#366: Guess The Price of Water

Summary

Podcast Summary: Hey Riddle Riddle #366: "Guess The Price of Water"

Release Date: July 23, 2025

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1. Episode Overview

In Episode #366 of Hey Riddle Riddle, hosted by Headgum, Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan delve into the intricate world of improvisation intertwined with their characteristic humor and wit. This episode offers listeners a behind-the-scenes glimpse into their improvisational processes, showcases their problem-solving skills through riddles, and features engaging discussions on personal experiences and pop culture.

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2. Exploring Improvisation Techniques

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in improv warm-ups, aiming to refine their spontaneous performance skills. They tackle the challenge of creating open-ended questions, emphasizing the importance of offering choices to prevent conversational dead-ends.

Notable Quote:

JPC (00:05:32): "Instead of saying open-ended, do you want to do this? Yes or no? Give him two different options. So do you want to do this or this? Okay, great. Because then you can't say no to it."

This segment highlights their commitment to honing their craft, demonstrating practical tips for effective improvisation.

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3. City Life: Chicago vs. Los Angeles

A substantial portion of the discussion revolves around the pros and cons of living in Chicago versus Los Angeles. The hosts share personal anecdotes about their experiences in both cities, touching on the weather extremes, improv opportunities, and quality of life.

Notable Quotes:

Aaron (07:39): "I think about moving and buying a little place in Maine a lot and getting some, like, chickens and hanging out there."

JPC (09:11): "You know, recording twice since we've been here. The first day was one of the hottest days in Chicago this year. Then we took two days where we didn't record. The weather immediately dropped down."

Their conversation underscores the challenges of balancing professional commitments with personal well-being, especially when navigating the fluctuating climates of Chicago summers and LA lifestyles.

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4. Riddles and Improvisational Problem-Solving

Embracing the podcast’s core theme, the hosts tackle a series of riddles submitted by listeners. While some riddles present linguistic challenges, particularly those rooted in German translations, the trio collaborates to unravel each puzzle, often culminating in improvisational scenes that bring the riddles to life.

Riddle Example and Discussion:

Riddle: "You do this every time you climb. I'm present to judge for every crime. I'll tell you what size to expect. I'm also armor. I protect."

Attempted Solutions:

• JPC (20:57): "The answer is scale."
• Adol (30:09): "Combine opposite pairs to go back and forth. Each answer is one syllable as it leaves your mouth. The group together is not a priest."

Despite occasional stumbles, their collaborative effort showcases both their intellectual synergy and humorous rapport.

Notable Quote:

JPC (30:15): "Here you go. Here's your next one. This is the hardest one by a lot."

The riddle segments not only entertain but also serve as a platform for demonstrating their improvisational synergy.

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5. Pop Culture and Personal Anecdotes

Interspersed with riddles, the hosts engage in lively discussions about pop culture, particularly focusing on the X-Men franchise. They share their favorite characters, memorable scenes, and hypothetical scenarios related to the beloved superhero universe.

Notable Quotes:

Adol (49:08): "I think if Kelsey Grammer did a one-man Broadway show called Beast."

JPC (52:14): "The Snow White movie was an absolute mess. I put it on for my child because I was morbidly fascinated in what it would be."

These segments provide a relatable and entertaining diversion from the riddles, allowing listeners to connect with the hosts on shared interests.

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6. Engaging Improv Scenes

The hosts frequently transition from solving riddles to creating improv scenes inspired by the riddles' themes. These scenes are characterized by quick wit, improvised storytelling, and character interplay, showcasing their expertise in spontaneous performance.

Scene Example:

Adol (54:17): "We both look like snails, for sure."

JPC (55:10): "We are the Lamborghini of sea dogs."

These improvisational moments not only entertain but also demonstrate their ability to transform abstract concepts into vivid, humorous narratives.

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7. Reflecting on Personal Experiences

Towards the episode’s conclusion, the hosts share personal stories, such as Aaron’s experience with a rock climbing date and Adol’s encounter with neighborhood animals. These narratives add a personal touch, allowing listeners to glimpse the hosts' lives beyond their comedic personas.

Notable Quote:

Aaron (23:34): "I was in the mindset of like dating comedy boys is not fun and isn't working."

Such reflections enhance the episode’s relatability, fostering a deeper connection between the hosts and their audience.

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8. Conclusion and Future Directions

As the episode wraps up, the hosts discuss future content ideas, including an episode dedicated to listener-submitted hot takes. They also mention upcoming live shows and encourage listeners to engage with their content through Patreon and other platforms.

Notable Quote:

JPC (71:31): "We have enough hot takes that people submitted that we could do an episode where we just kind of review people's hot takes."

This forward-looking segment teases upcoming content, maintaining listener interest and promoting community interaction.

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Key Takeaways

• Improv Mastery: The hosts emphasize the importance of structured improvisation techniques, such as offering choices to sustain conversations.

• City Dynamics: Personal experiences highlight the contrasts between city life in Chicago and LA, addressing both opportunities and challenges.

• Riddle Engagement: Listener-submitted riddles serve as catalysts for both intellectual challenge and creative improvisational scenes.

• Pop Culture Insight: Discussions on franchises like X-Men offer entertaining and relatable content, enriching the episode’s diversity.

• Personal Connections: Sharing personal anecdotes fosters a strong bond with the audience, enhancing the podcast’s engaging and authentic atmosphere.

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Notable Quotes Recap:

• JPC (05:32): "Instead of saying open-ended, do you want to do this? Yes or no? Give him two different options."

• Aaron (07:39): "I think about moving and buying a little place in Maine a lot and getting some, like, chickens and hanging out there."

• JPC (30:15): "Here you go. Here's your next one. This is the hardest one by a lot."

• Adol (49:08): "I think if Kelsey Grammer did a one-man Broadway show called Beast."

• JPC (71:31): "We have enough hot takes that people submitted that we could do an episode where we just kind of review people's hot takes."

This episode of Hey Riddle Riddle exemplifies the hosts' ability to blend improvisational skill, humorous banter, and intellectual engagement, delivering a richly entertaining experience for both long-time listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Aaron]

This is a Headgum podcast. Adol jpc. Do you mind if I brag for a second?

[Adol]

Go right ahead.

[JPC]

Of course I do not.

[Aaron]

Yesterday I felt so energized and content and was able to do something that I'd been putting off for forever, which was reorganize all my kitchen cabinets.

[JPC]

Who are you?

[Aaron]

What are you exactly? And you know my what the little nudge. I needed some schedule 35 their new gummies.

[JPC]

Oh, okay, so you're on the schedule 35 tip now, huh, Aaron?

[Aaron]

Mm.

[Adol]

Not just Aaron, but also adol. Research around psilocybin is proven to help with mental health, ptsd, anxiety, focus and depression. So I'm feeling very calm and grounded as well.

[Aaron]

Check, check, check, check, check, check, check.

[JPC]

Plus schedule 35 ships all across Canada and the US and is the most notable brand currently in the space.

[Aaron]

And.

[JPC]

And all products come with guides that make microdosing easy to understand.

[Aaron]

Studies have showed that psilocybin works by creating new neural networks in the brain, which help boost focus, creativity, mood enhancement, and help fight addiction. I know it can feel a little overwhelming if you've never tried it before, but they make it so intuitive and easy and they are so good at letting you know how much that you're gonna be taking and when you should take it. It takes out all the hard parts.

[JPC]

But all customers need to be age verified. So once you're age verified, which is 19 in Canada and 21 plus in the U.S. you're you can receive your invite code. And for all of the products and to get an invite code, visit www.schedule35co. The goal is to destigmatize and reeducate on the science and real world benefits of psilocybin as well as making it accessible for everyone.

[Adol]

Get 50% off with code RIDDLE at schedule 35CO. That's 15% off at schedule 35CO. And use code Riddle.

[JPC]

Can we not have silly secrets?

[Aaron]

That's fun. He made it specific.

[JPC]

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cannon of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice in Ray and the horses named riding before he reached the ridge.

[Aaron]

Off. I have a friend and his name's Adel. I have a friend and his name's Adol. I have a friend and his name's Adol. I have a friend and how about you?

[JPC]

Yeah, I have a friend named Adol too.

[Adol]

I am Adol. Oh my gosh, I'm a Adol. Do you have Adel?

[JPC]

Ooh. Do you have a friend named Adel?

[Adol]

No.

[JPC]

Aaron. Do you have a friend named Aaron? Yes.

[Aaron]

No. Oh, well, yes, I do have a friend named Aaron.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron]

Aaron Utic somewhere.

[JPC]

I know some Aarons. You know that?

[Aaron]

Not love hearing that when I was doing a fun little clapping.

[JPC]

John. Do you have a friend named John? Yes.

[Aaron]

Name thing.

[JPC]

Isn't it interesting?

[Aaron]

Don't get on me about yes and ing. When you sank my bit to the bottom of the ocean on a yes and anchor, you asked me to fight.

[JPC]

A friend in metal. I didn't. I asked. Adolf hit a friend in a battle.

[Adol]

Aaron. I wouldn't even say sank. I'd say like submersible exploded.

[Aaron]

Yeah, let's try a different. I'm going to try a different opening to see if it.

[Adol]

Aaron's comedy body was blown to dust in milliseconds. Is that what happened to them?

[JPC]

Casey, do you have any friends named Casey? Yeah. Well, okay, cool. Wow. You know, multiple Casey's. That's pretty crazy.

[Aaron]

All right, here's my new opening. Okay, guys, there's a new Yankee Candle smell. It's called riddle. Do you want to smell it?

[Adol]

No, there's not.

[JPC]

Can I give you some advice on improv? Aaron, can I give you some advice on improv?

[Aaron]

No, you, Adolf Sureware. No, thank you.

[JPC]

This is like. This is also like for children. It applies as well. Don't ask. Do you want to do something you know, because that gives someone to say no?

[Adol]

Yeah, what about Frozen? What about that song in Frozen?

[JPC]

That's don't you want to build a snowman?

[Adol]

And it's rhetoric.

[Aaron]

No, it's not. All right, here's my new opening.

[JPC]

New opening.

[Adol]

Okay.

[Aaron]

Hey, Adol, I just killed jpc. Do you want to help me bury the body?

[JPC]

But it's a question. It's a question.

[Aaron]

Oh, I think I'm misunderstanding. Hey, Adol, I can't stand JPC anymore. Do you want to help me beat him up? Am I getting closer?

[JPC]

But it's the same problem. But it's the context that is different.

[Aaron]

All right, let me. Okay, I got this.

[JPC]

You know what? Here's what you do. Instead of saying open ended, do you want to do this? Yes or no? Give him two different options. So do you want to do this or this? Okay, great. Because then you can't say no to it.

[Aaron]

Okay, Adol, do you want to shoot JPC into the hot, hot sun or have him explode at the bottom of the ocean?

[Adol]

C. Ooh, don't say C. Well, sea and the ocean, are they're the same. Right.

[JPC]

Well, I'm giving Aaron a note. You would say C. Cause adoles people are from the desert.

[Aaron]

Jpc. You start an opening. You go.

[JPC]

You start.

[Aaron]

Okay, you got it.

[JPC]

This toy store selling sex toys.

[Aaron]

See? Can I give you some improv advice?

[JPC]

Please. That was Santa, by the way. He was upset.

[Aaron]

That wasn't C. That wasn't clear.

[JPC]

Ocean. That wasn't clear.

[Adol]

It sounds like he's besmirching a toy store to try and ruin it.

[JPC]

Besmirching.

[Adol]

Besmirch.

[Aaron]

Can I give you some.

[JPC]

Such a good improv teacher.

[Aaron]

Can I give you some advice?

[JPC]

Advice? Yes.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[JPC]

And Aaron, you would say, do you want me to give you improv advice or do you want me to slap you in the face? Don't give me an option to say yes or no. You want to.

[Aaron]

I'm going to give you some improv advice.

[JPC]

That's exactly correct.

[Adol]

Nice.

[Aaron]

When you start a scene, don't do an object based initiation.

[JPC]

Oceanine.

[Aaron]

Have whatever you are talking about, Aaron.

[JPC]

Oceanine.

[Aaron]

Oshideed like, whoa, you look like shit today. Is a better example.

[JPC]

Whoa, you look like shit today.

[Aaron]

That's a great way to start a scene.

[JPC]

That actually is a great way to start a scene, Aaron. That's actually a great way to start a scene.

[Adol]

I think I've told this before, but I was once told the worst scene initiation is fuck you, where are we?

[Aaron]

I know and I love that I could make that work.

[Adol]

Okay, Aaron, whenever you're ready.

[Aaron]

Oh, I say fuck you, where are we? Or you say it.

[Adol]

Did you want to try and make it work?

[Aaron]

Yeah, but do you want. I can make it work if you.

[JPC]

Want to see it.

[Adol]

Oh, I see. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Hey, Aaron, would you like to fuck you. Where are you? Where are we?

[Aaron]

Wait, JBC the whole time? Can we start again?

[JPC]

I mean, the whole day you have start over nothing.

[Aaron]

I want to go home.

[JPC]

This whole I don't have done nothing wrong.

[Adol]

That can't be right.

[JPC]

This is. Hey, rid of riddle. Now here's the thing. It's a podcast about riddles, but it's also about improv. And today's episode is kind of a behind the scenes sneak peek at what it's like to improvise and kind of the way the nuts and bolts of how we get it done.

[Aaron]

None of this is true, Aaron. I'm about to sweater this episode.

[JPC]

Aaron, you have been in Chicago now for a week.

[Aaron]

Sure, about a week.

[JPC]

Do you miss it?

[Aaron]

Well, I've spent the whole time here in this Hot, hot room. Dealing with your bullshit, isn't it?

[JPC]

How we've recorded twice since we've been here. The first day was one of the hottest days in Chicago this year. Then we took two days where we didn't record. The weather immediately dropped down. It was nice, it was livable. It was great outside. And now we're back recording again and it's as hot as Kot could be.

[Adol]

God hates our podcast.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

I have a friend and her name's Aaron I have a friend and her name's Aaron I have a friend and her name's Aaron hey, how about you?

[Aaron]

I have a friend Is it a camp. See, does that sound not fun at all?

[JPC]

Is it a camp song?

[Aaron]

Doesn't that feel bad?

[JPC]

Is it a camp song? What is it?

[Aaron]

That must be something. I have a friend I've never heard this before. I have a friend in hand I have a friend.

[JPC]

This isn't an improv warmup, is it?

[Aaron]

How about you? That probably is.

[JPC]

It probably is.

[Aaron]

It sounds like something that is.

[JPC]

Erin, how much do you miss Chicago?

[Aaron]

Well, I miss it so much. I would say 10 out of 10 miss it. It's also. It's been hard because I've been back and I haven't really gotten to have any downtime. My days have been packed morning till night, and it's making me miss Chicago even more. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, I should have said no to more things. So I could have actually gone and sat at some of my favorite places. But it's so beautiful. This is by far the best city in the us it has everything.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

It's so beautiful. Everyone is so happy during the summer. It's, ugh. It's just the best.

[JPC]

Now, the industry, Aaron, as we all know, in la, it's kind of drying up. You know, they're not making tv, they're not making movies anymore. We gotta get you back. We gotta get you back in Chicago.

[Adol]

What's it gonna take? Put a number on the table.

[JPC]

Think about how much fun you're having.

[Aaron]

Recording in person across the table at adult. A drawing of my.

[JPC]

But that could be anyone's butt. Could be anyone's butt.

[Adol]

No, this is Aaron's butt. I'd know that. Butt.

[JPC]

Anyway, I think, Aaron, I think people would love to see you back here in Chicago.

[Aaron]

Well, couple things I've been thinking about.

[JPC]

Sure.

[Aaron]

I think about moving and buying a little place in Maine a lot and getting some, like, chickens and hanging out there.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

And then spending part of the year somewhere else. Either Chicago, L.A. or New York. Like, doing, like, three months in a place where I can go do improv and be around people. So next. I already decided that next summer I'm gonna come back for two and a half months.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Aaron]

To Chicago. Because I. Yeah, I just. I think this would be a great place to be out of her that time. And it also depends if I want to have kids. Right now, I'm leaning no.

[JPC]

Yeah, me too, for you.

[Aaron]

But if I have kids, I don't know if I'd want to raise them in la.

[JPC]

Yeah. Because it's like your kids are going to be drinking, like, frappiato Frappucciato.

[Adol]

Taking them on auditions. They book rolls over you.

[Aaron]

Yeah. I don't want them to become my competition.

[JPC]

Grocery shopping at erewhon. And it's $450,000 a month. Summertime in Chicago. That's the time that you. That's really the time that you. I would say, as a person who lives here year round, summertime in Chicago is the second most miserable time to be in Chicago.

[Aaron]

Oh, I. That is. I feel like, famously the wrong opinion. Chicago summer is like, like, internationally known as one of the best places to be during the summer.

[JPC]

Really? When it's like, 98 degrees?

[Aaron]

It's not always like that.

[JPC]

No. But more and more it is.

[Aaron]

Oh, global warming.

[JPC]

Yeah. Yeah. The last few years, there have been some. And like two years ago, we had the Canadian wildfire smoke, which it was, like, unlivable to be outside of Chicago. Do you remember that? The Canadian wildfire smoke? No, you should remember it, because the skies were literally gray in the summertime for maybe three weeks. Casey, you remember. I'm not crazy. The wildest thing about the Canadian wildfires is we had a little bit of it earlier this summer, and I was walking around in my neighborhood being like, yeah, I couldn't go outside yesterday because of the Canadian wildfire smoke. And people in my neighborhood were like, what are you talking about? And I was like, did you not have that thing on your phone that said it was unlivable to be outside and you shouldn't be outside.

[Adol]

Oh, there's like, an Amber Alert about it.

[JPC]

Well, no, it was. You had to, like, check an app.

[Aaron]

We had to find the fire for us.

[JPC]

You had to check the weather and see that air quality was, like, unsafe for any group. And then my neighbors were like, I spent all day outside doing, like, lawn work yesterday. And I'm like, oh, yeah, you shouldn't have done that.

[Adol]

Very bad.

[JPC]

Cause that's, like, really truly really bad.

[Aaron]

It's so funny that you think Chicago summers are miserable. To me, when I walk around, they feel like, you know, children's book where they like show children's books where they show cities and it's like the idyllic city and everything looks great. Like you're walking down the street and you see like firefighters playing cards waiting for a fire.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

And you see people like drinking on patios and like kids playing baseball in the park. Like it feels like so picturesque and cinematic.

[JPC]

If you're close ish to the lake, the 95 degree days are not as bad because you get a little bit of that lake effect breeze. But if you are not close to the lake, the 95 degree days, you.

[Aaron]

Live far west up on that hill where there's thunder and lightning and the kids are spooked out by you.

[JPC]

Yeah. It's truly like unlivable times. Now I said second worst time to be in Chicago because the first worst time to be in Chicago is seven months out of the year in between. Well, no, that third season, that's probably between like December or I guess it's not seven months. It's like December to May.

[Aaron]

Why are you trying to convince me to move back when you hate most of the year here?

[JPC]

It's just really convenient for recording.

[Adol]

I would say fall Chicago number one, Spring Chicago number two. Winter Chicago number three, summer four. Side rank.

[Aaron]

I feel like Chicago doesn't work.

[JPC]

My favorite part about recording in person, Aaron, is because I will not get a text from you saying that your Internet is out. And if I do, I'll be like, that's not a problem. Just walk right over here, sit down and record.

[Aaron]

Why don't you move to la, your home area?

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Aaron]

We could record at Headgum Studios.

[JPC]

I guess so. Yeah. I don't know. I think that that's Headgum Studios, by the way. They're full. You know, they've got enough podcasts recording there.

[Adol]

We could boot Jake Johnson out.

[JPC]

Yeah, but I guess it would be easier for Adol and I to sell our houses and for me to move my do it. I think that. Well, yeah, I guess it would be easier. And you did say, just, I don't know, 10 minutes ago that you wouldn't want to raise kids in la, right?

[Aaron]

Well, then maybe I don't have kids in la, Aaron.

[JPC]

I think something that I'd have to bring my kid. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Aaron]

I'm more speaking for me, your kid is going to thrive anywhere. I'm going to have a very sensitive. Like, your kid is like a plant that could grow and Plant. Yeah. Your kid is a plant.

[JPC]

And we've never met. Yeah. They say something like no. Or whatever.

[Adol]

This kid claps.

[Aaron]

My card is the three of hearts.

[JPC]

Yeah. Honestly, I think my kid would be pretty happy wherever because I'm pretty sure everywhere has Moana. So nowadays it's all Moana, Moana, moana. And I'm like, yeah, Aaron witch.

[Adol]

Would you want to. You don't want to maybe raise kids in LA? Would you want to raise JPC's kid in LA? Be like an au pair.

[JPC]

Oh, you were an au pair once. I was, yeah. I would say I would not hire Aaron to watch my child if she was the only option left on this.

[Aaron]

You know what's so funny is I probably am gonna end up being the future stepmother to your child. Beverly shubadu has a 10 year plan.

[JPC]

Stepmother, I think is different because stepmothers can be wicked. And so I do think, I do think that that kind of thing I was.

[Aaron]

That is one of the only things I was actually good at on the planet.

[JPC]

The last time we recorded, you did tell a story about how you stopped. You told them that you couldn't nanny for a day. Cause you had to like drive two hours to a Chicago Fire audition.

[Aaron]

That was the only time I ever.

[JPC]

Heard if my nanny said that to me, she would be Chicago fired.

[Aaron]

The only. They were. That was a family I had been working for three years.

[JPC]

Chicago fired.

[Aaron]

I didn't like that joke. Well, because a nanny gets fired, I get feedback online that I give it up too easily on the show. They're like, she's just a girl who laughs at anything. And now I'm going to have higher standards. Oh, wow, Adel, you're out. No, no, you're fine.

[JPC]

You're right.

[Aaron]

That family that I'd been working for was. Oh, thank you. Had been working for for like two and a half years. And they were so patient and nice and were like so enthusiastic about me going to that audition. And we're like, how'd it go?

[JPC]

How'd it go? How wonderful.

[Aaron]

It was like that feeling. And I was like, so bad. But the only other time I one time I had the flu and I couldn't go into that job. And the only other time that I had to go home earlier anything is when their perfect, sweet daughter. I don't know if you guys remember this put. We were playing makeup and she was like, close your eyes. And then she was gonna. With like a paintbrush.

[Adol]

Put it in your ears. And she popped your eardrum.

[Aaron]

She popped my eardrum.

[Adol]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron]

So I had to go home. And I feel like that's a pretty good track record if that's the only two.

[JPC]

Yes.

[Aaron]

Is having the flu one day that I got from their kids.

[JPC]

Kids will shove things in their ears to a way where I'm like, do you not know kids shove their ears? Do you know? They don't. They don't know. Cause they're children. They're small. They're truly small.

[Adol]

Something I want to bring up just very quickly is, Aaron, I think it would behoove your interest in moving back here. It would stimulate your interest in moving back to Chicago.

[Aaron]

Oh, is JBC moving out of the city?

[Adol]

If JBC possibly moving out of the city. But if Chicago had a better nickname. I feel like we are Second City.

[Aaron]

We are the Bean D City.

[Adol]

The Bean.

[JPC]

We need the Bean D City.

[Adol]

The big cookie. We need something more.

[Aaron]

The big Cookie.

[Adol]

We need something more exhilarating. Can you. Can you workshop some ideas or JPC workshop some ideas for a nickname for Chicago that makes it more appealing for Aaron to move back.

[Aaron]

I love it.

[JPC]

The Wet Beef for Keef.

[Adol]

Ooh, the Wet Beef.

[Aaron]

Keef folded my name in.

[JPC]

Yeah, I was gonna say the Wet Keef, but.

[Aaron]

Hot dogs.

[Adol]

The Big Bear.

[JPC]

Like Dog Town.

[Adol]

Bear Town.

[JPC]

Could we call it Dog Town? Is there anything else that is.

[Adol]

I think Beartown works because the Bears are here in Chicago. Bears and the Cubs.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

So Beartown would be cool.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Fire city.

[Adol]

Fire city's cool. Cause we were absolutely decimated by a fire.

[JPC]

Yeah, we're okay now.

[Aaron]

All the firemen are playing cards.

[JPC]

Does Fire Fest kind of has Fire fest kind of ruined fire as good as possible?

[Aaron]

Well, it depends on how we spell it. Remember that guy gave a blood job for all that water?

[Adol]

What?

[Aaron]

Do you remember the Fyre Fest documentaries? Does that. Anyone else remember any details from that other than that?

[Adol]

I remember.

[JPC]

Did you say a guy gave a blowjob for all that water?

[Aaron]

Yeah, he, like, in exchange for water. He gave a guy a blowjob.

[JPC]

Huh?

[Aaron]

The guy running the festival. Don't keep saying that.

[Adol]

How good was this water?

[Aaron]

Well, they needed water because, you know, it was like, a disaster.

[JPC]

It was a disaster.

[Aaron]

And one of the guys organizing it admitted he was, like, laughing about it. He was like, yeah, I gave this guy a blow job so he would give us more water.

[JPC]

How much did he offer?

[Adol]

Handjob first or he went straight to at all. So he got hydrated twice.

[Aaron]

Casey, get on the mic if you want to be on the mic.

[Adol]

Said he got hydrated twice.

[JPC]

But wait. But wait. Was it for a bottle of water or was this, like, a guy. Was this a guy making a shipment of water?

[Aaron]

It was a shipment of water.

[JPC]

For one blowjob. For a shipment of water.

[Aaron]

Let me look up the details.

[JPC]

I mean, the conversion rate on that is, pardon the pun, out of whack.

[Aaron]

Okay. What do you think? How much do you think a blowjob is worth?

[JPC]

For me?

[Aaron]

Yeah, like, almost nothing. No, but like currency. Like, how much?

[JPC]

I couldn't get. I couldn't get a half. A half empty bottle of Dasani for one of my blowjobs. There's no. There's no way. There's no way.

[Adol]

Talk the whole time.

[JPC]

Because here's the thing. I've never given a blowjob in my life, so I'm not going to be good at it right out the gate. Now, I've watched a lot of game tape, you know, so if we're. If we're talking about like, how much trading.

[Aaron]

I heard it. I heard it while I was reading about this, and I.

[JPC]

But, yeah, I don't know. I don't think my blowjob is going to be worth anything.

[Adol]

Could we put it up for auction?

[JPC]

I'd love it if we didn't.

[Aaron]

I'd love it if we didn't. This man gave. Do you want to guess the amount of water? Like, the price it would have been without it?

[JPC]

Okay. Okay.

[Aaron]

So how much his blowjob was.

[JPC]

Actually, he's still buying the water. He's just getting a discount.

[Aaron]

No, no, no, no. This is. This is how much money his blowjob was worth. Ultimately, dude.

[JPC]

I don't know, because I'm not in this world. Yeah, I'm gonna say five grand, and to me, that's crazy.

[Adol]

I'm gonna say $600.

[Aaron]

This man almost gave a $175,000 blowjob to save Fyre Fest off.

[Adol]

Whoa.

[JPC]

Here's the thing. No, he didn't, because the guy was going to give him the water anyway. If someone tells me that they gave $175,000 blow job, I go, no, you got the deal you were going to get, and you also gave somebody a blow job. That's what I think.

[Adol]

I feel like the. This is a weird situation. I feel like the guy who took the BJ for water is a villain.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Like a massive villain. And should be publicly shamed.

[Aaron]

I completely agree.

[JPC]

Okay, Aaron, so I think where we've Landed is that for $175,000 and the best blowjob you've ever had in your life, you're willing to move back to Chicago?

[Aaron]

Sure.

[JPC]

Well, I already got you on the hook for two to three months next year. This is what it sounds like. So now at this point, we're just negotiating for nine months. That's like 75% off the blow job. $175,000.

[Aaron]

Do the math.

[JPC]

So, like, I'm. Okay, here's what I'll do. $130,000. The best blowjob you've ever had in your life, and you moved back to Chicago permanently.

[Aaron]

Make it a million dollars.

[JPC]

Let's just do some riddles. Let's just do some riddles. Why would we just do some riddles? These are riddles from Milti. Milty submitted these riddles so, so long ago. I got distracted. 2018, probably. Probably 2018 or 2019. We've done. I think we've done. There were eight riddles. I think we did five of them on the show already. Or six of them on the show already. So we have two more left. Here we go. You do this every time you climb. I'm present to judge for every crime. I'll tell you what size to expect. I'm also armor. I protect.

[Adol]

Hmm. You do this every time you climb?

[JPC]

You do this every time you climb? Aaron, what do you do every time you climb?

[Aaron]

I don't really climb.

[JPC]

That's not true. I mean, you're like a social climber.

[Aaron]

Social climber.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Find your footing.

[Aaron]

It's a climbing gym. What do you do? You tie yourself into something, Like a little harness.

[JPC]

Have you guys ever climbed before? Like, done, like, free climbing or done. What's that? I guess. What's that called? Non free climbing.

[Aaron]

I've gone to a climbing gym before, but I don't think I would ever actually want to climb on the climb.

[JPC]

It's a workout. Was that very strenuous for you?

[Aaron]

It was. It was. Actually, I liked it way more than I thought I would. It felt a little. Cause it doesn't really feel like a strength workout if you're not doing, like, the hard ones. It feels like, like almost like a full body, like, stretch.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds fun. I would love to do that. I don't think I. I'm not like a gym person, but I would love to do, like the fake rock climbing thing. That sounds fun.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I think it would be fun. We should do that as a review crew one day.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

When I'm out of when I'm off the bench.

[Adol]

I've done a lot off hiking, but the only climbing I've done is in the Wumple Frump room. Oh yeah, A lot of climbing up.

[Aaron]

And down and we all get a nosebleed Womble ramp.

[JPC]

I've done some, some hiking that involves a little bit of free climbing, but it's not like intense scaling, not like mountain climbing. It's just more just like, hey, this, this is like, you know, eight feet up and you have to climb this like kind of like wall thing to get up it. But not. Nothing that involved gear. Right. More just like I'll just scramble up these rocks, you know, in a. As safe as I can possibly do.

[Adol]

Mount Everest is littered with the failed oxygen tanks.

[Aaron]

Uh huh.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

I went on a first date in Chicago where we went to a climbing gym. And how do you guys feel about like some sort of exercise thing as a first date?

[Adol]

That sounds embarrassing and exhausting. Like that's. You're. That just feels like you're setting everyone up for failure.

[JPC]

I think if you're going on a first date and both people are like, I'm athletic and I like hiking or I'm like, I'm into this as a thing. Perfect. That's great because it's the thing that we both enjoy. But if it's some. If especially if it's someone who's like, I like doing this. Let's just take a person that I have no, I don't know if they have any interest in it on a climbing gym thing. That sounds awful to me.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Was that what it was?

[Aaron]

No. Yeah. I mean like I was in the mindset of like dating comedy boys is not fun and isn't working.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

So I will go for a completely different vibe. But once I got there I was like, I'm having a nice time, but we're not really connecting or looking like it's. It's hard to actually be doing like the date stuff, which is like asking questions and talking to each other while you're climbing.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

We got like a drink after and then I was like, well, now we're on a date. And then I now I'm like, just.

[Adol]

Tired and you're in athleisure.

[JPC]

Yeah. It's like going to a movie for like a first date where it's like a movie is like a fine date if it's like, if you're in a relationship, you know, first date, it's terrible. A first date, it's awful.

[Aaron]

I was talking to a friend recently who had gone on like a late morning, early afternoon date on a Saturday. And I was like, that is so much better than giving up a weekend night for someone that you don't know for like a stranger to just be like, oh, we're gonna go get a coffee or like sit in the park. And like, that just seems so. I'm like, why isn't that more of a thing?

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

I saw two people a couple months ago on what I assume was a first date. Cause that's the way it felt. They were asking first date type questions. And it was when me and my family were going to breakfast, which was Saturday morning at like 6:30 in the morning. Whoa. And it was truly one of the most. It was. The restaurant was empty. It was one of the most insane things that I've ever seen in my life.

[Aaron]

Maybe there are two people who work like service ignite.

[JPC]

I had to invent a lot of things to make it make sense for me. Because if it was just like. If it was just like, hey, you know, when are you free? I'm never free.

[Aaron]

They might be soulmates if you're not.

[JPC]

What about Saturday at 6:30 in the morning?

[Aaron]

Yeah. That's wild.

[Adol]

Aaron, on your rock climbing date, did it get competitive? Was the guy like trying to, quote, unquote, beat your progress?

[Aaron]

No, but it did. When I got there, I was like, oh, you're good at this thing. And then like, I think you think I'm gonna be attracted to like competence in this. But I. I also appreciate, like, he was felt very shy. So I was like, I feel like this is him trying to put himself in a place where he doesn't feel as shy.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

So I was trying to be.

[Adol]

You're in his world now. I'm in his world. Did he say that?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Did he say you're my world and.

[Aaron]

Now he's my husband.

[JPC]

If you're trying to invite someone on a date, hypothetically, hypothetical date where you're showing off a thing that you're like so good at or you think that you're so good at. What's the date that you're inviting them on?

[Aaron]

Staying up until 4am slashing your tires.

[JPC]

Aaron, I gotta say, you're pretty dogshot at that because you've never done it.

[Aaron]

I fixed them back, idiot. Right away. I feel so guilty. I fixed them.

[Adol]

I do want to see a scene. The two of you are on a first date and Aaron, we're at a place that you chose based on where you think you shine most.

[JPC]

When you were like first date at a strip club. I was like, oh, is this like a joke? Because I truly like. Hey, this is fun. It's awesome. I'm having a great time. I just don't ever come to places like this.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I just. Yeah, it's stupid. We can go. We can go.

[JPC]

Oh, no, we don't have to go. It's seems like everybody here kind of knows you. I didn't know.

[Adol]

Coming up next to the stage, Bodzilla.

[Aaron]

That's not me. I just really like watching strippers.

[JPC]

Oh. Yeah.

[Aaron]

I don't work here. I'm just here like every day. And I'm really good at watching strippers.

[JPC]

I didn't think that you worked here. I thought maybe you had like an ownership stake or something. Cause people.

[Aaron]

Sorry, sorry. Bodzilla. Bodzilla's on the stage.

[JPC]

Sure.

[Aaron]

Woo.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Punch's fake building.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Take it down. Ruin that city, baby.

[JPC]

Interesting.

[Aaron]

Ruin that city. Yeah.

[JPC]

Godzilla's awesome. I think Godzilla has more of a lizard vibe than a stripper vibe.

[Adol]

And coming out to join Bodzilla is Gothra. It's like Mothra, but goth.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

This is an interesting strip club. They're wearing a lot of clothes. More clothes than I thought. I don't really go to these places, so it's more close than I would. Because it's monster costumes.

[Aaron]

Yeah. I mean, but they make money. Like they've. They're staying open, so some people are horny into that.

[JPC]

You're certainly giving them a lot of money.

[Aaron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

It doesn't seem like we could go play pool.

[Aaron]

I know. You're so good at pool and you love. Like, we can go to a. Oh.

[JPC]

No, I work at a pool.

[Aaron]

Oof. I was not listening.

[JPC]

It's okay.

[Aaron]

Weekly. My favorite. My favorite's coming out. My favorite's coming out.

[JPC]

Uh. Oh, really short sets.

[Adol]

It's time for Claire, everybody. Please welcome Claire Sullivan.

[Aaron]

She's my favorite monster.

[JPC]

Oh, interesting. Oh, okay, I get it. She's like piercing. She's piercing ears. Oh, she gotcha.

[Aaron]

She gotcha.

[JPC]

Yeah, she got me. Really did not expect her to come off the stage and get my ear like that.

[Aaron]

She gotcha.

[JPC]

Holy shit.

[Aaron]

Hey, I turned my ears all pierced.

[JPC]

Oh, gosh. God.

[Adol]

That'll be 17.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, no, of course, I. Yeah, here, I have a 20.

[Adol]

That's.

[JPC]

I didn't know. Okay. I didn't know what to.

[Aaron]

You hate this. I'm sorry, I do. I just got out of like a really long marriage and I'm not good at this. And I'm just. Sorry.

[JPC]

Oh, no, that's. Well, interesting. I thought. Yeah, something you could have told me, but this. I'm sorry.

[Aaron]

All my dating profile pictures are me crossing crying over a picture of my ex.

[JPC]

That's your ex?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Okay. It's like a big group photo.

[Aaron]

Yeah, but like I'm holding a picture and I'm like.

[JPC]

I just thought it was like a friend that couldn't make it to the trip or something. They're all the same trip. No. Hey.

[Aaron]

I'm such a loser.

[JPC]

I'm sorry. Hey, hey. You're not a loser. I work at a pool.

[Aaron]

What does that mean?

[JPC]

I'm the towels.

[Adol]

What scene?

[Aaron]

I'd like to see a scene. I know. You're at a pool and you're getting out and you want to dry off and jbc, you're the towels.

[JPC]

Got it. Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. I'm here to dry you off. This is a nice pool.

[Adol]

Oh, can I just get a towel or.

[JPC]

You're looking at him on the towels at the pool.

[Adol]

Okay.

[JPC]

I'm super absorbent.

[Adol]

Okay.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Do I pick you up or do I.

[JPC]

You don't have to do anything at all. You just stay still. I take.

[Adol]

Am I being robbed or what would I take? I guess I'm.

[JPC]

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to do anything. I do ask that you don't get an erection.

[Adol]

Kind of a big ask.

[JPC]

It is a big ask. I understand that, but it's something that I ask.

[Adol]

Okay, I'm going to turn around and I'm going to. Let me think of. Hold on, let me think about. What should I think about?

[JPC]

There's a lot of guys in this pool. There's a lot of guys in this pool. I got a. I got a long day.

[Adol]

Grandma playing.

[Aaron]

Hey, man, you don't work here. Get the hell out of here, dude.

[JPC]

What do you mean I don't work here? Oh, I'm not employed here.

[Aaron]

Hey, go get.

[JPC]

But I'm working.

[Aaron]

I'm so sorry, sir. Have as many erections as you want.

[Adol]

Thank you. It's so painful.

[JPC]

It's so painful. You do this list every time you climb.

[Aaron]

Oh, fuck, I forgot. I stopped.

[JPC]

Scale. I'm present. Adol.

[Adol]

Scale.

[JPC]

It's scale. You do this every time you climb? I'm present to judge for every crime.

[Adol]

Okay.

[JPC]

I tell you what size to expect. I'm also armor. I protect.

[Adol]

Wow.

[JPC]

Yeah. The answer is scale.

[Adol]

Pretty good.

[JPC]

Here you go. Here's your next one. This is the hardest one by a lot oh, okay. This is them editorializing and saying, this is the hardest one by a lot. Okay. But we don't remember what the first six were, so we only have that one to go by. In this one. There are four answers to pass this test. Combine opposite pairs to go back and forth. Each answer is one syllable as it leaves your mouth. The group together is not a priest.

[Adol]

The group together is not a priest. This is the first one.

[Aaron]

Can you say that again? I got really lost.

[JPC]

Yeah. This is the riddle. This is difficult. There are four answers to pass this test. It's the first line. Combine opposite pairs to go back and forth. Each answer is one syllable as it leaves your mouth. The group together is not a priest.

[Aaron]

Father Dore. Mi FA sola.

[Adol]

Congregation.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol]

Congregation. Congregation. Con. Pro. That's opposites.

[JPC]

Con. Pro. Yes.

[Adol]

Con. Progration.

[Aaron]

Con. Progration. Congratience.

[Adol]

Congraduprations. Mom, are you drunk?

[Aaron]

No.

[JPC]

No.

[Adol]

Congratulbrations.

[JPC]

Congratupressions. You're turning a schmetten. Oh, a schmetten is such a perfect.

[Aaron]

Mom got hit really hard in the head by a bird on the way into my birthday party.

[JPC]

Turning a schmettun.

[Aaron]

You're turning a schmennon. Oh, my God, you're so big. You're so big.

[JPC]

Okay, we got clues. The group together is not a priest. Regarding line 4, is the group together some other position in the Catholic Church? Yes.

[Aaron]

Cardinal clergy.

[Adol]

Cardinal Bishop.

[JPC]

You've got it.

[Adol]

Cardinal, Cardinal.

[JPC]

Yes, but that's. The group together is not a priest, not birds. Cardinal is not the answer. But it is a clue that will get you to the answer. Casey, Casey, There are four answers to pass this test.

[Aaron]

Wait, hold on a second. Casey, you famously turn off your video while we're recording remotely. Now you're sitting at a table with us. Are these the faces that you're making when you know a riddle?

[Adol]

Casey's pulling a lot of faces.

[Aaron]

Do you know a lot of the riddles? I don't know a lot.

[JPC]

Casey's the audience surrogate. We need Casey. He's the voice of the riddle. Oh, no.

[Aaron]

I'm not trying to kick Casey. I'm not trying to change anything. I'm just saying. Is this how many riddles?

[JPC]

Yeah, maybe I would say.

[Adol]

Once again, it is rare for me to get one riddle before you guys, and I do not even know if I got this one, but something just clicked.

[JPC]

Every once in a while, Casey does pop off in the chat and he'll say, like, ooh. And it's not often, but I Do think that the law of averages sometimes he's gonna get one of these, you.

[Adol]

Know, I want Casey to solve this one.

[Aaron]

Yeah, me too.

[JPC]

Well, we all want Casey to solve it. Because you think he knows the answer.

[Adol]

I wanna hear the answer.

[JPC]

That's not the show.

[Aaron]

Casey didn't leave. You don't know the answer. What clicked in?

[Adol]

There are four cardinal directions and this talks about four. It says altogether it becomes cardinal. And so if there are four direct.

[JPC]

I don't know. Yeah. Do we want Casey just to solve all the puzzles for us?

[Adol]

Yes, absolutely.

[JPC]

Well, of course we do.

[Aaron]

That was an option.

[JPC]

It shouldn't be.

[Adol]

Okay, Casey cut out. Casey talking. Is it cardinal directions?

[JPC]

What are the four cardinal directions first? North, east, west, south, north, east, west, south, north.

[Adol]

Aaron, west, east, north, north, north, south, south.

[JPC]

Well, here, look. I'll say the answer says northeast, southwest. I'm not sure how they're getting that order, but that's not the order that you said. So I guess I can't give you.

[Adol]

Is that the final answer or is.

[JPC]

That just a go? The answer is northeast, south, and west. Do you guys remember the book the Westing Eren? You are my favorites.

[Aaron]

Thank you. Adol.

[Adol]

The whole plot of the book, remind me the author.

[Aaron]

I don't remember.

[Adol]

I feel like I can see it on the.

[JPC]

I can see it right on the page. Yeah, I'm googling. Paul.

[Adol]

Paul Westinghouse.

[JPC]

We have some things that were submitted as warm up riddles.

[Adol]

Oh.

[JPC]

Now I don't think that they're necessarily warm up riddles. I think that they're very hard because they're all German based riddles. Okay. Uh, oh, and I think it's gonna be better if we take a little reset, if we take a break before we get into this. But before we do that, I do want to ask you guys, what is your grasp on the German language?

[Adol]

Nine.

[JPC]

That's.

[Adol]

Is that German for none?

[JPC]

Perfect joke to go to the break.

[Aaron]

Thank goodness you guys are finally here. I got to our recording a couple hours early because I was so excited to talk about my favorite app legitimately. My favorite app, Rocket Money.

[Adol]

Yeah, Aaron, you sort of blew through the the walls on some sort of rocket. Which, yeah, reminds me that Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Which, Aaron, I think we can all use.

[JPC]

I mean, Aaron, I love Rocket money too, but two hours early? You're just sitting in here waiting for us for two hours. Just like mumbling Rocket Money to yourself.

[Aaron]

Yeah. I was also looking at my Rocket Money, and it's so great because it shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about, which is something I do all the time. That happened to today that I had forgotten about a subscription, and then Rocket Money reminded me and they helped me cancel it. And also, it is so if you get spooked by your own money, like we all do, because we're all horses, they get spooked by their own money. It's so nice to have, like, something visual where it feels, like, really easy to tell where your money is going all in one place. It will not spook you.

[Adol]

Oh, jbc. Look, it looks like I just took Aaron's phone. It looks like the subscription she canceled was spooked. Horses.com.

[Aaron]

I don't need to talk to you guys about everything in my Life.

[Adol]

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

[JPC]

So stop spooking your horses and cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Riddle today. That's RocketMoney.com Riddle RocketMoney.com Riddle oh, Aaron.

[Adol]

It says also you had a subscription to JoshuaJackson.Shirtsless.com can we not have secrets?

[JPC]

This is an ad by BetterHelp.

[Adol]

So what you'll do is take the bread and then add some butter. And the. The butter will help. The butter will help sort of make the. The bread more delectable. Make it.

[Aaron]

Oh, this reminds me. Sorry. I love this cooking class.

[JPC]

I thought this was a silent cooking class. I'm not sure why.

[Adol]

Ms. Keefe, do you have something to share with the class?

[Aaron]

Yes. I wanted to talk about my incredible experience with BetterHelp. It is online therapy that has been helping me so much deal with workplace stress and just the general stress of my life.

[Adol]

That sounds mentally delicious.

[JPC]

Mm.

[Aaron]

With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

[Adol]

It's convenient, too, I might add. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus switch therapists at any time, not like with cooking.

[JPC]

And BetterHelp works with an app store rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Honestly, baking bread as like, therapeutic as it is and it's like nice to like do an activity that you're doing, like repetitive over the same. It's just not as good as like, you know, talking to a person about the things that are going. That's why online therapy works really well for me. And like baking bread doesn't necessarily do that same thing.

[Aaron]

Yeah, it's helpful being able to message your counselor anytime. It's just, it's good for your mental health. I'm covered in flour. I don't know when this happened.

[Adol]

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Unwind from work with better help Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com Riddle that's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com Riddle Take it from me. Julia Teenager yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, okay. I gotta get out of this class. Julia Adult Julia There it is. I am not into chasing trends, but I am all about stuff that fits right, feels good, and actually lasts. That's why I keep coming back to quints. Their lightweight layers and high quality staples have become my everyday essentials. And I do mean everyday. I was actually wearing my Quint's lightweight hoodie today because I couldn't find my mosquito spray and my yard is full of mosquitoes and I had to go out there and do yard work. So I had full coverage all over my arms and it zipped up to my neck and I put my hood on and guess what? I still got some mosquito bites. But my thing is they're not saying that the shirts protect you from mosquitoes. You know what I'm saying?

[Aaron]

Let me take it from here, jj.

[JPC]

Okay, thank you.

[Aaron]

This past weekend I ordered new sheets from Quints and I'm like, the quality that you're getting from quints, which has all sorts of stuff, they got home stuff, they got clothing, they got everything you might need. And the sheets, I'm like, oh my gosh, these are such high quality sheets for the price. It feels like the old times when things were reasonable.

[Adol]

Yeah. But you know what kind of blows my brains out my nose is that it's comfy, it's high quality. But the best part is that it's half the cost of similar brands. Also, Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes.

[JPC]

So stick to staples that last with elevated essentials from quince. Go to quince.com renl for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com riddle to get free shipping and 365 day returns.

[Adol]

Quince.com riddle can we not have secrets anymore?

[JPC]

Secret riddles. Okay, these are German warm up riddles that were submitted by Neil. Okay, so the crux of this is I'm going to give you. Basically it's like German translations. Like German is a very literal language. So I'm going to give you the. I'm going to try my best. Neil knew when they submitted these that I was going to have to like say some German words. So fuck you, Neil. But I'm going to try. I'm going to say a German word.

[Adol]

So these are warmapp. Warmup Vittles.

[JPC]

Vermap. Vittles.

[Adol]

Sounds more like Dracula, I guess.

[JPC]

Yeah. Who knows? You knocked it out of the park with nine and now you're slipping.

[Adol]

Where are your riddles?

[JPC]

I'm going to give you the German word. Then I'm going to give you the like the rough translation and what you're trying to get is the word that is in English. Okay?

[Adol]

Okay.

[JPC]

So as an example, here's the first one. It's Schlafinenseg. Schlafinensog, which roughly translates to sleep suit.

[Adol]

Sleep suit, Coffin.

[JPC]

Coffin.

[Adol]

Coffin Suit, Sleep suit.

[Aaron]

Sleeping bag.

[Adol]

Sleep suit. Pajamas.

[Aaron]

Pajamas.

[JPC]

Pajamas. I don't know how you were supposed to get pajamas from Schlafenenzug.

[Adol]

Schlafensenzug.

[JPC]

I don't know. Okay, here's the next one. Some of these I think are a little easier to get. Kushkrank.

[Adol]

Kirsch. Clank.

[JPC]

Kushkrank.

[Adol]

Ratchet and clank.

[JPC]

It's not ratchet and clank. Kirsch.

[Adol]

Clank.

[JPC]

Kol. Kol.

[Adol]

Oh, Kol's cash.

[JPC]

Honestly, it's so close to Kohl's cash coupons. What does cool sound like?

[Adol]

Cool. Okay, Cool runnings.

[JPC]

Cool is close.

[Adol]

What's cold?

[JPC]

Cold.

[Adol]

Nice.

[JPC]

So coolscrank.

[Adol]

Cold crank.

[JPC]

Scrank.

[Adol]

Okay, this one I think is ice rink.

[JPC]

Oh, this is. This is.

[Adol]

Wait, what was the last one?

[JPC]

Kolschrank is cold cupboard.

[Aaron]

Cold refrigerator.

[JPC]

It's a refrigerator.

[Adol]

Nice one, Aaron.

[JPC]

A fridge is called the kolschrank. Okay. Winkle Messer.

[Adol]

Ooh, that's a pervert.

[JPC]

Yes.

[Adol]

Is that a winkle Messer?

[Aaron]

That's a pervert. But also he's kind of like an old so and so.

[JPC]

Yeah, you winkle messer. Get out of here. You winkle messer.

[Adol]

Get that Winkle messer. Away from my uncle.

[JPC]

Yeah. And is the W to V thing, is that real?

[Aaron]

I think so.

[JPC]

So is it. So it would be Winklemesser?

[Adol]

I think sometimes. Yeah, sometimes it's a thing. Regional. I don't know if it's regional or what.

[JPC]

I don't know. It's like the one thing I know about German, and I don't know if it's true.

[Aaron]

Okay, so I've only been there one time, so I'm not an authority on it.

[JPC]

Okay. And that was. You said to liberate them.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adol]

In the 80s, you knocked down a wall with a motorcycle.

[Aaron]

Yeah, actually, guys, I actually knocked it down by accident. And then everyone started cheering, and I was like, yeah, you did.

[Adol]

You're like, okay. And then David Hasselhoff kissed you.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

You were the first ever. And I want to get this right, Sleepy agent, right?

[Aaron]

You can't be mad.

[JPC]

You're a Soviet sleepy agent.

[Aaron]

You can't be mad. When the joke is good, you cannot be angry. When the joke is that good, you can't be mad.

[JPC]

Winklemesser. Winklemesser.

[Adol]

Winklemesser.

[JPC]

Winkle.

[Adol]

Is that like Sandman or something? Like.

[JPC]

Oh, boy. Yeah. Tooth Fairy. Okay, so winklemesser is short for. And this one's going to be even hard to get when I tell you what it's like, roughly translated to angel knife. Winklemesser translates to angel knife.

[Aaron]

What's something that's sharp? Is that on the right track?

[Adol]

Angel knife.

[JPC]

Okay, I am so stupid. This makes way more sense. It is angle knife, not angel knife. It is angle knife.

[Adol]

Angle knife.

[JPC]

Angle knife.

[Adol]

Angle knife.

[JPC]

What is an angle knife?

[Adol]

Angle knife. A hook.

[JPC]

No, think like school. I don't think you.

[Adol]

A protractor.

[Aaron]

It's a protractor.

[Adol]

Wow. Everyone take out your angel knives.

[JPC]

Ankle. Engel winkle. Messer Is Messer. Like. Yeah, Knife will mess you up, man.

[Aaron]

Oh, maybe.

[JPC]

I don't know. Makes a. It makes a real mess of things.

[Aaron]

Is Messer the angle part?

[JPC]

Dude, that's the other thing. I don't know. Messer could be Engel, Right?

[Adol]

Bend it like Beckham. Angle it like Messer.

[JPC]

Let's see. Here's your next one. Ooh, I like this. Glub. Glubimin. Glubernin. Gluburnin.

[Adol]

Louis Vuitton.

[JPC]

It's Louis Vuitton glue. Bernin glue. What does glue sound like?

[Adol]

Glue.

[JPC]

Like glue is close. No, glue.

[Adol]

Guerman glue. Gold glue. Guerman glue. Glow.

[JPC]

Glow. Glow.

[Adol]

Worms glow.

[JPC]

Berenin. Is pear. Is pear.

[Adol]

Glow Pear.

[JPC]

So it's glow pear.

[Aaron]

Headlights.

[Adol]

Headlights is so close.

[JPC]

Headlights is so close, Aaron. But it's not. It's not car lights. It's more. More general than that.

[Adol]

Glow pair eyes.

[Aaron]

Lamps.

[JPC]

Again, more general than that. Like the lamp light. What is the glow pair part of the lamp?

[Adol]

Light bulb.

[Aaron]

Light bulb.

[JPC]

The light bulb. Yes. I love that. Light bulb is glow pear.

[Adol]

So pear. Like shaped like a pear?

[JPC]

Yeah, like a pear shaped. Right.

[Aaron]

I never realized light bulbs are shaped. I meant like a pear. Like a pearl.

[Adol]

Oh, like a P A, I, R.

[JPC]

I don't even have mastery of the English language so switching it to German for me is very difficult. Okay. I want to see a scene. Aaron, you are taking your car to a mechanic. But you are in adle. You're going to be the mechanic. But you're pretty sure that the mechanic does not know anything about cars based on the way he's talking about the components of your car.

[Aaron]

Oh, man. Yeah, I pushed it the last like 15ft, but it really just died out there. There's no warning signs or anything. That morning it sounded great and it just.

[Adol]

Yeah. Yeah. I do think it is dead. If you listen to its lungs, it sounds like one's punctured. I put a rope down the esophagus and it feels like there is some shrapnel tinkering around in the juice.

[Aaron]

Sorry. I don't know. Some of these like folksy words for car parts.

[Adol]

These are clinical. These are clinical. Has your backflip been given? Huh?

[Aaron]

You haven't even touched the car yet. I feel like maybe you damage someone's body.

[Adol]

X ray vision, huh? I'm one of the new mutants.

[Aaron]

Well, is there another mechanic? We sort of seem to be in the middle of nowhere that I could bring my car to.

[Adol]

Sure. My twin brother's here. Let me just turn around and put on a hat.

[JPC]

How can I help you, bub?

[Aaron]

Okay, it's.

[JPC]

You want us to fix up your cob, bub?

[Aaron]

You just turned around and now there's.

[Adol]

Okay, now there's my four foot eight brother with. On a good day with a nice yellow and black onesie.

[JPC]

4 8.

[Adol]

Soaking wet, smoking a cigar around gasoline.

[Aaron]

You know, I think I'm just going to uber back to the hotel.

[Adol]

I wouldn't do that.

[JPC]

No, I wouldn't do that.

[Aaron]

Why?

[Adol]

Ubers tend to use a tortota tortel, which is an unreliable car. You know, a lot of their prissiness comes.

[JPC]

I wouldn't even get in an Uber because it's. It's all metal. And that kind of just leaves you open to attacks by you know who.

[Aaron]

Okay, Bub is Snick. You got your jumpsuits. Is that blood or oil?

[JPC]

Sorry.

[Adol]

Sure.

[Aaron]

Yeah, sure.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

When you cut into a sentinel, is it blood or oil that comes out? Boy. Oh, I hope this.

[Aaron]

I have an uncle who's a mechanic. I'm just gonna call him and then he'll walk me through what I have to do, so.

[JPC]

Okay, bub. Yeah. If you want to do that. Oh, do you need a phone?

[Aaron]

I got a phone.

[JPC]

Oh, but we don't. You know, reception is bad out here. You could use Cerebro.

[Adol]

Bub, you want to use Cerebro to locate all your phones? Cerebral Cerebro will locate all the phones in the world.

[JPC]

We have a setting on Cerebro that only does uncles, bub.

[Adol]

We also have a danger room.

[Aaron]

Am I the first person you've ever met?

[Adol]

Huh? The first non mutant?

[JPC]

Yeah. The first human.

[Adol]

Can you imagine using Cerebro to locate all the phones?

[JPC]

Dude, if I had Cerebro, yeah, I'd be using it for all kinds of shit. I'm not. I'd be. Cerebro would be my Google.

[Adol]

Can you use Cerebro to, like. You can't use that to, like, watch. Watch someone shower or something?

[JPC]

Of course you can.

[Adol]

Really?

[JPC]

Why wouldn't you? In the X Men, So Professor X is.

[Adol]

He's probably done it, at least in one of the universes.

[JPC]

He can't control it in the X Men movie when he's, like, locating the mutants, eventually you turn that on and a mutant's gonna be taking a shower.

[Adol]

Professor X. Charles.

[JPC]

I mean, look. Does he look away quickly when he realizes that it's a shower?

[Adol]

No.

[JPC]

No.

[Adol]

Aaron, who's your favorite X Men?

[Aaron]

I like. Hmm.

[Adol]

I feel like you're Storm. Yeah, Storm.

[JPC]

Storm's cool.

[Aaron]

If we're talking about, like, I don't know, like, character development or powers either, then Storm's one of the best. Yeah, I like Storm's powers.

[JPC]

Of the classic X Men, I think the worst power has to be Cyclops.

[Adol]

Yeah, you'd think so, but he actually is pretty incredible. I think you're reading the wrong versions of Cyclones.

[JPC]

It could be, that's the thing, is that the lore is too deep for me to be able to, like, you know.

[Aaron]

Who are your favorites?

[JPC]

Well, Nightcrawler. If we're talking movies, the Nightcrawler sequence when he's assassinating the President is, like, a really fucking badass sequence.

[Adol]

And in the new The X Men 97 cartoon that came out. Storm has an amazing arc, but Nightcrawler has maybe the best scene where he sword fights with his tail and everything.

[Aaron]

Is there an X Men that you think could carry like its own movie that hasn't Before Beast give Wolf ran Kelsey Kramer.

[Adol]

I think if Kelsey Grammer did a one man Broadway show called Beast.

[Aaron]

Kelsey Grammer now. But in a Beast movie, Kelsey Grammer presents an expensive. I truly just became that gif of that kid throwing money out the window.

[Adol]

I think it needs to be. It's Kelsey Grammer. It's a one man show.

[JPC]

It's.

[Adol]

We're going to say two and a half hours to justify the ticket price.

[Aaron]

$900.

[Adol]

And I want to say every five minutes he walks off stage and takes 20 minutes to change into blue makeup. Comes out, does a little bit more, goes off stage. So I think that would be. It's like Sarah Snook doing Importance of Being Earnest or whatever.

[Aaron]

Yes. But he just plays. What is that that she's doing?

[JPC]

What's.

[Aaron]

What's Drew. Mystery Vendor. No, that's on it.

[Adol]

I thought it was important to be Earnest.

[JPC]

What's the. What's the. Like the True West.

[Adol]

Picture of Dorian Gray.

[Aaron]

Picture of Dorian Gray.

[JPC]

True S words like two actors switch roles and you Kelsey Grammer and you get the guy who played Kelsey Grammer. No, the guy who played Beast in the new movies.

[Adol]

What's the name of the. Oh from.

[Aaron]

Oh, Nicholas Holt.

[JPC]

Nicholas Holt. Yeah.

[Adol]

What's that movie called?

[Aaron]

About a Boy.

[Adol]

About a Boy. Thank you.

[Aaron]

We couldn't think of anything.

[JPC]

Holton Grammar. True West.

[Aaron]

They did that with Waiting for Godot with Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart.

[Adol]

I saw that.

[JPC]

Has Gal Gadot ever done Waiting for Godot? Come on. Right now.

[Aaron]

She's not my favorite actress.

[JPC]

Oh, no. She's so good, Aaron. She's so good.

[Adol]

My favorite actress. My favorite singer. Same person.

[JPC]

Gal Gadot.

[Adol]

Gal Gadot.

[JPC]

I love how she disappears into any role she plays. You never know it's her.

[Aaron]

I'm ready. I want more riddles.

[JPC]

I feel nothing about trashy gone Gal Gadot.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adol]

I saw a thing that was the poster for Snow White because she plays the. I forget the evil.

[JPC]

The witch. Yeah.

[Adol]

Set mode. It's a poster for Snow White and somebody made a comment that said even the poster. Even from the poster, I can tell she's bad at acting or something. I'm like, that's incredible.

[JPC]

Yeah. The Snow White movie was an absolute mess. I put it on for my child because I was morbidly. Fascinated in what it would be. And the CGI Dwarves have a musical number in it. And the whole time I'm like, this is fucking. It's bad. The story is confusing. I actually think Rachel Ziegler is the best part of that.

[Aaron]

Yeah, she's great.

[JPC]

She's doing an admirable job with. It's just a mess. But after the CGI dwarves do a song. I was watching with my child, my child started clapping. And I was like, we're watching Moana. We're going, look away. What they did is not actually good to clap for.

[Adol]

Are all the Dwarves. You will have taste or something.

[JPC]

That's the thing, is, all the Dwarves are Hugh Grant from Notting Hill.

[Aaron]

You're thinking of Oompa Loompas.

[Adol]

Yes, yes, yes. Did anybody see that? Was that the Willy Wonka musical?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

I didn't see that. I saw that on Airplane. I. I have a lot of friends that are apologists for it. It's the same person who did Paddington, but I don't think it captures the same magic, frankly. Love me, Paddington. The wedding I was at this past weekend, I was at a table with all LA people and everyone just started getting up and giving speeches, which was so funny. Just for the table. And then Claire McFadden, who's a great comedian if you wanna look her up, she's fantastic, stood up and started giving a speech about the new Snow White movie. And she was like. And I watched the first 20 minutes and we were like, yay. And then everyone started making speeches about Snow White and Rachel speaks.

[JPC]

That's f. Okay, so we're gonna finish off with these German ones. These are gonna be all animals, so they're fun. Okay. Oh, boy. Nacht. Nacht. Schnecht. I fucked that up. Owls nacht. Schnecke. Schneck. Schneck. Nacht.

[Adol]

Schnecked. Something's.

[Aaron]

Cows.

[JPC]

Nacht. What does nacht sound like?

[Aaron]

Night.

[JPC]

Not night. Nap. Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Nacht. Nachtch.

[Adol]

Nocturnal Nacht. Nach.

[JPC]

No.

[Aaron]

How do you spell it?

[JPC]

N, A, N, A, C, K. And then like T, C, T, S, C, H. Nicht. Naksh Nachsh.

[Aaron]

It sounds like what it is.

[JPC]

Not really. It's naked. It's naked.

[Adol]

Oh, naked. Mole rat.

[JPC]

Naked. So nacht schnecke. Snek.

[Adol]

Naked snake. Naked.

[JPC]

Naked snake is close.

[Adol]

Naked eel. Naked.

[JPC]

It is a naked snail. What do we think of naked snail? Slug, Slug.

[Adol]

Slug.

[Aaron]

Oh, I'd like to see a scene.

[JPC]

I guess they must have had snails before. Slugs then, right?

[Aaron]

You guys are roommates. One is a snail and one is a slug. And for a moment, you think that you're walking in on him naked.

[Adol]

Oh, my God. I'm so. Oh. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

[JPC]

Sorry.

[Adol]

Let me just slowly turn around.

[JPC]

I wasn't doing anything. Oh, yeah, no, I'm just watching Frasier.

[Adol]

Did your. Did you forget to put your shell on or.

[JPC]

My what?

[Adol]

Your shell. Did you. I caught you with your shell down.

[JPC]

Oh, bro. No, no, no, no, no. We're different guys. We're different types of guys.

[Adol]

We both look like snails, for sure.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adol]

And your name is Mike Snailman.

[JPC]

Yeah, because my family were snailmen, okay? You know, going back generations. Yeah.

[Adol]

Snailman delivering snail mail.

[JPC]

I'm a slug man.

[Adol]

What?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Oh, I thought. I thought that was a. I thought those were rumors. Those. You guys are real?

[JPC]

Yeah. We're not like unicorns.

[Adol]

Wow. I mean, I've heard of. You know, my. My dad and mom always warned me.

[JPC]

Like, if you Careful.

[Adol]

Well, they're always like, be careful with your shell because you only get one. And then they say you don't want to end up like a slug, so. You were more like a night. You were, like, a thing to scare me when I was a kid. I didn't know you were real. I'm sorry.

[JPC]

No. Yeah.

[Adol]

Oh.

[JPC]

Oh, my God.

[Adol]

You didn't just, like, lose your shell. You are. You were born without a shell.

[JPC]

Dude. I'm not trying to save face with you because I lost my shell.

[Adol]

Do you want one? Or is that rude to offer?

[JPC]

I want one. Do you have extra?

[Adol]

I have a few extra. They're like, fancy, fancy. I put them out for guests, but.

[Aaron]

Knock, knock, knock. Is anyone in there?

[JPC]

Yeah, let me answer.

[Aaron]

Hi. You left your shell at my place last night.

[JPC]

Oh, I've never met this crow before in my life.

[Adol]

What does she have in her mouth?

[Aaron]

We've been sleeping together.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah.

[Adol]

Whoa. You're a nest fucker. That's what we call whoa.

[Aaron]

You can't say that to me.

[Adol]

Oh. I thought creatures who slept with birds were called nest fuckers.

[JPC]

We fuck on the ground. I couldn't get up to that nest. It would take me, like, a year.

[Aaron]

Oh, my God. You know what?

[JPC]

Ah. Oh, shit.

[Aaron]

How am I gonna afford Rhett scene?

[JPC]

We were roommates in that scene.

[Adol]

That's like the end of Snail Eminem. Oh, shit. How am I gonna get this shit out?

[JPC]

Snail stand. Thank you. I knew what you were going for. All right, here's the next one My.

[Adol]

Shell'S gotten by London.

[JPC]

Washbar.

[Adol]

Washbar. Warthog. Washbar. Bear. Something bear.

[JPC]

Yes. Something bear. Wash bear.

[Adol]

Wash bear.

[JPC]

Wash is grizzly.

[Adol]

Oh, Wash panda.

[JPC]

It's Wash bear. This is water.

[Adol]

White bear. Polar bear.

[JPC]

I think that makes more sense.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Polar bear. For Wash Bear.

[Adol]

Wash bear.

[JPC]

This thing is not a bear at all.

[Adol]

Oh.

[Aaron]

Oh.

[JPC]

And I don't know what wash is about, really.

[Adol]

Oh, is it like a beaver or an otter or something? Again, no, we're making it more.

[Aaron]

It's not a water creature.

[JPC]

It's not a water creature.

[Adol]

Quite a bit Cow.

[JPC]

This is a creature that does clean itself.

[Adol]

I would say cat.

[JPC]

Specifically, their hands. I think they really like to clean their hands.

[Adol]

Oh, rats.

[JPC]

No.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adol]

There's raccoons.

[Aaron]

Raccoons.

[JPC]

Raccoons are Washington.

[Aaron]

Raccoons are constantly putting on.

[Adol]

They're always doing.

[Aaron]

What is it called? Disinfectant. It's hand sanitizer.

[Adol]

I do want to see a scene. The two of you are raccoons and you are going through your sort of daily routine of everything that you need to get done. Almost like an OCD routine of everything you need to get done before you leave.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[JPC]

Did you shower?

[Aaron]

Ah, yes. Okay, yes, I did. Did you?

[JPC]

I'm trying to remember if I showered last night or if I.

[Aaron]

You showered this morning. Your hair is wet. Okay, keys, wallet.

[JPC]

I showered last night as well. Okay, great. Double shower. Fine.

[Aaron]

Keys, wallet.

[JPC]

Keys, wallet.

[Aaron]

Water bottle.

[JPC]

Water bottle.

[Adol]

Doug, Diane, trash is getting picked up in three minutes.

[Aaron]

Oh, God.

[JPC]

Oh, my God. We didn't do the trash. Okay, hold on. Before we go outside to do the trash, do we have all of our trinkets? A little. The inside part of a bell. One prong of a fork. Just a frame.

[Aaron]

Hair clip, A bobby pin.

[JPC]

Hair clip. A bobby pin.

[Aaron]

The tooth of a child. Did I take a shower? You took a shower.

[JPC]

I did take a shower.

[Aaron]

Okay, wait. Smell my pits.

[JPC]

Fuck. If we touch trash, we're gonna have to take another shower. Shit.

[Aaron]

Well, we gonna eat the trash.

[Adol]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron]

We have to do it. We have an inner shower. We have to drink water. We have to remember to drink water today.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron]

Are you going to J.P. ridley's party later?

[JPC]

Oh, of course.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[JPC]

Of course.

[Aaron]

Well, then we need to bring his.

[JPC]

Parties are the best.

[Aaron]

You got to find some drugs.

[JPC]

Someone always dies. Yeah, okay. Oh, my God. Okay, so we're going to go eat the trash. We're going to go. You know what we should do?

[Aaron]

You know what? Let's write this down.

[JPC]

We should get, like, a big Stanley.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

To shower in.

[JPC]

Oh, I was thinking, like, the guy from the office. Like someone we could ride around on.

[Aaron]

Oh, okay.

[JPC]

Oh, or like a big water cup. We need. Girl, we need to drink water. We need to drink water. We need to be drinking water.

[Aaron]

Actually, you know what?

[JPC]

Honestly, I feel like a fucking pig. I've been eating nothing but trash. I've been drinking no water.

[Aaron]

Oh, my God. I just realized I haven't been sharing the calendar with you. Okay, hold on, hold on. Let me send this to you. Texting it over, texting it over.

[Adol]

Okay, trash pick up in one minute.

[Aaron]

Oh, my God, we're gonna miss the trash. Okay, Then we're gonna be hungry all day, and we wanna be.

[JPC]

We paid that bird to spot the trash for us. Okay?

[Aaron]

We haven't paid him this week.

[JPC]

Oh, my God. Hold on, let me.

[Aaron]

I'm ringing my hand.

[JPC]

I have no Vinmo. I have no PayPal.

[Aaron]

I'm ringing my hand.

[JPC]

I have no apps. Oh, my God. This isn't my phone. This isn't my phone. This is a trash can lid. This is the lid of a trash can. Where did I put my phone? Oh, my God. It's in the shower. It's all wet. It's ruined.

[Aaron]

You know what?

[JPC]

Here's what we do. We hit the Apple Store. It's trash cans. They have the best trash because all they sell is apples.

[Aaron]

See?

[Adol]

Damn it.

[JPC]

I'm looking at all these words and I'm thinking, I don't know German.

[Adol]

There was Schildkraub. I left the trash bag out on the porch not too long ago. And there was a raccoon that kept coming up to the porch because all my cats were sitting by the window. And I'm like, what's going on out here? And I turned.

[Aaron]

He thought you left him a gift.

[Adol]

Truly. I drew the light, and there was a raccoon sticking out of the trash bag. And I was like, shit, I should have throwing that out. So I was like, I'll throw it out in the morning. Came into the kitchen, half an hour later, all the cats were still laying, sitting there, watching. And I'm like, turn on the porch light. Raccoon still there. I'm like, whoa, that's crazy. Turned off the porch light. Came back an hour later, cats are back at the window. I was like, let me check on this. Turned on the light, a possum was now has taken the raccoon's place. It was terrifying because I expected to see the little raccoon Tail.

[JPC]

Wait a sec.

[Adol]

And it was like a skinny, naked tail. And I was like. And then it turned and, like, looked at me and possums are terrible.

[Aaron]

Maybe it got so mad it turned into a possum. Maybe that's just what possums are, is betrayed raccoons.

[JPC]

Betrayed raccoons. Wait, you saw a raccoon digging through a trash bag on your porch and you thought, let me just take care of this tomorrow.

[Adol]

Well, I didn't want to go out and try and take candy from a baby. Take trash from a baby?

[Aaron]

Yeah. And the raccoon had, like, made eye contact with him and put his little hand on his heart and went, please, own.

[JPC]

Dibs. Dibs.

[Aaron]

Thank you so much.

[Adol]

It rubbed his heart. Like in the bear, when Carm is like.

[JPC]

Because, like, my understanding of raccoons and the way. I mean, they're very clean creatures. We know they love washing their hands with disinfectant. But you're gonna wake up the next morning, the trash is gonna be strewn all about like your porch, right?

[Adol]

It was. But I would rather that you're a terrible neighbor.

[Aaron]

You're not leaving trash out for your neighbors to eat and strew.

[JPC]

Luckily, it's not in my neck of the woods, but on my block. There is a rat problem because there is an abandoned house where I think, like, raccoons and possums and rats and stuff live in it.

[Aaron]

Oh, my.

[JPC]

Yeah, so you gotta be really careful about, like, leaving, like, stuff like that out.

[Adol]

You don't trick or treat there, do you? Because they're gonna give really bad. Okay.

[JPC]

They don't give the worst stuff, really. They give full size shit.

[Adol]

King size, king size shit.

[JPC]

But. But yeah, I mean, I think I would rather, like, try to scare off a raccoon than deal with, like, picking trash up out of my yard. I think.

[Adol]

Yeah, I think I was just.

[JPC]

I was like, let him go, let him cook. I honestly though, I'm the same thing with you. I can't get too mad at a raccoon. I think a raccoon's cute as fuck now. Opossum.

[Adol]

Terrifying. Terrifying. They look like demons.

[JPC]

They look like demons.

[Adol]

Yeah, they're terrifying.

[Aaron]

That's just pretty privilege at work.

[JPC]

It is, it is. And truly, though, with animals, it's pretty privileged because I love a squirrel and I hate a rat.

[Adol]

You know, you stomp on a cockroach, you're a hero. You smack a butterfly, everyone hates you.

[Aaron]

Yeah, Adol, that was. We were at a bar once and Adol slapped a butterfly so hard and the whole bar went to silent.

[Adol]

He grabbed your ass, Aaron. He grabbed your ass. I was protecting you.

[JPC]

Well, when we say he slapped a butterfly, it was a tattoo on someone's lower back.

[Adol]

That guy with the tramp stamp.

[JPC]

That big guy with the tramp stamp grabbed your ass and adle slapped him right back. It turnabout's fair play.

[Aaron]

I think I like the way I told the story. I feel like everyone got the right information.

[JPC]

Shield Croatia. Shield. Shield Kraut.

[Adol]

Shield Kraut.

[JPC]

Shield Kraut.

[Aaron]

These are shed crow, not riddles, by the way.

[JPC]

Well, Eren, 100% correct.

[Aaron]

As someone you who complains all the time about when things are not riddles, I feel like no.

[JPC]

Did I say that these were riddles?

[Aaron]

You said these were warm up riddles.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

This does feel like we're just learning a new language.

[JPC]

That's what Neil said. I think it's a fun opportunity. So what does Shield crude sound like?

[Adol]

Shield Crow.

[JPC]

Shield Crow. Krot is shield kraut. Turtle sauerkraut. Aaron. It's turtle. Shield Krot is toad. Shield toad and a shield krotos.

[Aaron]

A shield toad.

[Adol]

Shield Toad is a way cooler name than a turtle.

[JPC]

I know.

[Aaron]

Shield Krotoad.

[JPC]

Okay. Yeah. And maybe I should be giving you. Let's try one of these. I'm going to give you first the English word prick. Pig.

[Adol]

Prick pig.

[JPC]

Porcupine's a porcupine. Or I'm afraid that if I gave you that, you wouldn't ever get to hear the German part of it.

[Adol]

I do want to see his name.

[Aaron]

No, you don't at all.

[Adol]

I absolutely.

[Aaron]

Adl. There's still time. Adel, look at me. Hey.

[JPC]

Hey.

[Aaron]

There's still time to not do this.

[Adol]

Jbc, you're in your car.

[JPC]

I don't think that I was gonna.

[Adol]

Okay, you just got caught off and you just got cut off in traffic.

[JPC]

Got it.

[Adol]

And you pulled into the gas station where the car who cut you off was Aaron. You are the driver of that car. And you're a pig who's an absolute prick.

[Aaron]

Cool.

[JPC]

Hey, man. What the f. Oh.

[Aaron]

Learn how to drive, asshole.

[Adol]

Oh, the is going on.

[Aaron]

I can't even lift my head up to look at the sky. And I'm still a better driver than you.

[JPC]

Hey, hey, you know what, man? Man, what?

[Aaron]

Yeah. Memorizing your license plate, Googling it online, finding your home address. Give me a second. Found your home address. All right. Okay. Was a pig touching other names, links smacking to this address. Found your wife. Oh. Found your wife on LinkedIn. Oh, found your wife on Pinterest.

[JPC]

Hey, what the is your problem?

[Aaron]

You shouldn't be driving Instagram. Oh, yeah, I haven't heard that one before. Creative Instagram slid into her dms.

[JPC]

Is this like a rocket raccoon thing? This is a prank.

[Aaron]

Sorry to bother you.

[JPC]

Dax Shepard is somewhere.

[Aaron]

I don't normally do this. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever.

[JPC]

Seen running around the parking lot looking for Dax Shepard. Just scrambling, looking for Dark Shepherd.

[Adol]

We cut to the X Mansion. I've brought you here, prick pig, because I used Cerebrus.

[Aaron]

Huh? Oh, my God, this place sucks.

[Adol]

Are you cerebral?

[Aaron]

I'm part of the nerd brigade.

[Adol]

We're not nerds.

[JPC]

We're.

[Aaron]

Oh, you watched me shower, then you called me. Yikes.

[Adol]

Well, you were bathing in mud.

[Aaron]

I have a date with an asshole's wife, dude. Tick tock on the clock.

[JPC]

Please, prick pig, be more nice and gentle to this man. He's only trying to help Mystique.

[Aaron]

I don't want to hear from you. I'm gonna go into my little piggy convertible and I'll see you y' all later.

[JPC]

I had a big accident. I fell down a tower.

[Aaron]

I could have thought of a funnier X Men for that voice to be. Because she can turn into other.

[Adol]

Were you being Colossus?

[JPC]

Yeah, it's Colossus. Who is Mystique playing as Colossus? But I think it is. I think it is also funny that it's immediately recognizable that it is Mystique.

[Aaron]

She got to change her body. She just changes her body in any.

[Adol]

Improv scene, no matter what. If you're saying, like, hey, bub or Bamf or whatever, to just be like, hey, Mystique, just make everyone. Mystique is very funny.

[JPC]

Mystique also. Oops. All Mystiques gotta be one of the worst roles that you can play. Any role that you have to spend, like, three hours in a makeup chair every day, that's gotta be awful, right?

[Adol]

But you're doing a fourth of the filming because other actors are playing you, playing themselves.

[JPC]

That's true. That's true. You don't have to film as much, but three hours in a makeup chair?

[Aaron]

Yeah, that sounds horrible.

[JPC]

It sounds horrible.

[Adol]

Should give Jennifer Lawrence and Rebecca Roman Stamos posthumous Oscars. Posthumous Oscars.

[Aaron]

Possum. Oscars.

[JPC]

Possum Oscar. Here's an Oscar. It's mostly dug through raccoon trash.

[Aaron]

It's a half dead possum.

[JPC]

All right, here's your last one. Oh, these Aren't riddles. You're right. Here's your last one.

[Adol]

Half dead Possum is just a possum. Aaron, have you seen them?

[Aaron]

That's so mean.

[JPC]

Yeah, they're on the way out.

[Aaron]

There's a possum just sort of ripping out its headphones from its ears on the train somewhere in a US City, just wiping.

[JPC]

Oh, don't.

[Aaron]

Hey, by the way, back to my bim.

[Adol]

Bam.

[JPC]

Don't go. Don't go. One star review. Bomb us if you're a fucking possum. Okay, no.

[Aaron]

Well, now we're gonna get a bunch of 1 star reviews from Possum.

[Adol]

We should do a Patreon that's like super pro Possum.

[Aaron]

Look, just people who follow us on Instagram will be like, did you guys see. Hey, Riddle. Riddle posted a. Sorry we went after possum. We're afraid of getting canceled apology video on their social media.

[JPC]

Whatever. Hey, guys, ten years from now, when the climate changes, I'll take this episode down.

[Aaron]

You know, we just wanted to have Bon. And we've really been reflecting on what we did. I want to speak for all of us when I say we are really deeply sorry to the possum community.

[Adol]

Some of my favorite animals are possums.

[JPC]

If we started out an Instagram apology video, there are so many groups that we have offended who would be like, okay, here we go. Here's my apology. And then when it's possums, they'd be like, fuck motherfuckers.

[Adol]

Canadian perverts.

[JPC]

Australia.

[Adol]

Piss deers. Australia.

[Aaron]

You should do it. Remember when you did the demographics list? You should do that for people. We should.

[JPC]

We should apologize to.

[Adol]

Blanket apology.

[Aaron]

White people. Piss deers.

[JPC]

White people. And then in brackets, the people that we consider to be white people.

[Aaron]

Hairdressers, barbers.

[Adol]

Well, Canadian perverts. Creed.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Nickelback Creed. Are they both Canadian?

[Aaron]

Wow. Wow.

[JPC]

Could be seahund.

[Aaron]

Seahound, Seahorse.

[JPC]

It is a seal.

[Adol]

Mmm.

[JPC]

Seals are kind of like sea. Sea hound is a sea dog, which is seal.

[Aaron]

Seals are so cute. Every time I see a video of a seal, it reminds me of Lou. I'm like, it moves. Its eyes look like Lou and, like, moves. And, like, seals and dogs must have similar brains.

[Adol]

Ooh, yeah.

[Aaron]

They're so cute.

[JPC]

Plus, Lou has some lab. No. Yeah, yeah. And labs are water dogs, so I think seals are probably closer to labs.

[Aaron]

Not Lou, though. Lou hates the water.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Like, if you take her in the pool the rest of the day, she'll just be going like this and paddling.

[JPC]

You know what you need to get Lou? What, like a big Stanley so she.

[Aaron]

Can swim in that?

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just. Just to get kind of more used to water.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Poor Lou.

[JPC]

Poor Lou.

[Adol]

Seals are cute. Sea lions are cute, but there's. Are sea lions cute? Yeah, there's one of those.

[Aaron]

Sea lions are kind of intimidating.

[Adol]

That are like disgusting.

[JPC]

Seals and dogs both bark manatees, are you thinking? And they sound very different.

[Aaron]

Every time I see a manatee, I.

[Adol]

Think about how they used to think they were mermaids.

[Aaron]

Yeah. And they would do stuff with them.

[Adol]

Dude, last night I fucked the mermaid.

[JPC]

And Aaron, when you say do stuff, do stuff, do stuff.

[Aaron]

She was gorgeous. I fucked her on a rock. Okay. Okay. I think we should maybe all go home or back to our hammocks.

[JPC]

I think let's all go back to our hammocks, please. And let's not tell tall tales about fucking mermaids on rocks. I think, honestly, I'd rather be back in my hammock than listen to another minute of this. Okay, well, hey, thank you for submitting those riddles. And I do think that those riddles are probably from like 2019 or something like that. But you know what, if you have more things that aren't riddles that I might just read on the podcast as riddles, great, Submit them.

[Aaron]

I have a question for you.

[JPC]

Yes, please.

[Aaron]

We asked for people to send in their five hottest takes.

[JPC]

Yes.

[Aaron]

Has anyone sent in hot takes?

[JPC]

Yes. Now, some people. We said five. Some people sent in one or three or something. I mean, come on. The quickest way for me to not consider those hot takes is to just like, move past them. But we have enough hot takes that people submitted that we could do an episode where we just kind of review people's hot takes.

[Aaron]

I want to do that.

[JPC]

Okay, well, we will do that then.

[Aaron]

Okay, great. I wish I was doing that right now.

[JPC]

Well, let's. This episode, I think, do that.

[Adol]

We should come in with our own hot take.

[Aaron]

I don't have anything in the sky. Like, all my opinions are really popular and cool because they're.

[JPC]

Aaron's got good opinions. Yeah, they're really good opinions. Aaron, do you have any other. Speaking of your good opinions, anything else that you would like to point people to in kind of the form of.

[Aaron]

Plugs, other than getting tickets to our live shows that are this week? Favoriteovertle.com Live Portland, Seattle, Los Angeles, coming down the pipeline.

[JPC]

That's in like, yeah, two weeks and that's live streamed, so you can get that and stream it from anywhere. The Los Angeles show.

[Aaron]

But if you live in la, come see Quality Time, which is my variety show that I host. Adol. Anything to plug or promote or talk about.

[Adol]

Yes, everyone should check out and subscribe to a new podcast by our friends Greg Hess and Joey Bland called Like Minds. Like Minds. It's a delightful and hilarious sort of like game show podcast again hosted by Joey Bland, produced by Greg Hess. And check that out. Aaron and I did an episode recently.

[Aaron]

I've done the live version as well and they are so good at writing funny, interesting questions. If you like our show genuinely, it will be.

[Adol]

You will love it.

[Aaron]

It's. It makes so much sense that you would listen and love it.

[Adol]

Two of the best improvisers. So check that out. Like Minds. Check it out. Jpc. Anything to plug or promote.

[JPC]

Here's the thing. I just realized we record these sometimes we're doing this, especially since Aaron's in town. So we're recording a little bit in advance so we can take advantage of being live in the studio. But sometimes our plugs don't catch up and I have to go back and rerecord plugs that are like, these are plugs specific for this. And I'm always like, well, how do I intro it? How do I make it seem flawless? Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to say, hey, jpc, in the future, do you have anything in the plug?

[Adol]

Oh, smart. And then toss it to yourself.

[JPC]

And then I just toss it to myself. Thanks, jpc. JPC from the future here with a live show update this weekend, Portland and Seattle, both of those shows were sold out, but we just released some of our comps so we have a few more tickets left. So if you have waited this long but you still want to go to the show, you might still be able to get a ticket to Portland and Seattle. And then the next weekend, the first weekend of August, we'll be in la. And again, that livestream for the LA show, you can still buy tickets up to two weeks after the show ends. So if you don't get them immediately, but you still want to see the live stream, you can catch that up to two weeks after the show ends. You can just go to heywoodovertle.com live for all of those tickets. Okay, back to you guys. And now I'm back.

[Aaron]

Jpc, in the future, anything to plug Fart sound.

[JPC]

Thanks, jpc, Is that my butt that I'm plugging? Yes. Okay, that's funny. Honestly, Jupiter. What? Scared of Created by Adult Refine starring Aaron Keenan and John Patrick Cohen. Casey Tony did the editing and Marty Parent did the music. Logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naporus. One, two, three, four, eight. Rhythm. Hey there. Oreos and mints. If you like that, you are gonna love this week's Patreon. We're discussing your hot takes. You can listen to that plus our entire back [e-mail] Heyriddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron]

That was a headgum podcast.