Transcript

A (0:01)

This is a Headgum podcast.

B (0:05)

New year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. So now get two snack wraps, plus fries and a medium soft drink for just $8 for limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California. And for delivery time.

C (0:21)

Yeah, no, no need for account for this one. You guys are all good.

B (0:25)

I guess I'll just leave.

C (0:27)

No count.

B (0:28)

No, I know what I'm not flunk.

D (0:31)

Bye. Though the doctor was alert.

B (0:35)

He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cannon of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice away. And the horse's name. Hey, riddle, riddle.

A (1:03)

Oh, is this the line for hey, Riddle, Riddle? Is this where it starts?

C (1:08)

Yeah, this is. This is the end of the line. So.

A (1:11)

Whoa. Did you camp here overnight? This looks crazy.

C (1:14)

I'm a bit of a Riddle head. Is what the podcast calls their listeners, I think. I can't really remember. They've been through a few iterations. Future lizards, maybe, with something. Anyway, would you like some Mountain Dew?

A (1:28)

This looks like it's boiling hot, so. Yes.

C (1:32)

Gotta get all the syrup out.

A (1:35)

I mean, I thought I didn't have to get here this early. I figured, well, it's a special show.

C (1:40)

It's a special. We're in line for a special show because all four hosts are here, so.

A (1:46)

Janet, I didn't even know.

B (1:48)

Oh, yeah. That's why most of us are camping out, you know? Cause we.

A (1:51)

Oh, sorry. There's someone in that tent.

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle #392: "Wrist Cyst" w/ Janet Varney

Released: January 21, 2026
Main Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)
Guest: Janet Varney

Episode Overview

This special episode brings comedy legend and friend of the show Janet Varney back to Hey Riddle Riddle at the height of San Francisco Sketchfest 2026. The hosts, as ever, trade improvisational riffs, scene work, and wild banter between classic riddles and tangents about pop culture, bodily mishaps, and absurd hypotheticals. True to form, riddles are both center stage and a convenient excuse for playful chaos and sharp-witted improv.

Key Discussion Points & Segment Highlights

1. Podcast Queue/“Camping Out” Intro Bit

The episode opens with a playful meta-scene portraying fans camping out in line for a “special Hey Riddle Riddle taping” with all four hosts present.
Early banter establishes improvisational energy and pokes fun at fandom, with callbacks to inside jokes (e.g., “Riddle heads” and “Future lizards” as listener names).
[03:24] JPC: "Why don’t we all relax, have some Hot Mountain Dew, and raise a glass to the one and only Janet Varney. Janet, welcome to the show."
- [03:29] Janet: “Oh, oh, oh, oh, that is so hot. That is so hot.”

2. 2026 Sketchfest and “Consequence for JPC” Running Joke

The hosts riff about how it’s 2026 and whether JPC should face consequences for his actions, with Janet gamely playing along.
Janet reveals she’s deep in the throes of Sketchfest, surviving on little sleep:
- [08:06] Janet: “Every day of Sketchfest is me saying I did not get enough sleep for whatever this is.”

3. Riddles Begin: Submarine Premonition

Erin claims she’s having “premonitions” by unintentionally predicting the riddle about a man in a submarine.
- [12:26] Casey (Host): “A man looks out of a window. He is desperate to open it, yet he knows this would kill him.”
- [12:44] Erin (immediately): “You guys, am I crazy? That’s crazy.”
- The joke lands that Erin now possesses “riddle-prophet” powers for 2026.

4. Improvised Scenes & Recurring Riddle Tangents

The group launches into an array of improvised scenes—bankers denying withdrawals, sentient sourdough starter, and bug bar banter—based on riffed premises or inspired by riddle solutions.
- [19:39] Scene: Insect bar with JPC as bartender, Janet & Erin as bug patrons.
- [23:18] Scene: JPC as a (mob) sourdough starter talking “chunks” with Adal’s baker character.

5. Audience/Pandemic Bits, Plants, and Kombucha Mushroom

Janet recounts a college story about a friend growing an “early, smelly kombucha mushroom” and fearing bad energy would affect its growth.
- [26:16] Janet: “Guys, please don’t argue in front of the mushroom. Like, it’s gonna pick up those bad vibes.”

6. Riddles, Wordplay, and Scene Interplay

More riddles, including:
- The “Aunt Elise at a pub” twist (she’s 10 years old, so she herself is a minor and thus banned).
- The “man plunges headfirst down a ravine but is at home chopping onions” (he’s a stuntman; she was watching him at work).
- Balloon and pin riddle (putting a pin through an uninflated balloon, or the knotted end).
Solutions are as much vehicles for more jokes and scenes as they are for puzzle-solving.

7. Erin’s “Voicemail” Running Gag

The group riffs on Erin’s eternally full voicemail box and promises of doctor’s singing diagnoses (“tale as old as time, you have diabetes, you cannot eat candy”).

8. Janet’s “Wrist Cyst” Story [Main Episode Title Reference]

JPC tells a story about discovering a cyst on his wrist, hoping for a “gross but cool” pop, only to be disappointed when the fluid just disperses.
- [41:02] Janet (disgusted): “You worked your way into a super gross story.”
- [42:43] Casey (Host): “Janet brings up a point—this was pretty gross. Are you comfortable if I name this episode 'Resist: Wrist Cyst'?”

9. Classic Hey Riddle Riddle Chaos & Escalating Bits

Scenes spiral into high absurdity:
- A magician sweating through a kid’s birthday party as her life falls apart ([54:41]).
- Poker game with “fake dog” cheating and Guinness Book interrupting with a live award ([63:09]).
- Banter about Hollywood, Sigourney Weaver playing children in Avatar, and the lack of quotable modern movie lines.

10. Plugs, Promotion, and End-of-Show Banter

Janet plugs SF Sketchfest and Anthropology.com (“if it’s after February 1st, buy trinkets!”).
Erin promotes her monthly variety show “Quality Time.”
Adal plugs his podcasts: Hello From the Magic Tavern, Gumshoes and Dragons, and Word Association.
JPC directs listeners to their Patreon and reads a recent review.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

[05:32, Janet]: “I’ve reached too far. I… Icarus. I really Icarus.”
[12:59, Casey]: “Aaron, you’re so good at riddles you’re starting to have premonitions… You’re starting to have visions about answers to future riddles.”
[16:17, Janet]: “Babe, I’m gonna say right now, I predict that through the course of this episode, there will be a moment in which some piece of that scene… we’ll be like, ‘oh shit, actually, yeah.’”
[26:16, Janet]: "Guys, please don’t argue in front of the mushroom. Like, it’s gonna pick up those bad vibes."
[41:02, Janet]: “You worked your way into a super gross story.”
[42:55, Casey]: “Are you comfortable if I name this episode ‘Resist: Wrist Cyst’?”
[46:35, Roger/Adal]: “His son is saying grace. Put your hands together!”
[49:19, Janet]: “What do you do when you want to call out in a scene that it’s ‘alrighty then’ not ‘alrighty now’ and then realize that’s not the point?”
[50:47, JPC]: “They say… there’s no roles for women over 50. But after 50, now you have to be a child. You just circle back.”
[53:21, Nearly everyone]: “The butthole.”
[66:15, Adal]: “You know what? I live by a moral and ethical code. I’m gonna do what Jim Carrey once did in ‘Liar, Liar,’ and I’m gonna kick my own ass.”
[67:01, Janet]: “If it’s after February 1st, go to Anthropology.com and buy yourself or somebody you care about something nice. They have real good sales.”

Timestamps for Important Segments

[03:24] – Janet is welcomed to the show, “Hot Mountain Dew” running bit
[05:01] – Submarine improv scene
[08:06] – Janet describes Sketchfest exhaustion
[12:26] – “Man in a submarine” riddle and Erin’s “premonition”
[19:39] – Bar for insects improv scene
[23:18] – Sourdough starter with attitude improv scene
[26:16] – Kombucha mushroom story
[41:02] – JPC’s “wrist cyst” story
[46:35] – Family dinner as the injured stuntman improv
[54:41] – Magician sweating at a kid’s party improv scene
[63:09] – Poker game, fake dog cheating, Guinness Book intervention
[67:01] – Janet’s plugs and SF Sketchfest promotion
[69:27] – End credits and sign-off

Tone and Language

The episode is irreverent, fast-paced, and playful, true to the group’s signature blend of quick-witted improv and meta-comedy. Guests and hosts constantly riff, collapse into laughter, and escalate mundane details to absurdity, filtering every riddle through their chaotic, highly collaborative comic lens.

Summary

This “Wrist Cyst” edition of Hey Riddle Riddle is classic Clue Crew chaos: a festival of sharp group chemistry, quick-fire scene work, and endless inventive detours from the kind of logic riddles that nominally anchor the show. Janet Varney matches the hosts beat for beat, sharing both grimy bodily anecdotes and wild scene premises. As always, even the simplest riddles are jumping-off points for running jokes, surreal worldbuilding, and virtuoso banter—leaving listeners thoroughly entertained whether or not they care about the solutions.

For more: Check out their Patreon for bonus episodes, and don’t miss Janet at SF Sketchfest!

wavePod

#392: Wrist Cyst w/ Janet Varney

Transcript

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle #392: "Wrist Cyst" w/ Janet Varney

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Segment Highlights

1. Podcast Queue/“Camping Out” Intro Bit

2. 2026 Sketchfest and “Consequence for JPC” Running Joke

3. Riddles Begin: Submarine Premonition

4. Improvised Scenes & Recurring Riddle Tangents

5. Audience/Pandemic Bits, Plants, and Kombucha Mushroom

6. Riddles, Wordplay, and Scene Interplay

7. Erin’s “Voicemail” Running Gag

8. Janet’s “Wrist Cyst” Story [Main Episode Title Reference]

9. Classic Hey Riddle Riddle Chaos & Escalating Bits

10. Plugs, Promotion, and End-of-Show Banter

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Important Segments

Tone and Language

Summary