#381: Colonel Tooey's Jungle Cruise - Hey Riddle Riddle

Transcript

A (0:01)

This is a headgun podcast. Whoa, guys, that recording was crazy. We played all sorts of characters and my brain's like, we. Whoa. We. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I need to find a way to unwind. What to do, what to do, what to do.

B (0:18)

Aaron, you are not wrong. That last recording that we did for the podcast. Hey, Riddle Riddle. Was a doozy.

C (0:26)

Oh, yeah, I sort of. I sort of, like, tweaked my back playing Kung Fu Shrimp. Remember that character Kung Fu Shrimp? I sort of threw my back out. So I'm looking for, like, a natural way to, like, relieve aches and discomfort. You know, I'm not as young as I once was, but yeah, maybe. Oh, maybe like cornbread hemp CBD gummies, right? I feel like that's been a huge piece of my wellness plan recently.

A (0:52)

Cornbread Hemp CBD gummies are made to help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort, or just needing a little relaxation.

C (1:00)

They only use the best part of the hemp plant, the flower for the purest and most potent cbd.

B (1:06)

Oh, yeah. Cord bread hemp. That's right. They're CBD gummies and all of their products are third party, lab tested and USDA organic to ensure safety and purity. Now I know exactly what you guys are talking about, and I feel like I can really participate.

A (1:20)

Perfect. Right now. Hey, Riddle Riddle listeners can save 30% off their first order. Just head to cornbreadhemp.com Riddle and use code RIDDLE at checkout. That's cornbreadhemp.com RIDDLE RIDDLE and use code RIDDLE. R, I, D, D, L, E. Don't.

B (1:36)

Just take it from us. Take it from. What is it? Kung Fu shrimp.

C (1:41)

Hello, I'm Kung Fu Shrimp. Everyone, let's chop these boards.

A (1:47)

Adel, you're going to really hurt yourself.

C (1:49)

The surfboards.

B (1:51)

There we go. Oh, his back. Oh, his back.

C (1:55)

Give me another gummy. Another gummy, please.

B (1:59)

Extra value meals are back. That means 10 tender juicy McNuggets and medium fries and a drink are just $8 only at McDonald's for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for delivery, the doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice away. And the horse's name. Okay, so I spent the last hour, three hours or whatever, in my yard collecting kind of ingredients for some potions.

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: Hey Riddle Riddle
Episode: #381: Colonel Tooey's Jungle Cruise
Release Date: November 5, 2025
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)
Special Guest: Sandy Weisz

This riotous episode takes listeners through the usual blend of riddles, improv comedy, and rambling anecdotes, with a special focus on "animal parade" riddles and word transformation puzzles. The team welcomes back puzzle-wizard Sandy Weisz (creator of Rattle Quest), who brings fresh, brain-bending word challenges. The gang also riffs on invasive herpes monkeys in Florida, cult religions, and the nostalgia of old names, sprinkling in bonus improv scenes and their signature irreverent banter throughout.

Main Segments & Key Highlights

1. Potions, Wellness, and Silly Superpowers (03:00–06:40)

Opening Improv: The hosts launch into wacky improv about creating potions from yard findings, claiming dubious superpowers (e.g., "Butt Bleed" and "Sleepo").
Notable Quote:
- Adal (on side effects): "Teeth are bleeding. Good start. Ears are bleeding. Eyes are bleeding. Butt is bleeding." [04:35]
- JPC as an invented X-Men: "My Mountain Dew? X-Men Butt Bleed Sleepo." [06:11]

2. Food Trends & Mormon Sodas Chat (07:25–09:44)

Discussion of Arby's "steak nuggets" and dirty sodas—highlighting how some foods/trends are regional or linked to niche communities like Mormons/LDS.
JPC: "We saw an Arby’s from the drive through of what I want to call a Mormon coffee place... They had dirty sodas—like a soda with the trappings of a vanilla latte." [07:59]
Spirals into a tangent about religious branding and inclusivity, comparing Mormonism and Scientology.

3. Cults, Religion, and the Church of Riddles (11:45–12:17)

Hosts comedically contemplate forming a "Church of Riddles", imagining brief prosperity before inevitable prison time.
Erin, in classic meta fashion: "And then we saw the future. We smashed cut to all of us being in prison for starting a horrible cult." [11:59]

4. Animal Parade Riddles & Florida’s Herpes Monkeys (13:00–21:28)

Animal Parade Introduction: "Parade" of animals with matching rhymes sets up a series of custom riddles submitted by fans.
Florida Monkeys Segment: Reads a real article about invasive, STD-carrying monkeys released via a failed 1930s tourist attraction, “Colonel Tooey's Jungle Cruise.”
JPC: “How many failed tourist attractions do we have in Florida? … It’s a state full of failed tourist attractions.” [16:01]
Improv Scenes:
- Erin as a rhesus macaque calling former partners about an STD [17:30]
- Monkey bar pickup scene also features the alter-ego "Greasy Jake" and “Mr. Banana Pop”.

5. Animal Parade / Riddle Games from Zoe Foley (21:28–33:15)

Listener Zoe Foley is credited for a new set of animal parade riddles: Each animal brings an item determined by a secret rule (rhyme, anagram, reverse spelling, etc.)
Example:
- “A llama with a coma, an antelope with a cantaloupe, a manatee with a vanity, and a pheasant with a present.” [22:30]
- The rule is rhyme; cheetah's item is “pita.”
Several rounds are played, with chaos and playful accusation as the hosts fumble their way to answers.
JPC, self-deprecatingly: "Good thing we did such a good job on the example one. This is gonna be indie." [24:48]

6. Improv: Plumber Wildebeest (29:09–31:44)

A comedic scene where Erin and JPC's household plumbing is fixed by a gnu-who-is-a-plumber.
Adal: “I don’t want to be ableist. But you said he doesn’t have hands. But he has, like, hooves?” [30:15]

7. Word Transformation Puzzles with Sandy Weisz (46:11–73:28)

Sandy’s Segment:
- Sandy introduces a “rattle” where you change a word by substituting a letter (or letters) with another word/object to form a new concept.
- Sandy (explaining): "I'm going to give you a starting word and I'm going to tell you to change one letter in that word to a full word." [46:12]
Selected Puzzles & Humor:
- Decoy + liquor → Decorum [47:57]
- Brian + zodiac sign → Librarian [49:13]
- Rob + a Pixar movie → Rococo [53:06]
- Porker + animal → Coworker (Sandy hilariously spoils the answer mid-question) [53:55]
Cultural Asides:
- The etymology of phrases like “bucket list” (from the movie) and “you’re toast” (coined by Bill Murray in Ghostbusters) [51:39–52:17].
- Discussion of “old people” names and how trends cycle back.

8. Quickfire Word Games and Banter (64:05–71:12)

Highlights include improvised names (“Cinnamon Bun Brown” as a detective), playful color-counting digressions, and naming geography (Carmel, Indiana high school classism chat).

9. Sandy’s Plugs & Episode Wrap-up (72:44–74:58)

Sandy plugs rattlequest.com, The Mystery League, and a $10,000 prize puzzle hunt with YouTuber Zach King.
Hosts plug upcoming Hey Riddle Riddle Live tour dates in Philadelphia, DC, and Brooklyn, Patreon exclusive “Mumbles Month”, and other guest appearances.
Final puzzle: “T-I-Y-O-U, change the I to a character from King of the Hill” → "Thank you, Sandy." [73:37]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Adal (becoming increasingly exasperated by zoological absurdity): “Not Tampa. Monkeys.” [16:00]
JPC, scene-setting improv power: “My name’s Saltines. What’s your name?” [19:12]
Adal, on failed church/cult plans: “We smashed cut to all of us being in prison for starting a horrible cult.” [11:59]
Sandy drops trivia bomb: “The idea of a bucket list did not exist before that dumb movie Bucket List came out.” [51:39]
JPC, feigning incredulity at trivia: “That feels like an inconsequential movie that has made a huge impact.” [52:18]
Sandy, spoiling his own puzzle: “Oh, I gave you the answer, god damn it.” [53:55]
Adal, suggesting a new puzzle name: “I'm naming my child Spinking.” [65:57]
JPC, about Carmel High, Indiana: “Carmel High is humongous... you could go to Park Tutor, you could go to Cathedral. You pick a Jesuit, you could... did their school.” [67:37]

Timestamps for Key Segments

Potions improv/superpowers: 03:00–06:40
Food and Mormon sodas discussion: 07:25–09:44
Cults and religion chat: 11:45–12:17
Animal parade/parade riddles: 13:00–33:15
Improv—animal plumber scene: 29:09–31:44
Sandy's word puzzles segment: 46:11–73:28
Old names and language trivia: 59:20–61:21
Tour/Patreon plugs, close: 72:44–74:58

Tone & Takeaway

Hey Riddle Riddle #381 is a fast-flowing, laughter-heavy episode combining earnest attempts at cleverness with lovingly dumb clowning. Even as their brains melt on the trickier puzzles, Adal, Erin, and JPC deliver highly relatable confusion, nerdy tangents, and zany improv. Sandy's appearance elevates the puzzle game; the banter about weird animals, failed tourist traps, and old-school names keeps it light and deeply silly—classic Hey Riddle Riddle at its meandering best.