#368: Swan Dong w/ Josh Gondelman!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Hey Riddle Riddle #368: Swan Dong w/ Josh Gondelman

Host/Author: Headgum
Release Date: August 6, 2025

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Guests:

• Josh Gondelman: Comedian and guest of the episode

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1. Welcome and Introduction (00:01 - 05:31)

The episode opens with the hosts, Aaron Keefe, Adal Rifai, and John Patrick Coan (JPC), engaging in light-hearted banter about a decision Aaron made regarding microdosing psilocybin. They briefly discuss Schedule 35, a Canadian-based startup offering psilocybin products, highlighting its benefits and encouraging listeners to visit their website with a discount code. This segment serves as a sponsored introduction, setting a playful tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

• Aaron Keefe (00:25): "Schedule 35 is fantastic. It's the smartest decision you've ever made."

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2. Substitute Teacher Skit (02:01 - 05:31)

The hosts perform an improvisational skit where JPC adopts the role of a substitute teacher with a real mustache, attempting to manage a class filled with quirky students portrayed by Aaron and Adal. The skit humorously showcases their improvisational skills, emphasizing their ability to create engaging and entertaining scenarios spontaneously.

Notable Quote:

• JPC (02:45): "I am not your regular teacher. I have a real mustache. Find your seat."

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3. Welcoming Josh Gondelman (05:31 - 10:17)

Josh Gondelman joins the podcast, and the hosts warmly welcome him back, reminiscing about their previous interactions, including a live show in New York and a recent cruise together. They express genuine admiration for Josh’s comedic talent and discuss his upcoming stand-up special.

Notable Quote:

• Josh Gondelman (05:42): "The last time I recorded with you all was one of my favorite, most fun podcast recording experiences ever."

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4. Friendship and Shared Experiences (10:17 - 19:44)

The conversation delves into the hosts' friendship with Josh, highlighting memorable moments such as their first escape room experience in New York. Josh shares how the hosts' expertise in puzzles and riddles enhanced the experience, making it both enjoyable and challenging. They also discuss Josh’s passion for Massachusetts, reflecting on his deep connection to his hometown despite living in New York and frequently traveling.

Notable Quote:

• Josh Gondelman (09:28): "My number one hobby in the world is going somewhere far from Massachusetts and then talking to other people from Massachusetts."

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5. Riddles and Trios Segment (19:44 - 43:53)

Adal introduces the "trios" segment, where one host lists three items, and the others must determine their common link. This segment highlights their quick thinking and playful competition.

Example Riddle:

• Adol Refai (14:18): "Travis Barker, Mark Hoppus, and Tom Delonge. What do they have in common?"
• JPC (14:57): "I think they all have an 'X'."

The segment includes various humorous and challenging riddles, fostering an engaging and interactive atmosphere.

Notable Quote:

• JPC (14:57): "They all have an 'X'. X always means 10x's."

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6. Sponsored Segments and Advertisements (Skipped)

Per the summary guidelines, advertisements and sponsored segments, including those for Schedule 35, Quince, and Acorns Early, are omitted to focus on the core content of the podcast.

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7. Improv Skits and Comedy Scenes (43:53 - 68:31)

The hosts and Josh partake in creative improvisational skits, including scenes where JPC portrays historical figures like Abraham Lincoln in a diner and Greek gods inventing belts. These sketches showcase their comedic timing and ability to weave humor into various scenarios seamlessly.

Notable Quotes:

• JPC (43:40): "I'm president of the good part of America."
• Josh Gondelman (62:59): "They all have sacks. God, you got to imagine Santa Claus would go all pro."

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8. Promoting Josh Gondelman's Work (68:31 - 73:21)

Josh takes the opportunity to promote his latest stand-up special, tour dates, newsletter, and his wife's book. The hosts reciprocate by expressing their admiration for Josh’s work and encouraging listeners to check out his projects.

Notable Quote:

• Josh Gondelman (69:16): "Highly, highly recommend positive reinforcement on YouTube. It's at the Bell House, which is one of our favorite venues."

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9. Final Skits and Closing (73:21 - 72:17)

The episode concludes with additional improvisational scenes and humorous interactions among the hosts and Josh. They wrap up by thanking listeners and promoting their Patreon for bonus content, maintaining the episode’s entertaining and engaging tone until the end.

Notable Quote:

• JPC (73:21): "This show might mildly ruin your life. I can't recommend it highly enough."

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Insights and Highlights:

• Friendship and Collaboration: The deep camaraderie among the hosts and Josh Gondelman is evident, fostering a warm and inviting atmosphere for listeners.

• Improvisational Skills: The seamless integration of skits and improvisational comedy demonstrates the hosts' prowess in creating spontaneous and entertaining content.

• Engaging Content: The "trios" riddles segment adds an interactive layer, engaging both the participants and the audience in solving puzzles and enjoying the playful competition.

• Promotion of Comedy and Creativity: Josh Gondelman's promotion of his work underscores the podcast's role in supporting fellow comedians and creatives.

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Conclusion:

Episode #368 of Hey Riddle Riddle successfully blends improvisational comedy, engaging riddles, and heartfelt conversations with Josh Gondelman. The hosts' dynamic interaction and Josh’s contributions create a rich and entertaining listening experience, making it a must-listen for fans of comedy and puzzles alike.

Recommended For: Those who enjoy a mix of humor, improvisation, and light-hearted discussions with a focus on friendship and creative collaboration.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content segments have been omitted to maintain focus on the episode's primary discussions and entertaining elements.

Transcript

[Aaron Keefe]

This is a headgun podcast. I think you guys will be proud of me. I was going to get some shrooms from my a friend of a friend who seemed pretty sketchy. Aaron, they live on a mountain. But I decided to go with schedule 35 instead.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, Aaron, that's the smartest decision you've ever made.

[JPC]

I'm proud you didn't climb that mountain, Aaron. Or I wasn't listening. Exactly.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, thanks, man.

[Adol Refai]

Schedule 35 Aaron is fantastic. I am a user myself. It is a Canadian based startup that ships across Canada and the U.S. their mission is to educate and enrich lives with a deeper meaning and a better sense of self through microdosing psilocybin products.

[JPC]

Yeah, and studies have shown that psilocybin works by creating new neural networks in the brain which help boost focus, creativity, mood enhancement, and Help Fight Addiction.

[Aaron Keefe]

Schedule 35 Ships all across Canada and the US and is the most notable brand currently in the space. I love their tea and I love.

[Adol Refai]

Their gummies and I like their chocolates. Yum, yum, yum.

[Aaron Keefe]

They make it so intuitive and easy and they label everything so well so you'll feel like you're in very good hands because you are.

[JPC]

And all products come with guides that make microdosing easy to understand. All customers will need to be age verified. So once you're age verified, which is 19 in Canada, 21 plus in the US they will receive an invite code. And to see all of their products and to get an invite code, visit schedule 35co. Their goal is to destigmatize and re educate on the science and real world benefits of psilocybin as well as making it accessible for everyone.

[Adol Refai]

And Aaron, because I'm so proud of you. You know what? Screw it. Get 50% off with code RIDDLE at schedule 35CO. That's 15% off at schedule 35CO. And use code riddle.

[JPC]

No one's coming to my mountain anymore.

[Adol Refai]

Sketchy Steve.

[JPC]

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cannon of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice clay and the horses ate riding. All right, class, Everybody pay attention. Shuffle in, shuffle in. Find your seats. Find your seats. Obviously, I am not your regular teacher. I am not your regular teacher in a disguise. This is a real mustache. Find your seat.

[Aaron Keefe]

Why say that?

[JPC]

I've had a lot of people pull the mustache, so I'm just trying to get ahead of it this time and say, don't pull the mustache. It's a real mustache. I'm not your regular teacher.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[JPC]

Does anyone know what we were covering in class? They didn't leave me. I'm a substitute. I'm contracted by the school. Normally I get a sheet with what we're supposed to be covering today.

[Aaron Keefe]

You look a lot like our regular teacher.

[Josh Gondelman]

You look a lot like our regular teacher. And I'm overwhelmed with an urge to pull the mustache. Especially since you said not to.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I'm probably gonna do it.

[JPC]

What if I pull it and I promise you I'll pull it regular and it's not okay. Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Can't trust Dud. It's like a magician checking his own deck of cards.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's also kind of a tactile thing for me.

[JPC]

Okay, let's see who's the weakest kid in class. Let's get. The weakest kid in class can pull the mustache one time. Let's see.

[Adol Refai]

Why are you staring at me the whole time you're asking who's the weakest kid?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

You look like the smartest kid and the one that would tell the most truth.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, I got stuck in a. One of those flotation tanks. What are those called?

[JPC]

Float.

[Adol Refai]

Sleep deprivation. Water.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sensory.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sensory deprivation.

[Adol Refai]

Sensory deprivation.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's not that smart.

[Adol Refai]

I got stuck in one of those for a couple years.

[JPC]

The kid who got tortured can come up and pull my mustache? He's the only one.

[Aaron Keefe]

Are you sure you're not our teacher? Because yesterday you kind of humiliated yourself in front of the whole class. Or our teacher did, and it would.

[JPC]

Make sense he did. Humiliating himself.

[Aaron Keefe]

How do you know?

[JPC]

I'm just an empathetic person. I wouldn't call anything humiliating.

[Josh Gondelman]

You don't think there's such a thing as humiliating?

[JPC]

No, I don't.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm taught by a man that thinks that way.

[JPC]

Okay, look, I'm incapable of being humiliated. And to prove that, I will poop my pants here in front of you all.

[Adol Refai]

No, we'll poop it because I don't trust you. It's like a magician checking his own cards.

[JPC]

Is everything like a magician to you? Were you tortured by a magician? What's going on with this kid?

[Adol Refai]

Well, you clearly didn't hear what the last teacher did because you would know it was an attempt at a magic trick that went terribly wrong.

[JPC]

Would anyone like to check whether you kick your pants?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[JPC]

Okay, you know what? We're not doing this. We're not doing this. We're just gonna watch. We're gonna watch a movie. We're just gonna watch a movie today in class, okay? I Don't have a movie.

[Josh Gondelman]

Smells terrible in here. It smells like fake mustache.

[Aaron Keefe]

Explain a movie to us.

[JPC]

You know what? We're not gonna watch a movie. Why don't we watch a stand up special on YouTube? Is everyone okay with that?

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

I had my heart set on distinguished gentlemen, but okay.

[JPC]

Now we're gonna do a stand up special on YouTube. Now, does anyone know a good one?

[Adol Refai]

Ooh, Positive reinforcement by Josh Gonnelman just came out.

[JPC]

No, I like Stavros. Anyone know any Stavros stuff? We're gonna do that one. No.

[Josh Gondelman]

This is like a magician doing a card force.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Hey, welcome to hey, Riddle Riddle, a podcast about riddles and some improv as well. And our friend Josh Gondelman is back on the show. And you got a brand new stand up special that is out now.

[Josh Gondelman]

Thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to be back with you. The last time I recorded with you all was one of my favorite, most fun podcast recording experiences ever. And I saw your live show last year in New York, and that was truly a joy to behold.

[Adol Refai]

It was pretty eerie when you guested last time for the first time because you fit in with us so quickly. It felt like you were born to be on this podcast.

[Josh Gondelman]

I've always wanted to feel like I had a destiny, and so this is soothing to me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, good.

[Josh Gondelman]

Because until that moment, until that podcast recording, I was straight up just like, I don't know, it could be anything. What if I messed up and should have been an amazing plumber?

[Aaron Keefe]

You, on a different timeline, you are a beloved plumber in Massachusetts. Everyone's like, oh, my God, you gotta go to Gondelman. Oh, God, he's so good.

[Adol Refai]

You gotta check out. Pipe down, Aaron.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me. I'm, like, tearing up at the idea that I could be a beloved hometown plumber.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah, Yeah, I do.

[JPC]

Like in this fantasy where you're a beloved plumber, you still don't get to leave your hometown. You don't get to. You don't get to travel. You don't get to see the world. You can't be a New York City plumber.

[Josh Gondelman]

I could go on vacation. Look, this city, if you can plummet here, you can plummet anywhere. And I just don't know if I have the goods.

[JPC]

Plummet also sounds like a different word, which means, like, falling down.

[Josh Gondelman]

That actually describes my current career.

[Aaron Keefe]

Josh, also, the last time you were on this, you were a last minute ad to the 2024 Joco Cruise.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Like, three days before. And so we had immediate friendship reinforcement. You were on the show on, like, a Monday, and then by the next Monday, we were on a cruise together.

[Josh Gondelman]

Truly the best. And you got to meet my wife, Maris, and we all got along, and we have since hung out, the three of us, and got lunch. Truly, this podcast has been nothing but a joy for friendship and creative collabor in my life.

[Aaron Keefe]

The when I think the first time I really talked to you in Maris, I walked up to you guys and I went, what conspiracy theories do you believe in?

[Josh Gondelman]

Hell, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

And then it was two hours of that.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yep. And then we also, you and I, backstage at the, like, main stage on the ship, talked a lot about Massachusetts, which is my number one hobby in the world. And I can't engage in this with everyone, but my number one hobby in the world is, like, going somewhere far from Massachusetts and then talking to. Finding other people from Massachusetts and talking about Massachusetts. There is, like, truly nothing that, like, energizes me more. And, like, I. I met, like, an acquaintance's fiance, like, several months ago, and we. We had, like, had a totally warm and pleasant relationship. And then I found out she grew up in the town next to me, and we were just like, well, I. The weird tunnel vision. The conversation. Everyone else in this conversation is blacked out. We're just gonna talk about, like, roast beef sandwiches. Like, it was truly. And I know everyone has that with where they're from, but I think especially I spend a lot of time in. I live in New York. I spend a lot of time visiting la. And when I'm in LA and meet someone from Massachusetts or on the road and meet someone from Massachusetts, it's just like, oh, it's on and popping now.

[JPC]

I think if I met someone from Indianapolis, the conversation would be like, cool. Kitchen's that way, bathroom's this way. Just let me know. I'll catch up with you later.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, it's the best.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's the best. It's so fun.

[Adol Refai]

Now, Josh, we typically ask guests what their relationship is with puzzles, riddles, et cetera. Obviously, you're a second timer on the show, but I feel like I want to say, since the last time you were on, I was in New York and we went to, I believe, your first escape room.

[Josh Gondelman]

Absolutely, we did. Then that was, I think, because of a conversation we had on the podcast. So, again, podcast, nothing but a boon for friendship and puzzles.

[Adol Refai]

What were your thoughts about the escape room? I know that was a little.

[Josh Gondelman]

And have you Done things since I thought you. The whole traveling party that we were with was so gracious to me in my first escape room. Because you all were such pros at it. Were, like, things that never would have occurred to me because I was. It was my first time as, like, clues or activities you were all locking in on immediately. So it was like watching, like, a heist take place where I'm just, like, at the bank. And you were like, hey, do you want to spin the wheel on the safe a couple of times?

[JPC]

And I was like, ooh, it's like being in Ocean's Eleven and realizing that you're Casey Affleck.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[JPC]

Oh, holy crap. But just in the context of that movie. Yeah. Only that I don't want to put that on anybody.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

I don't have his other.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'd actually like to see a scene. Josh and jpc, you guys are robbing a bank. And adol, you're just a bank patron, and you're, like, really impressed by them, and you just want to let them know that you think they're doing a good job.

[Josh Gondelman]

Awesome.

[JPC]

Okay, ghost alarm. Blackout is live. We have two minutes. Everybody stay down on the floor.

[Josh Gondelman]

Stay down and nobody gets hurt.

[Adol Refai]

Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah, I'll stay down. This is.

[JPC]

We're not here for your money. We're here for the bank's money. Okay? Everything's worked out to a T on a timer.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, so.

[Adol Refai]

And he's enunciating. He's hitting those T's so hard.

[Josh Gondelman]

Please empty your pockets. Put your phones beside you on the floor. We cannot have any outside communication. Everyone will leave safe and easy. Two minutes from now. If we have compliance.

[Adol Refai]

Holy shit. This is like surgery. Hey, guys, I'm going to stand up. Hey, guys, you are. You're crushing it.

[Josh Gondelman]

Please don't stand up. We do have guns.

[Adol Refai]

Yep.

[JPC]

Of course.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[JPC]

Now, just so we know, just so everyone's clear, you're going to get out of here, okay. If you follow our orders. But one of you is going to have to hold a live grenade. We do need one. Oh, can't be that guy.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, come on.

[Josh Gondelman]

Too enthusiastic? Don't trust what he's gonna do.

[JPC]

It needs to be someone who is properly scared of holding a live grenade, and we don't have a lot of time, so.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm scared of holding a live grenade.

[Josh Gondelman]

Perfect.

[Adol Refai]

Here.

[Josh Gondelman]

How are you at catching things when you're nervous?

[Aaron Keefe]

Terrible.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay. I'll put it right in your hand. No need to. No need to take extra chances.

[JPC]

We always Ask that question, we always get the same response. It's another like, one of those tests where we, you know, we're compensating for the fact that someone might be a little too comfortable in this situation.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's like how no one who thinks they should be president should be the president.

[JPC]

Mm. Mm.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think this guy really wants to hold the grenade. Can I hand it to him?

[JPC]

No.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, toss it.

[Josh Gondelman]

I love your spirit of generosity, but I just don't think this is the right idea. Also, we are losing daylight.

[JPC]

Yeah, we actually have to move a lot faster. So in the interest of making everyone know that we're serious, I'm gonna have to pistol whip one person in this bank. Oh.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh. Shouldn't be that guy. I mean, it's just not a deterrent if you're asking for it.

[Adol Refai]

This guy. Can I just say, this sucks. This sucks. Someone who's enthused should get to do it. I went to a Blink 182 concert last night.

[JPC]

Brag.

[Adol Refai]

They picked. They're like, we're gonna pick somebody to come up on stage and sing. I had a poster board. I dress like the band. They picked a little kid.

[JPC]

It's not fair.

[Adol Refai]

Come on.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah, you should pick a little kid to hold the grenade, man.

[JPC]

No, no. We'll pick a kid to hit with a gun. No. Hold on. You're in our heads. Get out of our heads.

[Josh Gondelman]

Why are there kids at the bank? This is a work day. What do you people all do?

[JPC]

This guy went to a blank 182 concert on a Tuesday, and he's at.

[Josh Gondelman]

The bank on a Wednesday morning. What is your life?

[Adol Refai]

I go town to town, bank to bank, hoping that a robbery occurs.

[JPC]

Oh, okay, so you know that me and Ghost Here are the blank 182 bandits. We follow around blank 182, hoping they deposit their check from the night before, even though a check wouldn't make sense because there's no money in a check.

[Josh Gondelman]

And they probably don't do their banking. Late night on the road.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, guys, it's the FBI. We're here. We've been here a couple minutes.

[JPC]

Good. How comfortable are you holding a grenade?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I've seen.

[Josh Gondelman]

May we pistol whip one of you?

[Aaron Keefe]

Fun. And we didn't even need a riddle yet.

[JPC]

No, we didn't even need one, but.

[Adol Refai]

We should probably legally get to some riddles here. Why don't we do some trios? We've done these before. So I'm going to list three things, and you all are going to tell me what they have in common is.

[Josh Gondelman]

One of them members of Blink 182.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Well, let's see here. Travis Barker, Mark Hoppus, and the third, Tom delong.

[Aaron Keefe]

Delong. Who's the one? Who's the voice that's like the where are you? Voice. And who's the voice that's like.

[Josh Gondelman]

I forget which one is Mark and which one is Tom, but it's Mark and Travis, I think vocally nondescript.

[Aaron Keefe]

No offense, Travis, he's never spoken before.

[JPC]

I think the where are you? Part is Tom's verse. And I don't think. I honestly think I've seen Blink 182 twice. And I don't think Travis speaks at all. Mark and Tom have a lot of banter, and Travis is kind of there, like, with his shirt off, like, shrugging. It's. It's pretty interesting.

[Aaron Keefe]

I did see them live once, and it was at the When We Were Young festival in Vegas. And I will say they were great. But then Green Day went after them and blew them out of the fucking water.

[Josh Gondelman]

Green Day was, like, so good live.

[Aaron Keefe]

15 times better than Blink 182. They're one of the best live bands I've ever seen. And I was like, okay, I didn't know about that. Green Day.

[JPC]

The last time I saw Blink 182, Mark had a cold, and he was like.

[Josh Gondelman]

He.

[JPC]

He was hanging in there by a thread. And they canceled the next night of their. Of their tour. So I was like, okay. So we saw him at his absolute worst.

[Aaron Keefe]

Perfect.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's also. I'm so impressed by the rigor of touring musicians. Cause I tour on such a gentler level than that. And, like, if I felt. If I was sick, I would just be like, I don't wanna. But you can't do that. Like, you know, there's so little room for. I don't wanna. When you're like, I have to be at this football stadium tonight and this football stadium tomor. And it's like, God, Beyonce is superhuman. And Taylor Swift just for that. I know they get to travel more gently than most people travel, but it's like, that schedule is bonkers.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would be such a brat. I would need, like, an IV drip and someone constantly giving me a massage on stage. My whole family's there. I would be such a baby about it.

[JPC]

But also, if you told me that Bert Kreischer was always sick, I'd be like, I believe that.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sure. That's like his Incredible Hulk. Like, that's my secret. I always have a terrible that's why I have my shirt off. I can't regulate my own temperature.

[JPC]

I'm like a lizard. I gotta take my shirt off.

[Adol Refai]

I'm gonna list three things. You all have to tell me what they have in common. So for example, multiplication problems, treasure maps, and Roman numerals.

[JPC]

They all have an X. X always means 10x's.

[Adol Refai]

Very good.

[JPC]

Is there a celebrity we could have worked in there that famously has a lot of X? I get Taylor Swift. Right? Taylor Swift has a lot of X's.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's a little ha. At this point. That's sort of a 2012 joke.

[JPC]

Yeah, that's right. But what she has ended. I guess it was like a 2012 joke because she had like a five year long relationship where you really weren't able to make that joke. But then that kind of thing.

[Josh Gondelman]

And now she's in another lengthy.

[JPC]

I know, it's been a while now.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Who else? Leonardo DiCaprio. But his whole thing isn't really exes as much as it is like 20 sexes, you know, like.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, that's fun.

[Adol Refai]

Nice.

[JPC]

No, 26 didn't really work with X. I'm sorry it didn't work.

[Josh Gondelman]

I think it was a noble effort and I was delighted by it.

[JPC]

Thank you.

[Josh Gondelman]

Trust the process.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would like to see a scene. The three of you are pirates and you're trying to read a map, but you're like a little hungover, so you're kind of struggling.

[JPC]

It's not so loud.

[Adol Refai]

X marks the spot.

[JPC]

Jesus God almighty. Go.

[Adol Refai]

ARR. Sorry about my parrot.

[JPC]

I'd shoot him if it weren't so fucking loud to shoot.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, we know. X marks the spot. Parrot.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, we know. So much grog last night.

[Josh Gondelman]

So much grog.

[Adol Refai]

So how much grog?

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm gonna have a little bit right now because I think what I need is a little grog of the dog. Oh, a little.

[Adol Refai]

A little grog of the dog.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Pass it over here.

[JPC]

Gotta take care of the grog myself, but. Oh, okay, okay. That's.

[Adol Refai]

I think this is. This is land and this is. These are trees, I think.

[Josh Gondelman]

And that's the spot. Obviously there's a smart yarp.

[JPC]

I mean, number one with a bullet. The spot. I mean that's the. That's the easiest thing to spot, really.

[Adol Refai]

Yarp. But where are the traps? We laid, er.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh boy. We. We disguised the traps with a secret symbol and I forget it because my brain is just thrarbin.

[JPC]

I. I want to throw something out. Is it possible we're looking at the map. Like, on the wrong side of the map. Because we use such heavy ink. I feel like it's just kind of bleeding through on both sides.

[Adol Refai]

Such heavy ink and rice paper.

[Josh Gondelman]

Maybe it's reversed.

[Adol Refai]

Okay, let me turn it over.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yar. I shucked some fresh oysters for you. Did anyone want oysters?

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm gonna yarf.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're hurting my feelings. Are you shucked for these oysters?

[Adol Refai]

What coast are they from?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't want to say.

[Adol Refai]

What coast are they from?

[Josh Gondelman]

Ost coast oysters.

[JPC]

I only eat oysters from the Barbary Coast.

[Aaron Keefe]

Scene. Scene, scene. All my favorite oyster places out here. Every time I go and they say where the oysters are from, they're all. Where I grew up in Massachusetts. Why am I even here? Yeah. Knoxbury. You're like, what am I even doing here?

[Josh Gondelman]

Just, like, too far. Some of them. Too far. Like Providence. Is that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

All right.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. All right.

[Josh Gondelman]

Woonsocket, Rhode Island.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Worcester. That can't be right.

[Josh Gondelman]

Worcester Oyster.

[Aaron Keefe]

Worcester Oyster. All right. We're starting a new company.

[Josh Gondelman]

My. My dog. Our new dog. My wife and I adopted a new dog in March, and she March. And she was. She was staying with a foster family in Worcester, Massachusetts. And I cannot. Whenever anybody brings that up or asks about it, I cannot help but say, like, she's a Worcester Foster.

[Aaron Keefe]

She's a Worcester Foster. She grew up by Six Flags, so, you know, she's spoiled.

[Josh Gondelman]

She goes. They bring her to the AAA baseball game. She goes to Pol.

[Adol Refai]

What's the Six Flags in Boston or near Boston?

[Aaron Keefe]

Six Flags New England Western Mass. Oh, it was okay. It had a great Superman roller coaster and a great Batman roller coaster.

[Adol Refai]

It was.

[Aaron Keefe]

You know, I don't. I haven't been. I'm gonna be honest with you. I haven't been to Six Flags New England in a minute. I don't. I can't stand by it, but I do. My, like, memory of it is kids will make up, like, legends about people dying there in various ways, which is New Jersey.

[Josh Gondelman]

Stolen Valor. I know.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. For sure. But it's okay. It's better than the Los Angeles Six Flags. I can tell you that much. That place is terrifying.

[Adol Refai]

LA has a Six Flags?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. It's like Southern California Six Flags. It is the worst roller coaster I've ever been on in my life. I thought it was broken. And they're like, nope, that's just how it turns out.

[Josh Gondelman]

It just feels bad.

[Aaron Keefe]

It just feels bad.

[JPC]

Didn't you at one point have, like, a year membership to that Six Flags?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. The person I was dating got a two year membership because he was like, I'm basically losing money without it.

[Josh Gondelman]

You shouldn't be legally allowed to buy a two year membership due over an amusement park.

[JPC]

That's like leasing a Six Flags. That's insane.

[Josh Gondelman]

My friend Robert Dean, who's a very funny comedian as well, has a bit where he goes to the Cyclone at Coney island every summer and he takes up gets the picture on the novelty T shirt. And then the next year he wears the previous year's novelty T shirt.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's a good one.

[Josh Gondelman]

So it's like his MC Escher. It's like the funniest. He goes by himself. It's called Cyclone Alone. It's the funniest thing in the world to me.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's fucking awesome.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, that rules so good.

[JPC]

I think that's very funny. But I don't think that I would like. Even though it gets progressively smaller, I don't think I would like to see a T shirt of me, like, aging. I'd be like, oh, man. Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Fortunately, right. You mostly see the previous year, which is nice. Yeah, yeah. But I agree with you.

[JPC]

I think it is like that magnifying glass.

[Josh Gondelman]

That would be like the T shirt of Dorian Gray.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Toys R Us.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

Victoria's Secret, the Kennedy family. Toys R Us, Victoria's Secret, the Kennedy family.

[Aaron Keefe]

Tread lightly, everybody.

[JPC]

Scandals, places that are frequented by Johns.

[Adol Refai]

No, that's a great guess. Jpc. You are surprisingly on the right track. Very much on the right track.

[Josh Gondelman]

Is there famous. I'm trying to think of like a famous Jeffrey associated.

[JPC]

But Jeffrey did a giraffe.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, I mean, that's the one.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's the one.

[Josh Gondelman]

Is it Jeff Kennedy?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, that's Victoria's Secret still exists.

[JPC]

It would not surprise me if there was a Jeff Kennedy, but he just was like, oh, yeah, John's a nickname for Jeff. It's like, because I feel like the Kennedys. The Kennedy nickname's like, Jack. That confuses the fuck out of me. I'm like, that sounds like it should just be its own name.

[Josh Gondelman]

And the only one who's the president, basically.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jeff K. Yeah, Jeff K. You know what is a real, like, if you ever are feeling low confidence, go to the Kennedy Museum and in one of the rooms they have JFK's report cards. And I want everyone to look at that and then you'll be like, you know what? I could probably be president because he didn't get good grades. All the teachers are like, he's talking too much. Like he Bs and Cs.

[Josh Gondelman]

Wow.

[Adol Refai]

I thought he'd get a la A boy. Toys R Us, Victoria's Secret, the Kennedy family.

[Aaron Keefe]

What do you think is the most.

[Josh Gondelman]

Helpful pair in the crumbling American institutions?

[Adol Refai]

I think Toys R Us is the least helpful. So Victoria's Secret and Kennedy family is definitely the strongest pair. And I will say, I'll stress again, JPC was very much on the nose in terms of. His guess was John's in the exact right vein.

[Aaron Keefe]

So it's a name. Brah. Kennedy panties. Kennedy Fong. Kennedy. Aaron, please. Teddy Kennedy. Teddy.

[JPC]

Teddies.

[Aaron Keefe]

Teddies. Teddies. Teddies. Teddy Kennedys.

[Adol Refai]

Teddy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Teddy. Teddy.

[Adol Refai]

Have Teddy.

[Aaron Keefe]

You thought that I was acting crazy, but actually I was onto something.

[Adol Refai]

What size are them teddies, Teddy? Kenny, that's how they ask for your bra size, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep. My mom walked through the line to see Ted Kennedy's body twice. When he died, she stayed in line twice. So she.

[Josh Gondelman]

If you're in line to see Ted Body, Ted Kennedy's body a second time.

[JPC]

You want a Ted body?

[Josh Gondelman]

You want to see a Ted body?

[JPC]

I. His name was Ted, right? That's short for Edward, right?

[Josh Gondelman]

For Edward, yeah.

[JPC]

Okay, so it's got these fucking nicknames, but he did go by Teddy.

[Aaron Keefe]

And then Ted later.

[JPC]

Yeah, and then Ted later. I just. I'm always interested when a person chooses to drop, like, the what I. The Y part of your name, which is I associate more with, like, a childhood. Like, you call, like a child Teddy. And then they grow up and then they're Ted.

[Aaron Keefe]

I hate to make a guess, but do you think right after Chappaquiddick, he dropped the Y?

[Josh Gondelman]

They're like, you can't. We can't have our lawyer saying, teddy.

[JPC]

You have to rebrand.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're rebranding today. You're a grown up now.

[Josh Gondelman]

He was like, you're a man now, dog.

[Adol Refai]

I do want to see a scene. Josh, you are. You are jfk. And Aaron, you are an employee at Victoria's Secret. And JFK has come in, sunglasses, hat, incognito, to buy lingerie for one of his sort of side pieces.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hi, welcome to Victoria's Secret. How can I help you?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yes, hello. Thank you for asking. Not what I can do for you, but what you can do for me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, you're wearing a disguise, which actually happens a lot in here, but you're kind of winking. It's like you want me to recognize you.

[Josh Gondelman]

No, no, this is a real mustache.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

You can pull it if you want.

[Aaron Keefe]

Or I'll pull it Okay. I actually. I'm seeing someone, so.

[Josh Gondelman]

All right, well, what if I pull it in front of you? What does that do for you? Does that do anything for you or does something for me?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, go for it. He's so charming. I don't know what it is about him. He's just got something. Anyways, can I get you. Sorry, I'm nervous now. Can I get you.

[Josh Gondelman]

No need to be nervous.

[JPC]

Sure.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm looking for kind of a bra and panty set.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Did anyone ever tell you you sound like Ted from the movie Ted? Like the bear.

[Josh Gondelman]

I hear that all the time. People are like, you could be brothers with Ted the Bear.

[JPC]

Bear.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Which I sound nothing like the bear from the bear.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Jeremy Allen White.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, that's true. So, yeah, you know, I haven't seen the show. I'm just gonna put a bunch of stuff in a bag for you.

[Josh Gondelman]

Can you put it in slower?

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Also, I think that your brothers are also in here. I'm just pointing at two guys and various disguises.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, that's them.

[Adol Refai]

I think the pajama pants with the juicy on the butt would be the best option.

[JPC]

I died in the war.

[Aaron Keefe]

Same.

[Adol Refai]

Don't mind me. Just talking to the ghost of my brother.

[JPC]

I know he has a bunch of brothers, but I only knew the one.

[Aaron Keefe]

The one. The oldest one is the one that the dad was like, you'll be president. And then he died in the war.

[JPC]

Supposed to be president.

[Josh Gondelman]

And then his head. And then RFK Sr. Right. Was one.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep.

[Adol Refai]

How does little Edie figure into the mix?

[Aaron Keefe]

She's a cousin.

[Adol Refai]

Cousin, Right.

[JPC]

I don't know who little Edie is. Who's little Edie?

[Adol Refai]

From the documentary Grey Gardens.

[JPC]

Okay. Didn't help me.

[Aaron Keefe]

She's like, there's. She and her mother lived in a house, like a mansion that was, like, falling apart. It's a very famous documentary, and she's a Kennedy. I'm looking it up.

[Josh Gondelman]

I didn't know she was a Kennedy.

[Aaron Keefe]

First cousin to former first lady Jackie Kennedy.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Got it. I feel like Kennedy relations are like. You're like. You'll hear someone's a Kennedy, and you're like, how are they a Kennedy? And they were like, oh. They were like, jackie Onassis, gardener. And you're like, that's a Kennedy now. I don't know.

[Adol Refai]

For Christmas, they would. It's sort of like knighting someone. They would make people honorary Kennedy.

[Josh Gondelman]

You're now a Kennedy.

[Adol Refai]

I think Schwarzenegger's a honorary Kennedy.

[JPC]

Yeah. For how many Kennedys died. There certainly were a lot of Kennedys. I think they really got to it quick.

[Josh Gondelman]

They overproduced in Farm Times.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Irish Catholic overproduced in Farm times.

[JPC]

Yeah. They're producing the people that are in charge of Fantastic Four merch. And they don't know how it's gonna do yet, but they just want to make sure it's on shelves.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. We might be these Ben Grimm toys to. We gotta. In case there's the demand.

[Adol Refai]

I do really enjoy the idea of that. If JFK just would have lived long enough to see Ted or Ted 2, I think that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, he would have loved it.

[Adol Refai]

I feel like I saw something recently that was like, Salvador Dali was alive during, like, the year Short Circuit was put out or something.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wow.

[Josh Gondelman]

The comedian Joe List has a bit about how Picasso lived for six Super Bowls. And I think about it constantly.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, maybe it was Picasso. The year he died was like the same year that, you know, Howard the Duck came out or something. So it's like the thought experiment of, like, technically, he could have seen Howard the Duck and wouldn't that be a treat?

[Josh Gondelman]

I don't like the, like, wanna feel old. This thing happened this long ago. But I'm obsessed with, like. This person lived in the time of, like. This person could have had a laptop or whatever.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

The fucked up thing about the TED thing is that Seth MacFarlane was supposed to be driving a motorcade in Dall.

[Aaron Keefe]

JBC. This is too late. He was supposed to be. He's tried to do a joke about.

[Josh Gondelman]

How I wasn't trying.

[JPC]

First of all, you were trying because.

[Aaron Keefe]

No one got it except me.

[Josh Gondelman]

Supposed to be on one of the 911 planes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes.

[Josh Gondelman]

Is that right?

[JPC]

He was supposed to be. He was supposed to be on the one on the 9 11. Not.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know. I keep bringing it up.

[JPC]

Not according to his will, but everyone just agrees that he should have been.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know I keep bringing it up, but for a minute there, Big Bird was supposed to be on the Challenger.

[JPC]

That's right.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron Keefe]

And you think we're on a dark timeline now and so many kids watch.

[Josh Gondelman]

That, like, in school.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah. They would have watched Big Bird explode in the sky.

[Adol Refai]

I can just picture Big Bird craning his neck down and being like, oh, no.

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean fucked.

[JPC]

I think Elmo was supposed to be on the Titan submersible.

[Aaron Keefe]

Come on, Titan's team.

[JPC]

It could have been Gonzo. I don't know. I don't know.

[Josh Gondelman]

Ms. Rachel had a ticket on the Titanic.

[JPC]

Ms. Rachel.

[Adol Refai]

Well, let's take A quick break and we'll google what other.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, we'll think of a few more of these.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. We'll be right back.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jpc. What happened?

[JPC]

I just. I cut myself again on some of my closet staples.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, jpc.

[JPC]

Yeah, you've had a horrible full of staples. Because I've heard that it's like, good to like.

[Adol Refai]

You stapled all your clothes. You're gonna need. Oh, boy.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think that you're thinking of closet staples, like clothes that you can wear a lot that look good with other things. I get mine from Quint's.

[Adol Refai]

Have you heard of quints? They have closet staples you want to reach for over and over carefully. Like cozy cashmere and cotton sweaters from just $50, breathable flow knit polos and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed up dinners. I'm wearing some right now.

[JPC]

Wee.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh.

[JPC]

Okay. I think I have guys. I think this is another one of my classic mix em ups where I've fundamentally misunderstood the assignment 100%.

[Aaron Keefe]

And guess what? With Quince, everything is half the cost of similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleman, Quint gives you luxury pieces without the markup. My sheets are from quints. That's why I look so well rested.

[JPC]

That's why you're always wearing sheets.

[Aaron Keefe]

These are real clothes.

[JPC]

Those are real clothes. Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh my God.

[JPC]

Okay, great. Nope. And I'm getting it. I actually know quints, and I love quints because I have a lightweight hoodie from Quint's that I wore to our Portland show, our Seattle show, and here in la, it is wonderful. It's my favorite item of clothing that I own.

[Aaron Keefe]

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices in premium fabrics and finishes. So you don't even have to feel bad when you're wearing your hoodie.

[JPC]

So stop covering your wet naked body with staples from the staple store.

[Aaron Keefe]

What the heck?

[Adol Refai]

Use a towel.

[JPC]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe somebody else did. The call to action. Mine's all messed up.

[Adol Refai]

Keep it classic and cool with long lasting staples from quints. Go to quints.com riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com riddle to get free shipping and 365 day returns.

[Aaron Keefe]

Quince.com riddle and let me grab that stapler from you.

[JPC]

No, no, no. I need this for my clothes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Nope.

[Adol Refai]

Quince, it's quite comfortable.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hell yeah. Yes. Adel.

[JPC]

Yeah. This podcast is Sponsored by Squarespace Adults.

[Aaron Keefe]

I got a new website and it's dedicated to one of your favorite. Hey, Riddle. Riddle characters.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, Coco. Is it Aaron Keefe, the character that you play sometimes on the show?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Wait, you're talking about Squarespace? The all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place.

[Aaron Keefe]

Uh huh. And I'm from the 1920s or something, so building a website gotta be intuitive for me to like it. And I love Squarespace.

[Adol Refai]

Oh yeah, Coco, I know that you've been obsessed with videos or I mean just a lot of technology in general, but especially videos. Squarespace.

[Aaron Keefe]

I screamed when I saw it at first.

[Adol Refai]

You're like a scared horse. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, or Coco's singing classes, which I think you've been doing surprisingly well.

[Aaron Keefe]

They have. You can fundraise directly to your website and grow your impact with built in donation tools. Create a professional on brand website that makes it easy to accept one time or recurring contributions and engage supporters. With built in email campaigns and marketing tools, you can connect with your community and inspire more people to support your cause.

[JPC]

Plus Coco, you can get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. What is your ideal customer, Coco? Like, what's your target market?

[Aaron Keefe]

Ducks.

[JPC]

Oh boy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ducks with iPads.

[JPC]

So head to squarespace.com riddle for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Aaron Keefe]

You won't be sorry.

[Adol Refai]

And Coco, you said Betty Boop is suing you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, for everything. I get it.

[JPC]

Hey Adol. Hey Aaron. Can I tell you something that I'm kind of like ashamed of?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, of course. Always.

[JPC]

When I was a kid, all of my two brothers, all of our birthdays are within a month and it's all around Christmas time. So we used to just get like Christmas birthday gifts and sometimes we would just get combo gifts together. And I would always tell my brothers that we could pool all of our money together and just get one big Lego. And then I would insist on doing the Lego and putting it together myself.

[Adol Refai]

How do you put together one big Lego?

[JPC]

Oh, I guess it's more like an expensive LEGO kit, not one big Lego block.

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, you didn't really understand finances. You didn't have anything like Acorns early when you were growing up. So how are you supposed to know? He he he.

[Adol Refai]

Hey kids. It's me, Birthday Santa.

[JPC]

Birthday Santa.

[Adol Refai]

That's right.

[JPC]

You're real.

[Adol Refai]

Yes. And I want to tell you about Acorns early, which is something jbc, it sounds like you and your brothers wish you had.

[JPC]

Yeah, we could have used.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, absolutely. Acorns early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids money skills as they grow up.

[JPC]

Oh, so cool. You can start with in app Chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar. Then let your kids set their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits.

[Aaron Keefe]

Early kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's early spending limit and real time spend notifications, parents always stay in control. And I mean I would have loved having this growing up. I would know way more about money than I do right now.

[Adol Refai]

Right, right. I mean, but I'm like a newer thing. Like I'm for kids who birthdays around Christmas. I understand, but all kids.

[Josh Gondelman]

Kids.

[Adol Refai]

But anyway, piggy banks are cute and great for loose change, quarters, etc. But these days there's so much more that kids need to know about money.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hehehe.

[Adol Refai]

Acorns early makes it easy to teach kids lifelong money skills that they can actually use in the real world.

[JPC]

And I love the Acorns early app. I've played around in here. My kids a little too young to start right now because they're kind of like a little toddler. But I'm so excited for them to be able to use features like this because I think of a lot like being able to track all of these things when you are young and have money literacy at a young age is so, so, so important to being a, you know, person that exists in the world nowadays.

[Adol Refai]

Well, I'm a person that exists in the world. Who said I wasn't?

[JPC]

Yeah. No. Anyway, if you're ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend, get your first month on us when you head to acornserly.com heyriddle or download the Acorns early app that's one month free when you sign up at acornserly.com.

[Adol Refai]

Acorns Early Card is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank Member FDIC pursuant to license by MasterCard International. Free trial to new subscribers only. Subscription fee starting from $5 per month unless canceled terms apply to acorns.com earlyterms.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hehe.

[Adol Refai]

Ooh, Santa needs to lay down. I mean. I mean, birthday Santa needs to lay down.

[Aaron Keefe]

Love. Whatever your thing is, man, don't stress.

[Adol Refai]

And we're back. And we thought of a few more. Sam the Eagle at Kent State.

[Aaron Keefe]

What else, what else, what else, what.

[Josh Gondelman]

Else, what else, what else?

[Aaron Keefe]

And that was it.

[Adol Refai]

That was it.

[Josh Gondelman]

The Wiggles in the Library of Alexandria as it was broken down.

[Aaron Keefe]

Those words have never been said.

[Josh Gondelman]

It feels really nice to hit on one of those.

[JPC]

What are those purse charms that everyone's going crazy about?

[Josh Gondelman]

Labubus.

[JPC]

Labubu. Okay. Because I couldn't pull. But I was gonna say a Labubu on the Hindenburg, but someone I've been hearing Labubu, and I, like, did a cursory Google to see, like, what is a Labubu? And it was like, it's an expensive thing to put on your purse. And I was like, okay, close tab. I think I'm good. I think I'm good on whatever this cultural phenomenon is.

[Adol Refai]

I thought it was a purse. So what do you mean? It's a thing you put on your purse.

[JPC]

Okay, Now, I thought from my cursory Google, So this is a person who googled it and then closed it immediately, that it was like a little plush animal thing. Like a charm, Like a purse charm.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. It's got kind of like a monster face and a fuzzy little body.

[JPC]

This is everything. Now, we were recently in Mall of America, and I was like, oh, I'll get a stuffed animal. Like something unique to Mall of America that I couldn't get any. I'll get something like that for my kid. And I went to, like, every toy store, literally, in Mall of America. I walked the mall, like, you know, complete loops. And every toy store had the same toys in them. And they were like amalgamation monster plush things that weren't even that soft. And I was like, what the fuck is any of this? Like, it's not even. It didn't even feel like it was ip. It just felt like it was like. I don't know, it made me feel ancient. Walking around, looking at, like, the new plush toys.

[Josh Gondelman]

They gotta be. You gotta have soft ones. That some of it is functionality.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[JPC]

And it's like, these are plush. Like they should be soft.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, I agree. I have some soft means soft.

[Adol Refai]

Let's do another of the trios here. The Lincoln assassination. And I don't mean to make these all Lincoln.

[Josh Gondelman]

No, The Lincoln assassination. That's so wild, because Bluey was there.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah. That's so crazy.

[Josh Gondelman]

The real Bluey was there.

[Adol Refai]

I believe history notes that it was mom, dad, Bluey, and then Kablamo. And Lincoln's brain.

[Josh Gondelman]

Was supposed to be in blue.

[Aaron Keefe]

Blam.

[JPC]

Yeah. John Wilkes Booth said, I want to bluey Abraham Lincoln's head off. But what he meant.

[Adol Refai]

The Lincoln assassination.

[JPC]

A. Okay.

[Adol Refai]

Early Superman comics and a diner, all Jewish. Yeah, that's right.

[Josh Gondelman]

I like this conspiracy theory.

[Adol Refai]

Yes.

[Josh Gondelman]

Did you kill what a diner?

[Aaron Keefe]

Pancakes.

[Josh Gondelman]

Lincoln got pancakes.

[Aaron Keefe]

You know what? This strategy helped me last time with the Teddy thing.

[Josh Gondelman]

I can't. Yeah, I can't criticize it, because you really got there.

[Adol Refai]

I do want to see a scene. Jpc, you are Abraham Lincoln. You've gone into a diner to order pancakes. And Josh, you are the waiter who brings them. And JPC is Lincoln. You're trying to kind of, you know, you just gave your big speech. You just gave your big four score, and you're trying to sort of maintain some amount of dignity while eating this silly food.

[JPC]

A table or the bar for 1?

[Josh Gondelman]

1 just at the bar.

[JPC]

Oh, perfect. I'll sit at the bar. Do you mind if I read a book while I'm sitting here?

[Josh Gondelman]

Not at all. You can do whatever you like. Suit yourself.

[JPC]

I think I'll try some of these pancakes that I've been hearing about.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, yeah, they're flying off the the shelves like hot cakes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did you guys hear about Lincoln's new speech? It's so stupid. Four score in seven years, say, 47 years ago. That's so stupid.

[Josh Gondelman]

What the is four score?

[Aaron Keefe]

I think it's like 10. 10 years is a score. Nobody talks about that.

[JPC]

20.

[Aaron Keefe]

20 years. See that? Like, no one knows that. Anyways, I'm gonna keep flipping these pancakes.

[JPC]

Some people know. Some people know.

[Aaron Keefe]

We need a new president. That guy is so embarrassing. He's mostly hat.

[JPC]

I'll get one. We'll get one in a couple of years, so no need to to be rash with it.

[Josh Gondelman]

I hate slavery. I think it's a moral abomination.

[JPC]

Perfect.

[Josh Gondelman]

I hate Lincoln even more.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, me too.

[JPC]

Come on.

[Aaron Keefe]

I got a beard. I got a hat that. That does not a man make.

[JPC]

First of all, I feel like I'm not even in a disguise or anything. Right?

[Josh Gondelman]

Like we don't know what he looks like. That's not television.

[JPC]

She's said beard and hat.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I see, like, little cartoons.

[Josh Gondelman]

A lot of guys wear beard and hat.

[Adol Refai]

Excuse me, are you talking to me? Beard and hat. Oh, Tug's beard tips hat.

[JPC]

Wait, why did that guy get to sit in a booth?

[Aaron Keefe]

He's an important person.

[Adol Refai]

Who.

[Josh Gondelman]

So you're. So you're pro Booth. That's your stance.

[JPC]

Oh, no, I. I hate booths. I don't know why. Never liked them.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, that's wise. So, pancakes now, do you want, like, you want some whipped cream on there? Some berries?

[JPC]

Oh, just give me whatever most people get.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay.

[JPC]

The pancakes of the common man. That's what I'll enjoy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay. This guy's ordered with real. Lose energy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it really. Lose your energy. My God. Anyways, I feel like.

[JPC]

I feel like most people like me. Am I wrong on that?

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, I don't know the rest of your life, but in this diner, we could take a census. Hey, who here in this diner likes this guy with a hat and a beard? Not the cool guy, the other one.

[Adol Refai]

Booth.

[JPC]

That guy said Booth.

[Adol Refai]

I am Booth.

[JPC]

Fuck you, you, you and your whole family.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm in a play later, if anyone wants to come see it. It's called My American Cousin. It should be okay. I'm okay in it. I'm good. Not great.

[Josh Gondelman]

I bet you're better than you say. You're always doing this. You're always putting yourself down. Ah, the last play you were in, you were tremendous.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, thanks. Are you sweet?

[Adol Refai]

Are you the cousin?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I wish.

[JPC]

Are you at least the American? Kidding.

[Aaron Keefe]

Who is this guy?

[JPC]

I'm president.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're hurting my feelings. Wait.

[Josh Gondelman]

You're the president of what? There's no way.

[JPC]

President of America.

[Josh Gondelman]

You suck. The president sucks. It makes sense.

[JPC]

Part of America. That's the good. I'm president of the good part of America.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right, here's your check.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Get out of here.

[Josh Gondelman]

Hold on.

[JPC]

Before I believe. Why doesn't everyone just say what they think the good part of America is? Because I maybe have gotten a read on why I'm not liked here.

[Aaron Keefe]

We're all pointing up the north.

[Josh Gondelman]

Massachusetts. Yeah.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, again, this is not a political thing. We just think you've got, like, a. You get, like, a bad vibe guy.

[JPC]

Yeah, maybe I call up Jefferson Davis and tell him I maybe misplayed this thing a little bit.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[JPC]

Call up. Is that something I can do?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, just. Hey, Jeff, get over here.

[Adol Refai]

Well, jpc, I think you got it. The Lincoln assassination. Early Superman comics and a diner all have coffee.

[JPC]

Oh, massive holes. Oh, come on.

[Adol Refai]

You said it in the scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pancakes, whipped cream.

[JPC]

I think we all said booth.

[Adol Refai]

They all had booths.

[JPC]

Booths.

[Adol Refai]

The phone booth that Superman.

[JPC]

Oh.

[Adol Refai]

The phone booth that Clark Kent would change into. John Wilkes Booth. And of course, a dining booth.

[JPC]

I mean, spoilers for Superman, but I didn't even realize it until this moment. They didn't have a single fucking phone booth in that movie.

[Adol Refai]

That's why it says early Superman comics. I think they did away with it.

[JPC]

They phased out the phone booth. I guess society kind of phased out the phone booth, huh?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Now he's probably got a change in ChatGPT.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

There you go.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, Grok.

[JPC]

Clark. Kid asking for the Starbucks bathroom code.

[Adol Refai]

How about the ruby slippers? A computer mouse. A mutually attracted couple.

[Josh Gondelman]

They click.

[Adol Refai]

They all click. Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, my gosh. You got that so fast.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm just glad to be on the board, frankly.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Adol Refai]

Let's do another one here. A golf course.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

All in the family. World War I bunkers. They all have bunkers.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, my God. He's making us look like fools. Gpc.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, no, no. We're doing this together. It's a victory for all of us.

[JPC]

As well, though, right? What, did World War three had bunkers, too, right? World War iii. It's going to have bunkers for sure.

[Adol Refai]

A center in football.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

Pants for a baby. The Addams Family theme song. Snaps, snaps, snaps.

[Josh Gondelman]

We all got snaps.

[JPC]

Soft pants on the butt.

[Josh Gondelman]

Enough room for a diaper.

[JPC]

That's like the football equivalent of, like, leaving room for the Holy spirit when you're on the dance floor. Quarterback and sitter always have to leave enough room for a diaper.

[Josh Gondelman]

A diaper's width apart.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jpc. You're the guy who snaps the ball and you're, like, yelling what play you're about to do. And Josh and Natalie are kind of confused by what he means.

[JPC]

Blue 42. Classic 42 plus 6 minus 5, 48, 43.

[Adol Refai]

Three.

[JPC]

Brass trombones.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yep.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, yes. SS okay.

[JPC]

12 rings.

[Adol Refai]

All right.

[JPC]

I think that's 12 Days of Christmas.

[Josh Gondelman]

12 Days of Christmas. Okay, are these.

[JPC]

Multiplied them, multiply them, minus it from the first equation.

[Josh Gondelman]

11 days of Chris.

[Adol Refai]

10 plus 9 plus 8 plus 7 plus 6 plus 5 plus 4 plus 3 plus 2 plus 4.

[JPC]

Keep in mind where your brackets are.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, the order of operations is killing me. It's. Please excuse my dear Aunt Sally.

[JPC]

Order of operations. Everybody shift one to the left, foil first. Outside. Everybody shift one to the right.

[Adol Refai]

Timeout Timeout. Timeout.

[Josh Gondelman]

Timeout.

[JPC]

God, we're burning. Timeouts. Guys. Guys.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sorry. Sorry.

[Adol Refai]

I just. I just really got in the weeds there. Was that a slant or a post?

[JPC]

I don't know. I wasn't done yet. I'm reading the other team. I don't know what it will end up being. Okay.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, okay.

[JPC]

We're so confusion in them, so we can have certainty in ourselves, but we have so many.

[Josh Gondelman]

I think we're more confused than they are.

[JPC]

Good. Use it. You know? Let that. Let that. That be your guide. Right?

[Adol Refai]

Oh, okay.

[JPC]

Should I just stop? Should we go back to having the quarterback call the plays?

[Adol Refai]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Josh Gondelman]

We like when you do it.

[Aaron Keefe]

You. You guys. I really would like another shot at it.

[Adol Refai]

Shut up.

[Josh Gondelman]

Lose our energy.

[JPC]

We will let you get sacked. Shut up.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, shut up, Jer.

[Josh Gondelman]

Shut up.

[Aaron Keefe]

I get paid the most. I get paid the most on the whole team.

[Josh Gondelman]

We hate when you bring that up. That doesn't help your case.

[JPC]

What do you. What do you think you get paid the most? You should be in charge.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I just thought that I was smarter.

[JPC]

I'm the center. I'm the center. The team revolves around me.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. It's in the name.

[JPC]

It's in the name.

[Aaron Keefe]

You guys hurt my feelings every game. Every single game.

[Josh Gondelman]

Buy yourself some new feelings with all that money, huh?

[JPC]

You don't like it, spike the ball. Spike the ball. And every play, you know?

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, then I will.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm gonna pass you to the ground, cuz. I'm so sad.

[Adol Refai]

Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Hey, guys.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. Hey.

[Adol Refai]

Let's all just fall down and let him get sacked.

[Josh Gondelman]

We gotta do that.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's my birthday, if anyone even cares.

[Adol Refai]

Nobody cares.

[JPC]

Okay, let's let him get sacked hard. Maybe they'll replace. Maybe they'll replace him.

[Josh Gondelman]

Wait a minute. You're Cancer.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, of course. Hard at the outside, soft on the inside.

[Josh Gondelman]

That makes sense why you're feeling this so tough.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Losing.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, no. See?

[JPC]

Oh, no.

[Aaron Keefe]

I thought you were gonna soften. Oh, I love it. I love it. I hope that's what it's like.

[Josh Gondelman]

It is football.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. I hope to God that's what it's like. Do you think they're ever hurting each other's feelings? Probably. Right?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

They all have feelings.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Okay.

[JPC]

I think it's more likely in a group of men that they are hurting each other's feelings, because I feel like they're. They have lines that they don't set in, like, clear terms. And then when someone goes over that line. They probably get their feelings hurt and.

[Josh Gondelman]

Are not equipped to talk about it. Or they're not, like, encouraged to hear, even if they have the individual emotional intelligence.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, yeah. I bet there's been at least one quarterback who's like, thrown the ball and it's about to be intercepted, and he's like, don't.

[JPC]

Don'T.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, don't. Come on, my mom's here. Don't quit it.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's always so hard, right? Because it's like. With, like, an artistic performance, everybody's kind of hoping it's good. When you have to do sports, a lot of people hope it's bad for you.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

There's people actively rooting against you.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[JPC]

We were talking about this last night, but the idea of, like, having a. Being good at something, like performing or playing football or something like that, and then having, like, a mental block, it's like the yips and golf, like, that is so. That's so wild. To just be, like. Be going from being like, oh, yeah, I'm at the top of my game. I'm playing, you know, to the top of my skill level to being like, oh, I can't do anything anymore.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's the thing that happens to gymnasts that is really scary? Like the twist. Yeah. She had to sit out of the Olympics because it's like, you can't. You don't know where you're at in the air. It happens to gymnasts sometimes when they get nervous and it's so dangerous.

[Adol Refai]

I want to be 100 on when Josh said the twisties, I was like, josh, come on.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, that's real.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's what it's called.

[Aaron Keefe]

But that's so scary because they're flinging their bodies and you could die if you decide to keep going during that.

[JPC]

That kind of thing is not the kind of thing that you're like, let's just wing it and see if I land.

[Josh Gondelman]

And Adil is right. They should give it a more serious sounding name.

[JPC]

Well, like the thing that when you're a diver and you come up too fast and they call that the bins. I'm also like, come on, can we give it like a SC or something?

[Aaron Keefe]

You know, it sounds like when you're hungover and you try to stand up. That is what the. Ben.

[Josh Gondelman]

We gotta rename it Unbelievable.

[Adol Refai]

Not name it after a Radiohead album. Please. Let's do another trio here.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

A French restaurant. A beauty salon. The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.

[Aaron Keefe]

Baguettes.

[JPC]

Moose and Squirrel. Moose, Moose, Moose.

[Adol Refai]

They all have.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wow. Okay, okay.

[JPC]

How do you guys feel about moose? Not the animal, the dessert.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think it's pretty good.

[Adol Refai]

I'm pro. I do want to see a scene. Aaron and Josh, you are famous cartoon duo Baguette and Squirrel.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, I'm doing great. Nice to see you, Baguette. How you doing?

[Aaron Keefe]

Not good. Someone took a bite out of me this morning. I am not alone for this world.

[Josh Gondelman]

No, Baguette, you. You got plenty to offer. You're so crusty. I bet they didn't get far into you at all.

[Aaron Keefe]

You know, I didn't catch the guy that did it, but his teeth felt a lot like squirrel teeth. You wouldn't have done something like that to an old friend, would you?

[JPC]

What?

[Josh Gondelman]

No, I would. I would never nibble an old friend.

[Adol Refai]

And obviously that duo fell apart because Squirrel took a bite. So now we see the new duo, jpc. You Enter the Fray. And this is five years later, we see Baguette and Costello.

[Aaron Keefe]

Who Ate Me? Ow. See, that took me a second. I was like Baguette and Costell. Okay. Yes, yes. Okay. Yes.

[JPC]

Costello is the one you keep.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep.

[Josh Gondelman]

I love.

[Adol Refai]

Instead of who's on first, it's who Ate Me?

[Josh Gondelman]

Who ate Me?

[Adol Refai]

I'm asking who ate Me? Oh, very good. I think we keep going with these trios here. How about Rocky 1, 2, and 3?

[JPC]

Okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

Is that the trio? Rocky. Rocky Balboa.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. Actually, there's a lot of stuff here. Roxy, Paulie, Adrian. Gloves, Rings, movie movies.

[Josh Gondelman]

Mickey's in all three cinema films. Humans, Earth, Sylvester Stallone, Oxygen.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did someone say Earth? Insane.

[Josh Gondelman]

Philadelphia.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, yeah. But only one.

[Josh Gondelman]

She's in one of them.

[Adol Refai]

My favorite thing, I think, is it Rocky 3, where Paulie gets a robot for Christmas or his birthday.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm going to be honest with you. I've never seen Rocky iii.

[Adol Refai]

Watch Rocky iii, and there's a really funny little montage where Paulie and Polly's maybe the best part of all the movies, but he gets a robot and there's, like, this really weird future. Like, at the time, it probably came out in, like, 87 or something. And at the time, robots were not what they are now.

[JPC]

Is there any way that's Rocky iv?

[Adol Refai]

It could be four.

[JPC]

It could be four.

[Adol Refai]

It could be four with. Yes, yes, yes. With Drago. But. But there's this moment where the robot goes, happy birthday, Paula, and then there's, like, futuristic music playing. It's really weird.

[JPC]

Yeah, it's good, though.

[Adol Refai]

It is good. Force. The best one. Rocky 1, 2, and 3. The US space program Greek mythology.

[JPC]

Hmm.

[Adol Refai]

Rocky 1, 2 and 3.

[JPC]

They all have Sputnik.

[Adol Refai]

Oh, you're close.

[JPC]

They all have. It's not Sputnik, but it's something else.

[Adol Refai]

Rocky 1, 2, 3. The US space program. Greek mythology.

[JPC]

Russian antagonist.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's the name of the robot that went to space? Who's on Mars?

[Adol Refai]

Oh.

[JPC]

Ours. Discovery. Challenger. They all have a challenger. No.

[Adol Refai]

Yeah. Rocky 1, 2, 3.

[JPC]

Yeah, and what was it? Antiquity? Greek. What is it?

[Adol Refai]

Greek mythology. Mythology, US space program. Rocky 1, 2, and 3. And I will say in Rocky 1, 2, and 3, this is one of the top three or four things in Rocky 1, 2, and three.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, complicated.

[JPC]

Complicated. Belts. They have belts. They have belts. No. Fuck.

[Aaron Keefe]

Steps.

[JPC]

It's gotta be some, like, Greek name or something like that. Like a God's name, like Ares or Kronos.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, Apollo.

[Adol Refai]

They all have Apollo. I do wanna see a scene.

[JPC]

Great. Josh, good.

[Josh Gondelman]

No, you got a. Over there.

[Adol Refai]

Josh is crushing this. I'd want to see.

[JPC]

I wish they let you win a race when you get, like, a half mile away from the finish. That guy's gonna win.

[Josh Gondelman]

But, like, I got to start the race there.

[JPC]

That. That would be even better. Like, hey, everybody, we're doing races by handicaps, so people are gonna have different starting lines than everyone else.

[Adol Refai]

I do want to see a scene. The three of you are Greek gods. And based off one of JPC's guesses at the answer, this is the gods. The Greek gods inventing belts.

[Josh Gondelman]

Now, we are here atop Mount Olympus to discuss one of the most pressing problems facing all the gods. The big shapeless gowns we wear just don't show off our powerful physiques.

[Aaron Keefe]

Zeus, when your gown fell yesterday and we were all laughing, it was more of, like, a nervous laughter, right, guys? Like, we weren't laughing at you. It was, like, with you.

[Josh Gondelman]

Laughter. I just, you know, I'm. You know that I want to accentuate the shapeliness of my buttcheeks and that it exists, but I have a pretty.

[JPC]

Flat pancake ass, and I want to dig into this. I'm, like, ready to dig into this. Before we start, does anyone want a little wine and maybe be quick suck and fuck? Not that we can't.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, for sure.

[JPC]

Is it worth it? All right, where did I put my harpoon?

[Adol Refai]

Oh, actually, sorry. Hey, hey. Hey, gods. Hey, gods.

[JPC]

I don't.

[Adol Refai]

I don't want to quick suck and fuck, but holds up a cigarette. If I could get a quick light. If Prometheus could just get a quick lie.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you for announcing your name. Prometheus Crash.

[JPC]

Thunder.

[Josh Gondelman]

Lightning.

[Aaron Keefe]

Classic Zeus stuff.

[JPC]

You didn't say what kind of light you wanted, so Zeus made lightning. Oh, you killed Prometheus.

[Josh Gondelman]

You just.

[JPC]

You fucking smoked his ass. Burnt him to a crisp. Damn.

[Josh Gondelman]

When are we gonna get back to what's important? My ass.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, yes.

[Josh Gondelman]

Accentuate it. Suck it or fuck it.

[Aaron Keefe]

And I'm just saying that you don't need to invent anything just because your pants basically fell down in front of everyone yesterday is all I'm saying.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, I. Why would I. You. It's just gonna keep happening. You're gonna keep laughing.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, no, no, no. And I know, like, I'm God.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm gonna lose the respect of the mortals.

[Aaron Keefe]

No. Guys. Right? Nod with me. No, he's not. He's Zeus. He's like the big one.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm gonna turn into a swan. Nobody's gonna want to ask my swan.

[JPC]

D. Don't say big one. We all saw. What? Zebra. I mean.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Have you been calling me swan dick behind my back?

[Aaron Keefe]

You guys, Nobody answer that.

[Josh Gondelman]

Somebody answer that.

[Adol Refai]

Somebody answer old swan dick over here. You mean Zeus? Yeah. Swan dick.

[JPC]

Zeus. Half transformation being like, oh, no, just the dick.

[Adol Refai]

Just the dick.

[JPC]

I did swan dick again. Oh, I'll never live this down.

[Josh Gondelman]

Now I just got to go there. I'm going to look like a guy. Just a bird.

[Adol Refai]

Swan dong. Instead of swan song, let's do another one here.

[Josh Gondelman]

This is my swan.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. That's something that has legs.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'll tell you what that would have got Hillary elected.

[Adol Refai]

My corkscrew shape dunk. A bowling ball. A bowling ball. Standard notebook paper. A pierced nose.

[JPC]

Three holes.

[Adol Refai]

They all have three holes.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'll tell you what that would have got Hillary elected.

[Josh Gondelman]

Christ.

[Adol Refai]

For the next part of the debate.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm answering that from now on, forever, for everything.

[Adol Refai]

Let's have the two candidates go back and forth and say how many holes.

[JPC]

They have, how many holes they'd be willing to have. Winner takes all.

[Adol Refai]

Naked swimmers.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

Tobacco chewers. Ursa Minor.

[Josh Gondelman]

A dip.

[Adol Refai]

Yes.

[Josh Gondelman]

Skinny dipping. Big dipper or little dipper?

[Adol Refai]

Yeah, they're all dippers.

[Josh Gondelman]

Dippers.

[JPC]

They're all dippers.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's amazing.

[Adol Refai]

Very nice job.

[JPC]

That's really nice.

[Adol Refai]

Old Cadillacs. Helsinki. And a shark.

[Josh Gondelman]

Fins.

[Adol Refai]

They all have fins.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wow.

[JPC]

Old Cadillacs have fins. Can someone explain that one on the.

[Josh Gondelman]

Catalog kind of on the. Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

Like, kind of like a spoiler.

[Josh Gondelman]

But yeah, but like.

[JPC]

But a fin. Sure.

[Josh Gondelman]

If I don't get it with my first thought, though, I'm never Getting there. That's just like my curse. I'm just like. I get like a. Like, my brain is a musket. One thing in it, maybe four minutes.

[Adol Refai]

To load your brain.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's gonna be another five min.

[Adol Refai]

My brain is a musket. Sounds like a Interpol song. Santa Claus, an all pro defensive lineman and a potato farmer.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sack sacks.

[Adol Refai]

They all have sacks. God, you got to imagine Santa Claus would go all pro.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

He's everywhere. You can't block him.

[Adol Refai]

Let's do one more.

[JPC]

I love that. I love that. Love that.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron, do you love that?

[Aaron Keefe]

I do love that. I'm ready.

[Adol Refai]

Okay. And Josh, you love, love that. Perfect.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay.

[Adol Refai]

Just want to make sure this is our last one. A model for rings, a surgeon, all state insurance. A model for rings, a surgeon, all state insurance.

[JPC]

They all have jingles. Okay.

[Adol Refai]

What's a surgeon's jingle? Cut you open.

[Aaron Keefe]

I was gonna say cut you open.

[Josh Gondelman]

Cut your life into pieces. That's what I do at work.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's what I do at work. That's what I do at work.

[JPC]

There is a surgeon that sings that.

[Adol Refai]

Every time I do want to see a scene.

[Josh Gondelman]

New metal surgeon.

[Adol Refai]

The three of you are surgeons. This is your first time doing an operation as a trio, and Josh is sort of a. Sort of maybe goth or heavy metal surgeon.

[Aaron Keefe]

Congratulations, everybody. We are about to embark on the first ever head transplant in the world. Only the finest surgeons are here, and we'll let our neurosurgeon do the first cut. Whenever you're ready.

[JPC]

Oh, and just before we begin, I have to double check the race of the donor and the race of the recipient. Yes, this is fine. This will not raise any red flags.

[Aaron Keefe]

Good to double check, though. Thank you.

[Josh Gondelman]

You want those heads to match?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, this. Thank you so much for. Thank you so much for having me here as part of this team.

[JPC]

Honored to have you.

[Josh Gondelman]

I gotta tell you, I'm a little rusty. It's been a while.

[JPC]

Well.

[Josh Gondelman]

Since I've done a brain surgery and.

[JPC]

Oh, should we be joking today?

[Josh Gondelman]

He's a joke.

[JPC]

He's an expert. I'm being in front of him, being this.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah. So. Of course. Yes. Okay. Sorry.

[JPC]

I thought you were very funny. We loved that. We loved that joke. And we're here for you as you kind of work your magic.

[Josh Gondelman]

All right. I guess make an incision. Start there.

[JPC]

Yeah. Starting on the neck.

[Josh Gondelman]

God, that cut my guy into pieces. That's one I knew.

[JPC]

Oh, and I don't know.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sorry. I love that you're doing sort of Air guitar and air drums. And I love that everyone's dodging.

[Josh Gondelman]

Let me take up. Get my headphones. Okay. Yeah. What was that? Sorry.

[JPC]

So we can do music in the room as well. Because he's on under, so if you. If there's. Yeah, you just tell the.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm not. I'm not under. I'm not under. I didn't know when the good time to say that was. I'm not under. Someone forgot I'm not under guy.

[JPC]

We're like three quarters of the way through your neck.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know. I know. I'm not under. Can. I'm not under at this point, it.

[JPC]

Would be more trouble than it's worth. You did so well with the net cut. I think you can take it.

[Josh Gondelman]

We'll just go the rest of the. The way.

[JPC]

We'll just go the rest of the way.

[Josh Gondelman]

Is this the donor or the recipient? I'm really losing track.

[JPC]

Damn. Maybe we should have made them different races. They are too hard to talk.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm so sorry. I like, I just stupid. But I was like, wait, is the person talking the one whose head I'm cutting off or the one who I'm putting it on?

[Adol Refai]

I love the person's. Gotta know the person's head being like, am I. What's. What's wrong with me that we're getting a new.

[JPC]

It was a successful head transplant. You get to the end of the procedure, you're like, oh, no. We cut his head off and stitched it right back on. Oh, my God.

[Aaron Keefe]

Successfully, though.

[Adol Refai]

Well, Josh, not only do you do surgeries, but you also do standup. Where can we find your new standup special? What else you got going on?

[Josh Gondelman]

My new standup special, thank you for asking, is called Positive reinforcement. It's on YouTube. Currently on Blonde Medicine's YouTube channel. But if you search Positive Reinforcement, Josh Gondelman, you'll find it. It's also. There's an audio. There's an album wherever you listen to things that has a little bonus material that didn't quite fit into the special but is really fun on the album. I write a newsletter every week called that's Marvelous. It's full of jokes and pep talks and has all my tour dates in it. It's. It's. Excuse me. I just got a website for it. That's www.thatsmarvelousnewsletter.com. i'm oshgondelman on Instagram. Bluesky, TikTok threads now. And what else? My wife has a book out that's fun. I might have alluded to that. Yeah. Maris Kreisman. It's called. I want to burn this place down. It's a really wonderful essay collection. I'm trying to think if there's anything. I'm on tour. I'm going to the Catskills in Minneapolis and. And Maine and Toronto August 1st and 2nd. If this is out, then I think is a good one.

[JPC]

I think it comes out right after.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, that's okay. No problem at all. Then I'm going to Philadelphia in late August and then Minneapolis in the fall. And more tour dates to come. JoshGondelman.com, sorry. A lot of plugs. Too many plugs.

[Adol Refai]

Hell yeah. And mention all the podcasts you've done recently.

[Josh Gondelman]

Only this one.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm not coming on here to talk about those other folks.

[Adol Refai]

Highly, highly recommend positive reinforcement on YouTube. It's at the Bell House, which is one of our favorite venues. It's just a fantastic.

[JPC]

Yeah, we'll be there later this year in November. It's a fantastic venue.

[Josh Gondelman]

The best. It's so fun. I think it looks really nice. It's very friendly and pleasant. So if you're a person who stays away from standup. Cause it's a lot of like this fucking guy's shirt. It's like very little about that fucking guy's shirt. I kind of have a different take on his shirt. I think you would really like it, Josh.

[JPC]

You get to your shirt and your standup special early on, you touch on it briefly and then it's over. Get it out of the way. That's it.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron, anything to plug or promote?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, just check out Josh Gondelman stuff. I'm a huge fan and also worth noting. I've been in comedy a long time. Josh. You gotta be probably the nicest person I've ever met.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's too.

[Aaron Keefe]

Who does comedy? I'm not kidding.

[Josh Gondelman]

No, that's very sweet.

[Aaron Keefe]

And there's a lot of very nice people in it. You guys. He. He's the nicest.

[Josh Gondelman]

Thank you.

[Aaron Keefe]

And Adeline, jpc also. Very well. Adel. Very nice. Incredibly kind. Nice. Jpc.

[Adol Refai]

Thank you.

[JPC]

I'd rather be kind than nice. And I'm neither. So.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adeline, I am deeply unkind.

[Adol Refai]

Deeply.

[JPC]

Yes.

[Adol Refai]

Check out heyriddle Riddle on tour. We have some upcoming dates. You can check those out@heyriddle riddle.com live. Also, hello from the Magic Tavern is on tour. Check out our dates as well. I want to say hello from themagictavern.com live. Hopefully.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sure.

[Adol Refai]

I forget all the Websites, but check those out. Jpc Anything to plug, promote.

[JPC]

If you're listening to this on the day that it comes out, you can still buy our LA livestream. Just go to our website or the Dynasty Typewriter website. It' for two weeks after our show and our show was last weekend. So check that out and hey, you know what? I'll read a review. I haven't read a review in a while. If you want to get a review featured on the show, just leave a five star review anywhere you leave reviews. This one's called A Descent into Beautiful Madness by H. Swanson Smith. A friend introduced me to the show in March. I spent two months unable to listen to anything else. My brain turned to mush. I confused people around me by laughing at jokes they couldn't hear for several weeks. I made the show my shout out to the four people watching my Twitch stream. I made the mistake of listening in the car with my toddler which led him to repeating many words. I know it's not a show for kids. I cannot always be a perfect mother.

[Adol Refai]

I'm not a perfect mother.

[JPC]

That was last scene. That was last scene. This show might mildly ruin your life. I can't recommend it highly enough. Thank you so much. H. Swanson Smith. I think you're doing a great job. Give yourself some grace.

[Aaron Keefe]

I love it.

[Adol Refai]

I'm at Ora 5 for the very first time.

[JPC]

Something there sounds really good.

[Adol Refai]

Aaron, take like a late 90s early 2000s alt song and turn it into Jupiter. Maybe like an Incubus song. We'll wait.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm trying to think of any other song. I can't do it. Jupiter. I'm panicking. RIP Word created by Adol Refai Starring.

[JPC]

Aaron Keenan and John Patrick Cohen. Casey Tony did the editing. Emory Paris in the music logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emeline morris. Hey there MGMs and grands. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. Adel, Aaron and JPC bring you a Vegas hot heist. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon. Com heyriddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there. That was a hit gum podcast.