#359: Serving Grant!

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle Podcast Episode #359: "Serving Grant!"

Release Date: June 4, 2025
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan
Platform: Headgum

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Overview

In episode #359 titled "Serving Grant!," the trio from Chicago—Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan—delve into a blend of historical anecdotes, humorous takes on presidential trivia, spontaneous riddles, and improvisational skits. While the podcast's description hints at a focus on riddles and puzzles, this episode primarily showcases the hosts' comedic chemistry and creative improvisation, interspersed with light-hearted discussions about U.S. Presidents and quirky scenarios.

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Historical and Presidential Humor

The episode kicks off with a playful discussion centered around U.S. Presidents, particularly focusing on the 25th President, William McKinley. The hosts humorously explore McKinley's assassination and the dubious medical practices of the time.

• Adal Rifai [00:56]: "Aaron, I wouldn't have guessed this, but when I saw it, it makes sense. Would you believe it's McKinley?"

• JPC [01:38]: "McKinley was the one who absolutely would have lived from that bullet. And they kept him alive for like two months."

The conversation humorously speculates on the absurdity of feeding assassinated President McKinley through unconventional means, reflecting on the limited medical knowledge of the early 20th century.

The hosts then shift to a playful critique of presidential portraits, imagining clandestine scenes where presidents might have posed comically or unofficially.

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JPC's Haircut

A recurring humorous subplot involves JPC's newly shaved head. The hosts explore the unexpected sensations and practical implications of his bald look.

• JPC [05:17]: "I shaved my head, and it feels much sweatier than it did before... I can notice my head sweat, and I'm like, oh, wow."

• Adal Rifai [06:16]: "Does hair absorb sweat?"

• JPC [06:25]: "Yeah. Because, like, people's hair gets, like, stinky when they sweat."

This segment combines observational humor with exaggerated personal anecdotes, highlighting the quirks of JPC's new hairstyle.

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The New Pope: "Chicago Pope"

Introducing the concept of the "Chicago Pope," the hosts draw humorous parallels between the papacy and iconic characters from popular culture, notably from the "Star Wars" universe.

• Adal Rifai [10:16]: "He's gonna be on Devil's Daughter if he got put on a team."

• JPC [17:27]: "I might join the rebellion. I might put the pussy hat on and be like, it's time to go to Yavin 4, everybody."

The discussion satirizes the grandeur often associated with the papacy by comparing it to fictional emperor figures, blending religious titles with sci-fi references for comedic effect.

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Riddles Segment

True to the podcast's thematic roots, the hosts engage in a series of riddles, challenging each other's wit and creativity. These segments are interwoven with improvisational skits that visualize the answers in humorous scenarios.

1. Riddle: A candy store, a fancy hotel in Tchaikovsky. They all have something in common. What is it?
   Answer: Sweets (sweets as desserts or treats found in these places).

   • Adal Rifai [21:54]: "It's all about sweets."

2. Riddle: Football playbook, a love letter, and Hollywood Squares' Xs. What do they have in common?
   Answer: Squares or X's and O's.

   • JPC [28:53]: "Louie Anderson."

3. Riddle: A ladder, a mountain, a fish. They all share something in common. What is it?
   Answer: Scale (ladders and mountains can be scaled; fish have scales).

   • Adal Rifai [40:34]: "They are all things that are scaled."

4. Riddle: Eggs, bricks, carpets. They all have something in common. What are the two fruits?
   Answer: They are all things that are laid (eggs are laid by birds, bricks are laid in construction, carpets are laid on floors).

   • Adal Rifai [47:36]: "They are all things that are laid."

5. Riddle: What type of transportation has 10 wheels but can only carry one person?
   Answer: Rollerblades or Inline Skates (typically having five wheels on each blade).

   • Adal Rifai [59:53]: "It is rollerblades or inline skates."

Each riddle is accompanied by spontaneous skits where the hosts act out exaggerated scenes related to the answers, enhancing the comedic value and engagement for listeners.

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Improvisational Skits and Scenes

Between riddles, the hosts create impromptu scenes that bring the answers to life. For instance:

• Post-Scale Riddle:
  Adal Rifai [40:50]: "These are all things you scale."
  They transition into a mock interview with a fictional character climbing Mount Everest as a fish, blending absurdity with the riddle's answer.

• Eggs, Bricks, and Carpets Riddle:
  Adal Rifai [47:52]: "Let's do a scene where JPC and I are interviewers, and you're the first fish to climb Everest."
  This leads to a humorous press conference scenario where the fish (played by JPC) discusses the challenges of climbing a mountain, further emphasizing the playful nature of the podcast.

These skits not only entertain but also provide a vivid, humorous portrayal of the riddles' solutions, making the content accessible and enjoyable even for those unfamiliar with the podcast.

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Parodied Advertisements

Staying true to their comedic roots, the hosts craft spoof advertisements for fictional or exaggerated products, blending satire with playful promotion.

1. Tempo Chef:
   A fake meal delivery service boasting absurd features like "soup enemas" and unrealistic culinary claims.

   • JPC [33:46]: "Tempo serves up fast. Feel good single serving meals that are crafted to cook in just three minutes."

2. Quince Dresses:
   A satirical take on fashion brands, highlighting over-the-top features like "quince dresses that spin" and mock-practical concerns about hair.

   • Adal Rifai [35:02]: "Quince.com/riddle offers free shipping and 365-day returns."

3. Squarespace:
   A humorous promotion for website building platforms, interlacing jokes about personal mishaps related to the service.

   • Adal Rifai [37:26]: "Visit squarespace.com/riddle for a free trial and save 10% off your first purchase."

These segments are designed to mimic real advertisements, adding a layer of satire that critiques consumer culture while delivering laughs.

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Conclusion and Promotions

As the episode wraps up, the hosts provide updates on their upcoming tours and encourage listeners to support them via Patreon.

• Adal Rifai [67:00]: "Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/heyriddleriddle and join the Clue Crew for exclusive bonus episodes."

• JPC [67:26]: "Our Twin Cities shows are dangerously close to selling out. Grab your tickets soon!"

The conclusion maintains the episode's comedic tone while effectively promoting the podcast's community and live events.

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Notable Quotes

• Adal Rifai [00:56]: "Would you believe it's McKinley?"
• JPC [01:38]: "McKinley was the one who absolutely would have lived from that bullet."
• JPC [05:17]: "I shaved my head, and it feels much sweatier than it did before."
• Adal Rifai [40:34]: "They are all things that are laid."
• Adal Rifai [47:36]: "They are all things that are laid."
• Adal Rifai [59:53]: "It is rollerblades or inline skates."

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Key Takeaways

• The episode blends historical trivia with sharp humor, particularly focusing on U.S. Presidents.
• Riddles serve as a core element, with each one leading to creative and humorous improvisational skits.
• Parodied advertisements add a layer of satire, critiquing consumerism while entertaining listeners.
• The hosts maintain a lively and engaging dynamic, making the content accessible and enjoyable for both regular listeners and newcomers.
• Promotions for live tours and Patreon support are seamlessly integrated into the episode's flow.

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Note: This summary captures the essence of "Serving Grant!" by highlighting the main discussions, humor, and key segments, making it informative for those who haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

[Aaron Keefe]

This is a headgum podcast.

[JPC]

The new McCrispy strip is here. Dip approved by Ketchup, tangy barbecue, honey mustard, honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac sauce. Double dipped in buffalo and ranch. More ranch and creamy chili. McCrispy strip dip now at McDonald's. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice away.

[Adal Rifai]

Let's go. At 25 time.

[Aaron Keefe]

What president was 25?

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, I wouldn't have guessed this, but when I saw it, it makes sense. Would you believe it's McKinley?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I wouldn't.

[JPC]

When I saw it, it makes sense. Oh, yeah, of course. McKinley25. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did he get shot?

[JPC]

McKinley, did McKinley get shot?

[Adal Rifai]

He was assassinated in 1901. He basically served his whole fucking term.

[JPC]

McKinley was the one who absolutely would have lived from that bullet. And they kept him alive for like two months. And they had. It was 1901. They had this, like, dentist who was his, like, family quack.

[Aaron Keefe]

Like, is this real?

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah. Cause he died. It took him like a while to die. And he was like. This guy was like, doing just like quack medicine on him. Cause there wasn't medicine. Cause it was 1901.

[Aaron Keefe]

So it was a little duck with a stethoscope.

[JPC]

Yeah, they were like, feeding. I think that they were like, feeding him soup enemas. They're like, yeah. The only way to feed them is through the butt. And it has to be soup.

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[Adal Rifai]

I mean, better that than.

[Aaron Keefe]

Better that than what?

[Adal Rifai]

Adult putting cubes of steak up there.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, hold on. Let's not act crazy. We all went to college.

[Adal Rifai]

How tender is the steak?

[Aaron Keefe]

Wait, that's insane. I didn't know that.

[JPC]

This is the thing that I'm remembering. I know. I listened to a podcast at one point about McKinley's presidential assassin. Yeah. Oh, and his assassin was also like a crazy guy who just. It was. It was like the. The guy who shot or the guy who wanted to kill Joe Cholgosh.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's his name. I know that from assassins.

[JPC]

He was. He was just totally insane. He was just like. He thought. I think he thought, like, McKinley would, like, give him. He thought that if he killed McKinley, he'd be like, allotted as a hero and he'd get, like, a job in the government, but he was just like a crazy guy who didn't have a.

[Aaron Keefe]

Job and so it didn't work. Was he the doctor?

[JPC]

People actually were really upset about him doing that. Oh, yeah, it was a. It was at the time where the country was more like, hey, you shouldn't. The president. You know, we're not there now. I don't think. Bleep that. No, wait. Is the episode started.

[Aaron Keefe]

His song. An assassin. Tis the cholgosh working man Born in the middle of Michigan. So that's how I know about that.

[JPC]

That sounds right.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adel, you know how you want JPC to do a walking tour of Chicago? That's complete bullshit. I want JPC to write a book about the presidents. And he's not allowed to learn anything. He already doesn't know. So each page is a different president. And it's him being like, it's a book. A kid's book, I think. Yeah, it's a kid's book. And it's JPC's best memory of each of the presidents.

[JPC]

I read a book about the presidents. I turned it into my publisher. They're like, hey, I gotta say, man, this is 42 pages. I think you missed the presidents. And also, a book about the presidents needs to be bigger.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think 42 would be a pretty good amount to remember. I think that's a lot.

[Adal Rifai]

That would be impressive.

[JPC]

Whoa, wait. Oh, okay. So I have to. Part of it is I also have to list them in order because I'll tell you what I could probably get. If I really sat down to think about it, not doing any research, but thinking about it, I could get all the presidents. There's no way I would put them in the right order.

[Aaron Keefe]

Right. But, like, what would you say about James Madison?

[JPC]

James Madison, you know, definitely a Southern fop of a man. I believe. I believe they were all fops.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is what it says on the page.

[JPC]

Has this episode started? Did this episode start somewhere in there? Okay, well, Casey, make sure you bleep that part where I said to the president. And again, bleep this part. I think you actually do have to bleep that part, Casey. I think you can't. I think I can't say the president unless I'm talking about the precedent, which I think I can say, like, we should stop.

[Aaron Keefe]

We're fucked no matter what. We have years and years of us saying stuff, so we're pretty fucked.

[JPC]

I'll just claim that I was saying precedent the whole time and you misheard me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adel, do you want me to bring up JPC's haircut or do you want to do it?

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, go for it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, thank you so much. JPC got a haircut.

[JPC]

Aaron can tell. I did it myself.

[Aaron Keefe]

You did it yourself?

[JPC]

I did, yeah. Well, Mariah helped with the back part that I couldn't see, too.

[Aaron Keefe]

How do you feel? It's completely. It's all gone.

[JPC]

I shaved my head, and it. The things that are the strangest about it is this is the. I've had really short haircuts before, but I've never shaved completely. I can feel like my head feels much sweatier than it did before. And I guess it's probably because, like, there wasn't that hair there on top of it to, I don't know, like, block, like, the sun or whatever, so that it wasn't just, you know, there was, like, a layer. It's like. I don't know, but it's like I can, like, notice my head sweat, and I'm like, oh, wow. I've never felt the top of my head, like, sweating like that before when I wasn't, like, working out or something.

[Aaron Keefe]

Or wearing a hat in the hot sun. Yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

But even if I wear a hat in the hot sun, it's like I never feel the top. I know it must be, but I never feel the top of my head sweating. I just feel like, the sides and, you know, like, the part where the sweat, like, collects or whatever. Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[Adal Rifai]

Does hair absorb sweat?

[Aaron Keefe]

Probably, right?

[JPC]

It seems like it should be absorbent. Yeah. Because, like, people's hair gets, like, stinky when they sweat.

[Adal Rifai]

Greasy and stinky.

[JPC]

Yeah. So it must absorb it.

[Aaron Keefe]

If it absorbs water, then probably. Right, yeah.

[JPC]

And then the other thing that's completely strange is, like, if you take taking a shower at night, like, before I go to bed, my head is, like, immediately instantly dry, and I'm like, oh, wow. I can just put my head, like, right down on this pillow, and I don't have to worry about getting my pillow wet, like, right out of the shower. That's pretty cool. I can't even imagine that there are some fringe benefits.

[Adal Rifai]

There's some what?

[JPC]

There are some French benefits, which is something that James Madison would very much enjoy, maybe. Lordy, Lordy, it's hot here in South Carolina.

[Adal Rifai]

All I know is there's a president, I don't even know his name, who had 81 pairs of pants.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is great for the book.

[Adal Rifai]

And anytime this president gets brought up, they're always like, he had 81 pairs of pants.

[JPC]

Can I get on the book? Is this a little, like, cartoon of Adol with, like, his finger up doing a little blurb on my book? Yeah, but it's a. Did you know on any page? Because it's not about the president that I'm on. Because we don't know what president.

[Aaron Keefe]

We don't know.

[JPC]

I don't know.

[Aaron Keefe]

Guys, I'm telling you, this is what I want for my birthday. I want this book on my desk by my birthday this year.

[JPC]

Oh, Aaron, that's crazy because you were getting nothing. So now from going from getting nothing to getting me writing you a book that's quite.

[Adal Rifai]

Just president collection.

[JPC]

Just president collection?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

An Adam Juicy president collection.

[Aaron Keefe]

That pants one. Let's suss out who it could be. Because it can't be a modern president. Because if you told me, like, Obama had 81 pairs of pants, I'd be like, okay.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, I'd be like, yes, of course. I mean, Jon Hamm was just on a podcast talking about how he has like 38 tuxedos. Just tuxedo.

[Aaron Keefe]

Of course he does.

[Adal Rifai]

But I. But I. I know he had mutton chops, this president. And I feel like the nation freaked out where they're like, shouldn't it be. He had around 80 pairs of pants. But the fact that it's 81 specifically is like, the nation was hung up on this.

[JPC]

I can feel it. If it's like, okay, So I have 80 pairs of pants, like suit pants, and one pair of like my weekend pants. So he's like, that's 81. Like, 81 is the pants for me. 80 is for them.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

That's a lot of pants, though.

[Adal Rifai]

I think he's also called like the Dan. Like, he was a Dan. Like, everyone's like, what a fashionista. Like, we. We have a president who's really just so, like, such a clothes whore.

[JPC]

Aaron, you're. Well, I was going to say that, Aaron, you're probably the most clothes whore of us, but ADOL probably has way more clothes.

[Aaron Keefe]

We don't need to add clothes to that. We could be honest.

[JPC]

You're always giving clothes jobs and clothes.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm the group slut. What was your Adel?

[JPC]

You probably have more clothes than Aaron. Right? But it's not necessarily all clothes that you're wearing.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, they're not in rotation, but they're strewn about my floors. And my mental. The sort of approach is, I'll wear this someday. Someday I'll wear this. And then I hang onto it for eight years.

[JPC]

I think John Hammond, his tuxedos. There's no way in a year he could ever do enough things that required a tuxedo that he needed to have all of those.

[Adal Rifai]

Right, exactly. And here's something I want to bring up, please. Guys, we got one. We got one. We got a pope.

[Aaron Keefe]

Chicago Pope. You guys, how have we not talked about Chicago Pope yet?

[JPC]

We got a pope.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pope floats, guys.

[Adal Rifai]

We got the Pope.

[Aaron Keefe]

Immediately started making jokes about how I used to do improv with the Pope on all my group chats.

[JPC]

This is. This is funny. What do you think the chances are that this Pope is gone by the time this episode comes out?

[Adal Rifai]

I'd say 50, 50, 80% chance.

[JPC]

He was also. I don't know if you guys saw this. When he was elected Pope. Selected pope, 69 years old. Nice.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whoa. And he was in year five. Bs. JPC. He would have been on Devil's Daughter if he got put on a team.

[Adal Rifai]

And I think he's going by Jardiniera. The first.

[Aaron Keefe]

See. You guys all had this kind of fun weeks ago, but we're just experiencing Chicago Pope now, so this might seem my favorite tweet.

[Adal Rifai]

I think it was a tweet I saw was somebody who said, he puts the ope in Pope.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's awesome.

[Adal Rifai]

Because if you don't know, for any international visitors in the Midwest, if someone bumps into you or if you're a Midwestern person and you drop something or you're trying to excuse yourself, you go, whoop.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, sorry about that.

[JPC]

My favorite is the Midwestern double thigh slap. When you're about to leave, you're, like, getting ready to go. Well.

[Aaron Keefe]

I looked up a list of all the president's photos to try to guess who the 81 pants was. And I was going to guess Chester A. Arthur. And then I was going to suggest we play a game where I name a president and then you guess how he looks. But guess what? You would be able to get it right away because they all look the fucking same.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is crazy.

[Adal Rifai]

How'd you search these images?

[Aaron Keefe]

I went to the Wikipedia list of presidents.

[JPC]

Nice.

[Aaron Keefe]

And they have all of the photos.

[JPC]

Yeah, because do you remember when, like, people freaked out when Barack Obama became president and he was a black guy?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

And now we're still kind of paying for it because then they really freaked out and then elected Trump.

[JPC]

One of the reasons why they freaked out so hard that he was a black guy is because it had only ever been white guys. And so that's why they didn't. That's why some people didn't.

[Aaron Keefe]

Is that why they freaked out?

[JPC]

Yeah, well, yeah, Some people may have said. Some people may have said other stuff, but that's why, like, they could have said, like, difference of opinions, and you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Could Be like, they said tan suit. And what they really meant was, I'm racist.

[JPC]

I'm not saying, like, I don't like Obama. I'm not saying that there's not reasons to like Obama. But when he got elected in 2008.

[Aaron Keefe]

I get mad at him because he didn't do anything about gun control. You're mad at him because you're racist.

[JPC]

I'll be honest with him. I liked him in 2008. I voted for him. It was my first election. I voted for him in 2008. 2008.

[Aaron Keefe]

I was like, okay, okay, change hope. Let's do this.

[JPC]

In 2008, Obama won like 40 states or something. He won Indiana, which was crazy because I don't know if you know, Indiana. Place I'm from. Not very good when it comes to their politics.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you for whispering.

[Adal Rifai]

Did you turn into Ed Sullivan?

[Aaron Keefe]

You guys, look at these presidents. This is hilarious. Zachary Taylor and James K. Polk both look equally scary and ridiculous.

[JPC]

Yeah. And James K. Polk, he was the president. Was Polk the one that. No, that was Martin Van Buren, I think was English was his second language. I think that's very funny. Cause I think he was like a Dutchman. Polk straight up has a mullet. That's a mullet.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

So these, the first couple, the first handful of presidents, it's all portraits, it's all paintings, do we think?

[JPC]

Except Buchanan. Buchanan, I think was shot on a digital Buchanan.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes.

[JPC]

Yeah, it was a dslr.

[Adal Rifai]

That's where we get canon cameras from.

[JPC]

Exact.

[Adal Rifai]

Drop the beau.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wow.

[Adal Rifai]

So these portraits, do we think when, like, so say George Washington is posing for this beautiful portrait he has?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Do you think after the artist does one, the artist then goes like, let's do a silly one. And he grabs a new canvas and he paints a silly one.

[Aaron Keefe]

And George Washington's like, eh, tongue out.

[Adal Rifai]

He paints for eight hours and then he goes, oh, your eyes were closed for that one. Let's do a new one.

[JPC]

Well, Franklin Pierce, you can see that his portrait. If you go and look at these portraits, obviously listeners, you have to look at them. Franklin Pierce's portrait was redone because when he had first gotten the portrait done, he had just come back from a vacation in Destin, Florida, and he had his hair done in like, beads and braids. And they were like, well, I don't know if that's gonna be like. I know it's your look now, you're rocking it, but is this gonna be your look for a long time? And it turns out it wasn't. It Was like a vacation thing that he kind of.

[Aaron Keefe]

He went, but I'm do it now. I look tan. I took a tintype photo this weekend at the Ren Faire. Got up to 108 degrees, by the way. I almost died. But I didn't know. In those old photographs, they have this thing that clamps the back of your neck so you don't move. And then the woman who took the photo did the thing to the back of my neck and then explained how the photo worked. So me and Zorp were sitting there like, ow, ow, ow, ow. Can you take it? Take it, take it, take it, take it, take it.

[Adal Rifai]

I like. You say there's a thing that clamps to the back of your neck, and it's just a guy holding you, holding you straight.

[Aaron Keefe]

Just a guy named Todd being like, hold still. Stop moving.

[Adal Rifai]

I think it was Chester Arthur, who was the.

[JPC]

Oh, Chester Arthur was the pants guy. Chester gonna say, yeah, that makes sense. He's got, like, a weird, fat tie. He's got the only one that has, like, a tie that looks like maybe this guy is doing something a little different, you know.

[Aaron Keefe]

40 years ago.

[JPC]

Ulysses S. Grant.

[Aaron Keefe]

Go ahead.

[JPC]

Ulysses S. Grant was the first president to be serving a little bit of cunt in his presidential appointment.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, let me see. What number is he?

[Adal Rifai]

He's 18, so it's.

[Aaron Keefe]

Let's see if he's serving.

[Adal Rifai]

So he's called him Ulysses S. Cunt. He s. Could be for serving.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, he is for sure serving cunt.

[JPC]

He's the only. He's the only one who did it. And then Warren G. Harding is the only one that's like, let me get my hand in here. And they're like, hey, none of the rest of the guys wanted to put their hand in here. And he's like, let me do it. They're like, well, why?

[Aaron Keefe]

After Ulysses S. Grant, the next president to serve cunt was George W. Bush. George H.W. bush was the next president to serve. I'm just kidding. He looks the same.

[Adal Rifai]

Mission. Mission accomplished.

[Aaron Keefe]

There you go.

[JPC]

Okay, this. This. I don't want to talk about it on the podcast, but the. This is the first time that I'm seeing the presidential portrait for President Trump for 47. I've seen the 45 one before the 47. What? Looks.

[Aaron Keefe]

Isn't it his mug shot?

[JPC]

It looks.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think it might be his mug shot.

[JPC]

If you go through, like, the. Like the. The. But we're also watching andor right now, which by the time this comes out, is completely over, but it's it's fun because it's very much about the emperor, but it's not like. It's not like the Star wars movies where, like, the emperor is not focused. He's just, like, talked about, you know, kind of throughout. But, you know, the emperor started out as a senator before he, like, took absolute power and became the emperor. Donald Trump is giving the most, like, in that 47 picture. Like, I will be the undying emperor in a couple of years. Like, I'm. I will shoot Mace Windu out a window if I find out that Donald Trump shoots Samuel L. Jackson out of window. I'm like, hey, we got to.

[Aaron Keefe]

We need to join the portrait.

[JPC]

I might join the rebellion. I might put the pussy hat on and be like, it's time to go to Yavin 4, everybody.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's like, that portrait says, I'm building the Death Star right now.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes, it does feel like in the Star wars universe, 90% of conversations should just be anyone at all being like, have you heard about Darth Vader?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

He choked a guy from two miles away.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's adult. It's like what you said when you were like, get a fire hose worth of news to some face every morning. That's what they were dealing with there, too. They're like, you know what for my mental health cannot look at my news tablet.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. It's like, it's all Vader.

[JPC]

Yeah. Like, it's like our reality is like, have you heard about Darth Vader? Yeah. He got on a resistance ship and he killed everybody on the ship and force choked the pilot and crushed him into a cube. And our reality is like, hey, did you see Pete Hegseth sent another dick pic to a group chat with his mom, a doctor, and. And me, the Washington Post bureau chief or whatever.

[Adal Rifai]

Here's a riddle for you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Pete Hegseth sent a dick pic to his mom, a doctor, and the bureau chief, yet he only sent the picture to two people. How is it possible?

[Aaron Keefe]

So his mother, his doctor was the.

[JPC]

Mother and a bureau chief.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm looking at these presidents guys, before we get into riddles, and I'm 100% sure that I could do better today than at least 35 of these guys. At least.

[JPC]

Yeah. I think most people, if you picked them off the street, could do better than 35 of the presidents.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, I think you would be better.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you.

[Adal Rifai]

To do better, you would have to be better. And I think you should run next year for president with the campaign slogan be better or actually be best.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think I Gotta wait a couple years. I actually could run for president in 2028.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. Don't you.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'll be old enough.

[JPC]

Oh, I completely thought it was old. I thought it was a height requirement. You guys are getting the leg. The COVID leg surgery, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

I am. I can't wait. It's gonna hurt so bad.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, we are gonna do some riddles, but I will say in 2027, I think we continue to do riddles or whatever this podcast is, but we also hardcore launch a campaign for Aaron Keefe to be president.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's so funny because I sometimes think about my original plan when I was applying for colleges. I was like, I'm either gonna go for theater or I'm gonna go for politics. And if I go for politics, I'm gonna go. And then maybe I'll go to law school or maybe I'll become a Daily show correspondent. And that was that path. But I think about that all the time and I'm like, that would have been. Oof. Cause when I moved to Chicago, that was my plan. I was like, I'm gonna do world news and then I'm gonna go be on the Daily Show. That was my dream. And then politics kept getting darker and darker and I'm like, um, I actually don't know if that's like why you don't see women with microphones at Trump rallies anymore. Like, it's too dangerous, too scary.

[JPC]

We've had on stage. I was like, what the fuck is she talking? You meant like the protest microphone?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

The bullhorn.

[Aaron Keefe]

The bullhorn.

[Adal Rifai]

We've had presidents run the country like a business, Aaron. I think it's time the country is run like a podcast.

[Aaron Keefe]

So just a doodle to try to figure out when everyone can just a little doodle, do a recording.

[JPC]

I wonder what it would be like to have a president that does not respond to texts and emails. I think.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, hey, jpc. Your texts, your emails.

[Adal Rifai]

Let's get into some warm up riddles here.

[JPC]

Oh, well, let's also say that this is Heyrin and Riddle. I'm gpc, that's Adel, and that's Aaron. I think maybe the longest ever gone without saying what the podcast is or who we are. It's okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

We hadn't seen each other in a minute. We're catching up.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

These are trios. We've done these before. It's going to be three things. They all have one thing in common. A candy store, a fancy hotel in Tchajkowsky, Tchaikowsky. Tchajkowski.

[JPC]

A candy store.

[Adal Rifai]

Tchaikovsky.

[JPC]

A fancy hotel.

[Adal Rifai]

A candy store or fancy hotel in Tchaichovsky.

[Aaron Keefe]

Who is Tchaikovsky?

[JPC]

Tchaikovsky. Was he a composer?

[Adal Rifai]

He was a composer.

[JPC]

And these things all have something in common.

[Aaron Keefe]

They all have bars.

[Adal Rifai]

They don't all have bars, but that's a very good guess. That's very much.

[JPC]

A fancy hotel would have a piano in the lobby. I'm assuming Tchaikovsky has a piano somewhere in his house. Does a candy store have a piano?

[Adal Rifai]

Piano is definitely a breadcrumb on the trail to the right answer here. So definitely think along those lines. But it's something it's not.

[Aaron Keefe]

Keys, Twizzlers, lollipops.

[Adal Rifai]

We all have Twizzlers.

[JPC]

White and black. Is there something with white and black?

[Adal Rifai]

No.

[JPC]

Think about. It's like a decor thing.

[Adal Rifai]

So think about a fancy hotel. Why are we saying fancy versus a regular hotel? What would a fancy hotel have that a Ramada Inn does not have?

[Aaron Keefe]

No. Bedbugs.

[JPC]

Chandelier.

[Aaron Keefe]

Chandelier.

[JPC]

Oh, like, no questions asked. Call service for like, you know, the kind of stuff that you like what don't want to say, but you want.

[Adal Rifai]

For like an anora situation.

[JPC]

For like an experience where you could.

[Adal Rifai]

Like get like an anora experience. Aaron. Anora.

[JPC]

Let's see. Sexual pleasure from a sex worker.

[Adal Rifai]

I do want to see a scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[Adal Rifai]

It's not. It's not what you think. Going off. Candy store and fancy hotel. I do want to see a scene. Jpc. You are a hotel owner. This is. You have a hotel made out of candy. Aaron, you have just arrived at the hotel. You didn't know it was going to be made out of candy. And you're just sort of like taking in all the. All the information.

[JPC]

Hello and welcome. A pleasure to serve. Checking in.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hi. Yes, my name is Gretel Forest. Sorry, I'm having.

[JPC]

No, it's okay. Gretel forest. Is that two Rs? I'm not finding you in the. Do you have a reservation?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, it might be under my brother's name, Hansel.

[JPC]

Oh, yes. Hansel forest. With three Rs. Yes, yes. We have you for a double occupancy, two queen beds. Is that correct? Staying with us for. Oh, my condolences. I'm just seeing here in the file that you have been recently orphaned. You're staying with us indefinitely.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, yeah, sorry, I just. I stumbled upon a house like this before. This.

[JPC]

Well, there are no houses like this. This is the finest hotel in all of the land. This is. Actually, I am the owner and proprietor of the hotel. It is a jewel. It is unique in that way.

[Aaron Keefe]

Right? You do. Yeah. Sorry. You just remind me of someone. Sorry. My brother and I went into this house. We pushed a lady in the oven because she thought she was going to cook and eat us. Now we're scared every day she's going to enact her revenge.

[JPC]

So you don't have to. You don't have to tell me this. And of course, everything you tell me is completely confidential. We keep all of our guests secrets, even if they admit to. As long as they're not planning on doing something like this in the future if it's a past crime that they have admitted to.

[Aaron Keefe]

So I'll just grab the WI FI info and breakfast starts at 6.

[JPC]

Breakfast starts whenever you want to take a bite. And it's candy for breakfast.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, that's kind of fun.

[JPC]

Don't. If you're going to eat candy or eat pieces of the hotel, might I recommend you don't eat anything that is floor or walls, because that's something that people usually touch ceiling. Easy to eat and easy to replace. So if it's floral walls, it's gonna be dirty candy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Great. And you're.

[JPC]

Because it's all candy, right? Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Even the bed.

[JPC]

The hotel is made of candy, Right? The stuff inside. I'm typing on a computer right now.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

The stuff inside the hotel is. No.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, okay.

[JPC]

How would it. How would an elevator made of candy work?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know. Like the same way a hotel made of candy would work.

[JPC]

Ah, I am so sick of this scene. Shit.

[Aaron Keefe]

That was definitely the way.

[Adal Rifai]

Grand opening. Grand opening, first guest, a candy store, a fancy hotel, and Tychowski the witch's.

[JPC]

House was made of candy. But, like, she had like an oven and stuff and a cauldron or whatever.

[Aaron Keefe]

It was made of candy.

[JPC]

That was all made of candy.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know. Bitch. Oh, Adol. What is the answer to this?

[Adal Rifai]

It's insane to. It's insane to go into someone's house, start to get suspicious and just push them in a. Push them in an oven just to, like, be safe. To be like, just in case.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Because we don't know what you try to cook them.

[JPC]

Yeah. If you told me that story and you did not mention, like the fairy tale aspect of it.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah.

[JPC]

You just talked about how it's like a home invasion. They push someone in the oven. I would be like, oh, this is a person suffering from a mental break.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes.

[JPC]

And you're like, no, they were children and the house was candy. I'm like, okay, well, the detail, I just can't with this. I can't absorb what this story is. I have too much context for this.

[Adal Rifai]

But she was a witch, you, Honor. I think Candy store, fancy hotel Tychowski, I think. And I very much apologize. I feel like we're gonna get a lot of comments on how I'm pronouncing Tychowski, but I just don't care. A fancy hotel, I think, is what we really need to examine. So, again, what does a fancy hotel have that a regular hotel has? A bar, a pool, and think about, like, the upper floors, probably.

[Aaron Keefe]

Penthouse is a true balcony.

[Adal Rifai]

Penthouse. But you might call it the other sweet.

[JPC]

She took a lot of flak for being a witch, but, like, she wanted to eat the kids, right? She was a cannibal.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, hold on if I'm thinking the word she expressed. Jpc. She expressed interest in maybe having a nibble if permissible.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think she wanted them to eat the candy and then she wanted to eat them.

[JPC]

I forgot. Adol's trying to get on the Army Hammer podcast. So he's not.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, he's.

[JPC]

He's trying to be as loose as he can with the term cannibal because it doesn't actually apply to people who just maybe have like, talked about wanting to try.

[Adal Rifai]

Armie, thank you so much for having me on. Hammering home.

[Aaron Keefe]

Is that the name of it?

[Adal Rifai]

Arnie Army.

[Aaron Keefe]

Arnie Army.

[Adal Rifai]

Arnie Army.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's waiting for you.

[Adal Rifai]

Tell me. And you're the heir to the Armie Hammer fortune company.

[Aaron Keefe]

Can I have another riddle? Because that one kind of kicked my ass.

[Adal Rifai]

Yes. And just sort of a liar, liar situation. Aaron. You might say a candy store, A fancy hotel, Chaituski. They all have sweets. That's sort of just to wrap that one up. Absolutely. You got it, Aaron. Good job. This will be a football playbook. A football playbook. A love letter, and Hollywood Squares Xs.

[JPC]

Louie Anderson.

[Adal Rifai]

They all have Louie Anderson.

[Aaron Keefe]

Dang, I'm bad at this.

[Adal Rifai]

All right, guys, we're going to run a Hail Mary. Louie Anderson, top 10 receivers on the board. Aaron, you got half of it. You said they all have X's and O's. They all have X's and O's gets the square.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would like to see a scene. Jpc, you are our football coach, and you're explaining a play to us that you came up with yesterday.

[JPC]

All right, everybody, we're going to try something. It's just practice today, okay? So, you know the game's on Sunday. We practice like it's the game. I had a dream last night, and are you guys familiar with. It's like the type of dream where, like, you can kind of control what's happening.

[Aaron Keefe]

Lucid dreaming, coach.

[JPC]

Lucid dreaming.

[Adal Rifai]

Lucid dreaming, coach.

[JPC]

Yeah. So I had my first. I've been trying to do it for a while. I had my first lucid dream last night, and we were all. Yep, Steve, you were there. Derek. We were all on the field, and I was coming up with these brilliant plays. And when I woke up, the second I woke up, I started writing them all down. I started writing them all down. Okay.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, yeah. Give it to us, Coach.

[JPC]

What is it? What is it? For the first play? So it looks like the football field, but it's like, not the football field. Like, it's way longer, so that'll be important. So it'll be, like, longer. Like, it'll be like a hundred miles. So we'll have to, like, stop as we're running downfield. We'll have to, like, stop and, like, stay at, like, a hotels and stuff.

[Aaron Keefe]

It sort of sounds like this is dream logic and won't necessarily apply to the kind of plays we need to win a game.

[JPC]

Hey, you are O line, okay? You're not the quarterback. QB1, you can speak in the huddles. O line, don't speak in the huddles.

[Aaron Keefe]

But I'm the captain, Coach.

[Adal Rifai]

Thank you, QB1. Here I see on page 14, play, play 48. It says that I am to snap the ball and then hover three. Hover three inches off the ground for about 45 minutes.

[JPC]

It's not 45 minutes to 45 seconds. So this is called the serpent on the mound. So what it is, you're gonna snap the football in half, mound, Hand it to the serpent on the mound. Hand it to the people on either side of you, okay? They're gonna take those footballs, snap them in half. Now suddenly we have eight footballs on the field. My math works out there. Everybody's gonna be throwing footballs. Okay?

[Adal Rifai]

That's more of a wildcat situation.

[Aaron Keefe]

Coach, on page seven, this diagram says all my teeth are supposed to fall out. And then I have to take an English test again that I failed when I was in high school.

[JPC]

Don't worry about it. Don't dwell too much about the teeth in the test. The teeth fall out, but shark teeth replace them. Shark never run out of teeth. They're just always pushing, pushing, pushing, growing back, growing more teeth, growing more teeth, growing more teeth. And then the English test is on. Huck Finn. So it's easy. He, you know, painted the fence or whatever. I'm supposed to be one I'm supposed.

[Adal Rifai]

To get back to with Deborah, but she's a car now and it says.

[Aaron Keefe]

That happened in your childhood best friend's kitchen.

[JPC]

So this one sucks because I had just seen the movie Cars for the first time. So Lightning McQueen was gonna be in a ton of these plays, but that's okay. Okay, here's one called wow. So Lightning McQueen, you start driving down the field and it's long, like a hundred miles. So you're gonna have to stop for gas.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey, coach, we need to start the game. Sorry. Me and the other refs, we gotta start the game.

[JPC]

Oh my God. Have I been talking for a whole day? All we were doing.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey, it's me, your mom, the ref, your mom.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adal Rifai]

But I'm made of gold.

[Aaron Keefe]

And we all start floating up to the ceiling Scene. It was a dream the whole time. Inception within a dream.

[JPC]

A scene within a scene.

[Adal Rifai]

Inception, A ladder, a mountain, a fish.

[Aaron Keefe]

Things that you climb. Things that you do high.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron. Things that you climb is so close. Just maybe another word for that.

[JPC]

Oh, things that you wrung out.

[Adal Rifai]

No, but I like that as well. You ever wring out a fish?

[JPC]

You catch a fish, you get the bones out.

[Adal Rifai]

Get all the water out.

[JPC]

You don't want to eat the bones of a fish. If you want that meat, you got to wring out the bones.

[Aaron Keefe]

Let's go on a break.

[Adal Rifai]

We'll be right back.

[Aaron Keefe]

Can't believe that worked.

[Adal Rifai]

All right, just hop on the stools there and welcome to the grand opening of Rafai's Diner. What can I get you? To look over the menu? What can I get you? What can I get you?

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, this looks like the same stuff that Tempo Chef is offering.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, yeah, don't.

[Aaron Keefe]

Feels like you're sort of gonna make use one of their meals.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, duh. I mean, Tempo has the best sort of delivery at home food that you can buy. So why would I cook food on my own? That sounds insane.

[Aaron Keefe]

Buying ingredients, just misleading when you name it, your name. So just keep going though.

[JPC]

Yeah. I feel like if you had invited us over to have Tempo, we would have absolutely come over because we liked it way faster.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Okay, so good.

[JPC]

Plus, Tempo is the official partner of the 2025 CrossFit Games. They deliver fresh chef crafted dietitian approved meals right to your door. They're packed with protein. The delicious meals help keep you fueled and ready for your next week workout.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing is, like, I could go in the back and, like, pretend to cook or something, but Tempo serves up fast. Feel good single serving meals that are crafted to cook in just three minutes. So you can eat well without sacrificing taste or convenience because otherwise it's going to be like eight hours for eggs.

[JPC]

Oh.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, wow. That's crazy.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

The overhead on that could be back next week with new recipes each week that are made with real ingredients and nutrient rich. They make it easy to keep up a healthy lifestyle. They can just be heated up in the microwave in just three minutes. Easy peasy.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, here's some of my favorites. Ding, ding. Order up Moroccan style spicy meatball and brown rice bowl with peas and parmesan. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

[JPC]

He's eating it.

[Adal Rifai]

Ding, ding, ding, ding. We have some chipotle chicken tinga rice bowls with corn and beans. Oh, yum, yum.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's eating that one too. Num.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, and a little, little taste of sofrito grilled chicken thighs with coconut rice and corn. Actually, I'm going to. I'm going to eat this as well.

[JPC]

Yeah. So you're eating all of them. So for a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to tempomeals.com rental that's tempomeals.com riddle for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com riddle rules and restrictions may apply.

[Adal Rifai]

All right, Danish clothes. Go home.

[Aaron Keefe]

What? Notice anything different about me?

[Adal Rifai]

Ooh.

[Aaron Keefe]

Gestures towards my new quince dress. That's perfect for summer.

[JPC]

Don't say appearance. Don't say appearance. Don't say appearance. It looks like you are very sleek.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. Smaller eyes.

[JPC]

Why would I say that?

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, that's true kind of all the time. There's a little twirl in my new quint dress. It's super summery and light. I look great.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, I'm so sorry. I'm trying to notice, but if you just. If that beautiful dress wasn't in the way, I feel like I could maybe see if you got a haircut or something.

[JPC]

Aaron, did you get your legs switched? I heard people are doing that surgery now where they get right and left.

[Aaron Keefe]

I did. It went kind of wrong. But I do have this beautiful new dress from quince. Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work from everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. But the best part is everything with quints is Half the cost of a similar brand.

[JPC]

That's true.

[Aaron Keefe]

It has really unlocked something for me. You guys, I'm loving this. It's perfect for basics. It's perfect for home stuff. Check it out, Aaron.

[Adal Rifai]

It's gorgeous. And a little birdie told me that took your hair. I believe a little birdie with your hair told me that Quince works directly with top artisans and they cut out the middleman. Quint's gives you luxury pieces without the markups.

[JPC]

Yeah, I love my Quint's lightweight hoodies. I actually have a really terrible time finding lightweight hoodies. It's one of my favorite articles of clothing and the ones that I got from Quint's are fantastic. So stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from quince. Go to quince.com riddle for free shipping on your order. 365 day returns. That's Quince Q-U-I-N-C-E.com riddle to get free shipping and 365 day returns.

[Aaron Keefe]

Quince.com riddle does it spin in my dress? My new legs sort of fall and turn into dust. I knew I shouldn't have gotten this surgery.

[JPC]

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace at Old jpc.

[Aaron Keefe]

We're going on tour this year and I thought I'd do something special to commemorate. I'm doing a travel blog. I'm using Squarespace to make my brand new website to sort of show all the photos and videos and funny stories of our travels.

[JPC]

I'm looking at this. Aaron, this looks like a blog of places that you've fallen down.

[Aaron Keefe]

Uh, yeah, sorry, I just. This is also just for like insurance stuff. Like I have to keep track. Aaronwipesout.gov yeah, okay, so you sort of turn this around on me.

[Adal Rifai]

Bird pulls out woman's hair. Well, Aaron, the good thing is Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with your travel blog or whatever it might be. Whether you're starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. Except Aaron, I don't know. Are you getting paid for this?

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, not yet, but I can fundraise directly on the website to grow my impact. With built in donation tools, I can create a professional on brand website that makes it easy to accept one time or recurring contributions and engage supporters. With built in email campaigns and marketing tools, you can connect with your community and inspire more people to support Your cause because I'm trying to find a wig. Because a bird ate all my hair.

[JPC]

And Aaron, also, with Squarespace, you have access to videos. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. You can upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops. Like I'm seeing this video on your website. Bird wears women's hair and pulls off look better. Ooh, it's paywall. Aaron, very smart.

[Adal Rifai]

Ah, what's this one? Kids trip adult woman while onlookers cheer. What? Aaron, I'm so sorry.

[Aaron Keefe]

I didn't mean to upload that one.

[JPC]

Aaron. Plus, with SEO tools, you can get discovered fast. With integrated Squarespace SEO tools, every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap, and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Let me try it out. I'm going to Google woman, bird, wig and pain. Aaron, here you are. Top of the list.

[Adal Rifai]

Ooh, also, Kristen Wiig is going to play a bird in an upcoming Alfred Hitchcock remake.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ooh, sign me up.

[Adal Rifai]

So head to squarespace.com riddle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code RIDDLE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain that includes birds with Aaron's hair.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think I'm gonna shut this website down. It's too funny.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, we're back. And we still have this to solve. A ladder. A mountain of fish. These three things have something in common, Aaron. Their climb is very, very close.

[Aaron Keefe]

But it's something that goes up, swims.

[Adal Rifai]

Up, is you might do this to a ladder. You might do this to a mountain. You might do this if you're cooking a fish.

[JPC]

Brine. You would brine a ladder.

[Adal Rifai]

I mean, this is one of the first things you do to a fish. Absolute first things you do. Well, maybe after killing. Hopefully de bone. Oh, very close. But even before you get to the bones, you gotta do something else.

[Aaron Keefe]

Scale.

[Adal Rifai]

These are all things you scale guts.

[JPC]

Out.

[Adal Rifai]

If you want to see a scene. Jpc, Aaron and I are interviewers. You are the first fish to climb Everest. And we're getting this. The press conference over here.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[Adal Rifai]

Hi. From the London observer, but I don't have an accent. What was the hardest part about climbing the mountain?

[D]

Horrible. It's fucking freezing. Are you kidding? Oh, my God. Oh, God.

[JPC]

Okay, Dwayne du jour. Epoch times or epoch times? I don't really know. I have a question. Did you think that there would be more salmon up there?

[D]

Yeah.

[JPC]

And is that why you went? Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[JPC]

A follow up question. Why?

[D]

Because something's broken in my. Sorry. Ah, sorry. I'm so cold. I need.

[JPC]

We're at base camp. Yeah, we're back down the mountain at this point.

[D]

I know, but like, I mean, that's why I stayed so fresh is. I was so cold up there. Holy crap.

[JPC]

Can we. Can we do something? Can we help you warm up? Would it help if we dunked you in some hot oil?

[Adal Rifai]

Tea oil?

[D]

I see what's happening. No, you can't cook me. Okay. I climbed up the mountain because I thought my whole school was going up there. Turns out that was not the case. I'm feeling a little off. I don't know where they are. I'm supposed to be with them. It's actually. I'm out like $150,000. It's expensive to climb Mount Everest. Also, there's a long line at the top, and that was stressful. Yes.

[Adal Rifai]

Hi. Todd McFarlane, creator of Spawn. I had a question. You have a little bite out of you. What happened there?

[D]

Okay, all right. Don't judge. I got a little lost. I got sort of. What is it called when you feel sick from not enough air? Altitude sickness. I got altitude sickness. I got a little hungry. The sun came out. It's kind of beating down on me. I smelled how I smelled. The sweat had made me salty.

[JPC]

Speaking of sweat made me salty. I'm sorry. Jerry Curl, Playboy magazine, America wants to know, while you were up there, did you breed? Um, did you spawn?

[D]

Well, if you do go up there and you do see a bunch of dead baby salmon, you know, I don't need to answer this question.

[Adal Rifai]

So did I lay eggs up there?

[D]

Fine. Sure.

[Adal Rifai]

Let's do one more.

[Aaron Keefe]

Let's go on a break.

[Adal Rifai]

We'll be right back. Let's do one more of these. This is eggs, bricks, and carpets. Eggs, bricks, carpets, and I'll even add Aaron Keefe.

[JPC]

These are all things that need to be whisked away.

[Aaron Keefe]

All things that crack.

[JPC]

You just won a vacation.

[Adal Rifai]

Eggs, bricks, and carpets.

[JPC]

Aaron, when's the last time that you were whisked away?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't think ever.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

What constitutes being whisked away?

[Adal Rifai]

Usually you're sort of like whisked off your feet is the expression I read most often is I was whisked off my feet.

[JPC]

So I think.

[Adal Rifai]

I think kidnapped.

[JPC]

Well, No, I don't think. I think it. Like. What it would need is you, like, leave your place. Like, you walk out your front door and someone is standing, leaning against a car. Doesn't have to be a convertible. It would help with a jacket over one shoulder. And they're probably either wearing sunglasses or they have sunglasses, but they're definitely holding tickets. Like, they have tickets to something, and they're just smiling. And then you look at them, and without seeing what the tickets are, you know what the tickets are for.

[Aaron Keefe]

In your eyes is playing on their car speakers. Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

Wait a minute.

[JPC]

What with Al. Is that the lion kit.

[Adal Rifai]

Inside your eyes?

[Aaron Keefe]

Wait. Now my brain is combining those songs. Stop it, Adel. Stop.

[JPC]

All my instincts of your eyes.

[Aaron Keefe]

That really hurt my brain. Yeah, I think whisked away is like. If someone is like, grab your passport, baby. We're going to Paris this weekend. And I have it all figured out. No, I've not been whisked away. I'm the one who usually plans the trips in my life. I'm the one who books things and finds things and. But I would love to be whisked away.

[Adal Rifai]

I had one birthday where the night before I went to bed, Gemma was like, pack a bag. Here's everything you need. And it was like, wow, 10 items or something. So I packed. She's like, pack a bag for one day. Here's the things you definitely should put in your bag. And then we walked to the L line, and then we got on the L line. We got to o' Hare, and then she was kind of smiling, and it's like, where are we gonna go? And I was like, are we going to try to guess? We just went to Chili's, too. She was like, pack a set of utensils of cutlery. But we ended up going to New Orleans for the day. And it was such a. It was such a delight to be like, I'm at the airport. I don't know where I'm going. It was very, very fun. So I had.

[Aaron Keefe]

You got whisked?

[Adal Rifai]

I got whisked, baby.

[JPC]

There's all those big posters at the airport being like, look out for the signs of whisk, of people being whisked. Learn that. Learn the hand signals. Learn the codes to know if the hand signals.

[Adal Rifai]

Miming a big mixing bowl and then doing this sort of stirring motion.

[JPC]

A guy on vacation, his wife's so excited, and he's doing the hand signs to people to see if anyone would be like, excuse me, sir, do you want to go to New Orleans? Today. Do you want to go to New Orleans today? Did you want to watch football?

[Adal Rifai]

Eggs, bricks and carpets all have something in common. Think about eggs.

[JPC]

Fibers. They all have fibers.

[Adal Rifai]

Think about what are done to eggs before we can enjoy them.

[Aaron Keefe]

Cracked.

[Adal Rifai]

But even before they're cracked, they're shoved.

[JPC]

Out of a bird's cloaca.

[Adal Rifai]

100% JBC. You nailed it. But what's that term called?

[JPC]

Being born.

[Adal Rifai]

But we don't say born. We don't say my chicken. Born.

[Aaron Keefe]

Laid. Oh, they're laid.

[Adal Rifai]

These are all things that are laid. Eggs, bricks, carpets.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'd like to see a seed. ADOL and jpc. You guys are chickens. Adol. JPC is your chicken best friend. And you are kind of panicking and confiding in him that you laid a brick instead of an egg last night.

[JPC]

Oh, wait, wait. Before. You know, I just gotta. I have to, like, organize this because it's.

[Aaron Keefe]

You know, I am having a ton of sex, okay?

[JPC]

It's just so late. It's just like I'm going through all of this shit and I just can't find the fucking. You know, it's like. Cause I have. I have, like.

[Aaron Keefe]

I could do, like, covered in cum.

[JPC]

I could be like, oh, yeah, but that's not the right one.

[Aaron Keefe]

Or I could be like, Casey unrel out of me.

[JPC]

But that's not like I have.

[Aaron Keefe]

Why do you ever use adoles? I have a mother who listens.

[JPC]

Adol never says Adol. Okay. I mean, I guess like, ADOL could be like, I have sex hounded smooth and so. But, you know, it's just like. Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't play one of yours, smart guy.

[JPC]

Mine are. Mine are nothing. I mean, mine are. I was bitten by ecloica. Okay, that one would have.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's the only one that applied. That's the only one that made sense. Casey, can you help me set up a soundboard this week?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm sorry, I'm so. And you know, I hate to ask.

[JPC]

You, but I broke the frog in Tennessee.

[Adal Rifai]

Gpz. Will you make that whole thing a clip? Casey, will you set up my sunboard this week?

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. I'd like to see my scene now.

[JPC]

Okay, can you restate what it was? Cause obviously, we're chickens. Obviously. I was looking for we're chickens.

[Aaron Keefe]

Your chicken best friend, Adel, is confiding in you because he laid a brick last night instead of an egg and he's panicking.

[JPC]

Got it.

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Hey, Bob. Hey, Bob. Hey, Bob.

[JPC]

Hey, Suze. What's going on?

[Adal Rifai]

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Hey, last night, you know, I. I did the thing we all look forward to doing and went a little sideways. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

[JPC]

Okay, I'm not following you, Susan.

[Adal Rifai]

I laid a brick. I laid a brick. Brick.

[Aaron Keefe]

Brick.

[JPC]

Oh, you were playing basketball last night?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, well, yeah, I was playing.

[JPC]

Yeah, I guess I missed the invite. Was it just chickens or were roosters? It doesn't matter.

[Adal Rifai]

It was a N1 mixtape tour. The professor was there.

[JPC]

Got it. Oh, you laid a brick. Well, that sucks. I mean, yeah, if it was the N1 mixtape tour, probably a lot of people saw it too. Well, hey, you know what? People don't remember that stuff after it happens. It might be, like, in a video or whatever. Whatever. But everybody. It happens to everybody, you know?

[Adal Rifai]

But after the game, I got so nervous, I thought I'd, you know, sort of give birth. And I. Okay, I pushed out a brick. So I laid bricks, and then I brushed out a brick.

[JPC]

I'm sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You. You pushed a brick out of your body, like, instead of an egg, like you. Like you laid a brick. It.

[Adal Rifai]

Hold it. Touch it.

[JPC]

Oh, my God. This is like a. This is like a standard size brick, right? This came out of you. This is as big as you. It's thicker than you. It's heavier than you. Yeah, there's no way this came out of you.

[Adal Rifai]

I tried to put it back in. I even laid next to it, and I'm like.

[JPC]

I could.

[Adal Rifai]

The corners would stick out of my mouth.

[JPC]

I see what's happening. I see what's happening. You tried to. You tried to put it back in. Well, okay. Yeah. Hey, we all get lonely, you know.

[Aaron Keefe]

Seed, Seed, Seed. I forgot that I could pull the ripcord on that. Good.

[Adal Rifai]

She's a brick and I'm chicken sex toy.

[JPC]

That is what that song is about. And it's actually really sad. It's actually sad.

[Adal Rifai]

Ben Folds came out and said, it's about a chicken masturbating with a brick. I think it's pretty obvious when you listen to the lyrics, Aaron.

[JPC]

If you hear the lyrics about him sitting in the waiting room and getting nervous. It's about a chicken.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, that's what the luckiest is about. You guys.

[Adal Rifai]

Don't listen to him, Aaron. That's the cluckiest. It's about a chicken. The cluckiest Cock in the suburbs. Cock in the suburbs.

[Aaron Keefe]

I have told that along.

[JPC]

Well, I thought about the head house.

[Adal Rifai]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Henfolds five headphones.

[Aaron Keefe]

They're all assembled headphones.

[Adal Rifai]

Remember? Guys, remember a few episodes ago we said that we might do an episode where it takes us two years because we're putting so much time and effort and production value into it. We even said we hire a Rick Rubin. Rick Rubin type to bring us to his Shangri La minimalist studio and give us Zen like wisdom. What if we do in two years, we release a Ben Folds album. That's Hen Folds Five. And it's all Weird Al esque parodies, but it's all chickens, though.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

And after we do that, we promise we'll disappear forever. You will never hear from us again.

[JPC]

I think Adol, if we did that, I think that people would be genuinely pretty upset. I think that people would be pretty upset. No. Oh, interesting. Upset in a good way. Huh?

[Adal Rifai]

And what?

[JPC]

And what was that? And what?

[Aaron Keefe]

There's an old man who lived through his 90s and one day passed away to sleep. And his wife, she stayed for was.

[JPC]

The luckiest even on an album.

[Aaron Keefe]

Passed away the asant.

[JPC]

As far as like is the luckiest. Is that on an album? I thought that that was like a non album Ben Fold song.

[Aaron Keefe]

This Earnest Chicken. No. What is what? I can't think of another Ben Fold song.

[JPC]

No, no, no. It's on Rock of the Suburbs. I forgot. Yes. Yeah, no, he just has the one. That's fine.

[Aaron Keefe]

You don't know me at all.

[JPC]

From the over the Hedge soundtrack.

[Aaron Keefe]

Is that from over the Hedge?

[JPC]

I don't know. He did a song for the other.

[Aaron Keefe]

Day, like a Mannequin. What's his song that he wrote for his daughter. I remember being so sweet. And I want to turn it into a chicken song.

[Adal Rifai]

Is it off the suburbs? Rock in the suburbs.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's called Gracie. How does that go though?

[JPC]

Hmm? Well, I don't know, Aaron, you're gonna have to listen to it. And you're gonna have to work for two years on a Ben Folds Chicken album and then put it out and then have people be like, hey, man, what's going on?

[Aaron Keefe]

Are you okay?

[JPC]

What is this?

[Adal Rifai]

I'll start a Kickstarter and we'll see how many people are clamoring for a Ben Folds Chicken parody album.

[Aaron Keefe]

Annie Waits turns into People start stealing from the Kickstarter. That's how much they don't want it to exist.

[Adal Rifai]

Carrie and Kathy, not the same. We'll figure it out. Hey, we'll figure this out.

[Aaron Keefe]

Here's we'll figure it out.

[Adal Rifai]

What type of transportation has 10 wheels, but can only carry one person.

[JPC]

What type of transportation has 10 wheels but could only carry one person? Unicycle stacked up on a bunch of other unicycles with one guy at the top of it.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay.

[JPC]

10 years. Cycle, cycle, cycle.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, JVC, you can leave the class.

[JPC]

Thank you.

[Adal Rifai]

You've passed. Aaron, what type of Transportation has 10 wheels but can only carry one person?

[Aaron Keefe]

A bike.

[Adal Rifai]

It's not a bike. Bikes usually have one or two wheels.

[JPC]

Is this a. Okay, it's got 10 wheels. You said 10 wheels.

[Adal Rifai]

10 wheels.

[JPC]

So is this like a person? I'm going to say like in a European city, like a Parisianer who is taking, like, transporting eight wheels of cheese home from their cheese shop on a bike?

[Adal Rifai]

Gpc. You got it.

[JPC]

Ah, Ratatouille.

[Adal Rifai]

There's two wheels plus eight wheels of fromage.

[JPC]

Can you believe that There is not a single character in the movie Ratatouille named Ratatouille. What the fuck?

[Adal Rifai]

That's insane. What the fuck that is? There's also no character in Toy Story named Toy Story. What are we doing?

[JPC]

Why is the mouse not named Ratatouille?

[Adal Rifai]

In Rugrats they have names like Tommy. There's no Rugrat in Rugrats.

[JPC]

Truly sucks. I mean, we gotta do something about these fucking Hollywood types.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, I'm tired of it.

[JPC]

Naming conventions for movies.

[Adal Rifai]

I'm tired of it. What transportation has to be.

[JPC]

I already got it.

[Adal Rifai]

Spooky. Gary. What? Bersen. Besides a French person carrying wheels of chills from Ash. So think of these wheels being smaller than what you're probably picturing.

[JPC]

So there's also Wheels is like a type of, like, it's like macaroni for kids. Like, it's like, hey, it's wheels. It's like a fun shape of a noodle.

[Adal Rifai]

And how does it sound?

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[JPC]

Oh, cool.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah, cool.

[JPC]

Oh, craft. The cheesiest Velveeta cheese. Oh, macaroni wheels. Annie's. Annie's Luxury Mac and Cheese.

[Aaron Keefe]

And let's go on a break.

[Adal Rifai]

Let's go to a mental break. What type of transportation has 10 wheels? Here's what I'll say.

[JPC]

I was in the grocery store the other day and I was walking down the Mac and cheese aisle. Not really my thing, but it's on the way to the beans. And I saw there were, like, three new brands of Mac and cheese that I've never fucking heard of. Was anybody clamoring for this? Did anyone need more, like, additional Mac and cheese brands on the market?

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron, is this stand up or what is this?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I think it's really pre planned.

[JPC]

Who are the people who are asking for more Mac and cheese?

[Adal Rifai]

Wait, I feel like people are clamoring for more Mac and cheese.

[JPC]

Really?

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. Cause Kraft is nostalgia based. Like you eat it and you're like, this reminds me of childhood, but it is fairly watery and the cheese is thin and it's not like super tasty. Annie's is fine, but it tastes like you're eating healthy Mac and cheese.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adal Rifai]

I feel like we need a third option that's like a little more luscious and dense.

[JPC]

I got news for you. We got a third option, a fourth option, and a fifth option. They got the brands. The Mac and cheese is there for you.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, I feel like it's popular enough of a food staple that we need more options.

[JPC]

Isn't it crazy that we say food staple, but if you try to eat staples, the doctor will tell you these have cut up your.

[Aaron Keefe]

Not a universal experience. Just you.

[JPC]

Just you. Yeah, I can afford a doctor. Okay. Sorry, Aaron. Sorry that I have health insurance. Okay. And then I go to the doctor because I ate too many staples. Because I read it in a book about staples and I said, oh, it seems like rice and staples are two things that people can eat to kind of like keep a healthy.

[Aaron Keefe]

To kind of what?

[JPC]

Huh?

[Aaron Keefe]

Huh?

[JPC]

Was I talking or who was.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think. I don't remember. Is it a clock? Can't ride a clock, though.

[Adal Rifai]

You could ride a clock, you'd get some weird looks. This type of transportation with 10 wheels is usually going to be seen for us. We would most likely see it a lot during, like the summer. During the summer, maybe probably on the sidewalks. Some kids, some teens, maybe some adults who think they're really cool in their head.

[Aaron Keefe]

Skateboard.

[Adal Rifai]

We're getting real close. Rollerblades, Aaron. It is rollerblades or inline skates. Five wheels on each blade.

[JPC]

I truly could not have told you that roller skates had five wheels on them.

[Adal Rifai]

I think most inline skates do, right?

[JPC]

Oh, inline skates is in a line, right? Because like the roller skates are like four wheels, right?

[Adal Rifai]

Roller skates are four and four. Yeah. In total. But rollerblades are. The inline skates I think typically have five and five.

[JPC]

Why do they have five? Why not four? Is it just because it has to be like longer than your foot or something or. Hey, you can tell I've never skated once in my life on skates. I've skateboarded, but I've never. I've never. I think I've put on roller skates maybe twice, but I've never had inline skates.

[Adal Rifai]

I've never done inline. I used to go to roller rinks all the time for birthday parties. I mean, roller rinks were the place to be. You don't see them a lot anymore.

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't think there's one sort of by me in Los Angeles that I went to, but I don't know. I don't know. Like, it's fun to watch people who are good at it, but it. I don't know. I don't necessarily have the most fun doing it.

[Adal Rifai]

It's fun when they turn on. They'll put, like, a disco ball down that. Maybe they'll put on blacklight or something. You go to this little window, and a guy sells you a box of Alexander the Grapes for a dollar. Yeah, you're having fun. You get some nachos. It's a good time.

[JPC]

To me, when I see people going fast on, like, rollerblades. It's the same as, like, when I see a person on a motorcycle, I'm like, oh. I mean, like, you're dead. Like, you're gonna die.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

It shows, like, a level of trust in the society that we live in that I'm like, hey, have you seen the society that you live in? You're gonna get killed, and someone's gonna kill you and not even think twice about, like, they're gonna kill you on their phone. Can you imagine, like, taking someone's life and you're just, like, scrolling. You're like. That's the.

[Aaron Keefe]

Anyway, I always said that motorcycles is the number one thing I will not budge on in dating, other than being a bad person. But in terms of other stuff, I will never date someone who rides motorcycles.

[JPC]

Would you get on a motorcycle? No, Never in any context. Yeah, there's, like. I don't think. I can't think. Maybe if I'm, like, taking a picture. If there's, like, a motorcycle, like, those, like, things you put quarters in outside of a grocery store. Maybe I'll get on that and go.

[Adal Rifai]

Like, a ridey horse.

[JPC]

A riding horse. Motorcycle.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron.

[Aaron Keefe]

What about people who don't wear helmets? Are. Drive me insane. Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

What about guys?

[JPC]

Just in general.

[Adal Rifai]

What about guys on mopeds? Pops. Wheelie falls off, moped falls on me. I'm fine.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right, back to the hospital. They know us already because of jpc, all those staples. Yeah, the hospital knows us. I have a family member who's a speech pathologist for traumatic brain injury or was for A really long time. And getting on a motorcycle is so stupid. People who, like, there's enough chaos in this world when you were past 25 and you were inviting chaos in on the daily. What are you doing? Stop.

[JPC]

They're courting something. They're courting something that we can't possibly understand.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right.

[Adal Rifai]

I blame the movies.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. The Great Escape. What's the movie? He looks so cool on a motorcycle.

[Adal Rifai]

Steve McQueen. Terminator 2 has a big motorcycle scene. What are, like, the big motorcycle movies? What's the one beyond the Pines or something?

[Aaron Keefe]

Wild Hogs.

[Adal Rifai]

Wild Hog with Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen, I believe. What else? What are the cool motorcycle movies?

[JPC]

I feel like there's cool motorcycle scenes in movies, but I don't know if there's a lot of cool motorcycle movies. Torque, I guess. They tried to do Motorcycle Fast and the Furious. Adam Scott was the bad guy in it.

[Adal Rifai]

What's the one who played Joseph Gordon Levitt played a bike man. Bike delivery guy in New York City.

[JPC]

But he was on, like, a bicycle, right?

[Adal Rifai]

He was on a bicycle. But it's one of the most stressful movies I've ever seen. Cause he's just. The whole movie. He's going like 80 miles an hour on a bicycle. It threw New York traffic. And you're just like, please stop.

[JPC]

Please stop. Yeah, really stressful.

[Adal Rifai]

Let's do one more riddle.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adal Rifai]

There's a fruit bowl on Grandma's table containing two types of fruit. If you jumble the letters of one, you can spell the other. What are the two fruits?

[JPC]

Apple and papal. Baby.

[Aaron Keefe]

Apple and papel.

[JPC]

Would you.

[Adal Rifai]

Bananas, Nanner and bananers.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pear.

[Adal Rifai]

There's a fruit bowl on Grandma's table containing two types of fruit. If you jumble the letters of one, you can spell the other. What are the two fruits?

[Aaron Keefe]

Peach. Watermelon. Grape.

[Adal Rifai]

Aaron.

[Aaron Keefe]

Watermelon.

[Adal Rifai]

Hey again, Mark Zuckerberg. Drop the water.

[Aaron Keefe]

Melon. Lemon and melon.

[Adal Rifai]

Lemon and melon What?

[JPC]

She has a fruit bowl on her table that has lemon and melon in it.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah. I want to see a seat.

[Aaron Keefe]

She can't live alone anymore this week.

[JPC]

I'm sorry, Grandma. It's time.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

There's no shame in it. It's just you can't take care of yourself because you're making lemon melon salad as you're putting.

[Adal Rifai]

I like. Would you like a little melon? It's like. No. I do want to see a scene. The two of you are. I can't think of anything except for. There's a Wallace Sean play called Aunt Dan and Lemon. So you two are going to be two octogenarian women sitting on a park bench. And your names are Melon and Lemon. And you're just sort of like people watching and sort of taking in the day in your own weird way.

[Aaron Keefe]

So, where's this crow that you think looks like your dead husband?

[JPC]

Yeah, well, he'll be here. He's not always here. This is just kind of his area. Hey, you're bogarting the Dr. Pepper Slurpee. Well, give me some. Give me some Dr. Pepper Slurpee.

[Aaron Keefe]

My teeth are in there. That's dibs.

[JPC]

Oh, I thought you were cleaning them. Well, Dr. Pepper is caustic, so it will clean dentures.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, and it will make your mouth taste good when you put them back in.

[JPC]

Okay, so when we see the crow, he looks just like my dead husband. Be cool. I will take. I will take first pass if he's not.

[Aaron Keefe]

What do we mean, be cool? I thought you were just trying to show me that this crow sort of had the essence of your husband. What do you mean, be cool?

[JPC]

No, he's nothing like him. He just looks a lot like him.

[Aaron Keefe]

Are we here to hit on a crow?

[JPC]

I'm not here to hit on anything. I'm. Coffee's for closers, Dr. Pepper. Slurpees are for closers. I'm here. I'm here to seal the deal with that crow. And you can back up. You can play cleanup. You are always the looker, Melon. You can play cleanup. If I can't. If I can't get the job done.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm just saying you want to try to make a pass at this crow, and if it doesn't work, you want me to hit on it.

[JPC]

Yoda said there is no try.

[Adal Rifai]

Okay, see, that was a scene from the new play. Glen mellon. Glen Lemon.

[JPC]

Dr. Pepper. I know a play.

[Adal Rifai]

Well, that is our episode. Thank you to all the presidents we've mentioned.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, thanks.

[Adal Rifai]

Thank you to henfolds5. Very excited for this album. Aaron, do you have.

[JPC]

Thanks to all our sponsors, too?

[Adal Rifai]

And to all our sponsors. Aaron, do you have anything to plug or promote?

[Aaron Keefe]

The only thing I want to say is that I looked up the lyrics to Gracie, and it's going to work really well for our henfolds 5. Because the first lyric is, you can't fool me. I saw you, and you came out. So it's him singing a song about an egg.

[JPC]

That's right.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's great. That's what I have to plug, and I'm doing okay. Atoll. What do you have to plug?

[Adal Rifai]

I want to plug our Patreon. Check out our patreon. Patreon.com heyriddleriddle I believe the whole shebang. Also we have a 10 city tour coming up. So excited for that. We'll probably sing some of the Henfolds five songs there. Just a little sneak preview.

[JPC]

A little update for the tour. Chicago and Twin Cities shows coming up at the end of this month. The Twin Cities show is dangerously close to selling out. I can't say one way or the other that we'll add another show if that one does sell out, but that's not a possibility. But do get your tickets if you're holding out for that. Twin City shows get your tickets soon because they are very close to selling out. And then later in the month, Portland, Seattle and LA also all of those shows kind of getting close to selling out. So I would get your tickets soon but the LA show is live streamed so you can see that from anywhere. And I will say that that is not close to selling out. It's actually possible. I think the only way we could sell out of the livestream show is that if everyone in the world bought a ticket that might then if we sold more than that, I'd say something's fishy. Something fishy is going on here. Let's get an IT person to check that. And then what are we Denver, Philly, DC, Boston, NY City. All later in the year and all still have tickets available.

[Adal Rifai]

Yeah, Denver. Take your time. Jpc, do you have anything to plug in from.

[JPC]

No, I think that's pretty much it.

[Adal Rifai]

Hell yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

How Jupiter.

[Adal Rifai]

Yep.

[Aaron Keefe]

Not going to make anybody work really hard.

[JPC]

Amen. Thank you Aaron. Starring Aaron Kenan and John Patrick Cohen. Casey Tony did the editing. Emory Parent did the music. Created by Emily Cardamus and Emma Napurus. Hey there Ransom and Echoes. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We are back to the works of Danielle Steele. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com haywardovernle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month.

[Aaron Keefe]

Month.

[JPC]

Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Adal Rifai]

That was a headgum podcast.