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Welcome to a special edition of the Healing and Human Potential podcast. I am so excited to share something truly transformative with you today. So this is a session from my self Doubt to sold out challenge recorded live. Today's session is all about the power of visibility, moving from fear of judgment to freedom. We're going to uncover how to stop playing small, overcome comparison, and break free from the fear of being seen so that you can truly step into your power, purpose and your inherent worth. And this episode's only going to be available for a limited time, so if you want to go deeper to receive not only the daily tools but also prizes, just go to alysannobriga.com forward/challenge to opt in for free and we'll send them to you right over. Let's dive in. So this is all about overcoming the fear of being seen so that you can more powerfully show up authentically for whatever it is that you want in your heart. This is what's available to you on this call. A lot of people are feeling held back by playing small, so I'm going to help you overcome playing small. Comparison, procrastination, all of the different things like projection, so that you can feel a deeper confidence underneath all of those patterns and more authentically follow whatever's true and alive in your heart. I just want to say thank you for the last five days, bringing your energy. It's been incredible to be with you and thank you for tagging me on Instagram. I love seeing your takeaways. It gives me energy. This is why I do this, so that I can support you in changing your life. And I want to make sure that you know, if you didn't join yesterday, it was a transformational group tool to break free of the fear of failure. And some people are like, this is my favorite day. So every day people are gonna have different ones. Make sure you watch all of the replays. Day three was about a somatic practice to embody magnetic confidence. This confidence that doesn't come and go that you can come back to anytime you want. These are available for you. We also went into strategies for how do you create a wait list of dream clients. That was on. That was on Wednesday, the third day. So all of the replays are available limited time. Make sure that you watch them. I would binge them this weekend if you can, before they go away so that you really feel supported and taking advantage of this. And you are so welcome. So beautiful. Keep tagging me. I love seeing your takeaways. So again today, what we're going to do. We're going to talk about procrastination and projections on this call. Some people don't know that there are positive projections. Sometimes people think there's only negative. There's both. And we're going to do I'm going to do a demo here on the call. I'm going to take you through two powerful processes. So every day I'm mixing it up, keeping it fun alive. All you have to do is comment challenge to get the tools for today or each day. And we also have a replay page that got that gives you the replays with the tools. Everything organized and ready for you. You love day two. I'm curious. Tell me what day you loved the most. Everybody likes something a little bit different. Day 5 Yay. Okay, so I want to be clear that these tools that I'm giving you, they're not to fix you. These are tools to support you in removing what's blocking who you truly are, who you already are, so that you can embod your truth and create a life in a business that feels totally aligned for you. It's a lot easier when you do the inner work. And so I want to make sure that you're held and supported in having these tools but also in the perspective of why we're doing certain things. And so my work is always going to be about supporting you in removing what's in the way, but also enhancing what already works. So we're going to do both on this call and you'll get to experience and I've been like moving through throughout this challenge a little bit of both and I'm excited and thank you for everybody that's been applying to accredited coach certification program. We are actively going through applications right now. We will let you know by Monday at noon if you've been accepted. And for those that are interested in what we do continuing with us, make sure to apply. You can comment apply here or go to Alyssa nobriga.com apply so that you can learn more. And as soon as you apply, if you are accepted, you will hear all of the details about the syllabus, the the methodology, although you've been experiencing the methodology, all of the things that you are interest, we will answer your questions but do apply before this Sunday, November 2nd because then you qualify to save a thousand dollars off with early bird pricing. So just type apply here or go to alyssa briga.com forward/apply. Okay. Comment me in the chat if you have struggled or are struggling with the fear of failure. Sorry, the fear of being Seen yesterday was fear of failure, today's fear of being seen. So these masks that we wear in our lives, right? So I want to normalize. There are so many reasons why we would do that, right? We need attachment as a child. We are survival. We. We're communal beings. So we need each other for survival. So, yeah, everybody's saying, me, you are not alone in this. It's normal. And a lot of the times people will say, don't seek external validation. I don't align with that. I think it's really innocent. Remember when you were a kid and you would. You would almost, like, have your friends, parents come over and you're like, look what I can do. Like, it's so sweet, it's so innocent. There's nothing wrong with it. And actually, actually when you start judging that part of you that's looking to be seen it further, you are missing the missed experience. You're further moving away from giving yourself the nourishment that you really are desiring. And thoughts and feelings. Speak a different dialect. Dialect. So if you're telling yourself you shouldn't be feeling something, it's just going to make more of a war inside of you. And so rather than telling yourself you shouldn't want to be seen, and underneath, you really do. My work is about embracing that part of you that does care, that does want to be seen. It's innocent and it's normal. And so that way you're not even craving it more. By judging it, you're actually welcoming it. And sometimes when you have a coach, a friend, a lover, a therapist that truly sees you, it helps you learn to see yourself. And the only problem is if you don't see yourself and you're attached to only thinking it can come from them, that's where it creates issues. But if you're using them as a mirror to teach you how to see and accept that part of you, you not only feel better, you stop comparing so much, you feel more confident. You're not needing it so much, but it has to come back to ourselves. And I'll open it up to coaching on Monday because we're going to keep the party going on Monday and Wednesday of next week. So save all your coaching questions because I packed a lot here today and try all these things out. Don't believe me, but test it. Be willing to test it. And so what happens with this fear of being seen? It's like, I want to be seen, but I'm scared of being judged, right? So we've got this push, pull, and Part in my certification program, I give you tools to. So that you're not in your own way, you get out of your own way. And then you. Your strategy and alignment is a lot easier. And so what happens with entrepreneurs and coaches, I hear this all the time. They'll say things like, I'm scared to put myself out there. And I tell them, you don't put yourself out there. You put your services out there. They may tell me, I'm scared of being rejected. But could you ever be rejected? Are they rejecting you, or are they rejecting your services? So part of this work is about slowing down to see what's actually true. When you know that who you are is separate than what you do, it's a lot easier to grow your business, and you're less on this roller coaster. And so this fear of being seen, what comes up is people also think that it's people's opinions of you that hurt you. And it's not. It's anytime you're insecure about something and somebody has an opinion that's matching yours, that's when it hurts. So think of it like this. Salt on a wound. So if the salt is other people's opinions, and it only hurts when you have an insecurity and a wound about it, the salt didn't hurt, right? So if somebody calls me and says, alyssa, you're the worst astronaut in the world, and I say, yeah, I can see that the salt, their opinion wasn't what hurt me. Right? But if they start to judge me around something that I'm insecure about, that's when it hurts. So I want you to start seeing that you have the power. The power is in you, not the person, not the situation. Because you have the power to forgive or to accept that part of you, and then it doesn't sting so much when somebody has that opinion. Right? And so we are human, but yes, we also have dominion and choice within us. How we hold it, how we're in. You know, we've got hundreds of people on this. Call the judgment. Somebody's judging me right now. That judgment doesn't hurt me because I don't know about it, but if I have a judgment about that thing within myself, then I'm going to hurt. Make sense? And so that's where. When you start having safe people in your world to. To kind of stretch the muscle of being more authentic because we. We conformed ourselves for attachment purposes as kids. It made sense. It was a safety strategy. We can be compassionate with that strategy. I want to highlight four that show up now, we can be compassionate with it and start to reprogram feeling safe in certain relationships to authentically express. And as we do that, then we attract more of things that feel authentic and true for us. Friends, experiences, life experience, our work. And so it's like a muscle, it does have muscle memory. As you start feeling safe in one area, you can start going into other areas. And you guys are an incredible community and I want you to have community so that it helps accelerate your, your growth. And we are mirrors for each other positively and negatively. We'll talk about that. Because if you are pretending to get acceptance, then you're not really going take in the acceptance because you know it's an act. It doesn't feel true. And so as you do the deeper work, it starts feeling a lot lighter, more authentic and easier. Have you ever felt like there's something more you're meant to do? Like you've outgrown the life that you're living, but you don't know what comes next? Maybe you've checked all the boxes and still something inside whispers this isn't it. What if that whisper is actually a calling? A sign that you're here to do something meaningful, Something that lights you up and serves others in the process? After two decades of experience as a psychotherapist and coach running a multiple seven figure business, I've seen what's possible when people fully step into their purpose. And that's why I've created my ICF accredited coach certification program to help people like you turn their natural gifts into a fulfilling career and life that feels fully aligned. It's for brand new and experienced coaches working in any niche inside. You'll learn powerful tools to not just transform your life, but feel confident in deeply and profoundly helping others change theirs. You'll also learn practical strategies to build a purpose led business and embody your inherent worth so you can show up authentically feeling supported to really have a natural abundance in your life. So much so that 70% of our students make their investment back before the program finishes. You'll also join a supportive, heart centered community of people who, like you, have decided to stop settling and start living their purpose. And so if you're ready to feel clear, confident and connected, to finally align with the freedom and fulfillment that you've been seeking, I want to invite you to take the next step. The link is in the show notes to learn more and apply today or go to alyssinobriga.com apply I would be honored to support you on this journey. So let's talk about the four things around helping you feel more free so that you don't let this fear being seen hold you back from living whatever's true in your heart. The first one is playing small. So I want you to slow this down because people think that playing small keeps them safe. Does it? Does playing small actually keep you safe? Does this comfort zone, is it really comfortable when you are holding yourself back or judging what you want to be doing, but you're not that holding into that, like, fear of being unfulfilled by not following it? Is that really comfortable? Does it really feel safe? So I want to encourage you to really start questioning that and realize that it's not the goal that and doing the thing that would hurt you, it's the fear that gets projected onto that goal. So what happens with the psyche is that the mind will project fear into the unknown. Anytime something is uncertain, it will unconsciously do that as a safety strategy. But if you don't move forward on the thing you want now, you're letting fear be an excuse to hold you back. It will still use that same pattern of playing small and projecting. Projecting fear onto any goal moving forward. And so my approach is, why not use everything that's getting caught in your psyche to free you now so you live freer longer. And so that's the invitation to play some of this out and to test it. And as you start to shift it in one area, it starts to shift in other areas, and then game on, life starts to open up in beautiful ways. The second thing I want to talk about around how people hold themselves back is this idea of procrastination. Say comment me if you're like, yep, that's me. I've definitely had this. So procrastination. There's a few reasons why we procrastinate. And one of them is the idea that I'm not ready yet. So we tell ourselves all the time like, I'm not ready yet. And oftentimes that's a safety strategy so that you don't feel something like failure or not good enough. Unworthiness. It's not bad, but we want to see these things so that we don't let them take us out of the game. And so there's this idea that if I say in the idea of dreaming about it or talking about it, then it's safer than actually doing the thing. And that's not true. Actually, by doing the inner work, taking the steps, that's where your life opens. And so the. The idea that feeling ready Is a feeling is not accurate. Ready is a decision. It's not a feeling. And the egos, it's never now. It's either I'm too young or I'm too old. It's not now. It's like I'm too late. We start waking up from that and we start taking our power back. And so the other area and way that procrastination can show up that I'll identify here is this. It's almost like we have. We've gotten procrastination wrong. So instead of judging it, you want to start to get curious with it. So you elicit the wisdom in it and with inside of it. So with procrastination, oftentimes it's trying to support your freedom. It's trying to support your freedom. So what happens is maybe we had an internalized, authoritarian parent and we start telling ourselves what we should be doing in our life. We're bullying ourselves. And then the pendulum swings and this part of us procrastinates as a. As a rebellion pattern. To say, you can't tell me what to do. Not. Not happening. And so this is the pendulum that starts to play out inside of you. You've got competing desires inside. It's like, I should do this. Don't tell me what to do. And the easier way, rather than willpowering or pushing through it, which creates burnout, is to see this, to even understand that these are of your brain. And you come into alignment to see how you can shift it inside. And then life reflects it more easily on the outside in your strategy. And so I want just to normalize. If you have any of these playing out, there's an easier way. And I'm so glad that you're here. This is totally me. Good. Okay, so the fourth way that I'll share about how these blocks can show up to really take us. Actually, no, the third way. Sorry. The third way is comparison. This was a huge one for me. I don't know about you. Me, say me in the chat, if this is you. This was big for me. I had a friend who had a very successful certification program, and I kept comparing myself to her. It was my unconscious way of trying to motivate me to do better. I didn't see that. And I'm so glad you're here so you can start seeing what I'm about to share with you. So I would. What I noticed was that instead of getting stuck on the person, what was the. What were they mirroring to me about what I also wanted because comparison was showing Me what I wanted, but it was, I had a misunderstanding that I couldn't have what they had. So again, the power's in you, not the person. So get out of the drama of thinking about the person. It's like, what are they? A mirror for showing me what I also want. And let me question the misunderstanding that I can't also have it. Okay, so once you question that you're inspired by them, you take action and game on. The fourth one around, ways that we hold ourselves back so that we don't feel essentially pain, but essentially the ways that we hold ourselves back around is, is one way is through judgment. So this is a big one. And I think the critic has a bad rap. So I want to unpack this. I want you to really get a sense of it. So anytime you judge a pattern, a person, actually, you're stuck with it. So when you identify with something or you judge it, you are stuck. That pattern is locked in place. We create what we avoid, we create what we defend against. And so I want you to start seeing this. So I, instead of judging criticism, the medicine is really compassion. And how you can come to an authentic place of compassion is you can ask yourself, how is criticism trying to help me? Or whatever the pattern is for you. But critic, most people have a fierce inner critic. I used to have a very fierce inner critic. And I started bringing a lot of compassionate self forgiveness and it changed the radio station. It was a set point again. It has muscle memory. So you have to go back to keep using these tools. But your life, my experience is what feels good, does good. So compassion is actually productive. And then we unpack what I mean by that. So if you're judging your inner critic, your critic is judging your critic. It's another layer of criticism, right? And so the way through is to ask, what do I fear would happen if I weren't judging myself? Or how is criticism trying to help me? Maybe then the critic says, I'm trying to make sure you, you notice all the things you did wrong, so you do better next time. So the deeper intention is that it's trying to help you do better, but it's using criticism as an effect, as an approach that's not very effective. And so once you see this, you can, then you have to, you know, Einstein says you can't solve a problem at the same level of thinking that created it. You have to go above it. So rather than getting into right, wrong, and judging the critic, you have to see above it, it. And that's through compassion and what I'm sharing with you here, which is how is it trying to serve me? And it's like, oh, it wants me to do well. Cool. Thank you. So thinking that that pattern and then some creative ideas might be. Let me just test out for one week what happens when I'm kind to myself and I experiment with getting an accountability partner so that I can see what I can improve on. Celebrate what's good, but also remove what's not instead of always looking at what's not, which creates a lot of free. And then you don't move forward. And so that would be my encouragement to start playing with these patterns. So the four patterns again, playing small procrastination, comparison and inner criticism. Again, the medicine is compassion for criticism. And my experience is that compassion is productive. But test it, try it out for yourself and then see what discover what's possible for you as a result. And so just to give you context, these safety strategies are behaviors. They are ways that we try to support ourselves and as a way to avoid feeling something underneath. So for example, if I'm people please or if I'm yeah, people pleasing, maybe I'm trying to manage how people see me so that then I. I feel like I belong or I don't feel like I'm. I am out an outsider. Or I use perfectionism as this the safety strategy as a way to avoid feeling unworthy. I try to make myself perfect so I don't feel unworthy. Right. Can you see this? Or I use procrastination so I don't feel failure. None of these are bad, but we want to see them and we want to upgrade our approach. That way we can have compassion because these are just our, our survival techniques, our ways that our psyche tries to keep us safe. But when we judge it, we get stuck in the pattern. Okay, so it's good that you start to see this and then you have different things you can try out to take your power back. And the way that I would recommend that you do it is what I call insourcing. Where you insource safety. You thank the safety strategy, you say thank you criticism for trying to make sure that I did better. I can see that now. I don't need to judge you to get the lesson. And then you bring safety to the part of you that's scared of not doing well, that's scared of failing, or that's scared of not feeling good enough, that shame you bring safety to it directly. Ironically, then you don't need the middleman and you go direct with inside of You. And this is where we go deeper in my certification program to support you and not just knowing this, but really living this. And so oftentimes, you know, it's just about, about knowing it, practicing it, and then creating new ways of being over time that shift your life. And I want you to know my methodology is about embracing all of you. But you're not letting disenfranchised patterns and parts of you lead your business decisions and your life. This is where everything changes as a result. So I wanna, I've told you now I want you to start feeling it in your body as an experiment. So I want you to comment in the ch, a pattern or behavior that has been holding you back. Type it here. And we're going to do a little experiment together. So. And you're going to have your own wisdom and answers because sometimes you have a safety strategy to play small and it's to avoid feeling unworthy. I would say 99.8% of people have something around unworthiness. Even when it looks like arrogance, narcissism, it's still unworthiness. The pendulum swings two different ways. So some people are saying fear, procrastination, playing small. So whatever yours is, the second question I want you to write once you've got that is what do you fear would happen if you didn't do that? And just pick one. Someone's like, I got all four, that's fine, pick one for now. What do you fear would happen if you didn't procrastinate? What do you fear would happen if you didn't judge yourself? Then we're going to start highlighting the wisdom inside of the pattern, how it's trying to help you, but maybe not effectively. So, so it's procrastinating because of. Yeah, so it's a little delayed here. So how is it trying to support you? It's trying to help you in some way. So identify what that is and then identify. So it's like, okay, so if I am people pleasing, I'm trying to manage how people see me so that people. Because if I don't do that, I don't think people will like me, for example, or I'd fail. That's right, I'd be judged. Yeah. So then deeper than that, you want to identify in chat, what do you fear would happen? What is it that you don't want to have happen again? What you avoid, you create. So we're identifying, what are you avoiding feeling? What are you avoiding feeling? Failure. Unworthiness. Criticized. But if you're criticized, then you would feel what? Go a little bit deeper. Okay. What are you trying to avoid feeling? Maybe reject it. Right. I don't, I don't grow my business. I don't pitch in sales conversations because I don't want to be rejected. As if who you are is the. Your service. No, you are not rejected. Right. Maybe the service, maybe not, maybe it just wasn't their time. But identify what is it, the feeling that you're trying to avoid. And then for an experiment, very quick experiment, I want to invite us to try something together. If you're open, if you're in a safe place to do so, I'm going to encourage you to close your eyes, just take a nice slow deep breath in through the nose and just letting it go, releasing, relaxing, just settling into this moment just for right now, just as an experiment, seeing what happens when you just say thank you to the pattern, to the ways that you were holding yourself back because you can see that it was trying to help you, but it just wasn't as effective. So you're thanking that safety strategy, the protection of procrastination, of people pleasing whatever it is. Just saying thank you. I see that you're trying to help me. I appreciate you just taking a moment to just breathe into and acknowledge it and just notice what settles in your nervous system as you say thank you to the ways that it was trying to protect you. Maybe not effectively, but, but it tries. And then I want to encourage you to bring safety to that vulnerable feeling underneath. Maybe the shame, the rejection, the betrayal. Breathing safety into that vulnerability inside of you. Instead of rejecting rejection, you're letting rejection belong with inside of you directly. You're accepting it, it breathing in, knowing that this is a part of you, not the whole of you. And just allowing yourself to notice whatever arises is allowed if resistance comes up. That's just a safety strategy too, that gets to be welcomed here. And if any part of this deeper vulnerability is here, you're just saying thank you. I'm here and I've got you now. Now with the breath, with your acceptance, welcoming it fully, letting it go. And when you're ready, you can gently open your eyes and then comment. What did you notice what happened as a result of opening to it? So this is where we insource and create safety for the part of us that's scared. And what happens is you start to hear these sub beliefs around, oh wait, if I don't criticize myself, then I won't be motivated to change. I would question that. It highlights some of these subconscious Beliefs that are keeping the pattern in play so that you can see them, and then you can. You can live beyond them. It's way more effective for performance, but it feels better, too. I cried. Peace, softness. I became more expanded. So you can see that these parts of us, these energies, thoughts, feelings, and sensations in my methodology, are just looking to be allowed. They're looking to be presenced, and you are the presence that they are looking for. Other people can mirror that to you, as long as you offer it to yourself eventually. Okay, so, beautiful work. I felt peaceful. Yeah. And if there's a layer of tired or sadness, spend more time with that. And it may take a little bit more, but it doesn't often takes much. And that's all it's looking for. It's looking for safety through the strategy, and you're offering the safety that it wanted directly. That's the power of this work. I felt lighter. More compassion. Good. This is your power. You can come back to it anytime you want. Beautiful work, you guys. Okay, I want to bring up our day five winner so we can do a demo. And then I've got two really beautiful exercises to leave you with as well today. And so let me see if our winner is here, and we will bring her up. Beautiful. Okay, wait, I'm not seeing our winner. Will you request to go live? Huh? Okay, I'm not seeing her. I'm gonna go with a backup. Let's give some love to our demo today, creating a really safe, beautiful space for her to have an experience with us. Us. If she's able to come up. If not, I'll bring somebody else up. Let's see. Okay, let's see. I did accept somebody, so I'm going to give you just one more second, and if you weren't able to come, I will find another person. All right? Okay. So not to take more space and time. I tried to get you in. All right, let's bring. Let's see. Did I get it? Hold on. Okay, I did it. Okay. All right. Let me. Let me just try. Okay. Oh, this was our original winner. Okay, do we got. Do we have someone? Let's give whoever's coming some love, and we'll just take one person so we do one at a time. Oh, hi. Yay, you made it.