#327: Three Former Boys

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle Podcast Summary Episode #327: Three Former Boys Release Date: October 23, 2024

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1. The Mysterious Box and the Jupiter Toad

The episode kicks off with the hosts—Adel Rifai, John Patrick Coan, and Aaron Cheney—introducing a peculiar predicament involving a mysterious box purchased from an inexplicable market booth. Adel recounts her eerie experience:

Adel Rifai at 01:57: "I bought a pet from a booth that appeared out of nowhere. After purchasing it, the booth vanished with the full moon."

The trio grapples with opening the sealed box, leading to comedic frustration. When they finally manage to open it, they discover the "Jupiter Toad," an otherworldly pet that appears to have met an untimely demise upon release.

John Patrick Coan at 03:13: "The box just came back through the ceiling. It's open. There's a little card. It says it's a Jupiter. That sucks."

The hosts humorously debate the pet's origins and capabilities, ultimately deciding that the Jupiter Toad might be better off elsewhere, hinting at its extraterrestrial nature.

2. Cameo Selection Shenanigans

Transitioning from their pet dilemma, the hosts delve into the topic of securing celebrity cameos for their podcast. They brainstorm potential candidates across various categories, showing their improvisational flair and comedic timing.

Adel Rifai at 08:37: "Jealous?"
Aaron Cheney at 08:31: "We could get Richard Kind to do it."

Their discussion highlights their playful approach to enhancing the show's entertainment value, suggesting figures like Richard Kind and Peter Facinelli while poking fun at the feasibility of these collaborations.

3. Rock and Synonym Roll Riddles

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to their "Rock and Synonym Roll" riddle segment, where they interpret band names through synonyms and solve associated clues. John introduces the segment with enthusiasm:

John Patrick Coan at 12:22: "Rock and Synonym Roll Riddles from John."

They successfully decode several band names, such as "Pearl Jam" and "Rolling Stones," showcasing their riddle-solving prowess and musical knowledge. The segment is both engaging and challenging, offering listeners an interactive experience.

John Patrick Coan at 12:49: "The Rolling Stones."

Throughout this segment, the hosts share humorous banter and creative interpretations, maintaining a lively and entertaining atmosphere.

4. Voicemail Themes and Listener Interaction

Encouraging listener participation, the hosts invite fans to send in voicemail themes and share personal stories. They feature a voicemail from a listener named Jeff, who humorously describes an unexpected encounter with a squirrel during yard work.

Jeff in Voicemail at 48:17: "I just bought a house and was doing yard work for the first time, and a squirrel ran up my leg and decided to sleep on my shoulder for an hour."

The hosts react with comedic exaggeration, blending scripted humor with genuine listener engagement. This segment underscores their commitment to fostering a community-driven podcast environment.

5. Fictional Characters and Comedic Skits

The episode introduces and elaborates on fictional characters like "Spider Stew," adding layers of humor and creativity. A skit unfolds where the hosts impersonate these characters, leading to playful tensions and comedic scenarios.

John Patrick Coan at 61:42: "Favorite Spider Stew."
Adel Rifai at 62:13: "I forgot his whole thing is it's almost like psy, but instead of psy's thing, it's Spider style."

These improvisational segments highlight the hosts' versatility and knack for creating engaging, character-driven humor that keeps listeners entertained.

6. Interactive Riddles and Final Challenges

As the episode progresses, the hosts present more riddles submitted by listeners, including one from Milty:

John Patrick Coan at 63:16: "I’m hard to run on, soft to stand, hold tight and I'll pass through your hand. Sometimes I'll hide a long lost ring. Sometimes I'll shelter a tiny king. What am I?"

The team quickly solves it as "sand," demonstrating their adeptness at handling diverse and intricate puzzles. This interactive element reinforces the podcast's core focus while maintaining its entertaining edge.

Adel Rifai at 63:19: "Sand it is."

7. Closing Banter and Reflections

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts reflect on the day's events, sharing humorous frustrations and light-hearted critiques of their performance. They express a desire to return to their riddle-solving roots, emphasizing the balance between structured content and spontaneous comedy that defines their show.

John Patrick Coan at 64:35: "They were great."

The episode concludes with playful exchanges about upcoming segments and the enduring camaraderie among the hosts, leaving listeners eagerly anticipating future episodes.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Adel Rifai:
  "I bought a pet from a booth that appeared out of nowhere."
  (01:57)

• John Patrick Coan:
  "The box just came back through the ceiling. It's open. There's a little card. It says it's a Jupiter. That sucks."
  (03:13)

• John Patrick Coan:
  "Rock and Synonym Roll Riddles from John."
  (12:22)

• Adel Rifai:
  "Jealous?"
  (08:37)

• Jeff (Listener):
  "A squirrel ran up my leg and decided to sleep on my shoulder for an hour."
  (48:17)

• John Patrick Coan:
  "I’m hard to run on, soft to stand, hold tight and I'll pass through your hand. Sometimes I'll hide a long lost ring. Sometimes I'll shelter a tiny king."
  (63:16)

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Conclusion

Episode #327 of "Hey Riddle Riddle" masterfully blends riddle-solving with improvisational comedy, creating an engaging and entertaining experience for both regular listeners and newcomers. Through interactive segments, humorous skits, and dynamic host interactions, the episode encapsulates the podcast's unique charm and intellectual playfulness. Whether tackling complex puzzles or navigating fictional escapades, Adel, John, and Aaron deliver a memorable episode that highlights their strengths as improvisers and riddle enthusiasts.

Transcript

[Aaron Cheney]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[John Patrick Cohen]

With the five dollar meal deal at McDonald's. You pick a McDouble, or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink and a four piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary. For a limited time only. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airpl. He stabbed him with an icing and the horses.

[Adel]

Okay, okay, okay, okay, guys, come in, come in, come in. I'm excited.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay.

[Adel]

I thought we've been doing the podcast for so long and it's been the three of us and obviously.

[Aaron Cheney]

How long is it? How long is it?

[Adel]

Yeah, it's not one of those.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Fuck.

[Adel]

Couple years. No, it's totally fine. It's totally fine. You know we have guests on and you know.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, who do we have?

[Adel]

Well, no, we don't have a person. But here's the thing.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I gotta stop it a Muppet.

[Adel]

Close. Aaron, you're close. I thought to get us an official. Hey. Riddle, Riddle, Pet. Open the box. Open the box. Open the box. Open the box.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, this box doesn't have air holes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Open the box.

[Aaron Cheney]

Open the box.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You're holding the box.

[Aaron Cheney]

What's in the box?

[Adel]

I forgot the combination to this. Let's see here, let me just try and. Let me just try and.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay.

[Aaron Cheney]

Adol. Did you buy a pet and then put it in an airtight box and then forget the code to the box?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Well, I was at this than a box.

[Adel]

I was at this market last night and there's this booth that appeared out of nowhere with a single box with a pet in it. And after I bought it, I turned around and the booth disappeared with the full moon.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Sometimes they do that though when they're like if they're done selling for the day. Like if, like if they're selling like honey or something and they've sold their.

[Adel]

Last jar, they'll just sell. Moon ran into the guy in the parking lot. He said he was just closing up.

[Aaron Cheney]

I don't trust this. Better safe than sorry. Let's throw the box into the ocean. Hi.

[Adel]

Erin. You should be playing major league baseball.

[Aaron Cheney]

Thank you.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Look, Erin got it into the ocean. Let's not be crass. She did get into the ocean, but she's way closer to the ocean than I am. I mean I gave it my best. Casey edited out obviously. Cause it didn't make it to the ocean. But oh no, I Gave it my best shot.

[Aaron Cheney]

Can you put that clip back in right here? Casey of JPC trying to get into the ocean.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Backwards.

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah, that was way worse than I remember it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Fuck.

[Adel]

Whoa. The box just came back through the ceiling. That sucks. Oh, and it's open. There's a little card. It says it's a Jupiter. That sucks.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That sucks. That sucks.

[Aaron Cheney]

That sucks.

[John Patrick Cohen]

How much do you.

[Adel]

250 bucks.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Two fifty?

[Adel]

Well, I use. I use the hay riddle.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, don't tell me that. Don't tell me that. And this thing's dead.

[Adel]

Well, it's moving, I think because it's from space. It doesn't breathe oxygen, maybe.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, yeah. It probably breathes lithium or lithium. We don't have a ton of lithium in this environment.

[Adel]

I could play some Nirvana.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All my batteries are drained. I don't know if that's adorable. What does it do? Adel? What does the Jupiter.

[Aaron Cheney]

What does it do?

[Adel]

Oh, let me see the back of the card.

[Aaron Cheney]

Know any tricks?

[Adel]

The Jupiter Toad is a loyal pet. It will. One, speak on command. Two, dance on command. Three, command on command.

[Aaron Cheney]

Now, I'm curious about that last one.

[Adel]

Oh, and there's also three rules.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, okay. Hit us with those.

[Adel]

Don't tell it riddles. Don't make it solve puzzles. Never get at lateral thinking problems. Wording's a little weird on that one.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. Could have used more. I think the spirit of it we got to understand at all. I got to say, for our purposes, this is maybe the wrong pet for our podcast.

[Adel]

I should have just got a duck or something.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Did he have a duck?

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah. Was there a duck available?

[Adel]

There's just a gaggle of ducks, so I should have picked one of those.

[Aaron Cheney]

You know who we should try to buy is the Aflac duck. Then would be truly powerful.

[Adel]

Is he up for sale?

[Aaron Cheney]

I don't know. I'm just saying, like, what if we were his managers?

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, his contract runs out in 2025, so he still has a little longer with Affleck, but then when it's up, he's a free agent.

[Aaron Cheney]

The Affleck duck is about to become the. Hey, Riddle Riddle Duck. Looks like we got a new mascot, boys.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, it's not a lock. Because I've also hear that Elmer Fudd is very interested in the Affleck duck. So it's. When it's open season on duck, it's both for contract negotiations and for hunters as well, so.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, okay, but here, here me out. If we can't get the Affleck duck, can we at least try to get the can you hear me now guy. He went from Verizon to Sprint and then he can come to us. Or maybe I don't know what he did first or where he's from, but.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I do know that I haven't seen him in a while. So he probably also is an open market, open agent as well.

[Aaron Cheney]

Can you hear me now? Hey, Riddle Riddle Guy, can you solve me now?

[Adel]

Can you solve me now?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Is there still cameo? That guy has to have a cameo, right? Are you allowed to have a cameo if you're just. If you're a guy who does ads for a company? And this is hey Riddle Riddle. This is a podcast about riddles. Occasionally we do improv. There's the guy. There's a woman on the podcast as well. And I'm man, so that's everything you need to know.

[Adel]

And Jupitode and Jupiter.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Now here he's not breathing because he's drank all the lithium. But he's still alive. He's still alive. We understand that to be true.

[Adel]

Aaron, did you wanna name him?

[Aaron Cheney]

I'm gonna name him Paul, which is the name of the actor who played the can you hear me now guy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, Paul sounds right. I feel like I've known that before. I feel like I knew that in my bones.

[Aaron Cheney]

He's been married to his partner Ryan for a decade. I'm so happy for them. Everyone go and wish him a happy anniversary.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Well, happy anniversary, Paul and Ryan. In this episode of hey riddle Riddle. Looking at my notes, 327 is dedicated to the happy couple. And I raise a glass.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, you guys, we're going to go on cameo and we're going to give our listeners three options of people who can do a ad for a hey Riddle riddle. And then we will get a cameo from that person. I'm going to read you some categories so we can narrow it down. There's actors, reality TV stars, athletes, comedians, musicians, and fantasy football. So I just think that's just football people, which is athletes. I don't know why they have their own categories.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That's so funny to get, like a guy who plays fantasy football really well to read you.

[Adel]

Hey, it's me, Teddy from Santa Fe. I'm in my draft. I'm in the second round. Just want to say, keep it up, buddy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I don't know. I like comedians. I feel like maybe that's gonna cause we're a comedy podcast. So I feel like maybe having a comedian do a cameo for us is gonna get us more mileage.

[Adel]

Aaron, I like that. But Also, I don't want to nix reality stars just yet.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay. I mean, we could get Jon Lovitz. We could get Joel McHale.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wait, Jon Lovitz? Like the critic?

[Aaron Cheney]

No, the comedian.

[Adel]

Jealous?

[Aaron Cheney]

Yes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Well, yeah, the comedian who did the show. The critic.

[Adel]

Yeah, Joel McHale. Could we get Joel McHale to do a Jon Lovitz impression?

[Aaron Cheney]

We could ask. We could certainly ask.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I have a friend who has worked with Joel McKayl before and they say that he is very much not like the characters that he play. He's like a very super nice, down to earth dad.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, that's so nice.

[Adel]

Yeah, that's nice to know.

[John Patrick Cohen]

So not him. That'll get us nothing. We can't have Joel McHale.

[Aaron Cheney]

I feel like some of these comedians are more like our. I want them to feel more like peers. So I think we gotta go a little further afield. Although we could get Richard Kind to do it.

[Adel]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron Cheney]

We could get. Okay, that is my. We each get to pitch one person. Richard Kind is my pitch.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Richard Kind is a great cameo choice. This is neither here nor there, but I recently watched. Did you hear about the Ben Affleck? No, not Ben Affleck. Jesus Christ. I've got the Affleck duck on the mind. The Brad Pitt, George Clooney movie that just came out. Wolves. But it's Wolves. Wolves, yeah, it's just Wolves. But it was like, I don't know, it was supposed to be like an in theaters movie. Have you guys seen it yet?

[Aaron Cheney]

No, no.

[Adel]

I've heard reviews and it's supposed. Supposedly pretty bad.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's not bad. I don't think it's bad, but it's like, it's. I feel like no offense to either of those men because they do a great job of acting in the one role that they play, which is Brad Pitt and George Clooney. And they've been playing that role for 20 years. But I feel like this was a movie that was for them like 10 years ago.

[Adel]

Yeah.

[John Patrick Cohen]

And then no one's just dressing the fact that these are like old men. These are obviously old men doing this thing. No one's talking about that. Brad Pitt calls George Clooney old a couple times in the movie. And you're like, aren't you guys the same age? What's going on here?

[Adel]

I love to see two of the world's most handsome men sharpening their blades of wit against one another. What a treat.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All that to say there is a Richard Kind cameo in that movie. That is pretty inexplicable. And I don't think they really use Richard Kind very well. But I was so happy to see him. I was like, wow, Richard Kind just showing up in this.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, I'm bumping Richard Kind. You two can continue to, like. You can pick Richard Kind. I'm gonna pick the guy who played the dad in Twilight.

[Adel]

Oh, Peter Facinelli. Finelli. He's from she's all that 10 things I hate about yout. One of those movies.

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah, I'm picking him.

[Adel]

He's from one of those 90s, late 90s Rachel Leigh Cook party movies.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Who did he play in him?

[Adel]

He played, like, the high school jock.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Who, like, oh, okay.

[Adel]

Yells and then gets knocked out.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wow. The high school jock became the dad in Twilight. Wow. Yeah. That's how aging works. That's how growing up works.

[Adel]

You know how much you guys should. That's a cameo from Peter Facinelli.

[Aaron Cheney]

$150. Which is.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, well, we're not doing that. Instead, we're gonna do riddles. Now. We're doing riddles.

[Aaron Cheney]

You guys have to pick your two people.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Lord Almighty. Okay, here we go. This is your first riddle. Hey. Something that some people might not still know even though it's in the episode description is. You can send us riddles. You can send us riddles via the traditional mail. Go ahead and check the episode description for the exact address, because I don't have it. I don't have it memorized, and I shouldn't have to have it memorized. Is it on this thing that I'm reading? It's not. So I don't.

[Aaron Cheney]

Richard Karn.

[John Patrick Cohen]

We should get Richard Karn to do a Richard Kind. But we have. When people send us stuff, occasionally we open it on our review crew streams. That we do. We do, like, a monthly stream for the review crew. And occasionally I'll open the mail. And I remembered that someone sent in some riddles. So we're going to do some riddles today from. Okay. And it doesn't. I really can't get the. Oh, John. From John. Oh, wait. I have permission to use the name so I can say John Kusay. I have permission to use the name. I could use it however I choose, and I choose to say John Kusay.

[Aaron Cheney]

Great name.

[John Patrick Cohen]

John Cuse. John Cuse says Dear Old Man Puzzles. You will find an original puzzle that I have titled Rock and Synonym Roll. I have taken various band names and changed them to synonyms. I have also provided a clue in order to help you reach the answer. Hidden within the clues are song titles to give you an extra hint so I can give you extra hints. Yeah. The band name synonym is written out at the end of each clue, and so I have it for what that clue is. Okay, so are you guys ready to try some of these?

[Adel]

Yes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Rock in synonym roll riddles from John. Here we go.

[Aaron Cheney]

This is a great title for, like, a kind of riddle. So I feel excited and energized.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, these are fun. Okay, so this is an example for the first one. And the example is if I said the synonym Jewel Wedge.

[Adel]

Pearl Jam.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Pearl Jam. Yes. And the clue would be this flannel clad band from Seattle asked Jeremy to mind your manners when talking to their daughter. And Jeremy mind you'd. Manners and daughter are all Pearl Jam songs.

[Aaron Cheney]

Love it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

So your next one, Rotation Pebbles.

[Adel]

Ooh, Rotation Pebbles would be Rolling Stones.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It'd be the Rolling Stones. The Rolling Stones.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, of course. Oh, of course.

[Adel]

And I actually have a Rotation Pebbles where it's fruity in the summer and then cocoa in the fall and winter.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, that makes sense. That's the right order for that. I'd actually like to see no cereal in the spring.

[Aaron Cheney]

I'd like to see a scene. You two are the Rotating Pebbles. You're a Rolling Stone cover band and you're sort of trying to hype yourself up before a show.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, I have an idea for tonight, but if I could be the Mick Jagger one for one evening.

[Adel]

Oh, yeah, I was Mick Jagger last night. So I guess it's your turn. What are we having then? White pepper on the playlist. What are we playing? Some of the hits.

[John Patrick Cohen]

So. Yeah. Wait. Oh, my. I only actually wanted to play David Bowie songs tonight.

[Adel]

Oh, David Bowie.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. But I wanted to do them as Mick Jagger guy. You.

[Adel]

Yeah, you really got. I mean, yeah, just a little pro tip. Just gotta walk like a chicken.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wait, is that Bowie or is that.

[Adel]

Jagger or this Jagger, isn't it?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, but I'm doing Bowie tonight as Jagger.

[Adel]

Okay. Okay.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Also, I don't know if you could see, but I did a little something with my lips to get me ready for tonight.

[Adel]

Oh, looks like you put the vacuum cleaner on it. On your lips?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yep. First I vacuumed up a lot of bees. Then I put the vacuum cleaner on reverse and shot a bunch of bees onto my lips. They didn't sting me because they were all dead for being in the vacuum cleaner. And I got a ticket for destroying pollinators.

[Adel]

Man. Rock and roll. Lifestyle.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Rock and roll just. Oh, it's lifestyle.

[Adel]

I mean, it's just.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, Dan. Dan, Are we ready To.

[Adel]

Are we ready to go on?

[Aaron Cheney]

You're getting bumped.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No.

[Adel]

Cocaine.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No bumps of cocaine.

[Aaron Cheney]

No. Sorry.

[Adel]

I thought it was like a dude. You getting a down. Like boys, you're getting bumped.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You're getting a bump. You were gonna break out a bunch of cocaine, which we've still yet to try.

[Adel]

White boys, how come you feel so good?

[Aaron Cheney]

I'm so sorry. I let you know that it was a three strike system. If you guys were to do anything else with our vacuum cleaner. So you gotta go.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You found the bees then?

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah, this was. This was like sort of an epic strike three.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, that's fair.

[Adel]

That's fair, that's fair.

[Aaron Cheney]

And you promised after strike two that you wouldn't touch the vacuum again. And we had a note written on the vacuum saying please don't touch it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, that's fair. It's honestly okay because we used it way more than three times.

[Adel]

So it sounds like there's gonna be a lot of disappointed kids at The Madison, Wisconsin 4H Club Fair.

[Aaron Cheney]

I don't know if they'll be disappointed. Maybe more like relieved. You both are avoiding my eye contact. How weird did you guys get with the vacuum? Look at me. Look at me.

[Adel]

Pretty weird.

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah. See?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, your next one. Obsidian openers. Obsidian openers.

[Adel]

Obsidian Openers.

[Aaron Cheney]

Openers. Doors, black. Something. Doors, black.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Obsidianers, black.

[Adel]

Knobs, black.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I do have a black keys. It's the black keys.

[Aaron Cheney]

Of course it's the black keys.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Mm mm. Okay. Loaf.

[Adel]

Bread. Bread is a band.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Bread is a band. Bread is a band.

[Adel]

Archers of Loaf. Loaf.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It is not bread.

[Adel]

Lump. Mm mm.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's not lump loaf. I can give you poop. I can give you want the clue? I can give you a clue.

[Adel]

Please.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All these have clues. The members of this Sacramento band aren't known for wearing short skirts and long jackets, but are known for their sarcastic lyrics and deadpan vocals.

[Adel]

Bing. Oh, Aaron, I just thought of who I want for my cameo. Kathy Najimmy.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, I love that.

[Adel]

Kathy Na. Jimmy. Eat World.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Kathy Najimi. Eat World.

[Aaron Cheney]

Jpc. I. How do I. How do I ask for this? Adel, actually, can I talk to you over here? I need some advice on how to pitch a scene to jpc. Just one second.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This is fine.

[Aaron Cheney]

Actually, can we go to my office for this?

[Adel]

Oh, sure.

[Aaron Cheney]

Great.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm in here. I'm in here.

[Aaron Cheney]

What? How did you do that? Did you change? Are you changing? What happened that happened so fast?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yes, you went away. I thought you were talking for longer.

[Aaron Cheney]

Your office then. Okay.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What's that?

[Aaron Cheney]

If you're in my office. I'm going to go into your office and use it for this meeting I need to have with Adol.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Please don't. Please don't go in there. I'm Airbnb being my office out right now.

[Aaron Cheney]

To who?

[John Patrick Cohen]

I don't know. It's just for. It's just for anonymous sex and I'm not even getting paid for it. Aaron.

[Adel]

Aaron.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm not even getting paid for it.

[Adel]

I think this is a never let me go situation where there's a bunch of other JPCs that are being cloned so that JPC can harvest their organs. A few.

[John Patrick Cohen]

So how I make my money on it is I charge a cleaning fee. The room is free. And then I charge a cleaning fee. And then. Aaron, where I make my money from it because I just don't clean it.

[Aaron Cheney]

They can feel love, these clones. That's the point of never let me go. Have you seen the movie? They can feel love. They're people.

[Adel]

I watched it on mute. I got the gist of it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, no. You can do whatever you want with these guys. They're not going to get attachments or feelings.

[Aaron Cheney]

Can we go to your office, please?

[Adel]

You mean my tent?

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, my God.

[Adel]

With two beanbags? Yeah. Let me just.

[Aaron Cheney]

God, it smells so bad here. Why?

[Adel]

I have a hibachi grill with peanut butter. I've been cooking up some peanut butter for the last couple hours here.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, okay. I'll just deal with the smell. Okay. Adil. Sorry. What the fuck? What was this for? Oh, yes. I was trying to think of. I wanted JPC to sing another cake song, but I didn't quite know how to pitch it. I didn't quite know what to ask for. Do you have any advice?

[Adel]

Yeah, I think we have them sing a cake song, but it has to do with loaves or bread or something. Something like that. Oh, also, Jupiter died because we asked it a riddle, I think.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, God.

[Adel]

Okay, it heard the riddle.

[Aaron Cheney]

All right, well, fill out the paperwork for that. I mean, you know, I just. I can't. It's a Monday. I'm feeling a little worn out already. Sure. Just fill out the death paperwork.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay.

[Aaron Cheney]

Put it on Casey's desk. He'll sign. We'll sign.

[Adel]

You got it. All right. Hey, jpc, can we talk to you?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. Crimson Torrid Spice. Your next one is Crimson Torrid Spice.

[Adel]

Red Hot Chili Peppers.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's Red Hot Chili Peppers.

[Adel]

Would you mind singing a Regent Queen? Do you mind singing a cake song?

[John Patrick Cohen]

My Enzymatic Courtship?

[Aaron Cheney]

Forget it.

[Adel]

My Enzymatic My bloody Valentine.

[Aaron Cheney]

My married Valentine. Yeah. No relationship. My comical romance.

[John Patrick Cohen]

My Chemical Romance. Hysteria in the vicinity of the dance hall.

[Adel]

Can I see Panic at the disco?

[Aaron Cheney]

Can I see you sing a Cake song? JPC and it's just about other bands that the guy from Cake wishes he was in.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No. Dip away, youngster.

[Aaron Cheney]

What happened? Did I lose my scene calling privileges? What did I do? Did I get three strikes?

[John Patrick Cohen]

You didn't even say scene there. You said, could I hear you say a Cake strike?

[Aaron Cheney]

Can I. Can I see a scene where you're the guy from Cake and you're singing a song about how you wish you were in other bands?

[John Patrick Cohen]

No. Dip away, youngster.

[Adel]

What?

[Aaron Cheney]

You guys, I haven't even done anything weird with the vacuum. You didn't even give me two other strikes. I cannot have my scene making abilities taken away like this. You can't clip my wings like this. I was gonna see a seed.

[John Patrick Cohen]

If you get this riddle right, you can do whatever you want for the rest of the podcast.

[Aaron Cheney]

What?

[Adel]

Wow.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Dip away, youngster.

[Adel]

Dip away, youngster. Okay, Aaron Something kid. The Get Up Kids. I don't Kid Rock.

[Aaron Cheney]

Dip away.

[Adel]

Dip away.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Dip away, youngster. Dip.

[Adel]

Okay, so dip would be like.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Dip something away. Salsa.

[Adel]

The Salsa boys. Aaron. It's gotta be the salsa boys.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Unfortunately, Aaron, you didn't get it. Adult Got it. It's Salsa boys. No, he said it first. You said it first. Aaron.

[Adel]

Tea?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Do you want a clue?

[Aaron Cheney]

Yes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, this Chicago rock band wasn't on the Simpsons, but still.

[Adel]

Say, thanks for the memories, Smashing Pumpkin.

[John Patrick Cohen]

If that clue didn't make you want to dance. Dance. Then I guess you two aren't the champion that Uma Thurman thought you were.

[Adel]

Yeah.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Really?

[Adel]

The. Ok, go Uma Thermos.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Casey, do you know this one? Dip away, youngster.

[Adel]

Dip away, youngster. Casey, this is a Chicago band. Oh, this is Plain White Tease.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Are they a Chicago band?

[Adel]

They recorded that song in Chicago.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That's a Chicago band, baby. Dave Matthews Band.

[Adel]

Chicago jbc. If I get this one right, can I do whatever I want for the rest of the episode?

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'd love to see what that is. Yeah, sure.

[Adel]

Okay. Fall Out Boy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, Casey, you got it. The rest of the episode is yours, buddy. What do you want to see?

[Aaron Cheney]

No, Casey. No, no, no, no, no, no. Everybody, let's just be cool for a second. We don't need no.

[Adel]

Uh.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay.

[Adel]

Okay.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I did this. Whoops.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, I'm pulling the alarm. Okay.

[Adel]

Are dip and fall synonyms? Dip and fall?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, like I took A dip. I took a fall, I think so Away. I don't know that away and out are necessarily synonyms either. I think that synonyms sometimes pretty loose in these.

[Adel]

Okay, Fallout Boy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. I can't believe you didn't get thanks for the memories or Dance. Dance. Right. Champion and Uma Thurman, I think are easier ones to not know.

[Adel]

Our Fallout Boys, they have a song called Uma Thurman.

[John Patrick Cohen]

They do indeed have a song called Uma Thurman. What about this one? Surge.

[Adel]

Surge Power.

[Aaron Cheney]

Surge Electricity.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This one, I think, is pretty much a synonym.

[Aaron Cheney]

Zap.

[Adel]

Aaron the Buzz.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What is the band Zap?

[Aaron Cheney]

You know, it's from the late 80s. It's Zap.

[Adel]

They open for the Social Boys.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, it's Zap. Where's Zap? From the late 80s and we're Zap.

[Adel]

Yeah, it was like Wham, but better.

[Aaron Cheney]

But better sense. You know what?

[John Patrick Cohen]

That sucks because Wham is listeners. They don't want to hear that.

[Aaron Cheney]

Actually, guys, I'm going to be right back. I just realized that if I can't call for scenes, I don't have to solve riddles and I don't have to adhere to the dress code, and I don't really have to be here, so I'm gonna get a soft pretzel.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, no. You have to adhere to the dress code.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, I do?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. The dress code is sacrosanct.

[Aaron Cheney]

No, I don't think so.

[John Patrick Cohen]

We can't just all start abandoning the dress code. The one thing holding this podcast together.

[Aaron Cheney]

Why are we all dressed like cartoon chefs? No one's ever given me a proper explanation. And anytime I try to bring it up in a meeting, I get shut down. That's all I'm saying.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's gender neutral. We went through this in the meeting, like, 11 years ago.

[Aaron Cheney]

I'm. No, you know what? If I can't cough for scenes, I don't have to solve riddles. Sits at Adel's beanbag chair.

[Adel]

Oh.

[Aaron Cheney]

Starts punching it like a dog to make it more comfortable for my butt.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Did you say punching it like a dog?

[Aaron Cheney]

What the fuck, Aaron? Dogs punch their beds.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Erin. Casey, since you can do whatever you want with this episode, can we clip Erin saying punch a dog or whatever? She says dog bit.

[Aaron Cheney]

What is happening today? I thought this was gonna be a normal episode. I tried to do a fun cameo thing where we picked. We each picked someone from Cameo, and then we had our listeners vote on our. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. Instagram about what cameo they wanted to see that got shut down.

[Adel]

Aaron, I Gave you Kathy.

[Aaron Cheney]

Najimy, you're doing great. Adol. This is not about you. Adol. I tried to call for a fun cake scene. A very popular running segment on our show that JBC sings cake songs. He's swatting at nothing. JBC is swatting at nothing.

[Adel]

He just ate a fly. He killed an ate a fly.

[Aaron Cheney]

He ate. He killed an ate a fly. Okay, something is weird. And then I. I go. If I can't call for scenes, then I shouldn't solve riddles. And then I get shut down about that as well.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, this is an aggressively normal episode. I keep trying to get you guys to do riddles and no one is answering the riddle. You couldn't be more got taken over.

[Aaron Cheney]

By the Jupiter Toad. I.

[John Patrick Cohen]

The Jupiter Toad is dead, Aaron. You punched him to death like a dog.

[Aaron Cheney]

It's in your body. I just know it.

[Adel]

You think Jupiter. Wait, Aaron, do you think Jupiter toad took over JPC's body?

[Aaron Cheney]

That's exactly what I think at all.

[Adel]

Almost like a never let me go situation. Never let me go situation. I watched it on mute.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I. Oh, that's interesting. I'd like to see a scene. Aaron, you're gonna be a Jupiter who is alive inside JPC's body. Ad'I'll. Take a break, take a little breather.

[Adel]

Thanks, coach.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's just Aaron as a Jupiter in the body.

[Aaron Cheney]

Hi, I'm jpc. That's the woman over there. That's the adult one. And this is a show about riddles. Puz. Lateral thinking problems. First riddle is these are little band riddles. See? I'm doing exactly what you did earlier. I'm doing exactly what you did earlier.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wow, this impression's going deep. Now it's getting meta.

[Aaron Cheney]

Yes, it is getting meta. I'm going to go into my office and you better not be naked in there. Okay. Walks into my. Hey, riddle riddle office. Okay. Pulls up hrpodcastmail.com. this is our HR department. To whom it may concern. I would like to put in a formal complaint about gpc, period. I think he might be a toad in a human body, period.

[John Patrick Cohen]

She's still doing the impression of me as the toad.

[Adel]

Oh, hello, Aaron, it's me, Richard Kind. I got your email.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh my God. Richard Kind. Are you are hr? Uh huh. For how long? The whole time.

[Adel]

Just for today.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, fantastic. I would like to put in a formal complaint about gpc. He's making me solve riddles.

[Adel]

Oh, that doesn't sound very fair. What action can we take against him?

[Aaron Cheney]

I don't know. You tell me, Mr. Richard, kind sir.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Uh.

[Adel]

Kill him.

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah, that'll do. That'll do. Just. Nice.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, scene.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, you got away this time. Tpt.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What was that? Okay, hey, you did the assignment, so technically we had to see the whole thing.

[Aaron Cheney]

Seen with a question mark is my new favorite thing.

[Adel]

Seen.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, this is my question for you two. Do you want to finish the riddle that you've already started, or would you like to hear a clue for it?

[Adel]

I'd like to hear a clue. Serge. I can't think of what Surge would be.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This Canadian rock band power trio. Yeah, it's Rush.

[Aaron Cheney]

Surge. I see. I see. Okay, okay.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Exotic pest. Homestead. Exotic Pest.

[Aaron Cheney]

A jpc.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This one I like Sonic. Exotic pest. Homestead.

[Aaron Cheney]

Land.

[Adel]

Okay.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Exotic land is not wild. It's not wild.

[Adel]

Wild. Bug. Cabin.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's not wild. Bug. Cabin.

[Adel]

Pest. Homestead.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You're so close and that you're getting synonyms for these words that there's not the right ones.

[Adel]

My mortgage. Farm.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yes, this is correct for homestead.

[Adel]

Oh, it is Farm.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. Farm is correct.

[Adel]

Alien ant Farm.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Alien ant Farm.

[Aaron Cheney]

That is such a good one. These are really good.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, this one. Well, I think you guys are going to get this one quick. The Fracturing Gourds.

[Adel]

Smashing Pumpkins.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's Smashing Pumpkins. Yeah. All right, we have three more left. Here we go. This is one. I'll say. I don't know this. The name sounds familiar, but I don't know this band. Actually, the last three are bands that I'm like, they vaguely sound familiar, but I'm not really sure. So we'll see if maybe you guys know them.

[Adel]

Hey, do you guys remember when Billy Corgan sang I Used to Be a Little Boy? Remember that?

[John Patrick Cohen]

It was true. He did used to be a little boy. They've confirmed.

[Adel]

I wonder what that. I wonder what that was like for him.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, yeah, because I was over. Yeah, it's probably similar to my experience. Honestly, you guys aren't gonna believe this, but I used to be a little boy.

[Aaron Cheney]

Aaron, comment goes into my office. To whom it may concern.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Adel, have you ever. Have you ever.

[Adel]

Yeah, I guess at one point. I used to be a little boy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, I hate to ask, but did you have a similar experience growing up? More.

[Aaron Cheney]

I used to be.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yay.

[Adel]

Three former boys. Three former boys.

[Aaron Cheney]

I can. Yes. I'm a professional. I'm a professional.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, are you sure you want to say I'm a professional to I used.

[Adel]

To be a little boy?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Because the thing you said right before I'm a professional was I used to Be a little boy.

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah. This is one of those episodes that also feels like a trap.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, speaking of appendages approximating dwellings.

[Adel]

Arms.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's not arms.

[Adel]

Legs.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Appendages approximating dwellings.

[Adel]

Hands across America.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's hands approximating dwellings.

[Adel]

Hands measuring homes. Hands over bagpipes. Hands close.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's not homes.

[Adel]

Alien ant hands.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Alien ant hands. Can I give you the. Okay, What?

[Adel]

Clap your hands. Say, I'll give you the clue.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Because the clue, it looks like it's for Aaron. So it says, aaron might have listened to this Australian rock band when she realized this ain't no place for animals. But she found no parallels to the division symbols that temporarily made her colorblind ACD hands. This is an Australian band. I don't know this band. This band is appendages approximating dwellings. Let's see if we can get you to get it without knowing the band. So, adult dwellings. You said homes. You were close.

[Aaron Cheney]

House.

[John Patrick Cohen]

House. Yes. Houses. Hands. Blank houses approximating hands.

[Adel]

Hands. Guest houses.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's approximate.

[Adel]

It's about hands. About houses.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Think more valley girl.

[Aaron Cheney]

Hands like hands.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's hands like houses.

[Adel]

Hands like houses.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, I don't know that at all.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Neither do I.

[Adel]

Can you imagine having a. If you had hands like houses? I know in the Jack Reicher novels, they say he has hands the size of Thanksgiving turkeys. Not regular turkeys. Thanksgiving turkeys.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That's the big turkey. That's the turkey that has to feed more. That's a huge turkey.

[Adel]

Imagine Jack Reacher fighting a guy who has hands like houses.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Do you think when they cast that humongous man as Jack Reacher, the author was like, his hands aren't like Thanksgiving turkeys. He's too small. This guy's tiny. My Jack Reacher's 11ft tall. And his fist is a turkey.

[Adel]

He's big a turkey. And of course, Jack Reacher used to be a little boy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That's crazy to think about how Jack Reacher used to be little boy. Okay, here we go. Phantom Crate.

[Adel]

Phantom Planet.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, it's Ghost.

[Aaron Cheney]

Ghost.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Ghost.

[Adel]

Jukebox. Ghost.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's close to ghost. Juxtaposition.

[Aaron Cheney]

Jukebox. The ghost.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That would be awesome because I know that band. It's close to ghost. Box. You've got box as crate. Phantom.

[Aaron Cheney]

Wait, we have box is correct.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Phantom. Crate. And crate is box. You are right with box.

[Adel]

Crate. Okay. Um.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This Canadian heavy metal band didn't fall into the void when they broke the rule of nine after a bad trust fall. However jaded she was, Constance was still able to find the secret garden in the Ultraviolet.

[Adel]

Slip. Crate.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Phantom. Another word for phantom.

[Adel]

Ghost.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Another word for ghost.

[Adel]

Spectre.

[John Patrick Cohen]

More like Halloweeny. I would say ghoul.

[Aaron Cheney]

Which ghoul?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Or something that you would have also, like pride in a school.

[Aaron Cheney]

Spirit box.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's spirit box. I don't know. Spirit box.

[Aaron Cheney]

I don't know if you.

[Adel]

Andre 3000 solo album.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yes, that is the Andre 3000 solo album. Let's do one more before a break. A period to commemorate.

[Adel]

A time to celebrate.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It is not a time to celebrate a year.

[Aaron Cheney]

A time. Is it time Dogs. A period.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Time. A period to commemorate. It's a shorter period.

[Aaron Cheney]

Era.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's not. No. An era would be like long. This is like a more casual day. A moment.

[Aaron Cheney]

A day.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[Adel]

To commemorate A walk to remember. Mandy Moore.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This is a day to remember. I don't know this band either. It says this rock from the city of Ocala made a name for themselves since you've been gone as all signs point to Lauderdale, Even if it means a lot to you. They thought Casablanca sucked anyways.

[Aaron Cheney]

What?

[John Patrick Cohen]

They may have done a cover of since youe've Been Gone and that's how they got famous. I don't know. I don't know.

[Adel]

Yeah, With Alien Ant Farm and then this. There's a lot of one hit cover wonders.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I do think that there was a lot of ones that were pretty one to one, three bands that no one's ever heard of at the end. But I think that's the difficulty, really.

[Adel]

Yeah, it was fun.

[Aaron Cheney]

A Walk to Remember has that the thing in it that inspires me all the time, which is to tell people to not fall in love with me. That's what she says in that she goes, whatever you do, don't fall in love with me. And he goes, I think I'll be okay. And then guess what happens?

[Adel]

He dies.

[Aaron Cheney]

He falls in love with her and she dies.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Spoiler for a walkthrough. Remember? But why don't you remember some of these ads, huh? Yeah.

[Aaron Cheney]

Hi.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Come in, come in, come in, come in.

[Aaron Cheney]

Welcome to my Rocket Money party. I'm celebrating the anniversary of when I downloaded Rocket Money and it changed my life and financial health. Come in, come in, come in.

[John Patrick Cohen]

People are really just doing whatever for parties now, huh?

[Aaron Cheney]

Yes. And guess what? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[Adel]

Aaron, there's no food, but there's just a ton of bowls and plates with cash on them. What's.

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah, because Rocket Money helped me save around $700 this year by helping me cancel my subscription. Can you believe?

[Adel]

Still an insane move to put this out at a party.

[Aaron Cheney]

I'm awesome. This party rocks. Have fun.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I can't eat cash. And you said come hungry, so. Well, I mean, hey, hungry for cash. I do love how Rocket Money lets you see all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. And for any you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them with just a few. That, to me, is very cool.

[Adel]

What's not cool is that most Americans think they spend about $62 per month on subscriptions, but the real number is closer to $300.

[Aaron Cheney]

No.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wild. Wild.

[Aaron Cheney]

No.

[Adel]

I am subscribed to something called Yum Yum Yum online magazine.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That makes sense for you, though. Come on, though. Come on.

[Adel]

I'll keep that one. Sorry. I'll keep that one.

[Aaron Cheney]

Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, hold on. Rocket money has 5 million users and saved 500 million canceled subscriptions. So that means it'll save every user a million dollars. No, hold on.

[Aaron Cheney]

Bad math. That's why you need Rocket Money.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I need Rocket Money for my math.

[Aaron Cheney]

Everything is color coded JPC and is so satisfying to use and helps me stay so organized. I am so grateful to have it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Slaps the money out of ADL's mouth as he tries to eat it. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com Riddle that's RocketMoney.com Riddle R I D D L E RocketMoney.com Riddle well, finally happened.

[Adel]

JPC came down to where I work and slapped the cash out of my mouth.

[Aaron Cheney]

Hit us with that yawn sound.

[Adel]

Oh, a wild bird.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

[Adel]

Hear ye, hear ye. I am the town square crier, and I have big news for the whole square.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hey, move, man. We're driving. This is a road. No. Can't be.

[Adel]

No. I'm a time traveler and I'm here to tell you about Squarespace. Have you heard about Squarespace?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wait, wait, wait. Roll them down. Roll them down. Squarespace.

[Adel]

Squarespace.

[Aaron Cheney]

Up or down?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Crack it.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay.

[Adel]

Can you put it all the way down?

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, just crack it.

[Aaron Cheney]

Let me just crack it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What is Squarespace?

[Adel]

Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing.

[John Patrick Cohen]

A growing brand, the cadence is gonna drive me crazy.

[Aaron Cheney]

I love it. Rolls window down more.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, I know about Squarespace. They have Squarespace payments and it's the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. With Squarespace, onboarding is fast and simple. You get started in just a few clicks and you can start receiving payments right away. Plus, you can give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like Klarna, Ach, Direct Debit in the US Apple Pay Afterpay, and Clear Pay.

[Adel]

Clear Pay? We don't even have clear drinking water where I'm from.

[Aaron Cheney]

Well, Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your websites like online courses, blogs, videos, memberships. Earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set the price and choose whether to charge a one time fee or subscription for access.

[Adel]

Yes, and Squarespace allows you to travel forward in time to warn everyone about Mary Queen of Scots. Her reign will be a terrible rain.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I don't know if it does let you do that, but I do know it has SEO tools where you can get discovered fast. With integrated SEO tools, every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap, and more. So you show up more often to more people in global search engine results.

[Adel]

Oh, SEO. Mary Queen of Scots. Ew. Overthrow.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, gpc. What do we think? Hit him. Hit him.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Windows down. Hit this guy with the car, please.

[Aaron Cheney]

Windows up. Hit him.

[Adel]

Please don't hit me.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Anyway, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch squarespace.com riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain.

[Adel]

Or if you're in the past, talk to the tallest horse and ask it for directions to Squarespace Dark Kingdom. That was my horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Catch it.

[Adel]

Quick.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Catch it. Okay, Aaron, don't yawn. You're going to make me yawn.

[Aaron Cheney]

Ooh.

[Adel]

Ooh.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I told you you wouldn't like it the way I yawn.

[Aaron Cheney]

I'm exhausted. I think I gotta. I think I gotta go home to my Helix mattress.

[Adel]

Oh, yeah. I gotta go home to my Helix mattress. I love my Helix mattress.

[John Patrick Cohen]

And I am home. And I'm on my Helix mattress. It's a midnight luxe. It's the best mattress I've ever had in my entire life. And I'm sleeping on it right now. And this is a dream. I would say you're my puppets.

[Aaron Cheney]

Yes, Anne.

[Adel]

Yes, Anne. Yes, Anne. Yes, Anne, Gemma and I also have a Midnight Luxe. It's the most comfortable bed we've ever owned. It's the best sleep I've ever gotten in my life. Sometimes when our cats are being rambunctious, we'll pick one of them up, say brisket, we'll put him on the Helix. Sleep immediately. He spins around three times, lays down, goes to bed. It soothes all creatures.

[Aaron Cheney]

I've had my mattress for about three years. It still is as good as it was the first night I slept on it. And anytime I have a guest come and they stay in my room, they always go, what is this mattress? I'm obsessed.

[Adel]

Oh, a guest.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, didn't you say that your mattress still sleeps like it's brand spanking new? And didn't you wink when you said spanking?

[Aaron Cheney]

You were here for that.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This could have been a different conversation. Could have had a conversation with a completely different guy.

[Aaron Cheney]

You're in my dream. And you're a puppet. And I' and urine.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Good. And do we all have Helix Midnight Lux? Is that the mattress that we all have?

[Aaron Cheney]

I think so.

[John Patrick Cohen]

We are all the same sleeper. Wow.

[Adel]

Well, we just sleep at different times.

[John Patrick Cohen]

We just sleep at different times. But only one of us could be asleep at any given time. Isn't that true? And isn't that true?

[Aaron Cheney]

Isn't that true?

[Adel]

Isn't that true? And you must remember, remember, remember, remember, remember. It is November, which means there is a November offer right now, 25% off site wide. You get two free dream pillows with any mattress purchase. There's also a free bedding bundle. You get two dream pillows, sheet set and mattress protector with any luxe or elite mattress order. And you can find all that and more by going to helixleep.com riddle again, that's helixsleep.com riddle. All right, you're going to bed.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay.

[Adel]

You're getting comfy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Helix, sleep. Sleep like a podcaster.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, my gosh. JPC hit us with one more yawn.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, boy.

[Adel]

Cowboy just came running over. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hey, Adel. Hey, Eren. I got a bone to pick with the two of you.

[Aaron Cheney]

Of course you do.

[Adel]

Okay, let's go ahead, you two.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Sometimes you two.

[Adel]

YouTube, do a bone.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I do. I do have a.

[Adel]

You don't have a bone. Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Jpc, I have a bone to pick with myself. I. I just haven't really been by best lately, and I. I guess I just don't know what to do.

[Adel]

BetterHelp, have you heard of BetterHelp?

[John Patrick Cohen]

JPC? BetterHelp? BetterHelp. It's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to my schedule. Betterhelp.

[Aaron Cheney]

I know. And it's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we're trying to make our best to make sense of everything in this crazy world. But it's not easy. Jpc. Sometimes you wake up and you don't have a bone to pick when you want to, you know?

[Adel]

Yeah.

[Aaron Cheney]

All you have to do JPC with BetterHelp is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. I've been using BetterHelp, and guess what? JBC.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What?

[Aaron Cheney]

It helps a lot. It could help you.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I mean, I do like online therapy. I do like being able to email my therapist when I have a conflict or be able to stay at home while I'm doing my therapy so I don't have to drive all the way to an office and get into a big confrontation with a guy in the parking lot. Which is why I don't go to that parking lot anymore.

[Adel]

Oh, yeah. You've had 10 to 12 bone depicts in the parking lot. Right. You can't go back to that parking lot.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Maybe that's why I have to go back to get my Bone depicts back. And I know we're doing an ad for something and we keep saying it. It's gonna help you get your bone depicts back. And I don't want you to read it too much.

[Aaron Cheney]

You get it in the context of jpc. You understand who he is as a person, that that is connected to his mojo and his sense of self.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com riddle riddle adult.

[Aaron Cheney]

Jpc thank you so much for coming to the emergency meeting. Obviously, there's been a lot going on today at Haverdale Riddle headquarters.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, let's cut to the chase. What's in the box? What kind of pet do you have for us?

[Adel]

What kind of pet is in the box?

[Aaron Cheney]

How do you know it's a pet?

[Adel]

It's shaking. It's moving.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. It's a shaking box. It's pet size. There's holes in the top.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, so they know it's a pet.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, I mean, I guess it's shaking and moving. Those holes. That could be like. It could be not to be crass. It could be like a sex toy. Of some sort that you're just trying to air out a little bit.

[Adel]

Or it could be Little Richard in.

[Aaron Cheney]

There, or I could be re gifting an editor that we already have. Come on out, Casey.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh. Oh, God. It looks like Casey ate all the sex toys in the box. Did you leave Casey in the box with some sex toys?

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah, of course.

[John Patrick Cohen]

To simulate his natural habitat.

[Adel]

Oh, boy.

[Aaron Cheney]

He's sick. Okay, that's okay.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's okay.

[Aaron Cheney]

Take the afternoon off, Casey.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No. It's not the first time we've had to go to the hospital and get our Casey's stomach pup for eating too many sex toys.

[Adel]

Sit, shake, edit.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Well, Casey, hey, look, before we take you to the hospital, you're in charge for the rest of the episode. Is there anything else that you'd like to see us do, or do you have a preference for how we continue on with the episode?

[Adel]

Well, I don't know if this is a little early, but I sure do miss hear you guys do voicemails and voicemail themes. Oh, that sucks. I thought when Casey said I. I thought he was going to tell us about maybe a time in his life where he was, you know, kind of a smaller Casey. Not as grown, not as adult.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh.

[Adel]

Oh, I'm sorry. You mean when I used to be a little boy?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wow, that's so good. That was the best one yet.

[Aaron Cheney]

Yeah, it was so good. You know what, gbc, I know your old man puzzles, but why don't we do a voicemail and a theme a little early today?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, why not? Casey's in charge. I can't stop him.

[Aaron Cheney]

We ate my hole for a picnic.

[Adel]

Lunch we ate my hole for a.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Picnic lunch we ate my hole for a picnic lunch we ate my hole.

[Aaron Cheney]

For a picnic lunch we ate my hole for a picnic lunch we ate.

[Adel]

My hole for a picnic lunch.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Voicemail theme.

[Aaron Cheney]

We ate my whole lunch we ate my.

[Adel]

What the fuck? That was. How do you make a song a shirt?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wow. They also. They also got in the 1805 riddle one, which it's like, you don't have to do it for the voicemail theme, but I'm always appreciative when you work.

[Adel]

That in that fucking rule.

[Aaron Cheney]

That was amazing. You know what I will say, though, if you gave me $100,000 to explain the context for that bit. Oh, wow. Holy shit. The Venmo just went through. Incredible. I would not be able to tell you why we were saying that. Why were we doing that? What were we talking about? When was that from? Is that six months ago? Is it four years ago.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's probably judging by when some of these emails came in, probably around April somewhere, there were. These came through Aaron.

[Adel]

That might be from when I used to eat a whole for lunch.

[Aaron Cheney]

That's a lot of fun.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, shout out Birdie for sending that in. If you want to send a voicemail theme into the show, just go ahead and send a wave file 30 seconds or less to hrrpodcastmail.com. yeah, Casey, let's listen to a voicemail.

[Adel]

Hey, guys, my name is Jeff.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm in Minneapolis.

[Adel]

I'm super behind on the podcast. I think I'm like a year behind.

[John Patrick Cohen]

But figured that I'd give you guys a call.

[Adel]

I just bought a house and was doing yard work for the first time, and a squirrel ran up my leg and just decided to go to sleep on my shoulder for an hour while.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I did yard work.

[Adel]

And that was awesome. I was wondering if anything like that has ever happened to you, if any random animals have ever befriended you like your Snow White. All right, keep it up.

[Aaron Cheney]

Thanks.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Bye.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, my gosh. I was going to say you're like a Disney princess. You're incredible. Obviously, that's never happened to us. We have terrible energies.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[Aaron Cheney]

Animals and children do not trust us.

[John Patrick Cohen]

A rat killed itself by running under Adol's foot.

[Adel]

So its final words were, hey.

[Aaron Cheney]

No, I wish a skull would fall asleep on my shoulder. Are you kidding?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. Okay, so that makes me think of a couple things. First of all, guys, no fake stories. Don't be calling it with fake stories on the podcast. That didn't happen.

[Aaron Cheney]

No, that definitely was real.

[Adel]

I read it up your pants and fell asleep on your shoulder. Complete the journey, my man. Joseph Campbell's rule of the struggle and journey and heeding the call. Where did it go after it went up your pants? Did it go up the back of your shirt?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Fall asleep. Okay, so I don't know anything about Jeff. Maybe this guy's fucking tall as a fucking tree. Maybe he's built like a redwood. And this squirrel was like, this is a fucking tree.

[Adel]

Arms are.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm just gonna climb up into this thing.

[Adel]

Hairs, Leaves. Yeah, I see him.

[Aaron Cheney]

Jpc, I have a question for you. You are sort of one in the same with some of your characters. And I know that JP Riddles has a very special relationship with animals. Do you have similar things happening to you where, like, raccoons will ask you to bum a cigarette or whatever?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, I guess. But, yeah, mine would. They'd invariably have to be, like, much more violent. This sounds Like, a very. This sounds like a very, like, low key, cute thing. My other suggestion, and I think this is what we can land on. Jeff. I think it was. Jeff sounded pretty normal in that voicemail, right?

[Adel]

Yeah.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What if Jeff actually sped that up, like, five times? Speed. And Jeff is an introduction. I just bought a house, and I am a year behind. I audited on the podcast.

[Adel]

I audited. I was sitting in for some auditions, and they were casting ents. The monologues. Can I just tell you? Two months each monologue. Two months.

[Aaron Cheney]

That's crazy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It was disgusting.

[Aaron Cheney]

Or jpc. He was speed. Or slowing down his speech. And he's actually a squirrel. Trying to make squirrels look good.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Trying to make squirrel. Yeah. And Aaron, that would sound a little something like.

[Adel]

Usual for Marin. Sounds the same.

[Aaron Cheney]

You're JP Riddles.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yep.

[Aaron Cheney]

And Adel, you're a raccoon who wants to bum a cigarette from him outside of a bar.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Well, hey, everybody, thank you again for inviting me to your open mic. I am JP Riddles, and this is a little song by a band called Cake Raccoon. Go ahead and. Go ahead and leave it at the baseline. I wake up in the morning, drink a pot of raccoon coffee, which, as we all know, is world peace. Then I call my nephew at his work, and I say, get your sister. Come outside. Get in the car. And Uncle Riddles will drive to the racetrack, the squirrel racetrack, which is, of course, the parking lot to a key bank. They organize all the squirrels and the demonic tubes in the big parking lot, and I sent them into the bank, and I said, get me checks. People don't realize checks is expensive. And if you want to write bad checks, you need clean checks. All right, they're giving me the light. Oh, actually, you know what? That might be just a white light. My vision to heaven. No deal. I can see there ain't no thing up there for old JP Riddles in heaven. No hot dog water.

[Adel]

I can just reach down and grab your boy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You got a big hand on you. I'm gonna bite your fingers seen.

[Aaron Cheney]

You know what? You know what I think?

[John Patrick Cohen]

What do you think?

[Aaron Cheney]

If I were the hey, riddle riddle God, I would send a flood to wipe us all out. Yeah, Because I think we need to start from scratch. This is a broken podcast, Aaron.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Let's start from scratch and go back to some riddles. So here we go. Here's a riddle from Sarah. And this is a riddle from the perspective of Riddy Kitty. Isn't that fun?

[Adel]

Ooh.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Which is pretty much going back to the beginning. Because we haven't done Riddy kitty in like 200 episodes.

[Adel]

We should have just had Riddy Kitty as our pet.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, well, we got the dead toad. That's just good.

[Adel]

Oh, it looks like there's two Newt 69ing on Aaron's shoulder. So that's fun.

[Aaron Cheney]

I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, a riddle from the perspective of Rudy Kitty. This guy's got me scared to death. He's worse than the ring. I can't catch my breath. This place is no Nintendo cafe. I think I'll try to run away. He fires shots but not on tour Though his name suggests he's been to war he keeps me waiting with my crew, Canoe dog and some shitbirds too. But then again, it's not his fault. He does know how kidneys recycle salt. Who is this boy?

[Adel]

There's a lot of information to parse through jpc.

[Aaron Cheney]

Is it you?

[John Patrick Cohen]

I don't know anything about kidneys recycle salt. That would be new to me. That would be new to me. I could have been a salt recycler this whole time.

[Aaron Cheney]

I thought you were doing back alley kidney surgeries for $40. Am I wrong?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, but when you want to do them for cheap, you don't have to know how they work. You don't even have to know which one's the kidney. I've been taking stuff that I think is the kidney. Because the kidney looks like a bean, right?

[Adel]

Yeah, it looks like a little bean.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, yeah. I've been taking little beans out of people for 40 bucks.

[Aaron Cheney]

I'm this close to canceling my surgery with you. I won't, but I'm close.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hey, you know what, Eric? Cancel it. And then in two weeks when you're so full of little beans you can't poop or walk, don't come calling to me because the price will be double. It'll be $60.

[Aaron Cheney]

Adel, how many surgeries has JPC given you?

[Adel]

Two. One to remove my buccal fat, and then a second to put it back in because he took up my throat instead.

[Aaron Cheney]

Huh. So all in all, pretty successful, it sounds like.

[Adel]

Yeah, I would say I'm about back to 65% of what I was before I had the initial surgery.

[John Patrick Cohen]

And Adel got 65% off, so his was only $22. That's a deal for friends and family. Don't use the code. If you try to use Code Adel at checkout. Fuck. Ah, God damn it.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, well, what about. What does code Aaron at checkout get.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You Aaron, you get 10% off.

[Aaron Cheney]

It's not the same.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Well, you're getting different surgeries. He wanted his buckles taken out or whatever. And you have to get all your little beans removed.

[Aaron Cheney]

I don't love when a surgeon says or whatever, that doesn't totally inspire confidence.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Then go to a real surgeon. I'm sick of negotiating. My prices are not a negotiation. I do a discount service.

[Aaron Cheney]

All right, fair enough. Fair enough. Could you read the riddle again? Because this one is a lot to parse through.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This guy's got me scared to death. He's worse than the Ring. I can't catch my breath. This place is no Nintendo cafe. I think I'll try to run away. He fires shots, but not on tour. Though his name suggests he's been to war. He keeps me waiting with my crew, Canoe, dog and some shipbirds, too. But then again, it's not his fault. He does know how kidneys recycle. Salt. This is a person, but there's also reference to a place in here as well.

[Adel]

Yeah, I don't know where to start.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Each way will get you somewhere. We're looking for, like, a person who exists in a place.

[Adel]

Sure. Captain.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It is not a captain.

[Adel]

Colonel. Major.

[John Patrick Cohen]

His name suggests he's been to war, but he has not been to war.

[Adel]

Okay, well, that's why I'm guessing ranks private.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, but those that have gone to war, right?

[Adel]

Wait, what?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Like a captain has gone to war, right? I guess you can be a captain.

[Adel]

If it's like, Captain and Tenille, or like, you know, it's Private Parts, the Howard Stern novel.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You know, I always forget that Captain was a coward and didn't serve. And Tenille was a four star general.

[Adel]

So this guy's got me scared to death is from Mulan. So I know that had to do with like.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That won't help you.

[Aaron Cheney]

What's the most helpful section?

[Adel]

So the clues don't help us, but.

[John Patrick Cohen]

His name suggests he's been to war. No, the Mulan angle won't help you. Remember, this is from the perspective of Riddy Kitty. So Riddy Kitty is saying, this guy's got me scared to death. He's worse than the ring. I can't catch my breath.

[Aaron Cheney]

It's a dog.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's a guy. Not a dog.

[Adel]

Goofy. Goofy's a guy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Goofy is a guy, but he owns a dog. Is Goofy a guy or a dog?

[Adel]

I think he's a cow. No, I think so.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Goofy's what happens when a dog has sex with a cow. Like a mule.

[Aaron Cheney]

This is hard.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I found my dog and its baby's all goofy.

[Aaron Cheney]

Hmm.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This place is no Nintendo cafe. I think he'll try to run away. So Riddy Kitty is in this place. She's seeing this guy. She. She's scared to death.

[Adel]

Starbucks.

[John Patrick Cohen]

He fires shots, but not on tour. His name suggests he's been to war. That one I think is the most helpful.

[Adel]

His name suggests he's been fire shots, but not on tour.

[John Patrick Cohen]

He keeps me waiting with my crew, Canoe dog and some shitbirds too. So Canoe dog is there also some shitbirds are there.

[Aaron Cheney]

Is it JP Riddles?

[John Patrick Cohen]

He does know how kidneys recycle salt. That would show. That would show a knowledge that JP riddles.

[Aaron Cheney]

Dr. Chameleon.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Dr. Aaron is very close, but it's not Chameleon. And I think also the introduction of Dr. Chameleon was like 100 episodes past all of these references.

[Aaron Cheney]

Doctor.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Doctor is close.

[Aaron Cheney]

Nurse.

[Adel]

Nurse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's not nurse. I'll give you a hint. This is also Sarah's profession. Name suggests he's been to war. What do we call someone who's been to war?

[Adel]

A veteran veterinarian.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oh, veterinarian. I overcomplicated this.

[Adel]

Well, no, Erin, in your defense, this was deeply complicated.

[Aaron Cheney]

I'd like to see a scene. Jpc. You are JP Riddles and you are taking your raccoon to the veterinarian, played by me and adl. You are the raccoon. Hey, what can I help you with today?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, no, I guess it's between you and the guy. I mean, obviously if he wants the fork out, you can. I'm not paying. Let's be clear. I'm not paying, sir.

[Aaron Cheney]

Sorry. You walked into my office an hour before we opened. This raccoon clearly has a bit of.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Walked into your office. That's when you walk backward and it increases the time. So I'm actually here on time, huh? Nothing to say to that? What do you want to kiss? Get out of here. Are you gonna fix my raccoon or not?

[Aaron Cheney]

I don't have any money.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'll trade you for it. I'll trade you for the office.

[Aaron Cheney]

No, you have nothing that I need, sir.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, I have nothing you need. I know that you think that I'm just wearing a normal shirt, but this is actually a spoon proof vest.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, you are wearing a trench coat over what looks like nothing.

[Adel]

He's got a spoon.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Trying to stab me with the spoon. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, God. Oh, he got me. Oh, that guy got me. I guess it's not totally spoon proof in the back.

[Aaron Cheney]

I'm not so interested in helping you. But this raccoon is adorable and clearly has a little head injury and a little cute little white bandage wrapped around its head.

[John Patrick Cohen]

He's taken. Not by me. He's got a raccoon family at home. So don't try to get in dirty little nasty doctor ideas about.

[Aaron Cheney]

I also have a family at home. Sir, I'm not trying to.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Are you sure? Have you been to your home today, Dr. Anderson?

[Aaron Cheney]

What did you do to my family?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Nothing. That was a guess. Anderson. I got it. I was gonna go down the Alphabet.

[Aaron Cheney]

It's my office door. It says it on my office door.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, honey, I can't read. Oh, how cute. How cute to assume.

[Aaron Cheney]

No, wait, do you have a head injury too? Or is this just what you're like?

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, no, no, no. This big lump on my head. I'm growing spiders because I'm making spider stew. So this is seen. What?

[Adel]

Oh, we didn't even get to meet Spider Stew, one of my favorite off microphone JPC characters.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, let's hear it. Let's finally hear Spider Stew. JPC has been doing Spider Stew just for us for several years. But I want you guys to hear.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, oh, I think it's hatching. I think it's hatching. Hey, what's up everybody?

[Aaron Cheney]

It's me, Spider Stu.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yay.

[Adel]

Yay. Spider Stew.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Favorite Spider Stew.

[Adel]

It's kind of a slacker, kind of like a college twerp. What?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Fuck you. Spider Stew's not a slacker. He worked hard for what he has.

[Aaron Cheney]

Okay, guys, please, let's not fight.

[John Patrick Cohen]

But you heard what he said about Spider Stew. Aaron. What? Am I supposed to take that lying down? Yeah.

[Aaron Cheney]

I don't know, Adol. That was pretty fucked up what you said about Spike.

[Adel]

I'm sorry.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hey, it's all gravy, everybody. I'll take it lying down because I like to fuck Spider style.

[Adel]

I forgot his whole thing is it's almost like psy, but instead of psy's thing, it's Spider style.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, yeah. Cause like, yeah, spiders lie down when they fuck or something. Or fuck the webs or something. I can't remember. You remember all the Spider Stews stuff?

[Adel]

Everybody gets one or something chewy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, it's. Yeah. Honestly, he's bad vibes. Spider Stew. Maybe Adol was right what he said about Spider Stew.

[Adel]

Yeah, maybe.

[Aaron Cheney]

Should we lock the doors to have Riddle Riddle headquarters to make sure all these perverted characters can't get in?

[Adel]

Okay, Marc Maron Yeah, but we locked the doors.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Then they can't get out though.

[Aaron Cheney]

Gates.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, I do want to do another riddle. This is a riddle from Miltie. Milty has submitted multiple riddles, but we're only going to use this first one from Miltie for now. For now. We'll use more later. I'm hard to run on, soft to stand hold tight and I'll pass through your hand Sometimes I'll hide a long lost ring Sometimes I'll shelter a tiny king.

[Adel]

Sand it is.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Sandy.

[Adel]

Wow.

[Aaron Cheney]

We got that so much faster than the last one.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Fuck. You know what I should have done is I should have saved this riddle for a time when I was using it to introduce sand. Well, you know what? Do you think? He's here.

[Adel]

Yeah, let's sift through the sand here.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Shit. No sand all over our hands and he wasn't even in there.

[Aaron Cheney]

Nothing.

[Adel]

No, it's just spider stews down there. You can get up, buddy.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, actually, leave me down here for a couple of minutes.

[Adel]

Oh, you fucking spiders.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, he's probably fucking spiders down there. Just cover it with sand. Just cover it with sand. I hate spiders. Dude, maybe he shouldn't be back on the show.

[Aaron Cheney]

I kind of forget. I like. I like Spider Stew. I think he's a pretty solid character.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, you've been single too long. If Spider Stew has sounded like a good guy to you, he's nice. He's not.

[Aaron Cheney]

He has a job.

[John Patrick Cohen]

He doesn't.

[Aaron Cheney]

He's not. He doesn't. That's.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All right. Well, hey, we'll get to more of Miltie's riddles later, so thank you for sending them in, Milty. But you know what?

[Aaron Cheney]

Those are great. And hard.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, those were great. There was one riddle, and it was sand.

[Aaron Cheney]

They were great.

[Adel]

They were great.

[John Patrick Cohen]

They were great. Yeah, I think we could all agree that riddle was. They were great.

[Aaron Cheney]

That riddle was. They were great.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All right. Aaron, do you have anything that you would like to plug for the people?

[Aaron Cheney]

I would like to plug. You know what? Actually, I do. I would like to plug people not asking me to send them nudes on my Instagram anymore. You're ruining the Internet for me and everyone else who's being nice to me in the Internet. Internet. I'm not interested. Even if you're willing to pay me. I appreciate the offer. No more, please. No, thank you.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I would just like to say I am willing to send nudes of myself. And it has to be pay and it has to be cash up front. And I'm going to charge you a Reasonable fee. It's going to be $100. That's pretty good for a nude.

[Aaron Cheney]

And you get to pick which part of your naked body you show. So it's going to be like your ear.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You can request kind of whatever you want from the nude, but it's got to be $100 up front. Front. It's gotta. I can't stress this enough. It's gotta be up front. Scams where I wait. I'm gonna wait seven days for it to clear. Okay. It's not like, oh, I wrote a bad check. It didn't deposit seven days. Hundred dollars, pretty good deal. And you can request those through Adel's Instagram.

[Aaron Cheney]

No, no.

[Adel]

Yes. I would like to plug and promote that.

[Aaron Cheney]

Oasis is back, baby.

[Adel]

They're back and they're coming to Chicago. So I hope to see you at Soldier Field in August of next year.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Adl, how many of these Oasis shows do you think are getting canceled last minute?

[Adel]

I want to say all of them.

[Aaron Cheney]

I can't wait to play this in August of next year when you're right.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[Adel]

To have a frame ticket from the tour that never was. I'm very excited.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's very exciting that Oasis is back. Two people that couldn't like each other any less, but they've just decided that, like, I guess financially they have to be back. Back. It's very much like your parents getting divorced when you're a kid and then like 40 years later being like, we're giving it another go.

[Adel]

It's like, do I want to go watch two wet sticks of dynamite next to each other in a Tumblr? Sure, let's go nuts.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, what do I have to plug? Oh, you can come see World News Tonight every Saturday night at 8pm in Chicago at the I.O. chicago Theater. You can get tickets at I.O. 's website for that show. I'll probably be at some of them. So if you come to Chicago, you can see some of those. And also, if you want to get a five star review featured on the podcast, all you got to do is write one and leave one and then I might read it. And today I'm going to read one from Loon Chai Lune. Chai says Patreon. Hey there. This is Kevlez. But I. Well, let's just say it. Hey there, Kevlez and Sousbys. If you think that you're going to love this week's Patreon, it's another edition of Little Monkey Bones and Uncle Santa eating way too much smoked Gouda, you can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com hayrunnertle by joining our J Crew for 169 or start your 7 day free trial on the review crew for 4 20amonth and you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron Cheney]

That's a great one.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That information was all out of all bad information.

[Aaron Cheney]

Well, I'm going to get the Jupiter back out here. Oh, I ended the episode.

[Adel]

Oops, he's alive.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Starring Aaron Cheney and John Patrick Cohen. Casey Toby did the editing logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Navoras. 1, 2, 3, 4. Hate ritual rituals. Hey there cousins and ghosts. If you like that you are going to love this week's Patreon. This week we really actually get to the haunted house. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com hey riddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron Cheney]

That was a headgum podcast.