#339: We Bring The MOOB!

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle Episode #339: We Bring The MOOB!

Release Date: January 15, 2025
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan

---

1. Introduction to Reviews

The episode kicks off with the trio diving into product reviews, showcasing their signature blend of humor and insightful commentary. They begin with a Trader Joe's Cat Advent Calendar review, highlighting the amusing yet critical perspectives they often bring to everyday products.

• Adol Rifai (04:20): "They have that at Trader Joe's. Whoa."
• JPC (07:02): "1 out of 5 do not waste your money on this product."

The hosts humorously critique the unconventional suggestion in a one-star review that recommends breaking the cat treats into smaller pieces "with a chainsaw," setting the tone for their lighthearted yet analytical approach.

2. Gas Station Reviews: A Deep Dive

Transitioning to gas station reviews, the hosts explore the dynamics of one-star and five-star feedback, emphasizing how these reviews reflect more about the reviewers than the services themselves.

• JPC (08:14): "No one just decides you're at a time."
• Adol Rifai (09:44): "It's funny to me how people complain about gas station bathrooms."

They discuss the paradox of gas stations receiving both scathing critiques and surprisingly warm five-star reviews, attributing this to the universal experiences and expectations of the customers.

3. Riddles and Brain Teasers

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to solving riddles, a staple of the "Hey Riddle Riddle" podcast. The hosts engage with listeners' submissions, dissecting each riddle with their unique improvisational flair.

• Riddle Example (13:44):
  • JPC (14:37): "I am a number. I am part of a number. I am an unknown number. I am a kiss you do not feel. I am an intersection. I am third from the end."
  • Aaron Keegan (14:51): "This is X. And in a math problem, you're solving for X."

Their collaborative efforts not only solve the riddles but also entertain listeners with witty banter and playful disagreements.

4. Improvised Scenes and Skits

Interwoven with their riddle-solving are improvised scenes that showcase the hosts' improvisational prowess. One memorable skit involves cows whimsically adding a 'b' to "moo," turning it into "moob," sparking a hilarious discussion about language and animal behavior.

• Adol Rifai (05:06): "Is that true?"
• JPC (05:22): "I'd like to see a scene. Jpc, you and Adol are cows in a field..."

These skits serve as comedic interludes, highlighting the hosts' chemistry and ability to turn simple concepts into engaging performances.

5. Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Conversations

The episode takes a personal turn as Aaron shares a quirky dream about being pregnant, leading to a humorous yet heartfelt conversation about unexpected life events.

• Aaron Keegan (18:01): "I'm trying not to talk about myself that way."
• Adol Rifai (18:23): "And you're going to name it Alibi."

This segment not only provides laughs but also offers a glimpse into the hosts' camaraderie and personal lives, making the podcast relatable and engaging.

6. Continued Riddles and Creative Challenges

The hosts introduce creative challenges for their audience, encouraging listeners to engage actively with the content. They propose a unique twist where reviews must end with "how? With a chainsaw," blending their love for riddles with interactive fun.

• Adol Rifai (12:22): "Your review has to end with those two parts. How? With a chainsaw."
• Aaron Keegan (12:22): "I want, I want to say something. I think this person doesn't have a cat."

This initiative not only fosters community engagement but also reinforces the podcast's theme of playful puzzles and creative problem-solving.

7. Exploring Themes of Mortality and Legacy

In a surprisingly introspective segment, the hosts delve into discussions about mortality, funeral preferences, and how they envision their own legacies. This deep dive is handled with their characteristic humor, blending seriousness with levity.

• Aaron Keegan (29:43): "What order do you think we're going to die in?"
• Adol Rifai (29:47): "Adel. Aaron. Jpc."

Their candid conversations about life and death add depth to the episode, offering listeners a mix of comedy and contemplation.

8. Closing Moments and Final Riddles

As the episode nears its end, the hosts continue to entertain with final riddles and improvised scenes, wrapping up the session with laughter and shared reflections.

• JPC (54:27): "I am where loud beasts rest a while, ticking to themselves as though remembering their journeys..."
• Aaron Keegan (59:25): "That's a parking lot. Scrapyard. Mater from Cars."

Their seamless blend of riddles, improv, and personal stories culminates in a satisfying and entertaining conclusion to the episode.

---

Notable Quotes

• Adol Rifai (05:22): "Your review has to end with those two parts. How? With a chainsaw."
• Aaron Keegan (18:01): "I'm trying not to talk about myself that way."
• JPC (54:46): "I am where loud beasts rest a while, ticking to themselves as though remembering their journeys."

---

Conclusion

"We Bring The MOOB!" exemplifies the essence of "Hey Riddle Riddle" by intertwining product reviews, puzzle-solving, improvised comedy, and personal anecdotes. The episode stands out for its dynamic interactions, witty humor, and the hosts' ability to engage listeners through a variety of entertaining segments. Whether dissecting a cat advent calendar or pondering life's bigger questions, Adal, Erin, and John deliver an episode that's as intellectually stimulating as it is hilariously enjoyable.

Transcript

[Aaron Keegan]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[JPC]

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[Aaron Keegan]

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[JPC]

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[Aaron Keegan]

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[JPC]

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[Aaron Keegan]

Get who gets you on eharmony?

[JPC]

Sign up. Today. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cannon of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice. And the horse is Ain't Friday. Okay. So I thought that maybe we could, like. And it's not. We're not leeching off of anything else. You know, we're being inspired, certainly by other things, but we're creating something for ourselves. And it can't be Costco, obviously, because that's covered. So is there, like, another store? And it could be any store. Just that the two of you could, like, agree on that. We might. That might be, like. That might have something there for us.

[Adol Rifai]

Sorry, you want us to do, like, the Costco review guys thing?

[JPC]

I don't want us to do anything.

[Adol Rifai]

Like, the dad and the son who are.

[JPC]

I don't want us to do anything. But if we were gonna do something.

[Adol Rifai]

Okay.

[Aaron Keegan]

And I guess I just have one big question from over here. From the Aaron camp, we have one sort of big question.

[Adol Rifai]

You're the kid on the dead.

[Aaron Keegan]

Well, that was actually gonna be my second question, because I would maybe like to be the dad.

[Adol Rifai]

Okay. Yeah, that's great.

[Aaron Keegan]

Also, sometimes guys, the three of us play house. We all fight about who gets to be the baby, who gets to be the dad. We all.

[JPC]

Wilson.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yes, exactly.

[Adol Rifai]

Volleyball, Right.

[JPC]

Who gets to be Cuddy? Aaron always wants to be Cudi. Maybe somebody else could be Cuddy for once.

[Aaron Keegan]

Who gets to be Hugh Laurie? David, you kind of like that one.

[JPC]

Cudi and Wilson, the three characters on the house. What's your question?

[Aaron Keegan]

My question is, and this is absolutely no judgment. And I love everything we do.

[JPC]

Oh, I love this. I love how this is not loaded.

[Aaron Keegan]

This is not loaded at all. Do we think that this is gonna be a relevant pop culture thing when this episode comes out? And I know we don't really care about that. We were making my wife jokes in 2019.

[JPC]

Yeah, but, like, maybe we told your mother we ate the pie.

[Adol Rifai]

Maybe you would Tell your mother we ate the pie.

[Aaron Keegan]

So I'm wondering. But that's. And this is just me wondering out loud.

[JPC]

This is not like, for sure.

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah, ok. Yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

Let's scrap it. You guys want to do Hawk to it again?

[Adol Rifai]

Well, hold on, hold on. I thought we said we're going to leave that in 2024. I think we review, like, Trader Joe's stuff. Okay, so I think we do Costco guy, but it's Trader Joe's stuff where it's like chocolate block full of tikka masala. Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

What happened?

[JPC]

Sweet potato loaded. Noki.

[Aaron Keegan]

I had that last night.

[JPC]

It's so good.

[Aaron Keegan]

It's so good.

[Adol Rifai]

Advent calendar full of cat treats.

[JPC]

They have that at Trader Joe's.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, yeah.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, Aaron, please.

[Aaron Keegan]

Is that true?

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, yeah. I can't keep saying it's true. It's true. Please. Why is no one believing me?

[Aaron Keegan]

Casey, can you just check and make sure Adol's telling the truth about this cat advent calendar?

[Adol Rifai]

I'm checking.

[JPC]

Do cats have religion?

[Adol Rifai]

Is that really that hard to believe? Well, hold on. Advent calendars aren't religious, are they? They're just little doors to tomorrow.

[Aaron Keegan]

Don't they stop on Christmas?

[Adol Rifai]

I mean, I guess so.

[JPC]

They're little doors to tomorrow.

[Adol Rifai]

A lot of things stop on Christmas. It's real and it's available on Amazon. You don't even have to go to Trader Joe's.

[Aaron Keegan]

Who was that?

[Adol Rifai]

Well, I'd rather support Trader Joe's.

[JPC]

Wait, you can buy. You can buy Trader Joe's branded advent calendars on Amazon.

[Adol Rifai]

Second hand, heavily marked up, secondhand, gently.

[JPC]

Used, jitly used Advent calendar.

[Adol Rifai]

Casey, will you be the Jizzler? Will I be the Jizzler? It's like the Rizzler, but. Oh, you don't need to tell me, bud. You don't need to tell me.

[JPC]

All right, you know what? Shut it down. Shut it down. No, jb Shut it down.

[Aaron Keegan]

We love your fun, cool idea.

[Adol Rifai]

We love the idea.

[JPC]

As soon as Casey got to be the Jizzler, which obviously was what I was angling for. Oh, buddy, shut it all down.

[Aaron Keegan]

I'm sorry.

[JPC]

No, we're just gonna do regular podcasts now. It's just gonna be Hayward over it on jpc. That's Adel, that's Aaron. Casey will not be on mic. Just stroke your beard. Jizzler.

[Adol Rifai]

But we all had cool catchphrases that were like, boom. But different.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. And it's worth exploring, though.

[Aaron Keegan]

Mine was Boo.

[Adol Rifai]

Mine was rat tat tat tat tat.

[JPC]

Tat. Mine was just like the opposite of boom, which is a cow going moob.

[Aaron Keegan]

Moob.

[JPC]

That's the opposite of boob.

[Aaron Keegan]

I know, but I don't like when you say it.

[JPC]

Boo.

[Adol Rifai]

I don' we shouldn't say moob. It's man overboard. We don't want.

[JPC]

What if cows added a bee? What if cows all of a sudden just started adding a B?

[Aaron Keegan]

I'd like to see a scene. Jpc, you and Adol are cows in a field and you're just sort of. It's business as usual, just a regular Tuesday. And Adol hears you add a bee to your moo and is a little concerned.

[Adol Rifai]

Graze, graze, graze.

[JPC]

Good grass today.

[Adol Rifai]

Good grass today. Graze, graze, graze, graze.

[JPC]

Kind of makes me want to. This grass kind of hit and kind of make me wanna.

[Adol Rifai]

Wait a minute. Say that again, say that again. Say that again. Say that again.

[JPC]

This is good grass. I like the tape.

[Adol Rifai]

Before that you added a B to your moo.

[JPC]

Did I?

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

I don't think so. What is going.

[Adol Rifai]

You spent two weeks grazing in the valley up north and suddenly you have an accent.

[JPC]

I don't. Do I have an accent? I mean I don't. Kind of feels like I'm just. I'm doing what feels natural.

[Adol Rifai]

What's next? Cats say meowb, horses say neighb?

[JPC]

They better fuckin not. If I hear one horse say neighb, I'm knowing exactly where they got it they got it from. Scott.

[Adol Rifai]

I. I think I.

[JPC]

Can I be honest with you?

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

I'm trying to do it. Trying to stand out, try to have a thing.

[Adol Rifai]

Why?

[JPC]

Because what's any cow? Here's thing, Jake. What's your thing?

[Adol Rifai]

My thing is that in four months I'm gonna be marching down that abattoir straight to getting a pin in my forehead.

[JPC]

Not me. They promised me I'm milk.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh boy.

[JPC]

They promised me I'll do milk.

[Aaron Keegan]

Morning boys.

[JPC]

Oh hey, wait a second.

[Aaron Keegan]

Hey buddies. Scott, want to go for a walk with me?

[JPC]

Move over all you other cows. I'm going on a farmer walk.

[Aaron Keegan]

Steve, he became ground beef. I forgot my parasite story. Scott. Scott as a cow name, absolutely perfect.

[JPC]

As a cow name. Specifically a cow who thinks they're going to be a milking cow. But then they realize, oh, I'm a bull. I am going to. I'm going to die. Casey is still in the chat dropping review of Trader Joe's Cat treat advent calendars. We'll go ahead and read this one. 1 out of 5 do not waste your money on this product. Very disappointing. Snacks are the same every day, just in different shapes. And my cat won't touch them because they are big and hard as rocks. Was commenting to my daughter that I was afraid that our cat might choke on them if she did try to eat them. And we looked on the box in small print and it's recommended that they be broken up into small pieces. How? With a chainsaw?

[Aaron Keegan]

I. I want, I want to say something. I think this person doesn't have a cat. No, I think this person was eating my cat treats.

[Adol Rifai]

I think they're dipping their toes into like fiction where they're like, how? With a chainsaw? Yeah, let me sit back and wait for the likes to roll in.

[JPC]

I do think that people love to show their personality, maybe unwittingly in the reviews. And I know I only read five star reviews on the show and that's all that you should look for. Hey, riddle, riddle. But one star reviews do truly tell you the most information, but never about the thing that they're reviewing. They just tell you about like. Cause you have to be pretty mad to write a one star review, right? No one just decides you're at a time. Yeah. They think about it like a week later and you're like, you know what? That was a one star experience. And reading like one star reviews of gas stations is so fun because it's like you are so bothered because everyone has to use a gas station and you really don't. Like the only thing that people do is like, hey, I'm out of gas, I have to go. Or like, hey, what's the best price? But never will people read a review of a gas station. Be like, yeah, it sounds like this guy had a really bad experience with a candy bar here. Maybe we don't. We steer clear of this shell.

[Aaron Keegan]

Are there any five star reviews of gas stations?

[Adol Rifai]

I'm sure there's one.

[JPC]

Yeah. I mean, because civilization is done. This is the. We have reached Fukuyama as the end of history. There's nothing left to do. There's nothing left to do but like enjoy your miserable existence and write five star reviews of gas stations.

[Adol Rifai]

It's funny to me of like whenever people write reviews and complain about the bathroom at gas stations where it's like the only thing that's happening in those bathrooms is emergency shits. What do you expect? And everyone's partook in that. No one is innocent in this regard.

[Aaron Keegan]

I wouldn't know what you're talking about.

[JPC]

If you had a job. Let's say thought experiment. You have a job and the job is to clean up bathrooms after people take emergency shits. What do you think that job deserves to be paid? Because for me it's like six figures minimum.

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah, agree.

[JPC]

So if you're complaining that a bathroom at a gas station is disgusting, it's because that job that no one would do isn't being done because they're not paying someone to do it.

[Adol Rifai]

Agreed.

[Aaron Keegan]

You guys, I'm reading some five star reviews of gas stations and they're actually kind of warming my heart. Oh, these are lovely.

[Adol Rifai]

Great gas. Pumped well or like what? How do you implement a gas station?

[JPC]

Are you in LA though? Are you searching for gas stations in la? Yeah, because this is just a town of aspiring writers. These are just people. These are just the most insane, deranged people on the planet trying to get their screenplay out there. It's like exterior, gas station.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah, I was just about to say that. I was just about to say that. Oh my God. Exterior, gas station, night. I walked away.

[Adol Rifai]

We open on a 22 year old perky tits.

[JPC]

A very insert this person's real name type.

[Aaron Keegan]

I'd like to, um. There's a. I want to start a podcast that's just improv based on comment sections of different things. If you guys want to be on it, you can, but you don't have to be.

[Adol Rifai]

Absolutely. Let's make it a Patreon.

[JPC]

Is that kind of what? Review. Review? Are we just doing review? Review.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh yeah. But they're ending. They're ending.

[JPC]

But they're ending. So we can take it. We can.

[Adol Rifai]

We pick up the mantle. I do wanna recommend people. So this advent calendar, one out of five star review ended with something. Something. Break up the treats into small pieces. How? Question mark. With a chainsaw, question mark. I want to recommend people. Anytime you leave a review for anything from now on, end it with how? Question mark. With a chainsaw. Question mark. No matter what the review is, no matter if it's good or bad, end it with how a chainsaw.

[Aaron Keegan]

We're giving you one of those sweet, sweet. Hey, riddle, riddle challenges. Send us a screenshot or tag us at a screenshot of a five star review that you leave either a small business or a product online.

[Adol Rifai]

Yes.

[Aaron Keegan]

And we want to see it end with how. With a chainsaw. Fitted in naturally, most natural. I'll send a sticker to someone who does the most natural working kind of.

[Adol Rifai]

Your review has to end with those two parts. How? With a chainsaw. But fitted in naturally fit it in, naturally.

[JPC]

Work it in. Work up to it.

[Aaron Keegan]

Can I read one of these reviews?

[JPC]

Yes, please, Aaron. You can read it.

[Aaron Keegan]

I stopped by to purchase our office pool lottery tickets. The mini mart is very clean and organized, but they do not carry many products. The cashier was very nice, despite the many lottery ticket transactions I had for him to run through the machine. Five stars.

[JPC]

Wow, that's awesome. Because that's a person who maybe has never gone to a gas station for anything in their life. And they're like. They're walking in and being like, this is what one of these is, huh? Not many products.

[Adol Rifai]

What aisle is the rigatoni on? No rigatoni. Mm. I'll have to write something about that.

[JPC]

A person who's only ever been.

[Aaron Keegan]

That's a review then for you.

[JPC]

A person who's only ever been to a grocery store walking into a gas station and being like, wow, I'm shocked at how little products they have here.

[Aaron Keegan]

Excuse me, sir, can you point me to the cat advent calendar aisle?

[Adol Rifai]

Where's the balsamic reduction? Don't have it.

[Aaron Keegan]

I'll be talking to the Internet about this final single.

[JPC]

Rolls of toilet paper. That hardly seems economically efficient. I'd probably not purchase my toilet paper at this establishment.

[Adol Rifai]

What does BP stand for? Barely produce?

[Aaron Keegan]

I love it.

[Adol Rifai]

Raspberry tree. I love it.

[JPC]

All right, are you guys ready to do some riddles the show?

[Adol Rifai]

No, no. More reviews.

[Aaron Keegan]

More reviews.

[JPC]

Oh, I'd love for you guys to review a riddle. Why don't I give it to you?

[Aaron Keegan]

And by the way, my podcast is not reviews. It's comment sections, like YouTube videos. So it'd be like a Yo Yo Ma YouTube video from 2006, and we just kind of dig into the comments.

[Adol Rifai]

Can it be called first exclamation point?

[JPC]

Yes.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yes, it can be. Adol. Yeah, it abso fucking lutely can be. Check it out.

[JPC]

Most of those comments are like, you know, people commenting on, like, a Coldplay song from 2006. And the comment just says, anyone in 2018 still had jamming to this song. And it's a bunch of upvotes by people who are also listening to that Coldplay song.

[Adol Rifai]

Okay, so JPC found my comment about the scientist. It's a good song. A Rush of Blood to the Head is a good album. It stands the test of time. It's a.

[JPC]

Okay, here we go. I am a number. I am part of a number. I am an unknown number. I am a kiss you do not feel. I am an intersection. I am third from the end.

[Aaron Keegan]

This is so easy. This is X. And in a math problem, you're solving.

[JPC]

For X. Aaron, you're correct. This is the letter X. Wow.

[Aaron Keegan]

Smug little bug over here. Have you ever seen me look so smug on a riddle podcast?

[Adol Rifai]

Aaron, go ahead and open up door number four of your Advent cat treat calendar.

[Aaron Keegan]

Here I go. This is the biggest treat I've ever seen.

[JPC]

How am I supposed to open this door? With a chainsaw?

[Aaron Keegan]

Nice. Okay, I'll send you a sticker in the mail. Jvc.

[JPC]

Aaron, do you want to review. Do you want to review that riddle?

[Aaron Keegan]

Yes.

[Adol Rifai]

She's going to give you a review because she solved it.

[Aaron Keegan]

No, you don't know that.

[JPC]

We don't know that.

[Aaron Keegan]

I thought this riddle would have more to it.

[Adol Rifai]

Hmm. Okay.

[Aaron Keegan]

Five stars.

[Adol Rifai]

There it is.

[Aaron Keegan]

Very good riddle.

[JPC]

What about your next one? Here it is. With or without my name, I am nothing. My first is the last and my last is nothing.

[Aaron Keegan]

Prince, actually. I can't believe it. I wasn't listening. Can you read it again? I am so sorry. That's the first time I've ever fully missed a riddle.

[JPC]

I did see you raise a can of something. Jingle it a few times, which is always fun for the recording.

[Adol Rifai]

We should say that. Aaron sat CVS for Salvation army as a Santa.

[JPC]

What was the drink that we were drinking there, Aaron, when we weren't paying attention to our homework?

[Aaron Keegan]

It was a can of Silly Sprig. A silly streak.

[JPC]

You found out how to jury rig them so you could drink them, right? You have a little hack string.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah, Drink them. I don't know what I mean by that. That just has a cadence of a joke.

[JPC]

Neither do I. Ooh, and then Adol. No Jangle jammin. What I have to assume is a la cologne coffee drink.

[Adol Rifai]

You better believe it.

[JPC]

Damn, dude.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, good for you, Adel.

[JPC]

That's a lie. Fucking lie over there.

[Aaron Keegan]

Gpc. I am so sorry. I missed the riddle. Would you like me to try to guess anyway or would you like to reread the riddle?

[JPC]

I'm a big fan of guess Anyway. I think that. Because eventually we all know on this show I'm gonna reread the riddle, right? So you throw a couple of bullshit wild stabs and then you're like, gpc, can you give us a hand or can you reread the. Yeah, you can do it that way. Adol. Do you have a guess?

[Aaron Keegan]

Garage puppets. The moon.

[JPC]

Garage puppets. The Moon. The three standards.

[Adol Rifai]

I would need to hear it again, I think.

[JPC]

Aaron, I got you with or without my name. I am Nothing. My first is the last and my last is nothing.

[Adol Rifai]

Zero. It's zero. Zero mustel.

[JPC]

Yes, it is. Zero mustel.

[Aaron Keegan]

Are these math riddles?

[JPC]

Uh, well, have you done math yet? That's gotta be. If someone asks, are these math riddles? My first question has to be, how much math have you done in solving these?

[Aaron Keegan]

Are they math themed riddles?

[JPC]

That's a great question, motherfucker. What does that mean?

[Aaron Keegan]

Fuck it.

[JPC]

What is a Math?

[Aaron Keegan]

What is 1 is a 0 and 1 was an X and it had a math little thing in it. I'm not an idiot.

[JPC]

No. I guess that's the theme of these riddles is potentially math.

[Aaron Keegan]

I guess so. Last night I called myself the dumbest bitch in school. And I really feel like that today.

[Adol Rifai]

Aaron.

[Aaron Keegan]

I try not to talk about myself that way.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol Rifai]

Can I be honest with you? Last night, Aaron, I had a dream about you. Can I tell you what happened in it?

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh my God. Did I die? Did I live? Did I save the day?

[JPC]

Don't spoil the ending, Eren. Let's hear the full narrative of the dream.

[Aaron Keegan]

He dreamt about me.

[Adol Rifai]

Aaron, I can't remember all the details, but I remember you. I think you were in the room with JPC and I and you let us know. You were like. You acted like something really bad had happened. Like, you were like, are you guys ready? I have to tell you something. Like, don't be mad. Like, et cetera, et cetera. Like really hemming and hawing before you dropped a bombshell on us. And we're like. JPC and I are looking at each other like, what is this going to be? And then it turned out that you had a. You were pregnant with a. With a human baby.

[JPC]

No, thank God.

[Adol Rifai]

And you're going to name it Alibi. And JPC and I were looking at each other, trying not to laugh.

[Aaron Keegan]

Premonition or what?

[Adol Rifai]

Why did you clarify human? I'm sorry, why did you clarify human?

[JPC]

It's a dream.

[Adol Rifai]

Well, because dreams are wild.

[JPC]

Yeah, it's a dream, Casey. It's a dream.

[Adol Rifai]

Casey.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah, Casey. I felt that too. I was like, would you all be so surprised if I told you I was pregnant and it turned out to.

[JPC]

Be a human in a dream? In regular context, I would never even ask.

[Adol Rifai]

Can I say something?

[Aaron Keegan]

Yes.

[Adol Rifai]

And I don't mean to be rude, and I know it's not 2025. Casey's got real fucking comfortable popping on mic.

[Aaron Keegan]

No, I love it.

[JPC]

We had this whole thing before we started recording of Casey's microphone being too loud. And he took so long to fix it. I said, casey, you don't need to fix it. It's not an issue. And now all of a sudden he did fix it and he's like, well, hey, since my microphone sounds fine, why don't I just pop on Mike?

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

What sucks about this is Casey knows that if he gets more than 10 words on the show, we have to pay him union rate. And so he just tries to sneak it in.

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

But now he'll never, he'll never pop back in. And we're going to miss him.

[JPC]

I don't know.

[Aaron Keegan]

Casey, come back. Can I tell you something adult about that dream? Yeah, if so. Normally if a friend told me they had a premonition dream about me being pregnant, I'd be like, oh fuck, am I pregnant? But guess what? And this is a little bit of an overshare, but maybe it's relatable. But literally 10 minutes ago I felt myself get my period. So actually we are in the clear if everybody wants to go back to exactly 10 minutes ago. And I guess I'm at the year where I'm telling people when I'm getting my period. But if we want to go exactly. I think it like, yeah, about 10, 11 minutes ago I went up. You know that feeling if you're a person who gets their period, you go, yeah.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, Casey, can you pinpoint that moment and put like a bell chime? Like a ding?

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah, put a bell chime, put a bell chime. And so guys, that's what the bell chime was. Holy shit. I'm actually, I'm actually glad that this happened.

[JPC]

I'm no mathematician here, but could it have possibly been around the time when Aaron shook a sugar free Red Bull and then took a little sip out of it? Could that have been. That have been the time?

[Aaron Keegan]

It was around that time.

[JPC]

Okay, I'm doing the content episode for this or edit for this episode. So I will be sure, Aaron, to put your little bell chime in exactly 10 or 11 minutes after you said that.

[Aaron Keegan]

Thank you so much.

[JPC]

Or before you said that. Yes.

[Adol Rifai]

Casey, can you pop on mic to make sure so I can make sure you're not mad at me?

[Aaron Keegan]

Okay.

[JPC]

That could mean anything.

[Aaron Keegan]

Adol you trying to sort of like come after Casey. It was really sweet. It's like watching a little kid swear. Watching Adol try to be mean.

[JPC]

I'm surprising. I'm too far away from it. I don't want to get too far away from it.

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Aaron, how do you feel about the baby name? Alibi. Ginger neutral.

[Aaron Keegan]

I actually think it's quite lovely.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol Rifai]

Okay.

[JPC]

I don't hate it.

[Aaron Keegan]

I would use it.

[JPC]

Alibi.

[Adol Rifai]

All right. We like this.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, no. I heard a name the other day and I was gonna put it in my baby name list and now I forget what it was.

[Adol Rifai]

Lucius.

[Aaron Keegan]

Ah, no. Fuck. See, this is why you always put the name in the list.

[Adol Rifai]

Did you say Cruella?

[JPC]

Yeah. Why not take it back?

[Adol Rifai]

Take it's due.

[Aaron Keegan]

Take a bass.

[JPC]

What about having a nice baby named Cruella? Okay, here we go. I bring you music. I bring you salt. I bring you goodbyes.

[Adol Rifai]

The ocean.

[JPC]

More than I.

[Adol Rifai]

The sound of the ocean. Like you said, a shell. You put a shell.

[JPC]

Almost said it.

[Aaron Keegan]

Sound.

[Adol Rifai]

Sound.

[JPC]

No, you started to say a word and then you kind of lost the ending of it.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, no.

[Aaron Keegan]

Can you read it again?

[JPC]

I bring you music. I bring you salt. I bring you goodbyes.

[Aaron Keegan]

Tears.

[JPC]

So close. No, it's not tears.

[Adol Rifai]

Salt.

[JPC]

Adol. You were. Oh, you had it. You were so close with ocean. Keep going on. Ocean.

[Adol Rifai]

Ocean seas. Water. Yeah, the beach.

[Aaron Keegan]

Salt water.

[JPC]

Stay with water. Stay with water.

[Adol Rifai]

Stay with water.

[JPC]

Ocean. Water.

[Aaron Keegan]

Waves.

[JPC]

Ocean.

[Adol Rifai]

Water.

[JPC]

Waves. It is Waves.

[Aaron Keegan]

Waves.

[JPC]

I think Adol said wa. And then he cut it off.

[Adol Rifai]

I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a mermaid. JPC is like on the shore of the ocean, kind of like just walking along. And you are in the ocean trying to flirt with him as he's walking along as a mermaid. But the ocean is just absolutely pounding your ass.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yoo hoo.

[JPC]

Hello? Is there someone there? I was having a tranquil morning walk.

[Aaron Keegan]

Someone's here.

[Adol Rifai]

Wow. Oh my God.

[JPC]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, my God.

[JPC]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron Keegan]

Ma'am. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[JPC]

I'll help. I'm not a strong swimmer, but I'll. I'll help.

[Aaron Keegan]

No, no, please. I live in the water. If you can. Oh, my goodness.

[JPC]

Oh, my. It's a woman with the lower half of a. Of a fish or a sea creature of some sort. She's both graceful and incredibly not.

[Adol Rifai]

Hello.

[Aaron Keegan]

If you come in here for a tranquil swim, I could perhaps give you a kiss.

[Adol Rifai]

There's a. Oh, look out for that buoy.

[Aaron Keegan]

Ooh.

[JPC]

Oh. Ooh.

[Aaron Keegan]

It knocked the wind out of me.

[JPC]

There's a wind advisory today.

[Adol Rifai]

It's very.

[JPC]

It's very rough water. There's a bay I'm seeing. There's a bay, like a little ways down. If you could. If you could make it to the bay, that's. It's. It's calmer in There. Yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

I don't look as majestic in the bay.

[JPC]

You. I'm sorry, but you don't look. You don't look at. Just go under the bay.

[Aaron Keegan]

Hold on. Short, Short. Oh, no. Please, no. Not now. I just swallowed so much speed.

[JPC]

He's got a little. He's got a little sash on it. Does he work for you? It looks like he's trying to help.

[Aaron Keegan]

I know he's trying to help, and it's not working.

[Adol Rifai]

Scene. Well, I have a new favorite scene of all time.

[Aaron Keegan]

I scared my dog. I hope it's worth it.

[JPC]

It should be. It will be. And it shall be. I walk across the fields at night and scatter pearls from my cool cup. They twinkle in the moon's soft light Then morning comes and drinks them up.

[Adol Rifai]

Whoa. Is that a poem you wrote?

[JPC]

Dewdrops, Aaron. It's dewdrops. Yes, it is. Wow. Morning dew drops.

[Aaron Keegan]

Turns out I was a riddle genius the whole time. What a twist.

[Adol Rifai]

Aaron orders one Baja Blast from Doordash, and suddenly she knows Dewdrop.

[Aaron Keegan]

That was two months ago, and they sent me a regular Mountain Dew. Need I remind you that was a Patreon thing? People will remember that.

[JPC]

Great. Now we'll just have to go and release that Patreon episode so everyone can know that Aaron ordered the wrong Mountain Dew. Okay. We tell the world that you were here Sometimes we're hard to see Sometimes we're clear we show your touch Both weak and strong and you may curse these lines if you did wrong.

[Adol Rifai]

Was it your obituary?

[JPC]

Wow. So close. But no, not really close. But I love that. I do love that as an answer.

[Adol Rifai]

Headstone, gravestone.

[JPC]

Headstone, gravestone. What's the difference?

[Adol Rifai]

Hmm. I don't know.

[JPC]

Culture. Different cultures, I guess.

[Adol Rifai]

Where they put it? If they put it where your head's at or where your feet's at. I want a footstep.

[Aaron Keegan]

I want it right above my tit line so people can go, nice. Cool, Aaron.

[Adol Rifai]

And you have a new song a la Robin Thicke, called Titline. Right. Did you want to sing it now?

[Aaron Keegan]

Tit line. I don't know. What is. What is it? Titline. What do. I mean? It's a tit. Remember that music video? That music video came out when I was living in Australia, and I remember being on a treadmill in Australia and being like, huh? We're still making music videos like this. What happened?

[Adol Rifai]

What happened?

[JPC]

I'm just shocked we're still making the music video. Was there something to it? That was it. Like, very sexy.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah, it was like very like, guy in a suit surrounded by naked ladies, objectifying me. And I was like, ugh.

[Adol Rifai]

I think it was. I think she may have been famous beforehand, but I think it was the sort of launching pad for Emily Ratted. Ratajowski. Ratajkowski.

[Aaron Keegan]

I don't remember that. Interesting.

[JPC]

Congratulations to everyone involved in Robin Thicke's song or whatever we're talking about.

[Aaron Keegan]

Or whatever we're talking about.

[JPC]

Is there. Do you think there's a specific reason that they put the gravestone over people's heads or, you know, I guess could you get buried backwards? Could you go feet first and put the headstone by the feet?

[Aaron Keegan]

Tpc, just ask, how do you want to be buried? Just tell us so we'll do it.

[JPC]

I want to do sideways. I know it's going to be more money because I'm going to have to take more plots, but I want to do sideways.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, I thought you meant like on your side inside of the now.

[JPC]

That wouldn't be bad. No, I want to be standing up. So it's going to have to be. Let's see, I'm almost. I'm like five'eleven so. And you have to do six feet down. So instead of doing a six foot grave, it's going to be a 12 foot grave, which is going to get pretty hard to dig, but it's going to be a 12 foot grave. But it'll be like pretty thin. Right. So it's just like. I just want to shoot down like a torpedo. Nope. It has to be a functioning missile silo because at the right time my descendants will be able to shoot me into the sky.

[Adol Rifai]

I think you should be in like a clear, like a clear casket a la Lenin, where it's like you're preserved and everyone can kind of see you preserved and then you're shot into space or something.

[JPC]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adol Rifai]

I want to swap. I want to swap me and my headstone. I want to bury the headstone and put me where the headstone would go and see how long it takes people to notice. Quick.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah. Can I be honest with you? I am less likely to visit you if that is the case.

[JPC]

I'm very likely to visit you. Is it? Are you okay? This is going to sound indelicate because in a way it is, but I'm envisioning roughly the same size as like a standard gravestone.

[Aaron Keegan]

We cut you to shape, but with.

[JPC]

Your body just kind of smushed into.

[Adol Rifai]

Like, I look like a. You know when they cut the strings on like a.

[Aaron Keegan]

On a marionette.

[Adol Rifai]

Marionette.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah.

[Adol Rifai]

Like I'm. Yeah.

[JPC]

Cause you'll be dead. We can break some bones to get.

[Aaron Keegan]

You in there all.

[JPC]

To get you in there all, you know, smooshed in.

[Aaron Keegan]

Guys, can I ask a question that's kind of sad?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

And I actually kind of know the answer to this. What order do you think we're going to die in?

[Adol Rifai]

Adel. Aaron. Jpc.

[Aaron Keegan]

No, I think it might be me. That Poetry. This is what poetry is. Me, adult JPC. And JPC gets 20 extra years.

[JPC]

This is crazy. I'm going JPC. Adol. Aaron.

[Aaron Keegan]

Well, why don't.

[JPC]

Don't the women live longer?

[Aaron Keegan]

But think about what kind of woman I am.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

Bird bones. Getting her period on. Mike.

[JPC]

That's not a. That can't be a sign of longevity.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yes, that is a sign of the end of the world for sure. I. That. That makes me very sad. Can you at some point. Oh, this is. I'll do this on the Patreon. We're gonna have a funeral for each of us.

[JPC]

Sure.

[Adol Rifai]

Okay.

[Aaron Keegan]

So we all get to go to each other's funerals. Because it'll make me really, really sad if you guys can't go to mine. And I'd get really bad FOMO if I die before getting to go to yours.

[JPC]

That makes sense.

[Aaron Keegan]

I plan on absolutely raging at JPC's party. I'm going to get so drunk, I'm gonna party. We're gonna celebrate.

[JPC]

I think you correctly identified it as a celebration. When I die, it's kind of like. It's kind of like when the Ewok stuck indoor, you know? Yeah. A lot of death happened, but pretty good result.

[Aaron Keegan]

Remember the beginning of the wizard of Oz when they go, ding dong, the witch is dead? Sort of like that.

[JPC]

Yeah. And that's fine. If it's a party, that's fine. I'm down for that.

[Adol Rifai]

Wait, you can't come.

[Aaron Keegan]

You're dead.

[Adol Rifai]

You can't come. You're dead. Unless.

[JPC]

No, no, I won't be at the party, but I will be shot into the sky as a rocket above the party, the fireworks. And then they're like.

[Adol Rifai]

It tastes like human remains. Aaron, I guarantee you, if jpc. Heaven forbid, if JPC goes first. I guarantee you, Aaron, you and I are at the funeral.

[Aaron Keegan]

Okay.

[Adol Rifai]

We're very sad. We're going through our NX cards, the speeches we're going to give.

[JPC]

Yep.

[Adol Rifai]

As we're grabbing shrimp or whatever from the little food, there will be shrimp.

[JPC]

Mariah's in charge of planning. There's gonna be Shrimp.

[Aaron Keegan]

Thank you, Mariah. Incredible.

[Adol Rifai]

We see a guy at the corner of our eye who's just sort of lingering on the periphery. Looks just like jpc, but with a big fake twirling mustache and like a top hat or something. And it's him. And he's like, pulled a little ruse on us, right? Am I crazy?

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. I'll Huck Finn my shit hard Huck.

[Adol Rifai]

Fine.

[JPC]

Casey, don't clip that. No, you know what? Fuck it.

[Aaron Keegan]

Let's go to cl.

[JPC]

Let's do that.

[Adol Rifai]

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

[Aaron Keegan]

Hey, guys, do you like my cowboy hat? Cowboy boots, cowboy everything. A yee haw.

[Adol Rifai]

Well, Aaron, your belt is a rattlesnake.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, my God. What? I just came from Squarespace. It's a square dancing class.

[JPC]

Oh, Aaron, you've done it again. Squarespace is not a square dancing class. It is an all in one website builder.

[Adol Rifai]

But you could build a website on Squarespace to sort of promote your square dancing site.

[Aaron Keegan]

Okay, the rattlesnake is looking at me in the eye. Do I look at it? Do I look away? Do I look at it? Do I look away?

[JPC]

Don't stop looking at your belt. The big problem is you looking directly.

[Aaron Keegan]

At your belt, which is at it our way.

[JPC]

Aaron, I don't know where you should be looking, but I do know that Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. With Squarespace, onboarding is fast and simple. Get started in just a few clicks and start receiving payments right away. Plus, give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like Klarna, Ach, Direct Debit, Apple Pay, afterpay in the US and Canada, and clearpay in the uk.

[Aaron Keegan]

You can also sell content. Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your websites, like online courses, blogs, videos, memberships. Earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set the price and choose whether to charge a one time fee or a subscription for access.

[JPC]

Aaron's grabbing the snake's jaw and making it mouth words that she says.

[Adol Rifai]

That is wild. Almost as wild as the fact that Squarespace allows you to connect to social and multimedia accounts. Connect major social media and multimedia accounts to your website in a few clicks as icons, direct links, or embedded feeds.

[JPC]

Look, if you're out there and you think, I have a great idea for a website and I just want to get it off the ground, maybe Squarespace is the choice for you. The first step. So do examine. Have I been bit by a venomous snake multiple times? Because maybe the website idea you have is not very good. It's a hallucination from being bit by a venomous snake. Maybe it's a winner, like Aaron's square dancing website or whatever. So head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch squarespace.com riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain.

[Aaron Keegan]

The rattlesnake and I are headed to go get nachos. Y'all want to come with a yee haw?

[JPC]

I mean, yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

Can I get a yeehaw?

[Adol Rifai]

A yeehaw.

[Aaron Keegan]

It bit me.

[Adol Rifai]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adol.

[JPC]

Hey, Aaron. I got a bone to pick with the two of you.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, bones. The bones are back. The bone picking's.

[JPC]

Yes, the bones are back in ads. The bones are back in ads. And Casey, can we clear that? Just check that we can clear that. Yeah, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. You know how I was telling you guys that I had, like, you know, emotional issues that I needed to discuss with someone, and you two jokers told me to go down to the flour yeast salt shop, put all those ingredients together, and that would kind of like, help me through my emotional issues.

[Aaron Keegan]

Batter. Help. What are you trying to.

[JPC]

It's not quite batter.

[Adol Rifai]

Like, what are kelp?

[JPC]

No, it's wetter kelp. Where did that come from?

[Aaron Keegan]

Redderhelp.

[JPC]

Thank you.

[Aaron Keegan]

No, jpc. We wanted you to go to Better Help.

[JPC]

This makes much more sense. Yeah.

[Adol Rifai]

JPC in 2025. Maybe you're ready for a plot twist or maybe there's a part of your story you've been wanting to advise. That's where BetterHelp can help.

[Aaron Keegan]

It's fully online, making therapy affordable, convenient, and serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties and easily switch therapists anytime with no extra cause. I've been using BetterHelp for many, many years. It is how my brain works. I like being able to send a message to my counselor as I'm experiencing something, and it just works great for my mental health. So if you're feeling kind of stuck in the rut or you want to start this new year off with a big bang, go to BetterHelp.

[Adol Rifai]

And I would say anyone out there who had the idea for bretterhelp should absolutely use this service.

[JPC]

Okay. It was kind of my idea. Well, write your own story with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com riddle and don't forget to melt a piece of butter. On it. Wait, hold on. That's the other one.

[Adol Rifai]

Casey, please keep talking. On this episode. I have to deliberately not just make you squirm.

[JPC]

Okay, we're back. Some people. I think some people get, like, bummed out when you talk about death. I don't, like. I don't. I don't mind, like, being like, yeah. Cause, you know, everybody dies. Like, everybody lives. It's a part of life.

[Aaron Keegan]

I feel very chill about my own death. And if I die, please, like, everybody just calm down. I'm fine with it. I'm really. Okay. But I don't love. And this is gonna sound crazy, I'm the first person to ever say this. I don't love the idea of my loved ones dying. That actually, I don't love that. You know, I don't know. I've never thought about it. It just feels kind of icky.

[JPC]

Feels icky if your loved ones die, huh?

[Aaron Keegan]

Okay, jbc, you don't know a lot of those words. I'm sorry, this might go a little over your head.

[JPC]

It's like we're speaking in French to me. I'm like. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Okay, now we're talking about language. French. Language of the people. Here we go. We tell the world that you were here. Sometimes we're hard to see Sometimes we're clear we show your touch both weak and strong and you may curse these longs if you did these longs, these lines if you did wrong.

[Adol Rifai]

Okay, what are lines we would curse, Aaron?

[Aaron Keegan]

Cocaine.

[Adol Rifai]

This is good cocaine.

[Aaron Keegan]

Apple Store lines. Disneyland lines.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, absolutely. For which ride?

[Aaron Keegan]

What?

[Adol Rifai]

Space Marine?

[JPC]

Rise of the Resistance.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, Rise of the Resistance. Isn't.

[Aaron Keegan]

You're very rarely in line for that because unless you. Every time I've gone, I've paid the extra $25, which is insane. But I'm not waiting in a three hour long night.

[JPC]

No, no. Yeah, well, some people are because the line's been hours. Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

But I can't. I just don't. And this is gonna also sound crazy. I don't love lines.

[Adol Rifai]

I want to see a scene.

[JPC]

Interesting. We're learning so much about Erin Adel. Isn't this wonderful?

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah, well, banking all this for her funeral. I do want to see a scene. The two of you are two separate solo attendees at Disney World, and you just happen to be Next to each other in line for Rise of the Resistance.

[JPC]

Yeah, It's a long. Yes. I saw it's two hours today, which is crazy.

[Aaron Keegan]

Whoa. Worth it, though. Have you. You been on the ride a bunch of times, yeah.

[JPC]

They'll only let you do it once a day, so that's crazy. Yeah. You can pay 25 and then it's like 20 minutes. But, you know, that's just, you know, that's a whole thing. That's a whole scam.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're. That's so crazy. I feel like every time I'm here, I see you waiting in line, but I've never seen you, like, eating food or like, on a ride.

[JPC]

This is a camelback.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, cool, Cool.

[JPC]

My backpack's a camelback. I fill it with oatmeal from home.

[Aaron Keegan]

Huh.

[JPC]

So I don't do any of the park food because that's a whole scam. So I just do. I just drink the oatmeal through the camelback. Ruins the camelback.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah. It's also like all over your face.

[JPC]

They haven't designed them yet for oatmeal.

[Aaron Keegan]

I don't think they ever will.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adol Rifai]

Huh?

[JPC]

Leaving money on the fucking table. It's all a scam. Yes. You see me here? Huh?

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah. Just. You don't come. You don't come to Disneyland to just wait in lines. You're not like a line guy. You're not one of those line guys.

[JPC]

They only let you ride the ride once a day. But they. They don't have a rule that says you can't get back in line.

[Aaron Keegan]

Huh?

[JPC]

So you can get in line as many times as you want, but when you get to the part where they let you get on the ride, they will stop you if you've already been on the Right. And the ride. The line.

[Aaron Keegan]

There's a little bit of oatmeal dribbling out of your mouth. Can you get it?

[JPC]

Oh, sorry. I wasn't swallowing because I was talking, but I was sucking because I don't usually talk to people. The line at Disney is actually part of the ride. Like, the ride starts when you get in line. So people say, like, oh, it's a two hour line, but I'm actually on the ride for two hours.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, dear. From this point on, the wait is 1 hour, 57 minutes.

[Aaron Keegan]

Sorry. This is my wife.

[Adol Rifai]

You must. Charmed, I'm sure.

[Aaron Keegan]

Sorry. Adolescent. That sucks. Sometimes improv is just being mean to your friend.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol Rifai]

And we cut back into the scene and Aaron, you're on Rise of the resistance. And it's absolutely pounding your ass.

[Aaron Keegan]

Ow. Why? I'm bleeding.

[JPC]

Hey, baby, why don't you ditch the zero and get with a hero oatmeal from a cable bat. This is me talking to the wife scene.

[Aaron Keegan]

And we go back into the scene. I'm just kidding.

[Adol Rifai]

Back into the scene.

[Aaron Keegan]

I have a quick question. Have we.

[JPC]

Oh, is it. What is Disney hookup culture like? Because I've always wanted to know.

[Aaron Keegan]

I think. Oh, I think they're like, the employees. Like, employees.

[JPC]

No, I.

[Aaron Keegan]

Those face characters, all those people who look like Disney princes and princesses.

[JPC]

Are there single people going to Disney and then getting right on those apps and then just, you know, getting on the Tinder and saying, like, who's at Disney? Trying to fuck, like, who's. Who's at Disney Park?

[Aaron Keegan]

There's only one way to find out.

[Adol Rifai]

Is there, like, a Disney Tinder where it's like. It only works when you're in the park and it connects you with people in the park. Is that a thing, Dinder?

[JPC]

It has to be a thing, Tisney.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, my God. Goofy's into some weird fucking shit. And he listed all of it on his profile.

[Adol Rifai]

It's Goofy Achu Picchu. And then you swipe and it's like, Goofy, like, with a tiger or something.

[JPC]

Yeah. You match with someone, but then they're in, like, Magic Kingdom. And you didn't have Park Hopper, and you're like, fuck. Like, what park are you going to tomorrow? Like, let's try to. But I'm not saying. I wouldn't say that people are trying to fuck at the park because those parks are just, like, too full of people. But they're. You know, there's. It's. There's hotels all over the place, too. So I'm just. I'm wondering if you've ever hooked up with a stranger at Disney. I want to. I want to know about it. Let us know in the comments.

[Aaron Keegan]

Over the summer, when I was on some dating apps, a guy asked me on a first date at Disneyland.

[JPC]

He said, let's go to Disney as a first date.

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah.

[Adol Rifai]

Okay.

[Aaron Keegan]

And I went, no, because I was like, what if you're horrible?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

And then what the fuck do I go? Like, can we sort of do our own thing?

[JPC]

Did he ask? Did he say, I'll pay? Like, I'll.

[Aaron Keegan]

He didn't do that either. And I was like, that. I would be like, that's kind of fucking cool.

[Adol Rifai]

Hey, we just met. Do you want to spend $238 tomorrow?

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah. And then I was like, and also, like, I'm not going to Disney for an hour. Like, that's a full day event. That's so expensive.

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

I guess that's kind of a baller move if you're offering to pay because. And also if you're like, hey, let's go to Disney. I'm rich. Let's go to Disney. If we don't vibe, you're at Disney. Have a fun day. But if we do vibe, we can, like, hang out at Disney.

[Aaron Keegan]

If he had given me that out of, like, what if we. I will pay for you to get into Disney.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

And I would love to take you out to lunch there. And if you want to keep hanging out the rest of the day. If we can. If not, you're loose and Disney. And then I would have probably said yes, but it was like. Seemed like I was gonna pay, and it seemed like we were gonna spend 12 hours together.

[Adol Rifai]

I would love if it was like, you said yes. And he's like, meet me right inside the park. I'll be wearing a red rose or something. And you walk in and it's like, Mickey in full suit with a red rose. It's like, huh, Hey, I set my age range for 22 to 24. You look a little older.

[JPC]

You're just like your picture.

[Aaron Keegan]

Where are you going? Go in Kylo Ren's wearing a rose. And I'm like, not again. I always end up with the bad guy. All right.

[JPC]

I was thinking. I was thinking that Disney move would be very cool, but you'd have to be rich. And then I was like, well, if you're rich, you really don't need to have moves like that. You could just be like, hey, I'm rich.

[Adol Rifai]

Let's fly to Paris.

[JPC]

Why don't we do whatever I want to do? I'm rich.

[Aaron Keegan]

If I went on a date with a rich guy, I'm trying. There might be other things I would rather experience and do. I don't know if I'd rather go to a fancy meal. What would you want if a rich person took you out on a first date and was paying for it? What would you want the experience to be?

[JPC]

Am I in la?

[Aaron Keegan]

You can be in any city.

[JPC]

I. I think. I think. I think it's kind of like I want, like, some sort of, like, boat ride. Like, I want to be on, like, a really nice yacht or, like, you know, a nice. It doesn't have to be a yacht, but whatever, like, nice ship they have now.

[Aaron Keegan]

That's how I know you weren't living as a woman, because immediately to me, I'm like, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder.

[Adol Rifai]

I want to go to, like, a Sharper Image and just, like, hold up stuff and go, can you afford this? Can you afford this?

[Aaron Keegan]

Not even. Can you get me this?

[Adol Rifai]

How about this?

[Aaron Keegan]

Yeah, I would want. I just had a thought. If a rich person took me on a date and took me to a Broadway show, because that shit's crazy expensive.

[JPC]

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Adol Rifai]

That's a very.

[Aaron Keegan]

And that's sort of the same as going to a movie. Like, you can go and have a drink after and talk about it.

[Adol Rifai]

Yes, it's. Or if you're. What's her name? I almost said Bobbitt, but that's a different person. Who's the woman who went to Beetlejuice and got real handsy?

[JPC]

Oh, Lauren Boebert.

[Adol Rifai]

Boebert.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

Good for her. Live life as a hypocrite. That's the way to go.

[JPC]

Live moss.

[Aaron Keegan]

Live moss.

[JPC]

Absolutely. Live moss.

[Aaron Keegan]

Get and give a hand stuff at Beetlejuice, the musical tour. That's what I always say. Give and receive hand stuff.

[Adol Rifai]

Please put that on, like, a cheapy wooden sign and sell it at, like, a Marshalls or home goods.

[Aaron Keegan]

You don't have to ask me twice now.

[Adol Rifai]

Jpc. This is something that's invisible but shows our strength or something.

[JPC]

We tell the world that you were here Sometimes we're hard to see Sometimes we're clear we show your touch both weak and strong and you may curse these lines if you did wrong can.

[Adol Rifai]

We get a little hint?

[JPC]

Okay, let's see.

[Adol Rifai]

Is this something that would happen posthumously?

[JPC]

Not necessarily. Okay, but everyone has this. We tell the world that you were here and that applies to pretty much anyone in the world.

[Aaron Keegan]

Your name.

[Adol Rifai]

DNA. Bones.

[JPC]

It's not DNA, but you're on the right track. And, Aaron, it's more unique than just your name.

[Adol Rifai]

Soul.

[Aaron Keegan]

Fingerprint.

[JPC]

Aaron, It's a fingerprint.

[Aaron Keegan]

Fingerprint.

[Adol Rifai]

Fingerprint.

[JPC]

Adel. You said Prince as an answer earlier. And I was like. When you asked for a hint, but I was like, I don't think that you remember saying Prince.

[Adol Rifai]

Prince.

[JPC]

But it was weirdly apropos of a future rental.

[Aaron Keegan]

Very close. Can I see a scene?

[JPC]

Yes.

[Aaron Keegan]

You are two guys reviewing a crime scene, and you're finding that someone, the criminal, left something behind that's a little bit more unusual than fingerprints.

[Adol Rifai]

All right, Todd, let's review this crime scene. I'm gonna give it a 2 out of 10. Very sloppy. A lot of brain, A lot of viscera.

[JPC]

Yes.

[Adol Rifai]

Seemingly, the killer didn't know what they were doing. And also, just out of frustration as detectives. Yeah, really annoying that they didn't leave behind more evidence. No follicles of hair, no weapons, anything like that. So I'm gonna go 2 out of 10. How? With a chainsaw.

[JPC]

Okay. How? With a chainsaw? Yeah, I. Okay, two out of ten. I was gonna give it one out of five, which I think fraction wise kind of works. I didn't know we were doing 10, but I'm the rookie, so. Yeah, I would say, like, it sucks too, because it's like, you come to our crime scene and what do you want? Like, evidence.

[Adol Rifai]

Whoa.

[Aaron Keegan]

I'm not dead. 10 years of improv experience, and I am. Oh, brother.

[Adol Rifai]

The black tarp over your body flies off and you sit up. I'm not dead. Is it a black tarp, white tarp? I'm trying to think of in TV shows.

[JPC]

Huh?

[Adol Rifai]

I mean, typically, they're not there, but when they are, there's some sort of tarp or blanket over them. Right.

[JPC]

You gotta throw a blanket over there. But do you want white? Gonna be way harder to clean. But is this a reusable blanket?

[Adol Rifai]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

Last night I saw. You guys know her, the great comedian Stevie Shale.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Keegan]

And she sneezed, and it scared the bejesus out of me. You know when babies start screaming and crying, when someone sneezes? Cause the sound startles them. She sneezed so loud. I got genuinely terrified. And it. Then we laughed really hard. I was like, whoa. Whoa.

[JPC]

I was driving a couple weeks ago, and I heard a person sneeze in a separate car.

[Aaron Keegan]

Whoa.

[JPC]

And my windows were up.

[Adol Rifai]

Holy shit.

[JPC]

They were stopped next to me at a stoplight. And I was listening to a podcast.

[Aaron Keegan]

I thought you were like. And I was listening to try to hear his car.

[JPC]

I had my windows down, and I was, like, staring at them, like daggers at them. And there are people honking behind me because I'm not moving.

[Aaron Keegan]

I would actually like to see a scene adol. You're minding your business in traffic in your car, and you look over, you can tell that JBC is trying to eavesdrop on whatever you've got going on.

[Adol Rifai]

Take the 94. That seems a little long. What is this guy doing? Oh, he's.

[JPC]

Roll down. Roll down your window.

[Adol Rifai]

He's motioning to me.

[Aaron Keegan]

Roll down.

[JPC]

Roll down your window.

[Adol Rifai]

What does this guy want? Okay.

[JPC]

You. Yeah.

[Adol Rifai]

Hey. Hey. Hi. Is there something. Something stuck to A tire.

[JPC]

Don't talk to me. I don't want to talk to you, man. Keep going.

[Adol Rifai]

Okay.

[JPC]

No, no, no, no, no. Roll down your window.

[Adol Rifai]

What does this want?

[JPC]

Your window.

[Adol Rifai]

I'm gonna call my sister real quick.

[JPC]

Dude, roll down your window.

[Adol Rifai]

Hey, Jessica.

[Aaron Keegan]

Hey, how are you? What is he saying?

[JPC]

What is he saying?

[Adol Rifai]

Hey, if I don't call you back in two minutes.

[JPC]

God damn. What does he say?

[Adol Rifai]

I need you to get on the 94 immediately and look for me because.

[Aaron Keegan]

What's going on?

[Adol Rifai]

I love you and just stay on.

[Aaron Keegan]

The phone with me. Stay on the phone with me.

[Adol Rifai]

I can't. I have to go.

[JPC]

He's ordering forks. What the fuck?

[Adol Rifai]

Okay. Hey. Hey.

[JPC]

What was that?

[Adol Rifai]

Hey, what's going on, buddy?

[JPC]

I love your vibe. I love your look.

[Adol Rifai]

Are you being sarcastic because I'm wearing.

[JPC]

I want to hear about your life, but not from you to me. I want to experience it like a movie.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, okay.

[JPC]

I want to watch your life movie.

[Adol Rifai]

Hey. I don't. I don't want this anymore. So I'm gonna stop and I'm okay. I wish I could drive off, but we're in bumper to bumper, so.

[JPC]

Me. Fuck me, I guess.

[Adol Rifai]

Take care, man. Take care.

[JPC]

Doesn't matter what I want. You exist in society.

[Adol Rifai]

Hey, Jesse.

[JPC]

It's not you on an island.

[Aaron Keegan]

You're here with other people trying to call you back. What's going on? Are you okay?

[Adol Rifai]

I've made peace with it. I am gonna die. I'm gonna die in the next minute or two.

[Aaron Keegan]

What are you talking about?

[Adol Rifai]

I love you so much. My whole will is up to you and Mark. I hope you too.

[JPC]

I don't even care who that is on the phone.

[Aaron Keegan]

I don't who is yelling.

[Adol Rifai]

I hope you have a human baby.

[JPC]

I don't even care who that is on the phone.

[Adol Rifai]

I don't hope you have a beautiful human baby.

[Aaron Keegan]

Who is yelling? Is that. Who is that?

[Adol Rifai]

That's my destiny.

[JPC]

You talking to Destiny? Oh, I love him. He's my favorite.

[Adol Rifai]

Your favorite what?

[JPC]

Streamer? Is that what Destiny does?

[Aaron Keegan]

No one knows stream.

[Adol Rifai]

No one knows.

[JPC]

We can't know. We can't know. But congratulations.

[Aaron Keegan]

I'm hungry. But more riddles. And also food.

[Adol Rifai]

Casey, go ahead and put in another building because Aaron just had a second period. Has just hit.

[Aaron Keegan]

A second period. It's just an Aaron. You know what? It does kind of feel like that. You know what I found out this year?

[JPC]

How would I know that?

[Aaron Keegan]

I don't. That's okay.

[JPC]

I hate when people ask questions like this.

[Aaron Keegan]

I know, I'm sorry. But my OB GYN this year, and I was like, why don't they teach people, like, anything about our bodies? I don't know anything about how it works, but you get, like, cold symptoms or, like, allergy symptoms when you're on your period. And I went, that makes the most sense ever. Why do I always just feel like I get a cold once a month? But really, you just get. It's like the hormones in your body are doing this thing. And I was like, I'm 33 and I am finding this out. Isn't that wild?

[Adol Rifai]

That is wild.

[Aaron Keegan]

I have so much to learn.

[JPC]

It is. Well, I mean, look, doctors have a very specialized set of skills. They go to school for a long time. They have to stay current. They have to keep doing continued education. But it is very funny when a doctor casually drops a thing and you're like, I guess you are just this arbiter of this hidden knowledge. Yeah, that's like a very useful thing.

[Aaron Keegan]

I mean, I guess I could read a single book, but.

[Adol Rifai]

Well, pick up Bill Bryson's. I want to say it's called the Body, and you're going to learn a whole lot of shit, Aaron. That's going to freak you out.

[Aaron Keegan]

I don't want to know.

[JPC]

The one thing that I would love to know is where the poop comes out. Because for me, it's an absolute guessing game.

[Aaron Keegan]

Casey, mute. JPC forever, and nine times out of.

[JPC]

Ten, I get it completely wrong. That's why pencils made erasers. All right, here we go.

[Aaron Keegan]

We can. We can bleep it. We can bleep it.

[Adol Rifai]

Pencils did not make erasers. Pencils don't make anything.

[Aaron Keegan]

That's right.

[JPC]

Pencils make erasers.

[Aaron Keegan]

No, pencils don't make anything.

[Adol Rifai]

Pencils make nothing. Oh, maybe drawings, but that's what pencils make.

[JPC]

Erasers. Even that. Here we go. Your next riddle. That's why pencils make erasers. I am. Where loud beasts rest a while, ticking to themselves as though remembering their journeys. Some beasts tag their spot with warm fluids. Dominant beasts mark their territories. Dead beasts are dragged away by big beasts. I don't know where they go, but some of them come back to life.

[Aaron Keegan]

I don't know.

[Adol Rifai]

Is this like Maurice Centric Obituary? Ashes to ashes, dust to the beast. Spirit beasts drag away the little beasts.

[JPC]

The full spectrum of human emotion. She's getting her period. She's getting hungry now. She's a little sleepy now.

[Aaron Keegan]

I'm falling in love.

[Adol Rifai]

She's sneezing. She's Bleeding. She's hungry, she's thirsty.

[Aaron Keegan]

I love this song. She's sneezing, she's bleeding, she's hungry, she's thirsty.

[JPC]

Erin's the personification of the seasons. She's just like every.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, beautiful. That's poetry. Thanks, buddy. That's really lovely. You could say that at my funeral. If you make it for all seasons.

[Adol Rifai]

Aaron, you ever see Greece 2?

[Aaron Keegan]

No. Why would I? I love myself.

[Adol Rifai]

Fair enough.

[JPC]

All good information. I am where loud beasts rest a while, ticking to themselves as though remembering their journeys.

[Adol Rifai]

Sorry, real quick. You're saying ticking to themselves?

[JPC]

Ticking. T I C K I N G.

[Adol Rifai]

So what beasts are ticking? Unless they're, like, wind up.

[Aaron Keegan]

Is this something that's alive or not?

[Adol Rifai]

Clocks?

[JPC]

No, something that's not a lie.

[Aaron Keegan]

It's an obvious.

[JPC]

Some beasts tag their spot with warm fluids. Dominant beasts mark their territories.

[Adol Rifai]

Piss tree. Is it a piss tree?

[JPC]

It's not a pist. It's not a piss tree.

[Aaron Keegan]

That sigh felt.

[JPC]

Do I stop the show for that? Yeah, I do. I want to see a scene. Aaron, you're gonna do the Giving Tree. It's the Giving Tree.

[Aaron Keegan]

We did this recently.

[JPC]

But the only thing this tree is giving. I know. Look. I know, but the only thing that this tree is giving is, like, piss and add on. You're the tree. Of course.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, you're home. Oh. It's been, what, 22 years?

[Aaron Keegan]

Don't. Don't start.

[Adol Rifai]

Wow. I missed you.

[Aaron Keegan]

Don't. Don't do this. Let's not do this whole song and dance.

[Adol Rifai]

You want to pull on my branches or swing from the tire?

[Aaron Keegan]

No, no. You'd like that, wouldn't you? You would like that, wouldn't you? Absolutely not.

[Adol Rifai]

How about some piss?

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, God.

[Adol Rifai]

Get a little higher.

[Aaron Keegan]

No.

[Adol Rifai]

Hit you in the shoulder.

[Aaron Keegan]

No, no. Hey.

[JPC]

Whoops.

[Aaron Keegan]

Hey, we did this once and it was awesome, okay? We're not gonna do this again. I'm married.

[Adol Rifai]

It doesn't matter. This isn't cheating.

[Aaron Keegan]

I'm married.

[Adol Rifai]

Piss on me.

[JPC]

Hey.

[Adol Rifai]

Piss on me.

[Aaron Keegan]

Okay.

[Adol Rifai]

Just a little bit. No one's looking. Oh, hey. I'll keep lookout. I'll keep. Look, I.

[Aaron Keegan]

You said that last time, and my marriage almost fell apart. You said that last time in my marriage almost fell apart.

[Adol Rifai]

Is Greg here? Bring Greg over here. I'm gonna beat his ass with my branch.

[Aaron Keegan]

You can't. You're a tree.

[Adol Rifai]

You don't think I can swing my branches?

[Aaron Keegan]

No, people have to swing from your branches.

[Adol Rifai]

Well, I'll. I'll fall on him. Okay. I have a Tim, I have a nest of timber rattlers inside me right now.

[Aaron Keegan]

I'm gonna go, okay?

[Adol Rifai]

Don't. Wait. Don't. More piss. Wait, please. More piss.

[Aaron Keegan]

No.

[Adol Rifai]

It's the only thing that keeps me alive. I didn't want to tell you.

[JPC]

Hey, Katie, dinner's almost ready.

[Adol Rifai]

Hey, Katie, dinner's almost ready.

[JPC]

Oh, I see you're talking to the neighbor boy in the tree again.

[Aaron Keegan]

Jesus.

[Adol Rifai]

Gotta go.

[JPC]

Oh, there he goes. Oh, bad. Tell your parents we said hello. Dennis.

[Aaron Keegan]

Beep, beep, beep, Bo.

[JPC]

The beasts are not alive. These are not alive beasts.

[Aaron Keegan]

Beasts is what's something that gives off liquid that's not alive.

[JPC]

Dead beasts are dragged away by big beasts.

[Adol Rifai]

Oil.

[JPC]

I don't know where they go.

[Aaron Keegan]

Cars. It's cars.

[JPC]

It's cars.

[Adol Rifai]

Tow trucks.

[JPC]

But this is not. Cars is not the answer. Cars 2 we're looking for. I am. Where? Loud. Be stressed a while.

[Adol Rifai]

Oh, a parking lot. Scrap yard.

[JPC]

It's a parking lot. It's a parking lot. Scrapyard.

[Aaron Keegan]

Mater.

[JPC]

Which I think would work. Very good, Aaron. Mater.

[Aaron Keegan]

Mater from Cars.

[JPC]

Very good, Aaron. Yes, from Cars.

[Adol Rifai]

Is that Larry the Cable Truck?

[JPC]

Yes, Larry the Cable Car.

[Aaron Keegan]

Oh, that's fun.

[JPC]

Whoa. How to save a life.

[Aaron Keegan]

Step one. You guys. My body's really falling apart.

[Adol Rifai]

All right, Aaron, describe it.

[JPC]

Well, no, please.

[Aaron Keegan]

All the things that can happen are happening. And I kind of want to just be in the bathroom. But that's okay. I'm actually really happy to be here.

[Adol Rifai]

Huh?

[Aaron Keegan]

It's actually okay. I am. I'm just, like, really happy to be here.

[JPC]

A lot of people say that the sonic experience of listening to our show is akin to being in a bath. It's like being in a sound bath.

[Aaron Keegan]

A bath full of acid.

[JPC]

Yeah. A bath full of annoying voices and pits. Hey, speaking of annoying voices. Oh, terrible segue. Didn't really want to do it this way. Casey, do we have a voicemail theme? Oh, with 300 episodes stowed away, I wish we hadn't more riddies. Now you can call 8:05 Riddle 1 to try to send a rindle we haven't done. Goddamn you all. You've been told we've been running out of riddies since the ninth episode. We're up for daddy and we'll make pigs come with a wag full of riddle of the doodai dunch.

[Aaron Keegan]

We ate my hole for a picnic lunch. I was a part of it.

[JPC]

I got a line. Why would you get a line?

[Aaron Keegan]

That's one of my favorite sea shanties, too. Incredible. Thank you.

[JPC]

I'm glad I said that thing about the annoying voice because now I can pivot to saying that the annoying voice was Aaron and that your voice was beautiful.

[Aaron Keegan]

Ooh, a good save.

[JPC]

Good save. Yes. Yes. Okay, so that came from Dan from Warwick in the uk. Never would have known. Never would have guessed uk. A perfect mimic. Thank you, Dan.

[Adol Rifai]

Wow.

[Aaron Keegan]

I think that's also a Canadian sea shanty, if I do know my history, but I don't know much, but I know.

[JPC]

We love you, Dan. And if you want us to love you as well, you can send us a voicemail theme. Under 30 seconds or around 30 seconds. Nope, exactly 30 seconds or under. That's exactly what I wanted to say to hrrpodcastmail.com and we also have a voicemail.

[Aaron Keegan]

Hey, hey, Riddle, Riddle. This is a voicemail for the podcast Bill Buds.

[Adol Rifai]

I'm listening to the episode about autobiography.

[Aaron Keegan]

Right now, and I just wanted to.

[Adol Rifai]

Let you know, in Kansas City, Missouri, some of our shopping carts have the.

[JPC]

Auto lock on them, but our Costco does not.

[Aaron Keegan]

And the park six blocks up from the Costco is slowly filling with shopping carts from the Costco.

[JPC]

They're about 15. Love the podcast. Okay, you messaged the wrong podcast. That's okay, because the shopping cart thing is certainly interesting.

[Aaron Keegan]

Well, does billbuds have a voicemail? Because maybe this person's just trying to find any channel to get to you guys.

[JPC]

Yeah, maybe they just really want to talk about the shopping cart thing, the auto lock on the shopping cart thing.

[Aaron Keegan]

I think so. I think so.

[Adol Rifai]

Now, whose album is Biography?

[JPC]

I believe that's Ashley Simpson. I believe that's an Ashleigh Simpson album, if memory serves.

[Adol Rifai]

And should we go ahead and review it right now, or are you guys familiar with it?

[Aaron Keegan]

Pieces. Pieces.

[JPC]

Yeah. Erin does it.

[Aaron Keegan]

Pieces of me.

[JPC]

I got a question. So that caller, they said that someone that there are just shopping carts that don't have the, you know, auto lock when you leave the parking lot that are just filling up a local park. Do you think that Costco employs, like, a shopping cart wrangler? Like, a person who's like, I don't have down your shopping carts for real?

[Aaron Keegan]

Well, butler does my shopping, so I don't know what even a shopping cart is.

[JPC]

So that makes sense. Yeah. Could you. Context clues, Aaron.

[Aaron Keegan]

Ow.

[JPC]

Oh, you're right. Sorry. Sorry to make you do it. I also, I was going to the grocery store the other week, and it was a grocery store that I'm. I was like, in a different neighborhood, but I was like, oh, there's a grocery store right here. So it's not like one that I normally go to. And as I was walking in most places, grocery or most stores have like clear doors that are entrance doors and exit doors because of like, you know, A, managing crowds and B, like security. And a guy was pushing a shopping cart out of an exit door. It was an empty shopping cart. No, I'm sorry. It had his bags in it, but there was like two bags and he was there with his wife and he was pushing it out the entrance door. And the shopping cart of course locked because he was like pushing it out the wrong door. And he tried to push it hard again and it didn't work. And then he just went, ugh. And he threw up his hands and he grabbed his bags and walked out and just left the shopping cart there. And I was like, it was so funny because it happened in a moment. But it was also this man being like, I'm in the right. The shopping cart, who is a simple machine. This is in the wrong. Obviously, it's trying to get one over on me.

[Aaron Keegan]

And also that guy definitely had a day where a bunch of shit like that had been piling up. He's like, I can't have one more thing go wrong.

[JPC]

That guy's washing his hands in the urinal and be like, why do my hands smell like piss? I'm doing everything right.

[Adol Rifai]

He goes home and he watches Curb and he's like, this is basically my life is an episode of Curb. It's like, dude, it's not. Trust me, it's not.

[JPC]

It's not. All right. Speaking of episodes of Curb, this is nothing. Adol, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

[Adol Rifai]

Yes. Just five days ago was my sister Sadiya's birthday and I failed to wish her a happy birthday last episode. So I desperately want to correct that and say happy 70 birthday to my sister Sadiya. I hope it was a good one.

[JPC]

I hope it was a good one too. Sadiya, Happy birthday.

[Aaron Keegan]

Happy Birthday.

[Adol Rifai]

Do you have anything to plug?

[Aaron Keegan]

Yes. I host a show, a monthly show in Los Angeles called Quality Time. So if you want to follow that on Instagram or if you want to reach out to me to get a free ticket to come join us, I would love that. JPC any review to read? Maybe a 5 star review saying that we don't have enough produce.

[JPC]

Hey, before I read that, I will say that if you're listening to this on the day that comes out, it is not too late to come. Or maybe it's sold out, who knows? But it's probably not too late to come to our San Francisco live show as part of SF Sketchfest. That show is Saturday, January 18th from 4pm to 5:30pm Pacific Standard Time at the Gateway Theater in San Francisco. So please come to that show and if you do come to that show, you know, hang out and say hello to us afterwards. We always enjoy meeting people and we're very excited to be doing Sketchfest. Once again, I have a review and this one's gonna be from Boy. Ha. This one is titled Great Start. First of all, I wanted to say this is a great start. My biggest issue is not effectively communicating our brand voice. You could put this same product on anyone's feed and it wouldn't feel out of place. We need to look at this through a lens and really consider how we can reinforce our values without diluting the message. I don't want to lose the essence of what you've done here and how can we take this to the next level? Don't be afraid to think outside the confines of the brief. As always, let me know if you have any questions. Huh? Okay. Yeah. Good to know. I think we really hit our brand identity this episode. Aaron talked about her period a bunch, and we said pissed a bunch like.

[Aaron Keegan]

Seven times every time a bell rings. And Aaron gets her period and that's Cher.

[Adol Rifai]

Do you believe in life after love, Aaron?

[Aaron Keegan]

Life after blood? Whatever. Doesn't matter. Jupiter. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[Adol Rifai]

Snap out of it.

[JPC]

Created by Adol Rifai. Starring Aaron Keegan and John Patrick Culling.

[Adol Rifai]

Casey.

[JPC]

Tony did the editing. Marty Parent in the music logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naporus.

[Adol Rifai]

Any notes on that one?

[JPC]

No.

[Aaron Keegan]

Can we start over?

[JPC]

Can we start again, please?

[Aaron Keegan]

Can we start?

[JPC]

Hey there, scientists and bears. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. It's improv based on Far side cartoons. You can listen to that plus our entire back [e-mail] hateridleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Adol Rifai]

That was a HitGam podcast.