We let a fan ask us ANYTHING

Summary

Podcast Summary: HARD LAUNCH with Dan and Phil

Episode: “We let a fan ask us ANYTHING”
Date: July 6, 2026
Hosts: Dan Howell & Phil Lester (Studio71)

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Episode Overview

This episode of HARD LAUNCH with Dan and Phil fully leans into the oversharing, irreverent, and slightly chaotic energy fans expect. Dan and Phil not only deliver comedic banter and personal updates (including a minor foot crisis), but let their community have a direct role: a Patreon fan wins a prize and gets to ask them any question. The episode mixes life updates, reflection, candid insights about their careers and relationship, chaotic news coverage, and interactive listener moments—dropping tongue-in-cheek wisdom and rapid-fire wit along the way.

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Major Discussion Points & Segments

1. Chaotic Personal Updates & Foot Drama

Time: 00:41–02:01

• Phil dramatically details his morning toe injury, joking about not being able to wear shoes, "I think I’ve broken my toe, you fucking drama queen. No, seriously, it’s really bad." (Phil, 00:56)
• Dan banters: “Are you just trying to soft launch foot contact?” (Dan, 01:02)
• The pair riff about multitasking dangers and test each other’s pain thresholds, ending with Dan joking: "This is gonna be exhibit C in the fevorce. I hope you’re all ready to testify." (Dan, 02:08)

2. Scented Sets & Overshare Roulette

Time: 02:52–04:40

• They describe the studio’s scent as “floral and minty… a flint,” segueing into unfiltered hygiene and personal grooming discussions laced with innuendo.
• Notable quote: "If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready." (Dan, 03:23)
• The conversation dances around 'mint shower gel' in sensitive areas and balances the line between outrageous and just-detailed-enough.
• Phil: “All vaginas are beautiful. We learned that at the vagina museum.” (Phil, 04:47)

3. Mail Neglect, Taxes, and Domestic Life

Time: 05:26–07:06

• Phil confesses to hoarding unopened mail, Dan panics about council tax, and they discuss relationship admin since moving in together.
• Phil jokes about burning letters: “Let’s rip those envelopes open and burn them romantically.” (Phil, 06:17)
• Dan on taxes: “There is a strong argument Dan and Phil shouldn’t have to pay council tax because we don’t participate in society. But we do it happily because we believe in society.” (Dan, 06:37)

4. Dan & Phil in Prison? Unofficial AO3 Fanfic Live Dive

Time: 07:09–09:06

• Dan explains AO3 fic boundaries but impulsively reads a “Dan and Phil prison fic” summary for laughs.
• Phil: “Hey, so I was the prison jock and you were the prison scared twink. Take that, muscle boy.” (Phil, 08:52)
• They marvel at the world of fanfiction and poke affectionate fun at their audience, vowing not to explore further (for now).

5. Tour Announcement & Fan Excitement

Time: 10:14–13:38

• The pair proudly announce new tour dates and grumble about ticketing website failures.
• Notable: “Thank you all for giving a shit about Danafil in the year 2026.” (Dan, 10:26); “I just want to make sure this works…I managed to get [VIP tickets] multiplicatively.” (Phil, 12:05)
• Phil humbly denies depriving fans: “I released it straight away. I didn’t hold onto them.” (Phil, 12:23)
• Their tone is one of gratitude, appreciation, and delighted surprise at ongoing fan support.

6. Stylist Saga & Authenticity Debate

Time: 14:30–18:20

• The duo vent about a stylist who suggested they change their aesthetics entirely (“They wanted Dan to wear colors. Offensive.” – Dan, 16:14), defending their unique personal style and resistance to industry curation.
• Phil: “I just want to be my authentic self. I don’t want to be styled and molded by another person, because then you don’t need it.” (Phil, 17:39)
• Dan quips: "We serve funt every fucking Monday. Thank you very much." (Dan, 16:33)

7. Strange News Roundup

Time: 20:00–22:34

• Phil delivers “Ayup, cock, said the sperm whale!”—kicking off news about whale dialects.
• They cover odd stories, from roadside diner chains bought by adult toy shops to Polish bus routes infamous for their '666' numbering.
• Dan: “They came in for the sausage and they’re left with the rabbit.” (Dan, 22:02)
• Playful banter about visiting Manchester and their nostalgic first dates at Chiquitos in their emo days (23:11–24:06).

8. Friendship, Advice, and Life Choices

Time: 24:09–25:30

• Phil details giving crucial life advice to a friend weighing moving to Korea vs. staying in London, and the anxiety of influencing big decisions.
• Phil: "But if you’re a good friend, you’re gonna give your honest opinion. That’s the thing." (Phil, 25:13)
• Dan on support: "If you want to do something wild, now is the time to do it. We support you. You can always come back." (Dan, 25:22)

9. Patreon Golden Pig Winner & Fan Question

Time: 26:01–28:49

• The Patreon ‘golden pig’ winner, Jordy from Canada, asks: "If you could redo any of the projects you’ve worked on since you started YouTube, maybe a past video or a book or a tour segment based on the person you are now, what would you redo and why?" (Jordy, 27:12)
• Phil jokes: "I think we should have both come out as a relationship sooner." (Phil, 27:34)
  Dan: "Phil, that’s not a project… You are my project.” (Dan, 27:37)
• Dan meaningfully reflects: "If I could go back, I would have not done the hiatus…now knowing all the different ways that you can do what you want and be authentic and have fun. I think there’s a way we could have kept it going." (Dan, 27:55)
• Phil’s sweet aside: "If you’d have looked into a mystical well and seen this beautiful life with such an amazing hot guy…" (Phil, 28:33)

10. Do You Trust Birds? (and Other Animal Tangents)

Time: 29:07–31:08

• Phil (a noted bird enthusiast) and Dan debate the trustworthiness of pigeons, crows, and seagulls, weaving in fic jokes and hypotheticals about animal sidekicks.
• Dan: "You could trust that he wanted seed." (Dan, 29:23)
• Phil: "I want to train [the crow] to bring me presents." (Phil, 30:01)
• Dan: “Why is everything the fic today?” (Dan, 30:18)

11. Listener Hard Launches & Affirmations

Time: 31:19–35:05

• RJ from Michigan wishes she could attend the tour but will be at a furry convention; Dan and Phil joke about hosting their show at a fur con, inviting furries and scalies to shows.
• Kalen27 from Louisiana champions flip phones for mental health, sparking a brief discussion on phone nostalgia.
• Liverpool fan Elliot and partner Jordan ask Dan and Phil to record positive affirmations for nighttime routines, leading to this instant classic:
  • Dan: "Hello, I’m Dan."
  • Phil: "I’m Phil."
  • Dan: "We are gay."
  • Phil: "You are gay. We do. If you are, that’s fine. You will get through this pod." (34:09–34:15)
  • Phil: “Strong, confident person…get tickets for the Hard Launch tour…have a nice sleep.” (Phil, 34:45)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Exchanges

• On their dynamic:
  "You don’t know how I feel." (Phil, 01:54)
  "This is gonna be exhibit C in the fevorce." (Dan, 02:08)

• On authenticity:
  "I just want to be my authentic self. I don’t want to be styled and molded by another person." (Phil, 17:39)

• On the value of advice:
  "If you’re a good friend, you’re gonna give your honest opinion. That’s the thing." (Phil, 25:13)
  "You can always come back. Otherwise, we’re just gonna have this same conversation in a year." (Dan, 25:25)

• On revisiting the past:
  "If I could go back, I would have not done the hiatus." (Dan, 27:55)
  "You are my project." (Phil, 27:39)

• On affirmations:
  "We are gay. You are gay. We do. If you are, that’s fine. You will get through this pod." (Dan & Phil, 34:12–34:16)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:41 – Toe injury drama and morning chaos
• 02:52 – Scent talk & hygiene oversharing
• 05:26 – Unopened mail and tax banter
• 07:09 – AO3 prison fic live analysis
• 10:14 – Tour announcement & ticket chaos
• 14:30 – Stylist story & personal style debate
• 20:00 – Weird news (whales, diners, the bus to Hell)
• 24:09 – Advising friends on major life choices
• 26:01 – Patreon golden pig, fan question about redoing projects
• 29:07 – Bird trustworthiness, crow fics
• 31:19 – Furries, flip phones, and listener submissions
• 34:09 – On-air positive affirmations

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Takeaways

• Vibes: Loose, candid, and self-aware with Dan and Phil’s trademark quirky rhythm.
• Central thread: Reflection on their journey, openness about personal growth, and a clear delight in fan interaction.
• Fan involvement: Highlights the community’s importance, both in shaping content and in sharing nostalgia and inside jokes.
• Behind the humor: Real talk about authenticity, creative evolution, and supporting each other (and fans) to try new things—even if it’s just switching to a flip phone or moving to another country.

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For more fan fiction live-dives and even deeper community Q&A, the pair promise more on Patreon. This episode is a blend of sweet, surreal, and undeniably Dan and Phil.

Transcript

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Phil Lester]

We almost had to call this podcast off today.

[Advertisement Voice]

Why?

[Dan Howell]

Serious emergency.

[Phil Lester]

I had a serious injury this morning.

[Dan Howell]

You are so unserious. Why am I looking at your exposed feet right now?

[Phil Lester]

I couldn't put shoes on. It was that bad.

[Dan Howell]

Well, now you're scaring people.

[Phil Lester]

I think I've broken my toe, you fucking drama queen. No, seriously, it's really bad. I can't put shoes on.

[Dan Howell]

Are you just trying to soft launch foot contact?

[Background/Other Voice]

No.

[Dan Howell]

What is this?

[Phil Lester]

If I was doing that, I'd put them down.

[Dan Howell]

Don't give them attention.

[Phil Lester]

I'd have my bare feet out.

[Dan Howell]

How did you do this?

[Phil Lester]

Basically, I was trying to put my contact lenses in. I was walking around the room and then I stopped my.

[Dan Howell]

Okay, stop, stop. Why are you walking around the room while trying to put contact lenses in? I think we solved the problem.

[Phil Lester]

Cause I'm a multitasking bitch.

[Dan Howell]

No, that's not an impressive thing. I really think the act of giving yourself sight with the contact lenses. Focus.

[Phil Lester]

Okay, fine.

[Dan Howell]

I know you need to pace sometimes.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

But I think pacing and I can't see is not a combo.

[Phil Lester]

Well, I was doing that, and then I stubbed my toe on the bed and poked myself in the eye at the same time.

[Dan Howell]

Phil did not see that coming.

[Phil Lester]

No, that's why I'm wearing glasses as well. So I got a finger to the eye and my toe is all purple.

[Dan Howell]

We really in so much pain you couldn't put shoes on?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, you're not inside my toe.

[Dan Howell]

Okay, mate, I'm not inside your toe. Your toe's not inside me. Let's keep it that way.

[Phil Lester]

Whoa. You don't know how I feel.

[Advertisement Voice]

Ow.

[Dan Howell]

What the fuck?

[Phil Lester]

Oh, I didn't think you'd say ow.

[Dan Howell]

Did you fucking say? You just bitched me.

[Phil Lester]

I feel like you don't feel pain as much as me. I feel like I've got more of a Pain thing than you.

[Dan Howell]

And so you just decided to test that?

[Phil Lester]

Yes. All right.

[Dan Howell]

Okay. See what I put through this is gonna be exhibit C in the fevorce. I hope you're all ready to testify.

[Phil Lester]

I'm getting custody of what? Wouldn't you like to know?

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, no, no, we're not stopping. I would like to know, Phil.

[Advertisement Voice]

What?

[Dan Howell]

Am I not getting custody of the child? Oh, my God. Yeah, well, stay tuned for that plot twist because I don't know what's coming.

[Phil Lester]

I don't know if I'm gonna live with this toe.

[Dan Howell]

Hard Mondays. What's up, listeners?

[Phil Lester]

Here we are.

[Dan Howell]

What's up, viewers?

[Phil Lester]

What's your name?

[Dan Howell]

Sniffers. My name's Dan.

[Phil Lester]

I'm Phil.

[Dan Howell]

And welcome to another Hard Monday.

[Phil Lester]

What's a sniffer?

[Dan Howell]

I was just being funny because if people can listen and see the podcast, they can't smell it.

[Phil Lester]

I wish they could. It smells so nice in here right now.

[Dan Howell]

What does this room smell of? Do you know?

[Phil Lester]

The facement has a specific smell and it's nowhere I've ever smelt before.

[Dan Howell]

That makes it sound bad. So now, just for the canon experience of people listening, you need to tell them it's nice.

[Phil Lester]

I would say it's floral and minty at the same time. Ooh, a flint.

[Dan Howell]

A flint.

[Phil Lester]

A moral scent.

[Dan Howell]

Romantic, but in a way that someone respects that. You might be getting tongue action. So they've cleaned that thang out.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, God, no.

[Dan Howell]

Is that not a good thing, not

[Phil Lester]

cleaning that thang out?

[Dan Howell]

If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready.

[Phil Lester]

Don't put toothpaste up there.

[Dan Howell]

You probably can't. No, as I said, there's various things that you shouldn't put.

[Phil Lester]

You shouldn't.

[Dan Howell]

You shouldn't put latex based things sometimes.

[Phil Lester]

Let's not think about it too much. But you know that I thought that

[Dan Howell]

was a great conversation topic for the amusement of the podcast.

[Phil Lester]

That tingly shower gel, original source mint. You don't want that.

[Dan Howell]

That gets up in there.

[Phil Lester]

If that goes near any hole violating burns.

[Dan Howell]

It's like if you've been. And then you get in the sea and you go, ooh, the salt. You can get minty shower gel at any point to just find out where the holes are.

[Phil Lester]

I know the bottle says feel the tingle. You definitely feel something for a few minutes after that.

[Dan Howell]

Phil said, dan, we need to think about how we start these podcasts. Because some people, they like to start their Mondays with them. Someone is getting ready for work and they're in the shower and they don't want to hear about blank. Well, if they don't want to hear about blank. I think we fucked up so hard

[Phil Lester]

for the first few minutes, a tingling urethra.

[Dan Howell]

You didn't have to say you're easy.

[Phil Lester]

I know. Well, you know what I mean.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, I do. But I really think there's a nastiness to the delicate edge. Innuendo of filth without being direct. And then you said vaginal edge.

[Phil Lester]

There's nothing wrong.

[Dan Howell]

Name a women anatomy, Phil. Vaginal edge. There's so many edges.

[Phil Lester]

Clitoral hood.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yes. Okay.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, there we go. You tested me and I passed, fucked

[Dan Howell]

around and I found out. I just wanted you to say labia. Why did you have to say clitoral?

[Phil Lester]

Because everyone knows what a labia is, Phil.

[Dan Howell]

It's 8:23am for somebody. And you said clitoral hood.

[Phil Lester]

All vaginas are beautiful. We learned that at the vagina museum.

[Dan Howell]

You didn't know that before you went

[Phil Lester]

to the vagina museum?

[Dan Howell]

I always knew that Vagina museum Phil was one of those problematic gays.

[Phil Lester]

I wasn't.

[Dan Howell]

Ah, they're so scary.

[Phil Lester]

I never thought that. If anything scary, it's a penis.

[Dan Howell]

Speak king.

[Phil Lester]

Whoa. What's going on there?

[Dan Howell]

It's swinging. So it's not an inside, it's an outside. It's in your face. Metaphorically. Penises, you know, it represents everything that's wrong with the patriarchy.

[Phil Lester]

Anyway, what are we going to talk about that's not genitals.

[Dan Howell]

I thought we were gonna get arrested.

[Background/Other Voice]

Woo.

[Dan Howell]

Do you know what I'm gonna say?

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Dan Howell]

That's quite fun, isn't it?

[Phil Lester]

Why would we get arrested?

[Dan Howell]

What do you think it is, Phil?

[Phil Lester]

Dan didn't.

[Dan Howell]

Why? Dan, we actually. It's you. It's entirely you.

[Phil Lester]

What have I done?

[Dan Howell]

20 questions. What'd you do?

[Phil Lester]

Did you call the cop?

[Dan Howell]

I haven't called the coast guard on you yet, but the coast guard might be coming.

[Phil Lester]

I haven't stolen anything.

[Dan Howell]

I was like, okay, we need to like take a picture of a utility bill to send someone for proof. Where have we got something? And Phil went, I'll check the letter pile. And I said, oh, yeah, sorry, the what? Turns out Phil just collects mail from our post box.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

And he's just got a pile of what I would say is maybe 20 letters.

[Phil Lester]

I'm not opening letters.

[Dan Howell]

And it's not all flyers for pizza restaurants. There are a lot of brown and white sealed envelopes that look like things that you should open.

[Phil Lester]

My philosophy is if you want to get in touch with me, you got to email me. I'm not killing the planet with all these letters.

[Dan Howell]

That's very woke of you, Phil. Cancel tax. Have we paid our council tax? I don't know.

[Phil Lester]

Why don't they just send it in the mail?

[Advertisement Voice]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

There is not. I don't know. You see what I'm fucking saying?

[Phil Lester]

Right? Okay. We'll open the letter pile tonight. It'll be romantic. Let's rip those envelopes open and burn them romantically.

[Dan Howell]

Or throw them into the fire and be like, danifield, don't want to pay tax. Let it go.

[Phil Lester]

No, we'll pay.

[Dan Howell]

No, we do. Paying tax is important for society.

[Phil Lester]

We will pay our bills.

[Dan Howell]

How are they going to fill in the potholes for the roads that we don't drive on?

[Phil Lester]

I don't know.

[Dan Howell]

There is a strong argument that Dan and Phil shouldn't have to pay council tax because we don't participate in society. But we do it happily because we believe in society.

[Phil Lester]

I believe in society.

[Dan Howell]

You want clean streets?

[Phil Lester]

Why don't you take control of the letters?

[Dan Howell]

That's your job. You do the washing machine and the letters.

[Fan/Caller]

No.

[Phil Lester]

Oh my God.

[Dan Howell]

I take the bins down and the work.

[Phil Lester]

Let's do it tonight together. Bit of spaghetti, bit of letters.

[Advertisement Voice]

Right.

[Dan Howell]

Well, when we move to Panama, you'll know what the fuck happened. Yeah, just kidding. We wouldn't do that. We'd take one for the team and go down honorably.

[Phil Lester]

We would go to prison together.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, that's a nice au.

[Phil Lester]

I haven't seen that actually. Have you seen many Aus out there?

[Dan Howell]

No, but I'm gonna go to AO3 right now. Shit AO3, because I want to find something from like 2016.

[Phil Lester]

Are you searched Dan and Phil and prison?

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, I'm gonna search Dan and Phil prison now. I don't do this. We were having this chat. I do believe that sometimes. You should respect that fandom spaces don't want the artists or the creators to look at certain things.

[Phil Lester]

True.

[Dan Howell]

And you just need to know that for my mental health, I have no fucking interest in doing that. We're not gonna read her algorithms shows me some crazy shit.

[Phil Lester]

We're not gonna read the whole fic. We're just go get a little taste of what it is.

[Dan Howell]

Taste. Oh dear Phil. And what is the smell of the Dan and Phil prison fic for anyone that is not just listening and watching floral and minty. Oh God. Okay. And what did they have to trade for those mints?

[Phil Lester]

Oh, who's in the jail?

[Dan Howell]

I bet it's you who is in the jail? I thought we're in the cell together.

[Phil Lester]

No, it's a prison fic. One of us is in prison and the other one's sad and dead.

[Dan Howell]

Sad and dead? And what is this? I'm haunting your cell?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

After the incident, how did we die? I'm sorry. I just went to AO3 and now I'm like, ticking the usage policy. Do I want to give my cookies? By checking this box, you consent to the processing of your personal data in the United States in connection with the provision of AO3 and its related services.

[Advertisement Voice]

Whoa.

[Dan Howell]

The more you think about that, the more fucking weird that is. I know I just said yes.

[Phil Lester]

Coldcore. Great. I'm ready.

[Fan/Caller]

Oh. Oh.

[Dan Howell]

With you for Life by Sunshine and sadness.

[Advertisement Voice]

Oh.

[Dan Howell]

Dan Howell. Young, scared, and in prison.

[Phil Lester]

You are in prison.

[Dan Howell]

Tough, brave, and in prison.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, we're both in prison.

[Dan Howell]

When their worlds collide, will Dan still want to escape? Or will he stay with him for a lifetime?

[Phil Lester]

Wow. I'm your big burly cellmate.

[Dan Howell]

And that comes from 2016. Hey, shout out to Sunshine and Sadness. Not gonna read that. I'm sure it's great.

[Phil Lester]

Hey, so I was the prison jock and you were the prison scared twink. Take that, muscle boy.

[Dan Howell]

Phil's gym lad in the yard, pumping

[Phil Lester]

that iron, pounding those weights. Do you pound your weight?

[Dan Howell]

Pounded. I don't know what's happening. We're not gonna think about it. We are moving on.

[Phil Lester]

We are.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Phil Lester]

I'm out. Let's go.

[Fan/Caller]

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[Dan Howell]

What's happening in the world?

[Phil Lester]

We're going on tour.

[Dan Howell]

We are going outside. We are going to miss so Many important letters this fall and winter.

[Phil Lester]

I was very shocked by the response. It's been absolutely crazy, positive and energetic. Thank you.

[Dan Howell]

Thank you all for giving a shit about Danafil in the year 2026.

[Phil Lester]

I'm so excited for it to happen.

[Dan Howell]

We appreciate it. We added some new shows. Brighton, London. No point mentioning Birmingham or Sydney because they already sold out.

[Phil Lester]

Oh yes.

[Dan Howell]

But I do have a list of cities that Dan and Phil are going to where less of you are and therefore we need to promote them.

[Background/Other Voice]

Really?

[Phil Lester]

This could be a holiday opportunity. Have you ever wanted to go to Seattle, Oklahoma City.

[Dan Howell]

Austin, Chesterfield, Missouri.

[Phil Lester]

Kansas City. Sounds like a riot.

[Dan Howell]

Chicago, really big venue.

[Phil Lester]

We could get deep dish pizza together. Hartford, Nashville. Clearwater, Florida Fan by the beach.

[Dan Howell]

Where is Clearwater, Florida?

[Phil Lester]

It's near Tampa. I know my Florida.

[Dan Howell]

More of you need to go to Clear Auckland.

[Phil Lester]

What? You could go Hobbiton. Let's do Adelaide Radelaide.

[Dan Howell]

Perth.

[Background/Other Voice]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Is really just on its own side of the earth, isn't it?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah. Perth.

[Dan Howell]

Perth. More like hardly on earth, but. But we are coming there. Please come.

[Phil Lester]

Now's the time to have a little trip. If you don't live there, it's gonna be fun.

[Dan Howell]

If you're gonna get tickets to the London show, fly to Perth.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Phil Lester]

Some of them have got silver VIPs as well.

[Advertisement Voice]

Still.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Get in there lads.

[Phil Lester]

Get in there. Dan and filtour.com we appreciate it.

[Dan Howell]

Shout out to every fuck ass venue who is acting like they've never put a show on sale before.

[Phil Lester]

Do you know it's been challenging.

[Dan Howell]

Do you know this is the fifth tour, Phil we've done?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

And it's like none of these venues have done the job that it's all they have to do every single day.

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Dan Howell]

Well, our tickets go on sale at 12 and they're like at 3pm Three days later. No.

[Advertisement Voice]

No.

[Phil Lester]

Or just having a website that doesn't even load tickets. That seems important. It's always fun when that's your venue.

[Dan Howell]

You're in a queue for 3,000 people for a room that only has a thousand seats.

[Phil Lester]

Do you know what was funny? I was testing it and I got gold VIP to London because I was like, I just want to make sure this works. And everyone's like, it was so hard to get. I managed to get it multiplicatively.

[Dan Howell]

Phil, you kick like 12 people out of a queue just to check that the website work. High five. I'm not high fiving that as I'm

[Phil Lester]

meeting Dan and Phil.

[Dan Howell]

You're meeting Dan and Phil Pog.

[Phil Lester]

No, I released it straight away. I didn't hold onto them.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, thank God. But, hey, as we said before, all tickets are good tickets. We're doing this. We don't know if we're gonna do it again because Phil's gonna die. We're gonna get arrested. It's gonna be the prison fic.

[Phil Lester]

My toe's gonna fall off. Ow. I just bent it to check. It still hurts and it does.

[Dan Howell]

Do you want attention or what?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, rub it better in slow motion.

[Dan Howell]

That'll sell more tickets. I actively don't know if the people want.

[Phil Lester]

Do you think it would rub it? No, Nurse it.

[Dan Howell]

Show me how flexible your hamstrings are. Straighten your leg out. Go on, drag queen.

[Phil Lester]

Come on, hit me with like a full on. The fill is as far as it goes.

[Dan Howell]

He's just kneeling and then his pelvis shatters and he fucking dies.

[Phil Lester]

My pelvis has flexibility.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, in the prison fic, not in real life. I need 15 packets of cigarettes. Let me get them.

[Phil Lester]

Can we just spend the podcast looking up fics and seeing if they exist?

[Dan Howell]

I don't want to do that.

[Phil Lester]

Let's do that on Patreon.

[Dan Howell]

But we appreciate the reception. Okay, we hit Pop Crave and Pop Base. The two towers of media.

[Phil Lester]

I mean, what else do you need? And we didn't pay them.

[Dan Howell]

Yo, fuck Variety, right? Who are the people that actually did the really nice article for us?

[Phil Lester]

That was such a nice article.

[Dan Howell]

Our time has finally come. After 10 years of trauma of Dan and Phil back in fuck ass 2015, having to deal with random homophobic old men. Journalists. Now you are mostly the journalists that we speak to.

[Phil Lester]

I love that we hop on a

[Dan Howell]

zoom call and someone's like, hi, my name is Mikaela. I've been watching you since I'm 11. And we're like, perfect. Fuck yeah, let's go.

[Phil Lester]

My slight offense was, you know, PopCrave tweeted a picture of us. They didn't say Dan and Phil stun. They just said Dan and Phil.

[Dan Howell]

Dan and Phil for Variety.

[Phil Lester]

Where's the stun?

[Dan Howell]

I guess I'm an ugly fuck then. Like, what the fuck? Dan and Phil flop in brackets. Ugly Dan and Phil transcend Dan and Philay. Infinite pussy.

[Phil Lester]

Yes. That's what I wanted.

[Dan Howell]

They kick it up the galactic wall.

[Phil Lester]

We need to try harder for Variety. Our next photo shoot, we need to just be completely slay.

[Dan Howell]

You need to start working on your hamstring stretches now so that the next photo shoot that we do, someone goes, phil Spreads.

[Phil Lester]

I'M just like bending over and looking through the hole in my legs for Vanity Fair. That's it. Yeah, Spreads it.

[Dan Howell]

We've got lots more photos, though.

[Phil Lester]

We'll be sprinkling those out throughout the next few months.

[Dan Howell]

It's gonna be fun. We appreciate it.

[Phil Lester]

It made me realize I need loads of clothes for tour, though. Cause I like to curate a aesthetic.

[Dan Howell]

Thanks to the photo shoot, we have lots of clothes, such as the ones that I'm wearing now. I'm so excited to just slowly wear all the clothes that we bought.

[Phil Lester]

Photo shoot. I want to get more tall clothes.

[Dan Howell]

What's your excuse? Dusty ass, bright future shirt.

[Phil Lester]

What's wrong with this? It matches the colors.

[Dan Howell]

It's lovely. It's one of the most iconic Phil shirts ever.

[Phil Lester]

I'm teasing it out as we go along.

[Dan Howell]

You've got hat on, glasses on because you had a contact lenses issue. Got no shoes on because you stubbed your toe.

[Phil Lester]

I've not tried.

[Dan Howell]

I'm not wearing new clothes. Are you all right, Phil?

[Phil Lester]

I'm okay.

[Dan Howell]

Are you having a mental health week?

[Phil Lester]

No, I'm not. I'm fine.

[Dan Howell]

You will get through this pod.

[Phil Lester]

But I was wearing some short shorts the other day and Dan was like, phil, they're out now. You need baggy shorts.

[Dan Howell]

Phil was wearing some aggressively short shorts. I like that they weren't so short that you are intentionally showing off your ass. They were just a bit too short. Topman 2017 vibe. It's like, that ain't it.

[Phil Lester]

And apparently that's not in anymore.

[Dan Howell]

No bag saga or up so much that you can see sack. Okay. Although the other day, someone was like, dan, Phil, if you're going to be taking this new era seriously, you need a stylist.

[Phil Lester]

What? This offended me. I feel like I've got my own style. Very curated. The Phil Lester look is today is

[Dan Howell]

a really bad example. But I would say usually week by week on the podcast in general, both expressing our personalities, style very successful.

[Phil Lester]

So this stylist was like, hey, if we're going to do things like Vanity Fair and have photo shoots, we need a stylist for everyday life. Because what if we're photographed in the streets?

[Dan Howell]

You need to be wearing that archival fucking merch from whoever the fuck ten years ago.

[Phil Lester]

So just as an example of what they could do, they sent a little mood board for what Dan or Phil could wear.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, my. Firstly, I was like something with a color. And I was like, you have not done your fucking homework. I'm gonna scream.

[Phil Lester]

They wanted Dan to wear colors.

[Dan Howell]

Offensive.

[Phil Lester]

A rebrand. And then the thing that offended me is they wanted me to wear brown and gray.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, my God. It just wasn't right.

[Phil Lester]

It just wasn't right.

[Dan Howell]

They were like, you just need to start, you know, elevating and curating a look so that if you want to be in certain outlets. And I was like, we do that. We have an aesthetic.

[Phil Lester]

We have a great aesthetic.

[Dan Howell]

We serve funt every fucking Monday. Thank you very much.

[Phil Lester]

Nice to see Phil Lester in a brown turtleneck.

[Dan Howell]

It is not the 2013 Teen Awards era.

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Dan Howell]

Only three, four years later at the Brits, I upstaged Harry Styles.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, you did?

[Dan Howell]

You were there.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, yeah. And Phil was there.

[Dan Howell]

I meant that in a nice way.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, no, I was there. I looked there.

[Dan Howell]

But it's like whether we are dressing ourselves and expressing ourselves on a weekly basis, or if we were like, okay, we're gonna fake a paparazzi moment, we go to Erewhon. Erewhon, pick up our $20 strawberries, they're

[Background/Other Voice]

not gonna let us in.

[Dan Howell]

I'm just gonna be wearing this, like, super, like, funny vintage merch. We got that all the time.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, that'll be me and my sonic PJs.

[Dan Howell]

Exactly. And celebrities, basically, we realize, actually have no personality.

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Dan Howell]

A lot of pop stars and actors, they genuinely don't know how to dress themselves because they have no personality or feelings or style.

[Phil Lester]

That's it.

[Dan Howell]

So they pay someone thousands of dollars to say, hey, you're going to look super nonchalant on TMZ wearing these crazy PJs. And it's like, Phil, you could just be out there.

[Phil Lester]

I'm going to be out there.

[Dan Howell]

Minecraft PJs with the hole in them.

[Phil Lester]

I just want to be my authentic self. I don't want to be styled and molded by another person, because then you don't need it. I'm going to lose my sense of self. And then who am I? Am I the stylist? Are they me? Do we share a brain?

[Dan Howell]

Now, morally, you're so right, Phil. Against it. And also, objectively, I don't think you need it.

[Phil Lester]

No. But what I gonna do is maybe hit up Susan the stylist. Oh, thank you. I appreciate you. Also, you don't need it either. You look great all the time. I might hit the stylist up if we do anything, which needs, like, a suit again, because that's the thing. I'm like, no. What?

[Dan Howell]

We styled ourselves consistently for the Brits. We did a YouTube video a couple years ago, Dan and Phil. Red carpet tier list.

[Phil Lester]

That stresses me out.

[Dan Howell]

No Epic serving every single time. You don't need it.

[Phil Lester]

Okay, fine. You can dress me. Not like a dance. Dan.

[Dan Howell]

Phil Stylefic Phil, the Parisian aristocrat. So much money, so many events to go to. Dan the tailor. Young, spunky. He's got his tape out and he's ready to. That's a word.

[Phil Lester]

Spunk.

[Dan Howell]

That's a word.

[Phil Lester]

Spunky.

[Advertisement Voice]

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Why wait?

[Dan Howell]

Ask your doctor.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Phil Lester]

Did you know Sam's Club isn't a store? It's actually a club with cool fines and like a whole community, it's a club.

[Advertisement Voice]

Of course, Jason.

[Phil Lester]

It's in the name.

[Advertisement Voice]

Sam's Club.

[Phil Lester]

Oh yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Come join us. Sam's Club.

[Phil Lester]

What's the news?

[Dan Howell]

You tell me, Phil.

[Phil Lester]

Here's the thing. Ayup. Cock said the sperm whale.

[Dan Howell]

Yep, that's the headline.

[Phil Lester]

What? A new study has found that groups of sperm whales from different areas of the seas produce different patterns of clicking sounds. I've got that northern sperm in me, you know? You know what I mean? No, no. I'll always be northern at heart. No matter how long I live in London and live near you.

[Dan Howell]

I don't want to know what you got up to in York University before you met me, Phil.

[Phil Lester]

I wonder what they're talking about.

[Dan Howell]

Seeing that squid. That's it.

[Phil Lester]

No, I think they're gonna Be like,

[Dan Howell]

the sea is blue today.

[Phil Lester]

They're gonna be gossiping. There's gonna be tea about some of the whales. They're gonna have little.

[Dan Howell]

I don't know what the word tea means. It's just water.

[Phil Lester]

They have their own version of tea. Yeah, Gil, that's so Gil.

[Dan Howell]

Now someone's gonna do the whale thing. Somewhere in the mid Atlantic, as a result of the devastating El Nino hot whale summer, two whales from different seas converge.

[Advertisement Voice]

Ooh.

Ay up.

[Dan Howell]

Cockfill clicked. Ooh. Dan flicked his tail, sending a nearby pod of tuna. Scrambling tunas and pods shoal. Sorry, you've ruined it. Waiting some marine biologists to fact check this fish fanfic.

[Phil Lester]

I bet whales think we're pretty stupid as humans because we're so small. They're like, what is that, little ant? I know you've got a city, but you're so.

[Background/Other Voice]

Just stupid.

[Dan Howell]

Because something's small doesn't mean they're stupid. And just because someone's really big and long doesn't mean they're smart. Next.

[Phil Lester]

From diners to dildos after beloved so Sorry roadside chain Little Chef went bust, Erotic Retail Pulse and Cocktails have bought over a dozen old locations, confusing local patrons.

[Dan Howell]

David Boothby, the company's chief executive, said, yeah, we have the odd elderly couple who pull in every now and then and try to order the Olympic break. But they usually have a giggle and sometimes walk out with a bag full of goodies, too.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, they're gonna walk out with the Mr. Olympia.

[Dan Howell]

Hey, no shaming.

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Dan Howell]

Good for them.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, you gotta keep something active when you're in your old age.

[Dan Howell]

They came in for the sausage and they're left with the rabbit.

[Phil Lester]

Wow.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah.

[Phil Lester]

And lastly, the highway to hell is open again. Oh, yeah, that was hell with one L. The Polish beach town of hell was served by a local bus route of 666 until religious backlash made them change it.

[Advertisement Voice]

No.

[Fan/Caller]

What?

[Dan Howell]

However, the local town said, no, no, no. Good for marketing. Yeah, some people would be tourists and they would get on the bus all the way from, like, Krakow, Warsaw, down to the Baltic coast just because of this bus. So they brought it back.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, nice.

[Dan Howell]

I reckon we should ride into our Warsaw show on that bus on 666,

[Phil Lester]

and then we'll just set on fire.

[Dan Howell]

All right, that's enough of the world. Maybe we should just speak Wales so I don't understand you for the rest of the thing. He said northernly. Speaking of the north Prime Minister, Manchester.

[Phil Lester]

Interesting. I mean, I like that Manchester's getting so much Rep. Because I'm from it.

[Dan Howell]

You came from Manchester, so you're like, they should have more attention. But now you live in London, so you're like, no, I like being in the place that's currently getting an unfair amount of attention.

[Phil Lester]

Well, they're saying Manchester's becoming the new nexus of the uk. So what if we move back?

[Dan Howell]

Stonks rising. We yearn for the hometown.

[Phil Lester]

We yearn for it. Imagine that.

[Dan Howell]

What do you miss about Manchester? Do you miss the chiquitos in the print works?

[Phil Lester]

Oh, that was great.

[Dan Howell]

Dan and Phil2009 used to go on dinner dates to Chiquitos. To Chiquitos, your local Tex Mex chain and a shopping center.

[Phil Lester]

That was one of our first dates. The chiquitos.

[Dan Howell]

Cheesy chicken. Pitcher of margarita, rack of ribs.

[Fan/Caller]

Ugh.

[Phil Lester]

Two emos. Back to the apartment, raring to go.

[Dan Howell]

Watch Harry Styles on the X Factor. A simpler time.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, I remember that.

[Dan Howell]

What, One Direction on the X Factor?

[Phil Lester]

No, just like Saturday, we'd go to Hume and see our friends that lived there, and then we'd watch the X Factor. Get a takeaway.

[Dan Howell]

People used to all, like, watch television shows at the same time.

[Phil Lester]

At the same time when it was

[Dan Howell]

relevant in pop culture.

[Phil Lester]

And then we'd play a board game after.

[Dan Howell]

And what part of that do you yearn for the most?

[Phil Lester]

New Beijing Chinese takeaway.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, my God. Banging A local Chinese takeaway.

[Phil Lester]

If that still exists in Manchester. New Beijing was lit.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, my God, Phil. I think it's gone. No, it was literally, like, 15 years ago.

[Phil Lester]

Fine. We're not moving to new number 10 Downing Street.

[Dan Howell]

You just told one of our friends not to move somewhere that was spicy. You were given some spicy life advice the other day.

[Phil Lester]

Well, no. Do you know when a friend gives you this pivotal life question? Where?

[Dan Howell]

Fork in the road. I need to make a decision.

[Advertisement Voice]

Help.

[Dan Howell]

And you're like, I actually don't want to decide that for you.

[Phil Lester]

It's basically. You don't want to lean them too far one direction, and then they go and it's terrible.

[Dan Howell]

Okay.

[Phil Lester]

I don't want the guilt.

[Dan Howell]

So what about you?

[Phil Lester]

No, I'll always give an objective opinion, but also, I'm nervous that that's going to make them choose the thing.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah, I mean, that's too much power. Vice works.

[Phil Lester]

It makes me feel like I'm playing the Sims or something. Anyway, our friend was like, should I move to Korea or should I take this job in London? And I was like, oh, that's two very different things.

[Dan Howell]

I've had a Breakup. And I want to do something, so tell me what I should do next. And we're like, oh, I mean, do

[Phil Lester]

what you want to do best.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah.

[Phil Lester]

And he's like, no, I need you to tell me what to do.

[Dan Howell]

Phil tried hitting them with all the, like, whatever you do will support you. And he was like, no, no, no. Like, I need an opinion. Well, I think whatever will make you happy. Internally, it's like, yeah, but no. Like, give me reasons, pros and cons, which one I should do, and Phil.

[Phil Lester]

But if you're a good friend, you're gonna give your honest opinion. That's the thing. So I had to just say, move to Korea, which I didn't want to because I don't want one of our only friends to leave London.

[Dan Howell]

But I think it was one of those things that's like, if you want to do something wild, now is the time to do it. We support you. You can always come back. Otherwise, we're just gonna have this same conversation in a year.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah. Cause you might settle down with someone, and then you can't do anything anymore.

[Dan Howell]

Where do you want to go, Phil? You've got permission.

[Phil Lester]

Really?

[Dan Howell]

Yeah. Go on your own wall.

[Phil Lester]

No. Come with me.

[Dan Howell]

Ow.

[Phil Lester]

Richard.

[Dan Howell]

He's not even holding space for it. The idea scared him so much. Bring her in.

[Advertisement Voice]

Whoa.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, look at that gold ball.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, look at it. The gold ball is still on Richard, because.

[Dan Howell]

Oh. Wheeling Richard away. You're gonna come back.

[Phil Lester]

One of you out there is going to win a golden pig. A cousin of our golden pig, not

[Dan Howell]

our actual golden pig, because the ass has been smashed.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

It would cut you.

[Phil Lester]

So we have put every person that has ever subscribed to the Patreon into a random generator, and now we are gonna find a winner. Does your name begin with J? Do you live in Canada?

[Dan Howell]

No.

[Fan/Caller]

Oh.

[Phil Lester]

The winner of a golden pig is Jordy from Canada. Congratulations.

[Advertisement Voice]

And I'm Dave.

Boop.

[Phil Lester]

Give it a little boop.

[Dan Howell]

That is an audacious object that is gonna be coming to you because we know where you live. Thank you for responding to the message. Sometimes when these things happen, you pick a winner, and then the person just, like, doesn't read the message. Well, they definitely read it, but they person did. And, in fact, they have a message for us and a question. So let's hear what they have to say. Be delicate with the pig.

[Fan/Caller]

Hi, Dannenfield. Hi, Jordie calling from Canada.

[Dan Howell]

Congrats.

[Fan/Caller]

I just wanted to say that I am so excited. This is so amazing. I can't believe I actually won a golden pig.

[Phil Lester]

Cherish it.

[Fan/Caller]

Also, my question for Dan and Phil is if you could redo any of the projects you've worked on since you started YouTube, maybe a past video or a book or a tour segment based on the person you are now, what would you redo and why?

[Phil Lester]

Ooh, that's a good one. That is good.

[Dan Howell]

Whatcha thinking?

[Phil Lester]

I think we should have both come out as a relationship sooner.

[Dan Howell]

Phil, that's not a project.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Howell]

This is actually our life.

[Phil Lester]

You are my project.

[Dan Howell]

What the fuck? If I could redo a project, it would be the marketing stunt that is our actual life.

[Phil Lester]

No. Okay, sorry.

[Dan Howell]

What priorities?

[Phil Lester]

What do you think?

[Dan Howell]

You know what I think the answer is, Phil. What if I could go back?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

I would have not done the hiatus.

[Phil Lester]

Whoa. Really?

[Dan Howell]

That is.

[Phil Lester]

That's a lot.

[Dan Howell]

That's knowing what I know now. It's like knowing that we had the power to hard launch and all grow up and make the vibes so good. It's like I just feel for the people during that time that enjoyed the content. Even quitting my own YouTube channel. It's like now knowing all the different ways that you can do what you want and be authentic and have fun. I think there's like a way that we could have kept it going. That's okay. At the time, I needed the pause.

[Phil Lester]

Yes.

[Dan Howell]

To learn and become the person I am now. But if I could go back, I would have been like, daddy's still here.

[Phil Lester]

Now that you have the knowledge. So if you'd have looked into a mystical well and seen this beautiful life with such an amazing hot guy.

[Dan Howell]

Okay, self insert. What is going on?

[Phil Lester]

I'm only kidding. I think there could have been a way.

[Dan Howell]

He was not kidding.

[Phil Lester]

I think there could have been a way where we could have done.

[Dan Howell]

Okay, enough Phil fan fiction. We get it. It's very, very sweet. Okay. Can we actually get Richard back? Thank you. Yeah. I need saving from Phil. Writing the welfic.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

Samara, what are you doing here? Uwu. Imagine if it's another gold.

[Phil Lester]

Oh. Oh my God.

[Dan Howell]

It's yellow. It's Pierce.

[Background/Other Voice]

Oh.

[Dan Howell]

Do you trust birds?

[Phil Lester]

Oh, I 100% trust birds. I know they've got that weird like glassy eye kind of owl scary thing. But Steve the pigeon, we had an emotional connection.

[Dan Howell]

You could trust that he wanted seed.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

And that's it. You don't need to question his motives. All of these fuck ass people in the media industry, all these horrible influences, whatever. Do you know who you can trust? A pigeon.

[Phil Lester]

You can trust a pigeon?

[Dan Howell]

Yeah.

[Phil Lester]

We've had a nest in our garden for a while. I keep checking if an egg's gonna pop up.

[Dan Howell]

They're probably scared to squeeze it out because you keep looking at them. I give me some privacy and you're there like the fucking Colossal Titan going,

[Phil Lester]

hello, I want to put.

[Dan Howell]

How's your cloaca doing?

[Phil Lester]

I want to give them extra twigs and things.

[Dan Howell]

Should birds trust you?

[Phil Lester]

Yes, they should.

[Dan Howell]

Do you trust crows?

[Phil Lester]

Yeah. We've got a crow in the garden that always visits. It always comes back, but I feel

[Dan Howell]

like it's gonna dismantle something. It's gonna let itself in. It's gonna kill you in the night.

[Phil Lester]

I want to train it to bring me presents.

[Dan Howell]

There's a crow in the room. You want to train crows to mug people, steal their engagement rings and bring them to you so you can just hoard them?

[Phil Lester]

I don't want real.

[Dan Howell]

You're not even gonna pawn them?

[Phil Lester]

I just want, like, mysterious bits of metal.

[Dan Howell]

Grandma's teeth.

[Phil Lester]

No.

[Fan/Caller]

What?

[Phil Lester]

You're ruining my crow fic.

[Dan Howell]

Why is everything the fic today?

[Phil Lester]

I don't know.

[Dan Howell]

Name me one thing that a crow is gonna steal for you on someone else's behalf. That's not weird.

[Phil Lester]

A key. And then I've got to find the

[Dan Howell]

door someone's fucking locked over is gonna be real fucked up after that, isn't it?

[Phil Lester]

Life Quest.

[Dan Howell]

I swear it was just here.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, no.

[Advertisement Voice]

Oh.

[Dan Howell]

This is why we don't do this in the garden.

[Phil Lester]

Wow.

[Dan Howell]

Yeah. Once again, do you trust birds?

[Phil Lester]

You never said.

[Dan Howell]

How do we. Richard. The Richard, Do I. Right. Let me just. Yeah, do. Dan, there's a bird here.

[Phil Lester]

I've got a bird.

[Dan Howell]

Do I trust.

[Phil Lester]

Oy.

[Fan/Caller]

Birds.

[Phil Lester]

I've got a bird. I feel like birds.

[Dan Howell]

What type of bird? Seagulls. Well, they want your sandwich.

[Phil Lester]

Yeah, this is a owl.

[Dan Howell]

Owls are pretty sharp, but I like them. I like birds, but I don't trust them.

[Phil Lester]

Okay.

[Dan Howell]

You got a lot in common.

[Phil Lester]

Fine.

[Fan/Caller]

Ow.

[Phil Lester]

I don't trust you. I feel pain. I feel pain.

[Advertisement Voice]

Ow.

[Dan Howell]

I broke my neck and I can't do the podcast. All right, let's get a third in.

[Phil Lester]

All right.

[Dan Howell]

What would the people of our dear community love to submit today?

[Phil Lester]

Submit?

[Fan/Caller]

Hello, Dan and Phil.

[Dan Howell]

Hi.

[Fan/Caller]

I'm RJ from Michigan.

[Advertisement Voice]

What up?

[Fan/Caller]

And I would like to hard launch that. I wish I could go to the hard launch tour.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Fan/Caller]

However, I am going to be at a furry convention that weekend, so I can't go. It's already booked. I'm selling my Art there.

[Dan Howell]

Oh, you're a vendor.

[Fan/Caller]

Love you guys.

[Dan Howell]

Right.

[Phil Lester]

Bring all the furries to our tour instead.

[Dan Howell]

Do the Dan and Phil tour in the expo hall at the fur convention.

[Phil Lester]

Oh, shit. We move our venue to Fur con.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Dan Howell]

And that is gonna be a sweaty mosh table.

[Phil Lester]

We could reattach your tail.

[Dan Howell]

Okay. I am pressing the sound button. For that you only need two hours between like 8 and 10pm yeah. So Yiff all day. Sorry. Network and sell your art.

[Phil Lester]

Of course.

[Dan Howell]

Very rude of me. And then come to the Dan and Phil tour. That's where the yiffing's happening.

[Phil Lester]

Full fursuits are welcome at our tour.

[Dan Howell]

We've had that before. We've had furries at the meeting.

[Advertisement Voice]

I love it.

[Dan Howell]

I remember doing We're All Doomed and I had like furry jokes and there was someone in the front row that was just like, I can't fucking do this right now. You'd be surprised what the Venn diagram crossover is.

[Phil Lester]

I think we've got a strong furry audience and I love it.

[Dan Howell]

There's space and time for you to make it work. Phil wants to see the fursuit.

[Phil Lester]

Scaly's welcome too.

[Dan Howell]

Next.

[Fan/Caller]

Hi, boys. My name is Kalen27. She her from Louisiana. The boot. Hello. And my homage is to bring back flip phones. I am currently recording this on my flip phone. I have had her for about a year and while the audio quality might be yes, she has saved my life. I have my text, I have my call. I have my photos. I can watch YouTube girl. What else do you need? End doom scrolling love y'. All. Bye.

[Dan Howell]

Maybe you do need a slightly better microphone. Maybe I was like, I want to be respectful. What the fuck is this right now? That makes sense.

[Phil Lester]

But a flip phone would save you from scrolling TikTok for 10 hours.

[Dan Howell]

Is it worth it for the drama?

[Phil Lester]

Yes, maybe. And also you look really cool when you go flip.

[Background/Other Voice]

Hello.

[Phil Lester]

I enjoy scrolling Phil's like, I don't doom.

[Dan Howell]

I joy scroll. I spend hours every day looking at absolute slop. Phil says no. Phil loves his doom brick and there's nothing you can do to take it from him. But I'm sure you look really cool on the corner.

[Phil Lester]

Next. Not on the corner.

[Background/Other Voice]

Hello, Dan and Phil. My name is Elliot. I'm from Liverpool and I'm here with my partner Jordan. Hi. I am hard launching the fact that Jordan falls asleep listening to your videos every night. But I prefer to listen to positive affirmations while so the only way to get over this is for you guys to film and upload an eight hour video of you guys reading some positive affirmations. Thanks in advance.

[Dan Howell]

We need to combine relaxing nighttime positive affirmations and Dan and Phil's fuck ass podcast rap.

[Phil Lester]

Alright, well, let's do it. And then you can play it on repeat as you're falling asleep.

[Dan Howell]

Hello, I'm Dan.

[Phil Lester]

I'm Phil.

[Dan Howell]

We are gay.

[Phil Lester]

You are gay.

[Dan Howell]

We do. If you are, that's fine. You will get through this pod.

[Phil Lester]

It's a Monday. You are hard.

[Dan Howell]

Twitter isn't real. It can't hurt you.

[Phil Lester]

There is not a man in the

[Dan Howell]

room but your partner is there. Like there is someone in the room in a good way. Like, is there a third person maybe? I don't know. We are not in the corner of your room or under your bed in like a demonic sense.

[Phil Lester]

You're a strong, confident person and you want to get tickets for the Hard Launch tour. They're on sale. Dan and Philtour.com subliminal advertising have a nice sleep.

[Dan Howell]

If you live in Hartford, please buy a ticket.

[Phil Lester]

Auckland wow.

[Dan Howell]

Thank you.

[Phil Lester]

Thank you for that.

[Dan Howell]

They're gonna have a great night now.

[Phil Lester]

Oh yeah.

[Background/Other Voice]

Are you?

[Dan Howell]

No. They're gonna fall asleep, Phil. That was the whole point.

[Phil Lester]

They went to sleep.

[Dan Howell]

They went to sleep.

[Phil Lester]

Well, if you want to stay awake, we're gonna continue this party over on Patreon. I wanna do more of that fan fiction game where we just search some words and see what happens.

[Dan Howell]

I am fucking tired. Terrified of the prospect of that. We'll do a bit of that, but okay. Thank you for joining us. This has been a very fun hard Monday and we'll see you next time.

[Phil Lester]

Good night. Bye. Good morning.

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[Phil Lester]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile Now. I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Phil Lester]

Give it a [e-mail] switch upfront payment

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