#412: It's 9am on a 10am Morning

Summary

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Hey Riddle Riddle #412: It's 9am on a 10am Morning

Date: June 10, 2026
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Hey Riddle Riddle launches with the hosts reflecting the chaotic, silly energy that their fans know and love. Tension, giggles, and an overlap of bits about Grogu (Baby Yoda), “squirting,” and inside jokes create a quintessential "barely about riddles" ride. A canceled guest leads to an especially improvisational and off-the-rails start, but the team eventually settles in for riddle games, surreal scenes, and multiple callbacks—all served with their signature blend of improv, pop culture tangents, friendly roasting, and meta-critiques of their process.

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Main Themes & Tone

• Surreal, playful chaos: Numerous bits spiral into absurdity, built heavily around recurring jokes (mainly the ongoing “Grogu’s a squirter” gag).
• Improvisational energy: With a last-minute guest cancellation, the hosts veer even further into riffing, scene work, and exploring each other’s comedic references.
• Pop culture love: Movies like "The Game," discussions of "Romancing the Stone" and "Project Hail Mary," and deep-cut Muppet and Jim Henson references abound.
• Classic riddles and word play: The team tackles riddle lists, especially a set from a UK riddle book, with both sincerity and relentless tangents.

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Key Discussion Points, Segments & Memorable Moments

1. Grogu and “Squirter” Running Gags

• The Show Opens: Immediate jokes about Grogu being a “squirter” (ongoing riff) ([00:07]–[01:04]).
  • “Grogu pop Squirter.” — Adol ([00:07])
  • “People get affected by words.” — Erin, before the team launches the “Grogu’s a squirter” bit ([00:27])
• The hosts continually escalate this bit, joking about how the clip will haunt Erin at the end-of-year bracket. They riff on “Grogu’s a squirter” as a possible Ramones song, and as potential new merch ([04:19]–[14:00]).
  • “Honestly, if you have a great afternoon and you’ve already hit rock bottom, I think maybe Grogu is a squirter in the style of the Ramones.” — Erin ([13:40])
  • “If it’s longer than 30 seconds, it’s not getting on the fucking show.” — Adol on hypothetical theme song submissions ([14:19])
• Memorable Quote:
  • “Grogu’s not a pig, he’s a Yoda.” — Erin ([38:07])
  • JPC vows to yell this from a convertible, “high on cocaine” ([38:10])

2. Behind-the-Scenes & Guest Cancellation

• Erin confesses to initial nerves due to a guest cancellation (Penn & Teller!) ([10:15]–[10:45]).
• They riff on how Teller “is still here” and the relief of not having to impress their comedy heroes.

3. Warm-Up Riddles & Improv Scenes

• Erin introduces “word connection” riddles, starting with:
  • “Piano, answer, and Florida.” → “Keys” ([12:05])
  • Scene: Adol and Erin as Storage Wars buyers, inspired by Erin’s actual storage tubs on camera ([12:27])
• Banter about “penalty boxes” and “red cards.”
  • “We should have a Hey Riddle Riddle penalty box.” — Erin ([11:28])
• Further riddles (e.g., “Face, needle, hurricane” → “eyes”; “River, checking account, blood” → “banks”) spurring more improv scenes ([18:06], [19:33], [23:01]).

4. Pop Culture & Muppet Dreams

• Storage Unit Holy Grail:
  • Erin dreams of original “Muppets from Space” Muppet-back chairs. ([19:10])
  • Adol and JPC riff on “Return to Oz” and the terrifying hallway of heads as their dream finds.

5. Extended “Grogu as Squirter” Riff

• Popcorn buckets, “project Hail Mary,” and the futility of chasing Grogu-centric merchandise ([21:10]).
  • “If that existed, send me to a different planet.” — Erin ([21:04])

6. UK Riddle Book Segment

• Riddles from a bizarre UK riddle book sent by listener Dan:
  • “It stands on one leg with its heart in its head.” (Answer: cabbage) ([40:09])
  • “My tail is long, my coat is brown, I come out to play when you are in bed.” (Answer: mouse) ([43:06])
  • Repeat riddles and improvisational scenes, e.g., a mouse-human dream sequence ([44:50]) and witch’s broom at a bar ([47:01]).
  • The “flip flop fleasy” riddle (Answer: fish) launches into improv about slutty fish office attire ([58:12]).

7. Listener Voicemail: Gallstone Souvenirs

• Emma asks how to convince her doctor to let her keep a gallstone after her gallbladder surgery ([64:13]):
  • JPC: “At the hospital, the customer is always right.” ([64:41])
  • Adol suggests “claim some religious exemption”—then riffs about the best way to sneakily get one. Erin: “Just talk a LOT until they give up.” ([66:02])

8. Miscellaneous Tangents & Running Bits

• Grilling dad vibes: Adol reveals his newfound passion for grilling and “dad mode” ([41:38]).
• “Chocolate booty” as a pirate phrase—a line Adol fears will get clipped for the highlight reel ([28:13]).
• Multiple scene requests, e.g., ship captains, vampires at banks, bats at the doctor ([23:38], [47:01], [51:18]).
• Erin’s voice for her dog, Lou, is “John Travolta wearing a beret”—her own headcanon ([37:33]).

9. Review Segment

• JPC shares a review about a microwave mystery solved by the podcast ([68:52]).
• Riffs about what Erin ruined her microwave with: “A squirting Grogu hot dog.” ([69:40])

10. Closing/Meta

• The hosts joke about which bits are most likely to make the annual “best of” highlight reel.
• Plugs for their own and friends’ podcasts, especially “Hello from the Magic Tavern” and “Gumshoes and Dragons.”

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [00:07] Adol: "Grogu pop Squirter."
• [02:56] Adol: "Y’all ever feel like it’s 9am on a 10am morning? Put that on a mug."
• [04:19] Adol (paraphrasing Erin): "Erin said, grogu's a squirter. And she did not want that on the podcast."
• [13:40] Erin: "If you have a great afternoon and you've already hit rock bottom, I think maybe Grogu is a squirter in the style of the Ramones."
• [14:19] Adol: "If it's longer than 30 seconds, it's not getting on the fucking show. I can tell you fucking that much."
• [38:07] Aaron: "Grogu's not a pig, he's a Yoda."
• [38:10] JPC: "That’s my phrase of the year. Grogu’s not a pig, he’s a Yoda. Right, Aaron, I’m going to be shouting that from a convertible later tonight, high on cocaine."
• [41:50] Adol: "Olive oil, salt and pepper, a little lemon. Oh my God."
• [47:01] JPC: "[Scene] Witch’s broom, just off work, needing a drink at the bar."
• [64:41] JPC: "At the hospital, the customer is always right."
• [69:40] Aaron: "A squirting Grogu hot dog. And now I can’t cook my hot dogs in there anymore."

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [00:07] – [04:50]: Opening chaos, “Grogu’s a squirter” introduction
• [10:05] – [11:03]: Guest cancellation, tension, group dynamic check-in
• [11:03] – [14:00]: Warm-up riddles, storage units, and penalty box banter
• [18:06] – [23:30]: Personal “holy grail” storage finds, Muppet memorabilia
• [39:06] – [67:48]: Riddle segments, UK book riddles with scene work
• [64:13] – [68:03]: Listener voicemail (gallstones), advice and banter
• [68:52] – [70:46]: Plugs, reviews, final closing bits

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Overall Vibe

• Self-aware, absurd, affectionate, very inside-joke heavy
• Constantly breaks the fourth wall regarding edit points, highlight reels, and the absurdity of their own format.
• Deliberately low-concept but high-silliness: almost unaware of where riffing ends and actual “content” begins.

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Takeaways

• True to its description, this episode is “barely about riddles”—with improvisational comedy, inside jokes, and wild tangents dominating.
• The episode’s highlight is the extended riffing around Grogu, and the meta-commentary about what gets clipped for year-end recaps.
• Riddle-solving, when it appears, is playful and regularly morphs into scene work, parodying itself or pop culture.
• Great for listeners who love the non-stop banter and the chemistry of the hosts, especially on an unstructured morning.

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Transcript

[Aaron]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Adol]

Grogu pop Squirter.

[JPC]

Grogu.

[Aaron]

I can hear you.

[Adol]

I can hear you.

[Aaron]

I can hear you.

[Adol]

You know I can hear you when you say grogu's a squirter, right?

[JPC]

Hey, when you say grogu is a squirter, you know who won't hear it? Grogu. You know who will hear it?

[Adol]

Your friends who are squirters. Yeah, just air, Aaron.

[Aaron]

People get affected by words.

[JPC]

Okay, time.gov@10, say Grogu's a squirter.

[Aaron]

Come on, Casey, please.

[JPC]

Time.

[Adol]

Grogu's a squirter.

[JPC]

We have to do it again. Adam messed up. I'm just kidding. Mine said synchronizing for a minute and then caught back up at like 8, so you may want to do it again. No, no, I meant because you didn't say Grogu is a squirter, but time wise, it's fine.

[Aaron]

Technically, he did the right thing.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you did the right thing. You were too good of a boy.

[Adol]

Yeah, see, I meant because you didn't say Grogu's a squirter to restart the podcast.

[Aaron]

All right, gpc. You get one more.

[Adol]

Okay.

[JPC]

Does that sound like a Ramon song or something? Grogu is a squirter. Grogu is a squirter.

[Adol]

Now it does.

[JPC]

Adel, go ahead and give us a count. 1, 2, 3.

[Aaron]

Croco has no breathe at all. I wish I was you.

[Adol]

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cannon of an airplane.

[Aaron]

He stabbed him with an ice ray

[JPC]

and the horse's name. Frightening. So we may have stumbled upon something pretty big. Casey, we can cut this out later if we need to. Aaron, you came into the episode recording today with JPC and I doing big Bopper impressions. Now, you actually thought that we were doing horse impressions.

[Aaron]

Thank God you're talking about this and not the other thing we were talking about before the episode started. That was a bait and switch.

[JPC]

I tried to get a real grasp on the situation before we could get into that territory.

[Adol]

Now, Aaron, I thought you said we're not going to bring up the other thing. The big highlight here is that there's

[Aaron]

a tension between the three of us right now. I obviously. Okay, guys, sorry that you're coming into an energy that is a little bit fraught. It is. I don't know. What day of the week is it? It's 9am on a Monday morning. No, it's Tuesday. It's 9am On a Tuesday morning.

[Adol]

For me, it's Wednesday. For them it's Wednesday.

[JPC]

It's 9am on a 10am it's Thursday.

[Aaron]

It's 9am on a 10, 10. There is some tension between the three of us.

[Adol]

Y' all ever feel like it's 9am on A 10am Morning? Put that on a mug, put it in the shower.

[Aaron]

And I. You're right. Let's just do an episode.

[JPC]

Oh, now we have to bring up

[Adol]

Adel and I went and saw. What did you call it, Aaron? Grogu and Mondo.

[Aaron]

Grogu and Mondo. But that's not right. And I know it. It's not right.

[Adol]

It's. But it's fine that you said it. Adam and I went and saw Grogu and Mondo and I feel like people have been hating on it, but I liked it. I liked it. And we saw it in 40x and it was wonderful.

[JPC]

In 40x, it was very entertaining. And 40x makes a meal out of some of these scenes. There's a scene that's the most sort of like Universal Studios ride that a 40x movie has ever been, which was outstanding. A lot of water being sprayed and

[Adol]

we were talking about all the water that was being sprayed.

[Aaron]

And that's it. And that's all we talked about.

[JPC]

It's a wet, wet.

[Adol]

It's a wet, wet movie. And Casey was asking. Cause Casey didn't get to go see it in 40x because I believe he was in Ohio and they don't have 40x or, I want to say electricity there yet, but he was asking, was the water earned? Like, was there enough wetness in the movie to earn the water? And then Eren.

[Aaron]

Then what did you say? No. And then what did you say?

[Adol]

No. Aaron, come on, Aaron, let's be fair.

[Aaron]

Let's be fair and let's tell the truth.

[Adol]

Let's be fair. You definitely were the one who said,

[Aaron]

why would I say that? I didn't see the movie. Why would I say that in era?

[Adol]

Why would I say it? Erin said, grogu's a squirter. And she did not want that on the podcast. Eren made a crude joke. And then she said, please, let's not start the podcast with me saying Grogu's a squirter.

[Aaron]

Well, because you know what is going to happen is I'm going to end up saying it, which I did. And then I go, well, when the end of the year clip bracket's going to come out.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

No one's going to include Adol saying grogu is a squirter. No one's going to include TBC saying grogu is a squirter. It's gonna be me saying it.

[Adol]

Oh, speaking of squirting, I was.

[Aaron]

Everyone throw your headphones off quickly. You still have time. Throw your phone.

[JPC]

Aaron, sweetie. Aaron. Aaron. Squirting is what we call it nowadays when you drink a squirt.

[Adol]

Yes, that's what we call it.

[JPC]

A refreshing. I want to say just lemon drink.

[Aaron]

Okay. I thought it was something else, so I guess I'm not a squirter.

[Adol]

I was hanging out with some friends of yours.

[Aaron]

No.

[Adol]

This weekend.

[Aaron]

No, you weren't.

[Adol]

Truly was. And one of them brought up squirting and his wife. No, that's a really good guess. His wife said, that's the second time you've brought up squirting this weekend. Oh, no, apparently it was his, like, hobby horse.

[Aaron]

Who. Who were you hanging out with?

[Adol]

Paul. It was Paul.

[Aaron]

Oh, Haley and Paul.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Classic Paul. No, it's not classic Paul at all. One time I went to go visit Hailey and Paul in Arkansas and we watched Betty White Bloopers, and they're the cutest, sweetest, saddest thing I've ever seen. We just made that woman work until she was 1000 years old and she didn't know where she was. She didn't know that the cameras were on.

[JPC]

Was it a lot of her saying, like back in of Saint Lof.

[Aaron]

Yeah, it was a lot of her being like, I don't know what's happening? And the audience was like, ha, Betty sucks.

[Adol]

Oh, boy, that sucks. Oh, that's not nice to me.

[Aaron]

I'm jealous that you got to see some friends of mine. But Adol, I realized that the text that I sent you on Saturday didn't go through when I woke up on Sunday. I think that you'll be jealous of the movie I watched on Saturday, which is the Game, which is one of your faves. All time faves and I.

[Adol]

First time Erin. First time lost.

[Aaron]

No, I've seen it before. Yeah, but Riley and I started Romancing the Stone. First of all, we talked for an hour about what movie to watch.

[JPC]

Aaron, we don't want to hear about your personal

[Adol]

Squirting the Stone full of foreplay. Romancing the Stone.

[Aaron]

Romancing the Stone. That's actually very funny. That's pretty funny. But we were like 10 minutes into that movie and we were talking about Michael Douglas, and I was like, man, he never got better than the game. And then Riley said, what is that and Riley is such a movie person. And I was like, Riley, every movie for the last 25 years is directors loving the visual language of the game and loving the vibe of that. The succession opening is a direct ripoff of the opening of the game. So we turned it off and turned on the game and he loved it and he went in completely blind. I didn't tell him anything about it. So to watch someone actually experience it, I was like, I should have waited for Adol to be here so we could watch someone see it for the first time.

[Adol]

I'm honestly shocked. Riley.

[JPC]

It is. I feel like it might be the most underrated film in my opinion of all time. And yeah, the reveal at the end and the party and the guy who is that the guy who plays Max Headroom at the end? Yeah, yeah, I think so.

[Adol]

Right? Yeah.

[JPC]

Who says like, oh, I was supposed to do this and then I did that. I don't know why I'm trying to cover up spoilers for a 30 year old movie.

[Aaron]

I this time.

[Adol]

I think we've spoiled on the show before. I think we've already fully spoiled it on the show.

[Aaron]

I noticed so much more. First of all, I just don't think I really realized how visually awesome it is. Like some of the shots in it are just so sick. And there was something I noticed this time that I was like, oh, that is awesome. At the beginning of the movie, it's his birthday and a woman comes in and says happy birthday to him at his job and his secretary says thank you to the well then he's like, thank you. He's so disconnected from his humanity in life. And I was like, oh my God, all the women around him are being human for him. Oh, it's so good.

[JPC]

The first time I heard about because I think I saw this before. Escape Rooms were in the U.S. i think they were elsewhere in the world, but not in the US Maybe. But I feel like the first time I heard about Escape Rooms and went to go do one, I was like, oh, this is the game. This is like a self contained the game.

[Aaron]

You could almost say that the show is directly like so many other movies and TV shows. Hayward o' Riddle might not exist without Adol finding the game and falling in love with it. Now isn't that interesting?

[Adol]

Butterfly effect. Yeah.

[Aaron]

What's the butterfly effect that brought you here? Jpc, do you think?

[Adol]

Don't say grogu Squirting.

[Aaron]

Don't say grogu Squirting. Don't say grogu.

[Adol]

A long, long time Ago in a galaxy far, far away.

[Aaron]

Yuck.

[Adol]

One good sir. Mr. Grogu, I'm trying to make butterfly effect. You know, I don't know. That's a tough call.

[Aaron]

All right, well, let me help you think of one.

[Adol]

I'll just say nothing.

[Aaron]

Tatooine can think of something to say.

[Adol]

Titu peen.

[JPC]

So what?

[Aaron]

Titu peen. I'm busy.

[JPC]

That sounds like you're. You're telling your friends you got to go to the bathroom, but you're wasted.

[Aaron]

Yeah. I love you girls so much.

[Adol]

Guys, if you can't tell a guest. A guest canceled last minute. That's. I think that's basically. No, basically, what we're. What we're on about right now is that we did have a last minute

[JPC]

guest cancellation because Aaron said what she

[Aaron]

said earlier, and it was guests that I was quite nervous for because they are comedy hero guests of mine, especially together. So I'm coming off of the High. Just Penn and Teller. I'm coming off of the High. They wouldn't even know one of them was here if they were.

[JPC]

We should say Teller is still here.

[Aaron]

And thank you for being here.

[Adol]

We got an email from Teller saying I'll still do the podcast.

[Aaron]

So I'm like, relieved that I don't have to be so nervous.

[Adol]

Yeah. Well, good for you, Aaron. We're happy that at least you can feel some relief today.

[Aaron]

Thanks. Well.

[Adol]

But unfortunately, the show, Aaron, in many ways must go on.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[Adol]

In terms of us doing some riddles. Right, Right. You're in charge. Right.

[Aaron]

Hallie gave us these. I'm gonna say warm up riddles.

[Adol]

Okay.

[Aaron]

Thank you for sending these in. Find the word that connects each list of three things. So this should be pretty self explanatory and simple. So I'm not gonna burn through one of these as an example. I think you'll be able to get it.

[Adol]

Okay, so if it's like squirting and Grogu and Mondo. You know what? Actually, Aaron, I don't.

[Aaron]

What do they give out in hockey? Like red cards and yellow cards. Adol. Can you throw one of those at jpc? He should have to go. We should have a Hayward riddle penalty box.

[Adol]

Oh.

[JPC]

Oh, shit. I threw the card like Gambit.

[Aaron]

Okay. That's another card.

[JPC]

It's Frenchy.

[Adol]

Yeah, I guess it's Carolyn Cajun, too.

[Aaron]

Kasey, can you build a penalty box for. Hey, riddle, riddle. Thank you so much. Casey's on it.

[Adol]

You're like my toddler who doesn't wait to hear the response before they move on they're like, I have some cake. Yes and no. Yes. Okay.

[Aaron]

That's awesome. That's iconic. Okay. Find the word that connects each list of three things. Piano, answer, and Florida.

[JPC]

They all have keys, my dear.

[Aaron]

They all have keys.

[Adol]

They all have panhandles as well.

[JPC]

My piano panhandle. I do want to see a scene.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[JPC]

Aaron and jpc, you two are two sort of Storage wars esque, buyers of lapsed payment units for storage.

[Adol]

Okay.

[JPC]

And you bought one at auction, and you are opening it up for the first time to be surprised by its contents.

[Adol]

Adol. Can I just ask before we get into this scene?

[JPC]

Yes.

[Adol]

Is this scene in any way inspired by the fact that Aaron has two huge storage tubs in her background right now? Because it feels very like, Mr. Freud, your penis is calling, you know.

[Aaron]

Mr. Grogu, your squirting's on line one.

[JPC]

Well, that's gonna be used for the end of the year.

[Aaron]

Oh, bummer. Damn it.

[Adol]

I like oh, bummer too, Casey. Maybe if we save that one for oh, bumm.

[Aaron]

I did have to open the storage unit. It's. It took. I was there for two and a half hours. I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork.

[Adol]

It sucks. It sucks.

[JPC]

Oh, very quickly, I also want to say pre show discussion. This is just pre show discussion to get pregnant. I also said that Grogu is a squirter to me, sounded like a Ramon song. So if anyone out. If anyone is out there who has the capabilities to make a Ramones s song out of that, I'd pay upwards of $100.

[Adol]

Well, hey, if you have a great

[Aaron]

afternoon and you've already hit rock bottom, I think maybe Grogu is a squirter in the style of the Ramones.

[Adol]

Guaranteed you'll get at least a feature of the voicemail theme. That's an easy, easy include.

[Aaron]

We're gonna get like 14 versions of this and then that's our life. Okay? Now this is what the show is, guys.

[Adol]

Yeah, show's good.

[Aaron]

We show up and then the show just shows.

[Adol]

Fucking good, dude.

[JPC]

If I can offer any comfort, famously, Ramone's songs are a minute and a half long, so it'll be. We can cycle through them.

[Adol]

I'll tell you what that means.

[Aaron]

It's a low barrier to entry.

[Adol]

If it's longer than 30 seconds, it's not getting on the fucking show. I can tell you fucking that much. All right?

[Aaron]

Talented people out there who had other things to do. Think of the songs that won't be written because talented musicians are going to be playing Grogu Squirter at the start.

[Adol]

I refuse to think of the songs that won't be written.

[JPC]

Should I start my. Should I start my modern day marriage of Figaro operetta or. No, I'll work on Grogu as a squirter in the style of the Ramones.

[Aaron]

I was gonna write that beautiful song for my mom's funeral, but Adeline said he'd pay me a hundred dollars.

[JPC]

Amazing Grace.

[Adol]

Honestly. Hold on. I was gonna work on the funeral song, but Two birds, one stone. I'll do the Grogu's Escorter.

[Aaron]

No, nobody played that at your mom's funeral. No.

[JPC]

If you can write Grogu's Escorter in of Funeral Dirge or in the style of Amazing Grace. Okay, here's a tip.

[Aaron]

Cut to me having to carry your coffin down the aisle when you're dead. When I'm old and my bones are

[Adol]

already basically dust down the aisle. Who's he burying? Yes, he is a corpse bride.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I'm carrying you. I'm in the processional thing. JPC and I, Brett Lyons, maybe Rob White. Gang's all there. We're carrying your body and then that song starts playing. That's what you've just done to us. And then we have to do that whole walk. We miss our friend. And we're listening to the Grogu. Who's a squirter in this dialogue.

[JPC]

And I'm unplugged. I'm out of the Matrix, baby.

[Aaron]

All right.

[JPC]

And I'll be watching.

[Aaron]

Here's your scene.

[JPC]

Thank you. Here's a scene. Just a reminder.

[Adol]

This is just a reminder.

[JPC]

People opening up a storage unit who have no idea what the contents are.

[Aaron]

Hey, man, just so you know, if there's a body in there, I. I don't have the bandwidth today.

[Adol]

Okay? Yeah, no. So what do you want me. What would you prefer I do?

[Aaron]

If there's a body, I'm gonna take out, take off. I'm gonna. Like I've done this before. I've done this whole rigmarole. It's like a four day affair. It's a whole thing. There's body.

[Adol]

I'm happy to make that deal because you don't want to deal with it. But that also includes you said if there's a body, and this is a binding deal, we find a mummy in there, I'm taking it. Mummy's a body.

[Aaron]

But that's. That could be. That could be a big payout.

[Adol]

Your ass missed out on the last fucking mummy and Your ass is gonna miss out on the next fucking mummy because you keep making these sucker deals to not find mummies.

[Aaron]

My wife just wants me home sometimes, okay? I can't be solving murder had an

[Adol]

Egyptian name, so chances are there's a bummy in there.

[Aaron]

All right, deal. Fine.

[Adol]

Okay, good deal. Hey, good business. Great business.

[Aaron]

Great.

[Adol]

Okay, cut the lock, please.

[JPC]

Okay, here's cutting the lock for the unit owned by Memphis Obelisk.

[Aaron]

Okay? You're doing that like you're doing a first take in a movie, all right?

[JPC]

Just not used to such Egyptian names.

[Aaron]

Open it.

[Adol]

So much corpse dust. Oh, my God. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Aaron]

A TV scene. When I opened a storage unit. The guy was like, no food, no wine, no explosives, no fireworks. Like, they. He was so, like, so stressed out that I was going to bring food in. I was like, I'm not going to bring food in. It's going to be mostly like Christmas decorations. And he's like, no food, no popcorn, no beer. And I was like, okay, no, no

[Adol]

string popcorn for Christmas decorations either. Because I know sometimes that's food.

[JPC]

No food and no popcorn. Seems like this guy was a little redundant.

[Adol]

Yeah, I mean, the thing with those storage units is if they get bugs, everybody gets bugs. Like, it's just bugs. It's bugs all the way down, you know?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Aaron. What? Aaron, you're a storage war. You serve in the army of the Storage Wars. You open up a unit.

[Aaron]

I'm a colonel. I'm a popcorn kernel on a storage war.

[Adol]

That's so good, Aaron. That's great.

[JPC]

Thanks. You open up a storage unit, you paid, let's say, 200 bucks, sight unseen. What's your Holy Grail? Like, what's you. You slide up the door and inside is what? Like the original Muppets. Like, what. What is your Holy Grail?

[Aaron]

Oh, my God. Me from the future with all the winning lottery numbers. And if that's not possible, genuinely. Remember when Jim. The Jim Henson Estate had a auction and we were looking into it? I. When I went on there, the thing I wanted the most was the backs of all the Muppets. Chairs from Muppets from space.

[Adol]

Oh, chairs.

[JPC]

Ooh, that's great.

[Aaron]

Yeah. No, I want the scalps from all the Muppets. I want all of their back.

[JPC]

I want my Muppet scalps. We're hunting Muppets.

[Aaron]

I was like, oh, my gosh. If I had a hallway in a home.

[Adol]

A hallway.

[Aaron]

The dream, you walk down the hall, and it's all the different because they're all just like, specific to each Muppet. Oh, I would die for that. That would be my number one. What about you?

[JPC]

My first answer is just like, a comfy couch and like, no phone.

[Aaron]

Adol. We gotta get you on a solo vacation. I know what I'm getting you for your birthday. And it's time alone in the woods where no one can find you.

[Adol]

Oh, yeah, your wife and child are gonna love that.

[JPC]

Eighteen years later, I reemerge. Not feral at all. I would say, Aaron, you made me think of something. I don't know if this is my number one answer, but on the spot, I would say the Return to Oz hallway of screaming heads. Have you seen Return to Oz? Yeah, well, probably another Henson feature, most likely, but yeah, there's that hallway with all the queens. She has her different heads that she puts on the body, which was terrifying as a kid. And at some point I want to say Alice, but I don't know if her name's something else in the movie walks by and makes a noise and then they all wake up and scream at her. I think that hallway of heads would be a beautiful addition to my home.

[Aaron]

That would be really scary if you opened a storage unit not knowing what was in there. And it's that, though. That would be a little bit of moment of terror, I think.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Jbc, same question to you. And I think, do you have to narrow the answer to what movie prop would you want inside the sword drive?

[Aaron]

It's going to be gross squirting, pre squirt or post squirt when he's using it?

[Adol]

That would be. You know how they do, like, themed popcorn buckets? They should do a grogu squirting one, but it squirts like hot butter into your popcorn. Aaron, what do you think of that?

[Aaron]

If that started, if that existed, I think I. Send me. Send me to a different planet.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Project Hail. Marry me with no. With no mission. Toss me into space.

[Adol]

No mission. All of humanity. All of humanity coming together to send air into space for no reason.

[JPC]

Now, Aaron, would you date that rock?

[Aaron]

I would be best friends with that rock. You guys, I finally saw it and I.

[JPC]

He's looking for a partner.

[Aaron]

No, he's. He's crazy in love with his partner. He was like, We've been together 185 years and it hasn't been enough time.

[JPC]

Not what I heard. Sorry.

[Aaron]

You saw the movie and I. I was very. Spoiler alert. Fast forward ahead. I was so relieved to know that nothing happens to the rock because I was so stressed out. I just got Very attached to that rock.

[Adol]

Oh, yeah. And then when he does the people's elbow on Ryan Gosling, it really puts him in his fucking place. I'm like, thank God we have this man.

[JPC]

I'm glad he raised his eyebrow. Cause at first I was like, is that the rock? And then he did the eyebrow and I was like, that's it?

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

And you're like, the rock.

[Adol]

There he is. Definitely the rock.

[JPC]

There's my guy.

[Aaron]

More riddles for the boys. Face.

[Adol]

Okay. I guess I didn't get to give my real answer to the question.

[Aaron]

No, you had your chance and you did with the time you wanted. What you had, what you did. Face. Needle. Hurricane.

[JPC]

Face.

[Adol]

Did you say face needle or space needle?

[Aaron]

Face, comma, needle, comma, hurricane.

[JPC]

Have you guys seen the. The new face needle? It is terrifying. Seattle is losing its mind.

[Adol]

Seattle is absolutely fuck.

[JPC]

Face needle. Oh, they all have eyes.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Yes, they all have eyes. The hills.

[Aaron]

River.

[Adol]

Have eyes as well.

[JPC]

With the eyes.

[Aaron]

River. Checking account. And blood.

[Adol]

Oh, they all have beds.

[Aaron]

No.

[Adol]

Oh, they all have rock bottoms.

[Aaron]

No.

[JPC]

You get cookies after all of them.

[Aaron]

No.

[JPC]

What were they again?

[Aaron]

River, Checking account. In blood.

[Adol]

In blood.

[JPC]

They all have streams.

[Adol]

Oh, they all have constant flows out.

[Aaron]

No.

[Adol]

Yeah. Come on. That's pretty good though, right?

[JPC]

Rivers. Rivers have beds. They have mouths. They have.

[Aaron]

Yeah. What else do they.

[JPC]

Oh, sand banks.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[JPC]

They're all banks.

[Adol]

You find them in banks.

[Aaron]

Banks. I would like to see a scene. Adol, you are a vampire, and you are trying to open a new checking account at a bank that GBC works at.

[JPC]

And, Aaron, and this is very important to my process. Am I like a Steven Dorf Blade or am I like a Nosferatu?

[Aaron]

You're like a Nosferatu. And Grogu is squirting somewhere right now.

[Adol]

Somewhere. Yeah. Goes without saying. Hello, how can I help you today?

[JPC]

Yes, hello. Devin, is it? Yes, Devin, you're getting sleepy.

[Adol]

Hey, I just want to say before we continue the transaction, if I start doing the voice, it's completely.

[JPC]

Excuse me, the voice.

[Adol]

No. Yeah, yeah. No.

[JPC]

Oh, you know what? I don't even hear it anymore.

[Adol]

And I'm. Yeah, sure.

[JPC]

It's like when someone from, you know, New Jersey goes to England and they go, you have such funny accents. And they go, what about you?

[Adol]

And I would never say. Sorry.

[JPC]

It's okay.

[Adol]

Sorry.

[JPC]

It's okay.

[Adol]

There's a German customer right before you. And I did it as well. It's like a nervous tick thing. It's my first day at the bank.

[JPC]

Do you have an account first day. Wow.

[Adol]

Yes.

[JPC]

Congratulations.

[Adol]

I don't want to say day. First night, I guess. First night at the bank.

[JPC]

Oh, yes. First. It is fun to have a night bank.

[Adol]

That's. That's what Night bank is known for. Is his the only bank that does knights. We get robbed all the time.

[JPC]

Yes, I can see the bullet holes.

[Adol]

Yes. Oh, hold on. I'm getting a. I'm getting a call from my boss. I'm so sorry. It's my boss. I have to take. Hello? Yeah, I'm getting erased. I'm getting. Erase my. Oh, my. Yes, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Nightbank.

[Aaron]

All I'm saying is we are erasing you because you keep imitating our voices.

[Adol]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That wasn't my boss. I don't know. I don't know who that was.

[Aaron]

Come on.

[JPC]

Can you pull back? I'm curious who that was.

[Adol]

I liked him. Whoever it was, Aaron C. Whoever it was, I did like him.

[Aaron]

No, that was not a good voice. Corn. Headphone. Piercing.

[Adol]

Ears. Ears.

[JPC]

Bullet holes.

[Adol]

But don't.

[Aaron]

Fireplace. Cabin. Ship captain.

[Adol]

Pokers.

[JPC]

Fireplace. Ship captain. What was the last one? Cabin or the cabin? Fireplace, Ship captain. They all have logs.

[Adol]

Oh, Captain's log.

[Aaron]

I'd like to see a scene. Jpc, you're a ship captain, and you are telling your first mate, adult to log something in the captain's log for you.

[Adol]

And just so we're clear, just because I'm doing the voice doesn't mean you're gonna be doing the voice.

[JPC]

Of course. Yeah, I. I'll try to invite it.

[Adol]

No, no, no.

[JPC]

I was choking.

[Adol]

Weren't you choking? Because you're. You're. You're gonna be choking. You gotta be joking me.

[JPC]

Are you saying joking or joke?

[Adol]

I don't. You know what?

[JPC]

Okay, captains, let's start over. Let's start over. Captains.

[Adol]

Oh, I'd love to start over.

[JPC]

Over.

[Adol]

Captain's law. All you're doing is recording my thoughts because when this whole thing's over, I'm writing a book, okay? People are gonna be like, you know, who did he sleep with? You know, what was he wearing? It's gonna.

[JPC]

Well, it's just you and me on the ship, so.

[Adol]

Well, you don't know that. Nothing's gonna happen. We're just. We're just embarking on this, you know, today. I mean, for. Yeah, for sure. Nothing's gonna happen right now.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol]

You don't think. Oh, what? You don't think I'm attractive at all, or.

[JPC]

No, I think you're very attractive.

[Adol]

You do?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Okay.

[JPC]

I actually. I called my mom earlier and I told her I had a crush on you, but this is not that time. This is captain's log.

[Adol]

Captain's log.

[JPC]

Huh?

[Adol]

I'm sorry? I said captain's log. What did you say?

[JPC]

I said captain's log. Okay.

[Adol]

Okay. Let's just start. Let's just start.

[JPC]

Well, maybe a quick kiss just to break the tarnchen.

[Adol]

Yeah, don't mourn. De for door to break the tarnchen, as it were.

[JPC]

There you go. This one has almond in it, minus Kenny Talbot.

[Adol]

Kenny Talbot. Blegh.

[JPC]

Okay, you can have one of the dark chocolate.

[Adol]

It's a taste thing.

[JPC]

I don't see a lot of kisses anymore.

[Adol]

You don't see a lot of kisses anymore?

[JPC]

It used to be. It used to be you walk into any bank and there's a little clear bowl full of Hershey's Kisses.

[Adol]

Most of the booty on the. On the whole boat is chocolate. You know, it's some sort of chocolate. What can I say? I love chocolate booty. Casey, don't clip that.

[Aaron]

Same. He's going to clip it.

[JPC]

He's going to clip it.

[Aaron]

Too late. He's going to clip it.

[Adol]

Oh, well, it's a pirate saying it, not me. I can say anything I want in a pirate voice.

[Aaron]

Tree Dog and Cinnamon is the last one from Halle.

[JPC]

They all have barks.

[Aaron]

Yes. Oh, wow. Incredible, huh?

[Adol]

It's also like a fucked up rock, paper, scissors, right? Because Cinnamon obviously kills a dog. Dog kills a tree.

[Aaron]

By peeing on it.

[Adol]

By peeing on it. That does. Honestly, that does kill a tree. That does kill the tree. And tree kills Cinnamon because of. And we have to go on break. And now it's time to go on break. And tree kills Cinnamon. And it's time to go on break.

[Aaron]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[JPC]

Aaron, I don't know if I can record today. I just feel so distraught about our friend down there in the sewers.

[Aaron]

Adult. He's okay. He's probably just doing rat stuff, like eating garbage and being like. But if you're feeling stressed, we should find someone for you to talk to about it.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, maybe I'll try BetterHelp.

[Aaron]

Oh, yes. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on on over 1.7 million client reviews.

[JPC]

And you know how I hate, you know, sort of like talking to people and figuring out like, do you believe me that my friend's trapped in a rat costume? BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals or your rat catching goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience in industry leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time.

[Aaron]

Better Help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. i hope, I hope that. I mean, I need to talk to someone about this too. I am stressed also. I'm kind of scared that he's just going to show up one day. I don't know. I don't know.

[JPC]

I've heard that there's a rat biting people and they're turning into JPCs. So that's just something we should warn the the nation about.

[Adol]

Hmm.

[JPC]

Could that be gpc? Could it just be a giant rat biting people? We don't know. But you don't have to. Say yes to everything. This summer, find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Riddle that's betterhelp.com Riddle here JPC cheese. Cheese in hats. Cheese in backwards hats.

[Aaron]

Cheese in backwards hats. Cut off tanks. Come here buddy. He's going to kill us.

[JPC]

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace at all.

[Aaron]

JPC is still missing. I'm pretty sure he's stuck in a rat costume and is in a sewer somewhere, but I'm not totally sure. So I'm going to set up a website to try to find him.

[JPC]

Do we know if it's like a splinter costume or if it's. You know what? It doesn't matter. We've created a website if you have any news or information about jpc. We built it of course with Squarespace. Best of the best. You know Squarespace, the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or you're looking for a missing friend in a giant rat costume, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

[Aaron]

With Squarespace's collection of cutting edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful professional online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. Like with us and a whole rat website. Start with Blueprint AI, Squarespace's AI Enhanced Design Partner, or choose from a library of professionally designed and award winning website templates. No matter where you start, your website is flexible to what you need with intuitive drag and drop editing, beautiful styling options and unrivaled visual design effects on brand AI content and more ways to list what you offer. No experience required and we thank you

[JPC]

to those people who have already sent in videos you've seen of a giant rat dragging pizza down in the subway. That could be jpc could just be a giant rat, but Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on the website, upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Of course jpc, if you're out there, you don't have to pay for the videos. We'll let you watch those for free.

[Aaron]

Fundraise directly on your website and grow your impact with built in donation tools. Create a professional on brand website that makes it easy to accept one time or recurring contributions and engage supporters. With built in email campaigns and marketing tools you can connect with your community and inspire more people to support your cause. Which is either finding or not finding JPC in his rat costume.

[JPC]

Head to squarespace.com riddle for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Aaron]

I think we just let it be. What if he's happy?

[JPC]

Yeah, maybe he chose this.

[Aaron]

This sweater's so hot. Why am I wearing a sweater during the summer? Ugh.

[JPC]

Aaron pulls down sunglasses. Aaron baby, get with the times. It's all right.

[Aaron]

Cool vibe.

[JPC]

It's summer ish perhaps. And you have to go to Quint's to get some lightweight breathable quints. Wearables.

[Aaron]

Oh that sounds so nice. I love quints. Yeah.

[Adol]

Everything at Quint is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands and they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup.

[Aaron]

Aaron Quints goes way beyond clothing. They have custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything. I'm moving this summer and I have so many things favorited from Quints. I want curtains from there, I want some of their kitchen stuff. Their rugs are unbelievable and priced so fairly and I'm so excited that Quint exists. Perfect timing Quince. Thank you.

[JPC]

Gemma got a 100% European linen fit and flare midi dress from Quints that she is obsessed with. Looks great on her and they also have stuff for babies so we've put little crumpet in some Beautiful, adorable, little, breathable summertime cotton onesies.

[Aaron]

Cute.

[Adol]

You gotta elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quints.com Riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quince.com Q U I N C E.com Riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns.

[JPC]

Quince.com Riddle Aaron, I'm grilling up some pants.

[Aaron]

Yum. Wait, what?

[JPC]

Summer baby.

[Aaron]

And this is Lou wearing a funny top hat. And here's a picture of Lou, and she's just laying in the sun. She's so cute. And here's Lou. Look how gray her snoot is getting. She's just so precious. I'm so obsessed with my dog.

[Adol]

Aaron. Aaron, you said you had something really important to talk to us about, and this is that.

[Aaron]

Oh, yes. Yes. 91% of dog parents say their pup is an important member of the family. And 40% would even save their dog over a human stranger. Safe to say people are obsessed, and I'm one of them. And that's why I give my dog Ollie. Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals with the highest quality ingredients.

[Adol]

Yeah. Plus, from the moment you start your subscription to Ollie, everything is tailored to your pup. The meals are perfectly portioned, and you get a puptainer and scoop for easy storing and serving. My dog spaghetti absolutely loves Ollie food. Around four o' clock every day, she starts snapping at me because it's like. I'm like, yeah, it's kind of almost dinner time, but she is so excited for dinner time since we switched to Ollie.

[JPC]

Oh, look, Lou's getting near the microphone. What is it, Lou? Ollie. Ollie. Now.

[Aaron]

That's not her voice. I'm obsessed with her. I can tell you what her voice is. This is her voice. With Ollie, you don't just get food through their app. You can actually check on your dog's health with real vets just by uploading a picture. Their team can check up on your dog's weight, digestion, teeth and coat because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be. And that's me, Lou. And this is my voice.

[JPC]

Get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com Riddle tell them all about your dog and use code RIDDLE to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get Your money back. That's O l l I e dot com. Riddle and enter code. Riddle. To get 70% off your first box. Ollie, feed the obsession.

[Adol]

Is that right? Spaghetti. Yeah, that's right. All the dog food is good. Dog food.

[Aaron]

That's her voice.

[Adol]

That's her voice.

[JPC]

That's John Travolta in a dog suit.

[Adol]

No, it's.

[Aaron]

That's John Travolta.

[JPC]

Look at the beret.

[Adol]

Guys, I wish it weren't true, but it's her voice. Okay, and we're back. And Aaron, you were just saying, why treat kill cinnamon or tree kills cinnamon?

[Aaron]

Because. Wait, hold on. What's that sound? Is that Grogu squirting?

[Adol]

No, that's Claire to loon Casey. Now we gotta do it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's Grogu.

[Aaron]

Grogu's not a pig, he's a Yoda.

[JPC]

Wow. That's my phrase of the year. Grogu's not a pig, he's a Yoda. Right, Aaron, I'm going to be shouting that from a convertible later tonight, high on cocaine.

[Adol]

Pig.

[Aaron]

He's a squirter at someone's house. Grogu's not a pig, he's a squirter.

[JPC]

That's my John Cusack. Say anything stereo. Over the head.

[Aaron]

Yeah, it's just say anything. And it's playing on the boombox. But instead of in your eyes by Peter Gabriel, it's me saying squirt anything.

[Adol]

Okay, do we have more of these three fur riddles?

[Aaron]

No, those are done. And now we're moving on.

[JPC]

I like those.

[Aaron]

To a very, very sweet listener, Dan from Warwick, England, found a book in the uk.

[JPC]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Aaron]

That is a riddle book. And Dan basically sent us the entire thing. Like, scanned the book.

[JPC]

That is.

[Adol]

Scanned the book. Okay, cool.

[Aaron]

So now it's like.

[JPC]

Can I just say. Oh, please.

[Aaron]

Oh, no, please.

[JPC]

Can I say, anytime we get any sort of international riddles, they're always absolutely delightful. Maybe sometimes hard to parse, but I feel like they're so much more fun because of their sort of. The language and. Yeah. The timing.

[Adol]

It's crazy that these guys over there have like their whole fucked up language. It's crazy. These guys have that.

[Aaron]

Oh, wait, yeah, we call it that. Would we call it their whole fucked up language? Yeah, I guess we would.

[Adol]

I can't say these guys then.

[Aaron]

All right, it is.

[Adol]

It is a fucked up language and it's crazy that they have it.

[Aaron]

Okay, here's the first riddle. What is it? It stands on one Leg with its heart in its head.

[JPC]

Hmm.

[Adol]

Pelican octopus.

[Aaron]

No.

[Adol]

Next riddle. Next riddle. Pelican octopus. Is this on?

[Aaron]

It actually sounds really scary. That would be a good monster movie.

[Adol]

Yeah, for sure.

[JPC]

It stands on one leg with its heart in its head. It's like an artichoke.

[Aaron]

So close. So close.

[Adol]

Good.

[Aaron]

Probably the same family. Very close. So close.

[JPC]

What did you say, James?

[Adol]

I said lettuce.

[Aaron]

Very close. Irish lettuce. I have this on St. Patrick's Day.

[Adol]

Cabbage.

[JPC]

Oh, cabbage it is.

[Adol]

Cabbage.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[JPC]

Okay, have you guys ever seen asparagus grow like a farm that grows asparagus?

[Adol]

Have you guys ever seen grow goo squirt?

[Aaron]

Come on, come on.

[JPC]

Listen, I don't know if the images I saw were real, but I saw an image online that was growing just asparagus growing, and it just grows like stock. It just looks like someone placed stalks in the dirt, which is maybe what someone did.

[Aaron]

Oh my God, Adel. It looks like a little kid.

[JPC]

Yeah. Was like, look what?

[Aaron]

Asparagus is growing. Yeah, look. I made a farm, Mom.

[JPC]

I made a farm.

[Aaron]

That's so silly. Yeah, that's really cute of asparagus to just be straightforward like that.

[Adol]

I told you guys that I impulse bought a grill.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah.

[Adol]

This weekend. And I've been grilling basically all weekend. And I have grilled asparagus twice. Asparagus on the grill. So fucking good. Olive oil, salt and pepper, a little lemon. Oh my God.

[Aaron]

I was gonna ask you to put a little lemon on it. That picture you sent a little lemon on it of you grilling. I was like, wow, you have fully turned into dad. You are a dad.

[Adol]

It unlocked something in me to just like, just be standing there like letting an impossible burger cook. As I'm like drinking a non alcoholic beer and I'm like, fake meat, fake beer. Real dad, real America, baby.

[Aaron]

That's awesome.

[Adol]

Let off fireworks. Fuck it. Who cares? I'm a new guy.

[JPC]

Big T shirt says I love chocolate booties.

[Aaron]

Oh, you know what? I'll get you a fun kind of pun apron that you can cook in like one of those grill aprons.

[Adol]

Honestly, it's gonna say grogu.

[Aaron]

You know it's gonna say that, right? And you know, I'm gonna. I'm like trying to think of which

[Adol]

one which would my wife would less enjoy. She's like, hey, you know what? I actually don't think I like the chocolate booty or the grogu. I like them equally.

[Aaron]

Don't speak for her. I think she might like both. My tail is Long. You know who she does like? Beverly Subadoo.

[JPC]

Oh, she doesn't.

[Aaron]

If Beverly Shubidoo wore that apron, she wouldn't enjoy it.

[Adol]

Everybody in this house likes Shubadu.

[Aaron]

My tail.

[Adol]

Even me.

[Aaron]

She's not lying. My tail is long, my coat is brown. I like the country. I like the town. I can live in a house or live in a shed, and I come out to play when you are in bed.

[JPC]

This sounds like a Babadook situation. Yes, I have a tail. I have a head. Can you.

[Aaron]

My tail is long. My coat is brown. Not always. By the way, that's misleading about the coat color. I live in a country. I like the town. No, I like the country. I like the town. I can live in a house or live in a shed. And I come out to play once you're in bed.

[Adol]

To play once you're in bed. Huh?

[JPC]

Is this like a. At first I thought it was like a broom or something. Is this like an owl?

[Adol]

Is this a spider?

[Aaron]

You know, it's something that is living. Owl feels kind of closer.

[Adol]

Owls are nocturnal.

[JPC]

Rat.

[Aaron]

So close.

[Adol]

Rat.

[JPC]

Raccoon.

[Adol]

Cat. Cat.

[Aaron]

No, no way closer to a rat.

[JPC]

Mouse.

[Aaron]

Yes, it's a mouse.

[JPC]

Okay, I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a mouse and you have the strength of a human, right? Jpc, you are a. I want to say fishtar.

[Aaron]

Can you go ahead and be. What is it? I'm trying to think of your costume for live shows. Looks like skunk. Like a skunky badger.

[Adol]

I want to say fishtar is like. I don't know that that's ever been said in the history of anything. I want to say fishtar.

[Aaron]

Is that what fishtar and Grogu go to the mall or whatever the fuck about this past weekend?

[JPC]

I'd like to see a scene. Aaron, you are a. You're a nocturnal, like, barn mouse. Jpc. You are the owner of the. Of the farm and you for the first time have stayed up to catch the mouse who's kind of been like eating your grains and causing havoc. Wreaking havoc.

[Adol]

I caught you. I caught you, you little bastard.

[Aaron]

No, no, you're dreaming. You're dreaming.

[Adol]

Ah, man. God damn it. I was really hoping this was.

[Aaron]

I'm actually your ex wife and this is a projection of your subconscious of how you see her. And shame on you.

[JPC]

Great.

[Adol]

God damn it. This is just great.

[Aaron]

Wow.

[Adol]

And you're right, of course.

[Aaron]

Well, you know what your subconscious is telling you to do? Let her hook up.

[Adol]

I bet we're gonna hook up.

[Aaron]

Oh, Let me think.

[Adol]

I bet we're gonna hook up. Even though she looks like a mouse. Because it's my dream or whatever.

[Aaron]

Looks at my little mouse. Watch. Do I have time to hook up with a man? Sure.

[JPC]

Mouse husband, behind you, mouthing, what the.

[Aaron]

And then I turn around and go, you cheated on me first. You started this. Fine, but I'm not gonna watch, first of all. Yeah, right.

[Adol]

Well, I guess I better get going. Hook it up.

[Aaron]

Here we go. All right, cut to us.

[Adol]

No, no, no. I insist. I absolutely insist. It is time to start hooking up.

[Aaron]

Oh, you didn't want to cut forward in time to us smoking a cigarette in the bed? You want us to show the whole thing? Fine. I'm not scared. Just describe what happened. Oh, scene. Now all of a sudden you're a coward. Yeah, right. Yeah, right.

[Adol]

Just realizing you're lucid, dreaming and being like, well, I could dream anything, but I guess I'll hook up with a mouse.

[Aaron]

We've had this one before, so we'll just go through it quickly.

[Adol]

We've had that scene about hooking up with a mouse before.

[Aaron]

God, probably. What is it? Has a mouth and does not speak. Has a bed and does not sleep.

[Adol]

River. River.

[Aaron]

I sleep by day, I fly by night. I have no feathers to aid my flight.

[Adol]

Witch's broom. Witches broom.

[JPC]

No, a red eye.

[Aaron]

I was just See a seed.

[Adol]

That's a coffee with an espresso dunk. I love a red eye.

[Aaron]

Oh, my God, I love a jpc. You are a witch's broom on your night off. And you're pulling up to a bar to get a drink and sort of take a load off. Adel, you're in the bartender.

[JPC]

What'll it be?

[Adol]

Gin and tonic. And boy, do I need it. I've been ridden hard and put away wet, if you know what I'm saying.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, I hear you, buddy.

[Adol]

I hear you in one of those weeks.

[JPC]

Can I just copy your ID real quick?

[Adol]

Come on, man. Look at my bristles.

[JPC]

I just. I have. I'm so. I don't have any way of knowing.

[Adol]

Well, I don't have a purse. I mean, look at me, man. I don't. I don't carry an ID.

[JPC]

Who was. Who was which president in 84?

[Adol]

I'm a broom, not a witch, man. I don't know. I could tell you who broom president is. These tests are all. You know, it's like you guys have president. What? Well, no, we have a monarchy. But, I mean, it's the same. If I told you who was Broom King, right? That would have been. It would mean nothing to you.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

[Aaron]

You see, it cuts to a Swiffer out of throw.

[Adol]

His name is Sweet Blow the Mighty, and he's. He was a very. He was a good king. That's all I could say.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

I'm doing a full episode the next time I'm in charge of Sweet Flo the Mighty. Keep going.

[JPC]

All right. Yep, yep.

[Adol]

Can I just get a J. I mean, I just got off work. I only have one day off, which is. Don't watch on Sundays, and then I gotta be back in there, you know, Monday more. I just. I just would love a drink if that's not too much to ask.

[JPC]

And, buddy, I want to give it to you. I just can't have my license take. My bar license taken away because I served a, you know, unripened broom or whatever.

[Adol]

Unripened.

[JPC]

You know what I mean? Like, it like.

[Adol]

I know what you mean.

[JPC]

If I go to snap you and you bend and not break, that means you're like what? That means you're under 21.

[Adol]

Here we go. Bend you, if not, break.

[JPC]

Sure, I'm not, but I'm. Hey, it's just. It's an expression, man.

[Adol]

Okay, look, if you want to go to the back and snap me once or twice, just quick snaps, just whatever you want.

[JPC]

Oh, you miss.

[Adol]

Oh, buddy, as long as I get a drink. Because I just want to drink, you know, it's like, you can. I'll let you snap me. I'll let you snap into me hard, you know?

[JPC]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Adol]

If anything, toss all the bristles.

[JPC]

Body. Body.

[Adol]

Could even put the shaft wherever you want for, you know, within reason. No, no, no, no.

[JPC]

Unless. Hey, hey, hey. If anything, I could use some help under the piano.

[Adol]

I can't reach.

[JPC]

Oh, oh, be cool, be cool.

[Aaron]

You're ignoring my phone calls and texts.

[Adol]

She talking to me or she's talking to you?

[Aaron]

We have an emergency. Come on, broomie.

[JPC]

Ladies, ladies, please. I have some toad potion on the house. Some shots. Some shots of toad potion here.

[Aaron]

I shouldn't drink and drive.

[JPC]

Come on, just one.

[Adol]

Come on, come on, come on. Well, yeah, well, I'm sorry I've been ducking your calls. We'll go back to work. Let's just do a. Let's just do a quick toad potion. You know, it's been a day. Let's do a toad potion.

[Aaron]

All right, but just one. Take the shot. Tick tock on the clock. It's the three of them drinking.

[JPC]

They're In a convertible top down, screaming. Grogu's not a pig, he's a Yoda

[Adol]

witch.

[JPC]

Has 20.

[Adol]

Fuck, I'm ruined. No, no, no, no.

[JPC]

Hit or stay hit or stay hit.

[Adol]

I'm not gonna hit her. Blackjack. Blackjack.

[JPC]

We're playing blackjack.

[Adol]

I'm not gonna hit her.

[JPC]

Hit out of 20.

[Aaron]

I slap. I slap the dealer hit, which has 21. We're at the Magic Mike show. The broom's getting a last dance

[JPC]

if you want it.

[Aaron]

All right.

[JPC]

They're at Cirque du Soleil. Stoned out of their mind.

[Aaron]

Yep. Scared wide eyed.

[JPC]

Yep.

[Aaron]

Anyways, scene, scene, scene.

[Adol]

And I agree. I agree with you, Gustine.

[Aaron]

I sleep by day, I fly by night. I have no feathers to aid my flight.

[Adol]

Sleep by day.

[JPC]

Is this like a bat?

[Aaron]

Yes, it's a bat.

[JPC]

Oh.

[Adol]

Oh, fuck. I forgot. Bats don't have feathers.

[Aaron]

I'd like to see a scene. Adol. You are a bat, dad. And you are taking your son, who is also a bat, to a doctor's appointment. But it's during the day. And the sun is really fussy that he has to be awake during the day.

[JPC]

Hey, champ, come on, we gotta go.

[Adol]

Come on.

[JPC]

You have to get your eyesight tested.

[Aaron]

What?

[Adol]

I don't think we have eyesight. Isn't it all echolocation?

[JPC]

No, that's a rumor.

[Adol]

And I.

[JPC]

What do we say about rumors? What's the rhyme I taught you about rumors?

[Adol]

Rumors?

[JPC]

If rumors were tumors.

[Adol]

Oh, yeah. Rhyme, rhyme. I was like that sound doesn't rhyme.

[JPC]

If rumors are tumors and lies were pies.

[Adol]

Pies.

[JPC]

We'd have a bunch of inedible thighs. That's right.

[Adol]

Yeah. Because you always say going down another bat is something that you simply won't do.

[JPC]

It's just not for me.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

No, it's not for me.

[Adol]

Grogu's a squirter. We all understand. Well.

[JPC]

Hey, where did you hear that?

[Adol]

I just heard it.

[JPC]

What did you say to me? Grogu is a squirter.

[Adol]

I don't even know what I'm saying. I thought grabbed you by the ear.

[JPC]

Where did you hear that?

[Adol]

I. I thought I heard it, David. I heard it from you, dad. Oh, my God.

[JPC]

Have I been saying. Groot is this cord.

[Adol]

That's how you echolocate. You've been saying it and letting it bounce off walls in the house. And that's the. And that's how I know it. I learned it from you.

[JPC]

I told you not to listen to my echolocates.

[Adol]

It's kind of Hard. Not fucking.

[JPC]

God damn it. And I heard it from Aaron Keefe on the podcast. Hey, you know what? I'm gonna give. I'm gonna give Aaron Keefe a call. House call, that is. Of course we don't have phones.

[Adol]

Of course, of course.

[Aaron]

Ding dong, I fall down the stairs to go get the door. Hi, it's Aaron. What's up? How can I help you?

[JPC]

Hey, are you okay? Is that an owl at the top of the stairs that pushed you or.

[Aaron]

Oh, oh, funny. I am not interested in.

[Adol]

Baby, baby, come back to bed. Who is it? You know, Grouku.

[Aaron]

Give me a minute. Baby,

[JPC]

listen, something you said on your podcast.

[Aaron]

No, no.

[JPC]

That I accidentally repeated in the home is simply disgusting. And I just want you to hear it from me, a bat listener.

[Aaron]

I've been here a thousand times. Go back and listen. Was I actually the first person to say that thing? Here's adol's address. Here's JPC's address. Your beef is not with me. Your beef is not with me, sir. Absolutely not. I do not take accountability for my own actions.

[JPC]

Okay?

[Aaron]

I am not responsible for the things I say or do, sir. Do you understand?

[JPC]

Okay, well I'm gonna. You go ahead and fuck that owl and I'm gonna hit these addresses and I'll be right back.

[Aaron]

Oh, it was an owl up there. Yes, that makes sense.

[JPC]

Take it to Adol's house. Sees a hundred foot skeleton. Oh, he's an ally. Keeps driving, flying. I mean, flying bats don't have cars. Arrives at JPC's house. Ding dong.

[Adol]

Hey man, don't ring the fucking bell. You're supposed to leave the gordita and then just take the picture or whatever and then walk away.

[JPC]

Well, here is the gordita. I am a Uber Eats.

[Adol]

Ugh. Did you bat on this?

[JPC]

The fuck no, that's sour cream.

[Adol]

Thank God.

[JPC]

Listen, something you said on a episode of. I'm not just an Uber Eats delivery bat. I'm also a listener.

[Adol]

I said that?

[JPC]

No, something you said on the podcast.

[Adol]

Get your story straight. Absolutely. Yeah. Your kid's about to see his bat dad get his bat ass kicked.

[JPC]

Excuse me?

[Adol]

Your kid is about to see his bat dad get his bat ass.

[JPC]

Oh, kicked. Oh yeah. Takes off earrings. Takes off Uber Eats hat. Your dog is about to see you get rabies, bitch.

[Adol]

Oh yeah, well, you're. We cut to the hospital. Yeah. So basically, I think a bat got in my house.

[Aaron]

Just say. You just say you did a weird sex thing. Sir, we don't have time for these made up stories.

[Adol]

Okay. Seems like the customer's always right. I don't know why she's not a customer.

[JPC]

I love being in a hospital and saying the customer's always right.

[Adol]

Whatever happened to the customer is always right? You know what I'm saying?

[Aaron]

It has four legs and a foot and can't walk. It has a head and can't talk.

[JPC]

Oh, bed.

[Adol]

Can't or what?

[Aaron]

Bed.

[JPC]

A bed.

[Adol]

My favorite person on Community.

[Aaron]

Oh, nice. That works. My face is pale and full and fair and round Its beauty spots are there by day indeed I seem less bright I'm only seen sometimes at night and when the sun has gone through oh, come on. I Then begin to show my head.

[Adol]

Oh, don't talk about my red Aaron like that.

[JPC]

Is this some sort of flower?

[Aaron]

No.

[Adol]

Then begin to show my head. My head is tripping.

[Aaron]

Oh, the moon. You got it.

[JPC]

The moon.

[Adol]

Oh, okay. I love the moon.

[Aaron]

You guys are gonna love this.

[JPC]

Big fan.

[Aaron]

Flip flop Fleasy when it's in it

[Adol]

is easy don't talk about my friend

[JPC]

Little bedroom taco. Flip flop Fleasy when it's in a

[Aaron]

CZ that is how you call someone a slut in the 1930s.

[Adol]

Flip flop easy She's a flip flop

[Aaron]

when it is in it is easy and when it is out it flops all about Flip flop fleasy I do what it's received that's the mantra of me and the girls say when we're about to have a night out to be sluts. Girls, next time you about to go out with your friends when you're cheersing everyone go flip flop fleasy. When it is in it is easy and when it is out it flop's all about Flip flop fleasing Flop Fleasy. Yes. What's your scene?

[JPC]

I feel like that was better than any scene I would produce at this moment.

[Aaron]

What is the answer to that riddle?

[Adol]

Oh, that's a real riddle.

[JPC]

I thought Fleasy. When I'm in it's easy.

[Adol]

What does fleezy mean in this?

[Aaron]

When it is in it is easy. I don't know what that means. That is confusing to me.

[JPC]

So I will. Is this still from the book from the person from Warwick, England?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Because this sounds like a note that like Jack the Ripper would leave behind on a body or something.

[Adol]

Yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

Like this seems. This seems like meant to be confounding. Can you read it one more time?

[Aaron]

Yes. Flip flop Fleasy when it is in it is easy and when it is out it flop's all about Flip flop Fleasy. Is it a fish it is a fish.

[Adol]

We both got it. We both got it.

[Aaron]

See a scene. Jpc, you are a slutty fish. Adol, you are also a fish.

[Adol]

The fuck?

[JPC]

Hey. Good morning, Mike.

[Adol]

Hey, Morning. Morning, Crates.

[JPC]

Hey. Whoa. Is that work appropriate attire. Sorry, I'm tongue tied.

[Adol]

Yeah, obviously I did not get a chance to go home this weekend. Kind of wearing the same thing I wore out Friday night to work on a Monday.

[JPC]

Yeah, I can see your fish panties. Fish panties.

[Adol]

Yes.

[JPC]

Hard to say. Fish panties.

[Adol]

Fish panties. AKA by scales.

[JPC]

Looking pretty good. Oh. Oh, the boss is coming. The boss.

[Adol]

Oh, the boss is coming. Hey.

[Aaron]

Hey, everybody. I hope you had a good.

[Adol]

No. Yeah, no worms yet. No worms yet.

[JPC]

We're looking. We're looking, we're looking.

[Aaron]

Oh, no, no, don't. I'm not trying to stress anyone out. I actually had a pretty good weekend.

[JPC]

Oh, details.

[Adol]

Yeah, you're telling me. I can.

[JPC]

Oh. Are you gasping for air?

[Aaron]

Yeah, that part of it. Anyways.

[JPC]

Wait a minute. Gasping for air.

[Aaron]

I'll see you guys later.

[JPC]

Missing some scales. Grill marks.

[Adol]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Aaron]

I enjoyed some seafood this weekend.

[JPC]

What's up, Mr. Williams? Did you. Did you get. No. Were you on land?

[Aaron]

Me?

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Why do you smell like lemons and capers? Were you on land?

[Aaron]

I was trying to imply that you and I sort of had fun this weekend. But you're on land and I ate fish.

[Adol]

See this? See,

[Aaron]

I prefer a bed of lettuce to any other kind. And frolicking about is most often on my mind. My ears are long, my short. In short, my tail. If you try to catch me, you will fail.

[JPC]

This is a rabbit.

[Aaron]

It is a rabbit.

[Adol]

I tried to short his tail.

[JPC]

Do you want to see a scene?

[Adol]

End up with my fucking shirt on the floor. What's happening?

[JPC]

I do want to see a scene. This is Aaron. You are Bugs Bunny.

[Aaron]

Great.

[JPC]

Jpc, you are Elmer Fudd.

[Adol]

Okay?

[JPC]

And for the first time, you guys are just seeing what happens if you go out on a first date.

[Aaron]

We've sort of been the will they, won't they of this, huh?

[Adol]

Do you mind if I just talk normal since we're not at work? Do you mind if I just talk normal? This is Dutch, right? We're going splitsies on this. It's not a situation where.

[Aaron]

Hey, I feel like you're really trying to distance yourself from this being a date. You're stressed about who's paying. Like, I'll pay. I've. Obviously.

[Adol]

I asked you out, but. I asked you out.

[Aaron]

Yeah, but it seems like that's why? I'm getting mixed messages because it just feels confusing because you. You asked me out, and now you're sort of being cold and weird.

[Adol]

Okay.

[Aaron]

No, no.

[Adol]

Just, like, realize I was.

[Aaron]

No, not weird. I just seems like you're being, like, uncomfortable, and I just want to get my gun. No, no.

[Adol]

Should I get my gun? Would it help if I just got my gun?

[Aaron]

We don't have to do our work Personas.

[Adol]

That's what I want. I don't want that.

[Aaron]

Right.

[Adol]

That's what I'm saying.

[Aaron]

Are you nervous? Because I'm like, top of the call sheet. Like, I just. I feel like we're equals. We're. Ben.

[Adol]

Top.

[Aaron]

I mean, I'm literally at the top of the call sheet.

[Adol]

Top. Yeah, you. Oh, okay.

[Aaron]

Oh. I mean, bottom in this context, but in top in, like.

[Adol]

Thank you.

[Aaron]

Is that. Is that why you're. Is this, like, a weird.

[Adol]

I just feel like. You feel like I'm being weird, but I don't feel like I'm being.

[Aaron]

Okay, great. Let's just start over.

[Adol]

Yeah, let's just start over. I would love. I would love that. I would just love to start off. Okay, great.

[Aaron]

Great.

[Adol]

Should we get the poutine, or is that insane choice poutine on the first date?

[Aaron]

Yeah, I think me, I was thinking, like, the carrot soup to start. You know, soup's not easy to share, but you're welcome to.

[Adol]

It's, like, one of the hardest things to share. You're not, like, ugh, you're not gonna only eat carrots tonight, are you? Because this is, like a nice.

[Aaron]

This is weird. This is weird. Do you feel how this is weird? We're being, like bad dates to each other. We're trying to sabotage this.

[Adol]

You know what it is? Is that we fucked first.

[Aaron]

You're right.

[Adol]

Which I think you're right. Like, that's.

[Aaron]

Yeah, that's out of order.

[Adol]

It's out. It's completely out of order.

[Aaron]

And now the date feels forced. I totally know what you mean. What if we. We just fuck again?

[Adol]

Oh, my God, I would love to just fuck again.

[Aaron]

And then we'll see. Then we can, like, reassess after that for sure.

[Adol]

Yep. Yep.

[Aaron]

It cuts to them having a threesome with the pig in. That's not a grogu, right?

[JPC]

Porky's a pig, not a grogu. See?

[Aaron]

Can we do a voicemail?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Yeah, why not?

[JPC]

You don't know when they'll play it

[Adol]

but there's a thrill to not know it It's a mystery Just like a Riddle. Hey, Riddle. Riddle.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron]

That was awesome. What a vibe.

[JPC]

Very cool.

[Aaron]

I heard a tambourine had kind of

[Adol]

a like, a bright eyes, margot and the nuclear so and so vibe to it.

[Aaron]

Yeah, love, love.

[Adol]

That one was from Charles Takagi. Charles, thank you so much. He said voicemail theme. They said voicemail theme. Under 30 seconds, packed with heart. I love every part of it. Thank you, Charles.

[JPC]

That was outstanding.

[Aaron]

A blast. Hi, Clue crew. My name is Emma, and I found out over Thanksgiving that I have gallstones and I need to get my gallbladder removed. So what do you think is the best way for me to ask if I can at least keep one of the stones in a jar? Thanks, guys. Love you.

[JPC]

Thank you for the question and the voicemail.

[Adol]

Yes. Okay.

[Aaron]

So, Emma, sorry that that happened.

[Adol]

Yeah. And it's not our fault. We don't know that. And it doesn't have anything to do with a virtual podcast.

[JPC]

Don't come to our doors.

[Adol]

Can I give you gallstones? As far as we know.

[JPC]

I don't know if this is true, Emma, but earlier, I believe JPC said, at the hospital, the customer is always right. So I think if you request the gallstone bladder to go.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

They cannot refuse you.

[Adol]

They just have to put one of those little stickers on it so you don't drink it at the hospital.

[Aaron]

I think maybe be, like, casual about it. Be like, yeah, it's casual. I want it for normal reasons. I'm casual about.

[Adol]

Yeah. Say it on the way out. Oh, yeah. Oh, I almost forgot, you know? Cause, like, when you go to the hospital, they, like, take your clothes, they put them in a bag or whatever, and they give you your clothes. Like, when you leave because you have to wear the gown there. Be searching through your clothes and be like, oh, my God, my gallstone's not here. I did bring one and it was in the pocket. I guess if you just give me one of the ones that you have, that's fine. Like, it doesn't need to be. I'm not the kind of person that it needs to be my gallstone. So just like any gallstone will do.

[Aaron]

In my experience, doctors don't love it when women talk too much. So if you get really chatty about it and you go, actually, I think I might have to move for work in a couple of weeks. Weeks. And I can. I hold on to these in case I go see a specialist in another state and they want to test it or see it. I just for my peace of mind. Like, if you just talk a lot, they're gonna. They're gonna maybe bend.

[Adol]

That's a great point, Aaron. And by no means should you talk too much.

[Aaron]

Do I what Aaron was saying, should I? I'm. You're telling her to not talk too much.

[Adol]

Your advice to Emma was to not talk too much?

[Aaron]

No, it's to talk too much.

[Adol]

Oh, okay. Put him on the back foot.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Because then they're gonna go, like, I could do a back and forth with this person, but they're talking so much. So maybe I just come in to

[Adol]

the doctor's appointment with a fistful of gallstones. And then after they take your gallstone out, throw all the gallstones up in the air. They'll all look up.

[Aaron]

This is the best idea so far.

[JPC]

Like the second Indiana Jones.

[Adol]

Yep, yep.

[JPC]

Where they. The diamond is in the air, and then somebody throws a bucket of ice, and then where's the diamond? Where's the ice?

[Adol]

I love it when they drink the gallstone in Indiana Jones and then the guy just. His face fucking melts.

[JPC]

And now, antidote. My last answer in sincerity would be, I think if you ask to. What I found in a hospital is if you ever asked, like, can I see it once they, like, show it to you, like, present it in a cloth or something or let you hold it. Once they do that, you can say, like, can I just. Can I have this? They're usually amenable to that. So I would say ask to see it. Or say, like, I'd love to see it. Once the operation's done, I'd love to see it. And they might have it in, like, a little vial, a little jar, and then they. I don't think they care if you

[Adol]

take it or not every time. And it's been very few times I've ever had something removed by. From my body via surgery. They've always been like, no, we can't give it to you because it's a biohazard. As soon as it's off your body, you know, yada, yada, yada. But the thing that I don't know if it'll actually work, but you might. It might be worth a try, is like, claim some, like, religious exemption. Like, I need this for whatever religion I am, and they're all fake, so just pick one. I mean, you know, you could be

[Aaron]

like, well, they're not all fake. I'm sorry, Scientology is real?

[Adol]

Yes, fine, fine. Scientology, real. But yes, pick something like that and then see if you could, like, skate by on, like, a religious exemption. That's my real advice.

[Aaron]

I think JPC is throwing a bunch of gallstone devices. The one.

[Adol]

I mean, that's what I'm actually doing.

[Aaron]

Adol, do you have anything to plug?

[JPC]

I want to plug hello from the Magic Tavern. We just ended our, I want to say, sixth season.

[Adol]

Oh, thank God.

[JPC]

I believe. So check out hello from the Magic Tavern. Please check out the word association. And please check out Gumshoes and Dragons, our podcast with Anthony Burch, which is a rollicking good time. Aaron, do you have anything to plug or promote?

[Aaron]

You can check out Quality Time. It's a show I host in Los Angeles. It's once a month. You can follow us on Instagram to find the day and time. And I am trying to see what date this comes out. The 10th. I'm gonna wait another week for the rest of the plugs. I'm gonna do jpc. Do you have a review to read or anything to plug?

[Adol]

Oh, yeah, I'd love to read a review. This one comes from Savon. Maybe Savon 5. Savone. Doesn't matter. Help me solve my microwave mystery. This podcast helped me solve a mystery that has been plaguing me for years. This riddle podcast featured a riddle about a woman who microwaves her coffee for two extra seconds. The answer, of course, is that she wants the mug handle to be facing her when she opens the microwave door. This helped me solve the riddle of why my microwave sometimes, but not always, adds a few extra seconds to the time I punch it on the clock. Thank you, Aaron, Adel and JPC for helping demystify my world one microwave at a time. And as always, obligatory. I have to say, I do not remember that riddle.

[JPC]

I remember that one.

[Adol]

Wow. He remembers it.

[Aaron]

Crazy.

[JPC]

Aaron, you. You're actually in the market for a new microwave because you put something in there you're not supposed to put in there. Aaron, what'd you put in your microwave?

[Aaron]

A squirting Grogu hot dog. And now I can't cook my hot dogs in there anymore.

[JPC]

This is the way.

[Aaron]

Sometimes you just have to lean into it.

[Adol]

Yeah, yeah. That's what Sheryl Sandberg would say.

[Aaron]

Go with the tide.

[Adol]

The hot dog Tidemus and Emily Naporus.

[JPC]

Oh, wonderful. Okay, any notes?

[Adol]

Yeah, Casey, just go ahead and keep one for yourself.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[Adol]

Thank you, sir. Keep some of the episode for yourself. Hey there, planets and thicknesses. If you like that, you are gonna love this week's Patreon. We take you to the gym. You can listen to that, plus our entire back [e-mail] heyreddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month. Or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron]

That was a Headgum Podcast.

[Adol]

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.

[JPC]

And I'm Jeff Tremaine.

[Adol]

Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to.

[JPC]

Coming to. That's what it is.

[Adol]

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.

[JPC]

And I'm Jeff Tremaine.

[Adol]

Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to Headgum soon. Woo hoo.

[JPC]

I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute to go.

[Adol]

Apparently there's only so much butthole you can take. We're gonna take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions. Jeff. I noticed that every so often with guests like Spike Jones, I think let's commit to Jones.

[JPC]

Jackass the Podcast.

[Adol]

What was it gonna be called? The Jackass Podcast Podcast. Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Steve O. There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass, that I would be in clown makeup right this minute. Chris Pontius, that shot of your butt

[JPC]

just cruising up, I'm like, yeah, I got that on tv.

[Adol]

God bless us, Dave England. Yeah.

[JPC]

When you come in and you being

[Adol]

really nice, I'm like, damn it.

[JPC]

Something bad's going to happen to me.

[Adol]

We man. Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw a punch.

[JPC]

The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me, like.

[Adol]

And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy and I left a nice surprise in the toilet for him every time. Apparently he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts.

[JPC]

Our new episodes drop on June 18th.

[Adol]

Woo.

[JPC]

Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday.

[Adol]

Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok @JackassThePodcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes.

[Aaron]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[JPC]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.

[Aaron]

Each episode, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is us.

[Adol]

That's right.

[Aaron]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[JPC]

Are we gonna cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot?

[Adol]

A whole lot.

[JPC]

That's what I'm hoping. Man.

[Adol]

Listen to that. Was us on your favorite podcast app.

[JPC]

Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.