#371: Shakira Weekly! w/ Paul Rust & Neil Campbell

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle #371: Shakira Weekly! w/ Paul Rust & Neil Campbell

Release Date: August 27, 2025
Podcast by Headgum – Hosted by: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)
Guests: Paul Rust & Neil Campbell

---

Episode Overview

In this riddle-filled, improv-heavy episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, Paul Rust and Neil Campbell join the crew for riffs, riddles, and rampant tangents. The central theme is that while riddles and puzzles are sprinkled throughout, the real joy is in the conversational improvisation, nostalgic stories, and comedic chemistry. This episode features fun mash-up riddles, notorious riddle groans, and lively discussion about celebrity encounters, crossword obsessions, and the quirks of vegetarian dining experiences.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Unique Recording Setup & Comfort Jokes

• The episode starts with the hosts noting an unusual recording setup—everyone sitting on a couch, “Last Supper”-style, humorously described as “a podcast Waymo” (02:41 – 03:19).
• Erin: “I hate this setup. This is horrible.” (03:17)

2. Guest Introduction & Improv Roots

• Paul and Neil are introduced, described as old friends from the University of Iowa, with early bonding over Radiohead’s Kid A (05:01 – 05:36).
• They discuss their improv “MVP” friend circle and share in-jokes about improv in LA and betting against improv shows (04:46 – 05:01).

3. Brief College & Sports Tangent

• Reminiscence about notable Iowa Hawkeyes athletes, especially Tim Dwight’s odd post-NFL track stint (05:54 – 06:38).
• Neil: “He might have even made it to the Super Bowl his rookie year…then came back to Iowa and ran track.” (06:43-06:48)

4. Riddles & Puzzles Origins

• Paul’s history with puzzles rooted in Childcraft Books—described as a highlight of his childhood, but admits he likely peaked then (10:20 – 11:02).
• Neil reveals he’s a daily NYT crossword solver with a 1600+ day streak and an impressive Monday best time of 2:49 (11:22 – 11:56).
  • Neil: “My all time best is a Monday—2:49.” (11:56)

5. Riddles in Social Media & Annoying “No-Answer” Riddles

• Discussion of “clickbait” Instagram riddles that are intentionally unsolvable or poorly worded to generate debate, which Neil finds infuriating (13:04 – 14:10):
  • Neil: “They are doing it deliberately to create comments where everyone just bickers and boost engagement.” (13:16)
• Host’s self-aware humor about their own “bad” riddles, “There’s probably 30 good riddles and we did those all within the first six weeks.” (16:39)

6. Riddle Segment: Classic Lateral Thinking Problems

• Example riddle introduced: “There’s a cabin in the woods, everyone inside is dead, no footprints in/out. How did everyone die?” The answer—“Cabin of an airplane”—sets the tone for the kinds of lateral riddles featured (16:12 – 16:35).
• Audiences are primed to expect and endure “bad but fun” riddles, with emphasis on improv scenes that spiral out of the riddles.

7. Improv Scenes Sparked by Riddles

• Riddles often serve as launch-pads for extended comedic scenes:
  • Example scene: “A Beauty and the Beast” style scene about being trapped with animated objects (21:21 – 22:08).
  • Example riff: Hell as a bureaucratic waiting room for prankster kids (26:04 – 27:19).

8. Mashup Riddles / Celebrity Name Combos (53:13 – 62:10)

• Hybrid celebrity riddles from live shows—example: “This Billy Elliot actor sings ‘Maneater’” = Tom Holland Oates (54:16 – 54:22).
• Other mashups include: Jackie Channing Tatum, Shakira Knightley, Dev Patelin DeGeneres, and Lil Wayne Gretzky.
• Paul Rust: “Jackie Channing Tatum!” (55:12)
• The hosts and guests delight in the wordplay and escalate to jokes about hypothetical movies and Vegas trip ideas.

9. Crowd Work & Anecdotes

• The group swaps stories of celebrity run-ins, focusing on the essential question: how tall is every celebrity, really? (68:53 – 69:49)
• Adal: “My favorite part of seeing celebrities in person is to see how tall they are.” (68:53)

10. Oddly Specific Quirks & Callbacks

• Riffs on improv show betting, animals as car metaphors, and a recurring bit about Erin turning into a car (begins at show start, referenced throughout).
• Comedic debate about the etiquette of asking for signatures or celebrity photos (61:07 – 61:27).
• Detailed debates about vegetarian food ordering confusion and stadium food choices (47:10 – 50:53).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Neil Campbell:

  “My all time best [NYT crossword] is a Monday—2:49.” (11:56)

• Erin Keif:

  “I hate this setup. This is horrible.” (03:17)

• JPC:

  “There’s probably 30 good riddles and we did those all within the first six weeks. And it's been going for eight years.” (16:39)

• Paul Rust:

  “Jackie Channing Tatum!” (55:12)

• Adal Rifai:

  “My favorite part of seeing celebrities in person is to see how tall they are.” (68:53)

• Neil, on stadium vegan food:

  “Was your goal to eat something or was your goal to make sure a chicken died? Just get the fucking vegan chicken and go watch the soccer game.” (49:48)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:41] – Unusual couch recording setup & classic bits
• [05:01] – Paul & Neil’s college friendship & Kid A story
• [10:20] – Puzzles in childhood: Childcraft Books & NYT crosswords
• [13:04] – Annoying ‘clickbait’ social media riddles discussion
• [16:12] – Lateral thinking cabin/airplane riddle example
• [16:49] – First riddle of the episode, rapid solution/improv
• [21:21] – Long-form Beauty & the Beast-style improv
• [26:04] – Hell’s waiting room scene
• [47:10] – Vegan restaurant & family mishaps
• [53:13] – Start of “Mashup Riddles” segment (celebrity name games)
• [61:07] – Crowd work/encountering other celebrities
• [68:53] – Celebrity height anecdotes

---

Episode Tone and Energy

The episode is driven by friendly ribbing, callback bits (Erin as a car), playful outrage at deliberately obtuse riddles, and the guests’ skill at both jumping into and heightening ridiculous improv scenes. The group’s chemistry turns even the simplest riddle into an excuse for narrative digressions and comedic tangents, staying true to their ethos—“if you don’t like riddles, don’t worry! This podcast is barely about them!”

---

Guest Plugs

• Neil Campbell:
  • Co-created animated series Digman! (Comedy Central, Wednesdays after South Park; Season 2)
• Paul Rust:
  • Playhouse Masterpieces improv show, Elysian Theater (LA), second Friday monthly; often featuring regulars like Mike Mitchell, Fran Gillespie, and Lily Sullivan

---

Epilogue

If you missed this episode: Expect a heavy tilt towards improv, wordplay, playful storytelling, and a steady supply of self-deprecating humor about the state of riddles and puzzles in the modern world. The episode is a fun, freewheeling hangout powered by veteran improvisers and comic minds at their loosest and goofiest.

---

Transcript

[A]

This is a headgum podcast.

[B]

Hey, Adel, not all drugs are created equal. Psilocybin, for example, when taken thoughtfully at sub hallucinogenic levels, can sharpen your focus, hone your mental clarity, unleash your creativity, expand your mind, open your heart, and ease your anxiety. And Erin did kiss a car, and she is still a car.

[C]

Update. We got her license plates. So she's completely street legal.

[B]

She's got a VIN and everything. I'm not talking about a diesel. And while you shouldn't experiment with those shrooms you got from your brother sketchy friends, Schedule 35 takes a science backed approach to microdosing shrooms. We precisely measure out every dose, verify the age of every one of our customers, and ship discreetly. And better yet, we give you a microdosing regimen that allows you to enjoy the benefits of psilocybin without any of the hallucinogenic effects. Now, I know what you're thinking. Hallucinogenic effects. We told you there are none when you microdose. And yet, Aaron is still a car.

[C]

Still a car.

[B]

Can these two things be at odds with each other? They are in fact, not at odds with each other. We haven't confirmed. According to the Bureau of motor Vehicles, Aaron is officially a street legal car.

[C]

And her Kelley Blue Book value is through the roof.

[B]

It's skyrocketing. But you know what's not skyrocketing? The prices. Over at schedule 35, you can get 15% off with code RIDDLE at schedule 35CO. That's 15% off at schedule the numbers 35CO and use code riddle to get that discount.

[A]

Woo.

[C]

What do you think, jpc? Should we take her for a ride?

[B]

It smells bad in there.

[C]

Yeah, it smells like potato chips and pickles.

[B]

Hold on. Now. That smells pretty good.

[D]

Quick time to choose a meal deal with McValue.

[B]

The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6.

[D]

McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal. Each with its own small fries, drink.

[B]

And Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's. Price and participation may vary.

[D]

The doctor was the mother.

[B]

He stood on a block of ice.

[D]

Both of it was the cannon of an airplane.

[A]

Well, welcome to hey Riddle Riddle. We're recording in a way that we never have before. We're all sitting sort of on a couch. I feel like a little kid in the the back of a seat in between my two older brothers. It feels awful.

[B]

Okay, Aaron, you have to start with one of Our classic bits. People are gonna be too confused if they do. You want some help?

[A]

All right, ready? Are we there yet? Pull over. Pull over. Pull over.

[C]

No kids. Oh, I'm in the backseat.

[A]

Oh, then who's driving the car? So we're all sitting in a row, and it feels.

[B]

It's a Waymo abreast.

[A]

I feel like we're in a podcast Waymo right now.

[B]

I feel.

[A]

I hate this setup. This is horrible.

[C]

And this maybe speaks volumes to my sick brain. My first thought was sitting, like, Last Supper style.

[D]

Mmm.

[B]

That's sick. You're a sick guy, man.

[A]

Has anyone ever said that in stand up? Like, why were all the disciples sitting on one side of the table?

[C]

Aaron, can I blow your mind?

[E]

What?

[C]

All stand up.

[A]

Oh, no, I'm late.

[B]

That's like, the first. Well, it's the second bit. The first bit is they talk about the shirt that they picked, right? And it's like a bowling shirt or something. And it's like, this is stupid. I don't know why I wore this.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

We're just describing Joe Rogan bowling shirt.

[A]

Well, let's.

[B]

Hey, I'll roll down the window to my side of the Waymo. And there's another car.

[A]

Oh, look.

[B]

Sort of in driving alongside us.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Is that good?

[A]

Good World building.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Kind of lets the people know we.

[A]

Have Neil Campbell and Paul Rust here today.

[D]

Hi, guys. We're pulling up right next. We're side by side in a smart car convertible.

[C]

The way Paul was driving is more like a shredder car, I guess.

[A]

I'm so happy to have you guys on the show.

[D]

We're happy to be here.

[E]

Thank you. And thank you guys so much, all of you, for having us. Really appreciate it.

[A]

I've had the pleasure of doing a little bit of improv with you here in la. But you guys have known each other for a very long time.

[E]

Aaron, don't sell yourself short. You're. You're one of the MVPs. We call up Aaron. We want to make sure the show's good.

[A]

I'm One of the MVPs.

[B]

You're one of the MVPs. I know it. Don't I know it?

[A]

You know, you tell me all the time. I'm not.

[D]

Yeah. If we want to make sure the show's good, we call you. If we're trying to tank the show sort of on behalf of some bookies or something, we don't call you.

[B]

That's the action.

[A]

In la, people bet against improv shows. It's a huge industry.

[D]

We take the under a lot.

[A]

But you guys met in college.

[D]

That's right. We met at the University of Iowa at fall 2000.

[B]

Wow.

[E]

And so anybody who's about to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the release of Radiohead's Kid A, before the first time Neo and I met, I overheard him talking about Kid A to somebody, to a group of people who was like, hey, has anybody listened to it yet? None of them had. I had. But I was too bashful to share my opinion.

[C]

If you were a track on Kid A, you'd be Pyramid Song. So understated and bashful, but quietly one of the best. I'm gonna make the deepest reference I may have ever made in my life. Were you two. This is Hawkeyes, right?

[B]

Oh, yes.

[C]

Were you two there at the same time as Tim Dwight?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Or at least I was. I'm older than Paul. He might have been my freshman year. Might have been his senior year. He was like. He both went to the NFL, one.

[C]

Of the best kick returners of all.

[D]

Time, but then came back to Iowa and ran track.

[C]

Oh, really?

[D]

That was like the big thing, like after he had already played a year in the NFL, was when he was returning the ball.

[E]

He'd run like a hundred meter dash.

[C]

He has the ball in a baton.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I must mix them up.

[D]

It's possible I'm wrong about that, but yeah, he was.

[B]

Why did he choose to do that?

[A]

You can change your mind and go back to college for a different.

[D]

That was the thing that was confusing to me too, because I thought there are. All the rules, obviously are different now, but about amateur athletics. But for some reason, he was track eligible.

[C]

That's wild.

[D]

Still. And came back and ran track, I think.

[C]

Sucks to be stretch.

[D]

Could be wrong.

[C]

Sucks to be stretching. And you look over and you're like, that guy's an un.

[D]

He just was in the. Because I'm them. He might have even like, been one of those guys who made the super bowl his rookie year or something.

[E]

Interesting. How do you know him?

[C]

One of my best friends was like a huge athlete in Kewaunee, Illinois, which is. He's amazing, but small pond. But I was recruiting him. So they're like, here's tickets to a game. You can bring a friend. So we once saw. It was Tim Dwight and Tavian Banks, I think were like the big stars. And the game we went to might have been against the Illini, but Tim Dwight had like four touchdown returns, like kickoff or punt returns for touchdowns. And we're like, this guy is A superstar.

[B]

What do you mean you were recruiting him.

[C]

Oh, sorry. Iowa was recruiting him.

[B]

Oh, oh, they were recruiting. Oh, okay, Gotcha. I thought you were like, this is.

[A]

A part of your backstory. I do not know.

[B]

With an eye patch, asking him to join the initiative.

[E]

Like what saying you, meaning you, you, I, you of, I, you of, I, you of I. All covered.

[B]

That's all. It's all covered.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

Oh my God. Thank you.

[D]

Philip Dickian. Yeah.

[A]

Are you guys going to do to celebrate your 25 year friendship anniversary a trip?

[D]

That's a good question. It actually probably is coming up in like a few months. Yeah.

[C]

Listen to kid A. Yeah, probably just.

[D]

Do a kid a listening party.

[E]

It's funny.

[D]

Neil.

[E]

Neil and I have been talking about, hey, let's go to Vegas sometimes with some buddies. Maybe it would be to celebrate our.

[D]

Sphere of our friends. That'd be cool.

[C]

Metallica at the Sphere.

[D]

Hey, all right. I want to see the Sphere. I don't see anything there.

[E]

I want to see the sphere I have ever seen. I want to reason. So Metallica is playing at the Sphere.

[C]

October, I think so is it like.

[E]

Just a big screen of like skulls?

[C]

Yeah, each back. Backstreet Boys just played. I saw U2 there and I think each band does their own.

[D]

Yeah, that's what I was wondering. I know U2 like specifically designed a show to be like the kickoff of the sphere, but with a normal band. Is it like, can you just go there and like the sphere people are like, don't worry, we got you covered. We just like film you and project it in a cool way. Or we turn on like the itunes visualizer or. Or like, do you need to have like invested $5 million into like 360 like graphics and stuff to even be able to perform this fall they're also.

[A]

Showing the wizard of Oz and It's like a 4D experience where I think they're like blowing paper into the audience and stuff. But it was like a few million dollars I think, to like to go.

[E]

All right.

[A]

No, yeah, to go per ticket. No, to change the visuals enough to.

[E]

Fit in that space.

[A]

So I think it's like touring shows just can't like go through there.

[E]

I know that the Sphere is preparing with that wizard of Oz show. It's going to be the first case of somebody doing psychedelics. And so they're just going to have.

[C]

When it goes from black and white to color. I mean, damn, dude.

[E]

It's inspiring people to do it for the first time.

[A]

I will tell you that. That Is my plan for my birthday this fall is to maybe do something at the Sphere while I watch wizard of Oz.

[B]

It sounds like maybe Metallica's still there.

[A]

Oh, I'll be so upset if I'm expecting Wizard of Oz. Metallica. I'll be so spooked.

[E]

People think it's Pink Floyd, but it's actually Metallica. All their albums sync up to wizard of Oz. It'll be perfect.

[D]

Return to Oz also. Yeah, Tin Man.

[B]

The question that we always ask our guests, especially a first time guest on the podcast, is what is your relationship with puzzles, riddles, lateral thinking problems? In recent years, we've started adding escape rooms to that list as well. Do you.

[D]

Did you.

[B]

Were they a big part of your childhood? Are they something you haven't thought about in 30 years? Like, where do they land for you?

[E]

My first thought here was we had this, like children's version of Encyclopedia Britannica that was called, like Childcraft Books. And they were like the color of a rainbow. And you could sort of put them either in the Roy G. Biv area or just the numbers, like, looked great together. And there was a puzzle book that was just like different versions. I remember one that was like six different snakes all bundled up together. And you had to find which ones had the same patterns by like following their tail. So I love that.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

And that's probably where I peaked in terms of my love for puzzles.

[C]

Honestly, I had that same set and I bought one of the books recently and it blew my mind to flip through it and be like, oh, my God. Because there's like stuff from Phantom Tollbooth and it's a. It's a real hodgepodge of like children's lives.

[E]

I bet just looking at that has to be the sensory memory of like seeing a specific page is probably pretty impactful. What about you, Neil?

[D]

I've never done an escape room. I do, I do like the crossword every day, which I feel like is puzzle adjacent. And you start to learn kind of some of the. Oh, this is shorthand for this or this one's being tricky, you know, and you don't, don't think of this one too literally.

[A]

Do you have a, like a best time that you've done on the crossword?

[D]

The best time? Yes, I do. Well, I have like my streak. I do it every day on the New York Times 1. And my streaks, like in the like 1600s. Right now, my all time best is a Monday. I got 249.

[E]

Whoa.

[A]

Holy fuck.

[E]

Nice, Neil.

[D]

But 2 minutes, 2 minutes, 49 seconds on a Monday one? Yeah.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

That's so crazy.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

I hate to say this because you've been so nice. Could you prove it?

[D]

I could. My foot's charging in the other room, but I'll pull it out.

[B]

Was that just filling out all of the squares or were the answers correct? Were there, like, words and signs?

[D]

No, it doesn't mark you down until. Yeah, I tend to hold down the X button, but you know what I mean, riddle wise, so. But that's the thing. I feel like, okay, but I'm like, it's just like in a different lane because sometimes then I see a riddle. I'm like, my mind doesn't work like this. It's. It's not the same thing. But I'm sure you guys have actually probably talked about this on the show, but you know what I find so annoying are the things that get suggested to you on Instagram that are like, I guess they're just clickbait where it's like a riddle. But it's. It'll be like, which of these isn't a real time, but they are all real times on, like, unless maybe the parameters were, like, according to military time or something like that, you know? Have you ever seen these?

[B]

Or it'll be seen. I've not seen these.

[D]

There's another thing. There's like, different people. I kind of get suggested this one couple, and it's always a guy like, all right, how do you do? And he's trying to, like, have his, like, girlfriend or wife or whatever solve a riddle. And like, he's like, no, it's just like. It's just like, you watch it. If you want to see, like, a man tell a woman she's wrong.

[A]

Yeah, that's what this podcast is, baby.

[D]

For like two minutes. And it's just. And it's also. It'll be like the most stupidly. And. And there's a few other things like this. So I'm conflating some of these now, but sometimes it'll be like, divide 500 by half and add three. And you're like, no. Well, you're already, like, with people because you're saying divide 500 by half instead of in half. So does that mean divide it by 0.5 or does that mean divide in it? And so it just. It's. But they are doing it deliberately to create comments where everyone just bickers and boost engagement. But it's just so annoying to be like, oh, you. Why just have, like, fake no answer riddles yeah, that just means you're stupid. As opposed to, like, you could have come up with a riddle and try to engage people in that way, too. You know, I'd like to think that.

[E]

There'S, like, some sort of military connection that, like, if you get 2:39 on a Monday on a New York Times crossword on your Instagram, they start sending you, like, the reason we haven't seen.

[A]

You'Re ready to be a spy.

[D]

I literally think it might be that I have, like, the. You know, the New York Times games app. And so I'm sure my phone's telling Instagram, like, hey, he has the games app. You should suggest to me.

[E]

But specifically, it's a military recruitment trying.

[A]

To recruit super spies.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they have asked me if I want to be Alias, so.

[A]

Oh, that could be fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Specifically Alias.

[A]

A couple years.

[D]

Yeah, they sent me a red wig.

[B]

Was her name Alias?

[D]

Oh, it must have been.

[A]

It was like.

[B]

It must have been Megan.

[A]

Yeah, Megan Alias.

[B]

Megan Alias.

[A]

She's trying to have it all, but.

[C]

Jbt, that was a nom de plume.

[B]

Okay, okay. The Alias is on the other foot.

[A]

We struggle with riddles. We don't like it when. Yes, that's true. But we don't like it when they're smug like that. They can be a little bit condescending inherently, so that makes a lot of sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

A lot of the Instagram stuff. Yeah. Again, I don't even think there's really a right answer. It's just, like, phrased poorly so that a man could tell a woman she's wrong.

[A]

I'm jealous. My Instagram is all like, raccoons smoking cigarettes. My algorithm knows me.

[C]

Is this post cordis or.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're. It's post sex, so they're like.

[B]

That's the only time they're allowed. Yeah.

[C]

Just to level set. A lot of the. We're on year seven or eight. A lot of the riddles we do are kind of what you describe, really. It's lateral thinking problems, where it's like, you hear the answer and you're like, oh, it's missing a lot of information for me to glean that. So the example we typically give for lateral thinking is like, there's a cabin. And you might have heard this. There's a cabin in the woods. Everyone in the cabin is dead. There's no footprints in or out of the cabin. There is snow on the ground, but no footprints. How did everyone die? They all died the same way. Have you heard this one?

[E]

No.

[C]

So the normal mind is like cabin in the woods.

[E]

Is it a murder?

[C]

Is it a. What's going on? It's a cabin of an airplane. It was a plane crash kind of thing.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

So a lot of our riddles are like that, but worse. Where it's like it's missing a lot of information.

[E]

Right.

[D]

It sounds like, I guess there could have been a carbon monoxide leak. Right. Like.

[C]

Hundo p. So just a level set. The riddles are bad.

[E]

I eagerly anticipate it.

[B]

There's probably 30 good riddles. And we did those all within the first six weeks. And it's been going for eight years. So now we have to do whatever's up.

[A]

So now what? It's this now?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Should we get to our first round?

[E]

Yeah, let's do it.

[C]

Okay. And guys, again, I'm so sorry. Here's what this is. Maybe on the I don't even say easier side because it still sucks. Walter spent three days in the hospital.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

He was neither sick nor injured, but when it was time to leave, he had to be carried out.

[B]

Insurance fraud.

[D]

Is that the riddle? Is that it?

[C]

That's the riddle. Why is that the end there?

[D]

Oh, he's a newborn.

[C]

Was it a Bingo. Bingo. Hot tata. Got it.

[A]

One Mr. Cross words.

[C]

228 on that.

[B]

Well, we don't know for sure that a newborn wasn't committing insurance fraud. Some of them do. Some of them are criminals.

[E]

I thought for a moment, I was like, oh, the hospital is in an airplane. Paul was there in the cabin in the woods.

[B]

Really close attention to how the show goes.

[D]

The rest of the riddles, always the answer is in an airplane.

[B]

Yeah. Was it an elevator? In an airplane.

[D]

Do they have this airplane? Hospitals maximum three days.

[C]

Let's try another one here.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

A man wakes up at night in the pitch dark. He knows that on his bedside table are a razor, a watch and a glass of water. He can reach out onto the table and be sure to pick up the watch without touching either the razor or the glass of water.

[A]

How to light up watch.

[C]

That's a great guess. That's not what I have here. But Aaron, I think I do give you full points for that.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Man wakes up at night in the pitch dark. He knows that on his bedside table are a razor, watch, and glass of water. How can he reach out onto the table and be sure to pick up the watch without touching the other two items?

[A]

Is it making noise?

[C]

No. Also a great guess.

[A]

And I'm gonna retire. You had to.

[B]

Two great guesses. Not Just two guesses.

[A]

And I'm gonna sort of go back to the bench. Good luck.

[D]

Like, the pitch dark makes me think it's an airplane. Yeah, obviously like that. It's. That's a. Actually, he's blind. He just knows where everything is. But I'm kind of.

[C]

That's also great.

[D]

That doesn't really change anything.

[C]

Is it one of those spatial awareness.

[B]

Where he wakes up in the dark and then, like, takes a minute for his eyes to adjust and then is able to pick up the watch?

[C]

Oh, like a Vin Diesel and pitch black.

[B]

I was thinking more just like, how, like, a person would do that.

[D]

Or he's next to, like, a sort of long dining table like the Beauty and the Beast dine at. And the watch is the only one near him, and the other Two objects are 17ft away.

[C]

I simply must see a scene. Aaron, you're asleep in bed, and on your nightstand table are, we'll say, a glass of water. Paul. And a watch. Neil. And it's almost like a Lumiere Wadsworth situation.

[E]

Oh, dearest me.

[D]

I've.

[E]

I've grown quite parched.

[D]

Well, it is time for a little snack. Let's wake her up. Get up. Get up.

[A]

What? What?

[E]

We have grown quite thirsty.

[A]

You're. A glass of water.

[E]

That's the comic irony that can only be cooked up by those wizards and Disney themselves.

[D]

Don't you want to strap me on and see what time it is?

[A]

You'd like that. Okay. You'd like that. You know what, guys? Wait. Where's the razor? I thought you were supposed to be watching him.

[D]

He was saying something about the ending at all.

[E]

But we were relieved to consider that as I, as a drink of water, can't drink myself, a razor wouldn't be able to use a razor on itself.

[B]

No, I didn't. Oh, I did it.

[D]

Oh, no.

[B]

Yeah, I figured it out.

[D]

How did you.

[E]

You bent.

[B]

Yeah, sort of did a weird bend. It's a weird bend.

[D]

And I know why he did it. Because you haven't fallen in love with our master yet.

[A]

And you guys, I'm working on it. He's just so boring.

[D]

What? And why you were hoping a big furry beast instead of a more Pigman beast like we got.

[A]

I was sort of hoping sort of like a gruff kind of beast.

[B]

He's gruff. He's a piece of shit.

[A]

No, you guys. I'll find a different way to break the curse.

[E]

I'm astounded to find out that the Pigman is boring. He has to have some tales about. Oh, Being in the mud.

[B]

And it's to save my life. Don't you care about me? And it's not even true love. It's just one hand job.

[A]

Is that the curse? I can give one hand job.

[B]

Oh, well, please, by all means. I'm dying of a broken neck.

[D]

Just be careful. His penis is bombed.

[C]

Knock, knock. On gank.

[D]

Oh, it's him.

[B]

It's him, it's him. Master, Master. Master. Master.

[C]

Just Frank is fine. Please. Frank is fine.

[B]

Master Frank. Frank.

[C]

I love Rocky Horror. Do you. Have you seen. And I'm covering my eyes in case. I don't know if you sleep in the.

[D]

She does.

[B]

She does.

[C]

You know, do you want microwave eggs or.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[C]

I love you scene.

[A]

Classic Beauty and the Beast. I felt like I might know the answer to it in the middle of that scene, which never happens.

[B]

That's good, Aaron.

[A]

No, but then I think I. It's. I don't think it's right. So forget it.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[E]

Glow in the dark wristband.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, are his hands magnets?

[C]

Paul, you are the closest so far.

[B]

Ooh.

[E]

Glow in the dark wristband.

[C]

Magnets is also a great guess because.

[B]

If his hands magnets, he can see.

[A]

A sheen from the moon on the razor in the water.

[C]

It definitely has something to do with what you two were circling.

[E]

The illumination of the wristwatch.

[C]

Very good guess.

[D]

It's ticking.

[C]

It's a little more. Think. Speaking of razors. Occam's razor in this situation. So luminescence, but from the most. It's on his nightstand. These items are on his nightstand.

[B]

It's on his nightstand. His light is not on on his nightstand because it's pitch dark.

[D]

Oh.

[E]

Is it quite digital?

[C]

You're getting very warm by what you just said. Japes. It's not. The watch can be digital or undigital.

[B]

Is the watch on? Wait, so the light is close, like his bed?

[A]

Is his watch plugged in?

[C]

I feel like everyone's gonna be so mad.

[A]

If I were you, I'd start running.

[C]

So it's pitch dark. These items are on his nightstand?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

How is he able to grab the one item he wants without sort of.

[E]

Oh, does it make emit some sort of tone?

[B]

No.

[E]

Do I.

[D]

Am I beeping?

[B]

Am I beeping right now? I haven't changed my battery in a decade.

[E]

I've heard of people having at night, like, tonal emissions.

[A]

Like.

[E]

Like when you're first, like, going through puberty, you'll wake up sometimes and your.

[D]

Mouth is making a sound. Yeah.

[C]

Open your mouth and the Radio station comes out.

[A]

It is the guy in the bed, a bat. And he's using echolocation.

[C]

Again, a little more simple. So that's as simple as that.

[B]

More simple man being a bat in.

[D]

The bed are the other things inside the drawer. And that's the only.

[C]

That's warm. Not in the drawer but on the table. So this is on his nightstand. And I would say he does interact with.

[A]

He's a watch holder.

[C]

No, he does interact with another item.

[B]

Before he turns on the light.

[C]

He turns on the lamp.

[A]

Oh, Adol.

[C]

Oh. Adult and folks, I am so sorry.

[B]

Of course that's what I would do.

[E]

I should have put myself in his shoes.

[D]

That's right.

[E]

Pajamas.

[B]

If we had only put ourselves in his pajamas.

[A]

I don't want to advocate for bullying, but whoever wrote this riddle should have been shoved in a locker.

[C]

Did you Hear that, des McHale?

[B]

Wow, Aaron, sounds like you just committed a hate crime.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[D]

We used to look up on a. There was a website that was like practical jokes. I just was thinking and it's, it's, I'm sure long lost to the Internet. You know, it's Internet like 1.5 basically. But it was user submitted. Like practical jokes, but mostly just seemed to be like things a nine year old thought could be like a thing that like either they were. Yes. They were either like logistically impossible or it would just be like go into church and when you start to pray, say, dear God of Hell. Prank got him.

[B]

God gets that prayer and he's like.

[E]

No, that's the one. I specifically. Dear God of Hell, thank you for the holy.

[D]

What? Said what? That's right.

[A]

I would love if that 9 year old ended up in hell and they're like, well.

[B]

This is what you get.

[A]

Yeah. Remember the prank you did?

[E]

Could I see that scene of a little boy visiting the devil in hell?

[A]

Gpc, do you want to be the devil?

[D]

Sure.

[A]

Adol. Do you want to be a little boy?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Great.

[C]

For the record, I don't believe in hell, but I'll pretend. Whoa, Big old gates.

[B]

Yes, these are big old gates.

[C]

Are you Saint Peter?

[B]

Am I Saint Peter? No, I'm the devil. I'm obviously, obviously the devil. Horns, pointy tail, Tabasco sauce. What are you doing here? You're a little boy. You shouldn't be here at Hell. Hell's for adults.

[C]

I farted in church.

[B]

Who did you say just got here?

[E]

Whoa.

[B]

No, no. All right, bye. You don't want anything to do with him. That's a very bad man. This Is hell.

[C]

Who was that?

[B]

That's a very bad man.

[C]

Initials.

[B]

Well, I can. I could tell you, but I mean, you're what, you're nine? Yeah. Nine from now. You wouldn't know. Nobody knows nowadays.

[C]

I'm an old soul.

[A]

There's a line.

[B]

Hold on. Okay, you're an adult woman.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who looks like you have a blender in your throat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You try to drink a blender.

[A]

Okay, I'll wait my turn.

[B]

Yes, you will.

[C]

Oh, dang. Hell's like Beetlejuice, like in the waiting room.

[B]

You farted in church?

[C]

Yeah, but I think because I laughed killed you. No.

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

Huh?

[B]

You're still alive.

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay, just tell them what you did wrong and so we can all get into hell.

[B]

Not everyone did something wrong to get to hell.

[C]

Oh, wait. Do you want to know what I did wrong or how I died? Does it have to be the same thing?

[B]

I guess not. Now that I'm thinking of it. I guess not. What did you do wrong? You farted in church.

[C]

Farted in church.

[B]

That doesn't get you to hell, though. Is that all you did?

[C]

Think so. I mean, you would probably know best, right?

[A]

Did you pray to the devil?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, well, that'll do it. Did you. I'm assuming everyone in line prayed to the devil.

[A]

We all raise our hands.

[D]

Yeah, that.

[B]

No cats in hell. God has been all day weeding out little kids and cats. We really can't take kids. You definitely. We can take you. Nobody in here is going to.

[A]

How did you get down here?

[B]

What's that?

[C]

You go ahead.

[A]

I was just saying this place is so unorganized. Been waiting in line for like 15 minutes.

[B]

Oh, 15 minutes. It's hell, sweetie. It's supposed to be bad. Okay, okay, okay. You know what? Back of the line for you.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, your hell starts now.

[A]

I swallowed a blender.

[B]

It's like Disney, where, you know, the ride starts in line. Are you familiar with Disney?

[A]

Oh, the immersiveness of it.

[B]

Yeah. They say the ride starts in line.

[A]

Fuck this.

[B]

What do you mean this? Where are you going?

[A]

I'm going back to Earth.

[B]

Ah. I. Hey.

[E]

I thought I heard a kid right here Is one of my Hulkamaniacs around here.

[B]

No, none of you.

[E]

What about my good friend mj?

[B]

Yes, he's here. I thought I heard you guys could.

[E]

Go tee hee around.

[D]

Yeah. Remember the time.

[B]

I do remember the.

[E]

The time I visited you on the set of Remember the Time.

[B]

You are two of the worst that we have down here.

[E]

Hey, you want to go get out of here and just catch up his friends.

[B]

Don't wink at me. I don't. Don't wink at me.

[E]

I'm just saying we don't always do evil stuff.

[D]

Come hang out with me and Hooter.

[E]

Hooters from Captain Eoin.

[A]

Faint. Oh, brother.

[E]

And I don't know if you remember, but in Captain Eo, they can't find the map because Hooter ate the map.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Aaron, is that a memory of yours?

[D]

No.

[B]

Not unlocking anything.

[A]

Gore for you did not cross my desk.

[E]

It's a big plot point in Captain Eo.

[D]

I probably owe Mookie Blakelock a little tip of the hat. That was sort of his Michael Jackson impression. I saw.

[C]

The Hawk Player.

[D]

Comedian because he has a similar last name. Michael Blakelock got the nickname Mookie.

[B]

So I do like doing a Michael Jackson impression and then throwing someone else under the bus for it. That wasn't even me, honestly. That was, like, Adol's Michael Jackson impression. That's all credit to him.

[D]

It's always tickled me, too. Like, it fits perfectly.

[C]

My Michael Jackson's more of like, a jawa, where it's like tahini. Let's do another riddle here. Oh, this one's. This one's gonna ruffle some feathers. A healthy man got dressed and then lay down and died. Why? And for this one, I do have some hints. A healthy man got dressed and then lay down and died.

[B]

Did, like. Did, like, 50 years pass in between the two things that you described?

[C]

That is exactly how you should be thinking. Okay, but that is unfortunately not the right answer for this one.

[B]

Healthy man, he got dressed and then he laid down and died.

[D]

And is this something where, if I read it, it was like. It's not like he dyed his hair. Like, it's.

[E]

That's what I was gonna ask. It's not dyed.

[C]

You are also thinking along the right lines, but that is not correct.

[B]

Is this a man who was doing, like, an ice luge and he got in his, like, losing gear and then laid. You lay down for. Am I. What am I thinking of? Yeah, she lay down, and then he, like, you know. Yeah, but he died instead.

[E]

It was, like, teared off into a dragon's mouth or something?

[B]

Well, I was gonna say. Yeah, I was gonna say dragon's mouth, which happens more often.

[A]

That's a huge risk for people.

[B]

For Ice losing.

[A]

Was he in a play?

[C]

He was not in a play.

[B]

All right.

[E]

Oh, he was.

[D]

Did he put on poison clothes?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Ooh.

[C]

Oh, you are very hot. Hot, hot. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

[B]

With poison clothes, huh?

[C]

With poison clothes?

[D]

Did he.

[E]

He went before he laid down. Did he say, these clothes are to die for?

[D]

He got dressed in like an operating gown or something and.

[C]

Oh, that. That's a great guess, but not correct. Poison clothes is. Is. I mean, you are pretty much. You're pretty much on the money.

[A]

Okay, well, when we brought that to Shark Tank, no one cared and they told us to leave.

[E]

Yeah. Does it have spikes on it or something?

[B]

Did you lay down on, like a poison bed? Did you lay it on nails?

[C]

Who's Paul? Did you say spikes?

[E]

I said, yeah, spikes are on his suit. But I'm standing on the shoulders of a poison suit giant.

[C]

And we all know that.

[E]

We all are.

[B]

Was it like a bed of nails?

[C]

No, but. But poison spikes, magician. These are like organic poison spikes if you really think about it. And stretch it.

[B]

A pig's penis.

[A]

No, we've already established that. That's.

[D]

Paul said that he's allergic to cotton.

[B]

So poison. What is like a thorn? Is that what you are talking about?

[C]

This is the closest thing.

[A]

Remember how pigs orgasm for 90 minutes? I know we've talked about that in nauseam on the show, but every time we talk about pigs penises, immediately what I think about. Oh, I hate it.

[B]

Wait, wait. Pigs penises. You guys didn't finish guessing which celebrity I saw today.

[A]

Who did you see?

[B]

Think pigs penises. But not necessarily. But not necessarily penises. Just think pigs.

[A]

Pigs.

[B]

He's a celebrity who was famous for.

[C]

A pig movie, Babe. James Cromwell.

[B]

I saw James Cromwell.

[C]

I didn't know he was still alive.

[B]

He was.

[D]

Down the street is the James Cromwell PETA Center.

[B]

Is that right? Yeah, I saw him at a vegan restaurant because he is famously a vegan. Because he became a vegan like two days into shooting Babe.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah, he was shooting that movie. And then he said, I do not want to consume animal products anymore because.

[C]

There are spiders in the.

[B]

Yeah, he looked good. There was. He did have, like a helper there helping him, like, move about. Babe was there. Babe's pretty old now for a pig. Babe is 35. Probably 5 year old pig of that movie. Okay. Yeah.

[C]

And I gotta say, I was thinking Charlotte's Web because of the answer to this riddle. Organic poison needle spider bite. There was a poison spider in his shoe, Neil. Oh, my God. And here's the thing, Neil. I should have. The minute you said poison spikes or whatever. You should have. I should have rung the bell. We should have handed you the oversized check.

[B]

I guess it is poison clothes. Kind of.

[D]

It is like. Yeah, we just missed like.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The last thing, by the way.

[D]

Like that answer is the equivalent of like a stray bullet. Yeah, right. Like a plane fell out of his.

[B]

Die and smoked him.

[D]

An additional thing happened.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The way it's written in the riddle is the last thing he put on was his shoe. And it contained a deadly spider that bit him. He died shortly after. So, yeah, Neil, I gotta say, he.

[D]

Put on shoes to lie down.

[A]

That's a great question.

[C]

I think he laid down like because he was dying. Yes, exactly.

[D]

Gotcha.

[E]

Why couldn't they just said there's a spider in the pocket of his suit? It's weird that the shoes are quoted when it wasn't even like really said in the.

[B]

Also, I don't know about you guys, but the shoes are the first thing that I put on.

[E]

Right.

[B]

Like right out the shower.

[A]

No.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

That's not universal.

[C]

What sociopath.

[B]

You dry well. You dry off first, I bet. Can you believe this? Doesn't put her wet feet and shoes she gets out of the shower.

[C]

I do want to see a scene. Neil, since you solved it, I'll give you the option. Do you want to be in the scene or you don't?

[D]

Yeah, I'll be in the cool off.

[B]

Gives you the option. I don't think you've ever given someone the option before at all.

[C]

So take the option. Because you, I mean, I should have given it to you. You nailed it, Neil. You're going to be a spider. Dad.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Your wife didn't come home last night and you have to break the news to your daughter. Aaron.

[A]

Dad, Dad, I made a web look.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, it's beautiful, dear. Look, we need to have a talk.

[A]

What's going on?

[D]

So you know, you know how I'm always capturing flies and killing them?

[A]

Yeah. It's delicious.

[B]

Classic.

[D]

Have you ever wondered what happens, you know, to that fly's family? It's maybe has a wife, it has kids at home. Yeah, flies have families. Just like we're a family.

[A]

What?

[D]

Yeah, I wasn't.

[A]

Families.

[D]

Yeah. And so sometimes that's horrible. Sometimes someone doesn't come home and it's our fault. We're the ones who poop hamstrum in a web.

[A]

Dad, you've been like tormenting these flies and like messing with them and telling them you're gonna let them go and stuff.

[D]

Yeah. And they started cut off the top of their head and feeding them their own brains and stuff.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. They had families.

[D]

Yeah, they had families who miss Them. Well, unfortunately, we're in a similar predicament. Your mom last night.

[A]

I love Mom.

[D]

Well, she pulled that classic prank. She got in a man's shoe before he put on his suit.

[A]

Classic mom.

[D]

And bit him. And she's been arrested.

[A]

What?

[C]

And I. And we do. We do take a quick break to pan over to jbc. The fly dad with the top of his head cut off and a mouthful of brain. And the fly son with the top of a head cut off. Mouthful, brain stuck in the web talking to each other.

[B]

So you know how we eat shit off the ground? This is way better.

[E]

At first, when I heard I was going to have to eat my own brains.

[B]

Check, please. Right. But after eating, like non stop actual, like feces. This is like, so not bad.

[E]

It's got a flavor.

[B]

It's got a flavor I can't place.

[E]

Just doesn't have.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can I get you guys anything?

[E]

Water, More of my brains, please.

[B]

Could I please have more? And tell me there's more brains in there. I'm almost full. Is there not?

[A]

Or I think we could scoop out a little bit more.

[B]

Is there other fly brains that we could.

[E]

Can you bring us, like the Albert Einstein of flies? We don't care.

[B]

Juicy brain. We're amoral when it comes to eating other brains.

[A]

It is market price for other brains.

[B]

This is my last meal, so I don't mind splurging a little bit.

[C]

And we cut to the funeral for the mother spy, where the daughter is performing a song.

[A]

Mom, I thought you just got arrested. I don't know what happened.

[D]

She was executed. Terre Haute, Indiana. Same place Timothy McVeigh was killed.

[A]

That's awful.

[B]

Her last meal was her own brains.

[A]

What?

[B]

She chose to eat her own brains for her last meal.

[A]

That's not what spiders did. Timothy McVeigh did that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good for him. Anyways, let's pack it up.

[C]

Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back with more riddles. Hey, everyone. ADOL and JPC here real quick. Just to get ahead of it.

[B]

Aaron, ADOL and jpc.

[C]

I should say ADOL and jpc. Aaron kissed a car and she liked it. To a car.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[C]

She kissed a car. To her to do a car, so.

[B]

But I do think she also liked it because she said, I really like. And then honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.

[C]

And we, of course, started singing I kissed the car and I liked it. She didn't care for that. She is a. I want to say a 1991 Aaron Keefe.

[B]

I believe it's a 91 Keefe. Yeah. And that's a good model. It's got some miles.

[C]

Aaron's a model now.

[B]

It's got some miles, but it's a model. She's always wanted to be a model.

[C]

And my model meal.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[C]

Is Tempo. Summer means vacations, outdoor adventures, driving in your air, and Keefe. But also less time spent cooking healthy meals at home. If you're reaching for quick solutions that compromise your nutrition, Tempo has your back or your bumper, depending on if you're human or car. With fresh protein rich meals ready in just three minutes, you can fuel your summer fun without sacrificing your health or valuable free time.

[B]

And if you're thinking about eating gasoline all summer long, you might be at Aaron Keefe. But if you're not an Aaron Keefe, Tempo, the official partner of the 2025 CrossFit Games, delivers fresh chef crafted dietitian approved meals right to your door. Packed with protein, their delicious meals help keep you fueled, car turn and ready for your next workout.

[C]

And I know what people are thinking. Yes, she's wearing pants and a top. Okay, it's a car with pants and a car with a blouse.

[B]

Don't worry the pants. The pants has clothes. The car has clothes too.

[C]

Also, some of my favorite Tempo meals I've had recently are filet mignon and creamy mushroom sauce. Yum, yum, yum. Also, spicy chipotle beef and sweet potato bowl. Heaven. True heaven.

[B]

And with new recipes each week that are made with real ingredients and nutrient rich, they make it easy to keep a healthy lifestyle. Tempo's perfectly portioned lunches and dinners take the guesswork out of eating well, are fully prepared and can be heated in the microwave in just three minutes. Guys. And I know what you're all thinking. What do you mean she turned into a car? It sounds like she got hit by a car and you guys walked away and there was like a lot of honking. Well, to the haters and losers out there, I say for a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to tempomeals.com riddle that's tempomeals.com riddle for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com riddle R I, D, D, L E. Rules and restrictions may apply.

[C]

What do you think, Aaron? Do you want some Tempo? Oh, she honked.

[A]

Jpc. What happened?

[B]

I just, I cut myself again on some of my closet staples.

[A]

Oh, jpc. Yeah, you've had a horrible misunderstood full.

[B]

Of staples because I've heard that it's like good to like.

[C]

You stapled all your clothes.

[B]

You're gonna need.

[C]

Oh boy.

[A]

I think that you're thinking of closet staples, like clothes that you can wear a lot that look good with other things. I get mine from Quint's.

[C]

Have you heard of Quint's? They have closet staples you want to reach for over and over carefully. Like cozy cashmere and cotton sweaters from just $50, breathable flow knit polos and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed up dinners. I'm wearing some right now.

[B]

Wee. Oh, okay. I think I have guys. I think this is another one of my classic mix em ups where I've fundamentally misunderstood the assignment 100%.

[A]

And guess what? With Quince, everything is half the cost of similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleman, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. My sheets are from quints. That's why I look so well rested.

[B]

That's why you're always wearing sheets.

[A]

These are real clothes.

[B]

Those are real clothes. Okay.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Okay, great. Nope. And I'm getting it. I actually know Quint's and I love Quint's because I have a lightweight hoodie from Quint's that I wore to our Portland show, our Seattle show, and here in la, it is wonderful. It's my favorite item of clothing that I own.

[A]

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices in premium fabrics and finishes. So you don't even have to feel bad when you're wearing your hoodie.

[B]

So stop covering your wet naked body with staples from the staple store.

[A]

What the heck?

[C]

Use a towel.

[B]

Yeah, maybe somebody else did. The call to action. Mine's all messed up.

[C]

Keep it classic and cool with long lasting staples from quint. Go to quint.comriddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I-n c e.com riddle to get free shipping and 365 day returns.

[A]

Quince.com riddle and let me grab that stapler from you.

[B]

No, no, no. I need this for my clothes.

[A]

Nope.

[C]

Quince. It's quite comfortable.

[A]

Hell yeah. Yes. Adel.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, Adol. Hey Aaron. Can I tell you something that I'm kind of like ashamed of?

[A]

Yeah, of course. Always.

[B]

When I was a kid, all of my two brothers, all of our birthdays are within a month and it's all around Christmas time. So we used to just get like Christmas birthday gifts and Sometimes we would just get like combo gifts together and I would always tell my brothers that we could pool all of our money together and just get one big Lego. And then I would insist on doing the LEGO and putting it together myself.

[C]

How do you put together one big Lego?

[B]

Oh, I guess it's more like an expensive LEGO kit, not one big LEGO block.

[A]

I mean, you didn't really understand finances. You didn't have anything like Acorns early when you were growing up. So how are you supposed to know? He he.

[C]

Hey kids. It's me, Birthday Santa.

[B]

Birthday Santa.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

You're real.

[C]

Yes. And I want to tell you about Acorns early, which is something jbc, it sounds like you and your brothers wish you had.

[B]

Yeah, we could. Yeah, absolutely.

[C]

Acorns really is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids money skills as they grow up.

[B]

Oh, so cool. You can start with in app Chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar. Then let your kids set their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits.

[A]

Early kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's early spending limit and real time spend notifications, parents always stay in control. And I mean I would have loved having this growing up. I would know way more about money than I do right now.

[C]

Right, right. I mean, but I'm like a newer thing. Like I'm for kids who have birthdays around Christmas. I understand, but all kids. Kids. But anyway, piggy banks are cute and great for loose change, quarters, etc. But these days there's so much more that kids need to know about money.

[A]

Hehehe.

[C]

Acorns early makes it easy to teach kids lifelong money skills that they can actually use in the real world.

[B]

And I love the Acorns early app. I've played around in here. My kids a little too young to start right now because they're kind of.

[D]

Like a little toddler.

[B]

But I'm so excited for them to be able to use features like this because I think like being able to track all of these things when you are young and have money literacy at a young age is so, so, so important to being a, you know, person that exists in the world nowadays.

[C]

Well, I'm a person that exists in the world.

[B]

Who said I wasn't?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

No. Anyway, if you're ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend, get your first month on us when you head to acornserly.com heyriddle or download the Acorns early app. That's one month free when you sign up at acornserly.com heYRiddle Acorns early card.

[C]

Is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank Member FDIC pursuant to license by MasterCard International. Free trial to new subscribers only. Subscription fee starting for $5 per month unless canceled terms [e-mail] earlyterms hehehe. Oh Santa needs to lay down. I mean, I mean birthday Santa needs to lay down.

[A]

Love. Whatever your thing is man, don't stress.

[B]

I think Timothy McVeigh's last meal was like was he the one that had the four pints of ice cream? I really wish I knew. Yeah, it's going to kill me that I don't know what he ate before he died.

[D]

What vegan restaurant were you at?

[B]

Crossroads. Crossroads Kitchens. Yeah.

[A]

What would be your last meal?

[B]

Probably Crossroads.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I took. Okay, can we come back? Because I would love so. I love that place. I don't know if Adel you've been Aaron, have you gone with us? We went last time we were in town.

[A]

I've been before. I don't know if I've been with.

[B]

You but it's all, it's an all vegan restaurant but they don't do that thing where on the menu they don't say vegan scallops and vegan chicken they just say chicken and scallops or whatever. But I told my in laws that it was a vegan restaurant when we went and neither one of them are vegan but so there's items that are clearly marked gluten free because my mother in law is gluten free. And they both ordered their food and then were asking the waiter like can I sub out the cream? And I was like there's no cream, it's vegan. You can't eat dairy but it's fine. It's vegan. And they're like great. And then they were like and then can I sub up the gluten free pasta? I was like the thing you got is gluten free. Like you don't. There's no stopouts that you need to make. It's totally fine. Everything I've made sure that everything that is here you can both eat. And then my father in law got his food and he was eating it and he was like well why do they have scallops here? And I was like well they're not scallops. Those nothing that you eat here is going to be me at all. I was like, those are. Those are definitely mushrooms. And he was like, those were mushrooms. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Enjoy, everyone. Enjoy.

[D]

I have season tickets to the Angel City women's soccer team here. And they. The food options have changed kind of over the years, but they used to have a Wolfies there, which was a vegan sort of hot chicken place.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

But it said like in all the sort of art, as you're waiting in line on like the. The sort of columns and stuff behind you, plant based. Da da, da. But it's also kind of easy to like. It's like, not that this will help the listener, but like behind us right here, it says headgum la pocket. Like you don't like come in the room and necessarily read that. You just sort of take like this thing on the wall as being.

[B]

As a thing.

[D]

Yeah, as a thing. So often they were just trained as you got up there in order they went. And this is vegan. Just so you know. Right. I would say one out of every three times I would see like someone ahead of me or once I got up close to the front, be like, oh, no. And like walk away. And it's like, it would be like a long line.

[B]

That's so funny.

[D]

Yeah, it was.

[E]

They should have a voice played over like a loudspeaker nearby that's like, like vegan, vegan, vegan.

[B]

It's so slow though, that people like just kind of block it out as well.

[C]

I love it has to be like White Album played in reverse. Paul is dead. Like it.

[D]

This is also like. It's stadium food no matter what. I'm kind of like, you waited in line for 20 minutes. You're at the front. Like, was your goal to like eat something or was your goal to like make sure like a chicken die? Like, it's just like, just get the fucking vegan chicken and go get and watch the soccer game. Like it's psycho.

[B]

That people would walk away is deep fried. So it's like when it's deep fried, like, I can see that if you were going to get like a vegan chicken cutlet that was like, you know that you. That you could. But it's deep fried. It's like all battered and fried.

[D]

Right? This isn't like an NFL. There's only so many options in the stadium. It's not like a massive stadium. It's just like, yeah, it was cycle and people walk away. Just get it. It's stadium food. It's stadium food.

[B]

Yeah, but it sounds like my father in law Exactly. Like, he would eat the chicken sandwich, but if you told him it was a vegan chick sandwich, you'd be like, well, what else? What else can we get?

[D]

I don't want to.

[C]

I feel like here they're probably pretty good about it, but my wife is vegetarian. I feel like in the Midwest, anytime she says vegetarian, they go. So fish is okay. Like, it's across. Almost across the board. Like. But I'm sure. I mean, California seems very well adjusted.

[B]

I remember when I was first vegetarian, I asked my. I not asked. I told my grandmother, which I told her every time we had any sort of dinner together that I was a vegetarian. And she said, can you eat shrimp and pasta? And I said, what to do with that question? Because I don't want to give a confusing half answer, but I don't want to really take pasta off the table, because that's one of the one things I will be able to eat.

[A]

I had Angel City season tickets, but they were always in the hot sun.

[D]

Oh, I've switched seats a couple times. Once I. Season one, I was in the hot sun. Season two wasn't, and it was okay. Stayed there season three as well, and then season four moved back to the sun side. But there are fewer day games this year, so I think only once or twice will I be in the actual sun. And a little. A little lower as well, because every.

[A]

Time I go, I'd, like, leave sunburnt and, like, I didn't see a single moment of the game.

[B]

Yeah. Awful.

[E]

Blinded sunburn.

[C]

What's the mascot for the team?

[D]

They don't have a mascot or like, the.

[B]

Is it.

[C]

Is it just Angel City Angels or.

[D]

No, it's just called Angel City fc.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I guess their logo has, like, a little bit of a wing thing on it.

[D]

Yeah. But there's definitely not, like, a fun mascot. That's. There's no, like, Ellie the Elephant for the Liberty or whatever.

[A]

Yeah. They did have one, though.

[D]

Oh, I'd love it if they got, like, a funny, gritty kind of. Yeah.

[A]

Something horrible.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I do think Philadelphia solved any mascot issue, which is, like, it doesn't have to relate to the. Just make a crazy thing.

[E]

Yeah. That's fun to look at.

[A]

That would be a sleep paralysis.

[B]

What's the block to getting that mascot, though?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

They're not expensive, Right.

[D]

Some teams just don't do it. I mean, like, the Dodgers don't have a mascot. You know, I think a lot of. A lot of baseball. I would. I wonder. I would bet, like, maybe Half of baseball teams have a mascot.

[C]

Dodgers have the saddest story behind their name.

[D]

Holly Dodgers.

[C]

Yes. Which is so many people were hit and killed by trolleys in Brooklyn when they were the Brooklyn Dodgers. That.

[A]

Yeah, that's horrible.

[D]

But I think it was like, sort of like a term for a Brooklynite because there were so many trolleys. Right. There's like, you're one of those trolley Dodgers from Brooklyn land.

[B]

Are you one of the remaining people from Brooklyn that wasn't killed by industry? Good.

[D]

Not just a wonderful knickerbocker like me.

[A]

Oh, it's so funny.

[C]

Let's do some. Let's switch it up here.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Just to not infuriate our guests.

[A]

Yeah, they're gonna snap at all.

[C]

Aaron keeps elbowing me in the ribs. These are some mashup riddles that we received at a recent live show in Seattle. These are from Quinn. Quinn, thank you so much.

[B]

Thank you, Quinn.

[C]

These are sort of a mashup of two celebrity names. I'll give you one sentence of a hint that will contain hints for the two celebrities. And then you have to find a way to combine them. I think they're all. I think all sort of last name bleeding into the first name of the next celebrity.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Are you. The celebrity is James Cromwell. That's the only celebrity I like now. I'm ride or die for him.

[C]

So, for example, sake. This. And some of these I'm going to change slightly just to make them a little because some of these personally, I think are a little quick to solve. So I'm going to change some of the clues slightly. This former Billy Elliot actor sings 80s hit man eater. And you'd make my dreams.

[A]

Tom Holland.

[C]

You got the first part.

[E]

Holland Oates.

[A]

Tom Holland Oates.

[C]

Tom Holland Oates.

[D]

I was going Jamie Belt. Jamie Bell.

[B]

Biv Devoe.

[C]

Also very acceptable. So let's go into the next one here. This Scottish actor goes on to play Southern lawyer Atticus Finch. This Scottish actor goes on to play southern lawyer Atticus Finch.

[A]

Gregory Peck.

[B]

James, you got the last part. James Cromwell, you and McGregory Peck.

[C]

Ding, ding, ding. Nice one.

[A]

Okay. What if they kissed?

[C]

Aaron, what's this?

[A]

I. What if they kissed? They're both so handsome. What if we combine them together?

[C]

This is my Greek pick. Scout. Scout.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Shifra Rope.

[C]

Cheer for up. This Hong Kong action star gives memorable performances and outtakes as well as takes off their clothes.

[D]

Jackie Channing Tatum.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

You got Channing Tatum off. Takes off their clothes.

[D]

Well, I just assumed it was Jackie Chan. I don't know that A lot of other Hong Kong action stars are like, you know, at the A name everyone would know.

[B]

Tip your tongue. Hong Kong action star.

[E]

I mean, Jackie Channing Tatum o'.

[B]

Neal.

[D]

Whoa.

[E]

Throuples. Oh, Are the people who wrote these clues so hung up that they can't even imagine a world of throupled ones?

[C]

Speaking of hung up, Sammo hung like a horse Stripper, I think also works. Let's go to the next one. This Latin pop star.

[B]

Aaron, you're arresting your whole nose and mouth on the mic.

[A]

My head is so heavy.

[B]

Heavy as the head.

[A]

Yeah. I was also just. I was like, I would love if Jackie Chan was in Magic Mike 3.

[D]

I think he is.

[E]

I think they're making it. I think he is.

[A]

I would die for it.

[C]

I would love.

[A]

My ass would be in that theater.

[C]

He's like jumping through a ladder, taking off his pants and gets stuck.

[A]

Oh, that's something that you guys could do in your Vegas friendship trip is go to Magic Mike xxl. Oh, strip show.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I still like the Thunder Down Under. I'm never gonna flip. There's some people who are flipping and going from Thunder down under to Magic Mike.

[D]

I just don't want to get recruited while I'm there.

[A]

Yeah, they'd be like, you're one of.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Coming over.

[B]

No one else can enjoy the show. Cuz they're like, the guy next to me is in the show.

[D]

This must be a plan. It's obviously a plan.

[B]

Just giving you plenty of space, letting you like, pop up at any time.

[A]

In my favorite documentary about table setting called Set, it's truly so funny. It feels like a Christopher Guest movie. One of the women in it reveals, like halfway through that she's seen Thunder down under like 52 times. She goes, any extra money I have, I go to Vegas.

[B]

Any extra money. That's so sad to say it. As extra money.

[A]

Yeah, that's all she does is go to Thunder Down.

[D]

Hey, you can't take it with you.

[C]

I do want to see a scene. Let's say, Paul, you are in Vegas. You're at the. We'll say the Bellagio. And you are. You're from out of town, obviously, as all the Vegas people are. You've some somehow found your way on stage during a Cirque du Soleil performance. And we'll say, Aaron Japes and Neil, you're Cirque du Soleil performers trying to sort of make things work.

[D]

Oh, God.

[E]

I. I just want to say, when I bid this on this in the auction at my church. I knew it was going to be fun, but I didn't know it was going to be thrilling as well.

[D]

How do you. Okay, enough chitchat. We need you to kind of. You see this poll. Are you capable of. Of, yeah. Sliding my program but being upside down?

[E]

Just really quick.

[D]

Yeah, I'll sign it. I'm sorry. I'm wearing kind of a flipper costume here, so it's kind of tough, but.

[E]

And can you ask them to sign my program?

[D]

Hey, would you guys sign this program?

[B]

We're really not supposed to talk.

[A]

We're kind of like mimes.

[D]

Oh, fuck.

[B]

Just straight up mimes.

[A]

Can we just toss him into the sky?

[D]

Yeah, I just.

[E]

We.

[D]

We have sort of the poll set up, but he really needs to kind of selfie time. Get up. Come on.

[E]

Did you guys ever see the Oscars that Ellen hosted? Do you remember the selfies she did? So there's these things called selfies, and.

[B]

I was thinking we're all 19 in French. I'm. We don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

We're 19 in France.

[B]

We haven't seen Oscars or anything like that.

[E]

Well, I'm 62 and American good.

[B]

We're going to need to go reverse up the pole because that's kind of what the whole act is. And we're at the bottom, like, oh, no. And we're like.

[D]

We told them before they did the auction and at this church, like, make sure everyone knows you have to have.

[A]

Insane upper body strength, core strength to be nimble. I feel like. Sir, you look like you have a lot of different injuries.

[D]

You have a pacemaker scar. Yeah.

[E]

Oh, because I have a pacemaker.

[D]

Oh, well, that's a relief, I guess. Yeah, yeah.

[E]

And I just want to warn you, my knees are dissolvable. So you just. In terms of the sweatiness of your hands, just try to avoid. Avoid my kneecaps or they will dissolve.

[B]

Yeah, you're touching your knees a lot. No one else has touched your knees.

[D]

Oh.

[E]

Because I have this condition called dry hand, and they get very sandy.

[A]

Also. Look, recently divorced.

[E]

Can you touch my hands, please? Touch my hands.

[C]

Audience, please welcome special guest star for Cirque du Soleil, Ted from Melanoma, Georgia.

[D]

Thank you.

[E]

Thank you. Hey, everybody. I bid on this.

[B]

We're not supposed to talk.

[C]

Somebody take the mic. Somebody take the mic.

[A]

His hands are so dry. I can't get the mic out of his hands.

[E]

One of my old tricks.

[D]

We should have given him that mic. That was.

[A]

God.

[D]

That was our Move.

[B]

We truly lost this.

[E]

And the only way you can stop me is if you have some water and it can touch my knees.

[D]

Good try, guys. Try doing that.

[A]

The door opens up and it's a huge pool.

[E]

Damn it.

[B]

Oh, no. His knees are dissolving. The bottom parts of his legs are just kind of floating away. Oh.

[E]

When I bid on this, the reverend promised me I'd have a fun time.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

See, that's the church for you.

[B]

Yeah. Are you having a good time? No.

[C]

Ladies and gentlemen, please exit the theater and make your way to Metallica at the Sphere. My favorite. My favorite part of that. And this. This made me so delighted and then made me so anxious. The Midwestern person in me, the Midwestern brain I have, which is to outright ask someone to sign your playbill and then say, can you ask those two to sign it? Because if someone did that to me, I'd be like, oh, I'm approachable. And then I'd be like, wait a minute.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Why are they intimidated by the other two talents? Intimidated.

[A]

Too.

[C]

Let's go.

[B]

When we were performing on the Joco Cruise, someone, like, flagged me down once and they handed me a T shirt, and they said, could you go get the guys from they Might Be Giants to sign the T shirt? I was like, oh, no. I'm just like. I'm just a guy like you. I don't know. They Might Be Giants. And I certainly. If I did, I wouldn't waste that cachet on getting beside your T shirt.

[A]

Yeah. If I have a favor to ask. They Might Be Giant.

[B]

Hey, guys, could I get a picture?

[C]

This Latin. And these are still mashup riddles. This Latin pop star, Ricky Martin. Close. This Latin pop star is perhaps best known for their role as Elizabeth Swan.

[A]

This Latin pop star, Kristen Stewart is the second one. Oh, Elizabeth Swan. Oh, no, no, no. I was thinking Bella Swan from Amal Turned around. Can we go to Erin Fawn Swan is Keira Knightley.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Guess Kira.

[C]

Latin pop star Shakira.

[A]

Shakira Knightley.

[B]

I wish there are two Latin pop.

[E]

Stars I have to settle for Shakira Weekly.

[A]

Brother, oh, brother.

[B]

Is that like, the rate that you watch Zootopia? I'm kind of on a secure weekly thing myself. Zootopia 2. We excited.

[A]

Yeah, I'm excited.

[B]

I'm excited a little bit.

[D]

Was Zooto. That's a kind of a long break, right? Wasn't it? I feel like Zootopia. I saw the trailer for it before, like, Force Awakens.

[A]

Yeah, it was like 2016, 17 something.

[B]

Production pipeline might been a minute. It's also interesting because Zootopia was like, 2015, 2016 somewhere around there. And it's a very. Like, the whole premise of the movie is like, hey, we're zoo animals, but we're also cops. But we're good cops. And then, like, eight years of history happened. Now they're doing a Zootopia 2. And I saw the trailer, and there's no words in the trailer. And I'm like, what are they gonna do?

[A]

What are they up to?

[B]

What are they gonna do? How are they gonna pull this one out?

[C]

After this actor escaped the slums, they started one of the most successful daytime talk shows of all time.

[A]

Drew Barrymore, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres.

[C]

Oh, yeah, you got the last one.

[A]

Famous for taking that selfie. She's famous for that united the entire country. That selfie. I remember that selfie.

[C]

And I'll say this. This actor plays a character who escaped by slums.

[D]

That's what I was thinking. I just trying to think of their characters.

[C]

Sorry, the actors.

[B]

Dev Patelin put the whole thing together. Dev Patelin, DeGeneres.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. That's crazy, because I was thinking when you said daytime show host, I was thinking Regis Philbin. And though he's not in Slumdog Millionaire, it is kind of about him.

[D]

Yeah, true.

[A]

Yeah. Really about him. At the end of the day, after.

[B]

He saw that movie, he turned to the person he was with and said, this movie's really about me, and I'll be dead in five years.

[C]

Now, Aaron, we once shared a hotel room, and in the middle of your dreams, you kept saying, green knight. Hey, Green knight. Ooh, Green knight.

[A]

Well, I have a huge crush on Dev Patel, but not from Green Knight. Green Knight gave me horrible, horrible, horrible nightmares.

[B]

Who's your dream? Dev Patel. What's your dream? Dev Patel in his roles. You just have a question. Dev Patel. You don't want to tell me?

[A]

No, I don't want to tell you that. It's Dev Patel in the newsroom.

[D]

The newsroom.

[C]

Is he shirtless in the newsroom?

[A]

No.

[B]

What the hell does he do in the newsroom?

[A]

I don't want. See, I knew I wasn't safe to tell you about my crush on Dev Patel in the newsroom.

[D]

Is there a. I didn't see. Is there, like, a particular Real World story that they connect him like that? Like, that's the thing on the newsroom, right?

[B]

They break the real news. Yeah.

[A]

He won't give up. Like a whistleblower. Like, so he has to go on the run at some point, which I think was something in the news. But he's like also the, he starts as like the, the one who does social media.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I have a crush on basically everyone on the newsroom. Name someone on the newsroom.

[C]

I got a crush on him. Daniel.

[A]

Not him, but everyone else.

[B]

That's the only other guy I know about the newsroom.

[D]

John Gallagher.

[A]

John Gallagher Jr. And Dev Patel. Huge crush. Huge crush.

[D]

Gideon Yago. Didn't he write for that?

[A]

Great. Add him to the list.

[B]

I want to say Aaron Sorkin. He probably does a cameo. Does he do cameos in his own work?

[C]

And he likes to walk and fuck.

[B]

He loves to walk and fuck.

[E]

Did you hear that? The writer of the newsroom in West Wing also married one of Arnold Schwarzenegger's greatest roles.

[C]

Aaron Sorkin. Aaron Sorkin.

[B]

Conterminator. Aaron Sorkin.

[E]

Sorkin Dinner Copyright cop.

[D]

That's good. That's good.

[B]

Kindergarten Cop.

[C]

Kind of amazing.

[D]

That's good. Greatest roles.

[B]

Greatest roles. The perfect set. Maybe a little stretch on greatest roles. One of his roles for sure.

[A]

What's the toy one?

[C]

Jingle all the Way.

[A]

Jingle all the Way.

[E]

I should have chosen. Yeah. Aaron Sor. Can jingle Go all the way.

[B]

That would have fit.

[A]

That would have, that would have done well.

[C]

This six foot seven rapper, which I didn't know this rapper was six seven. This is impressive. This six foot seven rapper is also regarded as the great one. This six foot seven.

[D]

Lil Wayne Gretzky.

[C]

Yes. Damn.

[B]

Lil Wayne is six seven.

[C]

That's what I wait, is it, he.

[D]

Has that song that's six foot seven. Is that, is that, is it, is it referring to this, the song title.

[C]

Or is it sample Belafonte?

[D]

Is that 6 foot 7 foot?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So it's like calling a big guy slim Lil Wayne. Is that's the joke, huh?

[D]

I, I, I'm, I'm just wondering if the, if the phrasing is trying to refer to the song and not as.

[C]

Actually that makes sense.

[B]

You know what?

[C]

You know, you're probably right.

[A]

Cu. That's the name of the song. I was like, that can't be.

[C]

He doesn't look. When you see him on camera, he doesn't look 6 7.

[E]

Yeah, that'd be cool though if he did.

[A]

67 is so tall. My brother in law is 67 and it is a whole thing.

[B]

I think that there's no way that there's a person that is 67 that I know about that I don't know that they're six seven, seven. Because we're saying Lil Wayne is not six, seven. That's what we're saying definitively here today.

[D]

I'd be surprised.

[B]

Yeah, I. But I think I would be. I think I would be so surprised that I.

[A]

We're like the tall people.

[E]

Camera takes away two feet.

[D]

Jacob Elordi is supposed to be tall, right? I think that's a genuinely tall guy.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I was just reading the. The, like, Frankenstein preview, and they sort of seemed to be. They were like. We had to totally redo the custom because Andrew Garfield drop dropped out and Jacob Elordi took over, I think.

[B]

Isn't Bill Skarsgard, like, six, seven? I think he is.

[C]

All those Nordic actors are really.

[B]

I think he's like, really tall Skarsgard.

[E]

Or point guard with his height. I sometimes think that.

[D]

Right, well, you got it now. Now where you got to think. Blake Griffin acts in some stuff. So, yeah, he's. He's one of the tall guys in Hollywood.

[B]

He's one of Subway's best actors.

[D]

Shaq was.

[B]

Yeah. My favorite actor is Shaq. My second favorite actor, Blake Griffin, I.

[C]

Gotta say, after Happy Gilmore 2. Bobon Maria.

[D]

Oh, I was on a plane once with the. What's the guy who plays the giant in Twin Peaks and Lurch in Adam's Family? That guy.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

That was cool seeing him. That is just an instantly recognizable dude.

[A]

That's a fun celebrity sighting, especially on.

[B]

A plane, because that would be, like, the most.

[D]

He was coming back from a convention. I've multiple times been on a plane going to or from a city, and I'm like, wow, there's, like, celebs on this plane. That one had that guy and Eric Roberts. It was coming back from, like, some convention in Minneapolis. Another time recently, Eli Roth and Ron Perlman were, like, going to, like, Seattle for a convention. These are incredible dudes.

[E]

Playing them again.

[A]

My favorite part of seeing celebrities in person is to see how tall they are. I, like, need to know for skill. I went through customs next to Christian Bale, and I was like, I'm so glad I know how tall you are. That's awesome, because now I'll know how tall everyone in the movies that you're in.

[D]

I went through a security line next to Harvey Keitel once. That was cool.

[A]

That's crazy.

[E]

That's awesome.

[B]

I've seen Scott Kahn and, oh, God, Paul Ant man. What's his name? Paul Rudd in person. And both of them are not super tall, but they have very tall hair. Like, taller hair than I've, like, remarkably tall was He.

[E]

But he wasn't. When you saw him. He wasn't as Ant Man. Maybe that was messing up the size.

[C]

It could have been that Jennifer Aniston once accidentally hugged me and she had the wildest head to body ratio I've ever seen.

[A]

Was she tall, though?

[C]

No, very short. But her. The. The size of her head compared to how. How tiny her body is.

[B]

He hugged a Jennifer Aniston bobblehead.

[C]

I was an extra in.

[E]

Did you think she thought you were a Gunther?

[B]

He's given Gunther.

[E]

Oh, no, no, no. That's not what the.

[D]

I didn't mean that.

[B]

You resigned. Oh, no, he stepped in it.

[C]

What was the. It was Vince Vaughn, the breakup. I was an extra in the breakup at Wrigley Field, and I was like, front row of the seats. And as she was walking by, she saw me clearly thought I was someone she knew, ran up and I kind of stood up and she hugged me. And then as she kind of put her head back, was like, hey. And I go, hi. Thank you. And then she walked away.

[D]

That's amazing.

[B]

What if she did think you were Gunther? You don't look a thing like Gunther. But she was just like Gunther. And then she's like, why did I think that guy was Gunther?

[C]

I should have been like, it's fine.

[D]

I was at ucv sitting in, like the under the sun seats, sort of.

[B]

The little office area.

[D]

This is many years ago, smoking a jam. Door opened behind me because that was also the pathway to the green room. And someone started rubbing my head. And then I turned to see and it was Jon Hamm. And he was like, oh, sorry, I thought you were Scott Aukerman.

[A]

All right, good to know. A peek behind the curtain of their friendship.

[D]

But it's like Scott's like a foot taller than.

[B]

He's very tall.

[D]

Just sitting down from behind a head poking above a chair. He must have just thought like. Like, Scott's slouching.

[A]

That's so funny. Well, you've been blessed by John Hammond. How much did your life change after?

[D]

I've never touched my hair since then.

[C]

Well, you've been blessed and we've been blessed to have the two of you. Thank you both so much for being on the show.

[B]

Thank you. Yeah, it's been great.

[D]

And I feel smarter now, too.

[C]

Yeah, you're going to be served up. Both of you going to be served up. Some more Instagram ads. Neil Campbell, Paul Rust, what do you have? We'll start with Neil. Anything to plug her for promote.

[D]

So show. I co created with Andy Samberg Digman is airing on Comedy Central Wednesdays after South Park. Presumably that will still be true by the time this is released, and it won't be streaming on Paramount plus until next year. It's just airing on cable right now.

[B]

God damn it.

[D]

But no, wait.

[B]

I'm sorry. No one else is mad about that.

[A]

Make a call.

[D]

Hey, the life I've gotten used to.

[C]

But I have YouTube TV.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

You can also buy like, the season on Apple TV or something.

[E]

That's what I did.

[D]

Buy it all the cards. But Aaron does some voices on our fifth episode, which is probably, I guess, already aired by this point, but. But you can go check it out.

[E]

It's a very funny show and people should definitely check it out.

[D]

Season one is all on Paramount Plus. So this is season two airing now.

[B]

Season one is excellent, too. I. I really, really enjoyed season one and I can't wait for season two.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And I won't. I guess I'm buying it on Apple as all our listeners have to do as well.

[C]

Paul Rust, Anything to promote.

[E]

I said Apple because I'm just trying to help out any struggling company mom and pop brick and mortars out there.

[B]

I mean, hell, if you can buy it on Spotify. I feel like we all endorse that as well. Right. You can buy it on a Tesla. I think that you can play on your Tesla, do that too.

[E]

No, Neil and I, we do a show the second Friday of every Monday month, often with Aaron at the Elysian Theater. If you're ever in Los Angeles, come check it out. It's called Playhouse Masterpieces. It's a real hoot. If you like Imbroff, you might.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

If you don't like it, we're. You'll also like it the show because we're gonna.

[A]

We've had with the form a lot of hay. Riddle. Riddle listeners come and check it out, and they loved it.

[E]

Oh, good, good, good.

[A]

Yeah, it's a lot of. It's. Who are some of the regular people in that show that.

[D]

Mike Mitchell and Fran Gillespie and Lily Sullivan does it a lot.

[B]

Chicago.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Great, great show.

[D]

Yeah. You have to have at least visited Chicago to do the show. Yeah.

[E]

So, yeah, we have this scanner that can, like, scan the blood of somebody.

[A]

And see how much hot dog juice.

[D]

Is in your mouth. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

And if that hot dog juice has.

[D]

Ketchup and was there a pickle next to the hot dog when you ate it?

[B]

You know, I gotta get home because I can feel my hot dog juice blood getting low. And it's like, I haven't been this low on.

[A]

I can see it behind your eyes.

[B]

I know. Oh, can you? Oh, man. Okay, we gotta.

[C]

I love as a kid going to Walgreens, did you put your arm in the hot dog juice tester and your mom's like, get out of there.

[B]

Yeah. 71 over 180. That's a lot of hot dog juice.

[A]

Jupiter.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Created by Adel Refai, starring Aaron Keenan and John Patrick Cohen. Casey Tony did the editing and Marty.

[D]

Perry into the music.

[B]

Created by Emily Cardamus and Emma Naporus. Hey there, pods and cast. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We have Alice Stanley Jr. On to do some podcast access. You can listen to that plus our entire back [e-mail] Haverin over by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[D]

That was a headgum podcast.