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A
Pushkin.
B
Hi.
C
Hello.
B
We're back again in the studio.
A
Yes. And in your earbuds. And who do we have on the docket today?
B
This one. Her name's Julia.
A
Okay. This episode is the first one that I ever did with a stranger, like someone that wasn't a friend or a family. And it was a little scary. It was a little intimidating. Julia's a journalist, and I needed to, like, step up. It's a great episode, partly because of Julia. Kept me on the straight and narrow.
B
Yeah, no, I was gonna say it's great. Not because of us, but because of Julia. And spoiler alert, another woman we talk to.
A
If you stick around. At the end of the episode, I talk again with Julia. And what was really very gratifying to me was how the episode really did have an important impact on her life.
B
All right, well, I'm looking forward to listening to this one again.
A
Yes. Let's both sit down.
B
I'm already seated. But.
A
And silence.
D
All right.
A
Do you have any snacks?
B
No, I can't eat a snack silently.
A
It was a trick question.
B
Oh, did I pass?
A
Yes, you did.
B
Thank God.
A
All right, and here we go. Oh, but first, we're going to pay those bills. Going to pay my automobiles with a word from our sponsor.
B
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.
C
This message is a paid partnership with Apple Card. There's something interesting about how seamlessly certain tools fit into daily life. Apple Card is one of those things it can be applied for right in the wallet app on iPhone and approval can happen in minutes. So it's ready to use immediately with Apple Pay. I'm so glad the days of finding my wallet, fishing out the credit card, using it, putting it back in my wallet, or oops, maybe I use cash. Where's the atm? Enough. The first time I used Apple Pay on my phone with my Apple Card, I was like, this is the future. There's no going back. With Apple Card, purchases earn daily cash up to 3% with no points to track and no waiting for rewards. It's simply daily cash back that I earn on every purchase. There's even an option to open a high yield savings account through Apple Card. And while I haven't done it yet, if I do, my daily cash can grow automatically over time without any extra effort. Because Apple Card lives in the wallet app, it's always accessible on iPhone and can be used with Apple Pay at over 85% of merchants in the US and the security of Face ID and Touch ID prevents unauthorized purchases, whether using iPhone or Apple watch to explore it yourself. You can apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app on your iPhone. Subject to credit approval. Savings is available to Apple Card owners subject to eligibility. Savings in Apple Card by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch Member FDIC terms and more@applecard.com youm're locked into
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A
the one thing you've never told anyone? People just like you tell all in a podcast called the Secret Room. If you're a true story fan who can't get enough of people's most intimate dreams, desires and regrets, check out the podcast. The Secret Room Stories can be tragic, like witnessing the murder of a lover. Or hilarious, like hearing the nocturnal adventures of a sleepwalker. Or heartwarming, like the woman who found a whole new family in a most unexpected place with a DNA kit. Hear Mila's deathbed confession that her daughter's absent father is a movie star. Or about Jen's secret love affair with a man on death row. Or how Joey falls in erotic love with inanimate objects. The podcast has been lauded by People, the BBC, buzzfeed, Elle magazine and Apple. People all around you carry the most amazing secrets and you're invited to the Secret Room for a front row seat to stories that may jar and amaze you. Find the Secret Room, a podcast about the stories no one ever tells anywhere. You get your podcasts.
D
Hello.
A
Happy birthday, birthday girl. Are you going out for dinner tonight with Rick or anything? What?
D
It's not my birthday for another seven months.
A
Hang on a second.
D
Hang on. I'm hanging, I'm hanging. I'm in traffic so it's perfect for you.
A
According to my calendar alert, it is your birthday.
D
It's not my birthday.
A
Are you sure?
D
Can you stop?
A
You're 100% sure?
D
I don't know how many times I'm going to say it's not my birthday and how many times you're going to repeat that it is my birthday this year. You didn't actually. This year you forgot to call me on my birthday. Not even an email. Nothing.
A
Okay, okay. What about that time you got me an ice cream cake for my birthday knowing I'm lactose sensitive? Do you remember the man at the roller rink kept on knocking on the bathroom door?
D
Oh, that's great. Are you kidding me?
A
From Gimlet Media, I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and this is Heavyweight. Today's episode, Julia. Julia is a journalist and she's endlessly curious about the world around her. Once, on assignment for the New York Times, she investigated the benefits of bacteria. And as a part of her research, she didn't bathe for a month. She's done political stories, too, where she's kept after a source or a story for years. Which is what makes her reluctance to seek out the answer to a question that's been dogging her for over two decades all the more curious.
B
I think. The story begins on a Monday. I'm pretty sure it's a Monday, and I was 14 years old.
A
This is Julia. And the question she can't stop thinking about revolves around a moment from her own life. It all began 21 years ago in the eighth grade at one of the fanciest all girl schools in Montreal.
B
I remember wearing my itchy green kilt.
A
You have to wear a uniform there?
B
Yes. Okay. Sort of a puke green uniform with a button down white shirt. And on Mondays, we had to wear ties. We also had bloomers.
A
I don't think I ever understood what bloomers were.
B
It was just sort of like a balloon with holes in the bottom.
A
And were they ruffled? No. Cursed with a lifelong inability to distinguish between bloomers, culottes, pantalettes, pantaloons, drawers, and even knickerbockers, I was glad for the opportunity to finally sort it all out,
B
the shape of it.
A
But that's not why we're here. So after about 15 minutes of inquiry, I was ready to move on. Okay, sorry. Yes, go. Go on.
B
As I left morning assembly on Monday and walked into homeroom, I looked for my desk. And I stopped and looked around and it was missing. My desk was gone. And that was where it started.
A
The desk had been hidden by her classmates. And that was just the beginning. Without warning, the girl she'd been friends with since third grade completely froze her out. And Julia had no clue why. To top it off, her best friend was the ringleader.
B
The girl who used to be my best friend. I guess we can give her a name. Let's call her Jane. It was just strange knowing that she and I had hung out at my house and all of the secrets we exchanged and all of the fun we'd had. And then, you know, seeing how she was being now, it just. It was a bit surreal. But yeah.
A
Then what started happening was every time she walked into the classroom, Julia noticed that the girls would drop what they were doing and study her. If she so much as scratched her nose or sniffled, they'd furiously take notes. It seemed like everyone was collaborating on some big project that she knew nothing about. The notes were collected by Jane, who buried them in her desk. The girls kept at it day after day until finally Julia reached her breaking point. She gathered up her courage and like the good reporter she'd eventually become, decided to investigate.
B
I eventually snuck into homeroom one day during recess. It was empty. And I searched Jane's desk, and there at the bottom, I found a nicely bound document with a cover page. And I picked it up and read it. And it said, 100 reasons why we hate Julia. In my memory. This document I'm holding is 100 pages long, but I'm sure it was only 10. And I opened it, and inside I read about myself. Everything was something about me that they hated. I hate the way she walks. I hate the sound of her voice. I hate her face.
A
After that, Julia started skipping school. Eventually, she told her parents what was going on and they contacted the administration. But the bullying continued. Ultimately, her parents decided that the only solution was to send her to a new school. But Julia still had a few weeks left at the old one.
B
I became a double agent. I pretended that I was coming back the following year, and I didn't tell anyone I was changing schools because I had no friends left to tell.
A
The school year ended and her new life began. But because her new school was so close to the old one, Julia lived in constant fear that her old life would find her. Every day, she'd map her route to and from school, carefully avoiding the streets her old friends lived on, the coffee shops they hung out at. And for the most part, it worked. For those first few weeks at her new school, she managed to hide in plain sight. She was starting to feel like things would be okay. But then one day after school, Julia was upstairs in the den doing homework and the doorbell rang. She went to her parents bedroom window and looked down at the doorstep and saw standing there, her former best friend Jane, along with a few of her old classmates.
B
I hit the ground as if someone was shelling the second floor Windows. I was in a state of total panic. And I saw my mind's eye there on the front steps, waiting for someone to answer the door. And I was just on the ground, trying to breathe. And they rang the doorbell again. And I wait.
A
Eventually, they left. And this is the moment that Julia has fixated on for over 20 years. Why had the girls shown up at her door? And what did they want? Maybe they'd shown up to bully her, but maybe they'd had a change of heart, realized how mean they'd been, and were there to apologize. Whatever the case, Julia was too scared to open the door and find out. And that decision to not go downstairs and face the girls who tormented her still haunts Julia. Even listening to her talk about it all these years later, it still feels raw.
B
I'm 35 now, and that day has become one of my only regrets, because the memory of my weakness sometimes supersedes all of the strong things I've done since then. And it makes me feel weak.
A
Even though you were. You were just a child?
B
I was 14. I think it's the memory of that fear still somewhere in my physiology. It makes me fearful when I think of it. I just wish I'd gone down there. I wish I'd had the guts.
A
What do you think has stopped you up until now from just posing the question, you know, like just finding the girls and just asking them why they were there that day?
B
I'm afraid to find out what I did to bring on the bullying, because it's very possible that I was bad. I think deep down I don't really know what was wrong. I don't know what was wrong with me, and I don't want to know what was wrong with me.
A
I mean, it feels like you're being really hard on yourself or being hard on this little kid, basically. You know, like, do you look at photographs of yourself at that age?
B
I try not to.
A
Well, I think you'd be surprised by, like. I mean, I have memories of being that age where I thought, like, I was at weddings and I thought I was, like, flirting with adult women and stuff like that. And I look at pictures of myself, and I look like a Cabbage Patch
B
doll, you know, I think I probably looked like the Tin man because I had a full set of braces. And then after I graduated from my braces, I immediately went to headgear, neckgear combo. I don't know if you've ever had
A
that, but I've only seen them on
B
TV sitcoms, so combine that with my glasses. It was a sad state of affairs.
A
As soon as she graduated high school, Julia left Montreal for good.
B
Depending on the outcome of that conversation, I might have chosen not to leave Montreal. When I'm in Montreal once a year, I avoid the neighborhood I grew up in where all this went down for the most part. And those girls are long gone. I mean, we're all grown ass women now with careers and jobs and kids. And here I am avoiding friends of friends on Facebook because I don't want any of those girls to know what's going on with my life.
A
Do you feel like had you answered the door and they had apologized to you, that that would have changed your life in some way? That it would have changed your relationship with your past and the city and these friends?
B
Um, I think it might have. But I'll never know what they wanted to say to me because I didn't answer the door.
A
It's scary to return to the moment you've spent your whole life running from. So when I gently suggest that she try to find out why they were at the door that day, Julia suggests that maybe the past should just stay in the past.
B
You know, we move on with our lives and we, you know, we move on and it's another thing to open up, you know, that Pandora's box.
D
Again,
A
even the language that you're using about fear of opening up that Pandora's box, it is so similar to the language that you used in describing, like, fear of opening that door.
B
So what you're saying is I should really just finish the job?
A
I think so. After the break. Opening Pandora's box,
B
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A
What's the one thing you've never told anyone? People just like you tell all in a podcast called the Secret Room. If you're a True Story fan who can't get enough of people's most intimate dreams, desires and regrets, check out the podcast The Secret Room stories can be tragic, like witnessing the murder of a lover, or hilarious like hearing the nocturnal adventures of a sleepwalker. Or heartwarming, like the woman who found a whole new family in a most unexpected place with a DNA kit. Hear Mila's deathbed confession that her daughter's absent father is a movie star. Or about Jen's secret love affair with a man on death row. Or how Joey falls in erotic love with inanimate objects. The podcast has been lauded by People, the BBC, buzzfeed, Elle magazine and Apple. People all around you carry the most amazing secrets and you're invited to the Secret Room for a front row seat to stories that may jar and amaze you. Find the Secret Room, a podcast about the stories no one ever tells anywhere. You get your podcasts save on family essentials at Safeway and Albertsons this week. Extra meaty pork back ribs bone in our $2.99 per pound limit two member price and sweet red cherries are two $2.99 per pound limit six pounds member price with coupon plus signature select 80% lean ground beef sold in three pound twin pack bricks is $4.99 per pound limit one member price with coupon fresh and delicious savings for every meal.
B
Hurry in.
A
This deal won't last. Visit safewayeralbertsons.com for more deals and ways to save. In spite of her initial trepidation, once Julia decided to find out why the girls came to her door that day, she was all in. Watching her take it on was impressive. Julia went back to Montreal and reached out to her former best friend Jane, who agreed to meet with her but said she didn't remember anything. And so, for the first time since eighth grade, Julia returned to her former school to go through the yearbook and find the names of her old classmates. And then she started searching.
B
I reached out to probably 12 girls from from my grade, and in my worst moments I imagine that none of them were going to write back and it was sort of going to feel like, you know, I was on the outside of the group again, you know, and that the social dynamics I remembered from the eighth grade were still in play and all that. But then the responses started to trickle in.
D
Hello? Hello? Hello?
B
Yes, this is Julia.
A
Julia logged hours and hours of interviews
B
and rang my doorbell. I thought you might have been one of them.
D
I don't think so.
B
Do you remember anything about that?
D
Was I there? No. Oh boy. I don't remember much about high school, to be honest. I remember one time you were hiding in a Bathroom stall.
A
But just like Jane, not a single person said they could remember showing up at her door that day.
D
Well, I honestly don't remember doing that. I don't. I don't. I don't. I'm sorry. I don't. I don't remember anything. I just don't remember it. Promise you, I have no recollection of this. I'm sorry.
A
Sorry. But what each of them did remember was their own pain. There'd been a lot of bullying that year, and no one felt safe. Julia heard about one girl who'd found her desk filled with meticulously cut out images from porn magazines. Another girl remembered someone spreading rumors that she had aids. I hated that place, said one. It's all a big fog of chaos, said another. A dark cloud over the class. You never knew who you could trust. We were awful, awful little girls. The more Julia heard about it, it started to sound like a Stephen King novel. And not one of those cutesy ones about clowns or talking car. In almost every conversation, one name kept coming up as the person who had it the worst. Even Julia acknowledged it. The name was Sarah Taba. Sarah had the misfortune of being the only 8th grader who was slightly overweight. And as such, she was always kept at a distance. In high school, I was also someone who existed on the margins. So I understand how oftentimes kids like me, kids like Sarah Taba, become the eyes and ears of the school. Fidgety, uncomfortable witnesses forced to watch from the wings. I'm reminded of this all the time with the friends I went to high school with who were more popular than me. Remember the time Robert Siolich wore a three piece suit to school? I ask the time Madame Robert slammed the classroom door so hard the clock fell off the wall? The day Sharon Weiner got suspended for leaving the schoolyard during recession. Of course, they don't. They were living their lives. But I was on the sidelines, taking it all in, remembering.
D
Hello.
B
Hi, Sarah.
D
Hi. It's been a really long time. Yeah, it has.
B
Yes, it has.
A
Having all these conversations made Julia think about Sarah and. And what she might remember. But when she asked her if she had any recollection about the day those girls showed up at her door, Sarah couldn't remember anything.
D
The first thing I thought of when you said a group of girls riding the doorbell, I immediately thought it would be a bad experience. Like it wasn't people coming looking for you to be like, we miss you. Where are you? Yeah, grade eight was a bad year at that school. Either you were being bullied and picked on, or you had to turn around and become the bully. Yeah.
B
Something toxic, something dark.
D
I think normal bullying, if there's such a thing as normal bullying, you can identify the perpetrator and the victim and the like. But it was. It was just so pervasive.
B
Do you remember the day that you realized that I was gone?
D
I don't actually know. I remember feeling like you were just sad all the time.
B
I remember you being sad, too.
D
Yeah.
B
One thing I remember, people would call you Tubby Tabba.
D
Doesn't surprise me. Yeah, I remember a lot of stuff like that. I can't help but think that our grade's behavior had impacts on the staff.
B
What do you mean?
D
Well, actually, I'm assuming you knew this, but maybe you didn't, but Ms. McDonald killed herself the following year.
B
Yeah.
A
Ms. McDonald was Julia's favorite teacher, and Sarah's, too. Ms. McDonald had gone to the school as a student and later returned to teach biology. She was the fun teacher who wore frog earrings.
B
You think that there was something to do with what was happening in the school that caused her to commit suicide?
D
I think it had a role in her. In her depression. She left right in the end of our grade eight year because what I knew of her, it was her school. It was her passion. She was an old girl. She was there teaching. She wanted to instill this love of animals and biology in all of us. And we were a bunch of brats. I remember there being a lot of associations between that pig that she had on top of her TV and her. A lot of comments about her weight. Yeah. Had an impact.
A
Ms. McDonald had been hospitalized over the summer, and when she came back in the fall, she was no longer the biology teacher, but a substitute. The last period of the last day she taught before she killed herself was a class called Personal and Religious Education. The students considered the class a joke. Sarah was there that day, and the
D
grade was just running around doing everything they weren't supposed to do in the classroom. She tried to get people to calm down and sit down and pay attention and, like, she wasn't even trying to teach us anything. I don't even know if there was any material to cover that day. And then we showed up at school Monday morning to find out that she killed herself over the weekend.
A
Oh, my God.
D
She was my role model. She was the person who survived the school despite not being the stereotypical prefect or perfect girl. She was just this wonderful, round woman who rejuvenated life. And as an overweight Teenager. For me, that was like, okay, so you don't have to be perfect to achieve anything. She was my role model who the next year killed herself and like shattered all my dreams that you can go about living your life the way you're living your life in this environment and succeed. Which made me want to completely change my body. The only way that I was going to get through this school was to lose a bunch of weight to gain the respect of these people that have basically disliked me since I was 11. And I did it.
B
Yeah, I've been really. Over the years, I wondered about you. And then when I looked you up on Facebook, I saw pictures of you and I clicked right by them. I thought, oh, I have the wrong person because you didn't look like yourself.
D
Right.
B
So, I mean, you didn't. You just stopped eating, it sounds like.
D
Yeah, yeah, in 10th grade. 10th through 11th grade. And then basically destroyed myself in the process because it's an illness that I've been battling for the last 20 years. It's amazing what your childhood experiences can push you to do that. I definitely remember because that's how I ended up in the situation. I am now actually talking to you from outside of a clinic for treating eating disorders. So
B
I'm really sorry, Sarah.
D
It's not your fault. That's the sort of sad reality of all of this is it's like, yeah,
B
please picture, you know, my nerdy looking 14 year old self giving you a big hug.
D
Aw, thanks. I actually do have to let you go because we have to have lunch now. But it was nice speaking to you and do keep in touch.
A
The conversation had left Julia feeling devastated. The scale of her own pain had been altered in the face of Sarah's. Later that night, I couldn't stop thinking about Julia and Sarah's conversation. And as I turned it around in my head, a theory began to form. Ms. McDonald had died around the start of the school year. Wasn't it possible that those girls had shown up at Julia's door to let her know? Maybe they'd been worried about the way Julia had just disappeared from their school and feared the worst. Wasn't it possible the girls had meant good that day that they came to the door? And if so, wouldn't knowing that change the way Julia felt about the past 20 years and maybe even change the way she saw herself? So I took this last task upon myself.
D
Hello?
A
Hey, is this Christine? Hey, Jennifer, this is. I phoned up all the people Julia had already spoken with and I ran my theory by them to Be honest,
D
I would love to believe that's what their intentions were. I can't be sure about anything, but I can't. I can't say, yeah, sure, that's it, because I don't have a memory of it.
A
Okay, well, thank you.
D
Bye. All right, you have a great night.
A
Okay, bye. Bye.
D
Bye, Jonathan. Bye.
A
Okay, okay, okay, take it easy.
D
Bye.
A
Bye. Bye. There was only one thing left for me to do. I. I just feel like I'm at a loss. Like this whole thing started off as me encouraging you to. To give it a try and that it might be helpful in some way. And I feel like I brought you any closer to knowing what happened at the door that day. And I just.
B
If there's one of us who's disappointed, it certainly isn't me. I don't know whether I was emotionally equipped to open the door as a 14 year old, but to me the important part is that I opened the door. Now I couldn't have. I couldn't have confronted that if I hadn't literally done what we decided we were going to do. I hadn't had these phone calls and asked these hard questions. And I've forgiven that little girl for being so frightened. I was so ashamed. I was so regretful. And I don't blame myself for being afraid then. I had every right to be. It wasn't rational. And so I think the biggest challenge for me in all of this was to allow myself to slip back into that 14 year old girl's skin and say, look, you know, I get it, it's okay. You know, it's okay. I'm proud of who I was then. It's been a long time since I could say that.
A
And you feel like that's happened, like that, that's happened in this process?
B
Yeah, I do.
A
Well, that makes me feel better.
B
Well, I'm happy to make you feel better. Jonathan, I.
A
Ding dong.
B
Um, I'm.
A
Ding dong.
B
Is this the part where I rewrite history and answer the door?
A
That's right. Ding dong.
B
Okay, I'm answering the door. Okay, open the door.
A
What happened to you?
B
I changed schools. And you know why? Now that the furniture is returning to its goodwill home, now that the last month's rent is scheming with the damaged deposit, take this moment to decide if
A
we meant it, if we tried or
B
felt around for far too much from things that accidentally took.
A
Julia.
B
Hi.
A
How are you? It's. It has been 10 years.
B
Yeah, 10 years.
A
Have you listened to the episode recently
B
after you reached out? I listened to it Walking around my neighborhood and, you know, hearing myself be scared on the recording made me scared again.
A
Huh?
B
And then hearing myself be triumphant made me feel. Made me feel fully grown all over again. And it was cool. It was a really special thing to be able to collaborate with you on that.
A
And you feel like it changed something for you?
B
I think it changed a lot of things for me. For one thing, it gave me permission to. To reimagine myself as a player in my own life. I didn't have to be the girl that things were done to. I could be the woman who could choose to do things. And it gave me the opportunity to rethink my relationship with Montreal. And all of that felt like such an unlock stemming from our time together, yours and mine.
A
Jonathan, that's really nice. Did any of the other girls who showed up at your door that day, did they ever reach out? Did you learn anything more about that actual incident?
B
I never learned anything about the incident. It remains a mystery. But I did get out of the blue a couple of days after the episode aired. A voicemail from one of the girls in my grade. Not one of the main girls who made the Julia book, but she called and left a sobbing voicemail. And then I called her back right away. I actually don't know how she got my number. I called her back right away, and we had a very heartfelt conversation.
A
That's so nice that it. That it generated all of this. Did you ever speak with Sarah Taba again?
B
I just reached out to her the other day.
A
Huh.
B
I was inspired to reach out to her by you reaching out to me and re listening to my episode, but it's really our episode, Sarah's and mine. And I think it's okay for me to share that Sarah Taba is thriving.
A
Oh, that's so good to hear.
B
I know, I know.
A
So you think you might see her?
B
Oh, yeah. We made plans for me to hang out with her next time I'm in Montreal.
A
You're not moving back to Montreal, are you?
B
I am kind of moving back. So the big headline is that I re fell in love with my hometown, and I've been spending my summers there, getting to know a new version of Montreal, getting to know a new version of who I can be there. And I fell in love with a wonderful man, and he and I are talking about buying a condo in Montreal.
A
You know, I've lived a lot of different places over the past years, but I'm always a little jealous of my friends who remained in Montreal and have a cool life. There and have grown roots. And I'm envious of you, you know, hearing that you're moving back, that I think that's really cool.
B
You know, we're not talking about spending winters there. Let's just be clear.
A
Well, sincerely, I mean, if I am there for more than a couple days, you'll hear from me.
B
Sincerely. That would be a joy.
A
Thanks to everyone who originally put this episode together. We'll be back in one week's time. That's right. One puny little week with something very special. A very special treat, if you will. Can I say kahlilah? Will you allow me?
B
Yeah, you can.
A
This is going to be unbelievable. People are going to think that we're doing some kind of bit right now, but you and I are going to be featured on a children's podcast.
B
We're gonna be debating.
A
We're gonna try to take each other to the mat, knock each other out. And also, boy, we have a lot to talk about as well. We have our newsletter. What's your favorite thing about our newsletter?
B
I'd like to know what's on everyone's mind. Stuff comes up in the newsletter, things we've enjoyed or been thinking about that we're not necessarily even talking about one on one.
A
No. You find out things about me, I find out things about you and Stevie. Sometimes I'm shocked. You know what my favorite thing about the newsletter is? That it's on the. It's on the Internet. I don't have to get paper cuts opening up an envelope that comes to my door. People have to know my business.
B
Wow.
A
So I ask you one and all to please subscribe to that newsletter, which I don't know if I mentioned, is completely free. And you can find it@patreon.com heavyweight
D
I'm
A
Jake Stauch, co founder and CEO of Cervel. We built Serval to automate the IT
D
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Heavyweight Podcast – "2026 Update: Julia" (June 18, 2026)
Host: Jonathan Goldstein (Pushkin Industries)
This episode revisits the deeply personal story of Julia, a journalist who confronted the unresolved trauma of being bullied and ostracized as a young teen at an elite girls' school in Montreal. The follow-up explores the lasting impact of her journey to face the past, what she learned from reconnecting with old classmates, and how the experience has continued to shape her life and relationships—culminating in an emotional update conversation a decade after the original episode.
Julia was 14, attending a prestigious Montreal girls' school, when she was suddenly and inexplicably ostracized and bullied by her classmates, led by her former best friend (referred to as "Jane").
The methodical nature of the bullying included moving her desk and a bound document titled "100 reasons why we hate Julia," filled with cruel observations.
Quote (Julia):
“Everything was something about me that they hated. I hate the way she walks. I hate the sound of her voice. I hate her face.” [10:00]
Julia ultimately changed schools but remained haunted by the memory of the day a group of girls, including Jane, unexpectedly showed up at her door. Paralyzed by fear, she hid and never found out what they wanted, leaving her with decades of regret and self-blame.
Quote (Julia):
“That day has become one of my only regrets, because the memory of my weakness sometimes supersedes all of the strong things I've done since then. And it makes me feel weak.” [13:31]
Her fear of facing the girls again was tied to a deeper fear that she had done something to deserve the bullying—a theme explored through the episode.
Encouraged by Jonathan, Julia decides to reach out to her old classmates, a process requiring courage and emotional fortitude. She starts by contacting Jane (who remembers nothing), then traces down other classmates with the help of an old yearbook.
“In my worst moments I imagine that none of them were going to write back and it was sort of going to feel like... the social dynamics I remembered from the eighth grade were still in play.” [20:56]
Almost universally, the other women Julia contacts remember little about the day in question—but all share their own memories of pain, bullying, and chaos at the school.
Montage of responses from former classmates:
“I don't remember anything.”
“I hated that place.”
“It's all a big fog of chaos.” [22:07]
The conversation uncovers that Julia was not alone in her suffering; many girls felt ostracized, unsafe, or were themselves bullied in different ways. The most extreme case was Sarah Taba.
Julia talks to Sarah Taba, commonly cited as the most bullied girl in their class. Sarah reveals the immense harm the environment did to her, including a decades-long battle with an eating disorder.
Julia and Sarah discuss their shared trauma, including the death by suicide of their favorite teacher, Ms. McDonald, which Sarah links in part to the toxic school environment and bullying from students.
Quote (Sarah):
“She was my role model who the next year killed herself, and like shattered all my dreams that you can go about living your life the way you're living your life in this environment and succeed. Which made me want to completely change my body.” [27:58]
Quote (Sarah, regarding her eating disorder):
“I'm actually talking to you from outside of a clinic for treating eating disorders.” [30:11]
This conversation re-frames Julia’s own pain alongside the wider culture at the school, deepening her empathy and sense of shared experience. Julia comes to see that her story was deeply entwined with a broader pattern of communal suffering, not isolated to her own shortcomings.
Jonathan theorizes that the girls might have come to Julia’s door to inform her about Ms. McDonald's death, or even to check on her with good intentions—a theory nobody can confirm or deny.
“Wasn't it possible the girls had shown up at Julia's door to let her know? ... Maybe they'd meant good that day.” [31:00]
Julia finds closure not in answers, but in the act of seeking them and recognizing her own courage. She releases self-blame and forgives her younger self.
Quote (Julia):
“I couldn't have confronted that if I hadn't literally done what we decided we were going to do. I hadn't had these phone calls and asked these hard questions. And I've forgiven that little girl for being so frightened.” [33:10]
Julia’s raw honesty about her fear:
“I just wish I'd gone down there. I wish I'd had the guts.” [13:57]
On the culture of cruelty:
“We were awful, awful little girls.” [22:07]
Jonathan’s empathy and understanding:
“You’re being really hard on this little kid, basically… I look at pictures of myself [from that age], and I look like a Cabbage Patch doll…” [15:07]
The effect of the process:
“I’m proud of who I was then. It's been a long time since I could say that.” [34:06]
Julia, now in her mid-40s, reflects on the episode's impact when prompted by Jonathan. Hearing herself on the original recording revived old feelings, but also a sense of triumph.
Quote (Julia):
“Hearing myself be scared on the recording made me scared again. And then hearing myself be triumphant made me feel fully grown all over again.” [36:56]
She acknowledges that the experience fundamentally changed how she sees herself—allowing her to “reimagine myself as a player in my own life” instead of just a passive victim. It helped her rekindle her relationship with Montreal and transform her self-image.
Quote (Julia):
“I didn't have to be the girl that things were done to. I could be the woman who could choose to do things.” [37:23]
The episode provoked meaningful reconnections; a classmate called her sobbing after hearing the episode, leading to a heartfelt reconciliation.
Julia reconnected with Sarah Taba, is pleased to report she is “thriving,” and is making plans to meet her on future visits to Montreal.
Julia shares that she’s now “sort of moving back” to Montreal, having fallen back in love with her hometown and begun building a new life there.
Quote (Julia):
“I re-fell in love with my hometown, and I've been spending my summers there, getting to know a new version of Montreal, getting to know a new version of who I can be there. And I fell in love with a wonderful man, and he and I are talking about buying a condo in Montreal.” [39:26]
Jonathan's response:
“I’m envious of you… hearing that you're moving back—that's really cool.” [39:53]
Heavyweight’s "Julia" episode and update are a moving testament to the power of confronting the past and the possibilities for healing, even when ultimate answers are elusive. Julia’s courage inspires listeners to reconsider their own regrets and the stories they hold about themselves.