#350: Lasik By A Bird

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle Episode #350: Lasik By A Bird

Released on April 2, 2025 by Headgum

In the landmark 350th episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, hosts Adol Rifai, Aaron Keenan, and John Patrick Coan delve into a blend of comedic improvisation, riddle-solving, and behind-the-scenes banter, all while celebrating their podcasting milestone. This episode, aptly titled "Lasik By A Bird," offers listeners a hearty mix of humor, playful interactions, and engaging content.

---

1. Opening Antics and the "Lasik By A Bird" Scenario

The episode kicks off with the trio engaging in a surreal and humorous narrative that sets the tone for the rest of the show. Aaron introduces a bizarre Lasik surgery story, claiming it was performed by a bird, which Adol amusingly confirms:

Adol Rifai [00:50]: "Oh, because I just had Lasik and it was done by. It was done by a bird. So is the doctor."

Aaron Keenan [01:06]: "Okay, but I can't see. Still interesting."

This absurd premise serves as a launching pad for their improvisational antics, highlighting their chemistry and comedic timing.

2. Speculation About Dax Shepard's Appearance

As the hosts settle into the episode, Adol announces:

Adol Rifai [02:00]: "Dax Shepard is coming on the episode."

This sparks a playful debate about whether Shepard is genuinely joining or attempting an April Fool's prank, especially given the episode's release date:

JPC [03:33]: "Happy April Fools, you idiots. You absolute goddamn fools."

The uncertainty adds an element of intrigue, keeping listeners engaged as they anticipate a potential guest appearance.

3. Reflections on "Armchair Expert" and Anna Kendrick

Transitioning from guest speculation, Adol shifts the conversation to Dax Shepard's other endeavors, specifically referencing the impactful Anna Kendrick episode of his show, Armchair Expert:

Aaron Keenan [05:06]: "Yeah, it's a little heavy, so I wouldn't call any of it a highlight. But I will say I think that it is one of their most listened to episodes because I think a lot of women who are in toxic Relationships or have been cheated on. Have found a lot of solace in that episode."

This reflection underscores the trio's appreciation for meaningful content amidst their usual comedic fare.

4. Sweater Mania and Brand Discussions

Shifting gears, the conversation moves to favorite sweaters and brands, particularly Farm Rio, leading to discussions about resale markets and fashion trends:

Aaron Keenan [12:07]: "It's pretty clear to me that the Middler doesn't have his thing figured out completely."

JPC [12:22]: "I think the original price of the sweater was like 150, but I got it on a sale."

The segment combines humor with relatable topics like fashion purchases and the frustrations of missing out on popular items.

5. Interactive Riddle Segment

True to the podcast's theme, the hosts engage in a riddle-solving session, challenging each other with witty puzzles:

Adol Rifai [16:30]: "What kind of advice can you get from your right hand?"

Aaron Keenan [17:00]: "Masturbating. Don't talk about masturbating."

Adol Rifai [17:55]: "Fingertips."

These exchanges showcase their cleverness and ability to think on their feet, providing listeners with entertaining brain teasers.

6. Improvisational Skits: Hammer and Nail Dynamics

One of the standout features of this episode is the improvised scene where JPC and Adol portray a hammer and nail in an office setting, highlighting workplace tensions with a comedic twist:

Adol Rifai [50:31]: "Hey, Adrian, Aaron. I'm not accusing either one of you of doing this."

JPC [52:03]: "Hey, this sucks, but I have to nail you into the board."

This skit exemplifies their improvisational skills, blending humor with exaggerated office stereotypes.

7. Puppet Mayhem and Eternal Evil

Adding another layer of creativity, Adol introduces puppets styled as ancient evil beings, creating chaotic and humorous interactions:

Adol Rifai [25:47]: "This is Cormor. Cormor. Say hi."

Cormor [25:53]: "I tried to burn me with fire and I came back to life. There's no one controlling me."

The puppet segments infuse the episode with additional humor and unpredictability, keeping the energy lively and engaging.

8. Celebrating the 350th Episode and Future Plans

As the episode nears its conclusion, the hosts reflect on their 350th milestone, expressing gratitude towards their listeners and teasing future content:

JPC [65:17]: "This is the 350th episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. Congratulations, guys."

Aaron Keenan [66:03]: "Can I get a ride? Steve Middler?"

They also promote upcoming live shows and additional content available on their Patreon, emphasizing their commitment to expanding their listener community.

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Notable Quotes

• Adol Rifai [16:30]: "What kind of advice can you get from your right hand?"

• JPC [50:31]: "Hey, this sucks, but I have to nail you into the board."

• Aaron Keenan [57:17]: "And I do want to see a toilet."

These quotes encapsulate the episode's blend of humor, improvisation, and playful banter.

---

Conclusion

Episode #350 of Hey Riddle Riddle is a testament to the hosts' enduring camaraderie and creative prowess. Through a mix of structured segments and spontaneous improvisation, Adol, Aaron, and JPC deliver an entertaining and memorable episode that both celebrates their journey and looks forward to future adventures. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the podcast, this episode offers a delightful glimpse into the dynamic world of Hey Riddle Riddle.

Transcript

[Aaron Keenan]

This is a headgun podcast.

[JPC]

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice away. And the horses seemed right.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, Aaron. Jpz. Just have a seat. It was just a regular episode today.

[Aaron Keenan]

Suspicious.

[JPC]

Yeah, no, this is very suspicious. Did you mean it to be suspicious?

[Adol Refai]

No, no, no, no. Not at all.

[JPC]

Why are your eyes doing that?

[Adol Refai]

Oh, because I just had Lasik and it was done by. It was done by a bird. So is the doctor.

[Aaron Keenan]

I got Lasik done by a bird too. Adol, How'd it go? Okay, but I can't see. Still interesting.

[JPC]

Okay, how we've all had Lasik done by a bird. We can't afford regular Lasik.

[Adol Refai]

Sure, sure, sure, sure.

[Aaron Keenan]

We're resetting jbc, and I have a great attitude. We're not suspicious of you. We're sitting down. We're ready to record. Hey, Riddle, Riddle.

[Adol Refai]

And this will be our normal length of episode. This will be 5 hours long.

[JPC]

What is going on? Okay, hold on. Aaron, Aaron, huddle. Huddle up.

[Aaron Keenan]

Okay. What's up?

[JPC]

Forehead to forehead.

[Aaron Keenan]

Okay.

[JPC]

It's April 2nd.

[Aaron Keenan]

You smell so much gasoline.

[JPC]

Oh, me? Yeah, yeah. I'm doing. Have you heard of cold showers?

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah, of course.

[JPC]

What's colder than gasoline?

[Aaron Keenan]

Let's stay on topic. Let's stay focus. I don't have time for this.

[JPC]

It's April 2nd. It's April 2nd. He couldn't possibly be doing. He couldn't possibly be doing, like, a prank, like, an April. Because it's like, you really only do it on the day, right?

[Adol Refai]

Guys, hurry up. Dax Shepard is coming on the episode.

[Aaron Keenan]

That's. Okay, so this is confusing. And I can see where his thought process started with this, because he was on that prank show with Ashton Kutcher. Punk'd, Right? Except for he was on Punk.

[JPC]

That's crazy to think about.

[Aaron Keenan]

Now he's. We know who he is, right?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keenan]

So if he were to come and punk us and also Adol announcing that it's him.

[JPC]

Hey.

[Adol Refai]

Puts forehead in the mix. Hey, what are we doing?

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, Adol, you smell so much like gasoline.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, thank you. It's a new cologne.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, great.

[Adol Refai]

It's called On Fire.

[Aaron Keenan]

Well, lovely. We were just discussing the probability of you sort of feeling like you missed out on an April 1st prank for us. And if you're trying to do a sneaky little April 2 prank.

[Adol Refai]

Missed out on. What are you talking about? This episode comes out April 1st.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, okay, so now we know.

[JPC]

Is that. Well, so is that. Is that the prank?

[Adol Refai]

I mean, April 1st, 3048, thumbs up. Let's get to it.

[JPC]

Is he hitching a ride? What's going on?

[Aaron Keenan]

Hey, Adel, your eyes have clearly been pecked at by a bird.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, yeah, I made a mist. Hey, let me drop the April 1st shit. I put bread in my eyes this morning. I was told that would help with the bags under my eyes. Birds went straight for it when I went out the door.

[JPC]

Yeah, that'll happen every time.

[Adol Refai]

Don't put brow in your eyes. It's a lie.

[Aaron Keenan]

Adel, this seems exhausting. You can be honest. Is this exhausting?

[Adol Refai]

No, it's. Yeah. Yeah, it is.

[Aaron Keenan]

Okay, let's just do a regular episode.

[Adol Refai]

That would. Oh, my God. That would be.

[JPC]

We don't need to have Dax Shepard to have a good time.

[Adol Refai]

Okay, that was the one.

[Aaron Keenan]

Dax Shepard's at the door.

[Adol Refai]

That wasn't a prank.

[Aaron Keenan]

Actually, Dax. Becky runs that way.

[Adol Refai]

No, don't.

[JPC]

Dax, come back.

[Adol Refai]

No. Dalexander. I assume that's what Dax is short for.

[JPC]

Oh, Dalexander.

[Aaron Keenan]

Dalexander.

[JPC]

Yeah, Dalexander.

[Aaron Keenan]

Well, either way, we hurt his feelings.

[JPC]

A l A. Yeah.

[Aaron Keenan]

Hi, everybody. This is. Hey, Riddle, Riddle. This is your first episode and your spouse is showing you this one on a road trip. Whoa. Sorry.

[JPC]

Whoa. Happy April Fools, you idiots. You absolute goddamn fools, you. What did we call them? We have so many names for our listeners.

[Aaron Keenan]

Lizards.

[JPC]

All of them.

[Adol Refai]

Future lizards.

[JPC]

That's right.

[Aaron Keenan]

Kevin's and Susies.

[Adol Refai]

Yes, yes, yes. Koozies and sevens, I believe.

[JPC]

What else?

[Adol Refai]

What else?

[JPC]

Oh, this is Armchair Expert Today we have on the podcast is that Dax Shepard's podcast is an armchair expert.

[Aaron Keenan]

Tis.

[Adol Refai]

You better believe it.

[JPC]

I think I talked to somebody once who worked on that show. I've never listened to it.

[Aaron Keenan]

The Anna Kendrick of that. The Anna Kendrick episode of that show is one of the best episodes of a podcast. I think it kind of changed my life.

[Adol Refai]

What?

[Aaron Keenan]

And I wasn't. I had no kind of opinion about Anna Kendrick or Dax Shepard before I listened to it. And it is incredibly moving and helpful.

[JPC]

Wow, Great.

[Adol Refai]

I just saw our real time numbers. Everyone just stop this to go listen to our culture expert.

[Aaron Keenan]

You should.

[JPC]

Aaron, give me one highlight of that Anna Kendrick. Is it an interview? Is it an interview?

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah, it's in an interview. It is a little heavy, so I wouldn't call any of it a highlight. But I will say I think that it is one of their most listened to episodes because I think a lot of women who are in toxic Relationships or have been cheated on. Have found a lot of solace in that episode.

[JPC]

Damn.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, so it's funny.

[Aaron Keenan]

It's hysterical. Laugh every two seconds.

[JPC]

What if we did an episode of this podcast where we got Anna Kendrick to come on and we just, like, got into it? We just. We just, like. We're like, let's have a. Let's have an episode of Heroine of Rudolph where we just have a serious discussion.

[Aaron Keenan]

That would actually be fantastic. I'd be like, what was it like working on Twilight? Literally telling me everything. Everything. Everything.

[Adol Refai]

She feels like she. And obviously it's all Hollywood. Who knows these people? She seems like she has a good head on her shoulders. Like, she seems like she doesn't take herself too seriously. Aaron, what's a celebrity? And then jpc. Okay, What's a celebrity you think you're like, right now? Even though it might be slightly delusional, you think you could be friends with?

[JPC]

Hmm.

[Aaron Keenan]

I have to believe that John C. Reilly would like me.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keenan]

I like to think that Amy Poehler.

[Adol Refai]

Would like me still carrying water for John C. Reilly.

[Aaron Keenan]

Always.

[JPC]

My gut response to this adol.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Is Rooney Mara. Because I would treat Rooney Mara like a regular person because I don't know what she looks like. So it would be a situation where, like, I would just be friends with Rooney Mara, and then, like, one day she'd be like, I'm Rooney Mara, and I'd be like, the actor, and she'd be like, yeah.

[Aaron Keenan]

Why did you not guess my name's Rooney?

[JPC]

I'd be like, I thought that was a nickname. Like, you know, like Shoobie or, like, you know, it's like, yeah, it's my. This is my boy Rooney.

[Aaron Keenan]

You know, I had no idea calling me Shooby.

[Adol Refai]

Shooby, Shooby.

[JPC]

That's, like, short for Beverly Shubadoo, though. Aaron.

[Aaron Keenan]

Is it?

[JPC]

I guess.

[Aaron Keenan]

Remember how I blew some kisses to your wife last night?

[JPC]

It's really a nickname on a nickname.

[Adol Refai]

Have you guys seen Rooney Tunes? It's bad. It is so bad. It's Rooney Mara, and she's kind of playing the character from Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. But animated is dumb.

[JPC]

Adol. Who's yours? Who's your celebrity that you think you could be friends with?

[Adol Refai]

I'm going to say either Lele Sabowski. Is that her name?

[JPC]

Lili Sebowski from Lili and Stitch?

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. Cause she was a big name, and then she seemingly just kind of fell out of acting, so I feel like I could relate to her because I was never an actor of film.

[JPC]

This is a smart plan to get someone after they retire. Yes.

[Adol Refai]

And maybe I feel like the guy from Reacher, but not the one you're thinking of.

[JPC]

The guy who gets his legs folded and stuffs into a car.

[Aaron Keenan]

We're in our Reacher era of the podcast and I am not having fun because I don't know the difference between that and Jack Ryan.

[JPC]

Well, Aaron, here's the thing. When you go to the hospital and they show you your baby and they say, this is your baby. Congratulations. They shake your hand and they hand you a cigar. They usher you into another room, and in that room is seasons one, two and three of Reacher. And they say, this is now who you are. You are a dad. Dad's watch, Reacher. You know, enjoy it. And I'm kind of just embracing it.

[Aaron Keenan]

Is that why your baby's name is Jack Reacher?

[JPC]

You joke, but I did tell Mariah. I was like, mariah, if we have another kid, can I name the kid Jack Reacher? And she said yes.

[Aaron Keenan]

No, she didn't.

[JPC]

She did say yes.

[Aaron Keenan]

Beverly Sheepudden needs to swoop in and give her a real partner.

[JPC]

Cause think about this, Aaron. Jack Reacher Cohen would be jrc. That's pretty cool.

[Aaron Keenan]

That's actually Jack Reacher Cohen is a. Is a great name.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keenan]

And it doesn't have the context of the pop culture.

[JPC]

Think about this. I think Jack is a great, like just a great name. Jack. And if I name my. If we have another baby and I name that baby Jack Reacher Jr. For short. Junior Junior.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, Jack Jr. Two of the best movies of the 90s.

[JPC]

Exactly.

[Aaron Keenan]

Well, how's your first son, Jack Ryan, gonna feel about having a brother named Jack Reacher?

[JPC]

But what if Jack Reacher also turns out to be like 6, 6, you know, 280 pounds.

[Adol Refai]

You grow into the name you're given.

[JPC]

Then Junior as a nickname is also ironic and funny. Right?

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. Yep. It's like one of the guys named Tiny. We love that.

[JPC]

Really suck if we have a girl, though, because it's gotta be Jack Reacher. So I guess it's just like, you know, but whatever.

[Aaron Keenan]

He could be 6'six yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Jacqueline Reacher.

[JPC]

Yeah, Jacqueline. You know, but it's Jack. Like you can tell people it's Jacqueline, but I got diversified.

[Aaron Keenan]

There's a Chicago comedian whose name is Jacqueline and she goes by Jack.

[JPC]

Exactly. So Jacqueline's a coolest. So anyway, so Mariah doesn't want to have another kid, but, you know, I'm.

[Adol Refai]

Sorry about the divorce. And Aaron, congrats on the pregnancy.

[Aaron Keenan]

Thank you so much, Beverly. Shebadoo's pregnant with Mariah now.

[JPC]

We'll get you. We'll get you a Jack Reacher dvd.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron.

[JPC]

I can't wait for you to start. Hey, speaking of starting.

[Aaron Keenan]

No.

[JPC]

Should we start a fucking podcast?

[Aaron Keenan]

Jpc, are you feeling a little threatened by Beverly shubadu? Maybe like 0.001%. Is there, like, a little part of your brain?

[JPC]

I'll be honest, Aaron. I'm pretty secure. I'm pretty secure in what I kind of got going on. Because you don't know this, but if you would read some of my emails, you know, about how my dick game's on point. So.

[Aaron Keenan]

Any email that you sent me with the subject line being dick game on point, I immediately moved to the tr.

[Adol Refai]

I kind of want to make this episode, you know, Aaron, what we did for you with the ugly sweater. I kind of want to make this episode the dick game on point episode.

[JPC]

Aaron.

[Aaron Keenan]

Do it, Adel. You won't do it at all.

[JPC]

Aaron, that's so mean of you to do those emails take me so long. Cause it's hard to, like, type up conceptually, like, what I'm doing into, like, words. Yeah, it just doesn't translate while it's.

[Aaron Keenan]

Why do those emails have so many attachment files?

[JPC]

I think it's my keyboard. It's doing that.

[Aaron Keenan]

Okay. Also, we've never had a sweater episode where we kind of come after one of you guys and it has to happen organically and we can't force it.

[JPC]

But. But why do you think that is?

[Aaron Keenan]

Because you guys wear boring shit. I wore a sweater sweatshirt, by the way.

[JPC]

That wasn't even a sweater.

[Aaron Keenan]

It was a sweatshirt. It was from Farm Rio. And now that brand has exploded and is everywhere. So I feel like you have to be.

[JPC]

You have to be part of that, right? Like, you're. It's. You're culturally, you're like a big part of that.

[Aaron Keenan]

I did. A listener did reach out and said that they have, like, a Google alert to buy the sweater on, like, ebay or like Thredup or any of those, like, reseller things. And they go quick.

[JPC]

That's so smart. That's so smart.

[Adol Refai]

How much are we talking resale?

[Aaron Keenan]

Like a hundred and something.

[JPC]

I mean, it wasn't at a hundred and something. Like, Tavish bought it. It was an expensive sweater.

[Aaron Keenan]

I think the original price of the sweater was like 150, but I got it on a sale.

[JPC]

You got it on a sale? That's right. I do remember you got it on.

[Aaron Keenan]

A sale, but then everybody sold it out after I So I don't know, I feel like I should own 80% of the company.

[Adol Refai]

I had a thought this morning that. You know, like an estate sale, when someone dies.

[JPC]

Yes.

[Adol Refai]

That's basically a going out of business sale. That person went out of business.

[JPC]

Oh.

[Adol Refai]

In terms of, like, their life ended. Right.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

The llc, that was. That person shuddered.

[Aaron Keenan]

You're going out of business sale. I'm going to buy so many books. I'm going to buy so many books. Books and flannels.

[JPC]

Everything must go. Adel is going out of business.

[Adol Refai]

I love my family. And Gemma and everyone is hosting the sale. And Aaron's like, hey, I'm gonna buy some books. And they're like, aaron, we missed you at the funeral. And you're like, yeah, funeral. Didn't wanna be sad.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, yeah, I didn't wanna be funeral. I didn't wanna be sad. I'm trying to design my home that when I die, a bunch of people line up down the block and they fight over my stuff.

[JPC]

Whoa, whoa. I'm trying to design my home so that when I die, it shakes for a couple seconds and then kind of collapses in on itself.

[Adol Refai]

Okay.

[JPC]

Like it's. What would be the word? Booby trap.

[Adol Refai]

Exactly. Yep, Yep. And I'm trying to take all my stuff with me when I die.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, we gotta put you in like a tomb and have it, like, sort of surround you with all of your books. If I died suddenly, tragically and young.

[JPC]

Cause you got the vaccine.

[Aaron Keenan]

Because I got the vaccine.

[Adol Refai]

Suddenly, tragically and young. Is this a Broken Social Scene song?

[Aaron Keenan]

It is.

[JPC]

Hey, Eric, I got some news for you. You don't gotta worry about young.

[Aaron Keenan]

I'm still Aaron. I did have a moment this week where I was like, I feel old for the first time.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron Keenan]

I feel like I'm old. I've been alive for a long time, but.

[JPC]

Because you're 33, right?

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah. And I think my voice is getting deeper. We'll talk about that later.

[JPC]

No, we can definitely notice it. Have 8 years of podcasts under you. That's the Jesus age, Aaron. So you've made it past. You've made it past how old Jesus was?

[Aaron Keenan]

Well, I got like 34. To make it past how?

[JPC]

Well, he didn't die on his birthday.

[Adol Refai]

I think he did.

[JPC]

He died on Christmas.

[Adol Refai]

I think that's why we celebrate it.

[JPC]

Oh, no.

[Aaron Keenan]

It's so sad to die on Christmas.

[JPC]

It must have been so cold on the cross too. Well, it's not always cold in the cross.

[Adol Refai]

I need to check, but I think at the Time. It wasn't Christmas.

[Aaron Keenan]

No, no. It was always Christmas.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, okay.

[Aaron Keenan]

My point is, wouldn't it be so.

[JPC]

Funny if the crucifix and all, like, all Catholic imagery of the crucifix was, like, winter them as well? He has, like, a little Santa hat on.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah, that's. There's ornaments somewhere. My mom is smashing a glass between.

[JPC]

I guess it's not good, but it's funny.

[Aaron Keenan]

One time I sent a Jesus meme to my family group chat, and I got two separate texts outside of the family group chat from my mom and dad being like, that's not funny.

[JPC]

We don't joke about Jesus.

[Aaron Keenan]

But okay, my. If I die tragically and young, who should I leave? I'm looking at the sweatshirt right now. Who should I leave it to?

[Adol Refai]

I think we should do that thing where you cut it up into, like, a hundred pieces and everybody gets a slice.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah, okay. But who would want that? Do you. Either of you want it?

[JPC]

You know who would love it? Aaron? I'm not sure if, you know, if, you know the county dump, but you could just. Basically, you basically just put it in, like, a trash can, and then they.

[Aaron Keenan]

Just add all the sweatshirts. Yours.

[Adol Refai]

Thank you.

[Aaron Keenan]

And you can wear it when you miss me. It smells like gasoline. Aw. All right.

[Adol Refai]

Okay, let's put on some riddles. Cause tis.

[JPC]

Put on a pot of riddles.

[Aaron Keenan]

Pot of riddles, then.

[JPC]

Copper riddles.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah. A couple of comedians manically trying to stop riddles from coming at them.

[Adol Refai]

Comedians in cars solving riddles. Here's sort of a jokey pun answer.

[JPC]

Pun answer. I guess.

[Adol Refai]

Pun, riddle. What kind of advice can you. Nope. Yes. What kind of advice can you get from your right hand? What kind of advice can you get from your right hand?

[Aaron Keenan]

How to be correct.

[Adol Refai]

You're on the right track.

[Aaron Keenan]

How to not do the wrong thing.

[Adol Refai]

Okay. Think more along the lines of right hand might have some specific terminology. Not just right hand, but maybe both your hands.

[Aaron Keenan]

Masturbating. Don't talk about masturbating.

[JPC]

I don't want to say.

[Aaron Keenan]

Here, have it. Talk.

[Adol Refai]

It's sort of a pun. It's sort of a play on a word that would pertain to your hands or a part of your hand.

[Aaron Keenan]

Fingers.

[Adol Refai]

Pa. Yes, Aaron, but of elongate. Fingers.

[JPC]

Finger.

[Adol Refai]

Add another word to it.

[Aaron Keenan]

I guess that's gotta be the title of the episode. Fingers.

[JPC]

How do you spell it? Fingers.

[Aaron Keenan]

Fingers of speech. Fingers.

[JPC]

Fingers of speech.

[Aaron Keenan]

How to finger out. How to.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron.

[Aaron Keenan]

What? Okay. I'm not the one making it sexual.

[Adol Refai]

What kind of Advice can you get from your right hand or your left hand?

[JPC]

Either hand.

[Adol Refai]

And advice. Finger is absolutely a part of it, but we just need one other word. Three letters or four letters, actually.

[JPC]

Finger play.

[Adol Refai]

Finger advice. You might get some nice hints or.

[JPC]

Tricks or finger it out.

[Adol Refai]

Finger hints or tricks?

[Aaron Keenan]

Tips. Fingertips.

[Adol Refai]

Fingertips.

[Aaron Keenan]

Guys, I feel like I'm hearing the word finger for the first time in my entire life. Finger, finger, finger. I'd like to see a scene.

[JPC]

I don't like that word.

[Adol Refai]

Under the finger. Sand in the back. Grease lightning.

[Aaron Keenan]

Sets podcast on fire. Walks away. Doesn't look behind me. I'd like to see a sayed adol. You are proposing to JPC and you cannot seem to get the ring on his finger.

[JPC]

Oh, my God.

[Adol Refai]

Wow.

[JPC]

It's happening. It's happening.

[Adol Refai]

Look at that. The sun is setting and we're on the beach where we met, where your dog tried to pull down my swim shorts. And I sort of yelled at it at first, and then I calmed down and then you came over and said, sorry about my dog. So sort of full circle.

[JPC]

I think I know what this is.

[Adol Refai]

Nick, get down on one knee.

[JPC]

Oh, it's happening.

[Adol Refai]

Okay. And Megan, I've adored you since the first day your dog tried to rip down my shorts. And I'm gonna let it. I'll let it go.

[JPC]

Yeah, let it go.

[Adol Refai]

But I love you so much, and I want to make you my wife for life. My life wife. So here's.

[JPC]

Fuck. Fuck.

[Adol Refai]

Let me.

[JPC]

No, Nick, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

[Adol Refai]

I had a Nick's card tonight when.

[JPC]

We got in the ocean.

[Adol Refai]

You can.

[JPC]

You can't restart this. It's a moment that's happening.

[Aaron Keenan]

You.

[Adol Refai]

Webster's dictionary.

[Aaron Keenan]

This thing I think is happening is happening. Oh, you really want to marry a man who. On the pants I can pull down at the beach. Woof, woof.

[Adol Refai]

Is Pierre talking to you in your little language? Your secret little language?

[JPC]

Pierre is a dog. Pierre doesn't speak Pierre.

[Aaron Keenan]

Just, you know, I speak.

[JPC]

Nick, focus. I'm sorry, the dog's going crazy right now, but focus, please.

[Adol Refai]

He's got human eyes. I've always said that. I've always said that. I always will say that. There's something wrong.

[JPC]

He's got human eyes.

[Adol Refai]

There's something wrong with your dog. It has human eyes. It walks on two legs. Always. Not just for a little bit, but.

[Aaron Keenan]

Always near the ground. I could pull down his pants right now.

[Adol Refai]

What's he saying?

[JPC]

I don't.

[Adol Refai]

It's a dog something.

[JPC]

He's just barking.

[Adol Refai]

He's gesticulating.

[JPC]

Dog.

[Adol Refai]

Why would a dog just stick you like Nick, me or the dog? Here, put out your finger. Put out your finger.

[JPC]

Here. What? Put up my fucking.

[Adol Refai]

Why won't this go hard?

[JPC]

But that's on my thumb. Oh, that's not.

[Adol Refai]

I was gonna say. Yeah, I was gonna say you got grubby little fingers. But that's just the one.

[JPC]

Don't say grubby fingers.

[Adol Refai]

It's a joke.

[Aaron Keenan]

Your standard's so low that you would say. You're such a pathetic man. Woof, woof.

[Adol Refai]

What's he saying?

[JPC]

It's a dog. Dog.

[Adol Refai]

He's smoking a cigarette in one of those long holders.

[JPC]

He found a cigarette on the ground. Dogs root around. It's a beach. It's a public beach, okay? There's going to be cigarettes everywhere.

[Adol Refai]

Why does he have a belt?

[JPC]

You know what, Nick?

[Adol Refai]

Megan, why does he wear a belt? That's a. That's a little kid or something.

[JPC]

I think I really wanted to get married. And I think I put a lot of projection onto like what I was looking for. And I actually don't think now that I'm like having a moment of clarity. I don't think it's you, Nick.

[Adol Refai]

Okay. And I'm projecting that in the next year you're going to go get that dog looked at and they're going to be like, this is a 22 year old in a suit or something that is blue.

[Aaron Keenan]

No, I'm a tiny shih Tzu. Woof, woof.

[Adol Refai]

Flicked its cigarette at me and now it's peeing on me.

[JPC]

Get the fuck. You know what? Why don't you get the fuck, Nick? It's. You know what? It's. Oh, Pierre, let's go. We're going. Heal, Pierre, heal. Heal my broken heart.

[Adol Refai]

I tripped in the. Oh, the ring is in slow motion and it's landing on Pierre's pa. Oh, it doesn't fit.

[Aaron Keenan]

I eat the ring. See, I'm a 22 year old man.

[Adol Refai]

That's the new way. I ate the bones. I ate the ring.

[Aaron Keenan]

I ate the bones.

[JPC]

22 year old man in a shih Tzu costume.

[Aaron Keenan]

I've seen it.

[Adol Refai]

Isn't there a documentary? Yeah, I think it's real. Where it's like some family lost their kid and then like four years later somebody showed up and they're like, I'm your kid. And their family's like, okay. And then the kid went to school and stuff. And then at some point they're like, this is like a little 28 year old guy or something.

[Aaron Keenan]

That was an adoption thing and it was a girl. Oh, but I love that.

[Adol Refai]

I guess this might be a short story I thought of.

[JPC]

I honestly think you're describing one of those early 2000s Waynes Brothers movies.

[Adol Refai]

Wayne's World.

[JPC]

Yeah, Wayne's Brother's World.

[Adol Refai]

Wow. There's a time when Marlon Waynes was synonymous with comedy. And then he did work for him for a dream. And then I feel like he's kind of been a Renaissance man. All right, let's get another riddle going here. I guess that's on me to do. Let's find a good one here. Oh, what is served but never eaten?

[JPC]

Oh, like a dance battle. Do you guys remember you Suck Us Got Served?

[Aaron Keenan]

No.

[Adol Refai]

Have you ever seen I'm Gonna get yout Sucka? Speaking of Marlon Wayans, one of the best parody movies. Truly?

[Aaron Keenan]

Can you read it again?

[JPC]

Served but never eaten.

[Adol Refai]

What is served but never eaten?

[Aaron Keenan]

Divorce papers.

[Adol Refai]

I mean, yeah, that works. Tennis balls. Tennis ball works too. Here it says volleyball. But you both had correct answers.

[JPC]

I do want to see a quick scene real quick. Sorry. Aaron. Aaron, you are going to be a process server serving ADOL with divorce papers. But adol, you are going to be doing anything you can to get rid of the papers so that no one can prove that you were served.

[Aaron Keenan]

And you've been served. I'm so sorry to do it like this. You thought we were on a date.

[Adol Refai]

Ah, that's quite all right. I'm having a lovely time. Hey, pick a card, any card.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, I really don't want to indulge in this because I'm at work.

[Adol Refai]

Okay, put it back in the deck. Okay, now check your upper left coat pocket.

[Aaron Keenan]

It's not going to be in there.

[Adol Refai]

Are those the divorce papers?

[Aaron Keenan]

No, it's the two of diamonds. That's my card. It's impressive that you did that. But the divorce paper.

[Adol Refai]

Check your other coat pocket.

[Aaron Keenan]

Okay, you're getting up to leave and to run away from the divorce papers. No. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, oh, oh.

[Adol Refai]

I tripped. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

[Aaron Keenan]

Hey, you've been served. Here are the papers.

[Adol Refai]

That's a joke leg. Haha. Throws out a banana peel, slips on.

[JPC]

His own banana peel.

[Aaron Keenan]

Hey, hey, hey. You've been served. You've been served. Hey, I know it stinks. I know it stinks, but you've been served. Wait, what is in my pocket? Are these the divorce papers?

[JPC]

Mm.

[Adol Refai]

Froze a red turtle shell behind me.

[Aaron Keenan]

Gets hit by red turtle shell. No, you do. Oh, see?

[Adol Refai]

Yes. No, you do?

[JPC]

Yes. I mean, Eric, you did say, gets hit by a red turtle shell. That kind of implies.

[Adol Refai]

Uh. Oh, hey, kids. We have a very special guest today. This is a brand new Muppet that Jim Henson's last will and testament demanded be made. This is Cormor. Cormor. Say hi.

[D]

I tried to burn me with fire and I came back to life. There's no one controlling me.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, so you're sort of a supernatural Muppet?

[JPC]

Yeah. Okay, why does cord. Mr. Sanderson, why does Cormor look like that?

[Adol Refai]

Cormor is sort of.

[D]

Your mom didn't mind it last night.

[Adol Refai]

Okay, so Cormor did fuck your mom, but Cormor's sort of an ancient evil. Is Cormor sort of an ancient evil who I believe Jim. So we all know Jim Henson was into sort of mysticism and this sort of Aleister Crowley type.

[D]

I'm an oldest time bitch.

[Adol Refai]

Who's a bitch?

[D]

All y'all.

[Adol Refai]

I kind of like a Muppet that says it. That kind of says it how it is, right? Am I crazy? It's kind of refreshing. What do you think of Miss Piggy? Hey, what do you think of Miss Piggy? Cormor.

[D]

Fuck Miss Piggy.

[Adol Refai]

I like that.

[D]

She's a fan.

[JPC]

Is this Muppet appropriate for a fourth grade classroom?

[Adol Refai]

You're not going to tell your parents, are you?

[JPC]

It's Parent Teacher Day. We're here.

[D]

Let's go to Jamba Juice.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, okay. Koramor's gonna take all the parents to Jamba Juice.

[JPC]

Okay. No complaints for me. I love Jamba Juice.

[D]

I wanna yell at the people behind the counter at Jamba Juice for making my smoothie rock.

[JPC]

What if they make it right?

[D]

They won't. They never do.

[Adol Refai]

We also have another of. I guess this is one of Jim Henson's last Old Testament demon puppets. This is Little Monkey Bones. Little Monkey Bones, say hi to the class.

[JPC]

Hey, everybody. It's me, Little Monkey Bows. I'm a perfect clone of Kormar.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, yeah. Now that you say Kormor and Little Monkey Bows do look alike. Are you two both ancient demons?

[JPC]

Yeah. Yep. Oh, you just assume that we're both ancient demons. Cause we look the same. Wow.

[Adol Refai]

Well, wait. You said you are related, right?

[JPC]

You know what? You're paying for Jama Gears.

[D]

Why don't you want to ask us any more questions?

[JPC]

Good. Are you afraid that we might know the answers, Mr. Sanderson?

[Adol Refai]

Kids, parents, I can't stress enough. I'm trying to put my arms down. My arms with these puppets on it down and my arms will not go down. Please, everyone back out of the classroom. Get help. The puppets have somehow taken over my arms.

[D]

We're puppeting your arms, your babies.

[JPC]

And now. Oh, bitch.

[Adol Refai]

Scene.

[JPC]

Scene. That was a scene.

[Aaron Keenan]

Scene? We weren't even in a scene. You can't get out of here. When you don't call a scene, you can't say scene to get out of it.

[Adol Refai]

If you die in a scene, you die in real life. Let's do what flies through the air on stolen feathers. I like this one. What flies through the air on stolen feathers?

[JPC]

Arrow.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, it's an arrow. I do want to see that arrow.

[Aaron Keenan]

That's a great riddle.

[Adol Refai]

I want to see a scene. JBC year. Robin Hood. Aaron, you're sort of like a poor person of the woods, and Robin Hood's trying to recruit you, but he hasn't really found his footing yet in terms of his image.

[JPC]

Do not fear. Do not fear. Look above you in the tree. Do not fear. I have no quarrel with you, poor villager. What are you out here doing? Collecting sticks for your meager kind of survival?

[Aaron Keenan]

I was going for a walk to clear my head, Mr. Condescending.

[JPC]

Oh, you just. You're holding a few sticks. I didn't know if it was like a. Collecting sticks for your meager survival.

[Aaron Keenan]

I thought these were nice sticks. I'm gonna bring them in, my dog.

[JPC]

They are. They are nice sticks.

[Aaron Keenan]

You're just like all the other rich people. Just so condescending.

[JPC]

Rich people? Wait, wait. No. Rich. No, I'm not rich. I'm like you. I'm. I'm just in a tree. Oh, the clothes.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yes.

[JPC]

No. So good point. Glad you brought this up. So I'm a Robin Hood. My whole thing, or what I think my thing is going to be, or what my thing kind of is kind of shaping into right now is I rob from the rich. Number one with a bullet. Take some stuff for me. Invest a sliver. Take a sliver and invest. I don't touch it.

[Aaron Keenan]

Workshop your brand out on me. I'm so tired of men doing that. You're just sort of like, using me. You're a man. Yeah, I know you can't. And I'm not doing that to other people, so I can hold you accountable.

[JPC]

But, hey, here's the thing. I'm looking for like minded individuals who want to kind of join my whole thing.

[Aaron Keenan]

Not doing a crypto thing with you. No, not doing a crypto thing with you.

[Adol Refai]

Oh. Good day, fellow travelers. Tis I, Robert Hoad.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keenan]

Hey, we're Sort of in the middle of something.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, no, well, I was trying.

[Adol Refai]

To recruit folks to my happy band of folks. See, I sort of play pyramid scheme.

[Aaron Keenan]

Pyramids game.

[Adol Refai]

No, well, hold on. My thing is I steal from the middle class and I give to the lower middle class.

[JPC]

It's. It Robert Hode's thing doesn't work. I've. I've thought about it too. It's just like it's a wealth transfer thing, but it's not like it's not solving inequality. Fuck you, Robert Hode.

[Aaron Keenan]

Hello, everybody. I'm Ruby who I steal from the poor and give to the rich.

[Adol Refai]

What the fuck?

[JPC]

Ruby who.

[Adol Refai]

How is everyone flocking? What? All these people from the woods are flocking.

[JPC]

Oh my God.

[Adol Refai]

Ruby.

[JPC]

This is the rich part of the woods. Everybody in the rich part of the woods loves Ruby Hood.

[Adol Refai]

See, Robin Hood got primaried. Why don't we take a quick break?

[JPC]

Steal from the board. Give to the rich is just rich.

[Aaron Keenan]

That's just like what, how you get rich?

[JPC]

That's just regular rich.

[Aaron Keenan]

Just regular rich.

[Adol Refai]

Amazing song.

[Aaron Keenan]

Isn't that a good time? Noodle and noon haven't had a lot of day.

[Adol Refai]

Reagan Hood, of course, had trickled down robbing hood. We take a quick break and we'll be right back with more April 1st.

[JPC]

Gotcha. Hey, adolescent Aaron. I'm not accusing either one of you of doing this. I mean, but if it's a joke, it's funny. Like I don't want to, I don't want to be like, oh, this is not funny thing to do. Someone sent me a box by Shrimpo and it appears to be a bunch of, I don't know, shrimp forward meals that are really mostly just, it looks like cooked shrimp that someone sent me a box of in the mail.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, that's the Middler's new meal service. Shrimp. Oh, it's pretty bad. But I don't know if you've tried Tempo. Tempo's actually very, very good.

[Aaron Keenan]

It's fantastic. It's sort of the oppos.

[JPC]

Oh. Tempo is the weekly delivery service that delivers chef crafted meals from a dietitian approved menu fresh to your door. And Shrimpo is the one that sends like spoiled cooked shrimp and it comes whenever the Middler kind of decides to send it.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yep. But Tempo offers a variety of meals for different dietary and taste preferences, including protein packed, calorie conscious, carb conscious, and fiber rich.

[Adol Refai]

I tried their barbecue chicken which was absolutely impeccably delicious. And their not your Nonna's beef lasagna. Now My Nona, I never called her Nonna. I called her grandpa. She never made beef lasagna. And thank God she didn't because this would have blown hers out of the water.

[JPC]

Yeah, the Middler sent me some shrimp lasagna and there was like several, it looks like, attempts to like make a play on that name, like shrimp lasagna and shrimpsia, but it's like all crossed off and like just written in with.

[Aaron Keenan]

New recipes every week that are made with real ingredients, not old shrimp and nutrient rich. They make it easy to keep up a healthy lifestyle. So JPC for a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to tempomeals.com riddle that's tempomeals.com riddle for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com riddle rules and restrictions may apply.

[Adol Refai]

And do not try sleepo the other food service by Casey Toney.

[JPC]

Oh, no, lost another one to Tempo.

[Adol Refai]

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

[JPC]

Oh, hey guys. I was just going to sit down and build a website real quick and I wanted to know, does anyone have, before I start, like, a preference on a platform that I can use?

[Adol Refai]

Oh, I think Squarespace, of course.

[Aaron Keenan]

Squarespace.

[Adol Refai]

Great. Yeah, Squarespace is, you know, the all.

[JPC]

In one, sponsoring us for years. Yeah, Squarespace.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, yeah. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. You know, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time. All in one place. All on your terms.

[JPC]

Yeah, that's great. I mean, of course I use Squarespace. What I'm actually doing right now is building a website for my new podcast.

[Aaron Keenan]

Don't be the Middler.

[JPC]

Hi, Riddle. Riddle, it's me, the middler.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, gosh, I was just gonna say you have my full support. Unless it's the middler.

[JPC]

It was the middler. I was wearing a GPC coat.

[Aaron Keenan]

Well, Midler, if you use Squarespace, you get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap, and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers, which I assume is super villain.

[JPC]

No, it's people who want another Riddle podcast. That's like way worse than.

[Aaron Keenan]

Huh?

[JPC]

It's not really a good business model. But I am the middler.

[Aaron Keenan]

So Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content. On your website, upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops, which I'm sure are about teaching people how to be a village.

[JPC]

It's pretty clear to me that the Middler doesn't have his thing figured out completely. But if you want to figure things out completely, use Squarespace Analytics. You can make smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive built in analytics tools. Review website traffic, learn where to focus engagement, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales. All from one place. Midler, I'm just going to go ahead and take my jacket back. You do not have permission. Oh.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, no. You took all my skin off. And it wasn't me, the Middler. It was me. Dr. Chameleon.

[JPC]

What?

[Aaron Keenan]

Do we have time for this?

[JPC]

The hell?

[Adol Refai]

Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch squarespace.com riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[JPC]

Dr. Chameleon, are you also here with Steve? Did Steve drive you?

[Adol Refai]

Well, Steve is actually the middler. Wearing a suit, so it gets pretty complex.

[Aaron Keenan]

Somebody write this down on a whiteboard. I gotta keep track of this.

[JPC]

It's me, the Middler. I can't drive. Oh, gosh, did I do a good job?

[Adol Refai]

We're first cousins.

[JPC]

Oh, Adil. Aaron. I didn't see you there.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, Middler.

[Aaron Keenan]

The Middler. Hi, Midler.

[JPC]

Yes, it's the Middler. Not even really trying to hide it anymore. I am who I am. I wanted to tell you about an app that I've been working on. You're gonna love this. It's all about teaching financial literacy to people the moment before their death.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, Midler.

[JPC]

It's called Acorns. Way too late.

[Aaron Keenan]

No.

[JPC]

Well, here's what it does. It just. It gives you really good lessons in a time when you cannot use them.

[Adol Refai]

Terrible idea. You should get with Acorns Early. Yeah, Midler, Acorns early is a smart money app and debit card for kids that helps them learn the value of money.

[JPC]

Yeah. Acorns early has a chore tracker that teaches kids that hard work pays off. It's a. It's. You know, it's an app targeted to children, Midler, not people. Whatever you said.

[Aaron Keenan]

Acorns early lets parents pay allowances automatically, and kids can spend what they earn with their very own debit cards. I would have loved a system like this growing up because it would have Taught me how money works. And that money is real way earlier because I didn't find out until I was 29.

[Adol Refai]

Plus, parents can keep track of where and when their kids are spending. So if kids are like, you know, buying Middler merchandise, you know me, I could be like, hey, son, don't support the middler.

[JPC]

Steve. Steve, write that down. We need Middler merchandise. Oh, we have to, Steve.

[Aaron Keenan]

Who's Steve? You just looked around.

[JPC]

Where's Steve? Steve's my ride.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, I'm here in the Steve mobile.

[JPC]

Good. He's in the Steve mobile in the parking lot.

[Aaron Keenan]

Also, grow your kids money skills with bite sized financial lessons. The Acorns app has tons of fun interactive courses that help kids learn about all things money.

[JPC]

I love Acorns Early. I'm so glad that they're sponsoring the show because it is kind of never too early to start giving your kids good financial lessons. The number one thing that I hear from adults is how much they wish they would have had stuff like this when they were kids. Something that I heartily endorse.

[Adol Refai]

Ready to help your kids learn the value of money? Just head to acornserly.com riddle or download the Acorns early app to get started. Sign up now and your first month is on. US terms and conditions apply. Monthly subscription fees starting from $5 per month unless canceled.

[JPC]

$5 a month? Oh, I forgot to charge for mine too. Steve, take me home.

[Aaron Keenan]

Can I get a ride? Steve Midler?

[Adol Refai]

Uh, yeah, Aaron, Hop on in. Middler. Why don't you find your own way home, Steve? Am I crazy, or does Steve kind of sound like me?

[JPC]

No, Middler doesn't sound like anyone else either. It's all original content.

[Aaron Keenan]

Maybe.

[JPC]

The Robin Hood property that I am most familiar with has to be Robin Hood Bennett tights. I think I watched that movie so good 100 times when I was a kid.

[Adol Refai]

So good.

[JPC]

We had that in Spaceballs on vhs. And I would just, like, rotate between those two watching them over and over again.

[Aaron Keenan]

That makes sense for your sense of humor that you were forged in those fires.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, yeah. I feel like Spaceballs and maybe like Airplane are the. The movies I've quoted the most in my life.

[Aaron Keenan]

It's all coming together for me. I'm sort of getting a clear picture of why you guys are the way you are.

[Adol Refai]

And Aaron, I'm going to say Legally Blonde at Empire Record the Bible. Whoa, the movie.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah. Okay.

[JPC]

No, it's obviously newsies and Pirates of Penzance.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah, yeah, for sure. I'm ready to do some Riddles. I think I'm gonna kick their asses.

[JPC]

Yeah, I think so. I think Aaron's gonna kick their asses today.

[Adol Refai]

Just like that song. Come around, we'll kick your asses. Don't give up. You got the Dreamer's disease.

[JPC]

Age 15, dreamers disease.

[Adol Refai]

Here's a riddle for you. If you can hear the sound of my house, I am no longer there. What am I?

[JPC]

Oh, it's an episode of House.

[Aaron Keenan]

A crab shell seashell.

[Adol Refai]

You can hear Aaron is a seashell. You did kick the riddle's ass. Jpc. What did you say for an answer?

[JPC]

It was gonna be an episode of House because if you hear the ending theme now House is over and you're not watching House anymore.

[Aaron Keenan]

He had a better answer.

[JPC]

And what does the theme from House sound like? It's just like ambient noise, right? No, it's a song.

[Adol Refai]

I have no idea what happened to Predict. Is that House?

[Aaron Keenan]

Yep.

[JPC]

Watch out for Wilson and Cudi too. And pesky 13 and a couple of other characters.

[Adol Refai]

What's the woman? Olivia Wilde. She was on the show. What was her name? Is something wild.

[JPC]

It was 13 or 15 or something like that. Yeah, it's something like House didn't really learn her name. I used to watch House quite a bit back in the days of it, like being out on TV weekly. I enjoyed Hugh Laurie and I enjoyed his house accent. That was just a British person obviously doing an American accent.

[Aaron Keenan]

Classic. I was going to say. Oh, I want to see a scene Adol. You are at the beach just having a lovely, peaceful time and you put a shell up to your ear to listen to the ocean. But there is a crab still in there, played by jvc.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, look what washed ashore here. I'm adding that to my collection. Let's go ahead and hear the ocean.

[JPC]

Excuse me. Hey, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Aaron Keenan]

Hello.

[JPC]

Have you seen a princess? Like a mermaid? A mermaid princess?

[Adol Refai]

Did someone put like an airpod in.

[JPC]

Here and they're doing like, I'm in pops out. I'm a crab. I'm a crab. I'm a hermit crab. I live in this show. Yeah, sorry. Hey, I never do this. Have you seen a mermaid princess? Or she would be. Do people say mute anymore? I don't know. I don't know.

[Adol Refai]

I don't think so.

[JPC]

She would be not able to speak. Okay. Knock out. Gorgeous. Like 10 out of 10 smoke.

[Adol Refai]

Vocally challenged. I think we'd say vocally.

[JPC]

Yeah, but no, no words. Have you seen her? She would be not stupid, but, like, she doesn't this. Okay, good. But the whole. This whole thing would be unfamiliar. I'm looking for her. I was supposed to sing her two or three songs.

[Adol Refai]

There is a. There's a woman who is sort of buried up to her waist in sand.

[JPC]

So it was the tide, basically. I forgot about the tide. And I've been.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Kind of. Kind of a. Son of a. I've been kind of getting sucked out into the ocean and spat back in. And I think it's like. It's like a riptide in this kind of area.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, yeah.

[JPC]

In the sand. Buried in the sand. Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

There's a woman who's buried up to her waist in the sand. I don't know. It doesn't look like a princess, but it could be. Do you want me go check?

[JPC]

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Does she look, like, hot, but, like, in an evil way? Like, she might be, like. Not like.

[Adol Refai]

Like Angelica Houston in Adams family. The first Adams family, dude.

[JPC]

Yeah, that's pretty much exactly that. Because if that's right. Because if it's that. If that's what that in the sand looks like, I gotta stay away from her because she kind of knows my whole.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah. And she will. I mean, she'll eat me, man.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, well, I think anyone. Well, you're a hermit crab. Sorry.

[JPC]

I'm a hermit crab?

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. Never mind. Sorry. Sorry.

[JPC]

Yeah, I mean, people eat crabs, but people eat hermit crab. I'm basically a bug.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, well, so are lobsters, but they're delicious. Sorry, but, dude.

[JPC]

But, dude.

[Adol Refai]

Sorry.

[JPC]

Yeah, when you hear me sing. But, dude, it's game over. Because that's where I kind of shine, so I really haven't.

[Adol Refai]

Sing. Sing.

[JPC]

Do you do, like a.

[Adol Refai]

Do you like a. Do you do, like, a patois when you sing?

[JPC]

No, Jamaican patois. What? Do I sound Jamaican to you? No, I sing in my normal thing, but I sing good.

[Adol Refai]

But it's not wearing the hat. You're wearing that sort of knitted beret.

[JPC]

This was in the shell.

[Adol Refai]

Okay, man. I'm just saying it's on your head.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

Okay.

[JPC]

Yeah. Okay.

[Adol Refai]

Okay.

[JPC]

The thing about my songs is it's, like, fucking very specific to, like, situationally. And they're really without, like, her involved. Like, the context just doesn't make sense.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, that's fine. I'm gonna set you down. I am a producer for Sony, but that's fine. Yeah. If you don't want to sing, that's totally fine. So let me just set you back down for Sony.

[JPC]

Yeah, I'm Good seeing it.

[Adol Refai]

Sony. A shot at Sony.

[JPC]

Finally at Sony.

[Adol Refai]

Finally we got it right. Let's see here. Give me one second.

[JPC]

They're not. I guess there still are music studios. It just feels like those things all should be gone. But I guess they still do exist. Because when you say Sony, my first thought is like movies. But I guess they probably still do like music production as well.

[Adol Refai]

They must, right? I'm mostly going off of the old magazine inserts that were like 12 CD, Columbia House and all that.

[JPC]

Those things that are like 30 years old at this point.

[Adol Refai]

They had like a Sony section and a bm, bmc, bmg, whatever.

[JPC]

Yeah, umg.

[Adol Refai]

Umg, yeah.

[JPC]

Bm, B. That doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. All those companies surely must be gone by now.

[Adol Refai]

What isn't alive but can still be dead?

[JPC]

The truth. Deadass.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. Ain't that the truth? What isn't alive but can still be dead.

[JPC]

Let's think about what could be dead. Wrong.

[Adol Refai]

Whoa. Aaron, It's a battery.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yep.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yep.

[JPC]

Very nice, Eren. Very smart.

[Aaron Keenan]

Thank you so much everybody.

[Adol Refai]

And I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you're sort of like a Teddy Ruxpin. Do you know what that is?

[Aaron Keenan]

Mm.

[Adol Refai]

Okay.

[Aaron Keenan]

My great grandfather had one.

[JPC]

Dude clowned him.

[Adol Refai]

He carried it with him in the Revolutionary War. You're gonna be a Teddy Ruxpin type toy and your batteries are dying. Jpc. You're another toy who's sad to see this happen.

[Aaron Keenan]

Hey, I was thinking we'd have a tea party today.

[JPC]

Hey, I was thinking we'd have a tea party today. Sorry, I'm a yakback. Sorry, I didn't.

[Aaron Keenan]

No, I know, I know. Yeah, I know that you're a yakback.

[JPC]

It's just cause I was pressing the button when you said. Teddy, what's going on?

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, I'm not too much.

[JPC]

Are you drunk?

[Aaron Keenan]

Having a pretty normal day.

[JPC]

I'm not drunk. Oh my God. I know what's happening. I know what's happening. Teddy, you're batteries are running out.

[Aaron Keenan]

Did Raggedy Ann tell you about our separation? We're on a trial separation right now.

[JPC]

It sounds like it's gonna be more than just a trial.

[Aaron Keenan]

What do you mean it's gonna be more than just a trial?

[JPC]

Teddy, save your strength. I've seen this happening to Quick Raps by Con Air. Once your batteries go, you're gone forever.

[D]

What do you mean I'm gone forever?

[JPC]

Actually, I don't know what's happening. Cuz it seems like you're fine until like Mid sentence. Maybe just try to speak in shorter sentences. Maybe that's like. Maybe that'll conserve the battery.

[Aaron Keenan]

Okay.

[JPC]

Okay. Well, that didn't do it. It's basically just halfway. No matter what.

[Adol Refai]

We cut to a month later. Hey, where's Teddy?

[JPC]

Dead. He died, like, a month ago. You saw him. He was doing.

[Aaron Keenan]

He was doing, like, a bit where he's like, I'm gonna go to the store.

[Adol Refai]

Like, he was doing a bit where he was like, Raggedy Ann.

[JPC]

We were all at the funeral.

[Adol Refai]

What?

[JPC]

We were all at the funeral. You weren't there.

[Adol Refai]

What are you talking about?

[JPC]

Teddy died.

[Adol Refai]

No, it was a joke.

[JPC]

No, like, a month ago, Teddy died.

[Adol Refai]

Shut your fucking Lyme out. What the fuck?

[JPC]

Shut your fucking Lyme mouth. Sorry. Figure on the button.

[Adol Refai]

Finger on the button.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, man.

[Adol Refai]

Here's a nifty little riddle. I am buried up to my neck in work. You can pat me on the top of the head when I hold it all together. What am I?

[JPC]

Giraffe?

[Aaron Keenan]

Stapler.

[Adol Refai]

Stapler's much closer than giraffe.

[JPC]

Oh, man.

[Aaron Keenan]

Can you read it again? Because I was only thinking about a.

[JPC]

Stapler padding on the top of the head, though. That holds it all together. That makes sense.

[Adol Refai]

I am buried up to my neck in work. You can pat me on the top of the head when I hold it all together. What am I?

[Aaron Keenan]

It's like it's an inanimate object.

[Adol Refai]

Yes.

[JPC]

Is it a. Oh, no. Why can't I think of the word for this thing? A paperclip?

[Adol Refai]

No, I think stapler is a little bit closer. Staples closer.

[JPC]

Stapes alert.

[Adol Refai]

Stapes alert. Stapes alert.

[Aaron Keenan]

Staples alert. Like a nail. A nail.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.

[Aaron Keenan]

A nail hitting a nail on the head.

[Adol Refai]

Yes, my dear Les, it is a.

[JPC]

Nail hitting a nail on the head. These are fun.

[Aaron Keenan]

I'd like to see a scene. Adol. You're a nail. Jpc. You're a hammer. And you guys get along really well, but now you're at work and jpc, you're about to have to hit him really hard in the head, and it makes it really awkward.

[JPC]

Oh.

[Adol Refai]

And then. Yeah, so I got the. Yeah, so I got the full stop.

[JPC]

I got the full package.

[Adol Refai]

And they ripped me off. It was wild.

[JPC]

Oh, my God. Why do you keep going there?

[Adol Refai]

I know, I know. Well. Well, this is me. Sits down in my cubicle. This is me.

[JPC]

Stop. All right. Okay. Yeah. We should get back to it.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

I'll see you at lunch.

[JPC]

Oh, no, I'm actually here. Yeah, I'm here today.

[Adol Refai]

You're in my cubicle today.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, shit. Let me check my. Maybe I missed an email. Are we working on the project or.

[JPC]

Yeah. Did you not. Did no one. No one tell you. What is Mad Libs?

[Adol Refai]

Did no one tell you adjectives? Horny. Did not tell you Horny?

[JPC]

No, we're doing. Yeah, we're doing, like, construction and in this.

[Adol Refai]

Oh.

[JPC]

Area today.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, do what you need to do. So I'll be on my computer, and then I'll just put in some headphones or something.

[JPC]

No. Yeah. Okay. Oh, you are looming over me. Yeah, you have to. You have to get. You know, you have to get onto the board here. Did no one tell you what?

[Adol Refai]

I'm a nail. Get on the board.

[JPC]

Yeah, okay.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, that's.

[JPC]

But that's it.

[Adol Refai]

I feel like we're past those tropes. We've. We've progressed as a toolkit. Right? So let's. Yeah, let's knock it off, huh?

[JPC]

Hey, this sucks, but I have to nail you into the board.

[Adol Refai]

I am a. I am a data analyst. Okay.

[JPC]

Yeah, but you're also a nail, you know, and I'm a hammer.

[Adol Refai]

Okay, well, we both work at Nestle, so if you want to talk to. If you want to run it up the flagpole, I think we'll find that you'll be leaving today.

[JPC]

I. I gotta hate to do this. I am technically your boss because I'm a hammer and you're a nail. It's just like the natural hierarchy of the caste system.

[Adol Refai]

It's not disgusting. You know what? Hey, you know Brad. Hey, Brad, you know what? Let me do it. Do it. Do it. Takes out. Takes out camera phone. Do it.

[JPC]

A. Brad is a. Brad is a type of nail.

[Adol Refai]

I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, I say you're live on TikTok right now. Say what you said to me just a moment ago.

[JPC]

Hey, man, I don't want to do this, but I'm a hammer. You're a nail. This is wood. We have to get going here.

[Adol Refai]

Whoa. This is wood.

[JPC]

Could you back me up?

[Aaron Keenan]

Hey, man, I'm. I'm just trying to get a paycheck. I don't want to. Really?

[Adol Refai]

What do you do around here?

[Aaron Keenan]

It's a little rude. I'm wood.

[JPC]

Wood is wood. You're a nail. I'm Brad the hammer.

[Aaron Keenan]

Hey, it sounds like you two are pretty frustrated with each other, and I don't think it needs to turn on me. You were supposed to have this done by 11:00am man, it is 1:30. You know, I'm gonna go tell the boss that you're just not doing your job. You're a hammer, he's a nail. Let's just do it.

[JPC]

We took a long lunch. You know what? I can't do this if I'm angry. If I'm angry, I'm gonna miss. Just hop up on the board. Let's just do this. Let's just all do this. Let's be adults. Yes, this is our.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yes, let's be adults.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, everyone. Hey. Attention, attention. Attention, office. Everyone, gather round. Gather round.

[JPC]

Don't do this. Don't do this.

[Adol Refai]

Hey. Our co worker, Brad the Hammer, said he wants to pound me into this fucking board. Cause I'm a nail. And yes, that's exactly the terms he used.

[Aaron Keenan]

Everyone looks on awkwardly because they're all on the same side with the hammer.

[Adol Refai]

A lot of screwdrivers, a lot of.

[JPC]

Wrenches, a lot of other nails already hammered into the board.

[Adol Refai]

Just kind of shrugging. Okay. No one. All right. Okay, I guess I'm leaving. Who's coming with me? Wood, man. Just wood. We going.

[Aaron Keenan]

Just don't do this.

[Adol Refai]

Come on.

[Aaron Keenan]

You're humiliating yourself.

[Adol Refai]

Just wood. I'm made of metal. You're made of wood.

[JPC]

Wood is here and you're gonna go with wood, basically.

[Adol Refai]

I'm not gonna be embarrassed by wood not joining me. You're. Come on. You're a block of fucking wood. I'm a nail.

[JPC]

Ask some other nails to join you. They will gladly go.

[Adol Refai]

These nails suck.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, man. Oh, man. Don't.

[Adol Refai]

What?

[JPC]

What?

[Adol Refai]

What? Fuck Nestle. Fuck you guys.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Adol Refai]

Fuck Nestle. Honestly, what are you gonna do?

[JPC]

You gonna walk away? Where are you gonna go? Who's gonna want a nail?

[Adol Refai]

I don't know. Someone.

[JPC]

Hey, welcome to Amazon. We have kind of a pretty open concept office here. We're glad to have you on the team. Heard a lot of great things. Really good coffee over here. We have sleep pods over here. Pretty much it's like any unclean desk is yours. Any, you know, set up wherever you like. Kind of do your. Do your thing.

[Adol Refai]

Hell, yeah. Thank you so much.

[JPC]

Yeah. Let's. Any questions for me or.

[Adol Refai]

Where do I pee? When do I pee in poop?

[JPC]

Hey, let's get you on this board, huh?

[Adol Refai]

Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm being placed on a board?

[JPC]

Like we're onboarding you.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, this is amazing. Let me just.

[JPC]

Right here. This. Yeah, just right here.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, this is.

[JPC]

Wow, that's awesome. This is Hammer. Yeah, Hammer's been working for us. For a minute. Hammer. This is nail. Can you finish onboarding nail?

[Aaron Keenan]

Yep. All right. Just jump up on the board, and I'm gonna hit you really hard in the head.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. Okay. Wait. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Aaron Keenan]

And that's lunch. Let's go, everybody.

[Adol Refai]

That's lunch.

[JPC]

That's lunch.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh.

[Adol Refai]

Can you imagine a hammer and a nail working together?

[Aaron Keenan]

It would go a little something like this.

[Adol Refai]

Wait, no, no, no. We already did it.

[Aaron Keenan]

You know, guys, we've done a lot of scenes today. Let's call the episode early. Everybody get 10 minutes back into your day.

[Adol Refai]

Well, it's not daylight savings. It's April Fool's.

[JPC]

Aaron, that's very, like, tech startup.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah, Terrible health insurance, but I like to leave six minutes early.

[JPC]

On a Friday, we leave this meeting six minutes early. So you could go to your other meeting or just wait for six minutes before that starts.

[Adol Refai]

Here we go. Several times a day, people from all over the world visit me. Some may think I'm dirty even on my best day. But no one wants to live without me.

[Aaron Keenan]

A bathroom.

[JPC]

Bathroom.

[Adol Refai]

I mean, bathroom. You pretty much got it. But toilet, toilet, toilet. Whoa. I do want to see a toilet.

[JPC]

I can live without a toilet.

[Adol Refai]

I would say seeing. Aaron, you're a toilet. At all.

[Aaron Keenan]

At all. At all. I was in your wedding. Adel, I was in your wedding, man. Come on, man. I stood next to you while you got married.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron, you're a toilet. Hey, I still love you both.

[JPC]

But listen, what is this scene? It's just. It's just a guy pooping in a toilet.

[Adol Refai]

You both take turns turning into toilets and pisses.

[Aaron Keenan]

Adel, I've called you crying before.

[JPC]

Hold on. You teach improv.

[Aaron Keenan]

Adel, you teach improv.

[JPC]

The scene that you called for is your toilet, and I'm pooping in her mouth.

[Aaron Keenan]

Last time I had a panic attack, I texted you.

[Adol Refai]

Yes, yes, but. But listen.

[JPC]

Hey, but just in general, a premise for a scene is like you two are at a party, and the lay on is like. And you both, like, figure out that you dated the same. But your whole scene is just cheese the toilet and I'm pooping in her. This is more like fetish content than.

[Adol Refai]

A seed herd chef. Okay, so you two were friends. You find out you dated the same guy.

[JPC]

That's the thing I just said that.

[Adol Refai]

You were asking for. Right? I'm giving you what you're asking for. Okay, so you both. You're friends. You both found out you're dating the same guy now.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Quick little caveat.

[JPC]

There's a layout.

[Adol Refai]

Every full moon, one of you turns into a toilet and the other one shits in its mouth.

[Aaron Keenan]

Battle.

[JPC]

Okay. Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

What am I saying? That's so taboo?

[JPC]

This is a scene.

[Adol Refai]

And don't forget. And then a few seconds later, the other person turns to the toilet and the person who was in the toilet turns into a human. Shits in their mouth.

[JPC]

Yes. Okay. Right.

[Adol Refai]

But you both find out you dated the same guy.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

And that's. Yeah. And that's sort of the entree into the scene.

[JPC]

Okay. Crazy that full moon's over, huh?

[Adol Refai]

No, it's back. Full moon. We see a full moon.

[JPC]

What do you mean it's back?

[Adol Refai]

It's back. A full moon doesn't go away. You're talking about sunrise. You're saying you guys are up at 6:00am yeah. No, Adel.

[JPC]

Why not?

[Aaron Keenan]

You bought everyone a Ninja creamy. Because I wanted one.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. I'm bad with money. And that doesn't mean that my premise should be shot down. Okay, you're both toilets. You found out.

[Aaron Keenan]

You once said that you'll take me everywhere you go, that I'm one of your favorite people. And anywhere you go, I go too.

[Adol Refai]

I just want to see my seat. Okay.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

I love you both so much. I would do anything. I would die for both of you.

[JPC]

I don't know.

[Adol Refai]

Okay.

[JPC]

Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but.

[Aaron Keenan]

I didn't understand why it doesn't feel like it when he said, okay, Aaron, you're a toilet and JPC's gonna shit in your mouth. I understand that it doesn't feel like it, but there's.

[JPC]

You have to understand how it's coming across to us.

[Adol Refai]

There's a way to do it that's, like, fun for everyone. And I feel like if you give it a. You're judging it.

[JPC]

You do it.

[Adol Refai]

Show us how to do it.

[Aaron Keenan]

Show it.

[JPC]

Yeah. You do it alone and show us how to do it.

[Aaron Keenan]

Here you go, improv teacher.

[Adol Refai]

Go ahead, because I'm going to knock it out of the park. Right.

[JPC]

Those who.

[Adol Refai]

And then you're going to be like, oh, those who can't teach.

[JPC]

Adel, I want to see.

[Adol Refai]

I am teaching.

[JPC]

You're a toilet who shits in its own mouth.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yes.

[JPC]

And it's a full mood and you're at a party.

[Adol Refai]

Dumbest fucking premise I ever heard. You two are toilet best friends.

[Aaron Keenan]

Hey, guys, that's a comedy point where we know we can't end the episode unless someone does this scene. Right?

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

Compromise, compromise, compromise.

[JPC]

That's so smart. It's healthy.

[Adol Refai]

You're both toilets, and you find out that the same guy shit in both your mouths and go compromise.

[Aaron Keenan]

Compromise.

[JPC]

No, no, Aaron, that is a compromise. That's a scene.

[Aaron Keenan]

Okay, but can I add one little add on to it?

[JPC]

I'm sure, yeah, please.

[Aaron Keenan]

Adel, you are also there. You are also a toilet. Solidarity. We go in together.

[Adol Refai]

But brand new. But brand new. Saran Wrap. Nobody's touched me.

[Aaron Keenan]

No, no.

[Adol Refai]

Brand new. Brand new. It has to be spotless. Never been virginal. Virginal. Never been touched.

[JPC]

This is an awesome party. This is crazy. Did you guys have the Clorox?

[Adol Refai]

It's not a party. Hold on. It's not a party.

[Aaron Keenan]

You said it was a party.

[Adol Refai]

What would toilets be celebrating? How they're friends of virgin biggest shit. What? How they're.

[Aaron Keenan]

She's a virgin toilet who can't drive.

[JPC]

Yeah, this is. It's Megan's coming out party. Someone's gonna shit in her mouth, you know, later today and kind of christen her. Do you guys try the Clorox? It's so good.

[Aaron Keenan]

It's so good.

[JPC]

It's blue. It's like. Okay.

[Aaron Keenan]

I'm trying to stay hydrated, though, so. I've been drinking a lot of pee today. Adult. We're doing the thing you wanted. I just talked about drinking pee.

[Adol Refai]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[JPC]

Quick time out.

[Adol Refai]

It sounds like you're both being sarcastic. The way you guys are talking is like you, like. You're like. Have you tried the Cloronox? Oh, my God. Like, you're talking as if you don't have a party.

[JPC]

We're being social. We'll skip to it. We'll skip to it.

[Aaron Keenan]

We'll skip to it. We'll skip to it.

[Adol Refai]

Skip to what?

[JPC]

Oh, my God. Jerry's here.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, my God.

[JPC]

This is crazy. You're never gonna believe this.

[Adol Refai]

Okay, here we go.

[Aaron Keenan]

I dated Jerry a couple weeks ago.

[Adol Refai]

What? Here we go.

[Aaron Keenan]

Did you date Jerry, too? No. You were about to say something else.

[JPC]

No, I never dated Jerry. We had, like, a thing, but it was never, like. It was not, like, a serious. We didn't, like, label it as I got wasted and.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, say it.

[JPC]

Jerry. Yes.

[Adol Refai]

Say what he did.

[JPC]

Well, he. You know, he did what? He did what you do to a toilet.

[Adol Refai]

Say it.

[JPC]

Say it.

[Adol Refai]

Say the whole thing. Pause. Say the full thing.

[JPC]

Yeah, Jerry, you know, he. In my mouth. Yes. Yes.

[Aaron Keenan]

Oh, my God. He said that he would never do that with anyone else besides me.

[JPC]

What?

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, say the thing.

[JPC]

He said that your double water flush button Was just for him.

[Aaron Keenan]

Just for him.

[JPC]

Oh, my God. He sold. He said the same fucking thing. Unbelievable. That same line.

[Aaron Keenan]

Can you hear me for a second? Adel? You're Jerry.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. What's up?

[JPC]

Can you come down here? Come a little closer. A little closer to the ground.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. What's up?

[JPC]

Dunks your head gives you a swirly. Swirly. Swirly, swirly.

[Aaron Keenan]

No, no, no, Jerry. Swirly, swirly.

[JPC]

No other toilet. Swirly, swirly. Come on.

[Aaron Keenan]

Swirly, swirly, swirly.

[Adol Refai]

Feet and head.

[JPC]

Now it's fucking death proof.

[Adol Refai]

And Jerry is getting feet and head.

[JPC]

Yeah. Feet and head. Jerry.

[Aaron Keenan]

Jerry.

[JPC]

Piece of shit.

[Aaron Keenan]

Piece of shit, Jerry.

[Adol Refai]

Scene. Scene.

[JPC]

I can't imagine doing a bad improv show.

[Aaron Keenan]

Thank you, Casey.

[Adol Refai]

Casey cut out this episode.

[Aaron Keenan]

No. You know, Casey, you guys just quick peek behind the curtain. Right after that scene ended, we sort of sat in silence. Like a sort of awkward, heavy, sad silence that you have after, like you have a fight with someone. But we did cut that out. Cause it was really awkward. But how's everyone feeling? Is everyone okay? I absolutely ate shit. You cannot use that sound.

[Adol Refai]

Thank you for giving. You just said it. Also, I do want to say I am feeling a certain type of way. But the awkward silence that we sat in, that we cut out, will be on our Patreon. Everything's content.

[JPC]

Everything's content. We'll put awkward silence on our Patreon. It's uninterrupted awkward silence on the Patreon.

[Aaron Keenan]

Aqua Science.

[JPC]

It's Aqua Science. It's Aqua silence. And Aqua Science.

[Adol Refai]

It's two and a half hours. It's eight dollars. Some people might say there's nothing on there.

[D]

Okay.

[Aaron Keenan]

Well, you guys, I am really grateful that such a travesty in friendship betrayal happened at the end of an episode. Because I think a lot of people got interrupted by work, kids, significant other. They had to get in the car, whatever. So I don't know if a lot of people got to this point of the episode.

[JPC]

No, I think a lot of people did. This is the 350th episode of. Hey, Riddle, Riddle. Congratulations, guys. 350.

[Adol Refai]

We should do something special.

[JPC]

What? And we did. What a milestone for the group. Aaron, thoughts? Your head is in your hands right now. Just trying to see if.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Aaron Keenan]

That's a new one. That's a new sad night. It's still going.

[Adol Refai]

Okay, I want to see a scene. The grape stomp lady. The grape stomp lady has to go to the bathroom.

[Aaron Keenan]

Go um, do you have a restroom here or.

[JPC]

We do, but the manager has told me that we can't serve you.

[D]

Oh, God. Oh, no, no. Ow, Ow, Ow, ow. Ow.

[JPC]

Ow.

[D]

Ow.

[Adol Refai]

Shits her pants. Casey had shit feet. Hell, yeah.

[JPC]

All right, well. Hey, adolescent, do you have anything to plug? Hey. We should say also, since this episode is coming out on April 2nd, and this is not an April Fool's joke at all, it is officially April of the Penguins on the hey, Riddle of Riddle Patreon. If you missed penguin baseball, the craze at sweeping the nation last year, you can catch up and then you go check out all four new Penguin Baseball episodes dropping this month and go to our tee public store. If you want the link, it's in the description of the episode. And check out our five new teams and all of their associated merch.

[Adol Refai]

It's some. It's some good. Some good stuff.

[JPC]

We outdid ourselves. We outdid ourselves. We thought penguin baseball was big last year. It's only getting bigger this year. Okay, Adel, anything else to plug?

[Adol Refai]

No, just big ups to Ariel for knocking out of the park. Knocking the egg out of the park. Of course.

[Aaron Keenan]

The egg is still the ball, everybody.

[Adol Refai]

Do not worry, Eggman.

[Aaron Keenan]

And also with you, last night, I was trying to explain to the guy that I'm seeing what penguin baseball is. And I was like, well, the field is ice and the egg's the ball. And then I read him the players I have this year, and he was like, what? What is this? In the gentlest way being like, what is this?

[JPC]

So nice.

[Aaron Keenan]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

And. And what is this beside that? Check out hello from the Magic Tavern. Now in our 10th season, 10th anniversary. Check that out. And Aaron, do you have anything to plug or promote?

[Aaron Keenan]

I. Honestly, the end of this episode has rendered me so speechless that I have nothing gpc, a review to read, or.

[JPC]

Hey, I got something else to promote too, so. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. We are going to be doing some live shows this year, and if you would like. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. To come to your city, we have a live show requester on our website. The website is haveridovertle.com request. If you want to request us to come see a city that you live in and you've never requested it before, please no duplicates. Fill out that form on our website. We might come to a city near you. I will say we haven't settled all of our dates yet, but we are coming to some cities that we've never been to before. So that is very exciting. But, yes, check out future updates on that and request a live show at Haverhird Overdrill specifically. If you know like a good like mid sized venue in your town, that would be good for us. That's also information that we would love to have because.

[Aaron Keenan]

Well, how many seats do you think we can ask for people?

[JPC]

I think like anywhere in like the 200 to 500 range is like that's our sweet spot. That's like mid size. And yeah, please do, please do let us know because we would love to come see you and love to have you see us in a city where you live in. I do have a review to read.

[Adol Refai]

Yes, please.

[JPC]

This one was a five star review submitted wherever you leave reviews. If you leave them, I might find them. Today I found one from Jackie King. It says announcement. I JPC think that the way Adol eats KitKats is completely fine. In fact, it is the superior method.

[Adol Refai]

All right.

[JPC]

I don't like when people make me say stuff like that.

[Adol Refai]

I got my toilet scene and compliments on how I eat Kit Kats, which is to bite into them when they're still connected and never break them apart. Hell yeah.

[JPC]

I hate hearing about that.

[Adol Refai]

I do have. Oops. Looks like Cormor, the ancient demonic puppet is still on my hand here. Cormor. How you doing?

[D]

I have something to plug.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, Cormor. What do you have to plug?

[D]

You can check me out in hell every Tuesday and Thursday.

[Adol Refai]

Wow.

[JPC]

Tuesday and Thursday.

[D]

Jupiter Goodbye.

[JPC]

Created by Adol Refive, starring Aaron Keenan and John Patrick Cohen.

[Adol Refai]

Casey.

[JPC]

Tony did the editing Logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naporus.

[Aaron Keenan]

Well, that is an episode to toss right into the trash.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, wonderful. Any notes?

[Aaron Keenan]

I got some notes.

[Adol Refai]

Wow.

[Aaron Keenan]

No, I got nothing.

[JPC]

Hey there corvids and Raptors. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It is April of the Penguins, so that means it's time for our Penguin Baseball League draft. You can listen to that plus our entire back [e-mail] Haverto Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Adol Refai]

That was a Headgum podcast.