#370: Little Miss 2nd Breakfast w/ Zach Reino

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle – Episode #370: Little Miss 2nd Breakfast w/ Zach Reino

Release Date: August 20, 2025
Host: Headgum | Panelists: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)
Guest: Zach Reino

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Overview

In this energetic, joke-packed episode, improvisers Adal, Erin, and JPC are joined by the multi-talented Zach Reino (Off Book, Stugo) for a riddle-solving, improv-laden adventure. They reminisce about LA recording sessions, riff about awkward restaurant experiences, dig into their personal LARPing and Ren Faire escapades, and, amidst much laughter, churn out improv scenes sparked by riddles, listener prompts, and personal stories. As usual, the episode features more tangents, bits, and running jokes than actual riddles—but that’s part of the show’s chaotic charm.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Welcome Back to LA (02:45–04:40)

• The cast reunites in Los Angeles, recalling previous "Hollywood Nights" recording trips.
• Erin notes the studio has changed locations; they’re unsure where the old one even was.
• The group sets the Hollywood tone with Zach, who jokes, “I'm the least Hollywood person you could have found. And yet here I am. And yet I live here.” (04:01, Zach)

2. “Mr. Second Breakfast” and Hobbit Banter (04:10–06:52)

• Zach riffs on seeing the Lord of the Rings Hobbits in Hollywood, leading to jokes about “Mr. Second Breakfast.”
• The group imagines scenarios where a server shames a repeat breakfast customer:
  • “Whoa, Mr. Second Breakfast.” (05:00, Adal)
  • “Mrs. Second Breakfast is my mother, thank you very much.” (06:16, Zach)
• Discussion veers into “Little Miss” and “Mr. Men” book nostalgia and how those labels would feel as insults.

3. Service Industry Stories & Waiter Banter (07:06–08:58)

• Adal recounts a Portland brunch where a sassy waiter tells him:
  • “Have you ever worked in the service industry? …It shows, honey.” (07:29, Adal quoting)
• Zach describes a laissez-faire tiki bar server in LA, leading to jokes about customer energy and “quadruple threats” in performance.

4. LARPing Tales & Improv (09:01–16:03)

• Erin and Zach reveal a past meet-up at a LARP event where Erin was a first-timer, “Eat, Pray, LARPing.”
• They detail the mechanics of LARPing, vampires attacking, and the escapist appeal (“cosplaying too scared to walk down the street as a woman”).
• Improv scene: Zach and Erin as exes who unexpectedly meet at a LARP event, remaining in-character (“Alas, the bridge is not to go up this hour...” (13:28, Aaron)).

5. Ren Faire, Improv, and Fan Encounters (16:04–18:58)

• Zach talks about playing a bard in LARP, singing about mundane joys (like waiting for cake) and “vibing” at such events, versus those who want combat.
• The group riffs on theme park jobs, with Adal suggesting Zach would excel at musical improv for park visitors (“You and Jess would be killer at it.” (17:52, Adal))
• JPC and Zach lament that jobs like “Turtle Talk with Crush” are coveted; they joke about podcast fans recognizing them at events.

6. Riddles for Kids & “Catch the Death Blade” (20:13–27:30)

• Erin introduces a set of kid-friendly riddles, invoking siblings Oliver and Liam, devoted listeners.
• First riddle derails into a scene where Zach and JPC are the only members of a too-enthusiastic Ultimate Frisbee club:
  • “Catch the Death Blade… fight gravity.” (24:34, JPC/Zach)
• Scenes spiral into acapella jokes and musical outbursts (“Counting Crows, Mr. Jones, can I talk to my friend for a second?” (26:13, Zach))

7. Spinning, Carousel, and Ballet for Children of Divorce (31:41–37:04)

• Riddles continue: fireworks, carousels.
• Improv scene: children in a ballet class specifically for “Children of Divorce,” with running gags about three breakfasts and cheap classes. (“This is Miss Carol’s ballet school for Children of Divorce.” (32:42, Aaron))

8. Favorite Movies, Rewatches & Comfort Watching (48:09–49:56)

• Zach reveals he rarely rewatches movies, only TV shows.
• Erin admits to watching the film "RRR" five times:
  • “That’s more than I’ve seen any movie.” (48:40, Zach)

9. Listener Riddles from Jordan & Improv—“Rubber” (50:52–56:41)

• Erin introduces “trick” riddles with wordplay (e.g., colonel/Kernal).
• Improv: Adal plays a drunken general haphazardly promoting soldiers, leading to hijinks about military hierarchy and Ruber—a ride share app where everyone is rude.
  • “I can’t be in my own pants? You’re telling me…” (54:50, Adal)
  • “He can’t be an Uber anymore, so he has to use Ruber.” (56:18, JPC)

10. Rideshare Small Talk & The Social Contract (57:32–62:22)

• Erin’s “Hot Take”: people who want to monologue at you as Uber drivers should result in a discount:
  • “If you’re going to be a man… and you want to talk at me, I should get a discount.” (58:14, Aaron)
• Discussion swerves into memories about early Lyft culture, with JPC recalling an awkward anti-Semitic comment from a Chicago driver.

11. Improv: Jungle Cruise Guide with Relationship Overshare (62:22–65:23)

• Zach, as a Jungle Cruise guide, keeps slipping awkward personal details about his failed date with his boss Kylie into the spiels.
  • “That’s Kylie, I’m going to see her again…” (62:58, Zach)
• The ride gets derailed by personal drama, culminating in guests giving him dating advice.

12. Disney Jobs & Lightning Bugs (65:53–69:22)

• The group plays a game: could they convincingly impersonate Disneyland ride operators (Jungle Cruise, Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc.) to win $10 billion or avoid death?
• They agree some roles (Jungle Cruise punning) would be a stretch, but others are easier (“All I had to do was float—100%.” (67:57, Aaron))

13. More Jordan Riddles — Quickfire Round (71:34–73:41)

• Riddles about ticks, cables, dribbling—leading to more wordplay and puns.
• Improv: dog teaches tennis, leading to “Rimbledon” and jokes about Air Bud.

14. Plugs & Sign-offs (76:08–78:19)

• Zach plugs Off Book’s live tour and the new animated series "Stugo" on Disney (“I’m a voice on a show called Stugo that dropped its entirety on Disney today.” (76:36, Zach))
• The cast plugs other projects and encourage listeners to watch Zach's YouTube content, the “mock trial” episode, and Adal gives a shoutout to voice actor Jim Cummings for his prolific career.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On LARPing:
  “Eat, Pray, LARPing—I went to a LARP event…and you wouldn’t believe it. The weekend I decided to go, it gets attacked by vampires.” (10:12–10:30, Aaron)
• On Improv Jobs at Theme Parks:
  “If there was a musical element of, like, singing songs about people passing by…would be a killer job.” (17:52, Adal)
• On “Mr. Second Breakfast”:
  “Whoa, Mr. Second Breakfast…That sounds like a waiter shaming someone.” (05:00, Adal)
• On Rideshare Monologues:
  “If you want to talk at me, I should get a discount on my ride.” (58:14, Aaron)
• On Uber for Rudeness:
  “He can’t be an Uber anymore…he has to use Ruber, which is rude Uber where you’re allowed to be rude to the driver.” (56:13, Zach/JPC)
• On “Children of Divorce” Ballet:
  “This is Miss Carol’s ballet school for Children of Divorce—so we’re all in the same boat here.” (32:42, Aaron)
• On Rewatching Movies:
  “That’s more than I’ve seen any movie!” (48:40, Zach in disbelief on Erin’s fifth “RRR” rewatch)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Welcome/LA banter: 02:45–04:40
• “Mr. 2nd Breakfast”/Hobbits: 04:10–06:52
• Service industry tales: 07:06–08:58
• LARPing & Improv: 09:01–16:03
• Ren Faire & Improv jobs discussion: 16:04–18:58
• Kids riddles & “Catch the Death Blade” scene: 20:13–27:30
• Ballet school for Children of Divorce scene: 31:41–37:04
• Favorite movies & rewatch habits: 48:09–49:56
• Jordan’s Riddles & Ruber improv: 50:52–56:41
• Rideshare small talk discourse: 57:32–62:22
• Jungle Cruise overshare improv: 62:22–65:23
• Disney jobs—could you fake it?: 65:53–69:22
• Rapid-fire riddles & tennis dog improv: 71:34–73:41
• Plugs & sign-offs: 76:08–78:19

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Tone and Language

The episode is fast-paced, irreverent, and full of playful banter. It showcases the hosts’ improvisational flair, endless inside jokes, and a willingness to riff on any subject. The cast’s comedic timing and chemistry keep even the wildest tangents entertaining, blending sharp wit, goofball humor, and sincere storytelling about their lives and creative work.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a perfect snapshot of Hey Riddle Riddle’s chaotic, comedy-driven style. If you like improv, witty tangents, and silly takes on brain teasers—with plenty of genuine camaraderie—this is your kind of show. And yes, between jokes about vampires, Air Bud, and “Mr. Second Breakfast,” a few riddles do get solved.

Transcript

[Aaron]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[JPC]

Quick. Time to choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal. Each with its own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's. Price and participation may vary.

[Aaron]

Hear ye, hear ye. An emerging movement around psilocybin is proven to help with mental health, ptsd, anxiety and depression.

[JPC]

Hey, dude, thank you so much for inviting me to this kingdom. This kingdom is awesome. It's like way better than any other kingdom.

[Adel]

Yeah, Kingdom 35 rules. I think it's a community where everyone uses Schedule 35.

[JPC]

Oh, okay. Schedule 35, the one that ships all across Canada and the US and is the most notable brand currently in the psilocybin space.

[Aaron]

All products come with guides that make microdosing easy to understand. There's gummies, there's teas, and everything comes with clear instructions. I like to take one before I clean.

[Adel]

I prefer the chocolates. And also. Hey, man, you can just talk.

[JPC]

Yeah, it's just us and you don't have a trumpet. Plus, all customers will need to be age verified. Once age verified, which is 19 plus in Canada and 21 plus in the U.S. they will receive an invite code for all the products. And to get an invite code, visit www.schedule35.co.

[Adel]

No, no horn.

[Aaron]

Our goal is to destigmatize and re educate on the science and real world benefits of psilocybin as well as making it accessible for everyone. Everyone.

[JPC]

It's crazy that she keeps shouting. We keep stepping back and she keeps stepping closer to us.

[Adel]

It's like we should vote for a new mayor.

[JPC]

Yeah, this kingdom actually is kind of a bummer. Get 15% off with code RIDDLE at schedule 35CO. That's 15% off at schedule 35, schedule 35CO and use code Riddle. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. He was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice and.

[Aaron]

The horses ain't right. Ready?

[Adel]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[JPC]

Let's do it.

[Adel]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Do you have an idea to start us? You seem sharp today.

[JPC]

Interesting. I've been up since 5:00am all right, Adam, what's up?

[Aaron]

And this will be the start. Hey, everybody. Welcome to hey Riddle Riddle. That's Adel over there. We're in the Headgum studio. There's JPC over there in the Headgum Studio.

[JPC]

Hey, I'm jpc. I'm in the Headgum Studio. Aaron, we're back in la.

[Aaron]

How does it feel?

[JPC]

Do you remember the first time that we came out to LA to record and we had. We. I think we called it Hollywood Nights.

[Adel]

Yes.

[JPC]

Even though we were recording during the day?

[Aaron]

It was. Yes. And it was in the old Headgum Studios. That was like in an industrial park.

[JPC]

It was like in the receiving part of a shipping container.

[Aaron]

And I have no idea where that was. Now that I live here, I have no sense of where that could have been.

[JPC]

Well, all that to say, this is kind of like Hollywood nights. Cause we're recording, I mean, pretty close to the night.

[Adel]

4Pm in Chicago. It's late evening.

[JPC]

It's 6pm in Chicago right now.

[Aaron]

Yeah, you're right. It's 7pm on the east Coast. So in a way. And what makes it also kind of feel Hollywoody?

[JPC]

Well, we have a guest deck. Reno's here.

[Aaron]

Oh, that's why.

[Zach]

Deals, memos, traffic, limousines, red carpets, cigars.

[JPC]

Cigars.

[Zach]

Big part of Hollywood.

[Adel]

This is like 2000. Another pyramid.

[Zach]

The magic castle.

[Aaron]

What is Hollywood?

[Zach]

I'm the least Hollywood person you could have found. And yet here I am. And yet I live here.

[Adel]

Wow.

[Zach]

So welcome to my beautiful city that I own.

[Adel]

Zach, on the way here.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Adel]

What celebrities did you see?

[Zach]

Oh, gosh. I had to peel all four of the hobbits off the floor. I'm talking Elijah Wood. No, they're just sitting on my car. And I was like, boys, I gotta go on a podcast.

[JPC]

Elijah Wood.

[Zach]

Uh huh. Sean.

[Adel]

Dominic.

[Aaron]

Sean Aston.

[Zach]

Sean Astin.

[JPC]

Guy from Lost.

[Adel]

It would have been Chianti. No, that was Uncle Junior on separate.

[Aaron]

Dominic Moynihan.

[JPC]

Dominic Moynihan. Sounds right.

[Adel]

Dominic Moynihan. And.

[JPC]

And Zach. For a million dollars, what is the final hobbit?

[Adel]

Mary Pippin. One of those things.

[Zach]

Yeah. That's gonna be Mariador Pippin, right? I don't know.

[JPC]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Aaron]

Whoever. Anyway, Mr. Second Breakfast. He's the one who cares about second breakfast. That's the name we can't think of.

[Adel]

That sounds like a waiter shaming someone. Whoa, Mr. Second Breakfast.

[JPC]

I think you do get a little shame.

[Aaron]

The French toast and the pancakes.

[JPC]

Breakfast at a restaurant. Leave and then come back and try to order breakfast again. I think it's okay for the waiter to say, hey, Mr. Second.

[Aaron]

I'd still complain.

[JPC]

I would complain. Of course, I'd try to do my best to get them fired.

[Zach]

I bet there's a tone at which it wouldn't feel so adversarial.

[Aaron]

I don't know. Try to do it. Try to do it in a way that.

[Zach]

Well, Wait, am I still calling you Mr. Second Breakfast? Yeah, because that feels like an added layer of complication, but I will try.

[Aaron]

All right, here we go. Ready?

[Zach]

You come in.

[Aaron]

I'm walking back in after just eating at your restaurant. Here I come. Table for one.

[Zach]

Oh, hey, Mr. Second Breakfast.

[Adel]

Okay.

[Aaron]

Okay. It felt a little bad. It's weird, but, like, 1% bad.

[Zach]

It felt weird to say.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I will also say that, like, sort of aggressively misgendering someone, even within the context of a joke, is like a weird energy to come out with. Because it's not like. It's not like you're calling. Like someone made a pit bull joke, and you're like, it's Mr. Worldwide. Mr. Second breakfast is not a thing.

[Aaron]

I will say, though, as a she, her. It feels less aggressive than you calling me Mrs. Second Breakfast.

[JPC]

Yeah, there's a. There's a.

[Zach]

That would be aging. Mrs. Second Breakfast is my mother, thank you very much.

[JPC]

Calling someone. Calling someone Ms. Second Breakfast also maybe is even a little worse, too, because you're like, you don't think I'm married. Yeah. Obviously someone who doesn't have their life together enough to get married would never be coming here for two breakfasts.

[Zach]

And if you want to be like. And like, the patronizing. What were those? Like, those. Those books. Sorry, I have to connect these thoughts. There's like, Little Miss Sunshine.

[Adel]

Oh, the. The little circular.

[Zach]

Yes, the circular guys.

[Adel]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Anyway, calling someone Little Miss Second Breakfast is also bad. Is like. Is patronizing.

[Adel]

There's a bunch of circular guys. I. Did each one represent a letter or a color or something?

[Zach]

There's like, Mr. Angry and Ms. Happy. I saw that.

[JPC]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I understand.

[Aaron]

I've really come around to Lil. Ms. Second Breakfast.

[Zach]

Lil Ms. Second Breakfast.

[Aaron]

If someone calls me that, I'd be for real.

[Adel]

Abigail. We were just in Portland, and Gemma and I went to a very nice brunch place, and there was a moment where the waiter was, like, slightly overly familiar or made a joke where it was something like. He to me goes, have you ever worked in the service industry? And I go, no. And he goes, it shows, honey. And then, like, walked away, and I was laughing, and I was like. I feel like some people may not.

[JPC]

What happened? What was the precursor to this?

[Adel]

I told Gemma because her. We were ready to order, and her menu was open, and I was like, you should close your menu. And she Goes, why? And I go, oh, well, I thought it was, like, universally known, if you're ready to order, you close your menu. And she goes, that's not a thing. And I go, I thought it was a thing. And then he came by, and I go, can I ask you something? And he goes, he said, try me, is what he said. I go, can I ask you something? He goes, try me.

[JPC]

Okay. Immediately now, knowing the context, I love this guy.

[Adel]

And I go, is it a thing to close the menu if you're ready to order? And he goes, I'd assume so. And then Gemma made a few good points. And he goes, oh, yeah, I could see that angle, too. I go, oh, okay. And he goes, have you worked in the service industry? And I go, no. And he goes, it shows, honey. And walked away. I loved it.

[Zach]

The truth of this world is that people contain multitudes. There's many ways to have menus both open and closed. There is a place here. There's a fun tiki bar called Broken Company that I love deeply. But one of the employees who I also love deeply hasn't. This isn't the waiter I see most, but the energy that he comes in with is like, he's barely at work and he's allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants.

[JPC]

That's awesome.

[Zach]

He'll sit down next to you and be like, what the fuck are we doing today, dude? I would like to think that it's just because I give off an air of, you need to do nothing but be yourself around. I require nothing from you.

[Adel]

Your energy is Sutton Foster. Anything goes.

[Zach]

I am Sutton Foster in the Quadruple Threat. What's the fourth one?

[Adel]

Acting.

[Zach]

Singing.

[Adel]

Dancing. Singing.

[Aaron]

Baking.

[Adel]

Baking. The improvising.

[Aaron]

Zach and I were talking right before you guys got in here. The last time we saw each other is a very funny context. We were on a hill.

[Zach]

Yeah. Would you like to guess?

[Aaron]

Yeah, Would you like to guess?

[JPC]

On a hill?

[Zach]

Nailed it.

[Aaron]

Nailed it. But give it more context. What were we doing?

[JPC]

Oh, Jonah Hill.

[Aaron]

We were on Joe, man.

[Zach]

We were in a threesome with Joe.

[Adel]

Was it some sort of, like, 4K or something? Like some sort of marathon or.

[Aaron]

No, that would be a normal thing.

[Zach]

That'd be a normal thing. It's weird. It's more niche than that. It's not surprising you don't. I don't know your brand as well. It's. It's not out of my brand.

[Aaron]

I don't think it's out of my.

[JPC]

Were you landslidding?

[Aaron]

No, but that I have. I haven't done that since I was a child.

[Adel]

Metal detecting. You were both on one Tree Hill. You were both on a hill.

[JPC]

Were you going to the hill for a private cry? I don't know Zach's brand as well, but I know your brand.

[Aaron]

I know. I was like, that might be more my brand.

[JPC]

Okay. I'm trying to pinpoint the brand.

[Adel]

You had a Peter Gabriel encore.

[Zach]

It's nerdier than any of these things.

[JPC]

Oh, okay. So this must be that you guys were playing some sort of, like, LARP or like a dagger.

[Zach]

Nailed it.

[Aaron]

We were LARPing and it was.

[JPC]

I think you may have told me this at one point.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[JPC]

Yeah. And that's why it. It sparked me.

[Zach]

Was that. Was that your first time?

[Aaron]

That was my first time in 2024. I was eat, Pray, loving. So I was saying yes to everything. I was Eat, Pray, LARPing, and I went to a LARPing event. And that would have been October.

[Zach]

Sounds about right.

[Aaron]

And you wouldn't believe it. The weekend I decided to go, it gets attacked by vampires.

[Adel]

Were you two. Did you two, like, meet on a hill? And Eren's like, Zack. And Zack's like, Aaron. And then he stabbed. Like, Was it a. Were you adversarial just like that?

[Aaron]

Just like that?

[Adel]

Adversarial?

[Aaron]

No. Well, it was so fun because we saw each other and then we were in character for the first, like, 10 minutes of talking to each other and.

[Zach]

Running into someone in a context in which you do not expect them in that particular context is a little bit of, like, it does make you sort of restart your brain. Because I'm like, that's Eren. What is that Eren? Cause it would be weird if that was Aaron.

[Aaron]

And then finally we started talking, and then you have to put your hand in your head if you want to talk, like a real. As yourself out of character until you're.

[Zach]

Like, close with buds. And then you just do it all the time.

[Aaron]

And then you went, it's good to see you. It's good to see you.

[Adel]

If you're. So I assume you both were not vampires, Correct? If you're.

[Aaron]

Well, I was actually, for a minute. Because you have. You have to.

[JPC]

Because of your complexion.

[Aaron]

Hey, she's so tannering.

[JPC]

She lives here.

[Aaron]

I'm very pale. But for the way that it runs is that you do, like, four hours of volunteering, of playing characters, being like.

[Zach]

The NPC for the rest of the player, that's fine.

[Adel]

If you are battling the vampires and you put your hand on your head to talk to someone, is it, like, off limits? Like, the vampires can't touch you, or are you still fair game?

[Zach]

I think if you do that, it is with the understanding that you need to stop for some reason and safety and stuff always takes precedence over.

[Aaron]

And then also, when you're walking to the bathroom, do you put something on the top of your head when you're like. Like, I'm not playing right now, you guys.

[Zach]

Yeah, you. Like, people get weird about it. But if you don't, like, if in any moment, you're like, I actually would like to opt out of being killed by vampires, that's fine.

[Adel]

I would love to see that.

[Zach]

No one's keeping score. People get killed at the bathroom all the time. Not in the bathroom, but on the way. Because people are, like, out there trying to kill people until, like, 2:00am that's when they stop sending out, like, NPCs.

[Aaron]

And the first night that I went, I was like, oh, this is my first time. I'm gonna pick a priestess character. And I got there, and then I had to ask knights to walk me down certain dark streets. And I was like, I love that. I'm cosplaying. Too scared to walk down the street as a woman.

[Zach]

Ooh, what a fantastical escape from life.

[Aaron]

I know. Absolutely.

[Adel]

I do wanna see a scene.

[Aaron]

Yeah, please.

[Adel]

We're gonna see a scene. Before we do any riddles. Zack and Aaron, you two are exes. You haven't seen each other in several years, and you're both larping at an event and you run into each other.

[Aaron]

Mm. Ahoy. Who goes there?

[Zach]

But tis. Oh, tis. Tis I, Sir James, have not seen you in a while. Yes, stranger.

[Aaron]

Hmm?

[Zach]

Hmm.

[Aaron]

Are you.

[Zach]

I. No. Can we. I just. Can we.

[Aaron]

Alas, the bridge is not to go up this hour.

[Zach]

Oh, surely it shall. Surely it shall be raised soon.

[Aaron]

For methinks that it won't be raised the rest of the week.

[Zach]

Well, tis a merry time for boats. And so there must be much traffic upon the river at this time. And so it would make sense if the bridge. Can we just talk for a second?

[Aaron]

Oh, I think the bridge wants to stay. Sort of like some people wanted to stay at a bachelor party weekend a little longer so they could flirt with people.

[Zach]

Well, maybe it wasn't about flirting. Maybe some knights had not seen their sworn brethren in many a moon and were concerned about them and needed to spend some extra time making sure that they had not been bedazzled by magics.

[Aaron]

And if only I hadn't received. Hey, girl pigeons from Several ladies in waiting to sort of describe the sort of horrors that perhaps you were seeing with your brethren.

[Zach]

Well, I. Well, there was. There was much drink. Much drink in merrymaking.

[Aaron]

Yes. And mead is a good excuse to lose your audience.

[Zach]

I get fucked up. Okay.

[Aaron]

It doesn't even matter. It doesn't even matter. You said I could keep larping. I said you could have the house if I could keep larping.

[Zach]

I thought you. I thought you've moved out of state. I didn't know you were coming back just for the larp.

[Aaron]

Of course I'm coming back.

[Zach]

Okay. No, I'll leave. I'll go.

[Aaron]

You don't have to go. You don't have to go. You should stay.

[Zach]

Okay. Are we like.

[JPC]

Tis my first larp. Can we attack them if they're crying? That feels like a level beyond.

[Adel]

Got them in my crosshairs, but tis seem too sad.

[JPC]

It seems very sad.

[Adel]

T seem too sad.

[Zach]

Hey, hey, yawn bandits. I'm having a moment here.

[Aaron]

Oh, are yawn bandits single? Cuz I am.

[Adel]

Yar y.

[JPC]

Okay, this is news to me. I guess we're just having fun then.

[Zach]

Mr.

[JPC]

I don't want to put a label.

[Adel]

On Mr. Second Boyfriend.

[Zach]

Mr. Second Boyfriend.

[Aaron]

But we. We were on a hill and it was very cold in the desert in the middle of the night and I was dressed like a vampire orphan and it was just really nice. And you were the second person ever that I told about my current boyfriend. We were sitting there.

[Zach]

Yes.

[Adel]

Was the first person him?

[Aaron]

Yeah, no, he found out like third or fourth. Zorb found out like way after every.

[Zach]

You were so excited about it. I'm so glad it worked out.

[Aaron]

Yeah, it worked out.

[Adel]

That's awesome.

[JPC]

Zach, I'm assuming that you do those things more regularly.

[Zach]

When I can. Yeah. I've been doing that one for like three years.

[JPC]

Okay, cool.

[Zach]

It happens like eight times a year. I've been busy lately, so I haven't. If I can go like two or three times a year, it would be cool.

[JPC]

Do you, when you do that, do you run into people who know you? Not from the LARPs but from the things that you do?

[Adel]

We're talking off book, we're talking dropout.

[Zach]

I mean, like, unsurprisingly, there is some sort of like ventral overlap with those crowds.

[JPC]

This is like every time we go to the ren faire, we always run into people who are like, I love the show.

[Zach]

Exactly. It is the rent. If you came to larp, you would be clocked. But people are. People are like Very respectful.

[JPC]

That's cool.

[Zach]

I think unlike the Renaissance Fair, there is a rule of people trying to keep up immersion.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Zach]

People don't just come up and talk to people they don't know, generally without a reason.

[Adel]

Don't break the key for it, but.

[Zach]

People are nice about it.

[Aaron]

My favorite part of the whole weekend was your character that you play as a bard.

[Zach]

Unsurprising.

[Aaron]

Unsurprising.

[Zach]

I go to escape into a fantasy world to play a fantasy version of basically myself.

[Aaron]

Were at a party and like an in world party and you got paid to play and you were singing songs about people who are waiting in line for cake. And I.

[Zach]

You were too. You and Sean were singing.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I was singing along with you, but I was mostly crying, laughing. It was just like a rolling laugh for 90 minutes.

[JPC]

Good money on that cake in world money.

[Adel]

I do feel like anytime I go to like a Disney park or Universal or anything like that, they'll have newer things that I haven't seen where it's like someone is like Donkey from Shrek and they're like roasting people. Or there's like a Transformer guy who, like, there's clearly someone not in the suit, but with a mic somewhere that can see everything.

[Zach]

Yeah. Someone is Optimus prime from a window.

[Adel]

Yes. Wave. I. I do think of, like, you and Jess of like, how good you would be if there was a musical element of, like, singing songs about people passing by or like, just even just general improv, I think would be a killer job. But I don't know if you're.

[Zach]

Yeah, that's appealing to you, I think, at this point. No, but I definitely, like. Like, I went to school at UC Irvine, which is in Anaheim. Lots of people work at Disneyland. And I applied for multiple of those jobs. There was no, like, musical improv job.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adel]

But like, yeah, Turtle from Nemo. There's one.

[Zach]

Crush. Crush. Turtle. Talk with Crush.

[Adel]

Yes. Yes.

[Zach]

Would have loved dujin Turtle.

[Aaron]

We have a listener that. That's his job.

[Adel]

Whoa.

[Zach]

Wow.

[JPC]

But so fuck you, guy. You got it. And Zach wanted it.

[Zach]

No, I'm sure you're better at the.

[Aaron]

Voice than I did that weekend when we were LARPing. I was like, God, this vampire thing has been so stressful. I'm gonna go to the bard competition and sit and listen to music. And I was like, this is so nice to just sit in the sun and listen to music. And then a vampire came and started killing people.

[Zach]

The worst.

[Aaron]

And I was like, can we not know peace?

[Zach]

The worst. That is my Biggest beef with the game is that a lot of people go there to do the combat and a lot of people go there to vibe. And those two worlds are often.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I was so there for the vibing, like making soup late at night.

[Zach]

Late night soup. Thumbs up, thumbs down. We'll do again.

[Aaron]

I think I would definitely do it again.

[Adel]

Do you make soup?

[Aaron]

Yeah, I was just, like, heating up soup late at night while people talked about politics of the game.

[Adel]

Is that part of the activities or you just microwave soup?

[Aaron]

No. Well, you don't microwave. You're outside.

[Adel]

Oh.

[Zach]

People have, like, in character, like, cooking setups. Oh.

[Aaron]

So I'm, like, there because I liked the part at night where I could.

[JPC]

Put candles in front of the.

[Aaron]

Of the door to protect from vampires and be like, come in, come in. And then, like, make people soup. I like to come in, come in. Part of the game.

[Zach]

No joke. People are selling, like, cups of cup of noodles, though. That's because, like, you're out in the woods, but also, like, how are you going to.

[JPC]

You're going to have to eat.

[Zach]

How are you going to operate your noodle store in the middle of the desert?

[Aaron]

Well, I, as an introvert, I did have to keep taking, like, 15 minute disassociative breaks in my tent. Just like. Oh, yeah.

[Zach]

In my adult life, nothing has stressed me out more than the first time I went there. I, like, nearly had, like, a panic attack.

[JPC]

That's so wild. Yeah. Eren, you describing the vampire part of it being very stressful as like, that sounds like the whole thing doesn't really sound like a vacation at all.

[Aaron]

Well, I wanted to start with some riddles for kids as a fun little warmup just to get it, because this is our first Los Angeles recording. I feel the cobwebs on my brain in sort of a major way.

[JPC]

Have we said anything on this episode yet that a kid can't listen to?

[Zach]

Yeah, I swore about the tiki bar man, because he swears.

[JPC]

Oh, that's right.

[Zach]

But you can bleep that and then it's fine for kids.

[JPC]

Yeah. Can we get. Can you just say some words like balloons or something that we can put in there later?

[Zach]

Yeah. Balloon, whale, tiger.

[JPC]

All right, Casey, whatever you crunch.

[Aaron]

Those are the answers to the first four riddles, so we're just burning through them.

[Adel]

Hey, boys. So what the tiger we doing?

[Aaron]

I did promise we met a couple or I met a couple this weekend at the Portland show, and I think they have two sons named Oliver and Liam.

[Zach]

One of them always lies and one.

[Aaron]

Of Them always lies, and one of.

[Adel]

Them always pisses the bed.

[Aaron]

And they are obsessed with our kid friendly episodes. And I swore that I would do another one. Okay, so this might be an accidental one. Unless we want to get real freaky.

[JPC]

Yeah, I feel like I could go either way.

[Aaron]

But I can also say thank you for your honesty.

[JPC]

I want to, like, jerk off my Captain Crunch until I tiger or whatever, and it's fine.

[Zach]

Not this one. Not this one, kid.

[Aaron]

I twirl and I spin. I zip through the air. Catch me mid flight, if you dare.

[Adel]

Plastic bag in the. This is American Beauty. Plastic bag West Bentley.

[JPC]

Are those.

[Aaron]

Not this time.

[JPC]

Are they the little, like, seed things that fall from trees?

[Zach]

The little helicopter whirlybirds.

[JPC]

Whirlybirds. I used to call them helicopters growing up.

[Adel]

Oh, really?

[JPC]

Yeah, because they spin kind of like.

[Zach]

A helicopter blade band.

[JPC]

Blades, Fan blades, propellers.

[Adel]

What did you guys call, you know, like, if you lift up a rock and there's, like, a little gray bug that.

[Zach]

A bug bug, pill bug or roly poly.

[JPC]

Roly poly.

[Adel]

Okay.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adel]

I always call it.

[Zach]

Is it a roly poly?

[Aaron]

It's not a roly poly. Also, I think this one is a little annoying because catch me if you.

[Zach]

Dare makes it seem like it's scary.

[Aaron]

It's not scary at all.

[Zach]

It's a leaf.

[Aaron]

Then I would say it's actually. It's something that's meant to be caught.

[Zach]

Ooh.

[JPC]

Ooh. Is it a Daddy Long legs.

[Adel]

They're meant to be caught.

[Aaron]

Are you catching those midair?

[Adel]

Catch me, daddy.

[JPC]

Midair. I don't know.

[Aaron]

Ooh. Are spiders ever, like, on the wind?

[Adel]

Aaron, can I.

[JPC]

Can you pay us all the spiders in YouTube?

[Adel]

Look up in Australia? I think once a year, there's just waves and waves of spiders in the air.

[Zach]

No.

[Adel]

It's unbelievable.

[Aaron]

No, thank you.

[JPC]

Spiders are in the wind because they do, like, try to, like, run their little spider lines down from trees and stuff. And then.

[Zach]

Yeah, belay spider line.

[JPC]

They have their. They have their little clamps and spelunking webs.

[Adel]

You're thinking of webs.

[JPC]

They're little webs. Yeah. And then I think I remember if.

[Zach]

It was called webs.

[JPC]

Is a thing.

[Adel]

Webs is the thing. Aaron, can you read it?

[Aaron]

I twirl and I spin and I zip through the air.

[Adel]

I twirl and I spin. Oh, is this like, a trapeze artist?

[JPC]

No.

[Aaron]

Teach me mid flight, if you dare.

[JPC]

Is this a flying bug of some sort?

[Adel]

A drone?

[Aaron]

No, it's not alive and it's not a Leaf, I think this is designed to be thrown in American football. No, but that's.

[Zach]

Oh, a Frisbee.

[Aaron]

A Frisbee. I'd like to see a scene. Zach and jpc, you are college kids trying to start an ultimate frisbee league at your college, but you're the only two that showed up.

[Zach]

Okay, this. This. Not gonna lie, Brian. This sucks. Yeah, this makes me feel like I am not surrounded by my peers.

[JPC]

You postered like the whole quad though, right? Fired like nuts and all of my tabs were gone.

[Zach]

Yeah, Funk, you don't think. You don't think someone ripped someone's ripping tabs to keep us. To keep us small, to keep us down.

[Adel]

What?

[JPC]

This is a liberal arts college.

[Zach]

I was just like, how do they not want to throw disc? How do they not.

[JPC]

You know what, saucer bro? Maybe our verbiage was too intense on.

[Zach]

The poster when we were like, get fucking catch it if you dare. Catch the death blade. Fight gravity.

[JPC]

I think we.

[Zach]

Maybe we.

[JPC]

It was catch the death blade and big, bold typeface. Yeah, maybe that was our mistake and.

[Zach]

The fact that we sort of replaced the image with a spinning saw because metal.

[JPC]

Did we ever say Frisbee at all?

[Aaron]

Hey, guys, just checking to see when you're gonna be done with this area of the quad. The acapella group wants to rehearse here in a couple hours, and we just don't. We don't want to get in your way or anything.

[JPC]

You want to be here in a couple of days?

[Zach]

Hours?

[Aaron]

Well, we just don't want to be here while you're throwing saws.

[JPC]

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

[Aaron]

No, no, we're. I don't want to fight. I'm sorry.

[JPC]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Zach]

Our shirts catch the death blade with us.

[JPC]

Our shirts aren't off to fight. Our shirts are off to sweat. You can have your shirt on. I'm sorry.

[Aaron]

I'm gonna go.

[Zach]

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Have you ever wanted to take your life in your hands?

[Aaron]

No, thank you.

[Zach]

In a team sport, you have the.

[JPC]

You have a jumper's quads. It's insane for you to be on the ground like you are.

[Aaron]

I don't want to be on the throwing saws team.

[JPC]

Look, we maybe over hyped what it is that we do. My bro and I throw blade.

[Zach]

You know what we mean?

[JPC]

You know what I mean?

[Zach]

You feel me? We throw blade. We catch death. We ride life.

[JPC]

We ride life. That's a way better way to put it. We ride life.

[Zach]

Oh.

[Aaron]

Or is this like a thing where you guys meet and, like, smoke marijuana.

[JPC]

We have pot. Yeah, we have pot.

[Zach]

Let's do smoke pot. It's not related to the. To the activity.

[JPC]

Oh, wow. The quad's filling up. The quad's filling up.

[Aaron]

I gotta get in your acapella group 12. I have to teach an arrangement of Mr. Jones today, so I better get going.

[Zach]

Counting crows. Mr. Jones, can I talk to my friend for a second?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Hey, okay, hear me out. What if you think you have a.

[JPC]

Thing with Mrs. Secker. Breakfast. Okay, Sorry. Never mind.

[Zach]

Oh, no. This is about. I mean, maybe, but this is about. What if we join the acapella group and then turn.

[Adel]

Stare at the beautiful women. Stare at the beautiful women.

[JPC]

Is everybody two hours early for this acapella beat? The beautiful women early.

[Adel]

I thought the four of us were gonna launch into thank you. They're at the beautiful women.

[JPC]

Do I know another part of that song that's not Mr. Tzeby? And stare at the beauty below.

[Aaron]

Is that the. No, that is in it. No, no, that's a different song.

[JPC]

Or what?

[Aaron]

Or what's burning for you? What am I thinking of?

[Zach]

Am I not thinking?

[Aaron]

What's the beginning of Mr. Jones?

[JPC]

I'm in the new Amsterdam. Oh, Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation.

[Adel]

Is she looking at you? No, no, no. She's looking at me.

[JPC]

You know, there's rumors that that song was about his Captain Crunch.

[Aaron]

You're just trying to say that word.

[JPC]

I didn't want to say penis because of the kids.

[Aaron]

The kids are long. The kids are dead.

[JPC]

Fast asleep.

[Aaron]

All right. I tickle the sky I cackle and glow best when it's dark and spirits.

[Zach]

Are low sky witch. That's a sky witch.

[Aaron]

It's a sky witch.

[Adel]

Is this a lightning bug? Firefly?

[Aaron]

No, that's a great guess.

[Zach]

Fireworks.

[Aaron]

Fireworks. Yes. Actually, the answer is sky witch. I'd like to see a scene.

[Adel]

Do you have a few?

[Zach]

Plastic bag blowing in the wind is.

[Adel]

Really making a comeback.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Adol and Zach, you are a couple. And there are fireworks that Adol has organized that are going off at a really bad moment.

[Adel]

So this is.

[Zach]

I just don't know if I want kids.

[Adel]

Huh. I just. Okay. Yeah. Just conversation I want to get.

[Zach]

I feel like I need to make that just. Cause, like, you know, I'm getting older, so I feel like we need to. I just want to have this conversation with you.

[Adel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach]

To make sure that, like, we're on the same page.

[Adel]

Walkie talkie batteries, dead shit out of our contact. Okay. Yeah. No, I thought we Agreed. When we got. Oh, shit. Look away.

[Zach]

Over here, over here, over here.

[Adel]

Look over here.

[Zach]

What?

[Adel]

Brad.

[Zach]

Brad, look over here. Brad, look over here.

[Adel]

You didn't see those, right?

[Zach]

Did I not see the giant firework in the shape of a big frog?

[Adel]

Yeah. Frog. Yes, a frog.

[Zach]

Wait, is there a flash mob here?

[Aaron]

Here?

[Adel]

No, this is a bunch of Best Buy employees who happen to be people wearing adult diapers.

[Zach]

Wait a minute. Was that frog a baby?

[Adel]

It was an ultrasound.

[Zach]

Well, green is a weird color to choose.

[Adel]

They didn't have.

[Zach]

They didn't have white.

[Adel]

I went to ten fireworks stores. They didn't have tan.

[Zach]

Name three of them.

[Adel]

Blow them ups.

[Zach]

Yep.

[Adel]

Fire pyres.

[Zach]

Yep.

[Adel]

And Dr. Fancy Fireworks.

[JPC]

We got the Dr. Fancy Fireworks. Look, buddy, it's not like I could open up the firework and change the frog to a baby. You get it Is a frog.

[Adel]

Can I say the monocle and top hat are incongruous with your voice.

[JPC]

I guess you can if you want to be the rudest guy in the place today.

[Adel]

But listen, I just. I want to celebrate the fact that.

[JPC]

Yeah, no, no. Yeah. You explained it in the email. Wow. What do I. What do I have? That's.

[Adel]

That could be baby esque.

[JPC]

That could read baby. What about, like. Are you familiar with the tree? The weeping willow?

[Adel]

Yes.

[JPC]

It's like a willow tree where all the things. You know. Yeah. What about, like, a firework version of that?

[Adel]

I don't think crying is the right. Is it? Yeah, crying for joy would be nice.

[JPC]

But we don't have crying for joy.

[Adel]

Oh, stork. Do you have a stork?

[JPC]

Do we have a synonymous?

[Adel]

Synonymous. Or even a pickle? Which pickle goes to stork? Goes to baby.

[Aaron]

I would have a stork if my freaking dad would let us experiment with the fireworks. But he's old school and he won't let us make new designs.

[JPC]

I just don't want what happened to my fingers to happen to your fingers, Rick. Okay?

[Aaron]

You can't control my life.

[JPC]

I can try, rick. Until you're 18 and you have my name, I will control your life.

[Aaron]

I'm gonna be a firework artist.

[JPC]

I want better for you. I lost nine fingers to the work.

[Aaron]

And I'll lose ten because I care more.

[JPC]

There aren't ten fingers.

[Aaron]

What?

[Zach]

What?

[JPC]

Oh, no. I lost all my fingers. I've been miscounting.

[Adel]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna look at lasers. I'm just gonna look at lasers. No.

[Aaron]

They're running us out of business.

[Zach]

Welcome to Dr. Laser Sky Laser Emporium. What can we do for you today?

[Adel]

I'm looking for. I don't know if you do like skywriting or if it's only on a surface.

[Zach]

I don't do letters. You have to talk to my detestable son Rick for that.

[Adel]

Rick Lasers?

[Zach]

Yes, he's over there.

[Aaron]

How dare.

[Zach]

Not today, Rick. Not until I see the business to you. Will you be writing words with my sky. Lasers.

[Aaron]

Made a baby in the sky, Aaron.

[Adel]

I think Rick Lasers has legs as.

[Aaron]

A new life for me.

[JPC]

If you're looking for your second act.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I'm a second breakfast.

[Zach]

Rick Laser.

[Aaron]

Yes. I go up and down and spin all around My lights and music create a joyful sound.

[Zach]

Oh, it's a carousel. There's too many spinning things.

[Aaron]

I'm sorry. This is all spinning riddles.

[Zach]

Kids know about spinning.

[JPC]

Kids do know about spinning. Kids love fucking spinning. It's crazy.

[Zach]

I want to see scene.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Can I do that?

[Adel]

100.

[Zach]

Great. We're in a. We're in a. We're in a children's ballet class with all. With all three of you.

[Aaron]

Great.

[JPC]

I'm better now.

[Zach]

I'm okay.

[JPC]

I'm okay now.

[Aaron]

Dusty.

[JPC]

Yeah? I spun too much. It's all right.

[Zach]

Sorry.

[JPC]

I had, like, three breakfasts because my dad's weekend, and I spun too much.

[Aaron]

Do you want to talk about it?

[JPC]

Um, no. They. They just cover it up with sawdust in a minute, so it's. I'm okay. I'm okay. Oh, my thing with my dad.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah. I don't know. He's just. I think he only knows how to make breakfast.

[Aaron]

I mean, we're. We all sort of get it. This is Ms. Carol's ballet school for Children of Divorce. So, like, we're all in the same boat here.

[Adel]

I didn't know my parents got divorced just so I could get in.

[Zach]

Yeah, they were really happy.

[Adel]

That's how much they love me. It's so competitive.

[Zach]

The other ballet school in town is so expensive.

[Adel]

So expensive.

[JPC]

It has discount prices here because divorced people have, you know, a lot on their plate.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

And Ms. Carol was a child of divorce, and she had to pay it forward, of course. That's why the classes are so affordable. So we're here to talk. Well, Jeffrey doesn't really understand it because his parents were in love and then got divorced for no reason. And then you have to prove it to Ms. Carol that you really divorce. Right?

[Adel]

Yeah. But I'm a little confused, because every day my dad leaves the house and goes bye forever. Like I love you. I'll be at my place. But then I go to school and I see him creep back in. Sometimes I hear him upstairs.

[JPC]

Don't let miss Carol see that.

[Aaron]

You know I'm going to get out of the tell.

[Adel]

Ms. Carol, don't remember.

[JPC]

Remember when Jeff's dad showed up and he was with that like woman who was 20 years younger than him and he was kind of like crying the whole time like he didn't want to be doing it?

[Aaron]

No. Yeah. That was so sad.

[JPC]

That's so sad that your dad is a philanderer. I guess not cuz he's divorced.

[Zach]

All right. Children Approach the bar.

[Aaron]

Ms. Carol.

[JPC]

Ms. Carol.

[Zach]

Ms. Carol. Today we will be as you say. Oh, very good. Pas de bourre, pas de bourre. We will be doing ronde.

[Aaron]

Ms. Carol. Yes, I know. You made us promise when beginning of the term that we would tell you if anyone's parents fell back in love.

[Zach]

Yes. Specifically with the partner with which they were first married.

[Aaron]

Of course. Of course.

[Adel]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Rondajon, Rhondajean. Rondajon, Rondajon.

[Aaron]

Ow, ow, ow.

[JPC]

Those are roundhouse kicks, not round De.

[Zach]

Jongs needs to be closer to the ground.

[Adel]

Yes, ma'.

[Aaron]

Am.

[Adel]

Yes, ma'.

[Zach]

Am.

[Aaron]

Never mind.

[JPC]

No, we have to.

[Aaron]

We have to.

[Zach]

Oh, sorry. Did you throw up? I'll go get the sawdust. I'll be right back. Oh, thank God.

[JPC]

What the freak are you doing?

[Aaron]

What were you doing? Your roundhouse kicked me in the stomach.

[JPC]

You can't be in this class if you have parents that are still in love. It makes fools out of kids like me who. Who have to eat three breakfasts every other weekend because our dads can't admit that they don't know how to make anything else.

[Adel]

You're telling me three breakfasts and you're still £57? I don't believe it.

[JPC]

Is that. Is that big for my age? Is that small? I don't know.

[Adel]

I think you're keeping that toy.

[Aaron]

Okay, coming back.

[Adel]

Oh, no.

[Aaron]

Ms. Carol. Ms. Carol.

[Zach]

Sawdust. Yes.

[Aaron]

Sorry. You were singing.

[Zach]

It's my favorite part of the drawing.

[JPC]

I got it. I got it kind of everywhere.

[Zach]

Saw dust. I wasn't allowed to join the choir run by the. By the. There was only one choir in my town and it was for children with happily married parents.

[Adel]

Oh, it said that?

[Zach]

Yes, it was called the Choir of Children with Happily Married Parents.

[Aaron]

Oh.

[Adel]

And then you spent 12 years at the Starlight Diner in New York City.

[Zach]

That's right.

[Adel]

Singing.

[Zach]

You read my Bio.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Adel]

Sawdust memories.

[Aaron]

And you know what? We're gonna just go on a quick break. I was gonna do a couple more riddles for kids, but I think these are too easy. I'm gonna hit you with the hard stuff post break.

[Adel]

Well, Aaron, to be fair, I think Zach solved all.

[Zach]

No, you got carousel. I was right behind you, though.

[Aaron]

And we'll be right back. Hey, guys. Welcome. Welcome in. Come on in. Thanks for coming over to my mattress party.

[Adel]

Yeah. This is so cool, Aaron.

[Aaron]

I just am so excited to celebrate my midnight luxe Helix mattress. She's been with me for four years, and I'm just really excited.

[JPC]

Oh, wow. Okay. That's what a mattress party is. I thought we were all bringing, like, our favorite thing and we were gonna make you a mattress out of a combination of all of those things.

[Aaron]

Oh, no, I don't.

[Adel]

Yeah, like a bird's nest.

[Aaron]

No, no, no. I have an awesome mattress. It's my midnight lux. I took a two minute sleep quiz and Helix matched me with my perfect mattress. So I'm all good. I'm all set. Throws the stuff you brought out the window.

[JPC]

No. My acorns. I needed those for my squirrels.

[Adel]

Yeah, I'm fine with that. I would be bothered. But I also have a midnight lux and I sleep like a baby, so I'm not stressed about that. Aaron, throw away. Throw everything out the window.

[Aaron]

Hmm.

[JPC]

Well, I sleep on a bed of squirrels and I got scratches all over my back and not from sleeping in.

[Aaron]

Every other mattress I've had before. I am such a hot sleeper and such a toss and turner, but not with my Helix. That's why I'm throwing her a party.

[Adel]

She deserves it.

[JPC]

So if you want to party with your gender non specific Helix Mattress, go to helixsleep.com Riddle for the labor Day sale Best of web offer that is 27% off site wide and that is exclusive for listeners of. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. That's helixsleep.com Riddle for their Labor Day sale Best of Web offer 27% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know that we.

[Adel]

Sent you helixsleep.com riddle blow out your candles mattress.

[JPC]

Blow out your squirrels candles. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

[Aaron]

Oh. Oh, what's this now?

[JPC]

Oh, man.

[Adel]

You okay?

[JPC]

Yeah, I'm just. My face, it hurts so much. I've been doing that thing that you guys recommended, which is kind of like when I go to sleep at night, I'm like, pressing both sides of my face and then I'm Using pillows to press down on the top and up on the bottom.

[Aaron]

You heard Square Face. We're talking about Squarespace.

[JPC]

Wait a second.

[Adel]

I did tell him. Square Face.

[JPC]

Yeah, that'll definitely turn me Square Face. I wrote it down. It was in an email, so it's like I couldn't have misunderstood. I'm sorry, what are you talking about? Squarespace, the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or skill scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place.

[Aaron]

All in one place.

[Adel]

They also make it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content. Squareface or not on your website, upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall.

[Aaron]

Also get discovered fast with integrated SEO tools. Every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap, and more. So you can show up more often to people in global search engine results.

[Adel]

SEO tools, or as Sting calls them, SEO tools.

[Aaron]

We have a lot of fun.

[JPC]

Also, let me talk about Squarespace domains. Every dream needs a domain. Squarespace Domains makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all inclusive price. No hidden fees or add ons required. For instance, we had this show called Gumshoes and Dragons and we found a great domain which is gumshoesanddragons.com, and we got it and we have a Squarespace website for it.

[Adel]

Worked out pretty well.

[JPC]

And every Squarespace domain comes with advanced privacy and security tools included to ensure your domain remains online and protected. Plus, Squarespace provides everything you need to bring more of your dreams to life. Whether that means building a website or adding a professional email service, don't wait to claim your name. Invest in your dream domain today.

[Adel]

So head to squarespace.com riddle for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[JPC]

Did you say head too? Is everyone looking at my square face?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Hey, it's me, Trace Dickie. There's my, my arch nemesis, Square Face.

[JPC]

Oh man, now I gotta fight this comic book loser.

[Aaron]

Jpc, what happened?

[JPC]

I just, I cut myself again on some of my closet staples.

[Aaron]

Oh, jpc.

[JPC]

Yeah, you've had a horrible misunderstanding full of staples. Because I've heard that it's like good.

[Adel]

To like you stapled all Your clothes you're gonna need. Oh boy.

[Aaron]

I think that you're thinking of closet staples, like clothes that you can wear a lot that look good with other things. I get mine from Quint's.

[Adel]

Have you heard of Quint's? They have closet staples you want to reach for over and over carefully. Like cozy cashmere and cotton sweaters from just $50, breathable flow knit polos and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed up dinners. I'm wearing some right now.

[Aaron]

Weeee.

[JPC]

Oh, Okay. I think I have guys. I think this is another one of my classic mix em ups where I've fundamentally misunderstood the assignment 100%.

[Aaron]

And guess what? With Quince, everything is half the cost of similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleman, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. My sheets are from Quints. That's why I look so well rested.

[JPC]

That's why you're always wearing sheets.

[Aaron]

These are real clothes.

[JPC]

Those are real clothes. Okay.

[Aaron]

Oh my God.

[JPC]

Okay, great. Nope. And I'm getting it. I actually know Quint and I love Quinte because I have a lightweight hoodie from Quince that I wore to our Portland show, our Seattle show, and here in la, it is wonderful. It's my favorite item of clothing that I own.

[Aaron]

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices in premium fabrics and finishes. So you don't even have to feel bad when you're wearing your hoodie.

[JPC]

So stop covering your wet naked body with staples from the staple store.

[Aaron]

What the heck?

[Adel]

Use a towel.

[JPC]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe somebody else did. The call to action. Mine's all messed up.

[Adel]

Keep it classic and cool. With long lasting staples from quints. Go to quint.com riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com riddle to get free shipping and 365 day returns.

[Aaron]

Quints.com riddle and let me grab that stapler from you.

[JPC]

No, no, no. I need this for my clothes.

[Aaron]

Nope.

[Adel]

Quince. It's quite comfortable.

[Aaron]

Hell yeah. Yes. Adel.

[JPC]

Yeah. Hey, Adol. Hey, Aaron. Can I tell you something that I'm kind of like ashamed of?

[Aaron]

Yeah, of course. Always.

[JPC]

When I was a kid, all of my two brothers, all of our birthdays are within a month and it's all around Christmas time. So we used to just get Christmas birthday gifts and sometimes we would just get combo gifts together. And I would always tell my brothers that we could pool all of our money together and just get one big Lego. And then I would insist on doing the Lego and putting it together myself.

[Adel]

How do you put together one big Lego?

[JPC]

Oh, I guess it's more like an expensive LEGO kit, not one big Lego block.

[Aaron]

I mean, you didn't really understand finances. You didn't have anything like Acorns early when you were growing up. So how are you supposed to know?

[Zach]

He he he.

[Adel]

Hey kids. It's me, Birthday Santa.

[JPC]

Birthday Santa.

[Adel]

That's right.

[JPC]

You're real.

[Adel]

Yes. And I want to tell you about Acorns early, which is something jbc, it sounds like you and your brothers wish you had.

[JPC]

Yeah, we could have used.

[Adel]

Yeah, absolutely. Acorns early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids money skills as they grow up.

[JPC]

Oh, so cool. You can start with in app Chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar. Then let your kids set their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits.

[Aaron]

Early kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's early spending limit and real time spend notifications, parents always stay in control. And I mean, I would have loved having this growing up. I would know way more about money than I do right now.

[Adel]

Right, right. I mean, but I'm like a newer thing. Like I'm for kids who have days around Christmas. I understand, but all kids. Kids. But anyway, piggy banks are cute and great for loose change quarters, etc. But these days there's so much more that kids need to know about money.

[Aaron]

Hehehe.

[Adel]

Acorns early makes it easy to teach kids lifelong money skills that they can actually use in the real world.

[JPC]

And I love the Acorns early app. I've played around in here. My kids a little too young to start it right now because they're kind of like a little toddler. But I'm so excited for them to be able to use features like this because I think like, like being able to track all of these things when you are young and have money literacy at a young age is so, so so important to being a person that exists in the world nowadays.

[Adel]

Well, I'm a person that exists in the world. Who said I wasn't?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

No. Anyway, if you're ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend, get your first month on us when you head to acornserly.com heyriddle or download the Acorns Early App that's one month free when you sign up at acornserly.com heYRiddle Acorns Early Card is.

[Adel]

Issued by Community Federal Savings Bank Member FDIC pursuant to license by MasterCard International. Free trial to new subscribers only. Subscription fee starting from $5 per month unless canceled terms apply to acorns.com earlyterms Hehe.

[Zach]

Ooh.

[Adel]

Santa needs to lay down. I mean, I mean, birthday Santa needs to lay down.

[Aaron]

Love. Whatever your thing is, man, don't stress.

[Adel]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, you guys, you said you'd help me move Aaron gpc.

[Aaron]

Oh, oh, I have a flu that day.

[Adel]

You better help.

[JPC]

You know what I thought adol, when you said move, I thought you meant, like, move on from past traumas. And I was just gonna recommend that you use BetterHelp.

[Adel]

Oh, I love BetterHelp.

[JPC]

Yeah, it's BetterHelp. It's the largest online therapy provider in the world. BetterHelp can provide access to mental professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. And then they could help you not necessarily maybe move on, but process kind of the things that are happening in your life or whatever it is you said.

[Adel]

Absolutely. And honestly, moving is very stressful. And that's a time in my life when I could use BetterHelp.

[Aaron]

And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works with an app store rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client reviews.

[JPC]

Yeah, and it's convenient, too. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, plus switch therapists at any time. Honestly, Adel, it sounds, like, perfect for moving because it's like you got a lot going on. You know, there's like, the stress of moving. It can kind of bring up some underlying issues that might come out in your relationship. It sounds like, why don't you use BetterHelp and Aaron and I will go back to sleeping in the sun.

[Adel]

That sounds good to me, Aaron.

[Aaron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adel]

Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off the first [e-mail] Riddle that's BetterHelp. H E L P.com Riddle.

[Aaron]

Hello, everybody. Welcome back from our break. How's everyone feeling? Rested, recouped, Ready for sure.

[Zach]

Really good ravioli.

[Aaron]

Ravioli.

[Adel]

Four Rs. Rest recoup.

[JPC]

Really good ravioli.

[Aaron]

Really good. And ravioli.

[Zach]

Did you see that movie Ravioli? Triple R Quadruple R. Oh, R, R.

[JPC]

R, R. I did see Rrr. Yes. And I forgot that the third R was for Ravioli.

[Aaron]

I've sat through Rrr. I'm saying sat through like it's a chore.

[JPC]

It's sat through.

[Aaron]

It's not okay, but it is a long.

[Zach]

It's a long one.

[Adel]

It's like three and a half hours.

[Aaron]

And I've watched that movie more than I have most movies, and that's crazy with how long it is. I feel like.

[Zach]

How many times have you seen it?

[Aaron]

I think I've seen it maybe five times.

[JPC]

That's a lot of times.

[Zach]

I think that's more than I've seen any movie.

[Aaron]

Yeah. You're not like a. Rewatch a movie. Comfort movie.

[Zach]

Not movies. No.

[Aaron]

TV shows.

[Zach]

Yeah. Yes.

[JPC]

Ooh. Then what is it that you do rewatch?

[Zach]

What's the thing that you do rewatch? A ton.

[Adel]

Chernobyl. Fall asleep. Right?

[Zach]

Yeah. But only because it makes me scared, and I need to. The world is going so well that I need to remember that one bed at one.

[Adel]

You're scared because so many British actors aren't doing Russian accents.

[Zach]

That's right. That's right.

[JPC]

That makes sense. I don't really rewatch things either, but five times for Rrr is really something. Was that you showing people that it was showing people.

[Aaron]

And then I've gone to, like, a couple or I went to fun, like, screening of it. That was fun.

[Adel]

That'd be fun to see in the. On the big screen.

[Aaron]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know why I.

[JPC]

There are two movies that I've seen four times in theaters.

[Adel]

Can I guess, please? Con Air.

[JPC]

Oh, no.

[Zach]

And Stardust. Stardust is my most movie in theater together.

[JPC]

Conor came out, like, the year that I was born, so that'd be crazy if that'd be like. My dad took me to see Conair when I was a little baby. Four times. Times. No, I saw Moana in theaters four times.

[Adel]

Whoa.

[JPC]

Because I was so taken by it. I loved Moana the first time I saw.

[Aaron]

You and your kid have that in common.

[JPC]

Yeah. I'm proud to pass it on. It's deep in my genes. And then Edge of Tomorrow I saw in theaters four times.

[Zach]

Good movie.

[Aaron]

Perfect. Yeah.

[JPC]

Edge of Tomorrow I saw so many times in theaters because I saw it, like, the weekend it came out, and then I kept being, like, talking to people about it, and they're like, I have no idea what this is. I'm like, well, then let's go see it. Right now, I'll just pull you into a theater and we watch it.

[Zach]

I have no idea what this is. We won't go. Call it Live Die. Repeat that title will make it make sense for everyone.

[Aaron]

The last time I saw a movie multiple times in theaters was Dungeons and Dragons, and I went back the next day.

[Zach]

Yeah, it was.

[JPC]

That's fun.

[Zach]

So good.

[Aaron]

It was so good. Okay, these are from Jordan, who's been listening for a while and is one of our patrons, which is, I think, pretty cool.

[JPC]

But that's not the way to get your shit featured on the show. Just so you know, it's happening to Jordan. It's not gonna happen to me.

[Zach]

Jordan, can I say from the outside, I have no stake in this. It is pretty.

[Aaron]

And Jordan has sent us four riddles.

[JPC]

Thank you, Jordan.

[Aaron]

I'm not a low rank. Not fully the truth. You purchased my crowns at a colorful booth.

[Adel]

Dentist, Burger King, Bird. No, I was saying bird. King. I was saying crowns.

[Aaron]

This is. Also. This one is. I think this is funny because this is the hardest of the riddles on here. And it's basically there's two answers that sound the same, that are spelled different.

[JPC]

Crayola store.

[Zach]

It's a homonym trick.

[Aaron]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

Can you read?

[Aaron]

Again, I'm not a low rank. Not fully the truth. You purchased my crowns at a colorful booth.

[JPC]

And how's crowns spelled? C, R, O, W, N, S?

[Aaron]

Yes.

[JPC]

Whoa. I'm like a genius. Did I just spell crowns right in the first one?

[Aaron]

Pretty intuitive word. Pretty intuitive.

[Adel]

Can we get a freaking little hint?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Rank makes me think that there's some sort of like military thing in there.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Adel]

Private, private, captain, general, colonel, colonel, colonel.

[Aaron]

And then colonel, colonel, Colonel, and Colonel.

[JPC]

Hold on. I want to see a scene. Can I see a scene real quick?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Adol. I want to see a scene where you are a four star general. Like the highest rank that you can be in general. And you're in charge of promoting people to the various ranks. So we're going to be presenting you with people that need to be promoted and you're going to tell us what rank they're being promoted to.

[Adel]

Sure.

[JPC]

So this first binder, of course, General is just some exemplary PFCs.

[Adel]

Ooh, PFCs. Pretty fucking cool.

[JPC]

If you say so, General. Yes.

[Adel]

You did say PFCs, right?

[JPC]

Private first class.

[Aaron]

In general. We're saying this apropos of nothing. It is required to be sober when these decisions are made.

[JPC]

I'm not sure if it's drunk.

[Adel]

You're. I'm Drunk. You're not. I'm not drunk. You are. PF Changs. PF P. F. Chang.

[JPC]

P. F. Chang.

[Adel]

P. F. Changs.

[JPC]

I'm not sure if it was made clear that this is an official meeting as well, so the. What you're. I'm assuming there was some sort of accident with your uniform or.

[Adel]

Yeah, it got caught in the rain. I didn't piss my pants. What are we doing?

[Zach]

I received a memo that said it was casual Friday, and I was surprised at first because we generally don't have that.

[Adel]

Generally. You're general now. What's your rank? What's your rank? Officer?

[Zach]

Oh, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm just. I'm just a sergeant.

[Adel]

You're a general now?

[Aaron]

What? Whoa, that's a crazy lead.

[JPC]

What do we have for corporals?

[Adel]

What's your rank?

[JPC]

Corporal.

[Adel]

And that's lower than me, right? Double it.

[JPC]

Double it.

[Aaron]

Sweatshirt that says Las Vegas and double checked letters. Double check. And you smell like you had, like, a few bloody Marys.

[Adel]

Mm. What's. And what's your. What's your name?

[Aaron]

I don't want to say.

[Adel]

What's her name? In rank.

[JPC]

She's a captain.

[Adel]

Captain what?

[JPC]

Captain second breakfast.

[Adel]

Captain Second breakfast. Well, now you are major second breakfast.

[Aaron]

What?

[JPC]

So I guess that. Hey.

[Adel]

And guys, four stars, please. Did you like what I did? Four stars, please.

[Aaron]

Oh, that's not how it.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. There's no sort of system of reviewing.

[Adel]

Well, how come I was a 3.7 star general the other day? What happened?

[JPC]

Oh, I don't. You may be looking at your Uber app.

[Aaron]

You might be looking at your Uber app, sir. Also, we were not planning on changing our rank at all today.

[JPC]

No. Yeah. We were more presenting you with exemplary field accommodations that could be elevated to a.

[Aaron]

The people here in the binder.

[Zach]

I'm sorry to pipe up. Am I your boss now?

[JPC]

Yes, I think so.

[Aaron]

I guess technic. But he probably. It's not. He's not gonna remember doing this.

[Zach]

I don't know. I. That. That makes me feel wildly uncomfortable.

[JPC]

You're a general. You're now a major, and I'm a double corporal, which I don't think is it. I wish I could have gotten something.

[Aaron]

It does not equal something.

[Zach]

Again, I don't think so.

[Adel]

I am your private dancer. I never heard this song.

[Aaron]

You can't be in here.

[JPC]

You can't be in here. You just cannot be in here.

[Adel]

I can't be in my own parents. You're telling me I can't Pee in my. I bought these pants. Well, actually, these are.

[Zach]

Those are my pants.

[Adel]

Yeah, those are your pants.

[Zach]

I borrowed my pants. I gave him my pants because he said it's casual Friday, but I have no pants.

[JPC]

You shouldn't pee in borrowed pants. That's gross.

[Adel]

There's no pee in Corporal.

[Aaron]

But focus up. Look through the binder. Let us know.

[Zach]

It's a cross stitch my mom had in her cabin. Pee and borrowed pay.

[Adel]

Look through this binder.

[JPC]

The pee in borrowed pants saves nine.

[Adel]

Okay, I know how to do this. I. I have somewhere to be. Let's say everyone whose last name starts with A, Captain. Everyone whose last name starts with B, Major. Everyone whose last name starts.

[Zach]

Sorry. What if you have a hyphenated last name? Because my last name is Abbott Bongington. And also.

[Aaron]

Which isn't funny, sir.

[JPC]

Which is again, sir, I don't know why you're funny.

[Zach]

Which I can't stress. How unfunny. Abbott.

[Adel]

Belonging to me of the Rhode Island. Abbott Boggingtons.

[Zach]

No, Connecticut. But I am a general now, so that's a field demotion. I don't. Major. Am I a general?

[Aaron]

And you said you had somewhere you had to be.

[Adel]

Yeah, well, I have to.

[Zach]

Oh, yeah. He asked me to call you a Ruber. A Ruber? He said Uber can't take him anymore. He has to use an app called Ruber, which is rude Uber, where you're allowed to be rude to the driver.

[Adel]

It's a like Ed to Bevic in a car.

[Aaron]

But shouldn't it be the driver?

[JPC]

He can't. He can't be an Uber anymore because he was too rude to the Uber driver, so he has to use Ruber.

[Aaron]

Are we sure that that's how Ruber works? It feels like the person getting.

[Adel]

Sorry, my Ruber's here.

[Aaron]

Okay. Hey, where are you going?

[JPC]

Where is this? Where is this?

[Aaron]

Son of a. I told you so.

[Zach]

I just drove onto a military.

[Adel]

Oh. I honestly, I think Ruber has legs. Like, if you. If you had a car service that was.

[Zach]

We need to clarify, because now I'm confused. Who's rude in the Ruber?

[Aaron]

I think it should work both ways.

[JPC]

I think it should be everyone.

[Zach]

It's Dick's last resort for cars.

[Adel]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Zach]

Okay.

[Adel]

I said Ed Dubviks, and then I realized that was probably a regional reference. Do you have Ed Dubevix in California?

[Zach]

Debevix.

[Aaron]

Ed.

[JPC]

I think Ed Dubevix.

[Aaron]

It's a Midwest.

[Adel]

It's a Midwest thing.

[JPC]

Okay. Is it only in Chicago? I Think it might just be only in Chicago.

[Aaron]

I had no. I'd never heard of it until I moved to Chicago.

[Zach]

Is it blunders in the grass, the smoothie then? I don't know what it is.

[Aaron]

It's the same as Dick's last resort.

[JPC]

But I think it was there first, right? I don't know. I. I always. I guess just growing up in the Midwest, Ed de Bevic was my touch point.

[Adel]

I think an Uber where you can, like, you're encouraged to start fights, I think would be. Would be a success.

[JPC]

Interesting. Now start fights. I think maybe verbal.

[Adel]

Verbal fights. Verbal fights even.

[Aaron]

I have a new take after my time in the Pacific Northwest this past weekend, I think.

[Zach]

Sorry, is there like a hot. Is this a segment?

[Aaron]

Oh, yeah, no. But it will be now. And we're going to use that sound from now on forever.

[Zach]

The sentiment after that was fire. You could put in fire.

[JPC]

I thought it was like a hot toque. Like it. It felt like a different segment.

[Adel]

I thought it was a but.

[JPC]

Can we use the same sound?

[Adel]

Yeah, I thought it was a hawk, too. I thought it was like a but.

[Zach]

If you do that, it has to do. Just you saying toke over now we.

[JPC]

Have you saying it so well.

[Zach]

No, you can't use that.

[JPC]

You can't use that. Captain Crudge.

[Aaron]

My hot take is that if you are going to be a man, that is my Uber driver and you want to talk at me, I should get a discount on my ride because a lot. And I totally understand that. That is like some older men who have retired. That is the way they want to socialize is to drive people around and for them to talk at you.

[Zach]

Sorry. Not false. It doesn't happen. That's not. That's.

[Aaron]

No, it's not okay. And I just. It is. It also is so crazy how they do not want to have a conversation. They want an audience to it. They will literally interrupt me mid response. And I go, I don't. I think I should get $10 off of this. I'm not saying it should be free.

[JPC]

What, are they on a podcast with you?

[Aaron]

That's a cell phone.

[JPC]

No interrupting mid response. I just didn't want to interrupt. To say that joke. I want to let you finish. Which is a mistake.

[Aaron]

It would have been too mad.

[JPC]

Do you remember when Lyft first came around as an alternative to Uber? The whole thing was that in Lyft you could ride up front with them and kind of hang out.

[Zach]

The branding was like, it's a friend that takes you places. We like to fist bump all of our rides. It's our thing.

[JPC]

They had pink mustaches on their cars, and you sat up front and you liked to talk to people. Do you remember this? This was, like, the early days of it. And I remember the first time I ever got into a Lyft was in Chicago, and I was sitting up front, but it was also because it was, like, three people. And so they took the backseat, and I got in the front, and the people in the back were having a conversation with themselves, and the driver and I were having a conversation which I didn't necessarily want to have, but it was like Lyft's thing. So I was like, that's fine to have. And then we drove through a Jewish neighborhood in Chicago, and the driver said something anti Semitic to me in a way that was like, look at these people. And I was like, wait, I thought.

[Aaron]

You were my new friend.

[JPC]

I definitely didn't think he was my new friend, but I was like, I'm. Do I look like the kind of person that you could just be kind of, like, casually anti Semitic with, like, a hateful face? That's a real role of the day.

[Adel]

Wild.

[JPC]

It was. It was very strange. And I remember getting out of the car, and it was not my lift. I hadn't called it. And one of my friends, I was like, hey, hold on your ring. Hold. Hold on your ring. We have to have a quick conversation before we rate that drive.

[Adel]

That is wild.

[JPC]

Some people had different experiences in there also.

[Aaron]

I'm not talking about the delightful, organic conversations you can strike up with their Uber drivers. I'm talking about specifically older men who want to talk at me for the entire ride when I have headphones in and I'm clearly doing stuff.

[Zach]

Their families have stopped talking to them. And now that's your problem.

[Aaron]

And that's on me.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Aaron, do you recall or want to say what the person talked to you about?

[Aaron]

This happened to me three times. Names and no different.

[Adel]

Like, look who we have again. Second breakfast.

[JPC]

Where did we leave off? Ah, my ulcer.

[Aaron]

It's like. It especially happens with, like, older men, but I say men of any age, like, want to explain something to a woman. So they want to be like, you're not from here. Let me tell you, like, about the significance of this place. They want to explain something to me.

[Zach]

Yeah, they want to be. They're. They're. They're tour guides now.

[Aaron]

Yes. And I just. I just think it should be a little cheaper.

[Zach]

Don't some of them have an option to check for Silent ride.

[Aaron]

Yeah. I think that's for Uber.

[JPC]

I'm from the Midwest. I cannot imagine checking an option for like, it's like being pretty rude to someone where I'm like, I just don't want to, like, I don't want what you're describing of them talking to me. But I also don't want to be like, hey man, to me you are just my A to B servant. Like, that's what you are. And I don't want to hear from.

[Zach]

You devil's advocate though, because where I come from it if I. If my job was to drive people around all day, I don't want it to necessarily have to be my job. Your talking job, small talk with a random stranger in the back. So like, to me, it's freeing for everyone. It's like, don't worry, I'm gonna give you money and you're gonna drive places and that's really all you signed up to do.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Anything more than that is sort of.

[JPC]

Like, I guess we are entering into a business relationship.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

But also like if I. Someone has their headphones, like sometimes I will be working in an Uber, like I'll be doing a task that requires my attention.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

And then for them to like. And your headphones are on. I just feel like that level of interruption is invasive. So invasive.

[Adel]

I would like to see a scene and I think maybe this marries this idea with an earlier idea. Zach, I would like you to work at Disney World. You're going to be the Jungle Cruise guide. And Aaron and jpc, you are two people who happen to be on the Jungle Cruise ride. But Zach, you kind of keep veering off the typical puns and script and going into maybe some personal details.

[Aaron]

Great.

[Zach]

Hey everybody. Welcome aboard the Jungle Cruise. Scoot on down, scoot on down. Make room. Make a new friend. Sit next to the. Yes all the way. And here we go. We're going to go off.

[JPC]

I'm Josh.

[Zach]

Wave goodbye to those people. You're never going to see them again. Yeah, just like Kylie. That's Kylie. I'm going to see her again. Cuz we went on one date and it went real well. So we're going to pick that pickup back up with Kylie and we'll try to keep that heat going. Here we are, covering her head so we can River. Sorry. What?

[Aaron]

She ducked behind the control panel.

[JPC]

Oh, I'm sorry. No. Great.

[Aaron]

Woo. We're ready.

[JPC]

I've never been on the ride before.

[Zach]

Oh, no, first time. Very exciting. Well, here, what we have for you is the African Elephant. Look at him. Big tusk, big and strong. African elephants can grow up to 4, 400 pounds. And Kylie's dad works at Motorola and has a very cool hookup for all kinds of phones that you might want. And that's great for me in general. I'm getting a lot of blank stares from the back of the boat right now. Can you not hear me? Do I need to turn this off?

[Aaron]

No, we can hear you.

[JPC]

We can hear you. But the elephant passed by like, it's. It passed by so fast, and we didn't really hear much about the elephant.

[Zach]

Okay, we'll go back. We'll go back to the elephant. Elephant.

[JPC]

Oh, I don't know.

[Adel]

And here we have the. Oh. What the.

[Zach]

Oh, no. Oh, no. Kylie said if I got one more folk crash, it's going to take me out.

[JPC]

Oh. Oh, hey, hey. No, no.

[Aaron]

You guys went on one date, and then she told you if you got one more f crash, she wouldn't go on a second date with you.

[Zach]

Go on a first date. Ultimatum, which is the first date is the hardest, and they can't ever be harder than that.

[JPC]

Wait, Kylie.

[Aaron]

What?

[JPC]

Kylie's your boss here?

[Zach]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, you guys shouldn't have gone out on a date at all.

[Zach]

Right?

[Aaron]

She said the first date is the hardest and they shouldn't be harder than that.

[Zach]

That's what Kylie said. I didn't say that.

[Aaron]

Hey.

[Zach]

And she said, I can't keep crashing. Quote, these boats are on rails. It should be very difficult to crash them.

[Aaron]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I think. I think she's sort of messing with. Messing with you, dude. I think you deserve better than this. I know her dad works at Motorola and can get you crazy.

[Zach]

He's got all the coolest phones.

[JPC]

Lots of people work for phone companies, though. I'm sure you can find someone who's got a dad who works for you.

[Zach]

Have a dad who works for a phone company.

[JPC]

I actually.

[Zach]

Does anyone in this boat have a dad who works for a phone? Oh, you do?

[JPC]

Yeah. Verizon.

[Aaron]

Wow.

[JPC]

Do you have a dad who works for a phone company?

[Aaron]

@&T. Ah.

[Zach]

Are you two together?

[JPC]

We're not. We just. Yeah. This is Annie. I don't.

[Aaron]

Just met you, told us to make a friend.

[JPC]

Although I'd love to buy you dinner sometime if that's something that you're interested. Wait, no.

[Zach]

What do you mean?

[JPC]

I would love to organically see someone, ask someone out in the wild, and they'd be like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What about me?

[Aaron]

No, do me, do me.

[JPC]

Could I could. I'm open.

[Adel]

I'm open. Immature voice.

[Zach]

Wait, no, do me. It's also though, like, that's the very real. There's. That voice is in my soul at all times when someone is getting something I want or doing something that like. Wait, no.

[Adel]

T shirt cannon over here.

[Zach]

What do you mean?

[Aaron]

I have a question for you guys. If you were told that you had to believably go on the Jungle Cruise right now at Disneyland and give a tour, and everyone on the tour had to believe that you worked there and had for several years, and if you don't get it, you die.

[Adel]

That feels like the apex of Disney jobs in terms of like, the puns are. So it's boom, boom, boom, boom, boom with puns and like the.

[Aaron]

But do you think that. Do you trust yourself enough?

[Adel]

I don't think I can.

[Aaron]

You get. Get $10 billion if you do it.

[Zach]

Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

[Aaron]

You get killed if you fail.

[Zach]

What's the. You just have to make people believe that you actually work there, that you.

[Aaron]

Actually work at the Jungle Cruise ride. And so it's. You'd. You have like, you would have to make up puns in real time and make it seem like you've done it a thousand times before.

[Adel]

Do we think. Can people test out material? Can you go off script at Disney or is it like with the non improv jobs? Or can or are you like strictly tied to.

[JPC]

That's probably pretty script Disney, but I don't know.

[Zach]

That would be my guess as well. But it does feel like people are certainly doing a certain level of making it their own.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

I think that they have like 25 options for each joke. You think you could do it?

[Zach]

Yeah, but I would go way off. Like, you would be like, that employee was having fun, but he was not doing what he was supposed to do.

[JPC]

Yeah, but that's unbelievable.

[Zach]

Yeah, but I do think I could believably be like, this person works here. But I don't think I could believably be like, this is the Jungle Cruise show.

[JPC]

I could trick a bunch of people who have never been on the Jungle Cruise before. I could not trick a single person who has been on it like five times and knows what to expect. Because I can't. I can't fuck with someone like, someone's expectations of I know what the way the ride usually goes. And I can. But I could convinceably or conceivably convince a bunch of like first timers that I was a person who knew what I was doing.

[Adel]

Aaron, same question. But you're the head in the crystal ball in the haunted mansion.

[Aaron]

I'm fucking that up immediately. I'm getting a horrible cough.

[Zach]

Really? I feel like that's a. That's a hole in one for you.

[Aaron]

Oh, no, absolutely.

[Zach]

I feel like all that woman does is, like. Like, oh, five of spades and two of hearts.

[JPC]

Same question.

[Aaron]

I'm a very ghostly Victorian ghost. Like, I look like a haunted painting.

[Zach]

Done.

[Aaron]

And so you, like, visually, if all I had to do was float. 100%.

[JPC]

Same question. But you're the wax Johnny Depp with the Pirates of Caribbean boat ride.

[Aaron]

I'm being caught immediately.

[Zach]

That's the easiest one so far.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adel]

All you have to do is watch the rum.

[Zach]

Go.

[Adel]

Aaron, same question. But you're the lightning bug in Tiana's Bayou.

[Aaron]

I'm dead.

[JPC]

I think I die, ultimately.

[Aaron]

Don't make me light my butt. That's what he says.

[JPC]

I think I ultimately die, but I think I have a really great time. I don't think I squander. I don't think it's. I don't think I spend the last moments of my life, like, cowering in fear and failure. You go for it. I think I go out on top. I think I'm both arms out as the crossbow, like, hits me in center mass or whatever. They need to kill you.

[Aaron]

The lightning bug is the same voice as Winnie the Pooh.

[Adel]

Oh, yeah. Jim Cummings.

[Aaron]

Isn't that crazy?

[Adel]

He does, like, 40 voices. He did Darkwing Duck. Darkwing Duck. And like, all the.

[Aaron]

Do you think he lives in the hills and has, like, a huge mansion with, like, a golden gate?

[Adel]

I think he's a Warren Buffett type, where it's like he has a ranch house. He drives, like, a 92 tercel.

[Zach]

I bet he has crippling gambling.

[Adel]

Oh, bother. Two million unread. Oh, bother. And they're like, you're drunk again.

[Aaron]

To play blackjack again. Just.

[JPC]

Yeah. Crippling substance abuse. Four fingers of whiskey for Winnie the Pooh.

[Zach]

A small speckerel.

[Adel]

Excuse me, ma'. Am. Would you like to be fingered in my car?

[Aaron]

Jesus Christ. That was a fun. In unison.

[Adel]

Oh.

[JPC]

The whole episode was supposed to be for kids.

[Adel]

Would you like to be Captain Crunch in the back of my car?

[Zach]

Back of my fire truck.

[Aaron]

The next time I have a party, I'm playing that game.

[Zach]

That's a good one.

[Aaron]

And I'll give $50 to people who can. I'll play the YouTube video on mute of the Jungle Cruise.

[Zach]

I'll tell you what my Brain immediately did. And I don't know why it's so hung up on this, but, like, you get to the zebras, and you're like, zebras? People don't know if it's a black horse with white stripes or a white horse with black stripes. And all I can say is, that's not a horse.

[Aaron]

See?

[Zach]

But, like, I don't know. Like, are we gonna.

[Aaron]

I would believe that.

[Zach]

Okay.

[Adel]

Aaron, did you know that Disney just released, like, 40 hours of footage of different rides? Disney rides.

[Zach]

Did they really?

[Adel]

So it's like POV of you going through rides. I haven't watched it yet, but presumably.

[Zach]

Pretty well shot, probably to combat this massive YouTube presence of that exact same thing. They're like, hold on. Why not me last week?

[JPC]

So I've never also been. What is it called? The Jungle Cruise. Where is it? Is it Animal Kingdom?

[Zach]

Adventureland?

[Aaron]

Yeah, it's in Disney Magic Kingdom in Florida. And then Disneyland. Side.

[JPC]

Interesting.

[Aaron]

Disneyland.

[JPC]

I've never been on the ride either, so I have no idea what is in the ride, which makes me more confident that I could do it. Because if I'd been on it once, I would be like, I don't know any of these things, but what do you mean? I'm gonna die at the end of this show.

[Aaron]

Oh, I see.

[JPC]

I don't know what I don't know. So I'm like.

[Aaron]

But a lot of them are jokes where you're, like, seeing money.

[JPC]

Well, I see it coming.

[Aaron]

And then you can be like, like, oh, those monkeys are crazy.

[Zach]

You see hippos, and it's like, oh, the hippos. Very dangerous. But don't worry, you're only in danger if they start wiggling their ears. All the animatronics wiggle their ears.

[JPC]

Okay, that's fine.

[Aaron]

You're like, sorry.

[JPC]

Okay, does anyone have any small white marbles on them? Because you will get hit by a hippo.

[Aaron]

See that different ip, though.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. They're gonna be like that guy used.

[Aaron]

I'm gonna quickly get through the rest of these. These Jordan riddles, and we'll be done.

[JPC]

So will I. I'm burn through these.

[Aaron]

I like to suck blood and bury my head Acting up when I'm stressed Don't want me in your bed.

[JPC]

Oh, a bed tick. Vampire blowjob.

[Zach]

You're a bed tick.

[Aaron]

I've traveled through time Always follow a line Suspending the cars in the air Info flows up and down and in and out of the town and for phones, I come in a pair speakers.

[Adel]

Come for phones I come In a pair.

[JPC]

Is it walkie talkies?

[Aaron]

This is, I would say, camera.

[Adel]

No.

[Aaron]

Always follow a line suspending the cars in the air.

[Adel]

Sorry, what was the first line? Always.

[Aaron]

Always follow a line suspending the cars in the air.

[Zach]

Suspending the cars in the air is the.

[Aaron]

That's the most helpful line, I think.

[Zach]

Oh, it's like a. It's like the rope on a ski lift or one of those.

[Aaron]

Oh, yeah. What do you call it if you're, like, in.

[Adel]

I think it's called ski lift, right?

[Aaron]

No, no, but if you're. If it's on, like, the street or if it's, like, not on a ski lift. Like those.

[Adel]

Oh, like the wire cables.

[Aaron]

Yeah. What are those called, though?

[JPC]

I do not know, because they're specifically cables.

[Aaron]

Yes, cables. I'm done on a court where I go up and down. When I'm done on a dog, I end up up on the ground.

[JPC]

When I'm done on a dog, I end up on the ground.

[Adel]

Bc that's kind of your catchphrase.

[JPC]

All right, all right. This is a one for kids. Okay.

[Adel]

Basketball.

[Zach]

Like downward dogs.

[Adel]

Tennis ball. Tennis ball.

[Aaron]

Basketball is helpful. I'm done on a court where I go up and down.

[JPC]

I'm done on a court where I go up and down. When I'm done on a dog, I end up on the ground.

[Aaron]

The second half is weird, and I don't necessarily understand it, but, like, it's.

[Zach]

Like a command to a dog.

[Adel]

Oh, gotcha.

[Zach]

Sit, stay, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble.

[JPC]

Oh, when a dog dribbles the drool. Okay, yeah, okay, I get that. I get that.

[Aaron]

Amazing. Thank you.

[JPC]

I don't think of that as dribbling.

[Adel]

I'd like to see a scene as.

[JPC]

Dribbling is only at a scene.

[Aaron]

We can do a quick scene. But thank you, Jordan, for those riddles.

[JPC]

Thank you.

[Adel]

Thank you, Jordan. I'd like to see a scene. Aaron, you are a dog owner slash coach.

[Aaron]

Right?

[Adel]

Zach, you are a dog earbud type.

[Zach]

Got it.

[Adel]

And you're trying to teach this dog to play tennis. Okay. And it's before this moment. This is a normal dog.

[Aaron]

Great. All right. Since my son quit tennis this morning, you're up. I hope you like, since my son quit tennis this morning. Yeah, you are up. And now you are my son and he is my daughter dog. And that's how that's gonna be. You're gonna go to Sleepy Graph.

[Adel]

And thanks for having me.

[Aaron]

Of course. Thank you so much. I would love if we can get this dog to be Wimbledon. Good.

[Adel]

Oh, I thought I was gonna play against the dog.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Adel]

Oh, okay.

[Aaron]

And then the dog is gonna go to school with me.

[Zach]

Wimbledon.

[Aaron]

And then the dog's gonna grow up, and I'm gonna pay for the dog to go to Colle College, and I'm going to help the dog follow its train.

[JPC]

Wait, wait, hold on. What do you mean? So I'm going to, like, die when I'm, like, 15?

[Aaron]

I guess so.

[JPC]

I'm 16.

[Aaron]

I'm going to take you to the vet.

[JPC]

What? They're not going to do that.

[Aaron]

Yes, they will. Oh, sorry. My son doesn't want me talking to my dog anymore.

[JPC]

Okay. Oh, yeah, I get it. I get what you. What you're doing. I was never going to beat Steffy. Crap.

[Aaron]

Not with that attitude. Oh, God.

[JPC]

Steffi Graff whipped me in the eye with a tennis ball. You gonna let her do that, Mom?

[Aaron]

Yes, of course. And this dog can say Wimbledon.

[Zach]

Wimbledon.

[Aaron]

And what can you do?

[JPC]

That dog said Rimbledon at best.

[Adel]

And I got stabbed in the back, I think.

[JPC]

What?

[Zach]

Rimbledon.

[Adel]

Didn't somebody run on the stab? Steffi Graff?

[Aaron]

I don't know. Is that a real thing that happened? That's.

[JPC]

I hope not. And if it did, I'm sorry that happened to you. Stuffy graph.

[Zach]

No one deserves to be stabbed.

[Aaron]

No, no.

[JPC]

Especially in the back.

[Adel]

Especially during your job.

[JPC]

Anyways, you want to stab me, stab me in the front like a man. Because I just fucked up the Jungle Cruise.

[Aaron]

That's how I want to go out, Zach. Anything to plug or promote.

[Zach]

How does this come out?

[Aaron]

Great question.

[JPC]

That's a great question, Zach. And we're going to figure this thing out together.

[Adel]

Ooh, let me buy time. Here is a crocodile Rambledon. I'm sorry, do we have an airbud on the boat?

[Zach]

Rambledon.

[Adel]

Wimbledon.

[Zach]

Rimbledon is gonna be the name of the next animal I own. Off book. The improvised musical is going on tour to many cities around our beautiful country again. And you can get on our Instagram Off Book pod. And there's a link to all those shows there. Also, speaking of things that just came out on Disney, I'm a voice on a show called Stugo that dropped its entirety on Disney today. Wow. That's out now.

[Adel]

How do you spell.

[Zach]

It's competing with ride footage, apparently. S T U Geo. Short for student government. It's very cool, very funny, and I'm very happy to be a part of it.

[JPC]

That's very cool.

[Adel]

I will say, if you have not seen off book live. It is maybe the most. I'd say that and Improvise Shakespeare are the two most impressive live improv experiences you can ever kind of.

[Zach]

Very, very kind.

[Adel]

Absorb.

[Zach]

We are a live show that was a podcast for a while, and it's nice to be doing live shows.

[Aaron]

Your mock trial show that was on YouTube for a while was like my comfort watch during the pandemic.

[Zach]

Oh, thank you so much.

[Aaron]

Those songs are often stuck in my head.

[Adel]

Wait, how do we watch?

[Aaron]

Oh, it's so good.

[Zach]

Yeah, we did an episode at Curious Comedy in Portland that they filmed and it's just on YouTube.

[Aaron]

So good.

[Zach]

I would have plugged our mock trial movie that we're making right now, but that Kickstarter has ended by the time this comes out. So just watch our movie when it comes out.

[JPC]

Just watch the movie, people. When it comes out.

[Zach]

It's called mock trial. I don't know if it's out. Maybe it's out already. Probably not.

[JPC]

That'd be amazing that you don't know about it now if it's out already.

[Zach]

But hey, cool, this is the past.

[JPC]

You did say at the beginning that you're the least Hollywood person, so it'd be. It'd be understandable that you don't know about release schedules and stuff.

[Zach]

Look, all I do is show up.

[JPC]

Do the work, go up into the.

[Zach]

Mountains with Winnie the Pooh.

[JPC]

If you want to hear us do the work, you can listen to Gumshoes and Dragons. I think we have two episodes out right now. Maybe episode two came out already. And if not, keep listening to episode one.

[Aaron]

Yeah. And then heyriddle riddle.com live if you want to come see us this fall. And Adel, anything to add?

[Adel]

Go into YouTube and type in Jim Cummings and see how many voices.

[Zach]

Be amazed.

[Adel]

He truly does all the voices.

[Aaron]

Incredible. Well, Jupiter, thanks, everybody. Thanks, Zach. Bye.

[JPC]

Keith and John Patrick Cullinan.

[Zach]

Casey.

[JPC]

Tony did the editing and Marty Paris.

[Aaron]

In the music.

[JPC]

Created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naporus. Hey there, cakes and cake cups. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. We have Raka Shanker back on the podcast to do Rakers, Cakes, Rakes and cakes. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com Heyrido Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron]

That was a Headgum podcast. Imagine being on a vacation for a very long time. Now imagine saving money nightly while you do it. Sounds pretty great, right? With vrbo's Long Stay Discounts, you can stay longer and save more. Our customers save an average of 10% when they book select properties for a week or longer. Just in case you needed another reason to extend that vacation book the Perfect Summer Getaway Today with VRBO Private Vacation Rentals. Your future self will thank you later.