#367: 7 Year Anniversary w/ Anthony Burch

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle Podcast Episode #367: 7 Year Anniversary with Anthony Burch

Release Date: July 30, 2025

Celebrating seven years of solving puzzles, ridding, and relentless laughter, the hosts of Hey Riddle Riddle—Adol, Erin, and John Patrick Coan—mark a significant milestone with a special episode featuring Anthony Burch, a renowned writer and comedian. This detailed summary captures the essence of their anniversary celebration, the introduction of new projects, cherished memories from their journey, and engaging interactions with their esteemed guest.

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1. Celebrating Seven Years of Hey Riddle Riddle

Adol Rifai kicks off the episode with a heartfelt narration reflecting on the podcast's inception and enduring legacy. He highlights the convergence of their unique comedic talents and love for riddles that birthed the show back in 2018.

"[...] the fragile alliance, they poured their madness, their tangents, their scene work, and their rage at riddles that had started the journey in the first place. Thus, Hey Riddle Riddle was born." — Adol Rifai [02:52]

The hosts reminisce about the challenges and triumphs they've faced over seven years, including pandemics, personal milestones, and the evolution of their content.

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2. Welcoming Anthony Burch

At [05:20], Anthony Burch joins the conversation, adding a vibrant dynamic to the celebration. His introduction is met with playful banter and warmth, setting a convivial tone for the episode.

"Anthony, you're here too. Hi." — Aaron [05:20]

The discussion quickly delves into past interactions, revealing that Anthony's enthusiasm for the podcast inspired him to launch his own project, fostering a mutual creative synergy.

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3. Introduction of New Podcast: Gumshoes and Dragons

A significant portion of the episode centers around their new venture, Gumshoes and Dragons. Anthony elaborates on the concept—a fusion of Dungeons & Dragons with the investigative charm of classic detectives like Columbo.

"Basically, I thought it'd be fun to do a D and D type thing, but with the structure of Columbo." — Anthony Burch [09:33]

Adol and JPC express excitement about the project, discussing how it diversifies their creative output while maintaining the collaborative spirit they've nurtured over the years.

"It's really fun. From doing this show to doing that show. It's a Big change up." — JPC [10:33]

They highlight the interactive nature of the new podcast, where guests play characters in a mystery-solving adventure, adding layers of improvisational comedy and storytelling.

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4. Reflecting on Memorable Moments

In a nostalgic segment, the hosts and Anthony reminisce about favorite episodes and memorable scenes from the past seven years. They attempt to recall these moments live, leading to humorous attempts at recreating them from memory.

"But accidental moments are so fun. When ADOL and JPC were chickens, and ADOL did a chicken voice and JPC did a regular voice. If you guys remember that, that's my favorite." — Aaron [29:58]

Some standout episodes discussed include:

• "Pretzel Jesus": A quirky character who skateboards, remembered fondly despite faded details.

  "He did. Did Pretzel Jesus skateboard?" — Adol [15:27]

• "Adol is Dead" April Fool's Episode: A playful nod to the show's tone, where Adol's character is humorously "announced dead."

  "I'm going to give it seven out of seven because all good adults go to heaven." — Adol [16:25]

• "The Sweater Episode": An episode where Aaron's sweater becomes a running joke, beloved for its relatability and humor.

  "That remains my favorite podcast episode, period." — Anthony [18:51]

These reflections underscore the camaraderie and creative flair that have defined the podcast's success.

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5. Engaging with Listener Riddles

A pivotal moment in the episode involves tackling a listener-submitted riddle from Sophia, challenging the hosts to unravel a seemingly unsolvable puzzle left by a 19th-century English bishop, Samuel Wilberforce.

Sophia's Riddle: "I'm the sweetest of sounds in orchestra heard yet an orchestra never was seen. I'm a bird of gay plumage yet less like a bird. Nothing ever in nature was seen. Touch the earth I expire, in water I die and air I lose breath yet can swim and can fly. Darkness destroys me and light in my death and I only keep going by holding my breath. If my name can't be guessed by a boy or a man, by a woman or girl, it certainly can."

The hosts and Anthony dissect the riddle, exploring various interpretations and possibilities, while playfully debating its feasibility.

"What lives in a puddle but never gets wet? What's baked in a loaf but never gets wet?" — JPC [15:59]

Despite their efforts, the riddle remains elusive, sparking lively discussion and showcasing their puzzle-solving camaraderie.

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6. Promoting New Projects and Future Plans

Towards the episode's conclusion, the hosts shift focus to promote their new podcast, encouraging listeners to engage with Gumshoes and Dragons and supporting the ongoing growth of Hey Riddle Riddle.

"If you're a fan of Anthony or you like our stuff, or even Casey Tony's sweet, sweet editing skills, please give it a shot." — Aaron [61:00]

Additionally, they mention upcoming live shows and invite listeners to participate, emphasizing the community-building aspect of their creative endeavors.

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7. Heartfelt Gratitude and Looking Forward

Closing the celebration on an emotional note, Aaron extends gratitude to Anthony and the loyal listener base that has sustained the podcast for seven years. The sentiment underscores the personal connections and shared laughter that have been the backbone of Hey Riddle Riddle.

"I'm really, really grateful for seven years of this podcast with you guys." — Aaron [62:18]

The hosts express optimism for the future, hinting at more adventures, riddles, and collaborative fun to come.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "We are starting a new thing, and I don't know who wants to talk about it, but I think to talk about at the beginning of the episode is wise." — Aaron [09:12]

• "It's like, one of the first things they give you is the card that says you can do it." — Anthony Burch [19:14]

• "What lives in a puddle but never gets wet? What's baked in a loaf but never gets wet?" — JPC [15:59]

• "I'm really, really grateful for seven years of this podcast with you guys." — Aaron [62:18]

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Conclusion

Episode #367 of Hey Riddle Riddle serves as a heartfelt tribute to seven years of laughter, riddles, and creative collaboration. Featuring Anthony Burch, the hosts celebrate their journey, introduce exciting new projects, and engage in nostalgic reflections that highlight the unique charm of their podcast. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the series, this anniversary episode offers a delightful glimpse into the enduring spirit of Hey Riddle Riddle and the vibrant community it continues to build.

Transcript

[Aaron]

This is a headgun podcast.

[Adol]

Guys.

[Aaron]

That's a lot of fun, Aaron.

[Adol]

Thank you. We've all been there, right? Rummaging through pipes, dodging man eating Venus fly traps, freaking grabbing up coins, freaking fighting hammer singing turtles. Right. And stumbling upon polka dotted mushrooms, eating them, turning into giants and going on full blown rampages. Schedule 35 is kind of like the Super Mario mushroom, but for your mind. They send you precisely measured microdoses of psilocybin that you can take daily to enhance your day without seeing. Well, man eating Venus flytraps coming out.

[JPC]

Of pipes, man, I don't know what you're talking about, but I will say I was literally sprinting for my life away from some Koopa troopas today. So if that has anything to do with what you're talking about, I understand it.

[Adol]

It does.

[Aaron]

If you have PTSD and anxiety and depression like I do, you've probably heard a lot of people talk about microdosing mushrooms and it can feel really overwhelming to hear about that and not really know where to start. And also to know that you're in good hands and things that are safe.

[Adol]

Erin, I love your green overalls.

[Aaron]

Oh, thank you. Do do, do, do do. Studies have shown that psilocybin works by creating new neural networks in the brain which help boost focus, creativity, mood enhancement and help fight addiction. I love schedule 35's teas and their gummies.

[JPC]

Plus schedule 35 ships all across Canada and the US notable brand currently in the space. All products come with guides that make micro dosing easy to understand. And all customers need to be age verified. So once at your age verified, which is 19 in Canada, 21 plus in the US you can receive your invite code. And then for all the products to get an invite code, visit www.schedule35co.

[Aaron]

Get 15% off with code riddle at schedule35co. That's 15% off at schedule35co and use code riddle.

[JPC]

Thanks, Todd.

[Aaron]

My name's Todd.

[JPC]

Todd Stool. Todd Stool. Am I reading this wrong? Oh my God, it's Toad. Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

[Aaron]

No, it's Todd. It's okay.

[JPC]

Thank you.

[Aaron]

We're all okay. We're all okay.

[JPC]

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cannon of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice. And the horses ain't Friday.

[Aaron]

Human beings have always been attracted to the number 7. 7 has held a power and a mystery. Just ask Snow White. Seven deadly sins, seven chakras, seven notes in a scale. Seven Seas Seven Colors of the Rainbow, Seven Wonders of the World, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, the Magnificent Seven, Seven the Movie. And God created the world in seven days. When he spent that week making Everything We Know, he he didn't consider what human beings would have had the impulse to make. It began in a tapas restaurant in Kalamazoo, Michigan. In the Before Times Autumn 2018, an ADOL brought the idea of a podcast to the attention of Erin, a dazzling young comedian at the top of her game. She agreed enthusiastically, even though she didn't care for what he said would be the show's center. Riddles. Then the addle brought the podcast to the attention of a horrid little creature, a loose JPC that had been terrorizing the kingdom of Chicago for several years. He answered the call. In the spring of 2018, these three comedians gathered in secret deep beneath the mountains of Headcam. One brought riddles and coffee. One brought untamed chaos and coffee. And one brought sex appeal and incredible rapping skills. And into this fragile alliance, they poured their madness, their tangents, their scene work, and their rage at riddles that had started the journey in the first place. Thus. Hey, Riddle. Riddle was born and was released in July of 2018. For seven years it endured through pandemics and soundboard wars, through voicemails and mimicry, through late night recordings, weddings, babies and breakups, through episodes where the riddles were forgotten entirely. And now, in the seventh year of its reign, the world stands at the edge of mystery once more. The riddles have grown older, the scenes stranger, and the audience more weary than ever. And so we gather again at the turning of the tide to celebrate seven years of. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. Oh, and Anthony, you're here too. Hi. Yeah, hi, Anthony.

[Anthony]

Hi.

[Aaron]

This is like when you bring your kid to your anniversary dinner.

[Anthony]

Who's my dad?

[Aaron]

Anyone wanna show of hands? Who wants to be Freddie?

[Anthony]

Yeah, that sounds about him. He's my dad. He didn't bring me. I showed up alone.

[JPC]

He's picking you up at 8. Casey. I think it's maybe worth it to just reach out to. Who do we. Tolkien or Peter Jackson or whatever. Just to see if we can get the rights to the Lord of the Rings music. Because, you know, and if we don't end up using it in the episode, that's fine. But an email, right? I mean, it's like, how hard could that be?

[Aaron]

That was a totally original thing that I came up with. That wasn't a reference to anything. What's Lord of the Rings?

[JPC]

That's a Great question, Aaron.

[Adol]

I think if you just drop in some, like pro tourism for New Zealand, I think we're covered. So if you do just super quick, just toss something out.

[Aaron]

New Zealand, they say sex instead of six and that's kind of fun. I think that'll do it. That'll get a plane load of people over there.

[JPC]

A planeload.

[Aaron]

Adol. Am I remembering that right? Did I get the history of the show right? You're the founder of the show.

[Adol]

I think so. I think I forged the show deep in the mountains and the fans thought.

[Anthony]

That there was gonna be riddles every episode, but they were all of them. Betraya.

[JPC]

Mm.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I guess that is true.

[JPC]

The way that you described me moving through the Chicago improv community, Aaron, kind of made me sound like a sex pest.

[Aaron]

And were you not a sex pest? Are you going to stand here in front of us and tell us you are not a sex. Okay, classic sex pest.

[JPC]

If anything, I'm a seated sex pest. I'd stand.

[Anthony]

Don't ask what he's sitting on.

[JPC]

I'd stand, but I can't right now.

[Aaron]

And also, Adol, you asked me before you asked jpc, Right.

[Adol]

I honestly cannot remember. That's something we should go back into the anals of history and figure out. Probe deep in.

[Aaron]

JPC's is busy right now. Yeah. And Anthony, you have actually, I think you started listening to the show kind of early on. You've obviously stopped once you met us. And I kind of did. Why stop?

[Anthony]

I was like, I get enough of this shit for free. I don't need to fucking.

[Aaron]

What year? Do you remember the year you started listening to our show?

[Anthony]

The year you guys came out? I was concurrent with you by around episode four or five.

[Aaron]

Wow, that's crazy.

[Anthony]

Yeah. My friend Yuli loved Magic Tavern and Riddles, and he was like, you gotta listen to this. And I did. And I've continued to listen until. Yeah, until I met all of you. And then I was like, fuck this. Yeah, I'm listening to cometown, the real podcast.

[JPC]

I just. I don't even think that podcast.

[Aaron]

But it's the only podcast we're allowed to reference. It's my favorite thing. Name drop. That we do.

[Anthony]

But yeah, you guys doing this podcast inspired me to do the podcast. I do now.

[JPC]

Wow, that's wild. Because one of the big reasons that we were gonna have you on this episode today, Anthony, and then we kind of forgot that it was our anniversary, and so that's a happy accident. Was you inspired us to do another. A different podcast with you, I guess. You asked us.

[Anthony]

Yeah, I asked you to. I sort of came up with drag you along. Yeah. Makes it seem like you had more to do with the inception of it than you did.

[Aaron]

Yeah. We're inspiring each other back and forth. And that is what I was trying to hint to in my narration is that we're coming to sort of a. We're not abandoning hey, Riddle Riddle. Every time we try to run out of H.A. riddle Building, we run back in.

[Adol]

This is nobody's fault.

[Aaron]

This is nobody's fault.

[JPC]

My impression was that we were abandoning hey Riddle Riddle. I'm game for whatever. But I was like, I got a bag packed.

[Aaron]

I look, there's like seven bindles behind you.

[Anthony]

All condoms.

[Aaron]

All condoms.

[JPC]

Would a sex pest have seven bindles of condoms?

[Aaron]

We are starting a new thing, and I don't know who wants to talk about it, but I think to talk about at the beginning of the episode is wise. Instead of just waiting till plugs.

[Anthony]

Yeah.

[JPC]

People tap out at plugs. Well, Anthony came to us with an idea, and I guess it was an idea that if you're a Patreon listener, to hey, Rotted Riddle. We've kind of toyed around with a little bit a few years back on Patreon episodes, but we've kind of expanded that idea into a new show called Gumshoes and Dragons.

[Anthony]

That's right. Basically, I thought it'd be fun to do a D and D type thing, but with the structure of Columbo, because I listened to their review crew where they talked about Columbo, they being the hey Riddler crew. And then we did a test episode of it. I did one with the Daddy's Crew and one with the hey Riddle Realtor crew. And for two reasons both equally valid, I chose the hey Riddle Riddle Crew and I should do this together.

[JPC]

It's time to roll some dice and get this mystery fixed. Gun sh.

[Aaron]

And we're very grateful when we did the first episode on Patreon like that. Test 1 Patreon stretch goal 1. I had the best time. And now that we've been doing it with guests, it's just been such a blast to be in something that you're dming.

[Anthony]

I feel very lucky we got a new guest every other week that doesn't murder. And then Adol, JBZ and Aaron playing fantasy characters. Detectives have to sort of solve the murder. And sometimes they will and sometimes they won't.

[JPC]

Yeah. So it's really fun. From doing this show to doing that show. It's a Big change up. Because we have guests every week, which in this show we sometimes go months without remembering that we could invite people to do the show. So we have fun guests every week. Each guest is playing a character. They're always playing a murderer. And if you like the fact that sometimes we don't understand riddles, just wait until we have to solve, like complicated puzzles that Anthony is designing. Brilliant Anthony, which we honestly, in retrospect of the ones we've recorded, we should have been able to solve. But I think Anthony was playing.

[Anthony]

You did better than I expected, I'll say that.

[JPC]

That's so nice of you.

[Aaron]

It does feel a lot like an escape room. And in the same way, there's one episode that I got so into it and excited that I feel like I just decided to solve as much of it on my own as I could. I was just like, oh, and then this, and then this. Like, it feels has that energy of an escape room with friends.

[Anthony]

The best compliment I can get as the co designer of some of these mysteries is that sometimes Aaron forgets that she's playing a character and just gets super excited and turns into Array Keefe Boy detective.

[Aaron]

Yes, I saw local mysteries from my treehouse. No one has.

[Anthony]

I think the first episode we recorded, she literally touched her nose when she had an idea. It was very stupid.

[Adol]

Should we mention some of the guests that we've had so far? Brennan Lee Mulligan, Rakha Shanker, Janet Varney, David Arquette has not yet been on.

[Aaron]

He won't return our emails or our calls.

[Anthony]

I have a connect. I could probably make it happen. Yes.

[JPC]

Casey, go ahead and CC him on that Peter Jackson email or whatever that you're writing and maybe we could just kind of loop this whole thing together.

[Aaron]

Brennan Lee Mulligan is the first episode, so I feel like that is a great one to check out. It was also so cool to watch you guys meet. I was texting a friend and I was like, it's like. It's like John Adams and George Washington meeting for the first time.

[JPC]

Damn. It's the way I describe it.

[Anthony]

God, I'm so sick of people comparing me to John Adams.

[JPC]

It sucks. It sucks for whoever is John Adams in that. Yeah.

[Anthony]

John Anthony.

[Aaron]

John Anthony is my favorite. Oh, John Adams loved his wife.

[Anthony]

Yeah, sure. No, it sucks meeting Brennan sucked ass because he's like not only insanely creative and insanely funny, but he's also genuinely very nice.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Anthony]

And I am at most one of those things.

[JPC]

Yeah, I would describe that maybe as not sucking ass. I Think it's kind of fun to meet people who are creative and nice.

[Anthony]

But that's cool for you. That's great that you can derive joy from that. How nice for you.

[Aaron]

Classic sex pest.

[JPC]

Well, I do think the sex pest thing, we might want to back away from making it like a running. Like a running thing because there are real sex pests out there that it kind of makes it seem like.

[Anthony]

Yeah, I will say that jbz, pretty early on kept thinking that the name of the show was Cum Shoes and Dragons. And like, like, that's a pretty good idea for like a csi, like, SVU kind of spin off series.

[JPC]

We haven't announced the Patreon yet, so there are no bad ideas of brainstorming. But if you want to follow along the show, it comes out next Monday. So Monday, August 4th, and then every other Monday is when we are going to drop an episode. We'll have a link in the episode description to where you can follow that. We'll probably have a trailer up by the time this episode comes out where you can subscribe to the feed so that you get new episodes. And we would love it if people gave it a try. And then let us know what you think. We would love to hear about it. Oh, and when I say let us know what you think, like, we are social media everywhere at Gumshoes and Dragons, I believe. Correct. Yep.

[Anthony]

Gumshoes and dragons on, I believe everything, with the possible exception of X, the everything app. I don't think I set up one.

[JPC]

For that because nobody wants to be on that anymore.

[Adol]

No.

[JPC]

Even sex basketball.

[Anthony]

Only sex bastards.

[Aaron]

I like that you're like, I can call myself a sex sex pest.

[JPC]

You can't probably.

[Anthony]

I can use that word. Yeah. Taking it back.

[Aaron]

Okay, well, Anthony, you're gonna have to endure a little bit of sentimentality of us talking about being a show for seven years.

[Anthony]

Because I admire your show, so I'm glad to be witness to it.

[Aaron]

That's really sweet. But, Anthony, feel free to participate in any of these that you might remember. And then also, you guys, you might not remember them. So I feel like everyone might be on equal footing for this, but I asked our listeners what some of the most memorable episodes, moments, bits, scenes from the show were. And everyone, please tell me we're just.

[JPC]

Gonna do a clip show.

[Aaron]

We can kind of.

[Anthony]

But you have to recreate it now live from memory.

[Aaron]

Yes. We have to try to remember what it was.

[JPC]

No.

[Aaron]

Okay. The first one I'm gonna talk about is Pretzel. Jesus. Does anyone remember what that is, yes.

[JPC]

I remember Pretzel Jesus, but I don't remember. It's something that came up in a scene on an episode. And I'll say this, it could have been anytime in the last seven years.

[Aaron]

Great. Perfect.

[Adol]

Did Pretzel Jesus skateboard?

[JPC]

He did.

[Aaron]

He did. Adol. Good memory. I'm gonna give pretzel Jesus a 5 out of 7 because we can't really remember any of the details.

[JPC]

If that's the barometer that we're going with, it's gonna be a long evening.

[Aaron]

Puzzbot announcing that Adol was dead and everyone believing Puzzbot.

[JPC]

That was an April Fool's episode.

[Aaron]

Yes, the title was Adol was. Yeah, exactly. The episode title was Adol is Dead. And everyone thought that we were announcing Adol's death in the title of an episode.

[Adol]

It really speaks volumes to the tone of the show. They're like, this could be real. And his friends are so flippant about his death, they just record a podcast that week.

[JPC]

It was April of 2020, so it's, like, not impossible that Adol would have died, but, you know.

[Adol]

But I'm voicing Pazbot. I guess that's a big giveaway.

[Aaron]

Adol. How about you rank that one out of seven? Because.

[Adol]

I'm going to give it seven out of seven because all good adults go to heaven.

[Aaron]

Exactly. Maria CVS which was JPC's answer to a sandy riddle.

[JPC]

I was gonna say. That's definitely from a sandbox. An early one. Early, early one, right?

[Aaron]

Mm.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Anthony]

Do you remember the first 10 episodes of the show or something?

[Aaron]

Right? Yeah.

[Adol]

Oh, possibly. Do you remember what the question was?

[Aaron]

It was like a pharmacy fill in the blank thing and JPC guest Maria Cvs and I think I laughed pretty hard.

[Anthony]

I would joke once every three months, I search your subreddit to see if somebody can pinpoint the exact episode. That is because I keep forgetting the specific joke. And no one ever knows. Marie, CBS is a legend spoken of in the hallowed halls of your subreddit, but nobody actually can find her.

[JPC]

I think someone did a thing that crawled all of our shows and transcriptized them. And there's a website now called witchriddleriddle.com that you can go to. And then I've never used it, but I've seen people talk about it. But I think you can, like. And it's only our. It's only our main feed stuff, but you can, like, type in Maria CVS into it, I think. And I think it should spit out. Assuming that whatever crawled the transcripts to, like, formed it, like, got Maria CVS out of that. Who knows?

[Aaron]

Wow.

[Anthony]

You would be doing it right now. Yeah. It's episode 14.

[JPC]

Oh, wow.

[Aaron]

Wow, that is early.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Adol]

Aaron, divide 14 by 2.

[Aaron]

6.

[JPC]

Shit.

[Anthony]

We should say.

[JPC]

We should say Eren dyed her hair so she's. Well, it's not blonde anymore, so. Erin, want to take that joke back?

[Aaron]

Uh, seven.

[JPC]

There we go.

[Aaron]

I have pink hair right now.

[JPC]

She's in pink hair, so she's smart.

[Aaron]

The sweater. Now, this one was maybe the most common answer. Now, what? The sweater was really. We had. What's the thing that animals get when they're in captivity?

[JPC]

Born.

[Adol]

Did we both say bored?

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Adol]

That's incredible.

[Aaron]

That's crazy. It's like, zoo, zoo, something.

[JPC]

Lander.

[Aaron]

Forget it.

[JPC]

Topia.

[Adol]

Topia.

[Aaron]

Topia. Yeah. You guys, we were kind of going crazy during the pandemic. I wore a sweater that was really cute. We spent the whole episode roasting it. What would you guys give that out of seven? Not the sweater, obviously, but the episode seven.

[JPC]

That's got to be seven out of seven. That's gotta be our best episode.

[Adol]

I think that's. I think that's a 10 out of seven.

[Anthony]

That remains my favorite podcast episode, period.

[Aaron]

That's crazy.

[Anthony]

I mean, it informs the entire way I interact with you, specifically in personal interactions.

[Adol]

Aaron Weezer wrote a song about it.

[JPC]

Which, by the way, for people listening, is not the way to interact with Aaron.

[Anthony]

No, no. You get to do. Only I. Anthony gets to do it.

[Aaron]

Anthony gets to do it.

[JPC]

Anthony gets to do it. Because he is famous.

[Anthony]

So you get famous. You're allowed to do. It's one of the first things they give you is the card that says you can do it.

[JPC]

You think we wouldn't let Joaquin Phoenix talk to Aaron like that? We would. No. Aaron walking Phoenix. If Joaquin Phoenix talked to you like that, I would say something. I would.

[Aaron]

You would give him a high five.

[JPC]

I'd say, hey, man, knock it off.

[Aaron]

Huge fan of your performance in Signs.

[Anthony]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Why are you friends with Casey? The first thing I would ask Joaquin Phoenix is, why is he friends with Casey?

[Anthony]

I asked most people that just to make sure that they're not.

[Aaron]

Boss lady business, bitch. We'll move through these faster. That was a song I made up. It's become a feminist anthem, and I would give it a one out of seven.

[Anthony]

That's easily six out of seven. That one's great.

[JPC]

My wife has a little placard. I think I've talked about this on the show on her Desk that says CEO and then under it, it says cunt eating Oreos. And I sing the boss lady business bitch song in my head every time I walk past her office and see the placard.

[Aaron]

The Zeus goat scene, which I do remember, is a goat saying, yeah, man, I'm Zeus. Keep going.

[JPC]

Yeah, we were going to turn that into merch for a while, but I think. I think, like, every item of merch that we sell, it would be unwearable, like a goat presenting asshole saying, I'm Zeus. Keep going.

[Aaron]

The conductor I've got to give. I'm going to give that a two out of seven. The conductor who got struck by lightning is another very common answer that we get. Which makes sense to me because you saying slimbles. Slimbles is in my head kind of all the time.

[JPC]

Wasn't I supposed to be JP Riddles in that or.

[Aaron]

No, no, that's just another Chaos character.

[JPC]

Okay, okay.

[Aaron]

Dr. Chameleon, which I'm gonna give seven out of seven, too, because I like that our running villain is not great at his job. Another good thing for the tone of the show, I think. I mean, is Dr. Chameleon dead? What's he up to?

[Adol]

I think he's retired.

[Aaron]

Oh, that's so nice. Where did he retire? Did he move or.

[JPC]

Boca.

[Adol]

He's in Boca Raton.

[JPC]

Hell yeah, baby.

[Anthony]

Did he get, like, Blade Runner retired? Like, he, like, went to a farm in Boca Raton and is never coming back.

[Adol]

Guess I don't need to watch Blade Runner now.

[Aaron]

Paul Ruddles, which jpc. Do you want to explain what you did there?

[JPC]

Yes. And, Aaron, we were texting back and forth today when we remembered that tonight we were recording the seventh anniversary episode. And as we were doing that, I was busy all day with my kids, so I wasn't able to do anything. But we're like, oh, who has something planned? Who has something planned? I almost. I had an idea to make another set of Paul Ruddles because I knew Anthony would be on the show. And I was like, oh, Anthony will hate this. Anthony will strongly dislike this. But I had the idea for that today, and it's not Paul Rudd related, but it is pun related. And I logged that as a potential idea for later. So do not discount Paul Ruddles. It could be back at some point.

[Aaron]

Okay, I'm gonna give that one out of seven.

[Adol]

That's discounting it.

[Aaron]

No, it's. It's good.

[JPC]

Aaron, if you give that a 1 out of 7, can I pitch you the idea and then you can tell me, like, if. If it's gonna get more than a one out of seven.

[Aaron]

Yeah, sure.

[JPC]

Okay, so it's called the Chronicles of Riddick or Riddlezik, and I show you a picture that's either from a Vin Diesel movie or the Chronicles of Narnia, and you have to tell me which one.

[Aaron]

Two out of seven.

[JPC]

Okay, Good.

[Anthony]

Fantastic podcast content.

[Aaron]

That is nothing. Jpc, that is such a melted version of our show, I don't even know where to begin.

[JPC]

It's a two out of seven, and if my best shit is a one out of seven, then I feel like a two out of seven is 100%.

[Anthony]

Did you just feed a bunch of hay riddle episodes into ChatGPT and then say, now make one?

[JPC]

We haven't gotten there yet. We haven't gotten. We will. We will.

[Anthony]

I'm definitely gonna do that with mine, too.

[Adol]

I feel like I heard a factoid that was Chronicles of. I've never seen Chronicles of Riddick, but they said on the set, I think Judi Dench is in that or someone of that ilk, and they said Vin Diesel, like, taught her D and D pretty strong.

[JPC]

Vin Diesel's a huge D and D guy, so let's not discount.

[Aaron]

I would be a potential. I would love to have him on the show.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Can you imagine?

[JPC]

I can talk to you like Joaquin Phoenix.

[Adol]

Diesels and Dragons. Dungeons and Diesels.

[Anthony]

Shit, that's good.

[JPC]

Dungeons and Diesels.

[Adol]

What if it's Dungeons and Diesels and it's cars, but in D and D, it's like Fast and the Furious. Okay, hold on. This was Patreon.

[Aaron]

Write this down.

[JPC]

I don't want to blow our chances. I don't want to blow our chances of having Vin Diesel on the podcast, but have you guys heard Vin Diesel's music? Like, the music that he makes?

[Aaron]

Absolutely not. And I want to quit everything and listen to it right now.

[JPC]

It's. Oh, boy. Well, okay. Well, here I want to talk about Vin Diesel. Have you guys heard Will Smith's latest song about how he likes girls or whatever?

[Anthony]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

No.

[JPC]

You ever heard this?

[Anthony]

Awful.

[Aaron]

I think I've. I think I've been managing to escape pop culture for the last, like, three or four weeks. It's very peaceful.

[JPC]

It's so funny when Will Smith does a thing that he obviously wants to do instead of, like, going through the proper channels of people being like. And of course, don't do this, because it's like, when he does things that he wants to do, it's like after Earth slapping Chris Rock and putting out a song as like a 55 year old man about how you like girls.

[Aaron]

Oh God. All right, I'm going to get through some of these quickly. So everyone just yell at a number when I do them. Pee out the poison.

[JPC]

A 7.

[Adol]

7.

[JPC]

A fan made of signs. And I have one hanging in my bathroom.

[Aaron]

Same poison. The Lord of Beeps.

[JPC]

Seven.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[JPC]

Anthony had stopped listening at that point. I saw the head. I saw the head.

[Anthony]

Yeah. I don't think I've ever heard of Lord of Beeps.

[Aaron]

We forgot to beep something. And then we said the Lord of Beeps was dead. And then I wrote a whole episode about it. It's nothing. It's Anthony and I kiss you.

[Anthony]

It sounds like it's something. It sounds like your fans liked it.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Blown man group, which I remember very vividly where just the blue men, but they're like smoking cigarettes, being like. Can you believe that? Unbelievable.

[JPC]

Was that. That was early too, right?

[Aaron]

That was early too.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol]

That was an in studio episode, I believe.

[Aaron]

Yeah, for sure. Because I remember laughing hard at that.

[Adol]

Maybe the same episode is. Thank youk Snake.

[JPC]

Wow. Wow.

[Aaron]

Based on the air Adol's in his mind palace.

[JPC]

Holy shit.

[Aaron]

What's going on in there?

[Adol]

Door's locked. Where did I put the key? Shit, shit, shit, shit.

[Aaron]

He's stuck in there. Guys.

[Adol]

Checking my mind pants. No, Checking under the mind rocks.

[Aaron]

No.

[JPC]

Oh, dude. Adol. I totally know what you're talking about with mind rocks. I got mind rocks so bad just jangling around in there.

[Adol]

Sounds like a Def Leppard song.

[Aaron]

Halloween trailer game is another one we got a lot of.

[JPC]

Yeah, classic.

[Anthony]

That's the one where you sang the lullaby because you didn't listen.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I wasn't listening. Howard Dean scream. Huge.

[JPC]

Oh yeah. Seven out of seven. You know, that's just an amazing piece of iconic Americana lore that we've revived on this show single handedly, I would say. Now everyone's talking about Howard Dean apple pie.

[Adol]

Baseball.

[Aaron]

A lot of people were mentioning Patreon things which I'm not bringing up. But I will mention that we got a bajillion Adol in the ball pit thing, which is the maddest I've ever been an Adolf. When he got stuck in a ball pit. A horror movie ball pit. And I had to get him out. That's the angriest I've ever been at a friend. I was so scared.

[JPC]

It's depressing how many of these things that are our best things are like season one. Hate Riddle Riddle.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Although this. Yeah, go ahead, Adel I can tell.

[Anthony]

You my favorite thing, and it's definitely not season one and I don't think anybody remembers it. It's specifically somebody asked a question and it wasn't even in a scene. But JPC decided he was going to say that he was, like, having sex with this guy's ex. And he said, oh, it's got to burn you when you see me driving around town in my Dodge Durango with your girl in my passenger seat. And something about the way he enunciated Dodge Durango will paralyze me if I think about it too long.

[Aaron]

Perfect.

[JPC]

This is Sharon Halpern teaching you to pass the hinds, not pass the ketchup. You know what I'm saying?

[Adol]

Specificity kills ambiguity.

[JPC]

A fucking A. I wish. I wish I could take a hammer to the side of my brain that knows shit like that.

[Aaron]

You guys are going to absolutely love this one. I love listening to the three of you becoming closer and closer friends over the years. Now, what would you give that out of seven?

[JPC]

Are they listening backwards? What are they doing? Are they listening? For most recent and going.

[Adol]

Yeah, we're the opposite of Pangea, which is current day world, I think world continents who have drifted apart. There's an ocean between us.

[Aaron]

I'm going to just do a couple more smacks the frog. Please don't fuck my mom.

[Anthony]

Please don't fuck my mom.

[JPC]

Please don't fuck my mom.

[Aaron]

Unfortunately, Uncle Santa and I really appreciate the person putting unfortunately in front of us.

[JPC]

We don't need the editorializing, guys. Okay?

[Aaron]

Just.

[JPC]

Just say the nice thing and then back the fuck off.

[Aaron]

Puzzbot. Little monkey bones. Coco Cashmere.

[JPC]

Ooh.

[Adol]

The three of them should team up for something.

[Aaron]

Oh, that would be fun. A heist. Oh, let's do a heist episode. Fuck Butler, which I don't really remember.

[JPC]

Oh, I do.

[Aaron]

What is that?

[JPC]

I don't remember. Fuck Butler. What is Fuck Butler? How best to describe it? Kind of indescribable.

[Aaron]

Great.

[Adol]

On your knees. Fuck Butler.

[Aaron]

Oh, there it is. Okay. Phoebe. Pee Peebidi. Bibi. Classic.

[Adol]

Oh, yeah, that must be.

[Aaron]

How far up the egg did the pants go?

[JPC]

Sure.

[Aaron]

Singing cake songs. Hey, welcome to Jamba Juice. How can I help you? Classic. Walk online and then Adol. I gotta tell you, I think the number one answer by a lot is Nintendo Cafe. And the end of it, when you gave me a Nintendo. And I want to say something about that. That is crazy that that's everyone's favorite moment, because that's the most earnest thing that's probably ever happened on our show. And it's the only time I cried. Well, Joy cried on this show.

[JPC]

That's beautiful, Aaron.

[Aaron]

So that's kind of nice. Isn't that nice?

[Anthony]

Yeah, it's like karmically the opposite of the sweater episode.

[Aaron]

Yes, exactly. And if we missed your favorite moment, you can let us know. And then I'll maybe put together seven moments and post them on our Instagram on the day of our actual anniversary.

[Adol]

So that was like seven moments in heaven.

[Aaron]

Exactly.

[Anthony]

Amazed that I'm insane and you're all my puppets didn't make it.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Adol]

That's disgusting. That. That didn't make it.

[JPC]

I mean, I have a lot of favorite moments. Eren too. That didn't make it.

[Aaron]

You guys were coming in and out of me.

[JPC]

Jpc. What's that?

[Aaron]

Jpc.

[JPC]

I just. I mean, again, I don't need to go through all of my favorite moments, but just, I mean, you know, I.

[Aaron]

Play one of yours.

[JPC]

Mine aren't funny, you know. Okay, here's one of mine.

[Aaron]

I am having a ton of sex. All right, we're gonna go on a quick break, and I know we didn't do any riddles, but we will after the break.

[JPC]

Whoops.

[Aaron]

And we'll be back with riddles.

[Adol]

My name is Pronto and I'm from Toronto.

[Aaron]

That's something.

[JPC]

Suck the devil's butt in hell. Aaron.

[Adol]

Jpc. Aaron. I found it.

[JPC]

Oh, what did you find?

[Adol]

I found banking. Found banking. You know how. Hey, Riddle Rural itself is a small business.

[Aaron]

Yes, of course.

[JPC]

There are no small businesses. Just little small minds. Aww. Ignorant people.

[Adol]

As a small business owner, the three of us, I really relate to the struggle of managing our finances while trying to grow our business. After all, who has time to like, plant the riddle seeds and then water those or however that works? That's why we started using Found. Found is a business banking platform that has made everything about managing our business finances easy. From automatically tracking expenses to helping manage invoices to find write offs.

[Aaron]

Mm, yeah.

[JPC]

You can even set aside money for different business goals and control spending with virtual cards. Found consolidates your financial ecosystem for you and frees up your time so you can focus on growing your business. Does anyone have any good riddle ideas to grow the business?

[Adol]

More riddles.

[Aaron]

What goes in? What goes in there? Oh, and by the way, other small businesses are loving Found too. This Found user said Found is going to save me so much headache. It makes everything so much easier. Expenses, incomes, profits, taxes and all. Caps, invoices, even. And found has 30,000 five star reviews just like this.

[JPC]

So open a Found account for free at found. F O-U-N-D.com Riddle Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Piermont bank member fdic. Join thousands of small business owners who have streamlined their finances with Found Guys.

[Adol]

I put all our riddles in a savings account. I'm just waiting to see what happens to see if it accrues.

[Aaron]

Oh, I put a lot of them in the ground too. Oh, we'll see what grows faster.

[Adol]

Open a Found account for [e-mail] Riddle.

[JPC]

This is an ad by BetterHelp.

[Adol]

So what you'll do is take the bread and then add some butter. And the butter will help. The butter will help sort of make the bread more delectable. Make it.

[Aaron]

Oh, this reminds me. Sorry. I love this cooking class.

[JPC]

I thought this was a silent cooking class. I'm not sure why.

[Adol]

Ms. Keefe, do you have something to share with the class?

[Aaron]

Yes. I wanted to talk about my incredible experience with Better Help. It is online therapy that has been helping me so much deal with workplace stress and just the general stress of my life.

[Adol]

That sounds mentally delicious.

[Aaron]

Mm. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

[Adol]

It's convenient too, I might add. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus switch therapists at any time. Not like with cooking.

[JPC]

And BetterHelp works with an app store rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Honestly, baking bread as, like, therapeutic as it is. And it's like, nice to, like, do an activity that you're doing, like, repetitive over the same. It's just not as good as, like, you know, talking to a person about the things that are going. That's why online therapy works really well for me. And like, baking bread doesn't necessarily do that same thing.

[Aaron]

Yeah, it's helpful being able to message your counselor anytime. It's just, it's good for your mental health. I'm covered in flour. I don't know when this happened.

[Adol]

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Unwind from work with BetterHelp, our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com Riddle that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com Riddle Take it from me Julia teenager. Yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, okay. I gotta get out of this class.

[Adol]

Julia adult.

[JPC]

There it is.

[E]

Remember when going outside meant just exercising. Not anymore. Now it's about catching dragons in your backyard, finding dinosaurs in the park, or battling magical creatures at the bus stop. This summer, dive into augmented reality games like Pokemon Go, Monster Hunter now. And Jurassic World Alive. These iPhone games bring the action right to your world. But the adventure doesn't stop there. Keep the excitement of summer blockbusters going with games that bring big screen thrills to your phone. From F1 clash to DC worlds collide experience movie magic in the palm of your hand. And for RPG fans, some of your favorite games are launching seriously cool events. Whether it's Diablo Immortal, Dragon Ball Legends, or Marvel Strike Force, there's an epic quest waiting for you. Discover these games and more on the App Store. Download them today and turn your summer into an unforgettable adventure.

[Anthony]

You guys have said Dodge Durango many times on your show. There's like, seven different uses of it.

[Aaron]

That's so upsetting. That's so upsetting. Anthony. That's the worst news I've ever heard.

[Adol]

How many times have they said Toyota Tercel?

[Anthony]

Let me check.

[JPC]

Everybody's just going on which riddle? Riddle right now and typing in Toyota Tercel. Come on, come on.

[Adol]

We should see, like, what, 10 words we've said the most that aren't like, the.

[JPC]

Or.

[Adol]

It.

[Aaron]

It's gotta be piss, right?

[Adol]

Piss. Come. Shit.

[Aaron]

Casey, clip that. Any Toyota Tercel.

[JPC]

Oh, man. Casey. It's a lot. It's a lot.

[Anthony]

It's a lot.

[Aaron]

I'm going to start saying Toyota Tercel at the end of episodes.

[JPC]

Good, good, good.

[Adol]

I got to include it in this episode now.

[Aaron]

All right, I'm ready to come back. All right, everybody, sentimentalness over. I'm done with that stuff except this next kind of thing. Oh, well, okay, these are some. This is a riddle from Sophia, and I wanted to read this one because of. I think this email is a good indication of how long our show has been going. So Sophia says, huge fan of your work. Been listening since, like, freshman year of high school, and now I'm going into my senior year of college. Isn't that crazy? Thank you for being such a weirdly integral part of my adulthood. The sound that you guys both made together, that was really funny. That being said. That being said, I'm sending this riddle in hesitancy because I'm not entirely sure if you've ever covered it. I've been listening for so long, I feel like I should know, but I don't, and I'm terribly ashamed of that, but I don't want to re. Listen to the entire podcast again to find out. Anyways, this riddle was written by an English bishop named Samuel Wilberforce in the 19th century and is considered unsolvable due to the fact that he died before he ever gave the answer to it. What's funny, Adolf? A man dying.

[Adol]

Well, a bishop died, to be clear. Wait, any man of the cloth dying is funny?

[JPC]

I got a fucking. Wait. Did it say what year this was?

[Aaron]

19Th century.

[Adol]

19Th century.

[JPC]

So it's the 19th century, and he died before he ever gave the answer to it.

[Adol]

Aaron, did they check his pockets?

[JPC]

Yeah, but also, like, who is the.

[Aaron]

Yeah, they took the loose change that was in his pocket.

[JPC]

How long was. Did he. Did he just have this riddle? He said the riddle, and then how long did he sit on the answer? Part of it? Like, I think he just.

[Aaron]

What it makes it sound like is he was writing the riddle, and then he went, got it.

[Adol]

Okay, Aaron, can I posit an alternative? Take.

[Aaron]

Of course.

[Adol]

He put forward the riddle and was immediately stabbed to death.

[Aaron]

Yeah, that makes the most sense.

[JPC]

I was thinking. I was thinking, like, he was at, like, a dinner party on, like, you know, like, maybe it's like he's at a. He's at a castle. He's on, like, a parapet or something, and he's like, oh, I've got a real riddle for you. A real stumper. And he's a little drunk. He says the riddle, and then he just kind of like, backs up, falls right over the side, you know, completely obliterates himself. And people are like, fuck, that's an unsolvable. And also, I wouldn't call it unsolvable. I would just call it incomplete.

[Aaron]

Well, let me read this to you because it might change your mind.

[Adol]

We might get it.

[Aaron]

In my mind, this is like the riddle of all time. So I feel like you have to address it at some point if you have not already. The worst thing about it is not that there is no given answer, but that we have no way of knowing if he actually had an answer in mind to begin with. Samuel Wilberforce was apparently kind of a silly, goofy guy, and people speculate that this was just a big prank and one of those nonsense riddles with no real answer. It's also entirely possible that it was written with a correct answer in mind, though I believe that it was and it is solvable. We just can't confirm what the solution is. Here is the actual riddle, and then there's also a Reddit thread of people guessing what the riddle is that I'll read you some of those.

[JPC]

Okay, Are you ready? Also, when someone's like, it's a 19th century clergyman, and someone's like, he was silly and goofy, I'm like, he was gay. He was just gay, and he just couldn't be that. So.

[Aaron]

And I'm actually glad that we have Anthony here, because I feel like we really need some more brain power than we usually run on, which is a lot. I say to you now have a.

[Anthony]

Second brain cell to work with.

[Aaron]

Exactly, my friends, that I'm getting closer and closer with over the last seven years, famously. Guys, Adol. Adol, take my hand. I'm the sweetest of sounds in orchestra heard yet an orchestra never was seen. I'm a bird of gay plumage yet less like a bird Nothing ever in nature was seen. Touch the earth I expire, in water I die and air I lose breath yet can swim and can fly. Darkness destroys me and light in my death and I only keep going by holding my breath. If my name can't be guessed by a boy or a man, by a woman or girl, it certainly can.

[Anthony]

What an asshole.

[JPC]

Yeah. Yeah, I could do this.

[Anthony]

I could, like, say a crazy bullshit thing and then fucking off myself and, like, surprise, bitches. That's what you remember of me. I'm now in the history books for good because I did a bullshit thing.

[JPC]

This sounds like. Remember when Luke Noel came on the show and he just read us a riddle and we, like, tried to guess at it for a little while and he was like, I just made that one up. It's just nonsense.

[Aaron]

That was. That was the best. That might be my favorite moment in the show because that's the first time a guest has gotten blood on their hands, too, in the same way we do. Like, they. That is the first time someone was like, you know what? I fucking know exactly what this show is.

[Adol]

It does feel like this is like this man got mold in his brain and he wrote this and everyone was like, what a genius. This uncrackable riddle. But it truly does feel like the rantings of a dying man.

[Anthony]

He was calling for the barber, for sure.

[Adol]

I mean, the answer could be God in terms of. In God, all things are possible, which is probably what he believed.

[Aaron]

The three answers that people have been giving are whale, a painting comet, but what do you guys think it is?

[Adol]

A painting comet, and Aaron. Those are all three teams you were on at IO?

[Aaron]

Yeah, those are all my Herald team names.

[Adol]

Whale A painting comet.

[JPC]

So what was the thing? A man or a boy can't guess it, but a woman or a girl can.

[Aaron]

If my name can't be guessed by a boy or a man by a woman or girl, it certainly can.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron]

I feel like there isn't an answer to this.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah.

[Anthony]

This is bullshit.

[Aaron]

Okay, well, I would like to see a seed. Jpc, you are Samuel. You're the guy who wrote this riddle.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron]

And Anthony and Adol, you are the other bishops. And he's about to, like, walk up to you and you're kind of tired of his bullshit.

[Adol]

Oh, shit, here he comes. Quick, quick, quick, quick. Come on, let's go, let's go. Let's go. Down the hall, down the hall.

[JPC]

Oh, I'm just out for one of my early morning silly walks.

[Adol]

Yes. Moving diagonally as always.

[JPC]

Yes.

[Adol]

What? What?

[JPC]

Good morrow, brothers.

[Adol]

Goodmorrow, brother. What's the word?

[Anthony]

Your accent.

[JPC]

What's the word? Interesting. What's the word? Are you trying to guess the word that I'm. I don't know, king of?

[Anthony]

No, just thinking of a word.

[JPC]

What lives in a puddle but never gets wet? What's baked in a loaf but never gets wet? What's moist in the middle and hard on the side and covered in gravy? But beware, there's a.

[Adol]

Brother. Brother Withersforce. Last week, when that gargoyle fell off the church onto your head, we all thought you were dead. You.

[JPC]

Oh, rhyme.

[Adol]

Yeah, I didn't mean to.

[JPC]

I guess I'm rubbing off on you.

[Adol]

Come on. Hey, come on. We're all wearing mole hair. That's wildly uncomfortable to do that.

[JPC]

Yes.

[Anthony]

You're also still bleeding from your head. We told you to stay with the barber. I don't know why you're out of bed.

[Aaron]

Oh, shit.

[Adol]

You rhyme too.

[Anthony]

Shit, I rhyme too.

[Aaron]

Shit.

[JPC]

Fuck. I guess I'm rubbing off on all of the brothers of this order.

[Anthony]

Hey, do you think he might be gay?

[Aaron]

See?

[Adol]

Hey, we're all gay. Hey, man, we're all.

[JPC]

We're all gay.

[Anthony]

I don't know why you're being weird about it.

[Aaron]

I also am amazed that we haven't had anyone send that in before. Or done that one before.

[Adol]

Yeah, if it's such a famous one.

[Anthony]

I think they respected you too much.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Did you say where he was from?

[Aaron]

Let me look.

[JPC]

I don't think I did, but by my ex.

[Aaron]

English? Yes. Written by an English bishop.

[JPC]

I thought you said Indianapolis, circa 1988. I was like, okay, got this. Perfect. I could definitely do this.

[Aaron]

All right.

[JPC]

20Th century. Fuck.

[Aaron]

Also, while you guys were doing that scene, I got another message about a favorite moment of all time, and it's when ADOL and JPC were chickens, and ADOL did a chicken voice and JPC did a regular voice. If you guys remember that, that. That my favorite.

[JPC]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't say chicken voice and regular voice. Okay? Fucking. How normative are you?

[Aaron]

Okay? He was like, I got a big cock. You're right. That is normal.

[JPC]

Oh, you know what? Somebody animated that. Somebody animated that scene too.

[Adol]

Oh, really?

[JPC]

Yeah. That was a very fun one.

[Anthony]

Oh, it was Ghost and horse.

[JPC]

Ghost and horse. Thank you.

[Aaron]

All right, these are from Eli, and they are movie mashup riddles. And so I'm just gonna basically read a description, and it's gon to be two movie titles that fit together because they share a word or a syllable or whatever.

[Adol]

Very quickly. Speaking of, I feel like of all the riddles we've done, some of my favorite were when Anthony came on. I don't know if Anthony was hosting or he just brought something.

[Aaron]

I think we just read some of his riddles that he submitted. Yeah.

[Adol]

Oh, he just submitted them.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol]

But the ones where it's like you have a bookends and you have to kind of fill in the middle, I thought was some of my favorite.

[Anthony]

I'm glad you like those.

[Aaron]

Agreed. And then, Anthony, we've had a lot of people send those in since, like, you've inspired people to write their own. It's really nice.

[Anthony]

I should have come up with a snappy name for them.

[JPC]

They haven't been as good as yours.

[Anthony]

Oh, that's what matters.

[JPC]

Just so you know.

[Adol]

And we'll. We'll forward you the emails if you want to press.

[Anthony]

Oh, yeah, so I can have something to masturbate to?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Wait, what?

[Aaron]

Sex pests. Sex pests. Sex pests. Don't, Katie, don't clip that. I'm so paranoid all the time now. I used to be free on this show, and now I'm looking over my.

[JPC]

Shoulder because you still do it. You still chant sex fests.

[Aaron]

I am having a ton of sex, though. I gave that one up for free. That one wasn't the soundboard. I'm taking the power back.

[JPC]

Don't give me soundboard clips that I've already got.

[Anthony]

Surf's up my guy. 100%.

[JPC]

What the fuck am I supposed to.

[Aaron]

You have no power here.

[JPC]

And Casey, go ahead and see if the Tolkien estate will give us access to that one. I would love if we could do that.

[Aaron]

All right, here we go. Let's fly away to a fantastic place where we'll never have to grow up or face the traumatic reality of growing up during the Spanish Civil War. Either way, we're going to need some pixie dust. Or a fairy.

[Adol]

Peter Pan's Labyrinth.

[Aaron]

Yes. Adol. Yes. Adol.

[JPC]

I forgot that there was a movie called Peter Pan. And I was like, okay, so this is Hook. But I'm like, I don't think so.

[Aaron]

I would like to see a scene. Hmm, what do I want to see? Adol. You are Peter Pants. Yeah. Adol. You're Peter Pan.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Gpc. You're Captain Hook. And, Anthony, if you want to come in as Smee, you can. And you guys are just trying to sit down and find some common ground.

[Adol]

Hmm?

[JPC]

Look, I'll level with you. You can't kill me, I can't kill you. We've tried a thousand times before. It's just not happening.

[Adol]

That's fair. But as long as you stand in the way of children.

[JPC]

I intend to keep doing so. You know, maybe where this relationship between the two of us should. We should do a different. Different tact. We try a different angle on it.

[Adol]

I'm listening. Also, mind you, reaches into my pocket. Tinkerbell is here. Tinkerbell, announce yourself.

[JPC]

Coughing up a lot of pocket light.

[Aaron]

Oh, God, my wings are crushed as shit. Can't fly. Fucking Peter. Fuck.

[Adol]

Oh, cuz we don't believe. Everyone, clap your hands.

[Aaron]

You shoved me in your pocket three weeks ago and forgot I was there. Fuck.

[Adol]

Oh. Were you in the dryer?

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Adol]

I put you through the. Oh, I am so sorry.

[JPC]

We have this, like, antagonistic relationship, and I'm wondering maybe we could, you know, pivot, transition it into more like a romantic relationship. I don't know if that's doing anything for you.

[Aaron]

What about your boyfriend? Smee?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

I thought you and Smee were married.

[Anthony]

You slut. I have been waiting behind that barrel for you to reveal the true self. I thought I'd seen your true self when you took off the hook and I licked the stump. But now I know what's really underneath that.

[JPC]

Oh, Smee. Hey, buddy. No, no.

[Aaron]

Tinkerbell starts to float again.

[JPC]

When did you get back from the store? No.

[Anthony]

Yeah, I didn't even go to the store.

[JPC]

What the. We need peanut butter.

[Anthony]

I actually should go to the store. I'm sorry. I will, I will.

[Adol]

Can I recommend a brand?

[Anthony]

Kiss Kiss.

[Aaron]

Okay, here we go. This one might be kind of hard, but maybe not all my fairy tale dreams are coming True. In real life, this superhero suit has prominent nipples.

[Anthony]

Batman or Robin?

[Adol]

That's gotta be a Batman, Robin, George Clooney suit.

[Aaron]

Well, there's a Batman. It's one of the Batmans.

[Adol]

Batman Forever.

[Aaron]

Yep.

[JPC]

It's Batman Forever.

[Adol]

Batman Forever.

[Anthony]

That one didn't have nipples. An inaccurate riddle.

[Aaron]

That one didn't have nipples.

[Adol]

No.

[Aaron]

Oh, well, I'm okay. You gotta know that person.

[Anthony]

Tell them they're a fucking idiot.

[JPC]

Because it was Batman. Anthony C. I'm saying the quality of these went way down when you stopped sitting at them. Cause I had that. That poster. It was Batman and Robin had the nipples. Right?

[Anthony]

Yep.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Batman and Robin.

[Aaron]

Say it again. Sex pests.

[Anthony]

I was a child and he was George Clooney.

[JPC]

Batman and Robin was the one with. Is that. Yeah. With Chris Odal. Yes. But was that with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma Thurman?

[Anthony]

Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

And then it was. Val Kilmer had Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey.

[Anthony]

Yep.

[JPC]

Earlier today, I said ice to meet you. So. Not that that movie lives large in my mind, but I do love. I do love Mr. Freeze's ice puns in that movie.

[Aaron]

Adel, you did get it right. It is Batman Forever after.

[JPC]

Forever after. Forever after.

[Aaron]

To suck your blood and dance with Emma Stone.

[Adol]

Mmm.

[Anthony]

Dracula land.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Adol]

Very nice.

[Aaron]

I do think that movie would be improved if Ryan Gosling was a vampire in that movie.

[Adol]

That would be Dracula invented. Jazz.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[JPC]

Wow. I was thinking of crazy stupid love, so I was thinking of a different Ryan Gosling. Emma Stone movie.

[Aaron]

Oh, abandoned.

[JPC]

They got chemistry.

[Aaron]

They do. You can't deny it.

[JPC]

Can't deny it.

[Aaron]

Merry men find some drug money in the desert, then prance and dance and thing themselves away from a disturbing coin flipping man.

[JPC]

City slickers, too.

[Anthony]

This is the country for old men in tights.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[JPC]

Nice.

[Aaron]

Fast. He's fast. I love. That's my favorite one. Jesus.

[JPC]

We gotta get this guy on blank check. Anthony, have you ever done blank check?

[Anthony]

No, it's blank check. Other than the movie where that kid tries to fuck a grown woman.

[Aaron]

Yo, can we talk about that for a second? I watched that movie during the pandemic.

[Anthony]

I'm the sex pest Era, me.

[Aaron]

I'm the sex pest. I watched that movie in the pandemic. It was in complete and total disbelief. What in the actual fuck can someone. I'm upset.

[Anthony]

And that guy, the guy who wrote that is the guy who writes, like, the screenwriting bible that everybody who wants to be a screenwriter fucking picks up. Save the cat William Goldberg, you too can write a story about a young kid getting a million dollars and trying to use it to buy a woman.

[JPC]

In fairness, in the first draft, he was trying to fuck Tone Loke. They had to pivot.

[Aaron]

Here we go. I'm never traveling again. First, I got accosted on my flight by these motherfucking slithering serpents. Then I had to endure a road trip with an insufferable curtain ring salesman.

[Adol]

Planes, trains, snakes on a plane. Trains and animals.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I see dead people. And probably Kirsten Dunst. I just assume she's in all these period pieces. Nope.

[Anthony]

Sense and Sensibility.

[Aaron]

Nope. It's Kate then.

[Anthony]

She is not in that.

[Aaron]

It's Kate Winslet.

[Adol]

Yes, I do want to see the scene.

[Aaron]

Sure.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Anthony, I'd like you to be like a little kid a la Sixth Sense, a Haley Jewel Osment type. And Aaron, I want you to be like a Victorian ghost who is just looking for someone to kind of hang out with.

[Aaron]

Psst.

[Anthony]

Please.

[JPC]

Oh, God, not again.

[Aaron]

Hi. Hi. Hi. Can you put something on the tv? Is that what they're called? This is awesome.

[Anthony]

I'll put on a horror movie, maybe. Is that something that would be appealing to you?

[Aaron]

Truly? Anything. I like the lights and colors coming out of the box. This is so cool. You know, we just had, like, candles and books and stuff.

[Anthony]

Could you put your head, like, back onto your neck or are you just gonna keep holding it out while you talk to people?

[Aaron]

I can't. I can't. I have to hold it.

[JPC]

Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir.

[Anthony]

Yes, dad, you don't have to call me sir.

[JPC]

How much longer are you going to be in the bathroom? See, it's been 40 minutes and the shower's on.

[Aaron]

Be perfect. That. Oh, what a good way to celebrate seven years.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

What a good way.

[Anthony]

That is exactly inviting me to ruin all your improv scenes because I don't know how to do improv.

[Aaron]

That's how we've been that. That is exactly how we've been doing improv this whole time.

[JPC]

Anthony learned how to do improv by listening to four seasons of this show.

[Anthony]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Never self taught.

[Aaron]

Yesterday I had the show Quality Time. I host in Los Angeles. I had that. And a sweet listener of the show. He is on a college improv team and he started listening to us when he was a freshman in high school. And I was like, I wanted to ask. I was like, have we ruined us? Being people's introduction into improv makes me feel nervous.

[JPC]

Yeah, that's Fox. Because I started improv When I was a freshman in high school and I had like, Colin Mochery and Ryan Stiles.

[Aaron]

Were like, incredible improvising.

[JPC]

Look, that's the other.

[Aaron]

I'm in love with a fish man. And all these.

[Adol]

Aaron, no.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I am. Is that okay?

[JPC]

Is that okay?

[Aaron]

Is that okay? I'm in love with a fishman. And all these poor rabbits are dying.

[Adol]

The shape of Watership Down.

[Aaron]

A relatively small number of shirtless, oiled up Greek men go to slow motion war to save relatively large number to save a relatively large number of precious pups from being turned into fabulous furs.

[Adol]

301 Dalmatians.

[Aaron]

Yeah, 300. This is Cruella. I like that one.

[JPC]

Dalmatians is just like. How many sequels have we done to this fucking movie that were at 301.

[Adol]

Kick a dog down the well.

[Aaron]

Um, I'm just having. Adel, you said that as sort of an aside, but now that's sort of the image in my brain. Hark. Willem Dafoe unleashes the perfect monologue while Paris Hilton tries to run away from Madame Tussauds.

[Adol]

House of Wax.

[Anthony]

Lighthouse of Wax.

[Aaron]

Yes, Lighthouse.

[Adol]

Yes, yes, yes.

[JPC]

Lighthouse of Wax.

[Aaron]

Incredible. I'd like to see a scene.

[JPC]

I was going to say lighthouse. One night in Paris.

[Adol]

The second movie she was in.

[JPC]

Holy shit.

[Anthony]

I haven't thought about that since at least this week.

[Adol]

Lighthouse bunnies.

[Aaron]

That was shot in, right?

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah.

[Anthony]

She did some good slurs in that one. It was a real treasure. If you got off. Kaza.

[Aaron]

Kaza.

[JPC]

Arin. You remember on sex tape, right?

[Aaron]

No, that didn't cross my desk, if you can believe it.

[JPC]

You were banging on that thing, asking for pictures of Spider was like, I have this. And you're like spider Man.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Can I see a scene? JPC and Anthony, you are two old men who have been living in the lighthouse together for quite some time.

[Anthony]

So I'm getting the feeling that you might be gay.

[JPC]

Well, I've never really even considered it before.

[Anthony]

Maybe I'm just expressing wishful thinking.

[JPC]

No, I kind of always thought of myself as more of an asexual type, seeing as we've lived in this lighthouse for six decades and we've kind of never. Yeah, you know, I could be.

[Anthony]

Not for lack of trying on my part. Have you been missing my signals that I've been sending you from the lighthouse that say fuck me raw in Morse code?

[JPC]

That's why all of those horny ships have been horseshoes.

[Anthony]

That's why the horny ships are so.

[JPC]

Oh, we're the worst lighthouse in this whole coastline. We've killed so many sailors. Yeah.

[Anthony]

We're kind of like the sirens.

[JPC]

Oh, my God. Looking down at my body. Perfect breasts, fish tail. I think we might be sirens. Are sirens mermaids?

[Anthony]

I don't think so. I think we're just hot and we hang out on rocks.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Anthony]

Oh, hey, look, I'm swimming.

[Aaron]

Yoo hoo.

[JPC]

Hello.

[Aaron]

Oh, my God.

[Adol]

We're here to be fucked.

[Anthony]

Rock It's a siren cruise.

[Aaron]

Sex pest. Sex pest.

[Adol]

Pest sex.

[Anthony]

Horatio Sands is piloting the boat.

[JPC]

Horatio Sands cruise.

[Adol]

One of the sirens does the Mariah Carey. The six octave.

[JPC]

Sirens are just. Sirens are just ladies, right? They're not. They're not.

[Aaron]

Hold on, hold on.

[JPC]

I thought that they were kind of fish as well.

[Anthony]

They hang out in the water for suresies.

[Adol]

They're creatures who lure men to their deaths.

[JPC]

But they're on the wrong side.

[Aaron]

Women with bird like features.

[JPC]

Fuck, you're right, they're birds.

[Aaron]

Lower body of a bird. That's hilarious. Or sometimes a fishtail. You're right. But they're like women birds. They're ladybirds.

[Adol]

Mermaid harpy ladybirds.

[Anthony]

They all look like Saoirse Ronan or Lori Metcalf.

[Aaron]

And then I think that their appearances change when you get closer. So maybe they look more like ladies when you're far away.

[Anthony]

That's true of, like, most people.

[Aaron]

Yeah, No, I look the same from space as I do.

[Adol]

I mean, that's what happened with manatees, where they're like a mermaid, a beautiful woman. And then they got closer and they're like, yep, I fucked a beautiful woman.

[Aaron]

I think about that all the time, how these sailors are definitely having sex with, like, manatees. And it makes me. I wish I could unknow it. You know what I mean?

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Anthony]

And say that you're being judgy about people who want to have sex with manatees.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

My big thing is I like to share. I think that there must have been.

[Adol]

A time in history before corrective lenses. So I think a lot of people were just like, I think that's a. I think that's a topless woman in the water waving to me.

[Aaron]

Yeah. And then the manatees smoking a cigarette go, yeah. Topless woman. That's a callback too. The Zeus joke.

[JPC]

When you're on a boat and you're in your manatee at that point, why don't you just be like, I'm just gonna. Jeff here on the boat.

[Anthony]

That's a bunch of men afraid of their sexual.

[Aaron]

Can you imagine how much that would hurt your feelings if you're on a boat with people for years and years.

[JPC]

And they see a man just as horny as you. Right?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Fish in the water.

[Aaron]

No, I just. I felt like you and I didn't really have much chemistry.

[JPC]

Or chemistry.

[Adol]

What's that?

[JPC]

You fucked a fish.

[Aaron]

Anyways, Eddie, what are we going to plug that isn't our new podcast? Cum Shoes. And I'm sorry, Gum Shoes and Dragons.

[JPC]

I think we should be exclusively. We shouldn't waste our plugs this week on anything else but Cum Shoes and Dragons, because that. It's. Hey, look, it's a lot of fun. The podcast is awesome. We've recorded like seven episodes.

[Aaron]

Janet's on one. You got some Dungeons and Daddies crew on. It's a blast, guys.

[JPC]

It's fun. All the guests are fun. Anthony does a great job. He kills it as the gm. We kill it as clueless, clueless idiots, which is what we play best.

[Adol]

We do an episode called Moats and Mommies.

[Aaron]

I want to say, have you guys done Moats and Mommies yet?

[Anthony]

Anthony, we talked about something along those. It was mazes and mothers.

[JPC]

Ooh.

[Anthony]

I think we recorded a test episode for a long time ago, but women aren't funny, so we didn't do it.

[Aaron]

That is such a good point. I forgot. I always forget. Why am I here? But please give it a shot. If you're a fan of any of.

[JPC]

This because you're not a woman, look down. It's all bird and fish down there.

[Aaron]

I knew it. That explains so much.

[JPC]

Okay. Anthony and I are the same guys, so we just don't. We can't.

[Aaron]

We shouldn't be redundant having you guys.

[Anthony]

If we ever touch. It'll be like Time Cop in the fucking.

[JPC]

Casey.

[Adol]

Just combine their audio.

[Aaron]

If you're a fan of Anthony or you like our stuff, or even Casey Tony's sweet, sweet editing skills, please give it a shot. I'm proud of it. I think it's great. And we'd be really happy and grateful if you looked into it and like.

[JPC]

And subscribe. Do those things as well with the likes and the subscribes because that's also important to do.

[Anthony]

Tell your friends. That's probably the biggest thing.

[Adol]

Tell your friends. Gumshoes and Dragons.

[Aaron]

And I want to say I'm really, really grateful for seven years of this podcast with you guys. Also, Anthony, again, someone who doesn't love compliments.

[Anthony]

I'm not in. I'm not part of this. Don't address me.

[JPC]

You're roping Anthony into it.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

I didn't listen to the show at.

[Aaron]

One point, Anthony, you listened to our show and then you brought us on as guests on Dungeons and Daddies. And I think truly a third of our episodes, or our episodes, a third of our listeners have come from that episode.

[JPC]

A third of our episodes, too.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

You haven't listened to a lot of times.

[Anthony]

You're telling me you owe me money. That's what you're saying.

[Aaron]

I did. I said something like. But all I'm just saying is I'm grateful this. I'm very grateful for this. And I'm grateful for everyone who's been listening since the beginning. And I'm sorry if we've caused you any sort of brain damage. I apologize. But thanks, guys, for adl. Thank you for asking me to do the show. And jpc, Adel, Anthony, thanks for everything.

[Adol]

Two more years. Two more years. Two more years.

[JPC]

Yeah. This is reliably the highlight of my week. And speaking of highlights of your week, if you're listening to this on the day that it comes out on the 30th of July. Hey, Riddle. Riddle has a show in Los Angeles this Friday on Friday the 1st. But also we're doing a live stream of that show. So if you want to get a ticket to the live stream, do it before the show starts and you can watch it for up to a week after I think that that live stream or the show ends. But it's the only live stream that we're doing as part of this tour. So if you're not on any of our other tour stops, go to haywardivertle.com live, click the link for the livestream for the LA show and you can get a ticket to the livestream.

[Anthony]

As someone who's not on this show and doesn't know any of these people really, I would highly recommend doing it. I think maybe the hardest I've ever laughed in a public venue was at the last. Hey, road over to live show. I went to with Hard quiz.

[JPC]

Yeah, okay. Hard Quiz. That was fun.

[Aaron]

That's a highlight for me for sure.

[JPC]

Yeah. And more people would have listed that if it hadn't been a live show that only a few people saw. And I think we never released the Patreon or the.

[Aaron]

The clip of. It's on our Instagram.

[Anthony]

The clips of that and heartbreak was also extremely fucking funny on your Insta, I think.

[JPC]

There you go. There you go. That's the best promo for our live show that I've ever heard.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Well, thanks, guys. Jupiter.

[Anthony]

Hey, why do you say Jupiter at the end of episodes like why do you say a planet?

[JPC]

Casey, cut it.

[Aaron]

Casey, cut that.

[JPC]

Cut that out.

[Aaron]

Toyota Tercell and John Patrick Cohen.

[JPC]

Casey. Tony did the editing. Logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emeline Morris.

[Anthony]

Genuinely though, I do want to know.

[JPC]

You could look at. You could search Jupiter on which riddle riddle. But you'd get one every single episode.

[Adol]

Sort my oldest.

[JPC]

Hey there chats and cats. If you like that, you are gonna love this week's Patreon. It's another ch ch ch Chatterbox where we're answering your questions. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com heyrurdlevertle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron]

That was a Hitgum podcast.