← Her Style Podcast | Shopping, Color Palettes, Fashion, Wardrobe, Outfits, Clothing
Her Style Podcast | Shopping, Color Palettes, Fashion, Wardrobe, Outfits, Clothing
304 | Is Your Style Holding You Back? The Subtle Ways It Shrinks Your Confidence
00:15:37
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- [00:00]
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Have you ever noticed how on the days you don't feel great in what you're wearing, you're just a little quieter? You still show up, you still do the thing, but you're not quite as sharp, as bold, or as expressive as you know you can be. You don't raise your hand as fast, you don't hit post as confidently. You don't walk into the room like, yep, I belong here. And what's wild is we almost never connect that back to our clothes. We tell ourselves we're just tired, distracted, not in the mood, feeling off today. But what if your style is playing a much bigger role than you think? That's what we're talking about today. Not fashion trends or shopping lists, but the subtle ways your style might be quietly holding you back and exactly what to do about it.
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Welcome to Her Style Podcast, where we're all about empowering you to show up and get dressed every day with confidence. I'm your host, Heather Riggs, a 15 year and counting certified image consultant and color specialist, ready to build a wardrobe and a personal style you love.
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Let's get started. Well, happy New Year, my friend. I feel like I need to start out with an apology, which is definitely due. I am so sorry I left you hanging last week. I have not missed an episode in a very, very long time. I can't even remember when, but I was so over the holiday break with the flu. It's been exactly two weeks today and I'm just starting to feel a bit better. So I had every intention of doing all the things and keeping up with life as usual, but my body said no, it had other plans. So instead of powering through which a past version of me would have done, I took the advice that I gave you last week and I chose to slow down instead. And so I let myself rest. I decided not to sweat the small stuff and that resulted in not getting an episode out to you last Thursday. So I apologize if you were looking forward to hearing from me on the first of the year. I know this episode is also a little bit late coming out as well, so apologies. I know you know how it is when you're not feeling like yourself. So all that to say, I am so happy to be back here with you. We will keep the podcast going on schedule, Lord willing, the rest of the month. And all that said, I hope that you had a really wonderful holiday season. Lots of time to rest, relax, connect with your loved ones and just take it easy coming into the new year. And of course I'm a bit behind on where I wanted to be coming into 2026, but we do have some very exciting things planned for you this month, which I will be revealing very soon. So if you're not already, make sure that you're following her style podcast on your favorite podcast app. Um, I'm a Spotify girl myself, but I know a lot of you listen on Apple podcasts and other platforms. So wherever you're joining me today, make sure you hit the Follow or Subscribe button so that you don't miss any of the exciting things coming for you in January. Now, while I was s and laying low the past couple of weeks, I finally re picked up and finished a novel that I had started. I don't know, I think back at the end of the summer or the beginning of the fall. I had sent it in one of my email newsletters and the book is called Someone Else's Shoes by Jojo Moyes. And if you haven't read it yet, it is a really good one. It's entertaining, it's cute, it's not at all realistic, I don't think, but it was a super fun read nonetheless. And without giving too much away, I will share that One of the main characters accidentally grabs somebody else's gym bag on her way out of the locker room. She's in a rush. She's got a full day of meetings for work, and as she's on her way to the first meeting with her colleagues, she opens up the gym bag to discover that it's not her things. And inside that bag are a pair of Christian Louboutin heels, a Chanel jacket, and because she doesn't have time to turn back, she decides to she's got to put them on. She's got to get out of her gym clothes. So she puts on these fabulous heels, this beautiful jacket, and at first she feels really clumsy in the shoes. They're very tall stilettos, and she's falling all over them. And her potential clients at that first meeting assume that she showed up drunk and actually report her to the boss. But this totally reminded me of my own story I've shared on the podcast before. If you've listened to the episode, I don't know, it was some time ago where I was walking down the cobblestone streets in Cancun with my husband and our I was wearing stilettos, which was a horrible idea. I didn't realize where we were going to be heading for the evening, and I literally had to clutch my husband's arm every step of the way so I wouldn't fall on my face. There were no drinks included at that point in the day. I just could not handle the cobblestone streets with those heels. So I could relate to the struggle of figuring out how to navigate maybe a new pair of shoes, or in this case, somebody else's shoes. But I will say the character in this story ends up blowing that first meeting because she just looks and feels ridiculous. But as the day goes on and with a little pep talk from her colleagues, she starts to shift into another version of herself. And as she continues on with the rest of the meetings, she starts just owning the room. She notices people paying attention to what she's wearing, and that helps her start to walk taller and speak more confidently. She starts negotiating more boldly, and she ends up landing all of the rest of the deals for the day that she normally would have tiptoed around or let her colleagues take over. And so by the end of the day, she's brought in all this new business for her company and she's kind of left there thinking like, wow, who even am I? And what happened? And as a quick, important disclaimer, I'm not saying that wearing designer heels and jackets will magically turn you into a new person. What changed wasn't her, and it was the way that she showed up because she felt supported by what she was wearing. And as outlandish as the story kind of evolves from there, I think that feeling is very real. And most of us think that getting dressed is a small, practical part of our day, something we do quickly so we can just move on to the things that actually matter. But there's something we don't talk about very often, and it's how much what we're wearing can influence how we show up. It's not usually in a dramatic way. It's not in a fashion changes your life kind of way. It's in a very everyday, very human way. And when your outfit doesn't feel right, it kind of haunts you for the whole day. You might notice you're more aware of your body than usual. You're constantly adjusting your clothes, you're checking the mirror, you're noticing how something fits when you sit down or wondering if everything looks off and you just end up doubting yourself. And you might hesitate before you speak up or feel a little more self conscious than normal. And there's nothing wrong with you or your outfit, it's just distracting. And when part of your attention is on what you're wearing, even a small part that's attention that you're not giving to your work, your conversations, the people you're with, or even the moment that you're in. And on the other hand, on the days that you feel really good in what you're wearing, you probably don't even think about it much at all after you leave the house. You're present, you're focused, you're confident. You're just moving through your day without all that extra layer of mental noise getting in the way. And that difference, even though it can be really subtle, does definitely add up. And this is one of the reasons that so many women, I think, default to playing it safe with their clothes. Because safe feels easy, it's familiar. It's one less decision to make or thing to doubt yourself on as the day goes on. And so you just grab the outfit that works, the formula that you wear every day, the thing that blends in, that you don't really have to think too hard about. And sometimes, yes, that is exactly what you need. And you should totally lean into the comfort, the familiar, the safety. But other times, I think safe is less about comfort and more about not wanting to stand out. It's choosing something neutral because you don't want to draw attention to yourself, or it's skipping the outfit that you love because you don't feel ready for it yet. There's something that's holding you back, that's telling you not to wear that beautiful thing, and you tell yourself you'll wear it later, maybe when you feel better, when your body changes or when there's a reason or occasion that feels important enough. And without realizing it, you start saving the best parts of your wardrobe for another version of your life. And that version keeps getting pushed further and further away. And it's just because there's always another reason to wait. Another season, another milestone. And meanwhile, you keep showing up in clothes that are fine but that don't help you feel like the best version of yourself. And this is what hiding in your wardrobe often looks like. It's quiet and it's reasonable. It doesn't feel dramatic. But over time, it can leave you feeling a little bit muted, like you're showing up, but not all the way. And that's why that story from someone else's shoes stuck with me so much. Because the main character doesn't suddenly become smarter or more capable because she's wearing someone else's clothes. She doesn't gain new skills. What changes is just how she carries herself. She walks into rooms like she belongs there. She starts speaking more confidently, she takes herself more seriously. And other people really respond to that and helps her connect with them. So the clothes don't magically give her confidence. They just remove all of internal hesitation. And most of us aren't putting on someone else's Chanel jacket on the way to work. But we are making choices every day that either help us settle into ourselves or keep us slightly on edge. And when that happens over and over again, it shapes how willing we are to speak up, to be visible, or to go after what we want. And so, as we're coming into a new year and you kind of have this blank canvas of possibility in front of you of how you show up in the year ahead and what goals you're working to achieve, I just really wanted to bring up this conversation because it is so important to think about the way that you're showing up and the role that your wardrobe is playing in all of that. A lot of women think they need to feel confident before they dress differently. They assume confidence comes first. You've got to work out harder, lose the weight, whatever you think is going to help you feel better or more confident about yourself. And then your style can follow suit. But in real life, it usually works the other way around. Confidence grows when you stop second guessing yourself and playing small, when you know what works for you and you stick with it. When getting dressed doesn't feel like a daily debate. And the women who seem confident in their clothes aren't trying harder or spending more time or even more money getting dressed. They're just confident they know what works for them. And they're clear in how they want to show up and put themselves out there. So they don't just throw something on in the morning and call it a day. They are consciously styling themselves for the day, and then they're owning it. And this is also where the idea of taking up space gets misunderstood. Taking up space doesn't mean dressing louder than you want to or turning every outfit into a statement. Sometimes it is much quieter than that. It might look like wearing the outfit you usually save for a special occasion or choosing the color that you love instead of defaulting to something that blends in, letting yourself look polished. On a random day when nothing special is going on at all, you just just want to feel good for yourself. It's dressing like someone who trusts herself, even if you're still figuring things out. The goal isn't necessarily to get attention. It's just about having an ease and feeling of effortlessness as you show up and go about Your day, that internal security that you know you're showing up at your best. You're wearing things that make you look and feel amazing. And you can then put your attention out into everything else that you have to do. And when your outfit feels right, you can get out of your head and move through your day completely differently. So here's something simple to try this week. I don't want to just talk about the theory. I want to give you some stuff that you can actually implement into your week. So first, instead of asking, does this outfit look okay? Try asking, does this outfit help me show up fully? And then notice what happens. Do you feel present in your body? Are you thinking about your outfit all day long? Are you able to forget about it and move on with your sleep, your life, your day, your activities? Do you feel like yourself or do you feel like you're playing it safe? And if you want to take this one step deeper, I want to give you a few more questions that you can just continually reflect on as you're starting out the new year. There's no right or wrong answer here. I just want you to really think about what comes up for you. So the first question is, where in my life am I playing it safe with my style because I don't want to draw attention yet. This goes back to kind of putting the cart before the horse of thinking. You need to feel confident before you can wear the things that you love. So ask, where in my life am I playing it safe with my style because I don't want to draw attention yet? Then how does what I wear affect how I speak, move, or participate in my day? Just notice where you might be holding yourself back because of your outer appearance and your clothing. And the last question is, if I stopped waiting to feel ready, what would I wear differently right now? Even in some small way? Maybe it's something just changing your shoes or accessories or the way you're putting things together. If you stopped waiting to feel ready, what would you wear differently right now? Even in some small way, what little adjustments might you make? I would love to hear what comes up for you with this. If you want to continue the conversation one on one over on Instagram, you can send me a DM eatheriggstyle. Let's discuss. I would love to hear what this brought up for you. I will leave you with the fact that you do not need someone else's shoes to feel confident. You just need clothes that help communicate an accurate story about who you are and that help you show up in your full confidence and power. If this episode struck a chord with you, then I'm so glad you're here. We are going to keep talking about how to show up with clarity, more confidence, and a lot less second guessing in the days and weeks ahead. Because getting dressed and it shouldn't feel like something you have to suffer or push through. It should feel like a joy, maybe even one of the best parts of your day. I believe you can get there and it should also be something that quietly supports you in all that you have to do. Now, as I said, I have so much more coming for you this month, so please be sure to follow her Style podcast on your favorite podcasting app and of course to get first updates on all the things. I also highly recommend subscribing to my free VIP emails, which you can access@herstylellc.com VIP I'll be back in your inbox and back in your ear again very soon, my friend.
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Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you want to stop copying everyone else's style and start dialing in your own swoon worthy signature look, head over to take my free 5 minute personal style quiz which you can find at the link in the show notes. If you've enjoyed our time together, please be sure to rate, review and subscribe to her Style podcast so you never miss an episode. Finally, I invite you to make this a two way conversation and send me a DM over on Instagram eatherrigstyle to let me know how I can best support you on your style journey. I'm always here for you in style and service. Until next time.