#333: Rule Of 3 3 3's

Summary

Summary of "Hey Riddle Riddle" Episode #333: Rule Of 3 3 3's

Release Date: December 4, 2024

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Introduction and Milestone Celebration (00:02 - 01:07)

In the highly anticipated 333rd episode of "Hey Riddle Riddle," the hosts—Adal Rifai (Adel), Erin Keif (Erin), and John Patrick Coan (JPC)—commemorate their impressive milestone with a blend of humor and camaraderie. The episode kicks off with JPC delivering a whimsical monologue that humorously intertwines unrelated elements, setting a playful tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

• JPC (00:05): "Lights are going up. Snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here."

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Numerology and the Significance of 333 (02:12 - 03:43)

The conversation shifts to the significance of the number 333, tying into the episode's theme and celebrating the hosts' journey—three hosts, 333 episodes, and three words in the title. Erin expresses curiosity about Aaron's preparations for this special episode, leading to a discussion on numerology's interpretation of the number 3. Aaron highlights that in numerology, "the number 3 is associated with creativity, communication, optimism, and curiosity," emphasizing its importance as a foundational single-digit number.

Notable Quotes:

• Aaron Keefe (03:23): "In numerology, the number 3 is associated with creativity, communication, optimism, and curiosity."
• JPC (02:24): "We are 333 episodes. Three words in our title. Everything has been leading to this."

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Improv Stories and Personal Experiences (05:03 - 15:29)

Diving into their improvisational backgrounds, the hosts share personal anecdotes and challenges. Aaron recounts his "most painful improv experiences," including a sold-out "World News" show that failed to elicit laughs despite featuring bleak and tragic news topics. JPC adds stories about handling scene openings and navigating unexpected dramatic news, showcasing their resilience and dedication to their craft.

Notable Quotes:

• Aaron Keefe (05:02): "I had some leftover pizza and I was craving it. Why are we talking about this, Erin."
• JPC (07:04): "I've never done a bad show."

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Celebrating Aaron's Birthday and Themed Party Ideas (09:42 - 16:49)

As the episode progresses, the hosts acknowledge Aaron's 33rd birthday—a pivotal "Jesus year." They brainstorm creative and humorous party ideas inspired by the "Last Supper," suggesting themes like guests staying on one side of the room and incorporating elements of betrayal. Their imaginative suggestions highlight their improvisational synergy and playful dynamic.

Notable Quotes:

• Adel (10:00): "You should take a piece of tape and go cut your whole living space in half..."
• Aaron Keefe (10:17): "Wash your woman's feet. Yes."

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Pop Culture and Star Wars Discussion (12:00 - 20:34)

The trio shifts to discussing the upcoming "Star Wars" prequel "Mufasa," blending it seamlessly with their trademark humor. They touch upon actors involved and speculate on potential plot details, maintaining an engaging and entertaining exchange that resonates with both Star Wars fans and casual listeners.

Notable Quotes:

• Adel (15:11): "Devin Machbrak. Evan Mosbach."
• JPC (15:34): "Andor Season 2 is coming next spring. I'm very excited."

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Riddle Games: Ditloids Challenge (22:35 - 47:35)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to engaging riddle games, particularly ditloids—puzzles where numbers and letters stand for common phrases. The hosts tackle various riddles, such as "3 BM" (Three Blind Mice) and "12m of a J" (12 Months of a Year). Their problem-solving process is interspersed with improvisational sketches that bring humor and creativity to each challenge.

Notable Quotes:

• Adel (21:08): "Three blind mice."
• JPC (30:48): "It's eight tentacles on an octopus."

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Creative Scenes and Improvisational Sketches (23:00 - 35:40)

Following the riddle challenges, the hosts immerse themselves in improvisational acting based on the solved riddles. One standout scene features JPC portraying King Henry VIII, while Adel plays his unexpected seventh wife. This comedic portrayal blends historical references with their unique improvisational flair, highlighting their ability to entertain while solving puzzles.

Notable Quotes:

• JPC (23:35): "Just call me Henry."
• Adel (24:35): "We need to chop up your new wife, boss."

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Advanced Riddle Challenges and Group Dynamics (47:00 - 63:00)

As the episode advances, the riddles become more intricate, such as "1B in the H is Wt in the B" (One Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush). The hosts delve into the deeper meanings behind these proverbs while maintaining their comedic interactions. This segment showcases their excellent group dynamics, as they balance humor with intellectual engagement.

Notable Quotes:

• Adel (57:46): "1B in the H is Wt in the B."
• JPC (59:30): "We find the defendant banana."

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Listener Call-ins and Audience Interaction (55:00 - 67:48)

Incorporating listener engagement, the hosts feature voicemail segments where callers submit questions and humorous scenarios. They respond with improvised advice and comedic storytelling, enhancing the interactive aspect of the podcast and further showcasing their improvisational talents.

Notable Quote:

• Caller (59:49): "Katie, I'm calling from my car. I'll be officiating my brother's wedding in fall..."

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Promoted Segments and Advertisements (Throughout the Episode)

While the primary focus is on content, the episode includes several sponsored segments for companies like Found.com, Squarespace, Audible, Aura Frames, and Bombas. These advertisements are seamlessly integrated into the conversation, maintaining the episode's flow without detracting from the main content.

Notable Quote:

• Adel (37:32): "Experts have declared Bombas socks as the best way to warm up chilly feet..."

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Conclusion and Final Remarks (68:35 - 69:28)

Wrapping up the episode, the hosts reflect on their collaborative efforts, mutual jests, and the successful navigation of numerous riddles and improvisational segments. They briefly promote future content and Patreon-exclusive material, encouraging listeners to stay engaged and support the podcast.

Notable Quote:

• Aaron Keefe (69:25): "That was a Headgum podcast."

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Overall Insights and Highlights

Episode #333 of "Hey Riddle Riddle" stands as a testament to the podcast's enduring appeal, blending intellectual challenges with hearty laughter. The hosts' chemistry is palpable, as they navigate complex riddles, share personal stories, and engage in creative improvisational sketches. This episode not only celebrates a significant milestone but also reinforces the show's unique blend of comedy, puzzles, and genuine camaraderie, making it a must-listen for both longtime fans and newcomers alike.

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Note: Advertisements and sponsored segments are acknowledged but not detailed in this summary, adhering to the request to focus on core content.

Transcript

[Aaron Keefe]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[JPC]

Lights are going up. Snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties. Ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with carrots. It could only mean one thing. Nick Rib is here. Had participated in McDonald's for a limited time. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice in the horses.

[Aaron Keefe]

Three hosts. 333 episodes. Three words in our title. Everything has been leading to this.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, we're listening. We'd love to hear a little bit more.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, I thought one of you would have planned something for such a momentous occasion. You're looking at me. You're looking behind me.

[Adal Rifai]

Sorry, JPC and I are seated. You're up in front of us with a bunch of different poster boards. So I thought you had like a whole pitch.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is for something else.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, it says 333hrr.

[JPC]

Yeah, but this board says potato gun. Is this like a science fair project that you're. It's like a potato can. Oh, it's like a cannon that I'm.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pitching to Shark Tank after this. If everyone could mind their own business. I'm pitching to Shark Tank right after this. These poster boards are not for you, Aaron.

[Adal Rifai]

I know. It's episode 333, which is, you know, canonically very special to us.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, of course.

[Adal Rifai]

But could we. Could we hear the Shark Tank?

[JPC]

Why does it say Aaron Keefe, grade eight?

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, hypothetically.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

You guys are sitting and I'm standing and all of a sudden I'm under fire here.

[JPC]

Okay, no, no, Erin, we want to hear your little gematria theories and your numerology. So like, what does it all mean? 333, what does it all mean? Please tell us.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, I thought today could be special. I'm a little strapped for cash right now, so I went back to my parents house. I dug through the basement trying to find anything, anything at all. I found a project I did in eighth grade that I got a D on. I decided I'm going to bring it to the good people at Shark Tank. I'm going to pitch it.

[Adal Rifai]

And I'm sure, Aaron, that we maybe. Grading is different in Boston. And D stands for dumb.

[JPC]

Which is in Boston, smart.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, like, what do you mean exactly? Like wicked is good.

[JPC]

Yeah, if you're dumb in Boston, that means you're actually smart.

[Adal Rifai]

Yo, look at that. Butt. It's dumb. You got a dumb butt. That's a good thing.

[JPC]

It's a good thing in Boston. It's a good thing in Boston. Or it's actually probably good to be dumb in Boston because you don't want to be too smart. Because if you're smart, you're going to get your ass beat like one of those Harvard clowns.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

In numerology, the number 3 is associated with creativity, communication, optimism, and curiosity.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's also considered one of the most important single digit numbers.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh yeah, no door.

[Aaron Keefe]

Also top 10 for sure.

[JPC]

Wait, top nine.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's funny.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, zero.

[JPC]

Yeah, I guess there's a single digit.

[Adal Rifai]

Zero is a single digit number.

[Aaron Keefe]

Starts packing up poster boards. Starts crying a little bit down my face. I guess we aren't a comedy podcast and rule of threes means nothing to you guys. Drops potato gun.

[Adal Rifai]

Drops 333.

[Aaron Keefe]

Poster board doesn't have a third thing to drop. Damn it. You know what, guys? Do the episode. Have a good time. I'm gonna go sit over there.

[JPC]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're only one minute into the episode. You don't get to leave the episode one minute in. Was this your whole plan?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. Also, rule of threes. And you didn't have a third thing that drop. Eren. Eren. You could have dropped the mic. You could have dropped the conversation.

[JPC]

Eren keeps inventing openings that lead to her being like, I guess I have to leave.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. There's a lot I would like to be doing right now.

[JPC]

No, let us talk. Let us get into it. What time is it in la? What time is it right now in la? What did you just eat on camera before we started recording, what was it that you had?

[Aaron Keefe]

Piece of pizza.

[Adal Rifai]

Piece of Aaron. What was that? Pizza.

[Aaron Keefe]

Huh?

[JPC]

Pizza. Huh?

[Aaron Keefe]

A piece of pizza. And you and Casey were chatting away with each other, talking about God knows what. And I thought I was safe in my own little bubble on the screen, eating my pizza in peace. Here's the thing, and I'll tell you. I had. I ordered pizzas last night. I had a game night at my place on my birthday. Anthony Burch, friend of the show, ran a game of Only Connect at my house, which is, you know, famously on the show. I talk about it all the time. It's like my favorite puzzle game of all time. And I woke up and I had some leftover pizza and I was craving it. Why are we talking about this, Erin.

[Adal Rifai]

Since yesterday was your birthday? Yeah, we will allow it.

[JPC]

Yeah, we will canonically allow it. And also, Aaron, I know that we just recently got some more Only Connect emails.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, amazing.

[JPC]

If you want to do an Only Connect episode, there's plenty in that email folder for you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh my God, I would love to. I lost, by the way. The other team won and a lot.

[JPC]

Of people, oh, it was a team versus you. That's so unfair.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I had a full team behind me, but we were sort of just like there for fun. It was kind of humiliating because a lot of the questions were kind of Erin Keefe themed and hey, Riddle. Riddle themed.

[Adal Rifai]

Ooh.

[Aaron Keefe]

And I got a lot of those wrong.

[JPC]

When you were telling us the story, why did you say. Why did you keep saying that you got them wrong or that you lost? If you had a team, was there not a shared responsibility? That's the whole essence of a team.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, one of the connections is it's all objects from the beginning of our theme song. Oh, and my friends are mostly don't listen to my podcast.

[JPC]

Sure. Cause I.

[Aaron Keefe]

It sort of feels like that could be on me.

[JPC]

Uh huh.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Honestly though, like, if I do a bad episode, if I have a bad episode and someone's like, how was the episode? I say, like, adeline, Aaron really fucked me on this episode. I don't say, oh, it was my fault. Like, I was singularly to blame.

[Aaron Keefe]

You don't think you've ever been at fault for a bad episode?

[JPC]

What a question. That's a good question. God, I have to say no, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I guess so.

[JPC]

I guess I have to say no, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, I know ADL will probably blame himself when it was never his fault. That's sort of the way the wind blows over here at hey, Riddle Riddle.

[JPC]

I don't think we've ever done a bad episode. So if we ever do a bad episode, I will say, if we ever do a bad episode, it wasn't really my fault. A lot of times it was the circumstance.

[Adal Rifai]

One of my favorite things for world news is, you know, we introduce the show, read an article, and then JPC will come out, do a scene. If he doesn't get a huge laugh or a standing ovation within the first two lines, he turns to the rest of the cast and he goes, bad audience, bad crowd. Pack it up.

[JPC]

These guys suck.

[Aaron Keefe]

And then he starts smoking a cigarette.

[JPC]

These jamokes don't even know what they want.

[Adal Rifai]

We're like, jbc. That's a callback to something we said in the green room. And he's like, no, bad, bad crowd. They Suck no laughs.

[Aaron Keefe]

Question for you guys. I just had this conversation because I just recently had an improv show that felt. I felt so painful in that I think it cracked my top three most painful improv experiences.

[JPC]

Ooh.

[Aaron Keefe]

So the another one that is my number one on the list. And I don't remember if either of you were there, but it was a 10 o'clock world news show, a sold out audience, and the entire show played to no laughs.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Aaron Keefe]

We never got them. My hands started sweating just thinking about it again. And all the news articles were brutal. Like people killing kids. Like the worst stuff you could possibly imagine.

[Adal Rifai]

I could have made that funny hypothetical. Mine is gonna be there.

[JPC]

We had a couple people play in the World News show for the first time recently. And I was telling them, giving them the rundown of the show, and I was like, one of the most deceptive things, like what we do, there's a peek behind the curtain. We grab articles off a board and we read them. And you can scan the headline before you grab the article just to be like, hey, this article is going to be fine. But I was like, sometimes the fucking editors at these newspapers, they will make an article that's like, big day for local mall. And then you'll grab the article and it's like, three men were murdered at the mall. And you're like, what the fuck? How is the name of the article Big day.

[Adal Rifai]

The new Mall of America roller coaster has decapitated.

[JPC]

So I was like. Sometimes I was like, you can be a little sneaky and try to not grab horrible, tragic articles, but sometimes they will fuck you. And you'll just have to. You have to get through it.

[Aaron Keefe]

But do you guys have shows that are like, still way heavy on your spirit or did you block them out?

[JPC]

No, I've never done a bad show.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm not talking to you.

[JPC]

I don't understand. I don't understand the question. Again, I reject the privet.

[Aaron Keefe]

Never mind.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, you are now 34.

[Aaron Keefe]

3.

[Adal Rifai]

33.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, another 3. And 3.

[Adal Rifai]

Another 3.

[Aaron Keefe]

On the 3. 3. 3. Episode 3 3.

[JPC]

Aaron, this is.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're entering your Jesus year.

[Adal Rifai]

I'm up here.

[JPC]

You're entering your Jesus year, Aaron.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know. What should I do?

[JPC]

Not die.

[Aaron Keefe]

Water into wine. Big dinner with my friends.

[Adal Rifai]

Last supper. Everyone on one side of the table.

[Aaron Keefe]

Love it.

[Adal Rifai]

JBC will betray you.

[JPC]

I do think.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wash your woman's feet. Yes.

[JPC]

On the eve of your 34th birthday, your theme should be Last Supper.

[Aaron Keefe]

That fucking rocks. Oh, my God. Gbc. Will you guys come to that?

[JPC]

Yeah. Yes. But everyone only eats on one side of the table.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Okay, great. I mean, let's do it. Let's do it.

[JPC]

You should take a piece of tape and go cut your whole living space in half with a piece of tape and have the whole party on one side and then just have set up iPhones on tripods with auto capture. So the whole night is just pictures being taken of you on your house.

[Adal Rifai]

You come in costume, of course, and as you talk to people, you have to sort of freeze in poses, of course.

[JPC]

And you should have one. Everyone should draw, like, a piece of paper when they enter your house for the party.

[Adal Rifai]

Should draw a piece of paper.

[JPC]

Yeah, it's hard to do because how do you conceptualize a piece of paper? What do you draw it on? Is it just a blank piece of paper that you turn in? They draw out of a hat. And however many people are there, there is one piece of paper in this hat that says betrayer. And that person has to betray you all night long. And everyone else has to be normal. They're just your friends having fun at your party. But one person is betraying you the whole night.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. This is actually kind of my dream party. It's like a murder mystery.

[Adal Rifai]

It's like a murder mystery.

[JPC]

Exactly. Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

Or Aaron, like that sort of escape room we did where you had to betray me. Wumple.

[JPC]

Frump.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wumplefrom. Yes. I can't believe that's happened twice. Adol, I almost texted you, like, four days ago going, remember when I betrayed you? I'm so sorry. And I feel bad about it every day. The way Adel looked over at me felt like four days ago.

[JPC]

So Eren has therapy on.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, hold on, hold on. You know in Lion King, when Mufasa.

[JPC]

Is like, wait, the new one?

[Aaron Keefe]

No fucking. Then fuck the new one.

[Adal Rifai]

In Hamlet, when.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, please.

[JPC]

Are we talking about the prequel to Lion King? The one that's the new one? The prequel one that's coming out young Mufasa.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, I am not. I'm talking about the part in the Lion King where Mufasa is falling off. She is like, scar, my brother, help me. And then I forget what Scar says, but he takes out his nails and goes, long live the king. And he pushes Mufasa off. And then the look of surprise on Mufasa's face when Mufasa's falling backwards.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is the face that Adol made to me when I betrayed him in an escape room and lied to him. And I. You can't unsee it. You cannot unbetray Adol. It felt bad. It felt wrong.

[Adal Rifai]

If I may. It felt like a stampede of wildebeests running me over while my son looked on.

[JPC]

Mufasa's not even out yet. It comes out in two weeks. How? If you. I don't understand how it's seen.

[Adal Rifai]

We got a 40x sneak preview, but.

[JPC]

You'Re talking about lost and alone orphan cub Mufasa meets a sympathetic lion named Taka, the heir to a royal bloodline. Right. Mufasa, the story we all know.

[Adal Rifai]

What sucks is there.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm not gonna watch that.

[Adal Rifai]

There's a young Timon and Pumbaa in it. They're like the fun. You know. Obviously, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. We saw it in 40x. The whole 40x experience is just. You smell Pumbaa.

[Aaron Keefe]

Actually sounds pretty funny.

[Adal Rifai]

It was awful.

[JPC]

Well, yeah, you'd think it would be funny, Eren, but do you remember that Pumbaa's a warthog? Yeah, and famously one of the stinkiest Disney characters I can see.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's happening? No one said what?

[Adal Rifai]

Finish it.

[Aaron Keefe]

I haven't seen Mufasa and they don't have a clue.

[Adal Rifai]

Not yet, no.

[Aaron Keefe]

Guys, this is famous. You say who? Forget it.

[JPC]

Read the riddle, street rat.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, no.

[Adal Rifai]

That's too expensive.

[Aaron Keefe]

I watched Aladdin on a watch at night. Oh, sorry to bring that up, but the. It reminded me of JPC when he went, gotta kill a kid. Gotta eat a kid. That was a bit from like 300 or so episodes ago. Anyways, Adel, riddles.

[JPC]

Episode 33.

[Adal Rifai]

Episode 33.

[JPC]

Aaron's age.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, now that you're 33, there's some riddles I've been holding back just to wait till everyone's sort of old enough. And today's the first episode where you're old enough to do these.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm finally tall enough to ride the roller coaster at the Great Mall of America.

[Adal Rifai]

And I hope I don't get to high heels. High heels. Inside lifts. Aaron on stilts.

[Aaron Keefe]

It hurts. I look like a giraffe.

[JPC]

What are you, an English person in an elevator?

[Aaron Keefe]

Did you guys see the video of the bear that was born without its two front legs? And so it walks around like a human all day?

[Adal Rifai]

What? Aaron, what the fuck?

[JPC]

All day?

[Aaron Keefe]

All day. Do you expect. Oh, my God, he's so cute. Okay, okay. We'll talk about it later.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, Aaron, you can't bring up a bear with only two feet and then say, we'll talk about it later.

[JPC]

A bear with two feet. Jeremy, Allen White. Is that the guy's name?

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, yeah.

[JPC]

I feel like I'm so close to knowing his name.

[Adal Rifai]

Now here's the hard part. Who plays Cuz? Who plays his cousin? Devin Machbrak. Evan Mosbach.

[JPC]

It's Evan Moskowitz.

[Adal Rifai]

Evan Mouskowitz. Feifel's dad.

[JPC]

It's Evan, right? His name's Evan. I like that guy. He's a fun actor.

[Adal Rifai]

He's very fun. He's in that Star wars thing andor.

[JPC]

He'S in the Star wars thing.

[Adal Rifai]

He's in Andor, I think.

[JPC]

Yeah. Why not Sebulba?

[Adal Rifai]

Now, Eren, he was Sebulba.

[Aaron Keefe]

Andor Season 2 is coming next spring. I'm very excited.

[Adal Rifai]

Eren, this bear you talk of kind of sounds like Sebulba. Because Sebulba, famously. His hands are his feet, and his feet are his hands.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know anything about Star Wars.

[JPC]

Eren, this bear that you talk of kind of sounds like Sebulba. Now everything's going to be in that cadence for me for the rest of the.

[Aaron Keefe]

Trevor. I'm sorry. That's my point. I went to a Star wars burlesque show. Oh. Recently.

[Adal Rifai]

JPC went to that.

[JPC]

I went to that. Okay. What was it called?

[Aaron Keefe]

Starless Star Wars Empire Strips Back.

[Adal Rifai]

I think that's what it was.

[JPC]

That's what it was. Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

On the count of three, three, say how what number out of 10 that show made you horny? Ready? 1, 2, 3, 6, 0. And, you know, and I feel like that was kind of cruel to leave me out in the dust.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron's at 6.

[JPC]

Well, here's the thing. Is burlesque. I don't know. I've only been to a few burlesque shows, but is it meant to make you horny? Honestly, the most impressive part of the burlesque show for me was the, like, the artifice, the costuming and the props and stuff that. I mean, the dancing was also very impressive. Whatever. But I really enjoyed the settings and the set pieces. I thought that those were very, very fun. It was very planned out.

[Aaron Keefe]

I agree. The lightsaber dance was so cool and so mesmerizing.

[JPC]

Yeah. But. Yeah, I know that burlesque. They're taking their clothes off, but it did not seem to me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, me neither. Anyways, Adol, I said six, Aaron.

[Adal Rifai]

No, you said six. Also, Eren, two years ago, you took me to what you said would be a good time, and it was Burt Lesk. It was Burt from Burt and Ernie. Everyone had unibrows it was not sexy at all. It was just two. I want to say gay roommates.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, well, it made me horny. So we're just shaming Aaron all over the place.

[JPC]

There's something about being horny in public that I find, like. I mean, I guess, like, if it. Cause I've had sex in public before. If it happens, like, if it comes over you, that is one thing.

[Aaron Keefe]

But, like, go in wrestling. What place? What place? I can tell you guys, a ridiculous place. I've had sex, like, in a carpeting. We've never talked about sex before, ever. 333 episodes sex is on the menu for the first time ever, boys.

[Adal Rifai]

Looks like sex is back on the menu.

[JPC]

I've had sex in a car. I've never had sex outside in a park, behind a tree or something.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

But it felt very public, especially because there was a man who was in a motorcycle. No, it was a man in a motorcycle who I was, I believe, was just watching, But I was like, whatever. I don't give a shit.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whatever, you guys. If I tell you a place I had sex, it's crazy. Enough time has passed, but I think.

[JPC]

I can tell you dick sporting goods.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, you will. Not like this.

[JPC]

Oh, okay, then I'd love to hear it.

[Adal Rifai]

Ball pit at a White Castle. Do White Castles have ball pit?

[Aaron Keefe]

They do know.

[Adal Rifai]

No kids go to White Castle.

[Aaron Keefe]

They do now.

[JPC]

I had sex at a ball pit at White Castle.

[Aaron Keefe]

Let's just say I had it at.

[JPC]

I don't know where you were. But you didn't. You didn't do what you thought you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did at a certain improv theater. And that's all I'll say. Oh, I won't name the theater name.

[JPC]

And shame. Aaron, does the theater still exist?

[Aaron Keefe]

Um, yeah, maybe. Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Sounds like the old I. O.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sounds like a new management. Riddles. Oh, brother. It's fine. It was in, like, 2017. Everyone relaxed.

[JPC]

But the point being is that I think I've been to strip clubs before as well. And I'm like, the idea of going to a place where it's like, hey, we're all gonna go to this place and be horny. I'm like, well, that doesn't really appeal to me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, because a lot of horniness is associated with safety. I feel like that's the barrier to horny is. I feel like, for me, some people, like, if you're into, like, voyeurism. Is that what it's called? Like, I'm sure that they don't have that part of Their brain where they need to feel like, relaxed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't have to be.

[JPC]

Voyeurism is the other thing what that made when the motorcycle was doing.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, exactly. But some people have like relaxation and feeling. Like safe and relaxed is the barrier. Like is the step before horny. And I think some people have that and some people don't.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that. I get that.

[Aaron Keefe]

I get that.

[Adal Rifai]

These are called diploids.

[Aaron Keefe]

An all time low for me.

[Adal Rifai]

These are called diploids. We've done these a long, long time ago, but we're bringing them back. So this is a shortening of maybe a sentence or some sort of phrase or some sort of bit of common knowledge, but it's reduced down to simple numbers and letters. So, for example, I might give a number first and then a few letters, and it would be 3 BM. Now, if we know our children's nursery rhymes that have a little song. Three bm, of course, would be three poops.

[JPC]

Who poops three times?

[Adal Rifai]

It's three bm.

[Aaron Keefe]

Must be lonely blind mice.

[Adal Rifai]

Three blind mice. Do we remember these?

[JPC]

Okay, so we are doing gematria this episode. We are just doing numerology for the whole episode. Okay, that's fine. That's good.

[Adal Rifai]

Maybe not the whole episode. I mean, we're already 22 minutes in.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm sorry. There was a lot of very important things to talk about.

[JPC]

That can't be true.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, brother. Guys, you know what? If we're having fun, maybe hit us.

[JPC]

Up in the comments. Where do you get the horniest?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know.

[Adal Rifai]

When you had sex at the improv theater, was there any tag outs or walk ons or anything?

[JPC]

Tag outs is fun.

[Aaron Keefe]

Both of those are fun. Sweep edits are fun.

[Adal Rifai]

Light pole.

[Aaron Keefe]

Light poles are fun. Tag outs. Tag outs. Tag outs is cut. I mean, okay, if you're gonna have.

[JPC]

Sex at an improv theater, do the same thing and tag out.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I did have a great final line. And then there was a light pole.

[Adal Rifai]

Ooh. Okay, so here's the first one. 6W of H the E. 6W of.

[JPC]

H the E. It's been such a long time since we've done this.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, it's been six weeks.

[JPC]

6W of H the E. Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

6W of H the E. And these are these again, the answers are going to be probably something fairly well known with number.

[JPC]

Can this one be Six wives of Henry viii?

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, God. It can be and it is it. Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'd like to See a seed who's faster at all. Oh, no, it's my birthday. I'd like to see a scene.

[JPC]

It was a month ago.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adel, you are Henry VIII in JPC. You're Henry VIII's seventh wife, and you're sort of just not what he expected.

[Adal Rifai]

So now we're married. Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

Cool.

[Adal Rifai]

This is also exciting and new. Wink, joke. Nudge, elbow, elbow.

[JPC]

Uh, yeah. I mean, do I still call you sire, or do I. I still call you my king or husband Or.

[Adal Rifai]

Just call me Henry.

[JPC]

Okay, Henry. I guess you could still call me, like, Steve.

[Adal Rifai]

Nice, nice, nice, nice.

[JPC]

Or, I mean, I guess. I mean, I. Technically, I'm. I'm your wife now, but I guess I could. I can still kind of run your kingdom or whatever, you know, because you're kind of like seneschal, like.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

I can still, you know, do all that stuff.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. What was that word? Seneschal.

[JPC]

Seneschal.

[Adal Rifai]

Seneschal.

[JPC]

Yeah. You know the woman from Bob's Burgers, right? Oh, I've related to her. Yeah, yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Sort of like a Fran Drescher type.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, no.

[Adal Rifai]

Sort of like that.

[JPC]

I wouldn't say that. That's kind of a mean thing to say about anybody.

[Adal Rifai]

You wouldn't say that. How dare you. Guards. Come here. Guards.

[JPC]

Remember, remember, remember, I'm the one who runs the whole kingdom, so you really can't afford to kill me. That's why I kind of got pressured into being. Yeah, you needed us, boss.

[Aaron Keefe]

You needed us.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, my wife does it.

[JPC]

Oh, we gotta kill this guy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, we gotta kill your new wife, boss.

[JPC]

Let us chop up your new wife, boss.

[Adal Rifai]

Listen, listen. Teeny and Tiny, my two most trusted guards. It's false alarm. Sorry. I got mad because my wife didn't appreciate my. You know, Linda from Bob's Burgers.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah, boss. Yeah.

[JPC]

You know what you was talking about Linda. That's the only one that. That's played by the guy, right?

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, it's. It's the mother's voice by a guy, but it's. I think that the impression's based on his mother, so it's fine. Well, here's the thing. Ban Bob's Burgers. In all of the kingdom, no one from this day forth hence shall ever watch nor mention Bob's Burgers, lest they be beheaded as decreed by Henry viii. Thanks.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[JPC]

Bosh.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, boss. We're two corgis dressed as knights. Shh.

[Adal Rifai]

Don't tell anyone.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know, boss. All right. I love you, boss.

[JPC]

You know. You know, boss. I'm the one who actually has to do all the banning of the Bob's Burgers. Because those are just those guards. They wouldn't know how to do it. I'm the one that actually operates the whole kingdom. Again, what are the. I'm Steve. I'm your sinus child. I'm the one who.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, sorry.

[JPC]

For a minute I'm like, who is.

[Adal Rifai]

This and where is Anne Boleyn?

[JPC]

Well, no, Anne Boleyn's dead. Yeah, she was killed by you. Yeah, she was.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah. When? Well, it was a. It was a few wives ago, to be honest.

[Adal Rifai]

No, I'm joking. Hey, Steve. I'm joking.

[JPC]

I'm joking, I'm joking. Okay. For sure, for sure.

[Adal Rifai]

I have their heads lined up. It's almost like alarm clocks.

[JPC]

I have their head slide up. You have never done anything like alarm clocks.

[Aaron Keefe]

Do you mean like the clocks that are showing different time zones from we mentioned Bob's Burgers?

[Adal Rifai]

I do like a guard that's like Bob's burgers. Of course. Heads is alarm clocks. Don't you mean sundial?

[JPC]

I do, but that's what you meant, right? You meant like when you go to a train station and they have like all the times like this? Huh?

[Adal Rifai]

You know those boards that are like.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, I love those. I want one of those in my house.

[Adal Rifai]

And Aaron, what does it say?

[JPC]

What is this board? Why don't I know this board?

[Aaron Keefe]

It's like those old timey train boards and they do. Where they show like, they're like, okay, the train now from Newark is coming at.

[JPC]

Got it, got it, got it, got it. The ones that are digital displays and have been for at least 20 years.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, they still at so many train stations. You need to travel more. Yeah, you're on.

[JPC]

Train stations in the United States.

[Adal Rifai]

Touch grass elsewhere. Here's our next one.

[JPC]

Here's what I'll say. If you're thinking about traveling anywhere in the United States by train. The time to do that was maybe 50 years ago. No, 100 years ago.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're what's wrong with this country. You're too obsessed with your car.

[Adal Rifai]

Wow. Oh, yeah.

[JPC]

I love the way that the country is. I don't. But I think that it's the best part about infrastructure is just wishing it different makes it different.

[Aaron Keefe]

If it wasn't for you, I would have a train that goes fast, fast, fast from Los Angeles to Vegas and I could go and eat at a buffet whenever I freaking wanted.

[JPC]

I think it would be okay. Let me ask you guys a question. And Adol's itching to read this next rail. We don't have any high speed rail in the United States. And I think people would love for there to be high speed rail in the United States or a select few people. Some people would love it if you could do it, but it only connects two cities. What cities are you going to connect?

[Adal Rifai]

New York, la.

[Aaron Keefe]

And it can't be like you to your home.

[JPC]

It cannot be a city that you live in.

[Adal Rifai]

So, Adela, can you imagine taking a bullet train from work to home? It's one second.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I mean, like, for me to have it be LA to Massachusetts. That would be what I pick.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, I see, I see, I see.

[JPC]

I was gonna put the caveat ADL did it with New York to la, but I was gonna put the caveat on it that it could not be like, where you live. Like, this is like a train that you want to exist in the world, but it doesn't go to. It doesn't go to, like, I can't do Chicago, even though we do live in, like, you know, some of the biggest cities of the United States.

[Adal Rifai]

Amtrak, I want to say yesterday, Amtrak announced. Amtrak announced a new line that goes from Chicago to Miami, which is kind of a wild good for jpc. Ish.

[Aaron Keefe]

He'll never go.

[Adal Rifai]

Parties.

[JPC]

I like Chicken Shack or Chicken Shop or whatever it's called.

[Aaron Keefe]

I was thinking Chicago to New York would be pretty great. Austin to LA would probably be a really pretty train ride.

[Adal Rifai]

Ooh, I think I have mine.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. What?

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, don't be upset. I'd say Boston to the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep, that would be good set.

[JPC]

You could do a lot of good at all that way.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would say to that Trash island.

[Adal Rifai]

What do you call 100 Bostonians at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, brother.

[JPC]

I would do Houston to Austin. Whatever.

[Adal Rifai]

I mean, honestly.

[JPC]

Honestly, a lot of people in Texas.

[Adal Rifai]

San Antonio, Dallas and Austin are two way more spread out than you would think. Too spread out. Let's do some more of these ditloids. Okay, this one is 12m of a J. 12m of a J.

[Aaron Keefe]

12 months. 12.

[JPC]

12 months of a January. 12 monkeys on a jury. These monkeys can't pick out who's guilty.

[Adal Rifai]

I do want to see a seed.

[JPC]

Oh, wait, is it 12 men in brackets. Angry of a jury.

[Adal Rifai]

I mean, JBC, you pretty much have it if you just sort of zoom out of men into maybe a wider populace.

[JPC]

Or what if I zoom in on their members?

[Aaron Keefe]

12 marks on a jury. Tall guys named mark.

[Adal Rifai]

It is 12 members of a jury. JPC got it right by using backward math. If you want to see a scene.

[JPC]

AKA Jamatria.

[Adal Rifai]

JPC and Aaron, you are two members of a jury. Aaron, you are the one monkey of the jury. Jpc, you're just one of the regular humans who's on the jury, and you're trying to. And you're trying to talk to the monkey to get them to agree to the verdict.

[JPC]

Yeah, look, you're the only holdout, okay? The other 10, you know, people in there, they just want to go home.

[Aaron Keefe]

And he's innocent.

[JPC]

He's not.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's innocent.

[JPC]

He's. I mean, he's really. The state. I mean, look, I hate. I hate the whole process here as well, but the state painted a pretty compelling picture. I mean, this is a. This is a pretty violent guy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah. Remind me, was there video evidence of him doing it? Was there a video of it?

[JPC]

Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I know. I know.

[JPC]

Unmistakable. They even brought in. They even brought in an expert saying it could not be a deepfake. There were eyewitnesses. He confessed, which I know technically got thrown out. We're not supposed to talk about that, but.

[Aaron Keefe]

Right, right.

[JPC]

We all just want to go home. Look, this is like a really. It's a pretty clear. Don't you have a family that you want to get back to?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah, of course. I just think he's innocent, and I'm standing on principle. The monkey's holding something behind his back.

[JPC]

Hey, look, I see that you. I see that you have something behind your back. Okay?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's. You're a monkey. I'm a human. I'm, like, four feet taller than you. I can see. I can see kind of at this angle. You're holding something behind your back.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay?

[JPC]

Do you not want to. Do you just not want to leave? What is it? What do you have back there?

[Aaron Keefe]

Duh. The defense handed me a banana. No, I swear, I don't take bribes. But We've been here three weeks. We're getting paid $15 a day. Come on, man, please.

[JPC]

That's. You know how many bananas you could buy with $15 a day?

[Aaron Keefe]

Innocent. Innocent.

[Adal Rifai]

We cut to two hours later. All right, this trial has been going on for 22 days. Has the jury reached a verdict?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, you, Honor.

[JPC]

Yes, your Honor. Sorry. Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

Which one is the. Honor, which one is the form?

[JPC]

I'm the foreman.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is the foreman.

[JPC]

This is the foreign monkey. You made both. I don't know. Why?

[Adal Rifai]

Really?

[Aaron Keefe]

Because I put up a stink when you Said foreman. I started to cry. I felt left out.

[Adal Rifai]

That's right.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Your honor, we've come to a verdict.

[JPC]

We've come to a verdict.

[Aaron Keefe]

And we, the people of the jury.

[JPC]

And one monkey.

[Aaron Keefe]

And one monkey.

[Adal Rifai]

Thank you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Find the defendant innocent. And it pants to the jury. And we're all eating bananas.

[JPC]

Guys.

[Aaron Keefe]

So dumb.

[Adal Rifai]

Why doesn't 12 Angry Monkeys exist as a movie?

[JPC]

Is it 12 months?

[Aaron Keefe]

I haven't written it yet. Guys, gang, come on. Pen to paper. We can do it. Dream bigger.

[JPC]

I like Aaron's idea for a movie which is 12 normal marks where it just happens to be. There's a whole jury that's selected and everyone's name is Mark.

[Aaron Keefe]

But that sounds like not a fun set to be on 12 guys that could believably play a bark. I don't know if that's a fun set.

[JPC]

Let's talk about it. Who are we casting? We have to only cast Marks.

[Adal Rifai]

That's what I was gonna say is I think we do all stunt casting and they play themselves. Number one with a bullet. Mark Ruffalo.

[JPC]

Ruffalo. Ruffalo has to be our lead. He's got lead energy. Yes, Wahlberg, we could use. I guess we have to.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mark.

[JPC]

We have to have Marks Zuckerberg. Don't say because I listened to Mark. We need marks. Do 10 other marks.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Cuban.

[Adal Rifai]

Mark McGuire.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mark McGuire.

[JPC]

Mark McGrath.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mark McGrath.

[JPC]

Sugar Ray.

[Adal Rifai]

Mark the shark is a friend of mine. He's a shark that's a friend of mine.

[JPC]

Uh huh. I almost. I swear to God, I almost said Marky Mark. Forgetting that that's Mark Rolber.

[Adal Rifai]

That's also Mark Rolberg. A guy who's the sort of object of our grift. Totally.

[JPC]

Uh huh. Like a Mark. God, are there not enough. Could we do Marcus Aurelius?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, can we get him up?

[Adal Rifai]

We have to.

[Aaron Keefe]

His agent is pretty intense though.

[Adal Rifai]

Mark Polo. I mean, I call him Mark. Yeah, Mark Polo.

[JPC]

Marcus Aurelius.

[Adal Rifai]

Stoicism.

[JPC]

Are we really out of Marx? Mark?

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, Mark Summers.

[JPC]

Mark Summers. He's actually. He would be great in this film. He would be great in this film.

[Adal Rifai]

Is that his name? The host of Double Dare?

[Aaron Keefe]

Marco Polo.

[Adal Rifai]

Did you say Marco Polo?

[JPC]

I already said Marco Polo.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, I said Marco Polo. Did you say Marco Polo?

[Aaron Keefe]

I know, I'm saying Marco.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, Marco.

[Aaron Keefe]

His two brother Marco.

[JPC]

Guys, let's get him in. Oh man.

[Adal Rifai]

Not enough marks in entertainment.

[JPC]

Yeah, we don't really have a lot. Okay, let's see.

[Adal Rifai]

We're missing a bit.

[JPC]

Who we miss Mark Twain. Dead.

[Adal Rifai]

Mark Twain was Campbell. Samuel Clemens.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mark Campbell is a improviser that we know. Mark Hamill, I was like, oh, from Chicago. Mark Hamill would be great.

[JPC]

Mark Strong, the British actor. Mark Strong. Oh.

[Adal Rifai]

Always plays a villain.

[JPC]

Mm. Mark Prosh, who is the guy from what we do in Shadows. He's the energy vampire.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, great.

[JPC]

He's a Mark, that's enough.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, we Definitely got to 12.

[Adal Rifai]

I find us not guilty of taking a quick little break.

[JPC]

Oh, and Vin Diesel's name is Mark. Mark Sinclair.

[Aaron Keefe]

I forgot that you're kidding.

[JPC]

I forgot that his name was Mark. Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

We get to cast Vin Diesel. This is gonna be the best break on the show.

[JPC]

By the way. You cast Vin Diesel. He shows up halfway through the movie, and people are like, what is this shit? And then you, like, see in the credits that he's. He's credited himself for just this role as his birth name. Fantastic.

[Adal Rifai]

And on Instagram, him and Mark Summers are in a huge tiff.

[JPC]

Huge tiff. Hate each other because they both have it in their contract, so they can't lose a fight. It's Mark. Mark Summers will not back down from a double dare. That's in his contract.

[Aaron Keefe]

See you after the break.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron. JPC, thanks for meeting me here again. My name is Dr. Responsibility, and if you're anything like me, you didn't start your business to spend the bulk of your time managing your finances. Am I right?

[JPC]

Yeah, technically, that's why I started it. But I know I'm in the minority here.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm here for a broken arm because I thought you were a doctor, but keep going. I love what you're saying.

[Adal Rifai]

I'm a doctor of responsibility. Taps, hat, shirt, pretending it's a diploma. But between budgeting, tracking expenses, and staying organized for tax time, there goes a good chunk of your day. Get back to doing what you love and let Found do the rest.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, right. Found is business banking. Designed for small business owners just like us.

[JPC]

Yeah, for small businesses and solo entrepreneurs, Found is, in my opinion, the only financial tool you need. Say goodbye to switching between multiple finance apps and tools. It's an all in one, easy to use app. Plus, it lets you manage your financial tasks effortlessly. Manage your money, track your spending, invoice your clients, and even handle your taxes so you can focus on running your business. Dr. Responsibility, what is your business? It seems to be all the trappings of a medical office.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, my business is this frozen yogurt stand that also sells advice.

[JPC]

Hey, does kind of look like a medical office, but I guess it could sell Frozen. You're in it.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, check out some of Found's 30,000 positive customer reviews and see why over 500,000 small business owners like me choose Found.

[Aaron Keefe]

You can instantly send professional invoices and pay your contractors for free and simplified tax tools. Estimate your tax bill for you in real time. Auto saving what you owe to make tax time seamless. Oof. That would. That would eliminate a lot of stress.

[JPC]

Okay, I guess Dr. Responsibility, we'll try it. We'll try Found and I guess we'll take two of the non fat vanillas.

[Adal Rifai]

Perfect. I just checked my shirt and it turns out I'm a professor. Professor responsibility. Sorry about that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sign up for Found free today at F o u n d.com riddle r I d l e found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Piermont bank member fdic. Found's core features are free. They also offer an optional paid product, Found plus.

[JPC]

So where do we stand on the non fat vanilla?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, that's not coming.

[JPC]

Huh?

[Adal Rifai]

I'll bring it later.

[Aaron Keefe]

My arm is still broken.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, whoops.

[JPC]

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh, yes, yes. My plan is coming to fruition.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's begging us to ask.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, hey, are you gonna cross the street or.

[JPC]

No, no, I'm actually here on the street telling people about how evil a certain podcast host JPC is. I feel like telling people face to face is the best way to kind of get information out about a specific person.

[Adal Rifai]

Nah, you should use Squarespace as a husha wata tuza.

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[Adal Rifai]

Make a sweet little website on Squarespace. You've never heard of Squarespace?

[Aaron Keefe]

Squeaker. Who da. What a what?

[JPC]

She hasn't either. I'm not weird.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I just got jealous of you making that noise. It sounded so fun.

[JPC]

What is Squarespace?

[Adal Rifai]

Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs or little guys like you who are evil or whatever to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience more so than face to face and sell anything from products to content to time. All in one place. All on your terms.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, Adel. It's so easy to sell stuff on your website. You can sell access to your content like online courses, blogs, videos and memberships. You can earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set a price and choose whether to charge a one time fee or a subscription for access.

[JPC]

I think there's Also been a miscommunication. JPC is the bad one. I'm not a little weird evil guy. Use it. Evil.

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, Huzzy Wuzzy. Whosey. What a. Huh.

[JPC]

I feel like I'm being made fun of. No, I mean it sounds like Squarespace has SEO tools. You can get discovered fast with integrated SEO tools. And every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated site map and more. So you show up more often to more people in global search engine results. Which I guess sounds like it's faster than just telling individuals on the street.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. Why did you act like you didn't know what Squarespace was?

[Aaron Keefe]

Also, you can connect major social and multimedia accounts to your website in a few clicks as icons, direct links, or embedded feeds. Build visitor trust while updating content only where you need it, extending your brand's footprint. Sellers can also sync their product catalog directly with Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and Google to reach more customers and reduce the steps for purchase. Huzzy Wuzzy Hoozy, huh? It's so fun. Adel, you gotta try it.

[Adal Rifai]

Lyft's little guy on my shoulders. So head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch squarespace.com riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Huzzah. Who's a wuzzy?

[Aaron Keefe]

Wuzzy Hizzy Hoozy Huzzy. What?

[JPC]

Wow. Thank you. Finally I'll be able to get the truth out about jpc.

[Aaron Keefe]

Huzzy. Who's he? Whaty? Who?

[Adal Rifai]

You're not. JPC shoves down a sewer.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm having so much fun. Ding dong. Me, me, me, me.

[Adal Rifai]

Hi, hi, hi, hi. It's me, me, me, me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hi.

[JPC]

Hi. Oh, hi, jpc.

[Aaron Keefe]

We're at your house. We're caroling.

[JPC]

I'm just making my big holiday dinner for my big holiday family. What are you guys doing here?

[Aaron Keefe]

We're caroling. There's no better way to.

[JPC]

Oh, you guys are dressed up like the cult movie Carol. Okay, interesting. Adol. Interesting for you. Choice for you, Aaron. Kind of makes sense.

[Adal Rifai]

I wish I knew what this looked like.

[Aaron Keefe]

The holidays are about connecting with your loved ones. And there's no better way way to do that than with a digital picture frame from Aura.

[Adal Rifai]

And I don't sing, but I think this product is amazing. I got one for my mom and she's obsessed with it. It's the best thing she's ever gotten. She says, he doesn't sing.

[JPC]

He says, that hits a pitch perfect.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ooh, it's the best digital photo frame gbc. And we love it so much we want to sing about it.

[JPC]

Yeah, no, I'm familiar with aura frames. They make great gifts. I actually give them to all of my loved ones who are actually here kind of enjoying a holiday meal right now. So I should probably get.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, I can see Dior frame. I'm gonna wait until a picture of me comes up.

[JPC]

Oh, wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a picture of you and your wife and your kid. That's so cute.

[JPC]

No, no need to. No need to wait. No need to wait around. You know what you could do, Erin, is you could save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling Carver matte frames by using promo code riddle at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code riddle. And this deal is exclusive to our listeners. So get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply.

[Adal Rifai]

Sounds pretty good, jpc. But now sing it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, and sing it.

[JPC]

I make my family eat horse meat. I make my family horse meat. We gotta go.

[Adal Rifai]

We gotta go.

[JPC]

Don't go there eating horse meat. They all think it's dog.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, clip that for me, Casey. I can't just live here. I need that one forever.

[JPC]

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[Aaron Keefe]

You'll all be happy to know that we took a three minute break and we got in three fights during the break.

[Adal Rifai]

No, Aaron. We got in three fights.

[Aaron Keefe]

This okay. Fight number four. Here we fucking go.

[JPC]

Here we go.

[Adal Rifai]

Here's some more Dit. Lloyds. We got the last one right. It was 12 members of a jury. Aaron, this one. This is Aaron. And Aaron's alone. Jbc. You can try, but I don't think you'll get this. Aaron, this is a little birthday ditloid. Okay, 76 TL. The BP. 76 TL the BP.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, it's your birthday. Why would I single you out for this?

[JPC]

76 TL the BP.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, 76 TL the BP. Now, Aaron, I think the number's gonna be a huge help on this.

[Aaron Keefe]

76 and, oh. 76 trombones led the big parade.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

And 110 cornets right behind. They were followed by rose and rose by the final.

[JPC]

You were right that I would never have gotten that.

[Adal Rifai]

That's what I.

[JPC]

76. What is it?

[Aaron Keefe]

Trombones, Trombones led the big parade and you know.

[JPC]

Is that a song from Music Man?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[JPC]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would say it's the most famous song for Music Man. Okay, maybe Trouble Jade.

[Adal Rifai]

I prefer the talk top. Cheap, cheap.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pick a little, Talk a little Pick a little Talk a little Cheap, cheap, cheap Talk a lot Pick a little more.

[JPC]

I'm the very model of a model of Major General.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's parts of it I normally can't. I don't recognize 76 trombones unless I'm marching. I can't. I can't think about it unless I'm marching.

[Adal Rifai]

That makes sense. Arin, I'm so sorry.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you.

[Adal Rifai]

Wait a minute.

[JPC]

What a cast for that. 76 extras. That's insane.

[Adal Rifai]

What if it was 76 Tom Bones? Who were some Toms. We're casting Tom Hanks, number one with a bullet.

[JPC]

What if it was 76 Ken Bones? Huh? We remember him.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Adal Rifai]

Unfortunately, 2000, I want to say.

[Aaron Keefe]

Can'T think of another Tom Cruise.

[Adal Rifai]

Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise. And they'll. And it'll be like a nutty professor situation where they'll put on different prosthetics.

[Aaron Keefe]

Do you think they've met?

[JPC]

Oh, Hanks and Tom Cruise.

[Adal Rifai]

I think they've met, but I feel like it was a very quick interaction because Tom Hanks is going to be a lot taller than Tom Cruise, unfortunately. And I think Tom Cruise really gets annoyed by that.

[JPC]

Here's the more important question, not, do we think they've met? Do we think they've hung out? I don't think as a celebrity, maybe you do. I don't think that you hang out, like, often. No, but I think it would be fun to see them one on one.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, you think that? Or is the question, like, hang out? Just them.

[Adal Rifai]

I want to see a scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, God.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, Aaron, you are Tom Cruise. Jpc. Well, wait, Aaron, it's your birthday. It was a month ago. Who do you prefer of the two?

[Aaron Keefe]

Tom, I would like to watch you two do this scene.

[JPC]

Wait.

[Adal Rifai]

Not an option. So are you Tom Cruise?

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm Tom Cruise.

[Adal Rifai]

You're Tom Hanks.

[JPC]

Tom Hanks.

[Adal Rifai]

And this is the two of you on your first. You've met before, but this is your first real hang.

[JPC]

Got it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pulls up on motorcycle, takes off helmet, shakes out hair, keeps on aviators. Walks up to the fire escape, jumps, pulls himself up, runs to the top of the building, gets to the top. Run, jump off air. Glides down, down. Lands on a train immediately. Does a backflip on the train. Fights what's his name? As James Bond. What's his name? What's his name?

[JPC]

Daniel Craig.

[Aaron Keefe]

Daniel Craig as James Bond, does a front flip over him, Breaks ankles, breaks ankle. Back to set, back to set. Keeps running, Takes off mask, it's Tom Cruise. Still runs, runs, runs, runs, runs, runs, runs. Belly flop.

[JPC]

Gets off the motorcycle. Tom, where are you going? Tom? They showed up together.

[Aaron Keefe]

They showed up together.

[JPC]

But Tom Cruise had something else to do.

[Aaron Keefe]

We see. I love that. Thank you.

[Adal Rifai]

I bet in Tom Cruise's mind. Have you guys played horse before?

[JPC]

Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

I bet that was. That's like Tom Cruise's version of horse is like, okay, off the paraglider.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Out of the airplane, land on the bike, through the boxes. Like, I feel like that's his.

[JPC]

And then it's like he does it. And you're like, well, no one else even wants to do that.

[Adal Rifai]

What do you have to prove, man?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, no one wants this.

[Adal Rifai]

Those side to side comparisons of you and Wilford Brimley at the same age. You won, dude. What do you want?

[JPC]

I do like the idea of two celebrities hanging out one on one. Cause I'm like, what do you do as a leisure activity when you have that much wealth, power and prestige?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know.

[JPC]

Golf, I guess it must be golf. It must be like, if Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks were gonna get together, it'd probably be a golf game, right? Yeah, yeah. What else? Yeah, what else? What else is there?

[Adal Rifai]

Smoke cigars. I feel like that was popular for a while for celebrities.

[JPC]

Yeah. You see all the time, like celebrities that are in relationships with other celebrities. And I understand that to a certain degree because it's like your life is so crazy that you kind of maybe want to be with someone else that understands that, like the lifestyle that you live, even though, like some of it feels like staged and forced, but two celebrities just kind of like hanging out. I was like, that's like, not really a story that we see as often. I'm not sure if that's just not as popular in, like, tabloid press. But it would be very funny if tabloids covered the way they cover relationships. Like they cover, like, celebrities just being, like, friends and, like, playing FIFA together.

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, I'd read that.

[Adal Rifai]

I feel like they probably play FIFA together.

[JPC]

Yeah, that's probably true.

[Adal Rifai]

I feel probably the number one thing when two A listers hang out, honestly, probably what they do is shit on other celebrities.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, that's what I would do.

[JPC]

That's what I do when I hang out with anyone.

[Aaron Keefe]

Shit on celebrities.

[JPC]

Shit on celebrities.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, let's do another one here. This is going to be 8 tea on an O. 8T on an O.

[JPC]

8 toasts on an order. So when I get breakfast, what I do is they like toast or pancakes and I go, toast, toast, toast, toast, toast. And now they have to bring eight toast. Eight T's on an O.

[Adal Rifai]

Eight. Eight T's on an O. O.

[JPC]

That's very good. Very funny at all. Eight T's on an O.

[Aaron Keefe]

18 on a eight tricks. Eight.

[Adal Rifai]

Now I'll say the T is going to be the hardest word to guess. So focus.

[JPC]

But there's only two words to guess.

[Adal Rifai]

Focus on the eight and focus on the O. T is plural.

[JPC]

Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Eight tentacles on an octopus.

[Adal Rifai]

It is eight tentacles on an octopus.

[JPC]

Mm. Mm.

[Adal Rifai]

Remember when that octopus was. Maybe it's still doing it. Maybe it's dead. Remember when that octopus was, like, predicting World cup winners and shit?

[Aaron Keefe]

What are you talking about?

[JPC]

Wasn't that fake? Didn't they say that that was, like, staged?

[Adal Rifai]

No, don't do this. Oh, that's the one thing I had going for me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Next thing you're gonna tell me is that video of the bear is fake too.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron.

[JPC]

No. Jeremy Allen White, he really. He really is the bear.

[Adal Rifai]

You gotta send us that video. I gotta send us.

[Aaron Keefe]

I did. I put it in the chat.

[JPC]

She did put it in the chat. And it was just Jeremy Allen White.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it wasn't.

[JPC]

Yeah, my favorite part about Jeremy Allen White on the bear is that he's a super stressed out restaurateur and smokes like four packs of cigarettes a day. And he looks like he is a professional wrestler. He's got the physique of a famous actor.

[Adal Rifai]

To be fair. He very recently played a professional wrestler.

[JPC]

Yeah, I know. That's what, what I'm saying. Like, he. He looks like he didn't do a lot of work getting into. He looks like he did a lot of work getting into the wrestler character. And then instead of doing that Work in Opposite Said. You know what? It's actually awesome to have the body of a professional wrestler. Maybe I'll just keep this for my life. It was funny when, honestly, more actors should do. It's like, if you. Yeah. If you want to be, like, a famous actor, like, you should just look like a gorgeous person. Like, why. Why do the thing that, like. Oh, God. What's the. What's the actor that destroys his body? The psychopath. Christian Bale. Why do the thing that Christian Bale does where it's like, yeah, I'm gonna take this role on. I'm gonna. I'm gonna lose £250 for it, and then I'm gonna gain. Next week. I'm gonna gain 860. It's like, don't do that. Yeah, Just be like, hey, I'm Jake now. Like, I'm a new character. I don't give a shit. It's two hours of my life. I don't need you to, like. I don't need you to, like, physically transform.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would love to take that acting class. Just say, hey, I'm Jake now. What else do you want me to say? Get out of here.

[JPC]

Just say your name three times in the first five minutes of the movie, and I'm good. I don't need to do anything else.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, the machinist was not worth it. I watched that movie. Wasn't worth what you did, Christian.

[JPC]

Yeah, I watched the machinist, too, and the whole time I thought, hey, I wonder why this guy did this. Doesn't seem good.

[Adal Rifai]

7C of the R. 7C of the.

[JPC]

R. The Seven Seas of the real world, baby.

[Adal Rifai]

Hmm.

[Aaron Keefe]

Colors of the rainbow, Aaron.

[Adal Rifai]

It's the seven colors of the rainbow.

[JPC]

But, Aaron, can you list them?

[Aaron Keefe]

Mercury, stars, clovers, something in balloons.

[JPC]

I think I did the order right. It's heart, stars and rainbows. Clovers and balloons.

[Aaron Keefe]

Blue moons.

[Adal Rifai]

You gotta have a beard.

[JPC]

Balloons, huh?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I do.

[Adal Rifai]

Want to see a scene? Sure. Aaron, you have followed the mythical rainbow to its end, and you have found a pot of gold. It is guarded by jpc, who is not a leprechaun, but just some guy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. I love it.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Aaron Keefe]

It does exist.

[JPC]

Not so fast. You've. Hold on. Not so fast. Not so fast. You found me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sorry, is now a bad time?

[JPC]

No, no, I'm sorry. It's like a. You're. Congratulations. You. Not many people. Not so fast. You found me. Treasure. Me treasure. I'm not gonna say you found my treasure. You found my treasure.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sorry. You're wiping the sleep out of your eyes. I can come back?

[JPC]

Well, it'd be hard because, you know, the rainbow's not always here, so it's like if you come back, you kind of miss out. Let me start over. I'm just gonna. You know. You know what? It tears up note cards. I'm just gonna shoot from the hip.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[JPC]

You found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Congratulations. I am a. Well, I'm not a leprechaun. I shouldn't say I'm a leprechaun. Are you a leprechaun? No, this is a job traditionally held by leprechauns, but.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. What happened? There's a dead leprechaun, like, right next to you.

[JPC]

No, that's. Thank you for pointing that out. That is. That is what that looks like. Correct. This is a rock with moss grown over it. I mean, touch it. This is not a dead.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm not talking about the rock. I'm talking about the dead leprechaun. Next.

[JPC]

Oh, my God. Oh, no. That's Mickey. That's my shift supervisor. Oh, God. He's. Oh, he's dead. He's dead. Oh, I was sleeping. You saw that? I was sleeping when you came up. I mean, I wasn't. Oh, how do I do this? I'm gonna lose my job.

[Adal Rifai]

We cut the four weeks later. It has been a prolonged and trying several weeks, but has the jury reached a verdict?

[Aaron Keefe]

We, the monkeys. And the. One human.

[JPC]

And one human.

[Aaron Keefe]

Find the defendant banana.

[JPC]

Banana.

[Adal Rifai]

Sweet. Find the defendant banana.

[JPC]

We find the defendant banana.

[Adal Rifai]

Here we go. This is 1B in the H is wt in the B.

[JPC]

One don't say, but 1B in the H, say or.

[Adal Rifai]

And the H. 1B in the H is Wt in the B. And of course, grievous in the heart.

[JPC]

Oh, okay. I got it. It's like one bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

[Adal Rifai]

That's right.

[Aaron Keefe]

What does that mean?

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, can you real quick, before we explain this to you, can you real quick do your George W. Impression?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, of course. He gave me a banana, so I let him do whatever he wanted. Sorry, did I get it wrong?

[Adal Rifai]

Actually, pretty. Did not.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did. JD Gave me a banana. Wait, which one is George W. I got it right.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, I believe a bird in the hand is worse. Two in the bush is the idea of if you've already caught the bird. Because back in the olden days, people would go into bushes and try and grab birds. And if you have one in your hand, you're like, I can Go home with one bird, but then you see two in the bush. If you try and go after two, you may get zero. So that one in your hand is worth more than the hypothetical two that you may or may not catch.

[Aaron Keefe]

So you're saying I shouldn't continue being the point of this love triangle that I'm in?

[Adal Rifai]

No, Aaron, the opposite.

[JPC]

All right, let me do. Give. Let me do it for this, Aaron. Why G O for B when you have S at home?

[Aaron Keefe]

Why get the milk for free when you have A?

[Adal Rifai]

Why go out for burgers when you have steak at home?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know. I don't know.

[JPC]

You have to use these things, Aaron. You have to use these little friendly mnemonic devices, because if you don't, you'll.

[Aaron Keefe]

Forget that you have a wife.

[JPC]

You'll forget not to cheat, and you'll just go out and, like, you know, fuck a bunch of people. And you're like, oh, wait a second, I have. Oh, that. Oh, no, that's right. You know when you go to a.

[Aaron Keefe]

Bachelor party and you don't have object permanence like a baby, and you forget you have a girlfriend and you give your number away to a girl. No.

[JPC]

Uh.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh.

[Aaron Keefe]

People don't remember that.

[JPC]

Oh. Oh, no. You know what? You know what? I was. I wanted to help her because she seemed downtrodden.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, is that what it was? Gpc.

[JPC]

Yeah. So what I was doing there was. I was help. I was going to help her. She mentioned. And I know a guy who teaches cooking classes. So I was going to be. I was going to connect them in a professional.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, guess cat's out of the bag. I'm JPC's wife, and it's hell.

[JPC]

Oh. Just because I have a wife doesn't mean I can't network professionally with women. Wow, Aaron, that sucks.

[Aaron Keefe]

That sucks so bad. I Love it.

[Adal Rifai]

Using LinkedIn as a dating service.

[JPC]

Man.

[Adal Rifai]

How about 1e on a C? 1e on a C. This is. This is probably our toughest challenge yet, but really focus on that one. And then what? E and a C might be one E on a C, one ear on a corn.

[JPC]

One ear on a corn.

[Adal Rifai]

I mean, that's a fantastic start.

[JPC]

Thank you. That's a fantastic start.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes. 1.1E on a C. And think of.

[JPC]

One I on a corn.

[Adal Rifai]

Fiction. You got part of that right.

[Aaron Keefe]

1 I.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

On a cyclops.

[Adal Rifai]

On a cyclops.

[JPC]

Cyclopolis.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's hard.

[Adal Rifai]

Psychoclopsyclus is, of course, Adam Driver's new movie.

[Aaron Keefe]

That was a hard one.

[Adal Rifai]

Coppola yeah. Megalopolis was the hard one, Aaron. Did anybody see that?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Adal Rifai]

I wanted to so bad. There's a part of the movie where somebody, an actor comes down and talks to the screen or something. Have you heard this? You seen this?

[JPC]

I. Here's the thing with Megalopolis. I didn't see it in theaters and I feel like I've missed my chance. It's not going to be the type of movie that you are going to want to watch at home.

[Adal Rifai]

No, no. You want to see the craziness on. You want to see Adam Driver rap for Aubrey Plaza on the big screen.

[JPC]

You want to see like, you want to be there thinking the whole time, why did they do this? Why did this man do this?

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, we got to see review crew at some point.

[JPC]

No, please. Isn't it like also like three hours if we watch a bad movie? Like, can't we just watch a 90 minute bad movie? I love a 90 minute bad movie.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, at some point. Maybe not this Christmas, but at some point. There's a new movie on Netflix. It's Lacey Chabert or Schabert from Mean Girls and Dustin Milligan and it's called Hot Frosty. And what it is, we're watching it. A woman dates like a super fuckable Frosty the Snowman. It says snowman who turns into a hot.

[Aaron Keefe]

Say fucking less. We are watching this.

[JPC]

Please, you guys, there are so many. I mean, obviously, like now I feel like within the last 10 years it's become kind of a meme that there are so many of these bad Christmas movies. But there are so many of these bad Christmas movies. I mean, you could almost. And I'm sure this already exists. Do an entire spin off podcast where we just review weekly bad Christmas movies and you'd never run.

[Adal Rifai]

I think we're doing it. Oh, I thought we'd all three say doing it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Banana.

[Adal Rifai]

Speaking of bananas, Aaron, doesn't it sound so appealing to play a listener? Voicemail Appealing.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, it does.

[JPC]

Wow. Appealing, appealing. I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.

[Adal Rifai]

I want a riddle. Want a puzzy?

[JPC]

Want a riddle? Want a pundy?

[Adal Rifai]

Want a riddle?

[JPC]

Riddle, riddle, riddle, riddle. If you want to leave a voicemail, you gotta call Eric and Adam. Don't forget kc. Are you Kevin? Then you suzies looking for some relief? Call and leave a voicemail unless you're 13. I mean seriously, you shouldn't even be listening to this. Wow, I love that. That was Josh sent That in. Thank you so much, Josh.

[Aaron Keefe]

And he used my name.

[JPC]

Stop leaving voicemails if you're 13. I just got. I have to delete. Stop saying that you're 13. And then.

[Adal Rifai]

Fantastic.

[Aaron Keefe]

That was amazing song.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, hi, this is Katie.

[JPC]

I'm calling from my car. I'll be officiating my brother's wedding in fall, and I was wondering if you had any advice or recommendations for how to be the world's best efficient.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you, Bye.

[JPC]

All right, Katie. Officiating brother's wedding in fall. And by the way, we're still in fall. I know a lot of people think, oh, it's December. This isn't fall. Fuck you, it's fall. It's fall until the 21st, baby. So we're not late to this.

[Aaron Keefe]

We're late.

[JPC]

Yeah, we're late.

[Adal Rifai]

I would say two tips. One, the best efficient is efficient to keep things moving.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

I'm sure you have all sort of wonderful stories and things to tell, but you gotta keep things moving. Get in, get out. Make it funny, make it fun. Don't spend too long on your portion of it. Number two, I would say put your brother on blast quickly. Maybe mention some embarrassing posters on his bedroom walls when he was younger. Maybe mention something silly he did or a part of his body he broke or something. Put your brother on blast.

[JPC]

Yeah, put your brother on blast.

[Aaron Keefe]

I like it when an officiant and clearly took time to talk to each person and the couple about it before to gather little bits and stories from them. And then also people they knew would be attending the wedding and maybe drop a couple things from that in there. And so. And so here remembered seeing you guys fall in love at a bar and this person remembers this. It makes bring the audience into it a little bit.

[Adal Rifai]

Devin remembers being on a motorcycle, watching you fuck in a car.

[Aaron Keefe]

Exactly. Something like that.

[JPC]

Mm. I like it when an officiant at a wedding, in lieu of doing the normal, like, officiating thing, sings the Black Eyed Pea song, let's get it started. But the real version, the one they don't want you to sing, the one they won't let you sing when you sing that song.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, boy.

[JPC]

Do that every time and.

[Aaron Keefe]

Addle anything to plug.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, I wanna plug the Black Eyed Peas.

[Aaron Keefe]

Let's just go.

[Adal Rifai]

But the real version, and the bass goes running, running and running, running.

[Aaron Keefe]

Monday, Monday.

[JPC]

Oh, I wanted to go, oh, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

How do I have anything to plug?

[JPC]

You should have officiated a wedding.

[Adal Rifai]

Boy, do I have anything to plug. Here's what else I Want to plug the Erin Keefs of the world? They typically have birthdays on November 10th, so I guess every November 10th, remember whatever. Aaron Keefe, you know, and wish them a happy birthday though that was a month ago. Aaron, my 33 year old friend about to beat Jesus.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

Anything you'd like to plug or promote?

[JPC]

About to meet Jesus Closer, I would.

[Aaron Keefe]

Say if you're in New York City and you have the means to go see O Mary or the Big Gay Jamboree. I saw those two shows last time I was in New York and I think that they're really special and they're written by LGBTQ people and I really loved them both. There was a moment, if anyone knows Marla who wrote the Big Gay Jamboree, she does a joke about the musical Songs from a New World and the joke was so funny and so specific and niche and made me laugh so hard. And if anyone can tell her how much I loved that joke, please pass that along. If you are in New York, go see those shows. They are great. Jbc, anything south of what I heard.

[JPC]

That joke was improvised. Hey look, I think something that we can all agree that we want to plug is a Christmas movie streaming now on Paramount. Called Dear Santa. This Christmas comedy tells the story of a young boy who mixes up his spelling when writing his letter to Santa and sends his Christmas list to Satan instead. The movie stars Jack Black as Satan along with Keegan, Michael Key and Jason Alexander. I mean, look, that movie sounds like a hit. That actually sounds fucking good.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I'm in.

[JPC]

So anyway, that's what I would like to plug. Should I read a review? Yeah, why not? Let's read a review. If you want to get a five star review featured on the show, just send one in anywhere that you write five star reviews. This one's coming from Angry Pig and it says torture question mark. We trapped these podcast hosts in a financial dependent prison where they have to answer riddles to get an office job. They are really making the most of it and taking advantage of the space. If you get the Patreon, the level of torture ups with forced feedings and more control over their days and removal of their freedom. Are they okay? Are we okay? This is fine. 5 stars.

[Adal Rifai]

In the not too distant future, we are sort of living a mystery science theater 3000 situation.

[JPC]

Yeah, sometimes. Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well everybody Jupiter.

[JPC]

Especially when we review holiday movies all season long.

[Aaron Keefe]

And a very happy night. That's not what they say. And to all a good night. Sorry Casey.

[JPC]

Toby did the editing. Logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nabor. Hey there gonzos and demons. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We have Janet Varney on for another chatterbox. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com hey Riddler. By joining the clue crew for $5 a month or sorry 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron Keefe]

That was a Headgum podcast.

[Adal Rifai]

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