Happy Wife Happy Life – Episode 95: The Pros and Cons of Being a LATE Bloomer feat. Ash Perez

Main Theme / Purpose

In this episode, hosts Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick sit down with comedian, writer, and online creator Ash Perez to explore the nuances of “late blooming” in queer relationships and self-discovery. Together, they share personal stories, dissect queer culture, and tackle questions about coming out later in life, transitioning, gender expression, breakups, intimacy, and what it means to find yourself at your own pace.

Key Discussion Points

1. Introducing Ash Perez: Queer Comedy, Trans Journeys, and Sapphic Rom-Coms

• [01:21] Ash introduces himself as a former Buzzfeed creator, member of the Try Guys, and a soon-to-be audio rom-com writer:

  "We invented [Buzzfeed Violet] because we were all side characters in movies, and we were like, we should be the main characters." – Ash Perez

• Ash talks about coming out as trans (transitioning at 31), his experiences as a “practicing lesbian” and joining the Try Guys.
• Discusses his upcoming immersive sapphic audio rom-com with Jenna Malone, launching on Trans Day of Visibility (March 31).

2. The Yearning That Defines Queer Experience

• [03:34] Ash and the hosts bond over the “DNA-level yearning” in queer women’s lives:

  "It’s so part of our DNA to yearn. Because that’s all we had." – Ash Perez

• Exploration of “yearning” in relationships—how queer people often get through emotional closeness and longing, sometimes without reciprocation or possibility.

3. Gender, Sexuality, and Open Discourse in Queer Communities

• [04:33]–[12:21] In a candid conversation, the hosts discuss:
  • Wrestling and close-proximity bonding among queer boys (and how testosterone changes attraction).
  • The “trans man to gay man pipeline” and spectrum of attraction post-transition.
  • Frustrations with TikTok lesbian discourse—especially arguments over “male lesbians”—and the importance of in-person conversations.
• Memorable Quote:

  "You don’t get to die on every hill. The reason they call it a hill to die on is so that, when you put your foot down, people will listen... If everything is your hill to die on, it’s like a fart in the wind." – Ash Perez [06:53]

4. The Complexity of Labels, Community, and Cisnormativity

• [09:23] Kendahl raises the hot take:

  "If a trans man wants to still identify as a lesbian, I’m fine with that. Like, it doesn’t affect me at all. ...So many other people are invalidating us, if someone is identifying ... in a way that doesn’t immediately make sense to you, that doesn’t inherently make it wrong." – Kendahl Landreth

• Discussion on the Internet's relative acceptance of femme non-binary folks versus trans men or masc nonbinary people.

5. Double Coming-Outs & Navigating “Queer Adolescence” as an Adult

• [14:06] Ash reflects on coming out and transitioning later in life:

  "It’s a specifically queer experience to come out a second time and to have a queer adolescence... And then again as a trans person." – Ash Perez

• Talks about going through “literal adolescence” again (acne, hormone changes, puberty) in his 30s.

6. The Impact of the Patriarchy—For Everyone

• [15:36] Ash and the hosts explore how male privilege and patriarchy harm both women and men, and the universal need for space to discuss masculinities.

7. Coming Out Stories: Late Bloomer vs. Early Bloomer Journeys

• [17:22]–[22:07] Stories about coming out, being a late bloomer vs. finding identity early, and how queer spaces and societal norms shaped their experiences.
  • Kendahl: Late-blooming in a conservative town, only realizing her queerness through YouTube.
  • Jordan: Out and self-assured from a young age—always a bit of an “old soul.”
  • Ash: From knowing early, but censoring himself due to cultural/religious norms.

8. Late Bloomers and the Emotional Rollercoaster of Starting “Late”

• [28:02], [29:03] Ash shares how autism and love of structure meant embracing rules, but breaking out and exploring his sexuality took more time.
  • “Honestly, can I tell you, I've also recently been diagnosed with autism, which puts this whole other layer...” – Ash [28:12]
• Discussion about how the pandemic created safe spaces for people to come out or transition later.

9. Dating as a Late Bloomer: Pros, Cons & Community

• [35:05] On the challenges of being a “baby gay” or late bloomer:

  "If you ever meet someone that you’re like, you're hot, why are you funny? Why do you have a personality? ...Ugly kid. Fat kid. Weird kid. Neurodivergent in some way. Absolutely. Those are my favorite people." – Ash

• The unfair expectation of having experience before anyone will date you:

  "It's like when you try and get a job out of college and they're like, you need five years experience."

10. Generational Differences, Lesbian Culture, and Spaces

• [32:29]–[34:34] The changing face of queer spaces:
  • Lesbian bars disappearing, but bookstores and alternative community spaces rising.
  • Newer generations of trans men often embrace gay male spaces and culture, sometimes skipping the steps/layers older late bloomers went through.

11. Reflection: When Do You “Bloom”?

• [38:46] When did you find yourself? Hosts and Ash compare timelines, with some only recently feeling fully themselves—and others (Jordan) feeling she’s always had the same essence.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Yearning & Queer Culture

"It’s so part of our DNA to yearn. Because that’s all we had." – Ash Perez [03:34]

On Online Discourse Fatigue

"I'm tired of lesbian discourse on TikTok. I think we need to be having more person to person, real life discourse and not like a 15 year old from Idaho... being like, 'male lesbians can't exist.' I'm like, shut up." – Kendahl Landreth [06:09]

On Labels and Acceptance

"If a trans man wants to still identify as a lesbian, I'm fine with that. Like, it doesn't affect me at all. ...So many other people are invalidating us, if someone is identifying ... in a way that doesn't immediately make sense to you, that doesn't inherently make it wrong." – Kendahl Landreth [09:23]

On Embarrassing Late Blooming

"It's so embarrassing. And I think at 16 it's like I wouldn't even think about it. But I did that at 20. ...So embarrassing." – Kendahl Landreth (on being messy after a first breakup as a late bloomer) [62:01]

On Sexual Intimacy & Dysphoria

"All relationships are just about communication. Sex, good sex, is about communication. ...The idea that two bodies meld into each other and immediately know what the other wants ... we're not aliens in Pandora." – Ash Perez [55:18]

Important Listener Q&A Segments

Approaching Dating as a Late Bloomer / New Queer

• [50:27] Listener Q: How do I start dating as a queer person with no experience?
  • Ash: “You’re not behind. It’s okay to be new to things... Dating is statistics. The more you put yourself out there, the more you learn what you like and what you don’t like.”
  • Hosts echo: Most queer people start dating later, or don’t have typical “dating” experience. The therapy part—knowing yourself—is the hardest and you’ve already done it.

Navigating Intimacy and Dysphoria During Transition

• [55:18] Listener Q: How to handle intimacy, dysphoria, and sex while transitioning?
  • Ash: “All relationships are just about communication. ...Good sex is about communication. ...It's always okay to debrief.”
  • Jordan: Everyone has something about their body they feel weird about; trans experience is unique but relatable.

Processing a First Breakup in Adulthood

• [61:37] Listener Q: How do you move through a first real breakup as an adult?
  • “You just have to go, I’m going to be embarrassed about this later…almost got fired from my job because I was crying at work…So embarrassing. And there’s nothing wrong with it.” – Kendahl Landreth
  • Ash: "You have every right to that experience just as much as a cis straight person does, just because you weren't allowed to societally have it."

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:21] – Ash’s introduction, background, and upcoming queer audio rom-com
• [03:34] – The importance of “yearning” in queer romance and media
• [04:33]–[12:21] – Gender, transition, and online lesbian discourse
• [14:06] – Double coming-outs and queer adolescence
• [17:22]–[22:07] – Coming out stories: late vs. early bloomers
• [28:02], [29:03] – Autism, rules, and the comfort of structure for late bloomers
• [35:05] – The “ugly/weird/fat kid to hot, interesting adult” pipeline
• [41:11] – Childhood confidence, being oneself, and family role models
• [50:27] – Listener question: Dating for the first time, queer or late in life
• [55:18] – Listener question: Navigating intimacy and body confidence while transitioning
• [61:37] – Listener question: Surviving heartbreak and your first adult breakup
• [68:42] – Ash’s “lean into whimsy” ritual and wisdom card “gifts” for hosts
• [71:24]–[74:11] – Throuple Bracket segment; Ash pitches himself as the best “third”

Summary of Tone and Style

Throughout the episode, the tone is warm, open, irreverent, and deeply personal, with all three embracing vulnerability and humor. Ash brings a witty, honest perspective on transition, intersectionality, and queer late-bloomer identity. The hosts match with empathy, sharp observations, and a “deeply in love but not experts” energy. The conversation centers on self-acceptance, embracing difference, and building community—while also sharing plenty of laughs and resonant “you're not alone” moments.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "We invented [Buzzfeed Violet] because we were all side characters in movies, and we were like, we should be the main characters." – Ash [01:21]
• "It’s so part of our DNA to yearn. Because that’s all we had." – Ash [03:34]
• "You don’t get to die on every hill... If everything is your hill to die on, it’s like a fart in the wind." – Ash [06:53]
• "If a trans man wants to still identify as a lesbian, I’m fine with that. ...That doesn’t inherently make it wrong." – Kendahl [09:23]
• "The idea that two bodies meld into each other and immediately know what the other wants ...we’re not aliens in Pandora." – Ash [55:18]
• "You just have to go, I’m going to be embarrassed about this later." – Kendahl [62:01]
• "What makes you different or weird, that’s your strength." – Card drawn by Ash (at the close) [70:01]

Conclusion

This episode is an affirming, hilarious, and insightful look into what it means to find yourself, embrace change, and create queer community and culture at any age. Whether you’re a late bloomer or a lifelong overachiever, Kendahl, Jordan, and Ash make space for reflection, reassurance, and a few laughs at the beautifully winding path that is the queer experience.

For More from Ash Perez

• Ash’s website: ashperez.com
• Forthcoming audio rom-com "Speak Now" (out March 31; pre-order link in episode bio)

Next episode: Stay tuned for more special guests, and the evolving “Throuple Bracket”!