Hey Riddle Riddle #375: "You're My Taco R2D2"
Released: September 24, 2025

Episode Overview

In this characteristically chaotic episode, hosts Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan (JPC) leap from one uproarious bit to another, loosely tethered by riddles, improvisational scenes, and pop culture tangents. From debates about the jobs we give smart robots to the morality of killing silverfish, the trio blends absurdity, personal anecdotes, and razor-sharp banter—all with their signature irreverence and improv flair. Riddles and puzzles serve as springboards for ludicrous hypotheticals (and a few rants about Facebook Marketplace).

Key Discussion Points & Notable Segments

1. Robot Delivery, Existential Dread, and Taco R2D2

(05:00–07:01)

• The hosts riff on the proliferation of food delivery robots and their "wasted potential" when compared to lovable robots like R2D2.
• Notable Quote:
  • B (JPC): “You’re going to be my taco R2D2.” (06:10)
  • A (Erin): “Forget flying spaceships. You’re going to bring me Taco Bell at 2am when I’m drunk and high.” (06:24)
• They imagine humans misusing advanced technology for trivial chores and posit a ‘Dr. Alien Monkey Pimple Popper’ TV show for creatures with tiny hands.

2. On Audiobook Narration and Adal’s Clicky Pen

(07:44–09:29)

• Erin reveals she’s finally reading The Way of Kings, and JPC discusses the grueling process of audiobook narration.
• Anecdote: Adal shares that audiobook readers use “clickers” to mark mistakes for easier editing.
• Leads to a segment where each host reads famous book passages as celebrity narrators, culminating in Erin’s Kathleen Turner impression (10:30).

3. Kathleen Turner, College War Stories, and Jimmy Betts

(10:35–14:05)

• Erin regales a tale of building sets for Kathleen Turner during college and shares the saga of a friend unknowingly vomiting on baby rabbits, kept secret for years.
• Notable Quote:
  • A (Erin): “We kept it 15 years secret because we knew you’d feel bad.” (13:51)

4. Chores, Hot Trash, and Mary Poppins Goes Bad

(15:12–20:41)

• Discussion of favorite and least favorite chores: JPC hates cleaning stoves, Erin likes chores with warmth (folding laundry, washing dishes).
• They brainstorm "hot trash" and related ridiculous gadgets.
• Improv Scene: Erin plays a disaffected Mary Poppins type who refuses to do her job and delegates all her work to the children.
  • A (Erin): “For every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. I would like an Old Fashioned, please.” (17:46)
  • Ends with “Mary Puppers” abandoning the children.

5. Riddles and Improv Tangents

(15:40–66:38, interspersed)

• The group works through listener-submitted riddles, typically using them as a launchpad for improv scenes and more personal anecdotes.
• Examples:

  • Riddle: "I have a hundred legs but cannot stand... What am I?" (15:02)
    Answer: "A broom." This devolves into a debate on favorite chores.

  • Riddle: "I don’t always have wings... Who am I?" (22:12)
    Answer: "A house." Improv scene: JPC as a sentient house with Adal as the first tenant.

    • C (JPC): “So fireplace isn’t your penis?” (23:56)

  • Riddle: "I know everyone’s secrets and everyone’s announcements... Who am I?" (52:12, answer at 63:43)
    Answer: "Facebook." Leads to a digression about Facebook Marketplace and the dubious joy of using it to either buy or offload furniture.

  • Riddle: "I’m loud but welcome... What am I?" (66:05)
    Answer: "Laughter." Improv: Orientation at the deadly 'Giggle Factory.'

6. A Spider Pays Rent and Other Bug-related Absurdities

(28:52–34:13)

• Improv scene: Adal voices “Ulysses the Brown Recluse” spider, negotiating with JPC for housing rent by killing household bugs (though some, like silverfish, are “helpful bugs”).
• B (JPC): “No, silverfish kill other bugs.”
  • Adal: “That’s why I kill them.” (31:43)

7. Facebook Marketplace & City Living Hacks

(64:01–65:59)

• Erin and JPC commiserate over the weird social contract of Craigslist and FB Marketplace deals—great rewards, questionable risks.
• A (Erin): “Every time I go, is this coffee table worth a murder? And sometimes yes and sometimes no.” (64:36)

8. War Correspondence, Gossip, and World War II Movie Fatigue

(55:03–62:52)

• Improv scene: Old-timey letter writing during wartime, with Erin obsessed with gossip, culminating in a meta-discussion about the oversaturation of WWII films.
• Critical observation about U.S. culture’s fixation on “beating the Nazis,” followed by apathy.
  • A (Erin): “I love how we did all that and then decided, actually, they’re not so bad. I like that we did that.” (59:45)
• Discussion of films like Saving Private Ryan, Schindler’s List, 1917—universally “one-timers” for their intensity.

Best Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Robots as Delivery Drones:

  • B (JPC): “You’re my taco R2D2.” (06:10)
  • A (Erin): “Forget flying spaceships. You’re going to bring me Taco Bell at 2am when I’m drunk and high.” (06:24)

• On Witches & Bourne Identity:

  • C (Adal): “A witch who knows judo is a witch you don’t want to cross.” (02:58)

• On Audiobook Narration:

  • A (Erin): “When he records them, he has like a little clicker thing every time he makes a mistake so he can go back through and edit out all of his mistakes.” (08:59)

• On Chores:

  • A (Erin): “If you can make my broom handle hot, I’m in.” (17:13)

• Absurd Scene Premises:

  • Explaining what part of a house is its “butthole” (23:02)
  • The giggle factory accident (“their skin came off like a glove”—67:50)

• On World War II Movie Fatigue:

  • B (JPC): “Every World War II movie that I’ve pretty much ever seen...I’ve seen it one time...never shall I return to it.” (60:20)
  • A (Erin): “I love how we did all that and then decided, actually, they’re not so bad." (59:45)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 05:00-06:29| Robots, R2D2, “You’re my taco R2D2” bit | | 09:29-10:35| Celebrity audiobook narrator improvisations | | 13:08-14:05| Jimmy Betts’ “baby rabbits” story | | 15:02-16:50| Riddle: “I have a hundred legs but cannot stand” / chores debate | | 17:46-20:41| Disaffected Mary Poppins improv scene | | 28:52-34:13| Spider pays rent improv; household bug debate | | 52:12-63:43| Riddle: “I know everyone’s secrets” (Facebook) & digression on buying/selling | | 55:03-59:45| War letter/gossip scene; critical WWII film discussion | | 66:05-69:44| Riddle: “I’m loud but welcome” (laughter); giggle factory improv |

Episode Tone & Style

As always, Hey Riddle Riddle leans into rapid-fire bits, meta-humor, and offbeat group chemistry. Improv seamlessly blends into life stories and listener-submitted puzzles; the conversations swing from tongue-in-cheek lampooning of modern life to surreal improvisational detours. If you’re here for pure riddle-solving, you’ll find it in glancing doses—mainline the show for the ride, the banter, and the comic absurdity.

Final Thoughts

This episode is emblematic of why Hey Riddle Riddle has a devoted following: it’s not about the riddles, but about where the riddles take them. Tangents about “taco R2D2s,” giggle factories, forgotten Facebook Marketplace finds, and the cosmic futility of bug exterminators ensure there’s always a laugh (or at least a giggle) a minute—plus, a bit of existential dread for good measure.

Plugs & Callouts
(71:03 and on)

• Adal promotes the Twitch stream “King Cockroach.”
• Erin shouts out HeyRiddleRiddle.com/live for tour dates.
• JPC notes tickets for Nashville and Denver, plus new Gumshoes and Dragons episodes and its Patreon.
• Casey Tony’s podcast “Gutter” is recommended.
• Final riddle: “What wakes up horse, goes to bed horse and has big horse teeth?”—Erin: “A woman who's been punched in the throat by a witch.” (74:00)

For listeners who crave improv tomfoolery, sly cultural commentary, and running inside jokes (with riddles as garnish), this episode is an on-brand treat.