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Aaron
This is a Headgum podcast.
Adol
One, two, three.
Aaron
Does anybody else miss the clap?
Adol
You guys can clap if you want. You can clap.
Aaron
Oh, no.
JPC
Like when they used to call, like STDs the clap.
Aaron
Because people used to give you a round of applause when you got it because they were so proud of you for having sex. Don't put this before the episode.
JPC
No, Casey, I don't.
Aaron
I hate.
Adol
Too meta.
JPC
Yeah. Okay, so this is the space. This is pretty much your whole area. You'll be able to kind of do, you know, whatever it is that you need to do on a daily basis here. And then this is the bell. So just it's one ring for one, two rings for two, three, you know, and so on. 12 for 12, obviously. And then it kind of starts over again. We don't do like military time. It's just. Yeah. So any questions for me or.
Aaron
Okay, dib's on the top bunk.
Adol
Yep. Oh, damn it. The bell.
JPC
Yes.
Adol
Do we just hear that or does the whole town hear that?
JPC
Yes. You're gonna wanna hit it real loud. Hit it hard, hit it loud. It's gonna be for the whole town. Cause everybody needs to know kind of what time it is.
Adol
Okay.
Aaron
And if we miss a time, it's not a big deal, right?
JPC
Huge deal. It's a huge deal.
Adol
Huge deal.
JPC
Yeah. A lot of stuff runs on time. People aren't really able to keep track of time themselves. That's kind of the whole idea of the position is for bell. Got it, got it, got it, got it.
Aaron
And if we're like feeling a little tired and we don't want to pull the bell string because that's like, heavy. What if we just went bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong.
JPC
Okay, so it's just a chime for one and a chime and two chimes for two. What you just did is nothing we're not going to be using.
Aaron
And that's eight o' clock.
JPC
Yeah. That's several different tones, though. So this is gonna be a one tone bell.
Aaron
Okay.
Adol
What if I went monotone?
Aaron
Bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong.
JPC
Little disturbing that you're using your fingers to count. Really was hoping, really was hoping that we would. You know what? That's fine. As long as you do it eight times for 8:00 you don't ever miss an hour. That's great.
Aaron
And you said we're doing military time, so like 24.
JPC
No, I said we're not doing military time. It's just gonna be 12, and it resets on the 12.
Adol
I do have to ask the person who had this job before us, what was their fate? Did they require or.
Aaron
Great question.
JPC
You are looking at them.
Adol
Whoa.
JPC
Yeah, I got surgery. So it fixed. Kind of the big hunch.
Adol
What hunch?
JPC
Yeah. Thank you. No.
Adol
Well, you're like a detective.
JPC
Saying that makes me think the surgery didn't work.
Aaron
What?
Adol
You said hunch first, right? Oh, God. Oh, God. I hope you said hunch first.
Aaron
I don't know. I don't remember.
Adol
I can't remember.
Aaron
You know, does anyone have a mirror?
JPC
Because I paid a surgeon a lot of money. I would love to just get a surge.
Adol
Quick break all the mirrors. Quick, break all the mirrors.
Aaron
Can I just ask another question?
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron
Say we sort of. Because we're in Paris, right? We're in old Paris.
JPC
Yes. This is gay old Paris.
Aaron
Yes. And we want to go out. We want to have some drinks.
JPC
Yeah. Yep.
Aaron
And we want to, like, I don't know, party a little, come back here. We can sleep, like, 14 hours, and it's not a big deal.
JPC
So. No, you can't leave. Ever. Here. Yeah. This is where you live and stay.
Aaron
So we have to wake up every hour.
JPC
I mean, there's two of you.
Aaron
Is that why you look like shit?
JPC
There's two of you? I assumed you would do, like, shifts or something. I don't think you both.
Adol
Honey, I think I have to be up.
JPC
Oh, you're a married couple.
Adol
No. Her name is Honey.
Aaron
My name is Honey.
Adol
This is Honey Boo Boo.
Aaron
Yep. I'm sort of trying to rebuild my life after a spout of Internet fame about. Not a spout. Okay. Felt like both.
JPC
And you're the. You're the cash me outside girl. What's her name?
Adol
How about that Behead Beharby?
JPC
Yes. Bad Barbie. That's her. Yes.
Adol
Or Bad Behead.
Aaron
She was on Dr. Phil.
JPC
I assumed that the two of you. She is right here. I assumed that the two of you took. Because you didn't want to exist in society anymore. You kind of wanted an escape from society, Kind of like me and my.
Adol
Oh.
Aaron
Why did you come to Paris?
Adol
Oh, you're the humpback guy. What? Humpback Shit.
JPC
Um, my name's Quasimodo. I mean, certainly.
Adol
No, you're a full Moto. Don't. Don't talk about my friend that way. You're a full Moto.
Aaron
What did you weird thing did you do on the Internet 10 years ago?
JPC
I was the original Chocolate Rain Guy. That's way more than 10 years.
Aaron
Yeah, that's like 20.
JPC
Like 20 years ago.
Aaron
And, you know, I think Tai's Zynga Ties.
JPC
Zdinga.
Adol
I think that's a brand of chicken.
Aaron
Quasimodo. I'm having so much fun. What if we made this entire episode? This intro. What if we never really left? The intro episode? Yeah.
Adol
What if we made this a musical episode?
JPC
Oh, my God. Wait a second. Oh, you're gonna kill me. You said what? You said intro. And I'm, like, looking around, I'm like, this is. Hey, Roberto. This is the podcast. Hey, Roberto.
Aaron
Yeah, but we just. It's like 8:04. So we missed the bell while you were talking to us.
Adol
Is it too late to make it up?
JPC
So that's four. So you said eight o' clock.
Adol
Shit, we're double up on our bongs.
Aaron
All right, well, now it's 12.
Adol
Here come the potheads. The potheads are racing up the bell tower.
JPC
Now it's 12. Everybody just go with it. It's 12. Relax. It's 12.
Aaron
It's gonna get dark.
JPC
It's gonna get dark. A little later today. Hey, welcome to Hayward. Overdone this podcast. Hey, river line, seven minutes in. It's jbc. And there's Aaron over there.
Aaron
Yeah. Yeah.
Adol
It is wild to think that in medieval Times, if you woke up in between hours, you'd be like, shit, I have to wait 1 to 59 minutes to know what time it is and what's going on.
Aaron
I mean, people are probably so late or so early to everything those days.
JPC
Would it be important what time it was like? Cause I'm assuming since it was so hard to keep track of time, it wouldn't be as necessary. People wouldn't be like, let's all meet at 12:30, you know?
Adol
Yeah.
Aaron
They'd be like, let's meet up with.
Adol
People either sunup or sundown. Those are the two meetup times.
JPC
Yeah.
Adol
Depending on how you sleep. Yep.
Aaron
What if you, like, want to go see Thunderbolts with your friend and you're trying to communicate when you want to.
JPC
Go and what did they do? What did they do for Google Maps? They didn't even have MapQuest.
Aaron
Oh, my God.
JPC
How did they get around?
Adol
They had cock a doodle doodle maps, which is a rooster will scream in the general direction. You should head now.
Aaron
Dream job alert.
JPC
We brought up maybe doing a musical episode, and I had a musical question for the two of you. I guess it's not really a musical question now. That I'm thinking about it.
Adol
Sing it.
JPC
Well, I have a musical question. My question for you is there, there are like certain names that are like singular. Like I don't think that there will ever be another famous Beyonce. Like, I can probably stake my claim on that right there. Probably.
Aaron
Maybe in like 300 years. There's a painter whose first name is Beyonce. I don't think there'll ever be another musical artist.
JPC
Maybe. Okay, maybe not another musical artist. But do you think within, like you said, 300 years, do you think within, I don't know, like the next, like 20 years we'll have another celebrity named Beyonce?
Aaron
No.
Adol
Oh, sweetie. You think we're going to make it 20 years?
JPC
Well, me and, you know, but Aaron is a little younger than us. Okay, well, so then I was thinking of like names that are kind of like, I don't know, less common and singular. And I have a name that I want to throw out to you guys and I want you to tell me what your. Who your go to is when I say this name.
Aaron
Okay?
Adol
Okay.
JPC
Okay. Bruno.
Adol
Bruno Mars.
JPC
Bruno Mars?
Aaron
Yeah.
JPC
You're gonna say Bruno Mars as well?
Aaron
I was gonna say Bruno Mars as well, but I was thinking about. We don't talk about, talk about Bruno.
JPC
I think that there's a younger that's gonna associate Bruno with encanto. I think there's a slightly older generation than us that's gonna associate Bruno with God, Die Hard. Bruce Willis.
Adol
Why?
JPC
Because of Bruno, his musical act. He was Bruno, like Hudson Hawk era Bruce Willis.
Aaron
Huh?
JPC
You guys know about. You guys know about Bruce Willis musical career, right?
Adol
He plays blues and he plays the harmonica. He goes under the stage name Bruno.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron
Oh, no, I didn't know that.
JPC
Well, I guess it being slightly older, I thought for sure Adol would know this.
Adol
I've seen clips of him play and he usually wears like a weird pork pie hat and plays harmonica a ton. But I never. I thought he was just introduced as Bruce Willis.
JPC
Okay, so you've never seen this album cover from 1987. Bruce Willis is the Return of Bruno.
Adol
That's a great picture.
JPC
Well, Bruce Willis is a very handsome man, but yeah. The Return of Bruno is a 1987 comedic film originally aired as a one hour special on HBO, later released on VHS. It's a mockumentary starring Bruce Willis as cis fictitious. It's like his. What's the country singer? Oh, no, the country singer that has his alter ego.
Adol
Chris Gaines.
JPC
Gaines.
Adol
Darth Brooks to Chris Gaines.
JPC
So I think there's a generation with that I associate Bruno. If someone were to say Bruno, I guess Bruno Mars is probably around the same time with the Sacha Baron Cohen character Bruno, which I don't think I ever saw the movie. But I was a big fan of Daly G show so I feel like there was. But I was really into that in high school, so I feel like that's my association with Bruno. But I feel like there's depending on who you ask and at what time, we're going to have a lot of different takes on like a famous Bruno. But then like, I don't know any like Bruno's personally. Do you guys know any Bruno's?
Aaron
No, I wish. I don't really know that many people.
JPC
Yeah, I just know like six or seven people and none of them have fun names. Is there. Are there any other, like, names like that that you think are like singular? And I guess it's like Cher, Madonna, like the people that actually have like names like, like a. But I'm like, I'm trying to think if there's like another person who I would only associate that name with a celebrity.
Aaron
You know what's so interesting of a name that is gaining in popularity that I've met like three little boys is Elvis. Like that. Just now people are naming their kids Elvis.
JPC
Is this real? Yeah, there's a lot of, you know, three. You don't. You just said that you don't know any people and you know three little boys named kids.
Aaron
Well, one. One is a woman on the Internet who has a baby boy named Elvis. And the other two I've met.
Adol
There we go. There we go.
Aaron
And the other two I've met two, like a three year old and a baby named Elvis.
JPC
Wow. Adol. What's. You said you had one.
Adol
I have one, I think. I didn't kick it around too hard. Sufjan.
Aaron
Oh, yeah.
JPC
I don't really.
Adol
Jeff J A N Sufyan Stevens.
JPC
I don't really know a lot of other Sufjans.
Adol
Never met another Sufjan.
Aaron
Yeah.
JPC
Remember when you met another adult adult and he was absolutely nonplussed by it.
Adol
It was the wildest thing in a.
Aaron
Dunkin Donuts where all great things happen.
Adol
Where all great things happen. It was almost like the Bort episode of Simpsons.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron
You guys. Hate to compliment you right before we get into Reynolds, but I was sort of working out some travel for all of our tour dates later this year and I got really excited thinking about hanging out with you in all these cities.
JPC
Are you gonna ride the train with me? Are you Gonna ride the train with me?
Aaron
Yeah, I'm gonna ride the train with you.
JPC
Yay. Aaron's gonna ride the train with me. Adel, you gonna ride the train with me?
Adol
Sing it. Come on. Ride the train.
JPC
That's a song. I was honestly, I was like, I thought you wanted crazy train for a second. I was like, yeah, I guess that is my. My train song.
Adol
I'm making a note on my phone right now to buy train tickets.
JPC
I sent you the one that I'm. I'm excited. I love riding the train. I've ridden the train on the east Coast. I've ridden the train in the Midwest.
Aaron
He's mostly excited about the train stuff.
JPC
I do like the train. I've never ridden the train in the Pacific Northwest. I've never been to the Pacific Northwest, so that's probably why I've never ridden the train there. But I'm really excited to ride the train.
Aaron
I'm really excited about that. I think it's going to be really pretty. And I also. We. You guys are gonna. No excuses because we have a little extra time. You guys are gonna come to hang em with me and we're all gonna hang out.
JPC
I will get a meal at your family home. That's that. I can't wait to see what your parents and it doesn't have to be anything special, but I am a vegetarian and I do like.
Aaron
That'll be easy. They love to cook and they're gonna be so excited to have you in the house. I wonder if it'll backfire though.
JPC
I'll bring a suit. I think I'll bring a soup so I can wear a suit to dinner at Aaron's.
Adol
Oh, I thought you said soup.
JPC
Yeah, I'll bring a soup. I think I'll bring a soup. You know, when you show up to a dinner party and you bring a.
Aaron
Soup I like, I just can't wait. It's gonna be so fun.
Adol
Now, Aaron, did you say the very first Dunkin Donuts is in? Not to get stuck on Dunkin.
Aaron
It's in Quincy. It's pretty close to where I grew up. So we can go.
JPC
I've been there already. I've been to Aaron's house before, so.
Adol
Oh, that's right. On your road trip, Aaron, is there like a plaque or like a little. Yeah, well, informational tours.
Aaron
It's a. It's a different sign. It's like the old Dunkin Donuts font.
Adol
I can't remember what the old Dunkin don't.
Aaron
No, it's like old, old like six.
Adol
Okay.
JPC
And I'll send you a picture adol. Because also there was there when I went, which was just like a. It was that day that it was like super rainy, but it wasn't raining at the time that I was there. There was multiple people taking pictures in front of it. Like, I had to wait to get my picture taken. Like, clean, with no one there in front of me. Yeah.
Adol
It's a Boston mecca. Make your pilgrimage.
JPC
I mean, you can say that, but I don't know if I can say that, if that makes any sense.
Adol
Yeah. Just in that you make a pilgrimage to it.
JPC
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adol
And once in your life.
JPC
But I will absolutely go twice. And I will say the coffee was fine. Like, it was standard Dunkin Coffee. I did get a donut there. It was bad, but I think that. I think in the way that. In the way that all Dunkin Donuts are bad. It was bad. Like, it wasn't like, specifically like, much worse than another Dunkin Donuts that I've been to, but the donuts at Dunkin Donuts, I think we can all admit are ass. They're kind of.
Aaron
We should go to the JFK library. That would be fun.
Adol
Wait, hold on. That seems too soon. Wasn't he shot from the. Oh, the book depository. What's the difference between a library and a book depository?
Aaron
Why don't you put up your butt?
Adol
That's a book suppository.
Aaron
Oh, sorry. I just heard.
JPC
Well, either way, I'm giving an email from the library. You are not welcome back here.
Aaron
Oh, man. Okay, let's do riddles. I'm not Old man puzzles. I have no power here. I have no power here.
Adol
Again, I would love. If there's. It's a library and it's like. There's no book return. We just can't. Too insensitive. You check it out, you keep it. Who knows if you could check stuff out of a presidential library.
JPC
You check it out.
Aaron
I want to check out Jackie Kennedy's outfits. They're like.
Adol
We have to. I guess we have to.
Aaron
The pink suit, if you know what I mean.
JPC
If it's a presidential library, it's still a library. Right? Like, I'm assuming that you still. Right.
Aaron
No, it's like a museum.
JPC
What's the fucking point of the library?
Aaron
I don't know.
Adol
It should be a functioning papers and stuff like that.
Aaron
You get to see JFK's report card, and it's pretty abysmal. I didn't get very good grades. Study for the quiz.
Adol
F U.
JPC
F you. That's very funny. Well, okay, so I've never been to a presidential library, so I don't. I don't. It's okay that I don't understand how a presidential library works, but I don't know what's. Is there a pope equivalent of a presidential library? Will we be. Will we be getting the Pope Leo the whatever's. President Popotion Library in Chicago?
Adol
Whole can of worms. Jpc. The equivalent is the tunnels under the Vatican, which supposedly hold millions of tomes and evil cursed items.
Aaron
I want to see a heist movie where someone breaks in there.
Adol
A Vatican heist. VATICAN Ocean is 11.
Aaron
Yeah.
Adol
Eren, this is good.
Aaron
Get Hollywood on the horn. Adam, let's go.
Adol
Aaron, who are our top three leads?
Aaron
Okay. I love this. George Clooney. Matt Damon.
Adol
Yep. Okay.
Aaron
Don Cheadle.
Adol
Wow. Skipping over Pitt.
JPC
Yep.
Aaron
Who?
JPC
Speaking of Vatican Ocean's 11. Did you guys see that? There's, like, a John Krasinski, like National Treasure, Indiana Jones. Yeah.
Aaron
I don't have time to unpack that, though.
Adol
What's the ip?
JPC
Is it. I don't know.
Aaron
They're trying something new.
JPC
It's called, like, Fountain of Youth, and it's Natalie Portman and John Krasinski, and I only see what you make. It looks insane. Anyway, I didn't see it. But what I did see is some riddles right here on my desk.
Aaron
Yes, go ahead, Jared. I like Natalie Portman a lot, and I like a lot of our modern actresses. And I think they're very, very good. I think we've lost the art of funny actresses in these movies. I feel like there used to be an old generation of people like Goldie Hawn and people who could spar comedically with some of these male leads. And I just think sometimes we're not. We're casting some hot people in movies and good actors in movies, but I think with something like that, to make a classic movie, you gotta have some fun banter.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron
And I just think we need to.
JPC
Be casting more fun ladies because Krasinski's gonna be making me blow.
Aaron
He's gonna be hilarious.
JPC
Guts open. I'm gonna be fucking dying laughing. I'm hanging off at every word.
Aaron
No. But if you were to tell me.
Adol
That Anya Taylor, Joy.
Aaron
No. Like, no.
Adol
And Will Ferrell did a buddy cop movie.
Aaron
Yeah. Just like a female comedian was with John Krasinski, I'd be like, oh, here's.
Adol
I adore Sandra Bullock. I think Sandra Bullock is a singular talent. And I don't feel like she gets the opportunities she should.
Aaron
Like, if you were telling me that Kristen Wiig and John Krasinski were in a Fountain of Youth movie, I'd be like, okay, yeah, okay, I'll go check that out.
JPC
I still wouldn't be like, okay. I'd say, what. What is this? What are we doing here?
Aaron
No, I'd be like, they're trying to do a fun summer blockbuster. I'm gonna go and this. I'm like, that's gonna be kind of self serious. I just feel like, look, I watched.
JPC
The autoplay a couple of times when I was looking for something else on Apple tv. And my impression of this movie is that there was maybe a script for an Indiana Jones movie that they never made, that they were like, we still have the script. Like, we already bought it. Shouldn't we just, like, changed the name Indiana Jones and like, okay, anyway, here we go.
Aaron
Also, I do love. I do love Natalie Portman. I like. I like Natalie Portman. I think she's great. That's not what I think.
JPC
She's Keira Knightley.
Aaron
Well, they have the same face.
Adol
Aaron.
Aaron
What? Even Star wars thinks they have the same face. Oh, by the way, jpc, I stuffed a couple episodes left of Andor, but you were right. The season gets better. Just saying that. You were right. You were right.
JPC
Andor season two was. Was fantastic. Highly recommend it to people.
Aaron
Okay, go ahead, Go ahead, go ahead.
JPC
Something pulls me back across this place. I left some distant force familiar to me and yet unknown. I will not be here for long.
Adol
Gravity. Moon, Moon. Gravity, Moon.
JPC
Gravity. Wider than a mile.
Aaron
Water that's evaporating. Evaporating water.
Adol
No, bungee.
JPC
Moon, Gravity. Water. We're all close to this. You're close. You're dancing around it.
Aaron
Can you read it again?
JPC
Something pulls me back across this place. I left some distant force familiar to me and yet unknown. I will not be here for long.
Adol
Is this like bird migration? Is this like capistratus or whatever?
Aaron
Is this like bird migration?
Adol
Magnets don't. Magnets pull on birds and they, like, birds aren't flapping their wings. They just get pulled.
JPC
Oh, you were one of those kids that pulled birds with magnets?
Adol
Yeah.
JPC
You're out in the yard with your magnifying glass and you magnet on a.
Aaron
Stick, put it in the sky, Catch the birds.
Adol
Dude, I cut up. I cut up Coke cans. I wait for a seagull to eat them. Then I use my magnet and I fly a bird like a kite.
JPC
I want to see a scene. Okay. Adol and Aaron, you two are siblings. It's like summer vacation. You have, like, so much time on your hands. And Adol, you're the younger brother, and you've just put a magnet on a stick and you're trying to pull birds out of the sky. And Aaron, you think that this will never work.
Aaron
Come on, come on, come on. I just woke up. Have you heard the ice cream truck go by today? What are you doing?
Adol
Yeah, it's been. It's been going for a while. It's been.
Aaron
Wait, the ice cream truck's been going for a while?
Adol
Yeah, he pulled into the cul de sac and he's just sitting there. Then he started circling around. These were his only customers. I think unless we come out, he doesn't know what to do.
JPC
Come on, come on.
Aaron
What are you doing?
Adol
What am I doing? Use your eyes. I'm trying to magnetize birds.
Aaron
Well, that's insane. We go to the same school. You know better. You're older than me.
Adol
That's fine. We go to the same school. Is not. Not the argument you think it is.
Aaron
I'm just saying the quality of teachers at the same school is such a swing. If you think that's gonna do anything.
Adol
Would you ever notice how after I have a teacher, they suddenly retire?
JPC
Come on.
Aaron
Come on. Yeah, that is weird.
Adol
Yeah.
Aaron
Okay, well, if you want to kill birds, there's an easier way.
JPC
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Adol
I never said kill birds.
Aaron
Oh.
Adol
I mean, I'm gonna, right?
Aaron
Sure.
Adol
But I didn't say that because you know how mom and dad are always checking my room for, you know, like, pissing the bed or obsession with fire? Like.
Aaron
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adol
Harming animals.
Aaron
I'm gonna go get some ice cream from the guy. Do you want your. Do you want something? Something with gumballs?
Adol
No, I'm good. She shoves a little knife into your shoulder.
Aaron
Ah, Yep. Murderer brother. Got it, got it, got it, got it.
JPC
That's just like Dexter. You guys are just like Dexter and Deborah.
Aaron
Aw, Deborah.
JPC
Deborah.
Adol
Remember in Dexter when he's like Deborah and he has his older brother who's like six five?
JPC
Is her name Deborah? In that I think it is. Right?
Aaron
Yeah.
JPC
Right, Morgan. That makes sense.
Adol
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
JPC
You guys have an answer for this riddle? That's not catching birds with maggots. You were so close. Something pulls me back across this place I left some distant force familiar to me and yet unknown. I will not be here for long.
Adol
High school reunion.
JPC
It's not a high school reunion.
Aaron
I don't know. I'd like.
JPC
What did you say? You said magnets.
Aaron
Water.
JPC
You said water. You said moon.
Aaron
The tide.
JPC
The tide. Thank you.
Aaron
That is water.
Adol
The tide, bitch. Moon. Water.
JPC
The tide is water. What are we talking about here? It's a riddle. It's not getting close. It's the exact answer.
Aaron
Bitch is really coming back around. I'm loving bitch these days, Guys.
JPC
All right. We have time for just another riddle.
Aaron
Oh, my God. Sorry, guys.
JPC
No, we have plenty of time. Two heads making lots of din. When one comes down, the other goes in.
Adol
Lots of what?
Aaron
Din.
JPC
Yeah, it's just two heads making lots of din. And it's D I in. When one comes down, the other goes in.
Aaron
Salt and pepper shakers.
JPC
Wow, Aaron, that's a great guess.
Adol
When one comes down, the other goes in.
Aaron
So is this like a machine?
JPC
No, it's not a machine. I. No, I would say it's only going to be more confusing to you if I.
Aaron
Is it organic?
JPC
It's not organic, no.
Aaron
Okay. And it's not man made.
JPC
I would.
Aaron
It is man made.
JPC
Yeah, I guess it is man made. Yeah, it's man made, but it's not like a machine. Unless you're, like, seeing, like. I don't know. I wouldn't qualify this as a machine. Maybe it's like a simple machine. It's not a machine.
Adol
Simple machine. One of my favorite 80s.
Aaron
Is it something that, like, goes into the water and then loops back around out of the water and then goes into the water and then loops back around into the water?
JPC
It is not a thing that goes out of the water and loops back into the water and goes out of the water. And I don't know what that thing would be like, what that would be called. A wheel. Like a mill?
Aaron
Yeah. Mill.
Adol
Watermill.
JPC
No, it's not that. I would say I would have qualified a water mill as a machine.
Adol
Is it one of those birds, the perpetual motion birds that keep going back for more?
JPC
Yeah, because they're magnetized. Right.
Adol
I think some sort of, like, liquid movement. Right. The liquid shifts from its body cup.
JPC
Or something Homer uses to hit the enter key at the nuclear plant. Do you guys know two heads making lots of din? Do you know what lots of din means in that word?
Aaron
I have no idea what din means.
Adol
Din. Din, like how a baby would say dinner.
JPC
It does not mean how a baby would say dinner. Din would be like D I n. Din is like a noise, like a rabble.
Adol
What's a. Oh, is it like maracas?
JPC
It's not maracas, but we're Getting closer.
Aaron
No, it's an instrument.
JPC
It's not an instrument.
Adol
Okay. Two heads making lots of noise.
JPC
Is this, like, when one comes down, the other goes in? One comes down, the other goes in.
Adol
Is this like the Carpenters? Like, Is this like a duo? Like a.
JPC
It's. Dude. So it's. You're way off with carpenters, but you're.
Aaron
Kind of hammer and nail.
JPC
It's hammer and nail.
Adol
Okay.
JPC
You were so close with Carpenter.
Adol
I do want to see a scene. Let's see. Here you two are, disgraced, washed up, musical act, hammer and nail. And you're getting up in age and you're talking about maybe making one last hurrah run into her.
Aaron
Great. What I was saying was we could do. We could do church basement. We could do just a sort of, like, when used, carved places open. We could play those and then start to gain momentum.
JPC
Here's a crazy idea. You know how sometimes, like, two actors will be in a play and they'll switch roles every night? What if we switched who was hammer and who was nail? Because.
Aaron
No, I'm Hammer.
JPC
Yes.
Aaron
I play the drums. I'm Hammer. You don't know how to play the drums.
JPC
That's true. But we're getting older. And I think the part of the show where you hit me as hard as you can and I kind of fall down on the floor, that's what we're known for.
Aaron
People love it.
JPC
And people do love it, kind of. I mean, we're not super popular, but they love. Could be the kind of thing. Well, wouldn't it be, like, enjoyable if it was turning around as fair play, if maybe I hit you or. Here's a crazy thought. We just do the music and nobody gets hit really hard during the show and falls down on the ground.
Aaron
I'm confused. That's how we start and end every show is I hit as hard as I can.
JPC
It feels like you have brain damage and I'm the one getting hit.
Aaron
I don't have an image. I do drugs, idiot. That's how I can hit you so hard.
Adol
Thompson Nissan is proud to present. Am I. Is this right? I'm being told this is correct. We have to cut the ribbon and sing a song. Did I say ribbon? I did. Here are hammer and nail.
Aaron
All right, stay still. Stay still. I gotta hit you. Why are you running away?
JPC
I gotta cut the ribbon. Oh, boy. Hammer and nail. They'll get it together one day. Delicately, we touch helpfully, we give advice generously, we are left on the table.
Adol
Magic eight ball.
JPC
The magic Eight ball. It's not.
Aaron
Hit me with it one more time.
JPC
Delicately. We touch helpfully. We give advice generously. We are left on the table.
Aaron
Cards.
JPC
Huh? Cards.
Aaron
Like, what are they, Tarot cards?
JPC
It's not. Okay. No, it's not. Tarot cards. Yeah, you do have to have a delicate touch with tarot cards. Or so I'm told.
Aaron
Is this something of the earth?
JPC
Huh? Is this something of the earth? No. What a question. No, no. I'll say.
Adol
Okay, Aaron, I like how you asked that. Almost like, in a Shakespearean way of, like, no man born of woman shall defeat you.
JPC
It felt like she was giving me a riddle, and I was like, oh, I don't like this.
Adol
Ooh. Mia Riddle.
JPC
Oh, wow. Mia Riddle.
Aaron
Hi, I'm Mia Riddle. That's nothing. That's absolutely nothing. Sorry.
JPC
Is that a character? No, it is not.
Adol
Damn it.
Aaron
No, we tried.
JPC
It is not, and it never was.
Aaron
Hi, I'm Mia Riddle. No.
JPC
Mm, mm, mm, mm. Just not.
Adol
Um.
Aaron
Was that from Mia Riddle? I took my top off and my sports bra was out during a soccer game.
JPC
Okay, okay, but what's the riddle component?
Aaron
I don't know. Gbc. It's morning time.
Adol
The riddle is, why did Mia Hamm change her last name?
Aaron
You guys, I trained for years doing comedy at night. I'm good at doing comedy. At 7. Between 7pm and midnight, I can do comedy then. Morning comedy, I did not train for.
Adol
Aaron, we're recording at 8:30pm this is.
Aaron
8:45 in the morning. Do not gaslight our listeners.
JPC
Did you ever. Aaron, did you ever have a class or a rehearsal or anything like that that happened in the morning? Did you ever do something like that in the morning?
Aaron
Maybe, like, random sketch show weekend morning rehearsals? But all my rehearsals were at night. All my classes were at night. I can do comedy at night, y' all, not this.
JPC
This is so. This is such a thing that someone doing comedy in the morning would say, I bet Aaron gets off stage after comedy shows and is like, my podcast records in the morning. So that's kind of where I.
Aaron
You've got making up excuses as to why I'm not funny anymore. Wow, you're right. I can't believe you figured that out.
JPC
Running back to the audience at the end of every show, just being like, hey, thanks for coming to the show. I'm usually funny in the morning. Hayward and rolls the podcast. Okay. Delicately, we touch. Hopefully we give advice generously, we are left on the table. Each one of these clues is a different way to get you to the Same thing.
Aaron
Okay.
Adol
Okay.
Aaron
Delicately, we touch.
Adol
Delicately we touch.
JPC
Helpfully, we give advice. Generously, we are left on the table.
Adol
Okay. And this is literally left on the table?
JPC
Yes. Yeah, it is literally left on the table.
Adol
Would this table be like a newspaper at the home or this is like a desk at an office?
JPC
It would be neither of those things. It would be very uncommon, I think, for this to be left on either of those things in the home of the office. I think that the last one, generously, we are left on the table, is gonna be the easiest one for you to get. If you just take that one and isolate it, that's what's left on a table.
Adol
Did you say generously or generously?
JPC
Generously.
Adol
Generously.
Aaron
It's a tip.
Adol
Oh. Oh.
JPC
It is a tip.
Adol
Hell yeah.
JPC
Delicately, we touch tips. Helpfully, we give advice. That's a tip. What tips are generously.
Aaron
What tips are gently touching each other?
JPC
Penises.
Adol
Penises.
Aaron
Oy. Yikes.
Adol
Aaron, you've never.
JPC
Wow.
Adol
Never seen two guys cross swords?
JPC
Aaron, tell me you've never gen. Say it.
Aaron
Say it with a straight face. Say it with a straight face. Say it with a straight face. Coward.
JPC
Aaron, tell me you've never gently touched another man's penis with your penis without telling me you've never touched another man's penis with your penis gently and delicately. It's called touching tips, Aaron. Jesus Christ. Grow up. God.
Aaron
Sorry, everybody. Yikes.
JPC
Sorry, guys. Aaron's got me so pissed off with her fucking lack of knowledge that I have to take a quick break. We will be. We will be right back after a quick break.
Aaron
Oh, hello, guys. Thank you so much for coming over. What is it? I'm so confused. I keep signing up for all these things online and forgetting to cancel my subscriptions. I'm running out of money and I'm running out fast.
JPC
Aaron, what is this?
Aaron
I got hit by Adolescent Old Ray.
JPC
No way. No way.
Adol
Jpc. I played her Sugar Ray, an album by Sugar Ray, and she started doing this.
Aaron
It aged me 600 years.
JPC
That's old Rude. Yeah, that's pretty rude.
Adol
Well, Aaron, it sounds like what you need is Rocket Money.
JPC
Yeah, Aaron, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings.
Adol
Oh, Aaron, when it comes to spending, sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind. That daily coffee habit, those streaming subscriptions, they add up fast without you even noticing. Rocket Money helps you spot those patterns so you can do something about them and Keep more money in your pocket. Here's a penny, Aaron. A wheat penny.
Aaron
I'll eat it.
JPC
I don't think that's an old thing. I don't think old babies. Okay. Plus, Aaron, Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year. When they use all of the app's premium features, they'll even try to negotiate and lower your bills for you. They automatically scan your bill to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them to negotiate on your behalf. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to, even though there's nothing an old person likes more than talking to a customer service person.
Adol
So, Aaron, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter our show name. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. Hopefully you remember that, Aaron in the survey so they know we sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about it from our show. Aaron. Our show.
JPC
Hey, Riddle.
Adol
Riddle.
Aaron
You remember. That's very nice. Adult Now, JPC, I'll give you to the count of ten, and I'm gonna hit you with this old ray. Five, four, two, one. Kabloobies.
Adol
Kabloogies.
JPC
Yeah, kabloogies. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Aaron
Oh, Aaron.
Adol
JPC, thanks for coming over.
Aaron
Sorry.
Adol
I got hit with one of those old Rays.
Aaron
Oh, you did? I didn't notice.
Adol
You heard these?
Aaron
You seen these? Sorry. I'm sorry. That was so mean.
JPC
No, I mean, honestly, I thought she was being kind of, like, nice about, you know, because Adol. I'm sorry that that happened to you.
Adol
It's okay. It's just that I. Now that I'm older, I need better help in my life, and I thought you two could help me out.
Aaron
Oh, can't. But I can recommend BetterHelp to you.
JPC
Yeah, that's exactly right. I actually don't want to hear about the whole thing with the old Ray and how you got in the situation where you got shot with the old Ray and how it affects you and all that stuff.
Adol
Holds up one of those ear gramophones, eh?
JPC
You know what would be great is a licensed professional therapist.
Aaron
Yeah. And when people hesitate to get help, it doesn't just affect them. It impacts families, workplaces, and entire communities. And BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapists in their diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties.
JPC
Yeah.
Adol
Now. Now that I'm old, I can't really walk anywhere, go anywhere. Is this something I can do online?
JPC
Well, BetterHelp is fully online, which is maybe also not great news for someone who's as old as you. But making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide, you can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. And I'll kind of help you with the computer part of it so you don't have to worry about that. I'll help with that. Kind of set you up and make.
Adol
Sure that you're betterhelp.com well, let's not do that.
JPC
And make sure we're not saving passwords on post it notes here. Okay? This is bad.
Aaron
We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com Riddle to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com Riddle and Adol if I can say you don't look a day over 600.
Adol
Thank you. I think.
Aaron
Notice anything different about me?
Adol
Ooh.
Aaron
Gestures towards my new quince dress. That's perfect for summer appearance.
JPC
Don't say appearance. Don't say appearance. It looks like you are very sleepy. Yeah.
Adol
Smaller eyes.
JPC
Why would I say that?
Aaron
Okay, that's true. Kind of all the time. Does a little twirl in my new quince dress. It's super summery and light. I look great.
Adol
Aaron, I'm so sorry. I'm trying to notice, but if you just. If that beautiful dress wasn't in the way, I feel like I could maybe see if you got a haircut or something.
JPC
Aaron, did you get your legs switched? I heard people are doing that surgery now where they get right and left.
Aaron
I did. It went kind of wrong. But I do have this beautiful new dress from Quince. Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work from everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. But the best part is everything with quints is half the cost of a similar brand.
JPC
That's true.
Aaron
It has really unlocked something for me. You guys, I'm loving this. It's perfect for basics. It's perfect for home stuff. Check it out, Aaron.
Adol
It's gorgeous. And a little birdie told me that took your hair. I believe a little birdie with your hair told me that Quint works directly with top artisans. And they cut out the middleman. Quint gives you luxury pieces without the markups.
JPC
Yeah. I love my Quint's lightweight hoodies I actually have a really terrible time finding lightweight hoodies. It's one of my favorite articles of clothing, and the ones that I got from Quince are fantastic. So stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from quince. Go to quince.com riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince. Q-U-I-N-C-E.com riddle to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com riddle does it spin?
Aaron
In my dress, my new legs sort of fall and turn into dust. I knew I shouldn't have gotten this surgery.
JPC
Adol. Aaron.
Aaron
Yeah, what?
JPC
Would you be surprised to know that I have a surprise for you?
Aaron
Yes.
Adol
Yeah.
JPC
Oh. What episode is this?
Aaron
I don't know.
JPC
360.
Adol
360. Whoa.
Aaron
Way too many.
Adol
That's a whole revolution. That's a whole turnaround.
JPC
Is that too many to be introducing a new segment on the show?
Adol
No, because we've come full circle and now we need to start anew.
JPC
Yeah. So this is actually the perfect episode to introduce a new segment on the show. Lately we've been Paul Ruddles. Yeah. Okay. Making a note to myself that Paul Ruddles was such a big hit that I have to go back and do more Paul Ruddles.
Aaron
Wait, have you guys seen Friendship yet?
JPC
No, I haven't.
Aaron
Oh, it's so good.
JPC
Is it fun?
Aaron
It's so good. It looks good. I love, love, loved it. And I don't want to spoil anything, but I do think Conor o' Malley steals the show in that movie.
JPC
I would not be surprised.
Aaron
Every single line he says. Had my whole theater losing it, he says.
Adol
Or he screams.
Aaron
Yeah, yeah, Good guess.
JPC
Have you guys seen Fountain of Youth yet?
Aaron
No. You just introduced that to us at the beginning of the season.
Adol
Oh, Fountain of Youth.
JPC
But then we took a break. People don't know how much time goes down.
Aaron
It wasn't like a week.
JPC
It could have been.
Aaron
What if it was? It was like 13 seconds.
JPC
No, we're not doing Paul Ruddles. We're doing a new segment on the show. And that segment. Well, I'll let Arnie introduce the segment.
Aaron
What?
JPC
Riddle Rewind. That's right. This is Riddle Rewind. We are going to be doing a classic riddle from the HRR bat catalog. Today's riddle comes from episode 87. The riddle is the sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey.
Adol
I love redoing old riddles, but having such a rocking anthem beforehand to Be like, this is fun and exciting and new.
Aaron
Yeah, we're running out of riddles.
JPC
No, this is. Shut up. This is a segment that we do on the show.
Aaron
Bitch.
Adol
It's like when my eggs expire.
Aaron
Sorp and I were dying laughing the other day because I was, like, trying to get toothpaste out and was using it when he tried to use it. And then he was like, you're being a real bitch about this toothpaste. And we were dying laughing. Oh, I love the word bitch.
JPC
Oh, God. Wow. So you're really at that early stage in the relationship where you could have a little toothpaste fight and think that's fun, huh?
Aaron
Yeah. Yeah.
JPC
God, I implore you, Aaron. You gotta have a kid. You gotta know what it's like to be tired in your bones.
Aaron
No, I'm having the best time. We're laughing every day. We're laughing every day.
JPC
Okay. The sun is shining in St. Louis. The sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey. This is from episode 87 of the show.
Aaron
It was on the TV.
JPC
Not on the TV, in St. Louis. That's a great guess, Aaron. Could be on other episodes of the show. I know. Specifically, it was on episode 87. If you told me we've done this riddle six times on the show, I would believe it. But you can't get mad that we're redoing a riddle because this is a segment called Riddle Rewind. And you know that because I had Artie. I had Artie do this. Randolph rewind.
Aaron
No. Getting Arnie to make a jaunty tune does not a segment make. I can have Arnie come on here and be like, time to insult jpc. Ba ba da ba ba ba da ba ba ba. And then I could be like, fuck you. It's not a segment.
JPC
That's a. Why I say it's a segment? I say it's a segment. That's a segment. ADOL's not a segment. ADOL.
Aaron
ADOL. ADOL. Adol.
Adol
I'm still out of this.
Aaron
ADOL. You're. I'm so tired of ADOL being neutral. JBZ and I have been fighting all year and Adol's been like, and I'm over here. Come on, man, stir the pot.
JPC
Casey says it's a segment.
Aaron
Whatever.
JPC
Casey also says Zonday. Oh, yeah, the Chocolate Rain Guy. Ty Zonday. Yeah. Great name.
Aaron
I don't know the answer to this. Is it because they're, like, growing food in St. Louis?
JPC
The sun shining in St. Louis. Moonlight. Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey. That could make sense, but no, it is not that. Aaron, would you be surprised to know that you are the one that brought this riddle to us on the show?
Aaron
Fuck yeah. I am surprised.
JPC
You also said when you read it the first time, you were like, this will be one of your least favorite riddles, so.
Aaron
Oh.
JPC
I don't think it's bad, though. I like it.
Aaron
Good. This is good. I'm glad we did this. This is good.
JPC
Adolf. St. Louis, New Jersey. Kevin, Susie. The sun shining in St. Louis. May the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey.
Aaron
I'm glad. I thought you were gonna tell me that I got this one last time, and that was gonna really hurt.
JPC
Yeah, I don't know. I don't think anyone got this one last time. Maybe somebody did. I honestly didn't listen to much of the episode. I was just really grabbing a random episode, grabbing a random rental type of thing, you know?
Adol
Is it simply the fact that the sun is out during the same time in both cities?
JPC
No, it is not that.
Aaron
That's a good guess.
JPC
That is a good guess, but it has nothing to do with that.
Adol
The sun shining in St. Louis made Kevin and Susie's life in New Jersey brighter.
JPC
Yes. Mm. Mm. Ew. Mm. Yeah. Doesn't really matter that it's St. Louis in New Jersey. Could be kind of like any cities. The cities are kind of interchangeable here, but it just happens to be in this instance, St. Louis in New Jersey.
Adol
Is this like solar panels collecting and then running wire underground to New Jersey?
JPC
That's great guess, but it's not the answer. And it's not the area that you want to be in at all. Especially even with sun shining.
Aaron
Okay, what the hell then? I don't know.
Adol
Give us a little hint.
JPC
Okay, so there is the sun up in the sky, and that is not the sun that we are talking about.
Adol
Oh. Oh, Is this like, Jesus?
JPC
The sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey.
Aaron
Oh, okay.
JPC
A little bit of a misdirect, I would say.
Aaron
Oh, they're watching their son on TV in St. Louis.
JPC
We already said it doesn't have anything to do with tv, but it doesn't.
Aaron
Their son is flying in the air.
Adol
Oh, is this Charles Lindbergh's parents?
Aaron
Something has with their son.
JPC
He's not flying in the air, but he isn't in an airport. He's in an Airport in St. Louis. The sun is in an airport in St. Louis.
Adol
Oh, is it like, clear. They thought a flight was going to be delayed and then the sun came out and that their flight was on time.
JPC
And so it has nothing to do with the sun in the sky. The sun is shining in St. Louis in the lives of Kevin and Susie. Brighter in New Jersey.
Aaron
He's like on stage.
JPC
Being he's not on stage, is he.
Adol
Shining an apple and then he's not.
JPC
Shining an apple, but he's shining something.
Adol
He's shining some sort of metal.
Aaron
He's shining someone's shoes.
JPC
He's at the airport shining someone's shoes. And his shoe shining business in St. Louis is doing so well, he's sending money home to his parents and making their lives brighter in New Jersey.
Aaron
Well, was I fucking right about this? Pissing people off or what, huh? Jesus.
Adol
I do want to see a scene. The two of you are sort of old timey street urchins, like shine your shoes, govna. And no one these days is stopping for shoe shine. So you're trying to change up your tactics.
Aaron
Penny for your shoeshine. Shine your little shoes. Give you an ankle rub as well. Rub your ankle. Ankles.
JPC
Oh. Oh. No one's. No one's doing that. No one's doing shoe shines or anchor rubs anymore. And no one's gonna. No one's. No one even wants the sex stuff anymore. Or maybe they bad eyeball that. We're not good at it. We have to. We have to think of something, you know, more original that people could. That people, like, want.
Aaron
They don't want the sex stuff either. End jobs. Two for a penny.
JPC
First of all, never wants two hand.
Aaron
Jobs right in a row. No back to back hand jobs. Two for a penny. No one wants for two pennies. Small little hand jobs back to back. Why you, sir.
JPC
You, sir. Let. You want to see how far I can throw your phone?
Adol
Excuse. Excuse me.
JPC
Yeah. Yay.
Adol
I mean, yeah. I'm. I'm a little curious now. How much.
JPC
What would have been the price point on me throwing your phone? A penny's the lowest. Could you go lower than a penny? Damn.
Aaron
Damn.
JPC
I felt like we were close on that one. He was interested. Maybe not. Throw your phone. You, sir. You, sir.
Aaron
You, sir.
JPC
How many grapes you think I could fit in my mouth?
Adol
Not this again. You're gonna eat one grape every minute or something? No, thanks.
Aaron
Ah, God. Oh. You, sir. You, sir, for just a penny, you want to see me slap my friend silly and give him two very small hand jobs?
JPC
Oh, no.
Aaron
Back to back.
JPC
Anything for that, sir.
Adol
Can I. Can I Order a la carte and just take the slap.
Aaron
No, sir, sir.
JPC
For a penny. For a penny, I'll switch. I'll switch my shirt in my pants with my pants in my shirt without taking either item of clothes off. For a penny, sir.
Adol
Oh, don't call me sir. I'm one of yous. I'm also a street urchin and I've been making bookoo bucks.
JPC
That's French for money.
Aaron
That's French for hand job. How dare you? That was my market. Swing, swing, swing, French hand jobs. What's the difference then?
Adol
Well, I don't want to say.
Aaron
Say tongue. Say it.
JPC
That's a blow job. Even get a blow job. No, no, Seed, Seed.
Aaron
I don't want to say.
JPC
I don't want to say. That's what it is. We all know what French means. French means with tongue.
Adol
Yeah, with tongue, I guess.
JPC
Congratulations. You guys did a really great job in that segment that we're calling Riddle Rewind that I'll probably be doing many more times on the show because I think it's fun and I also think it's funny when people are like, you've did this on the show before. Yeah, so what, man?
Aaron
You made poor Arnie make that theme. Poor Arnie. Poor, poor Arnie.
JPC
You know what? He loves it. He loves the attention. He's just sitting there waiting for us to ask him to do some pointless bullshit so that he can famously. Yeah, sitting on his hands waiting for pointless bullshit. Here's your next riddle. When I open my arms and reach to the sky, my thin skin will keep you dry.
Aaron
Umbrella.
JPC
Umbrella. You both got it. You both got it. You both got it.
Adol
I like that when the next time someone goes, um, to just be like, umbrella. I think that's a fun little. Fun little game to play. Maybe passive aggressively call out that someone says a lot of ums.
JPC
Yeah. Give that to Natalie Portman in a movie and just fucking watch the audiences fucking die laughing when she does that shit. Brella. And then the whole fucking like rotten tomatoes meter shooting up to the sky. Movies are bad. Okay, here's your next one. I bring you flowers and sunlight. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie and I am there. When you leap toward the sky.
Adol
Is the last part of the ground. Oh, yeah. Is it the ground?
JPC
It's not the ground. That's a great guess.
Adol
Is the last part indicating dreams? Like, is it a pillow or something in the bed?
JPC
Oh, leap toward the sky. No, it's not. No, it does not indicate dreams. That's not what it's going for.
Adol
Can you read it one more time?
JPC
I bring you flowers and sunlight. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie. And I am there when you leap toward the sky.
Adol
Trampoline.
JPC
It's not a trampoline, but I would say you're close with trampoline.
Aaron
What's something that people jump off of?
Adol
Were you guys around for those moon shoes? Do you remember this?
JPC
I was not, but I feel like I know them from cultural osmosis.
Adol
Yeah, I can't remember if they're Nickelodeon branded or something, but it was basically like shoes with trampolines in them. A weird experiment. Comfort.
JPC
This is another riddle where every line is kind of pointing you towards a different answer for the same. That is the same thing.
Adol
Okay.
JPC
So I bring you flowers and sunlight is one. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie.
Aaron
A bed. A bed. A bed. Flower bed it is.
JPC
Aaron, this is really good, but it is not a flower bed.
Aaron
What the hell?
JPC
But flower bed works, I think, for the first two, but it does not work for the last one. And I am there when you leap toward the sky.
Adol
I'm there when you leap towards the sky.
Aaron
But you jump on a bed.
Adol
You leap towards the sky.
JPC
I guess you do jump on a bed, Aaron. But most people don't because that ruins the bed.
Aaron
I'd like to see a scene. I'm gonna be your mom. And you guys are. I'm catching you jumping on your bed when you're supposed to be asleep.
JPC
Mm.
Adol
Look, look, look, look. I'm Neil Armstrong.
Aaron
It is 9:30. You are standing up. Your eyes are open. Do not honk shoe. Do not honk shoe. Mom, you are standing up.
JPC
It's not what you think. It's not what you think. There was a leopard in here. Yeah, a leopard got in through the window. Because this is South Carolina.
Adol
Yeah, the Jumanji situation.
JPC
Yeah. It was a leopard from a board game.
Aaron
Do not make me regret teaching you how to lie this week. I thought.
JPC
I promise we weren't jumping on the bed. Ricky was trying to stomp a ghost.
Adol
Yeah, yeah.
Aaron
Oh, a leopard ghost. You're telling me that Ricky.
JPC
I think the leopard was trying to eat the ghost. I think it was like, prey.
Adol
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was trying to break it up so I had. So, Mom, I actually did a good deed.
Aaron
Oh, yeah?
Adol
Yeah.
Aaron
Oh, yeah.
Adol
Money.
Aaron
Money allowance. What? You're asking for me to give you allowance with no chore because you stepped on a leopard ghost?
Adol
If you want To a leopardy ghost and a leopard visiting you at night.
Aaron
I guess you know I have an early meeting. What did I tell you when I tucked you in? I have an early meeting and I need you guys to go to bed and. What are you doing?
Adol
Well, you said go to bed, not go to sleep. Mom.
JPC
You didn't go to sleep. Mom. And also. We're okay. Thanks for asking. A ghost and a leopard almost ate us. We're okay.
Aaron
I knew when I let my 24 year old sons move back in that it was going to be difficult, but I did not expect blame our parents for that.
Adol
Also, we're out of Mountain Dew.
Aaron
Oh, my God.
JPC
We're calling you mom, not Grandma. You should be fucking grateful.
Aaron
I am your mom.
JPC
Oh, you're our parents, Bob. But you're.
Aaron
I'm your mom.
JPC
I'm six.
Aaron
No, you are 24. Nice try pivoting away from this. Nice try.
JPC
Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. You're gonna talk about Jeremy. Pivot again. If you love Jeremy Pitt so much.
Aaron
Pivot. Piven. Scene. Scene. Let me gift you a terrible gift. Accept terrible gifts. That's what the improv is all about.
JPC
All you said was that you let your sons move back in. You didn't say that we were yours.
Aaron
Semantics. Semantics.
JPC
Hey, speaking of semantics, did you get the fucking answer to this goddamn riddle?
Aaron
I don't even remember what the riddle was.
Adol
I comfort you when you lay down. Something about leap for the sky.
JPC
I bring you flowers and sunlight. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie. And I am there when you leap toward the sky.
Adol
Is this a pad? Pad? Like a launch pad? A padded seat?
JPC
Yeah. No, it's not that, man. This is a word that has multiple meanings to it. This is both, like a concept, a physical object and a verb. Like an action, I would say.
Adol
Okay. Leap. Jump.
JPC
Synonyms. Synonyms.
Aaron
Leap.
JPC
Leap. Jump.
Adol
Leap. Year.
JPC
Another thing to say. No, no, no. Don't say leap or jump. You're close with leap or jump, but you need synonyms. Hop.
Adol
Hop. Jump.
JPC
No.
Aaron
Fly.
JPC
No.
Adol
Boingy. Boingy. Boingy.
JPC
Boingy. Boingy's close.
Aaron
So close. Pogo.
JPC
No, no, no. Boingy. Boingy's close. What's spring?
Adol
Spring. Spring. Spring is sprung. I do.
Aaron
Boingy. Boingy's close.
JPC
Dude. Hey, are you sitting here telling me that Boingy. Boingy wasn't the closest that you got to spring?
Aaron
Yeah. It's just devastating.
Adol
I do want to see a scene. Oh, no, Aaron. You are renowned superhero Boingy Boingy and jpc, you're someone in trouble. And Aaron has shown up.
Aaron
Boingy boingy boingy. Oh, boy. This is a bloodbath. Oy, Boingy boing.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron
Boing boy. Boingy.
JPC
I called an ambulance, so. Yeah.
Aaron
Ooh. Well, yeah, this is sort of above my Boingy Boingies pay grade.
JPC
Yeah, No, I know. Yeah. So, yeah, I, I, yeah, if you, hey, if you could just jump up and see if you could see above if the ambulance is close or like, if there's maybe like a better route you could direct the ambulance to. I'm.
Aaron
Oh, there's not a lot of glory in that for old Boingy Boingy. And the bad guy seems to have taken off, so I'm gonna hit the trampoline park.
JPC
Bad guy? It was a car crash. Oh, well, bad guy is a little. It's overstating it a little bit.
Aaron
So much blood. This has to be multiple people's blood, right?
JPC
Yeah, I don't know. I was in a car crash.
Aaron
All right, well, I'm gonna head out. It was so good seeing you.
JPC
What do you mean? We don't know each other. Just leave. Leave. Why? Stop.
Aaron
His head on a traffic light. Passes out.
Adol
Traffic light turns to green. Tons of cars.
Aaron
Crash.
Adol
Scene.
JPC
I saw Boinky Boinky as like a pogo stick with eyes.
Aaron
Oh, yeah. I did too.
Adol
Like, like a second cousin of Clippy or something.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron
Where the handles are. I saw two eyes.
JPC
Yeah. Big, big, big eyes. Yeah. Freaking out at seeing so much blood from a car crash.
Aaron
Yeah. Going to the strip club after you get it. Boingy boingy.
Adol
I love if he calls like, or they call like a boingy mobile and it's just basically just like a car in springs. It just kind of does what you do.
JPC
You can't give that guy a lap dance. He always gets a boingy boingy, if.
Aaron
You know what I'm saying.
JPC
So he can't be at the strip club.
Adol
Was it the Italian prime minister?
JPC
Oh, boinga. Boinga party.
Adol
The bunga bunga party.
JPC
Bunga bunga party.
Aaron
What is that?
JPC
That was not Berlusconi's name. No, it was Berlusconi.
Adol
Yeah. So the Italian prime minister 20 years ago or something. It came out in the news. He had what they call bunga bunga parties, which was basically like drug fueled orgies, I think.
JPC
Yeah, I think it's just like orgies.
Adol
But they called them bunga bunga parties, which the press was like, mm, mm.
Aaron
Mm, yum, yum, yum. We are fed the pressing. Mm, mm, mm is so funny. Mm, mm, mm.
Adol
Thank you, chef Kiss.
JPC
Everyone in the press is eating. We are boingy boingy boingy boingy yum yum. We are all full up here. The prez. All right, well, hey, look, that's. We're not gonna top boingy boingy bunga bunga. So. Which is, by the way, the title of the episode.
Aaron
Cowabing Cowaboingy.
JPC
So we will move right along to. Oh, you know what, Casey? Do we have a voicemail theme? They say the starving artist is a trope. So passe. No one converts art into currency these days. But I put hey, Riddle Riddle as a reference on my resume. Now I've got a shift down in Uncle Mumble's cafe, line my way into a spot at Ready Kitty's Body Shop. And this weekend, I'm in Cleveland cleaning gutters with Puzzbot. No Canoe Dog. And I have started shoveling snow. I'm on security tonight for little monkey bugs. I did an intern position with Dr. Chameleon and invested in Wizzy's fizzy drinks. It's a sure thing. We're going to make a million. And if you have any leads or actually, anything else to say, call 1-805-RIDDLE DLE1.
Aaron
Wow.
Adol
Okay. That was incredible.
Aaron
That was fucking awesome.
JPC
Got the number there at the very end. That theme is, of course, from our friend Jesse Bloodgoodgood. That one is titled Ready It Resume.
Aaron
Loved that.
JPC
Thank you so much. If you want to submit a theme 30 seconds or less. Wav file hrrpodcastmail. Casey, why don't you play us voicemail?
Aaron
Hey, Clue crew, My name is Charlotte and I work at a dog daycare. And we have a lot of dogs who have the same name. We have a bunch of Sadie's and a bunch of, like, Charlies. So I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions on, like, unique dog names.
Adol
Thanks. Ooh. I think Boingy Boingy is immediately top.
Aaron
Yeah.
JPC
Boingy Boingy Bruno, Zendaya.
Aaron
Full circle. When I have been giving my dog Lou fun nicknames, I like calling her the name of what would be sort of maybe you're like your nemesis in the office, like a Maureen or a Linda. And I think that those sort of names that were maybe popular in the 60s or 70s are funny to give a pet.
JPC
I occasionally I call Spaghetti ma' am. Like, if she's like, popping off. I'll be like, ma' am, please. And what time we were walking. And sometimes, like, she'll just get. She's like leash reactive. She'll just get set off by a dog or a person. But it's like always a roll of the dice. Like, I never know who is going to like, trigger a response in her. And she was walking and there was a woman who was like, getting into her car in the street. So she was not anywhere really, like, near spaghetti, but spaghetti just like barked at her. And I said, ma' am. And the woman went, excuse me.
Aaron
Oh, no.
JPC
And so I had to say, that's the dog's name. And I said it like, very quickly. Like it's the. The dog's name is ma' am. But I was like, well, she doesn't know that the dog's name isn't actually ma' am. But I do think that Ma' am is a very fun name for a dog.
Aaron
I love Ma' Am. I co sign Ma' am.
Adol
I suggest going to the Internet and searching like the top popular names in like 1742 or like 1829 and get like a Cyrus or an Orville, Orval or, you know, something along those lines.
Aaron
Wait, what year did you give?
Adol
What did I say? 1741, 1827. Something like that.
JPC
I think go pop culture. I think name your dog something like Grogu or Mando or pop culture from five years ago.
Adol
Ooh, also maybe like a senior superlatives thing where it's like, if you name a dog like Max or something, maybe it's like Messy Max. So give him an adjective. Give him a senior superlative that makes it more fun of, like, does someone want to play with Max or does someone want to play with Messy Max?
JPC
Aaron, I like Ethel, but what about ethanol?
Aaron
I love that.
Adol
Ooh, My great grandma's name was Fernando, so gotta recommend that.
Aaron
I also like different animal names. Like name your dog Goose or. You know what I mean?
Adol
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JPC
What's another animal name? It doesn't matter. You know Goose. So Aaron knows animals. Stop writing into the show that says Aaron doesn't know animals.
Adol
Right? Yeah, Aaron.
Aaron
Just.
Adol
Just to prove him wrong.
Aaron
Like Goose.
Adol
Yeah, but one other one.
JPC
Yeah, just.
Aaron
Yeah, like something like Haters wrong. Yeah, something like Goose.
JPC
Yeah, and that did it. That proved him wrong.
Adol
Two different geese.
Aaron
Yeah, something like Goose. Yeah, you heard me.
JPC
Thank you so much for the voicemail. Aaron, do you have anything that you would like to plug?
Aaron
Oh, God, no. Check out Quality time on Instagram. It's a monthly, I don't know, variety show. That's the word I'm looking for.
JPC
Goose.
Aaron
I'm really losing it. It's a monthly variety show and it's really fun. It's in la, so if you're in LA for a time, check it out. Adel, anything to plug.
Adol
Aaron, Favorite character from Top Gun, Goose. Okay, I'm going to plug hello from the Magic Tavern is going on tour. I don't know if the dates are up yet, so I'm not going to say what cities, but you can go to hellofromthemagictavern.com and I believe at this point the dates have been announced and the ticket links are going to be on that website. So check those out. Come see us also, obviously. Hey, Riddle Riddle is taking a train.
JPC
To go on tour and we have a big announcement. Hey, Riddle Riddle. And our across the Riddleverse Tour are adding three more stops. One of them is just the second show. The St. Paul show sold out or is so, so, so close to selling out. But if you can't get a ticket on June 29, we are adding an extra show the next day. So Monday night, June 30, same time, completely different show. So it's still at 7pm, still in St. Paul, still at Amsterdam.
Aaron
Totally different vibe. We're gonna wear different clothes. We're gonna think differently about each other. Bigger wigs on those two, smaller wig on me.
Adol
Can we just show video of the first show and we like comment on it, like director's commentary kind of thing.
JPC
There's also a big chance that we will spend a lot of time talking about our experience at Mall of America on that because we are all planning on going to Mall of America that day. But yeah, that is the next night in St. Paul. That is June 30th. And then we, by popular demand, we heard a lot of people saying, hey, you're not coming to the South. You're not coming to the South. Well, guess what? We are coming to the South. Kyda. We are going to Atlanta, Georgia on October 5th. We're gonna be at Dad's Garage. That's Sunday, October 5th at Atlanta, Georgia. And then we are going to be Tuesday, October 7th. We are going to Nashville to our buddies comedy club, Third Coast Comedy Club. Now, I will say the Nashville show is in a smaller venue. So if you are thinking about getting tickets to Nashville, get those tickets fast. Because I got an email as soon as we announced it on our Patreon last week that we were already 25% sold out. So definitely get tickets fast if you're considering Nashville, because my guess is that those tickets will sell out very quickly.
Adol
Aaron, no lie. Last time I was in Nashville with jpc, he ran across a pool. No joke.
Aaron
Okay, well, this is true. Hopefully he'll do it again. And hopefully he'll fall in. He'll never be able to get out.
JPC
Yeah. So those are our additions to our tour shows. We still have a couple more in the works. So if you're thinking, oh man, they didn't come to my city, we probably won't. But we are still thinking about coming to a couple more cities if we can get them going before the end of the year. But a second show in St. Paul, Atlanta and Nashville are definitely on our website. You can get tickets@heyridovertle.com live.
Adol
Woo. Very excited.
Aaron
We're so excited to see everybody. And also link in bio if you want to suggest your city for future tour dates. Because JPC set up that whole thing where you can sort of fill out a form.
Adol
Yeah, jpc. Anything to promote or review to read.
JPC
Oh boy. I don't think that I have anything to promote besides the tour. And if tickets are sold out, hey, they're sold out, man. You should have, shouldn't have fucking waited. Okay, let's read a review. If you want to get a five star review featured on the show, just leave a five star review anywhere that you leave reviews. This first review is from. Oh boy. First review. The only review I'm reading today is from PP Poopoo. PP Poo Poo writes. God damn it. I am 25 and listening to this podcast for the past five years has made me realize that people are never too old to make pee pee and poo poo jokes. Or jokes a 12 year old boy would make in a locker room. Thank you for being real and being real silly. I've listened to every episode multiple times and I laugh out loud at least once every time I listen. Okay, well that was, you know what? It was titled Pee Pee Poo Poo. But I don't want to say, say that this person's name was Pee Pee Poo Poo. This person's name is Ginger Snappy. Oh, but Ginger Snappy just wrote the review. Pee Pee Pee Poo Poo.
Adol
Pee Pee Poo Poo Peep.
Aaron
Oh brother.
Adol
That's a good name for a dog. Should we have shirts that say like Live Laugh riddle or something?
JPC
Oh yeah. Aaron, if you had to pick a planet to name a dog, what would.
Adol
It be with a senior superlative.
Aaron
Probably Juicy Jupiter. I hate that I picked Juicy. I wish I had said anything else, but I couldn't think of another J.
JPC
But she didn't.
Aaron
I didn't say anything else. Oh God.
JPC
I flipped up and John Patrick Cohen. Casey Tony did the editing. Have already parents in the music.
Aaron
Logo.
JPC
Created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naboris. 1, 2, 3, 4. Hey riddle ritual. Hey there. Donuts and puns. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We present the funeral of Adol, Aaron and jpc. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog@patreon.com Haywardovereddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.
Aaron
That was a Headgum podcast.
Hey Riddle Riddle – Episode #360: Boingy Boingy Bunga Bunga
Release Date: June 11, 2025
In Episode #360 of Hey Riddle Riddle, titled "Boingy Boingy Bunga Bunga", hosts Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan embark on a whimsical journey filled with humorous banter, intriguing riddles, and playful improvisation. This episode seamlessly blends clever wordplay with lighthearted interactions, providing both long-time fans and newcomers with an entertaining listening experience.
The episode kicks off with the trio delving into a creative discussion about timekeeping in a fictional setting. John Patrick Coan (JPC) introduces an imaginative system where bells ring to mark each hour, emphasizing the importance of punctuality in their community.
Adal Rifai and Erin Keif engage in a playful exchange about the practicalities of this system, highlighting their comedic chemistry.
Their humorous attempts to refine the bell system showcase their knack for improvisational comedy, setting a lively tone for the episode.
Transitioning from timekeeping, the hosts discuss the fleeting nature of internet fame, reminiscing about their past online personas.
The conversation shifts to the uniqueness of names, with JPC positing that certain names are singular and unlikely to be duplicated in fame.
They explore various associations with the name "Bruno," touching on pop culture references and personal anecdotes.
Excitement builds as the hosts discuss their upcoming tour dates, highlighting their enthusiasm for traveling together.
Plans for visiting iconic locations like the first Dunkin Donuts in Quincy add a nostalgic element to their itinerary.
The camaraderie between the hosts is evident as they joke about attending shows and experiencing new adventures together.
A humorous deep dive into the history of Dunkin Donuts ensues, with the hosts recounting their visits to the original location.
Their playful critique of Dunkin's donuts juxtaposed with appreciation for the coffee reflects their ability to blend humor with relatable experiences.
The episode features its first riddle, challenging the hosts' problem-solving skills.
After some deliberation, Aaron successfully deciphers the answer.
JPC commends his accuracy, setting a positive tone for the riddle-solving segments to follow.
Introducing the Riddle Rewind segment, the hosts revisit a classic riddle from Episode #87, reigniting past discussions.
The trio engages in a spirited debate, attempting to uncover the riddle's hidden meaning. Despite their creative guesses, the answer remains elusive, showcasing their genuine attempt to solve it.
Later, they tackle another riddle, which Aaron promptly solves:
Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in improvised scenes, enhancing the entertainment quotient. One notable improvisation involves the concept of Hammer and Nail, where JPC and Adol personify these objects in a comedic performance.
Their ability to transform mundane objects into characters exemplifies their improvisational prowess, keeping listeners engaged with spontaneous humor.
Another memorable scene revolves around the fictional superhero Boingy Boingy, blending superhero tropes with their unique comedic style.
These improv segments not only highlight their comedic talents but also provide a dynamic break from riddle-solving.
The Voicemail Segment allows listeners to interact with the hosts by submitting questions. In this episode, Charlotte from a dog daycare seeks suggestions for unique dog names.
Adol, Aaron, and JPC enthusiastically respond with creative and quirky name ideas, further showcasing their humorous take on everyday topics.
Their playful suggestions infuse the segment with humor, making it enjoyable for both the callers and listeners.
Concluding the episode, the hosts announce additional tour dates and encourage fan engagement through reviews and ticket purchases.
They highlight the popularity of their St. Paul show and tease future locations like Atlanta and Nashville, creating anticipation among their audience.
A listener review adds a personal touch, with PP Poopoo praising the podcast's enduring humor.
The hosts express gratitude towards their listeners, reinforcing their connection with the audience.
Episode #360 of Hey Riddle Riddle masterfully balances humor, creativity, and interaction. From inventive riddles and engaging improvisations to heartfelt tour announcements and listener interactions, the hosts deliver a multifaceted episode that captivates and entertains. Whether you're a dedicated fan or a curious newcomer, "Boingy Boingy Bunga Bunga" offers a delightful blend of laughs and brain teasers that embody the spirit of the show.
Notable Quotes:
These moments capture the essence of the episode, highlighting the hosts' wit and charm.