HARD LAUNCH with Dan and Phil
Episode: Why we didn’t kiss on New Year’s Eve
Release Date: January 12, 2026
Hosts: Dan Howell and Phil Lester (Studio71)
Episode Overview
Dan and Phil kick off the new year with their signature blend of chaotic banter, radical honesty, and a side of psychic predictions. In this episode, they revisit their eventful (and anticlimactic) New Year's Eve, dish on family holiday antics, manifest their 2026 "vibe" with a Buffy-themed tarot reading, and entertain fan hard-launches ranging from bidets to being “cringe but free.” With plenty of irreverence, they set the tone for a year full of messy fun, psychic omens, and a newfound wariness toward pears.
Key Discussion Points
1. Why They Didn’t Kiss on New Year’s Eve
[00:00–01:46]
- Dan and Phil did not share the classic midnight kiss—the countdown came while stuck in a taxi.
- Phil’s stained shirt delayed them:
"We missed New Year's cause we were stuck in a taxi." – Dan [00:06] "I got cream all over my shirt." – Phil [00:20]
- Phil’s stained shirt delayed them:
- A “homophobic dog meme” moment with the taxi driver led to awkwardness:
- "I was making direct [eye contact] with [the driver] the whole time… I just saw this guy just staring. I know what you are." – Dan [00:55]
- "He’s like, 'You off to pull some birds then?'" – Dan [01:16]
- Dan admits to just nodding along to avoid confrontation, joking, "We should have been like, we’re mega gay, we’re gonna go pull each other." – Phil [01:32]
2. Kicking Off 2026: Celebrate “Pink Mondays”
[02:00–04:12]
- New podcast Mondays are “Pink Mondays”—no more “Flaccid Mondays” when the show’s on hiatus.
- Both reflect on how “2026 sounds futuristic,” but the reality is less sci-fi, more social media chaos and AI disappointment.
3. Phil’s Birthday/Wishes for 2026
[03:09–04:12, 04:46–05:58]
- Phil laments his “tragically timed” January birthday but jokes about getting creative cakes from Dan (e.g., “Megadilf” or “Happy Twink Death”).
- Dan threatens “offensively shaped cakes” for future birthdays.
4. Tumblr Award: 2025 Tumblr White Boy of the Year
[04:41–05:38]
- Dan and Phil collectively win the “White Boy of the Year” award on Tumblr.
- "Collectively, our audience… voted us 50/50. We combined." – Phil [04:50]
- Amused that their “bare minimum” sufficed: "Did we win by doing the bare minimum? – Yes. Sick. We take it." – Dan & Phil [05:30]
5. Psychic Predictions and Buffy Tarot Reading
[05:38–09:07]
- Phil shares family psychic traditions and performs a Buffy the Vampire Slayer tarot reading.
- Recaps past prediction:
"Last time I did a tarot card reading, I predicted Dan into reality." – Phil [06:20]
- Recaps past prediction:
- The cards for 2026:
- "The Lovers": Radical honesty and communication needed for relationship success.
- "Wheel of Fortune": “A lot of good karma is coming our way.” – Phil [08:49]
- Dan jokes about going on a game show and justice for enemies:
“May the inevitable death of your enemies come swift.” – Dan [08:55]
6. Holiday Recap: Christmas with Family
[10:02–13:53]
- Dan survived his first Christmas with Phil’s family, endured “northern” social traditions, and had his hand nearly crushed by a neighbor’s handshake.
- “I went in trying to be polite. And he literally crushed me.” – Dan [11:08]
- Attempted fitting in with beer and “business chat,” even as neighbors grilled Dan about how podcasts make money.
7. Grandma as a Reincarnated Robin
[13:11–14:10]
- Phil’s family tradition: grandma’s spirit returns each year as a robin.
- “Phil’s mum thinks that their grandma has been reincarnated as a robin.” – Dan [13:24]
- “That is 100% grandma Dorothy.” – Phil [13:38]
8. Polar Vortex & Partying with Resilience
[13:59–15:07]
- The two experience “the coldest cold” outside at a friend’s after finally arriving post-midnight.
- “This was like… I’ve never felt cold like this.” – Dan [14:31]
- “Every party there’s a girl vaping in a T-shirt.” – Dan [14:44]
- Both are humbled: “I think something happened to us on like a deep spiritual level.” – Phil [15:03]
9. Manifesting 2026 Plans and Swole Eras
[15:34–16:49]
- Both admit to “raw dogging life” sans concrete plans for 2026.
- Phil claims “I’m gonna be huge. Fucking massive.” – Phil [16:09]
- Dan is skeptical, "You have to lift something… I don't identify as a beefy person." – Dan [16:11, 16:46]
- Discussion skips toward “twunk era” possibilities.
10. Sports, Yaoi, and Fan Culture
[19:44–21:44]
- They discuss not yet seeing “Heated Rivalry” (hockey gay drama) but express excitement for its “explicit and emotional” content.
- Reflect on sports anime/TV and the sudden fame of actors:
- "They expected to be domestic Canada famous, …the ‘fugees of the world said, no, you will be known across this land." – Dan [20:34]
- Discourse on “shipping,” fanfic, and the fine line for actor privacy:
- “No one likes people digging up where they live… maybe not that stuff.” – Dan [21:14]
11. Pears: The Secret Plot
[22:49–24:44]
- Phil theorizes 2026 is “the year of pears,” referencing a viral tweet questioning who actually eats pears.
- “Who the fuck eats pears? … I never see anyone eat or even talk about pears.” – Nicole Shed tweet, [23:01]
- Dan observes: “No one eats pears. …It’s, like, not something you’d ever choose.” [23:27]
- Pear trees and their questionable odor are recounted with gusto (“smell of, like, heated rivalry…cum” [24:32]).
12. Minions as Cultural Touchstone
[25:33–27:42]
- Both reveal neither has watched a full Minions film, pondering their unlikely demographic.
- “What is the target demo for Minions? …I think it's five year olds and yet it's actually 45 year olds. It's your aunt who’s made her whole thing ‘live, laugh, love’ with someone going banana Facebook.” – Dan [26:04]
- Minion wanking sticker is fondly remembered as the ultimate Facebook emoji.
13. Weird News: Oldest Cat & Psychic Aliens
[28:28–30:52]
- Phil shares a fact about “Flossy,” a 30-year-old cat in London.
- Drops a Baba Vanga prediction: a colossal alien spaceship will arrive in November 2026.
- "She predicted 9/11. She predicted Covid. And she predicted the spaceship coming in November." – Phil [29:57]
- Dan and Phil debate whether they’d want to be abducted. Phil is ready: “I'm getting swole so they'll pick me for their space party.” – Phil [30:12]
14. Audience Hard Launches and Community Calls
[31:27–36:05]
- Voicemails from fans cover bidets ("Power washing that booty hole" – Mal [31:34]), being kind to bugs (“The world is so big for them to exist.” – Natasha [32:48]), and being “cringe but free.”
- "Cringe as a concept only exists because people have determined that certain things are embarrassing… we should stop caring." – Alex [33:49]
- Dan (contrarian) suggests: “I think some things are cringe. And that shame is important… the problem is people are saying the wrong things are cringe.” [34:06]
- Morgan credits the podcast with helping quit vaping:
- “I told myself I’m not going to buy the Patreon subscription… unless I quit vaping.” – Morgan [35:02]
Notable Quotes & Moments
-
On the New Year's Taxi Dilemma:
- “We missed New Year's cause we were stuck in a taxi.” — Dan [00:06]
- “I was vigorously scrubbing myself.” — Phil [00:38]
-
On Passive Heteronormativity:
- “You off to pull some birds then?” — Taxi Driver as recounted by Dan [01:16]
- “We should have been like, we're mega gay, we're gonna go pull each other.” — Phil [01:32]
-
On the Tumblr White Boy Award:
- "We beat Jonathan Bailey. That's the only thing we've been doing." — Phil [05:08]
- "Did we win by doing the bare minimum?" — Dan [05:30]
-
The Lovers Tarot Card:
- “It’s time for radical honesty, communication, and daily dedication if you want this to work.” — Phil [08:05]
- “I'll settle for weekly. Yeah, how’s Mondays?” — Dan [08:13]
-
On Fans & Shipping:
- "No one likes people digging up where they live...maybe not that stuff." — Dan [21:14]
- “Just don't be creepy to the actors.” — Phil [21:22]
-
On Fruits & Pear Conspiracy:
- “Who the fuck eats pears?” — Citing Nicole Shed’s tweet [23:01]
- "No one eats pears...it's like, not something you'd ever choose." — Dan [23:27]
-
On Cringe:
- "The concept of cringe is cringe. Just enjoy stuff. Who gives a shit if you've got people going, 'ugh, I don't like you enjoying that because I'm boring.'" — Phil [33:53]
- “I think that some things are cringe. And that shame is important… the problem is people are saying the wrong things are cringe.” — Dan [34:06]
-
On Aliens and Psychic Predictions:
- “Baba Vanga predicted a colossal alien spaceship will enter our atmosphere in November 2026.” — Phil [29:52]
- “I'm getting swole so they'll pick me for their space party.” — Phil [30:12]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- New Year's Taxi Confessions: [00:00–01:46]
- Tarot Prediction for 2026: [05:38–09:07]
- Tumblr Award & White Boy of the Year: [04:41–05:38]
- Family Holiday Antics: [10:02–13:53]
- Pear Agenda Discourse: [22:49–24:44]
- Minions and Facebook Moms: [25:33–27:42]
- Listener “Hard Launches”: [31:27–36:05]
- Bidet Advocacy: [31:31–32:23]
- Don’t Squish Spiders: [32:33–33:33]
- Cringe But Free: [33:34–34:58]
- Quitting Vaping for the Podcast: [35:01–36:00]
Tone and Style
- Unfiltered and explicitly queer, with recurring inside jokes and mutual roasting.
- Self-aware, meta-commentary on their fanbase, internet culture, and the act of “hard launching” on their own terms.
- Playful irreverence toward serious topics (e.g., aliens, reincarnation), always keeping things light.
Summary
Dan and Phil’s first HARD LAUNCH of 2026 is a raucous blend of comedy, fan connection, and brutal candor. Between “cockblocked” New Year's mishaps, psychic tarot readings, generational miscommunications, and the looming invasion of “big pear,” the duo welcome their audience to a year that promises both chaos and camaraderie. Fans can expect more self-aware oversharing, plus plenty of community input—and perhaps a pear revolution.
Memorable closing sentiment:
"Psychic predictions, manifestations, alien abduction or the world healing and men going blast. We are so back." — Dan [36:16]