HARD LAUNCH with Dan and Phil

Episode: "Phil has been texting his ex"
Date: November 17, 2025
Hosts: Dan and Phil
Studio: Studio71

Episode Overview

This lively and chaotic episode dives into themes of relationships, online rumors, queer culture, missed career paths, and the cosmic unknown—all with Dan and Phil’s signature wit and self-deprecating humor. The headline topic: Phil’s ex resurfacing after being mentioned on the podcast, igniting talk of ghosting, Instagram thirst traps, and nostalgic digressions about alternate life decisions. Interwoven are musings on internet cancel culture, gay stereotypes, fan art, haunted kitchens, and memorable stories from their quirky pasts. The episode wraps up with audience confessions—some hilarious, others uncomfortably honest.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Phil's Ex Resurfaces: Ghosting and Podcast Fallout

• [00:57] Phil reveals his model ex reached out after hearing the previous episode, having watched and heard comments Dan made about him.
  • Phil: "Not only that, he watched the podcast. He heard you talking shit." (01:05)
  • The ex finds the jokes amusing but takes a slight dig at Dan, who’s bemused and mock-offended.
• Phil tries to make small talk, but is promptly left on read—“He’s left me on red for about four days. I’ve been ghosted.” (02:05)

2. Queer Social Stereotypes and Envy of the Manchester Gays

• [03:20] Phil and Dan discuss the picture-perfect social media life of “gay friends in Manchester”:
  • Dogs, muscular men in hot tubs, frequent trips—compared to their own less glamorous existence.
  • Dan: “I am slightly homophobic.” (04:49)
• They muse on the ‘gay circuit’ party scene vs. their Nerdy/board game preferences:
  • Dan: “Do you ever feel like you wish you participated in more gay social society?” (05:24)
  • Phil confesses wanting to join a gay board game club—Dan: “Where someone’s like, I’m a furry lgbt, let’s play Catan.” (05:46)

3. Cancel Culture, Cat Discourse, and Context Collapse

• [06:11]–[08:49]
  • After jokes about cats, a wave of online backlash emerges, illustrating how podcasts can be misinterpreted.
  • Dan: “When the podcast is too big...people will eavesdrop and see the things that we’re saying...without the context.” (07:13)
  • The pair stage a tongue-in-cheek “apology” and joke about fickle online outrage.

4. Fan Art Trends: Yuri, Yaoi, and Being Ships

• [09:26]–[12:40]
  • Increasing prevalence of Dan and Phil lesbian (yuri) fan art, less yaoi.
  • Phil: “I think lesbian Phil is super hot.” (11:11)
  • Discussion shifts to how universal basic income would fuel more fan art: “This is the communist future...We need time to prioritize the things that we like in life.” (12:09)
  • Their Patreon nicknamed “yaoi prime” by a fan (12:27)

5. Haunted Kitchens and Rational Explanations

• [13:48]–[16:12]
  • Last week’s “ghost dust” turns out likely to be potting soil from a new plant. Phil sheepishly admits, “It seems very likely it was the plant. So I’m sorry for scaring everyone, including Dan.” (16:12)

6. Hypotheticals: Life’s Stats After Death

• [17:01]–[21:07]
  • Phil ponders what cosmic statistics he’d like to know after dying—everything from near-death experiences to how many strangers thought he was hot.
  • Hilarious tangent about Dan’s extreme ability to hold his bladder.
    • Phil: “Today, Dan has done a transatlantic flight to New York. And not pissed.” (19:50)
    • Dan: “I time it. I go before. I hold it in.” (19:55)

7. Alternate Career Paths, Lawyering, and Porn Editing

• [21:25]–[26:34]
  • What if Dan became a lawyer?
    • Musings on gaslighting a jury and the moral complications.
  • Phil almost took an internship editing porn (and tickle fetish content) instead of becoming a YouTuber.
    • Phil: “I could have edited porn. I was offered that job.” (23:40)
    • Phil: “[Tickle porn was] £500 for an hour...I would have to be tied to a bed and tickled by a stranger.” (26:02)
    • Dan: “No one should have to be tickled on a bed if they don’t want to be.” (26:18)

8. Photo Shoots, Glitter Disasters, and Labubu Obsessions

• [27:52]–[33:12]
  • Dan and Phil tease their heavily-produced new calendar—makeup, glitter disasters, and olive oil showers ensue.
    • Phil: “So I got into the shower with a full tub of olive oil and I just rubbed it all over my face.” (30:07)
  • Phil’s new fascination with collectible Labubus—buying six, gifting them to friends and Dan (32:12)
    • Dan: “When Phil said, I got you a Labubu, I said, how much of our life savings have you invested...” (32:46)

9. Nerd Nostalgia: DDR Cinematic Universe

• [33:16]–[37:31]
  • Their teenage days obsessed with Dance Dance Revolution; Phil had friends who’d “ghost” the machine while waiting their turn, to the horror of local toughs.
    • Dan: “I had no nerd friends, guys.” (35:05)
    • Phil: “This group of six lads walked up and just saw him doing that and were like, these people are so...” (36:40)

10. Travel Tales: Blackpool and Prejudice

• [37:31]–[38:22]
  • Their Blackpool holiday: greeted with slurs and a baguette thrown at Phil, but ultimately cheered by gay B&B hosts.
    • Dan: “About five seconds after getting off the train, someone screamed some kind of illegible slur at you and then threw...an entire baguette?” (37:46)

11. Big Cosmic Questions with ‘Richard,’ the Conversation Selector

• [38:31]–[41:46]
  • Are we alone in the universe?
    • Phil: “I think we are mere amoeba...ant size compared to nebula space whale organisms.” (39:18)
    • Dan assumes aliens would judge us harshly for our collective stupidity and priorities.
    • Wild speculation: “It’s always about the ass and the probe.” (41:02)

12. Audience "Hard Launches": Community Confessions

• [42:03]–[46:53]
  • Kayleigh (US): Began ketamine treatments for depression, accidentally listened while high and thought she was “going into psychosis.”
    • Dan: “Did this help your depression?” (42:33)
  • Natalie: Blocked her dead dad on Instagram to stop seeing which porn star reels he’d liked.
  • Spencer (California): “Situationships do not exist. You’re either dating, or they just don’t like you.”
    • Dan: “If you’re like, ‘I guess we’re in a situationship,’ it just means I don’t claim you.” (44:08)
  • Charlotte (Derbyshire): Her toddler prefers Dan and Phil to her own parents—“she asks for Dada” but means Dan and Phil!
    • Phil: “We are fathers. We raised a child. High five, man.” (45:23)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “Not only that, he watched the podcast. He heard you talking shit.” — Phil, on his ex texting in (01:05)
• “I am slightly homophobic.” — Dan, on Manchester gays in hot tubs (04:49)
• “When the podcast is too big...people will eavesdrop and see the things that we’re saying...without the context.” — Dan, on cancel culture (07:13)
• “I think lesbian Phil is super hot.” — Phil (11:11)
• “This is why we need universal basic income. What, so people can draw me as doing things?” — Dan (12:05)
• “He’s left me on red for about four days. I’ve been ghosted.” — Phil (02:05)
• “Today, Dan has done a transatlantic flight to New York. And not pissed.” — Phil (19:50)
• “I could have edited porn. I was offered that job.” — Phil (23:40)
• “So I got into the shower with a full tub of olive oil and I just rubbed it all over my face.” — Phil (30:07)
• “When Phil said, I got you a Labubu, I said, how much of our life savings have you invested…?” — Dan (32:46)
• “I had no nerd friends, guys.” — Dan on DDR nostalgia (35:05)
• “We are fathers. We raised a child. High five me, man.” — Phil, after fan confesses her toddler prefers Dan and Phil to her parents (45:23)
• “Even that situationship. Look where it is now.” — Phil, as they close the episode (47:23)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:57 – Phil's ex texts after hearing last episode
• 03:20 – Discussing Manchester gay social stereotypes
• 06:11 – Cat-based cancelation discourse
• 09:26 – Political and fan art (yuri/yaoi) tangents
• 13:48 – Resolution of the “ghost dust” mystery
• 17:01 – Hypothetical afterlife statistics game
• 21:25 – Dan’s “what if” law career; Phil’s almost-porn-editor past
• 27:52 – Calendar shoot glitter meltdown and the Labubu haul
• 33:16 – DDR and nerdy teen friendships
• 37:31 – Blackpool travel mayhem and baguette-based hate crime
• 38:31 – Conversation roulette: Are We Alone in the Universe?
• 42:03 – Listener confessions (“Hard Launches”)
• 47:23 – Closing thoughts on hope for humanity and relationships

Tone & Style

• Freewheeling, self-deprecating banter
• Openly queer, irreverent, and occasionally absurd
• Sessions of heartfelt confession punctuated by sharp wit and meta-commentary on social media fandoms and internet culture

Takeaway for New Listeners

This episode encapsulates the raw, unscripted, and often unfiltered dynamic of Dan and Phil’s “Hard Launch” podcast. They mix their own awkward life stories, unflinching looks at queer experience, crowd-submitted overshares, and meta-commentary on their fandom, all while maintaining a space that’s as hilarious as it is sincere. Regularly straddling the line between chaos and candor, Dan and Phil make a case for radical honesty—the kind you might regret but can never take back.