#341: Sex at the Swim Hotel w/ Elyse Willems

Summary

Podcast Summary: Hey Riddle Riddle #341: Sex at the Swim Hotel w/ Elyse Willems

Release Date: January 29, 2025

Hosts:

• Adal Rifai
• Erin Keif
• John Patrick Coan

Guest:

• Elyse Willems

---

1. Welcome and Guest Introduction (00:01 - 03:00)

The episode kicks off with the usual hosts greeting listeners, quickly transitioning into their playful banter about reading an eyesight test chart, where Elyse Willems makes a memorable entrance by seemingly being "sucked out" by host John Patrick Coan (JPC) at [02:14]. This humorous introduction sets a light-hearted tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

• JPC [02:09]: "Wait, now I'm confused. Is that voice coming from inside your butthole?"

2. Spike TV Slogan Debate (03:00 - 04:50)

The hosts engage in a nostalgic discussion about Spike TV's slogan, attempting to recall it without Googling, leading to creative and humorous guesses. Elyse Willems shares her experience working on a Spike TV show related to video games, adding depth to the conversation.

Notable Quote:

• Aaron Keefe [05:22]: "That's actually not bad. That's not bad at all."

3. Exploring Riddles and Puzzles (04:50 - 06:00)

Adal Rifai probes Elyse Willems about her affinity for riddles, puzzles, and escape rooms, to which Elyse enthusiastically shares her passion for both simple and multi-layered riddles. The hosts joke about the traumatic experiences of past guests, highlighting the show's humorous and improvisational nature.

Notable Quote:

• Elyse Willems [06:09]: "I’m a sycophant for riddles and puzzles and mysteries and anything of the like. I love escape rooms. This is my Valhalla."

4. Thrimes: Rhyming Riddles Challenge (11:00 - 29:40)

Aaron Keefe introduces the "Thrimes" segment, where he presents three clues leading to three rhyming answers. The hosts tackle various riddles, such as:

• Example Riddle [12:05]: "Existing in the wild, imminent danger and germ free."
  Answers: Sterile, Peril, Feral

The segment features creative role-playing scenes:

• Bear Exhibit Scenario [14:13 - 16:17]: The hosts act as bears discussing cleanliness while dealing with unappetizing salmon.

• Wolf Pack Election [17:07 - 19:50]: A humorous depiction of a wolf pack election, complete with characters like Gene and Clarence, and playful interactions about leadership and rivalries.

Notable Quote:

• Adal Rifai [17:07]: "Yes."

5. Advanced Riddles and Puzzles (29:40 - 50:00)

The hosts delve into more complex riddles, such as:

• Riddle [45:33]: "I am a driver, and I'm particularly good at right and left turns, but never drive a car. What am I?"
  Answer: Screwdriver

• Riddle [46:24]: "I am kneaded by animals and books. What am I?"
  Answer: Spine

They engage in collaborative problem-solving, showcasing their improvisational skills and chemistry. The segment also includes creative role-playing, such as acting out a jellyfish in a library and athletes discussing Olympic hurdles.

Notable Quote:

• Elyse Willems [46:40]: "Wow."

6. Horror Movie Discussion (40:22 - 44:43)

The conversation shifts to horror movies, with the hosts sharing their preferences and fears. They discuss elements that make horror movies effective, such as supernatural forces and psychological scares, while Elyse shares her difficulty with understanding jump scares in classics like "Nosferatu."

Notable Quote:

• Elyse Willems [40:35]: "I couldn’t figure out what the jump scares people were talking about in Nosferatu were."

7. Final Riddles and Olympic-Themed Scene (50:00 - 58:45)

Aaron introduces a math-based riddle involving letter substitutions, challenging the hosts to decipher it. Concurrently, the hosts enact an Olympic medalists scenario, filled with humor about athletic prowess and personal backstories.

Notable Quote:

• Adal Rifai [55:02]: "Silver."

8. Guest Promotion and Patreon Shout-Out (58:45 - 61:42)

Elyse Willems promotes her presence across various platforms, including Instagram, Bluesky, and PBS's YouTube channel where she hosts "Won't You Be My Gamer." The hosts encourage listeners to support the podcast via Patreon, highlighting benefits like bonus episodes and ad-free content.

Notable Quote:

• JPC [60:40]: "It's all just like a pool in a hotel room. And they're almost exclusively, I would say for like cheaters or like mom and dad who need a weekend away type of thing."

9. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts (61:42 - 63:24)

The episode wraps up with humorous reflections on themed escape rooms and nostalgic references to past commercials. The hosts emphasize the episode's playful and improvisational essence, leaving listeners entertained and eager for future episodes.

Notable Quote:

• Elise Willems [62:40]: "Oh, wow. The shower doors looked like sliding glass doors to a patio. They'd have to be. They probably. They're probably like bomb shelter grade glass."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Engaging Guest: Elyse Willems brings enthusiasm and expertise in riddles, puzzles, and escape rooms, enhancing the collaborative dynamic with the hosts.

• Creative Segments: The "Thrimes" and advanced riddles segments highlight the show's focus on riddles and improvisational humor.

• Humorous Role-Playing: Through various role-playing scenarios, the hosts demonstrate their chemistry and comedic timing.

• Community Engagement: Promotions for Patreon and Elyse's platforms encourage listener interaction and support.

Join the Clue Crew: For additional content and bonus episodes, listeners are invited to support the show on Patreon.com/heyriddleriddle.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content sections have been omitted as per the summary guidelines.

Transcript

[Adal Rifai]

This is a headgun podcast.

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[JPC]

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane.

[Adal Rifai]

Now, if you can just read the letters on the top line, which is checking for your eyesight. So just left to right, whenever you're ready.

[JPC]

What if we can read them? We've read them ahead of time. We know what the trick is. We know what you're trying to get us to spell, and we don't want.

[Adal Rifai]

Any part of it us trying to trick you. No, this is just an eyesight test.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it's just a regular eyesight test, actually. Let's go away from the chart. Put your chin right on this little stirrup here. Close one eye and look into this and you're going to feel a little puff of air.

[JPC]

Okay, so this is. I know this trick. This is your bare.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Elise Willems]

Hey, everybody, it's me. Puff of air puff.

[JPC]

The magic puff of hair.

[Elise Willems]

Hey, just came here to check out your eyeballs.

[JPC]

Wait, now I'm confused. Is that. Is that voice coming from inside your butthole?

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm not. I'm not throwing my. I swear to God, I'm not throwing my voice. What is that?

[Adal Rifai]

I think there's a fourth person here.

[Aaron Keefe]

Someone get it out. Get it out.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Aaron Keefe]

Get it out.

[JPC]

Oh, hey, everybody, it's Elise Willems. Wow.

[Elise Willems]

Thank you. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to participate in that.

[Aaron Keefe]

So, Elise, can I just say, in the history of this podcast, no guest has ever been sucked out of my butt by jpc.

[Elise Willems]

And it won't be the last.

[Aaron Keefe]

Please welcome Elise Willems.

[Elise Willems]

Hello. Thanks for having me. Woo.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thanks for doing this.

[JPC]

Yeah. Elise, our policy here is very much like the USA Network in the early 2000s. And that is characters welcome.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say up all night, but that's something else.

[JPC]

I thought it was.

[Adal Rifai]

We know Drama.

[JPC]

I don't remember exactly which network had which slogan, but all networks and all slogans from the 2000s. I want to say 2010s apply to this podcast. So you're. You are more than welcome.

[Elise Willems]

What was Spike's slogan?

[Aaron Keefe]

Ooh, I forgot about Spike.

[Adal Rifai]

Just for men, probably.

[JPC]

Just for men. Seems likely.

[Adal Rifai]

Let's look it up. Oh, wait, we're not supposed to Google.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, shit.

[JPC]

That's right.

[Aaron Keefe]

At least in 2025, we're not googling.

[Elise Willems]

Okay. Really?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Googling, Jeevesing, Duck, Duck, Goosing.

[Elise Willems]

Those are all your sponsors, though.

[JPC]

We're not. Not confidently saying things. We're just not Googling to make sure we're right. 2025 is the year that people come at us. They come at us big time.

[Elise Willems]

Can you call an aunt and ask her?

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a little. It's a little loose who Wants to.

[Adal Rifai]

Be a Millionaire role. We can do a phone call.

[JPC]

If I called one of my aunts and it wasn't about what time Thanksgiving is, I don't know that I would have. I don't know what that conversation would even be.

[Adal Rifai]

Wait, I'm trying to think. Does anyone have an aunt that would know the slogan for Spike tv?

[JPC]

Yes, everyone. Everyone has that aunt.

[Adal Rifai]

I do not have that aunt.

[Elise Willems]

I do not.

[JPC]

No, I don't. I don't know that I do. The slogan for Spike tv. I don't know that I have that aunt.

[Elise Willems]

We could make one up. I mean, if we are bringing back Spike tv.

[Aaron Keefe]

Let'S talk our memories. What shows were on Spike tv? Like video game shows or something? Why?

[JPC]

Would you ask us more specifics about Spike tv? Was there video games?

[Elise Willems]

I worked on a show that aired on Spike tv, ggtv, with Geoff Keighley about video games. Oh, but then there was lots of Bellator, which was UFC adjacent.

[JPC]

Okay. Yeah, I always thought it was like a. Well, I didn't know about video games. I guess that does make sense for their brand. But I always thought it was more like dirt bikes and like hitting each other with like. Like, if there was a show about, like, knife sharpening, I'd be like, yes, that's Spike tv, right?

[Elise Willems]

Yeah, it was dirt bikes. Hitting a dude with your dirt bike. Sharpening a knife to puncture the tires of someone else's dirt bike.

[JPC]

Uh huh.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. I just got off the phone with my aunt and she swears spiked Defeat's slogan was bump set us.

[Adal Rifai]

Ooh, that actually is pretty good.

[JPC]

That's actually not bad. That's not bad at all.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, Elise, this is a riddles and puzzles podcast, if you can believe it. What is your relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, escape rooms?

[Elise Willems]

Well, I have to ask. Have you ever had a guest on this podcast that you've later learned their family was horrifically murdered by Batman's Riddler and this is just a complete traumatic experience for them to be here?

[Adal Rifai]

Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, Dick Grayson's been on once or twice.

[JPC]

I'm, like, going back and like, who. What's the funniest guess that I could.

[Elise Willems]

Say that happened to that a riddle killed their family?

[Adal Rifai]

Josh Gondelman.

[JPC]

Yeah, Josh Gondman. Why don't we say Josh Gondolman's family was murdered by the Joker?

[Elise Willems]

You can't call his aunt to ask her what the Spike slogan was, because she's dead. I am a sycophant for riddles and puzzles and mysteries and anything of the like. I love escape rooms. This is my Valhalla. I'm so thrilled to be doing this with you all. And I love riddles. Easy and complicated. The ones where it's just like, okay, yeah, that's obviously a zebra, but it makes me feel really smart to have known that. And then the multi layered ones where it's really just conjecture, which are the ones that I really enjoy the most that you do on this podcast.

[Aaron Keefe]

Now, Elise, I have to ask. I'm so happy you love escape rooms. Escape rooms are one of my favorite things in the world. You told us while we were getting all set up here that you're from Canada. Is a Canadian escape room. Just like a room with an unlocked door, and you just kind of walk out and they're like, thank you so much. Have you done a Canadian escape room?

[Elise Willems]

It's the peace bridge that you drive over to get from Niagara Falls. I've only done one escape room in Canada, and it simulated the kind of bowels of. Or I guess I want to say maybe if you were in the Paris Catacombs, was the idea that you would be in these labyrinthine tunnels, and there were these sarcophagi throughout it and also confessional booths. And so this alarm would go off, and when the alarm went off, people would crawl out of the sarcophagi and then start chasing you. And you had to run into a confessional booth to protect yourself. And the puzzles were terrible. It was really bad.

[Aaron Keefe]

But the atmosphere, it sounds like conversion camp.

[Elise Willems]

Very Much so. And yeah, I would say in Canada, we don't really have a strong national identity. So I feel like the biggest Canadian escape room would be something that involves being very passive aggressive because we're also passive aggressive people.

[Adal Rifai]

I didn't know that.

[Elise Willems]

We don't want to confront.

[JPC]

It's wild that, like, Canada and the United States, geographically, very similar, ethnographically have some similarities as well. And it sucks that Canada's like, yeah, we don't really have a strong national identity. And we're like, well, then why the do we have one? Like, we shouldn't have one either, right? If, like, you guys don't have one, like, do we need one? Can we get rid of ours? Does anyone know if I can return a national identity?

[Adal Rifai]

We rebrand, perhaps.

[Elise Willems]

Oh, how would you all rebrand? America?

[JPC]

Not to get too political on this podcast.

[Aaron Keefe]

Take down the Statue of Liberty. Put up a statue of Dolly Parton. I think that's the only change I would make.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, that would solve, I think, 90% of the problem.

[Aaron Keefe]

Or just give the Statue of Liberty boob job.

[JPC]

Yeah, I guess I would just swap it. California, New York, just the people. I would just move all the people and swap them. Even swap. Fair trade. That's probably all the change that I would make.

[Adal Rifai]

That happens a couple times a year anyway, as people from New York move to California and California move to New York. That happens.

[JPC]

I think my only note for America is I could do, like, 15% more fireworks.

[Elise Willems]

Not in Los Angeles.

[JPC]

Oh, boy.

[Elise Willems]

God.

[JPC]

Well, we're so thrilled to have you here in your Valhalla. And I love that phrase. This is my Valhalla. It's got me wondering from my co hosts, Adel Aaron, what do you think your Valhalla is?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, it's probably a big escape room.

[JPC]

Big escape room.

[Aaron Keefe]

A never ending escape room.

[JPC]

That's your Valhalla. That's fun.

[Adal Rifai]

My bed.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, so pretty similar. We're both into the pretty similar jbc. What about you?

[JPC]

Mine's just regular Vanilla Valhalla, where the greatest Norse warriors go when they die. I mean, I kind of see myself that way. I know others don't see me that way, and it's a delusion that I have to maintain, but that's kind of how I see myself as strong.

[Aaron Keefe]

It sucks that vanilla Valhalla is the perfect title for a Ben and Jerry slavery.

[JPC]

It's vanilla ice cream with pieces of beard and axe.

[Adal Rifai]

Cool.

[JPC]

Cool.

[Aaron Keefe]

Very cool. Elise, what's your Valhalla?

[Elise Willems]

I would also like to be bedridden. Covered in sores, Rolled every hour on the hour.

[Adal Rifai]

That's exactly what I meant. That is exactly what I meant.

[Elise Willems]

Probably Sesame street, for me, to be honest.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[Elise Willems]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Fun.

[Aaron Keefe]

And are you one of the. They're not Muppets, are they? They're Streeters. What are they called?

[Elise Willems]

I think you mean the people on.

[JPC]

Sesame street are the people. Muppets. On Sesame street, it's Muppets and big birds.

[Elise Willems]

I don't know. I think the Sesame Street. I don't know that they're technically considered Muppets. They might be puppets, technically speaking.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, well, they're from the Henson Factory.

[Elise Willems]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

So I don't know. They could be. I think they're Muppets. I don't know.

[JPC]

Wait, but Big Bird is a person in a costume. That can't be a Muppet, right? Can you? No.

[Adal Rifai]

Big Bird. There's no one in there. Big Bird is a real sentient being.

[Aaron Keefe]

Never sleeping again. Let's get into some riddles here.

[Adal Rifai]

Yay.

[Aaron Keefe]

These are going to be some more thrimes. I think we did these not too long ago. What's going to happen is I'm going to give you three clues. Those three clues will lead to three answers, and those three answers will all rhyme. That makes sense.

[JPC]

You said thrimes. Adol. We have done these. I almost did the three lon musk joke again, and then I threw. Thought I was like, I think I did this.

[Adal Rifai]

And then we're stuck at a time loop.

[JPC]

What am I doing? What's the point of even having higher brain function if this is what I'm using it on?

[Aaron Keefe]

Here's the first. Existing in the wild, imminent danger and germ free. Existing in the wild, imminent danger and germ free.

[JPC]

Okay, now I don't remember how to do these. What am I doing? What am I doing? Why am I doing it?

[Elise Willems]

Do I have to get my Thrymroid checked to be doing these?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, you should just be doing that. Anyway, just stand up.

[Aaron Keefe]

So I'll give you an example. An example, because I don't want to. The one I just read. I really enjoy the answer, so I don't want to burn it. So an example would be a numbered cube. A numbered cube, a round pastry, and an affirmative vote. And that would be a die, a pie, and an I, A, Y, E, D, PI, I.

[JPC]

Okay, so these are three words that all rhyme.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep. It's three clues that will lead to three answers. And those three answers will all rhyme.

[JPC]

Gotcha.

[Aaron Keefe]

So let me read these again. Existing in the wild, imminent Danger and germ free. And if you get any of the three, you should be able to have an inside.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Insight into the other two.

[Adal Rifai]

Germ free, is it?

[JPC]

Inert Alert. And her fruit.

[Adal Rifai]

What was that last name?

[Aaron Keefe]

The Swedish chef. Farting.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it is not.

[JPC]

Fuck.

[Elise Willems]

If you're germ free, you're healthy or you're cured. You're healthy, clean.

[Aaron Keefe]

You think more of like a lab or. I guess, yeah. Hospital. Yes. So jerk isn't free, feral is.

[Elise Willems]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

So feral and sterile are two of them. And then imminent danger, peril.

[JPC]

Peril. Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

Give me all three, Aaron.

[Adal Rifai]

Sterile, peril and feral.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yay.

[Adal Rifai]

I do want to see a scene. Yep.

[Aaron Keefe]

The three of you are bears in a zoo, in an exhibit, in the zoo. But you're all very, very concerned about cleanliness, about everything being sort of sterile and clean. And it's. It's usually sort of dealing with this daily struggle of everything needing to be clean.

[JPC]

Don't eat the salmon today.

[Adal Rifai]

Why? Todd, what happened?

[JPC]

I saw. Don't eat the same. Just trust me. Don't eat the salmon. I don't want to disgust anyone, but it's. I saw it before. They put it on the plates and it's just sitting in a bucket in a hallway.

[Adal Rifai]

What?

[JPC]

It's literally salmon out of a bucket in a hallway. They put it in a plate. I've never seen it. I assume that's the kitchen back there, the hallway where they bring us the uncooked salmon. I've never seen it before, but I got a glimpse of it today. Do not eat the salmon, Todd.

[Adal Rifai]

Are you just trying to freak us out so you can eat all the salmon or is this true?

[JPC]

You couldn't pay me to eat a bite of that fucking salmon. I'm gagging right now just recounting what I saw. The guy's not even wearing gloves.

[Adal Rifai]

What?

[Elise Willems]

I saw you chowing down pretty aggressively on some salmon yesterday.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, my God. You don't think that the yesterday's salmon is the salmon of today's salmon, right? This is certainly like a new guy doing.

[Adal Rifai]

Don't throw up.

[JPC]

I'm lose my salmon.

[Adal Rifai]

Don't throw up. We're almost stuck in a very small room together. Do not throw up.

[Elise Willems]

I am going to go absolutely feral if this place isn't sterile.

[JPC]

Yeah, okay, you know what? I'm not throwing up because I know how gross it is. That's how hard it is to clean and how much it sticks into bear fur and how much salmon I've had. There's a Variety of reasons. But the thought that I have been eating salmon out of a bucket for the last my entire life is sickening me.

[Adal Rifai]

This is the same thing that happened when that kid on the field trip sneezed in your face. You spent a month. Peter.

[Elise Willems]

Do you remember Peter?

[Adal Rifai]

Remember Peter? He sneezed in your face.

[Elise Willems]

Carlos. And I remember Peter.

[JPC]

Peter. I hibernated four months early after he did that. I know I'm taking the year off.

[Elise Willems]

Well, he's still having nightmares.

[JPC]

Peter is?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Can I go home, please?

[Adal Rifai]

No. Peter.

[JPC]

Peter, no. You are my pillow now.

[Elise Willems]

See, this is immersion therapy.

[Aaron Keefe]

I like to think that Peter learned bear in those months.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Aaron Keefe]

You know, distinguish the growls from the grunts.

[Adal Rifai]

All right, I'm ready to get this next one. Adel.

[Aaron Keefe]

Here's another thryme. Several wolves. A pair of antlers, a duck call.

[JPC]

A pack, a quack and a snack. My brother.

[Elise Willems]

A quack, a pack horn.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jbc. I think you said all three. Can you repeat it?

[JPC]

No, because I said snack. And a pair of antlers can't be a snack, right? A stack, a pack, a rack and a stack.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ah, there you go.

[Adal Rifai]

Wait, can you read that again?

[JPC]

Adel.

[Adal Rifai]

Sorry.

[Aaron Keefe]

Several wolves, a pair of antlers, a duck call. I think all three have been said.

[JPC]

Yeah. Pack, rack and quack. I didn't know that a pair of antlers was called a rack of antlers.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah.

[JPC]

Interesting. Okay, so when that moose slapped me, they were justified because you were staring at its rack.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you. Nice wreck.

[JPC]

Thank you.

[Adal Rifai]

I would like to see a scene. The three of you are in a wolf pack and you're trying to decide who the Alpha is.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, how so? That's mine.

[Elise Willems]

Wow, that was a pretty powerful howl, Gene.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you.

[Elise Willems]

My vote's for Gene.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you. All right.

[JPC]

Fuck. Have you been working on that? God damn.

[Aaron Keefe]

You know, my. You know, my dad was a leader of his pack, so I think there's some genetic. You know.

[JPC]

I didn't know that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Clarence, Clarence wants you, obviously. I think. I think it's sealed. I think I'm the leader. But Clarence, why don't you do yours?

[Elise Willems]

Okay, Just for fun. Check this out. Check this out. Cha cha.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yike.

[Elise Willems]

Cha cha.

[JPC]

Clarence. Clarence, what the hell?

[Aaron Keefe]

I hate that movement you're doing with your paws.

[Elise Willems]

I'm still voting for Jean, obviously. What do you mean, obviously?

[JPC]

I mean Gene wins hands down. Clarence.

[Elise Willems]

I thought mine was pretty good. I was. I was just trying to be polite.

[JPC]

Clarence, I'll be honest, that didn't even sound Wolf.

[Aaron Keefe]

Like, yeah, I think.

[JPC]

Ooh. This whole election was supposed to be between Gene and Clarence to see who could lead the pack. But, Clarence, I might not even want you in the pack.

[Elise Willems]

What are you talking about?

[Aaron Keefe]

I feel so bad. Cause I called for you to do that. Like, I was like, you do yours.

[Elise Willems]

I'm experiencing that same feeling we all get when the moon is full and you look at it, you look up at it and you just. You gotta get. You gotta let it out. Chicha.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, no. It's gotta be a big ow. It's gotta be a big ow.

[JPC]

And the thing that sucks is, like, mine would be. And I'm not running, but mine would be. Oh. And what sucks is that due to the wolf constitution, it's like Clarence is now the wolf vice president. So, like, Clarence has more power than me just because I didn't want to run because I didn't want to pay the 50. And what's wolf money?

[Aaron Keefe]

50 branches, tree branch registration fee.

[JPC]

And.

[Elise Willems]

I mean, that's your prerogative, man.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, do we have, like, a wolf dictionary?

[JPC]

A dictionary?

[Aaron Keefe]

Like a wolf scionary.

[JPC]

Yeah, Wolf shionary or something that we all use every day. Don't use dictionary.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, great. Here he comes. Here he comes. Hey, Dick.

[JPC]

Hey.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey.

[Aaron Keefe]

You casting for a new series?

[Adal Rifai]

Uh, yeah. Wait, are you guys hanging out with a chicken? It's two wolves and a chicken. Cha.

[Elise Willems]

Cha.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, that's a. That's another.

[JPC]

That's a wolf. Clarence.

[Elise Willems]

Hey, I'm Clarence.

[Adal Rifai]

That looks like.

[JPC]

Wait, Dick. Wolf. Are you saying that the opposite of what normally happens, where a chicken would infiltrate a pack of wolves is happening to us? Because maybe we killed too many chickens and this chicken is waiting until we all go to sleep to get some sort of chicken revenge on some wolves?

[Adal Rifai]

That's my next TV show idea. Thanks, pal. It shouldn't be seen.

[Aaron Keefe]

Chicago Chicken Revenge coming this fall. Let's do a couple more of these. A rule, an undergarment unrefined.

[JPC]

A rule, an undergarment, an unrefined pure.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's not pure.

[JPC]

A rule, a spank. Oh, a tank and a franc.

[Elise Willems]

I'll give it to you raw.

[F]

Raw.

[Aaron Keefe]

And Clarence the chicken, you're giving it raw. Raw it is. Bra and raw.

[Elise Willems]

And then a rule and law.

[JPC]

Law.

[Adal Rifai]

Law.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, it's a law.

[Adal Rifai]

Law and bra. Does that rhyme? Law, brah.

[Elise Willems]

I would love to see a scene where the three of you discuss or you're adjudicating the new rah. Bra. Law.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, great.

[Elise Willems]

It's Just come to the floor of Congress.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. Gentlemen, we're the obvious three to sort of discuss this and make these choices.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Adal Rifai]

Obviously, we want to make sure that this document is pretty sound and we sort of get right to the point.

[Aaron Keefe]

Precisely.

[Adal Rifai]

Anything you guys want to add?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. The senator from New Hampshire would like to say that I think any sort of crudo or sashimi or even nigiri should not constitute a women's bra.

[Adal Rifai]

Now, I'm trying to figure out what you're talking about.

[JPC]

The raw bra law that we're all working on right now.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, right.

[Aaron Keefe]

You forgot about the raw bra law.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, so I see. Like raw fish.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Bra.

[JPC]

Yeah, bruh. Wait, what did you think we were talking about? We've been talking nothing.

[Adal Rifai]

Which we are all bra under desk.

[Aaron Keefe]

There's only one bra in there. That's a suitcase full of bra. What is that a.

[JPC]

Wait a second. Wait a second. You have a suitcase full of sushi and I have a suitcase full of laws. Are we all working for three different lobbies right now?

[Adal Rifai]

No, no, I'm talking about what you guys are talking about. I want to talk about the raw bars and the laws surrounding them. I didn't want to talk about it, bro. The senator from Wyoming did not want to talk about.

[JPC]

Hold up. What we're talking about is putting raw fish.

[Adal Rifai]

Right?

[JPC]

Legally mandated on women's breasts.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, okay. So we are talking about boobs in a sense.

[JPC]

Not specifically.

[Elise Willems]

Yes.

[JPC]

We're just talking. Look, I'm the great senator from 51st state, Canada, probably at the time of. Not the type of recording, but the type of release. Probably. I am talking about the same thing we're all talking about. We're all serving our constituents.

[Aaron Keefe]

And the great senator from Wyoming. Surely you must have a lot of sushi and sashimi and crudo in Wyoming.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think Laramie is famous for their bento boxes.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, for sure, for sure, you guys.

[Elise Willems]

Knock, knock, knock.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, someone's knocking on the Senate door. Who is it?

[Elise Willems]

Excuse me. I believe I was called here to display my new romp bra.

[Adal Rifai]

No, no, no, no. Sorry, we don't need you anymore.

[Elise Willems]

Oh, all right. I guess I'll take my bosom holder. Made a trout elsewhere.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, wait, wait. Is this the Dolly Parton Statue of Liberty that we ordered?

[Elise Willems]

Why, yes, it is, darling.

[Adal Rifai]

I see.

[JPC]

Excellent. Excellent job. At least switching up your accent when.

[Adal Rifai]

You begin to tell me fast.

[JPC]

And Aaron, also excellent Wyoming accent. Our thought you into it Very well.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think It's a killer Wyoming accent.

[Adal Rifai]

Thanks.

[Aaron Keefe]

Eastern Jackson Hole. Aaron's not listening.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, I think so. And I don't know any other locations. You've listed all the locations in Wyoming I know.

[JPC]

So you know Easter checks and hold. That's it.

[Adal Rifai]

And Laramie.

[Aaron Keefe]

And Laramie Cody, I think is rare word.

[JPC]

The Grand Tetons that could have worked its way in, huh?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, for that scene especially. A kind of sale. S A L E. A kind of sale, A kind of funeral and a kind of dance.

[JPC]

Bogo pogo and ho go. Wait, what did you say? What did I hear?

[Aaron Keefe]

A kind of sail, a kind of funeral, a kind of dance A fire.

[Elise Willems]

A pyre and desire, baby.

[Aaron Keefe]

Damn. That's a phenomenal guess. But that's not what I have here.

[JPC]

Is it like wake, bake and flake? A wake, bake and shake.

[Aaron Keefe]

You got two of them, right?

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, wake bacon shake. Sounds like exactly what I want to drink when I'm high.

[JPC]

A bake sale, a wake and a shake is not the type of dance. The type of dance would be a rake.

[Aaron Keefe]

Think of electric Boogaloo. Think of the robot. Think of spinning on your head. Think of break.

[JPC]

Break?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it's bake, wake and break.

[JPC]

Wow. Break into electric Boogaloo. I guess that does make sense. That that's a type of breakdancing. I never put that together.

[Aaron Keefe]

Here. We have to congeal, to suppress and to shuck. To congeal. To suppress, to shuck. This is a little tougher.

[JPC]

To congeal, is that just to sit.

[Elise Willems]

Can you use them all in a sentence? Yes, the same sentence, please. That's the only way I'll understand.

[Aaron Keefe]

You mean the answers, right?

[Elise Willems]

No, the prompts.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Jpc.

[JPC]

To shuck. Shucking is like. You, like, shuck corn. It's like to remove something off of.

[Elise Willems]

Anything else that is shucked other than corn. Oysters, responsibilities.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's to shirk, I think.

[JPC]

Shirk. Shoe.

[Aaron Keefe]

Gotcha.

[JPC]

Shoe, shirk. Responsibilities. Shuck.

[Aaron Keefe]

So I think use oysters in this context because you can shuck oysters and oysters. Oysters have a specific thing that they're encased in.

[Adal Rifai]

Shell.

[Aaron Keefe]

Shell. To congeal, to suppress. To shuck. This is a tough one.

[Adal Rifai]

Shell, swell. Quell. Quell.

[Aaron Keefe]

Quell. Quell. And shell. To suppress and then to congeal.

[JPC]

Oh, boy.

[Aaron Keefe]

You want to make sure a group of people kind of fit together. They kind of spell. Well, no, they kind of all melt on the same page and they kind of meld. Yeah, but they also like gel. Yes.

[JPC]

To congeal us to jail. That Makes sense.

[Aaron Keefe]

Gel quench.

[Adal Rifai]

Whoa. Give me another one.

[JPC]

These tickle the back of my brain. My hippocampus.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, Aaron, you asked for it, you got it. Yucky flypaper and a mouse. Yucky flypaper. A mouse.

[Adal Rifai]

Hmm.

[JPC]

Yucky rodent. Yucky flypaper and a mouse.

[Adal Rifai]

Gross.

[Aaron Keefe]

And this is a. This is a. Not a. Like a type of mouse, but a specific mouse.

[Adal Rifai]

Mickey.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, Sticky Mickey.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sticky, icky, sticky Mickey.

[JPC]

Icky, Sticky and Mickey. I do.

[Aaron Keefe]

I do want to see a scene.

[Adal Rifai]

I want to see a scene.

[JPC]

Oh, damn. I got this.

[Adal Rifai]

Elise, you get to pick, but which of the three of us wins?

[Elise Willems]

Oh, wait. Icky, sticky, Mickey.

[Adal Rifai]

No.

[Elise Willems]

Who gets to choose?

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, no. At least that's a better question. You have to pick between the three of us. Who's Icky, who's Sticky, and who's Mickey?

[Aaron Keefe]

And those are not donald ducks. Scrooge McDuck's nephews.

[JPC]

No. Trying to sneak your scene into here.

[Adal Rifai]

I would like to see a scene.

[Elise Willems]

Tuck tails.

[JPC]

Aaron. I was first.

[Adal Rifai]

I was technically first.

[JPC]

What the fuck?

[Aaron Keefe]

What the fuck?

[JPC]

The fuck does that mean?

[Elise Willems]

I'd like to hear one sentence from everyone. Why you should be your desired Icky, Sticky, or Mickey.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. I will go first. Elise. My scene was going to be Mickey Mouse smoking that sticky Icky.

[Elise Willems]

Oh, okay.

[Adal Rifai]

My scene was going to be JPC getting fired from Disney World after he played Mickey Mouse wrong.

[JPC]

Mm. And of course, my scene was going to be Disney introducing Mickey's two cousins, Sticky and Icky, who come to visit him.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm a mouse, too.

[JPC]

You see how much fun it was? Adola already wanted to do it.

[Elise Willems]

I'd like to see all of those scenes combined.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, perfect.

[Elise Willems]

Has it ever been done here on hey, Riddle Riddle? No, it's never been attempted.

[JPC]

A bad scene? No, we've done a thousand of those.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's been done and edited out.

[JPC]

How are we doing this? So we have. The core premise of mine is that we have Icky, Sticky, and Mickey.

[Aaron Keefe]

The core premise of mine is that Mickey smokes that sticky icky.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay. And then mine is that we are the people playing these characters at Disney World. So I got this. I got this.

[Aaron Keefe]

We got this. We got this.

[JPC]

Yeah, we got this. We got this. For sure.

[Elise Willems]

And I'll be Walt.

[Adal Rifai]

Great. Yeah. If you want to do a walk on as Walt. If you feel moved to, I've got some strong opinions. Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Elise Willems]

All right.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey, Mickey, I don't know if you should be smoking in front of the kids.

[Aaron Keefe]

What do you Mean, should I be smoking in the green room or. What's up?

[JPC]

Hey, we actually.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, shit.

[JPC]

Hey, Sticky. We actually have to do the voice when we're out here. You can't just do regular voice.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

I don't know if you should be smoking in front of the kids.

[Aaron Keefe]

Do you think there's more doors in the world or more windows? Oh, shit.

[JPC]

Icky, you have to. What the. What the hell kind of voice are you doing?

[Elise Willems]

Oh.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wait, Icky. Wait, am I icky?

[Adal Rifai]

Me?

[JPC]

You're Mickey.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, Mickey.

[F]

I use my voice.

[JPC]

No.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, sh.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's terrifying. Oh, everyone be cool.

[F]

Be doing the same voice.

[Aaron Keefe]

Be cool. Here comes. Here comes Walt.

[JPC]

What are you three putzes doing?

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, dad.

[JPC]

Get back to work.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sorry, dad. Sorry, dad.

[F]

Sorry, dad.

[Elise Willems]

It's me, Walt Lipinski, shift manager at Disneyland.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, I love it.

[JPC]

Lipinski. Sounds like a very Canadian name. Yeah, it's got, like, the Quebecois of it all.

[Elise Willems]

Leponsque.

[Aaron Keefe]

Lipinski, the Canadian. Disney. The French fur trapping Disney.

[Elise Willems]

How often would you say the three of you make it out to Canada?

[Adal Rifai]

Well, I'm from Massachusetts originally, so when I was a child, quite a bit, because that wasn't too long of a drive to get to, like, Montreal.

[Elise Willems]

How often do you say wicked, Aaron?

[Adal Rifai]

I try not to. I try to. I've tried to sort of be better. Be better. Do better. Be better.

[Aaron Keefe]

This award season has been tough.

[Adal Rifai]

It has been very tough for me. Yeah, I think I say it way more than I'm aware of. I don't know, guys. How often do you hear me say it?

[JPC]

You don't say wicked too much, but occasionally you do say smart.

[Adal Rifai]

Smart. I'm wicked smart.

[Elise Willems]

Wicked smart.

[JPC]

I've only been to Toronto and I haven't been there in probably, like, close to two decades, since I was, like, a little kid. But I have wanted to go back. I want to visit. I heard about it on Adoboy's episode. I want to visit little Canada, which I believe is in Toronto, which is like a miniaturized version of Canada that some, like, kind of eccentric rich person made.

[Adal Rifai]

What? I wish I could Google this.

[Elise Willems]

There is a miniature village, Cullen Gardens in Miniature village. If they're talking about Cullen, I just sing the theme song from the 90s to think of what it was called. But I think it was. There was Cullen Gardens and Miniature Village. Beautiful, Magical Fun was the theme song. And that might be what they're talking about.

[Aaron Keefe]

At least. I think I speak for all of our listeners in that we need to hear that full Song.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[Elise Willems]

Cullen Gardens and Manitouville. I don't. That's all I know.

[Adal Rifai]

What other theme songs do you remember from growing up in Canada?

[Elise Willems]

Oh, there's always something good going down at Mr. Sub. Cause we had Mr. Sub in addition to Subway. Mr. Sub. Sleep country Canada. Why buy a mattress anywhere else?

[Aaron Keefe]

So there's only one song of Poutine.

[Adal Rifai]

That's insane. Wait, I want 100 more.

[Elise Willems]

Oh, it's just. It's a whole ecosystem unto itself. Right.

[JPC]

I just love hearing about people's regional commercial jingles.

[Elise Willems]

100%. Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

I've talked about this in the show before, but I have a theory that all of the best songs are regional water park commercial jingles. Did Canada have any water parks or was it too cold?

[Elise Willems]

Yes. Sorry. What was our water park called?

[JPC]

Casey, go ahead and bleep when Elise.

[Adal Rifai]

Said fuck, but not when we say fuck.

[Elise Willems]

Our water park was called Fuck Slippery. What was our water park called?

[JPC]

Fuck Slippery. Sounds like the sex water park penguin mascot. Like, my name's Fuck Slippery and you're about to get wild.

[Elise Willems]

He keeps peeing in the hot tubs.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think that's part of the Draw Penguin baseball character.

[JPC]

Oh, Fuck Slippery. I have a question for Adol and Aaron, because you are at least Adol from the Midwest and Aaron spent some time in the Midwest. Are you familiar with the Sybaris?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[Elise Willems]

It's the hotel the Three Headed Dog.

[JPC]

Yes. No, the Sybaris is a small regional chain of Fuck Hotels. And the gimmick behind the Fuck Hotels is that they all have pools in the hotel room.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. And one of them's like a Jacuzzi that's in like a martini glass where you have to take a little ladder. You have to crawl up a ladder or something.

[JPC]

Some of them have slides in them. But it's all like. It's all like a pool in a hotel room. And they're almost exclusively, I would say for like cheaters or like mom and dad who need a weekend away type of thing.

[Adal Rifai]

Let's all pay attention to who knew about this and who did not know about this.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, Aaron, I'm an investor.

[JPC]

They're only in Wisconsin. Illinois, and I think there's one in Indiana. So there's. It's like a very small original chain of cheaters hotels.

[Elise Willems]

So you're telling me that my hotel room reeks of chlorine? More so.

[JPC]

It's so funny because it's like the idea of a cheaters hotel is so funny, but also one that's impossible to clean. It's like, what are we doing?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. Ew. Ew.

[Elise Willems]

Do you. Do you think that just that someone checks out and then the staff presses a button where it overflows the hot tub and just saturates the entire room and there's a drain in the center of it that just sucks all the debris and splatter out.

[Adal Rifai]

I only feel comfortable with it if they set the whole room on fire in between each stair.

[Aaron Keefe]

I literally was gonna say, I think what happens is they burn down the room and build a new one. It's all just like plasterboard.

[JPC]

Like, I was doing some research on this. Neither here nor there, but I was on their website because I was like, I remember the TV commercials. Why? I thought of it from the 90s and the early 2000s and they were really funny. But then I was going back and being like, is this place still open? And I saw on their website that not only are they still open, but they have like afternoon rates. And I was like, oh, so you're not even. You're not even paying for a night at the Jeter's Pool Hotel?

[Elise Willems]

No, they're not changing the sheets.

[JPC]

They're definitely not changing the sheets.

[Elise Willems]

Did they have a jingle?

[JPC]

I think they did, but it was also. You'll have to go and watch Sybaris commercials.

[Aaron Keefe]

Call and ask Gary Ant.

[Adal Rifai]

Just take it for you.

[JPC]

Let's go to break. Get a break.

[Adal Rifai]

All of our aunts knew the song right away.

[Elise Willems]

She's like, I knew the slow jam R B remix.

[G]

Hi, I'm Kat.

[JPC]

And I'm Pat.

[G]

We're from Seek Treatment podcast and we're here to talk about Blue Land. Do you know what I'm so about right now, Pat?

[Elise Willems]

What? Tell me. Do not not tell me.

[G]

Well, ready for this? I just heard that we're eating and drinking roughly a credit card's worth of plastic a week. Yeah, that's right.

[Elise Willems]

Oh, my God.

[G]

I know. The products we're using are contaminating our water supply, generating hundreds of microplastics that we're eating. So here's the good news. You're never going to believe this. Blueland is doing something about it. They're eliminating the need for single use plastic in the products we reach for the most.

[Elise Willems]

From cleaning sprays to hand soap, toilet bowl cleaner and laundry tablets, All Blueland.

[JPC]

Products are made with clean ingredients that.

[Elise Willems]

You can feel good about. Blueland is trusted in over 1 million homes, including mine. That's correct.

[G]

They offer refillable cleaning products with a beautiful cohesive design that looks great on your counter. And refills start at just $2.25. You can even set up a subscription or buy in bulk for additional savings. I use my Blueland spray today. I cleaned my dirty, dirty, dirty yoga mat with my Blueland all purpose spray today. It smelled good, it got the job done, and the bottle looked beautiful while doing it.

[Elise Willems]

Blueland has a special offer for listeners right now. Get 15% off your first order by going to BL.

[G]

You won't want to miss this. Blueland.com save 15 for 15 off. That's blueland.com save 15 to get 15% off.

[JPC]

All right, well, we're back from break. We all just watched a Cibberus commercial. We recommend you do the same.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh no, no, no, no we don't. No, no, no, no we don't.

[JPC]

Okay, interesting. Kind of a different vibe.

[Elise Willems]

Don't watch, just call 1-800-8- pardon me pool pool.

[Adal Rifai]

Either you'll get to where you need to go either way.

[JPC]

Thank you for calling the ship. Marissa, you called 1-800-855-POO.

[Aaron Keefe]

I gotta see a scene. Uh oh, the shiper is JVC. No, JVC. And Elise, you are a. You're two people who are meeting up for a rendezvous at the Sibaris. And you. You did not know what you were in store for.

[Elise Willems]

Do you have the P card? That's keycard, but with urine.

[JPC]

The gentleman at front desk just gave me regular hotel P card. Yes, I. I assume. Okay, let's just go inside the room. Okay. This is not kind of what I was expecting for our rendezvous.

[Elise Willems]

You're right. This is amazing. Oh my God. Did you know that there's a pool in every room?

[JPC]

No. I mean, I thought we were just kind of gonna do standard like you sell me missile secrets. I give you, you know, missile money. I didn't. So was it a waterbed?

[Elise Willems]

No, no. Put on your swim trunks. We're racing.

[JPC]

I bring swim trunks. I'm selling state secrets.

[Elise Willems]

You keep an extra bathing suit in your car.

[JPC]

You honestly. You had a whole different vibe when we talked online. I honestly thought like I was kind of honey potting you with money or. No. No.

[Elise Willems]

Well, I guess when you said we would come here to exchange missile secrets, I thought that was a euphemism for come here to swim and have sex.

[JPC]

Oh boy. Now I could. I'm kind of replaying all of conversations we've been having over the years and oh boy.

[Aaron Keefe]

And we flashback to some of the conversations.

[Elise Willems]

So you want to have sex at the swim hotel?

[Adal Rifai]

Si.

[JPC]

Episode title yeah, we did. Excellent.

[Elise Willems]

It's like, what's that movie at the El Royale?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yes it is.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh yeah. What is that called?

[Elise Willems]

We can't Google it. Bad times. It's like good times at this. The sex swim hotel.

[JPC]

You want to be sex at the swim hotel? That's just the honest to God marketing that they need to do for that place.

[Aaron Keefe]

Come and fuck. Jpc. Were you playing Count Orlok from Nosferatu?

[JPC]

Of course.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[JPC]

Of course I'm playing vampire. Vampire. I was playing a vampire. And of course vampires are who you sell missile secrets to.

[Adal Rifai]

I'm too scared to see that movie. Elise, how do you feel about horror movies? Are you in or are you out?

[Elise Willems]

I do love horror movies and I have to say, and I don't mean this, this isn't me being like, I'm so cool, guys. Oh, I'm so edgy. But I couldn't figure out what the jump scares people were talking about in Nosferatu were.

[Adal Rifai]

Whoa, she is cool. She is.

[Elise Willems]

No, I promise you I'm not. I promise. I might just have really delayed response times.

[Aaron Keefe]

Elise, could you buy us some beer, please?

[Elise Willems]

Absolutely. Hang on. I just need to call an aunt really quick.

[JPC]

I don't see scary movies and my wife saw it or it doesn't interest me. And she was like. I was like, how scary was it? Was it very scary? And she was like, nah, it wasn't like super scary. So it felt like she was giving me the okay that it's the type of movie that I could probably watch if I had any interest in watching it.

[Elise Willems]

What do you all find very scary?

[JPC]

I guess, like if like any sexuality at all in like a piece of media, I'm like, ooh, like this is getting. I'm getting pretty scared right now. And I guess I kind of maybe misunderstood what scary is. But it's a feeling I do not like.

[Aaron Keefe]

I will say specifically, I used to have. I haven't had it in 15 some years. I used to have a dream where. A reoccurring dream where a dog on two legs was sprinting after me.

[Elise Willems]

It's not for a four legged dog.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is a four legged dog, but it's on two legs running at me. So like an unnatural something coming at me in an unnatural way. I would also have dreams about old people moving very fast towards me. Oh, and also in the movie it follows there's a scene in a bedroom where a egregiously tall man comes out of the darkness of the hallway into someone's bedroom pretty quickly. So I think I've pinpointed what scares me and it's things that shouldn't move fast. Moving fast.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, that's specific because I feel like.

[JPC]

A lot of horror is, like, soundtrack or soundscape driven. And I feel like if Adel, you took all of those things that scare you and just put like, yakety sacks.

[Aaron Keefe]

Beside them or behind them, why Benny Hill?

[JPC]

Like a dog. A dog running at you. Like, even really fast on two legs, it wouldn't be that bad.

[Adal Rifai]

I'm a huge coward about everything, so I'm kind of scared about everything. But I would say, horror movie wise, I have a really hard time with, like, religious horror, like Heretic or. No, I can't. I can't do shit like that. I don't know why. That's the stuff that, like, gets to me the longest, haunts me the most. Is there any kind of horror movie that is just, like, too much for you? Anything that went. Crossed the line?

[Elise Willems]

Not specifically. I don't like things that are unstoppable by supernatural forces. That bothers me because you know a slasher movie, there's some killer with a knife, he can be stopped. But like, you're saying if someone's possessed, you know, what can you do? You just live with it.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. You just gotta learn to live with it.

[Elise Willems]

You just got your own personal demon.

[Aaron Keefe]

I love the idea of, like, Exorcist, but it's like 20 years later and the family's just adjusted. Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

So fucking funny.

[Aaron Keefe]

There she goes, the stairs.

[Elise Willems]

She's crab walking again.

[Aaron Keefe]

Crab walking again.

[JPC]

Rinse do on the first. She's gone. I don't love gore. Like, the gore part of it I don't like to see. But also I feel like I don't really watch a lot of movies anyway. And if I have two hours to spend, I would rather not spend two hours being constantly stressed. I liked Uncut Gems, but I'll only ever see that movie once. I don't. I don't even want to see a stressful movie that's well acted or whatever. If I had my druthers, I'd rather watch something like nice.

[Elise Willems]

People are always trying to get me to rewatch Schindler's List with them. I just said, I'm not gonna do it. Not gonna do it.

[Adal Rifai]

You did it.

[JPC]

Yeah. There's a lot of movies that are like, hey, this movie's great. I only need to. I'm not a rewatcher guy. So I'll watch a movie once and be done with it. And I Think that that's. That's fine.

[Elise Willems]

But is a rewatcher guy, like, a reply guy? Yeah, he's always trying to get you to rewatch stuff with him.

[JPC]

I get on people's Netflix queues, and I'm like, you got to watch it. You got to watch it. Notice me, notice me, notice me.

[Elise Willems]

They just took it out of their queue. And you're like, let's put that back in. We're going to want to circle back to that.

[Aaron Keefe]

I have a what am I? Riddle for us here.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

I am a driver, and I'm particularly good at right and left turns, but never drive a car. What am I?

[Adal Rifai]

Golfer?

[Elise Willems]

Golf club? Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, that's a great guess. It's not what I have here. I'm a driver, and I'm particularly good at right and left turns, but never drive a car. What am I.

[JPC]

Is this going to be like some bullshit? Like, I drive a motorcycle?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it's not a car. And it's not car adjacent. Adjacent. Voorhees.

[JPC]

Right and left turns. I'm like, okay, what are other types of drivers? There's like a.

[Elise Willems]

It's a computer drive.

[JPC]

Screwdriver.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a screwdriver.

[Elise Willems]

Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

I accepted mini driver.

[JPC]

I'll accept her.

[Elise Willems]

That was a driver with a twist.

[JPC]

You're safe with us.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right, here. Let's go to this next one here. I am kneaded by animals and books. What am I needed? I am kneaded and. It's a spine, Aaron. It's a spine.

[Elise Willems]

Wow.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wow.

[Adal Rifai]

Not all animals have spines, though. Like, jellyfish don't have spines.

[JPC]

Jellyfish aren't animals, technically, Aaron. They're abominations. They're freaks of nature. They're God's mistake.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, they're unloved cosmic beings, but, Aaron, we'll strike that from the record. Casey, can we.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, strike it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pretend that never happened. Or how does editing work?

[Adal Rifai]

Casey, can you read that back to us?

[Elise Willems]

Let's rewatch that.

[Aaron Keefe]

I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a jellyfish at a library.

[Adal Rifai]

Great.

[Aaron Keefe]

And you can't find the book that you're looking for. Jpc. You are the resident librarian.

[F]

Excuse me.

[JPC]

Okay. You had your training, Jeff. Don't freak out. It's different. But different is okay.

[F]

Sorry, did you say something?

[JPC]

No. Did you say something? Welcome to the library.

[F]

Hi. I'm trying to do a project.

[JPC]

Okay.

[F]

And. Sorry. Are you okay?

[JPC]

Wait, I just. Yeah. I'm sorry. I just have it. I just don't. I just don't Know where to look? I'm just trying to. My eyes are darting around because I'm just, I guess, looking everywhere.

[F]

Look at my. Look at my eyes.

[JPC]

Yeah. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You trying to do a project?

[F]

Yeah, I'm trying to do a project. I'm studying US Presidents. You seem kind of nervous.

[JPC]

I'm just. Do you need water? Could I put. Should I pour any. Should I pour any water on you? Put you in a glass?

[F]

Well, yeah. Sorry. That's a little. You're sort of making assumptions about me. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that you got stung by someone I know. And then someone had to pee on you. Are you gonna say that next?

[JPC]

I'm sorry. Did you just walk into a library and immediately start talking about peeing on people?

[F]

No, I'm saying. That's what you're probably gonna say.

[JPC]

You're saying that I'm thinking about peeing on people?

[F]

Yeah, you're thinking about peeing on people right now. I can tell. Forget it. I'm just gonna go.

[JPC]

I'm thinking about peeing on people because that's what we're talking about. We're talking about peeing on.

[F]

Yeah, but you're thinking about it because you're looking at me.

[JPC]

There are kids here. You can't walk into a library and start talking about peeing on people.

[Aaron Keefe]

Get a Sybaris.

[JPC]

That's my manager. That's Dan, my manager.

[F]

Okay, well, all.

[JPC]

He's always trying to push me to be more adventurous because I kind of stay at the library, and I don't really have a social life outside of this.

[F]

Right. Well, my friend got boiled.

[Elise Willems]

There's pee all over the Narnia. There's pee all over the Chronicles.

[F]

Okay, well, that sounds like a you problem.

[JPC]

That sounds like a me problem. I just watched you walk over from the children's section. Did you pee in the children's section at the library?

[F]

I got boiled alive in a sex hot tub. And I'm the bad guy because I peed on books that have intense religious overtones and undertones.

[JPC]

You can't just pee on books that you don't like. Okay? And just because your cousin got boiled alive in a sex hot tub doesn't mean that that's the sex hot tub's fault. There are settings on the sex hot tub that can make it very comfortable for jellyfish.

[F]

Okay, Are we missing our wet man?

[JPC]

I think we are. I'm going on break seed.

[Aaron Keefe]

See?

[Adal Rifai]

More riddles.

[Aaron Keefe]

How many sides does a circle have?

[JPC]

Six.

[Adal Rifai]

Huh?

[JPC]

Sixteen. Shit.

[Aaron Keefe]

How many sides does a circle have?

[Elise Willems]

Two.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, that's correct. But you have to list them.

[Adal Rifai]

Front and back, front and back.

[Aaron Keefe]

Very close. Top and bottom about the same.

[Adal Rifai]

Hmm.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's two words, and both words have side in the words. Inside, outside, top, side, and outside.

[JPC]

I like top, side, top side, bottom.

[Elise Willems]

Side, bottom, side, top, circle, side, bottom, circle, side.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, it's good we have Elise here because this is almost like an escape room type puzzle. Is everyone ready?

[JPC]

Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

If FT equals gd, God damn it.

[Elise Willems]

Oh.

[Aaron Keefe]

And SD equals sr, what does TD equal?

[Elise Willems]

This is math.

[Aaron Keefe]

And I'll repeat this one more time. If ft, gd, and sd equals sr, what does td equal?

[JPC]

Ft equals gd. Say it again. St.

[Aaron Keefe]

If ft equals gd and sd equals sr, what does TD equal? And it's not touchdown. Ft equals gd, SD equals sr. What does TD equal? Now, Aaron, I can't help but notice that you've picked up a book and you've started reading it.

[Adal Rifai]

I'm trying to learn anything.

[JPC]

Are we, like, taking just. Is it like. Are we just, like, removing vowels? Is this, like foot? God.

[Elise Willems]

Good. Sod.

[JPC]

Oh, foot and good. And then sued. Okay, that we're on the second one, and I'm falling apart here.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're very much on the right track, but you're maybe overshooting it. Maybe overshooting it in terms of, like, taking out vowels. I would pull back slightly.

[JPC]

That was the. That's the one thing I had. Taking out vowel. We're taking out a vowel.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would say you're omitting letters in.

[Elise Willems]

General or consonant heavy, like Jeff Probst right now. Okay, something's gotta give here.

[JPC]

Ft. We could do fart with that. That's AR and guard, which is an incorrect spelling of the word guard or an incorrect pronunciation of the word God. Fart. God. Okay, fart. What do I do?

[Elise Willems]

Oh, fart. God.

[Adal Rifai]

JPC is really loose here.

[Aaron Keefe]

Fart. Go.

[JPC]

Aaron, don't say loose in response to someone saying fart.

[Adal Rifai]

God, I can say whatever I want.

[JPC]

That's true.

[Aaron Keefe]

Loose lips, shit pants.

[Elise Willems]

The FT is the gd and the SD is the sr. God damn it.

[JPC]

God damn it.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would say yes. So we just did a scene in a library. In a library, typically, you would keep books upright by using these.

[JPC]

Oh, this is the duodecimal system, I guess.

[Aaron Keefe]

The Dewey decile decimal system. But what physically keeps books upright?

[JPC]

Other books.

[Elise Willems]

Bookends.

[Aaron Keefe]

Bookends. So maybe the letters you're getting could relate to that. So ft, gd.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, it's like, are they in? No.

[JPC]

Wait, in regards to bookends, these are the.

[Adal Rifai]

No.

[JPC]

Is it a word that begins with FT and ends with gd?

[Adal Rifai]

Is it, like, where they fall in the Alphabet?

[Aaron Keefe]

It's not where they fall in the Alphabet. Jpc. You were kind of close, but it's not.

[JPC]

It's Fitzgerald.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's more isolated than what you said.

[JPC]

More isolated.

[Aaron Keefe]

So I would say F and T are the bookends of one word and GD are the bookends of another. The first and last letter of a different word.

[JPC]

All right, so we're back to fart. God.

[Elise Willems]

Well, it always comes back around.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right, FT, GD and SD equals SR. So what does TD equal now? This is three. These are three things. You got the answer for the first two, and you're guessing the third. I would say there is no fourth. There is no fifth. It ends at three.

[JPC]

It ends at these two.

[Aaron Keefe]

So this is something where it's 1, 2, 3. And if you didn't make the 1, 2, 3, you're shit out of luck.

[JPC]

So first.

[Adal Rifai]

First down equals.

[JPC]

First equals good.

[Aaron Keefe]

One letter off.

[JPC]

God. First equals God.

[Aaron Keefe]

Still one letter off. But you have to add a letter.

[Adal Rifai]

Gold.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[JPC]

Oh, bronze versus gold.

[Aaron Keefe]

So S equals SR Silver.

[Adal Rifai]

Silver.

[Aaron Keefe]

And Aaron, you said it. But I need the be. I need the specific answer. Yes, Aaron, you just said it. TD equals be.

[Elise Willems]

Wow.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, I'd like to see a scene.

[JPC]

That sounded like a sick Al Pacino.

[Adal Rifai]

Erin, you guys are Olympic medalists who have gotten the gold, silver, and bronze, and you're sort of on the stand and you're kind of trash talking each other.

[JPC]

Technically, with market fluctuations, bronze is actually worth more than silver. Just thought I'd throw that out.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, yeah, maybe. Maybe in your country. But where I'm from, silver is pretty fucking good.

[JPC]

Well, no, it's. Yeah, it's just you obviously got second place, but I'm just saying that bronze is actually worth more money.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, well, silver's good. And it's hard. Gold is, like, super malleable. Gold is like the softest metal.

[Elise Willems]

Well, I just want to say, guys, I'm just so thrilled that we're all up here together because isn't this amazing that we're all here?

[Aaron Keefe]

What did you hurdle better than us? You did the hurdles better than us? What a dumb event that is.

[JPC]

Yeah, this actually isn't even my main event.

[Elise Willems]

I was in a pretty bad motorcycle accident about two years ago, and they never thought I would hurdle ever again.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[JPC]

Here, Taylor all the news stories have been about. No, I'm not giving you sympathy.

[Elise Willems]

No. Yeah, I mean, I'll take. I'll take the silver if you don't want it.

[Aaron Keefe]

I was being sarcastic.

[Elise Willems]

Oh, okay. So you don't care about my trauma and my history, my backstory and what it took for me to get here?

[JPC]

Okay, Greg, it's not like you had never hurdled before. Then you were in the motorcycle. You were the best hurdler in the world at every Olympics we've seen. This is the third Olympics that you've been at.

[Elise Willems]

Yeah.

[JPC]

You had a motorcycle accident in an awful off season. I'm sorry to say it wasn't see.

[Elise Willems]

Me hurdle off that bike.

[JPC]

I wish I could have. Now, that's mean. That's mean. I take that back.

[Aaron Keefe]

And I should say. I should say I could have absolutely dominated in one gold, but I just had that Gattaca surgery where they break your legs and add 2 inches. So I'm obviously. You know, obviously.

[Elise Willems]

It's not my fault you're shin heavy right now. Don't.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, my legs look too long for my body, don't they?

[JPC]

Yeah, it's super shin heavy.

[Elise Willems]

Look, I earned this gold fair and square. And look, there's nothing wrong with getting silver or bronze.

[JPC]

I mean, can I be honest with you guys? Do you think that if there was a fourth person in this race, they would have beat me because I was going pretty slow and I was hitting a lot of those hurdles we never.

[Aaron Keefe]

Got to hear O Canada.

[Adal Rifai]

Aw.

[JPC]

Aw.

[Elise Willems]

Coffee, Coffee, Crisp. Talking about the crisp. It's a jingle.

[Aaron Keefe]

Is that the Tim Hortons jingle?

[Elise Willems]

Jingle. But one of our best chocolate bars.

[Aaron Keefe]

One of our best chocolate bars. Well, speaking of chocolate bars, Elise, what can we unwrap and bite into that.

[JPC]

You have going on that's such an effortless, flawless segue.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you.

[Elise Willems]

Well, you can follow me everywhere on leasewillems. And by everywhere, I mean Instagram and bluesky. Pretty much where I am now. And you can watch me weekly on PBS, SoCal's YouTube channel on won't yout Be My Gamer, interviewing interesting people. And I also do a bunch of other little things you can catch me on. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. In this episode. So I'm so sad it's over and I regret not making more scenes for all of you.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, God, no. We've done like 7,000 episodes of this. They've heard just about enough from us.

[JPC]

You can also catch Elise on a yet to be released. And if it was released and it didn't go anywhere, then yet to be shelved, but shelved in the future episode of a yet unnamed project that we may or may not have already recorded together.

[Adal Rifai]

Is that clear to everyone listening and is that clear?

[JPC]

And did I clear everything up?

[Adal Rifai]

Elise, you have to come back. I insist. Adult do you have anything to plug?

[Aaron Keefe]

I want to plug Spike tv. Yes, check out Spike TV wherever you get your Spike tv. And wherever you get your Spike tv.

[JPC]

Get it responsibly too, guys.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, be safe. Be safe.

[JPC]

Safe.

[Aaron Keefe]

Aaron Keefe, do you have anything to plug or promote?

[Adal Rifai]

I would say just check out our Patreon. Patreon.com heyruddle Riddle. Lots of fun stuff happening over there. GPC. Any review to read or something to plug?

[JPC]

I was gonna say we also over on the Patreon, we now do annual subscriptions, so if you wanna sign up for a year, you get a 10% discount. So that is a fun thing that you could do should you choose to do it. And I wanna read a review. And I wasn't just stalling to to look for a review. If you want to get a five star review featured on the show, go ahead and write us a five star review anywhere that you submit reviews. Hey, today I'm reading one from Mtangers. Mtangers writes fun and classic. A very fun, cute and spooky read. Very classic vibe and story for the purest form of childhood Halloween tales. And of course, that was a review of Elise's book, A Night in Halloween House.

[Elise Willems]

Oh my God.

[JPC]

It's still available on Twitter.

[Elise Willems]

I thought that was review of the this podcast. I was like, I missed that episode.

[JPC]

Was a review of your spooky Halloween book.

[Elise Willems]

Yes, but let's not dwell on it. It's really not important.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm going to order this.

[JPC]

What's it called? Acclaimed author. Well, hang on now I'm acclaiming you.

[Elise Willems]

That's the thing is I'm acclaimed by my friends and peers. I wrote a children's novel called the Night in Halloween House. That's very sweet of you to bring up, but cool.

[JPC]

There's nothing so inherently scary that if you give this book to your niece, your sibling will be calling you to yell at you for the nightmares they had to endure. 10 out of 10. I feel like that's a pretty good endorsement for the book.

[Elise Willems]

You all went into detail about how you don't like scary stuff and I thought the worst thing I could do would be to bring this book up to them now.

[Adal Rifai]

No, I'm impressed.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm impressed, Aaron, at the sybaris that's in Illinois. There is a themed room where you're guaranteed to catch HPV from the pool. Do you know what the theme is of that room?

[Adal Rifai]

Well, it's technically all the rooms but Jupiter.

[Elise Willems]

Should we flash the number for the CUS again?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, Casey, go ahead and flash that number however you choose to do that in audio form.

[Aaron Keefe]

Casey's lifting up his shirt.

[JPC]

Casey, Tony did the editing. Logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Napori. Okay, hold on. Before we come back from break, you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Gonna look up the jingle?

[JPC]

No, you just. I don't even think it's a jingle. But just. Just watch this.

[Elise Willems]

Escape to Sybaris. A private, private paradise rated the best romantic getaway in the United States.

[JPC]

It's so bad. I also forgot the phone number was 888805 Pool.

[Elise Willems]

At first I thought it was 888805 Poo when it transitioned on screen.

[JPC]

Anyway.

[Elise Willems]

Oh, wow. The. The shower doors looked like sliding glass doors to a patio. They'd have to be. They probably. They're probably like bomb shelter grade glass.

[JPC]

I remember seeing that commercial when I was a kid and being like, that place looks awesome. And not really getting the full content. Hey there, monkeys and dogs. If you like that, you are gonna love this week's Patreon. It's another this day in improv history. You can listen to that plus our entire back [e-mail] heyriddleviriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or so, your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron Keefe]

That was a hitgam podcast.