#358: Erin's Big Big Hat

Summary

Podcast Summary: Hey Riddle Riddle - Episode #358: Erin's Big Big Hat

Release Date: May 28, 2025
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan
Description: Three of Chicago's most improvisational minds tackle riddles, puzzles, and word games with humor and creativity.

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1. Opening Banter and Podcast History (00:01 - 03:30)

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in their signature humorous banter. Aaron Keefe attempts to start the episode with enthusiasm but faces playful resistance from John Patrick Cohen and Adol Refai. They reflect briefly on the podcast's inception in 2018 during the podcast boom and discuss their consistent opening routine. Aaron humorously admits that their recent episode has left their brains "jambled scrambled," setting a lighthearted tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

• Aaron Keefe [03:04]: "We've been hanging out ever since. Is everyone okay?"

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2. The Legend of the Big Big Hat (04:03 - 07:13)

The conversation swiftly transitions to a nostalgic story about a "big, big hat." John Patrick recounts gifting Aaron an oversized hat eight years prior, which Aaron rarely wears. Recently, during a movie night with Damon Royster and Elizabeth Andrews, Aaron defends his ability to sport the gigantic hat, leading to a humorous anecdote where he dons the hat unexpectedly, leaving his friends "with an egg on their face."

Notable Quotes:

• John Patrick Cohen [04:11]: "Erin, you still have that big, big, big hat that I bought you eight years ago?"
• Aaron Keefe [07:02]: "You can't see while you're wearing it. You can't like drive in the hat or talk to anyone."

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3. Kentucky Derby and Horse Racing Discussion (07:13 - 20:49)

The hosts delve into their usual Kentucky Derby tradition of sporting extravagant hats. However, this year, unable to attend, they humorously contemplate "killing a horse at our individual homes," sparking a brief and comedic discussion about the realities of horse racing. Adol raises an intriguing question about whether racehorses understand they are racing or are simply motivated to run by their jockeys. The conversation touches on aspects like starting pistols and the nature of horse races, blending humor with playful curiosity.

Notable Quote:

• Adol Refai [07:36]: "Can I ask a question that might be dumb. Do the horses, you know, like, when we have, like, the Olympics or a track meet or something, the humans are running and they're trying to win and they recognize, like, to win is the best?"

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4. "Horse or Band" Game (10:04 - 22:23)

A listener named Brandon introduces a game called "Horse or Band," where participants decide whether a given name refers to a racehorse or a band from recent music festivals. The hosts enjoy this interactive segment, showcasing their quick wit and extensive knowledge of both horse names and band titles. The game proves challenging as they navigate through cleverly named entries, often leading to humorous confusion.

Notable Quotes:

• Aaron Keefe [16:19]: "That is a horse. Marsh on Fire Band."
• Adol Refai [17:00]: "Rutherford B. Hay. That's a horse."

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5. Improvised Scenes and Comedy Skits (27:00 - 36:42)

Mid-episode, the hosts engage in improvised comedy sketches:

• Medieval Soldiers and Oil Attack: Aaron and John portray medieval soldiers attempting to storm a castle but are thwarted by an adversary using olive oil as a weapon.
• Science Teacher Gone Rogue: Adol plays a science teacher delivering quirky chemistry jokes, leading to humorous misunderstandings and classroom antics.

These sketches highlight the hosts' improvisational skills and their ability to infuse humor into spontaneous scenarios.

Notable Quote:

• Adol Refai [27:41]: "Aaron and GPC, you are two medieval soldiers. You are trying to storm a castle..."

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6. "What's the Difference?" Word Game (50:04 - 58:35)

The hosts introduce another word-based game titled "What's the Difference?" Here, Adol presents a setup between two contexts, and the participants must identify opposing words based on different meanings. This segment tests their linguistic agility and adds an engaging puzzle-solving element to the episode.

Gameplay Example:

• Adol's Setup [50:04]: "What's the difference between a baked potato at Ponderosa and a non-functioning appliance?"
• Answer: "Loaded vs. Broken" – Highlighting the dual meanings of "loaded" in culinary and mechanical contexts.

Notable Quote:

• Adol Refai [63:43]: "I made a reference to the Esweepe bit on SNL..."

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7. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events (68:02 - 70:23)

As the episode nears its end, the hosts take a moment to plug their upcoming projects:

• John Patrick Cohen promotes his tour, encouraging listeners to grab tickets early due to fast sales.
• Adol Refai highlights his new game, "Rattle Quest," a challenging word ladder game designed for puzzle enthusiasts.
• Aaron Keefe shares information about his Los Angeles-based variety show, "Quality Time," and seeks a puppeteer for an upcoming performance.

The hosts wrap up with playful interactions, maintaining the episode's lively and entertaining atmosphere.

Notable Quote:

• John Patrick Cohen [68:17]: "We're doing a 10 city tour so we should be coming, hopefully, somewhere near you."

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Insights and Highlights

• Humor and Improvisation: The episode is rich with spontaneous humor, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and ability to create entertaining content on the fly.
• Engaging Games: Interactive segments like "Horse or Band" and "What's the Difference?" offer listeners an engaging way to participate and think creatively.
• Creative Storytelling: The improvised sketches add depth to the episode, illustrating the hosts' storytelling prowess.
• Community Interaction: By incorporating listener-sent games and acknowledging fan contributions, the hosts foster a strong sense of community.

Conclusion

Episode #358 of "Hey Riddle Riddle" blends humor, word games, and improvisational comedy to deliver an engaging and entertaining listening experience. Whether delving into the quirks of racehorses, reminiscing about oversized hats, or navigating fun word puzzles, the hosts maintain a lively dynamic that captivates both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

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Note: This summary focuses on the core content and entertaining elements of the episode, excluding advertisements, intros, and outros, as per the provided instructions.

Transcript

[Aaron Keefe]

This is a headgum podcast. McCrispy strips are now at McDonald's.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Tender, juicy and its own sauce. Would you look at that? Well, you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious. New McCrispy strips now at McDonald's. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cannon of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice away.

[Aaron Keefe]

Does anybody have anything? I'm thinking, holy shit. Gpc. Okay, I want to come into this episode with a good attitude. I haven't had time to download a soundboard. A revenge soundboard.

[John Patrick Cohen]

We sat in silence for a minute. Okay, you said, does anyone have anything to start the episode?

[Aaron Keefe]

Sure.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I had something. Okay. You had a minute of silence. You know, I brought something in. You had a bit of silence. I brought something to the table. You had silence. So I'm wrong is what I'm being told, that I had a fun, funny, and creative way to start the episode.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adol, please mediate so I don't start swinging. Oh, my God.

[Adol Refai]

I don't know which Aaron to trust here.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adel, you know which one's real. One is a sneeze and then a noise of complete despair. And one is me. Addle, look at me. It's Aaron. Naomi.

[Adol Refai]

One is pleading with me and one is sneezing on Mike. These could both be e. Adel, it's me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Look at me. It's Aaron. Come on. Your old friend, remember?

[Adol Refai]

Snap. I think this needs my bracelet. I think that was aired.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hello, everybody. Welcome to hey. Riddle Riddle. Riddle Puzzles Lateral Thinking podcast.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I think it's a Riddle Puzzles Lateral Thinking podcast.

[Aaron Keefe]

Does any of this still apply?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, yeah, if you. Yeah, you need not apply.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, great.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That's my motto.

[Aaron Keefe]

We started this podcast in 2018 during the Great podcast Boom. And we've been hanging out ever since. Is everyone okay?

[John Patrick Cohen]

This podcast booms until one of us busts. That's what I always say.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's what he always says.

[Adol Refai]

I feel like recently we've been starting every episode with a complete history of this podcast, and I don't know why.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, I'm trying to remember. I feel like the show has given me such bad brain damage. I have to show up and be like, this is a riddle podcast. We're going since 2018. It's safe. They can't hurt me through the screen. I sort of have to do the affirmations when I. I think that we.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All have to remember that every episode of this show could be somebody's first episode. And that's why it's such an important, you know, position for us to be in that we have to say, like, we have to say our names.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

We haven't said that yet.

[Aaron Keefe]

John Patrick Cohen. Adela fy, Aaron Keefe.

[John Patrick Cohen]

We've said the names. Now people know who we are. Now they can associate our voices. You know, we've told them what the podcast is about. That's great.

[Aaron Keefe]

Great.

[Adol Refai]

That's fair.

[Aaron Keefe]

We're gonna admit on mic that our brains are a little jambled scrambled because we just did our review crew episode of the Bee movie, which you can find [e-mail] heyriddleriddle so our brains are mush. They're bloody mushrooms that are pouring out of our noses and ears.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Bloody mush is also what they have for breakfast in England.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ah. Oh, you guys.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Bangers and mulch.

[Aaron Keefe]

Bangers and mulch. You know how normally every year we.

[Adol Refai]

Go to the Kentucky Derby with our big, big hats?

[Aaron Keefe]

That's what I was gonna say. We bring our big, big, big hats.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Erin, you still have that big, big, big hat that I bought you eight years ago?

[Aaron Keefe]

Jpc, I am so glad that you said this.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I.

[Aaron Keefe]

That hat has not come up in conversation in years. This past Friday with Damon Royster and Elizabeth Andrews, they both came over, and we decided to watch the new, simple favorite movie together.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

There's a scene where Blake Lively shows up and she has a gigantic hat. And I said, I have a hat that big. And they said, no, you don't. And I said, yes, I do. And they went, you think you could have a hat that big and we wouldn't know about it? You're messing with us. This is a classic Aaron Keefe, goofy. And I went, no, I'm not. I got up, I went into my bedroom. There's a video I will send you of it. And I walk out of my bedroom with the big hat, an egg on their face. They doubted me. And then I can. That happened.

[Adol Refai]

Can you get through the doors?

[Aaron Keefe]

I had to sort of push it down.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, I guess. Now I want to see the video because I would love to see that hat get through a door.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron, didn't you once wear it on a windy day and it blew you all the way to Galapagos?

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, I actually lived in Chicago, and then I was wearing that hat, and then a big wind picked me up and brought me to la, so I didn't even mean to move here.

[Adol Refai]

And we'll send you your stuff one day.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you so much.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Ernest, is that hat not part of your, like, rotation, rotate? Well, yeah, rotation, I was gonna say, but is it not part of conversations because you're not wearing it often enough?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I don't think I'm wearing it often enough. Like, I. Like the two times I've gone on the Joco cruise, I've thought I wanted to bring it. But you can't. That's a whole suitcase. You know what I mean?

[John Patrick Cohen]

For context here, it must have been seven years ago and it must have been for like Christmas or for nothing. I got Aaron a humongous hat that's like as big as your body, I would say.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah. It is a torso sized hat. If you sort of crunch it down.

[John Patrick Cohen]

And I've never seen you wear it. And Aaron, you know, I would love it if, like, the next time I came to la, which is going to be for the live show on August 1st.

[Aaron Keefe]

How about I bring it to the live show?

[John Patrick Cohen]

I would love it if you wore it at least around me once so I could just. Because I've never even seen it, like.

[Aaron Keefe]

In action in person. Yeah, well, gpc. Can you do me at least a very small favor? And I would love to do you bring me to a simple favor, if you will bring me to a context where that hat makes sense. Like, I don't want to go into an escape room wearing that hat. Can we at least go to the beach or something?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh my God, this hat is so big. Yeah, yeah, I'll take you to the beach. Sure, why not?

[Aaron Keefe]

Anyways, speaking of, was Blake Lively's hat.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This big in whatever movie you were watching?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, I will send it to you.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This hat sucks. I hate this hat. It's so fucking big.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it's a huge hat.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's so big it's upsetting.

[Aaron Keefe]

You can't see while you're wearing it. You can't like drive in the hat or talk to anyone. Like, you can't make eye contact with it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Blake Lively doesn't drive. Right.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh my God, that's such a big hat.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a huge hat. I love how forlorn. Oh my God, that's such a big hat. Speaking of big hats, we normally go to the Kentucky Turby, but this year we couldn't make it. And I thought, well, so we all.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Had to just kill a horse at our individual homes.

[Adol Refai]

Is that what the Kentucky Derby is?

[John Patrick Cohen]

At least one horse dies every year, right? There's no way that there's horses getting out unscathed.

[Adol Refai]

Can I ask a question that might Be dumb.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, please.

[Adol Refai]

Do the horses, you know, like, when we have, like, the Olympics or a track meet or something, the humans are running and they're trying to win and they recognize, like, to win is the best. Like, if I cross the finish line first, that is the best outcome. Do these horses know they're racing or are they simply running or chasing something?

[Aaron Keefe]

Um, I think. I think they know they're. I think they probably know they're racing, right?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Don't. Don't they?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, maybe not.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, That's. That's greyhounds. Greyhounds have a little bunny that they. Yeah, like a little bunny on the track.

[Adol Refai]

So. So they're hunting. So that. That might be a good. That's probably a good indicator of who's fastest because they're. They're maxing out to try and catch this food. Yeah, but the horses, I can't tell. I just. I've never watched a horse race, but I just can't tell if their heart's in it or if they know, like.

[Aaron Keefe]

What'S at stake other than here. I feel like horses don't know why they're running fast. They're just like, the guy on. The guy on me wants to run fast, and so that's what we're doing.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Do they shoot a gun at the start? Do they shoot a gun at the start?

[Adol Refai]

Possibly do that.

[John Patrick Cohen]

A starter. What's a starter pistol? Is that only for human reasons?

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm not going to Google it.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, they do. Maybe they do shoot a start because.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It could be something that, like, scares the horse a little bit. But I'm.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm going to Google it. I don't.

[John Patrick Cohen]

If horses are like me, you're not going to get your best out of me if I'm scared. You're going to get your. Your best. The. When I am at my best, I have to be made a certain amount of comfort, right? Yeah, not too much comfort that I kind of want to, like, laze around and do nothing, but I can't be, like, actively uncomfortable.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, agreed.

[Aaron Keefe]

They do a lot. They used to do more starting pistols, but now there's like an electronic starting system where a light goes off and there's like the sound. Like a popping sound.

[Adol Refai]

Popping sound.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, to like. Like a. Like it. To have it be the sound of a pistol without actually using a pistol. But I used to go to the horse races all the time when I lived in Australia. I used to wear a little fascinator, a little fun hat. I used to have one glass of. And then I would Pick the name with the best vibe, and then I would lose about $20. And that's sort of what the horse races are.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

We had a listener, Brandon, write in and said, hey, guys, here's a game that may make for a fun warmup. I was invited by a friend to watch some horse races, and the names of the horses listed out in the program of each race sounded like the lineup for Coachella or Bonnaroo Style music festival.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

I came up with this game, which is just horse or band, and have played it a few times with my partner's family on drives. The entire premise is deciding whether a given name is for a racehorse or a band at a recent music festival.

[Adol Refai]

This is fun. I like this.

[Aaron Keefe]

So are we ready?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Is a racehorse at a music festival or a band at a music festival?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, the racehorses. I just imagine racehorses with sunglasses, chewing gum on Molly at a music festival.

[Adol Refai]

A lot of Bengals.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, a lot of people get kicked. Give that horse space in the pit. Space in the pit for that horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

And they gave me a long list. Brandon gave me a long list of horse names and band names, But I have Jimble Jambled them up.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

And so if I made any mistakes, I'm sorry. And if I cut out any of the ones that you wrote, I'm sorry.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I love a Jimble Jamble. Before we get into this game, one thing that I've been thinking about. So a racehorse weighs, let's say, £1,200, right? Conservative. Let's say a jockey weighs, like, about a twelfth of that. Because jockeys are small. They're not, like. I think that they're small on purpose, so they don't add, like, a ton of extra weight to a racehorse.

[Adol Refai]

I think it's coincidence.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It could be coincidence if we were doing it so that, like, humans were racing, but we wanted to add, like, jockey rules to it. That would mean that we would have to, like, have something that we that rode, rode, quote, unquote us that was around a twelfth of our body weight. So, like, let's say like, 15 to 25 pounds. What animal do you think you could do the best with that weighs, like.

[Aaron Keefe]

Next question.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Are you wearing it like a scarf? How are you? How do you have the. Cory.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, we're going all out. I'm wearing a saddle. He's wearing a cowboy hat. We're doing this, right.

[John Patrick Cohen]

So are you running on all fours? Because I. I think I could beat you if you're running on all fours. And I get just the two legs, huh? Or is the corgi. Is it like a backpack that you.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a, it's a backpack. But the corgi is wearing a cowboy hat.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay. His head sticking out of his little tube shaped body. Head sticking out of the top of the backpack with a cowboy hat. Interesting.

[Aaron Keefe]

And we're going to win.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. Okay. Adol, what are you thinking?

[Adol Refai]

Maybe like an otter or something.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Interesting. Now aren't those very slippery?

[Adol Refai]

Well, that's the fun of it is they're slippery and they're cute, but they also, I assume can claw or bite. So there's, you know, much like the jockeys will kick a horse or whatever to make sense.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. They bite each other during the race.

[Adol Refai]

Yes. I want an animal that is going to motivate me. That's not just dead weight, but they're actually giving me like a skunk or something is going to. I'll be like, oh no, I got to hurry before it sprays me. Like, I want urgency versus just, you know, the cutest animal.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I think, I think I'm going to split the difference. I think I'm taking a sloth because I think a sloth.

[Aaron Keefe]

Show your math. Show your math about splitting the difference.

[Adol Refai]

Halfway between an otter and a corgi is a sloth.

[Aaron Keefe]

Show your math.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm saying halfway between like a cute animal and an animal that is very like practical for like running with. Because I think sloths are like the most Star wars looking creatures of the creatures that exist on this world.

[Adol Refai]

Sure.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Like if you saw a sloth and a Wookiee, you'd be like, yeah, they're probably from the same kind of quadrant of the galaxy or whatever. But they also have those like, those, they're like whole thing is hanging. Right. They just love to hang. So I'm like letting it like grab onto my arms like their branches or whatever. And then it's just going to like chill and hang while I try my best to win this race.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're not thinking sloths have painful nails that they use, but that's what it's like.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's going to motivate me. That pain is going to make me just uncomfortable enough that I'm like running fast with.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm telling you, it'd be digging into your skin. I don't think it would just be painful. I think it would be a nightmare.

[John Patrick Cohen]

If you knew the kind of stuff that I was into sexually, which by the way I keep bringing up and you keep not wanting to hear about. So that's on you. You would know exactly how much I'm into this sloth digging its little nails into me.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right? I'm sending that to every zoo within 800 miles of you. That audio.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm not going to a local zoo to get my fucking rocks off. I'm. I'm in Indonesia.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, because you're banned.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm in Indonesia. Where the sloths live. Um, I have no idea if there. I have sloths in Indonesia. I'm assuming they do.

[Aaron Keefe]

Um, I'm going to need you guys to keep score of your own point total.

[Adol Refai]

Just like Jeopardy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Yeah, just like Jeopardy. Um, and we'll have Kasey add some fun horse racing music and audio lay ons to this so it sounds even more fun. Thank you, Casey. All right.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, but Casey, can you take that scream and make it like the ba ba ba ba da ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. But do all that with ha.

[Aaron Keefe]

Like that's about to be three hours of Casey's life. He said no. Okay, great.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Casey and I had a conversation, like, two weeks ago about boundaries. And, Casey, I'm so happy that you said no to that request.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did you tell him that he wasn't allowed to have boundaries, or were you talking to him about how you want to fuck a sloth and he said, boundaries. All right, here we go. Eddie's last.

[Adol Refai]

It's a horse. I think it's reverse psychology to be, like, last place and then it's gonna win.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. I feel like if I don't. I know. I don't know if I get a say, but. Because it's Jeopardy. Rules. But I also agree it is a horse. Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Awesome. Rhythm.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Uncle waffles.

[Adol Refai]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

34 coop.

[Adol Refai]

That's your Atleto's band. Sorry. That's your Leto's horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Paris, Texas Band.

[Adol Refai]

That's a movie. Oh.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whipped cream.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Band.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Fuck.

[Aaron Keefe]

Powertrain Horse. Yes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Tale of us.

[John Patrick Cohen]

A band.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Tv. Girl.

[Adol Refai]

Horse. Oh, Band. Band. Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a band. Jpc. Got it. Mars on Fire Band.

[Adol Refai]

That's your little horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it's a horse. Castle knock.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Am I losing a point when I get one wrong?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, cool.

[Aaron Keefe]

Castle Knock.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Lonesome Stew.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Adolf. Got it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh.

[Aaron Keefe]

100 drums.

[Adol Refai]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Adol. You got it. Rutherford horse. Yes. I think Adol. Got that first.

[Adol Refai]

Rutherford B. Hay. That's a horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's awesome. Minus the light Horse.

[Adol Refai]

A band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. Side by side.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is a horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I got an image of a horse with a sidecar yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. Dancing Mo.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Adol. You got it. Laptop.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it is band. Jazzy Boo.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Jpc. You're. You're coming back. Vintage Culture Horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. Bangs band. It is a horse. Sherilyn Gogo.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. It's a horse. Snail Mail.

[Adol Refai]

Horse. Band. That's a band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's a band. On purpose.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I know snail mail.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Adult is way too good at this. It's crazy. Back on the street.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is a horse. Who made who?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is a band. Jpc. I think you got it first. Cash Equity Band.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. And it's one of my favorite names. Elephant Heart.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. Sweet. Like Chocolate Horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm saying more what I want them to be and less of what they actually are.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. The Breeders.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Band.

[Adol Refai]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. I think JPC got first.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That would be so great if the Breeders was the name of one horse. Come on. What are we doing?

[Aaron Keefe]

Sar War.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What was it?

[Aaron Keefe]

Sar War.

[John Patrick Cohen]

As in S A R?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep. Mark Handle. Star Wars.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Sunset Roller Coaster Band. Horse has a band. Don't bring Crazy Horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. That is a horse. And it's awesome. Big Wild Horse. That is a band. Earth Gang. That is a band. We'll do it live.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. I think GPC got it first. John Digweed. That is a band.

[Adol Refai]

Sketchy Horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Adult. Great. Hot since 82 horse.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. Island Cruiser.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. I think JBC got that first nightmare. But with no I or a horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That is a horse with no eyes. Crazy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Final boss.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron. If you say band of horses, we're fucked.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That sucks.

[Adol Refai]

Final boss is a horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Ain't no joke.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. I think you both get a point for that one. That was a true tie. It's Murph Band banned.

[D]

Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Let Seamus go.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. I think Adol got it first. That's also another horse name I love. Don't you forget.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Jeff J U.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, that is a horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Golden Again.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Adol Refai]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

Horse. Song of Shadows Band.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That's a George R.R. martin book.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, that is a horse. Daily Bread.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is a band. Roman Empress Band.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is a horse. Stick figure Band. Yes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Are all racehorses. Are they male and female?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Is Roman Empress the name of a male horse? For whatever reason, I thought that the horses were all men. Who. Who ran.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wow. Wow.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Do they make female jockeys ride female horses?

[Aaron Keefe]

Is it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Is it truly broken up by gender like this?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know, man.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I don't know enough about horse racing. I feel like if I did know more, I'd be like, oh, actually, this is pretty dark stuff. It's not good what they do to all the horses.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron, to bring it home, can you do Band, horse or boat? Because I feel like a lot of boat names and horse names have overlap.

[Aaron Keefe]

I wish I had known because. And then actually, at the end of this, we'll all pick our boat name off of these. We're almost done.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It could be like Sopping Wet or Wet Springs Eternal.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think mine's gonna be Let Seamus go. All right. Sensible move.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

There's a horse. The comet is coming.

[Adol Refai]

Banned.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Banned.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is banned. Adol. Good job, Felix. To house Cat.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. Fuck ropers and wranglers.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Paid in gold.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Why would that be a horse?

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Blackened. That is a horse. Party favor.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. Like no other.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Blackened. You're overcooking that. Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Horse. Girl.

[Adol Refai]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Thirsty John.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. 1999 odds.

[Adol Refai]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. Man Child.

[Adol Refai]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Elector.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No.

[Aaron Keefe]

Bratty Horse. That is a band. Ghost of Midnight Horse.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Cuban Thunder.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. I think Adol got that first Muth.

[Adol Refai]

Band.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Bambi.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is band. TikTok.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Samwise Horse. That is a band. Mountain Bear.

[Adol Refai]

Band Am.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. My boy Prince.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Black Jade.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's a band. Where's my ring?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Tamara.

[Adol Refai]

Mercy. Mercy.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's almost over.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

Horse. Mama.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Band. Just FYI.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Little Dinosaur.

[Adol Refai]

I thought you were adding something. I thought you were starting a sentence.

[Aaron Keefe]

Little Dinosaur is a band. Committee of one.

[John Patrick Cohen]

A band.

[Adol Refai]

Dinosaur. Junior.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Stay on the fence.

[Adol Refai]

Horse.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. Gordo.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a band. Doctor. No, no.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Band.

[Aaron Keefe]

That is a horse. What is your score?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Dude, There is no way you could keep it accurate.

[Adol Refai]

It's impossible to have an accurate score.

[Aaron Keefe]

All you had to do was keep track. Someone will figure it out. After listening, you let us know who won.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All you had to do is keep track of me. Say banned horse 80 times. All you had to do is try.

[Aaron Keefe]

You guys, you have to pick your boat name off of that list. I can. I can.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Party of One. Was that. That was one, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I will.

[John Patrick Cohen]

That's like a very lonely boat name. It has to be a huge boat, too. And it's called Party of One.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. I'm going to call my boat Nightmare because I don't like being on the water.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Mm. It could be a land boat.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, a land boat.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, great. Let's see. There's a lot of names here. Oh, you know what? I think I'd name my boat 100 drums. I think that's a good name for a boat.

[Aaron Keefe]

I like that.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think I like Dr. No, no. As well.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Boats have to. Don't boats have to have, like, nautical names? Like, they have to have, like. They have to reference, like, getting wet or like, you know.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, my God. They do.

[Adol Refai]

They have to have a woman's name, I believe. Right. Because they always say, she's a beauty.

[Aaron Keefe]

The ar. She blows. That's not a boat. That's not a whale.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Isn't that a whale?

[Adol Refai]

That's a whale, I believe.

[Aaron Keefe]

Same thing.

[Adol Refai]

Good boat name.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Dar. She blows.

[Adol Refai]

I feel like. Is that the unspoken rule, that it's always a woman's name or it's referenced.

[Aaron Keefe]

In a. Yeah, they refer to they gender boats as women.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I think that people do that with cars, too, don't they? Like, they have got cars, women's names and things. I don't know. It doesn't.

[Adol Refai]

Nissan. You think there's a woman named Nissan?

[John Patrick Cohen]

I think there's a lot of women named Nissan. And guess what? I see you and I hear you and I fucking believe you when you tell me your name is Nissan Sanada Refai.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Well, you guys, I'm trying to get the hell through this. Maybe Molly's science riddle book. We don't know for sure who sent it in, and we're sorry.

[Adol Refai]

That's a good one.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Have we not had word from Molly? We've used this book a ton of times.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think we've heard from Molly.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Maybe Molly did not want to be associated with whether or not this was their riddle book or not.

[Adol Refai]

If any of our listeners happen to own a horse, know someone who owns a horse and they're looking for a name, maybe Molly's riddle book is for sale. $50.

[Aaron Keefe]

Aaron Keefe, can you say that but in the cadence of like a guy calling a horse race?

[Adol Refai]

Oh, there it comes now. Around the bend. If you own a horse or you know someone who owns a horse, Here it comes now. Or they're really Racing, baby. Molly's Riddle Book is up for sale. $50. Of course, they earn Keith by no maybe Molly's Riddle Book.

[Aaron Keefe]

See, that sounds perfect. I like it. I like it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Has anyone ever named a horse like Aaron Keefe by a nose? Because I feel like saying by a nose is something that they have to say anyway. So it kind of.

[Aaron Keefe]

Maybe there's like a no. A doctor no, no list.

[Adol Refai]

This feels like that sounded like a TMZ headline. Aaron Keith buys a Nose.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's just me in a trench coat in a back alley trying to buy a nose. That's because someone played Got yout Nose with Me and they never put it back.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, it's the same system that they use to do license plate submissions and gamertag submissions where they're like, I'm pretty sure this is a slur with one letter changed. This one does not make it through. We can't have a horse that's called and then Casey, just obviously insert. Just do a previous slur that I've said on the show and just put it in.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, God.

[Adol Refai]

Previous slur is a good horse name.

[Aaron Keefe]

Is it slur? What is the quickest way to make oil boil?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Heat oil boil.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, to add a B. Yep, I was.

[Aaron Keefe]

And aren't we having fun on this riddle podcast?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Something with, like, acne or something like that. Like, the oil in your face becomes a boil if you don't wash your face.

[Aaron Keefe]

We got the answer. Jpc, I do want to see my word. Smile, smile, smile. You like this podcast?

[Adol Refai]

I do want to see a quick scene.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yes.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron and gpc, you are two medieval soldiers. You are trying to storm a castle, and somebody from on top of the castle has just dumped a little bit of oil on you like it was the last remaining dredge of their oil. And a little bit got on you, and we're seeing that now.

[Aaron Keefe]

I smell like popcorn. I do.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Fuck is ace. It's not even hot. It's not even hot.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's not even hot.

[Adol Refai]

Give it a minute.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's him up there. Look, look. He's got a little. He's got a little bottle of finishing olive oil.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[John Patrick Cohen]

With a little spout at the top. And he's just drizzling.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's the green. The trendy green grasser one that's in everyone's kitchens these days.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's like the thick glass olive oil. But hey, it's not a garnish.

[Adol Refai]

But it is. They have sizzle and drizzle. Graza does.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, we know what you're Using. But we're invading your castle. We're gonna come in, and we're gonna, you know, P and R. I don't want to say. You know what we're gonna do. It's the Medieval Times. We're gonna have our way.

[Aaron Keefe]

For yourself.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All right. Doug and I didn't really discuss what we'd be doing once we get inside the castle. I guess we have different agendas.

[Aaron Keefe]

Expensive oil. It is. And what do you mean, give it a minute to heat up? That makes no sense.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It can't heat up on our bodies Also. Yeah, stop wasting that. That's plunder. We were gonna plunder that.

[Adol Refai]

So. Sorry, did you say that you're a PR firm? You said pr.

[Aaron Keefe]

Don't make him repeat it. Are you sprinkling pink Himalayan sea salt on us?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, as a finishing thought. We're not finished yet. We haven't even got. We haven't even breached the gate.

[Adol Refai]

Nah, you're cooked. You're cooked. Give up. The salt signifies you cooked.

[Aaron Keefe]

I can see you trying to sprinkle basil on us, but it's getting caught up in the wind. It is.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I don't even think he's wearing an official, like, soldier's uniform. He's got a big, white, puffy hat and a big white coat on. I. Are you a cook?

[Adol Refai]

Could I convince you two to lay down in that sous vide machine?

[Aaron Keefe]

Look awful comfy. It does.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Am I.

[Adol Refai]

And also, am I a cook? I'm a chef. Look at the hat. Every fold in this hat represents a way I can make eggs three fold.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's three folds.

[Adol Refai]

Scrambled, hard boiled, raw.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right, then. Well, if you're the one who's that.

[John Patrick Cohen]

So everybody gets one fold. If I want to get that hat, I would automatically get one fold.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, you're telling me that there's no soldiers, no guards left, that they had to send out the chef?

[Adol Refai]

It's just me. Everyone else is dead. And I'm hungry. I've eaten all these guys, haven't I?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, maybe just seal this castle off. Maybe just go tell the king.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, it's just a bunch of dead people in one. I gotta say, this is not. Not shaming the way you look. You just look really well fed.

[Adol Refai]

Thank you.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It looks like maybe you ate everyone, like, quicker than you needed to eat everyone.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, I thought there'd be a few days where I was like, oh, no.

[D]

Ugh.

[Adol Refai]

Human flesh. But I took to it immediately.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, duck the water. Well, we're going head out then.

[Adol Refai]

All right.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All right. Just Gonna hammer up a sign that says well fed cannibal inside.

[Adol Refai]

Tell armies to come here. Please send them here.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, only our enemies. Only our enemies, please.

[John Patrick Cohen]

See five stars. That's pretty good for a chef. I don't think a castle has five stars in this entire country.

[Aaron Keefe]

How do you count atoms?

[Adol Refai]

1. Is this like an Adam and Eve thing?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Is this like the atoms inside your body, like the building blocks of the universe or whatever?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it's that kind of atomic microscope.

[Adol Refai]

Carefully.

[John Patrick Cohen]

How do you count atoms?

[Adol Refai]

By splitting them.

[Aaron Keefe]

Remember this is annoying. Jokey riddle book.

[John Patrick Cohen]

How do you split hairs?

[Adol Refai]

How do you count atoms?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Bit by bit? Or like.

[Adol Refai]

Bicarbon dating?

[Aaron Keefe]

What's one of the words that is in the riddle?

[John Patrick Cohen]

How count.

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Adol Refai]

Adams.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep. Do so just add.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Put that in atom together.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep. You add em up. I'd like to see a scene fucking spelled differently.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Jesus Christ.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adol. You are a science teacher and you're trying to connect with your students, played by me and JPC through jokes.

[Adol Refai]

So a covalent bond. Covalent? More like codependent.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What?

[Adol Refai]

That's it's going to glom on and then your complex carbohydrates. Carbohydrates, everyone. Carbohydrates.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, carbohydrates, Mr. Henry.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, carbohydrates. What is this? Gatorade. What is that? Gatorade. Make comedy legal again, am I right?

[Aaron Keefe]

Mr. Henry, I'm having a really hard time following the lesson and I know that I'm not doing very well in this class and I'm really trying to improve, but it's hard, hard when you keep making these detours.

[Adol Refai]

Detour will begin in just a minute. Just like a German docent. Detour. Well, I guess German would be Zetur. Detour. We're beginning.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well then that doesn't apply any more than if you add it to Zant Joe.

[Adol Refai]

It's a slant joke. It's a slant joke. Like slant rhymes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Mr. Henry, wasn't. Wait, it's Thursday. Wasn't last night your biggest open mic thing at the Chuckle Hut?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. How'd it go? How'd it go, Mr. Henry?

[Adol Refai]

It was a Chuckleberry Fins. Not the Chuckle Hut. The Chuckle Hut has banned me for doing boring humor is what they call it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, that's like one of the mildest ways to get banned from a place.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, yeah, it actually went very well.

[Aaron Keefe]

I heard it's cause you drank too much.

[Adol Refai]

Little column. A little colo B.

[John Patrick Cohen]

And you fell asleep on stage in the middle of your set because you were. You were one of Those people that drinks a depressant and just gets really sleepy and down.

[Adol Refai]

Let me do the jokes I did last night for you all. How's everybody doing?

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, so it was mostly crowd work. Can we get back to learning?

[Adol Refai]

My wife is on her periodontic table.

[Aaron Keefe]

Do they know you're a science teacher?

[Adol Refai]

No.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, so wait.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What's the end of that joke? Is that. That's the setup.

[Adol Refai]

Well, somebody calls me sexist from the crowd, and then. And then I say fuck you, but I say f you. And then someone goes, that's not on the periodic table. And I go, a U. But that's gold.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're really counting on someone calling you sexist. What happens if they don't?

[Adol Refai]

A lot of my jokes are supposing that the audience is hyper familiar with the periodic table. I. Huh?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Why would you assume that?

[Adol Refai]

I was told when I took improv classes to play to the top of my intelligence and to treat the audience as if they're geniuses. So I make five.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Why'd you take improv class if you were gonna go into stand up?

[Adol Refai]

So that I don't have anxiety when I'm on stage. I don't.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh. The bell rang. We didn't do anything again today. Mr. Henry.

[Adol Refai]

Oh.

[Aaron Keefe]

So I'm gonna gather up my stuff.

[Adol Refai]

Dissect a pig at home.

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[John Patrick Cohen]

No.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mr. Henry.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Don't launch into a thing about how the pig is all of our dads or whatever. Mr. Henry. It's stale territory and our dads don't appreciate it.

[Adol Refai]

Okay? This is all between us, right? This all stays between us.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mr. Henry. No. Mr. Henry.

[Adol Refai]

By walking out the door. That's a physical contract that you won't tell anybody. What happens in here.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mr. Henry.

[John Patrick Cohen]

They'll know. Mr. Henry. We have the AP test in two weeks, and none of us know anything about chemistry, so it's. We're all.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is a chemistry class?

[John Patrick Cohen]

I hope so, because he's been doing periodic table stuff.

[Aaron Keefe]

Chemistry?

[Adol Refai]

What, are you two dating?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yes.

[Adol Refai]

Don't answer that. Please don't answer that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Well.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. You're not allowed to ask and you shouldn't want to know.

[Aaron Keefe]

We'll see you tomorrow. Mr. Henry. Please get some sleep today.

[Adol Refai]

No, you won't. Tonight's my last. Tonight's my last.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Mr. Henry. Don't put that on us. We don't want to hear stuff like that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Mr. Henry. Scene. How do engines hear?

[Adol Refai]

How do engines hear?

[John Patrick Cohen]

They rev. They revert to their hearing.

[Adol Refai]

Horsepower. Horse ears.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Piston. Piston. They piss the car.

[Aaron Keefe]

Remember how this is? Stupid.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm doing stupid.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron, we're trying. We're trying. Stupid.

[Aaron Keefe]

Be dumber.

[Adol Refai]

How do engines hear you? Turn them on you.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's like a. Sounds like something else.

[Adol Refai]

Muffler. Unmuffler.

[John Patrick Cohen]

The vroom, vroom.

[Aaron Keefe]

Who would build a train or build a building?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Build a train. An engineer.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, by using their engineer.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, by using their engineer. What does the mad scientist add to a bucket of water to make it weigh less?

[Adol Refai]

Piss hole.

[Aaron Keefe]

What was that? It's a hole. Yeah. Did you say piss?

[Adol Refai]

No.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

JPC thought it.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Well, now I did. It's like, don't think of an elephant right now I'm thinking of piss.

[Adol Refai]

Now I'm thinking of piss. Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

How do you know when a big wave wants to meet you?

[Adol Refai]

It'll big wave at you?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, big wave at you. Or like it flags you down.

[Adol Refai]

It crashes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It crashes into you.

[Adol Refai]

Beach.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's a kind of wave?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Like a light wave? Sound wave?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, like it exists in the ocean.

[Adol Refai]

A hundred foot wave.

[Aaron Keefe]

A. Yeah, but what's a big tidal wave? Yes, the tidal.

[Adol Refai]

The title will wave.

[Aaron Keefe]

Fun. All right, I'd like to see a scene.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, no, I want to see a scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I would like to see a scene.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm saying. You see, you called the last scene. Aaron, you and Adol are on the beach. You are a couple. And Aaron, you keep trying to leave and get into the ocean because you think that the ocean is trying to meet you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Right?

[Adol Refai]

Oh, look, another seashell. This is so cool. There's so many.

[Aaron Keefe]

Are you seeing what I'm seeing? No. Okay. I knew this would happen.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, the jellyfish that just washed up.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I knew that I would get on one TV show and then my life would turn into this. Do you see the ocean moving?

[Adol Refai]

Background actor for Dexter Origins I wouldn't say you were on a TV show.

[Aaron Keefe]

Michael C. Hall sort of looked at me.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, but I think that's because you were yelling his name and they had to cut and then.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh my gosh. I love it when my husband's my biggest hater. I love that.

[Adol Refai]

No, I'm so proud of you. I'm just saying. I'm just saying you can't tell people you're starring in a TV show.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, all I'm saying is that you're gonna have to deal with having a famous wife now. Cause look, the ocean is getting closer and closer and closer. Obviously obsessed with me and wants to say hello.

[Adol Refai]

Is this your first time on a beach?

[D]

Yes.

[Adol Refai]

Because that's gonna keep happening. Whether you're here or not, I think the water keeps kind of lapping.

[Aaron Keefe]

My therapist said this would happen ever since I was on Dexter, New Blood Origins. My therapist said that you were gonna get jealous and you were gonna tell me that all this success is just in my head and that I'm crazy. My therapist was. Said this was gonna happen.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Huge fan of Dexter, New Blood Origins.

[Aaron Keefe]

You heard that, right?

[Adol Refai]

What was that? Was that your. Is that your new ringtone? What was that?

[Aaron Keefe]

What the fuck? No, that was the ocean coming in, giving a little wave. Okay, okay, I'll sign something. I'm gonna sign this cell, and I throw it.

[Adol Refai]

I did hear that. Something. Oh, the.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What was it like meeting Michael C. Hall?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, my gosh. Thank you for asking. He was so sweet. And I was such a big fan of Six Feet under, and he let me ask a bunch of questions about it. He was really, really nice. And not as scary as Dexter, thank goodness. I'm gonna sign this seashell and throw it in the water.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why? He's. He's washing over your toes. What are you doing?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Hey, I'm gonna go in there and put my butt in the water.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, what the fuck?

[Aaron Keefe]

What? It's just the water. I can just put my butt in.

[Adol Refai]

Kim, don't.

[Aaron Keefe]

I want.

[Adol Refai]

Don't put your butt in the ocean. The ocean's hitting on you.

[Aaron Keefe]

I have to pee.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Is that your butt, or is that. Oh, the woman who played Dexter Morgan's sister. What's her name?

[Adol Refai]

What the.

[Aaron Keefe]

Married to an avid brother. What is her name?

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, she was married to Michael C. Hall on the show, but she played his sister, but then they got divorced.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't. But now she's married to an avid brother. Shh.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What? Oh, the ocean doesn't hear about shit until for so long after it happens.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. She's married to an Ava brother. Isn't that awesome?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah. I mean, I love it when people find love after, you know, a tumultuous marriage, even.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's. Oh, you do? You love it when. Fun. When someone finds love after, you know, I'm gonna go pee in the water.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I just don't believe that if you're married to a person, that has to be the person that you're with, because everybody makes decisions when they're young and.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Don't let your husband keep you from meaning the love of your life. Huh?

[Adol Refai]

What the.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I mean, look, I apologize. So I don't really have to worry about it in that same way, but.

[Aaron Keefe]

Right.

[Adol Refai]

Is this like a moana grandma thing.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm peeing in the water.

[Adol Refai]

Don't.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I've been peeing in the water.

[Adol Refai]

So you are pretty caught up on tv.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All right, let's. Hey, Aaron. Let's take a freaking break.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're right. You're right.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. Hey, everybody, it's JPC and Adol. Go ahead and say hello. Adel, give it a.

[D]

Give it a. Give it a.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Classic. Classic you. And I'm also here, as always with Aaron. Aaron, what's up? Too true, Aaron. Yeah, too true. And of course, it wouldn't be the show without our fourth host, little Janet Varney. Janet, say hello. Wish I was in this, Janet. You are. You are in this. We're all here together and we're all here together, all three friends, plus JPC, to talk about BetterHelp. You know, mental health awareness is growing, but there's still progress to be made. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say that they have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment. Well, BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapists from their diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Aaron, that sounds pretty good, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

I've peed on a waiter before.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, Aaron, that doesn't really apply to, to what's, to what's going on here. I mean, Adol, can you, can you back me up? I mean, is. Am I going crazy?

[D]

Give it a, give it a, give it a.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Come on, man. I mean, say, say anything else. Say anything but that.

[D]

Give it a, give it a, give it a.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, well, guess I'll just do the whole better help add myself if you guys aren't gonna. Oh, Aaron, bless you. Oh, okay. Having a little strong reaction to that. Well, you know, I've benefited from therapy. Obviously my friends can tell who are here with me right now that I am, you know, kind of like the poster child for what you can do with your life once you've kind of talked it through with some.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm the butt fairy and I'm here to collect all of the fat. So you got in your butt.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, we can't talk about that on a BetterHelp ad. Anyway, this is mental health awareness month, so let's encourage everyone to take care of their well being and break the stigma. The world is Better when people are healthy and happy and we're all better with help. So visit betterhelp.comriddle to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp h lp.comriddle give it a. Give it a.

[D]

Give it a.

[John Patrick Cohen]

At all. I mean, can you. Can you say. Can you say anything else? Okay, the first thing was better. All right, what's another sand thing that we can do here?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, look, Sandy's here.

[Adol Refai]

Whoa, whoa. But Aaron. But Aaron, is he, like. Is he, like, dressed as a dog or is this.

[Aaron Keefe]

No. So we've never gracefully landed into this segment. So I thought, I'm going to be a battle axe. Huh?

[John Patrick Cohen]

From a month ago.

[Aaron Keefe]

From a month ago and sort of get us into this.

[D]

You know what you could have done? This is for the last one, I just realized is my name actually has. And right in the middle of it, you could have called me S and Y. But we're past that. We're past that. We're onto a new game. Hi, guys. Nice S and Y.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hey, Sammy.

[Adol Refai]

We love when people say, here's what you could have done.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[D]

Is that a good improv technique?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yes, I'm still learning S and Y. I got a question for you. Your name is Sandor, you go by Sandy, but have you ever had, like. Oh, shit, I gave away.

[D]

Go ahead.

[John Patrick Cohen]

If I ever watch, we'll just bleep out Casey. Bleep out his real name. We can't have people know that.

[D]

No, it isn't really good.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Have you ever had a nickname that wasn't. Because you already had to have, like, a natural nickname?

[D]

Sandy?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. Well, my. My. My full name is Shondorce, pronounced Shondor. It's Hungarian. It's a pretty common name in Hungary because it's like a derivation of Alexander, like Xander or Alex here. So Shondor and then nicknamed Sandy because it's right there in the spelling. Have I had other nicknames? Is that your question? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Turd face, Fuckhead.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Uh.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, I got.

[D]

I got picked up. Picked on a lot at summer camp. Summer camps.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Do you still go by Fuckhead? Because that's gonna get confusing with three other fuckheads on the podcast.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's really funny.

[D]

No, but I recently referenced. I said no, like, thank you for.

[John Patrick Cohen]

The thoughtful answer to that question.

[D]

I made a reference to the Esweepe bit on SNL recently, and they had no idea what I was talking about. Do you remember that bit, Nicholas Cage.

[Adol Refai]

No, I don't.

[John Patrick Cohen]

This is such a. Oh. Oh, yes, yes. The Naming your baby thing, the one that you can't get made fun of. Yes.

[D]

Right, right. So a friend of mine recently had a baby. We're talking about baby names and how many of them trigger lots of opportunities for bullying on the schoolyard. And I referenced this sketch where a couple Nicolas Cage and I want to say Victoria Jackson, but I can't remember.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Are trying to name coming up with.

[D]

Names for their unborn child. And every name she throws out, he's like, knocking down because it's like, oh, the kids are going to call him this or whatever. And they're really outlandish stretches of the name, but in some sense it's very true. And then finally, after a couple minutes of this and she's really exasperated, there's a knock on the door and he opens it and it's a delivery. Delivery man. And he goes, I have a package here for Asswipe Johnson. And he goes, it's Asweepe.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Was part of that. In that sketch that they give the kid some, like, Icelandic name that is, like, hard to pronounce because they're like, well, no one can make fun of this name.

[D]

I don't know if they ever landed on the name.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I remember the heightening in that sketch getting very, very outlandish.

[D]

It's very good. Yes, but as they say, your favorite seasons of SNL are when you were 15.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Not me. I love the new shit, baby. You love the new show. SNL 15's only getting better. No, I haven't watched 10 years anyway.

[D]

I don't know. Did you have nicknames?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah, yeah. I feel like I had a lot of nicknames. I mean, Adol calls me Japes. We call Aaron the Battle Axe. But what struck me, Sandy, is that you have like a natural nickname. So it's like I very rarely meet someone who has like a pre programmed, like, I don't know, pre programmed is the right way nickname.

[D]

You mean just a shortening of my name?

[Adol Refai]

Baked in or.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. When we had kids, we picked names that would have. That were either really short, that they didn't need a nickname, or. Or it was like that. So my son's name's Ezra. I just call him EZ and Zela, which is Zell.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I've been calling him Ezra. I just saw him the other day. I didn't know I was supposed to be calling him ez.

[D]

No, you should not. That's just strictly for me. You do not have permission.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Ez.

[Adol Refai]

EZ Dispenser.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm Dis. Now that I know I can't have it. I'm going to get permission. Next time I see Ezra, I'll be like, hey, let me in, man. Let me call you ez.

[Adol Refai]

Ez. EZ is so cool.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

That's awesome.

[D]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Sandy, what games do we have today?

[D]

I brought a new game. This game is called what's the Difference? I'm going to give you a setup. Go on. Did I interrupt you?

[Adol Refai]

I'm set. No, please. You were right to interrupt.

[D]

I'm going to give you a setup between two things. Those two things can be described with words or phrases that are opposites, but in a totally different context. So, for example, if I said, what's the difference between moving ahead of a car on the highway and a tear in your stocking? Well, one is a pass and one is a run. Pass and run being opposites in a different context, which is in this case, football. But I promise these are not all sports related. So pass and run are. Both are opposites of each other.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[D]

Does that make sense?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Yes. If we were answering that one without your help, would we have to get to. These are terms in football or.

[D]

No, you don't have to. You could just say the opposites. I mean, I think I'd be pretty clear. But.

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, I think by the end of. Yes, you should.

[Adol Refai]

But they are contextualized by the end in terms of like, these are terms used in whatever means.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One of us will say it out loud. And I should say, watch out for homophones. And also, which are words that sound alike but mean different things and are spelled different. And heteronyms, which are words that are spelled the same but are pronounced differently. So you'll see what I mean.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay.

[D]

What's the difference between a baked potato at Ponderosa and a non functioning appliance?

[Adol Refai]

Whoa. Ponderosa. I haven't thought of Ponderosa in years.

[D]

This is sponsored by Ponderosa.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Ponderosa. Is this specifically all you can eat? Steak, Right.

[D]

I think this would be true at Applebee's or Chili's or Cheesecake Factory or anywhere.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Is it microwaved?

[D]

No. Is it? No.

[Adol Refai]

Served in tin foil. Butter and chives. Butter.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sour cream.

[D]

Outback Steakhouse, probably side.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's a side side.

[D]

Really? At your own home, too? It's fine. Now, what if you put a lot of stuff on the stuffed.

[Adol Refai]

It's not loaded.

[Aaron Keefe]

Loaded, Loaded, loaded.

[D]

Go on.

[Adol Refai]

And what was the other. What was the rest of the rest.

[D]

Of the non functioning appliance. So what's the opposite of loaded? Overloaded the opposite of load.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Loaded.

[D]

Could have another meaning.

[Aaron Keefe]

Law. Which is loaded. Wealthy.

[Adol Refai]

Full correct.

[D]

Wealthy. So the opposite there. Which also means a non functioning appliance.

[Adol Refai]

Broke. Broke.

[Aaron Keefe]

Loaded and broke.

[D]

Loaded it and broke. Does that make sense?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Does it make sense? Not yet to me. But I am happy just to be ordering drinks at the bar today.

[D]

All right. Something. What's the difference between something unspecific and something very personal.

[Adol Refai]

Vague.

[D]

And I'll tell you, I'm happy to tell you the category of the other context if you want to.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, please.

[D]

This is military.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Military.

[D]

Something unspecific and something very personal.

[Adol Refai]

Broad.

[D]

Keep going. Very close to that word, Ron. I mean, in meaning.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[D]

Military.

[John Patrick Cohen]

General. General.

[D]

General.

[Aaron Keefe]

General.

[Adol Refai]

And what was the second?

[D]

Something very personal.

[Adol Refai]

Major.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Private.

[D]

Private.

[Adol Refai]

These are ranks in the memo. Paris.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wow. General and private. Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is hard. I love it.

[D]

It's a great bowling move. And the thing you use to achieve it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Strike the difference.

[D]

There you go. You got it. Strike and ball. Which are opposites in baseball. Baseball. What's the difference between lies and a grizzly?

[Adol Refai]

Fibs and bears.

[D]

One of those is right.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Lies, bears and truth. What's another word?

[D]

Bear is right. So what's the opposite of bear in a totally different context?

[Adol Refai]

Clothed.

[Aaron Keefe]

Covered.

[Adol Refai]

Covered. Whoa. Aaron.

[D]

It's another animal that also means lions and tigers.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Lions. Lions. No, that's nothing. Jpc. That's nothing.

[Adol Refai]

Means lies.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Opposite of bear in an animal context.

[D]

If I told you the context, you would get it right away. You'd get it instantly.

[Adol Refai]

Bears and naked.

[D]

And then something in bears. Bears is bad and the bear is bad in this context. And the word for good bull is bull.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Stock market terms, which is for lie. Bullshit. And this is. This is the markets. This is something that. It's like a second nature to me. Buy, selling, Day trading.

[Adol Refai]

Buy and sell.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Jim Cramer. Buy. Sell.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, guys, I'll buy and sell our.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, that's. That's your second Seinfeld thing this episode.

[Adol Refai]

Whoa.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wow.

[Adol Refai]

It really is.

[D]

How about what's.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I was driving earlier today and there was a bus ad that had the four Seinfeld people on it from the era that they were doing Seinfeld. And I was like, how much of a bummer is it that, like, you have if you're these people, which I don't care about any of these people, but you have to, like, go around and see yourself when you were like, in your prime everywhere. Like, they won't let you just not be. Like, they won't let you just be you anymore. You have to just constantly be seeing yourself from 30 years ago.

[Adol Refai]

You're ripped into the past every day.

[D]

I think the money helps with that.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You'd think so, but for Jerry Seinfeld, I don't think it does. I don't know why it does it. But for him specifically, it doesn't seem to. It seems to be very upset about, like, college students.

[D]

Yeah.

[John Patrick Cohen]

And the other guy's upset about something completely different. But we're really not gonna get into that guy. Castanza.

[D]

What'S the difference between a couple going through a rough time and an organized closet?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay. A patchy patch. Patchy relationship.

[Aaron Keefe]

Separation. Rocky.

[Adol Refai]

Clean street.

[D]

Very close. Very close. With Rocky, it's a specific.

[Aaron Keefe]

Tumultuous, bumpy.

[D]

Farther away. You're farther away.

[Aaron Keefe]

Back to Rocky.

[Adol Refai]

Rocky road. Rocky.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Rocky and Bullwinkle.

[Adol Refai]

Bullwinkle.

[D]

Well, if you say if a couple is going through a rough time, you could say it is Rocky. Or you could say rough patch.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Rough patch. A rocky patch.

[D]

A three word phrase that has the word rock in it.

[Adol Refai]

Between a rock and a hard place.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, that's more than three.

[D]

It is shaky. It is.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh.

[Adol Refai]

Hard rock Hotel.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Rock the boat.

[Aaron Keefe]

Rock the boat.

[Adol Refai]

Rocky Griffith.

[D]

This relationship is on the rocks.

[Adol Refai]

On the rocks.

[Aaron Keefe]

Frozen.

[Adol Refai]

And these are ways to get a cocktail.

[D]

Cocktail or whiskey. On the rocks and neat. What's the difference between fucking hard to get Nate and to get an acting gig?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Strip. To book it.

[D]

No, no, but similar. Another word that means to get an acting gig. If you get a gig or you get a part, you. The verb is work.

[Adol Refai]

Cast. You eat.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You eat.

[D]

It's another. You can eat. Now. It is also to succeed in a punch. If you. If a punch.

[Adol Refai]

Land.

[D]

Land. And then to get naked.

[Adol Refai]

To get naked.

[D]

It's the opposite of land.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ocean.

[Adol Refai]

See Everything. I see everything. Nope.

[D]

The context is in travel, the opposite of landing is takeoff.

[Adol Refai]

Oh.

[Aaron Keefe]

Takeoff.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Takeoff.

[D]

Takeoff.

[Adol Refai]

You're a nice one.

[John Patrick Cohen]

God, these are hard. I'm not just stupid, right? That can't be right.

[D]

It couldn't be bad.

[Aaron Keefe]

This feels like a trick question.

[D]

Yeah, both two things can be true at the same time.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm not asking for validation. I'm asking for my friends to tell me the truth. Is it possible I am stupid?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, there's something over there that I'm looking at. It's so weird. There's something way over there that I'm looking at.

[John Patrick Cohen]

My dumb head. Is this my big dumb face?

[Adol Refai]

I just got really into model trains.

[Aaron Keefe]

My big dumb head.

[D]

What's the difference between a toke and A podium.

[Adol Refai]

You stand behind a podium.

[D]

Stand is right.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, oh. These are Stephen King novels.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Stand.

[Adol Refai]

The opposite of shining would be.

[D]

What's the opposite of to stand In a certain context.

[Aaron Keefe]

Lay.

[D]

Think of other contexts where you use the word stand.

[Aaron Keefe]

Take a stand. Or you can think of words that you.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Capitulate.

[D]

Puff on a joint.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Puff, smoke. Stand and smoke, baby.

[Adol Refai]

Take a hit.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Take a hit.

[D]

Yes, that's right. Hit and stand are opposites. In.

[Adol Refai]

The Billboard top 100.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know.

[Adol Refai]

Hit.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, a poker or something.

[D]

Or very close. Blackjack. You take a hit or you stand. Good job. These are very hard. Yeah, I'm just saying that to myself.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Rubbing his nipples. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with anything.

[Adol Refai]

He gets off on us struggling.

[John Patrick Cohen]

These are very hard. He's just saying it to himself. You like that, Sandy? I made you a pervert for the Internet.

[Aaron Keefe]

I made you a pervert for the awareness.

[D]

I'm going to say I don't like it.

[Adol Refai]

What I think is other people mentally struggling.

[D]

I mean. I mean, look, that's not far off.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's not really. It's like a professional kink. Sandy has made his kink his job.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[D]

No one's going to solve my puzzles.

[John Patrick Cohen]

No, I'm sorry. This is the opposite of promotion. Always a pleasure to have Sandy on the podcast. He's very good at making riddles.

[D]

Yeah. All right. What's the difference between something never seen and something done by an expert? And the context here is food.

[Adol Refai]

Rare and well done Steak. Ways to cook with steak.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wow. Great job, Adol.

[D]

All right, let's go back to sports. Sorry. What's the difference between a piece of pizza and a 90s Spielberg film?

[Adol Refai]

Slice.

[John Patrick Cohen]

And I can't fuck a pizza.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jurassic Park.

[D]

But you could fuck a Jurassic Park. I guess so you can.

[Adol Refai]

P. Slice. Did we get this slice and what's in?

[D]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Schindler's List. Apparently this Saving Private ride.

[D]

Opposite of a slice.

[Aaron Keefe]

What? What did I say?

[D]

What context?

[John Patrick Cohen]

The opposite of slices.

[Adol Refai]

Shindler slits.

[D]

Early 90s hook is right. Slice of opposites in golf. In golf.

[Adol Refai]

Whoa.

[John Patrick Cohen]

A pair of.

[D]

I didn't know that either. What's the difference between a slow God damn. With the sports. A slow baserunner and my clothes when.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Clean folded out and pressed. Pressed and out.

[D]

Out is right. What's the opposite of out? In a different context that the opposite of which is. Could also be used to describe clothes. Clean clothes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Clean, fresh.

[D]

Specifically where they are dresser away.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Out and away.

[D]

The opposite about. What's the Opposite.

[Adol Refai]

Out in closet.

[D]

That's right.

[Adol Refai]

Out and in the closet.

[D]

In the closets. My clothes are in the closets when they are not out.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All right. Somebody has a nice place with closets for his clothes. Wow. Brag.

[Adol Refai]

These are concepts explored in the movie the Birdcage.

[D]

What about. What's the difference between a high rate of speed and doing great in modern slang?

[Adol Refai]

Velocity.

[D]

Very modern slang. High rate of speed simply means a single word that means. That's right. It's fast. So what's the opposite?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Fast and then something that's means doing good in modern slang.

[D]

Or go the other way. What's the opposite of fast?

[Aaron Keefe]

Slow.

[D]

Not slow.

[Adol Refai]

Slow.

[D]

In a different context.

[Aaron Keefe]

Furious.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Full. Full.

[D]

I don't. I think they are both fast and furious, Aaron.

[John Patrick Cohen]

They're opposites.

[D]

It's not the fast or the furious. It's not the fast. And then sometimes alternately. Furious.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hungry.

[D]

Yes. So what is it if you don't Fast. Yes. If you fast.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, fast and hungry. Ramadan.

[D]

Fast is hungry. So the opposite of fasting is full stuffed stuff.

[Adol Refai]

You ate.

[John Patrick Cohen]

You ate.

[D]

You eat.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I just said this, like, 10 riddles ago.

[D]

That's right, you did. All right, how about this? Now, what is the difference between a shuttlecock and a classic Hollywood actor? Do you know what a shuttlecock is?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Adol Refai]

That's what you use in badminton. Badminton.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Badminton.

[Adol Refai]

There's another word for it, you know. Oh, yes.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Birdie.

[Adol Refai]

What's that called? Birdie.

[D]

It is called a birdie.

[Adol Refai]

And what was the other half of the question?

[D]

A classic Hollywood actor. An actor from old Hollywood.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Aaron, you should know this. You're like kind of like a. I'm.

[D]

Afraid to tell you that birdie and this other word are also sports.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Is that a golf thing? Mm.

[Adol Refai]

A birdie is what, a 200 parents.

[D]

It's one under par.

[Adol Refai]

One under par. Eagle.

[D]

Eagle is two under. So what's the op? What's one over?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Bogey.

[D]

Bogey.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, Humphrey Bogart.

[D]

Humphrey Bogey.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wait, did they call him bogey?

[Adol Refai]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Lauren Bacall.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I truly said that so casually that I had never heard that before.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, me neither.

[Adol Refai]

And that's why in Top Gun we get the term. You've got a bogey on your left.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Adult. That cannot be true.

[D]

Doesn't Boggart mean to steal, too?

[Adol Refai]

To. To like. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Stop Bogarting that.

[D]

Selfishly take something. Yeah. To hog. Yeah. It's a bogart.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Because casually using Google in front of us, like, he can still, like, showing off how much Google he's Still allowed to use. This is the year of no Google on the podcast, Andy. So we. We are unable to. We are unable to look into anything that we say.

[D]

What makes you say I was using Google? I just have memorized the dictionary. Isn't that a possibility? Isn't that an option?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Honestly, I would fully believe it.

[D]

All right, how about this? A couple more. How about this? Cheese in an olive and cheese on a pasta. And you're going to hate this one.

[Adol Refai]

Pimento and a parmesan.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Cheese on pinto.

[D]

Is not a cheese to be blue cheese. Blue is right.

[Adol Refai]

And then cheese on.

[D]

But blue can be used to describe what?

[Adol Refai]

Sadness.

[D]

Sadness. But it's not that. Another way we use blue. Or think about cheese on a pasta. On pasta.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Cheese on a pasta or a pizza.

[Aaron Keefe]

Shredded.

[D]

I know I keep saying, thinking I'm about to say pizza, but I do mean cheese on pasta. What'd you say, Aaron?

[Aaron Keefe]

Like shredded or.

[D]

Shredded is close. It's not shredded. Yes, that's torn. Graded shade. It is graded. But now think about that answer slightly differently. Pronounce it slightly different and you can substitute a blue. Nope.

[Adol Refai]

Graded.

[Aaron Keefe]

Graded.

[D]

Put a piece of punctuation in there.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I'm afraid to say anything because I don't want to sound fucking stupid because I don't know the answer here. I don't know the answer to this.

[Adol Refai]

G rated blue and G rated so dirty. And these are types of humor. Blue humor. G rated humor.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Ah, no.

[Adol Refai]

It's melting. Gypsy's melting. Like the guy in Indiana Jones.

[D]

I did tell you it was so.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hard to think about.

[D]

Cheese on a pasta. All right, last one. Here we go.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yes.

[D]

What's the difference between a shitty situation and another shitty situation?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Whoa. One sucks and one blows.

[D]

You got it.

[Adol Refai]

Wow.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hey, hey.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whatever. Anything to plug Sandy.

[Adol Refai]

On your stand up set. This whole thing you just did.

[D]

Yeah, I'm still plugging away at making rattles. Rattle Quest. R A D D L E Quest. It's my daily word game. It's gotten a lot of good feedback, a lot of fun, a lot of daily solvers. It's a word ladder game where you are transforming words into other words using the clues that I give you.

[Adol Refai]

So that's.

[D]

Yeah, go ahead.

[John Patrick Cohen]

My promotion for that Sandy is if you also have found some of the other daily word games that you play are a little too easy. This one I have found, like, significantly challenging. And it's challenging in a very enjoyable way.

[Adol Refai]

It's very rewarding when you get it right.

[John Patrick Cohen]

I would say try your first one and then go back and play like previous days to, like, really get the hang of it, because then by the time the next days rolls through, you'll have, like, a way better, like, understanding of how to play it.

[D]

Yeah, Yeah, I think that's totally fair. Yeah. It's tricky to get started, and by design, the game gets easier as you start solving the clues. So by the end of the day's ladder, you only have a few options for which clues, but when you start it, you've got, like, 14 options for what clue could work next. And it's about trial and error, but it's very satisfying to go through and knock off the ones that work and solve your way to the end. Thanks for playing.

[Aaron Keefe]

Duh.

[Adol Refai]

Thanks for making.

[D]

Yeah, it's been fun. I made it for enigmarch, which was this March daily puzzle challenge, but I was like, oh, what if I could turn this into a game that everyone could play?

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hey, Sandy, this is not a note for that, but just say that you made it for your wife because you love your wife, and then you'll be able to sell it to the New York Times for $18 million, just FYI.

[D]

Oh, that's the piece that I was missing.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[John Patrick Cohen]

It's like you made it for your wife, and it's a very special reason, and people really respond to that.

[D]

Right. And her name is Rad, so I called it Raddle.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Okay, great, great. And just, yeah, for future reference, that's how you sell it.

[D]

Okay. All right. This is great. Thanks, New York Times. That's totally the truth.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, Aaron, you're a little bit more into being in Battleaxe. Are you ready to kick Sandy off?

[Aaron Keefe]

So, Sandy, we made a bed for you if you want to stay over.

[John Patrick Cohen]

What?

[D]

Do you have any chamomile tea?

[Aaron Keefe]

Of course, yes. Stay as long as you want. Adol, get out of the bed. That's Sandy's bed now.

[D]

Damn it, Aaron, you are the rattlest.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, thank you.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you, thank you.

[John Patrick Cohen]

All right, Sandy, off with you.

[Adol Refai]

Kick.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Oh, Sandy, I'm going to miss you is what I would say if you were still here. Oh, boy. What are we plugging, everybody? Aaron, what do you got? You got something? You got something coming up that you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Got to plug check out. Quality time. It is a true variety show that I host here in Los Angeles. Also, we're looking for a puppeteer for an upcoming show. So if you are a puppeteer who lives in the Los Angeles area, reach out to me, but you can follow us. Quality time on Instagram, Adol, Anything to.

[Adol Refai]

Plug check out our patreon patreon.com heyriddle riddle we also have an upcoming tour we're absolutely over the moon about. So check out our tour dates, grab some tickets. We're doing a 10 city tour so we should be coming. Hopefully somewhere near you.

[John Patrick Cohen]

JPC Anything heyriddleriddle.com live and just find your city on that list. Nothing for me. Just come and see us on tour. Some of these tickets are selling out like way way faster than we thought they would. So there is a possibility that we add late shows in some of these cities if they sell out too, too quickly. But if you're on the fence about grabbing your tickets, even though some of them are a little ways off, I would do it ASAP if they're not already gone.

[Aaron Keefe]

Also, please don't be mad at us for not coming to your city. Chances are the theaters in your city goes to jpc. That's probably why we're not going. Ghost of JPC jpc Do you have a a review to read or a plug?

[John Patrick Cohen]

I did my plugs.

[Aaron Keefe]

You don't want to read it.

[Adol Refai]

Did you make up a review?

[John Patrick Cohen]

I want to get out of here. We got to go. We got to go. This episode's too long.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Jupiter Aaron forgot the one word. I was stalling.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Starring Aaron Keaton and John Patrick Cullinan. Casey Tony to the editing parents in.

[Aaron Keefe]

The music.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Loco created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Namorus.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron forgot the one word.

[Aaron Keefe]

I was stalling. I was trying to piss JPC off. And even now Casey's including this to make the episode even longer. That'll make GPC so mad.

[John Patrick Cohen]

People love bonus content. They love long form bonus content.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's still happening right now.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adol. Anything to add? Okay.

[John Patrick Cohen]

Hey there cats and dinos. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We have Thomas Sanders back on the show for more real or fake this time with western media. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com heyridobertle by joining the clue crew for $5 or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron Keefe]

That was a Headgum podcast.