The Truth About The Day We Met

Summary

---

HARD LAUNCH with Dan and Phil

Episode: The Truth About The Day We Met
Date: October 27, 2025
Hosts: Dan and Phil
Produced by: Studio71

---

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dan and Phil mark 16 years since they first met by delving into the awkward, hilarious, and slightly paranoid details of that fateful day and their early online friendship. The conversation quickly evolves into a whirlwind of vulnerability, oversharing, and comedic banter—touching on catfishing concerns, botched first impressions, superstitions, body oddities, and more. Throughout, they weave in their signature self-aware humor and gleeful disregard for boundaries, responding to listener “hard launches” and celebrating authenticity.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. 16 Years of Dan and Phil: Reflecting on the Day They Met

• Confessions and Paranoia (00:00–01:45)

  • Both thought the other might be catfishing them:
    • “I completely thought you catfished me when we first met.” – Phil (00:07)
    • “When I first met you, I thought you were wearing a wig.” – Dan (00:50)
  • Dan describes Phil’s shiny, hairsprayed hair as “almost dementedly perfect.”
  • Both reveal their first impressions were filled with doubt and playful roasting.

• Awkward Early Internet Encounters (01:45–04:15)

  • Dan and Phil reminisce about awkwardness meeting internet friends:
    • They Skyped before meeting to confirm identities.
    • “It's always awkward meeting someone from the internet for the first time because you're like, what they’re gonna be like.” – Phil (04:10)

2. Online Courtship and Performative Interests

• Comparing Celebrity Meet-Cutes (04:15–05:30)
  • Dan mentions Dua Lipa’s fiancé using a pickup line about reading the same book in a park, and then laughs at his own past performative interests.
    • “I did like the music nerd version.” – Dan, on mirroring Phil's taste in Muse (04:54)
  • Takeaway: Playfully stalking someone’s interests is a time-honored route to romance.

3. Audience Feedback and Inside Jokes

• Appreciating Listeners & First Episode Reactions (06:12–07:00)

  • Responding to comments (from Jedward to jokes about their set’s lava lamp looking like “a jar of human remains”), Dan and Phil riff on the unpredictability of audience feedback.

• Red Carpet Anxieties and Fashion Fails (07:25–10:29)

  • Attending a red carpet for an LGBT+ film—partly to update old “emo hair” photos the press kept using.
  • Phil frets about his hand positions in photos.
    • “It’s so hard. I think there was one inch between you looking like an angry fist… and looking like you’re just kind of awkward trying to keep your clothes on.” – Dan (10:06)

4. Movie Premiere Madness and the Realities of Social Events

• Debriefing the BDSM Romcom Premiere (10:29–13:23)

  • The film was more explicit than expected: “I would not watch it with your family at Christmas. I'll say that.” – Phil (12:37)
  • They joke about the scarcity of popcorn at film premieres, contrasting it to their preferred cinema experiences.

• Film Festival Waterloo (14:02–15:41)

  • Shuffled in after a tragic gay film; greeted a sobbing audience.
  • Dan: “Basically, everybody that came out was hysterically sobbing.” (14:35)

5. Seasonal Shifts and Superstitions

• Transitioning into Spooky Season (15:46–16:58)

  • “Can you feel the pumpkin tingle?” – Dan (15:48)
  • Speculates about Dan and Phil festive traditions returning for the season.

• Superstitions: Science vs. Magic (19:34–22:49)

  • Phil’s belief in superstitions clashes with Dan’s skepticism.
    • “Phil likes to believe in things. I like to believe in nothing.” – Dan (20:08)
  • Retelling their shared ball lightning story, debating its legitimacy as supernatural or scientific.

6. Odd British Superstitions and Childhood Spookiness

• British Table Superstitions & the Sheep Hole (22:49–26:09)
  • Discusses magpies, spilled salt, and “the sheep hole,” a local pit Phil and friends explored filled with sheep bones—adding to their playful folklore.

7. Richard the Random Topic Generator: Boob Talk

• Audience-Driven Tangent (26:09–31:03)
  • The randomizer lands on “How large would you like your boobs to be?”
    • “I think my energy exudes someone that has a strong rack.” – Phil (27:09)
    • Dan: “In the same way that your annoying personality suits you individually, I think that anyone’s breasts can just be authentically theirs…” (29:22)
  • They joke about the unfair lack of “bulge jiggle physics” in video games versus the attention given to “breast jiggle.”

8. Cosmetic Surgery and Body Modification Banter

• Lip Filler Rumors and The Slippery Slope (30:01–31:02)
  • Briefly discuss rumors about Dan’s looks, meme about future cosmetic procedures, and playfully spiral about body modification acronyms.

9. Listener "Hard Launches": Authentic Confessions

• Segment Introduction (31:22–31:48)

  • “It’s time to get into the part of the show where you get involved… where we ask our listeners to hard launch things so they can experience the joy that me and Phil have lived.” – Dan (31:22)

• Selected Listener Confessions

  • Sex-Neighbor Dilemmas (31:55–33:13)
    • Listener complains their neighbor’s sex life is both short and unsatisfying (“never hear him last more than a minute”), sparking a debate about neighborly etiquette and sexual stamina as a neighborly service.
      • “Is it not the ideal sex neighbor if he is finishing really fast?” – Phil (33:11)
      • “You only need to listen to it for a minute.” – Phil (33:13)
  • Coming Out as Ace (33:31–33:57)
    • Listener considers if their aversion to a partner is a sign of being asexual or just that they’re dating the wrong person.
      • “If someone gives you the ick so much, it might be worth breaking up with them.” – Phil (33:52)
  • IBS, Dairy, and Owning It (34:31–35:54)
    • Listener hard launches their IBS and dairy debauchery.
      • “The whole point of this show… is celebrating authenticity, bold decisions where you are unapologetic about your life. And you’ve said, I want the ice cream and I don’t care about the consequences.” – Dan (35:34)

10. Teasing Spooky Week and Audience Involvement

• Dan and Phil announce the return of their “Spooky Week” tradition: “We're gonna post a video every day for four whole days. And they're gonna be scary, they're gonna be slutty, they're gonna make you tingle with fear.” – Phil (37:23)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• First Impressions and Catfish Paranoia:

  • “Dan was the last person to get off the train. Who gets off the train last?” – Phil (00:07)
  • “When I first met you, I thought you were wearing a wig.” – Dan (00:50)

• British Superstition Roasting:

  • “Phil likes to believe in things. I like to believe in nothing. Ergo, Phil loves all superstitions… and I’m miserable.” – Dan (20:08)

• On Red Carpet Fashion:

  • “I saw the picture that we got, and I really like it.” – Phil (09:44)
  • “I thought you served fun.” – Dan (09:46)

• Listener Segment Opening:

  • “Our inbox has been bulging with your voice notes, and we are ready to shove him in our ears.” – Phil (31:43)

• Audience Feedback on Their Dynamic:

  • “Wow. Their dynamic did not change at all… If anything, it’s got worse.” – Dan (06:22, 06:32)

• On “Richard” the Topic Generator’s Question:

  • “How large would you like your boobs to be?” – Richard the Ball (26:46)
  • “I think my energy exudes someone that has a strong rack.” – Phil (27:09)

---

Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-------------|------------------------------------| | 00:00–01:45 | Confessions about meeting and catfishing paranoia
| 01:45–04:15 | Early internet awkwardness, Skype before meeting
| 04:15–05:30 | Romantic stories & performative interests
| 06:12–07:00 | Reactions to first episode, audience & lava lamp feedback
| 07:25–10:29 | Red carpet anxiety, fashion fails, “serving fun”
| 10:29–13:23 | Movie premiere, explicit content, popcorn realities
| 15:46–16:58 | Spooky season traditions teased
| 19:34–22:49 | Superstitions: science vs. magic, ball lightning story
| 22:49–26:09 | Odd British beliefs, “the sheep hole” story
| 26:09–31:03 | Richard the randomizer, boobs conversation
| 31:22–31:48 | Listener “hard launches” introduction
| 31:55–33:13 | Neighbor sex dilemmas, etiquette and stamina
| 33:31–35:54 | Listener coming out as ace, IBS confessions
| 37:00–37:41 | Announcing Spooky Week tradition returns

---

Episode Tone and Style

The episode is fast-paced, irreverent, and unguarded, packed with tangents, inside jokes, and genuine moments of vulnerability. Dan and Phil’s dynamic is as unfiltered and playful as ever, with mutual teasing and a gleeful disregard for podcasting norms. Listeners are encouraged to participate and share confessions, reinforcing a sense of community and authenticity.

---

Summary

This episode captures Dan and Phil at their oversharing, comedic best. Using the 16th anniversary of their first meeting as a springboard, they riff on everything from early internet anxieties, red carpet misadventures, and British superstitions, to philosophical debates about boobs and misadventures in body modification. The lively listener confessions segment adds a communal feel—full of both giggles and genuine honesty. The promise of “Spooky Week” caps things off, promising more chaos and creativity to come.

---

For listeners new or old, this episode delivers the full Dan and Phil experience: messy, heartwarming, and hilariously self-aware.

Transcript

[A]

As it's 16 years since we met. I have a confession.

[B]

Are you breaking up? Is it the end of this podcast? Because I'm gonna be pissed after everything. What?

[A]

I completely thought you catfished me when we first met.

[B]

What?

[A]

Because listen to this. Dan was the last person to get off the train. Who gets off the train last?

[B]

If you get onto the train first at the station because you don't do all that walking, you're gonna have to do a dramatic walk down the platform later.

[A]

Right?

[B]

If you're meeting your mysterious lover off the Internet, don't you want them to do the longest walk down a train platform ever?

[A]

I stood there five minutes. Come on, buddy.

[B]

Oh, that whole time you thought I was gonna stand you up, I bet.

[A]

You were in the train toilet adjusting your hat.

[B]

How dare you?

[A]

You know, your fuzzy hat.

[B]

I looked lovely in my 2009 trapper hat. Thank you.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Well, I thought you were gonna catfish me.

[A]

How?

[B]

This is like a rude, personal attack.

[A]

I know. Well, bring it on now. It's time to break up.

[B]

I'm just gonna drop it. Phil, when I first met you, I thought you were wearing a wig. What? How? You don't understand. Philip's chick, he just re dyed his hair black. Okay, and the black that you used to dye your hair, it was not natur chocolate brown. It was like Savage Schwarzkopf triple black, Raven Meyer. And this shit was shiny. And you had hairsprayed it. It didn't move. What? So the first time I saw you, I was trying to make eye contact and I just couldn't stop staring at his head. And I was like.

[A]

I guess didn't move in the wind, I guess. It is so perfect because I emptied a whole can of hairspray into it.

[B]

Oh, you made such an effort to look nice that you actually looked almost dementedly perfect.

[A]

Fine.

[B]

So you thought that I might turn up and be Pauline58 from Bradford?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I thought that you were bald.

[A]

Great slay. Cool.

[B]

Okay, well, I'm glad that we're just getting things off our chest. 16 years deep into this thing.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

3, 2. 16 years, 16.

[A]

That's a large number. People age 16, they can.

[B]

In terms of numbers, it's not a large number. Numbers go to, like, a billion. 16 is 16 from zero.

[A]

16 year olds can go to.

[B]

Can they?

[A]

I don't know. Can you?

[B]

I love the top comment on the YouTube upload of the podcast last week was great. Who needs AI for disinformation? I'm gonna get it from Phil now. Weekly.

[A]

Look, I said facts are fun sometimes when they're live.

[B]

This is a vibe based podcast where Phil just says however he feels and we need to accept that that's the joy of life.

[A]

It is the joy of life.

[B]

Also fact with a pH, which is our medical disclaimer rolling across the ticker at the bottom of the screen. When a fact is said on this podcast, it is in fact maybe just a nice story.

[A]

I met a man.

[B]

When do I need to call your mum? Are you being catfished now?

[A]

Me and Dan went to a butterfly house and I met a man and he told me 100% that I have a twin. Not like you might have.

[B]

This in a weird way where it was like, I saw your twin the other day.

[A]

He was like, I saw your twin. Comes here all the time. He's got a favorite moth. Excuse me, Favorite moth.

[B]

I don't know how many other 6 foot 3, 30 something year old twinks you've seen with bright platinum white hair.

[A]

He was so convinced I had a twin, he was like, oh, it's you again. I was like, no, I think you got a rival.

[B]

Maybe someone's trying to clone your identity or you need to find this person and kill them.

[A]

That's interesting though. If anyone goes to Bexley butterfly house, there is a Phil twin walking around, which could kind of solve the would you fuck your clone thing. I could go find him and give him a go.

[B]

Okay, no, we're not twin shaming here. I've made my thoughts on self cessed abundantly.

[A]

Clearly it's legal if you're not related.

[B]

I don't think there's rules on that yet. Which means it's fresh ground ready for you to make whatever rules you want. Yeah, cool. Well, what a celebration of the 16 years of us knowing each other. I know Paul is fantasizing about himself loose in South London. Somewhere.

[A]

Somewhere he's out there.

[B]

I feel like our story was quite wholesome though, because we met via social media. We knew each other a bit just from going, oh, we have similar interests online. We skyped to establish that there wasn't a catfish situation.

[A]

We did.

[B]

And so it felt okay to meet a stranger off the Internet.

[A]

It was okay. We kind of proved that we were each other. Until you thought I was wearing a wig.

[B]

Yeah, well, I wouldn't have known that from the Internet. YouTube can hide any kind of wig situation.

[A]

No, but it's always awkward meeting someone from the Internet for the first time because you're like, what they're gonna be like.

[B]

Did you See Dua Lipa fiance. Good for her. Do you hear how they met?

[A]

No.

[B]

On a park bench, reading the same book.

[A]

What?

[B]

What was the line that was dropped? Wait, okay. Callum. The fiance said callum. I just finished the first chapter two, so we're on the same page.

[A]

Oh, I mean, that's smooth.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No, it's smooth. Retract. Love celebrities. Love all the Dua Lipa fans listening to the podcast.

[A]

The best way to get a date is to pretend you're reading a book in a park and look hot.

[B]

Did he win performative maleness?

[A]

He put it out there.

[B]

He was like, not only have I done it, I got Dua Lipa. Suck it forever, everyone.

[A]

Although saying that you were chatting to me about Muse on the Internet.

[B]

Oh, shit. I did the same thing. I did like the music nerd version. Phil was like, oh, I'm listening to my new favorite album, the Resistance by Muse. And then I posted a photo just being like, oh, I just got this album.

[A]

There we go. Oh, my God. You are Dua Lipa.

[B]

Fuck. I was the performer.

[A]

You're the blueprint.

[B]

I was the performative, weird Internet nerd.

[A]

You might as well have sat in a park just caressing the album until I came up with it.

[B]

I was really out there on social media, pre career. Just being like, I am Dan. For no reason. I'd like to disclose that I love Final Fantasy. I love Muse. I like things from Manchester. Yeah, that's so crazy. Does anyone like that?

[A]

Unless the print works, you love it and look what happened.

[B]

Career. So the moral of the story is, if you want to bag someone, a sugar daddy, a sugar pop mistress, lie about your interests, stalk them, turn up in the place, do your thing.

[A]

Am I a sugar pop mistress?

[B]

Hard pivot. Is it time to bring in Richard, the random topic generator? We're not there yet.

[A]

Richard is asleep.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He's waiting.

[B]

Beauty rest. Yeah, fair enough.

[A]

I don't have a colorful drink today.

[B]

Thank God. Last time you shit yourself with dragonfruit.

[A]

I did really need the toilet when I got home.

[B]

How are you feeling today? Do I need to know?

[A]

I'm feeling adequately moist.

[B]

Cheers to being hydrated with something normal.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And episode two of the pod. We wanna say thank you to all of the people across Spotify, Apple, YouTube that tuned into the first episode.

[A]

We had a lovely response. Everyone was nice.

[B]

They were kind of scared. We had people going, wow. Their dynamic did not change at all.

[A]

No.

[B]

Are we, like, scared by that retroactively?

[A]

If anything, it's got worse.

[B]

100%.

[A]

We've had some banging comments.

[B]

We love customer feedback. Jedward said. Here's to living your best life, fan.

[A]

Oh, Jedward. Comment. Thank you, Jepic. They're always at the scene of the crime.

[B]

We had a lot of comments about the lava lamp. Look. This lava lamp is thick as shit and it takes hours to warm up. And we're now realizing we basically need to come in here at about 4am and turn it on.

[A]

Otherwise it looks like human meat for a while.

[B]

Yeah. Lucy said it looks like a jar of human remains.

[A]

Ty Blip said it looks like a bunch of fingers. Lmao.

[B]

Mm. In a scary way. Skyler, why does it low key look like my period clots in the toilet core? No. And that's when we executively decided to stop.

[A]

I should have got a blue one.

[B]

Being interested in audience feedback. And what would blue have done?

[A]

Not look like? Oh my God.

[B]

Rihanna has menstruation.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

It was Rihanna Smurfette.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I don't know who the fuck watched the Smurfs movie.

[A]

Rihanna is Smurfette.

[B]

Weird people on Twitter.

[A]

Speaking of movies, we went to a red carpet premiere for the first time.

[B]

In yeah, Phil, we're all participating in society era.

[A]

Do you want to know the reason we did this?

[B]

Because we love film? No, because we want to support LGBT art.

[A]

When the news broke that we're double gay, everyone collaboratively gay. Double gay. Everyone was posting these articles about us and they were using ancient archaeological Dan and Finn. Emo hair, disgusting red carpet photos.

[B]

You gotta ask permission to post a photo of someone.

[A]

No.

[B]

So when you go to an event and people take Getty Image photos, that is free for anyone to use forever. But the last time we were in our going to event era was when.

[A]

We had emo hair and terrible fashion sense and awkward poses.

[B]

Disney Channel era red carpet moments.

[A]

I hate these pictures so much. I want to just erase them from the Internet.

[B]

However, you can't do that. They are there forever. And so we were told, Dan and Phil, the only way you'll ever replace these images I Are by actually going outside and doing shit.

[A]

And like a beacon of light. Who invites us to a premiere but the gay bdsm. Alexander Skarsgrd sub Dom Rom com pillion. Yes.

[B]

And so we turned up in a movie that is about guys that wear necklaces with locks on. I accidentally served choking kink.

[A]

You did on the red carpet. And I was like, the motorcycle daddy that owns you.

[B]

That is exactly what this looked like. It was, but it was great. I thought it looked good.

[A]

And I was nervous because I have been so fixated on how annoying my hands look in all of these pictures. Cause I do a claw hand thing right? Where I hook it into a pocket and look like I've got a claw. So I was like, it's hard to.

[B]

Know what to do with your body. And you can all judge on social media. Okay? But when you are caught off guard and someone says, pose, pose. What is your totally natural, candid thing that you do?

[A]

And I was thinking, right, if I put a hand in my pocket, everyone's gonna be like, what's he hiding? Has he got a gun? If I put both hands in my.

[B]

Pocket, is that a bulge in your pocket or are you a weirdo? What?

[A]

Both hands in my pocket. I look like I don't care about the film?

[B]

No, that's sloppy. Hands together is like, do you need to piss or are you Emmanuel Macron? Not valid.

[A]

Not gonna lie. I Googled male duo. We studied it.

[B]

We studied it. There's double hands in pockets. No, there's double hands by sides. No, there's double hands clasped together. No, there's one hand in pocket. One by side. I took that. I'm very good at doing that.

[A]

I saw people in suit jackets hold the jacket.

[B]

Just like a confident, like, support the jacket. You know what I mean?

[A]

I saw the picture that we got, and I really like it.

[B]

And I was like, I thought you served fun.

[A]

Thank fuck. And I had some comments from friends and family that, oh, my God, you finally look nice.

[B]

Slay you.

[A]

Did it go on the Internet? Everyone's laughing at my hand.

[B]

Look at what Phil's doing with his hands.

[A]

Claw hand.

[B]

You're trying to grab your boob.

[A]

I was holding my jacket. I wasn't doing an Arthur fist.

[B]

I guess the rage that Phil is containing.

[A]

I'm being a sophisticated jacket holder.

[B]

It's so hard. I think there was one inch between you looking like an angry fist. That's a horrible sentence.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Very pillion.

[A]

Especially in the pillion landscape and looking.

[B]

Like you're just kind of awkward trying to keep your clothes on.

[A]

I'm putting it out there. I don't care. I think I look nice in that picture, and I'm claiming it.

[B]

And we are glad that we participated in society. It was terrifying. We had a nice time. People now know that Phil's blonde. Mission achieved.

[A]

We did.

[C]

When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner. Plans. Send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom's 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone.

[D]

Learn [e-mail] this episode is brought to you by Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels and music are made for each other. They share a rhythm in the craft of making something timeless while being a part of legendary nights. From backyard jams to sold out arenas, there's a song in every toast. Please drink responsibly. Responsibility.org Jack Daniels and Old no. 7 are registered trademarks. Tennessee Whiskey, 40% alcohol by volume. Jack Daniel Distillery, Lynchburg, Tennessee.

[A]

Am I having a wardrobe malfunction? What is. What is.

[B]

Oh, you're shaking. What is going on, you Victorian slut.

[A]

Stop it. What?

[B]

You've read that thing about tablecloths. Oh, my God. I'm gonna give people all the nobbles.

[A]

All the ankle pieces.

[B]

Someone on Twitter was like, dan, Phil didn't lie about tablecloth.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Shut up. I don't know if Phil's telling the truth. Ever.

[A]

Boners out there.

[B]

I think one guy wrote a diary talking about how some men are uncontrollably horny for table legs. That doesn't mean that's why the cloths existed.

[A]

I'm not gonna say I haven't seen a sexy table leg every so often.

[B]

There's some fuckable furniture out there.

[A]

For sure there is. What? Would you fuck in this room if you had to? I'd probably go for a lava lamp.

[B]

Obviously.

[A]

That'd be hot. It'd burn you from the inside. Unless you're going into the plug hole.

[B]

Too far.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Okay, I'm looking around. Not the dog. That's weird. This Mac. Hundred percent.

[A]

That's quite sexy.

[B]

She'll learn to turn her on one day.

[A]

She's got a handle.

[B]

And a pronoun now. We love this. Yeah, we're gonna have any theys in the set. Lava lamp is non. Binary.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

Okay. We've just established that.

[A]

So the pillion movie. Alexander Skarsgard. It was like porn. I was like.

[B]

It was quite explicit.

[A]

Yeah. I would not watch it with your family at Christmas. I'll say that.

[B]

It's not a family Christmas.

[A]

There was penis penetration.

[B]

Pierced.

[A]

Pierced Penetrative penis. Penises.

[B]

We have a lot of like lesbian listeners. And the first episode of this podcast, it was very keen to say a lot of cock.

[A]

Yeah, sorry about that.

[B]

I'm so sorry.

[A]

I didn't even plan for.

[B]

But maybe we're like, softening. Oh, my God. We're softening the cock.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God. I just meant, like, the blow. Ah, stop it. We're making the topic less patriarchally oppressive by sissifying it.

[A]

It was a good film. I just felt a little bit awkward watching those extended sexual scenes because Russell Tovey was. Next year, maybe. Okay. I mean, it was all a bit much. I was very flustered. But we also had a meet and greet with about 40 people in the cinema.

[B]

So we were at the London Film Festival, which is a lovely thing. Go to film festivals. Art is a lovely environment, and people.

[A]

Just came, go on Ferris wheel or something. They call it a festival.

[B]

A Ferris wheel? Yeah.

[A]

If you go to, like.

[B]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[A]

If you go to, like, Glastonbury, they've got other fun stuff. You've got a Helter Skelter. Right.

[B]

So you're saying you cannot call something a film festival if it's merely the activity. You need a kebab van.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You need face pain.

[A]

I want.

[B]

You need portaloos.

[A]

Candy floss.

[B]

I need just oceans of piss.

[A]

We're getting sidetracked. I don't want oceans of piss.

[E]

Are we?

[B]

I think we should stay on oceans of piss. I like where this is. I crossed my legs.

[A]

Oh, well, when you said it.

[B]

Yeah. You know, I'm like, ooh, bladder. Don't talk about oceans of piss.

[A]

Piss. Do you need to go? Are you holding it in?

[B]

I'm good, I'm good. I'm gonna spread em. Okay.

[A]

Anyway, people were coming out of the World War I Yowie Jo. What's he called?

[B]

Josh O'. Connor. Mescal.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Sad World War I gay movie.

[A]

Who'd have thought the Dan and Phil audience would cross over with people wanting to watch everybody A gay, sad film.

[B]

If you want to know what eclectic company you're in, listeners and dear viewers, you go to film festivals, you watch historical gay, and people are in it because. Paul Mescal. Gay. Yeah, it's true, but let's not denigrate that. No, I heard it's devastatingly sad. Basically, everybody that came out was hysterically sobbing.

[A]

They were.

[B]

And then, because we didn't know they were going to empty the cinema before we went in, we were just stood in the middle of this foy and every single person was like, dan and Phil, what the fuck are you doing?

[A]

Just like, with tears streaming down their face. Not.

[B]

People didn't want that to be the time.

[A]

No.

[B]

Have I died? Am I so overwhelmed by this tragic gay life, which is the only one that can exist, that I'm hallucinating.

[A]

Hallucinating another thing which sounds bougie like, oh, I go to premieres. No one has popcorn.

[B]

Yeah, fuck that shit.

[A]

Why don't they eat popcorn?

[B]

If anyone here has ever had a dream of going to a film premiere, that shit is an ass experience.

[A]

Give me the popcorn.

[B]

Me and Phil, we like to get double massive sodas. Two large salted popcorns each, brains off, mouth open, disengage with reality.

[A]

Shovel it in for the full two hours.

[B]

That's what they said. And when you go to a premiere, it's like, oh, here's our sponsored packet of pop chips and Evita Coco. Fuck off.

[A]

Coconut water. Do you hate me?

[B]

It's your coconut.

[A]

Your film. One star. Oh.

[B]

Did you have a nice time? Did it leave a good impression in your mind? No, just like absolute mid crisp.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, we had a lovely time. Speaking of lovely time, the spooky week.

[B]

It's a lovely time of the year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, can you feel the pumpkin tingle?

[A]

I can feel that tingling pumpkin.

[B]

I think that's just the cold air. Summer doesn't exist in the uk. That shit was over in one second.

[A]

It was.

[B]

I don't think that I mind autumn temperatures, but as someone that struggles to get out of bed and doesn't leave the house because I'm very online, it just seems like days don't exist anymore.

[A]

I know, but I feel like we're gonna make the most of this spooky time.

[B]

People have been wondering in this new era if we're gonna embrace our traditions of festive programming and other long, obtuse words in my vocabulary. I can neither confirm or deny, but I can perhaps tease. Tease and encourage.

[A]

Could we, like, edge ourselves into spooky season a little bit? Somehow different word. Edge.

[B]

I have a soundboard.

[A]

Oh, I forgot.

[B]

Did you know that? Yeah, I programmed it. I just got some essentials in the Dan and Phil thing. Okay, so we've done something cringe. One of us has just flopped. I'm shaming someone. No. Someone makes a bad joke.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Someone does something overtly sexual.

[A]

We could have used that.

[B]

You did that last week.

[A]

Last week we could have.

[B]

Phil, how's your ghost penis?

[A]

I don't have a genus today.

[B]

I don't think we're making genus a thing.

[A]

Genus. That's apparently someone told me that's what you say. You don't say ghost penis.

[B]

Don't. Which one of you people told him that? Don't tell Phil. Things he'll then remember, they'll say in front of me.

[A]

I'm listening to this with Geni right now. Spooky time.

[B]

Yeah, that's quite spooky.

[A]

Oh, it's happened. What's the spookiest thing that we've ever done together?

[B]

Destroy the minds of millions of young people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't. Producers shut up.

[A]

It's true.

[B]

That's me being sincere. But no, for real. No, that's fucked up. We're horrible people.

[A]

Time. Last year we were dressed as good omens.

[B]

Yeah. A year before that, I was dressed as a sexy nun. Can't keep up with that.

[A]

Gosh. We were in a very smoky bar last year and I had one drink. What was it you had?

[B]

A French 75. I think that's what it's called. And the cocktail is half and half Prosecco and gin.

[A]

Something happened to me and the magic.

[B]

Of Prosecco is it destroys the taste of anything else. So Phil had essentially a cup of tea that was half straight gin, half Prosecco. He drank it like it was just a Fizzy Ribena. And Phil was a of piece. Apocalyptically fucked in about 15 minutes.

[A]

I never get that drunk. And I had one drink, Phil and.

[B]

One other guy that was on our tour crew. It was like a problem. It was. We started being like, are they on something? I'd have to be like, phil is not on something. I felt like we're on tour.

[A]

I felt like I'd done a drug.

[B]

They were very silly. Very, very silly.

[A]

I ended up draped around a furry and everyone's like, where's he gone? And I was just talking to this thing.

[B]

Was it a furry or was it just a werewolf Halloween person?

[A]

I think it was a furry werewolf.

[B]

I was also quite drunk. I don't remember.

[A]

I liked the fact that he was a furry and he was tell big.

[B]

Was the head and the feet. Because if it's a furry, they're like huge.

[A]

He was telling me how he attached his paws. I remember that.

[B]

That still doesn't answer the question.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You should have said how you've attached the tail.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, wait. Oh.

[F]

This episode is brought to you by ebay. Before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of dupes shopping used to feel more fun. Find that feeling again on ebay. It's not mindless to scrolling. It's a fashion pursuit. And when you score that rare Adidas collab or the Dior saddlebag you've been manifesting, it's a rush. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by authenticity guarantee. EBay. Things people love.

[B]

Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure this fall. Get double points on every qualified stay. Life's a trip.

[C]

Make the most of it at best Western.

[B]

Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions.

[A]

I like the season, not the weather, but the vibe. Daniel does not respect my beliefs, though.

[B]

And what the f. What do you believe in other than yourself?

[A]

Well, I've got my superstitions.

[B]

I said that as if it's a bad thing. Do you believe in yourself, nerd? Cole's got his priorities right. I have crippling mental health problems.

[A]

Go and get some new shoes. Wax them on the table.

[B]

Yeah. Cause who gives a shit? You're putting shoes on a table.

[A]

I want to cut my fingernails on a Sunday. He hands me the scissors.

[B]

Sorry, if we're talking about the list of superstitions. You can't cut your fingernails on a Sunday.

[A]

No, I've spoken about this before. It will make you die. That's like, the biggest doom you can put upon yourself.

[B]

So in case anyone doesn't know, this is how it works. Phil likes to believe in things. I like to believe in nothing. Ergo, Phil loves all superstitions, fairy tales and ghosts, stuff like that. And I love it. I'm a man of science, and by that I mean I'm miserable.

[A]

Okay, well, good luck.

[B]

That's unmagical.

[A]

Put those trainers on the table and then instantly die.

[B]

Am I dead right now?

[A]

You will be.

[B]

Is this the reveal?

[A]

Well, we've been through some supernatural things before, and you've just been like, ugh, it's just science. What we saw. Ball Lightning Diva.

[B]

That's science.

[A]

No, it's not. People are like, we don't know if it's true or if an alien sent it.

[B]

Mate, if people don't know if something is scientifically true or not, that doesn't mean it definitely is extraterrestrial.

[A]

It does.

[B]

Okay, so we have told the story of ball lightning before in our life, but I think this is a very important moment where we have to disclaim something. Welcome to the Dan and Phil Hard launch podcast. On this podcast, we will repeat stories that we have told before on the Internet, because who the fuck can remember everything they've ever said for 16 years? Also, as Phil likes to say, retelling a story and just sprinkling a bit.

[A]

Of lie, Sprinkling in lies just adds a bit of flavour to a story.

[B]

It's not the same story again if you change half of the facts.

[A]

We were on a bunk bed together in my parents house and we looked out of the window.

[B]

Shut the fuck.

[A]

We were.

[B]

Phil is taking the piss right now. We were. Phil's family house has a spare bedroom which has a view over the valley. And there was a small bed.

[A]

Were we or not sat on the bed?

[B]

So we were sat on a bunk bed because it was next to the window.

[A]

Top or bottom?

[B]

We were both on the bottom bunk.

[A]

Yes. And we were looking out over the valley of Rossendale which had an epic.

[B]

View of a thunderstorm.

[A]

This. This is 100% no. Filled like sprinkling.

[B]

No, I'm here to verify.

[A]

A huge ball of light traveled across the hill.

[B]

It started with a crack of lightning.

[A]

A huge ball of light and an.

[B]

Orb of lightning remained the size of a house. It was from our perspective, I would say at least three meters wide.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

This thing looked absolutely fucking huge. A ball of electric light crackling. It was a sphere crackling like a voltorb. And it moved, it went zzz. And.

[A]

And it just exploded and a tree next to it set on fire.

[B]

And we just stood there in complete silence.

[A]

Sat and then after shut up on the bed.

[B]

Okay, whatever. We're looking out the window. After about 20 seconds we looked at each other and we were like, what.

[A]

The fuck was that?

[B]

So you saw that, right? We have no reason to lie. No, ball lightning is real. Dan and Phil saw it.

[A]

There we go. And that was a superstitious weird thing that you saw and you believed it.

[B]

It is a scientific phenomenon that I think has probably been explained on Wikipedia.

[A]

I don't think it has because we're one of the only people to have seen it and there's never been a photo of it. That's how rare it is.

[B]

And people are expected to believe you with your track record?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, right. What else weird shit do British people believe in?

[A]

I mean, it's all probably true.

[B]

There's a specific Wikipedia which is superstition in Great Britain because, you know, our locals are the weirdest. They are magpies. Do you know those?

[A]

One for sorrow, two for joy.

[B]

How does it keep going?

[A]

Three for a boy, four for a boy, five for another boy.

[B]

It's gay. The most well known British table superstition is not to sit 30 people at a table. No, not horny tablecloths. Salt is spilled. You gotta throw over your left shoulder.

[A]

Otherwise the devil's eye.

[B]

The devil's gonna bone you or something. Crossed knives at a table. Signify a conflict. Or just that you're sat next to Phil and he had a little Phil.

[A]

Oopsie look in your eyes while you're cheersing or bad sex.

[B]

I'm not doing that. Boundaries. Boundaries, everybody.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Dan and Phil did a long video about boundaries.

[A]

Can we spook it up a bit? I've got a good story. It's gonna. It's gonna edge people into Halloween. It's true. And it's the story of the sheep hole. We had a sheep hole near my house.

[B]

Is that a slur?

[A]

No, it was a hole in the hill that me and my friends would go down. A ladder and it was full of sheep bones. But every so often we'd go down and some.

[B]

Pause, rewind. You used to live in the northern valley town of Rotten School. There were rolling fields. Kids used to just explore. Somewhere near your house, in a public area, a hole. There was a pit.

[A]

A pit.

[B]

That was how deep?

[A]

Really deep. Like the depth of a house?

[B]

Several. The depth of a house. How many ball lightnings was this hole deep?

[A]

4 ball lightnings.

[B]

How many balls can you fit in the hole?

[A]

A lot.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we would climb down.

[B]

Why would you climb down into a hole that sheep fell in and died?

[A]

We wanted to see the sheep skulls, but I think there was a ghost of a she down there because every time.

[B]

Did y' all not have Google images back then?

[A]

No, it was like 1943 when we go down sick.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You would hear this.

[B]

No, you didn't.

[A]

And I think it was the ghost of a sheep.

[B]

No, that was the body of a still alive sheep that just fell down. But your blind ass bitch feet didn't notice you were stepping on it. It was going, please call the vet. Anyway, get off me and you're going, xd. Where's the ladder?

[A]

My friend Kim Smith went.

[B]

Real name? Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Real name, not real person. Kim Smith.

[A]

She collects.

[B]

Is this a film embellishment or are you censoring your friend's name?

[A]

Or did I come up with a boring name like Smith? If it was the name.

[B]

Sorry, we're covering lies by adding little bit. Go on.

[A]

She collected all of the sheep skulls and displayed them on her mum's lawn.

[B]

Why? Because she thought it was cool or she was trying to be spooky?

[A]

No, but then they had to move.

[B]

Because of the incident.

[A]

I'm trying to make this a spooky story.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being damned. Look. Yeah. The ghost of the clumsy, stupid sheep that have no depth perception haunted the mum.

[A]

They had to move.

[B]

And then they had to move, move.

[A]

Because they were bothered by the cleaned.

[B]

Up the sheep skulls.

[A]

I don't know the end where they.

[B]

Get put in the bin.

[A]

I don't know. I just remember her mum coming out of this.

[B]

It's about unsatisfying edging.

[A]

Get those fucking bones off my lawn, Kimberly.

[B]

That's real. That's real. This entire story is real. That is exactly what happened. Okay?

[A]

And then they had to send their dogs away.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So you know what, Phil? On that note, I'm gonna executively say it is time to be saved by the random topic generator. I pressed the gay button.

[A]

Richard, we've missed you. Do you wanna grab a ball, lads?

[B]

I did that last time.

[A]

You crank it, give it a twist.

[B]

All right, Phil, get up without knocking the microphone over. Challenge.

[A]

I'm doing a reach around Dan and.

[B]

Phil's magical gacha machine has the power to save this conversational podcast.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

And today's mystery ball.

[A]

Our new conversation topic is. Do you want the crack? Here we go.

[B]

Go on, do it, do it, do it. Oh, that's some good crack.

[A]

How large would you like your boobs to be? Which is good because we had so.

[B]

Many penises last week, I manifested this exact ball by complaining about how penis centric the last one was. Yes. All right. Thank you, Richard. And you know what? It's because we stuck boobs on Richard.

[A]

That's why.

[E]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for your service. Juicy bazungas. Now, do you identify as someone that have big naturals?

[A]

I think my energy exudes someone that has a strong rack.

[B]

You have terrible posture. I think you would. Someone that would have, like, back pain and the weight.

[A]

Someone asked me this on tour. I didn't really understand the lettering system. I said double G, I think, when we were on. And I think that's like.

[B]

That is large.

[A]

Bazoombas. Bazookas. If you've got those. I mean, hell yeah. Great, that's cool. But I feel like, for me, I'm exuding more of like a. I wouldn't trust Phil.

[B]

See? Not very well already. So I think giving him such a large obstacle with the trip factor. Your laces come undone so often. We can't just be making it so you can't see your feet.

[A]

We did go to a life drawing class the other day, and I saw breasts for, like, longer than I've ever really looked at a breast.

[B]

Respectfully.

[A]

Respectfully. I was drawing.

[B]

It was a life drawing class.

[A]

I was drawing them in neon paint.

[B]

And did this make you think about your breasts.

[A]

I wasn't thinking about my breasts at the time, but I was also thinking it would be fun to have some.

[B]

Do you just feel like your physical form is uninteresting without this aspect of three dimensionality?

[A]

Imagine you're pouring some cereal.

[B]

Where is this going?

[A]

Lean over to get your coffee and just feel a little jiggle in your chest.

[B]

I am jealous. You know, in video games, I feel like we don't talk about the misandry of the lack of bulge. Jiggle.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Was that the worst thing that I've said?

[A]

I think that is.

[B]

I just think, you know, obviously we've had all of these games where all of these hot anime girls, people in fighting. Fighting games. It's jiggle, jiggle, cleavage this. And it's like the men come up on their shirtless and it's like, can we get some himbo chest titty jiggle?

[A]

I want to see the titty jiggle.

[B]

I want to see the bowl jiggle.

[A]

I want to see the ass twitch.

[B]

There's so many areas that could have a little bit of fun wobble.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Expedition 33, they did. It was some slight swimsuit.

[A]

There was some Speedo action and they were all pretty hungry.

[B]

Thank you, Verso.

[A]

Yeah. They were not growers. They were showers.

[B]

They could have done with the sweatpants from the last episode.

[A]

This game, by the way, you can do the game and then have a cutscene that's really emotional and the character is dying. And I was doing the whole thing in Speedos, which kind of takes you out of it.

[B]

It really fucked up the drama. If they unlocked a way to AI change movies so you can watch Titanic, but Speedos the whole time. Not only would motherfuckers do that in the future if they're cooked, but that would ruin everything.

[A]

How big would your breasts be?

[B]

Oh, I dodged that, didn't I?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. In the same way that your annoying personality suits you individually, I think that anyone's breasts can just be authentically theirs, despite how small or large they are.

[A]

Any size and any shape. All breasts are great.

[B]

Any shape? Any shape. Square, octagonal.

[A]

Well, people go down this body modification route so you could have a square booty.

[B]

I've seen a lot of alien men. I've never seen octo tit.

[A]

Octo tit.

[B]

If you need to shake things up.

[A]

Yes. I'm gonna have a hexagon peck.

[B]

Why hexagon?

[A]

I like a hexagon. It's one of my favorite shapes.

[B]

It reminds me of bees.

[A]

And I Like bees and honey and the devil.

[B]

Because you're evil. What? Huh?

[A]

A what?

[B]

Six.

[A]

Someone said you had lip fillers on a TikTok comment.

[B]

Why are you reading shut?

[A]

Okay, but I would say if Dan had lip fillers, surely he'd get bigger ones.

[B]

Oh, I love that. I'm so. Okay. Right. Firstly, your mistake was reading a TikTok comment.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Secondly, who the fuck is looking at me and thinking, that's improved?

[A]

You've got quite a small top lip.

[B]

What is the conspiracy?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

What do you mean you don't know?

[A]

You've gone.

[B]

Indeed.

[A]

I just saw things I had to.

[B]

Fat removal, maybe augmentation? Eye transplant. What are we talking here? What do I need to be insecure about?

[A]

You could get those.

[B]

Dan's had finger elongation.

[A]

I might get lip fillers.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. We're going from boobs to lips. What are you thinking, Phil?

[A]

I want to look a bit different. I got the blonde done. What else could I do?

[B]

This is the slippery slope. Yeah, Your twink Rebirth bleach. Next thing you're going to know bbl, bpl, Brazilian penis lips.

[A]

I don't know what I'm saying, but.

[B]

No, this is why it's important to think about acronyms before you say them. I'm sad. Cause we brought in Richard to save us and we went so much worse.

[A]

He made it way worse.

[B]

Richard, just because you have amazing big naturals on your front doesn't mean that you can ruin our podcast. No, but I hope the lesbians enjoyed that. Was that everything that you wanted?

[A]

We've had penises and boobs. What's it gonna be next week, butts?

[B]

Oh, fucking hell. I was about to pivot into get things off your chest with the hard launch.

[A]

I mean, that works well.

[B]

Okay, yeah, if I'm literally dead. Desperate to change topics, it's time to get into the part of the show where you get involved, where we ask our listeners to hard launch things so they can experience the joy that me and Phil have lived. Yeah, by living in our truth. By boldly admitting the things that are terrifying you and just feeling the thrill of the spill.

[A]

Our inbox has been bulging with your voice notes, and we are ready to shove him in our ears.

[B]

Okay, our first hard launch from today comes from. Hi, my name is Emma, and my.

[A]

Hard launch is that I think that.

[B]

My upstairs neighbors need to break up and that she needs to find a new boyfriend because I never hear him last more than a minute and I, lowkey, feel really bad for her.

[A]

Oh, my God. Wait.

[B]

You can't help but hearing these things sometimes. Thin walls exist. When we had our first apartment in London, there was literal floorboards that you could see through and you could hear through them.

[A]

There's been lots of sex neighbors in my life and it's hard not to.

[B]

Pass judgment on them.

[A]

You learn a lot about other people's sex lives and how long they last, what noises they make. Do they scream into each other's faces?

[B]

And I think it's a valid welfare check to be like, it's too fast.

[A]

Is it not though kind of a compliment if he's finishing in a minute.

[B]

Oh, she's doing something right.

[A]

That is so hot.

[B]

That is she getting what she needs?

[A]

But he can use other body parts for that silently. I mean, use that for however long.

[B]

Is necessary for screaming for an alien to abduct me out of this podcast set right now.

[A]

It's a fair assumption.

[B]

You know when people leave passive aggressive notes saying like, I know you're playing music at 12. Please stop. Karen behavior. Is it good Karen behavior to be like, hey girl, just overheard too much. Do you want me to hook you up with a hinge account?

[A]

But wait, is it not the ideal sex neighbor if he is finishing really fast?

[B]

Oh, for you don't complain.

[A]

You only need to listen to it for a minute. Oh, What?

[B]

You want 20 minutes of screaming if.

[A]

You break them up. She gets together with Stelios and you.

[B]

Know that he's gonna eight hours.

[A]

Slam, slam, slam.

[B]

I think you need to start passive aggressively pushing them to commit. You need to just slide rings through the door.

[A]

What kind of rings that can make.

[B]

Him want to make them last longer?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Number two, I'm hard launching me being.

[A]

Ace or good for you?

[B]

I just dislike this guy that much that the thought of him touching me.

[A]

Gives me the ick so bad that I'm considering switching sections. I think, wow. Both are a good thing to explore. Maybe you could good for either way.

[B]

Valid.

[A]

If someone gives you the ick so much, it might be worth breaking up with them. Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Or thanking them afterwards. If your next partner you still feel the same way and you're like, you helped me discover myself and it wasn't you. It's everybody.

[A]

It's a good experiment. But if you're with someone long enough, they're gonna give you the ick about everything.

[B]

You think you're funny, don't you, comedian? I'm not referring to on the 16th Faniversary.

[A]

The Faniversary If I could go up.

[B]

To myself in 2009 and I'd say, he. Turn around. Stay on that train.

[A]

Turn around.

[B]

Because he's not gonna. Yeah, bitch. Walking down the platform. What do you think I'm talking about?

[A]

Get back to Rossendale. I don't know.

[B]

Back to reading. Phil, you came from Rossendale.

[A]

Who are you? Who am I?

[B]

Phil's at home manifesting his clone baby. Next. Hello, Dan and Phil. I've been watching you guys since I was an 11 year old girl. I'm so sorry. I'm now a 23 year old man and my hard launch is the that I have severe ibs. I just ate an entire carton of ice cream.

[A]

Well, congrats on the very sexy voice.

[B]

Yeah, seriously, I wish I had. Good for you. In regards to everything, you should read audiobooks, but I'm gonna take credit for that. You started watching us and now you are this audiobook narrator. That was us, Phil.

[A]

Sexy audiobooks.

[B]

I don't know how we did it, but we did it.

[A]

Cheers. Ibs. I have brave admission. Dairy sensitivity. I don't have full IBS or intolerance, but if I.

[B]

Please, Phil, tell us in detail how you shit, what makes you shit, how gassy are you right now?

[A]

If I have a full milkshake, it's gonna be an issue the next day.

[B]

Okay, well, you know the podcast episode where Phil sits here with a strawberry thing next to him? Run.

[A]

But what I'm saying is sometimes it's worth it 100%. The ice cream.

[B]

The whole point of this show, of this format, of your message is celebrating authenticity bold and decisions where you are unapologetic about your life. And you've said, I want the ice cream and I don't care about the consequences. Absolutely.

[A]

Clapping.

[B]

I mean, thoughts and prayers to everybody in and around you.

[A]

We want our audience. What we want to foster an environment where people can be honest about things like that as well.

[B]

It's an honest environment. It's a gassy environment. We are eavesdropping on neighbors.

[A]

I'm glad you're not in the room with us, but congratulations on the benefit.

[B]

Of doing my product.

[A]

Do you want to give us some more? We've got an email address which is. I've forgotten it.

[B]

Well, I'll give you a clue.

[A]

Hard launch room.

[B]

No, you stupid twat. The microphone.

[A]

Oh. [e-mail] Phil's in his.

[B]

I'm just feeling silly. I'm gonna do lying for attention.

[A]

I'm feeling silly.

[B]

Podcastmail.com. name, location, short text, description of what you're hard launching and you may be featured. Thank you.

[A]

Send a voice note as well.

[B]

Obviously with a voice note, otherwise you won't be featured. You actually need to submit some kind of content.

[A]

We need your voice. And if you got a voice like last caller, it's very helpful.

[B]

In fact, can you just submit one every week just for us?

[A]

Do you know what I'm gonna hard launch? What? Spooky week.

[B]

Fuck yeah.

[A]

Press it.

[B]

If you're watching, press. What is it, green?

[A]

The spooky button. It is now appropriate to feel spooky.

[B]

Dan and Phil have a tradition which y' all thought we would maybe miss. Cause we've been, like, busy. We know no sleep from now until Thursday the 30th. Because on the 31st, people are like, outside doing stuff. We are gonna post a video every day for four whole days.

[A]

And they're gonna be scary, they're gonna be slutty. They're gonna make you tingle with fear.

[B]

And maybe a bit of bowel irritation.

[A]

If you've had the ice cream.

[B]

If you eat what we bake.

[A]

Oh, he said it. Thank you for coming to our sommer for. What's that word?

[B]

Sophomore year.

[A]

Sophomore year.

[B]

English language degree. Are you serious? Yes, he's very serious.

[A]

Sophomore.

[B]

You need to cut your tongue off. You want some plastic surgery? Get a fricking mouth replacement.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Episode two. We're having a domestic. What an anniversary. We're really happy that you joined us. Hope your launches have been hard. Yeah, Hard Mondays with Dan and Phil. Start the week off strong and stiff.

[A]

Subscribe if you haven't already. And if you want to stick around for 15 minutes of bonus yap, you can follow us on Patreon, where we'll.

[B]

Keep this party going. And based on today. That's scary.

[A]

What are we even going to talk about? It's scary.

[B]

I'm scared.

[A]

I'm afraid.

[B]

Thank you to everybody who signed up and supported us. Everyone that's watching, everyone that's listening. Love you. Bye.

[A]

Remember, stay hard.

[E]

And Doug, here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[A]

Uh, limu Is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[E]

Cut the camera. They see us.

[A]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty Liberty Liberty. Liberty Savings Ferry unwritten by Liberty Mutual.

[B]

Insurance Company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.

[E]

It's okay not to be perfect with finances. Experian is your big financial friend and here to help. Did you know you can get matched with credit cards on the app? Some cards are labeled no Ding Decline, which means if you're not approved, they won't hurt your credit scores. Download the Experian app for free today. Applying for no Ding Decline cards won't hurt your credit scores. If you aren't initially approved, initial approval will result in a hard inquiry which may impact your credit scores.

[A]

Experian.