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Aaron Keefe
This is a headgun podcast.
JPC
The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice ray. And the horses ain't Friday. All right, so is this your first salami making class?
Aaron Keefe
Yes, first ever.
JPC
Oh, okay, great. And I never want to assume, but what is your relationship? Or are you celebrating something or.
Adol
We are.
Aaron Keefe
Deborah, do you want to co hosts Podcast? We're podcast co hosts. Avoiding our third co host.
JPC
Got it. Oh, okay. We actually get a lot of that here. Yeah. So that's totally normal. Totally fine.
Aaron Keefe
We're celebrating not having to hang out with him today.
JPC
That's perfectly acceptable. And this is your. You said it's your first kind of salami making class. Do you have any relevant experience that you might need? Just to let me know of so I can get an engaged skill level
Adol
that's a bit of a ham in college theater program.
Aaron Keefe
He was a ham in college. He was funny in college. He's funny now too.
JPC
Okay, so just kind of funny and kind of like want to be the center of attention.
Aaron Keefe
This was the cheapest groupon, so that's sort of why we're here.
JPC
Oh, use the groupon.
Aaron Keefe
Yes.
JPC
Okay. I am being a little too nice to you, but that's okay. You know what? It doesn't matter. Yeah, I'll. So what kind of meats did you bring?
Adol
Well, I thought we were making salami.
JPC
Out of what? Motherfucker.
Aaron Keefe
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Do not give us a groupon experience.
JPC
I'm sorry, I didn't. I was doing the nice one and you said you used a groupon. You came to a salami making class and you didn't bring any meats with you.
Adol
You know what, buddy? If you keep this up, I'm gonna go through this whole eight hour class and then at the end, call Groupon and demand a refund.
Aaron Keefe
You keep this up. Unbelievable. $300 and you're not providing us with any meat.
JPC
Oh, $300. Oh, my apologies. You got ripped off. I will take my tone back. I take that all back. I'll give you. Yeah, I mean, this is a no meat salami making class. This is a $25 class at most. If you didn't bring meat, you can use. You know when you go to a fancy restaurant and you're not dressed for it and they kind of lend you like a jacket so that you will kind of fit in with the aesthetic?
Adol
I've seen it in movies.
JPC
Yeah, well, we can give you and I'm using air quotes here. Meat to use for the class.
Aaron Keefe
The air quotes are making me nervous. We just wanted to like, sort of drink a glass of wine and eat some charcuterie.
JPC
Well, you're at a salami making class, not at drinking a glass of wine. Eating. This is our meat. This is our donor meat. This is jpc. You can use him basically as you would use meat.
Adol
Oh, I didn't know it was gonna be Middle Eastern meat. Is this a donor?
JPC
Common misconception. JPC is actually just like a regular white guy. I know in the summertime it can get a little confusing, but jpc, Adol
Aaron Keefe
and I, we did have a cold, but we are suddenly feeling better. We actually.
Adol
Much better.
Aaron Keefe
Yeah.
JPC
Actually, did you guys find me at my. So that you could beg me to quit my other job and come back to the podcast?
Adol
No.
Aaron Keefe
No.
Adol
I wish I could say yes, but honestly.
Aaron Keefe
No. No. We can't stop it.
Adol
Total coincidence.
JPC
I'm here. I might as well do the podcast. I'm jpc.
Adol
I'm Ana Rufai.
Aaron Keefe
And I'm Aaron Keefe. Fully made of salami and fully ready to go.
JPC
Yeah, absolutely. Oh, baby. I met this girl at the bar last weekend. Fully made a salami, fully ready to go.
Aaron Keefe
Did she get her number?
JPC
No.
Adol
If you were made. Well, clearly she's going to turn back into a whatever at midnight.
JPC
Yeah.
Adol
If you were made out of meat, what meat would you want to be made out of? And this is tricky because. Huh, Humid. Yeah. That was going to be all of our answers.
JPC
What meat would I want to be made out of?
Adol
It's tricky because you want to be a meat you like, but you also don't want to, like, nibble on yourself.
Aaron Keefe
Anything but tofu. I know it's not meat, but I just don't want a protein substitute at all.
JPC
That's not meat. If I say that I want to be made out of, like, turkey. Can I fly?
Adol
No.
JPC
Fuck.
Aaron Keefe
I want to have like, turducken energy. I want several different kinds of. No. I caught myself. I caught myself before I could make it to the soundboard. That's the first time I've ever fully gotten back from a cliff ball. That is crazy. I almost said it and I didn't.
JPC
Aaron, what would it have been that you said? Cause I think I know. Well, you will never know.
Aaron Keefe
I'll be putting it.
Adol
Do you want to be something stuffed inside you?
Aaron Keefe
I was going to say this.
JPC
Aaron's now, Aaron, I think that's the proudest I'VE ever been of you.
Aaron Keefe
Thank you. I wish I had done anything to warrant you being more proud. James, do you want to read what I was going to say?
Adol
Yes.
JPC
Yeah, I don't care. I'll put it on my soundboard. What you were going to say, Aaron, is I wish I could have several kinds of meat inside of me. And I think that that would have been fine for you to say.
Adol
And.
JPC
Good.
Aaron Keefe
Even my lips are sound. Plump and plump and you know what? It's okay. We're okay.
JPC
We're all okay. And this is the podcast hey, Rid of Riddle. And we're a podcast about three friends who are okay with saying things that can be taken out of context.
Aaron Keefe
I love it. I love it.
Adol
My favorite city is Springfield.
JPC
Okay, that's actually no context for that. That's Anytown, usa, baby.
Aaron Keefe
Whoa. Did you see that thing that happened in pop culture today? That was crazy.
Adol
Can you believe this cabinet?
Aaron Keefe
It could be any kind of cabinet.
JPC
Yeah, man. I'll get the WD40. I'll oil it. Stop breaking it up. I feel like. Okay, well, now you're just playing with it. I hear it too, man. I hear it too.
Adol
Oh, Casey clip. This is a fun game. Casey clip. Now you're just playing with it. It's fun to just do these innocuous things until we catch someone.
JPC
It's like that game where you try to say penis progressively louder when you're in a public place.
Adol
What's this game?
JPC
It's the penis loud game. Aaron, tell me you've heard of the penis loud game.
Aaron Keefe
Penis.
JPC
So Aerid wins and she's at her house.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, my poor downstairs neighbors. They're at the end of their rope with me and I completely. You can hear this. I am so sorry.
Adol
I hope they're writing down on like a notepad of like this exact time and then yell penis really loud so they can present that in court.
Aaron Keefe
Day in, day out, she's watching porn and you hear her sobbing after going, why did I do this?
JPC
I never had like fun neighbor experiences like that.
Aaron Keefe
It's rare.
JPC
Yeah. When I lived in an apartment where I was in the downstairs and my landlords were upstairs, there was just the two of us in this duplex, basically. Or not duplex. What's it called when it's above, like double. It's two single family, whatever. But one time they had this with their adult, I think, college age daughter. They had this screaming, like, blowout fight. And we're home, so we're just like, sit. And we're like Trying to watch tv, but it's like way louder than the tv. And we're just like sitting there being like, huh, I guess. Guess she's back from college. Huh. I guess they're kind of having it out right now. And then like the next day it was so awkward because he was like, yeah, sorry about that. And we were like, yeah, maybe you should. Maybe you should talk to somebody about maybe some of those issues.
Adol
Our neighbors here, my place. And here's the thing, I'll protect their identity. You don't know which side of my
JPC
house could be behind.
Adol
They had their college aged daughter come home and they had a screaming match at like very late at night.
JPC
Yeah.
Adol
And it's like, okay, that's fine. Obviously, you know, obviously going through something, not gonna like complain because, you know, this is. It's bad enough. And then later that week, this is somewhat recently later that week, the wife came over and said something to Gemma of like, well, taken out a restraining order. So now the guy has a. Might be a pseudonym or might be his real name.
JPC
It depends on if we forgot.
Adol
Depends on if we forgot, I guess has a restraining order against his daughter because they yelled at each other. I don't know.
JPC
I do. Whenever you're on the other side of, of like a family squabble like that with zero context, you have no context for what the fuck is going on. You're like, I'm not really on anyone's side right now. I guess the side I'm on is maybe quiet down. That's my side.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, man.
JPC
I did hear one time, I did hear a roommate when I lived with roommates. And I won't say who this is, having, I would say performatively loud sex in their apartment because they thought that no one was home. And no one was home when they started. But then everyone like came home and we were just like. People would come in, the door, gave
Adol
a big applause at the end.
JPC
Well, people would come into the door, we'd be like, shh. Like, come into the, come into the kitchen. Like, just, let's all sit at the table. And we didn't do performative applause. It was better because it was abject silence. And much later, it wasn't like they finished having sex and came out of the room. But much later, when they did come out of the room, we were all just sitting around our kitchen table. Their room was right off the kitchen. And it was. We didn't say anything, we didn't look at anything. We all just there they were like, well, I know I know what's happening. No, no, no, no.
Aaron Keefe
I one time was. Well, I was on a team in Chicago called Wet Bus, and we would rehearse every Wednesday night at my house. And for the first couple years I was in Chicago, my downstairs neighbors were, like, awful. They were like. They did not like that three single young women lived above them. They were, like, very conservative and a little bit scary. And they were constantly complaining about us. Some, I'm sure, was, like, justified sound complaints. But they. They would, like, complain about us. Like, they would eavesdrop, basically, of us coming in and out of the house and the content and what we were talking about. And they would be like, they're so inappropriate. These girls are so inappropriate. And one time, there was a scene in Wet Bus, and the scene was, like. Someone was, like, coming out of the closet in the scene. And then we just hear, like, a banging on the door mid rehearsal. And I was like, oh, my God, I gotta go down there. And I went down, and the downstairs neighbor was, like, screaming at me, like, you're a bunch of nasty girls. You're nasty up there. The stuff you're talking about is nasty. And I was like, yeah, we're gonna go ahead and get you kicked out. You can't be harassing us. Cause I let gay people in my apartment.
JPC
Yeah, the content. I mean, look, you gotta do improv. You gotta stomp on the floor. Don't make it gay, Peter.
Adol
Being gay affects my life somehow.
Aaron Keefe
I'm like, there's so much to complain about. About what? Like, you can be complaining about hearing zip, zap, Zop. You could be complaining about the other nonsense that we're doing. I'm sure Harrison Lott was doing a fucking cartwheel every five seconds. Who knows? But instead, that is what he complained about. But then he moved out, and then our friends moved in below us, and it was way more fun. Yeah.
Adol
If two men are gay, that means that there's more available women, which means I'm gonna cheat on my wife. Now it's your fault.
Aaron Keefe
Huh? Actually, that math checks out. I'm running the numbers.
Adol
You made me cheat on my wife.
JPC
One of my big regrets from my twenties and all the apartments that I lived in was that I didn't. I didn't. I lived in places for, like, long periods of time, and I didn't have enough, like, I gotta get the fuck out of here experiences. Because a lot of places that I stayed up, like, I can stay here for the next three or four years. I'd be okay. And I wish I had more. Gotta get the fuck out of your experiences. They make better stories, you know, now that I'm on the other side of it.
Adol
Oh, yeah.
Aaron Keefe
I only lived in three places in Chicago. And no having to like leave in the middle of the night type situations. Yeah, they're all pretty decent places.
Adol
Yeah, I do. It would be fun at some point in life to have neighbors in like a Seinfeld situation of like they just walk in the door and start rummaging through your fridge. I'm describing raccoons, aren't I?
Aaron Keefe
Yeah. Wait a minute. I think you want raccoons to come in your house. I know. It is fun to have. That is a dorm living thing that I feel like I miss. I wish that I had friends who live in my building who could just come in.
Adol
And that was the best in colleges, you prop your door open and then it's just a constant flow of people coming in and doing things.
Aaron Keefe
Yeah, constant flow of people coming in and not complete silence.
Adol
Aaron.
Aaron Keefe
No, I'm fine.
JPC
Oh, darkness.
Adol
My old friend, the ra, constantly popping in and saying, who's drinking? Oh, you caught me.
Aaron Keefe
Okay, like, Aaron, please drink. Do anything interesting.
JPC
Ra's popping in. Just be like. Just have to check that you're breathing because you're not moving and you're not blinking. So putting a mirror under your face. Okay, good. Have a good night, Aaron. Do you guys want to do some riddles?
Aaron Keefe
Yes.
JPC
Okay, so I have some riddles. These are going to be listener submitted riddles and some of them I quite like. That's fun. But these are all riddles from 2019. So this first one is coming to us from February of 2019 from Oliver. A fun thing about this, and sometimes I read the emails and kind of make my own notes based on them. This riddle was sent to us by someone who at the time of sending it was 16, but is now 22. That's pretty fun, huh?
Aaron Keefe
That's pretty fun.
JPC
This is a riddle from a child who is now an adult. Help.
Aaron Keefe
Help.
JPC
Help.
Aaron Keefe
Help. Help. Help.
JPC
Help. Help.
Aaron Keefe
You are a nasty boy. You say nasty things.
JPC
I would have bleeped Oliver's name if we had read this five years ago, but. Or what is that? Seven years ago, but no need now. Congratulations.
Aaron Keefe
Stop doing the math. You're stressing us out.
JPC
Becoming an adult, Oliver. I hope you are still listening to the show. There was a man who was born before his father, killed his mother and married his sister. Yet there was nothing wrong with what he had done.
Adol
Why Jaime Lannister?
JPC
It was Jaime Lannister. Whee. And Oliver, you were too young to understand that reference at the time, but this was from a television show that you weren't allowed to watch or a book you weren't allowed to read.
Adol
Okay, so this is a man who was born before his father. So he was. He goes to a church where the pastor is much younger than him, let him cook. Killed Mother Teresa, and he married a former nun sister.
JPC
Yes. I mean, I know I do this too often, Adol. But you are recused from doing the rest of the riddle because that answer kind of works. It's not the answer to this riddle, but it's good enough that I like. I'll give you the day off.
Aaron Keefe
Give him the day. What?
Adol
What I always say, date within the church.
JPC
Date within the church.
Adol
You can be born before your father, kill your mother, marry your sister.
Aaron Keefe
Can you read it again?
JPC
Adol is thinking correctly here, Aaron, because he's thinking in that lateral fashion. Right? Okay, so I'll read it one more time. There was a man who was born before his father, killed his mother and married his sister. Yet there was nothing wrong with what he had done. Why?
Aaron Keefe
Board game.
JPC
Oh, man. Board game does not work.
Aaron Keefe
A play.
Adol
I do want to see a scene.
Aaron Keefe
They're all in a community theater. Sure. Yes.
Adol
This is. The two of you are having a board game night. And jpc, you are introducing a pretty wild off the rails board game that you came up with that you think you've been dubious about showing it because you're concerned that you might be judged. But yeah, tonight's the night you're going to debut it.
JPC
Okay, guys, so you all remember when I was in that, like, really bad car accident when I was 20 and I was in like a coma for four days? So I've been working with this therapist who has helped me kind of regress back into that coma state. And I remembered some of the great ideas I had in that coma and I've kind of turned them into a board game.
Aaron Keefe
Okay, well, I have a party at like 9:30, so how long is this going to take?
JPC
Way longer. Cancel that. So this board game, it's called. It's called living. Insign your mime.
Aaron Keefe
Okay, I'm a couple red flags right out of the gate here for me. I see dice. I see several different timekeepers. I see cards.
JPC
Yes.
Aaron Keefe
I see. Oh my God. There's just already too many parts. What are these gems for?
JPC
Okay, so that's gonna be. The gems are gonna be the only thing that survives in your burn bucket. Everybody Also should have a burn bucket. Right.
Adol
I have three bloody padlocks.
JPC
Oh, I forgot. You're the record keeper. Yes. So you're gonna have the bloody padlocks. You will have burn buckets and. Okay, well, so you'll get the game as we play it. But in order to see who goes first, everybody has a cigarette. Let's just see who can smoke theirs the fastest. Whoever can smoke their cigarette the fastest. And you have to smoke. And you have to smoke. Make sure it gets in your lungs.
Aaron Keefe
I would like the number for the doctor that cleared you to drive again, because this is concerning.
JPC
It's interesting that you bring up going clear because they're not even a doctor. Okay, so let's begin. Let's see. Does everyone.
Aaron Keefe
You're dealing out money and cards. You're dealing out real money and playing
JPC
cards, and I'll make change for either one. So if you need change for the money or the cards, we can do that as well.
Aaron Keefe
All right, I want to make change for the king.
JPC
Okay, great. Change for your king.
Adol
I finished my cigarette, and inside was a little card that said, let's all now listen for the man in the walls.
Aaron Keefe
Whoa.
JPC
You smoked the wrong cigarette. That's a game cigarette. Okay, which cigarettes are you guys using? Okay. You all smoked game cigarettes. Okay, well, here's the way that goes. So everyone has your fingerless gloves, right? And I'm sorry, not enough finger holes in the fingerless gloves. Just fold them down or whatever.
Aaron Keefe
What's that Chicken that just started.
JPC
That is the oven. So we have to get it hot because of what's gonna happen in round three, and it's not in relation to your burn bucket. So those are gonna be for safety, not for points in the game.
Aaron Keefe
How long are each of the rounds?
JPC
How long is your hair? Let's cut some. So everybody gets a little bit of
Adol
haircut and we fast forward three hours.
JPC
Yeah, we should have just. We should have just played catan two hours in. I don't. I don't know. I don't know what took us so long to just start playing catan, but.
Aaron Keefe
Why are you mad? We are finishing this game. We are finishing.
Adol
I'm obsessed. This is incredible.
Aaron Keefe
These are my gems. I earned them fair and square.
JPC
You don't earn gems from a burn bucket. You guys aren't playing by the rules. That I haven't explained.
Aaron Keefe
I have none of the cash and all of the cards.
Adol
Well, I have the knife of the sighting. Let's see what it says.
Aaron Keefe
My head is completely shaved at this point.
Adol
Scene. You and Emma Stone.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, yes.
JPC
You and Emma Stone Begonia.
Adol
Both love board games.
JPC
And you guys got the answer to this riddle.
Adol
It was a play.
JPC
No.
Adol
Is Oedipus up?
JPC
Oh, no, you didn't get the answer. Well, I was reading my. I was reading my notes wrong, so
Aaron Keefe
it wasn't a play.
JPC
Okay, let me walk through it. There's a man born before his father. Explain that to me in play.
Aaron Keefe
They're playing a part in a play. He gets cast as the man born before his father.
Adol
And it's like a thing of. Like the father was watching the birth and he was born before his father.
JPC
Okay, Adel, I know you're not playing anymore, but that's part of it.
Adol
He killed his mother during birth.
JPC
Okay, second part.
Adol
Now here's where it gets awful.
Aaron Keefe
Married his stepsister because the father remarried Aaron.
JPC
Ugh, that's still weird.
Adol
Aaron.
Aaron Keefe
GPC's actually giving me a big thumbs up and mouthing, I actually love that guy.
JPC
I actually love that. And I can tell we have kind of some of the similar search terms.
Aaron Keefe
Big thumbs up, everybody.
JPC
And what other way could he marry his sister?
Adol
Oh, it's like a Michael C. Hall situation.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, he officiated her wedding.
JPC
He officiated her wedding. Finally, he grew up to be a
Aaron Keefe
minister to Michael C. Hall situation.
Adol
He married the woman who played Deborah.
JPC
That's right. That's right. And finally it's a Michael C. Hall situation. Okay, so Adol, you got double credit for that. Congratulations and good job and thank you, Oliver. I hope you enjoy being an adult human in the world.
Adol
Okay, so I got a riddle, right? So I get to smoke a cigarette from the draw pile.
JPC
Okay.
Adol
All right.
JPC
Smoke the whole thing.
Adol
Okay.
JPC
Okay. Coughing. Gotta go back to zero.
Adol
Draw eight. Okay. Coughing. Go back to zero.
Aaron Keefe
All right.
JPC
It's a game called Cigarette Pack. And you sit around it, you smoke a cigarette pack and you then do whatever the cigarettes tell you. This next riddle is from Ed. Ed also lived in 2019 when they wrote this riddle. Ed says that all the riddles follow a similar structure that describes a three syllable word. The first three lines describe a syllable each and the final line describes the whole word. So there are going to be four lines. The first three all relate to a syllable and then the last line is the whole word. Okay, so here's the first one kind of as an example. My beginning is the standard name for an automobile. My middle describes most anything that's single, solid and real. My end can carry more than my start, but still is on four Wheels. And then the big clue to get you to the word is my hole might be towed by my start or by my end. Can you. My name reveal.
Adol
So like, is the first syllable like K for car or something?
JPC
Well, yes, but also car is one syllable, so it's.
Adol
Oh, I see. Yes.
JPC
You got it with car.
Adol
So it can be a full word.
JPC
Yeah, as long as it's one syllable. As long as it's not multiple. Yeah.
Adol
Gotcha. So is the first word car.
JPC
Car, Yep.
Adol
But this is part of. It's one word that's inside a larger word. Right. It's not a phrase or something?
JPC
Yes. The whole thing that you're getting is one word.
Adol
Gotcha. So car.
JPC
My hole might be towed by my start or my end. Can you. My name reveal starts with car.
Adol
What was the second clue?
JPC
My middle describes most anything that's single,
Adol
solid, real, and that's not attached to car. Right. This is a new word.
JPC
Okay, new. One syllable. It's just a one syllable word or. Yeah.
Adol
Okay, Aaron, what do we think for this one? Corporeal.
Aaron Keefe
Corporeal.
JPC
It's one syllable. I also think maybe the middle one is a little harder to get. Try to get the third one.
Adol
Okay.
JPC
My end can carry more than my start, but still is on four wheels.
Adol
And now is this. When it says my end, does it mean the end of this word or.
JPC
No, it's just beginning, middle, and end. So the first one was beginning. The second one was middle. The third one is end. This is the end of the word.
Aaron Keefe
So this is a full word.
JPC
A full word. Yeah.
Aaron Keefe
That comes at the end.
Adol
Okay.
Aaron Keefe
Can carry more than the start.
JPC
Yeah. And the start was car.
Adol
Carriage, truck. Ooh, bed.
Aaron Keefe
Bed.
JPC
It's not truck. It's not carriage. Truck. Truck is close.
Aaron Keefe
Train is close.
Adol
U haul. But on tow ball.
JPC
U haul is close as well.
Adol
Moose
JPC
think Maybe smaller than a U haul. Bigger than a truck, I would say. Oh, I guess some trucks are huge.
Aaron Keefe
Van.
Adol
Caravan. It's Caravan by Van Morrison.
Aaron Keefe
Caravan. Of course. I'm embarrassed.
JPC
I think you have to do the example to kind of get how it's going. But my middle describes most anything that's single, solid reel. That's a blank. Like a, you know, a caravan. Okay, so that's the general style. Here are more of them from Ed. My beginning could be guacamole, salsa, hummus. What to choose?
Adol
Dip.
JPC
My middle describes a score which, except in golf, would lose zero.
Adol
My dipzerioa. Dipzerioa.
JPC
I got dipzerioa.
Adol
It's like diphtheria but worse.
JPC
Yep, it's way worse. My IND asks if you're coming in to. Please just wipe your shoes.
Adol
Matt. Dip Nilmat.
JPC
My hole is a foreign profession. Often in the news.
Aaron Keefe
Diplomat.
Adol
Diplomat.
JPC
Diplomat. Wow. It's diplomat.
Adol
So low is the score.
JPC
Yeah, low is the score that would lose except in golf. Yeah.
Aaron Keefe
I would like to see.
Adol
These are fun.
JPC
Please, Aaron.
Aaron Keefe
Jpc, you are a diplomat, and you are just absolutely blowing it at a fancy diplomat dinner that Adel and I are also at.
JPC
Great.
Aaron Keefe
Thank you so much for coming to the dinner. It is so lovely to have so many different countries and cultures represented here at my dinner table.
JPC
Excuse me. Sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry. Are we supposed to do, like, a voice?
Aaron Keefe
Pardon? This is my natural speaking voice. Of course. Just speak in your natural accent.
Adol
Excuse me. Did you say that I was supposed to do a voice? I'm not doing a voice.
Aaron Keefe
Neither am I.
JPC
It's. It's just that I was. It's just that I was assigned the Bahamas and you are from the Warhammers. No, I'm not. I'm from United States. I didn't know if I was supposed to be doing the voice, and I don't feel comfortable.
Aaron Keefe
Diplomats are typically from the country that they represent.
Adol
Why don't you.
JPC
I'm a diplomat from the United States.
Adol
Would you like to try and guess where we are each from?
JPC
I don't.
Adol
All of us go around the room
JPC
and guess, like, what cereal.
Adol
Oh, he got us. I am, of course, Count Chocula.
JPC
Yeah, I was gonna say Count Chocula.
Aaron Keefe
I am the honey Nigeria's bee scene. Before this gets problematic, I guess Sucka Be blood.
JPC
Does the honey nut cherry. I was trying to think of cereal mascots that don't talk. I don't think the Honey Nut. Cheerios. Beatox. They could be French.
Adol
Oh, he does. He talks. He absolutely talks. He's a talk. It's a he, right?
Aaron Keefe
I don't know. I don't remember him talking. He talks.
JPC
What does he talk?
Aaron Keefe
What does he say?
Adol
What does he talk? What does he talk? What does he want? Well, he got right here. Right here in River City, loose lips.
JPC
Sink cereal.
Adol
I could have sworn there was Cheerios commercials where it was a seemingly a guy B. And he did talk.
Aaron Keefe
I'm looking it up.
JPC
Ah, my damn wife. Oh, my God. She wants me to mow the hive. I don't know. Yeah, I think it'd be. What would, like, Harvey Keitel be his, like, voice or something? They should have celebrity stunt cast it.
Adol
Well, he already just smacks the frog. I do like the Golden Graham's bear because he was kind of like, can't get enough of this. He was like a crooner.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, he does talk. Hold on, hold on.
JPC
And the gold standby. The gold grapes bear also felt like. Like he was like, maybe he had like three drinks. Like he wasn't quite drunk, but he was loose. Oh, yeah.
Adol
Like he was like he's had cocktails. So I feel like the bee was something like, hey, kids, come eat Cheerios like this. Like, I'm very earnest.
JPC
Golden Graham's part of a balanced breakfast. And also, why not have a martini? Because it's five o' clock somewhere.
Adol
Robert Golden Grahams.
Aaron Keefe
Unfortunately, I am looking through Honey Nut Cheerios commercials.
JPC
Okay?
Aaron Keefe
And there's one of him singing.
JPC
That makes sense.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, but now I'm seeing this one. Okay, you guys, do you remember the Little Red Riding Hood, like, wolf one. Honey Nut cheerios commercial from 1998. This is blowing my mind.
JPC
Do I remember it? The wolf one?
Aaron Keefe
It's so scary. It's like a wolf puppet. Hold on, hold on.
JPC
What?
Aaron Keefe
He's about to talk.
JPC
All right, we need to leave it in. It's all worth it for Aaron. Silence. And the little, like the little gasp.
Aaron Keefe
You can play the audio of the commercial. He talks. The bee talks. And he's a boy.
JPC
What does he sound like? Aaron, can you do his voice?
Aaron Keefe
Honey Nut Cheerios. So the wolf eats the Cheerios instead of the kid.
JPC
Oh, okay.
Adol
Well, well, well. Looks like everyone owes Dr. Attle an apology.
Aaron Keefe
Dr. Attle, I'd like to formally apologize.
JPC
I can't operate on this, B. He's a man. Aaron, send Casey the link. You know what, can we put it in the. I don't know. This is a main feed. I get nervous about putting like, that kind of stuff in the main feed. You know, Casey, if it falls back on you, you're going to have to go to jail. You're going to have to take the fall for it. Casey, let's do. Let's. Casey says okay. That's legally binding.
Adol
Hey, folks, Casey here, your editor. My attorney has advised that I not, quote, unquote, risk it all for a riddle podcast. So I don't know, man, Google it or something. Kelsey grammar's in the commercial. It's fun. I would like to see, like, you know, Captain Crunch is like, you the cap and make it happen. Yeah, and Tony the Tiger is like, you know, everyone has like a big bombastic sort of tone and voice. I would Love to see just any cereal mascot that's like, hey, what's up, kids? Are you hungry or. Yeah, Chada. Just like, casual Charlie or something.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, hey, what's up? I really love this cereal. That's not saying that you'll love it, but if you want to give it a shot, it has my recommendation. But, yeah, whatever.
Adol
I got to get going. You don't have to chase me. You can just have it.
JPC
Those discount cereals that are just in the bag, not the box. It's like all. All of those mascots are just guys. Like, yeah, my name is Peter. I guess I have kind of an interesting shirt that's kind of my whole thing.
Aaron Keefe
That's self.
JPC
I guess I'm not wearing it today. I feel like it's a brown shirt.
Adol
Most 90s serial commercials, it's like you had to, like, chase or kill the mascot to get the. To get the product.
JPC
Yeah.
Adol
And I just wanted you to buy. I just want someone who's like, no, we're trying to sell it, actually. Did you kids have money or you can have a little bit for free. That's fine.
JPC
No, yeah, it doesn't come with spoons. You'll have to have spoons in bowls.
Adol
Price in the box. You're not kids, are you? I mean, you're children, but nobody wants a toy.
JPC
Don't have too much of it. It's full of sugar. It's really bad for you. But have one bowl. We're trying to play for six hours.
Adol
We're trying to sell the product, but we're not, you know, we're not trying to lie to you. We're being reluctant.
JPC
Legally, we have to tell you. You also have to have toaster or orange juice or this is not a meal.
Aaron Keefe
Like, you're not going to get any fiber, protein, anything, really.
Adol
If you guys are ever in Dearborn, stop by the factory, please.
Aaron Keefe
Yeah. You know how there's, like, nutritional value on the back of these things and, like, how much of your daily value of that thing it is. Ours is a negative percentage wise.
JPC
Yeah, I have to.
Aaron Keefe
We're stealing nutrients from you.
JPC
I'm going to get out of here. I got to go to my stepson.
Adol
Can't get enough of these golden grams. Actually, after two bowls, I'm stuffed. So if I'm honest, there's a ceiling.
JPC
If I'm honest, we got it. All right. We did too much of this riff. Now we have to go on a break.
Adol
It's fine.
JPC
We've had too much of our cereal. Now we have to go on a break. We'll be right back.
Aaron Keefe
Hey guys, I'm playing hide and seek with Adeline jpc and so I'm hiding, so just bear with me. Do you know that Mother's Day is coming up? And let me guess, you're going to go for the same old same old. You're going to get your wife or your mom flowers, brunch, a gift card, fluffy robe that you already got her last year. What if you got her an aura frame? If your mom is anything like my mom, she will send you screenshots of photos from six years ago in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. Because moms love looking at photos. That's like their number one thing that they love to do. The Aura Frame has free unlimited storage. You can add as many photos or videos as you want. You can even preload photos before it ships, maybe adding inside jokes all the photos that she's been screenshotting and then she'll send you a screenshot of a screenshot of a screenshot of a photo and you can include those on there. You can personalize your gift. That can be messages that you can have. A gift box. Every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag. Just download the free Aura app and text photos straight to the frame. The Aura frame reached number one in the App Store on Christmas Day in 2025 because moms love the Aura frame named number one on Wirecutter. You can save on the gifts moms love by visiting auraframes.com for a limited time. Listeners could get $25 off their best selling Carver mat frame for with code riddle that's aura a u r a frames.com, promo code riddle r a d D L E Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Oh my gosh, I forgot to whisper. Do you think they're looking for me? It's been like six and a half days but I bet they're really excited to find me. 999 1000. Ready or not, here I come. Oh hey everybod. I'm just playing a quick game of hide and seek with ADOL and jpc so you keep an eye out for them while I talk to you about quints. This past weekend I was out and about with my new Italian suede slouchy midnight blue bag and I kid you not, several of the most beautiful cool looking women asked me where I got it and I got to go. Quints. It's super affordable. I want my everyday items to be classic and timeless and comfortable and easy and affordable. And that's why I shop at Quint's. Quince has all the wardrobe staples for spring. Think 100% European linen shorts and shirts from $34. Lightweight, breathable and comfortable. But you're still going to look put together and clean. 100% prima cotton tees with a softness that has to be felt. Everything is priced 50 to 80% less than what you'll find at similar brands. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen so you're getting premium materials without the markup. I love everything I have from Quince. I recently got sandals from them. I'm obsessed with their home stuff. If you're looking for basics like rugs or curtains, truly just the most timeless, classic, well made items are over there at Quint's. So check it out. Still not seeing Adler gpc. Starting to worry that they went to the movies or something? No, they're around. We'll find them. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quints.com riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Quince. Q u I ince.com riddle r I d D L E for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year. If it's a full year, you can decide if you like it, you're gonna like it. Quints.com Riddle I found you. Oh no. Sorry. False alarm. Those are just two scarecrows eating dessert waffles. Onward and upward. Hello everybody, it's me, Erin Keefe, here to talk about my dog Lou. I bet you've heard me talk about Lou hundreds if not thousands of times on the show because I am obsessed with her. Fun fact about Lou. This past weekend in Palm Springs, she ran face first into a cactus and I did not handle it well. And if anyone gets being dog obsessed, it's Ollie. I love Ollie's dog food. They're relentless about delivering the best food and experience to your dog. And they give you a way to check in on their health over and over and over again. Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals in the highest quality ingredients. From the moment you start your subscription, everything is tailored to your dog. The meals are perfectly portioned and you get a puptainer cute and a scoop for easy storing and serving. With Ollie, you don't just get food through their app, you can actually check on your dog's health with real vets just by uploading a picture. Their team can check in on your dog's weight, digestion, teeth and coat because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be. Lou's getting old and I just want her to be healthy and have the best life she can. Since switching to Ollie, Lou gets even more excited to eat. She clearly loves the food.
Adol
And.
Aaron Keefe
And also I just noticed she's got a little bit more energy. She's acting like a puppy again. And she's running into cactuses, cacti. And she's running into cacti full speed in the middle of the desert. Well, get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com Riddle tell them all about your dog and use code RIDDLE to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed with, you'll get your money back. That's Ollie o l l I e.com riddle and enter code riddle r I d the Ollie to get 70% off your first box. Isn't that right, Lou? I thought she would bark on cue. That would have been so awesome if she had barked. You didn't though. You didn't though, Lou.
JPC
Okay, Adel. Aaron. I. I've. I've seen the movie, I've read the book. I'm all about project Hail Mary nowadays. And I don't want to brag, but I have actually built something that is pretty cool and kind of relates to a sponsor of the show.
Adol
If you know where I'm going, I'm friend here.
JPC
So this is Adol, this is Rockette. Rockette Money. This is Rockette Money. He is.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, like the app that I love.
JPC
Oh, man.
Aaron Keefe
Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings.
Adol
Yeah, I had a subscription. Speak of the devil. I had a subscription to the Rockettes at Radio City Music hall and I was losing money hand over legs. And thank God Rocket Money caught it.
JPC
Don't mention hands and legs around Rock at money because he doesn't have kind of. Don't worry about it, buddy. Look, all you need to know is that you didn't get your name from the app. You're your own guy. I love you. I found you in space. And Rocket Money has automatic transaction categorization across accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending Patterns you can save for, like, a big event, like it helped me save for my wedding celebration. Or you can use it to set budgets and goals, which is something that I love setting. And I use it daily, weekly, monthly for that as well.
Aaron Keefe
It has canceled so many unwanted subscriptions. It has saved users over 880 million in canceled subscriptions. I know we're always signing up for free trials for things and forgetting it. And they're hoping that you're not gonna notice. But you know who notices Rocket money. And they go, not on our watch. Yeah.
Adol
Rocket money's like a good wingman at a bar who's like, whoa, you're not buying two old fashions. You're buying one.
JPC
And don't worry, buddy. I'm not gonna forget about you. When this ad's over, I'm gonna. We're gonna be really good friends from space. Cause we were in space together, so it's not gonna be a situation where I'm not gonna forget about you.
Adol
Hey, Aaron, that's just a rock with eyes drawn on, right?
Aaron Keefe
Yeah, I see the same thing you see.
JPC
Plus, you can set automated savings goals in rocket money. So you can grow towards goals with adjustable amounts and frequencies. You can set it and forget it with rocket money.
Adol
Whoa. Guys, look. That rock is starting to float in the air. Let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join@RocketMoney.com Riddle that's RocketMoney.com Riddle RocketMoney.com/Riddle.
Aaron Keefe
It's. It's real.
Adol
I love you, Daddy. Oh.
JPC
GPC, guys, I was doing that. I was doing that with my. With my mouth. I'm just. I'm holding it.
Adol
Oh. Oh, yeah. There's a hand on the rock. Well, well, well.
JPC
All right, we're back. We're going to do more of Ed's riddles because I think we only really did one, so we're going to do the second one Second of Ed's riddles. My beginning is what you might do if you don't want to be found.
Adol
Hide.
JPC
Mmm. My middle describes a score. Oh, I'm sorry. My middle is what you might do to move a boat around Toe my end. If found in a cocktail, you may want to drink down Ice. My hole is the double in life's vital compound.
Adol
Hayden, I seek Hide.
JPC
The nice Adol. I love hide. I think you're right on with hide.
Aaron Keefe
That's hydrogen,
JPC
Aaron.
Adol
It's hydrogen.
JPC
It's hydrogen. You got it.
Adol
Wow.
JPC
Gin, Gin and roe is how you
Adol
move a boat around. Oh, Aaron, fantastic.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron Keefe
I'd like to thank Adol, Dr. Adol, who forgave me earlier for saying that the honey nut Cheerios. He was a woman. Without him, I would not be standing here today.
Adol
You were thinking of the queen, Aaron. The queen.
Aaron Keefe
I was thinking of the queen.
JPC
That would make more sense. But queens are much different. He definitely has like worker bee vibes, right? But I guess most of the workers are women too.
Adol
He's an absolute fucking plebe.
JPC
It's a weird society that they have. And I can say that cause I'm part B.
Adol
Which part?
JPC
Jbc. The B. My beginnings cried by prophets to declare the end is near
Adol
doom.
JPC
My middle keeps your food good to eat for months and years.
Adol
Salt.
JPC
I love that. It's not salt. My end describes the gusting winds when they are quite severe.
Adol
Howl.
JPC
Okay, you haven't landed on any, but let's see if maybe you could just get it from the last one. My hole's a tiny flyer, favorable to the ear.
Adol
Oh, little Amelia Earhart earworm.
JPC
We've done little Amelia Earhart on the show before.
Adol
Yeah, I do. I do want to see a C.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, God, like the rush to ask for a C from everybody. Everyone.
JPC
We've done it.
Adol
Have we done it?
JPC
It's sounds so familiar.
Aaron Keefe
It doesn't sound familiar at all to me.
Adol
We've done lil Amelia Earhart. We've done tiny Amelia Earhart.
JPC
Hey, I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this right now.
Aaron Keefe
Wait, is she a kid? Is it Amelia Earhart when she's a kid trying to get through middle school? Or is it. Is it a tiny version of grown up Amelia Earhart?
Adol
I think if it's like picture like a good sight, like Stuart Little, but it's Amelia Earhart and she's in a tiny plane and that's why they lost her.
Aaron Keefe
So this is not a Young Sheldon situation. It's not Amelia Earhart at school.
JPC
She's like a borrower's Amelia Earhart.
Adol
Yes. I think young Imelda, while it could be for two or three seasons a hit for cbs. It's too sad because you know where it ends.
JPC
It ends. Yeah.
Aaron Keefe
Well, you know what? We knew where Big Bang Theory ended and we still muscled our way through Young Sheldon as a culture eren.
Adol
Muscled our way through. I don't think our corporate sponsors would like that term.
Aaron Keefe
We don't have corporate sponsors. If we did, it wouldn't be cbs.
Adol
You always say that. Okay, we'll forego my Lola Mary Earhart scene. Let's try and solve this riddle. What was that?
JPC
I really don't want you guys to get too far away from the riddle because I don't want to have to bring you back to it. You know what I'm saying?
Adol
Remind us the first it was like the people cry, the end of time is near.
JPC
My beginnings cry nigh.
Adol
Okay. The end is nigh.
JPC
Yes, yes, yes. My middle keeps your food good to eat for months and years.
Adol
Now, salt does preserve some foods you can salt.
JPC
And normally if this was just a straight like riddle, I would give you partial credit on that, but unfortunately you won't get the end result if I.
Aaron Keefe
I've got a question.
Adol
Jam.
JPC
Yes, Aaron?
Aaron Keefe
The end of. You said the hole is an ear. What's the ear thing?
JPC
My hole's a tiny flyer favorable to the ear.
Adol
Gnat. Nat King Colt.
Aaron Keefe
What's a bug that flies by the ear?
Adol
Night fly. Nightingale. Night worm. Night crawl.
JPC
It's nightingale.
Aaron Keefe
I don't know.
JPC
Do you want to reverse solve the riddle?
Aaron Keefe
Gale is the riddle.
Adol
Gale would be the wind.
JPC
Yeah.
Adol
Night Tin. Tin can. Tin Tin can, if you can something.
JPC
Yes.
Adol
Night tin Gale. Florence.
JPC
Florence and her machine tin the cans. Okay, here's your next one.
Adol
Okay.
JPC
My beginning does not go out. It stays there at its seat. My middle is a favorite. Oh, I'm sorry, I should have given you time to guess. My bad. My beginning does not go out. It stays there at its seat.
Adol
Aaron, what do you think?
JPC
It's fine if you don't know, we'll just move on. My middle is a favorite sandwich filling. JPC likes to eat.
Adol
Turkey egg.
Aaron Keefe
No, no, because you're a vegetarian.
JPC
The one guess that that was the meat that I wish I could eat.
Aaron Keefe
I know, that's why I said it.
JPC
My end has been folded up all tidy and neat
Adol
wrap.
JPC
My hole is not finished because it's
Aaron Keefe
what?
Adol
Incomplete.
Aaron Keefe
Incomplete.
JPC
Incomplete.
Adol
Oh, cum sandwich.
Aaron Keefe
Ew. What?
Adol
Aaron, don't do that.
JPC
Aaron, don't do what?
Adol
Jpc quick, say that's right.
JPC
Yeah, it's right, Aaron, but.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, not to you, Adol. Ew, not to you. Ew. I mean you.
JPC
You said what? Like you have never. You're not familiar with the show that you're on?
Adol
I'll have. What the.
JPC
I've never heard of the cum sandwich before.
Aaron Keefe
Grandma Erin, clutch my pearls. A cum sandwich on this very podcast. What will little Amelia Earhart say?
JPC
I think I
Aaron Keefe
another mad dash to play little Amelia Earhart. Of course we all want to play her.
JPC
Of course I want to play her. Okay, let's do your next one. Let's go to the next one.
Adol
It should be. We should make something. It's like Muppet Babies, but it's just little versions of famous people who died tragically. Harry Houdini.
JPC
You went up at the end of that like, it was the part that saved. Who died tragically.
Adol
Don't worry. They died tragically. And it's just there. It's just them as like, little kids getting into antics.
Aaron Keefe
I don't mind.
Adol
Thank you.
JPC
Hey, their estates have to make money. Honestly, after I'm dead, my estate can sell me all over the place. I don't give a shit.
Aaron Keefe
Oh, my God. Can I be in charge of your name and estate?
Adol
Damn it.
Aaron Keefe
Please, please, please. I'll only give it to the worst possible people for the worst possible reasons.
Adol
Jbc. I will cart your dead body around the US On a train, much like they did with Abraham Lincoln and Billy the Kid.
JPC
Yeah, talk to me about. Here's the thing, though. My wife's too pretty to work. What's the money gonna be like? I gotta make sure. I will send, well taken care of,
Aaron Keefe
60% of the money to your wife and kid.
JPC
I'll have to do. I'll have to do some research to see if 60% is a good rate for that service because, like, I know
Aaron Keefe
I will give to chaotic things that you would be donating to if you were still alive.
JPC
Aaron, you're doing this pro bono?
Aaron Keefe
I'm doing it pro bono. I'm doing it out of the kindness of my.
JPC
I need you to take a cut.
Aaron Keefe
I'll take a cut of your body. I will take your hand.
JPC
My turkey?
Aaron Keefe
Your turkey? Yeah, for Thanksgiving.
JPC
That would. The hand of the body is kind of the turkey of the body, right?
Adol
Yeah. That's when you're making a turkey in grade school.
JPC
Okay. Called out, I guess. My fucking hand. Turkeys that I give Adel every year are just fucking dirt.
Adol
I will say. And this is nothing. The first time. I don't know where I might have been in Kansas or something. The first time I saw a turkey, I was like. Like my uncle or someone was like, oh, there's some turkeys. And I looked at them and I go, what are you talking about? And he goes, those are turkeys. And I'm like, I've drawn turkeys many a time. I've made over 200 turkeys with my hand. My. Dude, those are not turkeys. And eventually, as I got older, I'm like, oh, those are. I assume turkeys constantly had their tail out.
JPC
Yeah.
Adol
Full Full display. They do not.
Aaron Keefe
Yeah. They're being bashful.
Adol
They're being.
JPC
Is it kind of like you thought like, a turkey would be, like, more like a peacock?
Adol
Yes. And even peacocks don't have it. Don't have it fully blown all the time.
JPC
No, no. Yeah. And sometimes, whenever you see, like, a peacock, kind of a dirty tail, you're like, oh, man, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Dirty tails. Cutter. Because it should be big and beautiful. Right? That's the whole. That's the whole point of a peacock in your tail.
Aaron Keefe
That's how I comfort men in bed. I go, yeah, even peacocks are not sort of doing their thing all the time.
Adol
It happens to a lot of peacocks.
Aaron Keefe
And when I sleep with peacocks, it's awesome.
JPC
I love the cum sandwich. Here's the. This is the last one. This is Ed's last one. Well, maybe Ed went on to do a lot of great other things. Maybe Ed's an astronaut now. We just don't know and we can't know and we don't want to know. Ed.
Adol
Is it Ed Astra?
JPC
It is.
Adol
Wasn't he an astronaut? I presume.
JPC
From the trailers, I'm assuming Ed Astra was an astronaut of some sort.
Adol
I presume they spelled Ed wrong. A D.
JPC
Okay. My beginning would deny the sun his heavenly throne night. No, no. My middle is definitely a hole. Or maybe it's a stone. My end describes what belongs to a woman alone. My hole.
Aaron Keefe
What?
JPC
Nothing. My hole. Once you've said it, we can all go home.
Aaron Keefe
Goodbye, Jupiter. Jupiter.
JPC
It's Jupiter.
Aaron Keefe
It is Jupiter. Casey. No. Casey.
JPC
Well, luckily, hot dogs. That's not. Well, Aaron, come on.
Aaron Keefe
Hot dogs.
JPC
Hot dogs. Really trying to get out of the episode. That's very funny. Because, Ed, just a few months ago, that still would have ended the episode and we would be absolutely fucked. And people would be pissed with this half episode in their feeds. But not anymore. But then Aaron did say hot dogs, so I guess we have to end the episode. Hot dogs.
Aaron Keefe
Hot dogs.
Adol
Just for my peace of mind, can we go back through that? So the thing that keeps the sun from rolling into night.
JPC
No, no, no, no. My beginning would deny the Son his heavenly throne. Son. S O n.
Adol
Jew.
JPC
Jew.
Adol
Jew.
JPC
Because a Jewish person does not believe that Jesus was the son of God.
Adol
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
JPC
Son. His Heavenly Father.
Adol
I see, I see, I see.
JPC
My middle is definitely a hole. Or maybe it's a stone pit.
Adol
Yeah.
JPC
My inn describes what belongs to a woman alone. Ter. No, just think of pronoun.
Adol
Her.
JPC
Her. Jew Pit.
Adol
Pit.
JPC
Her.
Adol
I see.
JPC
Yes, yes, yes. I think with a couple of these, you guys got it based off of the full word clue. So maybe if I were smarter, I would have just not given you the full word clue to begin with, but I made you go through the parts. Yeah.
Adol
I will say I appreciate the. That there's two ends to start from, that you can kind of like attack it from either side. So I do really like that there's those.
JPC
Have we done things like that before?
Adol
We have, but it's been a minute.
JPC
Yeah. Maybe it was 2019 the last time we did them. Who knows? But thank you so much, Ed, for submitting. All right, I want to get to one that. Okay. I thought this is kind of hard, and I didn't want it to be the one that we, like, started with because I thought, oh, this is a little hard. But I think that now that were into it, you guys could get it. Okay, cool. This is from Michael Short, who said I could use their full name in New York. I guess I said in ny. I'm assuming that's New York. Michael says you are sick and have been prescribed a very exacting medication regimen. You have two pill bottles. One says pill A, one says pill B. Every day you must take one pill of A and one pill of B. You must be careful. Taking two or more Bs can have unpleasant side effects or even death. In order for the B to even work, it must be accompanied by the A. So you can only take 1A and only take 1B. Okay. And you can't do more. You open up the clearly labeled A bottle, tap the bottle, and one A pill drops into your hand. Then you open up the B bottle, tap it, and you accidentally get two Bs falling out of the bottle into your hand.
Aaron Keefe
You now have three honey nut Cheerio
JPC
bees and they're stinging you and you're dead.
Adol
If the answer to this is going to be two bees or not two bees.
JPC
Oh, adult. And you have the rest of the day off, my friend.
Aaron Keefe
What?
JPC
No, you're right. I already gave you a riddle. Off. I can't do it again just for a great joke. Okay, so you now have three pills in your hand, and they all look exactly the same. They're all blue, the same size, and there are no markings of any kind on any of them. As soon as the pills fell into your hand, they got mixed up, and you cannot tell which is which. Okay. But you know that it's. There's one A and two Bs.
Aaron Keefe
In there.
JPC
Of course, you could just throw the pills away and start over. But with healthcare in America, the pills cost $1,000 a piece. So how can you make sure that you get your daily and non fatal dose of A and B without wasting any of the pills or your thousand dollars? This is why I wanted to save this one for the end because it's kind of a thinker, I would say.
Adol
And just before we do the work is this one where it's like there's a legit. Like you fill up this cone with 10 milligrams and then dump it into the 20 milligram and then from there. Is it like that kind of thing or is it going to be like. Is it going to be like a sort of trick answer?
JPC
It's more of the first thing than the trick answer. Like you're like, oh, you take the bee and it flies away. It's like it'. Not that, it's more of that.
Adol
It's on that whole shit.
JPC
Yeah, but you don't kind of have to do a lot of the, like measuring or whatever. It's. Yeah, but yes, you're more on the right track with the first version.
Adol
So, Aaron, if you were to take a random pill, it's like a 33.33 repeating chance and then with the last pill it's a 50. 50. Is this like a. Not Price is Right? What's the, the Monty hall problem?
JPC
That's when they would all kind of dress up in like women's clothing and play silly characters in Camelot or whatever.
Adol
I am the knight who says knee. I'm Monty Hall.
Aaron Keefe
Can you read it again? I'm going to write stuff down this time.
JPC
Okay. Basically, in your hand you have one A pill and two B pills, but they all look exactly the same. You can only take 1A and 1B. You cannot take 2 of the Bs or it could be very disastrous to you. So without throwing them away and starting again, how do you ensure that you're only taking 1A and 1B for the
Adol
sake of solving,
JPC
which is what we're here for?
Adol
Both is what we're here for. Do A and B taste the same?
JPC
Interesting.
Aaron Keefe
They're the same color and everything. They look identical.
Adol
I know they look identical. I just wanted to ask if the taste is the same.
JPC
Yes. They don't. Let's say that they have no properties that would give you any discernible difference. You won't get it from tasting or whatever. Yes.
Aaron Keefe
Does one of them do something specific and so you can wait to see if it has that side effect.
JPC
I love that question. No, you have to take them both at the same time. So there's no way to wait for a side effect. But that is a great question. I will say the answer to this involves a thing. And I've taken pills before, various medications, vitamins, things like that. This involves a thing that I know about, but I have never done. Except for my dog at one point. I did it for my dog at one point when they used to take a medication that they no longer take.
Adol
Put it in peanut butter. Put it in your butt.
JPC
God. Oh, my God.
Aaron Keefe
Cut it in half, Aaron, you cut it in half.
JPC
Okay, well, can you. But how. But how. How can we. How can. How does that help us?
Adol
He cut them. Oh, go ahead.
Aaron Keefe
No, no, go ahead. After you.
Adol
Aaron, it was your idea.
Aaron Keefe
You cut them in thirds.
JPC
Oh, you were right on the money with half.
Aaron Keefe
Half.
JPC
Okay, okay, so how did that help us? There's one thing that you have to do before you cut them in half. If you're cutting them in half is the first step. You just.
Aaron Keefe
You have to separate them. You take them all out.
JPC
Okay. Wait, what? No, take them all out.
Aaron Keefe
Take all three out of the bottle and cut them in half.
JPC
Yes. But they're all in your hand. You have three loose pills in your hand. One A and two Bs.
Aaron Keefe
Cut them all in half.
JPC
Okay.
Aaron Keefe
But make sure they stay with their half.
JPC
Okay.
Aaron Keefe
So you can keep track of.
JPC
Sure.
Aaron Keefe
And then you take.
JPC
No, there's something you have to Adol.
Aaron Keefe
Do.
JPC
You know, there's something you have to do before you cut them all in half.
Adol
Prey.
JPC
Let's see, I'll give you a hint. There's an imbalance in them right now.
Adol
Do you have to mark them?
JPC
No, not mark them, but there's only one A and two Bs right now.
Adol
So you take one of them, you
JPC
take another A out of the bottle.
Adol
Oh, I didn't know we could do that. If you take another eight out of the bottle.
JPC
Yes.
Adol
Then if you cut them in half and have four of the halves.
JPC
Yep.
Aaron Keefe
Then you're set.
Adol
But then that's. Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's it. Wow, that's a good one. Yes.
JPC
So if you cut all the pills in half, you take another A out of the bottle and cut all the pills in half. You'll have. And you take four of those pills, you are sure to take 1A and 1B. Because as long as you're, you know, not keeping the new ones separated, and marking them as you go. And then save the other ones for the next day. And you'll have an exact, you know, four A's and one A and one B from the four different half pieces.
Adol
Smart.
JPC
It's a half pieces riddle. I'm glad we didn't do that one first thing in the morning, because I think Aaron probably would have killed me
Aaron Keefe
if I still early for me.
JPC
I don't. And I have what they call sympathy for you, Aaron.
Aaron Keefe
What they call.
JPC
I can't. It's not empathy, because it's not that early for me right now.
Aaron Keefe
Unbelievable.
JPC
Almost. Almost two o' clock in the afternoon. But sympathy is there. Sympathy is there. I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a chef in a kitchen, and basically Adel and I are your sous chefs. The orders have gotten fucked up for today's supply, but you're having us fix it by just cutting everything in half.
Aaron Keefe
Great. Okay, everybody, we are behind. And I don't mean walking behind you. I mean we are behind on these orders. Let's see.
JPC
Can we use a different word?
Aaron Keefe
We are fucked. I guess I don't mean what you guys do after these shifts in the alleyway.
Adol
You've seen that, Chef?
Aaron Keefe
Yes. We got cameras everywhere. All right, what if we just start. I know that we're sort of like a classic pub style restaurant.
JPC
Chef, have you seen any of us stealing trash?
Aaron Keefe
Yep. Stealing trash, eating trash, digging through the trash. Someone's using trash to make art. That's sort of the most depressing of all of them to me.
Adol
Hey.
Aaron Keefe
And I just think, like, what if we rebrand really quickly and we become one of those, like, fancy restaurants where the proportions are so small, they'd have, like, a little bit of sauce on the plate and then a little something. Because then we can cut our burgers. It can be like a deconstructed burger where we take one eighth of each burger, put it on a plate, put the sauce on. Everyone's sort of shifting nervously because now you found out I have cameras.
JPC
Well, Chef, I was just thinking this is a portillo. So it's like a chain restaurant. So would people.
Aaron Keefe
Would people put an accent, a goo, over one of the lettuces letters? That seems like the least expensive thing. People think it's a different entity in a little fancier.
JPC
Portillios Portillo.
Aaron Keefe
Sure, sure. Anyone else? Any. Anyone want to make. Anyone want to make eye contact with me? I'm hearing about the camera.
Adol
No, Chef.
Aaron Keefe
I didn't think so. All right.
JPC
Can you see our face? Can you See our faces for the people that are stealing the trash.
Aaron Keefe
Yeah. It's pretty clear. You also have very distinctive tags, tattoos. So even if I couldn't see your faces, I'd be able to identify you in multiple different ways.
Adol
Yes, Chef. I have a question.
Aaron Keefe
Yes.
Adol
Not complaining about any of my co workers. We're a team. But there's a bit of an overcooked situation going on, Chef, where a lot of us are just grabbing one ingredient at a time, where we could clearly sort of grab a couple.
Aaron Keefe
Yeah. And some of you are getting hit by cars trying to bring the plate out to the customers. Can everyone be a little bit. Bit more careful?
Adol
Everyone looks at the raccoon in the wheelchair.
Aaron Keefe
Yeah.
JPC
Could we maybe put, like, a speed limit in the drive thru? Because that might be part of it as well. People are treating Autobot.
Aaron Keefe
We're not going to do that.
JPC
Her, Chef. Her, Chef.
Aaron Keefe
We're never going to do that. A refrigerator just came whizzing by here. Is that this episode?
Adol
No. No, Chef.
JPC
No, Chef.
Adol
But, Chef, I hope that they've. Am I fired?
Aaron Keefe
Yes.
Adol
Sorry, Chef.
Aaron Keefe
Take your trash art and go.
Adol
Sorry, Diane. For his own hat. I'm gonna become an artist. And Dave Matthews will never listen to the last episode.
JPC
He hit that raccoon in a wheelchair with his hat. See?
Adol
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
JPC
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.
Adol
The wind. The wind blew it. The wind blew it.
JPC
All right, well, thank you again for everyone who submit those riddles. And again, I've. I've put this challenge on the show before. If I read your riddle from 2019 and you still have the email that you sent to us, reply back to it. I would love to hear back from some of these people from 2019 to let me know that they're still. If you're still in the world. Okay, well, you know what? This is a great segue because now we can go to one of my absolute favorite, absolute favorite segments on the show, and it's the one where I say, Casey, do we have a voicemail theme?
Aaron Keefe
Hot dog. Hot dog.
Adol
Hot diggity.
JPC
Now we got ears. It's time for cheers.
Aaron Keefe
Hot dog. Hot dog. No.
JPC
Problem solved.
Aaron Keefe
Hot dog. Hot dog.
JPC
Hot diggity dog.
Aaron Keefe
Hot dog. Hot dog.
JPC
Hot diggity dog.
Adol
It's a brand new day.
JPC
What you wait for?
Aaron Keefe
Oh, my God.
JPC
Stretch out. Stomp on the floor.
Adol
Yay.
JPC
That was.
Adol
They might be giants with Hot diggity
JPC
dog Waffle says This is probably fair use and honestly, whatever. Who cares, right? It's enough.
Adol
It's.
JPC
It's enough of a transformation. Thank you, Waffle, for sending that in. If you want to send it in a. Like. Like we've just shown you, they can be anything. Voicemail theme 30 seconds or less hrrpodcastmail.com Casey, do you have a voicemail?
Aaron Keefe
Hi, Adol, Erin, JPC, Casey, and possibly Janet.
JPC
I am a big fan of yours
Aaron Keefe
from the UK and I have pet
JPC
tarantulas, actually great pets.
Aaron Keefe
Over the last year, I have had
JPC
parcel thieves steal a package of live
Aaron Keefe
food from me that contained 100 live cockroaches.
JPC
Related question. Is there a moment in your life
Aaron Keefe
that you would love to have been a fly on the wall?
JPC
Love you guys.
Aaron Keefe
I am dazzled.
Adol
Wow. Yeah. When that person opened that package, that would be a true delight to see the look on their face.
JPC
I am in love with the term parcel thieves. It just sounds so much more great improv. Team name package thief.
Aaron Keefe
We are the parcels thieves.
Adol
I would say. When I was younger, my family moved around quite a bit, so I went to like six different schools in five years or something. But at one of the schools where I was newer to, someone kept stealing my lunch. Because we just keep our lunch in the back of the class and someone would take out what they wanted and left the rest. And after like a week and a half or two weeks of that, my mom and I was probably like 8 or something. My mom took. She always gave me a fruit roll up, which is just. If you don't have them in the uk, just a very pounded, flat sheet of sugary fruit flavor. And she soaked it overnight in hot sauce and then rolled it back up and put it back in the package. And then someone took my lunch or took the fruit roll at some point that following week and then never took my lunch again. And I would have loved to seen that kid, or teacher.
JPC
Yeah.
Adol
Or principal.
JPC
Vice principal.
Adol
Bite into that and be like, what the fuck is wrong with this? And then have a panic moment.
JPC
That's. Yeah, that's. Oh, man, that's a good fly on the wall moment.
Aaron Keefe
My brain, I don't know why I can't think of one. My brain more like wants to go back and see crazy things. I did get to see once.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron Keefe
Like, if I had a wish, there's like certain wipeouts and funny falls and little miracles that I've seen that it would be so fun to go back and get to rewatch one of those. Or, you know, there's that time my sister army crawled on the ground when I was having a sleepover with my friend. Cause she knew the scary story that my friend was telling.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron Keefe
And she waited until the exact right moment and popped out and scared us so much that one of us peed and one of us cried and she had to go home. And if I could watch that, I could die happy.
JPC
I think about all the times I farted in an elevator and then gotten off and then watched a crowd of people get on all the time, man. I also think it would be very funny in your mind to be like, wow, those bastards that stole my package got 100 live cockroaches. And then it cuts to the parcel thieves and it's like three human sized spiders that they're like, oh, jackpot. We eating good today, brother. I also, I don't think that this person left their name, but they said that they have tarantulas and tarantulas are good pets. What do we all think about that?
Aaron Keefe
Glad someone is loving them because I don't have it in me. But yeah, that sounds scary to me.
Adol
If you're going to have. I despise spiders. No offense. But if you're going to have a spider as a pet, tarantula feels like the most because it's the one. I don't know if this makes sense because it's big enough that you can kind of keep track of it.
JPC
Track of it, Yeah.
Adol
I think that's the one spider. Like if I went somewhere and someone put one on my hand or something, I'd be like, I wouldn't be comfortable, but I'd be like, fine. Any other spider in the world you put on the back of my hand, I think I'm flipping out.
JPC
So for sure. Yeah, I like spiders. I see a spider in my house, I'm like, do your thing, King. We love you here. Welcome. If I see a big ass spider, I'm like, okay, I gotta keep my eye on you.
Adol
Well, that's different. If it's loose in your house, I don't want you to. One of those camel. Whatever those are called camel spiders.
JPC
Whatever. I also think I have to. I don't know enough about spiders to know which ones are the ones that can kill you. So I'm like, if I saw. But I know it's like you're throwing
Aaron Keefe
the spider out with the bathwater is what you're saying.
JPC
I also don't. I also. And hey, if this is true and I just. I'm ignorant, let that be. You know, I'm the first to admit that that is possible, but I can't imagine, like, looking at my dog, I'm like, my dog loves me. Loves me. Looking at a spider and being like, yeah, this spider loves me. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know about that.
Aaron Keefe
That's a good point.
JPC
Does it? Is it? Does it? I don't know. I give. It flies. I know that's part of the relationship, but does it love me? I'm not really. I could not tell you, but either way, thank you for leaving us the voicemail.
Aaron Keefe
That was awesome.
JPC
What are we plugging? Oh, one big plug for. It's April, the penguins. We all know we got new merch from Ariel Sinha. Five new teams. They're fucking awesome. Check it out in our dashery store. You can find the link in the episode description. And then, Aaron, what do you have to plug?
Aaron Keefe
I will plug Gumshoes and Dragons. We're having a lot of fun over there. Having fun on the Patreon as well. We just recorded a one shot that he hosted that I had a blast doing. So just come and hang out over there if it suits you. Fancy Adel, Anything to plug?
Adol
I'm going to plug the switch and I'm assuming it's on other systems. Game overcooked. Now a bunch of little animal chefs trying to fulfill orders and chaos ensues.
Aaron Keefe
Sometimes you get hit by cars, sometimes
Adol
you get hit by a car, sometimes you're on a boat and the boat keeps rocking left to right and everything keeps sliding around the ship. It's a game to play with people that either you never want to see again or you trust them implicitly. And you can survive yelling. Yeah, but overcooked. Very good time.
Aaron Keefe
Yeah. If you want to test all of your relationships, download Overcooked.
Adol
If you want to kick the tires on your marriage, play Overcooked.
JPC
Yeah, if you want to kick the tires on your marriage. Hey, I want to plug. Leaving a review for the show. First of all, I just want to thank everybody that leaves reviews. It's always nice when you do, even if I don't pick yours to read. But I read five star reviews and today I'm gonna read one from my cat, Beelzebub. And it's called My Dog Is so well Trained. Now this is such a great podcast. The co hosts are also experienced and the advice they give is top notch. I start out with a lazy Labrador that always barked at the door, would eat off the counters, and wouldn't come when called. Now, I still have a lazy Labrador, but he only eats food off the floor now, mostly doesn't bark at the door about 50% of the time and at least looks at me when I call his name. The coming one called is still a work in progress. I will say the guests are a bit random and I'm not entirely sure what they have to do with dog training or animal behavior, but still, 10 out of 10. The title of the podcast might seem a bit misleading, but trust me, this is the best animal behavioral dog training podcast around. Wow. I mean, I gotta agree.
Aaron Keefe
I love it. Thank you. I agree.
Adol
Good to see you and that dog both come uncalled because you answered the phone.
JPC
Who is it?
Aaron Keefe
And you know what that dog reminds me of?
JPC
Hey, hold up. Before you get there, Adol. Before you get there, Adol. Take the rest of the podcast off, buddy.
Aaron Keefe
Wait, there's three more seconds.
Adol
Three for three. You deserve it.
JPC
You deserve it.
Aaron Keefe
There's three more seconds. Hot dogs. Unbelievable.
JPC
Created by Adler, starring Aaron Keegan and John Patrick Collins. Kate, Created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naboris. 1, 2, 3, 4. Hate riddle. Riddle. Hey there, Gabriels and Collins. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. It's our first Penguin Baseball league cinematic feature. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog@patreon.com HeyRidelVirdle by joining the clue crew for or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.
Aaron Keefe
That was a Headgum Podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore.
Adol
Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.
Aaron Keefe
Each episode we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is Us.
Adol
That's right.
Aaron Keefe
We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.
Adol
Are we going to cry?
JPC
Yes, a little bit.
Adol
Are we going to laugh a lot?
JPC
A whole lot.
Adol
That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was Us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify new episodes every Tuesday.
Hey Riddle Riddle #405: "Dave Matthews Please Listen to Our Previous Episode"
Released: April 22, 2026 | Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)
This episode follows the classic Hey Riddle Riddle format: a lively blend of riddle-solving, rapid-fire banter, surreal improv scenes, and comedic asides. Centering on listener-submitted riddles (with a special focus on multi-part word riddles from 2019), the trio explores everything from roommate stories and cereal mascots to elaborate, logical puzzles—peppered with the hosts' signature wit and tangents about Chicago lives, animal neighbors, and more. The tone is quick, self-aware, and delightfully irreverent as always.
Whether you’re a riddle enthusiast or here for the camaraderie and chaos, this episode delivers classic Hey Riddle Riddle energy—fast, funny, and full of ideas you’ll never hear on any other podcast.