#342: The Crab Meat Is Loose

Summary

Episode Summary: Hey Riddle Riddle - #342: The Crab Meat Is Loose

Release Date: February 5, 2025
Host/Authors: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan
Description: In this episode, the hosts navigate the humorous challenges of podcast management, explore innovative marketing strategies, and tackle a series of perplexing riddles. Their trademark improvisational humor and chemistry shine throughout, offering both entertainment and insightful discussions.

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1. Navigating Podcast Management and Invoicing Challenges (04:17 - 08:07)

The episode kicks off with a lighthearted discussion about the persistent issue of receiving timely invoices from their audio engineer, Casey. Adal Rifai shares a humorous recount of the multiple text messages sent to Casey to prompt invoice submissions.

• Adal Rifai (05:22): "Every month I ask him to send me an invoice for all the hard work that he does. And then I ask him again..."

• John Patrick Coan (07:15): "It's more like a third through the month to be fair."

This segment highlights the hosts' playful camaraderie and the often chaotic nature of managing podcast logistics.

2. Innovative Marketing Strategies: Recording Radio Call Sign Identifiers (10:00 - 18:30)

Adal discusses the influx of marketing proposals they've received, most of which seem dubious. However, a promising opportunity arises when a legitimate marketing agency suggests leveraging their podcast analytics to connect with terrestrial radio stations.

• Adal Rifai (10:50): "They can use our podcast's analytics and then reach out to terrestrial radio stations."

• Erin Keif (14:03): "Hey, it's Erin Keife from hey Riddle Riddle. And you're listening to Z 101.1, the hottest hits of the 70s, 90s and today."

To test this strategy, the hosts decide to record customized radio station call sign identifiers, injecting their signature humor into each message. This creative approach not only serves as a marketing tool but also showcases their improvisational skills.

3. Engaging Riddle Solving and Improvisational Comedy (20:08 - 44:26)

The core of the episode revolves around solving intricate riddles sent in by listeners. The hosts present riddles, collaborate to deduce answers, and create improvised scenes based on their solutions.

• Adal Rifai (20:10): "Air cutter. Wind slicer. Gravity teaser. Spin Skimmer. Curve Swerver. Dipper and lifter. Climber and diver. Tossed across space between friends. Where I begin, I end."

• Erin Keif (20:30): "Roller coaster."

Adal clarifies the correct answer as "Frisbee," prompting a series of humorous exchanges and creative improvisations. Following each riddle, the hosts enact short skits inspired by their answers, blending intellectual challenge with comedic flair.

4. Humorous Banter and Host Dynamics (Throughout)

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in witty banter, often roasting each other and sharing amusing anecdotes. This dynamic exchange not only entertains but also provides listeners with a glimpse into their personalities and the chemistry that drives the podcast.

• Adal Rifai (08:07): "They assured us that this was the fit for, like, 20, 25. This was the fit."

• John Patrick Coan (09:08): "Well, let's put it on the air."

Their interactions are peppered with laughter and playful jests, creating an engaging and relatable listening experience.

5. Listener Engagement: Riddle Submissions and Voicemails (46:34 - 68:57)

In later segments, the hosts read and solve riddles submitted by listeners, as well as respond to voicemails seeking advice. These interactions foster a sense of community and encourage active participation from their audience.

• Adal Rifai (46:34): "My round mouth, Casey Clippett will never dodge where I vomit. There you walk."

• John Patrick Coan (49:05): "It's a concrete mixer."

The hosts navigate these submissions with humor and creativity, offering both solutions and entertaining responses that resonate with their listeners.

6. Improvised Scenes Based on Riddle Solutions (50:05 - 64:41)

Building on their riddle-solving, the hosts create improvised scenes that dramatize the answers. These skits add an extra layer of entertainment and showcase their ability to think on their feet.

• Adal Rifai (50:08): "Adol, you're so fucking close."

• John Patrick Coan (57:55): "Sidewalk is where my round mouth will never talk where I vomit. There you walk."

These scenes blend absurdity with creativity, enhancing the overall enjoyment of the episode.

7. Concluding Discussions and Final Riddles (65:00 - 75:18)

As the episode nears its end, the hosts tackle final riddles and share additional humorous insights. They reflect on the day's challenges and successes, wrapping up the episode on a high note.

• Adal Rifai (65:28): "It's a reed."

• Erin Keif (63:00): "Wind chimes."

The episode concludes with a final riddle and a humorous exchange about fictional scenes, leaving listeners both entertained and intellectually stimulated.

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Notable Quotes:

• Adal Rifai (20:10): "Air cutter. Wind slicer. Gravity teaser. Spin Skimmer. Curve Swerver. Dipper and lifter. Climber and diver. Tossed across space between friends. Where I begin, I end." (20:10)

• Erin Keif (20:30): "Roller coaster." (20:30)

• John Patrick Coan (49:05): "It's a concrete mixer." (49:05)

• Adal Rifai (65:28): "It's a reed." (65:28)

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Conclusion

Episode #342 of "Hey Riddle Riddle" masterfully blends riddle-solving with improvisational comedy, all while navigating the humorous intricacies of podcast management and marketing. The hosts' seamless interplay, creative endeavors, and engaging content make this episode a standout addition to their repertoire, offering both loyal listeners and newcomers an entertaining and thought-provoking experience.

Transcript

[Aaron Keefe]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Adal Rifai]

This is a mini meditation guided by bombus. Repeat after me.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm comfy. I'm cozy. I have zero blisters on my toes. Blisters.

[Adal Rifai]

And that's because I wear bombus. The softest socks, underwear, and T shirts that give back. One purchased equals one donated. Now go to bombas.com wondery and use code WONDERY for 20% off your first purchase. That's b o m b a s.com.

[JPC]

And use code wondery at checkout.

[Adal Rifai]

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice ray.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, and I've got your X ray right here to look at. Let's take a look.

[Adal Rifai]

Ton of pain.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whoa. Okay, you are filled with riddles. Oh, my God.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, that might be. This is my emotional support adult, by the way. I'm allowed to have him in here, correct?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. As long as he has that vest.

[JPC]

Bark. Bark.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Wow.

[Adal Rifai]

It's Gucci.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. It does not fit him. Six sizes are too small.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, vest are supposed to be really tiny, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

We're gonna have to do emergency surgery. This is too many riddles. This looks like six or seven years.

[Adal Rifai]

Now that I'm looking at the vest. It is too tiny. You know, we got one of those organ grinder monkeys sold it to us, and he. He assured us that this was the fit for, like, 20, 25. This was the fit.

[JPC]

Does the fez hat at least look normal size?

[Adal Rifai]

The fez hat looks normal size.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's at least. Yeah, it's at least 20 times too small. I didn't even notice it until you pointed it out.

[Adal Rifai]

I honestly think that that organ grinder monkey ripped us off. Oh, boy.

[JPC]

I fight that.

[Adal Rifai]

I hate to say it, because I don't want to make it seem like all organ grinder monkeys.

[JPC]

If I fight that monkey, I'm gonna.

[Aaron Keefe]

Grind his organs before you ask the next 100 questions. Everything he's wearing are too small. Okay.

[Adal Rifai]

Whoa.

[JPC]

Not pants.

[Adal Rifai]

What?

[Aaron Keefe]

Pants.

[JPC]

Oh, whoops.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, you know what?

[Adal Rifai]

The monkey wasn't wearing pants.

[JPC]

Yeah. This is just Saran Wrap. I'm sorry.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, we're gonna have to go in there.

[Adal Rifai]

Doctor, when he said grimed that monkey's organs, he wasn't talking about fellating the monkey.

[JPC]

No, I was.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I would say don't speak for each other. Here's the thing. There's a 10% survival rate on surgeries like this, so.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay.

[JPC]

That you will Survive the surgery.

[Aaron Keefe]

Doctor, I know I get really scared in there, and I have a heart attack. I could not live.

[Adal Rifai]

This is just me speaking out loud, but I am hearing a dog barking in the background, and.

[JPC]

Doctor, this is me speaking out loud.

[Adal Rifai]

You're not a veterinarian, aren't you?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, of course.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, thank God. Okay, can you help us track down one of your patients? He is a monkey.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's a monkey.

[JPC]

And also, thank you for your service.

[Adal Rifai]

Thank you for your service.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I can't, sir.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, sir.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's medical privacy. What's that word? Scrubs. Doctor patient confidentiality.

[Adal Rifai]

Scrubs.

[JPC]

You know what do all doctors watch? Scrubs.

[Aaron Keefe]

Here's a lollipop. Yeah, we watched Scrubs. Here's a lollipop. Here's a band aid. Ooh, Mystery flavor.

[JPC]

Mystery flavor.

[Aaron Keefe]

Come back and see I learned the.

[JPC]

Mystery flavor Band aid.

[Aaron Keefe]

If you're still in pain from all the riddles and we'll crack you open and shake you loose.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, I'll tell you what, I'm about to crack open an episode of hey, Riddle. Riddle. I'm jpc.

[JPC]

I'm Oorify.

[Aaron Keefe]

And I'm Aaron Keefe. That's the most normal we've ever said our names.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, boy. And it's a fun time, and we're all having a good time. And this is. And everything's fine. And this is hey, Riddle. Riddle, the podcast where everything's fine, and it's just we're having a good time.

[Aaron Keefe]

My favorite thing about this podcast is everything's fine, and we're having a good time.

[JPC]

We're having a good time, and it's fine.

[Adal Rifai]

Speaking of everything being fine and having a good time, I was telling you guys before the recording that I was. You know, we have a friendly camaraderie air to the podcast, and sometimes we like to, like, roast each other a little bit. I was telling you I was absolutely taking Casey's ass, putting it over a fire, and roasting him last night, and he gave me permission to bring this up on the show. So I want to read you some text message, though.

[Aaron Keefe]

Casey is our beloved audio engineer and editor, who we would be nothing without Casey. Just for context.

[Adal Rifai]

Great guy. Absolutely fantastic work ethic. Fantastic finished product, too. I mean, Casey is one of the best in the business. I would say Casey's maybe one failing is that every month I ask him to send me an invoice for all the hard work that he does. And then I ask him again, and then I ask him again, and then I ask him One more time. And probably about halfway through the month I finally break down and say hey man, you have to send me an invoice. And then Casey am I hop on if I am misrepresenting how this goes in any way? He didn't hop on. So we get.

[JPC]

It's more like a third through the month to be fair.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay. Sometimes it is a third through the month.

[Aaron Keefe]

And Casey, on a scale of 1 to 10, how fucked would we be if we had an HR department?

[JPC]

He can't answer that. His lawyer shaking his head no. 11.

[Aaron Keefe]

11. Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Why don't we listen? This is a series of text message exchange between Casey and I and we'll say that this is actually pretty late into the month with these text messages came that's a date when this is coming out. I said oh also. And this is after we had talked about some episode stuff. Oh also, I was going to ask you, are you cool with working for free this year? I was going over some of my processes and would really help me out. So the proposed process would be this. You engineer the recordings, you edit the episodes and all that. But the only change would be that you no longer have to send me monthly invoices. To which Casey said bahahaha. Oh my God. Sorry, I'm laughing. Jesus. To which I said oh, this isn't a laughing matter, it's a serious business discussion. Honestly, I'm trying to help you here. There's something obviously very terrifying about invoices. So like we absolutely don't have to pay you anymore if it's going to be too scary to deal with, I'm an ally. To which he responded, keep riffing while I fill this out. And I said Mariah said you better hope he's not high. Now this is a point where I was telling Mariah about this and she reminded me that sometimes people like to get high in the evenings and this could be terrifying to receive as a text message if you were a little bit high. To which case he responded hahaha. And then let's see, a few minutes pass, maybe 10 minutes pass and I get an invoice to my email inbox and I said hey man, just got an invoice from you. Feels like we have our wires crossed. To which he responded, smiling face, smiley face, upside down. Smiling face, smiling face, upside down. Angel face. Smiling face, upside down. Yeah, eyes out.

[JPC]

Can I say One thing about JPC's messages that does not read well, does not read. When he reads it is you may have thought that he just sent like two Paragraphs of text that I responded to. My man sent like 13 text messages. Every possible statement was a different text. So texts were like popping in on my phone with alarming frequency as he did this.

[Adal Rifai]

So is that helpful to you, Casey? I just want to understand the kind of the business process behind it. Is it helpful?

[JPC]

Yeah, if you could start doing that at the first of the month, then.

[Adal Rifai]

First of the month, 14 text messages. Maybe I text you every five minutes until I get an invoice. Maybe that's the new process.

[JPC]

I honestly have an alarm app that goes off every five minutes until I either snooze it or do it. So that works for me. For real.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm not trying to inflate anyone's ego here, but our group chat, which I think is called jpc show us the baby.

[Adal Rifai]

Still. Still celebrating about a year anniversary not being the name of the group chat.

[Aaron Keefe]

And then the group chat between me and Alan, JPC is called the Bad News Gang. Isn't that kind of cute, everybody?

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, no.

[Aaron Keefe]

You weren't thinking.

[Adal Rifai]

Ow.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ow. My goodness. I like it when you slam the door on our toes. We in here roasting Casey.

[JPC]

Throws Casey keys to my horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Don't scratch the paint.

[Adal Rifai]

Ah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Throws roast at Casey's head and make.

[Adal Rifai]

It throws paint at Casey's horse. I hope you like your horse painting.

[JPC]

That's my horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, no. That's the Bad News cac. I laugh out loud so often at the texts that you guys send. I feel bad for people who don't have your number. I'm laughing my ass off all the time.

[JPC]

Well, let's put it on the air.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

JPC's number is 911 20.

[Adal Rifai]

Do 911 ask for JPC? Well, you know, this brings me to something I wanted to talk about as well. Because while we're talking about. No, Aaron, not even close. While we are talking about kind of the business side of the podcast and how to get in contact with us, I know this is, you know, you may not love this, but I don't know if you guys see it, but every so often we get emails in The Hey, Riddler hrrpodcastmail.com inbox from, like, I would say 90% of it feels like scams, but it's from, like, marketing companies to be like, hey, we want to help you grow the reach of your podcast. Or like, we want to get you 75,000 views on Instagram or, you know, shit like that.

[JPC]

Huge.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, it'd be so huge for us. And the majority of it is it Feels like very scam coded. It's like, I'll Google the company that someone, you know, works for, and it's like, nothing. And it's like, whatever. I just, you know, delete them en masse. But the other week we got one from someone and it didn't feel like scammy. And then I, like, looked into the company and I was like, okay, so this is like a legit, like, marketing agency for whatever the thing. And the guy was like, I want to have a call, you know? And so I emailed him back and I was like, sure, let's do a call. What's. I'll. I'll hear you out to see, like, what it is that you can offer. And it was, I would say it went pretty well. And they seemed like it was legit and they seemed like they had, like, legitimate things that they could do for the show.

[Aaron Keefe]

How much money did you send overseas? Just get to the point.

[Adal Rifai]

Here's the thing.

[JPC]

He was a prince, Aaron. A prince.

[Adal Rifai]

I think the show is good. I like the show and I think that, like, it's. It, it's. We ask our listeners, hey, if you like the show, recommend it to someone. Yeah, I understand that's hard to do because of what the show is. So I don't blame people for not recommending it, but any way that we can, like, reach a new audience, I think that's, you know, that's good for the show. And so what this guy's pitch was is they can use our podcast, like analytics, and then reach out to terrestrial. Terrestrial radio stations.

[JPC]

Alien ET Listen podcast.

[Adal Rifai]

I think that's extraterrestrial.

[Aaron Keefe]

They're terrestrial. And they got a little bit.

[Adal Rifai]

Exactly.

[Aaron Keefe]

A little bit. Something, something.

[JPC]

Oh, so we're like original terrestrial. They're extra spicy. Terrestrial.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. My doctor says my terrestrial is so high that I should eat more Cheerios.

[Adal Rifai]

He says your terrestrial is Nashville hot, right?

[JPC]

You have the bad terrestrial.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, type one, the. No, but so we could basically do station identifiers, station call sign identifiers in local markets where we are more appealing. And that would help kind of increase the visibility for the show.

[Aaron Keefe]

So, like downtown Portland in the middle of a full moon.

[Adal Rifai]

I recorded like 10 of these super easy. I already sent them off. And we're basically going to do this as like a test to see if these, like, help us at all. So I was hoping that we could have you two just record your radio call sign identifiers very briefly on the show. Because I felt, you know, I did it off pod, but we Might as well like knock out two birds with one stone. Are you guys up for that?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, cool. Adel.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is going to be something weird, you guys.

[Adal Rifai]

No, no, no, Adol. Let's do one of yours first. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to. I'll put it in the chat. Go ahead and just give it to me whenever you're ready.

[JPC]

Okay. And I do have a question, jpc.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Do you know how, like news anchors and sports anchors and radio hosts and a slew of other on mic professionals tend to put some mustard on the ball is the business term.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

You know how like a baseball announcer will be like. And that's why DiMaggio's the best in the biz. Because that person isn't, you know, that person's not going through McDonald's being like, can I get a burger and fries and a large Sprite.

[Aaron Keefe]

Tom Brady got in a lot of trouble for putting mustard on that ball or doing something. Something to it. I don't know.

[Adal Rifai]

Or something. Go Pats.

[Aaron Keefe]

Go Pats.

[JPC]

The flight gate. Do you want a little. Do you want a little radio mustard on the.

[Adal Rifai]

I love that. I say just be you because they want to hear the you that is on the podcast so that they'll find the show. Go ahead.

[JPC]

Okay. Hey, it's Outra Fai from hey Riddle Riddle. And you're listening to K106, St. Louis's Home for Classic rock. Couldn't help at the end. I couldn't help but put a little stank on it.

[Adal Rifai]

Throw the stank on it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Way that people who listen to classic rock in St. Louis would like our show.

[Adal Rifai]

By the way, they said this is the marketing demographics. Aaron, you ready for yours?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay. Go ahead, Aaron. Just go ahead.

[Aaron Keefe]

Just watch it. I'm on. I got it. Hey, it's Erin Keefe from hey Riddle Riddle. And you're listening to Z 101.1, the hottest hits of the 70s, 90s and today.

[Adal Rifai]

Awesome.

[Aaron Keefe]

What happened to the 80s?

[JPC]

Skip the 80s.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, the 80s and the 2000s especially. Yeah, that's great, Aaron, you nailed it. Adult. Here's your next one.

[JPC]

Okay. And I'm have a little. I realize why people do that now. That voice is because otherwise it's too low energy.

[Adal Rifai]

Exactly.

[JPC]

It's too conversational. Okay.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. This is a first impression for you, for people.

[JPC]

All right, here we go. Here's jbc just sent me the next one. Hey, it's Adel Refai from Revolver and you're listening to the Applebee's Neighborhood Bar and Grill. Corporate approved playlist.

[Adal Rifai]

Awesome. That's going to be huge for us. Aaron, here's your question.

[Aaron Keefe]

Revolver was ADL's herald team at the I.O. in Chicago. Very good. Herald team.

[Adal Rifai]

Their data says that that's what people are interested in. So.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hi, I'm Erin Kee. Wet bus and you're listening to Hot 95.5, Columbia College's only station for experimental hyper pop. Up next we've got Frill Brillett, Karasik Fark and Wim Timley in the flugens. Let me take that again. Up next we got Frill Brillett, Carassic Fark and Wim Dibley and the Flugit.

[JPC]

No, I'm looking at the text and it doesn't say any of that.

[Adal Rifai]

No, it's great, Aaron. Because they want to sound real. They want these to sound real. Adel, you're up next.

[JPC]

It's Adel Refai and you're listening to 12 hour nature sounds. Relaxation, perfect. Meditation, renewal, deep sleep, Adderall, drink water on YouTube. 11 hours to go.

[Adal Rifai]

Awesome. Love it. Aaron, it's you next.

[Aaron Keefe]

Erin Keefe here and you're in terminal K of Boston Logan International Airport and legal seafood is out of crab. The shells, not the meat. There is plenty. There's plenty of meat left. We just can't put it in the crab shells like we normally do. I'm Erin Keefe. Hi, Maren Keef. I'm crying. I'm Aaron Keefe and the crab meat is loose.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay.

[JPC]

Oh, that's a good. That's a sign off call. That's a catch error.

[Aaron Keefe]

If I do that one again I can do it better.

[Adal Rifai]

No, we got it clean. I think we got it clean. Hey, here's the. Here. Why don't we have adol do one? Let's have ADOL do one.

[JPC]

I'm out of refine. You fell asleep in the Wendy's drive thru. Please pull forward and claim your baconator or the authorities will be called.

[Adal Rifai]

Awesome. Got that one. Great. Erin, you're up next. Here we go.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, it's Erin Kee from insert exact address and you're on the wrong side of the glass of the octopus exhibit at the Brookfield Zoo.

[Adal Rifai]

I think they want you to insert your exact address. I don't think they want you to read that part but it's fine, it's fine. Adel, you're up next.

[JPC]

We can add it in post Adler FY here from hey Riddle. Riddle. And you're watching a TikTok of a cat making pudding. You're too High to watch this now like it and go to bed.

[Aaron Keefe]

Like it.

[Adal Rifai]

That's good. That's what the demographics say. Aaron, it's all you.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's your girl Erin Keefe and you're listening to a Hilary Duff PSA from 2008 where she says don't say gay when you mean something is bad. Knock it off.

[Adal Rifai]

Great PSA and a lot of traction on that with our audience. Adol, you're up.

[JPC]

I'm Adol Rafai and this is X86 the Bear. It's 2:45am and you're listening to DJ Key Zarek have a full blown breakdown while playing Never had no One Ever by the Smiths on repeat for two hours while he desperately calls all of his exes and leaves rambling voicemail.

[Adal Rifai]

That's a big market for us. All right, Aaron, Aaron, let's go.

[Aaron Keefe]

They're getting longer. Hi, I'm Erin Keefe and you're listening to a little angel on your shoulder telling you to not stick your whole hand in your younger, uglier cousin's wedding cake, but you should be listening to the little devil on your other shoulder. Samantha doesn't deserve happiness and this would have been your special day if she hadn't pushed you onto those train tracks.

[Adal Rifai]

Awesome. Okay, you guys are doing great.

[JPC]

That one's a little close to home for you.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know.

[Adal Rifai]

I think that this is really going to help the show. I think we have just one more Adol. Go ahead and give me this one clean.

[JPC]

Hey, it's Adolphe from Hey Riddle Riddle. And you're listening to me. List every slur I know starting with.

[Adal Rifai]

And I think they want you to just. You know what, that's fine. We don't have to read them all. That one may be.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, there's probably a ton more, right?

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, why don't we just do yours? It's like your final one. Let's do your final one.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's Erin Keefe from hey Riddle Riddle. And you're listening to Adler fy. List every slur he knows starting with.

[Adal Rifai]

I don't know why, but I guess. I guess those last two were part of our target market. You guys did such a good job. Oh, you know what? I have one that I didn't read. Do you guys mind if I just finish off with mine?

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, please.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey, it's JPC from Hey, roll over. And you're listening to the normal radio. Okay, great.

[JPC]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, I got to read this one again because I think it's My favorite comedy thing I've ever read. Aaron Keefe here, and you're in terminal K of Boston Logan. Boston's Logan International Airport. And legal seafood is out of crab. The shells, not the meat. There's plenty of meat left. We just can' put it in the crab shells like we normally do. I'm Aaron Keefe, and the crab meat is loose.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, do you want to know what I wrote? That one at the Boston Logan International Airport. And that's the first one that I wrote.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're kidding.

[Adal Rifai]

So when was that?

[JPC]

That was, like, October years ago.

[Adal Rifai]

That was October 5th or something. Yeah. And the reason why there were, like, messages that were going on in the airport, and I thought, oh, this would be a fun bit for the show. And then I forgot about it, and it was just. That line was just on my phone for, like.

[Aaron Keefe]

You had something so precious on your phone for that long.

[Adal Rifai]

I know. That's. It's our ideas folder, which might as well be a fucking trash bin for all of them.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's in there? That's crazy.

[Adal Rifai]

All right, are you guys ready to check this out?

[Aaron Keefe]

That's the darkest corner of the Internet is JPC's ideas for the show. That's some dark web shit.

[Adal Rifai]

And if you like that, that's what the show sounds like when we put in a little bit of effort. So maybe we'll do some of that for 2025.

[JPC]

But your brain is like Silk Road for ins.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Adol.

[Adal Rifai]

Wow. That's such a compliment. I love that as a compliment. And that's how I choose to receive it. And I hear it as a compliment. Are you guys ready for some riddles?

[JPC]

Yes, please.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, let's do that. Here we go. Air cutter. Wind slicer. Gravity teaser. Spin Skimmer. Curve Swerver. Dipper and lifter. Climber and diver. Tossed across space between friends. Where I begin, I end.

[Aaron Keefe]

Roller coaster.

[JPC]

I thought these were all nicknames for Amelia Earhart. Windslicer.

[Adal Rifai]

Curve Swerver is a curve Swerver. Sounds like a D and D character I would have made up in, like, 2006.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I'd like to see a scene.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, please.

[Aaron Keefe]

You are two guys on a roller coaster. And while the roller coaster is going, you're trying to plan what face you want to make for the photo.

[Adal Rifai]

The most important part is, like, let's not look scared.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, mouth open but happy. Oh.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, yeah. Maybe not mouth open. Maybe mouth, like. Because we both ate six hot dogs before we got on this. So it's like the More open the mouth. I think like the more risk cuz that, you know, cuz they take it at the worst possible.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah. And I also brought a. I brought a 32 inch TV and an N64 so we can pull it out, look like we're playing at the exact time.

[Adal Rifai]

That's so smart. Was that what flew off immediately? Yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

I think it hit somebody behind me. I don't want to look back.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, for sure. There. I. Yeah, I feel like there's a guy with a weird neck right behind us and it may have been getting hit with a click. Okay, so we're.

[JPC]

Okay, we're at the part of the roller coaster where Adam Sandler finds the remote. Okay. This is very exciting. I love themed roller coasters.

[Aaron Keefe]

I got it right though, right?

[Adal Rifai]

You sound like Aaron. And I honestly forgot about the camera part of the sea because you're so.

[Aaron Keefe]

Used to taking photos on your phone, you forget to feel the earth under your feet.

[JPC]

Wow, those are beautiful lyrics. Have you guys seen the whole thing where people will bring items to pull out during the. During the photo part of Disney rides?

[Adal Rifai]

I have not.

[JPC]

They will pull. I've seen one where somebody has a old school TV and then two other people have wired controllers and they're playing like PlayStation or something.

[Aaron Keefe]

How did they get an old school TV into the theme park?

[JPC]

Aaron, that's the thing. It is insane. Like, I will send you a album.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, please.

[JPC]

All the shit people have brought onto roller coasters to get a picture. Do it.

[Aaron Keefe]

What should we do?

[Adal Rifai]

Cause like, how do they do it? If you're like, at Disney you don't let people bring a big tv.

[JPC]

Jbc, man, I'm the messenger. I don't know the ins and outs.

[Aaron Keefe]

Is it what we do?

[Adal Rifai]

Do they have like a drawing? Do they have like a picture of it? Like they're holding a picture so that the picture makes it look like they have a tv.

[JPC]

I mean, here's the thing.

[Adal Rifai]

Or is it Photoshop?

[JPC]

I could be duped in this as Photoshop, but it seems like there's people who their whole pride and joy is sneaking things into theme parks and getting pictures on roller coasters.

[Aaron Keefe]

You guys, I have a really good idea. Adol and I are in the second seats together and JPC and a mannequin are in the first seat and we take the head off the mannequin and JPC holds the head and then when the photo comes, we all are screaming. It looks like our friend's head came off.

[Adal Rifai]

And I also don't really know about sneaking things into Disney? Cause I've only been to Disney. No, I've been twice. I've been to the one in LA and I've been to the one in Florida. But the last time I was in the one in Florida, there were people with wagons full of stuff. Because you can bring in, like, food and shit into Disney. So, you know, maybe it's relatively easy to quote, unquote, sneak a bunch of stuff into Disney.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know if you can be. Sneak in, like, electronics, tv.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, that seems.

[JPC]

Didn't Banksy sneak in, like, sculptures or something? Right. Didn't Banksy do something at Disney?

[Adal Rifai]

And can Banksy and Disney collab? Is that something they could do?

[JPC]

I wish.

[Adal Rifai]

A Banksy Disney, a Mickey Mouse, but he's got, like, a gun and he's. And it's about the war.

[JPC]

There's a tank and there's balloons for some reason.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, balloons. And it's. And it's about the war. It's about the war.

[JPC]

There's an outline of a little kid and it's about the war.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, okay, Aaron, tell me you don't know about the world without telling me you don't know about the world. What war? Obviously.

[JPC]

Can you read the riddle again?

[Adal Rifai]

Big ones. Yeah. And Aaron, you didn't get it. Air cutter, wind slicer.

[Aaron Keefe]

I didn't get it.

[Adal Rifai]

It's not a roller coaster.

[Aaron Keefe]

What are we fucking talking about? That's crazy. Okay, read it again.

[Adal Rifai]

Air cutter, wind slicer, gravity teaser, spin, skimmer, curve, swerver, dipper and lifter. Climber and diver tossed across space between friends. Where I begin, I end.

[Aaron Keefe]

Frisbee.

[Adal Rifai]

It's a brisket.

[JPC]

It also sound like old timey baseball pitches.

[Aaron Keefe]

It also could be a boomerang.

[Adal Rifai]

It is a Frisbee. Wow.

[JPC]

Good job, Aaron.

[Adal Rifai]

Great job, Aaron. Yeah, these do sound like baseball bitches.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'd like to see a sound.

[Adal Rifai]

The wind slicer, the dipper, and the lifter.

[Aaron Keefe]

Gpc. You are the captain of the ultimate Frisbee team and you're giving us a speech because we're all. You don't think the team is taking it seriously enough?

[Adal Rifai]

Got it. All right, everybody, gather round. Gather round. Good stuff out there. I would say, in the first place. What's that?

[JPC]

Should we be in Lotus?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. And Brian, go ahead and just let us know what you think Lotus position is.

[JPC]

Put my head by my feet.

[Adal Rifai]

No, incorrect, Brian. No, Brian, that's. That's more of like a yoga position. Hey, guys.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. What if we all just smoked a joint and went and got root beer floats. That sounds pretty good.

[Adal Rifai]

After Kelly, I love that we might be doing that after the game, but for now, even though we're still down six points, let's try to, like, just do our best to play Ultimate Frisbee.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, we're in the middle of the game.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. Yeah. So a real quick reminder of how Ultimate Frisbee works. You're allowed to move when you don't have the Frisbee. You only have to be standing still when you have the Frisbee.

[JPC]

Wow. Well, the path to enlightenment is moving with or without the Frisbee, Ryan.

[Adal Rifai]

I don't know what that means. I gotta admit, it can't have anything to do with Ultimate Frisbee. Right.

[JPC]

I gotta admit, when she said, smoke weed and get a root beer float, I already started smoking.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, no, yeah, I could see that. So basically, what we're doing right now, and I love it, is we're all standing at the goal line.

[Aaron Keefe]

Right.

[Adal Rifai]

Smoking weed.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep.

[Adal Rifai]

And drinking root beer.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep.

[JPC]

And reading Howard Zinn.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. I have seen Brian. I have seen you. That's a big book, too. People's History, United States. That's a pretty big book for a game of Ultimate Frisbee.

[JPC]

Pretty big history.

[Aaron Keefe]

Coleman, can you remind us of the stakes of this? It's just us playing another dorm, right?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Just playing East Hall.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, we're just playing East Hall. Well, here's the thing. I guess there are no stakes.

[JPC]

That's good because we're vegans.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, we're all having root beer floats, so I don't know how vegan we are. Huh?

[Aaron Keefe]

What do you mean?

[Adal Rifai]

That's. Ice cream is dairy. That.

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[JPC]

Huh?

[Adal Rifai]

I actually. I knew about this earlier, and I didn't want to introduce a whole thing that was going to make us not focus on the fact that we're not playing Ultimate Frisbee. And it's fine. No one wants to play Ultimate Frisbee. But this is like a volunteer thing, so if you don't want to play the game, like, you don't have to be here.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I like. I like Frisbee.

[JPC]

I like Frisbee.

[Aaron Keefe]

We should play. We should get a group together and we should play.

[JPC]

Oh, that would be amazing.

[Adal Rifai]

That's truly what this is.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. We could get a group together and maybe it's like all of us in west hall, and then we could, like, we play.

[JPC]

We play east hall, like, east hall.

[Aaron Keefe]

And north hall and south hall, and then there's like, a tournament every year. Whoever wins the tournament gets A trophy. We should put something like that together.

[JPC]

Put something like that together.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. I'm gonna. I'm gonna run over and pitch the idea to the east hall guys. You got. Hang out. Hang out real quick. I'm just gonna run over and fix the idea that the east hall guys. Hey, guys, we're gonna forfeit again.

[Aaron Keefe]

Good news, because we are high over here.

[JPC]

But we did have an idea. What if we.

[Adal Rifai]

Now. I'm all good on ideas.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. We get a bunch of people together.

[Adal Rifai]

Nah, I'm on the seat.

[JPC]

See? See?

[Aaron Keefe]

So stupid.

[Adal Rifai]

Ultimate Frisbee. Just two groups of people on a different side of a quad smoking weed.

[Aaron Keefe]

Saying they should play ultimate Frisbee at some point.

[JPC]

And everyone's holding an acoustic guitar.

[Adal Rifai]

That does kind of feel like how a dormitory organized Frisbee thing would go with one person who cares about it and everybody else who's like, I'm here because there's pizza. Right. The college gave us a budget for pizza.

[Aaron Keefe]

I joined the juggling club in high school because I wanted the sweatshirt.

[JPC]

And did you get it?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. And then I wore it.

[JPC]

You still have it?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it's in my house in Mexico.

[JPC]

Can we see it?

[Aaron Keefe]

It's at.

[Adal Rifai]

So you were down with the clown Aaron.

[JPC]

Icp.

[Aaron Keefe]

It was more like a kid who knew how to juggle, and he was passionate about it, and he wanted to teach us.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep. Not. Yeah, you got it.

[Adal Rifai]

I heard. I. Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep. You added a. Yeah. Yep.

[Adal Rifai]

An O.

[Aaron Keefe]

An O to the end of juggle.

[Adal Rifai]

Juggle.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Okay, let's do another riddle.

[JPC]

Faygo fanta.

[Aaron Keefe]

Faygo fanta, wanna, wanna.

[JPC]

Fanto fanta, wanna wanna.

[Adal Rifai]

Faygo. Magnets. How do they work? I bring you music. I cover cold creatures. To read me, you must step on me. All right, that doesn't sound. How bad? Getting stepped on, huh? The only guy that likes to get.

[JPC]

Step on my neck.

[Aaron Keefe]

The wind.

[Adal Rifai]

It's not the wind.

[JPC]

What was it? I cover bugs.

[Adal Rifai]

To read me, you must step on me. Man, I hope she's not wearing stiletto heels when she steps on me.

[JPC]

Like a gravestone.

[Adal Rifai]

That would be bad. Ow.

[Aaron Keefe]

Your mic is on.

[Adal Rifai]

Huh? I bring new music. I cover cold creatures. To read me, you must step on me.

[JPC]

Like a cricket.

[Aaron Keefe]

The moon.

[Adal Rifai]

Cricket. You said the moon.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I didn't.

[Adal Rifai]

No, I couldn't possibly.

[JPC]

I make music. I cover creatures.

[Adal Rifai]

I bring you music.

[JPC]

I bring you music.

[Adal Rifai]

It's not necessarily I make, it's I bring you music.

[JPC]

Oh, coconuts. Were you guys alive when coconuts was a thing? The record store Coconuts?

[Adal Rifai]

No, the record store. Coconuts.

[JPC]

There's a music store called Coconuts and they were in every mall. And you would go to Coconuts to get your music. That's where I got the Power Rangers movie soundtrack on.

[Adal Rifai]

Was it original? Aaron, do you know coconuts at all?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, no.

[JPC]

My fingernails are growing.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, he's so old.

[JPC]

My skin is receding.

[Aaron Keefe]

I have no idea what Adol is talking about. I don't know what coconut is.

[Adal Rifai]

We had a chain of record stores growing up called Karma Karma Records. We had the movie Empire Records. There was Sam Goody, I believe was a record store.

[Aaron Keefe]

We had Newberry Comics in Massachusetts.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, no. Coconuts. It's not that. Either way. Okay. Okay. I bring you music. I cover cold creatures. To read me, you must step on me. Each one of these lines describes this thing in a different way. Okay, so this is like a word that maybe has a few different meanings or for different uses.

[JPC]

I would say tape, vinyl, record. A record. Is this like Darwin or something?

[Adal Rifai]

No, it is not. I like where your head's out because record definitely has different uses, but it's not recording.

[JPC]

CD disc, bringing music you weren't close with.

[Adal Rifai]

Record. Just Record is one of those things that has multiple meanings.

[JPC]

Soundwave.

[Adal Rifai]

A. I actually like this one. I would say this riddle. We've been doing these, like, cards that someone sent me. And this riddle is, I would say, like one of the more medium hard ones.

[JPC]

Okay. Come get a tiny little. Just a little sprinkle of clue how.

[Adal Rifai]

Best to help you guys. Okay. I cover cold creatures. What are we thinking? What's a cold creature?

[JPC]

Reptile.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

The sun.

[Adal Rifai]

No, A terrarium. That is a good word.

[Aaron Keefe]

A lamp.

[Adal Rifai]

It's less about. It's more about like, what's on the rep battle. Scales.

[Aaron Keefe]

Scales. Scales.

[JPC]

The musical scales.

[Adal Rifai]

Scales. Every musical scales. Reptiles have scales. And to read me, you must step on me. That is a scale for, like, your weight, basically.

[JPC]

Don't tread on me. I do want to see a scene.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

The two of you are snakes. And you are in the studio about to lay down your first album. I'm getting a lot of feedback at the mic that might be.

[Adal Rifai]

That might be a mic issue.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

Are you sure it's us?

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a mic issue.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, it is you. Ok. And we are. And recording.

[Aaron Keefe]

Where are you? Dean? Those guys are snakes.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, my God. They're all snakes. Where are you? Wow. That would be crazy because Tom DeLonge is like getting everybody looking for aliens, yet the whole time he's like A lizard person.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Wow. Misdirect. Classic misdirect with snakes.

[JPC]

More like Dumplink182. I guess they have those nicotine eyelids or whatever.

[Adal Rifai]

We'll figure it out. We'll take a quick break and we'll be back with more. What are snakes eyelids?

[Aaron Keefe]

Don't blink. 182 ADOL. That is so good. That took me so long. My brain took like forever to process it. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[Adal Rifai]

Cold, cold, cold.

[JPC]

Freezing out here. What's going on?

[Aaron Keefe]

Ooh, guys, it's pretty cold out here.

[Adal Rifai]

Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. Is it cold out here or is that creeping chill coming from our own minds?

[Aaron Keefe]

That makes sense because this year has been pretty difficult so far. Not naming names or months that were terrible. January, February, looking at you.

[Adal Rifai]

Not going to name years 20, 25 looking at you.

[Aaron Keefe]

But what can we do about it? How can we feel better?

[Adal Rifai]

Wait a second. I just had a million dollar idea. I mean, it's not really a billion dollar. They don't pay us billion dollar. But if they wanted to, they could if they want to bump up our fee.

[Aaron Keefe]

Are you about to invent therapy? Because that already exists. And you can get it through BetterHelp.

[Adal Rifai]

BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient and serving over 5 million people worldwide.

[JPC]

You can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties.

[Aaron Keefe]

Cold. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. I use BetterHelp. This works for how my brain works, which is I like to be able to message my counselor anytime when I'm actually experiencing something and it helps so much. Again, not looking at you. Any months. January, February months.

[Adal Rifai]

And if you're one of those people out there that says, I don't know about online therapy, I don't know if it's right for me. Let me demystify the whole thing by telling you exactly what the process is. You show up, you're sitting basically in front of your computer or whatever. Your therapist shows up, you tell them what is making your brain freezing cold. And then they say, tell me more about that. And you kind of talk through it and you leave the session and maybe your brain feels a little bit warmer now. Doesn't that sound pretty nice?

[JPC]

Oh, that sounds. That's warming my heart.

[Aaron Keefe]

Warming up already.

[Adal Rifai]

Not too bad. Not too bad. Jeep.

[JPC]

So discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com riddle today to get 10% off your first month. Ah, I feel so warm. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com Riddle and if you're wondering why.

[Adal Rifai]

We said discover your relationship green flags with better help. Maybe we were supposed to talk about relationship green flags up at the top. It doesn't matter. We didn't actually have to. But that's just for context for people.

[JPC]

We're wearing green flags.

[Adal Rifai]

We're wearing green flags.

[JPC]

We're wearing green flags.

[Aaron Keefe]

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

[JPC]

Aaron. Jpc. Come on in. Welcome. Welcome to Riddle Manor.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, you've kind of like decorated your house for Halloween or something early or something like that. Okay.

[JPC]

I made a website on Squarespace. Sure. Riddle Manor. I'm not going to say a website, but I made it with Squarespace. Therefore I made my dreams come true.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, you're talking about Squarespace, the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.

[JPC]

Yes, Aaron and Na Doi.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, okay, okay. And that somehow translated into Riddle Manor. Is this an actual house or am I in cyberspace? Is this like a matrix thing that's happening?

[Aaron Keefe]

Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your websites, like online courses, blogs, videos, memberships. Spooky hauntings earn recurring revenue by by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set the price and choose whether to charge a one time fee or a subscription for access.

[JPC]

Oh, and look, if I grab this book off the library shelf, it comes off and I open it up and there's riddles inside.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, it's a book. Standard book.

[JPC]

Yeah, it's a book. What did you expect?

[Adal Rifai]

Nothing. I get what's happening. And with Squarespace, you can use Squarespace Payments, which is the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. With Squarespace, onboarding is fast and simple. You can get started in just a few clicks and start receiving payments right away. Plus, you can give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like Klarna Ach Direct Deposit in the us, Apple Pay afterpay in the US and Canada, and Clearpay in the merry old uk.

[JPC]

Aaron, watch when I walk by this painting. The eyes stay put because they're painted.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is haunting. Get discovered fast with integrated SEO tools. Every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap, and more. So you can show up more often to more people in global search engines and adel.

[Adal Rifai]

I'm finally happy to say I get what this is. This is regular house.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Online in a website.

[JPC]

Our podcast is already so haunted, I figured we just have a regular house that people can come visit.

[Adal Rifai]

Got it. Now it all makes sense. It's all clicking. Our podcast is the thing that's different. And everything else is regular. And it's a website and it's online.

[JPC]

So check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch squarespace.com riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey, Riddle. Riddle the podcast. Everything's normal, except the house is normal. But the podcast is weird. And it's Riddle Manor and it's a house with a book and a painting.

[Aaron Keefe]

A succinct tagline. We love it. It's perfect.

[JPC]

$15 for tickets. $15 tickets.

[Adal Rifai]

$15 for tickets.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hi, I'm Kat. And I'm Pat. We're from Seek Treatment podcast and we're here to talk about Blueland. Do you know what I'm so about right now, Pat? What?

[Adal Rifai]

Tell me. Do not not tell me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, ready for this? I just heard that we're eating and drinking roughly a credit card's worth of plastic a week. Yeah, that's right.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know. The products we're using are contaminating our water supply, generating hundreds of microplastics that we're eating. So here's the good news. You're never gonna believe this. Blueland is doing something about it. They're eliminating the need for single use plastic in the products we reach for the most.

[Adal Rifai]

From cleaning sprays to hand soap, toilet bowl cleaner and laundry tablets, All Blueland products are made with clean ingredients that you can feel good about. Blueland is trusted in over 1 million homes, including mine.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's correct. They offer refillable cleaning products with a beautiful cohesive design that looks great on your counter. And refills started just $2.25. You can even set up a subscription or buy in bulk for additional savings. I use my Blueland spray today. I cleaned my dirty, dirty, dirty yoga mat with my Blueland all purpose spray today. It smelled good, it got the job done, and the bottle looked beautiful while doing it.

[Adal Rifai]

Blueland has a special offer for listeners right now.

[Aaron Keefe]

Get 15 off your first order by.

[Adal Rifai]

Going to blueland.com save15.

[Aaron Keefe]

You won't want to miss this. Blueland.com save15 for 15 off. That's blueland.com save15 to get 15.

[Adal Rifai]

We're back into it. And normally I would say when we take a little break in the podcast, we don't actually Take a break. But we did take a little break. And, Adel, you went and got yourself a little coffee.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

I've been getting into espresso since Mariah got me an espresso machine for my birthday. And I'm truly getting into deep espresso pervert, you know, behavior. But it also.

[JPC]

All the Sabrina Carpenter fans go wild.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. Me included. It also is one of those things where it takes a while to make an espresso. It's not like it's not quick. Like, I can't just like, it's not like brewing a pot of coffee and just go get a little more. So now I'm actually drinking less coffee because I'm like, do I want to spend five minutes doing this? Probably not.

[JPC]

Good deterrent.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Do you feel like you've got it down? Because I feel like last time I talked to you, you were testing out the machine. Do you feel like you've got it down?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. So I'll shout out two of my friends, Johnny O'Meara, been on the podcast before, and Harrison Lott, who were both baristas. Former baristas. Former Starbucks baristas. And they both graciously came over to my house and helped me diagnose what I was doing wrong. And now I feel, like, pretty confident that I'm doing most things correctly. So, you know, look for the helpers. If you've got a person who wants.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, my God, stop.

[Adal Rifai]

I. Text your friends. Text your friends that you think have a barista vibe. It probably turns out that they did serve coffee at one point, and they.

[Aaron Keefe]

Maybe I forgot that Harrison was a barista.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. And both. I think both of them were like baristas 10 years ago, too. So they were like, I think this is right. And I was like, okay. Hey, it's better than what I have now.

[JPC]

Aaron, on the break, it looks like you got a neck tattoo that says loose crab meat.

[Aaron Keefe]

I did, yeah. It was expensive. And the tattoo shop closed down, like, right after I got it. So I think it was unsanctioned. Is it bleeding?

[Adal Rifai]

Process of closing down.

[Aaron Keefe]

I did run and get my heating pad because it is absolutely freezing in my house right now. So there's a heating pad at my stomach.

[Adal Rifai]

On your stomach? Yeah. Interesting.

[Aaron Keefe]

Where would I put it?

[JPC]

Digestion or. Usually people sit on.

[Adal Rifai]

A lot of people do, like, the back or. Yeah. Or like, sit on. But the front is sitting on.

[Aaron Keefe]

People sit on their heating pad.

[JPC]

Yeah, I'd say.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[Adal Rifai]

Have you ever had a car with heated seats?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, of course. But why Would I sit on my heating. Why do I want a hot.

[JPC]

Aaron, do you not keep your butthole at a roasty toasty?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, my God. Is your butthole not supposed to be freezing, in case at all? Are you serious? Is your butthole not supposed to be freezing cold?

[JPC]

Guys, please tell me do not clip.

[Aaron Keefe]

That, by the way.

[Adal Rifai]

We'll talk about clipping it. But we will clip.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, because we got.

[Adal Rifai]

Now. We do have.

[Aaron Keefe]

Now I'm fucking paranoid. Now I'm scared to talk on this show.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. Stay mad. I invite you to say that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Isn't it. Well, like, when.

[Adal Rifai]

But your stomach area. And I feel like it just. It wouldn't. Like, with your back, you're, like, leaning back into it. So you're applying pressure between the back of your chair and the heating pad so that. But on your stomach, like, are you just pressing it down into your.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it's like, just like on. It's like on my stomach. Like. Like this way. Okay, well, when people, like.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, and you've got your arms kind of holding it in.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I have my arms holding it in. When people are about to drown, you are supposed to warm up their organs. Like, if you pull them out of cold water or something.

[JPC]

Oh. You cut them open, take out their organs.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're supposed to warm their torso where their heart is. So I feel like this is. It helps my whole body stay warm.

[Adal Rifai]

Got it.

[JPC]

Aaron.

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[JPC]

I hate to call you out. Did you learn that from Batman Begins? When Bale falls through the ice and Liam Neeson says, warm your torso, your arms will take care of themselves.

[Aaron Keefe]

You think that I've seen that movie more than once, you're sorely mistaken. The first one and the third one of that trilogy I saw one time in theaters and never again. The second one I have seen 100,000 times, as many of us have.

[Adal Rifai]

Mariah and I are rewatching some Bond movies, and we rewatched Goldfinger, and there's an iconic scene in Goldfinger. It's like one of the 60s Sean Connery Bond movies, where the bad guy, Goldfinger, kills a woman by, like, painting her whole body gold. And James Bond says to his boss, he's like, yeah, it was. Skin suffocation is what killed her. And me and Brian both stopped the movie, and we're like, no, that's not. James Bond confidently said skin suffocation. Like, that was a thing that exists.

[Aaron Keefe]

We don't. We're not taking oxygen through our arms.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey, no, we're not. We do not breathe through our skin.

[JPC]

James Bond So the actress died by lead poisoning?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, but we looked it up, and it was just a thing that Ian Fleming made up. But when they were filming that movie in the 60s, they were so concerned that it was a real thing that they had a doctor on set when they were painting this woman's body gold to make sure she didn't skin suffocate. And they were like. We raced to get the gold paint off as soon as possible. And I was like, was that chemistry?

[JPC]

Anyone's had their body painted. What are we doing?

[Aaron Keefe]

What a weird thing to make up a medical thing and then to be scared that it might happen to have a doctor.

[JPC]

Yeah, that's ego, Aaron. You're right. That's pure ego.

[Adal Rifai]

The doctor's like, well, I don't want to tell them that this is nothing because I am getting paid to be here, so I don't want to, like, blow up my own spot.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's like, I hope I don't get Fire Shoulders, a thing I just made up.

[JPC]

It's like, well, I'm so brilliant. Fire Shoulders might be a real thing. Doctors. What do you say?

[Adal Rifai]

All right. Speaking of doctors. Hold on. Let me see. Is this a segue? It's not. Happy to report. It is not a segue. This has nothing to do with doctors. We're gonna read another riddle. My round mouth, Casey Clippett will never dodge where I vomit. There you walk.

[JPC]

Sewer. A manhole.

[Adal Rifai]

Wow. It's not a manhole.

[JPC]

My mouth is round and doesn't talk.

[Adal Rifai]

My round mouth will never talk where I vomit. There you walk.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's the thing like? The. You know, what does the gutters in a house connect to? Where it drains out. You know what I'm talking about? Like, where the rain drains out from?

[JPC]

Yeah. Is that just the roof spout? Spigot.

[Adal Rifai]

A spout.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, like, it come like.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, I know. The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout.

[Aaron Keefe]

Forget it. I can't think of it. A hose. Ooh, a fireball.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey, I got a question for you guys. In the Itsy Bitsy Spider, we're all familiar with this song. When the itsy bitsy spider climbs up the water spout, what do you think? What is in your mind? What is the spider climbing up?

[Aaron Keefe]

The thing I'm trying to think of in my head. The thing on the side of a house.

[JPC]

Yeah. I'm thinking the gutter that goes down your aluminum gutters, and then they all feed into a long.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's what I was trying to think of.

[JPC]

And then it has a spout, like a little angled spout to shoot it out away from the house.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, that's what I think of, too. I have watched that has little songs in it. Not for me. It's for a child. But there's like. It's like a. The itsy bitsy spiders in there. And it's, you know, art depicting the itsy bitsy spider. And they have the itsy bitsy spider climbing up a watering can. And I'm like, that's not the water spout that the itsy bitsy spider climbs up.

[Aaron Keefe]

Down came the rain and washed the spider out.

[Adal Rifai]

The rain would not pouring the water from. It's not even rain.

[Aaron Keefe]

Came the sun and dried up all the rain.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. So I'm looking into my rain and.

[Aaron Keefe]

Again are rhymed in that song. I don't like that very much. They have the spider climbs up the spout again.

[Adal Rifai]

They have the address of the publisher there. So I'm looking about. I'm looking to drive to, like, New York and see if I can kind of fist fight needs to be done.

[JPC]

Swing your dick around Harper Collins.

[Adal Rifai]

Not actionable. Not actionable. My round mouth will never talk where I vomit. There you walk.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's not a fire hydrant.

[JPC]

Is it Mickey Rooney?

[Adal Rifai]

It's not Mickey Rooney.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's water that goes to the ground somewhere. A sprinkler.

[Adal Rifai]

It's not water, Aaron. My round mouth will never talk. Will never talk where I go. People walk where I vomit.

[JPC]

So is it vomit Disgusting.

[Aaron Keefe]

But is it liquid that comes out of it? That shouldn't be a complicated question.

[JPC]

Yeah, vomit's liquid.

[Adal Rifai]

I wouldn't call it liquid, but it's like there are. No, it's not really liquid, but there are aspects to it that follow the same properties as a liquid would.

[Aaron Keefe]

Like a maple syrup or a. Yeah, Exactly.

[Adal Rifai]

Like buttholes.

[JPC]

9, 2 degrees on a butthole. My round mouth never talks where I vomit. Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

What do you walk? Yeah. What are you walking on?

[Aaron Keefe]

Sidewalk.

[JPC]

Sidewalk.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, great. Oh, sidewalk.

[JPC]

Yeah, perfect.

[Adal Rifai]

My round mouth will never talk where I vomit. There you walk.

[JPC]

All right.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay. Sidewalk.

[JPC]

Sidewalk is where.

[Adal Rifai]

What would vomit a sidewalk trash can?

[Aaron Keefe]

The cement mixer, Aaron.

[JPC]

Ooh.

[Adal Rifai]

It is a concrete mixer.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, what did I say? Cement.

[Adal Rifai]

Cement.

[Aaron Keefe]

Quite right.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, cement and concrete are similar.

[Aaron Keefe]

What is it?

[Adal Rifai]

It's like, my dad was a concrete man for many years. I know the answer to this.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh.

[Adal Rifai]

Concrete is in cement. But cement, it's like whiskey, bourbon. It's like, I always forget. I think concrete is like cement plus particulates. Plus water. It's like a mix of the thing we can't Google.

[Aaron Keefe]

We can't Google.

[Adal Rifai]

But, you know, when you know something, you just don't know something. That's how I feel about the difference between concrete and cement. One of them is inside, the other one.

[JPC]

Ooh, they're dating.

[Adal Rifai]

I do want to see a scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

And this is. This is going to be based on where I vomit. There you walk. Adle. You are trying to tell Aaron, a stranger on the street, that they just stepped in something. But you're trying to be, like, as gentle because you're approaching a stranger as you possibly can be. But you just also want them to know.

[Aaron Keefe]

What do you mean, I'm fired? Oh, my God. This is the worst day of my life. I got broken up with this morning. Oh, should I say, oh, my rent got increased?

[Adal Rifai]

I should say something.

[JPC]

Carl.

[Aaron Keefe]

My grandpa died last night, and you're saying you're firing me over the phone? I thought I was getting a promotion today on my birthday.

[JPC]

Ma'am? Ma'am?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah? Sorry. This guy on the street's trying to talk to me.

[JPC]

Yes, my name is Robert. I'm not a guy. I'm not like a Billy Eichner type. I just have a microphone, but it's, like, just a comfort thing.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't want to be on the tv, sir.

[JPC]

What do you mean?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't get any sort of pension or. Oh, God. There's no firing package. You're not even gonna give me two weeks? I have no money saved.

[JPC]

Are you just. You're actually sorry.

[Aaron Keefe]

This guy's trying to talk to me again? Yes.

[JPC]

So sorry. Robert, I'm the same guy from before.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't.

[JPC]

That didn't walk away.

[Aaron Keefe]

Why would I learn a stranger's name on the street? Sir, that's insane.

[JPC]

That just seems like common decency. You actually just wait.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm getting a call from the vet. Oh, God. Marbles. Please be. Hello?

[Adal Rifai]

Hey, it's Marbles. Look, I made a big mistake. I want you back. Baby, I know I broke up with you this morning, but I'm your vet boyfriend. I want to take care of you. I want to give you everything you ever wanted.

[Aaron Keefe]

Go soccer Duck. Wow.

[JPC]

I guess you have a dog. I guess you have a dog's name. You go into being a veterinarian, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

Can I help you, sir?

[JPC]

Well, you had the phone on speakerphone, so I couldn't help Listen. You just. You just stepped in one of the national parks of this neighborhood. It's a little. It's just like a 4x4 hole of swampland. And it looks like you got. What a creature. Here in town we have a national park and it's a 4x4 hole of marsh swampland. Sort of a extension of the Everglades.

[Adal Rifai]

Robert? Robert. Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am. My dog got off leash. He wasn't bothering you, was he?

[Aaron Keefe]

Feed.

[Adal Rifai]

My name's Marbles. You look distraught. Can I buy you a drink?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, that's a weird.

[JPC]

Marbles was a dog for sure.

[Adal Rifai]

I have been out of the dating game for a while. Is that not what you say? You look distraught. May I buy you a drink?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, that's exactly what you say.

[JPC]

Someone's read the game.

[Adal Rifai]

I know that I'm supposed to nake them, so you look distraught. Okay, here's your next one. Ready? Go down light Come up heavy Never get to keep the stuff I carry Come up heavy Go down light Nothing else to do but that's all right Water.

[JPC]

Reverse sleeping.

[Aaron Keefe]

Could you read it again?

[Adal Rifai]

Nope. I want to see a scene. Adel, you are going to be a scientist and you are going to be giving a lecture on the process of reverse sleeping. A new process that you have just kind of coined.

[JPC]

Who here knows about sleep?

[Adal Rifai]

All hands go up.

[JPC]

I'm not even going to turn around. I assume all hands are up. Who here knows about reverse sleep? Turning around. See? Two hands up. That's weird.

[Aaron Keefe]

We were at your last talk. Yeah, we. We're just here to support. Good luck, bud.

[Adal Rifai]

We're at the 9:30. You crushed.

[JPC]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now, when we're sleeping, which is typically six to nine hours a day for any healthy adult. Six to nine. Wink wink. See what I did there? Right? Six, nine. Make the dash real small. So I get a cheer from the college kids.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, that got a way bigger laugh at the 9:30.

[JPC]

Now, scientists have studied sleep for 60 years and all they've come up with is we go to sleep because we get sleepy. That's not. That doesn't feel right. Right. We should know more about why we sleep versus 9:30.

[Adal Rifai]

That doesn't feel right.

[JPC]

The fact that we only know that we sleep because we get sleepy. What are we doing? Sleep study scientists. Right.

[Adal Rifai]

This is the same guy right from 9:30.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think he panicked because the 69 joke didn't get a laugh. That this time.

[JPC]

Well, what if I. I saw him.

[Adal Rifai]

Drop all his note cards into his glass of water? He shouldn't have had such tiny note cards.

[JPC]

Do you see how index cards Dissolve. When you wake up from sleep, you're no longer sleeping. But isn't life a waking dream? Nietzsche, I believe, said. Or maybe it was Camus. Camus? His name isn't Camus. Albert Camus. Maybe it is.

[Adal Rifai]

We can't Google Word class.

[JPC]

Listen, what we're doing now is reverse sleeping. I want everyone to stand on your desks like in that movie. Everyone stand on your desk like that. Oh, those. Oh, I'm so sorry. Obviously these desks are like not made for £20. I'm so sorry.

[Aaron Keefe]

You said £20 at the 9:30.

[JPC]

That's all they can hold. What if they have heavy book? Okay, this is not my fault. I didn't know everyone here gets some nerds. Let's pass around those boxes of nerds. We got Guy.

[Adal Rifai]

Guy in the corner with a big empty box just shaking his head wildly. No, no.

[JPC]

Oh, it looks like the nerds are on a delay. What?

[Aaron Keefe]

Did you call us?

[JPC]

No, not you. The candy. The hard. The hard candy. The little. I was gonna say the little runts, but runts is a different candy. There's so many candies. I didn't. I said runts. I called that woman A run. 69, baby.

[Adal Rifai]

Yay. Crime goes wild, wins and back.

[JPC]

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[Adal Rifai]

Go down light, come up heavy. Never get to keep the stuff I carry. Come up heavy, Go down light. Nothing else to do but that's all right.

[Aaron Keefe]

Water.

[Adal Rifai]

It's not water, Aaron. But water, I would say, is a component of the answer. My answer's not water. What'd you say? Soda?

[JPC]

Cement Soda.

[Adal Rifai]

That's a bit. And it's not soda either. It's not ice.

[JPC]

Come up heavy.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, great, great guess there. Water would be involved in this. In fact, I would say that. Never get to keep the stuff I carry. That's referring to water.

[JPC]

Sponge. A sponge.

[Adal Rifai]

It's not a sponge. That's a really. Another really great guess. I gotta say, you guys are doing really great with your guesses today.

[JPC]

Ugh, shut up.

[Adal Rifai]

Every time you guess, I'm like, damn. This is actually fucking close.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, crab meat.

[Adal Rifai]

It's crab meat.

[JPC]

Oh, the butter is the thing. They can go down. Might come up heavy. Is this like a submarine?

[Adal Rifai]

Bugs from the sea. Huh? Isn't that gross?

[JPC]

Wait, what'd you say?

[Adal Rifai]

They're just bugs that live in the sea.

[Aaron Keefe]

You don't need to ruin seafood for me today.

[Adal Rifai]

And we eat them because they're like. Well, they're just. But they're like bugs, but they're underwater bugs. So it's gotta be better to eat, Right. But it's bugs.

[JPC]

I think one of the funniest things to me ever to imagine is that in the olden days, they used to give lobsters to prisoners. Cause they thought they were like disgusting. Like little sea bugs.

[Adal Rifai]

Bottom feeders. Yeah.

[JPC]

And so prisoners were like eating lobster every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Being like, no, please stop. And they're like, nope, you gotta eat these sea monsters. And they're like, no. Oh, clarified butter, please.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, no. They probably weren't getting caviar and chees.

[Aaron Keefe]

Champagne for you guys.

[Adal Rifai]

A bunch of like, butter sauce, right? Cause isn't that the best? I don't eat any of these sea creatures. But isn't that the best part of the battle is eating the butter?

[Aaron Keefe]

The best part of all seafood is the butter.

[Adal Rifai]

But I'll be honest, that's the best part of cooking.

[JPC]

Butter, butter, garlic.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Salt, salt, butter, garlic, fat, acid, heat.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. If you need to throw acid and heat in there, you can. Hell even some fat. But really it's about salt, butter, garlic.

[JPC]

So this is something that I would guess submerges into water.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes.

[JPC]

And carries the water back out with it.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, Adol, you're so fucking close.

[JPC]

But it's not a sponge.

[Adal Rifai]

You are so fucking close. God, you're so fucking close.

[JPC]

Oh, boy. It's not a sponge. What else would absorb. This is something that absorbs water.

[Adal Rifai]

It doesn't absorb the water.

[Aaron Keefe]

Carries it.

[JPC]

Carries it.

[Adal Rifai]

Go down light, come up heavy. Never get to keep the stuff I carry. Come up heavy, go down light. Nothing else to do, but that's all right.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, boy.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's like a bucket in a well, Aaron.

[Adal Rifai]

It's not only like a bucket in a well, Aaron, it is a bucket in a well.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yay.

[JPC]

I do want to see a scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, I wanted to see a scene. Go ahead.

[JPC]

Aaron, you are the. And I'm so sorry to do this because I know your shower story. Aaron, you are the ring girl who I think is at the bottom of a well.

[Aaron Keefe]

Remember how people said I looked like her when I was growing up?

[JPC]

Gpc. You're someone who's trying to get water from the well, and you can, you know, hear the ring girl, and you're trying to. You're kind of annoyed versus being scared.

[Adal Rifai]

Got it. Okay, laundry. So gonna lower the bucket into the well and. Okay, I hear the water going in, so nothing to do but pull the bucket. Oh, heavier. Coming up.

[Aaron Keefe]

She's sitting in the bucket like it's a champagne Glass in a burlesque routine. Hello. Scream.

[Adal Rifai]

You want me to scream or you were trying to scream and what came out was the word scream? Both. Hey, you gotta stop doing this, okay? People come to this.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, she's flashing. Stop.

[Adal Rifai]

Stop.

[Aaron Keefe]

Start spreading the news.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, I'm putting you back down because I need more water. Because you splash the water.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Adal Rifai]

No, you're going back down. Don't splash this time when you come up. God. Oh, you're even. Don't. Why are you submerging? You know, your clothes are so much heavier when you're wet. I am pulling you up. It's hard to do. You spill.

[Aaron Keefe]

Don't start.

[Adal Rifai]

Get out of the water.

[Aaron Keefe]

Get out of the bucket. No. Get out of the bucket. Start spreading, ninny.

[JPC]

See, I have to imagine she was about to launch into a full on Tom Holland umbrella dance.

[Aaron Keefe]

I was picturing, like Dita Von Teese in her Vegas burlesque show, just splashing.

[Adal Rifai]

What's the Tom Holland Umbrella Dance? What is that?

[JPC]

Oh, jpc. It's maybe the greatest thing that's happened in our lifetime.

[Aaron Keefe]

The Internet loves it. He did a Lip Sync Battle and he did Umbrella.

[JPC]

Tom Holland and Zendaya were on LL Cool J's Lip Sync Battle show.

[Adal Rifai]

No, I'm good.

[JPC]

Tom Holland did a whole dance.

[Adal Rifai]

I don't hear anymore. I'm all good.

[JPC]

It's unbelievable. It's truly one of the best things that's happened in the last 40 years. Aaron, I think you have a good idea with a burlesque show with the girl from the ring. Maybe others.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's just me. When I've gotten out of the shower, my guy. That's just me. On a Tuesday.

[Adal Rifai]

Was the ring the one with the videotape? The cassette?

[JPC]

Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, but she's from a well originally. Because she's a Korean warrior.

[JPC]

She was killed and buried in a well. Maybe.

[Adal Rifai]

Awesome. It's a great place to do that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Somewhere on the earth right now, there's a guy saying that having sex with me was like watching the girl from the ring in a burlesque show. He's saying that right now at a bar somewhere about you.

[Adal Rifai]

To say if anybody's out there trying to think of a place to dispose of a body, gotta be near a water source. Oh, my God. Game changer. Putting a body near a water source. That's gonna be good. That'll be great for everyone. You guys wanna do one more riddle?

[JPC]

Yes, please.

[Adal Rifai]

Why not? Fine. It is to feel. I don't know why I Said it like that. Fine. It is to feel when a current of water flows around me and I vibrate. Fine. It is to feel when a current of air flows around me and I vibrate. The first is quiet, the second sings.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wind chimes.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, the first is quiet and that's water. Yeah, I guess that that would work for wind chimes.

[JPC]

Jpc, you sounded like the weirdest wolf. You went, oh, interesting.

[Adal Rifai]

I didn't eat JPC and I'm not your grandmother. And how delicious and all that.

[JPC]

Did you say winteresting?

[Adal Rifai]

Win trusting? It is not wind chimes.

[JPC]

When water goes around it, it vibrates. When air goes around it, it vibrates.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, but the first is quiet and the second sings. Okay, I will say wind chimes is a great guess, but this is something that is found in nature. It is not a. It is not something that is man made in leaves.

[Aaron Keefe]

Trees.

[Adal Rifai]

Leaves and trees. Let's see. No and no caves.

[JPC]

Caves is like human vocal cords.

[Adal Rifai]

Interesting. No, it is not human vocal cords.

[JPC]

No one can hear you scream underwater. That is kind of.

[Adal Rifai]

Can so true.

[JPC]

Can't hear you screams.

[Adal Rifai]

Although the little bubbles come up and you can hear the screams from the bubbles.

[Aaron Keefe]

You can hear people scream underwater. You do that thing when you go under with your cousin and they're like, what did I say underwater? And they're like, beep. And then you have to go up and you have to say what you thought. They said I would have tea parties.

[JPC]

At the bottom of the pool.

[Adal Rifai]

I played that cousin game before.

[JPC]

Vibrate water goes around me. If I break.

[Adal Rifai]

I don't know fine it is to feel. I don't know what fine it is to feel, except that the.

[JPC]

Is this like a creature? Like a.

[Adal Rifai]

It's not a creature. No. Something that grows. I would say it's something that grows and exists kind of in nature.

[JPC]

Hmm.

[Adal Rifai]

You would find this in a river, probably, or a pond, a creek.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adal Rifai]

Sometimes it is a person's first name. I've known at least one person with this as a first name. It's not Brooke. Brooke is an excellent guess. It's something that would be probably grow in a brook, I guess as well. No.

[Aaron Keefe]

Reads.

[JPC]

Aaron.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, you are like four for four today. It is a reed.

[JPC]

Nice one.

[Aaron Keefe]

That makes sense.

[Adal Rifai]

And now, Aaron, I have a read for you. Your Korean water ghost ass looking wet Burlesque. You've been read and you've been red, Aaron. And how about. And Casey, could you read us maybe a voicemail theme if you have one? I am the very model of a muddy Mr. Monkey Pont. I only speak in gibberish or slightly hunky tonky tones. I fuck the kings of England and I drink all of their French cologne. I have a punchet robot and I named him Little skunky Drone. I am a very distant relative of Mr. Al Capone. I do not like to talk about it, so please just leave it alone. I'm part of sec, but I have never, ever paid my union dues. I'll steal your feet right from your legs, and then I'll mail you just the shoes. All right, thank you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Holy shit.

[JPC]

Prior to Michael, that French cologne part.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, thank you to Michael for that one. That one was titled Modern Mr. Monkey Bones, and the email says Modern Mr. Monkey Bones, 30 seconds exactly. Which I love. I love reading that in the email.

[JPC]

I bet that take 10 too. Takes to get that to 30 seconds exactly.

[Adal Rifai]

That was excellent. Thank you so much for sending that in, Michael. Again, you can send those in hrrpodcastmail.com Casey, what about a voicemail? We got one of those, too.

[JPC]

Hi, my name is August and been longtime listener of the whole show for two years since COVID happening. And I have to ask you for advice if this ever gets through, but how do you guys deal with bad roommate? You know, how do you get rid of them? I mean, how do you get through them?

[Adal Rifai]

I mean.

[JPC]

Yeah. So thank you, guys. Hope you guys get this. Yeah. Thank you.

[Adal Rifai]

All right, just. Just to be clear, August is not asking us how we would kill their roommate.

[Aaron Keefe]

I was gonna say August backpedaled. They were like, how do you kill them? I mean, not kill them. I don't wanna incriminate myself on a riddle podcast.

[JPC]

I like to think that because there's a bit of a pause between they're like, how do you. And there's like, maybe five seconds of dead air before they said the question. I like to think they were in their apartment with their roommate and they were walking to the other room. They're like, let me get out of this room.

[Adal Rifai]

Wait till the door closes before they. The kill is on their lips. But they're like, okay, they're in. I can't say kill my roommate on the phone because they'll know what I'm talking about.

[JPC]

To me, I mean, this worked. I mean, in college, especially to me, the number one thing to do food, to me is the number one way. If you fuck with someone's food, that is the best way to get them to not want to live with you anymore.

[Adal Rifai]

Got it.

[JPC]

So I'd recommend Wait Till your roommate, hopefully they eat Oreos. Wait till they buy some Oreos, preferably double stuff. If you can sort of plant that idea in their head subconsciously or not. And then eat the middle cream, Put the Oreos back together. Do that with the entire sort of box of Oreos.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes.

[JPC]

And then buy, like, mouse or rat droppings online and sprinkle some mouse or rat droppings around the pantry. Sure.

[Adal Rifai]

Mouse droppings online is one of the steps.

[JPC]

And I think that will cause your roommate to not want to live in that place anymore.

[Adal Rifai]

That makes a lot of sense. Now you would just eat the middle part out, right?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay. Because I was thinking maybe you could replace it with something that would be disgusting.

[JPC]

Frozen mayonnaise. Medallions of mayonnaise, brother.

[Adal Rifai]

That would not work on me. I would eat a fucking mayonnaise Oreo.

[JPC]

No, I should say my dad won the medallion of mayonnaise in World War II.

[Adal Rifai]

So I'm sorry, Aaron, that I was born in the Midwest and that I would eat a mayonnaise Oreo. I'm sorry that. That is a true thing about me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Having been a bad roommate and having had bad roommates, I would say bad roommates count on one thing, and they count on you not speaking up or defending yourself. Bad roommates really take advantage of people not being. Not liking conflict and not saying things out loud. So I would say be so honest constantly and be like, really stick up for yourself. Because one of two things will happen. They'll get freaked out and they'll move out or they'll change their behavior. Don't be, like, passive aggressive and leaving notes and sighing when things happen. Be like, hey, this really upset me. I think it's messed up and you've done it a lot, and I've asked you not to. And I think either way, you'll land in a better place.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, I think that's very. A good thing to remember is that, like, people sometimes worry about, like, well, I don't want to, like, blow up my spot and make my home, like, difficult. But it sounds like your home life is already difficult, Right. Because if you're. If you got a person, like, not respecting you kind of walking all over you, it's like, what do you have to lose at that point? You have to think practically. I would say that also, you know, we live in some bad times, but feel free to weaponize that to your advantage. So what I would do is I would go find your roommate's wallet or ID or something, Go ahead and throw that away, then call immigration on them and just say that they're in the country illegally. JBC need to be deported. That's gonna work now because that's gonna be a pretty big thing. So then immigration Cubs, they don't have their wallet. Sure you don't have their wallet. Or if you want to put some fake identification on them, even better. And then they'll look, they probably won't get deported, but they'll go through a couple of. Couple of pretty unpleasant things. So, you know, just keep that in mind if you feel like you want to weaponize the current situation to your advantage out there. And I hope nobody evil is listening to this because that advice could be really pretty terrible, extreme. You know what, Casey? Go ahead and bleep everything that I.

[Aaron Keefe]

Said just to be safe the whole episode.

[JPC]

Let's talk about how to get rid of a bad Santa Thornton or a bad teacher. Cameron Diaz.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, do you have anything you'd like to plug?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, I actually would. I want to plug. And this is going to sound so insane, but the Viv, which is a hotel in Anaheim, California.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

I was recently evacuated during the Los Angeles fires. I'm going to put some links in the bio of this episode of places that you can donate and help out.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, this is my episode, Erin, and it comes out way after the fire, so maybe.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah, we'll probably be all set by then. The city will be re rebuilt and everyone will sort of be okay by the time this comes out. But it was super stressful with a dog because a lot of the Airbnbs and hotels don't allow for pets and animals, especially ones of loose size. But the Viv in Anaheim, it's right next to Disneyland. If you're ever planning a trip to Southern California or ever going to Disneyland, please give them your business. Because they were so hospitable and weren't taking advantage of the amount of people that were displaced. They were like, giving people resources. They were. Every single person was so kind to me and I had an incredible stay and I just. It really was like a lovely bit of golden light in a very stressful week. So please give the Viv in Anaheim your business.

[JPC]

That's great. Is that Viv?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Yep. And the food was incredible. Like, I ate three meals there and I. It was like, unbelievable. I would. I would go there on staycation. If I ever do that in LA. It is like 10 out of 10. They're so good there. So please give them your business. Noice, um, Adol. Anything to plug.

[JPC]

Yes, I want to plug. Hello, from the Magic Tavern. You can listen to that wherever you find. Podcasts is a term we have to. We have to say. We also have a patreon patreon.com MagicTAVERN Speaking of patrons, go check out our hey riddle riddle. Patreon patreon.com heyriddle riddle. Some of our favorite episodes and content over there and jpc, do you have a review to read?

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, boy, you know, I would love to read my ass a little bit of a review. This one's coming from Craig Rex01. If you have a review that you would like to be submitted on the or read on the show, submit one wherever you leave. Five star reviews. I might read yours. Hey, this week I'm reading this one. Explain this. Hey Riddle Riddle. Hey, Pop, can I have some money? Asked Dana. The Electric Ear Splitters are giving a concert here in town next week and I really want to hear it. His father put just put town, put down the television listings, turned off the TV and firmly declined. But that's my favorite group, protested Dana. I want to buy tickets real fast so I could hear them perform as soon as possible. If that's what's most important to you, replied the father, then you won't need any tickets. Please explain this.

[JPC]

Most famously the first riddle we've ever done that makes me bad. From the blue Book, right?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whoa.

[Adal Rifai]

I guess. If you want to hear that riddle explained, listen to the show. Hey Riddle Riddle. You can kind of start from the beginning and you'll probably get to it pretty quickly.

[Aaron Keefe]

I was 26 years old. That can't be written, Aaron.

[Adal Rifai]

And now you don't look a day over 40.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, I'm 33.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, then what I said is awesome.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jupiter, let's not make this any longer than it needs to be.

[Adal Rifai]

Casey, Tony did the editing and Marty Paris in the music logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naporus.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm frightened to record the podcast today because JPC is in a mood.

[JPC]

Okay, time.gov let's go at 45.

[Aaron Keefe]

Your favorite president.

[Adal Rifai]

Wow.

[JPC]

Time, right?

[Adal Rifai]

Would it be worth it, Casey, to just make us sit in silence for like five extra seconds? Just to say 50? Just to say, like, a number that doesn't have a president yet. I feel like you do it through yourself sometimes. Okay, like you see 45 and you.

[JPC]

Say okay, hold on. Many times I have said numbers that are not presidents and you guys find a way to say my favorite president. So don't act like this is on me. Every number's a president.

[Adal Rifai]

Every number's a president, Casey. It all circles back.

[JPC]

I mean, 48 through 60 will be Trump.

[Aaron Keefe]

The next 20 are Trump. Guys, let's be so for real.

[JPC]

Yes. 100% Erics de Barons.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey there, raccoons and gators. If you like that, you are gonna love this week's Patreon. We bring you to W99.5 the Bog for some radio station improv. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com heyriddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[JPC]

That was a headgum podcast.