HARD LAUNCH with Dan and Phil
Episode: Dan got caught playing a yaoi game
Date: December 8, 2025
Hosts: Dan Howell & Phil Lester (Studio71)
Episode Overview
This unfiltered episode of HARD LAUNCH dives into Dan’s accidental public exposure playing a yaoi dating sim, a cascade of embarrassing moments, revelations about Dan and Phil’s living situation, mortifying builder encounters, and the duo’s take on festivals, memory, and deep-sea mysteries. The tone is raucous, sardonic, and intimately oversharing, true to the branding of Dan and Phil’s new podcast era.
Key Discussion Points
1. Dan Gets Caught Playing a Yaoi Game
[01:05] - [02:41]
- Dan recounts being "so embarrassed" after his attempt at private "research" into a yaoi dating simulator backfired, when his Discord status made it visible to business contacts and gaming friends.
- Dan: “I went to all lengths to try to protect my anonymity. I went invisible on Steam.” (01:12)
- Phil: “Your Discord status was showing the game you were playing!” (01:27)
- The game’s explicit, unnamable title heightened Dan’s mortification as friends and business acquaintances saw him playing it for two hours.
- Dan: "Some of these dating games are purely about the romance and the comedy. It turned out this one was really about the gyration and the animation." (02:05)
- Phil and Dan riff on “yaoi boys” hopping on Discord, adding to Dan’s embarrassment.
2. Fashion Fiascos and Studio Hijinks
[02:52] - [04:00]
- Both hosts are wearing unusual trousers for the recording: Dan’s “strappy pants,” and Phil's “heat reactive pants,” which become an ongoing visual gag as Phil's crotch glows on camera.
- Dan: “Phil’s got cold lizard blood hands. Life was not detected.” (03:13)
- Phil: “Turns out Rudolph the Orange Crotch Dick.” (03:34)
- They lampoon the camera angles and discuss worrying about “visible penis glow” (VPG) on the podcast.
- Phil: “Could be a VPG. A visible penis glow. Worst acronym in human history.” (03:50)
3. Dan and Phil's Times Square Billboard
[04:23] - [06:18]
- The pair celebrate their appearance on a Times Square billboard (for their Patreon), joking about being under a massive McDonald’s ad, and fans referring to it as the “FILboard.”
- Dan: “We made it. Parasocial we. It’s not just me and Phil. It’s you—listeners and viewers—we did it!” (04:35)
- Phil: “No offense to America, but isn't Times Square one of the worst places?” (04:44)
- Amused at being recognized by American strangers who have no idea who they are.
- Phil as onlooker: “Damn, that guy’s hot. The blonde one.” (05:48)
4. Mortifying Builder Bedroom Encounter
[08:38] - [12:00]
- Dan tells a “life-ruining” story when builders at their house unexpectedly moved his bedside drawer – revealing a magazine with Tim Cook’s face and novelty wrapping paper reading “THIS IS A MASSIVE DILDO.”
- Phil: “Imagine what’s in your bedside drawer, people…massive dildo…” (10:24)
- Dan: “…wrapping paper in giant, colorful letters, it says, this is a massive dildo…” (10:48)
- The duo clarify their living arrangements: separate bedrooms, bathrooms, and closets (“we need our space”), dispelling fan fantasies.
- Dan: “Two different beds. Bedside drawers.” (09:45)
5. "The Boys" and Name Change Absurdities
[12:13] - [16:15]
- Joking about always being called “the boys” (never “men” or “partners”), they riff on hypothetical married surnames and rebranding possibilities.
- Dan: “Would you take my surname?” (12:51)
- Dan: “Millie Bobby Bon Jovi. Branzino.” (13:03)
- Phil: “I nearly did change my name to Zack Stryker.” (14:15)
- Suggest they’d only merge names if it gave them alphabetical or SEO advantage, inspired by Phil’s YouTube strategy.
- Dan: “You need to prioritize search results. If you don’t know the origin story of Phil’s YouTube…” (14:45)
6. Extremely British Slang and American Viewers
[35:05] - [36:28]
- American listener Brooke calls in, baffled by British slang.
- Dan and Phil unpack:
- “Faffy/faff” = “hassle/trouble”
- “Rubbish” = trash
- Phil: “Just have a cup of tea and shut up.” (36:12)
7. Reading Festival & Feral Music Stories
[17:34] - [21:19]
- Phil brings up the new Reading Festival lineup, prompting festival horror and nostalgia.
- Dan: “Reading festival in the UK is like a zombie apocalypse. A woman pissed on my shoe.” (19:09)
- Phil: “I need a Glastonbury yurt. I need my own toilet.” (19:57)
- They reminisce about a formative Muse concert, the differing festival energy compared to influencer events like Coachella, and the UK’s wild crowd behaviors.
8. Memory and Cognitive "Tests"
[21:19] - [27:03]
- Inspired by Kim Kardashian’s “frontal brain power” meme, they quiz each other on recent and childhood memories—with both failing spectacularly.
- Phil (on memory task): “What reel did I show you this morning?” (22:54)
- Dan: “This explains everything. Fun game, Phil.” (23:02)
- Phil describes a dream about stopping gun-wielding assailants with Christmas-scented fire, Dan quizzes Phil on past birthday cakes, childhood vest slogans, and carpet colors.
- The struggle is real: “We have low brain power.” (27:03)
9. Introvert Energy & Social Recovery
[27:05] - [27:43]
- Discuss the toll of social interactions, especially with strangers or after house invasions.
- Dan: “A conversation with a postman, Phil is like, I need to lie down for three hours.” (27:28)
10. Deep Sea Mysteries & Scuba Fears
[29:27] - [33:52]
- “Richard” segment—deep sea research as the topic reveals their skepticism about ocean exploration and admiration for octopuses’ intelligence.
- Phil: “Would you go on an expedition into the Marianas Trench?”
Dan: “Absolutely not.” (29:45) - Phil: “I think octopi are more intelligent than us.” (30:38)
- Phil: “Would you go on an expedition into the Marianas Trench?”
- Phil confesses he’d only scuba dive again if limited to 10 meters, and Dan worries about past caving risks.
- Dan: “The older you get, the more afraid of how fragile you are you become.” (32:47)
11. Strip Games, Honest Confessions, and Listener Submissions
[36:31] - [40:24]
- Listeners submit their own “hard launches”—most notably, the idea of turning any game into a strip game (like Wii Golf), leading Dan and Phil into tales of awkward teen strip poker and spin the bottle.
- Phil: “I played a strip game and I ended up up feeling very exposed because I'm bad at most games.” (37:56)
- Dan: “Could have had a fun formative moment there. But I was like, don’t google that.” (38:05)
- Listener confesses to sharing a toothbrush with their fiancé.
- Phil: “I would rather not brush my teeth than use your toothbrush.” (39:26)
- Dan: “All respect for you and your horrible shrimp kink, but we say no, absolutely not.” (40:05)
12. News: Listener Engagement & Naming New Segments
[40:34] - [42:27]
- A past listener’s proposal (submitted by podcast) was accepted—Dan and Phil claim credit for their first fan marriage.
- Dan: “Our first hard commitment. We couldn’t do it, so they did it for us.” (40:50)
- Soliciting votes for Phil’s upcoming weird news segment, with options like “News Flash,” “Filling You In,” and jokingly “Piss of the Week”—which they summarily reject.
- Phil: “Next week, we are gonna start my special news segment.” (42:18)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Dan (On the yaoi game reveal): “I was just trying to see if it would go anywhere…Shut the fuck up—for a video!” (02:24-02:26)
- Phil (Calling out the Discord mishap): “Your Discord status was showing the game you were playing!” (01:27)
- Dan (On builder horror): “They see Tim Cook’s face and massive font saying, this is a massive dildo.” (11:15)
- Phil (On fashion): “I’m trying to avoid a VPL situation.” (03:28)
- Dan (On Britishness): “If you were not someone that had a British phase on Tumblr…you might not know anything that we're talking [about].” (35:22)
- Phil (On festivals): “A woman pissed on my shoe.” (19:12)
- Dan (On memory decline): “This explains everything. Fun game, Phil.” (23:02)
- Dan (On marriage proposals): “You now unfortunately have downfall, plot armor and you have to stay married forever.” (40:54)
Time-stamped Highlights
- [01:05] Dan's yaoi game humiliation
- [03:34] “Rudolph the Orange Crotch Dick” and heat-reactive clothes
- [04:23] Billboard celebration in Times Square
- [10:48] "This is a massive dildo" wrapping paper discovery
- [14:15] Phil’s YouTube username origin for alphabetic sorting
- [19:12] Festival trauma: “A woman pissed on my shoe.”
- [21:20] Surreal memory and “being born” anecdote
- [29:27] “Deep sea research,” octopus intelligence, and oceanic fears
- [36:10] British slang translation for American listeners
- [38:40] Phil's friend group: “all the boys kissed”
- [39:14] Listener confession: sharing toothbrushes
- [40:39] Listener proposal update: “they said yes!”
- [41:47] Joking about "Piss of the Week" news segment
Final Thoughts & Listener Engagement
- Dan and Phil’s boundary-pushing confessions and relentless banter anchor the episode, blending absurd oversharing with genuine fan interaction.
- They end by encouraging listeners to join their Patreon, help name new show segments, and share their own “hard launches.”
For more episodes and extras, join patreon.com/danandphil."
