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A
Just have fun with your phone, like you're using it. You're on it for a reason. Have fun with it. And when you realize you're not for whatever reason, just think for a second, like, hey, just notice that, like, huh, this isn't feeling so great right now.
B
Welcome to the Healthy Screen Habits podcast. I'm Hillary Wilkinson. Whether you're starting your parenting journey with a newborn or looking to connect with your teen on technology, let's learn some new Healthy screen habits together. My guest today is a long time digital pioneer exploring how technology shapes our lives. After building early social media strategies for places like Museum of Modern Art, Coca Cola and Ford, he's turned his efforts to to building Offline Now, a global platform and community for digital balance. While coaching and advising leaders including neurodivergent professionals. He has also authored a book by the same name, Offline Now. Welcome to Healthy Screen Habits. Eli Singer.
A
Thanks so much for having me. Hillary.
B
Thank you for being here. Eli. You, like I said, have been in this digital space for a really long time. What has changed? Why are you encouraging to get people offline now?
A
You know, I think that's a really great question. Maybe it's not so much what's changed, but how we want to change ourselves. The Internet's always doing its Internet thing. It's trying to show us cool stuff and give us new ways to connect and, you know, collect some information and make a buck in the way in the process. And I think people have realized that maybe they're just spending a little too much time connected. And so we're not about like at Offline now. We're not about breaking up with your tech or, you know, forgetting about your tech, because we know that's not possible. It's more just about finding digital balance. And what digital balance means can be something different for everybody. Different depends on your family situation, your job, where you live, how you connect with the people in your lives. And so whatever a healthy digital balance means for you, we want to help you get there.
B
I love it. So. And it's funny because you and I have never met, but until we started chatting and it chatting with you now, I can hear your voice in your book now because one of the things that came right out to me while reading your book was this method that is sort of this compassionate approach. And you talk about remembering that needing a digital reset doesn't mean that you're failing at life. It means you're human.
A
Right?
B
So I, I just have to know, are you this kind with yourself?
A
I try to be. But as a startup founder, I'm always pushing myself further and focused on self improvement. My wife's a therapist. Both of us, prior to these new careers were in communications. My children, excellent verbal skills. There's a lot of talking going on in this house. There's a lot of emotional discussion. But I'm really thrilled to hear that you locked in on that tone. And that was. There was so much time spent on crafting the right tone of voice for this book because it was important to meet people where they're at. So many people that want to change their relationships with their tech have tried before. You know, they've tried rules and timers and lockouts, and every time you have to unlock that or increase the timer or you fail one of your rules, there's just a little bit more of a sense of guilt and shame and I can't do this. Or anytime you read in a newspaper, if you're like, if your kid uses Instagram for more than two hours a day, they're going to turn into mush. So, you know, you just feel terrible. So let's just stop that. Let's just meet people where they're at and build their confidence and just help them achieve the goals that they want to achieve because they can do it.
B
Do you have any tips for parents opening this conversation to kids with this same level of compassion? I like the framework of keeping the emphasis on tech as a tool and something that's here to help, but I think it quickly overrides us. So how can parents sort of open this?
A
It's really hard as a parent for a lot of reasons. I mean, I know in my house there was a time where we were the police officers, which. Which can harm the relationship a lot because it becomes more about policing than, you know, parenting. Also, you have. If you want to improve your relationship with technology, you have to have a desire to do that. And I think for a lot of people, adults, people in their mid-20s, after they leave university, starting out in their careers, they have a sense of that change that they want to make in their lives. Younger children don't.
B
Right.
A
The tools are like, addictive. They're fun to be on. It's where their friends are. Who doesn't want to watch cartoons all day or play games all day? So if without that motivation, it's a challenge. But I'm going to bring it back to the parent side of things, that the number one thing you can do as a parent is have good modeling. And so this is not about blaming parents, but before one sets expectations around their how their kids are going to behave with technology, the parent should be doing their best to set the example because the kids are watching them all the time. It's pretty hard to tell your kid like stop using your phone. Let's hang out when, when they're looking to hang out with you and you're just sticking on your phone.
B
Yeah.
A
Doom scrolling or working. I mean it's you know, what have you. So that's the starting place.
B
Yeah. Yeah. And I think in, in modeling that like you said, I think it's also important to kind of almost subtitle what you're doing on your phone with your you know when, when you do have to pull it out. Just saying I'm so sorry I've got, you know, I'm sorry for this interruption. I have to do XYZ and that way puts it in a different frame. It doesn't look like oh all she wants to do is scroll on Instagram or all she wants to you know just keep with with friends.
A
And I look to your like you the five things that you have on your website. Right. So like if you're a parent maybe you should have a bedtime for your phone. Maybe you should be you know like you just said have the purpose while you're on your device. Maybe you shouldn't have your phone in your bedroom. Maybe you should put your phone on silent when you're sitting down for meals or like having family hangout time or or at other cousins houses like that. So you know living these. And this also prevents you from being caught in a double standard with like a really smart teen who's going to be like why are you making me do this when you're doing it? How come I have to keep my phone out of my bedroom and you got it in your bedroom. Like these are battlegrounds.
B
Right, right. Very true. And so I think for parents to start. Thank you for referencing the 5 healthy screen. You got it by the way. But I, I will will also refer people where I think is a really good place to start with a self inventory and it's going to be a little bit tricky in an auditory format but that I, I believe in you Eli. I know you can do this. Okay, can you explain the offline now matrix in a way that kind of translates. Sorry.
A
We wanted to create the most simple way that a person could like figure out where they are on their personal phone habit journey. And the insight was when it comes to behavior change you have to start in the right place because if you don't start in the right place, the likelihood that you're going to fail is high. For example, like you want to go to the gym, but you haven't been going or you haven't ever gone before. Going every day for four hours and lifting as much as you can for a week is not sustainable. You'll probably hurt yourself. You'll, you might never want to go back after that. Right? And so what we wanted to do is figure out a way to get people to identify where they are in their journey so that they could find their starting place. So there are four types. Ready, overwhelmed, unconcerned, and stuck. And the way you find out is we ask you two questions. And you can do this on the book and you can do this on our website. You can take the quiz and it's a motivation question. How motivated are you to change your relationship with your phone, or motivated to go to bed earlier or stop gaming or stop online shopping or checking LinkedIn, FOMO? How motivated are you? And then how self confident are you in your ability to do that? And so it's the, so it's the combination of your scores of motivation and self confidence that give you your type of. Now the number one type we're seeing, 51% of people that come to the site is high motivation and low self confidence and that is overwhelmed. 30% of people are high motivation and high self confidence. They're ready. So if you're overwhelmed, you have low self confidence. You don't want to start with something that's really challenging because you probably won't be able to execute on it. You don't have the self belief. You want to start with something that's really easy so that you can build your confidence. Your goal at the beginning is not to, you know, at the end of day four, achieve your dreams, whatever they are. Your goal is to, by the end of day four to say, hey, you know what, like, I can make a change, like I'm capable, maybe I'm going to like start amping it up.
B
My background's in education and particularly in motivation. Right. Academic intrinsic motivation. And it's a very quick step from overwhelm to apathy. Right?
A
That's right.
B
It's just, it's this very quick step and it's, it's challenging when you're trying to learn something because you, you want to learn, want to learn, struggle, want to learn. But then at that you, when you hit that point of overwhel, then it just becomes apathy. And so I can see which Is
A
the stuck quadrant, right? Which is the bottom, which is. It's low motivation, low self confidence. I've tried so many times. I haven't been able to do anything. I'll never be able to do anything. What's the point of trying? So when you're in this, when you're the stuck type, the goal is to both grow motivation and grow self confidence. And so the book also talks about tactics for that. So on the motivation side, you might be thinking, when was a time that I wasn't so used on my phone and what did that feel like? And do I want to get back there? Or what was something I really enjoyed doing that I don't do anymore? But I'd love to get back to that. Me playing guitar or drawing or doing stuff with friends. It could be what is something I'd really love to start doing. Maybe that's an aspirational goal. I can start turning that into motivation. And then you start building your self confidence very slowly through like little tiny things. Right. Like, you know, I'll keep, I'll keep the drawing pens and coloring book. You know that. Because I want to be an illustrator by, by the couch. And I'll just, I'll just turn off my phone for one minute and do a doodle and then pick my phone back up.
B
Right.
A
I'll do it again maybe after a week. I'm actually up to five minutes and I'm enjoying it and it's more fun than being on the phone. So it's, it's. And you can go from stock to ready. Right? It's not linear. You can be like, I was stuck. But then I just, wow. I started drawing again and it's amazing. Like I believe I can do this. And you're off like a rocket.
B
Great. We have to take a quick break, but when we come back, I'm going to ask Eli a little bit more about how to use that offline now matrix to achieve some more of those self desired results. From brand new parents to parents of teens who already have their own smartphones, Healthy screen habits presentations can help you navigate parenting in this digital age. We cover topics like creating your own family tech plan with a template that helps you guide your conversations and how to improve our kids mental health through healthy screen habits. If you have a book club, bunco group or even a group of neighborhood moms that you'd like to gather together for creating a plan on how your kids are going to play together, grow together and what apps to look out for. Let's have a mom's night in person or virtual presentations are available. Reach out to us@healthyscreenhabits.org, click the book a speaker button and let's get the fun started. I'm speaking with Eli Singer, the creator of Offline Now, a global community for healthier screen use now their website, Offline now hosts a directory of experts, a chatbot coach and a growing library of evidence based backed resources. So let's talk next about tracking usage. It's that whole you can't manage what you don't measure thing and what are some tried and true techniques to decode where we are spending our time that you recommend people can try to find.
A
This is so interesting. I wasn't expecting that question. You know, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about measurement and tracking. Being honest with you, not that I disagree with what you just said, just there are a lot of tools and apps out there for it. I find that the measurement piece leads you down the path of rules. I've used my phone for this many minutes and I got to reduce it to that many minutes. And what I don't like about that or what, where I take a different point of view on that is that once there's a rule, if you, if you break it then you kind of feel a lot of shame and guilt or like I, you know, like I just didn't make it. So I think more about personal goals and, and so the way we look at it is this. So like I said, people take their surveys online and we know which quadrant and we know time of day and day of week. We have lots of interesting data. So what we're seeing is Sunday is the highest ready day. People feel most ready during the week, 5 to 8pm and a little bit in the morning at around 11am in terms of overwhelmed, people feel most overwhelmed in the afternoons, during the week, late in the evening and then all day Friday. So for me it kind of sets up windows, right? So if you're planning so you sit down yourself, your partner, your family on Sunday and say, hey, what are the experiments we want to run this week?
B
Right?
A
And let's pick the times of day that are going to make the most sense for when we're going to be kind of working with our strengths, right? You don't want to set yourself a goal of something that's a challenge in the afternoon. If that's when you're always feeling most overwhelmed, perhaps try in the morning or after dinner but before bed when you're feeling really strong and pick some sort of an intervention that you think you can learn from, and if you're successful at it, great. And if you're not, why weren't you? And how might you adjust things next time? So I kind of like, you know, we kind of work within this framework of different times of day. If you're ready, if you're. If you're more advanced and you're in the ready type, then we might say, what are things that you're doing already? Why don't you push those 10 or 20%. Right. And maybe push them into different times of day? That might be a little more of a challenge to see if you can boost confidence there. But we'll tell people, like, give yourself Friday off if you, like, you're having challenges. You've tried these experiments during the week. Make Friday like, permission to, like, be overwhelmed, and Saturday's a recovery day, and Sunday, you plan for the next week.
B
It's a much more fluid and gentle approach, and it. It resonates with me, for sure. I think, you know, within different personality types, you're. Some people do very well with structure and hard edges, for sure. Yeah. But I. I can tell you this resonates deeply with me, like, you know, and. And just acknowledging that every day is not the same also.
A
Yeah. And. And I believe there's multiple pastors. I mean, we're a parent. We talked about. It's all parents. Like, I remember there were so many. Like, there's so many different pieces of advice about how you put your kid to sleep. You gotta pet them, you gotta leave the room, you gotta let them cry. But, you know, not every style works with every parent. I can't listen to my kid cry. Right. You got to find the one that works for you. So this is just. This is just another of the many books and approaches out there.
B
You had a term in your book that was new to me, and I'm always. It's always kind of fun to play with language.
A
I hope I remember this now.
B
Oh, okay. I can remind you, if you don't.
A
That's what the edits for.
B
It's right. Right. It's apple overlaps. And you say, be careful of app overlaps. And to me, it translated to, like, what also was referred to as dual screening. Yeah.
A
I mean, this is when you're. You're. You're dual screening. You go from one app to another. You're multitasking. You know, you go in to do one thing, and then you end up in three or four other apps. You're doing many things all at the same time, you know, you leak across them all. I experienced that pretty heavily in my own life. I love music. I have adhd. Music turns my brain on, gets me going. And I like to listen to music like the first 20, 30 minutes of the morning before I do anything just to get my day started. Right. But when my music comes from an app that's on my phone, the, the likelihood that I'm going to check an email is high. So I bought a dedicated music player, a really good one, connected to great headphones, so I can come down in the morning and boot something up that has everything I like to listen to on it and I don't have to go anywhere near my phone until I'm ready.
B
I think that just speaks to the intentionality that you're trying to approach this life with digital devices and enjoying what they have to offer, but not allowing them to override your decision making. Yeah.
A
And find out what works for you in your own life. Like, there's, there's so much out there. Right.
B
I think the challenge comes in making those changes sustainable. Right?
A
Yeah. Yeah. This is, this is where the other part of Offline now really kicks in.
B
Okay.
A
The, the Matrix is really good at bringing in everyday people that, you know, want to figure out where they're at and start their journey. But I think it's, it's, it's. In some ways it's just not fair to expect people to do this on their own. People have such intimate relationships with their devices. They're sleeping with them, they're using them on the toilet, they're like using them in the commute for hours a day for years and years and years and years. And then all of a sudden, like, don't worry, we're going to make, like, smart choices. And all of a sudden we're going to change all of our behaviors. Like, good. Lots of. And then it's very specific into people's lives, right. Like parents, teens, kids, different ages, different life stages. It could be about work, it could be about body image issues, it could be about gaming, it could be about online pornography or dating under LinkedIn, what have you. So the website, what we're looking to do is build the largest directory of coaches, therapists, social workers. We got dietitians, kinesiologists. People are joining the site. They're choosing from over 100 different areas of expertise, very niche, very specific. So someone can come to the site and say, like, I'd like to talk to somebody about relationship stress, parenting, about, you know, online body image, and you know, it could be a clinical conversation around depression, anxiety, OCD and screens, what have you. It could be a more coaching oriented conversation around executive function and routines and adhd. But you can find somebody that is really skilled and qualified and certified and you can reach out and book a meeting with that person.
B
Yeah. Yeah. Great. It's a one stop shop. Yeah.
A
Well, it's kind of like, you know, it's one of these things where it's like really simple at the beginning, but then it becomes incredibly complex and to think that any book or any one individual could help every person. You know, like people want to find really personal custom help that they can identify with.
B
Right, right. And it's. Yeah. I mean, every family is different. Every person is different with their needs. And yeah, I think having that individualized approach is, is key. So again, we have to take a short break, but when we come back, I'm going to ask Eli Singer for his Healthy Screen Habit.
C
At what age should I give my child a smartphone? How much screen time should I allow each day? What are the best filters to use on my family's devices? Sound familiar? These questions and more are answered at the Healthy Screen Habits website. We've curated the best articles, books, videos, and many other resources to help you figure out how you want to use technology in your life. Click on the Awareness section to learn about the issues and dangers surrounding screen use. Then click on the Tools page to download printables you can use with your family today, including the Healthy Screen Habits Family technology plan. Visit our website at www.healthyscreenhabits.org for the resources and tools you need to get started.
B
I'm speaking with Eli Singer and as you know, on every episode of the Healthy Screen Habits podc, I ask for a healthy screen habit. This is going to be a tip or takeaway that listeners can put into practice in their own home. Before you share yours, I do want to reference in the back of your book on page 61 there are 100 ideas to try instead of scrolling. And the first one I. I love it because they're they. I feel like any single one of these could be your healthy screen habit. I mean, as it's com as simple as sit by a window and do nothing for five minutes or prep a meal from scratch with no devices nearby. That would be very difficult for me. I listen to comedy every night when I cook so. Well, I'll.
A
I'll take you up on that because number two is my favorite on the whole list. And that can be my Healthy Screen habit, which is like hum or sing through your favorite album from memory, start to finish.
B
Is there any other healthy lifestyle screen habit, et cetera?
A
Right.
B
You'd like to add?
A
I. You know, like we were saying earlier, I just have fun with your phone. Like you're using it, you're on it for a reason. Have fun with it. And when you realize you're not, for whatever reason, just think for a second. Like, hey, just notice that like, huh, this isn't feeling so great right now. I'm not going to stop because I'm like in a loop right now. But just remember that, think about why and maybe next time you'll like, maybe not pick up the phone when that happens as much and you'll feel good about doing something different.
B
Excellent as always. You can find a complete transcript of this show by visiting the show notes for this episode, as well as a link to the Offline now website and a link for how to purchase the book Offline Now. You do this by going To Healthy Screen habits.org Click the podcast button and find this episode. Eli, thank you so much for your time. This just a delightful conversation.
A
It's a real pleasure. Thank you, thank you.
B
I feel like it applies to all levels of life, not just parents to children or anything else. It's all of us who are living in this digital age.
A
Yeah, well, I look forward to continuing the conversation and thanks for the time.
B
For more information, you can find us on Instagram and Facebook at Healthy Screenhabits. Make sure to Visit our website, healthyscreenhabits.org where you can subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or via RSS so you'll never miss an episode. It's free, it's fun, and you get a healthy new screen habit each week while you're at it. If you found value in this show, we'd appreciate you giving us a question. It really does help other people find us and spread the word of Healthy Screen Habits. Or if you'd simply like to tell a friend, we'd love that too. I so appreciate you spending your time with me this week and I look forward to learning more Healthy Habits together.
Podcast: Healthy Screen Habits
Host: Hillary Wilkinson
Episode: Digital Balance: Overcome Phone Overuse Today
Guest: Eli Singer, author of Offline Now and founder of the Offline Now platform
Date: March 4, 2026
This episode explores compassionate, practical strategies for individuals and families seeking a healthier relationship with technology. Guest Eli Singer shares insights from his career as a digital pioneer and from his book Offline Now, emphasizing digital balance rather than complete tech abstinence. The episode focuses on self-compassion, actionable frameworks for behavior change, parent modeling, and the importance of personalized support.
Digital balance vs. anti-tech:
Eli clarifies, “We're not about breaking up with your tech or, you know, forgetting about your tech, because we know that's not possible. It's more just about finding digital balance. And what digital balance means can be something different for everybody.” (03:52)
Finding your unique approach:
Digital balance is contextual, depending on family situation, job, living environment, and connections to others.
Tone and approach:
Eli and Hillary discuss the importance of a compassionate, non-judgmental approach:
“There was so much time spent on crafting the right tone of voice for this book because it was important to meet people where they're at.” (03:21)
Let go of shame:
“So many people that want to change their relationships with their tech have tried before...every time you have to unlock that or increase the timer or you fail one of your rules, there's just a little bit more of a sense of guilt and shame and I can't do this.” – Eli Singer (03:31)
Parents as models:
“The number one thing you can do as a parent is have good modeling...this is not about blaming parents, but before one sets expectations around how their kids are going to behave with technology, the parent should be doing their best to set the example because the kids are watching them all the time.” (05:36)
Transparency with kids:
Hillary suggests “subtitling” your phone use (06:30), e.g., “I have to do XYZ,” so kids understand the purpose behind device use.
Avoiding double standards:
“Maybe you should have a bedtime for your phone...this also prevents you from being caught in a double standard with like a really smart teen who's going to be like why are you making me do this when you're doing it?” (07:14)
Simple self-inventory:
Eli introduces the "Offline Now Matrix"—a tool with four types: Ready, Overwhelmed, Unconcerned, and Stuck.
“The insight was: when it comes to behavior change you have to start in the right place because if you don't...the likelihood that you're going to fail is high.” (08:24)
Two key questions:
What the types mean:
Key insight on progress:
“It's not linear. You can be like, I was stuck. But then I just, wow. I started drawing again and it's amazing...And you're off like a rocket.” (12:53)
Goal-setting over tracking:
Eli discourages overemphasis on tracking and rules, which can lead to guilt and failure.
“I find that the measurement piece leads you down the path of rules...if you break it then you kind of feel a lot of shame and guilt.” (14:58)
Experiment during strong times:
Use self-awareness of when you feel most capable (e.g., Sunday afternoons or evenings) to attempt screen experiments as a family or individual.
“Let's pick the times of day that are going to make the most sense for when we're going to be...working with our strengths.” (16:35)
Fluid and forgiving:
“Make Friday like, permission to, like, be overwhelmed, and Saturday’s a recovery day, and Sunday, you plan for the next week.” (17:46)
Defining app overlap:
“You go in to do one thing, and then you end up in three or four other apps. You’re doing many things all at the same time, you know, you leak across them all.” (19:21)
Personal solution:
Eli relates buying a dedicated music player for mornings to avoid being drawn into other apps on his phone.
“I bought a dedicated music player...so I can come down in the morning and boot something up...and I don’t have to go anywhere near my phone until I’m ready.” (19:53)
Don’t expect to go it alone:
“People have such intimate relationships with their devices...then all of a sudden, like, don't worry, we're going to make, like, smart choices...it's very specific into people's lives.” (21:00)
Personalized resources:
The Offline Now website hosts a directory of coaches and therapists with expertise in parenting, body image, executive function, and much more:
“You can find somebody that is really skilled and qualified and certified and you can reach out and book a meeting with that person.” (22:08)
On self-compassion:
“Needing a digital reset doesn’t mean that you’re failing at life. It means you’re human.” – Hillary Wilkinson (02:47)
On motivation and confidence:
“For so many, the step from overwhelm to apathy is actually pretty small.” – Hillary Wilkinson (11:00)
“That's the stuck quadrant...it's low motivation, low self confidence...I've tried so many times...what's the point of trying?” – Eli Singer (11:26)
On sustainable habit-building:
“It’s just not fair to expect people to do this on their own. People have such intimate relationships with their devices…” – Eli Singer (21:00)
On practicality and permission to iterate:
“If you're not successful [with your experiment], why weren’t you? And how might you adjust things next time?” – Eli Singer (16:50)
Model behavior:
Set an example as a parent before imposing rules (05:36).
Self-inventory:
Use the Offline Now Matrix to identify your motivation and self-confidence, and start with attainable goals (08:24–10:50).
Frame device use intentionally:
Verbally clarify your phone use in front of your children (06:30).
Experiment during ‘strong’ times:
Schedule tech reset experiments and make adjustments based on what you learn (16:35–17:56).
Find alternatives to scrolling:
Referenced in the book’s list of 100 alternatives—e.g., “Hum or sing through your favorite album from memory, start to finish.” (25:03–25:13)
Be playful and reflective instead of rigid:
“Just have fun with your phone, like you’re using it, you’re on it for a reason, have fun with it. And when you realize you’re not...just notice that like, huh, this isn’t feeling so great right now.” (25:20)
Eli Singer’s approach is gentle, practical, and compassionate; he encourages self-acceptance, individualized habit-building, and emphasizes celebrating small wins over self-criticism. Hillary Wilkinson brings an empathetic, approachable tone and reinforces the need for flexibility and self-kindness in all stages of the digital wellness journey.
For further resources, visit healthyscreenhabits.org and check out Eli’s platform Offline Now.