Our first Christmas together

Summary

HARD LAUNCH with Dan and Phil

Episode: Our First Christmas Together

Release Date: December 22, 2025
Hosts: Dan Howell & Phil Lester

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Overview

This lively and unfiltered episode celebrates Dan and Phil’s first proper Christmas together—with all the oversharing, irreverent banter, and candid storytelling that defines the HARD LAUNCH podcast. The duo share holiday plans, quirky traditions, odd neighbor encounters, a wild approach to surviving festive social obligations, and invite listeners to hard launch their own holiday confessions—ranging from lighthearted to heartfelt and bizarre.

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Main Themes & Topics

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1. Neighborhood Drama: The Case of the Exhibitionist Neighbor

Timestamp: 00:52–02:51

• The morning view: Dan shares his ongoing problem with a neighbor who persistently walks naked in front of the adjoining window each day while Dan makes coffee.
  • Dan: “Every single time I'm stood over my sink making a coffee, it's just full whang, straight in the window. And this has been happening for a week.” [01:14]
• Phil hasn't witnessed this himself, prompting jokes about waking up earlier to catch a glimpse ("the early bird gets the worm").
• They brainstorm solutions—putting up a “we can see your knob” sign or making coffee naked in retaliation.
  • Phil: “Why don't you start making coffee naked? Because then they'll see you and be like, oh, they can see us. I can see him.” [02:16]
• The segment sets the irreverent, uncensored tone for the rest of the episode.

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2. Into the Pink Tinsel Cave: Festive Outfits and Visual Gags

Timestamp: 03:04–04:15

• Merry Christmas intro: Dan and Phil welcome listeners from their “pink tinsel cave”—with vague euphemistic overtones.
  • Dan: “Welcome to our pink tinsel cave.”
  • Phil: “We are in a grotto right now.” [03:07]
• They describe their flashy, light-up jumpers and toy with the idea of a sexy alternative, riffing on OnlyFans jokes and the absurdity of an “OnlyFans PH calendar.”
• Self-deprecatory humor about their lack of mass appeal for such content:
  • Dan: “People don’t want that on their wall ... 12 months of it would have been a bit much.” [04:14]

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3. Holiday Lockdown: Canceling Social Plans for Christmas

Timestamp: 04:44–06:43

• This Christmas marks their first full-on celebrations together with Phil’s family, after multiple “pandemic fails” and last year’s illness-related quarantine.
• The pair admit to gleefully canceling all seasonal social commitments to avoid sickness:
  • Dan: “Nothing feels better than saying no to an invite and having a clear nostril on the day of Christmas.” [06:15]
  • Phil: “But when people have Christmas parties, I feel like we missed out on that ... Now look at us now. Pink tinsel cave.” [06:43]
• Anecdote about the only workplace Christmas party they attended—a decade ago at BBC Radio 1.

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4. Defensive Health Measures: The Pharmacy Flu Jab Fiasco

Timestamp: 07:20–09:10

• As part of pre-Christmas preparations, Dan and Phil got flu shots—an event that turned comical:
  • Dan: “I picked up a folder on the nurse’s desk and I just started fanning the air. I didn’t give A shit … fanning the old lady cloud out of the cupboard.” [08:19]

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5. Leicester Christmas Mayhem: Phil’s Family Traditions

Timestamp: 09:11–12:27

• Phil’s family is all-in for Christmas—five trees, decorated giraffe, and yes, stockings for adults.
  • Phil: “My parents' house isn't that big and we've got five Christmas trees … the giraffe is decorated.” [09:22]
• Stockings include “shitty gifts” like hand gel, pens, and oranges—much to Dan's bemusement.
  • Dan: “If you get a fucking satsuma and some aspirin. What is the point?” [10:37]
• Dan expresses light-hearted concern about Phil’s mom (Santa) sneaking into the bedroom at night to deliver stockings.
  • Phil: “Santa is gonna come in the room in the night and put a stocking on the bottom of the bed.” [11:19]

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6. Gift-Giving Rituals & Emo Axolotl Gifts

Timestamp: 12:22–13:12

• The Lester family gifting protocol is explained: a polite, semi-turn-based approach.
• Dan references gifting Phil an “emo axolotl” during a community livestream—bantering about its missing hoodie.

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7. Charity Challenges & TV Presenter Crossovers

Timestamp: 15:15–18:02

• The duo joined a “Stand Up to Cancer” fundraiser, tasked with flipping toast into a toaster for every £100 raised. Pressure and performance anxiety ensue.
• Dan jokes about being uncoordinated and skeptically probes whether the challenge was “rigged.”
• Phil: “Thankfully, they found the one sport that I can do, because if anything that I’ve had experience of, it’s making toast.” [16:52]
• An unexpected highlight: meeting iconic UK children’s presenters Dick & Dom—leading to musings about the public’s surprise at Dan and Phil’s real-life height.

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8. Muscles, Body Types, and the Neighbors Again

Timestamp: 19:08–20:46

• Phil expresses a desire to get “massive” (just the upper body—triangle on a point), recapping his childhood trek up a hill as glute training.
• Continued jesting over whether Phil can achieve this dream and what it would take.

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9. Existential Tangents: Conception Dates and Demons

Timestamp: 20:46–23:10

• The conversation veers to Dan’s conception allegedly “on 9/11,” with Phil prodding for comic effect.
• Emergency Topic Generator: “Demons”—sparks discussion about irrational fears.
  • Phil: “When there’s a noise in the house in the night, I have to go. Because you’re like, what if it’s a demon? Not, what if it’s a murderer?” [22:15]
  • Dan: “You’re afraid of axe murderers. Cause they’re real. I’m afraid of demonic possession because it would be an unstoppable, unbeatable force if it were to occur.” [22:09]
• Discussion closes with demonic possession vs. normal horror fears.

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10. Phil’s New Segment: “Here’s the Thing” – UK Holiday Oddities

Timestamp: 24:16–28:03

• Story 1: Runaway reindeer in Merseyside; military and lifeguards employed to locate it.
  • Phil: “Do we have nothing else happening in the UK? Why are the military free to help find a reindeer?” [24:48]
• Story 2: The Bristol “Sausage Bandit”—uncooked sausages being spread throughout a neighborhood.
  • Dan: “That’s not a story about a gay sauna.” [25:37]
• Story 3: The bones of St. Nicholas in Italy reportedly “leaking juice” (manna), which priests collect and sell for its alleged mystical/Christmas properties.
  • Phil: “Would you not like to say, hey, you know what? I’ve drunk some of Santa’s bone juice. That’s a fun anecdote, at least.” [27:45]

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11. Community “Hard Launches”: Listeners Share Their Festive Confessions

Timestamp: 28:03–32:40

• Avery (America): Details the plan to auto-cannibalize sterilization-surgery fallopian tubes, asking if it’s legal or advisable to cook and eat them with barbecue or Chick-fil-A sauce.
  • Dan: “I really didn’t think I’d be here, but I’m quite open minded to barbecuing your own fallopian tubes.” [31:15]
• Himy (Ireland): Issues a controversial “gravy is bad” hard launch, decrying soggy roast potatoes.
  • Dan: “Oh, I love my completely dry dinner.” [31:03]
• Lydia (England): Shares her struggle with Christmas post-parents, sending solidarity and comfort to anyone for whom the season is difficult.
  • Phil: “For anyone struggling, here’s some vibes from us.” [32:40]

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12. Closing Banter & Looking Forward

Timestamp: 32:41–end

• Dan and Phil announce a podcast break until January 12, with bonus content on Patreon and thanks to the community for a vibrant first season.
  • Dan: “We came out of a scary hard launching womb when we did the thing, and now we are dangerously comfortable.” [35:13]
  • Phil: “Here’s some vibes from us.” [32:40]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Every single time I’m stood over my sink making a coffee, it’s just full whang, straight in the window.” – Dan [01:14]
• “Nothing feels better than saying no to an invite and having a clear nostril on the day of Christmas.” – Dan [06:15]
• “If you get a fucking satsuma and some aspirin... what is the point?” – Dan [10:37]
• “Santa is gonna come in the room in the night and put a stocking on the bottom of the bed.” – Phil [11:19]
• “When there’s a noise in the house in the night, I have to go. Because you’re like, what if it’s a demon?” – Phil [22:15]
• “Would you not like to say, hey, you know what? I’ve drunk some of Santa’s bone juice. That’s a fun anecdote, at least.” – Phil [27:45]
• “I’m quite open minded to barbecuing your own fallopian tubes. But having a dry Christmas dinner... is completely fucked." – Dan [31:15, 31:27]
• “For anyone struggling, here’s some vibes from us.” – Phil [32:40]
• “We came out of a scary hard launching womb... and now we are dangerously comfortable.” – Dan [35:13]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Naked Neighbor Story: 00:52–02:51
• Jumpers & Visual Bits: 03:04–04:15
• Canceling Christmas Parties: 04:44–06:43
• Flu Jab Adventure: 07:20–09:10
• Leicester Christmas Traditions: 09:11–12:27
• Gift Etiquette & Emo Axolotl: 12:22–13:12
• Charity Toast Challenge: 15:15–18:02
• Listener "Hard Launches": 28:03–32:40
• Heartfelt Message from Lydia: 31:43–32:40
• Farewell and Next Episode Tease: 32:52–end

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Summary

“Our First Christmas Together” is packed with rambunctious, uncensored fun as Dan and Phil share their approaches to Christmas, from dodging pathogens and social events to embracing Phil’s over-the-top family traditions and wacky neighborhood antics. The episode features truly unique confessions and listener calls, oscillating between comedic extremes and moments of genuine warmth and community support. As the season wraps, listeners are welcomed further into the “pink tinsel cave”—with the promise of more festive chaos and heartfelt connection in 2026.

Transcript

[Advertiser]

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[Phil Lester]

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[Advertiser]

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[Dan Howell]

I saw a penis this morning.

[Phil Lester]

I was not ready to start the podcast. What?

[Dan Howell]

And it wasn't mine and it wasn't Phil's.

[Phil Lester]

Whose was it?

[Dan Howell]

We've got some neighbors. Oh, they're gay. I think it could just be two men. Just two friendly men living together, Dan and Phil, for 16 years.

[Phil Lester]

Two men can just do that.

[Dan Howell]

But one of them keeps walking around nude in the morning.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

And every single time I'm stood over my sink making a coffee, it's just full whang, straight in the window. And this has been happening for a week. And I feel like a goddamn pervert, but there's nothing that I can do about it.

[Phil Lester]

I have not witnessed this penis. I've just heard.

[Dan Howell]

You've seen the people?

[Phil Lester]

I've heard tales of it. I've seen the people.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah. Because I lovingly make you coffee in the morning.

[Phil Lester]

Yes. I've just seen the tape.

[Dan Howell]

If you got out of bed earlier, you might be able to see the neighbor cock fill. I mean, the early bird gets the worm.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, my God.

[Dan Howell]

You know what I'm saying? But for real, how do we fix this? Because I feel like I'm being disgusting and I'm just trying to live in peace.

[Phil Lester]

The thing is, you've not got the binoculars out. I'm seeking it.

[Dan Howell]

It's right there.

[Phil Lester]

And you're making the coffee and he's just hanging it out.

[Dan Howell]

I'm starting to associate coffee with unsolicited dick. Is this what being a woman on a dating app's like? Do I confront them? Do I walk up to them and I'm just, put your penis away in your own home.

[Phil Lester]

I think there's two things that we could do. One, we could put a sign in the window saying we can see Your knob.

[Dan Howell]

But then everyone on the street's gonna think that, the postman's gonna think that, and then we're gonna have a real.

[Phil Lester]

Issue other thing you could do. Why don't you start making coffee naked? Because then they'll see you and be like, oh, they can see us. I can see him.

[Dan Howell]

Assert dominance. Oh, no. You're saying just, like, show them how visible your neighbors are. I thought you were saying, like, we're gonna have cocks at dawn, Jewel. Whoever makes the other person more uncomfor the right to privacy first thing in the morning. Yeah, Phil, me and you have to do something real freaky in the kitchen window.

[Phil Lester]

Uh oh.

[Dan Howell]

It's gonna be all over the tabloids. But I'm gonna get my kitchen back.

[Phil Lester]

Well, if Dan's nudes leak, you know what happened?

[Dan Howell]

We won.

[Advertiser]

3, 2, 1.

[Dan Howell]

Happy hard launch Christmas.

[Phil Lester]

Happy hard launch Christmas. And holidays. And whatever you celebrate, even if it's nothing. We are celebrating with you today. I'm Phil.

[Dan Howell]

I'm Dan. And welcome to our pink tinsel cave.

[Phil Lester]

We are in a grotto right now.

[Dan Howell]

Vagina euphemism.

[Phil Lester]

It was not a vagina euphemism.

[Dan Howell]

Welcome to my pink tinsel cave.

[Phil Lester]

Is that what you'd say?

[Dan Howell]

Ladies? Anybody?

[Phil Lester]

That sounds quite appealing. Maybe I'd like a pink tinsel cave.

[Dan Howell]

Bisexuality. That's how you make it happen, people.

[Phil Lester]

If you describe it like that. We are wearing festive Christmas jumpers that have a feature.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, wait, if you're listening on the pod, just the craziest shit ever is about to happen.

[Phil Lester]

Here we go. Oh, it's happening. We're lighting up. If you didn't guess what was gonna happen there, I think it's a bit too flashy to have for the whole podcast, though.

[Dan Howell]

Flashy with a ph.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah. So I'm gonna put it back on.

[Dan Howell]

Calm down.

[Phil Lester]

There we go.

[Dan Howell]

100%.

[Phil Lester]

Also, mine could be worn as, like, a sexy jumper because there is a scarf hanging down right in the penis zone.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, like Trump's tie.

[Phil Lester]

I could just wear nothing underneath this and just walk around with the scarf covering my modesty.

[Dan Howell]

And now to all the people with no visual because they're listening on Spotify. Check your privilege. I do have pants that you're now no longer seeing or imagining that.

[Phil Lester]

I mean, don't imagine it or do. It's a sexy thought.

[Dan Howell]

Let me save something for the Patreon.

[Phil Lester]

We almost did a only fans ph calendar, but then we thought, you know what? Not everyone.

[Dan Howell]

People don't want that on their wall.

[Phil Lester]

Not everyone wants that on their wall.

[Dan Howell]

Because we did an April Fools where we said we were gonna do an OnlyFans, which a lot of people, despite it, you think every year people know, right? And yet a lot of people just thought, wow, thanks. I'm really excited for this. And then crushing disappointment or, Christ, it's all over.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah. People didn't want the book on their wall.

[Dan Howell]

12 months of it would have been a bit much.

[Phil Lester]

What would Christmas have been?

[Dan Howell]

Baubles.

[Phil Lester]

Speaking of baubles, It's Christmas. Yeah. We're gonna have our first Christmas together.

[Dan Howell]

Parasocial.

[Phil Lester]

How parasocial?

[Dan Howell]

Are you ready for that? Guys? Dan and Phil. I am spending Christmas with Phil's family.

[Phil Lester]

We've had two Christmases together, but they've both been Covid related fails.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, the pandemic. Christmas does not count.

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Dan Howell]

We're all collectively trying to forget that that happened.

[Phil Lester]

And last year, you were gonna come see us.

[Dan Howell]

I said I had so much fun. Let'. Achoo.

[Phil Lester]

Last year I was so sick, we had to stay at home.

[Dan Howell]

I was mad. No, I wasn't. I was supportive and gentle. I was making Phil soup. I wasn't. You know, I'm lying because Phil hates soup.

[Phil Lester]

You're like a doting elf giving me benolin.

[Dan Howell]

What kind of weird Santa fan fiction is this? A doting elf?

[Phil Lester]

I was like, get the ears on.

[Dan Howell]

I don't want to know. Do they help him get dressed like a squire.

[Phil Lester]

Give me the spoon.

[Dan Howell]

Was it a Sparta situation?

[Phil Lester]

It was a what situation?

[Dan Howell]

Leave the elf alone. Mrs. Claus is sat at home.

[Phil Lester]

Mr. And Mr. Claus. But I was Fleming everywhere.

[Dan Howell]

Those are our neighbors. So, yeah, I'm excited. And as a result of this, we have been canceling every single social plan.

[Phil Lester]

Everyone in London is ill. Every single person is sniffing, fluing.

[Dan Howell]

We're not touching things, we're not breathing things. We're not even trying to look at people outside of our own house.

[Phil Lester]

Not that we get invited to parties, but we've turned down two things now.

[Dan Howell]

I think it's at least three. We've had, like, friends that are having parties, work people, important colleagues that have said, come to our Christmas shindig. And we've gone. No.

[Phil Lester]

What did we miss out on, though?

[Dan Howell]

A bunch of people mingling, having fun, drinking, forming memories. You know, work bonds that will boost their careers in ways that we will miss out on forever now.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

And it feels great.

[Phil Lester]

We love it.

[Dan Howell]

I regret nothing. Nothing feels better than saying no to.

[Phil Lester]

An invite and having a clear nostril on the day of Christmas.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah. I mean, that'll feel good, just knowing that we survived. But having a moral reason to say no, which is. We're really trying to protect our health.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

Has just assuaged the social guilt of feeling like a no for saying no to the party. So now I'm just getting this absolute thrill injected straight into my eyeballs of being like, what am I doing this Friday night? Fucking nothing. Nothing sat on my ass.

[Phil Lester]

But when people have Christmas parties, I feel like we missed out on that because we didn't have a workplace to go to. You know what I mean?

[Dan Howell]

Now look at us now. Pink tinsel cave.

[Phil Lester]

We did go to one radio one Christmas party, though.

[Dan Howell]

Ten years ago.

[Phil Lester]

Ten years ago, Phil.

[Dan Howell]

That doesn't count.

[Phil Lester]

I saw some things.

[Dan Howell]

What? You can't just say that. Fucking Daily Telegraph's gonna write an article speculating about it.

[Phil Lester]

I did a Christmas quiz with who.

[Dan Howell]

Off What I was doing who off what? A quiz?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah. HR Two people did kiss. I didn't expect to. Is this too much?

[Dan Howell]

It was Dan and Phil. Gay. We didn't. We were deeply in the closet back then. Traumatic error.

[Phil Lester]

We went and got a flu jab to protect ourselves for Christmas Day as well.

[Dan Howell]

Proactive. I ain't fucking about. The only time I left the house was for obligations. We did something for stand up to cancer that was like, dan and Phil, can you come to this event? And I wasn't gonna say no.

[Phil Lester]

No. We were raising money for cancer.

[Dan Howell]

Exactly. So unlike the tier list. That's valid.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Flu jab valid. Not more valid than standing up to cancer.

[Phil Lester]

The problem is in the pharmacy. Everybody had the flu in the pharmacy.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, guess who's going. All the sick people to get their drugs.

[Phil Lester]

It was a cough cloud in there.

[Dan Howell]

It was rough. And they were pulling people into a cupboard to have the flu jabs, which for me was very triggering.

[Phil Lester]

Back in the closet again.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah.

[Phil Lester]

The lady before us was coughing her head off in there. And I was like, we're gonna get sick. Hold your breath for the.

[Dan Howell]

Phil was like, you go first, Dan. All right. You want me to walk into the plague cloud? Huff it all up like a good bloodhound.

[Phil Lester]

So Dan walks in.

[Dan Howell]

You want me to filter the air for you? Walk in. Just go. Okay, Phil. It's safe. I drank all that old lady juice.

[Phil Lester]

Dan walks in. The doctor's in there. And Dan starts wafting the folder next to the doctor.

[Dan Howell]

I fully. I picked up a folder on the nurse's desk, and I just started fanning the air. I didn't give A shit. Phil was looking at me like, did you just pick up this nurse's folder and just start fanning. Fanning the old lady cloud out of the cupboard? God fucking damn right I did.

[Phil Lester]

I think you should have explained it to the nurse before you.

[Dan Howell]

No, no, no. I was holding my breath. I went, walked right in there, picked up her folder, went. And after 10 seconds of dispersal, she looked at me and I said, I was wafting her germs away.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

And I think at that point she was very scared. But we were about to be locked in a cupboard together. She did have the needle, so I think that she still felt in control. But I was clearly emotionally and mentally unstable.

[Phil Lester]

The good old germ waft. Well, touch wood. Wait, where's the wood?

[Dan Howell]

Good fucking luster. Hardmore Studio.

[Phil Lester]

Everything's metal.

[Dan Howell]

Touch inflatable.

[Phil Lester]

Touch my head.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, there we go.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, that was my head. You've not had a Leicester Christmas before? They're quite wild.

[Dan Howell]

I've heard about this. I've heard that Phil's family goes hard on Christmas. Not in a Dan's gay neighbor sense.

[Phil Lester]

My parents house isn't that big and we've got five Christmas trees. One in each bedroom, one in the lounge, one on the balcony.

[Dan Howell]

You go aggressive with the theme.

[Phil Lester]

So aggressive. One in the kitchen.

[Dan Howell]

Need the kitchen one.

[Phil Lester]

The giraffe is decorated.

[Dan Howell]

The giraffe.

[Phil Lester]

We've got a metal giraffe called Eisel. He's gay.

[Dan Howell]

Eisel.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

He's gay.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

People are imagining you as like an eccentric billionaire. Right. How big is this metal giraffe?

[Phil Lester]

It's not that big. It's absolutely that big. It's tall.

[Dan Howell]

Okay, right, yeah, yeah, priorities.

[Phil Lester]

And also you're gonna get a stocking. A stocking Santa will bring you a stocking.

[Dan Howell]

I thought that stockings were a thing that happened until you were like five.

[Phil Lester]

No, we still do it.

[Dan Howell]

So in case anyone doesn't know, a stock is a big sock.

[Phil Lester]

Everyone knows what a stocking is. Oh. Imagine a Christmas card.

[Dan Howell]

Wow. Imagine being the one listener right now who didn't know feeling like Phil hates me.

[Phil Lester]

What, the alien that just fell from Earth?

[Advertiser]

There's a space.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, maybe. Sorry for trying to be inclusive.

[Phil Lester]

Okay, I.

[Dan Howell]

Human mail Dan. I'm talking about the holiday known as Christmas. And there is a fluffy stock called a stocking. Stocking filled with shitty gifts.

[Phil Lester]

They're so shit.

[Dan Howell]

What do you stuff a stocking with?

[Phil Lester]

Well, last year I got some Lemsip tablets, I got some antibacterial hand gel, a pen and an orange. So look forward to that.

[Dan Howell]

If you get a fucking satsuma and some aspirin. What is the point?

[Phil Lester]

The point is that Santa.

[Dan Howell]

Small, whimsical joy.

[Phil Lester]

Santa's blessing you with good health.

[Dan Howell]

Is that like a microaggression from Santa saying, phil, you need to clean your hands. Go get ill. You need to sort that headache out.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Okay. And does Santa. Mrs. Lester, I'm just trying to brace myself emotionally. Is there going to be some kind of 3am Invasion? Because you know how I feel about a man in the room. Am I gonna have to wake up, put up a lamp, and then not hit your mum in the head with it?

[Phil Lester]

I don't know why you keep saying, mum, there's gonna be a large, jolly man.

[Dan Howell]

Okay, I'm just trying to have a real conversation about whether your mom's gonna break into our room in the night.

[Phil Lester]

Santa is gonna come in the room in the night and put a stocking on the bottom of the bed.

[Dan Howell]

Does she do it the morning of? Does she do it the evening before?

[Phil Lester]

It's at night.

[Dan Howell]

She waits for us to fall asleep. I'm scared.

[Phil Lester]

Just don't sleep with your pants off.

[Dan Howell]

We're in our 30s.

[Phil Lester]

Get your ass away. Get your pajamas on.

[Dan Howell]

Now everyone's fanfiction dreams. Because it's gonna be Dan and Phil's.

[Phil Lester]

Fully clothed Christmas disclaimer. Santa is real. I don't know what Dan is doing with this.

[Dan Howell]

And why am I scared about Phil's mom? I should just be thinking about the actual man in the room, St. Nick, which, when you think about it, isn't weird at all.

[Phil Lester]

Ho, ho, ho.

[Dan Howell]

Are you a family that aggressively goes 3, 2, 1, and then rips all of the gifts open at the same time? Or do you politely wait and take turns?

[Phil Lester]

It's kind of a meld. What we do is we kind of all open stuff, but then we take a moment to say thank you to the person that got it. We're not just like sat watching each person 321.

[Dan Howell]

Release the children. They rip it to shreds, pick up their Game Boy, and then they're gone.

[Phil Lester]

We kind of do it. I'm opening this one now. And then I'm opening this one and then open it.

[Dan Howell]

Because the gift is giving. The gift is the giving and the non altruistic joy of looking at someone else and being like, do you appreciate me? Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Phil Lester]

I mean, you've already got me a beautiful gift, which is the emo axolotl 100% my child.

[Dan Howell]

We did a live stream. We do our monthly live streams for the Dan and Phil community that will be hosted on Patreon when the servers work. And in that livestream, I gave Phil an emo axolotl.

[Phil Lester]

An emo axolotl.

[Dan Howell]

Because this is Phil from 2016. I will say that I realized it was supposed to come with a black and white checked hoodie.

[Phil Lester]

What?

[Dan Howell]

Very H and M. Biblically accurate. I think I had it.

[Phil Lester]

Where's the hoodie?

[Dan Howell]

Clearly whoever delivered it from Royal Mail opened it, ate it, and they're wearing it on their freaky little tiny body right now.

[Phil Lester]

Maybe they put it on their baby. Their axolotl shaped baby.

[Dan Howell]

Well, they need representation and products made.

[Phil Lester]

Anyway, this was a great gift. And speaking of gifts, we have the first sponsor, proper sponsor of hard launch.

[Dan Howell]

Wait, wait.

[Phil Lester]

We did it. Thank you to SeatGeek for sponsoring us.

[Dan Howell]

If you are disorganized and have not bought anyone any gifts yet, do you know what you still have time to do? Buy a ticket to a gig and then hold up a piece of paper that goes Lady Gaga ticket, and then it'll still do the job.

[Phil Lester]

SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app.

[Dan Howell]

If you are a US or Canadian girly listening to this and you like live music or comedy or sports.

[Phil Lester]

Do you know we've saw more sports in America than actual shows or anything like that.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, my God. We've seen a Blue Jays game. We saw Detroit hockey. We saw the Huskies match in Washington.

[Phil Lester]

We got our Blue jays tickets on SeatGeek.

[Dan Howell]

The good thing about SeatGeek is it rates the seats. So you go on a little map and it shows you whether they're green or red. We once had an incident where we went to go see Glee live at the Manchester Arena.

[Phil Lester]

Remember that? But you should have got seatgeek because then you could have seen how good the ticket was that you bought.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, I got Roby tickets and I was so excited to share them with Phil. And then I realized there was Arena Roby in the upper upper circle. So Rachel Berry looked like a pea.

[Phil Lester]

She was like Rachel Dot.

[Dan Howell]

No, seriously, Rachel, Pixel and Buddy, do.

[Phil Lester]

We have the deal for you. Oh, you can use the code Dan and Phil 10 for 10% off.

[Dan Howell]

Holy.

[Phil Lester]

Your SeatGeek tickets. That's 10% off tickets with the promo.

[Dan Howell]

Code Dan and Phil 10.

[Phil Lester]

If you click the link in the description to download the app, it will automatically apply your discount in case you.

[Dan Howell]

Forgot our name, which is fair enough. Thanks, Seag.

[Phil Lester]

Thanks, seageek.

[Advertiser]

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[Phil Lester]

Other thing we did this week, though, we made some.

[Dan Howell]

We did go outside.

[Phil Lester]

We did. We made some money for cancer. Stand up. Sorry.

[Dan Howell]

Phil loves this charity. He knows what causes. He's responsible.

[Phil Lester]

Shut up.

[Dan Howell]

No, we're keeping that in. No, Dan and Phil stood up to cancer.

[Phil Lester]

We stood up to cancer.

[Dan Howell]

We stand up to cancer by raising money.

[Phil Lester]

We did.

[Dan Howell]

And awareness that people should get screenings.

[Phil Lester]

Can I just say that this situation was quite stressful. Cause they were like, Dan and Phil, you've got half an hour to throw toast into a toaster.

[Dan Howell]

I mean, lovely idea, actually. Objectively great. But they said the whole theme is we're doing trick shots with random UK celebrities so it's super accessible. It's showing that anyone can do anything fun to kind of raise money. And so we're all doing stuff that people can do in their own homes. So Dan and Phil, we want you to. To stand on the other side of a ping pong table and flip slices of toast into slots on a toaster. And for each one you get in, you raise money for the charity.

[Phil Lester]

Problem here is my ass was sweating, my face was sweating, I was shaking. Because they said, for each one you get in, you're gonna get £100 for the charity.

[Dan Howell]

We had to have a moment where I was like, okay, I'm sorry. If we don't get any slices of toast in, do we fail to raise any money?

[Phil Lester]

Exactly. And then we were in a shop window in the O2 and people were all shopping and looking at us because.

[Dan Howell]

The whole joke was they were like, we're gonna be in a shopping mall and any RA people can just stand outside and film you, because that's the fun. Great. No pressure.

[Phil Lester]

So imagine the crickets after half an hour. If we got no toast in the slots, we'd have to stay there till three in the morning.

[Dan Howell]

I'm trying to rig this. And they said, no, no, no, it's fine, we've tested it. You can get them in. I'm like, who tested it? You had a bunch of fricking college boys that have just finished their media degree and they've been flipping for 400 years. You haven't met these homosexuals. Do you have any idea how uncoordinated we are.

[Phil Lester]

Well, thankfully, they found the one sport that I can do, because if anything that I've had experience of, it's making toast.

[Dan Howell]

The smell of burnt toast.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

Is a sign that you're having a stroke. And also Phil's superpower.

[Phil Lester]

It was also stale leftover bread that someone had provided, by the way. We didn't just waste toast on the floor.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, yeah. Because Greta was gonna come for you over four slices of bread.

[Phil Lester]

I'm just saying we did it. We got every slice in the hole.

[Dan Howell]

Which I think was kind of like a Shakespeare monkey typewriter situation. But we did it. We had the plot armor and we didn't flop. So thank Jesus.

[Phil Lester]

We also had a duo crossover because we met Dick and Dom. Dan and Phil. Dick and Dom.

[Dan Howell]

People outside of the UK are thinking, is that a slur? People inside the UK are going, right now. You don't understand.

[Phil Lester]

Do you know what?

[Dan Howell]

They were so lovely kids, TV presenters.

[Phil Lester]

I felt a bit starstruck. And they were very nice.

[Dan Howell]

The real double act.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah. You were a strong 3 1/2 foot taller than both of them.

[Phil Lester]

They said, why are you so tall? I don't think they realized how tall we were.

[Dan Howell]

Well, that's like Pink Pantherus recently said, why does everybody think that I'm short? I'm five, nine. Cause there are some people that, in the minds of the public, they just have short personalities. And I think for many years, people thought that Dan and Phil were short.

[Phil Lester]

They thought both of us were short. Especially you. You're the younger one.

[Dan Howell]

They thought that I was this little hobbit twink.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

It's because I filmed all of my YouTube videos at an angle like this.

[Phil Lester]

People were shocked I could carry you. In our recent TikTok, when we did a Twilight parody, they were like, phil can carry Dan. I'm like, yeah. I'm not like a tiny, weak person.

[Dan Howell]

I was also shocked that Phil could carry me. Phil was like, for the bit, you need to jump on my back. And I was like.

[Phil Lester]

Like, hey, I could lift you out of a fire.

[Dan Howell]

No, you couldn't.

[Phil Lester]

I picked you up. I could lift you out of the fire.

[Dan Howell]

I jumped onto your back.

[Phil Lester]

You did.

[Dan Howell]

You held me for six seconds.

[Phil Lester]

To be fair, I did feel one of my vertebrae crack.

[Dan Howell]

Exactly. Yeah. I could feel your cells splitting apart for every second that I sat on you. But good work.

[Phil Lester]

Thank you. Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Sometimes I like to do Phil squats if anyone is craving.

[Phil Lester]

That sounds like a sex act.

[Dan Howell]

It really does. Which basically means I like to just pick Phil up And do a squat because he finds it terrifying, and that's what makes me find it funny.

[Phil Lester]

Is that what the neighbors are seeing? You're doing a Phil squat in the kitchen?

[Dan Howell]

No, no. These guys are freaky.

[Phil Lester]

They're getting naked, thinking we want to join in some kind of poly bench pressing. Bench pressing, Gym kink, naked.

[Dan Howell]

That's not what's happening. No, we do not possess those skills.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, I was slapping my hands together there, by the way, if you're wondering.

[Dan Howell]

For anyone listening on Spotify, Yikers.

[Phil Lester]

One of them is very muscular. I've not seen any of these people naked, but one of them's, like, massive.

[Dan Howell]

It's not the massive one.

[Phil Lester]

I'd like to be massive. Yeah, that's my 20, 26 goal. Wow.

[Dan Howell]

Are we placing bets on that?

[Phil Lester]

I want a muscle that's like this big.

[Dan Howell]

You would have to lift something.

[Phil Lester]

For the listeners I'm emphasizing, oh, it's this big.

[Dan Howell]

Make a sound that indicates how big it is. For the people on apple. Oh. Oh, God.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, that was weird. Sorry.

[Dan Howell]

I want to encourage you.

[Phil Lester]

Do you have to eat a steroid to make it happen like that?

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, but you still have to lift.

[Phil Lester]

I just lift.

[Dan Howell]

There's no reverse ozempic, Phil. You lifted a glass of water.

[Phil Lester]

There we go. Let's just do that a hundred times. You could just eat loads of protein shakes. I'll have a hundred.

[Dan Howell]

And you need to lift an object.

[Phil Lester]

Do you know what I don't care about is legs. Like, I don't want big, meaty legs. I just want. Who gives a shit how big your legs are?

[Dan Howell]

You want to be triangle on a point.

[Phil Lester]

I just want to be like, ooh.

[Dan Howell]

You want to be a yield sign?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah. Yield to me. What's your favorite body type? Yield.

[Phil Lester]

And then the neighbors will yield to me.

[Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Cause you could pick them up and throw them across the room, but if they kick you in the shin, snap.

[Phil Lester]

It out, they're like, the way he's making that coffee, he could break that.

[Dan Howell]

They'll look at you through the window and think, damn, that guy's top half is great. And then they'll walk through the door and go, oh, my God. Oh, my God. The one dimensionality.

[Phil Lester]

I don't need to work on my glutes anyway.

[Dan Howell]

You don't? No. You need the reverse of that.

[Phil Lester]

I lived on a hill as a child.

[Dan Howell]

That's what did it for you.

[Phil Lester]

20 years ago, I went up and down the hill to school every single day. It was like two miles each way.

[Dan Howell]

I think God just gave you those child birthing hips because he knew that was gonna be some kind of like. Like freaky omegaverse thing happening in 2026.

[Phil Lester]

Did you see that you were conceived on 9 11. We talked about this last week.

[Dan Howell]

Did I see that I was conceived on 9 11?

[Phil Lester]

Yes, Phil.

[Dan Howell]

What the fuck would you know?

[Phil Lester]

We were talking about when we were conceived and we figured out you were September.

[Dan Howell]

Didn't I specifically request during that conversation to no longer have that conversation?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, but you're the 11th of June, which means you were the 11th of September. You are a 911 baby.

[Dan Howell]

All right, Richard. Can we get Richard in on the Dan Lore bomb? You were conceived on 9 11.

[Phil Lester]

Hello there.

[Advertiser]

Uh.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, it hit a floor decoration.

[Phil Lester]

Get in there, lad.

[Dan Howell]

How do you feel about festive Richard?

[Phil Lester]

Black tinsel is a choice. Taking some aesthetic from Daniel over here.

[Dan Howell]

I mean, it is half my son. And look at the balls on him.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Slash her. There we go. All right. Sorry. Touched your balls. Release.

[Phil Lester]

I heard it.

[Dan Howell]

Is it gonna be a red one on Christmas? No, it's pink. Emergency Topic Generator is saving me from unspeakable mental images with the topic demons.

[Phil Lester]

Demons.

[Dan Howell]

Are they sexy? Do they sing about soda pop?

[Phil Lester]

One of the things that I relate to young Dan, like when I first met you, was you were scared of demons.

[Dan Howell]

I didn't like supernatural horror movies. They freaked me out. We're very different. You're afraid of axe murderers. Cause they're real.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

I'm afraid of. Of demonic possession because it would be an unstoppable, unbeatable force if it were to occur.

[Phil Lester]

But when there's a noise in the house in the night, I have to go. Because you're like, what if it's a demon? Not, what if it's a murderer? Which I'm scared of. You're scared of the demon? Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

It feels like home invasion. There's a reasonable chance that that will happen at some point in your lifetime. Demonic possession? No. And yet, dark corridor, scary.

[Phil Lester]

Especially my parents OG house. I'd be like, can you go downstairs? You'd be like, no.

[Dan Howell]

I mean, as I've gotten older, I am less afraid of the demons.

[Phil Lester]

Would you do a Ouija board, though? Summon a demon?

[Dan Howell]

I would. In the full confidence that nothing's happening.

[Phil Lester]

Dan, that's when they get you. We'll just be doing a podcast.

[Dan Howell]

Okay. If we were in a horror movie. Yes. I'd get murdered first because I'd be like, it isn't real.

[Phil Lester]

You'll start speaking backwards, take your pants off, and Draw a pentagram on your chest before we know it.

[Dan Howell]

That's just me trying to assert dominance over the neighbors.

[Phil Lester]

Phil's hanging from the ceiling, and that.

[Dan Howell]

Guy'S got his trousers back on.

[Phil Lester]

Rich's balls are on the floor.

[Dan Howell]

And we call that a victory.

[Phil Lester]

In conclusion, Demons. Real.

[Dan Howell]

No.

[Phil Lester]

Real.

[Dan Howell]

Okay.

[Advertiser]

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[Dan Howell]

Mm.

[Advertiser]

Belgian chocolates for the neighbor. A cozy scarf for your buck. And a wool jacket for your husband that you definitely did not. Almost forget. Marshalls. We get the deals, you get the good stuff. Even at the last minute.

[Dan Howell]

Phew.

[Advertiser]

Find a Marshall's near you.

[Phil Lester]

This episode is brought to you by Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels and music are made for each other.

[Dan Howell]

They share a rhythm in the craft.

[Phil Lester]

Of making something timeless while being a.

[Dan Howell]

Part of legendary nights. From backyard jams to sold out arenas.

[Phil Lester]

There'S a song in every toast. Please drink responsibly. Responsibility.org, jack Daniels and Old no. 7 are registered trademarks.

[Dan Howell]

Tennessee whiskey, 40% alcohol by volume.

[Phil Lester]

Jack Daniel Distillery, Lynchburg, Tennessee. We've now got a special little jingle for my new segment.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, wait, wait. Phil. Phil, you need to send it. This is very official. This is the fully produced, exciting debut.

[Phil Lester]

Of here's the Thing. Reindeer found by the army in Merseyside. A reindeer escaped from a grotto and was found on a beach. And they had to utilize the military. The lifeguards on quad bikes. And they all found the reindeer chilling on the beach, having some sunbathing.

[Dan Howell]

Do we have nothing else happening in the uk? Why are the military free to help find a reindeer?

[Phil Lester]

There's not much going on, is there? North Korea.

[Dan Howell]

The time is now.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, my God.

[Dan Howell]

Sounds like a bloody Phil Lester anecdote. I'm gonna call the army. Except literally. And it was for a reindeer.

[Phil Lester]

Why? For the reindeer as well.

[Dan Howell]

Also, why do the Lifeboats have a quad bike squad?

[Phil Lester]

I wanna see a documentary about that.

[Dan Howell]

I wanna see a whole heated rivalry series about the Lifeboat quad bike team of Merseyside.

[Phil Lester]

I'd watch that. Yeah, I'd watch that. Hard.

[Dan Howell]

It's gonna be hard when one of them falls off their quad bike and ends up in hospital.

[Advertiser]

Phil.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, no.

[Dan Howell]

Exactly.

[Phil Lester]

But then the other male team member is gonna be like. Like, you'll ride again, son. You'll ride again. Not, son. That's a bit incesty.

[Dan Howell]

All right. Next.

[Phil Lester]

Here's the thing. A sausage bandit has been loose in Bristol spreading uncooked sausages all over the floor.

[Dan Howell]

And that's not a story about a gay sauna. Someone literally just dropped a bunch of raw sausages on the floor in a suburban neighborhood.

[Phil Lester]

That was in the news.

[Dan Howell]

It's a haunting image. There were like 70 sausages.

[Phil Lester]

It's a lot of sausages.

[Dan Howell]

Exactly.

[Phil Lester]

I bet a dog would have had a good day, though.

[Dan Howell]

There was like a weekly Reddit thread of people being like, sausage counts. Saw a fox nibbling it. Tragic ending, though. Someone tied it up.

[Phil Lester]

Oh.

[Dan Howell]

Because it is disgusting to just leave sausages everywhere.

[Phil Lester]

Here's the thing. Santa's bones are leaking juice.

[Dan Howell]

I fucking hate this.

[Phil Lester]

All right.

[Dan Howell]

No, I love it. I enabled it.

[Phil Lester]

We got the credits in Italy. The body of St Nicholas is in a coffin and every week it dribbles a bit of bone juice. And the priests are collecting it. It's called manna. And they're selling it in the gift shop because it might have some mystical properties. Christmas properties, no less.

[Dan Howell]

I wish you were lying. I'm not, but this is actually. Okay, so the body of the actual St. Nicholas.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

Underneath his crypt. It's leaking.

[Phil Lester]

The bones are leaking and they don't know why.

[Dan Howell]

And the priests are ritually collecting it and selling it to people.

[Phil Lester]

Glug, glug.

[Dan Howell]

Are people sipping on that decaying Santa?

[Phil Lester]

I'm sipping on that.

[Dan Howell]

I'm sipping on that Santa juice. Can I ruin this?

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Dan Howell]

Water travels. It's just sewage.

[Phil Lester]

Stop it.

[Dan Howell]

The church is lower than sea level. They've dug a crypt.

[Phil Lester]

No, it's mystic Santa bone juice.

[Dan Howell]

It's condensation. They're blessing the condensation and selling it.

[Phil Lester]

Would you drink it?

[Dan Howell]

No. What? Imagine in life, if you like the idea that Santa is not real. He is dead in a box. His bones are leaking. Sorry, Phil. You can only have it one way. Either Santa's gonna break into our room at your parents house and give me a fucking bottle of ibuprofen and a sats, or he's in a box, he's leaking and you want to sip it.

[Phil Lester]

This is the OG like.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, so there's two. There's like Christian Santa and then there's capitalism Santa.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, this is the magic Santa.

[Dan Howell]

Capitalism. Magic Santa is gonna break into our room in the night.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

Real Christian Santa is leaking and you wanna sip on his bone juice.

[Phil Lester]

This is Santa's cousin.

[Dan Howell]

I feel like this is the most sacrilegious conversation we've ever had in Life.

[Phil Lester]

Would you not like to say, hey, you know what? I've drunk some of Santa's bone juice. That's a fun anecdote, at least.

[Dan Howell]

Sipping on that mana potion and then you end up in hospital.

[Phil Lester]

Send me some. I'll drink it on camera.

[Dan Howell]

That's our next sponsor, Locked in.

[Phil Lester]

Four Seasons cancelled.

[Dan Howell]

Great thing, Wonderful thing. What the things here was the thing for that.

[Phil Lester]

Thank you. Yay. We love that.

[Dan Howell]

I am peaceful. Looking forward to that next year.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

All right, enough of us. How's about we open this up to the people of the hard launch community? Okay. You have seen what it's like when you are so emboldened to speak absolute nonsense that you deserve a slice of this festive pie, too. Let's hear what you have to say.

[Advertiser]

Hey, Dan and Phil. It's Avery from America, and I am hard launching auto cannibalism. So I am getting my tubes tied in a couple months.

[Dan Howell]

Okay.

[Advertiser]

I'm looking forward to being a sterilized bitch. So right now I'm currently figuring out how to ask my doctor to put my fallopian tubes in a little to go baggie so I can put them on the grill and cook them up like bacon.

[Dan Howell]

No.

[Advertiser]

You know, a lot of people do that with their placentas. So I was like, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to decide whether I should do it with barbecue sauce.

[Dan Howell]

Okay.

[Advertiser]

Or if I should put them in chick fil A sauce.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, not chick fil A.

[Advertiser]

But I think there's nothing conceptually funnier than a gay woman eating her own reproductive organs in chick fil A sauce. I think that would be fucking hilarious. So, yeah, let me know what you think.

[Phil Lester]

That was a very festive.

[Dan Howell]

If you want to make it festive, pour gravy on that thing.

[Phil Lester]

Okay. There we go. Stop it. Should you be allowed to eat yourself is the question there.

[Dan Howell]

I don't think it's illegal.

[Phil Lester]

Isn't it?

[Dan Howell]

Well, I mean, I think with placentas, they kind of put it into pill form and you can take it. I don't think they give it to you in, like, an omelet situation. I'm there.

[Phil Lester]

I'm not going to tell a woman what she can and not eat in her body.

[Dan Howell]

Literally from her body.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

And then back in her body. Recycling.

[Phil Lester]

I'd go for the barbecue sauce. Hello. I was gonna fillet something.

[Dan Howell]

You're going straight to the source? Yeah, I guess we're saying why not? I don't know if the doctor will allow you to do that. Probably, but I respect Your commitment to exploring the limits of your own human rights and also doing things with a nice ironic metaphorical twist.

[Phil Lester]

Dentist wouldn't let me eat my wisdom teeth. Eat. Or even.

[Dan Howell]

No shit, Phil.

[Phil Lester]

I'll see them.

[Dan Howell]

That's what. They're there.

[Advertiser]

No, no.

[Dan Howell]

I've taken all your wisdom, dude. I want to eat it. No, please.

[Phil Lester]

I said, can I see the teeth? And he was like, no.

[Dan Howell]

You can't even see it.

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Dan Howell]

What a fucking dweeb.

[Phil Lester]

He ate them.

[Dan Howell]

You pulled that shit out of my face. He probably did, didn't he? He did Faberge egg. That's why he didn't do it. He thought he could get away with it.

[Phil Lester]

Woof.

[Dan Howell]

He should have said, I'm gonna wait for this to naturally do its thing.

[Phil Lester]

Next.

[Advertiser]

Hi.

[Phil Lester]

Hi.

[Advertiser]

I'm Himy from Ireland, and I want a hard launch. That gravy is horrible gravy. It doesn't make sense. Why are you pouring a liquid all over your food? Especially at Christmas? If it's a roast dinner with perfect crispy potatoes, why are you making them soggy? And if your answer is because the turkey's too dry or something, then it's not been cooked properly.

[Dan Howell]

Okay.

[Advertiser]

Love you.

[Phil Lester]

Dan is more offended at this than he was the autocannibalism. Yeah, no fucking shit.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, I love my completely dry dinner.

[Advertiser]

Oh.

[Phil Lester]

I mean, gravy's pretty delicious. I'm not gonna sit with you on this one. I don't usually like soggy stuff either. I'm quite a firm guy. But for Christmas dinner, you need the gravy on there.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, no, I'm sorry, guys. I really didn't think I'd be here, but I'm quite open minded to barbecuing your own fallopian tubes. But having a dry Christmas dinner.

[Phil Lester]

No, no.

[Dan Howell]

Is completely fucked.

[Phil Lester]

You're hard launching it, though. That's your prerogative.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, this isn't about Dan's correct opinion. It's about your freaky little prerogative to do you. So well done. Well done. You fought for those potatoes.

[Phil Lester]

Very, very festive at least.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah. Next.

[Advertiser]

Hi, Dan and Phil. My name's Lydia.

[Phil Lester]

I'm from England. Hi, Lydia. I want to hard launch the.

[Advertiser]

I personally really struggle with Christmas because both of my parents passed away and they made Christmas really special for me. So I would like to say to.

[Phil Lester]

Everyone on the podcast that I am.

[Dan Howell]

Sending love to all of you who.

[Advertiser]

Struggle during the festive season and you're not alone and you are seen. So merry Christmas to those who celebrate and take Time for yourself during this period.

[Phil Lester]

That's so sweet.

[Dan Howell]

That is so nice, Lydia.

[Phil Lester]

Thank you. You made me cry.

[Dan Howell]

Aw. Well, honestly, that is very nice. And maybe together, despite mine and Phil's natures and the things that come out of our mouths and you join us for the podcast. We feel like we're part of something together.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah. This was our Christmas we had together.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah.

[Phil Lester]

Minus the Fallopian shoes.

[Dan Howell]

We don't need to talk about the bad stuff. We're just focusing on the nice, wholesome tingle, the community vibes. We're here to support each other.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah.

[Phil Lester]

And for anyone struggling, here's some vibes from us. Oh, I was sending them with my fingers.

[Dan Howell]

Well, add in a tinkle sound on Spotify.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, I like that.

[Dan Howell]

The sound of a vibe.

[Phil Lester]

A tinkle from us both.

[Dan Howell]

So we're gonna have a Christmas break now. We're gonna be back on January 12th.

[Phil Lester]

We are.

[Dan Howell]

Where were you January 12th? Locked into the hard launch podcast.

[Phil Lester]

I hope don't miss us too hard.

[Dan Howell]

No, you better be soft this Christmas without Dan and Phil.

[Phil Lester]

Don't replace us with another podcast.

[Dan Howell]

Are we gonna have a holiday at some point?

[Phil Lester]

We need to have a holiday.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, you need to book in your free tour around the world sponsored by the Four Seasons.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, I know.

[Dan Howell]

Okay. Actually, we need to have a conversation. In the last episode, Phil joked about the, you know, Four Seasons sponsorship and how you guys could leave comments. And a bunch of people actually left comments in our YouTube Simping so hard for the four seasons.

[Phil Lester]

It was really fun.

[Dan Howell]

It was gonna put them together into a slideshow.

[Phil Lester]

The best comment came from Hayley. Beatrice.

[Dan Howell]

What an amazing and informative video. I am traveling to Thailand soon and would definitely book the penthouse suite at the Four Seasons, if only I knew what it looked like inside. Perhaps you, Dan and Phil can show.

[Phil Lester]

Us, they said with a gun to their head. Thank you. We'll see how we get on with that.

[Dan Howell]

Who needs bots when you got followers like that? Thank you.

[Phil Lester]

Also, if you want more content from Dan and Phil over this festive period, you can go to patreon.com Dan and Phil, watch us today.

[Dan Howell]

15 extra minutes of festive yapping.

[Phil Lester]

Also decorating our tree.

[Dan Howell]

We are in the middle of what we're calling the 12 days of Patreon, Mass. Where we're posting something each time. And don't worry, the content's not gone. You can go check it out right now. We've had gems like, this is it. We're gonna double hand it.

[Phil Lester]

Double fist.

[Dan Howell]

Three, two, one.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, yeah.

[Advertiser]

Hit.

[Phil Lester]

And little donkey trotting along.

[Dan Howell]

Little donkey wearing a thong. He's a hot fucking donkey. Throw it back. Throw it back for Christ.

[Phil Lester]

Crash.

[Dan Howell]

Crash. Yeah.

[Phil Lester]

I mean, that's what I want. That's what we need.

[Dan Howell]

Is it that hard?

[Phil Lester]

Church alert. This is also the last chance you have to get the special fam members card.

[Dan Howell]

If you want to say, I was there. I poked the star fan club official founding member. You've got until the end of this month to subscribe and then you can.

[Phil Lester]

Never get one again.

[Dan Howell]

So don't have FOMO until the day that you die and have to fight someone in the street and rob it off them. Just get it sent to your house.

[Phil Lester]

But for real, this has been 10 episodes of hard launch.

[Dan Howell]

10 episodes.

[Phil Lester]

Thank you for joining us on this journey. I feel like we have grown together. We have experienced new things.

[Dan Howell]

We came out of a scary hard launching womb when we did the thing, and now we are dangerously comfortable. It didn't take long.

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Dan Howell]

And here we are 10 weeks later and this thanks to all of you for listening and watching.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, it's been really fun and I'm excited to do more of it in 2026.

[Dan Howell]

Aw.

[Phil Lester]

We're gonna go hang out in our.

[Dan Howell]

Pajamas, look out for strange men bringing me painkillers in the night, and we'll see you on the other side.

[Phil Lester]

Ho, ho, ho. And whatever else you celebrate. Bye. Bye.