← Her Style Podcast | Shopping, Color Palettes, Fashion, Wardrobe, Outfits, Clothing
Her Style Podcast | Shopping, Color Palettes, Fashion, Wardrobe, Outfits, Clothing
220 | What I Do When Wardrobe Envy Kicks In
00:19:06
In all transparency, this is not the topic I originally had planned for today. But last week, as I was working on a piece of free content for my community, I started to experience the bubbling up of a very unwanted, yet familiar feeling: wardrobe envy...
Loading summary
Transcript6 lines
- [00:00]
A
In all transparency, this is not the topic I originally had planned for today. But last week, as I was working on a piece of free content for my community, I started to experience the bubbling up of a very unwanted yet familiar feeling wardrobe envy. As I continued to scroll through Pinterest and social media, rounding up the outfit images I needed to go along with the topic I was presenting, my sense of sadness, longing and jealousy just continued to grow. I realized I had to stop and rework my podcast plan because if I was feeling this way, I know others are too. Even if you have a wardrobe you love, it can be really easy to fall into the trap of wanting and wishing for more. So today I want to deviate from the plan and empower you to get out of the comparison trap right alongside me. Let's talk about the very real challenge of what to do when wardrobe envy kicks in.
- [00:59]
B
Welcome to her Style podcast, where we're all about empowering you to show up and get dressed every day with confidence. I'm your host, Heather Riggs, a 15 year and counting certified image consultant and color specialist, ready to build a wardrobe and a personal style you love. Let's get started.
- [01:26]
A
Oh boy, this one is gonna be really vulnerable, friend. I know we were supposed to be talking about the spring 2025 trends today, and I know how much you love those episodes. They are always the top downloaded. So don't worry, it's going to be coming up for you next week. I have tons planned, but I was hit real hard last week with a case of wardrobe envy and I just felt this undeniable nudge to have this conversation with you first. So before I show you all the latest and greatest and I begin dangling some new outfit ideas in front of your, I thought we needed to just pause for a minute and talk about what to do when you're feeling a sense of lack, jealousy, comparison, and maybe even sadness when you think about what's in someone else's wardrobe compared to what's in your own. I know that this might sound really silly and superficial or maybe even surprising to you because I'm a style coach. I do have a wardrobe I love. I teach my clients how to build their own dream wardrobe. So why would I ever feel this way and talk about it on the podcast? And I think the simplest answer is because I'm human. That is why. And if that's not enough of a reason, I want to talk you through exactly what happened to me last week and also how I got myself up out of this rut. And so that you can do the same and so I'm going to paint the picture for you. Last week I was pulling a bunch of outfits together for an email that I was working on for my free VIP email community and I was really struggling to find the right photos. I knew in my mind what I wanted to illustrate in this email, but I just was having the hardest time finding the pictures that I wanted. I was looking on Pinterest and Google and I spent hours trying to find what I wanted for this email. I don't normally spend this much time on my weekly style guides, but I was just really frustrated looking for the perfect thing and I, I gave up eventually and I started to explore some of my favorite influencer websites. I have a few go tos that I really like for my own personal style and I hadn't really looked at them in a while. I generally stay off social media. I don't follow any influencers closely. Instead I subscribe to sites like Vogue and Womenswear Daily for my fashion news because I like to keep a pulse on the industry and know what's trending on more of a global scale. And so I don't follow individuals on social media or even subscribe to emails for day to day outfit ideas. I tend to look specifically for what I want and need when I need it. So it had been a while since I looked at these influencer sites and I will say things went downhill fast. The biggest thing that struck me consistently between all of the people that I had been following or you know, been interested in following for years was that they've all gone so glam. I guess they've done really well for themselves as style influencers. But they used to have, I think, a really approachable sense of style and I'm sure they do. I'm sure that they still have outfits that are really reasonable and pieces that are more high, low in terms of budgeting. But oh my goodness, looking at their pictures it felt like I blinked. And when I came back, everyone was living in a beautiful custom home wearing all high end designer duds. I'm talking the purses, the shoes, the jewels, all of the things. And it just didn't feel like the same vibe that I remembered from I don't even know how long ago. Cause I really have not been keeping up with them. And it just seemed to me like they had literally everything, like the most fabulous outfits, the most incredible homes, all the stuff. And I was looking at like just scrolling through their websites and popping over to their social medias out of curiosity and I started to find myself feeling really sad and extremely less than. And I know that this is not rational. I've talked about how we moved into our forever home last summer, and it is so much more than I imagined when we first started our search. I absolutely love it. I love our neighbors and the location. It's been perfect for us and such a blessing. And I do. I have a beautiful wardrobe with clothes that I love, and I have the ability to buy what I need. I don't spend thousands of dollars on my clothes e season or probably even in a given year. And still I have no logical reason to have started feeling this deep sense of longing. But the more I scrolled, the greater my wardrobe envy grew. And suddenly here I am just innocently trying to put together an email, and I all of a sudden wanted to make over my whole closet. I wanted to petition my husband to budget a bigger amount than ever before for me to invest in some fabul frocks and an assortment of swimsuits with, of course, all the matching coverups and sandals and shop for a higher end and way more luxurious wardrobe than what I have right now. And in my head, I was thinking, I have a whole budgeting system. I can totally pull this off. I can present to him exactly what I want and need and how much money I need to make it happen, and I can convince him and make sure that everything is the perfect investment. I mean, if you can't tell, I was seriously spiraling out and maybe you're like, girl, I do not care about clothes that much. I have no idea what you are going on about right now, but maybe you do, and maybe you feel really seen right now. And maybe this isn't just a random, isolated feeling that surprises you once in a blue moon like it did for me last week. Maybe this is how you feel every day. So I felt really convicted to change the plan and present this to you first so that we can talk about what to do to get out of the jealousy spiral if you find yourself there and come back to grips with reality way before we talk about what's coming up for this spring. I'm just as excited as you are. I do legitimately want some new pieces for my wardrobe, but I don't want you to see all the new trends and start spiraling out next week along with me. So let's put a pause on that. And for now, let's talk about what I did to get out of this crazy wardrobe envy that I was experiencing last week. And the first thing that I did the first thing that I encourage you to do is to stop scrolling. I knew the source of my problem. I felt completely fine before I started this project. And I began looking through these beautiful influencer blogs and then of course, feeling the temptation to click on their social media handles and keep diving down the rabbit hole, deeper and deeper. And so the first thing that I knew I had to do was stop. I had to stop the wardrobe envy by distancing myself from what was triggering it. And so I closed my laptop, I stepped away, I took a break from the project, even though it meant coming back to it over the weekend. And I'm trying really hard right now to not work nights and weekends anymore. This is a new thing for me. But I recognized it was not a good idea for me to keep going. And so instead, I got some distance and I moved on to something else. I think I might have taken a break from work altogether. I was just like, no more. I have to pause this. And I stepped away. And the second thing that I did was I looked at the facts and I asked myself, is the thing that I think is the problem, the actual problem? Are there other factors at play here now for me? And I'm sorry if this is tmi, I feel like we're best friends at this point, so we're just gonna lay it all out here. I was coming up to that special time of the month when I usually have an extra side of all the feelings. I don't know if you experience that or if you ever have experienced that, but this is a window of time for me when I am particularly sens and I have a tendency to experience greater feelings of self pity. So first I recognized that that was also an issue that was happening for me. And I also thought about my actual wardrobe. And while I do legitimately have some items on my shopping list that I never picked up last summer and that have become a more recent need in light of my vacation. As I mentioned in another recent episode, I am, all in all, really content with what I have now. You might not be content with your wardrobe right now. There's a very good chance that that's why you're listening to this podcast, because you're here to make changes. And maybe you have been feeling very dissatisfied with your wardrobe as a whole, and that might be true for you, but you still want to get to the facts. I want you to channel those feelings of envy into a more productive conversation. So, from a factual perspective, ask yourself, what's not working with your wardrobe? I get that we want what someone else has. Great. But why? So I want you to see if you can name it. Maybe the things that you have don't fit you well anymore, or your tastes have changed. You don't have what you need to get dressed for your week, you're ready to uplevel in a responsible way. Or maybe you would like more variety or less variety. Maybe you realize it's not about the clothes that this other woman is wearing at all. Instead, you're wishing that you had more adventure, freedom, success, confidence, joy. Sometimes just looking at somebody else's social media channels or blogs or businesses or whatever the case might be might just make you wish that you had a different thing that they're portraying in those images. Maybe it's not a tangible thing at all, but more of an experience or a feeling. Whatever it is, I want you to get really clear. What are the facts? What's really driving this desire in you? And I want you to try to separate it from your feelings so that we can do something about it. And that is going to bring me to the third thing that I did, which is solve the real problem. Hopefully now you have distanced yourself from the source of your envy and you've pinpointed the facts about what you really want and now it's time to do something about it. So we need to figure out, what problem do we actually need to solve? I know for me, I am getting extremely antsy for spring. It has been brutally cold this winter here, and not just where I live. Like, that's all I'm hearing from most of my clients in the Northern Hemisphere it's been really cold this year. Everyone has been sick. I think we are all just ready for things to warm up, to be able to get outside and feel good again. And I'm coming up on my own wardrobe refresh and I need to do some seasonal maintenance very soon. And I'm confident that this is going to solve the actual problem that I have of needing to fill in a few gaps and wanting to do it in a way that really satisfies my personal style goals and meets a budget that does work for my family. And we're going to come back to that in a minute. But I have two weekends planned in March to tackle my own spring and summer closet audit and planning. So I've already set aside March 8 to do a full wardrobe audit and to finish uploading my inventory to Pinterest. And I marked the following Friday as a night in to sort out my shopping list and priorities and allocate my budget accordingly my agreed upon budget with my husband so that I am not wildly spending money frivolously. And then I'm going to take the next few weeks to after that point to strategically shop for the perfect pieces, to be really thoughtful about it, and then to plan some good outfits for the events that I have going on in April and May, at least maybe even further into the summer. So now I'm feeling instead of all this envy, I'm really excited and I'm grateful to have that plan in place and to know that I'm in action and doing something with those feelings instead of just stewing on them and staying stuck in a place of self pity. So my question to you is what plan do you need to put in place to reach your goals in a joyful and realistic way? So think about what the real problem is. Go back to the facts that you sorted through what's really driving that desire in you and now what are you going to do about it without going into debt? And the last thing that feels really important for me, both personally and to share with you, is to get some perspective. I've said this many times, my wardrobe is important to me, but it is not and will never be the most important thing to me. I know that I want to invest in my spring summer wardrobe coming up, but I don't want to spend a ridiculous amount of money on new clothes and accessories. I do have other priorities for my family and I like being more responsible these days and maximizing what I have and being able to do more with less and giving myself some space to really work through those other steps helped me to remember that I'm not an influencer and I'm not trying to sell my style to anyone. I'm just getting dressed for myself. I want to have fun when I put outfits together and just to be able to get dressed quickly and confidently so that I can go about my day and feel good in what I wear. And I don't need thousands of dollars to do that. And there is zero judgment for me if you do. Believe me, I have clients who spend a lot more and a lot less than I do on clothing. It's not really about that. Aside from going into debt, which I firmly believe is not necessary or going to serve you in any way, there is no right or wrong on how much you spend. But you might want to put some thought into what feels most important for you. Overall, I think we can get a pretty good snapshot of what's most important for us when we look at how we're investing our time and our money. And if that doesn't feel good for you, if you take a step back and think about that and you see that you're placing too much emphasis and worth into what you wear and how you look, then that's okay. You just want to course correct and give yourself a whole lot of grace in this process and maybe take a break from social media if you need to, like I did the other week. Or you might want to put yourself on a little shopping freeze for a set period of time until you can figure out what you really need for your wardrobe and budget in a way that feels good for you. But all in all, I just encourage you to think about what matters most and if having the wardrobe or the outfit that she has is really it. And I know that not everyone is comfortable with having faith conversations here on a fashion podcast, so please feel free to stop listening. I've already shared everything that I did to put a halt to my feelings of wardrobe envy. We talked about stopping the scrolling, looking at the facts, solving for the real problem, and getting some perspective about how much this actually matters to you in the grand scheme of your life. But I just want to add and one of the reasons that I felt so convicted to have this podcast episode today and not waiting or pushing it off until after the Spring Trends podcast, if you are open to hearing other people's faith perspectives, is that I don't think it was a coincidence. In church yesterday, our pastor referenced Colossians chapter 3, verse 1 through 4, which in it says, set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. And he also talked about Matthew chapter 6, verse 19 through 21, which I have mentioned and read in at least one other podcast episode. And it reminded me that Scripture says, store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves don't break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. And how perfect for this topic of conversation, this issue that came up for me just last week. And you know, it's no secret that I love fashion. I love empowering you to feel good and to have fun when you get dressed. And I would not be in this profession, I definitely wouldn't have this podcast if I didn't. But I know that I don't want to feel jealous of what other people have. I want to feel joy no matter what I'm wearing, and I want to feel grateful no matter what I have. And I don't want to be so caught up in the things of this world that I lose sight of what really matters to me. I do think the steps that I shared with you today will help us both accomplish that. I'm sure this won't be the last time that I get caught up in desires to have more, but let's make a pact that we won't let each other stay there. I have a ton of other episodes that can help you solve your actual wardrobe problems and build a closet that works works for you. And if you want more support, I'm always here to team up. I would absolutely love that. So please feel free to reach out and let me know what you need. But above all friend, just remember that you are worth so much more than your wardrobe. And you may not have the perfect dream closet right now, but keeping your eyes fixed on what everybody else has is not going to help you get there. So let's be thoughtful and strategic and keep in mind what really matters to you. All right? I am sending you such a big hug today and I will meet you right back here very soon. Soon.
- [18:19]
B
Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you want to stop copying everyone else's style and start dialing in your own spoon worthy signature look, head over to take my free 5 minute personal style quiz which you can find at the link in the show notes. If you've enjoyed our time together, please be sure to rate, review and subscribe to her style podcast so you never miss an episode. Finally, I invite you to make this.
- [18:44]
A
A two way conversation and send me.
- [18:47]
B
A DM over on Instagram eatherrigstyle to let me know how I can best support you on your style journey. I'm always here for you in style and service. Until next time.