PHIL FACES THE CHEESE CHALLENGE

Summary

HARD LAUNCH with Dan and Phil — “PHIL FACES THE CHEESE CHALLENGE”

Episode released: May 18, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this outrageous, overshare-filled installment of HARD LAUNCH, Dan and Phil reunite after a week apart for a special episode centered on Phil undertaking the infamous “Cheese Challenge.” As Phil dons a revealing cheese suit (yes, truly), the duo spiral into stories of travel FOMO, dangerous Icelandic adventures, eccentric viral news stories, intimate cheese tastings, and absurd memory quizzes. This episode leans fully into HARD LAUNCH’s signature blend of unfiltered banter, chaotic dares, and friendship moments teetering on the edge of TMI — and perhaps, demonetization.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Cheese Challenge: Phil’s Mortifying Punishment

Timestamp: 00:57–03:00

• The episode kicks off with Dan presenting Phil’s “punishment” via their random topic/challenge generator: the dreaded “cheese” suit.
  • Phil, horrified, reluctantly models the barely-there bodysuit (“You’re about an inch off showing Phil’s inch as he sits in this inflatable chair.” — Dan, 01:57).
  • They riff about potential demonetization and joke about accidental overexposure on various platforms, referencing being “shadow banned” after back-arching in past YouTube/TikTok clips.
  • Running gags about “backless, crackless” fashion and TikTok thinking they’re a “porn channel” (02:24).

2. Dan’s Iceland Trip & Managing Phil’s FOMO

Timestamp: 04:03–14:17

• Dan recounts his recent trip to Iceland, carefully framing anecdotes as “things Phil would have hated” to soothe FOMO:
  • Snowmobiling: Phil admits, “Is it like a digital horse?” (07:35), while Dan describes it as “an angry mechanical ox” (07:37).
  • Glacier Hiking: Dan details the peril of glacier cracks and crevasses (“If you step over the big crack, you will die down the hole,” 08:36), and Phil’s horror at the idea.
  • Lava Tunnel Caving: Both agree Phil’s claustrophobia would make this impossible.
  • Geysers/Geezers: Dan and Phil riff on pronunciation (“Everyone says ‘geyser’ and then British people say ‘geezer’ for no fucking reason,” Dan, 10:14).
  • Tourist Risk: They laugh at the “sneaker waves” beach (“You could have witnessed eight deaths,” Phil, 12:19).
  • Tomato Restaurant: Dan raves about a tomato-themed menu, while Phil, dressed as cheese, groans at the topic (“I can’t believe I’m dressed as a cheese and we’re talking about a tomato restaurant,” Phil, 12:35).
• Embedded through these stories is playful romantic/platonic banter about codependency, jealousy, and “partner” vs. “friend” labels.

3. Self-Care Mishaps: Showers & Gym Tales

Timestamp: 15:20–17:40

• Phil reveals the trauma of their hot water breaking — forcing him to “shower at the gym,” without actually working out.
• They joke about cold plunges (“That is one of the things I don’t believe… if we were naturally meant to [take cold plunges], it wouldn’t feel horrific.” — Phil, 16:00).
• The gym is described as a “cruising hotspot.” Phil’s shocking sight: a man “blow-drying his balls with the communal hair dryer” (17:05), which Dan deems a “war crime.”
• Dan: “I am trying not to think, but I agree” (17:21).
• They embrace self-care, with Phil deadpan: “Self care takes a while!” (17:48).

4. Ridiculous Male News: The Week’s Unhinged Headlines

Timestamp: 19:00–22:25

• Rectal Reset: Dan describes a viral story where a man’s arrhythmia was cured by a prostate exam (“Like pressing the reset button on a device, he just kind of went ‘boop’,” Dan, 19:30).
• Ballsmaxing: The newest male beauty trend: saline-injected “ball size increasing” with Marcus, 57, inspired by comic books (“His scrotum is bigger than a mango now at 14.5 inches, briefly…” — Dan & Phil riffing, 21:10).
• Yorkshire Man Drags Police Car While On Fire: Bizarre heroics involving lighter fluid, genital strength, and regional pride (“I would not recommend that activity. But I am impressed,” Phil, 22:12).

5. The Infamous Cheese Board Segment

Timestamp: 22:41–32:40

• Phil presents Dan with a deluxe cheese board: “Waitrose’s finest,” grapes, gold-winning crackers — all in his cheese suit.
• Dan’s additional challenge: “Phil has to talk to me about things I like while I eat cheese. If I think he’s being performative, he eats the cheese” (24:10).
• Topics & Tasting:
  • Red Leicester & Roller Coasters: Phil struggles to name stats (“It’s 300 miles per hour?” 25:24), Dan mocks his trauma.
  • Vintage Reserve Cheddar & Pokémon: Phil demonstrates just enough passing knowledge and avoids eating the cheese (“Your team has a Dragapult…” 26:58).
  • Gorgonzola & Fish Tanks: In-depth riff on their old pet fish Norman, aquascaping, and Takashi Amano (“It’s like art but in a tank,” Phil, 28:10).
  • Sheep Cheese & Piano: Phil fails to guess Dan’s favorite piece (it’s a Chopin nocturne), forced to try “firm, nutty” sheep cheese — leading to dramatic gags and full-body horror (“My cheese is poking up. I’ll cry,” Phil, 31:42).
• Memorable banter about the true “wrongness” of cheese (“Cheese is just like, fucked up milk,” Dan, 32:08) and Phil’s “refined palate.”

Notable Quotes from Cheese Challenge

• “Firm and nutty and straight from the farm.” — Phil, 29:40
• “Keep your arms and legs inside the inflatable mail podcast chair at all times, lest ye get demonetized.” — Dan, 31:46

6. Memory Lane & Quizzes

Timestamp: 36:41–39:51

• With wine in hand (in a can!), they challenge each other’s memories:
  • Location recall from their tour (“Where were we when it rained on our show?” North Carolina, 37:46).
  • Deep cut: first meal shared together (Asda oven pizza, 38:50).
  • VidCon conference room party and which old-school YouTubers attended (Grace Helbig, Troye Sivan, Louise Pentland).
• Jokes about cancel culture, bad hotels, their longstanding “incompetence,” and hard-won partnership.

7. Listener Hard Launches & Wrap-Up

Timestamp: 40:10–41:56

• Listeners share their own “hard launch” confessions as voice notes:
  • Alice from Bristol: Antibiotics turning her pee neon green (“There were layers there, so much going on,” Phil, 40:28).
  • Q from Iowa: Publicly launching a fiancé’s CPAP machine on the pod, with wild snoring as audio (“The commitment, though. Do you know that? Recorded at 3am saying, I am on my last nerve,” Dan, 41:16).
• Dan touts their Patreon for more cheese antics and unpublished stories.

---

Notable Quotes & Stand-out Moments

• On Phil’s cheese suit:
  “Today, Phil is wearing… close your legs. To married men. Be careful.” — Dan, 01:29

• On TikTok censorship and back-arching:
  “Phil literally back arched so hard getting his temporary tattoo they said stop.” — Dan, 03:31
  “I thought I was just, like, on all fours.” — Phil, 03:35

• Iceland activity FOMO:
  “I would have just sipped tea next to the glacier and watched you zoom around.” — Phil, 08:13

• On blue cheese:
  “Are we still pretending blue cheese is okay as a society?” — Dan, 27:26

• Phil’s disgust at sheep cheese:
  “This is the worst thing I’ve ever had in my mouth… It tastes like something you found in the bottom of a ditch.” — Phil, 31:49

• Male beauty standards:
  “You’re chasing that high… But surely you more wanna go for the shaft rather than balls if you’re gonna inject something.” — Phil, 21:17

• Deep friendship moment:
  “You are my best friend.” / “No homo.” — Phil & Dan, 32:59–33:02

• Listener hard launch:
  “My hard launch: being my fiancé. [snoring sound].” — Q from Iowa, 41:05

---

Important Timestamps

• 00:57 — The cheese challenge is unveiled
• 04:03 — Dan’s Iceland trip & Phil’s FOMO
• 07:16 — Dangerous snowmobiling, glacier hiking, caving discussion
• 10:14 — British “geezer/geyser” banter
• 17:05 — Phil’s “blow dry your balls” gym story
• 19:00 — Viral news: “rectal reset” & “ballsmaxing”
• 22:41 — Cheese board challenge begins
• 25:24 — Roller coaster stats mayhem
• 27:26 — Declaring blue cheese a menace
• 31:49 — Phil’s sheep cheese suffering
• 36:41 — Trivia & memory lane
• 40:10 — Listener hard launches

---

Episode Tone and Language

Dan and Phil’s rapport is rapid-fire and unfiltered: sassy, irreverent, with plenty of running jokes, self-deprecating asides, cheeky sexual innuendo, and surreal British wit. The language is candid, playful, sometimes adolescent, solidly in tune with “overshare culture” and longterm fans. Their tone much resembles two lifelong friends or partners who routinely cross the line between wholesome and unhinged.

---

Conclusion

Whether you care about cheese, Icelandic geysers, or unconventional gym etiquette, this episode is a characteristically HARD LAUNCH blend: part friendship podcast, part variety show, part fever dream. Dan and Phil’s shameless embrace of absurdity, mutual ribbing, and audience engagement create an energetic, hilarious, and genuinely revealing hour — perhaps too revealing (at least for TikTok).

Transcript

[A]

Girl, winter is so last season and now spring's got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders that perfect hang on the patio sundress those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough of shopping from your couch. Done. Hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear open that envelope. It's time for a little in person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic. Ready to soundtrack your summer with Red Bull Summer All Day Play. You choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull Summer All Day Play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit red bull.com brightsummer ahead to learn more. See you this summer.

[B]

Inside our random topic generator was a red ball containing a horrible challenge for the other male podcast host. After being ridiculed in my silicone titties, I needed revenge. The word that I hid in my red ball. Cheese. Phil Lester, are you ready for your punishment?

[C]

No.

[B]

Enter.

[C]

I don't want to.

[B]

Come on, Phil, slow.

[C]

Why did you make me do this?

[B]

No. Oh, my view is graphic. Slow down. Oh, no. Rotate towards the camera. I'm rotating for the listeners. Today, Phil is wearing. Oh, my God. Close your legs. Close your legs. To married men. Be careful.

[C]

That's better.

[B]

I didn't say you had to have your feet out.

[C]

I thought I was only supposed to wear this, so. Yeah, I've got my dogs out.

[B]

Okay. Phil is wearing the cheese suit.

[C]

The cheese suit.

[B]

In case you. I don't know what the cheese suit is.

[C]

I mean, the clue's in the name.

[B]

It is a very thin piece of fabric, very breezy, in a triangle shape that is about an inch off. Showing Phil's inch as he sits in this inflatable chair.

[C]

Can't believe you made me do this.

[B]

I really forgot how much skin would be on show right now.

[C]

Thanks, Dan.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

I mean, if we're gonna get demonetized before.

[B]

What a way to go.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm so sorry, Slash. You're welcome. I'm not sure.

[C]

It's like immersion therapy for becoming the thing that I hate.

[B]

And your Monday's never been harder. Three, two, one. Happy Monday, everybody.

[C]

Happy breezy Monday.

[B]

Breezy on the cheeks. You can really feel the environment. And the weather from Phil is what cheesy Westerly Oh, God. Okay.

[C]

By the way, this isn't it. Dan wants me to do more on this cheese day.

[B]

You made me look ridiculous and give you a quiz on your favorite. Okay, so guess what, Phil, towards the end of the episode, you need to give me a cheesy surprise.

[C]

Oh, say something else. That's too much.

[B]

No, we've said it now.

[C]

No, no, it's horrible.

[B]

No, we've said it now.

[C]

Stop it.

[B]

Ow. Sorry, I just said ow, like, emotionally ow.

[C]

The emotional pain.

[B]

Do you know when someone, like, goes near you and you go, ow, ow? Yeah, like, I just did that, but just like, my heart was just. It broke a tiny bit.

[C]

I forgot the Shih Tzu doesn't have a back. So I've got full exposed back right now.

[B]

Strapless, backless, crackless.

[C]

There's been too much of my butt on YouTube recently, so I'm not spinning around.

[B]

And TikTok fucking thinks that we're a porn channel at the moment.

[C]

I know they do. We have been shadow banned because of my back arch.

[B]

Phil literally back arched so hard getting his temporary tattoo. They said stop.

[C]

Do you know, I didn't even realize I was back arching. I thought I was just, like, on all fours.

[B]

Phil can't help it, guys. He just back arches.

[C]

Just got that natural.

[B]

He just naturally does it.

[C]

But, yeah, they hate us, which I think is homophobic.

[B]

Yeah. This is how you get an evil company to like you, isn't it? I know you accuse them of being bigoted.

[C]

Dan, we're back together again after a week away. This is not the return I envisioned.

[B]

Are we that codependent? I was like, oh, my Lord, we didn't spend five nights together. Do we need a reset?

[C]

And now look, a punishment. The sixth night and I am a cheese man.

[B]

Like a biblical plague.

[C]

So Dan went to Iceland and left me all alone.

[B]

Happy 60th birthday. My mom.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

We were at a spa and someone was like, this is great for anti aging. And then she looked at me and went, how old are you?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, do I need the anti aging? And she was like, no, because you are brother and sister. And I know she's my f. Cking mum.

[C]

Wow. I mean, that's a compliment to your mum.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Also the fact that you've just not aged in the last 10 years.

[B]

Benjamin Button jeans. Yeah. We all have fetal twins that we absorbed.

[C]

It's actually just UV avoidance.

[B]

That is literally so true.

[C]

That's what it is. Don't go outside.

[B]

Film in the basement.

[C]

Silky smooth skin and God Loves us. So did you have a lovely time without me?

[B]

I. What am I supposed to say? I. Oh, had a horrible time.

[C]

No, no, be honest. Be honest.

[B]

Okay. I had a great time. Iceland was fun, but I missed you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It would have been so much better if you were there.

[C]

Aw, you missed me. Did you cry at night?

[B]

No.

[C]

Did you?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Did you sob?

[B]

I was so sad. I shit myself with stress every night.

[C]

You better have done, because we weren't together. Did you see the Blue Lagoon and let out a single salty tear into the mist?

[B]

All right, just writing fan fiction now. I mean, firstly, I'm surprised I even made it there because I was sat next to an actual Viking on the plane who I thought was gonna kill me.

[C]

Thorfinn.

[B]

I think he was from Iceland. He was the widest man I've ever seen in my life.

[C]

Like a Viking shed.

[B]

Yeah, those Viking fucking sheds filled. You could have said boat.

[C]

Viking ox. Viking wildebeest.

[B]

Yeah, just like a big log. He had arms like tree trunks. Honestly, this guy came in and he had a braided beard. Whoa. He was blond. His arms were an easy four times. I mean, that's hard. It's easy. Four times the size of my arms.

[C]

He could have snapped you in half like a twig.

[B]

I got frame mogged. You were frame mogged in the emergency exit aisle of this Iceland airplane.

[C]

Did he take up both armrests?

[B]

Yes, I was. And I was like. I was in the middle. And I feel like the etiquette when there's three plane seats in the row is person with the window gets an armrest. Person with the aisle gets an armrest. Person in the middle gets to maybe use both.

[C]

They do.

[B]

The idiot in the middle.

[C]

But he pushed you off the way.

[B]

He couldn't not. He wasn't even trying. He was just, like, overflowing with his arm. Absolute width.

[C]

Do you think you could hang off his beard?

[B]

Yes. And I was just sat next to him with my little fucking Nintendo Switch, looking like a Goober, just being like. Yeah.

[C]

Meanwhile, he's planning on chopping down some logs later with his.

[B]

Logs are when the tree is already chopped.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Inauthentic.

[C]

Then what else could he do with an axe?

[B]

But I don't want you to just gliding past that make you feel like you missed out. So, fomo, what I'm gonna tell you because I know I need to manage your expectations.

[C]

My feet are cold.

[B]

Relations.

[C]

I didn't get bored of what you were saying.

[B]

How does the floor feel?

[C]

Cold.

[B]

Textural.

[C]

Icy cold. Hard.

[B]

Launch. Podcast. Has a little mask ripped for his pleasure.

[C]

Maybe I could stand on the emo axolotl.

[B]

We can get you a cushion on the sofa, maybe.

[C]

I'm fine.

[B]

Phil's gonna protest.

[C]

If Thorfinn can brave the wilderness, so

[B]

can I survive the savagery of Viking

[C]

life in this London basement.

[B]

So can you?

[C]

Go on. Why would I hate it?

[B]

So, Phil, I'm gonna tell everybody about my fun week in Iceland. But I'm gonna frame it as these are all of the things that you would have hated. Yes. Number one, Snowmobiling. Phil, you would have fucking hated it.

[C]

Why?

[B]

It was scary. I just imagine you being on a snowmobile pressing go. And this thing going vroom. And then you'd go, I don't like it.

[C]

Is it like a digital horse?

[B]

It was like an angry mechanical ox that was trying to throw you off.

[C]

Did you have to really grip it?

[B]

You had to really grip. You had to pull it towards you?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And the snowmobile instructor thought I was way more competent because he just went off at 80km an. And honestly, I felt like if I hit the tiniest mound of snow, I was gonna catch some serious air, flip over, and then explode like Tomb Raider.

[C]

You promised me you wouldn't do anything dangerous.

[B]

Well, that didn't fucking happen.

[C]

You lie.

[B]

You lied.

[C]

You lie.

[B]

It was sketchy as shit. It was fun. But, Phil, snowmobiling while being really fun.

[C]

Yeah, you would have hated it. I would have just sipped to tea next to the glacier and watched you zoom around you.

[B]

You would have actually been passenger princess holding onto the back of the instructor's snowmobile.

[C]

Oh, I like that. Could have hang on to his beard braids.

[B]

Next thing. Glacier hiking.

[C]

No, Phil, hate it already.

[B]

You would have fucking hated glacier hiking.

[C]

Clues in there.

[B]

Firstly, you gotta hike. And then secondly, it's up. Cause you're on the ground. You've gotta go up.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Thirdly, crevasse.

[C]

Can I sit on the shoulders of a Viking?

[B]

No, you can't be pulled along. And there were just moments where he was like, follow me and step where I step' cause this is where the crack is small. If you step over the big crack, you will die down the hole. And I just. From a vision and spatial awareness perspective, I just don't see that happening for you.

[C]

This sounds scary. I don't like cracks that I could fall down.

[B]

Lava tunnel. Caving, Phil, you would fucking hate caving.

[C]

Caving. Scary.

[B]

Yeah. You've got to climb over boulders. No, it's dark.

[C]

I don't like that.

[B]

It's dripping.

[C]

Ooh.

[B]

And not in a fun way.

[C]

And you might find a hole, you go down and you can never get back out again.

[B]

Exactly. And we've seen the descent.

[C]

Was there a risk of you going too deep into the cave?

[B]

Well, you'd have had to have chosen to keep walking into the cave.

[C]

Absolutely not.

[B]

The idea of the possibility of that scary feeling.

[C]

Why is it whenever you go somewhere without me, you do all this dangerous stuff, you get it out your system?

[B]

What does that fucking mean? Yes, Phil.

[C]

It's like, oh, get all that danger out.

[B]

Yeah, danger. Men at work. Here we are.

[C]

How many men were in this dangerous situation?

[B]

The guide was a girl. It's okay.

[C]

That's okay. People said I was jealous in the last podcast, but I actually am just fomo. And I think that's true.

[B]

Jealous, Dan. Fomo, Phil.

[C]

But you're not jealous either. Jealous is the thing where you're like, he's gonna leave me for this hot guy. I know. I'm the hottest guy. Look at me right now. Look at this cheese thigh.

[B]

Oh, which sound effect do I want to press? I was gonna go for, like, cheer, self confidence. And then I was gonna be like, no. Yeah.

[C]

Look, could you picture yourself with anyone else having seen this? And I'm Davis, the only person that could replace me.

[B]

Geezers. Phil, you'd fucking hate him.

[C]

Oh, he's a geezer thought. He's a geyser.

[B]

Everyone says geyser and then British people say geezers for no fucking reason.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Cockney ge.

[C]

A cockney geyser.

[B]

So before everyone in the comments goes, how do they pronounce geyser? What's up with that? It's our culture.

[C]

Yeah. How long did you have to wait for it to spurt?

[B]

Full 10 minutes.

[C]

What?

[B]

And I don't think you'd have anxiety. I don't think the idea of a giant eruption of boiling water would be fun to you.

[C]

I feel like that would be fun. I think I like the anticipation. And you're like, oh, my God, when is the ground gonna climax?

[B]

Don't. Keep it.

[A]

What?

[B]

Before I even got the word phallic

[C]

out, you said that it's nature's ejaculation. Mother Earth having a squirt.

[B]

It is. And it's natural.

[C]

It's natural.

[B]

Yeah. It's geothermal.

[C]

Geothermal.

[B]

Stinky as well.

[C]

Dangerous to fall in, though, because there's those pools that if you fall in, you just turn into bones.

[B]

Am I right, ladies?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know what that means, but we wouldn't would we? Not on this male podcast, no. I got this cool photo, but I'm gonna tell you right now, my mum stole that off an American tourist.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Because I stood there filming for 10 minutes and then when the load blew, I freaked out, moved to the left, stopped recording, started again and completely fucked it.

[C]

Oh. I mean, I would do that.

[B]

Literally walked up to a tourist and was just like, did you just get that video? And he went, yeah. Oh. And she was like, yeah, send it

[C]

to me right now. Send it to me, Rachel.

[B]

So my mom is fully gonna post that on her Facebook and she's full of shit. If anyone's watching this, it's not hers.

[C]

But you were there. It's the same thing.

[B]

Yeah, we kind of saw the same thing.

[C]

You were just in the. Rather than filming it.

[B]

Like sneaker waves.

[C]

What's a sneaker wave?

[B]

Sneaker waves. There's like a beach that's called like Reynis Fjalla or something like that.

[C]

Oh, I saw that on TikTok. And all the comments like, those stupid people are all gonna die.

[B]

The dumbest gaggle of fucking tourists you've ever seen in your entire life. Phil. It's the dangerous giant signs saying, there are waves here and they come out of nowhere and they're 12ft tall and they'll suck you into the freezing sea and you'll die instantly. Please go nowhere near the sea. And the amount of people taking selfies, oh, no.

[C]

In golden hour, you could have witnessed eight deaths.

[B]

Liter. Literally. I was just stood there like, all these people are gonna fucking die. And then you go on TikTok and there's just people getting swooshed all over the place.

[C]

You don't get swooshed.

[B]

Read the signs. And lastly, the worst one, Phil. What tomato restaurant?

[C]

Oh my God.

[B]

There was a restaurant where everything on the menu was tomato.

[C]

I can't believe I'm dressed as a cheese and we're talking about a tomato restaurant. This is the worst topic ever.

[B]

Yeah, I had a tomato flavored beer.

[C]

What?

[B]

Tomato soup. Tomato salad.

[C]

Nature, Phil.

[B]

Phobic.

[C]

That is everyone phobic. I mean, that's a strange selling point.

[B]

I had a really nice time actually. It's very highly rated.

[C]

You've developed your taste buds to like a tomato, though.

[B]

I have.

[C]

How did you do that?

[B]

I just fucking grew up, Phil. I just fucking grew up.

[C]

Alright, Honestly.

[B]

I think the problem is when you're British you grow up with sloppy slime mushrooms, full English breakfasts, where the British mushroom is the greasiest rubberiest scariest thing ever.

[C]

No.

[B]

And then if you literally have like something Japanese with a mushroom in it, you're like, wow, this isn't disgusting.

[C]

I've tried them all. I hate them all.

[B]

You're not there yet.

[C]

I'll never be there. I'm only 26.

[B]

Emotionally, you do have the palate of an adventurous seven year old. We'll get you there.

[C]

Overall, I don't like the danger, but I would like to go back in a kind of aurora borealis. Sit in a fluffy coat.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Maybe get on a sledge. Sip a hot chocolate.

[B]

Hang out by huskies.

[C]

Hang out with Thor.

[B]

Pulling a beard.

[C]

Yeah. Pulling a Viking in a sauna.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But I wouldn't do the plunge pool aspect.

[B]

I will take you back to Iceland in December for a safe tour.

[C]

Do you think you'll drive around?

[B]

Do you want me to drive?

[C]

Well, you've not driven since you were when, like 19.

[B]

I'm good at Mario Kart. My toxic trait is I think I'm ready for a five lane roundabout.

[C]

Okay, let's do it. I think Iceland's a good place to merge practice. As long as you don't drive down a crack.

[B]

There's lots of cracks. Active lava fields.

[C]

Ooh. Who's gonna present the podcast if we both go down a crack?

[B]

Richard.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Get an AI inside it and it can just fucking yap about. Shit. There's enough Dan and Phil to train an AI off these days.

[C]

We don't use AI in this world.

[B]

But I mean, who's gonna own the rights to Dan and Phillip?

[C]

I would rather die than be replaced with an AI.

[B]

You hear that? YouTube.

[C]

Stop it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Although they've got this thing that you can't switch off, which is automatic dubbing, which is, I think, AI as well. But they do it for different languages. And Dan always gets a super masculine voice. And then I get like, I get a really feminine voice every time.

[B]

Oh, we've been automatically translated to Martian. And I'll be going, blonga ble, bla bleblossen, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then Phil goes, you sound like the quirky best friend anime character.

[C]

I.

[B]

That's you. That's me. I'm sorry, everyone in the Chad Shonen, main character, protagonist, I'm aura farming.

[C]

And then you're going even in like French, though. I'm not like. I'm like, jeuvertre, the Haribo baguette.

[B]

Baguette. Oui, monsieur. Nous sommalier.

[C]

Iceland, German. You're like, ich heissein eagle.

[B]

Meanwhile, you're just going to hyna grossa cancer.

[C]

Do do do do do do do do. So Dan was in danger. I was at home. Trad hub trad hubbing it up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I.

[B]

Big week. Big week.

[C]

Big, big week. As soon as you left, our hot water broke. And I learned I am not a cold shower man.

[B]

Oh, but Phil, they say that, like, cold plunges are how you lock in. As a male podcast host, you should be selling everybody cold plunge inflatable hot tubs right now.

[C]

That's a lie.

[B]

Breathwork, freezing nipples.

[C]

That is one of the things I don't believe. I think if humans were made to be in cold water.

[B]

You don't like or you don't believe?

[C]

I know. I don't believe.

[B]

Phil does not believe. No. That cold water is okay.

[C]

If we were naturally meant to do that, it wouldn't feel horrific. Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Do you think people are psychologically lying to themselves?

[C]

What's nice? A warm shower.

[B]

What's nice?

[C]

Opening your pores in the heat and just feeling like you've relaxed, not dipping yourself into an ice bath. That's not what we do naturally.

[B]

So how did you survive if you didn't have hot water for a few days?

[C]

I went to the gym and had a shower there and didn't do a workout.

[B]

Phil, I thought we promised that you were gonna go and use the cross trainer once.

[C]

I know, but I got there and

[B]

I was like, the stress of just cleaning yourself, this is too much. Okay. Yeah.

[C]

And it's quite an intimidating changing room in there. Lots of stuff going on.

[B]

Yeah. People that exercise are taking their clothes off. That's what happens.

[C]

I also think it's a cruising hotspot.

[B]

I was told that it is, and now I'm scared.

[C]

We both mutually know someone that does actively cruise there.

[B]

Well, they told us that they had an encounter and now I am scared. So I just come home to shower.

[C]

I haven't had any eye contact from anyone. I'll be honest. But I did see again, for the second time, a man fully blow drying his balls with the communal hair dryer.

[B]

We need to stop. This is illegal behavior.

[C]

Why are we lifting up a leg onto the counter and fully blow dryer ing it? That's an etiquette nightmare.

[B]

I mean, etiquette, it should be a war crime.

[C]

It's like sending ball mist into the air. Do you not think?

[B]

Yeah, I am trying not to think, but I agree.

[C]

I can picture it in HD right now.

[B]

Don't picture it too much.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Jealous dad.

[C]

Jealous dad.

[B]

I'm gonna blow dry my balls for his attention now. No, I'm not. So that was our separate weeks apart. You know, I did many activities and Phil had I shower.

[C]

Look, sometimes self care takes a while.

[B]

So true, King. Say it louder.

[C]

I will.

[B]

Self care takes a while.

[C]

Oh, my God. Everyone's just crashed their car listening to this. Now.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by. Prime Obsession is in session. And this summer, Prime Originals have everything you want. Steamy romances, irresistible love stories. And the book to screen favorites you've already read twice. Twice off campus. Elle every year after the love Hypothesis, Sterling point and more Slow burns, second chances chemistry you can feel through the screen. Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on prime

[B]

pool days. Call for cookouts and lots of laundry. This Memorial Day at Lowe's, save $80 on a Char Broil Performance Series 4 burner gas grill. Now just $199. Plus get up to 45% off. Select major appliances to keep dishes, clothes and food fresh. Having fun in the sun is easy with us in your corner. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's, valid through 527, while supplies last selection varies by location. See associate or lowes.com for details.

[C]

That was our week. What about the world? Here's the thing. Rectal reset. A New York man with irregular heartbeat has his arrhythmia cured with a prostate poke.

[B]

Yeah, A man was like, oh, my heart. What's wrong? And so the doctor was like, okay, rectal exam.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Stuck a finger in. And he think that basically he stimulated the vagus.

[C]

Vagus? The vagus nerve.

[B]

It's either vag or vag.

[C]

It's vagus, not vag.

[B]

Why can't it be vag? And basically, that's a really long one that runs from your gut through your chest into your brain. So basically, like. Like pressing the reset button on a device, he just kind of went boop and did that. So moral of the story, Put a

[C]

finger in your bum, it might fix your heart.

[B]

Turn it off and turn it on again. Yeah, the stock photo is quite disturbed. Like that is.

[C]

Barry, is that a stock photo or is that the doctor?

[B]

That is what you don't want to see. Like, what you want is a nice, calming person to be like, look, I'm gonna press your reset button. By the way, God gave you a prostate for a reason. Use it, honey. But then this guy is like, it

[C]

looks like he's gonna put all five fingers up there. He's got them all ready.

[B]

He's got them all ready. He's gonna make a mess and it's gonna be traumatic.

[C]

It's gonna be more than a reset if he does that.

[B]

Don't worry. The next stories are much better.

[C]

Watch out, Richard. We're ballsmaxing. The latest frontier in male image improvement is ball size increasing with salt water.

[B]

People are. They're injecting saline.

[C]

No.

[B]

For like temporary ball enhancements. But we do not judge. 57 year old Marcus, maybe. No, we don't. Do we judge?

[C]

I don't know. Why are we judging? I feel like I judge that. I feel like balls are quite delicate areas. You shouldn't be saline filling.

[B]

I feel like when you're injecting, you're into a. It's a risky hobby.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Because 57 year old Marcus told Men's Health that it's from reading comic books. So this is male beauty standards. Spider man catching all that fucking print and then you're going, am I supposed to look like that when I'm squatting?

[C]

Ooh.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

They had to edit out David Cornsweth's bulge from the movie. You know that.

[B]

Well, thank God, because otherwise Marcus would be doing more saline dangerous things.

[C]

His scrotum is bigger than a mango now at 14.5 inches briefly, and then

[B]

you're chasing that high.

[C]

This is gonna be too much. But surely you more wanna go for the shaft rather than balls if you're gonna inject something.

[B]

Yeah, but I think there's space in the other area.

[C]

14 inches, mango. 14 inches mango.

[B]

That's why it is too much.

[C]

Brave Marcus for telling us all. I would not recommend that Yorkshire man drags police car with while on fire.

[B]

This is not real. That's it. That's the story.

[C]

Why did he do that?

[B]

This is the best part. When I saw this, I was like, all right, so that's like, was he

[C]

on fire or the car or his penis?

[B]

He was on fire while he was dragging a car with his penis.

[C]

I'm speechless.

[B]

I will be honest. When I heard about this, I thought, oh, so this is gonna be Red Bull, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or it's gonna be a big branded stunt. There's gonna be doctors and. No, it's just some guy in a suburban street and he just got lighter fluid, set himself on fire and pulled a car along with his penis.

[C]

It's never gonna end. Well if he's on Yorkshire Live.

[B]

Well, Phil, this is your people. Do you want to speak to this?

[C]

I'm actually from Lancashire. I would say. Wow. I'd say. I would not Recommend that activity. But I am impressed.

[B]

So basically this week, men. What the fuck?

[C]

Men need to stop.

[B]

Don't you feel a lot more normal now just being at home and trying to have one warm shower?

[C]

Oh, yeah. I feel really normal sat in this cheese suit.

[B]

Well, well, speaking of the cheese, Phil,

[C]

it's chafing my nipples.

[B]

Why don't you give yourself a break while you go get the second part of this?

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna get Dan's treat.

[B]

I'm ready. Oh, my God. Okay. H.R. we're H.R. am I H.R. i did this to myself. God is laughing.

[C]

Dan, I've lovingly prepared you a cheese board.

[B]

Wow. Oh, my God. The presentation. Phil, you said, oh, my God. Why did I look okay, that's right there. It's too much for me. It's different with all the studio lights. Do you know what I mean? Guys, it's like. Yeah, like no one.

[C]

I'm back.

[B]

Is this the sushi platter that we bought and never used?

[C]

Yes. And I went to Waitrose of all places, and bought you all the fanciest of cheeses with my own money.

[B]

Middle class moments on the mail podcast.

[C]

Yeah. And I got you grapes and great taste. Golda winning crackers.

[B]

How can a fucking cracker win an award for anything?

[C]

Well, you're about to have it in your mouth.

[B]

Okay, so when I had the Red Bull challenge, I had to give you a Buffy Qu.

[C]

I loved that day.

[B]

Well, now it's time for me to love a day. Is that okay?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Can you share?

[C]

I can share.

[B]

You got fomo. Are you jealous?

[C]

I'm not jealous. And I don't have FOMO for the cheese.

[B]

Phil always says that. I'm always up in his face yapping about my fixation.

[C]

You love it.

[B]

He has to sit there while I'm going. I'm doing this thing this week where talking about some video games.

[C]

I find it today, Phil, endearing.

[B]

But today, Phil, you're supposed to say interesting. You find me interesting, funny, and cool. And you love it when I share my interests.

[C]

Oh, that cheese really stinks.

[B]

Well, this is the test. I actually. I asked Phil to prepare four varieties of cheese.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And to think himself of four topics that I am passionate about. And Phil has to talk to me about the things that I like talking about while I eat the cheese.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And if I don't believe that Phil is genuinely interested in my hobbies, if I think he's being performative, I know.

[C]

Being performative. I love.

[B]

He has to eat the cheese.

[C]

Fine. Your first cheese is Red Leicester, named after me. Smooth and nutty and handmade. And your first topic is Roller coasters. What?

[B]

So I just get a cracker?

[C]

Yep. We've been on many roller coasters together and each time was one of the best days of my life. Because I love theme parks and I love roller coasters. Except when you make me go on roller coasters. Cracker review.

[B]

That's some good cracker.

[C]

Cheese review.

[B]

I love me a bit of Leicester.

[C]

Except when you make me go on one side too. Sorry, too scary. Like Kingda Ka, which was the worst day of my life. But I appreciate.

[B]

The worst day of your life.

[C]

But I appreciate.

[B]

Get some trauma.

[C]

How much you enjoyed the roller coaster and telling me the facts about how tall and fast it was.

[B]

How tall is it?

[C]

It's 300ft tall.

[B]

It's 400ft tall. Oh, you have to redeem.

[C]

No, that's too much.

[B]

How fast is it?

[C]

It's 300 miles per hour.

[B]

Do you think a fucking roller coaster is 300 miles per hour?

[C]

Just like remove your eyeballs.

[B]

I don't even want. You don't even deserve a piece of cheese for that.

[C]

As long as I have to eat

[B]

the blue one, your namesake.

[C]

I'm scared.

[B]

This is a warning I'm having.

[C]

I'm having a tiny edge.

[B]

Sit. Ah, bro.

[C]

No Red Leicester. Not my relative number two.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Feed me a grape.

[C]

Oh, saw my grapes.

[B]

Have I fucked around and I'm finding

[C]

out I've got cheese mouth. Now lean forwards. Put your mouth towards me.

[B]

Excuse me, I'm a Grecian prince. I'm not putting my mouth towards anything. You come towards me.

[C]

Here you go.

[B]

Okay. For the apple music people. That was a fucking struggle.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna lick a cracker to get rid of the taste. That's what next we have. The next cheese is vintage reserve Cornish cheddar.

[B]

Oh, classic.

[C]

It's intense, but rounded and crunchy.

[B]

Same.

[C]

And my topic is Pokemon.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait.

[B]

Ooh, look at like the salty crust on this cello that's been aged in a cave or something nasty.

[C]

Don't age it in a cave.

[B]

Well, convince me you care about Pokemon.

[C]

I have played all of the Pokemon games and I caught a shiny dragalge once which was a different shade of purple. And I got to the end.

[B]

What does end mean, Phil? Talk about you in the mainline Pokemon games.

[C]

Whenever I beat the Elite four, I stop playing and don't do the post game.

[B]

What about that legendary whatever the fuck you need to catch.

[C]

They've played the credits I'm, like, gone. I'm done. I'm moving on.

[B]

Note that, creators, your team has a

[C]

dragapult and it has a garchomp, and they are strong. And you also do a method where you switch out the tortoise and make it sunny, which confuses everyone with trick room.

[B]

That is so fucking nerdy.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

And it's true. Phil, you don't have to eat the cheddar. Yay. Shout out, Torcoll. You're the goat.

[C]

Your next cheese is.

[B]

Or the tortoise. Am I right?

[C]

Your next cheese is Picante gorgonzola. Lusciously creamy, sharp and spicy. Like me.

[B]

Are we still pretending that blue cheese is okay as a society?

[C]

Well, you've got it.

[B]

This is the one thing where Phil might have a point.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The more you think about it, the worser and nastier it is.

[C]

You're gonna be sleeping in the garden after this.

[B]

Why does anything look like Phil?

[C]

What?

[B]

This is my nice moment.

[C]

Sorry. Look how delicious this looks. I'm glad I bought this because it's

[B]

going to be sharp and spicy.

[C]

Sharp and spicy.

[B]

Which is how all creamy foods should be described. And, Phil, what's the topic?

[C]

Fish tanks.

[B]

Oh, here we go.

[C]

Daniel. I loved our fish tank that we had together with our son Norman. He was such a joy to behold. He watched Riverdale with us, and he was a fan of Archie. We like. It's creamy. Is it creamy?

[B]

And sharp and spicy?

[C]

Aquascaping is important. It's like art, but in a tank.

[B]

Tell me why having a fish tank is different to aquascaping, Phil, what does that even mean?

[C]

Having a fish tank is all about having fish, while aquascaping is about the landscape of the moss as made famous by Imano.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Takashi Amano.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, I don't need to eat that blue cheese.

[B]

You might have just dodged a fucking creamy sharp bullet there, Phil.

[C]

Yay.

[B]

What are the rocks called?

[C]

Pebbles.

[B]

No, when you're baking the fish tank, the hardscape. Oh, my God.

[C]

I listen to you. See. Oh, my God. I'm a great friend.

[B]

Friend. No. Homo moments podcast. We're still not used to that, partner. Two friends.

[C]

Boyfriend.

[B]

Just two friends. We're just normal inflatable chairs. You're right there noshing on the fucking crackers.

[C]

Yeah, I like the crackers.

[B]

You just helped yourself to another one. You're still traumatized by that half a centimeter of red Leicester you had 10 minutes ago.

[C]

It tasted like a nightmare. Okay, our final cheese is grape.

[B]

Oh, I want the other kind. Of grape.

[C]

A green one.

[B]

Those are fucking huge. That's a bit scary.

[C]

Eat them like a. I'm.

[B]

Close my eyes.

[C]

Eat them like a prince. Here we go.

[B]

Don't slap me in the face with the fucking.

[C]

Nibble it. Nibble it. There you go, lad. Good grape. I'm more of a red grape kind of guy. Green grapes are horrible.

[B]

You say after you fucking dangled one into my mouth.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Tell me something nice.

[C]

Tell me something nice about now. The piano.

[B]

Come on.

[C]

While you eat Waitrose's finest sheep cheese.

[B]

Oh, leave the sheep alone.

[C]

Firm and nutty and straight from the farm.

[B]

We're ending on that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Firm.

[C]

Your favorite thing to play on piano is Tzanakand, which is a song made famous by Nobu Uematsu. And it goes like this.

[B]

I wouldn't say that that is the thing that I play on piano the most.

[C]

You're good at that.

[B]

So I'm picking up this cheese as if. If you don't correctly name the song that I play the most on the piano.

[C]

Moonlight Sonata.

[B]

Nope.

[C]

Beethoven's Finest Cheese.

[B]

Not Beethoven.

[C]

Debussy.

[B]

It's not

[C]

Debussy.

[B]

I made a really funny tweet once. What was the caption?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

German men in my DMs. Show me Debussy. I played Pledelary. No.

[C]

No.

[B]

Name a composer. You got too many.

[C]

Kamala Harris.

[B]

We live in the context.

[C]

Don't make me eat cheap. You're really gonna make me eat sheep cheese? I'll cry.

[B]

I fell off a cheese tree.

[C]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[B]

Watch out. Your cheese is poking up.

[C]

My cheese is poking up. I'll cry. I'll cry.

[B]

Piano composers.

[C]

Charlotte.

[B]

All right, I'm breaking it in half because you're almost there, show pants. Phil, there's certain types of. Of piano songs.

[C]

The Concerto Number seven.

[B]

That's not a concerto. That's not a whole lot of Chopin's

[C]

Song for Gay Dan.

[B]

That is not a genre of classical music.

[C]

Chopin's cheese challenge.

[B]

That it's about to be.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Phil, I'm so sorry.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

It's a nocturne.

[C]

You're a nocturne, right?

[B]

Shove this in your fucking mouth.

[C]

I want to eat half.

[B]

Get this firm, cheap nut in your mouth right now.

[C]

I'm going to eat this amount. I'm so scared.

[B]

You're scared?

[C]

I really hate it.

[B]

People are out here on glaciers.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

They're Vikings going into battle. And you're scared of the Firm? Sheep. The.

[C]

She call it the sheep nut.

[B]

Sorry. The Firm and nutty sheep cheese.

[C]

All right, I'm going. I'm going.

[B]

I chose number one.

[C]

I'm going. No.

[B]

Oh, my God. You are unbelievable. Careful with your full body reaction. Careful. Keep it contained. Keep your arms and legs inside the inflatable mail podcast chair at all times, lest ye get demonetized.

[C]

This is the worst thing I've ever had in my mouth.

[B]

We might watch this footage. I'm not saying anything back. And the whole thing might have to go on Patreon. Ah.

[C]

Oh, it's a horrible aftertaste. It tastes rotten. It tastes like something you found in the bottom of a ditch.

[B]

And here's the thing, Phil.

[C]

What?

[B]

Cheese.

[C]

Ugh. Oh, it's so bad.

[B]

Literally, is just like, fucked up milk.

[C]

I need a mint.

[B]

Do you know a brave take that you've had that you're, like, low key, right?

[C]

What?

[B]

The whole concept of cheap?

[C]

Yeah, it's gone off.

[B]

And the more you think about it, the more wrong it is. So maybe you just have a more sensitive tongue.

[C]

I have a refined palate. And you're all weird.

[B]

You have a more refined palate. Maybe all of us are actually weird for not just clapping.

[C]

See the mold?

[B]

That cheese is fucked. Yeah, but, Phil, people want that sharp

[C]

and spicy cream they can get out of my house.

[B]

Okay. Dan's showering at the gym tomorrow.

[C]

Sweat that cheese out.

[B]

Well, thank you, Phil. Honestly, you did better than I thought. And you really know me.

[C]

I really know you. And I've prepared a cheesy poem.

[B]

What?

[C]

You ready?

[B]

No, but I'm locking in Dan. Yep?

[C]

You are my best friend.

[B]

No homo.

[C]

No homo.

[B]

I feel like you didn't prepare this. I feel like this is coming out raw right now. Keep it going.

[C]

It's coming out raw. The cheese was poor, but overall, I'd let you stay on my door. In the Titanic scenario,

[B]

He landed the plane.

[C]

I landed the plane.

[B]

He landed the plane. Kind of like in a 911 way, but he landed the plane.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Did you know if your windows are bare, indoor temperatures can go up 20 degrees. Get ahead of summer with custom window treatments like solar roller shades from blinds.com and save up to 45% off during the Memorial Day Early Access sale. Whether you want to DIY it or have a pro handle everything, we've got you free samples, real design experts, and zero pressure. Just help when you need it. Shop up to 45% off site wide right now during the Early Access Memorial day [e-mail] rules and restrictions apply.

[A]

Hi, I'm Nicole Phelps, Global fashion News and features director at Vogue and co host of the Run through podcast. Each week on the show, our listeners get an all access pass into the world of Vogue. On Tuesdays, join me as I interview influential designers like Calvin Klein, Rachel Scott, and Simone Bellotti. On Thursdays, join Chloe Mel, head of editorial content at Vogue US and Choma Nadi, British Vogue's head of editorial content, as they explore fashion through the lens of cult with guests like Doja Cat and Margot Robbie. Listen and watch the run through with Vogue wherever you get your podcasts and Vogue's YouTube channel.

[C]

Richard.

[B]

Richard. Richard. Watch your toes, Phil. If you watch your toes, keep the. Oh, my God. Okay, this whole episode is going to have to go on pornhub.

[C]

It will.

[B]

Kirstama's gonna crawl into our window at night and go, no, no. I've seen what. We've been stopped.

[C]

Stop looking at it.

[B]

Stop it, please.

[C]

There's not gonna be uncensored crotch on Patreon.

[B]

So after last week's Richard special, Richard is running low. And so we are officially announcing that if you go to patreon.com danandphil even if you're a free member, come follow us over there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We are asking for your suggestions to Phil Richard's balls.

[C]

We need them. So thank you for sending them in.

[B]

Single word topics, interesting points of conversation.

[C]

Fill her up.

[B]

Fill him up, Phil. You should definitely do that to me.

[C]

This is not fair.

[B]

It's fine. Okay, I'll describe it like closed captions.

[C]

Right? We censored. No.

[B]

The confused northerner showing an insane amount of side ass. Ah. Pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot. Do it theatrically. Theatrical. Three quarter turn. Crank that. Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, it's a pink ball.

[B]

Nice. And just for the listeners, Phil has not had a wardrobe malfunction. He means the Richard. Okay, watch my feet.

[C]

Watch my feet.

[B]

If it goes, you can help.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

I will say, the golden ball is

[C]

cresting so close to the hole.

[B]

So if you want a golden pig sent to your house, get in on that.

[C]

Can we move the cheese? It absolutely stinks.

[B]

Are you fucking serious?

[C]

Yes. Oh. Do you want to nibble on it while we're talking? Oh, my God, I forgot your wine.

[B]

What? Dan, where the fuck did you just pull that out of?

[C]

I got you a can of wine.

[B]

You brought me a can of wine? A little tinny.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Wine in a can.

[C]

That's how it's the most fancy.

[B]

Bromance.

[C]

Bromance?

[B]

Yeah. No homance.

[C]

No homance here.

[B]

Mmm. Lovely Malbec malbec.

[C]

The topic today is, oh, this is so refined.

[B]

I'm sitting here with my wine.

[C]

Dan, what are those?

[B]

These are my hiking boots.

[C]

Why are you wearing your hiking boots?

[B]

Because I'm a fucking outdoor person now.

[C]

You're just gonna wear hiking boots all the time?

[B]

Sick eagle vest.

[C]

You do look great.

[B]

I'm a hiker, Dan.

[C]

You literally went on one hike. You can't just be a hiking boot guy now.

[B]

Okay, firstly, this is my culture.

[C]

Oh, yeah, sure.

[B]

And I'm offended that you said that.

[C]

Trying to get someone to lumber your jack.

[B]

Gorp. Core.

[C]

What's gorp?

[B]

It's people that dress like they're going on hikes when they're like walking their miniature schnauzer to a Starbucks.

[C]

Here's the question from Richard. How good is your memory? Quiz each other now. I think my memory's pretty bad. Cause I was trying to remember the specific places we went on tour and I could not remember any of the hotels or the venues.

[B]

Whereas I think my memory is quite good because I remember everywhere we've ever been on tour.

[C]

How do you do that? You don't remember people's faces though. I think I've got good facial memory. But for every celebrity, you're like, is that Gwyneth Paltrow?

[B]

No, that's Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Yeah, no, I'm pretty bad with that. Phil, where were we when it rained on our show?

[C]

North Carolina.

[B]

We actually were.

[C]

Fuck. Okay, okay, Quiz. What?

[B]

He's pointing his sneaky finger at me. Like Cynthia Erivo for that.

[C]

You mentioned Cynthia Erivo a lot.

[B]

I think that she's really got like.

[C]

She's got the finger.

[B]

Finger in your cultural association. Like she's done that.

[C]

She has like finger gripping finger brands.

[B]

Fingernails.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

People used to think about God and Adam, whereas now they think of Cynthia Erivo.

[C]

Which female celebrity bit me on the arm in my dream last night?

[B]

What?

[C]

Which female celebrity?

[B]

Yeah, I don't need to hear it again.

[C]

I told you when we woke up,

[B]

this is some type of shit that you tell me. And I'm like, wow, Dwayne the Rock Johnson?

[C]

No, it was Nicole Kidman.

[B]

Why Nicole? Leave him alone.

[C]

She was shouting at us because I was trying to get some free water of a hotel. And she was like, no.

[B]

Jesus fucking Christ.

[C]

Then I woke up with her hanging off my arm. Well, Nicole, so I've got one point. Another question.

[B]

What was the first meal that we ate when we ever met at your house in Manchester in 2009?

[C]

Oh, wow, that's a Deep cut.

[B]

It's as deep as the cut goes.

[C]

And you know what the cut was? Was a slice of pizza.

[B]

He's fucking wrong.

[C]

From Asda. We went and got an Asda oven

[B]

pizza and we burnt it.

[C]

We did.

[B]

We were, like, playing crushed bandicoot or something.

[C]

You're like, wow, this guy can cook.

[B]

I was like, wow, he's as fucking incompetent as me. Maybe we're in it for the long term.

[C]

What?

[B]

Deep smooth. Argentinian. Malbec. That's easy to like and hard not to love. Oh.

[C]

Aw.

[B]

Like Phil.

[C]

Aw.

[B]

Deep and smooth.

[C]

Deep and smooth.

[B]

Oh, Lord. Right, Go on.

[C]

Vidcon once gave us a conference room instead of a bedroom because they were like, these guys can't be gay. Let's put them in here.

[B]

We had a dining table, I remember,

[C]

in a room in the dining table. And we had a little party for YouTubers because we took loads of drinks there from the party. Yes.

[B]

There were a bunch of, like, bottles of whiskey in a conference room that no one had.

[C]

Who were four YouTubers that came to our party?

[B]

Grace Helbig.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Troye Sivan. At the time. Yes. You had to be there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Was Louise there?

[C]

Louise was always there. And Phil and me.

[B]

Does that not count?

[C]

No, I don't. Oh.

[B]

I'm trying to think of, like, five people, but they've all been cancelled.

[C]

Oh, great.

[B]

We didn't know them. We weren't friends with any of these people.

[C]

No, not at all. We were only friends with the good guys. Okay. I think our memories are pretty good. Like a steel trap.

[B]

Yeah. Well, Phil, this was one of the best weeks of my life. Thank you for the cheese platter.

[C]

You're welcome.

[B]

And a trip down memory lane and the immeasurable amount of skin on display.

[C]

Like, it's been a lot.

[B]

It's a lot.

[C]

But before we forget who we are, let's chat to some of you guys at home.

[B]

Yes. If people want the type of audacity that we have.

[C]

Have hard.

[B]

You want a hard launch?

[C]

Go hard.

[B]

Go. Hi, my name's Alice. I'm from Bristol, and I'd like to hard launch that. I'm on antibiotics at the moment. I feel like I am infected kidneys and it's making my piss neon green. Okay.

[C]

I'm sorry. There were layers there so much going on.

[B]

Firstly, why are you in a cathedral? Or maybe stuck at the bottom of a cave?

[C]

Maybe it's the antibiotics.

[B]

Do we need to send Elon Musk's submarine to come get you?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The sound of the Antibiotics. Four kidneys. What do you mean, four kidneys?

[C]

Four kidneys.

[B]

Sounds like you don't need them. No, you'll be fine. Like, you need the antibiotics. Just be like, take it out. Yeah, take it out.

[C]

Neon green piss.

[B]

Scary. Or is it yellow?

[C]

Oh, maybe we'll debate that.

[B]

Okay, well, good luck. But also, it sounds like you've got more than you need, so check your privilege. Next.

[A]

Hello, Dan and Phil. My name is Q. I'm from Iowa.

[C]

What is that?

[A]

My hard launch being my fiance.

[B]

A CPAP machine that's so bad is ridiculous.

[C]

Reporting on the ground that is so loud.

[B]

Live from the murder scene.

[C]

Yeah, they definitely need some kind of machine because that is some hellish snoring.

[B]

The commitment, though. Do you know that? Recorded at 3am saying, I am on my last nerve. And do you know what I'm gonna do? Yeah, I'm gonna hard launch it with Dan and Phil on the mail podcast, and he's gonna be dressed like a piece of cheese. And it will make me feel better about my relationship.

[C]

You need to get some breathe. Right? Nasal strips at least. Okay, I haven't snored since I got a new pillow, so maybe get a new pillow. Haven't I been good? No snores.

[B]

No. You're so quiet.

[C]

Okay, well, if you want more of the cheese soup, come join us on Patreon, where Dan is gonna be eating more cheese.

[B]

I'll have finished this can of wine

[C]

he's gonna be selling us.

[B]

I'll be feeling sharp, nutty, graped up, and it'll all come out.

[C]

Maybe you'll tell everyone what happened at Playlist Live. So join us on Patreon. If you want to hear us yap about that, it's patreon.com Dan and Phil.

[B]

Sounds contentious.

[C]

Have a lovely week.

[B]

Thank you for joining us.

[C]

Don't eat cheese.

[B]

And we'll see you next time. Bye.

[C]

Peace out.

[B]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[C]

Hey, everyone.

[B]

Check out this guy and his Bert.

[C]

What is this, your first date? Oh, no. We help people customize and save on

[B]

car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married.

[C]

Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[B]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[C]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[B]

Dish has been connecting communities like yours for the last 45 years, providing the TV you love at a price you can trust. Watch live split news and the latest movies, plus your favorite streaming apps, all in one place. Switch to Dish today and lock in the lowest price in satellite TV, starting at $89.99 a month with our two year price guarantee. Call 888-add-D dish or visit dish.com today.