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You're not stuck because you're lacking motivation. You're stuck because a part of you doesn't feel safe moving forward. So maybe you're ready to grow your business, but the thought of putting yourself out there holds you back. Or you're craving a deeper love, but you're afraid of getting hurt. And this is like trying to drive with one foot on the gas and one foot on the brakes. A part of you wants to move forward, but there's another part of you that's doing everything it can to protect you, and it keeps you in place. And so here's what I found. Oftentimes this is about the fear being seen. And people don't even realize that this is what's holding them back. It's kind of like this push, pull of wanting to be seen but then fearing it at the same time. You're scared if people really see you, the real you, they're going to judge you. And so if they judge you, then they're going to reject you. That's the real fear, right? That's what it's really about. And the truth that changes everything about this fear being seen isn't actually that it's about other people's judgments. It's about yours. So other people's opinions can only hurt you to the degree that they land on a wound that's already inside of you. It's kind of like salt. If there's no wound, the salt doesn't sting, which means that they never had the power. It was always in you, never in what they thought of you. Another thing that holds people back, especially those building a business, is this fear of putting themselves out there. But if you really think about it, you don't put yourself out there. You put your services out there. So who you are is separate than what you do. And when you really get that, everything begins to change. What makes this hard is that 95% of all behavior change comes from the subconscious. And the subconscious is really the foot on the brakes. This is the deeper part of you that's trying to protect you all the time. So the work isn't about pushing harder on the gas. It's about getting beneath the surface to unravel those fears that have been quietly pushing the foot on the brakes that have been running the show. Because when you start to feel safe on the inside, it's gonna be so much easier for you to expand, to open and truly be seen. And so today we're gonna unpack what's actually creating that internal block and how to break Free. I'm gonna give you a powerful tool I call insourcing safety. So that by the end, you understand yourself in a way that most people never do. And I've been doing this work for over 20 years, coached thousands of people through this exact pattern. And I want to tell you something. This fear of being seen as one of the most universal experiences across relationships, business, health, and personal development in general. And I can't tell you how many people I've seen judge the part of them that wants to be seen. And then it creates more of a desire to want to be seen. And wanting to be seen is totally normal. It's natural. It's deeper than psychological as well, because we need each other for survival purposes. It's in our wiring. We need each other so that we survive, we belong and we attach. And so know that this is an instinct, but it's innocent. And there's nothing wrong with wanting recognition, connection, or to feel like what you do matters. But wanting it and allowing it, that's where most people get stuck. It just hurts when we think that we need it to feel worthy or that we're not good enough. When we're not seen, that's when we get into trouble. And so here's what I also know. On the other side of this fear is a life of freedom and authenticity. And once this is transformed at the root, it's a lot easier to take the leap to put your work out there and to show up, to create the life that you really want. And that's where we're going today. But first, I just want you to know that if you've ever felt like you've been held back saying something because you were afraid of how it would be received, or if you've been sitting on a dream for years and something keeps stopping you from actually going for it, or if you dim your light in a room full of people to avoid standing out, I want you to know that you're not alone and you're not broken. In psychology, this fear of being perceived isn't just shyness. It's also your brain mistaking visibility for danger. So this is the brain's amygdala, the fear center. Screaming, what if they don't like me? What if they judge me? Then they're going to see that I'm flawed and reject me. So this is a protection mechanism. Your brain just learned that being seen was equal to being evaluated. And so now even just doing normal things feels like you're being tested. And this fear isn't irrational. It's just an alarm clock that's misfiring. So in 2018, Andrew Huberman and his team at Stanford researchers identified two adjacent nerve clusters in the brain. One that triggers a freeze and hide response, and the other that triggers your stand your ground response. So when you feel that paralyzing fear of being seen when somebody's watching you and you want to shrink or disappear, that's just your nervous system activating the same freeze response that it would to any physical threat. And it's actually just doing what it's designed to do, trying to keep you safe. And so today we're going to unpack four of the most common safety strategies that I see. Hold people back so that you can actually break free. And it's the fourth one that people don't see coming. These strategies aren't the problem, they're just protectors, and they don't work very well. But I want you to think of them like an upside down triangle. So these things that block you are the surface level things. These are visibility patterns. Think of self doubt, comparison, perfectionism. These are the ones that are at the surface. Underneath those patterns are the desire to feel like you're doing it right so that you belong. But then if you dig a little bit deeper, you're gonna see even underneath that is the core desire to feel safe. Because if you do it right, you belong, then you feel safe. So instead of staying at the surface of trying to change the pattern like self doubt when it arises, I want to encourage you to focus on addressing the deeper issue of feeling safety in that moment. Because when you do, the patterns like self doubt naturally dissolve. You've addressed what it was really looking for. And so now let's dive into what the fear of being seen is really about. How to stop letting self judgment control you, and how to express yourself in a way that feels real. So you stop playing small and start showing up for the people who need exactly, exactly what you have to offer. I'll also show you specific ways that you can break free and start living with alignment and truth. Because when you address these things, at the root, you're going to feel so much more authentic and free. The first safety strategy is playing small. And most people think that playing small keeps them safe. But I want to invite you to question that. Does playing small actually keep you safe? Does it feel safe to feel confined? So, for example, maybe you dress in a way to blend in, or you adjust how you show up in different groups because standing out feels uncomfortable. But is it really safer to stay in A situation that feels comfortable, but it's unfulfilling rather than taking the risk that you know could help you grow. Right? When you grow, you're growing outside that comfort zone. When you look deeper, you're gonna realize that it's not actually the goal itself that's scary. It's the fears that the mind projects into the future about it. And until you choose to confront those fears, they're gonna continue showing up. No matter what your goal is, it will move with you. There was a time in my life when I was absolutely terrified of being seen. I remember a friend booked a talk for me on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. It was at this beautiful high end store on Valentine's Day. And I was supposed to speak on love because I was a couples therapist at the time. I didn't know who would be there, how many people would be there. And on the outside, it might not have looked like it was a big deal, but on the inside, in my body, I felt like I was about to step onto stage in front of hundreds of thousands of people. And what I realized I had been doing up until that point, without even realizing it, was trying to avoid feeling all those vulnerable feelings by playing small, by not fully expressing myself or risking being seen. And I knew I had to face those fears to get free. And so I decided I was going to go there. I was willing. And I remember I was at grad school at the time, becoming a therapist, and in a partner practice, I told my partner, don't do anything, just hold space for me, I'm going to go there. And I brought my attention into my body, into my gut, where I could feel this deep, deep terror. And I let myself fully experience it. It was intense. And I met this fear somatically, fully, for about two minutes and had this deep, gut wrenching cry. But then something incredible happened. It lifted. There was a sense of freedom where the contraction had just been. And what I saw was that this fear wasn't something that I needed to avoid. It was just something that I needed to fully presence and allow. And then after that, I still felt nervous speaking on stages, but it was different. It wasn't the same kind of my life depends on it terror. It was just this normal set of nerves around speaking because I had lifted this deeper fear by presencing it so it was no longer operating as much anymore. And so when we stop trying to manage our lives to avoid fear, there's no longer a need to play small to be safe, because you're already accessing the safety the fear's already moved. And so here's what I want you to hear. Playing small isn't bad. It's just trying to protect you. And it makes sense. It may just not be serving you anymore. And there are lots of ways to work this, but one of the most powerful ways that I've discovered is through embodiment work. And so the next time you find yourself playing small, ask yourself, what am I avoiding feeling? Is it shame, Embarrassment, Failure? These emotions usually connect back to a childhood memory that we never actually healed. And what most people don't realize is that it's not the feeling itself that's hard. It's resisting the feeling that's hard. When you resist it, you're just postponing it. It's gonna come at some point. And so my encouragement is to proactively start to feel these things so that you get lighter. And then you're just experiencing the present moment and not experiencing the past on top of the present trigger. Because these past experiences will keep coming back up until you meet them with presence. And when you allow yourself to feel them, you move them through. Through your nervous system. You integrate. And one thing that people don't realize is that oftentimes there's stuff that we've been holding since we were really young. But when you allow yourself to feel those feelings, they move through your nervous system. They start to integrate. And here's something that most people don't realize. When you were 7 and younger, your brain was in a theta state, which means it's literally like a sponge, absorbing everything that you see. And so those earlier experiences become part of your core conditioning. But again, it's usually not the present moment that's triggering you. It's almost like you're opening a drawer of everything that you've seen, stuff down from the past, things that you've avoided, and those layers get triggered too. And so the key is to take one thing out of the drawer at a time, because when you do that, it's gonna be a lot easier to digest and integrate it, which ultimately supports you in transforming it. But the trick is to work with it somatically. So instead of getting caught up in the story about it, I wanna invite you to embrace the sensation, to welcome the sensation. That's the way that you take your power over it so it's no longer dictating your life. The second safety strategy is procrastination. There are two different ways that procrastination shows up. The first version of procrastination sounds like, I'm not ready yet. And this can be a way of avoiding the fear of failure, right? Because if you're not ready, you can't fail. So if you stay in this phase, you're always going to be planning, preparing, because it feels safer than actually doing the thing. And at its core, procrastination is often just a protection from being visible. So you do this because putting your work out there exposes you to judgment, and then a part of you is trying to avoid that. Right? It's innocent, but years go by, and the goal always shifts to the next thing when you feel more ready. And here's the thing. Ready isn't a feeling. It's a decision. The second version of procrastination is a little bit more subtle. This is about protecting your freedom. And a lot of people misunderstand procrastination. So they tell themselves what they should be doing, but then another part of them refuses to do it. It's kind of like this inner rebel, so flipping the middle finger at being told what to do, being bossed around, saying, you can't tell me what to do. And oftentimes this started with a parent who was authoritarian, who was controlling, and you internalize that voice. And now there are two competing parts of you. One that tries to push you to do it, and the other that pushes back against that, that wants your freedom. And they're in a standoff. Meanwhile, nothing gets done, right? You're in this push, pull. But here's what I want you to get. That there's wisdom in both of these patterns, and they're not bad. They're just trying to protect you, and it's inefficient. And so the next time you find yourself procrastinating, instead of telling yourself what you should be doing to get it together, ask how is this pattern trying to serve me? Maybe it's holding you back so you don't complete your goals and then risk failing. So maybe it's wanting something that you also want, but judging it only holds you back. And in the beginning, I shared that I'd give you a powerful tool to insource safety. So I'm going to do that now. And this is a new approach to feeling safe that I'm going to teach you so that you can take your power back. And something that I go into depth around in my certification program. Program. It's where you offer the part of yourself that's scared for whatever reason, the safety that it was looking for. And then these various safety strategies naturally fall away because there's no Longer a need for them. Right? You're feeling safe. So in this way, you can see that these patterns aren't the problem. They were just feedback that some part of you was looking for safety. And so the next time it comes up, instead of judging that it's here again, see what happens when you get curious about what this part of you actually needs. So, for example, if procrastination is trying to keep you safe from failing, take a moment to offer that part of you safety and then ask yourself, what's the next most intelligent step that I can take from here? And maybe it's about finding an accountability partner, making it fun by gamifying it, maybe adding a little money on the line as well. That'll make it more fun and easier to move forward. But don't just believe me, be willing to test it. Use the next 24 hours to see what happens when you do this. Everything is trying to serve a purpose, and you may discover that oftentimes it's well intended but not effective. And when you don't judge the pattern, you can access the wisdom inside of it. So instead of trying to get rid of it, my work is about embracing the fear so that it's no longer running your business or life decisions. That's how real change happens. Not by forcing it, but by getting underneath the pattern and working it at the root. For example, if you've been trying to put yourself out there or get more clients but something keeps holding you back, it might not be a strategy problem a lot of the time. It's about what gets triggered inside of you when you're about to be seen. So maybe you doubt yourself as you're about to post, or you shrink when it's time to sell, even undercharge when you know your work has value. That's exactly why I've created visibility in clients without burnout. To help you move the fear behind it so you can share your work more naturally and create clients more easily. It's not about pushing harder. It's about building real internal safety so being seen doesn't feel like something. You have to feel force. Inside this program, you're going to get powerful tools, supportive, somatic exercises and guidance to help you more fully embody your confidence so that you can show up to more easily create consistent clients without burning out. But don't just take my word for it. Hear from a few of my past clients, like Hannah, who says I went from the fear of being seen and terrified to speak in public to consistently running fully booked workshops every month and Attracting dream clients or another client, Becky, who said I thought I needed more visibility and a better strategy to grow my business. But the biggest shift came from healing my self doubt that was really keeping me stuck. Since the program, I feel more confident and I've broken through income goals that once felt out of reach. So if this is something you're interested in, you can learn more by going to alyssandobriga.com visibility or click on the link below in the show notes. Okay with that, let's get back to the episode. So the third safety strategy was a huge one for me. This is comparison. And comparison is often just feedback that you want what somebody else has but you don't believe you can have it. And I want to share with you a personal story around how I discovered this. So I had an acquaintance that I admired for years and we went to school together. I really wanted the success in business that she had, but I hadn't started my career yet. My mistake was getting caught up in her rather than focusing on what she was reflecting to me that I wanted. Later we ended up becoming friends and I had shared this with her and she said that she had admired me as well. And at the time that wasn't even in my realm of possibility that she would have ever admired something something about me. I was so stuck in low self worth. But she shared that she really loved the connections I had with my girlfriends and my husband. And only as we ended up developing the parts that we admired in each other did the gap in our friendship close. We were mirrors for each other and the parts of ourselves that we wanted to embody more of. And as we naturally did that, we became friends. And so we tend to see things in other people that we want to own and develop more fully within ourselves. And if I hadn't been so caught up in the person and just focused more on the pattern of what she was reflecting to me, I could have found the wisdom and what she was here to teach me a lot sooner with a lot less pain. And so the next time you catch yourself comparing, see what they're here to show you that you want as well. You can ask yourself what are they mirroring to me about what I also want? And then question the misunderstanding that you can't have it too, because once you question it, they become an example that includes inspires you and then you take action from there. Okay, so this last one, the fourth safety strategy is self criticism. And this one's really sneaky because most people think if I stop being hard on myself then I'm going to stop trying, and I won't change. And I used to have a really fierce inner critic. I hated driving because the moment I got in the car, I would be trapped with my head and my thinking. And I'd put on audio tapes at the time. This kind of dates it, but I'd put books on tape, tape, so that I would drown out that voice. And honestly, it helped a little bit. But now I see I was just managing it. I was trying to outrun it. And the real shift happened when I stopped criticizing the critic. I realized that was just another layer of criticism. And so I brought curiosity into the criticism. And what I discovered really surprised me. I found that it wasn't trying to hurt me. It just wanted me to do better. But it believed that if it judged me, then I would improve, and then other people wouldn't judge me. And so once I understood that, my whole relationship with it changed. The criticism didn't have to change. I just needed to change my relationship with the criticism. And ironically, as a byproduct, all of that patterning started to soften. It got a lot nicer and lighter inside my head, because here's what I know. When you judge a pattern, you're actually stuck with it. And so think about it in this way. When you're judging something, you're resisting it. You're giving your energy to it. And so instead of avoiding, managing, or trying to get rid of it, the medicine for criticism is bringing cosmic compassion to it. And then you'll also discover that what we avoid, we actually create. And so the opposite is true. What we accept, we're liberated from. And the energy of acceptance not only feels good, but it's also freeing. And so the next time self criticism shows up, I want to invite you to follow these three simple steps. First, notice it without identifying with it. That can sound like the critics here. It's not. I'm so critical, right? It's just a thought. It's something that you can see. And if you can see it, it means it's not who you are. The second thing is just to ask yourself, what do I get for criticizing myself? What's the payoff? And if you can't find an answer here, you can ask yourself, what do I fear would happen if I stopped criticizing myself? Because maybe you think if you stop criticizing yourself, then you wouldn't move forward. And maybe it wants you to be accepted so that then you don't feel judged. And understanding what you're getting from criticizing yourself changes everything. And then Once you see this, you can genuinely thank it. You can say, oh, you're the part of me that just wants me to move forward so that I'm accepted and that other people don't judge me. Thank you, I appreciate you. And so, just to ground this again, first, don't identify with it. Second, what's the payoff? Third, think it. And I'm sure you're wondering, okay, if I do this, is it still gonna come up? And the truth is, yes, most likely it's been patterned over time, but I will tell you, it gets lighter every time. And remember, the goal isn't to silence the fears, it's to change your relationship with them. And criticism only hurts when you believe it. So if you can see it with compassion, you don't give your power to it. Okay, so pause with me for a moment. Reflect on which one of these four strategies resonated with you the most. Playing small criticism, procrastination, comparison. And feel free to drop it in the comments below. I really want you to get that you're not alone in this. And remember the upside down triangle. These are all just patterns that are looking for the core desired feeling of safety. So when these fears come up, just know that it's simply your nervous system seeking safety. And when you start to work at that level, addressing it at the root instead of judging at the surface level, it starts to shift in a really meaningful way. And so in this episode, I've given you tools to take with you to test for yourself. But I also want you to know that if you want to go deeper, I have something for you. Next week, I'm going to be releasing a guided meditation specifically designed to help you overcome and work with this pattern. So stay tuned for that. After 20 years of doing this work, what I know is this being 99.9% in is actually harder than being a hundred percent all in. And if you've got both feet in, you're using every fear, every pattern, every moment of self doubt as information to help you grow, not bail on yourself. And when you're committed, you're not looking back. You're not wasting energy second guessing yourself. And the goal was never to get rid of the fear. The goal was to welcome it so it stopped driving you. And so all of these strategies point back to the same route. The need to feel safe. And then if a part of you knows that you're done hiding and you're really ready to expand, I want to invite you to something deeper. That's why I've created visibility and clients without burnout. It's a container to do both the inner work and the strategic work. So so that you stop struggling with visibility and start building a business that doesn't cost you yourself to run. Because there's a version of your life on the other side of this one where you know that no matter what comes up, the fear, the doubt, the moment before you hit a post, you can meet it. And when you live from that place, naturally you show up to serve in a bigger way and you serve more deeply. So if you're ready for that transformation, you can learn more in the show notes or go directly to Alysonabriga.com forward/visibility and if you're already part of the program, share this episode with somebody who needs to hear it, because together we can reach more people who need this work most. And I just want to honor you for showing up for yourself in this way. I can't wait to see all that opens for you as a result. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world, starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if this podcast has supported you, one of the most, most impactful ways to help us reach more people is to simply press the follow button. It really does help us grow and we are so grateful. You could also leave a review on Apple or Spotify and take a quick screenshot and upload it@alyssa nobriga.com forward/podcast and as a thank you gift, we'll send you one of the most impactful tools for transforming your fear into freedom so that you can step more fully into your potential. There is so much more magic ahead and I cannot wait to share it with you. But for now, I just want to say thank you you for being a living example of what it means to walk through the world with an open heart and mind. I am so grateful that you're here and I cannot wait to see you in the next episode.