hot. And I saw one the other day and it was the craziest thing I've ever seen.

[Teffy Shout]

I need to see it. I.

[Kendall Landrin]

So I got to find it. Maybe we can insert it here, we.

[Jordan Myrick]

Can post a bunch of them. I remember going to Good Morning America on a trip to New York and happy to be walking by and they were like, oh, we're doing Good Morning America and David Beckham's here. A man who I had never seen and only knew his name. And I remember being like, okay, great, we'll get in there. So my mom and I get in there and I truly remember being like, David Beckham is going to me. He's going to eat my ass. I was like, this is going to be so. I was 12, 11.

[Teffy Shout]

You're like, I can't split up a family. Yes.

[Jordan Myrick]

I'm like, this is so crazy.

[Teffy Shout]

Don't let me.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's going to be unexpected. He's going to jump over this barricade.

[Kendall Landrin]

But you still have that in you. Like when you talk about yourself at 12, like, Jordan's still kind of like, I'll be like, oh, it's so funny that you thought probably this and this when you were 12. And you'll be like, well, no, I was really mature for my age.

[Jordan Myrick]

I was, I was, I was. I went to fuck David Beckham if I wanted to.

[Teffy Shout]

He would be lucky.

[Jordan Myrick]

Absolutely.

[Teffy Shout]

He'd be lucky.

[Jordan Myrick]

He's cheated before. Sorry. He's cheated before.

[Kendall Landrin]

I used to never want to go to Six Flags. It was like my nightmare because they always did castings at Six Flags and.

[Teffy Shout]

You didn't want to. You want to be a normal girl, you don't want to be a model. You want to be a normal girl.

[Kendall Landrin]

I wish, I wish I wanted to be famous more than anything. I ultimately was too ugly. I was like the, you know, I was like, classic. I would have been cast on pen 15. They would have tried to, like, base the costumes in pen 15 off of how I dressed. It was horrifying. I didn't wear a bra till way past when I should have worn the bra.

[Teffy Shout]

You had the breast buds. The.

[Kendall Landrin]

I had the little buds that come out. And it was. I only wore tank tops.

[Jordan Myrick]

Of course.

[Kendall Landrin]

Of course. They were, like, too small for me. But we would always go to Six Flags with my friend Emily.

[Teffy Shout]

We love her.

[Kendall Landrin]

She had star quality. Yeah. And she looked five years younger than she was, which we all know in Hollywood is whatever.

[Teffy Shout]

That's what people say about me.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, Right.

[Jordan Myrick]

Exactly.

[Kendall Landrin]

You're being cast as a child in everything you do. And she was. She looked maybe a couple years younger than she was. She had these cute little cheeks. She was just adorable. And she was so fun.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

I had zero star quality. I was ugly. I had braces and headgear, and my hair was cut into a. A line.

[Jordan Myrick]

Bob. No.

[Kendall Landrin]

And we would always go in Esteban from Sweet Life is Zack and Cody. I don't know if you ever watch. Watched. Of course, he was always doing the castings. And every time we would go, Emily would get offered to basically be a child on Disney. And obviously, some of these are scams, but this one was kind of like, you'll get to come. You'll meet with whatever. And every time she'd be like, I. I just am not ready yet. Like, I want to be normal and.

[Teffy Shout]

Like, go to school.

[Kendall Landrin]

And I would sob on the car ride home from six.

[Teffy Shout]

I would do anything. I would have been like, I will show you guys my boobs right now. I don't like that.

[Jordan Myrick]

I'm not.

[Teffy Shout]

I will show you your wife. Wife is like, please. They will show you tits.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

I remember being like. Because they filmed Hoot. Do you remember the book? And then the subsequent horse? I do that filmed in South Florida. And they did a casting call in my. My community children's theater was like, oh, if anyone wants to do it, here's the casting call for Hoot. They're looking for, like, random ass children to stand in the background. And I remember being like, if you don't let me do this, I'll kill both of you. And then myself with a gun. I was like, I will kill. I'm not kidding. You have to let me be an extra in the movie Hoot. And my parents were like, no, we have to work that day. We're not driving you to be an extra in the movie Hoot. Being an extra doesn't even matter.

[Teffy Shout]

I Just remember being a child and be like, everything was monumental.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yes.

[Teffy Shout]

Like, I was on the. I remember watching Mandy Moore's video music video for Kandy and being like, that should be me. Like, I've got those moves. I've got those hips.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yep.

[Teffy Shout]

I've got access to heat tools for my hair. Like, that should be me.

[Kendall Landrin]

I sent an audition tape in for Shake It Up, Chicago. Anything to watch it today.

[Teffy Shout]

I would give anything.

[Kendall Landrin]

I wish I could. I don't know where it is. Well, and where it is, there's multiple.

[Jordan Myrick]

What? I'm sure it's full of personality.

[Kendall Landrin]

The worst part is I don't think it was because I think I was such a perfectionist at that age that everything I did was so just like, cringely earnest. And I wasn't good at it at all. Like, I wasn't free in it. Like, I clearly had my sister choreographing and I'd worked on it for days.

[Jordan Myrick]

And you guys hated each other, so that was painful.

[Kendall Landrin]

We didn't get along.

[Jordan Myrick]

She's like, I saw. Believing.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yes, exactly. She's like, you don't think you're gonna. I remember one time auditioning for Go on the King and I. I mean, we can't even. We don't have time. That's horrible. And I. You know, the community Asian theater in my town. Put it on. And the.

[Teffy Shout]

What did you say?

[Kendall Landrin]

The community Asian theater in my hometown. Put it on. I said, this is perfect for me. I'll sign up for the casting class.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm here.

[Kendall Landrin]

I performed. I remember my sister worked with me for days on doing.

[Teffy Shout]

Is your sister in the entertainment industry?

[Jordan Myrick]

No. Thank you for asking. As a kid.

[Kendall Landrin]

As a kid, you think your older sister is.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm like, picturing coach in Miss Congen Melody, like Michael Caine.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah. And she wasn't into, like, performing arts, but to me, I was like, she will. She knows your sister. She knows what's good. And she coached me for weeks doing Popular from Wicked, which maybe is, if I can think of maybe the most offensive thing to sing as I perform, to be an Asian character from my Asian theater.

[Teffy Shout]

Popular.

[Kendall Landrin]

And then I got there and I got too nervous and I didn't sing it. And. Oh, I'll never forget the.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's good.

[Kendall Landrin]

You got too nervous and I didn't get cast.

[Jordan Myrick]

No.

[Kendall Landrin]

Which was probably for the best.

[Teffy Shout]

No, stop. We were too nervous. Okay, wait. Were you in theater a lot as a child?

[Kendall Landrin]

Yes.

[Teffy Shout]

And you were in theater a lot? Are those not the horniest kids you've Ever met in your entire life?

[Kendall Landrin]

For me, no one was interested in me.

[Teffy Shout]

Miami, Florida kids, they were all. Don't get me started on band.

[Kendall Landrin]

I was gonna say it was the band kids. And I'll tell you, the band kids. I would walk by in high school.

[Jordan Myrick]

They would be literally fingery, finger fucking and making out.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

Wild, greasiest hair I've ever seen. Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

I can't get over it. There and then also. But sometimes I'd go to like eighth grade, we had a big play or whatever, and I'm watching. I'm like, steve and Carroll have a sexual chemistry that cannot be. Yeah. I walked out of there like this.

[Kendall Landrin]

Fuck.

[Jordan Myrick]

Jesus Christ.

[Kendall Landrin]

Well, I remember our school did Grease. I was not cast. I auditioned.

[Teffy Shout]

You're killing me.

[Kendall Landrin]

Did you audition for Grease? No, no, no, no. You would have been a Rizzo, I bet.

[Teffy Shout]

No, you would have been incredible. I would have killed it. But wait, did you. What did you. What did you make?

[Kendall Landrin]

I auditioned for. What did I make?

[Teffy Shout]

No, no, no. Like, what part did you make?

[Kendall Landrin]

Never I. Any musical. Never. One time I remember in senior year, my drama teacher, so with almost tears in his eyes, being like, would you want to direct it? We don't usually have student directors, but you just can't be in this show. I'm a horrible. I'm a really horrible singer. But I would. Of course, I always had to audition and I would pick the hardest song because I always wanted to lead. I didn't care. There needed to be more insecurity in me. But I really.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's not about singing. Well, I use a singing.

[Kendall Landrin]

I would always say that to my mom. I'd get in the car and I'd go, But you know what? It's about the story you tell. It's not about the notes you can sing.

[Teffy Shout]

Where did you hear that first?

[Kendall Landrin]

I don't know.

[Teffy Shout]

Because that is something that like an old, like, elderly teacher would tell a student. You know what I mean?

[Kendall Landrin]

Someone told that to me and it.

[Teffy Shout]

Really like School of Rock.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's what like Jack Black said out School of Rock.

[Kendall Landrin]

And I said, yes, but I wouldn't. Was never cast. But they. They had to film this. They wanted to film a sequence of Sandy and Dani going to kiss on the beach.

[Teffy Shout]

No, I'm dead.

[Kendall Landrin]

But I remember us all being like, this is so exciting.

[Teffy Shout]

No, I think all my hair would fall out.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

I wouldn't be able to sleep that night. An off site shoot and I get to kiss.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

And off site shoot. I literally came off site shoot.

[Jordan Myrick]

Can you imagine?

[Teffy Shout]

No. And I think I was born like this. Like I want to kiss. I love like the moment. Like I want to kiss in pen. 15 when she's like masturbating. I'm like, please, where's her pillow? Yeah, hump a Liz. You gotta hump something.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Straight hand. That's advanced.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sure.

[Kendall Landrin]

The Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield fan fiction was the first thing I ever masturbated to. And now I can never work with either. Not that that was ever gonna be an option.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh no, that's true.

[Teffy Shout]

I have to say that I ever masturbated to was Goonies Waterfall make out.

[Jordan Myrick]

Wow.

[Teffy Shout]

The Goonies. Yeah. You know what the fuck I'm talking about?

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Give me a cigarette right now.

[Jordan Myrick]

First thing I ever masturbated to was my neighbo. Yes.

[Kendall Landrin]

Through the window.

[Jordan Myrick]

Was a couple years older than me. And she was like. And I will never forget her phrasing of this. It's still to this day, one of the most upsetting things I've ever heard hit me. She said, have you ever put the shower head down there? And I was like, no, why would I do that?

[Teffy Shout]

Although it's a family bathroom.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes. I didn't have a shower head that came down either. So I'm like, how would you even do. Was mounted on the wall. I was like, how would I even do that?

[Teffy Shout]

Or I lay down on the bathtub and put my legs like this.

[Jordan Myrick]

Well, and we're getting there. She was like, you have to do it. It feels like you put a pickle up your. That's what she told me. I'll never forget it and still even make sense.

[Teffy Shout]

Somebody told her that.

[Jordan Myrick]

But that's what she told me. And I said, okay, I guess this is a thing we're supposed to be doing. So I would never eat a pickle at her house. Laid on the floor of the shower because my shower head didn't come down. And then I tried laying in a bunch of different positions. So I was like on all fours, like doggy style. Being like, is this how it hits? Can I say though, I've.

[Kendall Landrin]

Sorry.

[Jordan Myrick]

I've done that as an adult. And then when I heard people were.

[Kendall Landrin]

Doing that, I was like, are you taking that?

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes, absolutely. I was like, what's the right position? I've heard that sex has positions. No, I was like, I've heard sex has positions. So you have to do positions for this. So that was the first time I ever masturbated. And I distinctly remember my mom having to sit me down at One point. And being like, you have to stop taking hour long showers. I know the time is really important to you, but we can't do them for as long. It's very expensive.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm on the precipice of discovery. Yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

I'm about to find something huge. And I'll tell you about it. And you're going to really appreciate that. I figured.

[Kendall Landrin]

The stuff you do, it's really like the amazing things your brain comes up with at that age when you don't know what's happening. And I remember. This is really embarrassing, but I have to say, when I was first starting to masturbate, I remember taking my alarm clock. I had one of those classic little alarm clocks. I would turn it to just like a minute to where it would go off in one minute and I would just. And wait and be like, please go off.

[Jordan Myrick]

And nothing would happen.

[Kendall Landrin]

But I was just desperate to have a vibrator.

[Jordan Myrick]

I guess I didn't know a vibrator existed.

[Kendall Landrin]

So I was just shoving my clock up.

[Jordan Myrick]

My loud noise did it over and.

[Kendall Landrin]

Over and over again. Say nothing. Which now I look back at the time and go, I'm getting away with it.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's kind, it's generous.

[Kendall Landrin]

They know I'm just like rubbing one out with my alarm clock.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's very nice that they say nothing.

[Teffy Shout]

Her alarm clock is starting to smell a lot. Like.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah, it smells really bad.

[Teffy Shout]

Oh my God, that is so fucking funny. I can't even handle it. No, I remember I. I remember my dad. One of my parents split up, that my dad was like, oh, I have HBO at my house, but he had like noggin. So I'd watch like Degrassi and like, yet. But at night, HBO Max became like HBO after dark. And I remember being like, this is. I remember distinctly being 8 years old and so fucking horny I could melt a watermelon with my eyes. Like, so I was so horny. Like, I had the biggest crush on Kendrick Layton. I think he's. Hey.

[Kendall Landrin]

But he's a huge fan of this.

[Teffy Shout]

Show and that's why I'm here tonight. I remember being so horny that being like at 8 years old in like 4th grade, being like, I can't wait to go to sleep tonight and dream about having sex with Kendrick Clayton. No idea what sex even was, really. Whatever. But I remember being like, so ready to kiss, so ready to make out. Like when they told me that I had a cell phone. Like I could get a cell phone. Cause first I had a pig at that time 11. Okay. And because of nine. 11.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah. Huge for us. Huge.

[Kendall Landrin]

That's why you got a phone.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah, because my mom couldn't get ahold of me in the school. We were in Miami, but she was still. She was convinced that Miami was the next target. Cause it's the best place in the world. She's like, we have to get you a cell phone. We couldn't hand, like we couldn't get to you. And I'm like, yes. And she's like, but I think we can't take you to the NSYNC concert next week because I think it's gonna be Target.

[Jordan Myrick]

Are you.

[Teffy Shout]

I remember being like as a massive insync fan, there's no way. But when I got a cell phone and they were. I was like, wait, I can talk to my. Because when you have a crush, a three day weekend is banished.

[Jordan Myrick]

Torture.

[Teffy Shout]

Yes. Like inquisition. So I remember being like, wait, you were like, people are going to be able. Like my crush is going to be able to talk to me. And then I can show Chloe what they say. This is crazy. This is crazy town. And then one day I was sitting on it when somebody called me.

[Jordan Myrick]

And everything was different after that.

[Teffy Shout]

What? I was a woman that day. Absolutely no red polo.

[Jordan Myrick]

Absolutely.

[Kendall Landrin]

Did you answer right away or you let it ring a little?

[Jordan Myrick]

It went to voicemail, honey.

[Teffy Shout]

Hi, you've reached Teffy Shout. And then I remember my voicemail was, hi, you've reached Teffy Shout out to my best friend Chloe. I love you, girl. Leave a message.

[Jordan Myrick]

I swear to God, I will say for a voicemail, you know, for all the business calls you were getting.

[Teffy Shout]

But also people have asked me like, were you in love with Chloe? I'm like, literally no. I thought Chloe was the coolest person, of course. And all the boys liked her. And I was like, it's gotta rub off on me at that point. But her parents let her wear colored contacts. I was never gonna be that cool.

[Kendall Landrin]

Whew.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's wild. Rich.

[Kendall Landrin]

Wow.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah, I think so. I've never thought about it, but yes, yes. Her house.

[Kendall Landrin]

If you didn't think about it, she had enough.

[Teffy Shout]

It was a two story house. She absolutely had money. Yeah, I'm on to you.

[Jordan Myrick]

Color contacts. Color. She had money.

[Teffy Shout]

Yes.

[Jordan Myrick]

Okay, let's get into some questions. Fans. No, you don't need to be sorry. This episode is literally perfect. I love it. And we've revealed more than we've ever revealed. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile's favorite word is no. No contracts. No Monthly bills, no averages, no hidden fees, no BS. Make the switch and get premium wireless for $15 a month. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered to you on the nation's largest 5G network. Keep the call quality you know and love, but lower the price tag. Since we started working with Mint Mobile as a sponsor, we've had multiple people, including our real life friends reach out to tell us how much they love Mint Mobile. And soon you'll be able to call into Happy Wife Happy Life to get advice on the phone. All thanks to Mint Mobile. So say no to all those crazy prices out there and say yes to Mint. Keep your same phone, your same number and all your contact contacts ready to say yes to saying no. Make the [e-mail] wife that's mintmobile.com wife upfront payments of $45 required equivalent to $15 per month limited time New customer offer for the first three months only. Speed may slow above 35 GB on unlimited plan taxes and fees. Extra CMIT mobile for details. Okay, so our first question is our fan wants to know. She says, is it bad that he always wins the arguments. He's very smart and I'm more emotion based. Call her.

[Teffy Shout]

I need to talk to her. There is no way it's because. Okay, he's doing. I call it like mom talk. Men do the. It's a boy that she's dating.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's what it seems like.

[Teffy Shout]

Okay, right.

[Kendall Landrin]

And to be clear, a boy, a boy, a man.

[Jordan Myrick]

Not first and foremost.

[Teffy Shout]

I have never ever heard heard a girl be like. And he's always winning the argument. You never back down.

[Jordan Myrick]

You use.

[Teffy Shout]

Are you kidding me? Whatever. Anyway, what I would say is men do this thing that drives me nuts. Especially when they are. They can't handle emotional intelligence. I would say to my mom, just let me go to the party. It's not a big deal. My mom would say, if it's not a big deal, why do you want to go to the party? Men are just parroting you. What you have to do is stab him. You have to. What you have to do is play him at his own game. She's playing fair. It's like Republicans. I'm looking at the Democrats. I'm like, let's get dirty.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes, absolutely.

[Kendall Landrin]

Let's spread rumors. You gotta ask me to go to the party. Yeah or no? Okay, I'll ask you to go to the party.

[Jordan Myrick]

Okay.

[Kendall Landrin]

Why no, you tell me, can I.

[Teffy Shout]

Go to the party?

[Jordan Myrick]

Help.

[Kendall Landrin]

If it's not important, then why do you Want to go to the party, bitch? And then. Oh, wait, I messed up. No, you asked me to go to the party.

[Jordan Myrick]

If it's not a big deal.

[Teffy Shout]

Wait.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah. Yeah, I might.

[Kendall Landrin]

I don't know. I think I'm. You're the mom. You're my mom. You're your mom.

[Teffy Shout]

Okay, no.

[Kendall Landrin]

So if it's not important. Easy.

[Teffy Shout]

The king and I. Oliver, she's too nervous. I'm asking you if I can go to the party.

[Kendall Landrin]

No, I'm not asking. Can I go to the party? It's not important.

[Teffy Shout]

If it's not important, why do you want to go to the party?

[Kendall Landrin]

If it's not important, then why would you care if I go to the party? And why do you and dad.

[Teffy Shout]

Well, I'm your mom. That's how you win. Then you have to make them feel stupid. You know what I mean? But I can't, okay? My mom is never like. Like, my. Has never acted like my boyfriend, so you know what I mean? But I feel like with men, it just gets to the point. Okay, let's say we're fighting and you're like, we can't be late to the movie. Sit.

[Jordan Myrick]

We can't be late to the movie.

[Teffy Shout]

Well, we have 15 minutes. There's previews. And I just feel like I'm super stressed out of work. You know what I mean? Like, I just needed those 15 minutes to, like, collect myself. But I still want to go to the movie.

[Jordan Myrick]

Okay.

[Kendall Landrin]

Okay.

[Jordan Myrick]

Well, you're a woman. What am I. What am I trying to do?

[Teffy Shout]

I wanted you to fight in a way where, like, you're. With logic. Actually, you know what I'm figuring out? I don't think I'm good at this.

[Kendall Landrin]

No, you are.

[Teffy Shout]

No, at fighting with men.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, sure.

[Teffy Shout]

But because I do always win.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah. Well, that's what's hard. I'm like. I also am like. Is he always right? Wait, what? Okay, I'm sorry.

[Jordan Myrick]

So read it one more. They said, is it bad that he always wins the arguments. He's very smart. That alone.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm not. I'm not.

[Kendall Landrin]

I'm not believing the smart.

[Teffy Shout]

That's. I'm not believing that.

[Kendall Landrin]

Really not.

[Teffy Shout]

You're giving up too early. You're giving up in the first quarter. Sorry, my angel.

[Kendall Landrin]

No, no, please, please. And he. This is what I'm picturing, is that he's doing what I call actors Roundtable hands, where he's just like. He's saying, like, sanctimonious. And he's doing this with his hands. And it's making you think he's smart.

[Jordan Myrick]

You're distracted, you're confused. There's too many pathetic.

[Kendall Landrin]

And you're like, what are those hand. What are these hands? But that's their. They're. They're making you think they're smart. I see tiktokers do it all the time. They'll be like, I'm a philosopher, philosopher. And they're just moving their hands. And it's the same as when someone is talking about a movie, an animated movie, and they're like, I'm the scene.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah. Well, I think this is what I'm trying to say about men. I think they're like, two plus two equals four. But women are like, but what if four is tired of being four? You know what I mean? So when you're talking to a man and like, I'm emotional, of course he, of course you think he's smart. He's like book smart. He's like, he always. He, like, knows how to. If you need to fix something or like history, whatever, he probably knows or like some kind of problematic problem, whatever the. But with a girl, I'm like, you can manipulate him.

[Kendall Landrin]

Sure. Well, because what does that information have to do. Any knowledge he has about the world.

[Jordan Myrick]

He's read a bunch of books about World War II, but that has nothing.

[Kendall Landrin]

To do with that conversation.

[Teffy Shout]

But is it bad when she says, is it bad? Is it bad for the relationship that he's always right? Is it bad for her self esteem? Like, is it bad? I do think it's bad. And the idea of someone being right and being wrong all the time, it should not exist in a relationship.

[Jordan Myrick]

This is what I'm talking about. Because one thing I say a lot in our arguments is I'm like, one of us isn't wrong and one of us isn't right.

[Kendall Landrin]

And I love when you say that right.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's my favorite thing. Kendall loves to be right. So sometimes I'll have to just be like, it's not about right and wrong. We both, like, rubbed each other the wrong way. Or I, you know, we each said something that, like, made the other person feel like they weren't being heard or whatever. It's not about, like, one of us is right, one of us is wrong. Because ultimately you're both, like, working together life. And then you're working together to fix the problem. So there's no right, there's no wrong whatever. So if he's making you feel like there is a right and a wrong to the argument, unless you're being. I'm sorry. Absolutely crazy. Which I don't think you probably are. No, but, like, if you're coming into the room with a knife being like, I'm gonna kill you, because.

[Kendall Landrin]

Well, in their defense, that's what Tiffany said to do.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sure.

[Teffy Shout]

I did say to stabbing emotionally. Emotionally.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes. And that's after the fact. I'm talking about these arguments, you know, I'm like, if you're coming into the room with a knife, being like, are you cheating? I think maybe you're cheating because you watched the movie Miss Congeniality when I wasn't home. Whatever. It's like, wow. Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

But I would say this, too. I would say. I would say if I was in a relationship where the person always had to be right.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes.

[Teffy Shout]

And no matter what I brought up, they would say, but. But this. But this. I would have to look at them and say, I'm not gonna leave you if you're wrong.

[Jordan Myrick]

Wow.

[Teffy Shout]

And that's a knife.

[Kendall Landrin]

Wow.

[Jordan Myrick]

And that's the knife. I actually love that.

[Kendall Landrin]

I think that's beautiful.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's really sweet.

[Kendall Landrin]

Well, especially.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's actually a nice way to handle it. Well.

[Kendall Landrin]

Because I do think people feel very like. I think arguing. Really, you. It brings up the worst in everybody. It brings up, like, the trauma in every single person. Ultimately, you're just, like, arguing how your family would argue growing up.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

And so scared.

[Kendall Landrin]

You're like an animal. Exactly.

[Teffy Shout]

When I love to be right so much, and I'm like, oh, I'm really scared that they're gonna see that I'm not perfect. I'm really scared they're gonna say I'm not perfect, and they're gonna leave me. And people have left me when I'm trying my most to be perfect. So, like, oh, my God, I have to try even more now. And that's why I had an eating disorder. Well, I was also from Miami, so that's also why I had an e Disorder. But, like. But then when I see someone that's like, oh, they have to always be right. I'm like, they literally want a safe place for you to say, even if you're wrong about this, I want to talk to you about it, and I will big spoon you.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

Oh, my God. Well, because I used to. What I used to struggle with. It's like, okay, Jordan's mad at me. You know, everybody. Every so often you say something, everyone's mad at me.

[Jordan Myrick]

Everyone's mad at me.

[Kendall Landrin]

And that actually is a problem I have. I think every single person in this room is mad at me right now, but I will be like, I would do something rude because, hey, it happens. I say something. I'm like, I don't know why I'm so scared that Jordan thinks of me differently. Like, oh, my God, I said this thing. And now in Jordan's head, we're arguing because Jordan has changed their entire perspective on me, their entire opinion of me. And they think I'm a person who is just generally bad. And it's like, the focus of the conversation doesn't need to be, first of all, my feelings. But also, you can just apologize for a singular thing and not be like, everyone thinks I'm a bad person. And I think so many people are, like, trying to fight for proof that they're not a bad person. And it's like, you're not a bad person. You just, like, did an annoying thing.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah. And I think we know how women talk about each other. Especially, like, wlw, I can't do it. I'll do it.

[Jordan Myrick]

When you say it.

[Kendall Landrin]

But, like, I thought you were saying lesbian in another language. Yeah. It's like, oh, you speak Italian.

[Teffy Shout]

And Thomas said, they say, but, like, we see how fat. We see how people talk about each other.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

How cruel it can be. And we have all sat with a person that's like. And I thought she was a love of my life. Like. Or, like, how, you know, I tried to make it work. And then all of a sudden, when you're wrong, you're thinking like, oh, my God, this is what's happening. You could see the conversation. Like, Jordan's gonna be like, no, no, it was great. And then she, you know, didn't put gas in the tank and wouldn't say sorry. And I knew she was a narcissist. There was nothing a narcissist. She was a narcissist. Gaslight lighting. Just absolute. And I can't believe. And that. And then I went to file for divorce the next morning.

[Jordan Myrick]

Well, that's a big thing that people are talking about on the Internet right now is like, why is it that my best friend will put up with, like, a thousand mistakes for men, but then my best friend and I have, like, one hard conversation, or I do one thing that upsets her, or we have one, like, thing or whatever, and now we're, like, not friends anymore. And I do think there is truth to that.

[Teffy Shout]

The society respects relationships more than they do friendship.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sick.

[Kendall Landrin]

Also, everyone's constantly relationships are really hard. I feel like I hear that more than anything. I know it's really hard. It's really bad. It's like really, really hard.

[Teffy Shout]

I know. This is the same thing about motherhood. I'm like, okay, you scared me.

[Jordan Myrick]

You got it. Got it.

[Teffy Shout]

Okay. You got it. Like, fine. And they're like, and you might raise a. I'm like, don't say it to like Republican. I'm like, I can't do this.

[Kendall Landrin]

No, I can't.

[Teffy Shout]

The face changing.

[Jordan Myrick]

No, no, I don't think you could. But there's only.

[Kendall Landrin]

You know what I realized too? I honestly wouldn't even want a kid. Cause I started to. You know, I'm always. Every day. My internal monologue is just if I want to have a kid or not. Over and over again. And it changes me too. Sometimes.

[Teffy Shout]

It's.

[Kendall Landrin]

But then I was like, what type of kid would I want? Like, what's best case scenario? And I'm like, I want a weird freak bitch.

[Teffy Shout]

Yes. I want a weird art freak bitch.

[Kendall Landrin]

Baby who doesn't have that high of aspirations but has, you know, is motivated but isn't trying to be the best at anything. And it's just calm. I don't have to pay too much in camp fees. I don't have to.

[Jordan Myrick]

Whatever.

[Kendall Landrin]

I saw a little girl. This little girl changed my life. She's the reason if I ever become a mother or because of this child. We ran a concert for. For our friend who is a he. How would you describe Tim? Are you. I mean, what do you mean? He's a very famous musician, but he's not a person that I would go, oh, eight year olds are fans of this band.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in like an early 2000s, like.

[Teffy Shout]

Tell me the band.

[Jordan Myrick]

So he's the lead singer of the band Cursive. And then he also has a band called the Good Life. He has Tim Casher as his solo project. He's like of the, like kind of like bright eyes. Okay.

[Teffy Shout]

That I know.

[Kendall Landrin]

So picture this music. He's absolutely incredible. But we go to this like he was doing. I think it was like a charity event. And we go to and we watch it. There's a little girl, eight years old. She's. Her parents are clearly in the back. She's like, don't come up to me. She has a low pony that she's twiddling with the whole time.

[Teffy Shout]

This is serious.

[Kendall Landrin]

It was.

[Jordan Myrick]

She had a purse streak in the hair streak. Don't around knee high socks. Wild Girl Converse.

[Kendall Landrin]

A dress that got. She looked like kind of like she was going for a little Wednesday Adams. She had a purse that was a Ouija board.

[Jordan Myrick]

Spell book.

[Kendall Landrin]

It was a spell book.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

And she knew every word. She was holding a topo Chico. And I. I was like, that is the. I would love.

[Teffy Shout]

I want. That's the woman I want to be.

[Kendall Landrin]

That's the woman I want to be. And that is the daughter I'd love to have. But you can't pick. You can't pick your kids.

[Jordan Myrick]

You can choose.

[Teffy Shout]

No, I want. I want Bill Hader. I want. I want Gaga and Bill Hader.

[Kendall Landrin]

Ah, together.

[Jordan Myrick]

Successful people. Yes.

[Teffy Shout]

No. But personality wise, even if they're like. Or they're the coolest, they're the most interesting people at the ceramic shop that they work at. Like, sure. But I'm touching about, like, you know what? I read Stargirl, the book Stargirl. And I was like, that is literally my daughter.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

You know, I have to. I have to birth her. But then also at the same time, I'm like, I'm so. Like, I'm so tired.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, I know. And it's like, what are the odds that you have? I remember having an acting teacher one time. I was like, doing this scene where I had to be a mom. And I was like, well, how am I supposed to know? I don't have kids.

[Teffy Shout]

How am I supposed to tap into this?

[Kendall Landrin]

I don't have a kid. I'm 19. And she goes, well, you don't have a kid, but I guarantee you have a relationship with a fake child in your head. And I still started sobbing. How? What? I started sobbing. I'm not a big crier. But I said, oh, my God, I totally do. I have this total, like, fake daughter in my head that I could. Whatever. But it's kind of like that. It's like Stargirl. It's like one of these children. I'm like, but that won't be my kid. No, it's knowing my genes. Who knows what would come?

[Jordan Myrick]

Kooky.

[Teffy Shout]

Kooky jeans.

[Kendall Landrin]

I've never.

[Teffy Shout]

What if it's. Is he Twinks? Is he Twink or not? Is he Twinkers?

[Kendall Landrin]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Teffy Shout]

It's crazy.

[Kendall Landrin]

And I've never related to anything less than the other day. You saw Jennifer Aniston.

[Jordan Myrick]

Did you see this, George?

[Teffy Shout]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

What she do?

[Teffy Shout]

Jeans. I want them to be my. Call me selfish.

[Kendall Landrin]

She was like, people keep telling me, why don't you just adopt? And she's like, because I want my jeans. And I said, can you imagine thinking.

[Jordan Myrick]

You'Re so good, confident and she's right, of course.

[Teffy Shout]

Her ex husband's ex wife has adopted 4,000.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah. She's got.

[Kendall Landrin]

She's up for everyone.

[Jordan Myrick]

She's like, are there any kids left? Please, please.

[Teffy Shout]

One of the litter. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

Very confident.

[Teffy Shout]

But I do think of it all the time. Like, my mom was a single mom and it's me, my brother and my sister. We're all like this. We're all like, ah. All the time. And then she would go to work from 7 to 7 and then she'd have enough energy to go to the gym. My mom had a six pack. My whole life.

[Jordan Myrick]

Wild.

[Teffy Shout]

And then come home and help us like. And help me spell transportation and not snap my neck like a little twig.

[Kendall Landrin]

I'm not made. And do.

[Teffy Shout]

I was.

[Kendall Landrin]

We were saying this the other day. I was telling my mom. Cause we were visiting my mom and we were shucking corn. A thing I only do when I'm with someone's seen anyone my age shuck corn in my.

[Jordan Myrick]

Make corn.

[Kendall Landrin]

I don't know who's making corn. Not out of a bag. And I was like, the fact that you had five kids basically running, shucking corn.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's.

[Kendall Landrin]

And they're always homemade. It's like. And my mom was same. Like work so much.

[Teffy Shout]

It's.

[Kendall Landrin]

I'm just not me.

[Teffy Shout]

No, I'm not. But I will do it. I will do it.

[Kendall Landrin]

You will.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm going to do it.

[Jordan Myrick]

Good for you.

[Kendall Landrin]

You're going to have your star girl.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah, I'm going to do it.

[Jordan Myrick]

I think you can.

[Teffy Shout]

If she. I mean. Going to have my stargirl.

[Jordan Myrick]

I love that.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, you should name her that. It's like a star girl.

[Teffy Shout]

My mom would be like, you've been around so many white people.

[Jordan Myrick]

She'd be right ultimately in saying that because that is crazy white behavior.

[Teffy Shout]

Sorry to report her brother River. There's so many rivers in Los Angeles. Yes.

[Jordan Myrick]

All right, next question. I've ended up in a situationship with my ex boyfriend. How do I define the relationship?

[Teffy Shout]

You have to stab him.

[Kendall Landrin]

That's the title of this podcast episode.

[Teffy Shout]

Stab more men. More men should be scared of you stabbing them.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sure.

[Teffy Shout]

I've never did it. Anyone that's not a little scared of me and I designed it that way.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's so powerful.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah. Are you.

[Teffy Shout]

Are you scared of each other or is it home?

[Kendall Landrin]

Well, it's a. I think it's a home built on fear, which is the best way.

[Teffy Shout]

That is.

[Kendall Landrin]

That is how you stay. You stay. That's a heightenation.

[Jordan Myrick]

You Know, of course. What is a house in Florida if not a home built on castle and sand? Yes.

[Kendall Landrin]

You know what? You're obviously home to me, but I. I want you to respect me. I guess I want you to. I never. I'm always trying to be, like, really good so that you are like, she's so. Look at my wife. Is so good.

[Jordan Myrick]

If your boyfriend.

[Teffy Shout]

It's like, okay. It's like if you bought. I'm not comparing her to an automotive. Okay. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, like, she's not an object, but imagine this. Imagine you buy a car and you sell it, and the person like, this car. Imagine just. You know, I'm not killing with the metaphors tonight.

[Jordan Myrick]

No, you don't.

[Teffy Shout]

Okay. Imagine a world.

[Kendall Landrin]

Okay.

[Teffy Shout]

Okay.

[Kendall Landrin]

Imagine it's not about what you say. It's this story you tell that is fucking gorgeous. King and I, 2008.

[Teffy Shout]

That is so true. Okay, so imagine if it's like, he bought a car and now he won't buy the car, but he comes around every weekend to pick it up and just remember what it's like. I wouldn't feel very special as a car.

[Kendall Landrin]

No.

[Teffy Shout]

You know what I mean, right?

[Kendall Landrin]

You're at the junkyard. Just.

[Teffy Shout]

You know what it's like to know me, to have me. And are you just. Am I better? I would feel. I would internalize that. And like, oh, my God. Am I more palatable as a stranger to you? Am I sexier to you as a stranger? You know what I mean? I think this isn't a her thing. It's a him thing. It's a commitment thing. And she is comfortable and she's cozy, but he's not ready to intertwine identities yet. She is. Dump him.

[Jordan Myrick]

What he wants.

[Teffy Shout]

What he wants. He wants to be tortured somehow, but he's doing it comfortably.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

I mean, what he wants is what he's getting. Right?

[Teffy Shout]

Right.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's like you were together, you broke up, now you're hooking up, but you're not like, defining anything.

[Teffy Shout]

What she wants. What he wants is what he's getting.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sorry. That's what's happening.

[Teffy Shout]

That just disgusted me.

[Jordan Myrick]

Nasty.

[Kendall Landrin]

Right?

[Jordan Myrick]

Because that's what he's doing. That's what he wants.

[Kendall Landrin]

Right. I need you on every episode for when we. Nothing makes you feel better than Will say something. And you being like.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's very validating. Yes.

[Kendall Landrin]

Wait.

[Jordan Myrick]

Very validating.

[Teffy Shout]

That was that made. My body is made of vile.

[Jordan Myrick]

But it's true, right? It's true. Vile.

[Kendall Landrin]

Vile.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's vile.

[Kendall Landrin]

And it's made of vile.

[Jordan Myrick]

And I love that. It's true. I'm so. I'm like, dumb him. I don't think you should get back together with an ex almost ever. I'll be honest with you. I think if you're going to.

[Kendall Landrin]

Unless you met in high. Unless you dated in high school.

[Jordan Myrick]

Well, that's. This is what I was gonna say. I think if. Thank you for saying that. I think that if you broke up for a normal reason.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

And then you. You know, someone moved, you went to different colleges, you just.

[Teffy Shout]

Like, life happened.

[Jordan Myrick]

Whatever. Life happened. Yeah. Like it's a normal reason you broke up. It was sad, but it was fine. It was amicable. Everyone was mature about it. And then years later, you've grown. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's different. Whatever. You reconnect. I think that's okay. But, like, I think there needs to be a decent amount of time passing.

[Teffy Shout]

Ten years.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah. I'm, like, generally getting back together.

[Teffy Shout]

Two exes in between.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's not good.

[Teffy Shout]

No, no, no, no, no. A month or two, a season.

[Jordan Myrick]

Grow up.

[Teffy Shout]

That's the same person. Like, I've had to look at exes and been like, I think we both need to grow up. And they're like, okay, like, therapy for a year. I'm like, no, no.

[Jordan Myrick]

I'm talking mental asylum full of more.

[Kendall Landrin]

Families that we then leave and get back together.

[Teffy Shout]

Love in the time of Cholera. My. I left. Just left my, like, spouse's funeral. Find each other.

[Jordan Myrick]

Maybe we can do it again.

[Teffy Shout]

Maybe. No, no, no, no. I think also this is the thing, too. When you really love somebody, we want to believe that a month is just enough time for them to change.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, and it's not.

[Teffy Shout]

And I. I have never, ever with an ex. Been like. And I'm so glad we got back together.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes.

[Teffy Shout]

Never. I've always been like, if I would have stayed broken up, I would have been over it 100 by now. It's been two summers.

[Jordan Myrick]

Absolutely. Yeah. I completely agree.

[Kendall Landrin]

I'm a huge. And I hate the being friends with ex.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm just like, I'm not friends with one ex.

[Kendall Landrin]

No, me neither.

[Jordan Myrick]

It doesn't make sense.

[Kendall Landrin]

Well, some of them I like. It's not because I don't. Like, I have exes that I'm like, oh, we would be friends, but we're not. Because I have friends.

[Jordan Myrick]

And we were not.

[Teffy Shout]

And we were not friends in the beginning. And I've never dated someone. Someone that was like, I've never dated anybody that I'm like, oh, my God, like, remember who you took to senior prom? And now we're here at 35 and like, I don't have like that history with somebody. You know what I mean? So there's not like. And so we met because we're sexually attracted to each other and now, you know, like, we're breaking up. So now I'm not. So there's no, like, wait, we were friendship friends before. Can we ever get that Friendship? You know, I watched My best friend's Wedding and I would have Julia Roberts if she came to my wedding with that kind of attitude.

[Jordan Myrick]

Attitude, Absolutely.

[Teffy Shout]

In that perspective.

[Kendall Landrin]

Absolutely.

[Teffy Shout]

Jungle to jungle, bamboo stick to the neck. Get the fuck away from us.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's really unwell behavior.

[Teffy Shout]

Mind you, the deal was Julia Roberts is playing a 28 year old. Like, she's like, if we're not married at 28, let's have children. Let's get married.

[Kendall Landrin]

Grow up.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah, it was a different time.

[Teffy Shout]

Tell her.

[Kendall Landrin]

Call him.

[Teffy Shout]

Call her right now. Sometimes I get dms and I'm like, I need you to say it to me in voice now so I can say that. Tell her to tell him. Grow up. You are lucky I know your name.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sure. I agree wholeheartedly. Agree. All right, we have time for one more. You want to go or you want to stay longer?

[Teffy Shout]

No, I want to stay all night.

[Jordan Myrick]

I'm done with Dave.

[Kendall Landrin]

I'm tired.

[Teffy Shout]

God, I don't like this, grandpa. Too damn bad.

[Jordan Myrick]

Exactly. Okay. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we want to get.

[Kendall Landrin]

Get engaged.

[Jordan Myrick]

We're 18 and in college.

[Kendall Landrin]

Oh, no.

[Jordan Myrick]

But we wouldn't get married until we actually graduate. And we are planning on living together for a year first.

[Kendall Landrin]

What's the point of the engagement?

[Jordan Myrick]

All my friends think that I'm crazy, but I don't see why it's such a big deal. We're going to be doing the same thing either way. But we think that being engaged would mean a lot to the two of us. Are we crazy?

[Kendall Landrin]

Crazy in love, girl.

[Teffy Shout]

You want to get engaged so you can tell people you're engaged because you know what life is about to happen to you. Write this down. Can you please email back in one year? I hope you and your partner stay together and I hope your life happens like together the way you want it to. But the other part of me is really hoping it doesn't.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

If I was with the person I was with when I was 18, I would be. I'd be in jail for stabbing.

[Jordan Myrick]

Sure.

[Kendall Landrin]

The person I dated at 18. Used to, used to make me stand outside of the shower and pass them their vape, like. And I was dry heaving when they dumped me.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

Oh no. Well, I was with a boy from 14 to 23. So I was like, that's like nine Christmases, nine Thanksgivings, whatever that was.

[Kendall Landrin]

I had deep.

[Teffy Shout]

I was holding a cardigan close at a pier, looking at this, looking at the moonlight, like. I was like, my life is over. But I remember being so mad when I fix her. You'd be like, don't get any water in this one.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, you know, I'm of course paying.

[Jordan Myrick]

For all the fucking.

[Teffy Shout]

Of course.

[Jordan Myrick]

Filters. Juice.

[Kendall Landrin]

Juice or whatever. Get me peach. Make sure it's the peach. I'm like texting, my baby wants peach. I sent you baby. I can't wait to see. It's like, kill me. Imagine.

[Teffy Shout]

But that person was such a fucking loser. And the bad news is someone will marry them. You know what I mean? But that person was such a fucking loser. But when you're 18, everyone is a loser. I have never met an 18 year old and been like, and that person was super sick. I can't wait to see them again. I can't wait to see that 18.

[Jordan Myrick]

I hope they stay like that forever.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, forever.

[Teffy Shout]

I stay just like this. I think if you were to be with that person, you would be doing yourself a disservice to see how cool life can get.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes.

[Teffy Shout]

And most of the time when you're young, life gets really cool when you're single.

[Kendall Landrin]

Oh yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yes. I also think if it is right, I do think cosmically you will be brought back together. If it's truly right.

[Teffy Shout]

Absolutely. If you believe in it so much, the engagement isn't a big deal and. And being together throughout college isn't a big deal either. Like, if it really.

[Kendall Landrin]

Because it's all made up, you could call an engagement off. I think there could be a wand of like. But if we're engaged, then the college is less. And it's like, well, but it's the same thing. It's just worth it.

[Jordan Myrick]

Because people have been married for 35 years and cheat. I think people are like, once we get engaged, once we get married, once we have a kid, whatever that thing is, it like is a barrier from bad things happening. And it's like, no. I think for a lot of people the bad stuff starts when you get engaged or get married.

[Kendall Landrin]

And in fact it's much easier when you've done less moving in together and can. Because I also think sometimes, like When I. When I was younger, I used to love to throw around I love you. I was saying, I love you. I'd date someone for two weeks and usually it came right, I love you, I'm in love with you. I love you. And then the next day, I'm in love with you. Because I was like, it would just be out of a moment of like, I want attention. Truly. I didn't read it as that way.

[Teffy Shout]

But I was like the role of a lifetime.

[Kendall Landrin]

What else do I say? Let's let this be the night we fall in love, I guess. And we'll always have Sacramento.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah, we'll always have Sacramento.

[Jordan Myrick]

And that's true.

[Teffy Shout]

No. Yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

And then them will always have something.

[Teffy Shout]

You are, you are. I don't know you, but I already. I know in my bones that you are way cooler than being engaged at 18. Yeah.

[Jordan Myrick]

You're full of passion. The only people who are engaged at 18 are army wives or people that.

[Teffy Shout]

Are scared that something's going to. That they are going to break up.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, but then why are. You should not be getting married. And also just like. But also feel like, no, you guys are misreading the situation. Like, I need to get married. It's like, well, then don't be. You need to. To not be. Okay, well, I don't want to tell you not to write into our podcast.

[Teffy Shout]

Because you should always write into our podcast.

[Jordan Myrick]

So important. Right into the podcast.

[Kendall Landrin]

Your friends should have. No, I didn't ask any of my friends before getting engaged to you and.

[Teffy Shout]

Asking them to podcast those who married to each other. So this is what I want to say to teenagers.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Kendall Landrin]

So I'm like, if you really want to do it, then just do it. You don't need anyone's permission. And the fact that you need permission, maybe that's showing you.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

I want you guys to break up for the greater good. But if it's meant to be, I can go myself.

[Kendall Landrin]

No, no, no, no.

[Teffy Shout]

I mean, like, who cares what I say?

[Kendall Landrin]

Well, I. I know. And I'm always bad cuz I'm also like, if you give it a couple more years, you'll be dating a woman. And it's like, that's also not prob.

[Teffy Shout]

Every couple of years. I did.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah. Yeah. It. It's like, what do they say? You have a whole new body every seven years.

[Teffy Shout]

Oh, no.

[Jordan Myrick]

True.

[Kendall Landrin]

No, no, no.

[Jordan Myrick]

Your skin.

[Kendall Landrin]

All your skin is different.

[Jordan Myrick]

Like all your skin and all your organs regenerate. Like a whole new body. No, your organs regenerating your skin and you have new eyes, you have a.

[Kendall Landrin]

New praying in a new name.

[Teffy Shout]

Every. And your. And your credit.

[Jordan Myrick]

I hear exactly that. True.

[Teffy Shout]

It feels true.

[Kendall Landrin]

But when I found out, apparently your medical bills don't affect your credit. Yeah.

[Teffy Shout]

My best friend, one of my best friends, she's a nurse and she's like, don't ever pay a medical bill. I'm like, I don't know, Michaela. They do keep calling.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, I've paid everyone. I'm so. I have a deep seated. It's like I want the hospital to call me and go, you're such a good girl. It's a disgust.

[Jordan Myrick]

You pay all your bills on time. Good girl.

[Teffy Shout]

They have a picture of you at a billing in a hospital. They're like, that's our girl.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's our girl. I miss our girls.

[Kendall Landrin]

When I pay it, it's like literally just a, like big pharma.

[Jordan Myrick]

It's like, whatever. Okay.

[Teffy Shout]

You write a note, thank you for everything you do. I love that.

[Jordan Myrick]

She's like, shout out to our service workers, the billion people at the hospital.

[Teffy Shout]

Evil, evil pieces of shit.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, yeah. Wow. Well, thank you so much for being here today. We've had an absolute blast.

[Teffy Shout]

I have not cried laughing on a podcast ever.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's so.

[Teffy Shout]

And so the. To the other nine that I did this week.

[Kendall Landrin]

How does it feel? How does it feel?

[Teffy Shout]

You gotta come back.

[Kendall Landrin]

This was so fun.

[Teffy Shout]

I'm gonna have a hard time leaving.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah, Come back the next time you're in la. And you know, everyone already knows where to find you. But just in case they live under a literal rock and don't. Where can they find you?

[Teffy Shout]

375. Lovers land. No, I'm just kidding.

[Kendall Landrin]

I thought you were doing the Miami area codes again. I was like, chill out, lady. Please.

[Teffy Shout]

No, I'm on hello, Teffy. For all socials. I have a column with the Cut called Ask Teffy if you want some of that. If you want some more of what I just gave you.

[Kendall Landrin]

I do.

[Teffy Shout]

Stab him. It's Ask Teffy for the Cut. And then if you.

[Jordan Myrick]

You for the cut. For the cut.

[Teffy Shout]

And then I also have a podcast called Teffy Talks with Vox where I'm in a suit and tie every. Every episode.

[Kendall Landrin]

Come on.

[Teffy Shout]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I worked. I learned how to do a tie.

[Jordan Myrick]

For you, for you. You have to watch just based on that alone, but also because you're so funny and you're just. Thank you so much good energy.

[Teffy Shout]

Thank you so much for being here.

[Jordan Myrick]

Oh, this has been a blast. As you know, this podcast is completely independently made and produced. So like comment, subscribe, watch on all the platforms, join our patreon so Kendall and I can get paid.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yes. Please make sure to review rate us anywhere, follow us on social media and make sure to check Teffy out. You're just such a treat. Thank you so much for being here.

[Teffy Shout]

I think we should. Before we go, I think you and I, all of us, should put on a play. And we hold auditions and we're also in the play. Just something to think about.

[Jordan Myrick]

I think that's.

[Kendall Landrin]

Oh, I thought you meant right now.

[Jordan Myrick]

That's a lot. Wait, what time's your flight? Way that you do it.

[Kendall Landrin]

Yeah, I know.

[Teffy Shout]

Just something to think about.

[Kendall Landrin]

No small parts.

[Jordan Myrick]

Yeah, okay, we'll stay tuned for that. Cuz that's happening. But in the meantime, happy Monday.

[Kendall Landrin]

Bye.

[Teffy Shout]

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[Jordan Myrick]

Just one rogue agent can do big damage before you even notice.

[Teffy Shout]

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[Jordan Myrick]

So you can unleash agents, not risk.

[Teffy Shout]

Accelerate your AI [e-mail] that's R U B R-I K.com.