Addressing the elephant in the room

Summary

HARD LAUNCH with Dan and Phil

Episode: Addressing the elephant in the room
Released: June 29, 2026
Hosts: Dan and Phil
Theme: Unfiltered Oversharing, Major Announcements, and Community Vibes

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Overview

In this energetic and irreverent episode of HARD LAUNCH, Dan and Phil embrace their trademark chaos to address the long-awaited "elephant in the room." The duo officially hard launch both their relationship and an upcoming world tour, all while amusingly oversharing about birthdays gone wrong, doorbell fears, interpersonal etiquette, and listener confessions. True to the ethos of this new podcast era, it's messy, honest, and delightfully unhinged.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Flow

1. Digital Manners & “Thank You-Gate” (00:53 – 06:04)

• Red Receipts & Message Anxiety:

  • Dan is tormented that Phil has left a mutual friend "on read" for two days.
  • Discussion about the social obligation of red receipts—are you required to reply once you’ve triggered it?
  • Phil defends himself as just “charging up my ability to reply,” while Dan claims his approach (not opening messages he can’t reply to) is "an act of kindness."
  • Quote (Dan, 01:19): “It is something psychological warfare to say, yeah, I saw that. And not reply to someone.”

• Saying ‘Thank You’:

  • Phil confronts Dan about not saying thank you after receiving gifts, especially in emotionally-charged moments (e.g., Dan’s mother and a friend gave him cupcakes after his cake-related food poisoning).
  • Quote (Phil, 04:11): "I think we need to bring up thank you, gate, because I realized that Dan doesn't say thank you."
  • Dan defends himself, citing his effusive appreciation instead of the actual words "thank you."
  • Phil: "Land that thank plane." (05:47)

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2. The (Literal!) Hard Launch and World Tour (06:03 – 09:02)

• Official Tour Announcement:
  • Dan and Phil finally reveal the long-teased “elephant in the room”:
    • They’re embarking on the Hard Launch World Tour, marking a new, uninhibited, post “out” Dan and Phil era.
    • Tour spans UK, Europe, USA, Canada, Mexico, Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, and more.
    • Quote (Phil, 06:05): “The thing has been revealed.”
    • Quote (Dan, 06:12): “This is the Hard Launch podcast. The fan is real.”
    • Tickets at danandphiltour.com.
• Atmosphere and Inclusivity:
  • Emphasize the show is for everyone (“if you’ve been here since 2009, or nine days ago”).
  • Attendees can come solo: “You’re gonna feel fine. It’s lifelong memories as well.” (08:20–08:50)

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3. Stage Vibes, Photo Leaks & Merch Tease (09:03 – 10:06)

• Photo shoot antics and teasing some exclusive behind-the-scenes moments.
• Teaser about their new tour merch: “The merch is gonna go hard… extremely hard. Launch.” (Phil, 10:04)

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4. Life Updates, Doorbell Anxiety & Cat Politics (13:11 – 16:47)

• Fun News Round-Up:
  • Cat runs for mayor in Newcastle (“local cat mayor election for fun that had a higher turnout than the Brexit referendum,” 13:31).
  • Gen Z finds ringing doorbells awkward; Phil confesses he prefers knocking or scratching the door like a friendly cat.
  • Quote (Dan, 14:34): “When you’re in your house and you hear ding dong, that is a bolt of dread.”
• Summer Heat & Cooling Methods:
  • Sun safety: being shirtless can make you hotter due to direct sun exposure—wet T-shirts or cool towels are better.
  • Quote (Dan, 16:16): “You are allowed to do that, but just so people know, that is worse in terms of keeping cool.”
• Phil’s 90s Bitch Moment:
  • Excitement over discovering the “Spice Girls staircase” from the ‘Wannabe’ music video at a London hotel.
  • Nostalgic chat about their favorite Spice Girls (both picked Baby Spice).
  • Zig-a-zig-ah lyric explained as innuendo. (19:41 – 20:14)

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5. Birthday Drama & Gift Philosophy (17:34 – 21:45)

• Cake, Food Poisoning, and Birthday Do-Overs:
  • Dan recounts his re-celebrated birthday after “ass tap” (tapas-induced food poisoning) with fancy meals and Instagram slander (“cat food dessert”).
• Gift Wrapping Discourse:
  • Dan openly dislikes cards and wrapping (“Don’t need paper. Don’t need a boomer joke on a card.” 20:53), preferring to simply hand gifts over with eyes closed.
  • Environmentalism vs. effort vs. tradition is debated.

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6. UK Political Jokes, “Fanifesto,” and Societal Rants (23:04 – 26:33)

• Current Events/Satire:
  • Make light of British political changes in sync with their tour announcement ("People were saying that we caused [Keir Starmer’s exit] by announcing our tour," 23:07).
  • Objectify the “sexy podium man” who brings out the lecterns for press conferences.
• Joking Manifesto:
  • Rapid-fire vision for a hypothetical Dan and Phil government: pro-LGBTQ+ rights, more theme parks, banning newspapers, abolishing “wet Wednesdays,” and capping billionaire fortunes.

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7. Listener "Hard Launches" & Community Sharing (29:27 – 34:54)

• Golden Pig Giveaway:
  • Patreon supporters get entered into a “golden pig” pin lottery (28:11 – 29:03).
• Memorable Listener Voicemails:
  • Emma from Australia (29:28): Confesses to wearing a strap-on harness as underwear to work due to laundry woes.
    • Dan: “Assert dominance on your boss.” (30:08)
  • Hailey from Tennessee (30:20): Rants about people treating their significant others like dogs.
    • Phil: “Treat your significant other with kindness, or they deserve to leave you—unless they want that.” (31:26)
  • Cypher from Tacoma, Washington (31:34): Asks Dan and Phil to convince their mom to allow them to attend the show in Seattle.
    • Dan: “We are a good influence. We’re gonna have a great time… It’s formative bonding.” (32:05–32:52)
  • Kate from the US (33:37): About to have a colonoscopy, sharing her experience “live.”
    • Phil: “Firstly, don’t be ashamed to go to the doctor for your bum issues.” (34:01)
    • Dan: “Get all the oscopies for all the parts of your body.” (34:05)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Red Receipts:

  • “If I see that someone’s messaged me and I know that I’m not going to reply, then I don’t trigger the read message because I just don’t read it.” (Dan, 01:32)

• On Tour Announcement:

  • “The thing is revealed.” (Dan, 06:03)
  • “I’ve been just wanting to go, oh, and when we go on tour and we’re gay all the time.” (Phil, 06:14)

• On Birthday Wrapping:

  • “I botch it… I’ll give you a thoughtful gift like a pigeon rug.”—Dan (21:00)
  • "Are you taking down big wrapping paper next?" —Phil (21:45)

• On Listener Confession (Strap-On Harness):

  • “You could attach other attachments that are more work appropriate to the front of it.” (Phil, 29:56)
  • “Practicing the Kegels.” (Dan, 30:13)

• On Colonoscopies:

  • “Don’t be ashamed to go to the doctor for your bum issues.” (Phil, 34:01)
  • “I yearn for the piss. Can we go back?” (Dan, 34:30)

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Segment Timestamps

• Red Receipts & Thank You-Gate: 00:53 – 06:04
• Tour Announcement: 06:03 – 09:02
• Backstage Antics & Merch: 09:03 – 10:06
• Fun News & Summer Tips: 13:11 – 16:47
• Birthday Wrapping Philosophy: 17:34 – 21:45
• Political Jokes & Manifesto: 23:04 – 26:33
• Listener Hard Launches: 29:27 – 34:54

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Tone & Style

The episode oozes Dan and Phil’s signature banter: irreverent, affectionate, cheeky, and occasionally self-deprecating. There’s a warm inclusivity, especially during their community-building tour segments and listener voicemails. The hosts are unafraid to poke fun at themselves, each other, and the absurdity of 2026.

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Summary Takeaway

Addressing the elephant in the room is a quintessentially Dan and Phil experience—big laughs, chaotic friendship energy, candid confessions, and a splashy “hard launch” for both the tour and their new, openly queer era. Longtime fans get nostalgia-fueled shenanigans; newcomers are invited in with open arms (and the promise of organized chaos on tour). Whether you’re listening for the bants, the community, or just to hear someone else’s “oversharing,” this is an episode not to miss.

Transcript

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[Phil]

So good, so good, so good.

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[Dan]

I cannot bear being alive because Phil has left someone we know on red for two days.

[Phil]

What's wrong with that?

[Dan]

This is ruining my life, Dan.

[Phil]

I'm just charging up my ability to reply. I don't have to do it straight away.

[Dan]

Chat. Is a red receipt a commitment to reply to someone once you've triggered red, two blue ticks. I think you have to do it.

[Phil]

No, Everyone has a busy life, right?

[Dan]

Oh, this guy.

[Phil]

Everyone in the world.

[Dan]

You don't have to say it is a violent act. It is something psychological warfare to say, yeah, I saw that. And not reply to someone.

[Phil]

You're one to talk, though. You don't even open the messages from people and leave them waiting for a week or something.

[Dan]

It's an act of kindness.

[Phil]

Is it?

[Dan]

If I see that someone's messaged me and I know that I'm not going to reply, then I don't trigger the red message because I just don't read it.

[Phil]

But what if their message is like, help, I'm on fire. I'm trapped in a submarine.

[Dan]

Submarine aside, Phil, if someone's trapped in a fire and you leave them on red, that's a lot worse.

[Phil]

No, if I see their message says help, I'm on fire, I'm gonna rep.

[Dan]

Okay, he's moving the goalposts, people.

[Phil]

You don't know what's in your messages.

[Dan]

Maybe the truth is we're just both overthinking this a bit too much. Yeah, and we are both freaks.

[Phil]

Yeah, but we're freaks together.

[Dan]

Uh, hi. Sorry about that.

[Phil]

Hi. You'll have to bear with us today because we were kept up all night from a lightning thunderstorm.

[Dan]

Thank God you filled that sentence in quickly. We were kept up all night. Electroplay.

[Phil]

Oh, yeah, well, speaking of electroplay, you already said thunderstorm. No, I know. I woke up to the sound.

[Dan]

They're like, we know. Thunder. That was a thunderstorm.

[Phil]

I woke up to the thunderstorm.

[Announcer]

Yep.

[Phil]

And I felt lightning in the room in my hair.

[Dan]

There's a lightning in the room?

[Phil]

No, there was.

[Dan]

What do you mean you felt the lightning in the air?

[Phil]

Do you know when you, like, rub something on a carpet and then you.

[Dan]

And you feel static? Yeah, I do know what you do.

[Phil]

I felt it all over my hair and I thought the lightning was coming into the bed.

[Dan]

And you didn't fucking wake me up. You're like, okay, well, this bitch can fry. I'm gonna roll out if I need to.

[Phil]

I was half asleep, but I was thinking, could it come through the window and get us in bed?

[Dan]

You're thinking the lightning is gonna go, hello, Twinks.

[Phil]

It might.

[Dan]

Yeah. This is why Phil didn't do a level geography. We need to educate him on how particles.

[Phil]

Hang on, hang on. Howl. We have seen ball lightning together. Yeah. And that phenomenon in the text has been known to go through houses, through windows.

[Sponsor Voice]

It moves.

[Announcer]

It moves.

[Phil]

I think it was getting ready to.

[Announcer]

You know what?

[Dan]

As two ball lightning seers. You are actually correct.

[Phil]

I think it was getting ready right into our bed.

[Dan]

Our third is a ball lightning.

[Phil]

It is.

[Dan]

And that's how we fucking die.

[Phil]

Buzz, buzz, buzz.

[Dan]

So if you're wondering why Phil's got such a fucked up hair day today, that's. Why did you not.

[Phil]

I'm joking.

[Dan]

Oh, my God, you look lovely. We've both had haircuts. Summer short.

[Phil]

Did you not feel a bit static, though?

[Dan]

No, I was asleep.

[Phil]

No, it's gone. It's discharged.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

Okay.

[Dan]

Dan and Phil have successfully discharged, and we're ready for the podcast.

[Phil]

We are. Hey, we didn't say who we are. This is Dan.

[Dan]

Hi, I'm Dan.

[Phil]

I'm Phil. And we're gay. And. And nice silver pants, Dan.

[Dan]

I've changed the subject.

[Phil]

Very reflective today. You could stop traffic in that.

[Dan]

Thank you, Phil. Thank you.

[Phil]

He said thank you.

[Dan]

Thank you. Do you see how I'm looking at thank you?

[Phil]

Look me in the eyes or Bathurst.

[Dan]

You're not ready for thank you, gate.

[Phil]

I think we need to bring up thank you, gate, because I realized that Dan doesn't say thank you.

[Dan]

You're trying to ruin my birthday.

[Phil]

No, I'm not. You get given a present and you're like, wow, this is so cool. This is amazing. Oh, my God. But then you don't say thank you, and you just don't land the plane.

[Dan]

So this is one of those language moments where I'm like, phil, you can't say you always do this.

[Phil]

You've done it.

[Dan]

I think I might have done this this one time.

[Phil]

No, you did it to your mum. And you did it to as well.

[Dan]

Okay, wow. We're just dropping on the podcast, are we? I don't think's gonna see the podcast.

[Phil]

We'll bleep his name. But you did it to him. He gave you.

[Dan]

Whoa, let's keep that in. Sorry.

[Phil]

And I was looking you in the eyes like, come on.

[Dan]

There was a lot happening in this conversation. And he gave me a box of cupcakes, which is good because we threw out my first birthday cake because of my ass tap. Ass tap.

[Phil]

The food poisoning.

[Dan]

I did go, wow. Oh, my God. You have no idea how much I needed another cake after the first cake. Like, honestly, this is the best gift because I didn't get to appreciate it because of the food poisoning.

[Phil]

Where's the thank you? I forgot? Do you not have that thing in your heart that's like, I have in my heart.

[Dan]

This is not moral failing. This was one brief conversation.

[Phil]

So I was saying on Dan's behalf, thank you. This is great. I'm excited to eat some of these cakes.

[Dan]

Okay. Firstly, therapist, what do you say about always? Language?

[Announcer]

Always.

[Phil]

I wanna be with you.

[Dan]

Well, how's about that's not gonna happen if you say that I always forget

[Phil]

to say thank you. You don't always.

[Dan]

This one time I didn't. I felt like I said, enough appreciations of the box of cupcakes that it was okay. But you fl. It is very, very different and important to say thank you.

[Phil]

Land that thank plane. How are you?

[Dan]

Like, it's very, very different when you've offended someone that you need to say,

[Phil]

sorry that I offended you, mate.

[Dan]

Sorry that you offended me or sorry for what you did?

[Phil]

I'm sorry for what I did.

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Sponsor Voice]

To you.

[Phil]

Thank you. Address me the tour in the room.

[Dan]

The thing is revealed.

[Phil]

The thing has been revealed. And I'm so excited to finally say, do you know how hard it is to keep a secret? Do you know how many times we've been doing don't know that we're gay?

[Dan]

This is the Hard Launch podcast. The fan is real.

[Phil]

I've been just wanting to go, oh, and when we go on tour and we're gay all the time.

[Dan]

The Hard Launch world tour.

[Phil]

It's coming, it's coming.

[Dan]

And I'm Davis.

[Phil]

I'm so excited.

[Dan]

Like, what a time to be alive.

[Phil]

I can't even speak in case you missed It.

[Dan]

We are going all the way around the world and back. We're going to the uk, Europe, usa, Canada. No tbc.

[Phil]

No.

[Dan]

We are going to Mexico finally. Mexico, Australia, New Zealand, New York, Singapore. New shows might be announced. So keep an eye on the website.

[Phil]

Yes.

[Dan]

Which is danandphiltour.com Tickets are on sale right now. Go grab em dan&filltour.com Loads of the

[Phil]

shows might sell out really quickly, so make sure you go check it out sooner rather than later.

[Dan]

Thank you.

[Phil]

And if you've never seen Dan and Phil live before, it's a whole shebang.

[Dan]

This is some legendary. You just need to ask people. Ask people in the comments that have been to a Dan and Phil tour before.

[Caller/Listener]

Woof.

[Dan]

You're not ready for your life to be permanently changed. Hollywood, how are you doing tonight? Are you good? It's almost like going to your favorite band's gig. But it's funny. Yeah, there is that exact level of energy.

[Phil]

It's called the Hard Launch World Tour. But it's not just the podcast. Live on stage. Oh no.

[Dan]

Oh no. It's a whole theatrical rock concert x extravaganza on stage. It's gonna be inspired by the pod.

[Phil]

There's gonna be inspiration by our favorite

[Dan]

things and features, but also it's the entire new post Hard Launch out Dan and Phil era.

[Phil]

Authentic gay on stage. In your face. What are we gonna do?

[Dan]

A whole load of shit, probably.

[Phil]

We've planned so much.

[Dan]

We set the bar very high.

[Phil]

I don't want to ruin the surprises, but they are surprising.

[Dan]

And if anyone is new and they're thinking, oh, a Danifiltor. Is that for me? Yes, it's for all of you.

[Phil]

If you're new, if you're old, if

[Dan]

you've been here since 2009, if you've been here since nine days ago.

[Phil]

Yeah, it's for you. And if you're thinking, oh, I don't want to go by myself, don't worry, it's such an inclusive environment. You're gonna feel fine.

[Dan]

You can come by yourself because everyone in the room are the people in the comment section. There is no other gig in the world that you can go to and be like, I'm here by myself, But I have 3,000 friends.

[Phil]

Yeah. It's like the whole audience is one collective comment section.

[Dan]

But this show is absolutely gonna be something that you can drag Davis to.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Your partners, your sisters, your BFF who has never owned a phone. They can come, drag them along and they will have the best night ever.

[Phil]

Yeah. It's lifelong memories as well.

[Dan]

Oh, you have never experienced the vibe in the room.

[Phil]

It's such a Danville.

[Dan]

It's hard to explain formative memories.

[Phil]

So do not miss out if you can come and see us. There are tickets on sale right now@danville tour.com.

[Dan]

we have a lot more to share. This summer we are going to be drip feeding in like not an unsatisfying, edging way, in a nice way, exciting, teasing way.

[Phil]

Yeah, both of those were horrible discharging.

[Dan]

No, we've done that. And hey, even if for any reason you can't come, this tour is going to make so much content.

[Phil]

Yes.

[Dan]

It's going to be going wild on the Instagram, over here on the pod.

[Phil]

YouTube. Take you with us as much as we can.

[Dan]

What does it all mean? Look forward to it.

[Phil]

So these are our photo shoot outfits. This is why I was bending over backwards the other day and I hurt my spine.

[Dan]

Yes.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Phil, you were throwing some poses.

[Phil]

You were carrying me like a little.

[Dan]

And we'll see whether we ever share that photo. Interesting results there. We took about 100 pics.

[Phil]

Yeah. We could share one now. Should we leak one? Here we go. There we are.

[Dan]

Look at that one. Look at that one that's on the screen.

[Phil]

If you're listening, I don't know which one we picked. So it's very. Wow.

[Dan]

That's fucking great.

[Phil]

It's very sexy.

[Dan]

How dare the people on Apple podcasts.

[Phil]

Yeah, the branding as well. Hard launch. It's kind of spacey, cute, subtly evoking

[Dan]

the vibe, and yet it's also quite Y2K cunty. I love it. I love it. The merch is going to go hard.

[Phil]

It's going to go hard.

[Dan]

It's going to go extremely hard. Launch.

[Phil]

I'm excited to release that. Speaking of merch, shout out to our sponsor who powers the Dan and Phil shop. Shopify.

[Dan]

Cha Ching. I did it. Did it work?

[Phil]

You need to make the sound effect. Have you ever dreamed of opening your own shop? Well, Shopify makes it almost too easy. Bulletproof. Why am I finding this so easy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan]

Cause he needs it.

[Phil]

Well, you need it, Mr. Typo. World War instead of World Tour.

[Dan]

Yeah. I did ask everybody to sign up to a thing and then I went announcing the Dan and Phil World War. I did do that.

[Phil]

You can use templates to create easy email campaigns.

[Announcer]

Wow.

[Dan]

They'll even proofread them for you. Yeah, that's wild.

[Phil]

If there's accidental leaks, like a venue doing things before they're supposed to Imagine if that happens.

[Dan]

Oh, emergency.

[Phil]

There's 24. 7 Shopify support for anything that goes wrong with your shop. Not that it will.

[Dan]

Not that it will. Everything will be fine for you. And nothing goes wrong for us either.

[Phil]

No, never.

[Dan]

And if you forget your logins because you're just a fun, eccentric person with lots of different emails and passwords, you can manage everything from one account. Checking the stock, designing the newsletters. It's all in one place.

[Phil]

So if you want to start your own shop selling squishies.

[Dan]

What's a squishy?

[Phil]

No, like a stress squeezer.

[Dan]

Stress balls.

[Phil]

If you want to sell stress balls or anything else, it's time to turn those what ifs into yes, that he gets to do it with Shopify today.

[Dan]

Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com Dan and Phil

[Phil]

go to shopify.com Daniel Dan and Phil.

[Dan]

That's shopify.com Dan and Phil. Thank you, Shopify. Thank you.

[Phil]

Thank you. If you want to get a present for someone, are you going to give them some tickets to a concert?

[Dan]

So smooth Phil, Beluga whale segue there.

[Phil]

Well, you can. Thanks to our next sponsor, it's SeatGeek.

[Dan]

It's concert season.

[Phil]

Is it?

[Dan]

I want a seat. But if only I had some kind of geek to help me.

[Phil]

I know the perfect geek it is. Seatgeek. Who can help you find the best concert tickets?

[Dan]

Number one rated ticketing app.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Who's like the opposite of Dan and Phil? Vibe wise though, like we can't compete. The NFL. Big burleys. Sporty men.

[Phil]

Do you want to see some sporty men and get some money off? Well, now you can get it.

[Dan]

Hey, did you buy a VIP ticket? And then there's just like a ten foot wall there. Well, maybe someone could have told you that because they rate their seats from 1 to 10.

[Phil]

The 1 to 10 system is very easy. You're like, oh, I want that one. That's a 10. It's brilliant.

[Dan]

And I don't want that one. It's a one.

[Phil]

What is a one? Just a giant wall.

[Dan]

I always think in sports, would a one seat be where the balls are going? People be in the way of the ball, don't they? As like a gay that's scared of sport. I'd be like, I'm sorry guys, that's a one for me. I don't want to catch the ball. I'm scared of the ball.

[Phil]

They won the football team.

[Dan]

But I guess to actual ball enjoyers, it's a 10.

[Phil]

Yes. So, yeah, concert season has officially started and to make it even better, you can use the code DAN&PHIL10 for 10% off your SeatGeek tickets.

[Dan]

That is 10% off tickets with the promo code DAN&PHIL10. Just click the link in the description. It will automatically download the app and have the code put in so you can use it later.

[Sponsor Voice]

Thanks.

[Phil]

Seatgeek.

[Dan]

Does it feel good? Is it like doing another hard launch, releasing the thing?

[Phil]

It was like when you had colonic irrigation. The secret is back.

[Sponsor Voice]

We actually.

[Dan]

We can move on from last week's episode.

[Phil]

Can we?

[Dan]

Yeah, fully. I think we can forget everything that happened in it.

[Phil]

That title didn't test very well on YouTube.

[Dan]

No shit.

[Phil]

I wonder why.

[Dan]

Because shit.

[Phil]

There was no shit.

[Dan]

Because yes, shit.

[Phil]

So that was our thing. But here is the thing. Less politics, more pussy. Newcastle resident Haley Hawkins had a local cat mayor election for fun that had a higher turnout than the Brexit referendum.

[Dan]

Who cares about our lives? No, we want to list the local pussy. Yeah, absolutely.

[Phil]

She hopes it will get the community to appreciate local cats. Division seems to be in fashion at the moment, but it's easy to feel powerless in the face of it. But I knew I needed to do something, no matter how small, to bring a bit of silliness and togetherness into our community.

[Dan]

What a legend. One icon. And look at that beautiful ginger cat. I was gonna say that she looks great in her outfit, actually.

[Phil]

Oh, she does. Ding dong. Don't. A national survey of England found over a third of Gen Z. Think ringing a doorbell is too awkward.

[Dan]

Wait, let's think about that.

[Phil]

It is a bit awkward.

[Dan]

Is it actually the worst thing in the entire fucking world?

[Phil]

You're making a whole house make a sound.

[Dan]

It's like you're gonn to someone's house and be like, ding dong.

[Phil]

I'm gonna dumb.

[Dan]

That's fucking crazy. Bro alert.

[Phil]

I'm here.

[Dan]

It's just a lot, isn't it?

[Phil]

They need a More chalant. They need a vibrate.

[Dan]

Put your house on vibrate. Oh, someone's at the door.

[Phil]

Just keep pressing.

[Dan]

When you are in your house and you hear ding dong, that is a bolt of dread.

[Phil]

I always get scared because like, who is it exactly?

[Dan]

Even if it's like my mum's like, I'm coming over on Sunday and we booked it in advance. When I hear ding dong, I'm like, attack.

[Phil]

Mystery Ding dong is like 9 out of 10 chance.

[Dan]

Mystery ding dong. Is that like the MrBeast only fans?

[Phil]

Yes.

[Dan]

Yep.

[Phil]

I think I'm a Knocker. Yeah, I see the bell.

[Dan]

You see a bell and you knock.

[Phil]

I do a.

[Dan]

That might be the one thing that's weirder.

[Phil]

Ba ba da ba ba ba ba.

[Dan]

They said in the survey a lot of people prefer to turn up at the door and then send a text. Like, I outside.

[Phil]

I think I do that. Yeah, I'll text, I'm about to arrive and then.

[Dan]

But I don't think we can live like that.

[Phil]

Sometimes I do a scratch like a friendly cat.

[Dan]

He actually does.

[Phil]

I do that.

[Dan]

You know, if the friend is at the door and you can see the silhouette, Phil will be like, I'm here. He doesn't just do that when the friend is in their fucking garden and Phil's just stood there going, I'm not

[Phil]

gonna ding their dong if they're at the door already.

[Dan]

Yo. But we should not live in fear of the ding dong. I think we should all learn. I agree that objectively it's fucked up. Actually, it's quite violent. And yet we should do it.

[Phil]

Open your text messages when you get

[Dan]

them and say thank you to people.

[Phil]

Tits in for the lads. As summer heat waves swell in, experts are reminding people not to strip off. Sun hitting your skin makes you warmer than removing a single layer of protective clothing.

[Dan]

If you're like, o, oh, I've got this skimpy little number on, but I'm gonna get it off. Cause there's one less layer. No, man, the radiation hitting you, it's much worse.

[Phil]

I say release the boob and get it fried.

[Dan]

You are allowed to do that, but just so people know, that is worse in terms of keeping cool.

[Phil]

So wet T shirts, the way forward then.

[Dan]

Actually, that is the meta.

[Phil]

Is it?

[Dan]

Yeah, Like a cool towel in the sensitive areas. So actually hosing your friend down with a piece of fabric on is the optimum strap.

[Phil]

What about sunning your perennium again?

[Dan]

That is something that you can do. It's not the best thing for heat.

[Phil]

Just make sure it's wet.

[Dan]

Put a wet towel over, put a

[Phil]

wet cloth on it.

[Dan]

But then I feel like that's doing two things. Either you're getting the yogic sunbeam or you are cooling yourself.

[Phil]

Charge your internal crystal.

[Dan]

Is that what you did with the thing that we bought off whatnot the other week? I thought, where is that?

[Phil]

I don't know.

[Dan]

Do you remember when we bought that crystal?

[Phil]

We've been waiting for another spawn to show it off, but they've got.

[Dan]

It's gonna pop, isn't it? Any moment now. So there we go. Wow. Have you been handling the heat? Oh, thirsty boy. You're not handling.

[Phil]

That's not part of the podcast.

[Dan]

It is, I'm afraid.

[Phil]

Alright, I'll narrate your drink. Oh, he's slurping it down. Oh, yeah. It's like he's never seen a drink before. That mouth is so wet now.

[Dan]

What's that? Erotic audiobook website.

[Phil]

Quinn get us on ya.

[Dan]

Yeah, Quinn Originals. Hire Phil. He can write and narrate.

[Phil]

I could be a sexy man made out of water that goes into people.

[Dan]

I think I've seen that one on Tumblr. People like that. It's quite sensual.

[Phil]

That was the fire boy and water girl Fit.

[Dan]

Oh, no. Her lady door.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Phil]

We did Dan's birthday again because he had the ass tat.

[Caller/Listener]

Just.

[Dan]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Phil]

We've moved on. We've moved on, we've moved on. But it was.

[Dan]

I had a round two rearranged birthday last week.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

And it went much better.

[Phil]

We went for a fancy meal. I put an Instagram story of you enjoying it and I got some comments saying that you were eating cat food.

[Dan]

It did look like that.

[Phil]

That was an already eaten dessert.

[Dan]

It was a dessert that I destroyed. But when I looked back at it, it did look like a little jelly cat thing. Situation.

[Phil]

Dreamies.

[Dan]

God. Phil had a three way, which was a first for him. He enjoyed it.

[Phil]

I enjoyed my three way, which was a tomato three ways. And I frickin hate tomatoes. It's on my no list.

[Dan]

What else is on your no list?

[Phil]

Mushrooms.

[Dan]

Bdsm.

[Phil]

That's weird.

[Dan]

Is it?

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

We're just making jokes.

[Announcer]

No.

[Dan]

Are we not just making like. Guys? We're not oversharing. I'm just saying. Shit. This is a comedy podcast.

[Phil]

This is. Everything is a lie.

[Dan]

Allegedly.

[Phil]

Is it Tomato.

[Dan]

And Phil queened out. We were walking through London. We went into this hotel via the restaurante. And then Phil went, oh my God, it's the Spice Girls staircase.

[Phil]

It was the staircase from the wannabe music video and the gay in my brain recognized it.

[Dan]

Cause you're a 90s bitch.

[Phil]

I'm a 90s bitch.

[Dan]

You love it.

[Phil]

I love that.

[Dan]

I don't care.

[Phil]

You should care.

[Dan]

I had Spice Girls as one of my first CDs.

[Phil]

Which Spice Girl was your favorite?

[Dan]

Baby Spice.

[Phil]

Same was mine. That's why we're mates.

[Dan]

Sure.

[Phil]

Is that because you're like, she's blonde and I've got to pretend I like girls?

[Dan]

I actually think it was that. I had a friend called Rebecca and her favorite one was Baby Spice because she was blonde. And so because I just desperately wanted people to like me, I went, ah, also Baby Spice.

[Phil]

I remember asking my mum, what's a Ziggy Zigga son?

[Dan]

Well, if she explained it to you, maybe you wouldn't be gay.

[Phil]

Maybe.

[Dan]

I'm joking. Obviously that's very problematic and that's not how sexuality works. Sexuality and parents can explain what Ziggy Ziggars are to people whenever they want. However, do we agree with the message that if you want to be someone's lover, you've got to get with their

[Phil]

friends, make it last forever.

[Dan]

Friendship never ends. No homo.

[Phil]

Is it an orgasm?

[Dan]

Like we're Siri. What is Zigga zigga? I don't know how to respond to that.

[Phil]

Oh, my God.

[Sponsor Voice]

Fuck you.

[Dan]

You're so shit.

[Phil]

Siri's gonna murder you.

[Caller/Listener]

Fucking.

[Dan]

No, you know what? Siri's not gonna murder me because Siri is the stupidest fucking thing in the entire world.

[Phil]

Break through the iPhone and choke you out.

[Dan]

Fan fiction. What is a zig Zig Zig R? You know what? That really filled out. It's a famous nonsense lyric that doesn't help Google. Fuck you. Oh, my God. I hate AI. What is it? It's innuendo for sexual intercourse.

[Phil]

Oh, they just really, really want to bang.

[Dan]

It's a radio friendly way to refer to an orgasm.

[Announcer]

Yes.

[Phil]

I knew it.

[Dan]

I really wanna zig A zig. Ah, I'm gonna zig.

[Advertiser]

Zig.

[Dan]

If someone said that, I'd back up. He's zigging.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Voice]

Stand back.

[Dan]

I don't know what this was going. I don't know what my hands are doing. I want you to zig. I'm scared for that.

[Phil]

Don't zig on the wall.

[Dan]

R is fine. He's zigging.

[Phil]

He's zagging.

[Dan]

No, there's no zag.

[Phil]

Oh, there's no.

[Dan]

There's just two zigs.

[Phil]

I want a zag zag.

[Caller/Listener]

Ooh.

[Dan]

See, that made sense to me. Are you following?

[Phil]

I know.

[Dan]

Did we lose you there? Because I followed that. I enjoyed that. I want a zag zag at Ooh. But I had a nice birthday. I got to throw out all of my cards yesterday, which is always like, my highlight of the week.

[Phil]

What's your thing with birthday cards? Why do you hate them so much?

[Dan]

Don't need paper.

[Phil]

Dan doesn't give anyone a birthday card.

[Dan]

Don't need a boomer joke on a card.

[Phil]

Doesn't wrap birthday presents.

[Dan]

I'll give you a thoughtful gift like a pigeon rug.

[Phil]

It's very environmentally conscious, I guess, but also, like, why?

[Dan]

Also, I hate gift wrapping just because I'm bad at it. And so I'm like, I'm doing it for the trees. I'm just, I'm really shit at wrapping. I botch it.

[Phil]

But there's something cute about getting a like hand wrapped thing.

[Dan]

There is something thoughtful about knowing that your friend took the time to wrap something. But you know what I do? I like to go, oh, I've got it here. Close your eyes, open your hands.

[Caller/Listener]

Woo.

[Phil]

There you go.

[Dan]

Isn't the surprise of just closing your eyes and then opening your eyes as good as knowing that your friend took 15 minutes to wrap something?

[Phil]

That's why on my birthday I was like, take it away and wrap it. I want to open it.

[Dan]

Comment section. Is wrapping birthday presents mandatory? Or am I making a point that the whole present wrapping industry is a farce and that actually you can just say, close your eyes. Surprise.

[Phil]

Are you taking down big wrapping paper next? Is that what you're doing?

[Dan]

Exactly. And if I die in mysterious circumstances,

[Phil]

it was big wrapping paper podcast.

[Dan]

Yeah, big paper.

[Phil]

They're gonna wrap you in whimsical paper and throw you in a river.

[Dan]

And he was found washed up on the banks of the Thames covered in glitter.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini in Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50 page restoration block. Or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini in Chrome is here for it, ready to make anything online make sense. There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required compatibility and availability various 18.

[Educational Announcer]

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[Dan]

What Time to be alive Summer of fun.

[Phil]

Goodbye, Keir Starmer.

[Dan]

People were saying that we caused that by announcing our tour.

[Phil]

Well, he said our announcement was coming. He tried to ruin it by announcing his departure the same day.

[Dan]

Excuse me, this is our press release moment. Sorry, Kier. Well, we got pot based on so I don't know what you managed to Achieve there with global headlines.

[Phil]

Podium man. Would you.

[Sponsor Voice]

What?

[Phil]

Would you have sex with the podium man?

[Dan]

Who's the podium man?

[Phil]

Have you not seen the sexy podium man? He's quite hot. He always comes out and brings the podium.

[Dan]

Are we just objectifying someone live on the podcast right now? Okay, no, everyone's doing it.

[Phil]

Everyone's doing it.

[Dan]

Oh, sorry. Everyone's doing it. So it's okay. Like the time we did that with the Olympians collectively.

[Phil]

Look at the podium guy.

[Dan]

Fucking hell.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

He could hit me in the fucking head with that podium.

[Phil]

He could smack you around the face.

[Dan]

He could lie on the floor like this and he could just crush my skull with the podium. And you know what I would say? Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Phil]

See, I told you that brightened your day. With that, people thought that we were gonna announce that we were gonna be the joint Prime Minister.

[Dan]

What are the Kalshi odds on Dan and Phil becoming the next Prime Minister? What's a Kalshi dystopian?

[Caller/Listener]

What?

[Dan]

Just don't worry about it. Okay, well, when I announced we're all doomed, the Queen died. So it's just a thing that we do, I guess.

[Phil]

What's our fanifesto when we are the Prime Minister together? Gay trans is good.

[Dan]

Keep going.

[Phil]

Speak on it.

[Dan]

Keep going. Phil, what else is in the fanifesto?

[Phil]

More theme parks.

[Dan]

Okay, that could. Yeah, yeah.

[Phil]

Environment.

[Dan]

Environment.

[Phil]

Switch off the weather machine.

[Dan]

Wait, what? What do you mean by switch off the weather machine, Phil? You're implying that someone's controlling the weather.

[Phil]

I'm making a joke. That Keir Starmer left and then the weather got insane again.

[Dan]

But to be real, you know what we need to do? Invest in renewable energy sources so that we're not so reliant on oil.

[Phil]

Let's stop global warming. In fact, stop it. What about. Yeah, Wednesdays.

[Dan]

No more wet Wednesdays.

[Phil]

We don't need it.

[Dan]

Sorry. We're taking it out or.

[Phil]

No, we're just removing it.

[Dan]

Okay. It is a four day work week. Yeah, but you don't get a day off and then nobody's reducing the time.

[Phil]

Oh, no, that's shit. What if we get two Wednesdays and they're both an extra weekend in the middle of the week?

[Dan]

I'd love that. Yeah, to like two days on, two days off. Two days on, two days off.

[Phil]

Yes.

[Dan]

Double Wednesday and billionaires.

[Phil]

No, you win capitalism when you get 999 and then you give the rest

[Dan]

away to charity when you get 999 pounds. You win capitalism. You have to Give the rest away.

[Phil]

Give the rest away.

[Dan]

We may be in a bit of a reversal as trust situation here. But the vibes are going to be amazing. Okay. I mean at the rate that we go through prime ministers there is a non zero chance that this is going to happen. We are a deeply unserious country. We are. It's been two weeks. I don't like something.

[Phil]

We need a new one.

[Dan]

We're Prime Minister.

[Phil]

Andy Burnham is gonna be our new one.

[Dan]

Look at who's engaged.

[Phil]

I'm engaged.

[Dan]

I just want a Prime Minister with principles. I want someone that actually has an opinion that's not gonna flip flop. Ideally I'd also like them to be good principles that I agree with that will make the world nicer. But I'd also like us to just not look like a mess for a couple years at a time. We are a cuck country to the billionaire media though.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Our newspapers just hate everything and complain all the time.

[Phil]

Our newspapers are the the worst among the worst.

[Dan]

Yeah. We are mostly in the UK just being mind controlled by a billionaire owned newspapers.

[Phil]

So ban all newspapers.

[Dan]

Phil's just banning the media Day one, okay? You'll get shit done. Phil's like no democracy. But you can trust me. I am the dictator.

[Phil]

I will do impartial FNWS chat.

[Dan]

Do we trust Phil to be the benevolent dictator?

[Phil]

Could have done it then.

[Dan]

You could have. Speaking of toxic situation chips, did you see the that Taylor Swift, Matty Healy are having dueling weddings.

[Phil]

I don't really follow. What's a dueling wedding?

[Dan]

Well, they're accidentally like happening at the same time.

[Phil]

Are they?

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Advertiser]

Ooh.

[Dan]

Imagine if we fell out because our situationship became so toxic that we decided to weaponize our weddings.

[Phil]

Would we have separate weddings on the same day?

[Dan]

Yeah. Like when? Where? Who?

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

On your birthday.

[Phil]

You're gonna get married on my birthday?

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Phil]

With who?

[Dan]

Manchester town centre.

[Advertiser]

Who?

[Dan]

Would you really? Sam? The surfer. Oh, I'd find him.

[Phil]

Yeah. My surfer soulmate.

[Dan]

Not anymore. I just took him. So who are you gonna take?

[Phil]

Tony the Tiger?

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Charles leclerc. Double throuple. Three way wedding in the Mercedes Formula one pit. And we're getting wed by all of the Pit boys.

[Dan]

The Pit boys. Okay.

[Phil]

This isn't RuPaul's Drag Race in their grinder pants.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Okay.

[Dan]

What an image. What a story. That is fan fiction. And I think it might be libel at this point. Richard.

[Phil]

Richard.

[Dan]

Can we get it? Richard. Ok.

[Announcer]

Thank you.

[Phil]

Oh, we needed you lad.

[Dan]

Okay, welcome.

[Phil]

It's time for you to Twist that knob.

[Dan]

Is it? Save us, Richard.

[Advertiser]

Oh.

[Phil]

Oh, my God. Stop everything.

[Dan]

This is not a drill.

[Phil]

I'm scared. It's the golden ball. Well, it's happened. I wasn't expecting that. I've got like a palpitation, bro.

[Dan]

Tap ass all over again. Can I squeeze it in case you missed it? What this means is some you've forgotten. Yep.

[Phil]

What did we promise someone that has subscribed to our Patreon since it started? Either free fam or friend.

[Dan]

Even free followers. Over on patreon.com Dan and Phil is

[Phil]

going to win a golden pig.

[Dan]

You're gonna get a message from Dan and Phil on Patreon. We're gonna ask you where you live.

[Phil]

Yes.

[Dan]

And we are gonna send you an actual golden pin.

[Phil]

And if you choose, you can also ask us any question in the world. So next week.

[Dan]

Wait, did we say that? Dan and Phil, what is your credit card information?

[Phil]

Whatever you want.

[Dan]

Phil said it. Now we'll see.

[Phil]

Next week we are gonna reveal the golden pig winner. Wow.

[Dan]

So that's it. That's our Richard today.

[Phil]

Golden pig saved by the ball. One of you could win the pig.

[Dan]

Stop robbing the ball. It's not yours anymore.

[Phil]

We could give them the ball as well.

[Dan]

No, we probably want to keep the ball in case we want to do it again. How many gold balls do we have?

[Phil]

1.

[Dan]

Do we really only have one gold ball?

[Announcer]

Yes.

[Phil]

We'll keep the gold ball.

[Dan]

Okay.

[Phil]

You can't win that.

[Dan]

Well, speaking of our listeners, why don't we get more of them involved?

[Phil]

Come join us, voices.

[Dan]

Yeah, man. That's the intro. Who do we have today that would like to hard launch something with Dan and Phil?

[Announcer]

Hiya, Dan and Bill.

[Dan]

Hiya.

[Announcer]

My name's Emma from Australia and I'm hard launching, but I ran out of underwear and instead of doing any laundry, I wore the harness for my strap on to work. What instead.

[Phil]

Wow.

[Dan]

Is that comfortable?

[Phil]

Is that not gonna be a bit like leathery?

[Dan]

It's gonna leave like, you know, the harnessy kind of imprints on.

[Phil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan]

Was that the year of someone who is confused or the year of someone who's trying to act like they're confused? Because either way, you just made that real fucking weird podcast strap that off.

[Phil]

You could attach other attachments that are more work appropriate to the front of it.

[Dan]

Exactly. Like a USB stick.

[Phil]

Your water bottle.

[Sponsor Voice]

Wow.

[Phil]

What else?

[Caller/Listener]

Stapler.

[Phil]

A stapler.

[Dan]

Qua bam. Assert dominance on your boss.

[Phil]

It's all right, Jenny. I can get that. Whoop.

[Dan]

Practicing the Kegels. Cause I mean.

[Phil]

Okay, thank you for oversharing that. Please wash your pants.

[Dan]

Okay. Yes, Yes. I can't talk.

[Phil]

Next.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, Dan and Phil. I'm Hailey from Tennessee, and I would like to hard launch that people need to stop treating their significant like dogs.

[Sponsor Voice]

Oh.

[Caller/Listener]

Like if you were constantly commanding your partner to go do something or go get this, go do that. You just need to go do it yourself.

[Dan]

Ooh.

[Phil]

Firstly, I love how you say dogs. Dogs. Dan, you clicked at me earlier like a dog.

[Dan]

You're like, okay, firstly, I would never do that to a dog. I love dogs and I love cats.

[Phil]

I'm beneath both of those. Apparently.

[Dan]

I was busy and I was on a call and I needed you to pass me something, but I didn't want to be like, sorry, I'm gonna interrupt the person that we're speaking to. So I just went. Which I think have we not earned the right after 16 years? Just click when the time is right.

[Phil]

Yeah. There's also other ways to talk to someone like a dog, such as bad boy.

[Dan]

No down. Down, Bad boy. No down.

[Phil]

Bad boy.

[Dan]

Well, people didn't like when we posted that one TikTok.

[Phil]

They did not like.

[Dan]

They didn't like pet play on main.

[Phil]

Good boy. They didn't like that. No medium boy.

[Dan]

So noted. Treat people with respect unless they want you to not treat them with respect.

[Phil]

Treat your significant other kindness, or they deserve to leave you.

[Dan]

Unless they want that. In which case we're not shaming anyone here.

[Phil]

Get the collar out.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, Denonville. My name is Cypher and I'm from Tacoma, Washington. My hard launch is that I would love to come to your show in Seattle on October 16, but I really need you guys to convince my mom. I was hoping to take the clip from the episode and use it to convince her to let me go because I am really, really excited and I'm a newer fanny. So I would love to get to see you guys.

[Phil]

We got this.

[Caller/Listener]

Thank you.

[Dan]

No pressure.

[Announcer]

Okay.

[Dan]

This is a message straight to the mums watching who need to be convinced to come to the Dan and Phil

[Phil]

tour, especially Cypher's mum who wants to come to Seattle. We are a good influence. We're gonna have a great time.

[Dan]

Overall, the message is positive.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Good moral influence. Even if day to day the language. Yeah. No, no. Yeah.

[Phil]

We are two moral English boys.

[Dan]

They might not be into the English thing because America.

[Phil]

Well, we are two moral lads from Earth and we're gonna have positive messages. Oh, there's a fly. We don't kill animals in this oh, it's a mosquito.

[Dan]

Fuck that bitch. Hey. We'll inspire them to have a career in theater.

[Phil]

Yes.

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Phil]

And they deserve a ticket. And if you want to treat them, it's danfiltour.com.

[Dan]

okay. You went straight into the ad there. Is there nothing more that you can say? It's gonna be. There's gonna be loads of other mums. There always are. There's dads, there's grandmas. It's a formative bonding memory. It is that you want to have that moment together. It's gonna be fun. We'll give you a shout out.

[Phil]

And cypher.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Together watching a show. You're both gonna love.

[Dan]

Come look at him. He's practically begging.

[Phil]

I'm going to cry.

[Dan]

No, we don't need to go for the guilt, but you're gonna have a great time and we'll see you there.

[Phil]

See you there.

[Dan]

If you come, send us an email.

[Phil]

Thank you. We've already run out of golden pigs.

[Announcer]

Thank.

[Dan]

We'll say thank. I'll look at you in the eyes and I'll say thank you.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Did it.

[Phil]

We did it. We've got another one. One more. One more, please.

[Dan]

Okay, okay.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, Dan and Phil. Hi, I'm Kate from the US and I'm hard launching that. I'm 19 and getting a colonoscopy tomorrow, and I'm about to take my first sip of the colonoscopy prep.

[Phil]

Uh oh.

[Dan]

Thoughts and prayers. Is she okay? Oh, my God. Oh, she just did it.

[Caller/Listener]

And I lived.

[Phil]

Well done.

[Dan]

Wow. I wasn't expecting that to be live on the scene.

[Phil]

Firstly, don't be ashamed to go to the doctor for your bum issues. They're out there.

[Dan]

Hey, get all the oscopies for all the parts of your body.

[Phil]

I've had all the Oscar pies.

[Dan]

Look after your health.

[Phil]

Doing a colonoscopy is not that bad,

[Dan]

but the next 12 hours of your life might be toilet heavy.

[Phil]

What I would say is don't take the prep and then agree to play a tabletop game with your friends, which is what I did. And I have to keep running to the toilet every 20 minutes.

[Dan]

You know how we started this podcast with the no Piss Challenge. I hearken for those days.

[Phil]

No colon challenge.

[Dan]

I yearn for the piss. Can we go back?

[Phil]

Also, when you have the sedation, maybe don't talk about how it looks like Mario Kart on the screen you're watching, which is what I did.

[Announcer]

What?

[Dan]

Mario Kart was Bowser's fucking colon.

[Phil]

I don't remember that inside Bowser's Hole.

[Dan]

Yeah, I don't remember that. What kind of dodgy Mario Kart exe did you play?

[Phil]

Don't you want to know?

[Dan]

I don't.

[Phil]

Luigi's pipe.

[Dan]

Okay, well, on that note, thanks for joining us for another beautiful hard Monday.

[Phil]

What a great episode. We got the golden ball.

[Dan]

We talked about the mums.

[Phil]

We had fun.

[Dan]

Talked about the bums, even though we tried not to. And hey, if you want to see this live, hey, we're hitting the road.

[Phil]

Dan and PhilTour.com, join us for more of this on a stage. We're going to be right there in front of you.

[Dan]

It's all of this and more and in the ways that you don't like. Maybe less.

[Phil]

Yeah. And if you want some bonus Dan and Phil time, if you don't want to let go of us too yet, come to the Patreon where we're gonna be continuing this party. Have a nice life.

[Dan]

Thanks for the support. We'll see you next time.

[Phil]

Sleep well.

[Dan]

Bye. Don't let the lightning bite.

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