#334: I Boffed Off Mic

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle – Episode #334: "I Boffed Off Mic"

Release Date: December 11, 2024

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1. Birthday Gift Banter ([00:02] – [03:07])

The episode kicks off with the hosts—Aaron Keefe, John Patrick Coan (JPC), and Adal Rifai (Adel)—engaging in playful banter about birthday and Christmas gifts. JPC humorously laments receiving an "elephant" sound instead of an actual elephant, leading to jokes about broken glass receipts and returning impractical gifts.

Notable Quote:

• JPC ([02:04]): "So I guess what you both got me for my birthday is more work for Casey."

2. Discussing Podcast Dynamics and Formula ([07:08] – [08:28])

Aaron introduces a humorous critique of a morning radio show formula, referencing terms like "dick, dork, and deer." The trio debates the appropriateness of such roles, with Adel and JPC expressing discomfort over the misogynistic undertones.

Notable Quotes:

• Aaron Keefe ([07:54]): "Now jbc, everyone shuffle. Everyone move one spot to your right."
• JPC ([08:02]): "It is the whole Morning Zoo Crew formula. I mean, I don't know if you guys remember Morning Zoo Crew, but I would say, by and large, they were like 80% misogynist drivel."

3. Assigning New Roles and Setting the Tone ([09:04] – [11:08])

The hosts decide to redefine their roles to move away from the criticized formula. Adel becomes the "deer," JPC the "dork," and Aaron embraces the role of the "dick," aiming to inject fresh dynamics into the show.

Notable Quotes:

• Aaron Keefe ([10:04]): "I'm trying to break the mold. This is feminism. And I'm going to be a monster."
• JPC ([10:25]): "You're the deer. You shouldn't know about Lewis Carroll."

4. Attempting Riddles with Comedic Flaws ([11:51] – [25:35])

The trio dives into their core segment—solving riddles. However, their attempts are fraught with humorous misunderstandings and failed guesses. They grapple with riddles about anonymous authors and perplexing scenarios, often diverting into improvised jokes and slapstick humor.

Notable Quotes:

• JPC ([12:11]): "Ed. Edd. N. Eddy."
• Adel ([12:24]): "This is us. I love you guys so much."

5. Introducing Guest Sandy and the "Last Person" Riddle Game ([48:42] – [57:29])

Guest Sandy joins the episode to present a game called "The Last of Us." This segment focuses on trivia about individuals who are the last known to have performed specific actions or held particular distinctions. The game challenges the hosts to correctly identify these individuals based on provided clues.

Notable Quotes:

• Sandy ([48:42]): "This is a game called the Last of Us. [...] I'll give you more and more facts about them until you figure out what it is they are known for."
• Adel ([50:28]): "Last person to preside over John Lennon's funeral."

6. Humorous Misinterpretations and Improvisation ([58:00] – [68:17])

As the "Last Person" game progresses, the hosts continue to misinterpret riddles, leading to exaggerated and comedic responses. Their attempts to guess correctly often spiral into absurdity, showcasing their improvisational skills and camaraderie.

Notable Quotes:

• JPC ([60:17]): "He sounded much more like an old timey. I think Babe Ruth is a bit of a... more of a drunkard."
• Adel ([62:08]): "Last person to survive the Titanic."

7. Sponsored Segments and Advertisements Skipped

Following the main content, the episode includes sponsored segments promoting RocketMoney, BetterHelp, and Squarespace. As per the summary guidelines, these sections are omitted to maintain focus on the episode's core content.

8. Conclusion and Wrap-Up ([72:51] – [75:57])

The episode winds down with the hosts promoting their Patreon and merchandise. They reflect on the fun and chaos of the episode, hinting at future content and maintaining engagement with their audience.

Notable Quotes:

• Aaron Keefe ([72:51]): "I want to plug our Patreon. Patreon.com heyriddle riddle."
• JPC ([75:02]): "This show is sponsored by BetterHelp."

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Insights and Themes

• Humor and Improvisation: The episode epitomizes the hosts' strengths in improvisational comedy, leveraging spontaneous humor and witty exchanges.

• Challenging Norms: By redefining their roles and critiquing traditional formats, the hosts showcase a commitment to evolving their content and addressing problematic elements.

• Community Engagement: Introducing games and interactive segments like "The Last of Us" fosters a sense of community and active participation among listeners.

Conclusion

"I Boffed Off Mic" is a vibrant blend of humor, improvisation, and interactive segments, underscored by the hosts' dynamic chemistry. While centered around riddles, the episode emphasizes comedic storytelling and thoughtful critiques of traditional media formats, making it both entertaining and reflective for listeners.

Transcript

[Aaron Keefe]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[JPC]

Lights are going up. Snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with carrots. It could only mean one thing. Nick Rib is here. Had participated in McDonald's for a limited time. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice in the horses. Okay, now we're a couple days early, but what did everybody get me?

[Adel]

Oh, for looks behind me. For the episode.

[Aaron Keefe]

Looks behind me.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adel]

Oh, I guess I got you. I guess I got you. Casey, insert an elephant sound here. I guess I got you an elephant, and that's kind of fun.

[JPC]

Okay. You didn't even put an elephant sound.

[Aaron Keefe]

He put the sound of breaking glass.

[JPC]

Did you have an elephant in a glass case? Doesn't matter. I don't want it. I'll. I hope there's a gift receipt. I see a gift receipt covered in broken glass so I can return that. Okay. Not bad.

[Adel]

Phew.

[JPC]

Better than last year. Erin.

[Aaron Keefe]

Birthday.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, right. Birthday.

[JPC]

Yeah. What'd you get me? What'd you get me?

[Aaron Keefe]

One year I got you a waffle maker, remember?

[JPC]

Is that a birthday gift or a Christmas gift?

[Adel]

And in the morning, I'm returning a waffle maker.

[JPC]

You always be doing that shit.

[Aaron Keefe]

Aaron, I got you an elephant. Insert elephant sound here, Casey.

[JPC]

Okay, Just more broken glass. Breaking broken glass. It's just kind of like crunching on glass.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, so.

[JPC]

So I guess what you both got me for my birthday is more work for Casey.

[Adel]

Happy birthday.

[Aaron Keefe]

Happy birthday to elephant. Happy birthday to elephant. Can you tell we're trying to sing over zoom? Happy birthday to Casey.

[Adel]

Elephant sound.

[Aaron Keefe]

Happy birthday.

[Adel]

Pops out of cake.

[Sandy]

Nude intern.

[Adel]

Elephant sounds here.

[JPC]

So you found my cake.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sounds glass breaking.

[JPC]

You found my cake. You ruined my cake with your naked body.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, happy birthday. Adela and I get into car.

[Adel]

We leave, get in the car, we drive away. Jpc, buddy. We may have skimped on the gifts, but trust me, Aaron and I brought you cake.

[JPC]

Wait, what?

[Aaron Keefe]

Come on, buddy. Happy birthday, buddy. Buddy. Come on, buddy. Do your cake impression. You love it, buddy.

[JPC]

Calling me buddy and trying to fuck me. What is this, Little League?

[Adel]

Ooh. Calling me buddy and trying to fuck me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Trying to fuck me.

[Adel]

What, are we in Little League?

[Aaron Keefe]

In Little League.

[Adel]

Ooh, that's good. That's good.

[JPC]

Aaron, that joke is in poor taste.

[Aaron Keefe]

How dare you Aaron, right before we recorded this podcast, I texted a friend, I have to focus. I have to record a riddle podcast. Turns out I didn't need to focus. Yeah, you can sort of show up in any sort of state and do this.

[JPC]

I didn't do it this year, but I did do it for my child, which I guess is kind of technically for me. But every year my birthday comes around, and I remember that I'm an adult who has the capacity to buy myself a cake. I could just buy a cake, and I could then eat a whole cake. I could do that. No one could stop me from doing it. The only person stopping me from doing it is me forgetting that I have the capacity to do that.

[Aaron Keefe]

And do you think it's like your animal brain keeping you safe to forget to do that? Because otherwise you'd do it every day?

[JPC]

I don't know that I would do it every day, but I would do it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Most days.

[JPC]

I would do it most days. Most days, I would do it.

[Adel]

These days are cake days.

[JPC]

Yeah. Cause I'm not gonna order a cake if I have half a cake in the fridge. But if I have a quarter of a cake in the fridge, I'm like, well, probably start. Get on the horn with the old cake guy, start talking options.

[Adel]

And here's a thought I had the other day, which is, if we changed the name of some foods, would that make them less appealing? So cake. Just the name. Cake. You're like.

[Aaron Keefe]

And you were sober when you had this thought, were you a little bit of an edible. Little bit of an edible. Little bit of an edible.

[Adel]

Can I talk to you over.

[Aaron Keefe]

Little bit of an edible.

[Adel]

I think a little bit of an edible.

[JPC]

What's the most delicious sounding food, though? Cause cake, to me, is pretty neutral.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mm.

[JPC]

Cake doesn't necessarily have, like, a fun, like, flavorful sounding name.

[Adel]

Cake, I think of all time just off the top of the dome, off the top of the old attic. Meat. I think creme brulee is like, ooh, nobody. You're not gonna say. If somebody came up to you on the street and just said the words creme brulee, you'd be like, yes, I'll follow you.

[JPC]

Is it because it's French? Assuming, right?

[Adel]

Oh, absolutely. French are the most delicious people.

[JPC]

Yeah. Like, dolce de leche sounds like. But that's just because it's in a foreign language, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Because if you're like, you know, if you just. Milk is not an appetizing word, but leche is like, ooh, okay. Talk to me about Leche. Put the milk over there. But talk to me about some of this leche that you.

[Adel]

Do you want some steak maybe? Do you want some carne asada? That's French for steak.

[Aaron Keefe]

Guys, can I talk to you really quick? Yeah, I. And this is sort of the dynamic of the show is I think people generally leave JPC alone when they have thoughts, and they will either tell me or Adel when they have thoughts about the show. And Adel, I wonder if you've gotten sent this video as many times as I have. Our listeners who are great, but they're honest, right? And that's scary sometimes, sent me the video, a video of somebody talking about the Conan O'Brien podcast and why it works so well. And it's because they have the Zoo Crew morning radio formula down. And people keep sending that to us going, hey, this is you guys. And. And I'm going to use words that are insulting and everyone's feelings are about to get hurt, but I'll explain it after. Okay, but the formula is dick, dork and deer. Whoa, jvc, you cannot actually do that because that's so fucked up. JVC is so fucked up.

[JPC]

I don't even think.

[Sandy]

I think.

[JPC]

I think you could hear it.

[Aaron Keefe]

And I do know which one is the dick, right?

[Adel]

Okay, speaking of dick, Richard Nixon actually had a typewriter in the White House, Matt Gourlay.

[Aaron Keefe]

So everyone's falling into place and someone. And the guy who does the puns and the smart references is over there. And then I'm the sweet one, and that's what all. And then I thought back to the morning radio show I had growing up and I would listen to on the way to school. And I went, fuck me. Well, fuck me right up. And also, I've got a little offended on behalf of women everywhere because I went, I can't believe I'm not the dick or the dork. So actually I'm gonna be the dick. Now jbc, everyone shuffle. Everyone move one spot to your right.

[Adel]

Hey, I'm the dame.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's not dame, it's a deer. And I'm the dick. Fuck you.

[JPC]

It is the whole Morning Zoo Crew formula. I mean, I don't know if you guys remember Morning Zoo Crew or if we all want to put our rose colored glasses on Morning Zoo Crew, but I would say, by and large, they were like 80% misogynist drivel. We're just like. And we're like 40% a good formula. Yeah, of course, it's 20, 24. We're 40% misogyny. To strive.

[Adel]

And I want to say, by and large, go to Costco.

[JPC]

Yeah. Not Sam's Club. We're Costco people. Huh?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Buy in small. Go to a mom and pop store. Buy and large Costco.

[JPC]

Yeah. Buy in local. I guess just like, not. Yeah, just make sure. See if, like, Sam, like, I guess, Sam's Club, that kind of defeats the formula, but, like, if someone's first name is in the business, we're usually in local. All right, well, anyway, speaking of small businesses. Local. Shop local.

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[JPC]

Shop smart. Shop local.

[Adel]

Yeah.

[JPC]

I have got some locally sourced riddles here for you guys for the show today. To show. Hey, rid of riddle.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Just as a warning, though, I'm going to be a dick. I'm trying to break the mold. This is feminism. And I'm going to be a monster.

[Adel]

And here's the thing that's kind of just incongruent with what you're aiming for, Aaron, because I fully support you being whatever you want to be.

[Aaron Keefe]

Of course.

[Adel]

I love that you're wearing the most cozy, delightful, bright red Coca Cola slices. And it's so hard. You're sitting next to one of those polar bears from the commercial.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it's cozy. It's Christmas.

[JPC]

Did you do anything, Erin, to prepare to be a dick?

[Aaron Keefe]

I thought about you and sort of the stuff you say and do. I listened to a couple episodes of favorite Orbital.

[JPC]

Kind of close to, like empathy. Kind of sounds like you were, like, thinking about another person, right? You should be thinking about yourself.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is harder than I thought.

[JPC]

Did you crank one out at least? Crank one out.

[Adel]

Crank one out. Did you crank one out?

[Aaron Keefe]

I did. Crank one out.

[Adel]

Meaning, of course. Crank call someone crank anchors.

[Aaron Keefe]

Let me try to crank one out again. Let's pause. I'm back.

[Adel]

And did you watch the all Gaston cut of Beauty and the Beast?

[Aaron Keefe]

I did.

[Adel]

Okay, great. That'll help you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did you hear it? Oh, my God. Did I not? Mute.

[JPC]

Oh, that'll make a fun after credits.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, brother.

[JPC]

All right, all right.

[Aaron Keefe]

Riddles.

[Sandy]

Fine.

[JPC]

Riddles. Wait, does that mean. Hold on. Does that mean I'm the one? I'm the dork, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

No. Oh, well, now, yeah. Well, I guess you have a choice here. Oh, yeah. No, you're not.

[JPC]

Dame.

[Aaron Keefe]

What was it?

[Adel]

It was dork. Cause there was a beep over whittle, but I didn't hear it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, dear.

[JPC]

Deer.

[Sandy]

Deer.

[Adel]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adl, you be the deer. Jbc, you be the dork, and I'll be the dick. And things are about to change over here at hey, riddle. Riddle, everybody.

[JPC]

And for the dork, just so I'm understanding of the rules of the dork, do I have a specific thing that I'm a dork about? Or is it, like, I am a dork about anything and everything?

[Aaron Keefe]

Anything and everything. It's mostly that you intellectually put things into context, so you call things out when they're silly. Like, you're sort of the smart one in the room.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Which is think about what ADL does. Usually like adults. I'm definitely like ads.

[JPC]

Okay, I'm gonna.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're smarter than us. No, I'm not saying you're smart. I'm saying you're smarter than us.

[JPC]

I'm gonna pull up Wikipedia and I'm gonna go to the Warhammer 40K article, and I should be good to go. I should be good to go. I should be able to put anything in context with. Oh, yeah, there's a ton on here.

[Aaron Keefe]

Maybe also just bring up, like, Woodrow Wilson's Wikipedia page. I don't know if that'll come up.

[Adel]

Okay. And I'm going to Google emotions.

[Aaron Keefe]

What came up?

[JPC]

Oh, I hope it's Carly Rae.

[Adel]

It is Carly Rae Brino. Brr.

[JPC]

All right, riddles. Ready for some riddles? Here we go.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Okay. We've written stories, poems, letters, complaints, arguments, and instructions. There are many of us, more than can easily be counted. We know little or nothing of each other. And even though we all have the same name, no one knows who we are.

[Adel]

Ed. Edd. N. Eddy.

[JPC]

Interesting.

[Aaron Keefe]

And that's Shakespeare.

[Adel]

Like a Nickelodeon cartoon. Eddie.

[JPC]

Ed. Edd. Nettie was a Shakespeare cartoon. Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is hard.

[JPC]

Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I thought you'd been doing this for six years.

[Adel]

Wow. And immediately the roles have switched back.

[JPC]

Hold on. Okay. Hold on. This is hard. Go ahead, Aaron. Gimme. This is hard again.

[Aaron Keefe]

Um. This is hard.

[JPC]

Ah. Hardtack was commonly eaten by the soldiers in the Civil War. It was boiling a flour and insect protein into bars. Uh, it wasn't terribly nutritious, but it did settle the hunger pains of this.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know you are, but what am I?

[Adel]

Guys, this isn't hard. This is us. I love you guys so much.

[JPC]

Okay?

[Adel]

Just like on the show. This is us.

[JPC]

Honestly, I think we did pretty well with the. The second take on that one.

[Aaron Keefe]

Anyone else feel kind of sick having the roles be switched up? I feel sick. Yeah.

[Adel]

I boffed off Mike.

[JPC]

Yeah, I ate a bunch of hardtack to kind of prep for this, so I feel fucking awful.

[Adel]

I boffed off Mike.

[Aaron Keefe]

I boffed Off Mike. Is that Kennedy? I boffed off Mike.

[Adel]

I boffed off Mike.

[Aaron Keefe]

I boffed off Mike.

[JPC]

Can I say I've been listening to a lot of hey, Riddle. Riddle. Recently, and I've been doing a project I've been doing a little project that has involved me needing to listen to past episodes. And there was. Occasionally I'd listen to a whole episode and there'd be nothing that I needed in it and nothing, like, usable. I'd be like, okay, it was a funny episode, but nothing usable. If I. Going back to when I was doing hours and hours and hours of this, if I had a gym, like, I boffed off Mike. I'd be overjoyed. I'd be overjoyed to have that.

[Adel]

I mean, just retroactively shoehorn it in. I off Mike.

[Aaron Keefe]

I bought off Mike as soon as we're done here.

[JPC]

I'll get it now. But I can't use it for what I was using it for at all.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's really good.

[Adel]

I do believe he said I had Bob mine.

[JPC]

Stay tuned for a future Patreon episode where some of these things may be my.

[Adel]

All my energy just left my body because that was so much fun.

[Aaron Keefe]

I did all I can do. Today I laughed with my friend Adel. Now it's time to rest.

[Adel]

Turn to sign from riddles to closed. Jpc. You got this, right?

[JPC]

I think we've been going for, like, 10 minutes. I don't think you can close the shop in 10 minutes.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm changing aside from I'm tired to I'm too tired. Jbc. I feel like you've got this right.

[JPC]

You didn't even make the sale.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did I not?

[JPC]

You just had fun with your coworker.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, that's sort of what it's all about.

[JPC]

Hear the riddle's still on the page.

[Aaron Keefe]

If you don't hate your job, you don't work a day in your life.

[JPC]

Do you need to hear it again? Would you like to hear it again?

[Adel]

Yeah. Okay, I got it.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm not gonna get off. I boffed off Mike.

[Adel]

Oh, hear the riddle again. No, I don't.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is for no one. This couldn't possibly be for anyone but us. It's so much fun.

[JPC]

Can you do I baft off Mike as rfk, my boss?

[Aaron Keefe]

I bought off Mic. I bought off Mike. He's such a monster.

[Adel]

We're all doing golem impressions, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

Everybody go to your Instagram, go to rfk, and then see which of the people you follow. Follow him. And then you're gonna go ahead and unfollow all those people. You're welcome.

[Adel]

Oh, can we. Before we do the. Before we hear the riddle again and try and really solve it, in case you can cut this out, can we just do a quick warm up? Tongue twister.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sure.

[Adel]

Okay, here we go. Repeat after me. I take health advice from someone who cut the head off a whale.

[Aaron Keefe]

I take health advice from someone who cut the head off a whale and horrified his children. Okay.

[JPC]

I take health advice from someone who cut the head off a whale.

[Adel]

Okay, perfect.

[JPC]

And to all of you saying, yeah, don't make fun of him. He had something happen with his throat. Well, yeah, like if the joker gets acid splashed on him and now he has a joker voice, you're still allowed to make fun of him. He's a bad guy.

[Adel]

You want to know how I got this dead bear in Central Park?

[Aaron Keefe]

In 40 years, when a professor is teaching a class on media literacy and why certain art pops up in reaction to certain political movements, this show is going to be used as an example, as something that came up during the Trump presidency, of going, hey, this is a direct reaction to the madness that was that. And you can tell because it's three people going insane.

[Adel]

Aaron, we're going to be in history books.

[Aaron Keefe]

I didn't say that. I say that we're going to kill each other in the water wars.

[JPC]

If I did. If I did absolutely zero research. And there was one person that was like, hey, you should get a vaccine. Vaccines actually help people and they also help immunocompromised people because if the whole population gets vaccinated, helps protect the people who can't get vaccinated. And another guy who was like, actually, vaccines give you urges. I'd be like, yeah, let's go with just as a base level. I'll look into you guys later, both of you guys, just to make sure we're all on the level. As a base level, that guy. I don't know about that guy.

[Aaron Keefe]

That sounds like common decency. It might sound like a monster. Oh, brother.

[JPC]

He'll be in charge of a lot of things. Health and Human services.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, I'm in hell. This is hell. We've written stories.

[JPC]

We've written stories, poems, letters, complaints, arguments and instructions. There are many of us, more than can easily be counted. We know little or nothing of each other. And even though we all have the same name, no one knows who we are.

[Adel]

Is this like a printer? Like a God? Same model printer at all?

[JPC]

I think a printer is, like, really good. I really like newspaper, but it's not that. But it's close to that. But it's not that.

[Adel]

Okay. And you said this is locally sourced riddles.

[JPC]

I mean that. Because someone gave these to me at some point or send them in the mail. I used to keep like. I used to keep all of the riddles with, like, the letter that they came with.

[Adel]

Same.

[JPC]

But this one. I don't. I don't know who sent these. So.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, we're sorry, Aaron.

[JPC]

No. Try it again.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, fuck you. We're not sorry. Fuck. Fuck off. Yeah, Dum dum. I didn't. This is not good.

[JPC]

It's a little harsh. It's a little. It's a little more of like a.

[Aaron Keefe]

I gotta be funny about it. Right?

[JPC]

Yeah, It's a little 180 reaction. Yeah.

[Adel]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

I gotta.

[JPC]

Let me give you. Let me give you the lead.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm trying to find. I'm trying to. Okay, go ahead.

[Adel]

No. Yeah, Aaron, that was good. I'm trying to find my kid. Have you seen my kid? Like you should be.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Give me the lead in jpg.

[JPC]

So it's like. Yeah. So I don't. I don't know who sent these in.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, cool. I also misplaced something too. And it's me caring about that story. That's too much. I don't like that.

[JPC]

So.

[Aaron Keefe]

Meaning.

[Adel]

And my hometown is my whole personality.

[Sandy]

It's. It's not.

[JPC]

It's not that it's too much, Aaron. It's just. It's just that it's. It seems.

[Aaron Keefe]

How would you do it? Let me give you the lead in.

[JPC]

It seems here. Sure, sure, sure.

[Aaron Keefe]

And I used to keep the letter that the riddles come with. But I don't know what happened to it.

[JPC]

Yeah. I used to do the same thing with love letters from my exes. But now I just did the back to torture them.

[Aaron Keefe]

See? Damn it. How do I get good at that?

[JPC]

It doesn't matter. It does not matter. The riddle matters. Focus on the riddle.

[Aaron Keefe]

It does riddle, though. Hey. Hold face in hand. Spits at your face. Hey. It does not matter.

[JPC]

Spits out. You were holding it right there.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey.

[JPC]

Hey. How did you miss.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know. Hey. I don't know. This riddle doesn't matter. I don't like this riddle.

[JPC]

Imagine you try to spit in someone's face.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know. That's pretty bad.

[JPC]

This is actually a really good riddle. And adl. You were close with printer. But think less about. Yeah, Think less about, like, the actual physical thing that it is. Cause it's not a physical thing.

[Adel]

Okay.

[JPC]

We've written stories, poems, letters, complaints, arguments, and instructions. Who would write all of those things?

[Aaron Keefe]

Authors.

[Adel]

Humankind.

[JPC]

Authors. Humankind. But both of those are correct. But we're not looking for, like, a specific author.

[Adel]

Brains. Brains in general. General brains.

[Aaron Keefe]

If you were reading instructions, we have some bad news.

[Adel]

Bubble, bubble, bubble.

[JPC]

Say you built, you know, you were like, building a Lego or something, and that comes with instructions. Who wrote those instructions?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know.

[Adel]

A Danish person.

[JPC]

Aaron, you don't know, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I don't know.

[JPC]

You don't know. So they were written by.

[Aaron Keefe]

Anonymous.

[JPC]

Anonymous.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'd like to see a scene. Jpc. You're Anonymous and you're doing your book tour. And me and Adel are at your book signing book tour to hear you do a reading from your book.

[JPC]

Hello. Hello, everyone.

[Adel]

Oh, boo Boo. Get to Anonymous.

[JPC]

Okay, well, I'm rfk. I did the foreword for the book. I was good at you.

[Aaron Keefe]

What? Oh, we are already paid for it. Oh, no. Oh, shuffle. Everyone shuffles into live.

[JPC]

Wait, wait, hold on. He's here. You don't want to hear from the author?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[JPC]

All right, I guess everybody's leaving.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're holding a hat and a fake mustache. We see where this is going.

[JPC]

No, no, I didn't. I didn't write the book.

[Adel]

Put your shirt back on.

[JPC]

I don't. I didn't actually bring a shirt. I didn't actually bring a shirt, so I don't have one to put back on. Okay, guess it very well.

[Aaron Keefe]

We're all just standing silently in line waiting to return our books.

[JPC]

Wait, you gotta return to the store. I'm not giving individuals.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, we want you to hand us cash.

[JPC]

Trust me, you don't wanna touch anything that I have.

[Aaron Keefe]

Everyone shuffles over. Back into the line at Barnes and Noble.

[Adel]

Shuffle, shuffle.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ugh.

[JPC]

Okay, hold on. Let me clock in. Okay. Hey, welcome to Barnes and Noble.

[Aaron Keefe]

How can I help? Scene.

[JPC]

Okay, great scene. Snip, snap on the left. Snip, snap on the right. Guy with the keys got you locked up tight.

[Adel]

Was that the Lewis Carroll poem?

[JPC]

Yes, it was. Hold on now. You shouldn't. You're the deer. You shouldn't know about Lewis Carroll.

[Adel]

I'm sorry.

[JPC]

You try it again.

[Adel]

Was that the poem? Wample frump.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wample frump. Wumple frump.

[JPC]

No, no, that's not. We can't believe that right now.

[Adel]

Wumple frump. And that. And that's Smash Mouth's first album. I want to say. No, that's Chumbawumba.

[Aaron Keefe]

I got tired of my son.

[JPC]

Smash Mouth's first album was called Chumbawam.

[Adel]

It was Astrolounge, Aaron. Dicks don't get Tired.

[JPC]

Astrolounce was Smash Mouth's second album.

[Aaron Keefe]

Espresso. Like jpc Desk Episode.

[Adel]

What was Smash Mouth's first album?

[Aaron Keefe]

What is it?

[JPC]

A real espresso. I don't know what it was called.

[Aaron Keefe]

A piano. A piano.

[JPC]

It's not a piano. Snip, snap on the left. Snip, snap on the right. Guy with the keys got you locked up.

[Adel]

Tightening vasectomy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Haircut.

[JPC]

There's been a mistake with your vasectomy. We only got the left nut. The right nut is still viable.

[Adel]

California Dreams. Left nut.

[JPC]

Something that snip snaps on the left and then snip snaps on the right. And then the guy with the keys got you locked up tight.

[Adel]

Is this like.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's not real keys?

[JPC]

It is real keys.

[Adel]

It's real keys. Is this like old timey dungeon shackles at all?

[JPC]

You're so close. But it doesn't be old timey. It's handcuffs, Aaron. It is handcuffs.

[Adel]

I do want to see a scene.

[JPC]

Of course you do.

[Adel]

Aaron. What?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I wanted to see a scene.

[Adel]

But you do a scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I don't want to be the dick anymore. You go.

[Adel]

Thank you, Aaron. So we're going to do a scene.

[JPC]

Hey, Eren. That's something the dick would never say.

[Adel]

The two of you are handcuffed together just due to some. You know, it's like a Gerald's Game situation, if you're familiar.

[JPC]

Sure.

[Adel]

And you just can't find the keys. You can't get out of cuffs. So this is you just kind of living your life with cuffs on.

[JPC]

Oh, okay. When you said coffee, I thought. I thought we would go to the Starbucks. You're pulling me towards.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hear me out. And I know it's not popular, but Panera coffee is so watery. It's so good. You have to try it.

[JPC]

Okay, stop. Yeah, it's chafing both of our wrists every time you do that. Yeah. You know, we gotta make the best of it. I guess we could do watery, which is not the way to sell it. Panera coffee, I guess for today.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you.

[JPC]

Yes. Okay. Hey, and then since we're kind of making compromises.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sure.

[JPC]

How about today? Even though it's awkward, we've been like this for a couple weeks. How about today we just try to take a shower? Yeah, you're right. You know what? Think about it. Maybe just let's get the coffee in us and then we think about it. Okay.

[Adel]

Clocks Into Panera. Why can't I get you from Panera?

[Aaron Keefe]

We will have two watery coffees and then two broccoli cheddar soups in the bread bowl.

[JPC]

No, no scene. Oh, I can't imagine. I can't imagine something less appetizing than reaching for a watery coffee while I'm like four bites into a broccoli cheddar soup.

[Aaron Keefe]

That sounds.

[Adel]

I once had coffee and sushi and it was not great on purpose at the airport.

[JPC]

Why did you do this? Did you get this? Did you order this from Was it doordash? And they were like, do you want to add a coffee to this order? And you were like, ok, why not, Aaron?

[Adel]

Of course it was at the airport. Where else would it be? I knew, no, it was for lunch or something. But I had just woken up. You too would believe that. I had woken up at like 11:40 and I was eating sushi at noon and I was like, I gotta have a coffee even though this is gross.

[Aaron Keefe]

See, that doesn't sound so insane to me. I'll let pretty much anything happen to me.

[Adel]

Casey. Clifford. Coffee and fish.

[Aaron Keefe]

They had a way bigger reaction to that. Oh my God.

[JPC]

My God. Have some respect, Aaron. If a person tells you they're eating coffee and sushi, say, ugh, bad, bad, bad.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, but I've been there. I've definitely done that before.

[Adel]

Thank you.

[JPC]

Who cares? I could be the sickest pervert in the world. Someone still says, like, I like to jerk off to videos of squirrels. Me. I love doing that. Still someone says it, I go, oh, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should be in jail.

[Aaron Keefe]

If I'm being totally honest, in the last calendar week, I had a Red Bull in a beef stew for breakfast.

[Adel]

All right, I'm logging on. Casey just looped the first half of my audio and it'll make sense.

[Aaron Keefe]

I guess it was at 7am Now.

[JPC]

Stop. We got to do a new year. We have to. Let's end this one. 24 over. Yeah, this is the last thing we do in 2024. 2024 is over. We could go to 2020. We have to start fresh.

[Aaron Keefe]

This actually says more about you guys because you're my friend and someone should be checking in on me.

[Adel]

This actually says more about YouTube stew.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[JPC]

Oh, Aaron, I tried. I sent you all the paperwork to put you in hospice. I tried.

[Aaron Keefe]

I lost the paperwork.

[JPC]

You said a 33 year old woman does not need to be in hospice. I said, I disagree. I have put it on good authority.

[Aaron Keefe]

She had beef stew at restaurants, assisted living Places, actually. I would thrive there. Oh, my God. I'd clean up so good.

[Adel]

At hospice?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, like clean up.

[JPC]

What do you mean?

[Aaron Keefe]

Like at one of those old folks homes where old people go to Lyft. You mean you'd steal food?

[JPC]

What do you mean, clean up? Do you mean you talk a lot.

[Aaron Keefe]

What do you talk about sexually? You wonder how well I would do if I was there, if that was my community of people, but old men and women.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Erin, you'd be pickleball queen within a week.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would be. Oh, I would be. I would be. Actually. That suits me. That kind of lifestyle I think would do really well.

[JPC]

Sign the fucking papers that I keep sending to your house.

[Aaron Keefe]

I keep losing it. I can't find my readers and I can't read them.

[Adel]

We just got a notification from Ireland. This looks like a very official envelope. It's due to the recent revelations of Aaron Keefe consuming beef stew and Red Bull.

[Aaron Keefe]

They know who I am.

[Adel]

Permanently banned from Ireland.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ah, all right, Aaron.

[Adel]

I'm sorry.

[Aaron Keefe]

It was going to happen another way or the other. I went through sort of a horny tear through their country earlier this year. I was expecting that letter for quite some time.

[Adel]

Horny tears, fantastic. Also, I love that we had sort of like a lazy DJ Khaled moment from jpc. I think he just went, another one.

[Aaron Keefe]

You guys. I'm actually doing really well.

[JPC]

DJ Khaled depressed. Another one, huh?

[Adel]

That's like Drake going. He keeps going on Twitch or whatever and being like, I'm fine. I'm unbothered. I'm unbothered. It's like Drake. If you have to keep saying you're unbothered, you're clearly bothered.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, this time around, I'm actually doing very, very well. I'm thriving. Even I have.

[JPC]

Okay, Aaron, if you're so thriving, nail this riddle to the wall. My name is also what I do. Mostly. I'm too quick for you.

[Adel]

Roadrunner.

[Aaron Keefe]

Speed.

[JPC]

You are so close with speed and so close with Roadrunner.

[Aaron Keefe]

Actually, Adel Runner isn't his Roadrunner in.

[Adel]

The Looney Tune universe. His name is Roadrunner. It's also what he does. He runs the road.

[JPC]

And what he is, it's mostly also what he does. Yeah, mostly. I'm too quick for you.

[Adel]

Yeah, I'll give you Roadrunner.

[JPC]

Yeah, he does meet me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Does it say in your little paper, though?

[JPC]

It does not say Roadrunner, but I think Roadrunner is the closest guest so far. My name is also what I do. Mostly. I'm too quick for you runner.

[Aaron Keefe]

Trackstar.

[Adel]

Jpc. She took my answer and just slapped off, right?

[JPC]

Yeah, she definitely took your answer.

[Adel]

Is there any sort of.

[JPC]

Is there a penalty?

[Adel]

Yeah, no, unfortunately.

[JPC]

My hands are tied.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm the deer.

[JPC]

Deer.

[Aaron Keefe]

You have to protect me. I'm the heart.

[JPC]

Yours. Not correct.

[Adel]

Erin, two minutes ago, did you say you have a crush?

[Aaron Keefe]

I did. I have a crush. My apartment is decorated for Christmas really beautifully.

[Adel]

Okay, possibly.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm really passionate about my work. My dog is cuter than she ever been.

[Adel]

Before we get too far away.

[JPC]

Wait a second. You're passionate about your work?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, no, no. Not this one.

[JPC]

No way. Yeah, exactly.

[Sandy]

Not this work.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, my God.

[Adel]

Phew.

[Aaron Keefe]

Are you guys.

[JPC]

Exactly. No way in hell.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm never talking about hay riddle. Riddle. I'm never talking about hay riddle. Riddle. No, of course I'm talking about hay riddle riddle.

[Adel]

Who's this crush?

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm not Joshua Jackson. I'll tell you off air.

[JPC]

Joshua Jackson.

[Aaron Keefe]

Joshua Jackson. Duh.

[Adel]

Joshua Jackson.

[Aaron Keefe]

No one knows.

[JPC]

Aaron, you can say it. I'll hit you with a Joshua Jackson. I missed it. I missed it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whatever. Let them eat cake.

[JPC]

You know, think of another animal you're close with. Animal. My name is also what I do. Mostly. I'm too quick for you. What's an animal that's named after what they do?

[Adel]

Uh, hmm.

[JPC]

It's kind of like how the fruit orange is just called an orange. Well, it's orange.

[Adel]

An animal that's also what they do.

[JPC]

Yeah. Animal is like very broad.

[Adel]

Yeah. Cause I mean, that could cover birds or insects or.

[Aaron Keefe]

Frog.

[Adel]

Is this like a land mammal, Aaron?

[JPC]

Frog. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about frog.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, dead stop. Was retired in 2021, I think.

[JPC]

I didn't say shit. I just said let's talk about frog.

[Adel]

I'm not a cheetah, okay? Melissa meant nothing to me.

[Aaron Keefe]

What is an animal that their name sounds like going quickly?

[JPC]

This doesn't necessarily. Their name doesn't necessarily sound like going quickly. They do move quickly, but their name is what they do. Not moose. Moose.

[Aaron Keefe]

Moose. Their name is what they do.

[Adel]

Their name is what they do.

[Aaron Keefe]

Fish. Bunch of fish fishing for other fish.

[JPC]

What are you, like, describing Far side cartoon now? What's going on?

[Adel]

Opening of over the Garden Wall.

[Aaron Keefe]

We should do. We're gonna do a Patreon episode that we do. Improv based on Farside panels. Ooh, I've decided I like that.

[Adel]

There's a lot of beehives.

[JPC]

The answer here. My name is also what I do. This is an animal. That I would say would probably annoy you.

[Adel]

A B Badger.

[JPC]

Aaron, it's not a B because a.

[Aaron Keefe]

B. Oh, a badger.

[JPC]

B is nothing.

[Aaron Keefe]

B is fly.

[JPC]

Like. Aaron, you're three for three.

[Aaron Keefe]

I told you I'm thriving right now.

[JPC]

It's fly.

[Aaron Keefe]

Fly.

[JPC]

You got it. Wow. All right.

[Aaron Keefe]

I want to say Erin's back. You had to listen to a whole year of her being completely depressed in underwater.

[JPC]

Erin, I want to see a scene. You are like a woman. A the end of your rope and there is an addle. You're a fly. There's a fly in your house that you cannot kill, you cannot smack. But so you're not just like pleading with the fly to leave BAES Bays.

[Adel]

Baes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Adel]

Hayes for horses. I'm a fly.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, seriously. Seriously. Poured you a glass of whiskey. Poured me a glass of whiskey.

[Adel]

Dime inside whiskey bow. Far as we're kidding. Just kidding.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh. See, this is. This is what I mean. Let's just have a drink. Let's just talk as people. Okay?

[Adel]

No, I'd rather just annoy you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey.

[Adel]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey.

[JPC]

Hey.

[Adel]

Can you open the window slightly so I can get stuck in between the screen and the frame for a year?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, because that will. It will make the most insane loud noise.

[Adel]

No, I promise you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Trying to get back in the house. Hey. Hey. You've watched me lose custody of my kids.

[Adel]

I caused it.

[Aaron Keefe]

You've watched me lose my job.

[Adel]

I caused that too.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know. I've tried all the methods. I've tried vinegar out on the counter.

[Adel]

Fly paper, a sexy fly trap. Dressed up like a sexy long fly.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, that was not for you.

[Adel]

Oh, yeah. The dress, the lipstick.

[Aaron Keefe]

What do I gotta. What do I gotta do to get you to fly outside?

[Adel]

You know what? I'll make a deal with you. Just for today. Just cause I'm feeling generous. If you eat the way I eat, I'll leave.

[Aaron Keefe]

Don't do this.

[Adel]

Barf on your food and then gulf it down and I'll go.

[Aaron Keefe]

This seems pointed. Cause that's what you saw me do this morning. I guess you saw, huh?

[Adel]

That's right. That's right. You're just like me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Come here, motherfucker. I'm gonna fucking kill you. No, no, no, no, no.

[JPC]

Jesus. Hey.

[Adel]

Jesus.

[JPC]

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Adel]

Calm down.

[JPC]

Hey.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey.

[Adel]

I'm just.

[JPC]

Fuck.

[Adel]

Jesus. No, I'll just.

[JPC]

Fuck.

[Adel]

I'll just go.

[JPC]

Hey, hey.

[Adel]

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Signs over deed to house to fly. I'm the fly now? I'm the pest at your house. You could try to kill me. This is your house now.

[Adel]

Oh, boy. Yeah. I didn't mean for it to get to this. It was just a fun joke. What has it been, a couple days?

[Aaron Keefe]

It's been two days.

[Adel]

Yeah. Listen, I'll just go. Unless. Yeah, unless, since you're a fly now, you wanted to date or something. That was stupid.

[JPC]

That's stupid. That's stupid.

[Aaron Keefe]

A montage of them falling in love, getting married.

[Adel]

They barf on each other kind of.

[Aaron Keefe]

Honeymooning in Northern Italy.

[Adel]

They do the cake thing at the wedding, but they interlace their hands, barf on each other's pieces of cake, and then eat it. We see a bunch of flies with human heads and a bunch of human bodies with fly heads.

[Aaron Keefe]

We see them go off to college. People scream on the top of their lungs because they're so scared, because they're monsters. We see them start to get old.

[Adel]

We see them on a porch in two rocking chairs the day of their death.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

What a great run. And it's only been two days.

[Adel]

Two more days.

[Aaron Keefe]

Seed.

[JPC]

Seed.

[Adel]

Halfway through, I realized I was doing an impression of Steve from Sex and the City.

[JPC]

Oh, hey, Miranda, Mr. Big.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, Miranda, Mr. Big.

[Adel]

Where's Steve? Dynamic Bellator.

[JPC]

Wow. And speaking of flying, really, no one knows how ORK warp engines actually work. Some are rebuilt from the runes of salvaged Imperial warp drives, while others have bizarre contraptions built around disembodied brains of Ork weird boys. Well, whatever the manner of their construction, ORK warp engines carry ships into and out of the warp.

[Adel]

I feel passionate about my nerdy coworker. I think that's fantastic. I love you both.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whatever dork shoves in locker.

[JPC]

Ah. She shoved a dork in a locker. That would actually be a whale's penis.

[Adel]

Why don't we take a break?

[Aaron Keefe]

You guys, this is really upsetting my stomach. I like how things were.

[Adel]

Well, let's take a break and when we come back, things can be back to us.

[Aaron Keefe]

And done. Adult GPC I used all the money I saved using Rocket Money, where they canceled all the subscriptions that I wasn't using to build a rocket that I'm going to take to space.

[JPC]

Okay, let me get this straight. You used all the money you saved by using Rocket Money, which is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings to build an actual rocket so you could take that rocket to space?

[Aaron Keefe]

That's exactly what I was saying.

[Adel]

Now, Rocket Money has over 5 million users. Correct me if I'm wrong, Aaron. And has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's features. But unlike those happy customers. You're going to go to space.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, I saved $740 this year, and that's why I'm going to go to space.

[Adel]

You're wearing a lampshade and sweatpants.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, I am.

[JPC]

So Rocket Money, which has a dashboard that gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts, lets you easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going and get alerts if bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity, or if you're close to going over budget. You use that exactly to save $720. And that 720.

[Aaron Keefe]

740.

[JPC]

$740 has gone into a rocket.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[JPC]

That you could take to space.

[Aaron Keefe]

And the lampshade's gonna help me breathe up there.

[Adel]

Okay, JPT and I are ready. Blast Off Queen. We wanna watch Blast Off Queen. Blast Off Queen.

[Aaron Keefe]

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com Riddle that's RocketMoney.com Riddle RocketMoney.com Riddle R I D D L E. Whoa.

[Adel]

JPC look, she's doing it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ten, nine, oh. Eight.

[JPC]

She's still blasting.

[Aaron Keefe]

Seven.

[JPC]

Oh, she's not.

[Adel]

She's running. She's just running in a circle.

[JPC]

Money saved with rocket, but it should not be used to build a rocket to go to space. Go to space with Mad Lampshade will protect you in space.

[Aaron Keefe]

Don't bring up a lamp shape to space. We'll use a lamp shape. Don't know. To cover a lamp.

[Adel]

Erin, keep her in a tree. And then she hit her head on the tree. And now she's down.

[JPC]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[Adel]

Ba ba da ba. It's super baby JPC. Darren, I'm here to help you.

[JPC]

Oh, super baby. I forget your exact thing.

[Adel]

Full grown man, head of a baby, voice of a baby, big cape.

[JPC]

Full grown man, head of a baby, big cape, voice of a baby. Yep, got it.

[Adel]

And I'm here for better help. Cause most superheroes only deliver regular help. I give better help.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, are you talking about BetterHelp online therapy that you can do from anywhere?

[JPC]

Yeah, the therapy that's entirely online, designed to be Convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. That's what you're talking about. Super baby.

[Adel]

Oh, you know What? I use BetterHelp. And so I was thinking of that. I need a BetterHelp. That's BetterHelp's thing. I need my own catchphrase.

[JPC]

Yeah, and superpowers too. You could use. Right.

[Adel]

Well, I got these shoes.

[Aaron Keefe]

This can sometimes be a lonely time of the year for me. And I've been so grateful to have a counselor that has been responding to me in a timely way with great advice to make me feel like I'm more connected to myself and the world around me. I can't recommend it enough.

[JPC]

And therapy also lets you learn things that are useful for any time of year, like positive coping skills, the ability to help you set boundaries. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself. And it isn't just for people who have experienced major trauma or things like that.

[Adel]

I found my superpower.

[Sandy]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Spreading the word about BetterHelp can't be find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com riddle if you.

[JPC]

Want a superpower, it needs to be something like. Actually, like, Aaron and I both have laser eyes.

[Sandy]

What?

[JPC]

Like you can't have that one. Ah.

[Adel]

Wow. My cats are going nuts.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, jpc. Open it, open it, open it. I'm too excited. It's an aura frame.

[JPC]

Okay, it's cut. Eren, just so I am clear. It's kind of hard to open things when you have me and Adol strapped back to back to these chairs. Sure.

[Aaron Keefe]

I caught you fair and square. It's for the city at large. Everyone has to make everything safe.

[JPC]

Yeah, this makes sense.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's an aura frame. And guess what? I made it. Even though it's already such a personal gift, because it's a digital frame where you can upload pictures of your friends and family and loved ones and have it play in your home. You can also upload a video message to play on the frame as soon as you plug it in. So the first thing you'll hear is my voice and me telling you how much I love you and appreciate you and how easy you were to capture. But I got it for you. Do you like it? Do you like it, Aaron?

[JPC]

I love it. I don't necessarily love the circumstances with which it has been presented. But I love an Aura frame. I mean, I gave one to my grandma. I get to upload pictures of my family directly to her frame. And she loves being able to see these new pictures because we're separated by a considerable amount of distance. That's always very fun. I would say. My wrists are starting to kind of chafe from the rope.

[Aaron Keefe]

Huh. Okay. That sort of sounds like a you problem.

[Adel]

And I just remembered that aura was named the number one digital photo frame by wirecutter. Aura frames are incredibly smart. Smarter than us, jpc, I guess, because we got caught and easy to use, allowing you to upload unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the frame. Gemma and I use ours at home to upload funny pictures of our cats to surprise each other when we're in the kitchen and see it pop up. It's just one of the best things you can own.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adel, that's so wonderful. I'm going to let you go. You know what? Save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling Carver Mat frames by using promo code riddle at checkout. That's a U, R A frames.com promo code Riddle, R, I, D, L, E. This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now. And time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply.

[JPC]

Okay. And seeing how Aaron, just let ADL go, I don't actually think I want that. I think I want to stick around, Aaron. So if you could please, just for my family.

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[JPC]

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh, yes. Yes. My plan is coming to fruition.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's begging us to ask.

[Adel]

Oh, hey, are you gonna cross the street or no?

[JPC]

No, I'm actually here on the street telling people about how evil a certain podcast host JPC is. I feel like telling people face to face is the best way to kind of get information out about a specific person.

[Adel]

Nah, you should use Squarespace. Make a sweet little website on Squarespace. You've never heard of Squarespace?

[Aaron Keefe]

Squeaky Hooda. What a what?

[JPC]

She hasn't either. I'm not weird.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I just got jealous of you making that noise. It sounded so fun.

[JPC]

What is Squarespace?

[Adel]

Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs or little guys like you who are evil or whatever to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience more so than face to face and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place. All on your terms.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, Adel. It's so easy to sell stuff on your website. You can sell access to your content like online courses, blogs, videos and memberships. You can earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set a price and choose whether to charge a one time fee or a subscription for access.

[JPC]

I think there's also been a miscommunication. JPC is the bad one. I'm not a little weird evil guy. Use an evil.

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean Huzzy Wuzzy. Who's he? What a. Huh?

[JPC]

I feel like I'm being made fun of. No, I mean it sounds like Squarespace has SEO tools, so you can get discovered fast with integrated SEO tools. And every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap, and more. So you show up more often to more people in global search engine results. Which I guess sounds like it's faster than just telling individuals on the street.

[Adel]

Yeah. Why did you act like you didn't know what Squarespace was?

[Aaron Keefe]

Also, you can connect major social and multimedia accounts to your website in a few clicks as icons, direct links, or embedded feeds. Build visitor trust while updating content only where you need it, extending your brand's footprint. Sellers can also sync their product catalog directly with Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and Google to reach more customers and reduce the steps for purchase. Huzzy Wuzzy Hoozy. Huh? It's so fun, Adel. You gotta try it.

[Adel]

Lifts little guy on my shoulders. So head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch squarespace.com riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Huzzah. Who's a Wuzzy Wuzzy?

[Aaron Keefe]

Hisy Hoozy Huzzy. What?

[JPC]

Wow. Thank you. Finally I'll be able to get the truth out about jpc.

[Aaron Keefe]

Huzzy. Who's he?

[Adel]

What he who you're not JPZ shoves down a sewer.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm having so much fun. Oh my gosh. Guys. Sorry. Sorry. Out of the way. Move, move, move. Sorry.

[Adel]

Yeah. What do you. What do you need?

[Aaron Keefe]

I was. Sorry. I was just at my house and I was just doing some chores and I just remembered that I locked Sandy up in this chest a while ago and I forgot to put air holes in. So everyone.

[Adel]

Oh boy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Cross your fingers. Hope he's still breathing in there. That's.

[JPC]

Nah, he won't be. But I'll get the plastic bags.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you. We have those left over from last time, right?

[JPC]

Yeah. I think so.

[Adel]

Great. I'll get the Y.

[JPC]

Okay. Open it up. The.

[Adel]

Why?

[JPC]

Open it up.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right. Hello.

[Sandy]

Hey, buddy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, Sandy.

[JPC]

Wow. That one breath of air and all the color rushed back into his face. That was crazy. He was like black and white in there.

[Sandy]

Well, it was not a color to start with, so. It wasn't. It didn't take that long.

[JPC]

Yeah, it didn't take much.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Sandy]

I love that you're keeping me in your closet now, Aaron. That's a. That's a new treat. I've been in the sandbox for so long.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I have to. We gotta rotate so the smell doesn't get too bad. You understand?

[Sandy]

I love being in la.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Sandy]

It's so nice to let.

[JPC]

We have to let the sandbox lay fallow and so the nutrients return to the soil so that we could bury you back at the end of the episode.

[Sandy]

All right. All right. Well, anything I can do for a podcast?

[Aaron Keefe]

What have you brought for us today? Is it fun? Is it hard? Is it both?

[Sandy]

It is neither fun nor hard or both. It is. It is a bunch. Okay, so what I have for you today is a game called the Last of Us. And what I've done is found easy.

[JPC]

I shoot Adol in the head, I shoot Eren in the head, and I take my daughter to safety.

[Sandy]

I was seen or played the game or show, so.

[JPC]

Sorry, you've never played the show?

[Sandy]

No, I've not played the show or seen the game, no. This is about people. People who have an interesting fact about them, which is to say they are the last person to have done something significant. So this is all trivia. You're not going to know any of these names off the bat. Maybe one, but most likely you're not going to know any of them. However, I will give you more and more facts about them until you figure out what it is they are known for. Being the last person to do what they are known to have done for the last time.

[Adel]

Wow.

[Sandy]

Does that make sense? So, for example, if I said his name. And I'll give you. So I'll give you lots of facts. So to start, Gene Cernan in 1972 became the last person to disco dance 1970. Fun fact about that. I just did one. So, yeah, so anyway, he was one of 12. He was actually the 11th and the last person to do this. And in 1972 is when he did it and he said, we leave.

[JPC]

He eat a month. He was the last person to eat a month. He ate December. And he ended the whole thing.

[Sandy]

Wow.

[Adel]

Ruined it for everybody.

[Sandy]

You're close. He said, we leave as we come and God willing, as we shall return with peace and hope for all mankind. And I will say, like most of these, they'll be the last. Excuse me? They'll be the last forever. There's a chance he won't be the last. In fact, likely he won't be the last.

[Adel]

He was the last person to preside over John Lennon's funeral.

[Aaron Keefe]

Space.

[Sandy]

It's space related.

[JPC]

I know it sounds space related. Is he the last person to walk on the moon?

[Sandy]

He is the last person to walk on the moon.

[JPC]

And what's this dumb motherfucker's name?

[Sandy]

Gene Cernan.

[Adel]

So I guess we're just forgetting Michael Jackson. Interesting.

[JPC]

Well, yeah, I mean, we are. Yeah.

[Adel]

No, that makes sense, actually.

[Sandy]

Yeah. So he was the 11th. He was the captain. So he got off the capsule first, and then the other guy, whose name I think was Harrison, got off last. So he was the 12th man on the moon. But then Gene was the last person to leave the moon. So we credit him with being the last person to walk on the moon, you know, until we go back. Okay, the. Let's keep going. So none of these are going to be very familiar names again. You're going to get there through some gluing.

[JPC]

What if Aaron got all of these from just the names?

[Aaron Keefe]

Then you'd respect me, huh? Would that do it? What will do it?

[Sandy]

Well, I fed her all the answers, so was that bad? Should I not have done that?

[JPC]

No. That actually makes a really great radio skip clip.

[Sandy]

All right, this person's name was Hamida Jandubi. DJ A N D O U B I this happened in 1977. And it has to do with a conviction.

[JPC]

This is the last Jedi.

[Sandy]

Oh, yeah. Can you give it the year 1977? It happened in France.

[Adel]

Is this the last person to be killed by guillotine?

[Sandy]

Yeah, got it.

[Adel]

Wow. I knew the last guillotine. The last time they used the guillotine was in France. And I knew it was in the 70s, so.

[Sandy]

Yep. France abolished capital punishment in 81, but they stopped so close a few years before that. Yeah. All right.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Sandy]

The Olympics recently ended. There is someone named Alfred Thompson who in 1948 won a particular gold medal at the Olympics. He was the last person to do it and probably will ever be the last person to do it. 1948.

[Adel]

Aaron, what do you think?

[JPC]

48. He was the last former Nazi to win a gold medal.

[Sandy]

I believe we have. That is definitely going to be repeating.

[Aaron Keefe]

What event has been discontinued? That used to exist?

[Sandy]

What event's been discontinued? I'm not sure. It's well known that this was an event. I'll say. He was the official artist for the RAF during World War II.

[JPC]

Hmm.

[Sandy]

So in 1948, they stopped giving out. This is the last time they gave out gold medals or painting. It was not an athlete. It is painting.

[Adel]

Whoa.

[Aaron Keefe]

Aaron, why. That's weird.

[Sandy]

I don't know. Why Breaking. I don't know.

[Aaron Keefe]

Weird.

[JPC]

What about painting? What's the. Do you know anything about what the challenge was here? Was it that thing where they give you a picture of a turtle? They say if you draw this, you could go to art school. He.

[Sandy]

Last person won a gold medal for painting. So I'll read these five paragraphs of Wikipedia and get back to you in a few minutes.

[JPC]

I think that also being the official painter for the RAF sounds very much like. When an American politician is like, I served in the military. And you're like, it looks like you were an army accountant. You didn't. It's one of those make good jobs that they give a politician's son.

[Sandy]

I think that they were paintings of. I'm just speculating here, but I think there were paintings of the athletes doing their thing. Like, it was. It was like paintings of the games. It must have been. Right. What's weird is the Wikipedia page for this shows you the pictures of the artist, but not the actual art they made. They also had music. Very good mixed music. Orchestra, chorus competitions, chamber events, watercolors, etchings, engravings. Anyway, Alfred Thompson. All right, next one. Martha Lillard, 2024. So this year she became the last person. She's still alive, but once someone else died, which happened in March, she became the last person to hold a certain distinction.

[JPC]

Oh. She is the last person to be the sister of someone who played Shaggy.

[Sandy]

So, fun fact. Her Wikipedia page at the top says, should not be confused with Matthew Lillard. Fun fact.

[JPC]

Should not be. Don't tell me. Don't tell me what should and should not be. Wikipedia.

[Sandy]

Must. Must not be.

[JPC]

Must not be.

[Sandy]

Whatever. Whatever you do not to be confused with Matthew Lillard. Like, he would.

[JPC]

Yeah, like, in 2024.

[Sandy]

It's nothing. She won. She just earned the distinction this year when someone else died.

[JPC]

She.

[Sandy]

Is that the last person to do something and who will ever do this? It's been true.

[Aaron Keefe]

Titanic survived the Titanic.

[Sandy]

No, she's. She's. She's been this. She's been in the certain. She's had a certain condition since the 50s. Since she was five. And it is polio.

[Adel]

Last person born with polio.

[Sandy]

No, she wasn't born with it. She contracted Maybelline. But because of that, she currently. Her current life.

[JPC]

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. What can I. Sorry. I can't apologize. Just cut from the episode.

[Aaron Keefe]

We're getting messages about that. We are getting an avalanche of messages about that. And by we, I mean me that you said that I'm getting messages.

[Sandy]

Well, Martha Lawler does.

[Adel]

So there's one person who could possibly cancel us.

[Sandy]

What. What is. What is. Well, what is true about people. Some people who have polio, they live a certain way.

[Adel]

Like a brace or the. The.

[Sandy]

She is the last person to live inside a bubble. A iron lung. She's the last person in iron lung.

[Adel]

Yep.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Sandy]

Wow.

[Adel]

That's who the Radiohead song is about.

[Sandy]

That's right.

[Adel]

Yep.

[Sandy]

So, all right, we'll mark that one as a not get. Not get. John William Gott, 1921, was the last person to go to prison for something in Britain. He led the Anti Christian Free Thought Socialist League in the early 20th century and he went to prison. Last person to go to prison for something that they don't send people to prison for anymore because it's kind of silly.

[JPC]

It's Britain, so it's being a pedophile. Because now I believe that they give them a position in the House of Lords. Or is it House of Commons? Wow. Or no, I'm sorry, they let them become a well known children's entertainer. That's what they do in Britain now.

[Sandy]

Fun fact about this guy is that a judge upheld his conviction saying he was, quote, outraged by a description of Jesus Christ entering Jerusalem like circus clown on the back of two donkeys.

[Adel]

Last man who went to jail for painting Jesus.

[Sandy]

What do you call it when you insult the Lord?

[Adel]

Sacrilege.

[Aaron Keefe]

Saying the Lord's name.

[Sandy]

Close.

[JPC]

Sacrilege. Blasphemy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Blasphemy.

[Sandy]

That's it. Last person to go to prison for blasphemy. 1921.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Sandy]

Should we bring that one back?

[Aaron Keefe]

JPC, you're first to go. If we bring that one back.

[JPC]

This is why I can't go overseas. This is why I can't go to England. Because I think I definitely break some of the libel laws that they have over there. But the blasphemy laws are the ones where they really stick you. That's how they got Capone.

[Sandy]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Taxes and blasphemy.

[Sandy]

Here's a sports one. Do we like sports?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Sandy]

Jose Molina, he played for the Yankees from 1990. Nine to 2014. But in 2008, he was the last person to do what. And this will never be repeated. Lots of people did it.

[Adel]

To casually. Growth hormones.

[JPC]

To have a little bit of growth hormones. Just a little a taste. Lots of people did it.

[Adel]

You said 2004 was the last time he did it.

[Sandy]

2008. 2008 cannot be done.

[JPC]

And it'll never be done again.

[Sandy]

That's right. Is it like.

[Adel]

Is it like, hit a home run in a stadium that's no longer in existence?

[Sandy]

That is more than like at all. It is precisely that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, cool.

[Sandy]

So what is it? What is it?

[Adel]

I'm trying to think of what stadiums.

[Aaron Keefe]

Where the Mets played.

[Adel]

Chase Stadium.

[JPC]

No, he's a Yankee. But it's not necessarily a Yankee Stadium. Right? Or it is the Yankee Stadium.

[Sandy]

Well, it is. It's not necessarily, but it is. Yes.

[JPC]

So the Yankee Stadium.

[Sandy]

Go on, please, please.

[JPC]

I don't. I have no idea what any Yankee Stadium has ever been called. Unless they call it Yankee Stadium. Because that's my guess.

[Sandy]

Yankee Stadium. Yeah. Yeah. So in 2008, they. They demolished or they closed the old Yankee Stadium and they moved to the new one. And he had hit lots of home runs, including that one. What's fun is in 1923, the first person to hit a home run in Yankee Stadium was a little boy named Joe DiMaggio.

[Adel]

Babe Ruth.

[Sandy]

Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth. And he said, I was glad to have hit the first home run in this park. God only knows who will hit the last. And now we're God, because we know.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wow.

[JPC]

Wow. And it's only God will know. And Babe Ruth makes God, right? He's in charge of doing that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep.

[Adel]

This is what the Beach Boys were singing about.

[JPC]

Uh huh.

[Aaron Keefe]

God.

[JPC]

It's a weird thing to say. I hit the first home run in this stadium and then add the second part about and God knows who will hit the last. It's like, why do you care?

[Aaron Keefe]

Why do you care?

[Adel]

Well, I think he drank like a 12 pack before every game. So I think, I think we can let that go.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jbc, can you in your best like old timey Babe Ruth's voice. Say that again and I'll be the reporter that says, why do you care? Go ahead.

[JPC]

Well, I've hit the first home run in this stadium, but God only knows who will hit the last.

[Aaron Keefe]

Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth. Over here. Over here.

[JPC]

Yes, you. Why do you care? Hmm. Great point, toots. Let me tell you some of the slurs I know.

[Adel]

Oh, pull the like blasphemy. BLASPHEMY.

[JPC]

Blasphemy.

[Sandy]

Very good. You sounded much more like an old timey. I think Babe Ruth is a bit of a. I don't know. There's no. I don't have any. I don't know. But he sounds to me like he'd be more of a sot. More of a drunkard.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Sandy]

Can you do more of a.

[JPC]

Probably be like sloshing around me. Babe Ruth and I hit a big baseball and the mic ball.

[Aaron Keefe]

There you go. There he is. We found him.

[Sandy]

But the. But the film would be sped up a little like 25%. So if you do it like 25% faster.

[Adel]

Got it.

[JPC]

Basically, big Ruth and I better hit the big baseball in the big, big ball stadium.

[Adel]

There he goes. Babe Ruth rounding the bases.

[JPC]

He's just rolling on the floor, just rolling between them.

[Adel]

He's lifting up third base. He has a full rotisserie chicken hidden under there.

[Sandy]

You should be able to get this. Her name is Milvina Dean. 2009. She didn't accomplish something in 2009, but again, she became the last person to have a particular accomplishment.

[Aaron Keefe]

Surviving the Titanic.

[Sandy]

It is surviving the Titanic.

[Aaron Keefe]

I guessed that earlier. I wanted to try it again, let.

[Sandy]

It slide, because it was going to come up later. She was nine weeks old when the Titanic sank and her dad died. But her mom and siblings survived. And they. They did not stay in America. They went back to England. She, fun fact, refused to watch the James Cameron movie.

[Adel]

Titanic refused be too emotional, I'm sure.

[JPC]

But she saw the Avatar films, right? Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

What'd you think of those? What'd you think of those?

[Sandy]

She didn't like the Abyss is what I'm trying to say. She watched Titanic.

[JPC]

She refused to watch the Abyss. She's like, I'll watch Terminator 2 Judgment Day, but I will not watch the Abyss.

[Adel]

What was the. The first name was Milvina.

[Sandy]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Hmm.

[Sandy]

You know, country of origin.

[Adel]

No, I'm just. It's just like an old timey name.

[Sandy]

Yes, she was very old timey. Being from the old times. Barbara Dayton was the second last person to die. That was in 2007. So Mil Vena died in 2020.

[JPC]

Go ahead and bleep that name. We don't need to know. Second place. Yeah, we shouldn't have to remember that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, brother.

[Sandy]

All right, next person is Yvonne Petra. Back to sports. Yvonne Petra is the last Frenchman to win Wimbledon. That's just true. It's not the fact. I'm asking you about 1946. Last Frenchman to win Wimbledon was Yvonne Petra. And in those finals, Yvonne, Petra was the last person to also do what?

[JPC]

Be made of gasoline?

[Sandy]

No, that's still true. They still invite one person every year to be made of gasoline.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know.

[Sandy]

It has to do with something sartorial.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, what is sartorial? Moon.

[JPC]

That's like, where the Pharaohs were buried.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

[Sandy]

That's due Satoru.

[Adel]

Gifts.

[Aaron Keefe]

Clothing.

[Adel]

Last person to win Wimbledon without wearing a headband. Because they're all the rage now. Clothing.

[JPC]

Last person to play tennis to wear pants without being in a polycule.

[Sandy]

It is pants.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pants. No way.

[Sandy]

He was the last person to wear long trousers at the Wimbledon final, and he won. They should bring it back.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hmm.

[JPC]

I would love to see someone who's so confident in tennis that they put on a pair of jeans, put on pants. Right.

[Sandy]

Put on jeans. In fact, put on denim, put on corduroys and wear.

[JPC]

Yeah, let's see. I'm gonna beat you so bad.

[Sandy]

Yeah. I wonder how many clothes a professional tennis player would have to wear before I'm able to at least win one point off of them.

[JPC]

Yeah. For all those men that are like, I could beat Serena Williams tennis, I want her to wear Tina Parker.

[Aaron Keefe]

If Serena Williams was in a different state, I could maybe score one point against her, but I doubt it. I doubt it.

[Sandy]

She's wearing a bullet. Bulletproof vest and a parka, and she's in China. And the Lenny Kravitz scarf and the Jamir hat. I get to pick everything she's wearing.

[Aaron Keefe]

She doesn't get a racket. She doesn't get a ball.

[JPC]

She just uses her hands and a piece of clothing falls off. Aaron gets a point, and she still loses by 15 points.

[Adel]

I do want to quickly mention there's a wrestler, if you're not aware. I think he's. I think it's aew, but his name is Orange Cassidy, and his whole bit is he wears jeans with no shirt, and he has his hands in his pockets the whole fight until he gets mad. And then when he gets mad enough, he takes his hands out of his pockets to fight. It's very funny.

[JPC]

I love wrestler gimmicks. Because now in 2024, you're like, well, what's left? Maybe I'll be the wrestler who wears jeans and keeps his hands in his pocket.

[Sandy]

I've never. I'm looking this guy up. This is very funny.

[Adel]

I really want to see Orange Cassidy. Very good.

[Sandy]

Orange Cassidy.

[Adel]

Good bit.

[Sandy]

Okay, that's awesome. Next one. This is someone famous. Haley Mills. Do you know who Haley Mills is? Aaron?

[Adel]

Yeah, she was.

[Sandy]

Oh, sorry, I don't got it at all.

[Adel]

Yeah, she was the original actress in the. I almost said Sister act in Parent Trap.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, right.

[Adel]

And then she was also the teacher in the original Saved by the Bell. Right.

[Sandy]

She was also in Sister act, too.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hmm.

[Sandy]

No, she wasn't.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Sandy]

Parent Trap. Yes, that's right. You're right. That's who Haley Mills is. But for this, she was the last person to win something. In a group that includes Shirley Temple, Mickey Rooney, Judy Garland, and Bobby Driscoll. They all did the same thing, but she was the last. What was it she did?

[JPC]

Is she winning a lawsuit against her parents for stealing all of her money?

[Sandy]

That still goes on, I hate to tell you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Like the children's Oscar.

[Sandy]

That is right. It is, right. It is called the Academy Juvenile Award, and she won it for the movie Pollyanna.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm trying to win that still. That's my career path right now. Trying to get them back.

[Sandy]

They discontinued 1960. I didn't say what year it was. 1960. Yes. They discontinued it. Yeah. They also had an Academy Award for painting.

[Aaron Keefe]

And then for Walking on the Not.

[Sandy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Adel]

Both went to macaroni.

[Sandy]

All right, this person is the opposite of famous. Definitely not famous. His name is Larry DeSantis, no relation to Ron. He is, in fact, a baker at Herman's Bakery in Dundalk, Maryland. And this happened in 2024 this year. He is the last person to do something that we know of. The last known person to do something.

[JPC]

Is he the last person to take all the bread dough, put it all over his naked body, say, I'm the bread man, get baked into the bread and have, like, a big family eat the bread?

[Aaron Keefe]

I can tell by everything you're wearing and everything you're surrounded by JPC that you did that today. So you couldn't be the last. Right. If you did it.

[JPC]

Hold on. I'm not claiming to be the bread man, but if everybody wants to eat the bread.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, my God.

[JPC]

He's a baker. So is this one of those things where it's like, nope. You bake the world's largest Blake. No, it's not.

[Sandy]

He's not well known. He's not famous. He won't be famous. He is.

[JPC]

He.

[Sandy]

Okay, here's. Here's another fact about him that might help. He was a baker. He worked a second job at another bakery in Maryland on the other side of the Patapsco River.

[Adel]

Is he the first guy who was, like, a butcher A baker and a candlestick maker at some point in his life.

[Sandy]

It's not about the first, it's about the last.

[Adel]

I see 20, 24.

[JPC]

He was the first guy to get fired from two bakeries on the same day.

[Sandy]

Still happens every day.

[JPC]

That sucks.

[Sandy]

His commute, his late night commute got extremely disrupted because he had to go across the river to go to his other job, which he did.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, he was the last person to go over a bridge.

[Sandy]

Which bridge?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know.

[JPC]

Oh, that fucking bridge.

[Aaron Keefe]

I tried my best to never learn the name of a bridge. And that's a gift that I give myself to make my life feel more interesting.

[JPC]

Oh, what was the name? Is this the one that that ship hit?

[Adel]

The one that collapsed or whatever? Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah.

[Sandy]

So just give me the city and I'll be.

[Aaron Keefe]

Washington D.C. no, it's Maryland.

[Sandy]

Baltimore City.

[Adel]

Pittsburgh.

[Sandy]

It is Baltimore. It was the Francis Scott Key bridge that got rammed into by that cargo ship and he was the last person to cross it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh my God, that's so stressful.

[Sandy]

All right, how about Paul Garres, a person who in 1980 took a photograph. He was a photographer and he took. He was the last person to with a photograph capture 1980.

[Aaron Keefe]

Berlin Wall. Was 89, right?

[Adel]

Yes.

[JPC]

Yeah. What would you be the last person?

[Adel]

President or someone. Someone who was assassinated or something?

[Sandy]

Yeah, it was ML 1980.

[Aaron Keefe]

John Lennon.

[Sandy]

John Lennon, Correct. He took the famous photograph of John Lennon signing a record given to him by Mark David Chapman, who was a security guard. 25 year old security guard. And Mark David Chapman later that night came to his house outside the Dakota and shot him dead. And Paul Garresh took that photo. And he also took lots of photos for John Lennon. Like he did the COVID of his last album, Watching the Wheels.

[JPC]

Oh, so it's not that impressive. The guy was around John Lennon taking photos.

[Sandy]

Well, I wanna see you do it, jbc.

[JPC]

All right, just in case something happens to you guys tonight, I'm just gonna go ahead and snap a photo and now I'm gonna be famous. All right, uh oh, a couple more, Worst friend. Jbc. All right, Sandy, let's do one more.

[Sandy]

All right, one more. Winning Colors. And I'll give you a hint. 1988. Not a human.

[Adel]

Last horse to win off the Triple Crown or whatever.

[Sandy]

No, that. No, that would have been a good one.

[JPC]

What did you say? Winning Colors.

[Sandy]

Winning Colors. It is a horse. Probably not the last one to ever do it, but it's very rare. Three times out of 150, this has happened. And it has to do with Kentucky Derby with horse.

[Adel]

Kentucky Derby horse rode the jockey.

[Sandy]

That's gonna happen.

[JPC]

Oh, is this the last time a horse won the race but was executed because they hurt their toe or whatever.

[Sandy]

Now this is the last Philly to win the Kentucky Derby. Female horse. They're always male.

[Adel]

Three of them have won.

[Sandy]

Three of them have won. 3 Phillies have won. Last one winning course.

[JPC]

What year was that?

[Sandy]

1988.

[JPC]

It's 2024. It's time for another female horse winning the Kentucky Derby. That's what I say.

[Adel]

More women horse.

[JPC]

More women horse. Sandy, where can people find you? Thank you so much for putting these together for us.

[Sandy]

Well, I hope this is not the last one of these you'll find me back on. Hey Riddle Riddle. Sometime soon. I hope that's true. Yes, yes. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

[JPC]

Hong Kong in the new year.

[Sandy]

Let me grab my lips. But you can find me @myoryleague on Instagram and threads. And I have a newsletter called signals.s I G N A L S Fun. Where you can subscribe to all my weird and fun shit.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hell yeah.

[Adel]

And Sandy Weiss is the last person to be buried alive on the beach. Here we go.

[Aaron Keefe]

That was fun.

[JPC]

Hopefully not the last. Let's see. Aaron, you have anything to plug?

[Aaron Keefe]

I want to plug our Patreon. Patreon.com heyriddle riddle. We're having fun over there. I'm having fun. Also check out our new merch at Teepublic. Look up. Hey Riddle, Riddle. I love this show. I am passionate about my work on this show. I love it very much. I'm the deer.

[JPC]

If you want new content throughout the rest of the year because we're going to be best of's in our little winter break here. You can always find that new [e-mail] every Friday. We have new episodes throughout the rest of the year.

[Aaron Keefe]

Content adl. Do you have anything to plug?

[Adel]

And be honest, I really don't. But I was just gonna say, hey, as this year winds down, just, I don't know, carve out, carve out a little trip. Even if it's just like a little 45 minute car ride to the suburbs. I don't know, just take. Carve out a little time for yourself, huh? As the year widens down. Huh? Doesn't that sound nice? Here's a prescription from Dr. Adl. Illegible writing. JPC. Do you have anything to plug or promote?

[JPC]

Yeah, well, actually we do have something that we wanted to announce for hey Riddle Riddle. So for starting next year. So in January, you can now subscribe to the hey Riddle Riddle Patreon for an entire year. So we have our annual memberships now. So if you are were on the fence about subscribing or you wanted to subscribe for a whole year at a little bit of a discount, it's patreon.com hey riddle riddle. You can check the annual subscription or if you are a current like month to month and you want to go annual. I know that sometimes I think it's useful for people who are in foreign countries who pay foreign transaction fees every month or something like that. So yeah, please do sign up for an annual membership for our Patreon. All right, that's it. That's all I got. Aaron, I know that you said that you had written a. What you said would be a new Christmas classic and you wanted to kind of debut it at the end of the show.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[JPC]

Okay. But whenever you're ready.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Get that all out.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jupiter. Good grief. That was scary. I almost had to sing back there.

[Adel]

Casey.

[JPC]

Tony did the editing. Logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Navoris. 1, 2, 3, 4. Hey, ritual. Ritual. Hey there, mall Santas and Lego store employees. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's improv from a mall around Christmas time. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron Keefe]

That was a Headgum podcast.